Original subtitles

Shittr!

Oh! That's a nice way to talk.

P�re Ubu, ye are a bloody great oaf.

Why don't I bash your brains in, M�re Ubu.

It's not me you ought to do in, P�re Ubu

it's someone else.

By my green candle, I don't understand.

Well, P�re Ubu, are ye content with your lot?

By my green candle, shittr, Madame, certainly I am content.

I could be content with less;

I'm a captain of dragoons

I'm King Venceslas' confidential officer

I've been decorated with the Order of the Red Eagle of Poland

I'm ex-king of Aragon; what more do you want?

What!

When you've been king of Aragon�

you're satisfied to lead to the Reviews

a palthy fifty flunkeys armed with nothing but cabbage-cutters

when you could make the crown of Poland

succeed the crown of Aragon on your noddle?

Mm? M�re Ubu, I don't understand

a word of what you're saying.

How stupid you are!

By my green candle, King Venceslas is still very much alive;

and even supposing he dies

hasn't he got hordes of children?

Who's stopping you

from slaughtering the whole family

and putting yourself in their place?

Oh! M�re Ubu, you insult me

and you'll find youself in the stewpan in a minute.

Huh! you poor fish, if I found myself

in the stewpan, who'd mend

the seats of your breeches?

Well, what of it?

Isn't my arse the same as anyone else's?

If I were you, what I'd want to do with my arse

would be to install it on a throne.

You could increase your fortune indefinitely

have sausages whenever you liked

and hide through the strees in a carriage.

If I were king

I'd have a big headpiece made�

like the one I had in Aragon

which those louts of Spaniards stole from me

in such a shameless manner.

And you could get yourself an umbrella

and a great big cloak that would

come right down to your feet.

Ah! I yield to temptation.

Clod of a shittr, shittr of a clod

if ever I meet him on a dark night

he'll go through a bad quarter of an hour.

Oh good, P�re Ubu, now you're a real man.

Oh no, though!

I, a captain of dragoons

slay the King of Poland!

I'd rather die.

Oh, shittr!

Then are you going to stay as poor as a rat, P�re Ubu?

Gadzookers, by my green candle

I prefer to be as poor as a skinny, honest rat

than as right as a vicious, fat cat.

And the cape? and the umbrella?

and the great big cloak?

And what of them, M�re Ubu?

Fart, shittr

it's hard to get him moving

but fart, shittr

I reckon I've shaken him all the same.

Thanks to God and myself

in a week, maybe

I'll be Queen of Poland.

A room in P�re Ubu's house.

Huh! our guests are extremely late.

Yes, by my green candle.

I'm starving.

M�re Ubu, you're exceedingly ugly today.

Is it because we have visitors?

Shittr!

Look here, I'm hungry

I'm going to take a bit of this bird.

It's a chicken I believe.

It's not bad.

What are you doing, you ass?

What will our guests have to eat?

Oh, there'll be enough for them.

I won't touch anything else.

M�re Ubu, go over to the window

and see if our guests are coming.

I can't see anything.

Ah! here comes Captain Bordure

with his partisans.

Bur what are you eating, P�re Ubu?

Nothing, a bit of veal.

Oh the veal, the veal, vile creature!

He's eaten the veal! Help!

By my green candle, I'll tear your eyes out.

Good day, gentlemen

we were awaiting you impatiently.

Sit down.

Good day, Madame. But where on earth is P�re Ubu?

Here I am! here I am!

Damn it, by my green candle

I'm fat enough, I should have thought.

Good day, P�re Ubu. Sit down, my man.

Phew! a bit more and I'd have a stove in my chain.

Well, M�re Ubu, what are you giving us today

that's good?

Here's the menu.

Oh, I'm interested in that.

Soupe polonaise

rastrou ribs, veal, chicken

dog pie, turkey's rumps

charlotte russe.

Hey, that's enough, I should think.

Is there any more?

Ice pudding, salad, fruit, dessert, boiled beef

jerusalem artichokes, cauliflower � la shittr.

Huh! do you think I'm the Emperor of Orient that you spend such a lot?

Don't listen to him, he's an imbecile.

Ah! I'll sharpen my teeth on your calves.

Have some dinner instead, P�re Ubu.

Here's some polonaise.

Hell, it's awful.

It's certainly not very nice.

Bunch of crooks

what do you want, then?

Oh, I've got an idea.

I'll be back in a minute.

Gentlemen, let's try some veal.

It's very good, I've finished.

Now for the rumps.

Exquisite, exquisite! Long live M�re Ubu.

And you'll soon be saying

long live P�re Ubu.

Blockhead, what are you doing?

Taste it.

M�re Ubu, pass me the rastrou cutlets

so that I can serve them.

Here you are.

Outside, everyone!

Captain Bordure, I want to talk to you.

Hey, we haven't had anything to eat.

What d'you mean, you haven't had anything to eat?

Out you go, everybody.

Stay here, Bordure.

Haven't you gone yet? By my green candle

I'll do you in with rastrou ribs.

Oo! Ouch! Help! Defend yourselves! Murder! I'm dead!

Shittr, shittr, shittr!

Outside!

I'm cleverer than I thought.

Every man for himself!

Lousy P�re Ubu! tratitor and mean skunk!

Ah! they've gone.

I can breathe again.

Come on, Bordure.

Well, Captain, did you have a good dinner?

Very good, Monsieur, except for the shittr.

Huh! the shittr wasn't bad.

There's no accounting for tastes.

Captain Bordure

I've decided to make you Duke of Lithuania.

What?

I thought you were very badly off, P�re Ubu.

In a few days, if you choose, I shall reign over Poland.

Are you going to kill Vencaslas?

This fellow's no fool, he's guessed.

If it's a question of killing Vencaslas, I'm on.

I'm his mortal enemy

and I'll answer for my men.

Oh, oh, I'm very fond of you, Bordure.

Pooh, you stink, P�re Ubu. Don't you ever wash?

Sometimes.

Never!

I'll tread on your toes.

Big shittr!

Well, Bordure

I've done with you.

But, by my green candle

I swear by M�re Ubu to make you Duke of Lithuania.

But...

Be quiet, my sweet child.

Monsieur, what do you want?

Go away, you bore me.

Monsieur, you are summoned to the King's presence.

Oh shittr! gadzookers! by my green candle

I am discovered. I'll lose my head!

Alas! Alas!

What a feeble man! And there's not much time.

Ah! I've got an idea.

I'll say that it was M�re Ubu and Bordure.

Oh! Fat P. U., if you do that...

Mm! I'll go this minute.

Hi! P�re Ubu, P�re Ubu, I'll give you some grub.

Oh! Shittr! You're a grub yourself.

The King's palace

Oh! you know, it wasn't me

it was M�re Ubu and Bordure.

What's the matter, P�re Ubu?

He's had too much to drink.

Yes, I'm boozed, it's because

I've drunk too much French wine.

P�re Ubu, I want to recognise your numerous services

as Captain of Dragoons

and I am making you

Count of Sandomir as from today.

Oh Monsieur Vencaslas

I don't know how to thank you.

Don't thank me, P�re Ubu

and be present tomorrow morning

at the great Review.

I'll be there, but be good enough to accept

this little toy whistle.

What do you expect me to do with a toy whistle

at my age?

I'll give it to Bougrelas.

What an ass that P�re Ubu is.

Now I'll bugger off.

Oh! Ow! Help!

By my green candle

I've ruptured my intestine and busted my dungzine.

P�re Ubu

hast hurt thyself?

Yes indeed I have, and I shall certainly pass away.

What will happen to M�re Ubu?

We shall provide for her.

Your kindness knows no bounds.

Yes but, King Venceslas

you won't be any the less slaughtered, you know.

Ubu's house

Well, my good friends

it's high time to decide on our plans for the conspiracy.

Let's hear everybody's views.

First of all I'll tell you mine, if you'll allow me.

Go ahead, P�re Ubu.

Well then, my friends

in my opinion we should simply poison the King

by sticking some arsenic in his lunch.

When he starts stuffing himself

he'll fall down dead

and then I'll be King.

Pooh! What a lousy beast.

So what?

Doesn't that suit you?

Then let Bordure say what he thinks.

I think we should give him a terrific blow with a sword

and split him open from head to middle.

Yes, that's noble and gallant.

And what if he starts kicking you?

I remember now that when there's a Review

he wears iron shoes that hurt very badly.

If I had any sense I'd go off and denounce you

to get myself out of this dirty business, and I reckon

he'd give me some cash, as well.

Oh the traitor, the coward, the villain and mean skunk.

Down with P�re Ubu!

Hey, gentlemen

keep quiet if you don't want to be put in my pocket.

Anyway

I agree to expose myself to you.

So you, Bordure, make yourself responsible

for splitting open the King.

Wouldn't it be better if we all thew ourselves

on him at once, bawling and shouting?

We might be able to get the troops on our side that way.

Well, this is what we'll do, then.

I'll try and tread on his toes

he'll kick out at me, I'll say

SHITTR to him

and at this signal you'll throw yourselves at him.

Yes, and as soon as he's dead

you'll take his sceptre and crown.

And I'll go off with my men in pursuit of the royal family.

Yes, and I especially recommend

young Bougrelas to you.

Gentlemen

we have forgotten and indispensable ceremony;

we must swear to fight gallantly.

But how can we?

We haven't got a priest.

M�re Ubu will stand in for one.

All right, so be it!

Then you swear

to kill the King properly?

Yes, we swear.

Long live P�re Ubu!

The King's palace

Monseiur Bougrelas

you were extremely impertinent this morning

to Monseiur Ubu, Knight of my Orders and Count of Sandomir.

I therefore forbid you

to appear at my Review.

But Venceslas, even your whole family

would not be overmany to defend you.

Madame, I never go back on my word.

You weary me with your idle chatter.

I defer to your wishes, Lord and Father.

Have you decided after all, Sire

to go to this Review?

And why shouldn't I, Madame?

But once again

haven't I seen him in a dream

smiting you with the force of his arms

and throwing you into the Vistula, and an eagle

like the one in the Arms of Poland

placing the crown on his head?

� Whose head? � P�re Ubu's.

What nonsense.

Monseiur de Ubu is a most upright gentleman

who would allow himself

to be drawn and quartered to serve me.

What a delusion!

Be quiet, you young lout.

And you, Madame

to prove to you how little I fear Monsieur Ubu

I shall go to the Review as I am

unarmed and without a sword.

Fatal imprudence, I shall never see you alive again.

Come, Ladislas

come, Boleslas.

God and the great Saint Nicholas keep you!

Bougrelas, come into the chapel with me

to pray for your father and your brothers.

The Review grounds

Noble P�re Ubu

bring your attendants and take your place

near me for the inspection of the troops.

Be ready, you fellows.

We are coming.

Ah! There's the Horseguards regiment from Dantzick.

Upon my word, they are magnificent.

Do you think so? They look lousy to me.

Look at that one.

How long is it since you washed your face, vile Knave?

But this soldier is very clean.

What's the matter with you, P�re Ubu?

This!

Wretch!

Shittr!

Come on, men!

Hurrah!

Advance!

Oh! Help! Holy Virgin, I'm dead!

What's happening? Draw.

Ah! I've got the crown.

After the other, now.

At the traitors!!

At last I'm beginning to feel reassured.

You have nothing to fear.

Oh! What do I see?

My two brothers being pursued by P�re Ubu and his men.

Oh God! Holy Virgin, they're losing, they're losing ground.

The whole army is following P�re Ubu.

The King is no longer there. Horrors! Help!

Boleslas is dead! He's been hit by a bullet.

Hey! Ladislas! Defend yourself! Hurrah, Ladislas!

Oh! he's surrounded.

He's breathed his last. Bordure has cut him in two like a sausage.

Oh! Alas! Those madmen have got into the palace;

they're coming up the stairs.

Oh God, defend us!

Oh! That P�re Ubu.

The villain, the wretch, if I had hold of him...

Well, Bougrelas, what do you want to do with me?

Great God!

I shall defend my mother to the death.

The first to take a step is a dead man.

Oh, Bordure, I'm frightened!

Let me get out of here.

Hands up, Bougrelas.

Here, scum, this is for you.

Stand fast, Bougrelas, stand fast.

Bougrelas, we promise to spare your life.

Rogues, topers, hirelings!

Oh! I shall prevail, just the same.

Mother, escape by the secret stairway.

And you, my son, and you?

I'll follow you.

Try and catch the Queen!

Ah! She's got away.

As for you, my lad...

Ah! Great God! This is my vengeance.

Mother, I'm coming!

A cave in the mountains

We shall be safe here.

Yes, I believe so. Bougrelas, help me.

Oh! What's the matter, mother?

I am grievously ill, believe me, Bougrelas.

I have no more than two hours to live.

What! Are you overcome by the cold?

How can I resist so many blows?

The King slain

out family destroyed

and you, a scion of the most noble race

that ever carried a sword

forced to flee into the mountains like a smuggler.

And by whom, great God, by whom?

A vulgar P�re Ubu

an adventurer who comes no one knows from where

a vile scoundrel, a disreputable vagabond!

And when I think that my father had decoreated him

and made him a count, and that the next day

the villain was not ashamed to lay hands on him...

Oh Bougrelas, when I remember how happy we were

before that P�re Ubu came along. But now, alas!

everything is altered.

It can't be helped. We must wait and hope

and never renounce our rights.

I still hope for you, my dear child, but as for me

I shall never live to see that happy day.

Oh! What's the matter? She pales, she falls. Help!

But I am in a desert! Oh God!

Her heart has stopped beating.

She is dead! Is it possible?

Another victim of P�re Ubu!

Oh God!

how sad it is to find oneself alone at fourteen

with a terrible vengeance to pursue.

Ah! what do I see?

All my family

my ancestors...

By what miracle?

Learn, Bougrelas

that during my lifetime

I was Seigneur Mathias of K�nigsberg

the first King and founder of the House.

I leave our vengeance in your hands.

And let this sword that I give you find no rest

until it shall have dealt death to the usurper.

The King's palace

No, I don't want to!

Do you want to ruin me for these buffoons?

But look, P�re Ubu

don't you see that the people are waiting

for the gift of the joyous accession?

If you don't distribute some meat and gold

you'll be overthrown in a couple of hours.

Meat, yes! Gold, no!

Slaughter these old nags

that'll be good enough for such asses.

Ass yourself!

How did I get landed with such an animal?

Once and for all, I want to get rich

and I won't part with a sou.

When we have all the wealth of Poland

at our disposal.

Yes, I know that there's a terrific hoard in the chapel

we'll distribute it.

Bastard! if you do that...

But P�re Ubu

if you don't distribute anything

the people won't want to pay the taxes.

� Is that really true? � Of course it is.

Oh well, then, I agree to everything.

Get together three millions

cook a hundred and fifity oxen and sheep

especially as I'll have some as well!

The courtyard of the palace, full of people

Here's the King! Long live the King! Hurrah!

Here you are, this is for you.

It didn't particularly amuse me to give you any money

but you know it was M�re Ubu who wanted to.

At least promise me that you'll really pay the taxes.

Yes, yes!

Look, M�re Ubu, how they're fighting over the gold.

What a battle!

It's truly horrible. Pooh!

There's one with his skull split open.

What a wonderful sight!

Bring some more cases of gold.

Let's get them to race.

Yes, that's an idea.

My friends

you see this case full of gold?

It contains 300,000 gold rose nobles in Polish money

and it's genuine.

Those of you who want to race

go down to the end of the courtyard.

Start when I wave my handkerchief

and the first to arrive will get the case.

As for those who don't win

they can share this other case as a consolation prize.

Yes! Long live P�re Ubu!

What a good king!

We never saw so much money in Venceslas' time.

Listen to them!

One

two

three

are you ready?

Yes! Yes!

Go!

They're coming! They're coming!

And the on in front is losing ground.

No, he's making it up again.

Oh! he's lost, he's lost! It's over.

It's the other one.

Long live Michel F�d�rovitch! Long live Michel F�d�rovitch!

Sire, I really don't know how to thank your Majesty.

Oh my dear friend, it's nothing.

Take the case home with you, Michel

and you

share the other.

Take one piece each until there aren't any left.

Long live Michel F�d�rovitch!

Long live P�re Ubu!

And you, my friends

come and have dinner!

I throw open the doors of the palace to you

come and do justice to my table.

Let's go in! Let's go in!

Long live P�re Ubu!

He is the most noble of sovereigns.

The palace

By my green candle

here I am the King of this country

and I've already got myself indigestion

and they're going to bring me my big head piece.

What's is made of, P�re Ubu?

because if we are the Sovereigns

we must be economical.

Madame my female

it's made of sheepskin

with a clasp of tie-strings

of dogskin.

That's wonderful

but it's even more wonderful to be King and Queen.

Yes, you were right, M�re Ubu.

We owe a big debt of gratitude

to the Duke of Lithuania.

Who to?

Why, Captain Bordure.

For goodness' sake, M�re Ubu

don't speak to me about that buffoon.

Now that I don't need him any more

he can whistle for it, he won't get his Dukedom.

You are very wrong, P�re Ubu

he'll turn against you.

Oh, I'm very sorry for the little man

I worry about him as much as I do about Bougrelas.

And you think we're finished with Bougrelas?

By my financial sabre, of course!

What do you expect him to do to me

that little urchin of fourteen?

P�re Ubu

pay attention to what I say.

Believe me

you should try to attach Bougrelas to you

by your good deeds.

Dole out more money?

Not bloody likely!

You've already made me waste at least twenty two millions.

Please yourself, P�re Ubu, but you'll find yourself in the soup.

Oh well, you'll be in the soup with me.

Listen, once more, I'm sure that

young Bougrelas will get the better of you

because he has right on his side.

Oh trip!

Isn't it just as good to have wrong on your side as it is to have right?

Pooh, you insult me, M�re Ubu

I'll cut you to pieces.

The great hall of the palace

Bring the Nobles' coffer

and the Nobles' hook

and the Nobles' knife

and the Nobles' book.

And then

bring in the Nobles.

For goodness' sake restrain yourself, P�re Ubu.

I have the honour to announce to you

that in order to enrich the Kingdom

I'm going to have all the Nobles put to death

and help myself to their property.

Horrors! Help, people and soldiers!

Bring me the first Noble

and pass me the Nobles' hook.

Those who are condemned to death

will be passed down the trap door

and fall into the basements

of the pig-pinching machine and the cash-room

where they will be disembrained.

Who are you, buffroon?

- Count of Vitepsk. - What's your income?

- Three million rix-dollars. - Condemned!

What beastly savagery!

Second Noble, who are you?

Are you going to answer, buffroon?

Grand Duke of Posen.

Excellent! Excellent!

That's all I want to know.

Down the trap door.

Third Noble, who are you?

You've got an ugly mug.

Duke of Courland, of the towns of Riga, of Revel, and of Mitau.

Good! Fine!

Is that all?

That's all.

Down the trap door, then.

Fourth Noble, who are you?

- Prince of Podolia. - What's your income?

I am ruined.

For that ugly word

down the trap door with you.

Fifth Noble, who are you?

Margrave of Thorn, Palatine of Polock.

That's not much.

Is that all?

It was enough for me.

Oh well, a little's better than nothing.

Down the trap door.

What are you muttering about, M�re Ubu?

You are too bloodthirsty, P�re Ubu.

Huh! I'm getting rich!

I'm going to have MY list

of MY property read.

Clerk, read MY list of MY property.

County of Sandomir.

Begin with the princedoms, stupid ass.

Princedom of Podolia

Grand Duchy of Posen

Douchy of Courland

County of Sandomir

County of Videpsk

Palatinate of Polock

Margraviate of Thorn.

- Then what? - That's all.

What

is that all?

Oh well then, come on, Nobles

and as I intend to continue enriching myself

I shall have all the Nobles executed

and thus get hold of all the vacant properties.

Come on, pass the Nobles through the trap door.

Hurry up quicker

I want to

make some laws now.

That'll be something.

First I shall reform the law

after which we shall

proceed to Finance.

We are opposed to all change.

Shittr!

Firstly, magistrates won't be paid any more.

And what shall we live on?

We are poor.

You can have the fines that you impose

and the property of the people

who are condemned to death.

Horrors! Infamy! Shame! Indignity!

We object to passing judgement

under such conditions.

All the magistrates down the trap door!

Here! What are you doing, P�re Ubu?

Who'll administer justice now?

Huh!

I shall.

You'll see how well it'll work.

Yes, that'll be a fine mess.

Look, shut up, buffooness.

And now, gentlemen

we shall proceed to Finance.

There's nothing to change.

But I'm going to change everything.

In the first place, I intend to keep

half the taxes for myself.

What d'you think of that?

Gentlemen, we shall institute a tax

of 10 % on property

another on commerce and industry

and a third on marriages

and a fourth on deaths

each of fifteen francs.

But it's idiotic, P�re Ubu.

- It's absurd. - You can't make head or tail of it.

What d'you think I am?

Down the trap door with the Financiers.

But look here, P�re Ubu

what sort of a King do you think you are

you kill everyone.

Oh shittr!

No more Law

no more Finance.

Don't be afraid, my sweet child.

I'll go myself

from village to village

and collect

the taxes.

A peasant's house in the environs of Warsaw

Listen to this.

The King is dead

so are the Dukes

and young Bougrelas

has fled to the mountains with his mother.

What's more, P�re Ubu has seized the throne.

I've heard even more than that.

I've just come from Krak�w

where I saw them taking away the bodies

of more than 300 Nobels and 500 magistrates

whom they'd killed, and it seems that they're going to

double the taxes, and that P�re Ubu will come

and collect them himself.

Great God! What will become of us?

P�re Ubu's a fearful beast and his family, they say

is abominable.

But listen

wouldn't you say that someone

was knocking at the door?

Horngibolets!

Open, by my shittr

by St. John, St. Peter and St. Nicholas!

Open, sabre of finance, horns of finance!

I've come to collect the taxes.

Which of you is the oldest?

What's your name?

Stanislas Leczinski.

Well, then, hornigoblets!

listen well

or these gentlemen will cut off your earens.

But are you going to listen, at least?

But your Excellency hasn't said anything yet.

What! I've been speaking for the last hour.

Do you think I came here to preach in the wilderness?

Far be it from me, such a thought.

Well, I've come to tell you

to order you, and to intimate to you

that you are to produce your cash promptly

or you'll be done in.

Come on, my Lords the Salopins of Finance

convey here the phynancial conveyance.

Sire, we are only down on the register

for a hundred and fifty two rix-dollars

and we have already paid those six weeks ago

come St. Matthew's day.

Very likely

but I've changed the government

and I've had it put in the paper

that all the existing taxes must be paid twice

and those that I shall impose later must be paid three times.

With this system

I shall soon have made my fortune

then I'll kill everybody

and go away.

Monsieur Ubu, have mercy, have pity on us

we are poor citizens.

What do I care? Pay up.

We can't, we've already paid.

Pay up!

or into my pocket with you

with torture and decapitation of the neck and the head.

Hornigoblets!

I am the King, I suppose?

Ah! So that's how it is! To arms!

Long live Bougrelas, by the grace of God

King of Poland and of Lithuania.

Advance, gentlemen of Finance

do your duty.

A dungeon in the fortifications of Thorn

Ah, citizen, so this is where it's got you

you wanted me to pay you what I owed you

and you revolted because I didn't want to.

You started a conspiracy

and here you are in jug.

Horns of finance

it's worked out all right, and the trick has come of so well

that you must be quite pleased with it yourself.

Take care, P�re Ubu.

In the five days that you have been King

you have committed more murders than it would take

to damn all the Saints of Paradise.

The blood of the King and of the Nobles

is crying out for vengeance

and its cries will be heard.

Ha, my fine friend

you have a glib tongue.

I don't doubt that if you were to escape

quite a few complications would ensue

but I don't think the dungeons of Thorn

have ever let out

any of the honest fellows

who have been entrusted to them.

And that's why I bid you good night

and I advise you to sleep soundly

although the rats dance quite a nice saraband here.

The Palace in Moscow

Was it you, infamous adventurer

who co-operated in the death

of our cousin Vencaslas?

Sire, grant me your pardon

I was drawn into it by P�re Ubu in spite of myself.

Oh what a shocking liar!

Never mind, what do you want?

P�re Ubu had me inprisoned on the pretext of conspiracy;

I managed to escape

and galloped my horse for five days and five nights

across the steppes to come

and inspire your gracious pity.

What do you bring me as proof of your submission?

My sword - the sword of a soldier of fortune

and a detailed plan of the town of Thorn.

I'll take the sword, but by St. George, burn the plan.

I don't wish to owe my victory to a piece of treachery.

One of Venceslas' sons, young Bougrelas

is still alive.

I would do anything to re-establish him.

What was your rank in the Polish army?

I was in command of the fifth regiment of Vilna dragoons

and of a company of mercenaries in the service of P�re Ubu.

Very well

I'll make you a sub-lieutenant in the 10th Cossack regiment

and woe betide you if you betray me.

If you fight well, you shall be rewarded.

I don't lack courage, Sire.

Good. Disappear from my presence.

Ubu's council chamber

Gentlemen, the session is open

and try and listen properly and keep calm.

First of all we shall deal with finance

and then we'll talk about a little system I've invented

to bring good weather and exorcise rain.

- That's fine, Monsieur Ubu. - What an idiotic man.

Madame of my shittr, look out

for I shan't tolerate your offensive remarks.

I must tell you then, gentlemen

that our finances are not too bad.

A considerable number of dogs in woollen stockings

prowls about the streets every morning

and the Salopins are doing wonders.

On all sides one sees nothing but burnt-out houses

and people bending under the weight of our phynances.

And the new taxes, Monsieur Ubu

are they going well?

Not in the least.

The tax on marriages has only produced

eleven sons so far, even though

P�re Ubu pursues people everywhere

to force them to marry.

By my financial sabre, horn of my gibolets, Madame the financess

I have earens to speak with

and you have a mouth to hear me with.

Or rather, no!

You put me off, and it's your fault that I'm stupid.

But Ubu's horns!

Well, come on, what's the matter with the chap?

Get out, oaf, or I'll pocket you

with decapitation and wringing of the legs.

Ah! he's gone

but there's a letter.

Read it.

I think I'm going out of my mind, or else I can't read.

Hurry up, buffooness, it should be from Bordure.

Exactly.

He says that the Czar has welcomed him very kindly

that he's going to invade your States

and re-establish Bougrelas

and that as for you, you'll be killed.

Oho! I'm afraid, I'm afraid! Oh!

Oh! I think I'm going to die.

Oh, poor man that I am!

What will become of me, great God?

That nasty man will kill me.

St. Anthony and all the saints, protect me

I'll give you some phynance and burn candles for you.

Lord, what will become of me?

There's only one way out, P�re Ubu.

What's that, my love?

War!!

Great God, how noble!

Yes, and I'll get knocked about some more.

Hurry, let's hurry and organise the army.

And collect the provisions.

And prepare the artillery and fortresses.

And get the money for the troops.

Oh no you don't, not money!

I'll kill you.

I don't want to give out any money.

What next!

I used to be paid to make war, and now

I've got to make it at my own expense.

No, by my green candle, let's go to war

since you are so keen on it, but don't let's pay a sou.

Long live Poland! Long live P�re Ubu!f

The camp below Warsaw

Ah! M�re Ubu

give me my breastplace and my little bit of wood.

I shall soon be so weighed down

that I shouldn't be able to walk

even if I was chased.

Pooh, what a coward!

Ah, here's the sabre of shittr running away

and the financial hook that won't stay put.

I'll never be ready

and the Russians are advancing

and they'll kill me.

My lord Ubu, the earens-pick has fallen down.

Methinks I killen you with the shittr hook and the cut throat.

Isn't he handsome with his hemlet and breastplate

he looks like an armed pumpkin.

Ah! now I'm going to mount my horse.

Gentlemen, bring me the phynancial horse.

P�re Ubu, your horse won't be able to bear your weight

it hasn't had anything to eat for five days and it's half dead.

That's a good one!

I have to pay twelve sous a day for this old crock

and it can't even bear my weight.

What d'you take me for, Ubu's horns!

or are you robbing me?

Then somebody bring me another beast

but I won't go on foot, horngibolets.

I'll climb on to it.

Oh no, better sit down

or I'll fall off.

Oh, stop my horse, great God, I'll fall off and be dead!!!

He really is an imbecile.

Ah, now he's up again.

But he fell off.

Horn of Physics, I'm half dead.

Never mind

I'm going to war and I'll kill everybody.

And anybody who doesn't obey me -

watch out!

I'll putten him in my pocket

with wringing of the neck and extraction of the tongue.

Good luck, Monsieur Ubu.

I forgot to say

that I leave the regency in your hands.

But I've got the cash book on me

so you'll regret it if you rob me.

I'll leave you the Palotin Giron to help you.

Adieu, M�re Ubu.

Adieu, P�re Ubu.

Be sure and kill the Czar.

You bet.

Wringing of the nose and teeth

extraction of the tongue

and driving of the little bit of wood into the earens.

Now that that fat baboon has gone

we'll try and look after ourselves

kill Bougrelas

and grab the treasure.

The crypt of the former kings of Poland in Warsaw cathedral

Where on earth is that treasure?

None of the paving stones sounds hollow.

But I know I counted thirteen stones

after the tomb of Ladislas the Great, keeping to the wall

but there's nothing here.

Some must have misled me.

Just a minute, though:

the stone sounds hollow here.

To work, M�re Ubu.

Courage, let's loosen this stone.

Let's get hold of this end of the financial hook

it'll come in useful.

There it is!

There's the gold

in the middle of the bones of the Kings.

Into our bag with it, then, the whole lot.

Hey! what's that noise?

Could there still be someone alive in these old vaults?

No, it's nothing, let's hurry up.

We'll take the lot.

This money will be better off in the light of day

than in the middle of the tombs of ancient princes.

Let's put the stone back.

What's that?

Still that noise.

My presence in the haunts

occasions a strange dread in me.

I'll take the rest of this gold another time;

I'll come back tomorrow.

Never

M�re Ubu!

The main square in Warsaw

Long live Bougrelas.

Advance, my friends!

Long live Venceslas and Poland.

That old rogue of a P�re Ubu has gone

only that hag M�re Ubu and her Palotin are left.

I will march at your head to re-establish

the race of my fathers.

Long live Bougrelas!

And we will abolish all the taxes

imposed by the frightful P�re Ubu.

Hurrah! Come on! Let's go off to the Palace

and do away with all that lot!

Hey! M�re Ubu's coming out on to the steps

with her guards!

What do you want, gentlemen?

Oh! It's Bougrelas.

All the windows are broken.

Trow some stones, my friends.

Huh,! So that's how it is!

The two of us! Defend yourself, cowardly rascal.

I die!

Victory, my friends!

Now for M�re Ubu!

Come on, let's get hold of that horrible hellhag!

The Polish army marching in the Ukraine

Hornsblood

godslegs

head of a bitch!

We shall perish

because we're dying of thirst and we're tired.

Sir Soldier

be so good as to carry our financial helmet

and you, Sir Lancer

take charge of the shittr-pick

and the constitution stick

to assuage our person

for, I repeat, we are tired.

Hey, monsieuye!

It's odd that the Russians don't put in an appearance.

It is regrettable that our finances

don't permit of our having a carriage

suitable to our size for from fear of demolishing

our mount we have covered all this distance on foot

leading our horse by the reins.

But when we are back in Poland

we shall devise, by means of our knowledge

of the constitution and aided by

the learning of our counsellors

a wind-carriage which will be capable

of transporting the whole army.

Here comes Nicholas Rensky - he seems to be in a hurry.

And what's the matter with the fellow?

All is lost, Sire. The Poles have revolted, Giron has been killed

and M�re Ubu has taken to flight in the mountains.

Nightbird, animal of misfortune

owl in gaiters!

Where have you dug up that nonsense?

Whatever next! And who's responsible for that?

Bougrelas, no doubt.

Where have you come from?

From Warsaw, noble Lord.

Son of my shittr

if I believed you I'd make the whole army turn back.

But, Sir son

your nut consists of more feathers than brain

and you've been dreaming a lot of tripe.

Off you go to the outposts, my son

the Russians aren't far off

and we shall soon have to be letting fly with out arms

with the shittry arms as well as with the phynancial arms

and the physical arms.

P�re Ubu, can't you see the Russians on the plain?

It's true, the Russians! I'm in a fine mess.

If there was still some way out, but not at all

we are on the top of a hill and we'll be exposed to every blow.

The Russians!

The enemy!

Come, gentlemen

we must make our preparations for the battle.

We'll stay on the hill

and we won't be so daft as to go down to the bottom.

I'll stay in the middle, like a living stronghold

and you others revolve around me.

I must advise you to put as many bullets in your guns

as they will hold, for eight bullets can kill eight Russians

and I'll have that amount less to deal with.

We'll have the infantry on foot at the bottom of the hill

to receive the Russians and kill them a bit

the cavalry behind to throw themselves into the confusion

and the artillery around that windmill over there

to fire into the lot.

As for us, we'll take our place inside the windmill

and we'll shoot through the window

with the phynancial pistol

we'll put the constitutional stick across the door

and if anyone tries to come in

he'd better look out for the shittr hook!

Your orders, Sire Ubu, shall be executed.

Ha! that's right, we shall be victorius.

- What's the time? - Eleven a.m.

Well then, we'll go and have dinner

for the Russians won't attack before midday.

Tell the soldiers, my Lord General

to relieve themselves and to strike up the Financial song.

Long live P�re Ubu

our great Financier!

Oh the gallant fellows, I adore them!

Oh! I'm afraid, Lord God

I'm dead! but no, all the same, I'm all right.

Sire Ubu, the Russians are attacking.

Well, what of it, what do you want me to do about it?

I didn't tell them to attack.

Nevertheless, Financial Gentlemen

we will prepare ourselves for battle.

A second cannon bal!

Oh! I can't stand it any longer.

It's raining lead and iron in these parts

and we might damage our precious person.

Let's go down.

For God and the Czar!

Ah! I am dead.

Forward!

Hey you, Monsieur let me get hold of you

you've hurt me, do you hear? toper!

with your popgun that doesn't go off.

Huh! That's what you think.

Ow! Ouch! I'm wounded

I'm holed, I'm perforated

I'm administered, I'm interred!

Oh, but all the same!

Ah! I've got him.

There you are!

Now are you going to start again?

Forward, push on with vigour, cross the ditch.

Victory is ours.

Think so? So far I've felt more bruises

than laurels on my brow.

Hurrah! make way for the Czar.

Oh Lord! Every man for himself, here's the Czar!

Oh good God, he's crossed the ditch.

Bang bang! that's four done for

by that great clodhopper of a lieutenant.

What! haven't you given up yet, you lot?

Here, Jean Sobiesky, here's your reckoning!

Now for the others!

Come on, my friends!

Grab hold of this lout - make mincemeat of the Muscovites!

Victory is ours! Long live the Red Eagle.

Come on! Hurrah!

Godslegs! Grab hold of the big oaf.

By St George, I'm fallen.

Aha! it's you, Bordure!

Ha! my friend. We, and all the company

are very happy to meet you again.

I'm going to cook you by inches.

Light the fire, Financial Gentlemen.

Oh! Ah! Oh! I'm dead.

It must be at least a cannon ball that's hit me.

Ah! my God, forgive me my sins.

Yes, it's certainly a cannon ball.

It's a blank cartridge from a pistol.

Huh! You'd make fun of me, would you! Again!

Into my pocket with him.

P�re Ubu, we're advancing on all fronts.

I can see that. I can't go on any longer.

I'm riddled with kicks.

I think I'll sit down on the ground.

Oh, my bottle!

Go and take the Czar's, P�re Ubu.

Huh? I will this minute.

Come on, sabre of shittr, do you duty

and you, financial hook, don't be backward.

Let the constitution stick work with noble rivalry

and share with the little bit of wood

the honor of slaying

hollowing out and exploiting the Muscovite Emperor!

Forward, Monsieur our financial horse!

On guard, Majesty!

Holy Virgin! This madman is chasing me!

What have I done, great God!

Oh my goodness! there's still the ditch to cross.

Oh! I can feel him behind me and the ditch in front.

Courage, let's shut our eyes.

Oh my goodness, I'm in it!

Hurrah! The Czar has fallen.

Oo, I scarcely dare turn round.

He's in it.

Oh, that's good, and they're on him.

Come on then, Poles, go to it with all your might

he can take it, the wretch!

As for me, I don't dare to look at him.

All this is very fine, but no one's listening.

The Russian dragoons charge and rescue the Czar

But come on now, they're at it again.

This time it's a rout.

Hm! this is the moment to do a bunk.

Now then, messieurs the Poles

advance! or rather, retreat!

Every man for himself!

Come on, on your way.

What a gang, what a retreat, what a crowd

how'm I going to get out of this mess?

Hey you! be careful

or you'll experience the fiery valour

of the Master of Phynances.

Ah! he's gone, let's get out of here

and quickly, while Lascy isn't looking.

A cave in Lithuania (it is snowing)

Oh what bitch weather

it's freezing like mad

and the person of the Master of Finances

is thereby greatly damaged.

Hey, monsieuye Ubu

have you got over your terror and you flight?

Yes, I'm not frightened any more

but I'm still fleeing.

What a swine!

Hey, Sire Cotice

your earen, how is it?

As well, Monsieur, as it can be

when it's not well at all.

As a conseyquence of the whiche

the lead pushes it over towards the ground

and I haven't been able to extract the bullet.

Well that's all right.

You were always wanting to

beat up other people.

As for me, I've displayed the greatest valour

and without exposing myself

I've slain four enemies with my own hands

without counting all those who were aleady dead

and whom we finished off.

Do you know, Pile, what happened to little Rensky?

He got a bullet through his head.

As the poppy and the dandelion

in the flower of their age

are scythed by the pitiless scythe

of the pitiless scyther

who pitilessly scythes

their pitiful mugs

so little Rensky

has played the role of the poppy -

he fought mighty well, though

but there were also too many Russians.

Grrrhey!

What is it?

Let's protect ourselves with out steelettos.

Oh! no! blimey! more Russians I bet!

I've had enough! but it's quite simple

if they get me

I'll putten them in my pocket.

Hey, monsieuye of Finances!

Oh I say, look at the little bow-wow.

Isn't he sweet.

Look out! Phew, what an enormous bear.

My cartridges!

A bear! Pooh, what a dreadful beast.

Oh, poor man, I'm eaten up.

God protect me. And he's going for me.

No, it's Cotice he's got hold of.

Whew! I can breathe again.

Save me, Pile, save me! help monsieuye Ubu!

Nothing doing!

Look after youself, my friend;

just at the moment we're saying our Pater Noster.

Everyone his turn to be eaten.

I've got him, I've got hold of him.

Hold tight, friend, he's beginning to let go of me

Sanctificetur nomen tuum.

Bloody coward!

Oh! it's biting me. Oh Lord save us, I'm dead.

Fiat voluntas tua!

Ah! I've managed to wound it.

Hurrah! it's bleeding.

Hang on while I get hold of

my explosive knuckle-duster

Panem nostrum quotidianum da nobis hodie.

Haven't you got it yet? I can't hold out.

Sicut et nos dimittimus debitoribus nostris.

Ah! I've got it.

Victory!

Sed libera nos a malo. Amen.

Well, is it good and dead?

Can I come down from my rock?

When you like.

You can pride yourself that

if you are still living

and if you still trample underfoot

the snow of Lithuania

you owe it to the noble-minded virtue

of the Master of Finances

who strained himself to the uttermost

broke his back and bawled himself hoarse

to churn out paternosters for your salvation

and who wielded the spiritual weapon of prayer

with a courage equal to

the skill you showed in wielding

the temporal weapon of the here-present Palotin Cotice

the explosive knuckle-duster.

We even carried our devotion further

for we did not hesitate to climb on to a higher rock

so that our prayers would have less distance

to travel to reach the heavens.

Revolting oaf!

What a great blockhead you are.

Thanks to me you have something to sup off.

What a stomach, gentlemen!

The Greeks would have been more comfortable in here

than in the wodden horse and, dear friends

we were very nearly able to verify with our own eyes

the capacity of its inside.

I'm dying of hunger.

- What can we eat? - The bear!

Yes, do you hear, Pile? hurry up.

Hurry up both of you!

Put the beast on the spit

cook the beast, I'm hungry.

Oh! that's really too much.

You'll have to work or you won't have any

d'you hear, greedy-guts?

Oh! I don't mind.

I'd just as soon eat it raw, then you'll be had.

Anyway, I'm sleepy.

What can we do, Pile?

Let's make the dinner by ourselves.

He won't have any, that's all.

Or we could give him the bones.

Right. Ah, the fire's burning up.

Oh, that's good

now it's warm.

But I can see the Russians everywhere.

What a retreat, great God!

Ah, Sire Russian dragoon, look out

don't fire in this direction

there's someone here.

Ah! there's Bordure

how unpleasant he is

you'd think he was a bear.

And here's Bougrelas coming after me!

The bear, the bear!

Ah, it's down!

How tough it is, great God!

I don't want to do anything.

Go away, Bougrelas!

Do you hear, scoundrel?

Here's Rensky now, and the Czar!

Oh, they're going to fight me.

And Ma Ubu!

Where did you get all that gold?

You have pinched my gold, you trollop

you've been ferreting around in my tomb

in Warsaw Cathedral, near the moon.

I've been dead a long time

Bougrelas killed me

and I'm buried in Warsaw

near Vladislas the Great

and also in Krak�w

near Jean Sigismond

and also in Thorn

in the dungeon

with Bordure.

There it is again.

But will you go away, accursed bear!

You look like Bordure.

Do you hear, satanic beast?

No

he doesn't hear

the Salopins have cut off his earens.

Disembrain them, killen them

cut their earens off

seize their cash

and drink yourself to death

that's the life for a Salopin

and that's happiness

for the Master of Finances.

At last I've reached shelter.

I'm alone here, that's not a bad thing

but what a frightful journey:

imagine crossing the whole of Poland

in four days!

Every misfortune assailed me

at the same time.

The moment that great oaf has gone

I go off to the crypt to make my fortune.

Soon afterwards I'm nearly stoned to death

by that Bougrelas and his madmen.

I lose my escort, the Palotin Giron

who was so enamoured of my attractions

that he went into raptures whenever he saw me

and even, I was assured, whenever he didn't see me

which is the greatest proof of love.

He'd have had himself cut in two for me, poor boy.

The proof is that he was cut in four by Bougrelas.

Bang, bang, bang!

Oh, I thought I should die.

After that, then, I take to my heels

pursued by the enraged crowd.

I leave the Palace

I arrive at the Vistula

all the bridges were guarded.

I swim across the river

hoping thus to tire my persecutors.

From all sides the nobility

rallies and pursues me.

I nearly perish a thousand times

smothered in a circle of Poles

bent on destroying me.

At last

I cheated their fury

and after a four days' journey

in the snow of what was my kingdom

I arrive here to rake refuge.

I've neither drunk nor eaten these four days.

Bougrelas was close on my heels...

Still, here I am, saved.

Ah! I'm dead with fatigue and cold.

But I'd really like to know

what happened to my big buffoon -

I mean to say

my very respectable spouse.

Have I taken his cash!

Have I pinched his rix-dollars!

Have I diddled him!

And his financial horse

that was dying of hunger;

he didn't see many oats

the poor devil.

Oh, what a joke!

But alas!

I've lost my treasure!

It's in Warsaw

anyone who likes can go and fetch it.

Catch M�re Ubu

cut off her earens!

Oh God!

Where am I?

I'm going off my head.

Oh no, Lord!

By the grace of God

I can just see

Monsieur P�re Ubu

who sleeps quite near to me.

Let's pretend to me nice.

Well, my old fellow

did you sleep well?

Darned badly!

It was very tough, that bear!

Conflict between voracious creatures

and coriaceous creatures

but the voracious completely ate up

and devoured the coriaceous

as you will see when it gets light.

Do you hear, noble Palotins?

What's he burbling about?

He's even more of a fool than when he went away.

Who's he grumbling at?

Cotice

Pile

answer me, sack of shittr!

Where are you?

Oh, I'm frightened!

But after all, someone spoke.

Who spoke?

Not the bear, I suppose.

Shittr!

Where are my matches?

Oh! I lost them in the battle.

Let's take advantage of the situation and

of the night;

let's pretend to be a supernatural apparition

and make him promise

to pardon our bit of pilfering.

But by St Anthony, someone's speaking.

Godslegs!

May I be hanged!

Yes, Monsieur Ubu

Someone is indeed speaking

and the archangel's trumpet

that will call the dead

from their final dust

and ashes will not speak otherwise!

Listen to this stern voice.

It's the voice of St Gabriel

who cannot give you other than good advice.

Oh I say!

Don't interrupt me

or I shall cease speaking

and it'll be all up with your gutskins!

Oh my gibolets!

I'll be quiet, I won't breathe a word.

Continue, Madame Apparition.

We were saying, Monsieur Ubu

that you were a fat fellow.

Very fat indeed, that's fair enough.

Hold your tongue, by God!

Oh! Angels don't swear.

Shittr!

Are you married

Monsieur Ubu?

Certainly, to the vilest

of old hags

You mean that

she is a charming woman.

A horror.

She has claws all over her

you don't know how to get at her.

You must approach her gently

Sire Ubu

and if you approach her thus

you will see that she is

at least the equal of

Diana of the Ephesians.

Who did you say's got fleas on 'em?

You are not listening, Monsieur Ubu

lend us a more attentive ear.

But we must hurry, the dawn is breaking.

Monsieur Ubu

your wife is adorable and delicious

she has not a single defect.

You're mistaken

there's not a single defect she doesn't possess.

Be silent, will you?

Your wife

isn't unfaithful to you.

I'd like to see

who could be in love with her.

She's an old hell-car!

She doesn't drink!

Not since I took the key of the cellar.

Before, at eight in the morning she was

boozed and perfumed with brandy.

Now that she perfumes herself with heliotripe

she doesn't smell any worse.

It's all the same to me.

But now it's only I who get boozed!

Foolish creature!

You wife

doesn't take your gold.

No, that's odd!

She doesn't pinch a sou!

As witness our noble and unfortunate Phynancial horse

who, not having been nourished for three months

had to go through the entire campaign

led by the reins across the Ukraine.

And thus he died in harness

the poor creature!

All that is a pack of lies

your wife is a model

and you

what a monster you are!

All that is the truth.

My wife is a slut, and you

what a dope you are!

Be careful, P�re Ubu!

Oh, that's true

I forgot who I was talking to.

No, I didn't say that.

You killed Venceslas.

Yes, but it wasn't my fault.

It was M�re Ubu who wanted me to.

You were responsible

for the deaths of Boleslas and Ladislas.

Too bad for them!

They were trying to touch me.

You didn't keep your promise

to Bordure

and then you killed him.

I'd rather it was I than he to reign in Lithuania.

At the moment it's neither the one nor the other.

So you see, it's not I.

There is only one way

for you to be pardoned you misdeeds.

What's that?

I'm quite prepared to become a holy man

I'd like to be a bishop

and see my name in the calendar of the saints.

You must

forgive M�re Ubu

having side-tracked a little money.

Well, this is what I'll do:

I'll forgive her when she's given it all back

when she's had a good beating

and when she's brought

my financial horse back to life.

He's crazy about that horse of his!

Oh, I'm lost

it's getting light.

But still

I'm glad to know for certain

that my dear spouse robbed me.

Now I have it on the highest authority.

Omnis

a Deo

scientia

which means:

omnis, all;

a Deo, knowledge;

scientia, comes from God.

That's the explanation of the phenomenon.

But Madame Apparition doesn't say any more.

What can I offer her to cheer her up?

What she has told me

was very amusing.

Ah, but the day has dawned.

Oh Lord

by my financial horse

it's M�re Ubu.

It's not true

I shall excommunicate you.

Pah! you slut!

What impiety!

Oh, that's a bit much!

I can see very well that it's you, you silly bitch!

Why the devil are you here?

Giron is dead

and the Poles chased me out.

Well, it was the Russians who chased me out:

great minds think alike.

This great mind thinks it's met an ass.

Oh, but just a minute, bring youself here, sloven!

Get down on your knees

before your master.

You're going to undergo the worst torture.

Ho ho, Monsieur Ubu!

Oh! Oh! Oh!

What next, have you finished?

I'm only just beginning:

twisting of the nose

pulling out of the hair

shoving of the little bit of wood in the earens

extraction of the brain by the heels

laceration of the posterior

partial, or even total, suppression of the spinal marrow

(if at least that would remove the spines from her character)

not forgetting

the opening of the swimming bladder

and finally

the grand new version of the beheading

of St John the Baptist

the whole taken from the very holy scriptures

from the Old as well as the New Testament

arranged, corrected

and perfected

by the here-present Master of Finances

Does that suit you, chucklehead?

Mercy, Monsieur Ubu!

Forward, my friends! Long live Poland!

Hey hey! wait a bit, Monsieur the Polognard.

Wait till I've finished with Madame my better half.

Take that, coward

vagabond, braggart, miscreant, mussulman!

Take that, Polognard, drunkard, bastard, hussar

tartar, dozener, cozener

liar, savoyard, communard!

Take that!

swindler, porker, traitor, play-actor

perjurer, dog-robber, boister!

Ye gods, what a bashing!

We have feet, Messieurs the Poles.

By my green candle!

I say, are they going to have done

when all's said and done.

What, another! Ah! if I had my financial horse here!

Hit 'em, go on hitting 'em!

Long live P�re Ubu, our great Financier!

Ah! here they are! Hurrah!

Here come the P�re Ubists.

Come on, forward march

we can do with you, Financial Gentlemen!

Outside, Poles!

Ah! we meet again, Monsieuye of Finances.

Come on, press on, we must get out

once outside we'll simply make ourselves scarce.

Oh, ouch! that's the worst yet.

Ow, he can't half hit!

God! I am wounded.

It's nothing, Sire.

No, I'm only stunned.

Hit them, go on hitting them, they're escaping.

We're getting there, follow your leader.

By conseyquence of the whiche I see the sky.

Courage, Sire Ubu!

Hell! I'm doing it in my breeches.

Get a move on, hornigibolets!

Killen 'em, bleed 'em, skin 'em, massacre 'em

Ubu's horns!

Ah, it's dying down.

There are only two left guarding the entrance.

And a one

and a two!

Oof! I'm outside!

Let's clear out!

Follow me, you lot, and look sharp!

The stage represents the province of Livonia covered with snow

Ah! I think they've given up trying to catch us.

Yes, Bougrelas has gone to get himself crowned.

I don't envy him his crown.

You're dead right, P�re Ubu.

The bridge of a ship sailing close to the wind on the Baltic

Oh what a lovely breeze!

It's a fact that we're moving with a rapidity that savours

that savours of the marvellous.

We must be doing at least a million knots an hour

and these knots have this to recommend them

that once they're done they don't come undone.

It's true that we have a fair wind.

What a sorry imbecile!

Oh! Ah! God! we're capsizing.

But it's going all skew, your boat, it's going to fall over

Everyone to leeward, set the foresail.

Oh hell no! don't all go over to the same side!

That's very unwise.

And supposing the wind changes:

we'll all go down to the bottom of the ocean

and the fishes will eat us.

Fall off!

What do you mean, fall off!

I don't want to fall off, I want to get there

I'm in a hurry. Don't fall of, do you hear?

It's all your fault, brute of a captain

if we don't get there.

We ought to be there already.

Oh, oh! but I'm going to take command.

Ready about! 'bout ship!

Let go the anchor, go about in stays, wear ship

hoist the sails, hand down the sails

helm up, helm down

helm sideways.

You see, it's going a treat.

Bring the ship athwart the waves

and that'll be perfect.

Haul down the main jib

reef the topsails.

That's not bad, that's even good.

Do you hear, Monsieur the Crew?

Haul down the main bid and reach for your tonsils.

Oh - what a deluge.

That's the result of the man�uvres we ordered.

What a delicious thing navigation is!

Beware of Satan and his pumps and vanities!

Sire steward

bring us something to drink.

Ah, what a delight

it will be to see our sweet France again soon

our old friends

and our castle of Mondragon!

Mm, we'll soon be there.

We are just below the castle of Elsinore at the moment.

I feel quite cheered up at the idea of seeing

my dear Spain again.

Yes, and we'll dazzle our compatriots with tales

of our marvellous adventures.

Hm! I should think so!

And I'll get myself nominated Master of Finances in Paris.

That's right! Oh, isn't she pitching about!

It's nothing, we've just passed the Elsinore foreland.

And how our noble ship leaps forward

over the sombre waves of the North Sea.

Fierce and inhospitable sea

that laves the country called Germania.

thus named because all its inhabitants

are cousins-german.

That's what I call erudition.

They say it's a very beautiful country.

Ah, gentlemen!

however beautiful it may be

it can never equal Poland.

If there weren't any Poland

there wouldn't be any Poles.

And now, since you have listened very nicely

and behaved yourselves, we are going to sing you:

The Song of the Disembraining

Look, look at the machine revolving

Look, look at the brain flying

Look, look at the Rentiers trembling!

Hurrah, arse-horns, long live P�re Ubu!

subtitled by Pueben using the Barbara Wright translation