Original subtitles

Oh, shit. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Right there, right there.

No,

there's a girl fucking hanging out right there.

Back up, back up, back up.

Old lady, is that what you want?

Hey,

you do OF?

Uh, never mind.

What's your name?

Hey. Can I talk to you for a second?

We're doing, like, for the city of Miami, we're, like, trying to...

Questionnaires. Questionnaires about, like, nightlife and stuff, huh?

I don't know. She doesn't look angry. My buddy in here says you look angry.

Oh, no. Are you mad?

Are you pissed off? Did someone stand you up? Are you waiting for someone?

No, I'm waiting for a ride. Where are you going?

I'm going back to my friend's house.

Oh, your friend?

Yeah. Okay. What's her name?

It's a guy.

Oh, hold on.

Friend? Friend?

Quote, unquote?

Mostly. So, like, we just want to ask about the nightlife here in Miami. Are

from Miami?

I'll give you $100 for the interview, by the way.

Really? Yeah.

I'll take it.

So where are you from?

A little bit more north, Space Coast.

Oh, you're an astronaut.

Yeah, on my off time.

Oh, you've been to Mars?

Not yet.

Do you think we really went to Mars or no? Do you think it's all a hoax?

I don't know if people went there, but I think they said something.

We didn't go to Mars?

I thought we went to Mars.

We may have been to Mars. They're trying to figure out how to get to Mars. What

the fuck?

You answered.

I think you truly think we went to Mars.

You think we went to Mars?

Did we go to Mars?

Is this the interview?

Oh, I don't know. We're just talking shit.

The moon.

So do you think we went to the moon?

Since you're an astronaut?

I wasn't there. I don't know. No?

I wasn't there. I don't know.

Okay. All right.

So you came all this way to visit a friend, so you guys are fucking for

At least sometimes. You guys are fucking for sure.

Only a little bit.

Is he going to be your boyfriend?

No.

No, I'm too busy. Too ugly for your boyfriend?

No, I'm too busy for all that.

You're too ugly for your boyfriend.

Is he older?

Is he older than you? A little bit.

He's an old dusty motherfucker.

He's an old dusty.

He's got dusty balls?

No, they're nice.

They're not dusty.

Nice dusty balls.

All right, I'm just pulling your chain.

So do you guys go out in Miami?

Oh,

no, he's too old.

You don't do that, huh? No, I think he goes out, but I don't. Is he in bed by

No, he's the one that goes out. He's in bed by 8, isn't he? He's knocked out?

Yeah, he's in bed by 8. He can't go to the movies because he's sleeping, huh?

He falls asleep during every movie. He falls asleep at the movie theater.

true. That's true. He does do that.

He starts snoring.

Damn it. Can't go anywhere with this guy.

What?

I mean, so you have a good time with him, though. You come all this way. You

must have something good.

Yeah, it's good enough for a three -hour drive.

Oh, man.

You should make him come to you, though.

Sometimes. Unless Miami's a better place than the Space Coast.

I stay inside anyway.

Like, I don't really go out.

So have you been to our clubs?

Not yet.

Our nightlife? Our strip clubs? How about our strip clubs?

No. How about our nude beaches?

Man, you're boring, girl. You've been nowhere. I went to the nude beach.

Yeah? Yeah, a couple times. That's fun. You got butt naked on a nude beach?

You're crazy. Yeah, no, that's super fun.

I like swimming in the ocean. It was fun? Yeah, nakey in the ocean.

Nakey in the ocean. Yeah.

Warm ocean, no bathing suit. All kinds of salt up in that shit, huh? Yeah, it's

awesome. Just salty, salty pussy. I can't even explain it. It's amazing.

pussy, salty sandy pussy.

Hey, it neutralizes the sweetness. Leave it alone.

Jesus. What?

She likes sweet and salty. You paid me $100. Sweet and salty. It's like

It's like that salt caramel chocolate that they do.

That's sweet and salty.

It's a good balance.

It's a good balance? Up in the beach, yeah.

You're fun to talk to. Thank you. What do you do for a living?

I'm a writer and a waitress part -time.

You know the waitress part makes sense.

Yeah, I'm really good at it. You got to be like a personable person.

Yeah, I get it. Yeah. I get it. But waitressing probably sucks other than

right? It's all right. You got to come and talk to some rude people?

Not so much. I just hate clocking into a job.

for money i hate it really yeah i hate you get compliments so they're like oh

damn you know you got a nice body sometimes it makes me a little bit more

do you mind i don't i don't mean to be rude but you have a nice ass like yeah

motherfucker i'm a waitress like you should be checking my ass out you can

me for how nice my ass is i would accept that really yeah all right let me see

how your ass is then here let's see if we can tip just turn around come on you

said it wait

Turn around The shorts those that's those are unique

is that a fucking zipper I forgot I was wearing these yeah No, but it goes all

the way around all the way. Oh wait. Let me see that again. Yeah, it goes all

the way around well like Like it goes like and then dips like that like they

like those are so those are like two parts

So if it comes apart in the washer, you might lose a part of your, you know how

you lose a sock?

No, they stay attached, but they unzip all the way. So they stay on.

I lost a part of my shorts. So you can't, yeah.

Where's the other, the left side? Where's the left side of my shorts?

It went to shorts heaven.

So like, if you don't like, if you don't zip them back up in the wash, you might

lose one. No, they're attached.

But doesn't that unbuckle right there? But they're attached at the top, so they

just unzip and open.

Oh, it doesn't come apart like a jacket?

Kind of, yeah, but it'll stay on. You're not making sense now.

No, she said yes and then no and then yes and then no.

All right, I'll give you $100. You unzip it all the way. I want to see if it

comes apart.

Oh, my God.

Seriously?

Yeah. Oh, my. Okay.

Will you do it?

Okay, how about this? I think it comes apart into two things. She's saying no.

I'll give you $200.

I'll give you $300.

Just to show you that they unzipped. I want you to unzip it from all the way to

the other side.

For $300?

Yeah, I want to see if it becomes two parts.

This is like a science experiment.

That's what I'm saying.

All right, all right, all right, all right.

Whoa, wait, not outside.

Well, I mean, you weren't really specific.

How much time do you have on number?

Like eight minutes.

I'll give you a hundred bucks. Cancel that shit.

Seriously? Yeah, I'll give you a hundred bucks. Cancel it. All right.

That's an easy decision. I hate it.

So look, look, if you're willing to unzip it.

Why don't you get in the van? Because I think that would be technically illegal

for you to just take off your pants. That's a good point.

I mean, you do got under on, right? You have underwear? Yeah, I do. So, I mean,

whatever. Maybe it's not illegal illegal, but not a good look.

All right.

So, just... You willing to get in and show us? Yeah.

I guess. Why not?

I really like these shorts.

What was that?

I really like these shorts. Yeah, I gave her the money already.

This fucking guy, bro. You hear this guy's A? This guy sounded like an 80

-old fucking man.

I don't ever want to hear a A like that again, Chubbs.

That was like the fucking lamest A ever, bro. Don't ever sound like that again

on camera.

That's the way he sounded.

One second.

We have nothing but the best over here.

Nothing but the best.

I thought you just got the shit worked on, bro.

You could seriously do interviews like this and pay girls.

Yeah, just have fun.

Yeah, it's crazy. It's awesome. Do they say yes normally to this? Well, to what?

I mean, they're not wearing fucking shorts that zip all the way from the

to the back. What the fuck? You're the one that's wearing some crazy -ass zip

shorts. I love these shorts. Easy to get to. I love these shorts. Zippy shorts.

Yeah. All right. So, hold on.

Unbuckle the front.

Okay. See? That unbuckles. It does unbuckle.

Okay. All right, so you're going to show it to us, right? Yeah. So go ahead, I

guess. Show it to us.

Woo! We're going to drive a little bit just so our AC cools down. I'm cool with

that.

See? Okay. Okay, right?

Yeah. All right.

You need help from the back or no?

See?

And now does it come apart?

No, because it's attached.

Yeah, but I... I'm telling you, bro.

It doesn't come undone.

No, it doesn't come undone. So what's the point?

What do you mean, what's the point?

Let me see. Bend over. Let me see what the point is. Well, normally you leave

them buckled.

Now you look like a cowboy.

You look like a cowgirl with, like, these chaps.

Yeah. So buckle them to the front. What's the difference?

They stay on.

Okay, let's see. Let's see. What's the...

Okay, and then do that again. Let's see what happens. That's some wild...

Ashley, sit down.

Would you spread your legs for us or no?

Look at you. That's crazy.

I really do love these shorts. I mean, you couldn't fuck on them because the

would rip his shit up on the zippers.

Maybe. Maybe. I haven't given it a shot yet.

But that's why you like him. That's why I like him. Is that why you brought him

down here to the sky?

You're going to show him your zipper shorts?

Yeah. Wait, what was your name again? I'm sorry.

Kay. So, Kay's a little slutty, isn't she?

I just got to point that out. Is Kay just a little slutty?

I mean, like, just enough to be relevant, I think.

Here, come down here, Kay.

Kay Kay.

Sit down, Kay.

She loves them. I do. They make me giddy.

They put me in a good mood. There's something about these shorts that I'm

like... I might get a pair.

Yeah? Yeah, because if not, I'll fuck it on my dick.

Thank God.

Eat ass and suck it with you wearing the shorts.

Oh, jeez. She is a little slutty, huh? Only enough to stay relevant.

So... Oh, my God.

They're always like that.

Are they? Yeah.

How much to take the shorts off?

She loves those shorts.

You're like, how much to lose your favorite shorts?

I'll give you $500 to bring your tits up.

For that?

I'll give you $500 to show your pussy.

Which is first.

I don't know. I'll give you $1 ,000 to show us both.

All right.

All right?

Yeah, why not?

That's really generous of you.

I usually do this for free.

I usually do this for free.

The new beach.

Oh, wow. Look at those fucking nipples. Look at those fucking gumdrops.

God damn. Thank you. They are always, and they're always hard like that, huh?

Yeah, at least a little bit, even when they're not.

I just want them to look a little dinged. Is that cool? Yeah.

I've been getting erasers. Nipples, yeah. People have been calling them

That's not sexy.

I don't, I agree with that. Gumdrops are.

That's cute. I like that.

She's sad about the erasers.

I'm like, that's what... I'm like, who even thinks of that?

That's a big eraser.

That's a lot of pencil we gotta... Fix a lot of mistakes with these. Fix a lot

of mistakes.

Yeah,

what are you doing?

We're just looking... Oh, were we gonna do the...

Yeah, I mean.

She's like, oh, yeah, whatever. Look at her. She's just like, I don't give a

fuck. I really like these shorts.

You guys picked me up on a good day.

Really?

Apparently.

She wanted to have fun. What was your friend's name, by the way?

Holy shit. I don't think his name is very important.

Oh, she doesn't want to tell us his name.

No. There you go.

Well, I'm just going to call him Dusty since I like it.

All I can think about is dusty balls, so. They're not dusty.

It's okay, girl. They're dusty.

They're dusty nuts.

Dusty nuts.

Dusty nuts. Dusty nuts.

You know, I'm going to text him and tell him that you said that.

Okay, tell him. I don't care. Tell him.

Look at this girl. She's over here just.

You said you wanted to see it. I kind of got to move it around for you to see

all of it. You got to move it around for us? Yeah, it's ridiculous.

Like.

the hole's always hidden look at the wings look at the wings on that thing

I take it you're pretty proud of your thing, huh? My thing, yeah.

Yeah, look at her. She has no problem.

You're pretty open with your body, your sexuality and stuff, huh?

Yeah, I've always been like that.

Slut. A little bit.

You've always been a little slutty? Just open, you know.

Have you always, when you were, maybe first started fucking, did you give your

pussy out a lot?

No? I was very monogamous for a lot of years.

Really? Yeah. Oh, so that's what happened. So then she would try to do

thing for a while. And then after she went crazy. And then she said, fuck

No, I think what happened is after getting, basically getting dick every

like seven years, that like it doesn't matter that you and that person broke

You're still in the habit of having sex every day. And so I think that's what

happened is I just had a lot of sex.

And yeah.

Yeah, I had a lot of sex, too.

Good for you.

We have some in common.

Hell yeah.

Love that.

Making friends in Miami.

Get away from me. Stop grabbing your dick in front of me. I just want to

her. You want to touch it? Ask her, then. Can I touch it? You can touch it.

I can't help if I touch my dick, because there's a fucking fat pussy right here.

Yeah, explore it.

Taking that dusty nuts time away.

He failed.

That's why I called it.

I feel like it's cool. Can I pull out my dick too?

Might as well.

What kind of weirdo shit are you talking?

I just want to make sure she's cool with it.

Cool with what?

She's naked.

I just want to pull my dick out and see if maybe she...

Wants to touch yours? I touched you. You want to touch mine? She wanted to touch

me. You know, it's only fair.

Is that like allowed?

Yeah, of course.

So you do want to touch it?

I mean, he was touching me. Are you a fucking dick toucher? She likes to fuck,

though. I do enjoy pleasing men.

That's like kind of my thing.

Like staring at penises?

Are you a penis gazer?

Do you sit at the park and stare at packages? Guys run around fucking...

staring at their package?

I'm more of an eye contact type of girl. Eye contact.

Yeah.

Wow.

That's a nice dick.

I love these nipples.

They seem to like you too.

Doesn't usually take much for this thing.

Those shorts look great right now.

They really do.

You see why I like them so much?

They're awesome. At first I didn't know how I felt about them, but they're

growing on me. Right? They're growing on me. Yeah.

They're not really my style until they become unzipped. I'm like, these are

cool.

Yeah, I can see Tony wearing them too.

Thank you.

It's a nice day.

I think you should be the first motherfucker in the shorts.

Is that why this is headed?

If you want to.

Perfect time to try those shorts out.

Yeah, I would like to get fucked with these shorts.

Do you want to get fucked with the shorts? Yeah, I do.

Alright, I'm totally down for it.

Yeah, I mean it opens up wide enough I wouldn't know officially, but I feel

it's fine

I'm

like really excited

So good.

You got me dripping over here.

Put that in your mouth, baby.

This? I was like, make sure. She's all fucked up.

I see what this ass is about baby.

I did.

Oh, shit.

Yeah.

Oh, shit.

So I take it you had fun.

I forgot you were there.

Oh, yeah. Hey. Hey. Yeah, we're here.

Yeah, that was a lot of fun.

You're awesome. She wants another job.

Mm -hmm.

Kiss it for a job well done.

You're awesome.

Thank you.

So.

You like his dusty dick?

It's not dusty. I do not have a dusty dick.

Look at it shining, baby.

It's polished.

Dusty. Dusty.

Polished.

It's a bit shiny. The rest of him is dusty.

A bit shiny.

All right, well, go ahead and get dressed. Let's put our clothes on.

Where's your shirt?

Sorry, we're dropping you off here. I mean, you're only like a couple blocks

from where we picked you up.

So, I mean, you could take the, you know, the ride share from here.

You're basically already covered in shit, though, so it's fine. Yeah, yeah,

yeah. You got all your money, right?

Yeah. So, there, just tell us real quick, can you just say, hey, I'm Kay, I

fucked on the bus?

Really? Yeah.

Hi, my name is Kay, and I got fucked on the bus.

Bye.