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1
00:00:01,981 --> 00:00:05,567
Hang on, hang on -
you're not supposed to be here either?
2
00:00:05,902 --> 00:00:07,528
You're a mistake, just like me?
3
00:00:07,570 --> 00:00:08,904
Yeah, and I'm freaking out, dog!
4
00:00:08,947 --> 00:00:11,823
There's so much thoughts in my brain
it's like my head is filled with rocks.
5
00:00:12,617 --> 00:00:15,077
How have you managed
to stay undiscovered?
6
00:00:15,119 --> 00:00:18,705
Because I have had to dodge and weave
and barely escape with my life
7
00:00:18,748 --> 00:00:23,252
and you don't seem... like a super genius.
8
00:00:25,004 --> 00:00:27,589
Hello, Jianyu, I'm Michael.
9
00:00:27,632 --> 00:00:32,719
Before we start, I know you were
a Buddhist monk and kept a vow of silence.
10
00:00:32,762 --> 00:00:35,305
Would you prefer
to remain silent here, as well?
11
00:00:37,141 --> 00:00:39,601
You literally haven't said a word
since we got here?
12
00:00:39,644 --> 00:00:43,105
Yeah. When I say I'm meditating,
I'm just trying to figure out
13
00:00:43,147 --> 00:00:44,356
what the fork is happening!
14
00:00:44,399 --> 00:00:46,066
I think we might be in an alien zoo.
15
00:00:46,109 --> 00:00:47,359
Or on a prank show.
16
00:00:47,777 --> 00:00:49,236
No, Jianyu, we're dead.
17
00:00:49,529 --> 00:00:51,154
Whoa, that's a dope prank.
18
00:00:51,197 --> 00:00:52,531
Whew, gotta give it up.
19
00:00:52,574 --> 00:00:57,411
Okay. I need to make sure
that this isn't some sort of weird trap.
20
00:00:57,870 --> 00:00:59,371
Is your real name "Jianyu?"
21
00:00:59,414 --> 00:01:01,206
No, it's Jason Mendoza.
22
00:01:01,249 --> 00:01:03,792
And, by the way,
everyone here thinks I'm Taiwanese.
23
00:01:03,835 --> 00:01:06,461
I'm Filipino. That's racist.
24
00:01:06,504 --> 00:01:07,838
Heaven is so racist!
25
00:01:07,880 --> 00:01:10,382
But Tahani said that you helped Michael
26
00:01:10,425 --> 00:01:14,136
by putting your hand on his chest
and doing some sort of healing magic?
27
00:01:14,178 --> 00:01:18,557
Yeah, a nurse did that to calm me down once,
when I crashed my jet ski into a manatee.
28
00:01:18,933 --> 00:01:20,934
You crashed your jet ski into a manatee?
29
00:01:20,977 --> 00:01:23,895
Yeah. I'm from Jacksonville, Florida.
It happens a lot.
30
00:01:24,814 --> 00:01:26,023
What did you do for a living?
31
00:01:26,065 --> 00:01:28,400
I was an amateur DJ.
specialising in EDM.
32
00:01:29,152 --> 00:01:30,193
Electronic Dance Music?
33
00:01:30,570 --> 00:01:32,863
I was also an amateur
hip-hop backup dancer
34
00:01:32,905 --> 00:01:35,991
an amateur body spray inventor,
um... I did pranks on Vine...
35
00:01:36,034 --> 00:01:37,200
None of those are jobs.
36
00:01:37,243 --> 00:01:38,410
What did you do to make money?
37
00:01:38,453 --> 00:01:40,412
Oh, I sold fake drugs to college kids.
38
00:01:40,455 --> 00:01:43,206
Okay. Good.
39
00:01:43,249 --> 00:01:45,125
Okay, here's my biggest question.
40
00:01:45,168 --> 00:01:48,712
How did you know
that I didn't belong here?
41
00:01:48,755 --> 00:01:55,135
I figured it out the very first night,
at the party, using my powers of deduction.
42
00:01:55,595 --> 00:01:57,095
I heard you don't talk.
43
00:01:57,138 --> 00:02:02,476
Well here's something for you
to not talk about - I don't belong here!
44
00:02:02,518 --> 00:02:07,189
They made a mistake.
Total phony. So, shh!
45
00:02:09,275 --> 00:02:11,234
Okay. Later, man.
46
00:02:12,070 --> 00:02:15,072
Okay, I vaguely remember that.
47
00:02:16,282 --> 00:02:17,991
I believe you, Jason.
48
00:02:18,034 --> 00:02:19,618
You're not supposed to be here.
49
00:02:20,119 --> 00:02:21,703
Welcome to the bottom of the barrel.
50
00:02:30,088 --> 00:02:31,171
Hello, Tahani!
51
00:02:31,547 --> 00:02:33,048
Oh! Hello, Michael!
52
00:02:33,091 --> 00:02:36,426
I was just picking out some fresh orchids
for my nightly orchid bath.
53
00:02:36,469 --> 00:02:40,639
So, Tahani, one of your fellow residents
is opening a new restaurant tonight.
54
00:02:40,682 --> 00:02:43,350
This Neighbourhood could use
a real morale boost -
55
00:02:43,393 --> 00:02:45,477
and since you're an expert
at event planning
56
00:02:45,520 --> 00:02:47,854
I was hoping that you would help
with the Grand Opening.
57
00:02:47,897 --> 00:02:49,815
Oh, Michael! Say no more!
58
00:02:49,857 --> 00:02:51,692
I wasn't going to! I was done!
59
00:02:51,734 --> 00:02:54,528
Well, good! Because of course I will.
60
00:02:54,570 --> 00:02:55,821
Janet?
- Hi there.
61
00:02:55,863 --> 00:02:57,114
Oh! Hello, darling.
62
00:02:57,156 --> 00:03:00,909
I would like to model tonight's event
on my most successful gala.
63
00:03:00,952 --> 00:03:06,289
That would be 2006 fundraiser
for stem cell research in Barcelona.
64
00:03:06,332 --> 00:03:08,041
"Barthelona," actually.
65
00:03:08,084 --> 00:03:09,918
Oh, it was a perfect evening.
66
00:03:09,961 --> 00:03:12,337
Princess Stephanie was there,
as were Posh and Becks.
67
00:03:12,797 --> 00:03:16,299
You know, International Sophisticate
Magazine gave us five Gwyneths!
68
00:03:17,427 --> 00:03:20,345
Tonight I'm going to select
my jauntiest suit.
69
00:03:20,805 --> 00:03:23,140
And I may even wear suspenders.
70
00:03:23,266 --> 00:03:24,141
Ah!
71
00:03:24,183 --> 00:03:26,935
It's one of the human clothing items
I'm most eager to try.
72
00:03:26,978 --> 00:03:28,687
Oh. Well, good luck.
73
00:03:28,730 --> 00:03:30,564
Thank you, yes, yes.
74
00:03:30,606 --> 00:03:32,691
I'm excited and... a little nervous.
75
00:03:32,942 --> 00:03:35,026
I'd say that I'm "cautiously optimistic."
76
00:03:36,154 --> 00:03:38,363
I hope I don't chicken out
at the last second.
77
00:03:38,573 --> 00:03:40,949
Sorry, we are talking
about suspenders, right?
78
00:03:40,992 --> 00:03:42,617
Like, these?
79
00:03:43,119 --> 00:03:44,327
You can do that with them?
80
00:03:44,370 --> 00:03:46,037
Oh! I cannot wait!
81
00:03:46,664 --> 00:03:47,581
Excellent.
82
00:03:47,957 --> 00:03:49,833
So Tahani has no idea about me?
83
00:03:50,168 --> 00:03:53,211
No. She thinks I'm a monk,
and she thinks you're her best friend.
84
00:03:53,254 --> 00:03:54,963
Great. I mean, for us.
85
00:03:55,006 --> 00:03:56,423
That's a huge bummer for her.
86
00:03:57,258 --> 00:03:59,509
We need some place
that we can talk in private.
87
00:03:59,552 --> 00:04:00,552
I agree.
88
00:04:01,679 --> 00:04:03,305
Let me show you my bud-hole.
89
00:04:03,848 --> 00:04:06,391
What?
- I should warn you, it's a little messy.
90
00:04:09,854 --> 00:04:10,896
This is my Bud-Hole.
91
00:04:11,481 --> 00:04:14,608
It's just like a hole where me
and my buds can hang out.
92
00:04:14,650 --> 00:04:18,153
Oh! "Bud-hole." Okay, now I get it.
93
00:04:18,488 --> 00:04:21,323
I wrote down on a piece of paper
that I needed a private "meditation area."
94
00:04:21,866 --> 00:04:23,074
Tahani will never come in.
95
00:04:24,160 --> 00:04:27,245
Pretty unique decorating style
you have here, Jianyu.
96
00:04:27,288 --> 00:04:31,166
It's like, "12 year-old boy"
meets "13 year-old boy."
97
00:04:31,209 --> 00:04:34,628
Thanks! Janet helped me get all this stuff.
She rules.
98
00:04:34,670 --> 00:04:37,839
Is she single?
Or is she married to Michael?
99
00:04:37,882 --> 00:04:40,091
No, no, dude. You cannot date Janet.
100
00:04:40,134 --> 00:04:41,551
"A," she's not human
101
00:04:41,594 --> 00:04:44,846
and "B," you have to keep pretending
to be Tahani's soulmate.
102
00:04:45,348 --> 00:04:47,557
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cool.
103
00:04:47,600 --> 00:04:50,143
Okay, just sit tight, dude.
I have a class to get to.
104
00:04:50,478 --> 00:04:51,686
What? A... a class?
105
00:04:52,146 --> 00:04:54,189
I... I didn't know there were classes!
I was sick.
106
00:04:54,690 --> 00:04:56,149
I have a note.
- No, no, no.
107
00:04:56,192 --> 00:05:00,487
Chidi is trying to teach me
to be a good person, and it's really hard.
108
00:05:00,530 --> 00:05:03,323
Also, Michael has asked me to be
his "assistant," whatever that means.
109
00:05:03,366 --> 00:05:06,535
My whole situation here is getting
like more and more dicey.
110
00:05:07,119 --> 00:05:10,705
So I'm actually really glad to have a place
I can come when I just want to be myself.
111
00:05:11,249 --> 00:05:15,460
Yeah. I miss being myself.
Myself was the best.
112
00:05:22,260 --> 00:05:23,802
Whoo!
113
00:05:27,640 --> 00:05:29,099
What's up, man? You Jason?
114
00:05:30,101 --> 00:05:31,101
You got two minutes.
115
00:05:31,185 --> 00:05:34,229
Fred Durst is throwing an orgy
on a partially capsized yacht.
116
00:05:34,272 --> 00:05:36,439
My dad just texted, it already started.
117
00:05:36,482 --> 00:05:40,193
So I'll get right to the point,
I listened to your demo. You're terrible.
118
00:05:41,821 --> 00:05:42,779
Really?
- Yeah.
119
00:05:43,197 --> 00:05:44,739
Okay, you just don't have any...
120
00:05:44,782 --> 00:05:46,783
what's the word? Talent.
121
00:05:47,451 --> 00:05:49,619
But don't worry, you got something
better than talent, man.
122
00:05:49,662 --> 00:05:51,788
You got my approximate size and weight.
123
00:05:52,248 --> 00:05:54,249
I'm supposed to play this club
for the rest of the week
124
00:05:54,292 --> 00:05:57,043
but I just got an offer
to DJ Scott Disick's afterparty
125
00:05:57,086 --> 00:05:58,879
for the Amateur Porn Awards in Reno.
126
00:05:58,921 --> 00:06:01,548
Whoa! Congrats, bro! That's the dream!
127
00:06:01,591 --> 00:06:03,216
It's your dream, man. It's my Tuesday.
128
00:06:03,259 --> 00:06:04,759
I just need somebody to fill in.
129
00:06:05,261 --> 00:06:07,178
Put on the helmet,
press "space bar" on the computer -
130
00:06:07,221 --> 00:06:08,555
those idiots
won't know the difference.
131
00:06:09,015 --> 00:06:12,017
For the next week,
Jason, you are "Acidcat."
132
00:06:14,020 --> 00:06:16,605
Whoa! There's a lot
of old gum in here!
133
00:06:18,107 --> 00:06:20,025
Tahani! How are things going
in the front of the house?
134
00:06:20,067 --> 00:06:23,278
Because to be perfectly frank,
things in the kitchen are going great!
135
00:06:23,321 --> 00:06:25,447
Okay, I am right on schedule!
136
00:06:25,948 --> 00:06:29,409
Chef Patricia, I have triple-checked
every single detail.
137
00:06:29,452 --> 00:06:32,829
Your restaurant opening is going to be
the talk of the entire Neighbourhood!
138
00:06:33,247 --> 00:06:35,165
Thank you for your thoughtfulness
and hard work!
139
00:06:35,207 --> 00:06:37,042
I could not have done this without you!
140
00:06:37,084 --> 00:06:38,335
Ah! Hello, Tahani.
141
00:06:40,129 --> 00:06:41,546
Sorry, I should've warned you.
142
00:06:42,173 --> 00:06:46,551
Patricia is actually very happy
but she's also very intense.
143
00:06:46,802 --> 00:06:47,802
It can be confusing.
144
00:06:47,845 --> 00:06:49,721
No, no, no, that's not
what's bothering me.
145
00:06:49,764 --> 00:06:50,889
It's just that, well...
146
00:06:51,390 --> 00:06:54,559
I looked at the guest list earlier
and Jianyu isn't invited?
147
00:06:55,478 --> 00:06:56,353
Right.
148
00:06:57,021 --> 00:06:58,855
Jianyu is a beautiful spirit.
149
00:06:59,565 --> 00:07:01,066
But he literally doesn't talk.
150
00:07:01,525 --> 00:07:04,319
And since this will be
an evening of lively conversation
151
00:07:04,779 --> 00:07:06,071
and you'll be busy working,
152
00:07:06,697 --> 00:07:08,531
I didn't want him to feel uncomfortable.
153
00:07:08,574 --> 00:07:10,492
I totally understand.
154
00:07:11,118 --> 00:07:12,452
Well-reasoned, Michael.
155
00:07:12,495 --> 00:07:17,123
As us Brits are fond of saying,
"Try your best to hide your sadness."
156
00:07:19,627 --> 00:07:24,673
So the concept of the "self"
is a key subject for a lot of great thinkers.
157
00:07:24,715 --> 00:07:26,633
In the Tao Te Ching, Lao Tzu wrote -
158
00:07:27,259 --> 00:07:30,345
"Knowing others is wisdom.
159
00:07:30,680 --> 00:07:33,515
But knowing the self is enlightenment."
160
00:07:33,557 --> 00:07:35,934
Ah! "Knowing yourself?"
161
00:07:36,435 --> 00:07:39,062
Is he talking about
what I think he's talking about?
162
00:07:39,313 --> 00:07:41,189
No, Eleanor, once again
163
00:07:41,232 --> 00:07:44,859
none of these philosophers
is ever talking about masturbation.
164
00:07:45,486 --> 00:07:48,363
Let's, uh... move on
to this week's main event...
165
00:07:49,448 --> 00:07:51,741
David Hume's
"A Treatise of Human Nature."
166
00:07:51,784 --> 00:07:53,410
You read this, right?
- I did.
167
00:07:53,703 --> 00:07:54,869
Well, I tried to.
168
00:07:54,912 --> 00:07:56,496
Well, I tried to want to.
169
00:07:56,998 --> 00:07:59,165
Um, actually,
could we postpone this lesson?
170
00:07:59,542 --> 00:08:04,004
I've befriended Jianyu from next door,
and I thought I could learn from him.
171
00:08:04,338 --> 00:08:05,588
That's a great idea.
172
00:08:05,631 --> 00:08:09,509
Hume's "bundle theory" of the self
is fairly close to Buddhism.
173
00:08:09,802 --> 00:08:12,429
Yeah, no "durr!"
That's why I'm doing it.
174
00:08:14,932 --> 00:08:15,932
Do you hear music?
175
00:08:16,392 --> 00:08:17,684
That's not music.
176
00:08:20,021 --> 00:08:21,396
That's EDM!
177
00:08:25,568 --> 00:08:26,609
What are you doing?
178
00:08:26,819 --> 00:08:28,486
Eleanor, you were right!
179
00:08:28,529 --> 00:08:30,697
No more pretending!
It's time for me to be myself!
180
00:08:31,365 --> 00:08:32,240
What's up, homey?
181
00:08:32,992 --> 00:08:35,368
Eleanor? You broke Jianyu!
182
00:08:40,458 --> 00:08:42,208
Okay, did we miss anything?
183
00:08:42,251 --> 00:08:44,169
Ugh! Take that jersey off,
you goofball!
184
00:08:45,421 --> 00:08:47,464
Okay. This is not my fault, I swear.
185
00:08:47,506 --> 00:08:51,051
Eleanor, one hour ago,
that man was a silent Buddhist monk!
186
00:08:51,093 --> 00:08:52,844
Right, but here's the thing.
187
00:08:52,887 --> 00:08:54,637
Jianyu is actually...
188
00:08:54,680 --> 00:08:57,891
a guy who is nice! Hi, Tahani!
189
00:08:58,142 --> 00:09:00,310
Eleanor! Chidi! What a lovely surprise.
190
00:09:00,352 --> 00:09:02,312
Don't mind me, I'm just dropping off
my afternoon gloves
191
00:09:02,354 --> 00:09:04,105
and picking up my early evening gloves.
192
00:09:04,774 --> 00:09:06,608
How are you, soulmate?
- I'm cool.
193
00:09:09,737 --> 00:09:14,991
I'm sorry, am I going mad
or did I just hear you say, "I'm cool?"
194
00:09:15,034 --> 00:09:17,535
Mmm. Mm-mm. I don't think so.
195
00:09:17,578 --> 00:09:19,454
I don't think that happened.
You're... you're wrong.
196
00:09:20,664 --> 00:09:21,706
Oh, I see what's going here.
197
00:09:22,625 --> 00:09:24,667
You've got a Whisper
in your Snicker box!
198
00:09:25,252 --> 00:09:29,047
You're both helping Jianyu
to regain his confidence
199
00:09:29,090 --> 00:09:30,840
to be able to speak again!
200
00:09:31,383 --> 00:09:35,011
As a surprise for me!
- Oh, busted.
201
00:09:36,055 --> 00:09:37,806
My heart is soaring!
202
00:09:39,433 --> 00:09:42,185
So Jianyu is talking? Oh, how wonderful!
203
00:09:42,645 --> 00:09:45,230
I will do everything in my power
to encourage him.
204
00:09:45,272 --> 00:09:46,272
Well, not everything.
205
00:09:46,315 --> 00:09:48,775
I won't give him a second mouth -
unless that would be helpful?
206
00:09:48,818 --> 00:09:50,318
No. Better not risk it.
207
00:09:50,486 --> 00:09:51,945
I've actually had a better idea.
208
00:09:52,279 --> 00:09:54,697
Oh!
- Let's add Jianyu to the guest list.
209
00:09:54,907 --> 00:09:56,491
Chidi and Eleanor
have been working with him
210
00:09:56,534 --> 00:09:58,243
and they're going to be here.
- What a great idea!
211
00:09:58,285 --> 00:10:00,870
Patricia?
We can fit another chair, right?
212
00:10:01,330 --> 00:10:04,249
Change the floor plan?
An hour before opening?
213
00:10:05,501 --> 00:10:07,293
Of course! The more the merrier!
214
00:10:08,129 --> 00:10:09,129
Oh, hurrah!
215
00:10:09,380 --> 00:10:13,633
I knew tonight was going to be perfect,
but now it is going to be even perfect-er!
216
00:10:14,093 --> 00:10:17,303
Obviously, it's impossible for something
to be more perfect than perfect.
217
00:10:17,429 --> 00:10:19,514
Well, it isn't, actually.
218
00:10:19,557 --> 00:10:22,308
Any place or thing in the universe
219
00:10:22,393 --> 00:10:26,354
can be up to one hundred
and four percent perfect.
220
00:10:26,397 --> 00:10:27,647
That's how you got Beyoncé.
221
00:10:27,690 --> 00:10:28,690
Oh!
222
00:10:30,651 --> 00:10:33,903
Oh. "Bud-hole."
223
00:10:34,321 --> 00:10:36,156
Okay. Now, tell me everything.
224
00:10:36,490 --> 00:10:39,534
Okay. Jianyu is a fraud
225
00:10:40,286 --> 00:10:41,161
just like me.
226
00:10:41,328 --> 00:10:42,370
His real name is Jason.
227
00:10:42,663 --> 00:10:44,998
He's a drug-dealing DJ from Florida.
228
00:10:46,417 --> 00:10:48,126
It's gonna be fine. We just need a plan.
229
00:10:48,335 --> 00:10:49,878
Oh, I got a plan.
230
00:10:50,588 --> 00:10:52,005
We hack into Michael's phone
231
00:10:52,256 --> 00:10:55,633
download all his nudes,
and then blackmail him.
232
00:10:56,177 --> 00:10:57,927
No. What are you ta-- No!
233
00:10:57,970 --> 00:10:59,596
Yo, you should listen to me!
234
00:10:59,638 --> 00:11:01,181
I came up with hundreds
of plans in my life
235
00:11:01,223 --> 00:11:02,515
and only one of them got me killed.
236
00:11:02,808 --> 00:11:04,225
Dude! Be quiet!
237
00:11:04,268 --> 00:11:07,228
You are not Jason. You are a monk
named Jianyu.
238
00:11:07,479 --> 00:11:08,438
Got it?
239
00:11:17,156 --> 00:11:19,032
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
240
00:11:19,658 --> 00:11:21,659
Dude, another great set, Jason.
241
00:11:21,702 --> 00:11:22,744
They love you, dude!
242
00:11:23,204 --> 00:11:25,830
They don't love me, man.
They love Acidcat.
243
00:11:26,582 --> 00:11:27,707
These cheers are fake.
244
00:11:28,334 --> 00:11:31,127
They hit my ears
like boxing gloves of sadness.
245
00:11:31,420 --> 00:11:34,547
Whoa.
That's some poetic thoughts, "B."
246
00:11:35,007 --> 00:11:36,049
I gotta be myself!
247
00:11:41,555 --> 00:11:43,514
Attention Jacksonville.
248
00:11:43,891 --> 00:11:45,058
I'm not Acidcat.
249
00:11:47,061 --> 00:11:52,732
I'm Mr Music, the DJ.
And this is a Mr Music, the DJ original!
250
00:11:52,983 --> 00:11:54,442
"NO!"
- Pow!
251
00:12:11,043 --> 00:12:13,670
Welcome to the opening
of "The Good Plates".
252
00:12:16,882 --> 00:12:17,757
I just got that.
253
00:12:18,759 --> 00:12:19,884
That's hilarious!
254
00:12:20,469 --> 00:12:22,512
Anyway, at some point or another
255
00:12:22,554 --> 00:12:27,850
every resident in this Neighbourhood
will fulfill his or her soul's true purpose.
256
00:12:27,893 --> 00:12:32,981
Chef Patricia has done that tonight,
by opening this restaurant!
257
00:12:34,942 --> 00:12:38,361
Now, if you'd all like
to take a look at tonight's menus.
258
00:12:40,364 --> 00:12:41,614
That's right!
259
00:12:41,782 --> 00:12:42,949
With Michael's help
260
00:12:43,033 --> 00:12:47,161
Chef Patricia has recreated
each person's favourite meal on Earth!
261
00:12:47,204 --> 00:12:48,413
Fun!
262
00:12:56,505 --> 00:12:57,964
It's my Grandmother's maafe!
263
00:12:58,882 --> 00:13:01,259
Fresh perch, slow roasted
in a peanut sauce.
264
00:13:01,468 --> 00:13:04,846
Almost makes me forget
how miserable I am right now.
265
00:13:05,514 --> 00:13:06,806
You want to try a bite?
266
00:13:06,849 --> 00:13:07,932
Fish and peanut butter?
267
00:13:07,975 --> 00:13:08,975
No, I'm good, thanks.
268
00:13:10,894 --> 00:13:12,770
Tofu? Aw, man!
269
00:13:12,813 --> 00:13:14,105
I'm ordering some jalapeño poppers.
270
00:13:14,148 --> 00:13:16,357
Shh! Be quiet and eat your white sponge.
271
00:13:20,487 --> 00:13:21,904
Janet?
- Hi, there.
272
00:13:21,989 --> 00:13:23,489
Hi. I didn't get a meal.
273
00:13:23,532 --> 00:13:24,615
According to our files
274
00:13:24,658 --> 00:13:27,910
your favourite "meal" was
the hunger strike you went on
275
00:13:27,953 --> 00:13:30,288
to protest Bolivian sex trafficking.
276
00:13:30,664 --> 00:13:33,166
Oh, right. Of course I did that.
277
00:13:34,168 --> 00:13:36,085
Tahani? Great party.
278
00:13:36,462 --> 00:13:37,712
Check it out.
279
00:13:37,755 --> 00:13:38,713
Oh!
- Suspenders!
280
00:13:39,548 --> 00:13:42,175
So dumb.
So much dumber than belts.
281
00:13:43,344 --> 00:13:45,636
Ah, congratulations, Michael.
282
00:13:45,971 --> 00:13:47,847
How's Jianyu doing?
Is he opening up?
283
00:13:48,223 --> 00:13:51,309
Mmm... not yet.
But I can tell he wants to.
284
00:13:51,769 --> 00:13:53,144
Don't worry. I've got a plan.
285
00:13:53,937 --> 00:13:55,438
May I have your attention please?
286
00:13:56,231 --> 00:13:57,482
Later this evening,
287
00:13:57,524 --> 00:14:00,485
we will be enjoying
Chef Patricia's delicious dessert -
288
00:14:00,527 --> 00:14:05,114
a stunning, three-tiered cake
that took her a full week to complete.
289
00:14:05,157 --> 00:14:07,241
But first, I'd like to try something fun.
290
00:14:07,618 --> 00:14:11,871
Each one of you has a very special memory
attached to the meal you're eating.
291
00:14:12,498 --> 00:14:15,458
Why don't we go around the room
and share our stories?
292
00:14:15,709 --> 00:14:16,709
Who'd like to begin?
293
00:14:18,504 --> 00:14:20,380
I'll start, Michael!
294
00:14:21,632 --> 00:14:24,133
One day, I wasn't feeling so great
295
00:14:24,176 --> 00:14:28,012
so I made myself
a bowl of this chicken soup...
296
00:14:28,430 --> 00:14:31,682
When it gets to you, say something short
and boring about tofu.
297
00:14:31,725 --> 00:14:35,853
No! I'm sick of pretending
to be Jianyu the tofu man.
298
00:14:36,480 --> 00:14:38,481
I'm gonna tell the story
about my real favourite meal.
299
00:14:38,732 --> 00:14:39,565
Which is?
300
00:14:39,608 --> 00:14:42,693
The Buffalo wings at Stupid Nick's
Wing Dump in Gainesville.
301
00:14:43,320 --> 00:14:45,279
Wings were free for ladies
if they took their top off!
302
00:14:45,322 --> 00:14:47,907
Oh, boy. Chidi? A word?
303
00:14:48,283 --> 00:14:52,954
Anyway, that's how this simple soup
saved over ten thousand lives.
304
00:14:55,416 --> 00:14:59,377
If Jianyu starts talking about topless
buffalo wing restaurants, we're all screwed!
305
00:14:59,420 --> 00:15:01,003
Well maybe we should just let him talk.
306
00:15:01,046 --> 00:15:02,380
He says he doesn't want to hide anymore.
307
00:15:02,423 --> 00:15:03,798
He doesn't know what he wants.
308
00:15:03,841 --> 00:15:05,967
He's an idiot from Florida.
309
00:15:06,009 --> 00:15:07,468
He's a "Floridiot."
310
00:15:07,719 --> 00:15:12,682
Jianyu Li, Taiwanese monk who took
a vow of silence at the age of eight
311
00:15:13,267 --> 00:15:16,519
and hasn't spoken since,
is ready to share with us.
312
00:15:20,482 --> 00:15:24,527
Let me tell you about Stupid Nick.
313
00:15:26,530 --> 00:15:29,490
We need a distraction!
Right the fork now!
314
00:15:31,994 --> 00:15:33,870
No, no, no, no! Eleanor!
315
00:15:33,912 --> 00:15:36,122
Chef Patricia poured her heart
and soul into this.
316
00:15:36,165 --> 00:15:38,082
Destroying it would be
a truly cruel act.
317
00:15:38,125 --> 00:15:40,543
Yeah, no "durr."
- No, no, no!
318
00:15:51,305 --> 00:15:54,891
Sinkhole!
Everyone out, there's a sinkhole!
319
00:15:58,562 --> 00:15:59,770
Glenn!
320
00:16:00,230 --> 00:16:02,356
You broke the world!
321
00:16:03,150 --> 00:16:04,442
It's not a compliment!
322
00:16:07,946 --> 00:16:09,739
Glenn? Stay calm!
323
00:16:09,781 --> 00:16:11,199
We're gonna get you out of there!
324
00:16:11,241 --> 00:16:14,202
And we'll put your soup in the fridge,
so it won't go to waste!
325
00:16:16,288 --> 00:16:19,499
I know that may not be
your number one concern right now, but...
326
00:16:19,541 --> 00:16:21,959
It was up there. It's real good soup!
327
00:16:22,294 --> 00:16:23,211
Let's go.
328
00:16:24,922 --> 00:16:25,630
Hey, buddy!
329
00:16:26,131 --> 00:16:27,173
You okay?
330
00:16:27,674 --> 00:16:30,593
No. I was just about to tell
an awesome story
331
00:16:30,636 --> 00:16:32,553
about a wing-eating contest
that I lost
332
00:16:33,013 --> 00:16:34,889
and a barfing contest that I won
333
00:16:34,932 --> 00:16:36,724
but then a hole opened up in the ground!
334
00:16:36,767 --> 00:16:40,061
I know. I made the hole,
to save you from yourself.
335
00:16:40,521 --> 00:16:43,314
You cannot let people know
who you really are.
336
00:16:43,357 --> 00:16:46,234
It would be very, very bad.
337
00:16:49,029 --> 00:16:51,531
Beautiful, beautiful Jacksonville.
338
00:16:53,325 --> 00:16:55,910
What's wrong, dog?
You look like you're freaking out.
339
00:16:56,495 --> 00:16:57,912
Things are bad, Pillboi.
340
00:16:58,247 --> 00:17:01,499
Acidcat is suing me
for "bleach of contract."
341
00:17:01,792 --> 00:17:03,834
I should have never pretended
to be someone else.
342
00:17:04,253 --> 00:17:05,878
It could cost me
all my dreams in life.
343
00:17:06,171 --> 00:17:08,464
You got dreams in life?
That's lit!
344
00:17:08,715 --> 00:17:10,258
Course I have dreams, man!
345
00:17:10,801 --> 00:17:12,885
I don't want to be a DJ
in Jacksonville forever.
346
00:17:14,054 --> 00:17:18,975
I want to DJ in Daytona,
Tallahassee, Tampa, even.
347
00:17:19,476 --> 00:17:20,560
I want it all.
348
00:17:21,061 --> 00:17:22,770
That's big goals, man.
349
00:17:23,105 --> 00:17:25,147
I know. But I believe in myself.
350
00:17:25,857 --> 00:17:28,150
Someday, the world will see
what I already know -
351
00:17:28,694 --> 00:17:33,322
that Jason Mendoza
is a beautiful, unique soul
352
00:17:33,865 --> 00:17:35,783
who has so much to give this world.
353
00:17:38,704 --> 00:17:40,538
Okay, that's Acidcat's speedboat.
354
00:17:40,581 --> 00:17:41,497
Hand me the thing that blows it up.
355
00:17:43,542 --> 00:17:44,458
That's lit.
356
00:17:53,176 --> 00:17:55,720
Michael, I hereby tender my resignation.
357
00:17:56,054 --> 00:17:58,764
I can no longer, in good conscience,
coordinate any further events
358
00:17:58,807 --> 00:18:02,018
in the Good Place,
so I am turning in my evening gloves.
359
00:18:02,144 --> 00:18:04,520
Tahani...
- Don't try to make me feel better.
360
00:18:05,105 --> 00:18:06,689
The launch was a disaster.
361
00:18:06,773 --> 00:18:10,151
Poor Jianyu was so terrified
that I fear he may never speak again.
362
00:18:10,193 --> 00:18:12,612
My hair is barely
cascading down my shoulders!
363
00:18:12,654 --> 00:18:13,946
Tahani, please.
364
00:18:15,073 --> 00:18:18,242
I know your journey
with Jianyu has been frustrating.
365
00:18:18,827 --> 00:18:22,038
But your situation is actually very typical.
366
00:18:22,414 --> 00:18:25,458
Soulmates sometimes
take months to really click.
367
00:18:25,751 --> 00:18:26,917
You have to be patient.
368
00:18:27,461 --> 00:18:31,255
And if anyone should take the blame
for the restaurant disaster, it's me.
369
00:18:31,465 --> 00:18:34,050
I thought this Neighbourhood's
troubles were behind us.
370
00:18:34,885 --> 00:18:36,218
Now I fear the worst.
371
00:18:37,095 --> 00:18:38,012
Michael.
372
00:18:39,014 --> 00:18:41,390
I hereby rescind
the tendering of my resignation.
373
00:18:41,892 --> 00:18:43,100
We must keep
the Neighbourhood together.
374
00:18:43,268 --> 00:18:44,268
What can I do?
375
00:18:44,311 --> 00:18:48,022
Oh! Well, the sinkhole should be
repairing itself in about three days.
376
00:18:48,065 --> 00:18:50,149
Well, as soon as it does,
we shall relaunch the restaurant!
377
00:18:50,817 --> 00:18:52,693
I'll hang posters to get the word out.
378
00:18:52,736 --> 00:18:55,696
And in the meantime,
I'll host a brunch party, every morning,
379
00:18:55,739 --> 00:18:56,947
to lift people's spirits.
380
00:18:57,324 --> 00:19:01,494
While you "re-pair" the universe,
I shall "pre-pare" the eggs!
381
00:19:01,536 --> 00:19:03,329
Oh! Fanciful wordplay!
382
00:19:03,372 --> 00:19:06,832
Indeed! That is the Tahani
that you know and love!
383
00:19:09,586 --> 00:19:10,711
So what do we do, here?
384
00:19:10,754 --> 00:19:11,837
There's nothing to do.
385
00:19:12,464 --> 00:19:16,217
He's just gonna blab and get him
and me both sent to the Bad Place.
386
00:19:16,760 --> 00:19:17,677
It's hopeless.
387
00:19:21,807 --> 00:19:27,311
Can't believe I'm doing this but,
Jason, please come to my classroom.
388
00:19:27,896 --> 00:19:31,440
I will teach you ethics,
like I'm doing with Eleanor
389
00:19:31,525 --> 00:19:34,193
and if you work hard
and absorb the material
390
00:19:34,736 --> 00:19:36,570
you just might be able
to earn your place here.
391
00:19:40,242 --> 00:19:41,242
Nah, I'm good.
392
00:19:43,036 --> 00:19:46,956
Dude! Chidi is giving you a lifeline
right now and you need to take it.
393
00:19:47,374 --> 00:19:48,416
Because you suck!
394
00:19:48,667 --> 00:19:50,751
You suck!
- I know!
395
00:19:51,294 --> 00:19:52,920
That's what I'm trying to tell you.
396
00:19:52,963 --> 00:19:55,047
We both suck!
You know who doesn't suck?
397
00:19:55,716 --> 00:19:59,093
Chidi. He is putting himself
in danger to help us
398
00:19:59,136 --> 00:20:02,138
because he, unlike us,
is an amazing person.
399
00:20:02,806 --> 00:20:05,349
I didn't get into heaven
to go to school.
400
00:20:05,600 --> 00:20:08,519
You didn't get into heaven at all,
shirt for brains!
401
00:20:08,603 --> 00:20:09,729
I just want to be myself.
402
00:20:09,771 --> 00:20:11,897
That's a very, very bad idea.
403
00:20:11,940 --> 00:20:13,482
Do not be yourself.
404
00:20:13,525 --> 00:20:16,110
You need to be a better version
of yourself, okay?
405
00:20:16,153 --> 00:20:17,361
And I do, too.
406
00:20:17,404 --> 00:20:21,574
And our only hope right now
is this kind, selfless, amazing nerd.
407
00:20:21,825 --> 00:20:22,992
Think about that.
408
00:20:23,034 --> 00:20:24,827
Eh, do you have to call me
a "nerd" so much?
409
00:20:24,870 --> 00:20:26,954
I said a lot of other nice things,
okay?
410
00:20:26,997 --> 00:20:27,913
Toughen up, nerd.
411
00:20:32,753 --> 00:20:33,794
Let's get cracking, teach!
412
00:20:34,379 --> 00:20:37,173
I read this entire David Hume book,
and then I read it again
413
00:20:37,215 --> 00:20:39,633
because I didn't understand it
the first time, and now I'm ready to go!
414
00:20:39,968 --> 00:20:43,554
Wow. Uh, that's really impressive.
Uh, where's Jianyu?
415
00:20:44,139 --> 00:20:45,681
Honestly, I don't even know
if he's coming.
416
00:20:47,350 --> 00:20:50,060
I am here to learn about "ethnics".
417
00:20:51,772 --> 00:20:53,731
Wow! That's great, man!
418
00:20:54,149 --> 00:20:56,650
Um, I mean, it's "ethics"
but that's great.
419
00:20:57,110 --> 00:20:58,027
Pretty sure it's "ethnics."
420
00:20:58,445 --> 00:21:00,488
Hey, buddy? I'm proud of you.
421
00:21:01,198 --> 00:21:03,282
This is your first step
towards not sucking.
422
00:21:03,533 --> 00:21:05,743
Cool. I just have two questions.
423
00:21:06,369 --> 00:21:09,997
When are football tryouts,
and does this school have a prom?
424
00:21:10,832 --> 00:21:13,626
Oh, no.
- Oh, wow.
425
00:21:14,711 --> 00:21:18,005
For the first time ever,
I'm the smartest kid in class.
31397
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