Original subtitles

Well,

come on girls, let's party!

Yeah, three days at Trouty's.

And it's just unbelievable. I mean, you guys, I am really hot.

I bet you are. And at Trouty's, there ain't no fire extinguishers.

I know, I know. But there are the best looking guys on the West Coast here.

I mean, the first time I was here, I was proposed to by a soap opera star.

Then I made love to a major league shortstop, who will remain nameless, I

add.

And I bet you're gangbanged by a six -man rock group from London.

Don't forget the British.

I mean, if it wasn't for the British, we never would have launched the invasion.

Are you talking the Normandy invasion, girl? I didn't know you were such a

historian. Normandy who? I'm talking about the British rock invasion.

You know, Wham, Culture Club, The Cure.

Hey, you two.

Cut the chatter, okay? Let's get off our butts and go see the action.

Action? What action? I mean, this place is deserted.

You guys keep telling me about all the gorgeous guys that are up here, and I

haven't seen one. I'm not impressed with this place so far.

You'll be eating those words, Lenore. There are plenty of men here. Why do you

think they call it a dude ranch?

Well, just in case, I brought along some insurance.

You know what they say.

Always be prepared.

You must be kidding.

You don't actually use that thing, do you?

No, it's just when necessary.

It's kind of like orgasm insurance.

Insurance, huh?

Like in get a piece of that cock?

Let me see how you do that. I've never used a vibrator.

Sure may. You probably prefer long, hard vegetables.

Something tells me you're strictly the eggplant type of gal.

Come on, Lenore, show her.

I mean, God, give her a lesson in Vibrator 101.

Give her a lesson.

I can't believe you actually get off to that thing.

Well, come over here. I'll show you. Let me set my drink down.

Weird, too.

We're going to show this girl how the vibrator works.

Full -on treatment there.

I just started off on the left.

Have you ever tried this skill?

Me? Yeah, you. Oh yeah, I've tried it before.

Oh, I

see why you like it.

Oh yes.

You are wet, baby.

I'm so wet.

Yes, you are.

Dude ranch, huh?

And you asked me why I brought my little plastic thing? This is really strange.

This place should be jumping with guys.

Yeah. I mean, we're definitely talking Twilight Zone.

Rod Serling is definitely on the premises.

Hi.

I'm sorry.

I didn't hear you.

When did you check in?

A couple hours ago.

Oh,

yeah, darling, I remember.

You're the little gal that kept ordering up all that KY from room service.

What was that all about, anyway?

It's really a long, slippery story, Mrs. Trouty.

I've never been here before, Mrs. Trouty.

Where are the men that, uh... They're at the dude ranch.

I mean, where are they?

Men.

Don't mention the word.

Men aren't allowed at Trouty's dude ranch.

They've been banned.

What does Mr. Trotty have to say about all this?

I remember he was ringmaster around here.

Like you said, he was.

I run things around here now, for the better, I might add.

But we're the only customers.

I mean, yeah, what exactly happened, Mrs. Trotty? This is such a cool place.

I mean, yeah, I really did have a crush on him, but we didn't do anything.

Well, Mr. Trouty and I, we had this little arrangement.

Namely, we wouldn't fuck the customer.

One night last week, he broke that rule.

My God.

Sometimes I had to separate the girls in him with a long crowbar.

He was always in his workshop.

I don't know how he could see in the dark.

Shoot. That wrangler was big and burly.

Always reminded me of a bull in heat.

Just as horny, too.

He could fuck all night, and then some.

A regular mule train.

Many a morning, after him screwing me all night, I'd walk around the kitchen

like I had a hot potato between my legs.

Hoo -wee!

That man would bounce me like a big old beach ball.

Lordy, he was big.

Yes, sirree.

Big and fat and happy.

Think nothing of eating 20 flak chacks for breakfast.

After that, he ate me.

He called me his favorite dessert.

I sort of missed the big lug.

But he's not coming back here unless he minds his way.

Only one I want him to fuck is me.

M -E with a capital M.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Is he handsome, Mrs. Trotty?

Who do you think your friend?

They've seen the weasel.

Oh, he's gorgeous.

Besides, the man's hung like an elk.

If you like that sort of thing.

Did you see the girl?

I mean the one he was fucking?

Didn't see her face, but I saw her pretty little louse spread across the

Saw her vaginal lips wrapped around my husband's manhood.

Saw her fingers following his balls.

I mean...

That little gal wanted every inch of that two -timing bastard.

I bet she did.

I can just imagine.

Lenore, I think you need to take a nap.

Well, that's the story, dear.

So, if you came here for Manuel, you'll just come out of luck.

Plenty of other things to do, though.

Fishing, horseback riding, hiking.

Hiking, fishing, why not bingo and shuffleboard.

I came here to get the only kind of exercise I can't get at my health class.

This is going to be an exciting weekend. I mean, if I knew what was going down,

I would have stayed at home and watched People's Court, right?

Look at her, Gail. You'd think she'd just spent the last half hour riding

saddle.

Earth calling Lenore. Earth calling Lenore. Come in, Lenore. Come in.

Let's stay.

I think that's doing some damage upstairs, Lenore.

Your brain is starting to short circuit.

Haven't you ever heard of the power of suggestion?

I mean, I just had a wonderful time pretending I was making love with Mr.

in the barn.

Lord, can that man fuck.

Power of suggestion, huh?

I think we should both, all of us, split.

I'll meet you back at the bar.

Lenore, did you really get turned on by Mrs. Trouty's story? Did you actually

have an orgasm?

It's a power of suggestion, May.

You ought to try it sometime.

I mean, you can tell me the truth.

Did you cum? Are your panties wet?

You'll figure it out.

Ah, I see. I shouldn't have doubted you. Last time I did, I ended up spreading

on the bed.

Don't get me wrong, boy.

I mean, you are beautiful and everything, but I was kind of hoping for

that was too lame to get my dress.

Oh, boy.

Adam, ma 'am? How about two and a half?

Um, is this reality or what?

I mean, weren't you guys 86'd off that dude ranch?

Let me ask you a question, ma 'am. I mean, have you ever heard of...

The power of suggestion.

Maybe you could use your figment of imagination.

Maybe.

Are you really a cowboy?

Regular fellow hip -hop.

Well, what happened to your horse?

My horse?

Yeah, you have one.

Well, my horse is in the backseat of my Cadillac, just in case my diamond runs

out. You need to help with the seat, you know, put the diamond in the middle

like that with the seat and say, we'll post three times.

Okay, okay.

If you're such a...

Big cowboy, let's see that gun between your legs.

You want to see my gun between my legs?

You know, there's a very funny story behind that.

My dad was a cannon, which makes me a son of a gun, you know?

Let's see what you got.

Well, before I get into that, why don't we just do it like Miss USA pageant, you

know? I'll be like the host, you know, I'll be like announcing the actions and

what you've been doing. Now, you just fuck over here. Now, let me just take a

second to go up here.

What's your name, honey?

My name?

Yeah, don't go before you suck my cock.

My name is Gail. Okay, good.

Keep doing that, Gail.

Oh, God.

Oh.

I could stay here all day, but you know, there's such a thing called lunch.

Let me fuck you.

tenderizer.

Maybe you could use your figment of imagination.

Seeing this place really depresses me.

Why? I like this place.

Looks like a fun place to party to me.

That's what depresses me. Last time I was here, I spent most of my time

inside. I can't believe this. We had a stereo, dancing.

I got laid right on that sofa.

You know what else?

What?

Forget it.

No, tell me.

Well, the guy I fucked was an incredible lover.

You've heard of vaginal orgasms, haven't you?

No.

95 % of all female orgasms are triggered from the clit.

Most women can't get off unless that little button is pushed.

Vaginal orgasms are a type of orgasm very few women can have.

They're really intense.

They erupt from deep inside.

Have you ever had one?

I don't know.

Believe me, you'd know.

Well, I guess I haven't had one. Why? Have you?

Yes. Right on this couch.

You know, I'm sitting here alone, you know, setting up for this really big

party. It was really hot outside.

So I decided to take my clothes off.

Actually, I love to do housework in the nude.

You know, regular old cooking and dusting.

Don't ask me why, but it turns me on.

You know, I'll forget I'm nude and walk by a mirror and get touched.

You won't believe it. You couldn't imagine.

Anyway, as I was saying, I was getting ready for this party.

Got incredibly horny.

Jumped up on the couch, grabbed a pillow. A pillow?

Why a pillow?

Why don't you just get one of those studs you were talking about or

or something?

I was masturbating. That's what I'm trying to get to. See, I took this

put it in between my legs, rubbed my pussy against it, took the other hand

grabbed my ass.

And then what?

I don't think she ever had a gun in that bag of wood.

had you?

Had you ever had a tongue down there before?

No. It was my first time.

It should be able to open up wider.

So I've got to try to keep her.

That was the beginning of a long time ago.

Oh.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Oh.

we were fucking some fabulous man.

Maybe we were.

What does that mean?

Power of suggestion, remember?

But it can't be that. I don't know. My brain is so short -circuited right now.

It seems so real.

What was that for?

For sharing your lover with me.

You're right about those vaginal orgasms.

They come from white. Deep inside.

I know I shouldn't.

But I've just got to touch myself to put my hands on my pussy.

My God, what am I saying?

Oh, my.

Oh, my goodness. I feel so, so wild, so fiery.

Why, my skin's all tingly.

I just want to touch myself down there.

God, I miss that poor cat of a husband of mine.

Where the hell are you?

You two -timing bastard.

Ravage me.

Take me down.

My pussy feels like the Fourth of July.

Please, for God's sake. I need a roast in my microwave.

Oh, my.

Oh, my. I'm not really like this.

I'm a lady.

But I've got to have some of that man's penis or I'll bust.

bathtub all alone.

I do have an incredible body.

Everywhere I go, the men stare at me.

I can feel it. They all want me.

I'm poor, Mr. Trouty. More than any of them.

Oh, where the hell is he?

Oh, well.

Some women with just bones suffer, I guess.

I need to be filled.

I must feel flesh.

Isn't there a man somewhere that can cool this kitty cat off?

Oh, yes.

Oh, yes.

That's what I need to feel.

That's what I need to feel inside me.

Oh, my God, I can't talk.

I can't breathe.

I've got to have it. I can't wait for that love -not -husband to come back

my life.

I've got to go out there and get me some steak and...

few inches of that man right now.

Just give me a solid Lincoln log.

I'll skim my grandmother for six inches of Lincoln.

Like right now, I need to feel a stiff, throbbing, hunk of

driving manly between my two ranch lady thighs.

My love lips are so juicy, I could take ten inches and call it an apple.

Baby, you're too tall to talk.

Hi, baby.

Are we married?

Why aren't people supposed to be the suggestive thing?

I love badly timed.

Thank you.

we call

I'm glad you understand, baby.

It was a moment of weakness once in 14 years.

I know, I guess I did overreact a bit, but the idea of another woman having

cock inside of them is just more than I can take.

Yeah, well, honey, did you really go and bar men from the ranch?

Ooh, that's gonna really hurt business.

I know, and I'm worried about next month's bills.

Things ain't looking so good.

By the way, whose Mustang is that out front?

That belongs to our only three customers.

And I think they'll fix him to leave any minute.

Fact is, they came here for a three -day orgy, and poor gals are in for a rude

wakeman.

Oh, Jiminy Cricket, we got to do something about that.

Damn it.

What can we do? Come on. I'm going to make a phone call.

Who are you going to call, babe?

Dollar Dude.

Oh, shit!

I still wish you'd let me do the mohawk.

Don't get any ideas, girl.

Hey, Lenore.

Yeah? Why don't you tell us some more about the power of suggestions?

Yeah, like, why don't you whip us up with those little fantasies?

Well, what do you have in mind? Do you want maybe a foreign or domestic model,

or do you want something just maturing, or maybe an old vintage classic?

I'll take a little fantasy like I had this afternoon.

I'll second that.

Howdy, women.

Howdy. We know, we know.

Power of suggestion.

Made to order.

Yeah, wait a couple of Picassos.

Oh yeah.

Um.