Original subtitles

Last time on Tschugger, I told you how I wanted to make it back

to the front page to win back Gerda's heart.

But everyone was too caught up wondering what Ms. Fedpol was doing at our station.

And what happens when a cop gets caught speeding.

- And how Diego told me... - Keep your head down.

But I still wanted to give Butterfly a chance,

- and together with... - Patty Schnyder.

...I set him on my targets.

Hello, everyone, I am the pilot.

- How the bad weather gave... - Butterfly!

...difficulties.

But from now on, it's going to get bloody.

Everyone under 12 might want to shut their eyes now.

Guys...

A few years ago, a training course supervisor

in Zurich asked me what a cop does in Valais.

I told him, "The best way to imagine Valais

is like a family gathering."

Everybody knows everybody, there's a lot of gossip.

People like to open a few bottles of wine and eat raclette until they drop.

Honestly, there's not much going on.

But you never know if that weird uncle

who just came back from Thailand is going to drop by

and have a go at your cousin.

Sittin' in the Panda Dollar bills, makin' money

Tomorrow Gucci, Prada, Rollie Ra, ra, rari

Bitch wears fur...

To a safari, bring your weed From Domo to the party

Sittin' in the Panda, dollar...

What's that?

According to the license plate, it's a Milanese haulage company

for fresh produce.

If you take a closer look, you'll happen upon this guy

and a very different kind of business.

And where's Butterfly?

Juni, where's Butterfly?

Take it easy, Valais cantonal police.

Shit! Police?

- You're a fucking cop? - I'll kill him now.

Let's shoot them both.

But the two Italians who work for this guy,

the son-in-law of this guy, who took over this guy's business,

didn't take it easy at all.

What the hell, man?

Look left, look right.

Can you please listen to me?

Then we can sing the zebra song afterwards.

Pirmin still doesn't understand how to handle kids.

They have a fucking PlayStation at home.

You won't motivate them by singing a little song.

They want action, jelly beans, fart jokes.

- Or you just ask them... - What do you want?

A cigarette.

- Go back to the others. - Just one puff.

Your mom can have a puff!

You idiot, probably shot yourself in the hand.

Just so you know, that wasn't me. That was Frängi.

But I'll tell you that story later.

Now, listen here you little shit.

- Go back to the others, or else-- - Or else what?

Or else--

Mike, can you please go back to the other kids?

Fuck the police!

I don't know how you do things in your department,

but this is road safety training.

The educational aspect is the main priority.

So, could you put that cigarette out...

and pull yourself together?

Kids, fancy a bit of action?

Yeah!

You know, I didn't expect something that stupid, even from you.

If they had weapons, they will most likely want that back.

Did you consider that?

Are you rolling a joint?

Have you been scoffing ham rolls again?

And then I stood up and said, "Buddy, you farted, didn't you?"

He's a funny one.

Your dad wanted me to play nanny for a bit.

Pirmin's has two more shots, but he never hits anything.

I'm glad you're not always alone on the streets.

And Pirmin knew exactly...

that he'd better not tell his wife all the details.

Exit wound as big as a tennis ball. That's why I call her Martina Hingis.

For all of you who are younger than 12, Martina has won 18 Grand Slams,

loves horses, washing machines, and coke.

Insert the magazine,

release the safety catch, pull back the slide,

and then it's loaded.

- Yes, Emily? - Have you ever shot a person?

Well, not me. Back to the radar party. Selfie session with Frängi,

and then the idiot actually shot me in the hand.

Let's just say this thing has already saved my life.

Better?

Much better, I've got a plan.

You realize you're still driving?

What do we do now? Shall we pull over the next car?

Yeah!

What's that?

Weed from Caruso. The same as always.

No! Valmira, over there!

Shit, damn it!

Stay calm and don't let anything show.

Just be cool.

The important thing is always be polite, right?

A friendly cop is also a respected cop.

Remember that!

The window went down and I thought...

But what are they doing with the truck and where is Butterfly?

I haven't heard from him in quite a while.

But I knew that I just had to play along.

Hi, where are you coming from?

- Domo. - Domodossola, a town in northern Italy.

Actually, there's not much going on, except on Saturdays,

when like 100,000 tourists go there to stuff their faces with ravioli.

Pizza in Domo?

- Yes. - With an Italian truck?

Pirmin, I'm asking the questions here.

You make sure that the educational aspect is not neglected

and let me do my work here.

The kids want to know how a traffic stop works.

You can sing songs again afterwards, colleague.

And then?

Yes, and then what?

What kind of pizza?

Prosciutto mascarpone.

I love that stuff.

And you know, I even put mascarpone on my raclette.

Kids! Who knows what mascarpone is?

Seriously?

I can't believe it.

Regina? What do they learn at school these days?

Screwing around!

I know what's going on here.

Are they robbers?

Very good question, Emily.

I asked them a few questions, and they seem very suspicious to me.

Their red eyes tell me drugs are involved.

And what do we say to drugs?

- No! - Yes!

- Please step out of the vehicle. - Why?

Come on, I know for a fact that you've been smoking pot.

But we'll turn a blind eye today.

But look at the kids, so cute,

they need a fucking show!

Okay.

And then I just went full Beverly Hills Cop mode.

Get out and show me your hands, move it!

I wanna see your hands. Come on! Hands visible at all times.

Just be cool kids. Stay cool. On your knees.

You too! Put the Gucci bag on the floor.

- Hands behind your head. - It's Chanel!

Who cares? On the ground.

Not now, Emily. Pirmin, support!

Pirmin?

Bax, we still have to learn the zebra song with the kids.

Come on. The kids love it!

Wait a minute.

If I had known back then what was in that damn truck,

I would have had Pirmin sing the zebra song

and taken the two low-brainers straight into interrogation.

I mean, the whole thing went all the way up to the Federal Council,

Schengen, Dublin, or whatever the fuck that place is called.

I really would have expected anything, ten kilograms of coke, human trafficking,

Bulgarian watermelons, hand grenades, or a rocket launcher,

- but... - Tomato sauce.

Are you happy now?

Stay down, and not a sound.

What?

So, show's over! Go sing the zebra song with them.

- Come on, kids. - Go!

Stand up, please.

What are you doing?

- Put the phone away. Now! - No.

- Stop filming right now. - You really are the worst cop ever.

The cop hit me!

Get up.

Bax?

Fuck you, cop!

Come on, get up.

I can't work with that guy!

His behavior was unbelievable at the road safety training.

- You just have to display leadership. - Leadership?

You know very well that Bax is leadership-proof.

It's your job to always be one step ahead of him.

You have what it takes, Pirmin.

But if you can't even look after someone,

how are you going to run the whole police station?

Anything else?

Ms. Brotz is asking everyone questions about the Pfynwald thing.

Ms. Brotz. Just what I needed with her "random routine visit."

What does she want with us?

When someone from the government shows up, it's always about the same thing.

Saving money.

They closed down my cousin Norbert's station

in Grächen about a month ago and merged it with St. Niklaus.

They're trying to optimize costs everywhere.

The radar party thing must never come to light.

What Diego wanted to say is,

if Madame gets wind of the radar party, then this station will be closed down,

or even worse, merged with Lower Valais.

And no one here wants to have to learn to speak French.

The important thing now is that you don't let Bax out of your sight.

Understood?

And where the hell is our intern, anyway?

Jackpot.

How much do we get for it?

- Ten. As agreed. - That's way too little.

Look at those Lambos standing there, do you know how much they cost?

The drone is broken and my Balenciagas are definitely ruined.

He'll have to pay for the collateral damage.

Just ask for another five grand.

No, I can't do that, he's my boss.

- "I can't do that, he's my boss." - Junior!

Rinaldo Fricker. Son of Albi.

Largest building contractor in the canton.

But ever since his wife ran off with a Fribourg-Gottéron player,

he's been trying to redefine himself.

You're late. Did something come up?

What's this stuff called?

Hallelujah! The pope is happy.

Come in!

Boss, about the money...

We need another 5,000.

I'm not joking.

Let's have some drinks first. Mi casa es su casa.

That's how it's done, come on.

Valmira. Come here!

Take a look at this.

Damn it.

RADAR WALL

- Sorry, I didn't mean to... - Are you blind?

Do you still use the perfume I gave you?

- What are you working on? - A speeding story.

With a Fiat Panda?

Among other things.

Unfortunately, I don't have the right partner

by my side for the big case.

You never know what you've got till it's gone.

And you? Everything all right with Frängi?

Hey, what do you guys think? We just shared a moment, right?

I knew me and Gerda weren't over yet!

That's thermal water from Leukerbad.

Afterwards, your skin's as soft as a baby's bottom.

And is the amount correct?

- Down to the last cent. - There are no half measures with me, baby!

- Does that thing fly? - How do you think it got here?

But I can't fly it myself, I have the most awful corneal curvature.

I had that too, but then they cut off my foreskin.

That was a contraction of the foreskin, Juni.

Not corneal curvature.

Have you seen this yet?

The pool has a counter-current system and an integrated whirlpool.

Wait, I'll show you.

Don't you think we should tell him?

- About the truck and stuff? - Don't fuck this up for me!

Can't you see the great opportunity we have here?

- What opportunity? - This is the greatest location.

We'll shoot our music video here.

Juni! This is totally Valmira-style!

And do you want to go for a splash?

I'm afraid I don't have a bikini with me.

Sweetheart, I'll just take my glasses off, then I won't see a thing.

Boss, we have a problem.

Ida, can you please run this plate through the system for me?

Can you give me the case number?

- Since when do you need a case number? - Since she's here.

What did Frängi have to do for you to give him the key to the evidence room?

What Frängi had to do to get the Kalashnikov and the Uzi,

I really don't want to know.

Stop it. Look how many you've broken already.

Who cares? What do you need them for anyway?

For this! A good cop always has a pen with him.

Not a word, understand?

We have a report from the forestry office.

The car is parked by the Simplon Pass.

Thanks.

- What do you want? - Where's Patrick?

- Butterfly? He's your damn intern. - Don't call him that.

If someone shows up with a speech impediment like that,

he had it coming.

Listen, when I was in primary school everyone called me Bax, for Bugs Bunny.

Of course it hurt.

But a little childhood bullying is necessary to develop

a healthy personality.

I only mean well!

- Okay, drive. I'm coming with you. - What, to the gym?

Look at your biceps. You haven't been to a gym in years.

I know you want to do your own thing. No problem.

But Biffiger wants me there when you do it.

Do you have a screw loose?

And what if the buddies of those dead Italians

suddenly show up at my place?

You drove the fucking truck to my place? What the hell were you thinking?

I just wanted to buy some weed and now I have to deal with this!

- Told you so. - But yes.

As long as the cops don't know about this.

So, the cops who--

Because I have a business to run here

and enough trouble with the law as it is already.

I'm Rinaldo Fricker, everybody knows me around here.

Bad fucking idea.

Yes, Césario. I need another hole.

No, same as last time.

And when Fricker talks to Césario about holes,

you know it's not about golfing.

On a building site?

No, no, tell UNIA to relax.

And your daughter? Everything okay with her teeth?

Everything? No, not at all.

But first thing tomorrow, the hole. Thanks.

You're damn lucky you know me. I'll keep this one for myself. Expenses.

Now, listen up.

CALL HISTORY

- Hello? - Hello.

It's Patrick!

Patrick! While I have you on the phone,

I'm trying to print something, it's all coming out double-sided.

Now, I'm at the printer settings.

- This is not about... - Hang on a sec.

...the printer.

Is Pirmin or Bax...

Pirmin or Bax...

- on the phone? - They are not here.

I have to select number two, right?

Hello?

Patrick?

Hello?

Hello?

They probably dumped Butterfly somewhere and drove off.

The stoners made such fools of us.

I'm sure there was something hidden in the truck.

Next time I see them, it won't take long. One, two, off to jail.

You're crazy. He doesn't even know how to use the coffee machine

and you send him off undercover alone?

That coffee machine is really a science in itself.

It took me three months to figure it out, and Butterfly is really trying his best.

Could you please not smoke in the car?

- Why don't you open the window? - Firstly, it makes my clothes smell bad.

And secondly, passive smoking is quite 1993.

Look here, your hairstyle is 1993.

Just because you quit smoking a few weeks ago.

- Don't act so pregnant. - Bax! Look!

Hello? Patrick?

Hello?

Patrick?

The whole thing made zero sense to me at that moment.

Why did they leave the car here and switch to an Italian truck

carrying tomato sauce?

And where the hell is Butterfly?

Hey, Bax!

- There are tracks in the snow. - I can see that.

You remember what I told you at the beginning about the weird uncle

who has started to creep out your cousin at the family gathering?

Picture this, this year, he brought along his brother-in-law,

who has just been released from prison.

And compared to him,

the weird uncle is really just a saint-like altar boy.

If you want to know

whether we were able to read the tracks correctly and find Butterfly,

what these new business partners are up to,

what this guy's looking for and what he'll do if he doesn't find it,

why Pirmin shouldn't get his hands on a gun,

what a wild night looks like at his place,

and what my love life is like,

then join us for the next episode of Tschugger.