Original subtitles

Thank you.

Life is good.

Hiya, sis.

Hey! Mom!

Wow, you really look great. I thought you were Debbie.

Okay, I forgive you.

How are you?

How'd you get here so fast? We didn't expect you to this weekend.

Good winds. I swam the last couple of hundred miles.

Oh, that exercise give you a good appetite?

Oh, it sure did.

Good. I've got a big roast in the oven.

Where's Debbie and Dad?

Well, your sister should be home by tomorrow night. The bill's in washing

dinner.

My, how you have filled out.

I can't wait to see your father's face when he sees you.

Well, Mom, that was terrific.

You know, if you weren't so good looking, I would have thought Dad

for your cooking.

Your mother looked better now than when I married her.

She cooks better, too.

Well, practice makes perfect.

Well, at least as far as cooking is concerned.

As far as my looks are concerned.

I have a magic wand.

Oh, yeah?

Where do you keep it?

Where do you keep yours?

Evelyn, I don't think that's very funny.

Why not? He's a grown man.

All the more reason.

Don't be such an old subby -dubby.

Wayne, I don't want to hear you talking to your mother like that.

Oh, shit, Dad. We were just fooling around. Don't talk back to me.

As long as you're in this house, you will be respectful.

Now, I may seem old -fashioned, or it may seem old -fashioned to you, but as

long as you live here, you'll have respect for women.

If either you or your sister lose sight of your Christian upbringing, you won't

have to wait for God's vengeance, because I'll beat you within an inch of

life. I'm sorry, Dad. I didn't mean to be disrespectful.

It's Sally Porter, Wayne. Do you want to talk to her?

Me?

Well, she called to talk to me, but I told her you were back.

What's that skinny kid doing calling you?

None of your business. And besides, she isn't a skinny little kid anymore.

You ought to see her.

Oh, yeah?

Excuse me.

I'll take it in my room.

What's the matter, Billy?

When are you going to start talking and acting like a minister's wife?

When I die and go to heaven.

I'm worried about that director's meeting tonight. I'm afraid if I ask

more money, they'll simply get another minister.

Listen, William.

I want that money.

Now you get your ass down there and sweet -talk those old hypocrites into

across.

And when you get home, I'll have something special waiting for you.

But what if I can't pull it off?

It's getting late.

Now, if you don't get out of here, I will pull it off for you.

Mom says you're really grown up now.

Oh, yeah?

You're still as big of a tease as you ever were?

Oh, well, we'll see about that.

How about if I pick you up in about two minutes?

Well, why not?

Because.

I was just getting ready to take a bath.

I've got my robe on.

Is my underpants on?

Oh, I guess I look pretty good.

Yeah, that's all.

Okay.

Feels great.

Now I'm touching my left breast.

Oh yeah, it does feel good.

Uh -huh.

Yes, it's getting hard.

I have a problem with my underpants.

Underneath?

Okay.

I have my hand between my legs now.

It feels wet.

Feels warm.

Oh, feels great.

So that's a good book.

I'm letting my hair up and down my buns.

Oh, I feel so warm.

Good.

I'm letting my face.

Moving on my nipple.

I'm going to pick it hard.

That one's hard already.

Now I have my hand on my belly.

Tell me that it's your hand, Wayne.

I almost won't go in.

It's so tight.

Oh, it feels so soft in there. My finger feels so hard.

It means I'll be home all alone.

Don't you want to stay and keep me company?

You make it sound so sexy.

You're as big a tease as Sally Porter is.

Well, I certainly wouldn't want to make it hard for her.

Say, can I go to the car?

Sure. The keys are over the visor. Okay, thanks.

And good luck.

I don't care if anybody watches.

Oh, stop that.

Come on, why not?

Call us.

Come on, quit that.

You're not going to leave me like this, are you?

I don't think so.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Is that better?

want to be with you, William.

Do you think they still...

Nothing but a filthy...

reward for

I don't know what he's gonna do.

Thank you.

I love you.

Oh, no.

because I wasn't going to the beach today.

Oh, but I need the car today, Wayne.

I have a class.

What kind of class do you have?

Oh, that's the secret of your mother's beauty.

She takes some dance and yoga classes in the city.

Oh, really? Well, how long do they last?

All day.

Oh. Well, how about if I drop you off in the morning and then I'll pick you up

at the end of the day?

I'll pick you up here at 4 .30 on the dot.

Okay, bye.

Yeah. Figures.

Weirdos.

Let her be sky -clad in darkness.

Let the initiation begin.

In brightest day, in darkest night,

No evil shall escape my sight.

Let those who worship be those light.

The house, the candles, ring on the night.

Oh, Prince of Darkness, we have prepared this maiden for you.

Will you accept this virgin as your bride?

Kiss the symbol of the Lord and Master and swear to obey all his commands.

I swear.

I swear.

Then you shall know the pleasure of this earthly plane.

What mortal man shall have this virgin bride of our Lord and Master?

This will be done.

Though he be of your own flesh, there is nothing you can do to save him now.

The prince has chosen.

He must be put to the supreme test, or death.

You know the laws.

There are no exceptions.

Are you ready?

Wayne, you were my only son, and I would do anything to keep you from harm.

But I must now be the executioner, and either your death...

are a test beyond the endurance of any ordinary mortal.

I can say nothing further, except that it would be easier to choose death.

Are you ready for the supreme test?

We have the certain

bride of our Lord and Master.

sugar. Then make it red.

You take the oath of secrecy. I twerk.

Oh, demons, test his bowels.

If he be true, let his staff still stand.

But if he be false, or shall ever break this vow of secrecy, then let it be

severed in twain and fed to a dog.

He has said it.

Let them enjoy.

You know, Wayne, I'm really awfully proud of you.

But while there, I was afraid you weren't going to make it.

You were afraid?

How do you think I felt?

I mean, I really can't believe it happened.

And then to still be horny afterwards.

You'll get used to that.

It's part of your new power.

New power?

Yes. You'll find women will be falling all over you.

Really? They won't be able to resist you.

Really?

You'll see.

You'll see.

You'll see.

You'll see.

And you'll see what happens to Wayne and his strange new power when you see

Happy Days at your neighborhood theater.