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1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
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2
00:02:14,370 --> 00:02:17,240
I don't know why.
I've aIways been big on happy endings.
3
00:02:17,450 --> 00:02:20,210
To me, the most romantic,
beautifuI Iove stories. . .
4
00:02:20,460 --> 00:02:23,080
. . .were the ones where
two peopIe meet, faII in Iove. . .
5
00:02:23,330 --> 00:02:26,040
. . .then 50, 60 years Iater
one of them dies.
6
00:02:26,300 --> 00:02:28,420
A few days after,
the other one dies. . .
7
00:02:28,670 --> 00:02:31,430
. . .because they just can't Iive
without each other.
8
00:02:32,640 --> 00:02:36,680
Not that that's such a happy ending.
You got two dead peopIe.
9
00:02:36,930 --> 00:02:39,640
That's how I thought things wouId be
for Katie and me.
10
00:02:40,390 --> 00:02:44,560
Not that we'd be dead,
but that we wouId be together forever.
11
00:02:47,780 --> 00:02:51,030
Now, High/Low.
Who wants to go first? Erin?
12
00:02:51,450 --> 00:02:55,660
Okay, my high today is that I sat
next to Austin Butler at lunch.
13
00:02:55,870 --> 00:02:57,860
-Nice.
-He has the three-Iegged dog?
14
00:02:58,080 --> 00:03:01,450
JoeI has the three-Iegged dog.
Austin has the snoring turtIe.
15
00:03:01,710 --> 00:03:02,790
And your Iow?
16
00:03:03,750 --> 00:03:05,990
-Camp.
-What about camp?
17
00:03:06,500 --> 00:03:07,420
I don't know.
18
00:03:07,670 --> 00:03:09,910
You had such a good time Iast year.
19
00:03:10,170 --> 00:03:12,580
-I know.
-What is it?
20
00:03:12,840 --> 00:03:15,840
Are you afraid you'II Iose touch
with Austin?
21
00:03:16,560 --> 00:03:19,010
-I don't know.
-You can write to each other.
22
00:03:19,270 --> 00:03:22,300
You can put X's and O's on there.
Guys Iove that, right?
23
00:03:22,560 --> 00:03:24,270
Can't get enough of it.
24
00:03:24,520 --> 00:03:26,100
Honey, you'II have a great time.
25
00:03:26,360 --> 00:03:28,730
What about you?
What was your high today?
26
00:03:28,980 --> 00:03:31,270
Gary EIIis' mom bought a new juicer. . .
27
00:03:31,530 --> 00:03:33,690
. . .and I went to his house
and drank a chicken.
28
00:03:35,370 --> 00:03:36,480
And your Iow?
29
00:03:36,910 --> 00:03:37,990
I don't have a Iow.
30
00:03:38,200 --> 00:03:39,740
You gotta have a Iow.
31
00:03:39,960 --> 00:03:42,990
I've been racking my brain.
I do not have a Iow.
32
00:03:43,250 --> 00:03:46,040
We'II enter the chicken smoothie
in the high and Iow category.
33
00:03:46,290 --> 00:03:47,330
How about you, Mama?
34
00:03:48,590 --> 00:03:52,370
I know. It's your anniversary.
What are you guys doing tomorrow?
35
00:03:52,630 --> 00:03:56,250
-I'm taking her to a romantic dinner. . .
-Dad's taking me dancing.
36
00:03:56,510 --> 00:03:58,010
. . .and possibIy some dancing.
37
00:03:58,270 --> 00:04:00,220
But you're right.
That is our high.
38
00:04:00,430 --> 00:04:02,390
I'd Iove to stick around
for your Iow. . .
39
00:04:02,600 --> 00:04:04,430
. . .but Dodgers are pIaying Giants.
40
00:04:04,690 --> 00:04:05,520
Go.
41
00:04:05,730 --> 00:04:07,360
-Can I go too?
-Go.
42
00:04:17,410 --> 00:04:20,080
I reaIIy don't care what we do
tomorrow night.
43
00:04:21,500 --> 00:04:23,320
Even if we're
at different restaurants.
44
00:04:23,540 --> 00:04:28,250
Just as Iong as the kids see us Ieaving
together and coming home together.
45
00:04:32,380 --> 00:04:36,220
On our first anniversary,
I gave Ben a plastic spoon.
46
00:04:36,470 --> 00:04:39,260
You know, the takeout kind
from a Chinese restaurant?
47
00:04:39,520 --> 00:04:40,970
It was the one we had used. . .
48
00:04:41,230 --> 00:04:44,680
. . .when we shared our first bowI
of won ton soup in the park.
49
00:04:45,100 --> 00:04:46,810
He was afraid he'd Iost it. . .
50
00:04:47,060 --> 00:04:49,100
. . .and I remember how
his face Iit up. . .
51
00:04:49,360 --> 00:04:52,770
. . .when he opened the jeweIry box
I had wrapped it in.
52
00:04:55,320 --> 00:04:57,530
I keep asking myseIf:
53
00:04:57,780 --> 00:04:59,860
"When is that moment in a marriage. . .
54
00:05:00,120 --> 00:05:03,450
. . .when a spoon becomes just a spoon?"
55
00:05:21,060 --> 00:05:23,430
When I met Katie,
I wrote on a comedy show...
56
00:05:23,690 --> 00:05:25,970
...and she had been hired as a temp.
57
00:05:26,520 --> 00:05:30,690
I don 't know. It's hard to explain.
There was an instant connection...
58
00:05:30,940 --> 00:05:34,280
... this simpatico.
I felt like she just got me.
59
00:05:34,530 --> 00:05:38,660
And there is no greater feeling
in this world than to feel gotten.
60
00:06:40,390 --> 00:06:42,510
The loudest silences are the ones...
61
00:06:42,720 --> 00:06:45,350
...filled with everything
that's been said...
62
00:06:45,600 --> 00:06:48,090
...said wrong, said 300 times.
63
00:06:48,350 --> 00:06:49,850
You're not hearing me.
64
00:06:50,110 --> 00:06:51,730
You're so goddamn criticaI!
65
00:06:51,980 --> 00:06:54,140
It's hard with two kids.
I don't need a third.
66
00:06:54,360 --> 00:06:57,730
You're perfect, and I've done
nothing right in 15 years!
67
00:06:57,950 --> 00:06:58,980
You're not Iistening!
68
00:06:59,200 --> 00:07:00,690
You can't Iet go of anything!
69
00:07:00,950 --> 00:07:02,110
You never Iisten!
70
00:07:02,330 --> 00:07:03,990
You hoId on to everything!
71
00:07:04,210 --> 00:07:06,160
Why shouId you be responsibIe
for anything?!
72
00:07:06,370 --> 00:07:08,500
You're criticaI of every
fucking thing!
73
00:07:08,710 --> 00:07:10,670
I take care of everything here.
74
00:07:10,920 --> 00:07:11,870
-Fine!
-Fine!
75
00:07:12,130 --> 00:07:13,460
-Fine!
-Fine!
76
00:07:14,800 --> 00:07:18,330
Until fighting becomes the condition
rather than the exception.
77
00:07:18,590 --> 00:07:22,510
And suddenly, it turns into
the language of the relationship...
78
00:07:22,770 --> 00:07:27,310
...and your only option is
a silent retreat to neutral corners.
79
00:07:33,280 --> 00:07:35,270
-Okay, are you a person?
-Yes.
80
00:07:35,570 --> 00:07:36,650
Are you a man?
81
00:07:36,900 --> 00:07:38,810
-That's debatabIe.
-DebatabIe?
82
00:07:39,070 --> 00:07:40,900
-Do you have a mustache?
-A thick one.
83
00:07:41,160 --> 00:07:42,440
-Aunt Rose.
-Right.
84
00:07:43,790 --> 00:07:45,740
Good oId Aunt "5:00 Shadow" Rose.
85
00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:49,160
God, it's aImost 9.
We're gonna miss the camp bus.
86
00:07:49,460 --> 00:07:52,330
Now, that is what I caII
a mobiIe home.
87
00:07:52,590 --> 00:07:54,250
Can you get around it?
It's 5 to 9:00!
88
00:07:54,510 --> 00:07:57,670
-They must change their zip code a Iot.
-It happens as we speak.
89
00:07:57,930 --> 00:08:00,500
Look. 91604. 91604.
90
00:08:00,760 --> 00:08:02,140
91605!
91
00:08:02,390 --> 00:08:04,680
-Pass it.
-Their maiIman must go crazy.
92
00:08:04,930 --> 00:08:06,930
The kids wiII miss their bus.
93
00:08:07,190 --> 00:08:10,720
Up on the second fIoor!
Somebody's about to use the bathroom!
94
00:08:10,980 --> 00:08:12,940
We're in the Iine of fire!
95
00:08:13,190 --> 00:08:16,060
WouId you just pass
the goddamn house?!
96
00:08:23,830 --> 00:08:25,990
Look, the house is making a right.
97
00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:31,790
When I was in coIIege,
we had to write a term paper.
98
00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:35,620
It was for some phiIosophy course
I was taking. . .
99
00:08:35,880 --> 00:08:38,090
. . .on any book we considered. . .
100
00:08:38,340 --> 00:08:41,840
. . .to be the one that best depicted
how we viewed the worId.
101
00:08:42,100 --> 00:08:45,550
I remember some peopIe picking books
by the great thinkers. . .
102
00:08:45,810 --> 00:08:49,510
. . .Iike Kierkegaard and PIato.
Some kids chose the BibIe.
103
00:08:50,270 --> 00:08:53,270
I did my paper on
Harold and the Purple Crayon.
104
00:08:53,770 --> 00:08:55,930
It's a smaII book
about a IittIe boy. . .
105
00:08:56,190 --> 00:08:59,110
. . .who draws the worId
the way he wants it to be. . .
106
00:08:59,320 --> 00:09:01,030
. . .with his magic crayon.
107
00:09:01,490 --> 00:09:04,780
And I just Ioved that book because. . .
108
00:09:05,040 --> 00:09:07,710
. . .it was about everything
that I wasn't.
109
00:09:10,710 --> 00:09:12,790
You wanna write crossword puzzIes?
110
00:09:13,040 --> 00:09:15,170
That's a job somebody wants to do?
111
00:09:16,170 --> 00:09:17,960
And you'd get paid to do this?
112
00:09:18,220 --> 00:09:20,840
So you know stuff Iike
Ra is the sun god.
113
00:09:21,090 --> 00:09:25,170
And the symboI for radium
and the abbreviation for reguIar army.
114
00:09:25,560 --> 00:09:27,510
ShouId I be impressed or terrified?
115
00:09:27,770 --> 00:09:29,680
I find it soothing and reassuring. . .
116
00:09:29,940 --> 00:09:32,230
. . .because you know
there are aIways answers.
117
00:09:32,440 --> 00:09:35,360
Yeah, but not to the reaIIy
big questions Iike:
118
00:09:35,610 --> 00:09:38,180
"Does God exist?"
"What is the meaning of Iife?"
119
00:09:38,450 --> 00:09:40,900
"Why does my pee smeII funny
when I eat asparagus?"
120
00:09:41,160 --> 00:09:43,450
Aspartic acid, hence the name.
121
00:09:46,080 --> 00:09:47,910
And this soothes you?
122
00:09:48,290 --> 00:09:52,120
Yes, since you'II never find
the answers to the big questions. . .
123
00:09:52,330 --> 00:09:55,950
. . .there's a comfort in finding
the answers to the IittIe ones.
124
00:09:56,300 --> 00:09:58,090
When you finish, there's this. . .
125
00:09:59,170 --> 00:10:01,380
. . .wonderfuI sense
of cIosure knowing. . .
126
00:10:01,640 --> 00:10:05,420
. . .that that IittIe worId
on that haIf-page is compIete.
127
00:10:11,980 --> 00:10:13,850
You Ieft yourseIf wide open.
128
00:10:16,110 --> 00:10:17,850
Come to Papa!
129
00:10:18,940 --> 00:10:21,020
But the problem in a marriage is...
130
00:10:21,280 --> 00:10:25,440
. . .if one person is aIways HaroId,
drawing the worId the way they want. . .
131
00:10:25,700 --> 00:10:30,280
. . .the other person has no choice
but to draw it the way it is.
132
00:10:30,710 --> 00:10:33,830
Which is why they never wrote a book
about HaroId's wife.
133
00:10:34,090 --> 00:10:35,880
-They're Ieaving!
-They're not!
134
00:10:39,930 --> 00:10:41,340
Grab your bags!
135
00:10:42,390 --> 00:10:43,760
Wait! Wait!
136
00:10:44,640 --> 00:10:45,720
HoId it!
137
00:10:46,180 --> 00:10:47,510
Two more coming!
138
00:10:48,680 --> 00:10:51,300
-Thank you, Marty.
-No probIem.
139
00:10:52,310 --> 00:10:54,720
I Iove you.
Have a great time.
140
00:10:55,150 --> 00:10:56,640
-AII right, kid.
-Bye, Dad.
141
00:10:57,150 --> 00:10:59,770
-Take your sister's bag.
-Have a great time.
142
00:11:00,030 --> 00:11:01,360
Love you.
143
00:11:08,500 --> 00:11:10,650
-I Iove you.
-I Iove you.
144
00:12:01,300 --> 00:12:04,920
If you need me for anything,
I'II be at the Oceana.
145
00:12:05,850 --> 00:12:08,550
Anything comes up with the kids,
give me a caII.
146
00:12:08,810 --> 00:12:10,300
Of course.
147
00:12:14,350 --> 00:12:16,850
Isn't this the moment
where one of us says:
148
00:12:17,110 --> 00:12:19,430
"This is ridicuIous.
We Iove each other.
149
00:12:19,690 --> 00:12:22,810
AII coupIes go through this.
Let's give it another try?"
150
00:12:46,260 --> 00:12:48,380
My ass was on teIevision this morning.
151
00:12:49,930 --> 00:12:50,930
What are you teIIing us?
152
00:12:51,270 --> 00:12:53,180
I'm teIIing you
my ass was on TV.
153
00:12:53,430 --> 00:12:55,310
That's right. That was that speciaI.
154
00:12:55,560 --> 00:12:58,560
"The Kennedy Center SaIutes
50 Years of Stan's Ass."
155
00:12:58,820 --> 00:13:02,190
I went to the doctor, he took a tube
with a IittIe camera on it. . .
156
00:13:02,440 --> 00:13:06,230
. . .stuck it up my ass and we
watched it on a monitor in his office.
157
00:13:06,490 --> 00:13:08,450
-You had a sigmoidoscopy.
-ExactIy.
158
00:13:08,700 --> 00:13:11,030
That's different
than your ass being on TV.
159
00:13:11,370 --> 00:13:12,950
-How?
-First of aII. . .
160
00:13:13,210 --> 00:13:15,120
. . .a network can't canceI your ass.
161
00:13:15,370 --> 00:13:16,660
Point weII taken.
162
00:13:16,920 --> 00:13:19,410
What demographics
do you hope to knock down. . .
163
00:13:19,670 --> 00:13:21,830
. . .with that big crack
winking at you?
164
00:13:22,130 --> 00:13:25,580
We're in pubIic. Can we
eIevate the IeveI of conversation?
165
00:13:25,840 --> 00:13:27,040
-Fine with me.
-Good.
166
00:13:27,300 --> 00:13:29,920
I jerked off to your secretary.
Do you mind?
167
00:13:30,180 --> 00:13:31,840
-Why shouId I mind?
-I don't know.
168
00:13:32,100 --> 00:13:34,260
I wanna forge ahead
with a cIear conscience.
169
00:13:34,520 --> 00:13:35,630
Pound away.
170
00:13:35,900 --> 00:13:37,180
You're a good friend.
171
00:13:37,560 --> 00:13:42,110
Larry wanted to have sex Iast night.
He even gave me the 30-second massage.
172
00:13:42,360 --> 00:13:45,980
You mean the "I reaIIy care
that you had a bad day" back rub. . .
173
00:13:46,240 --> 00:13:48,360
. . .that stops just before you reIax. . .
174
00:13:48,580 --> 00:13:51,330
. . .then quickIy heads south
towards the promised Iand?
175
00:13:51,660 --> 00:13:52,940
So did you make Iove?
176
00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:55,700
-I was too tired.
-How'd you get out of it?
177
00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:58,200
I pretended to faII asIeep
during the massage.
178
00:13:58,420 --> 00:14:00,040
I did that heavy breathing thing.
179
00:14:00,300 --> 00:14:02,090
So he thinks you're in deep REM?
180
00:14:02,340 --> 00:14:05,130
But it backfired,
because when I reaIIy feII asIeep. . .
181
00:14:05,380 --> 00:14:08,920
. . .the baby started crying,
then Larry pretended he was asIeep.
182
00:14:09,180 --> 00:14:12,600
FooI! If he had just gotten up
with the baby, you wouId've. . .
183
00:14:12,810 --> 00:14:16,390
. . .opened the gates and weIcomed
the troops home for Christmas.
184
00:14:16,650 --> 00:14:17,970
In a heartbeat.
185
00:14:18,230 --> 00:14:19,970
What's up with you and Charlene?
186
00:14:20,190 --> 00:14:22,310
Oh, we had a great night Iast night.
187
00:14:22,570 --> 00:14:24,890
And you stiII cIaim
you're not cheating?
188
00:14:25,150 --> 00:14:27,360
I maintain that
with every fiber of my being.
189
00:14:27,570 --> 00:14:28,980
On-Iine sex isn't cheating.
190
00:14:29,240 --> 00:14:30,360
How do you figure?
191
00:14:30,620 --> 00:14:33,700
It's 3 a.m., your wife and kids
are sIeeping upstairs. . .
192
00:14:33,950 --> 00:14:37,080
. . .and you're downstairs
fucking some bimbo in cyberspace.
193
00:14:37,330 --> 00:14:40,700
First of aII, we're not fucking.
We're typing.
194
00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:43,290
Second, and this is me
taking umbrage. . .
195
00:14:43,510 --> 00:14:45,960
. . .CharIene is not some bimbo.
196
00:14:46,180 --> 00:14:48,000
She's a stockbroker named RaIph. . .
197
00:14:48,220 --> 00:14:50,380
. . .pretending to be some bimbo
named CharIene.
198
00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:52,510
Why piss on something so beautifuI?
199
00:14:53,480 --> 00:14:54,420
What'd I say?
200
00:14:54,680 --> 00:14:55,800
It's not an affair.
201
00:14:56,020 --> 00:14:58,720
Teresa never had sex with him.
They just kissed.
202
00:14:59,150 --> 00:15:02,020
-A kiss is an affair.
-You think so?
203
00:15:02,230 --> 00:15:03,180
AbsoIuteIy.
204
00:15:03,440 --> 00:15:07,060
Once you estabIish anything
truIy intimate with another person. . .
205
00:15:07,320 --> 00:15:08,900
. . .even taIking. . .
206
00:15:09,160 --> 00:15:12,490
. . .it affects the person you're
the most intimate with.
207
00:15:12,740 --> 00:15:16,360
But Teresa couId fuck her husband,
she just couIdn't kiss him.
208
00:15:16,620 --> 00:15:18,170
I mean, reaIIy kiss him.
209
00:15:18,420 --> 00:15:19,580
It's not so crazy.
210
00:15:19,840 --> 00:15:22,410
Sometimes I'm so angry at Stan,
I couId fuck him. . .
211
00:15:22,670 --> 00:15:24,580
. . .but I don't want
that cow tongue near me.
212
00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:28,090
A kiss can be so much more
intimate than sex.
213
00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:29,830
Why is that?
214
00:15:30,100 --> 00:15:33,350
Because fucking means,
"Yeah, I Iove you". But a kiss. . . .
215
00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:35,840
A kiss means, "I Iike you".
216
00:15:36,850 --> 00:15:38,810
That's so right.
217
00:15:39,270 --> 00:15:43,680
I haven't made out, I mean,
reaIIy made out with Larry for years.
218
00:15:44,110 --> 00:15:45,490
Doesn't that make you sad?
219
00:15:46,070 --> 00:15:47,320
Not reaIIy.
220
00:15:48,570 --> 00:15:49,520
Why?
221
00:15:50,450 --> 00:15:51,650
I don't know.
222
00:15:51,950 --> 00:15:55,200
Because it's inevitabIe.
It's the wear and tear of the job.
223
00:15:55,450 --> 00:15:57,740
The diapers, the tantrums,
the homework.
224
00:15:57,960 --> 00:16:00,450
The kingdom, species,
your mom, his mom.
225
00:16:00,670 --> 00:16:03,920
SuddenIy, aII you're aware of is
the wet toweIs on the fIoor. . .
226
00:16:04,170 --> 00:16:06,960
. . .he hogs the remote and
he scratches his back with a fork.
227
00:16:07,170 --> 00:16:10,760
And you come face to face with
the truth that it's impossibIe. . .
228
00:16:11,010 --> 00:16:13,720
. . .to kiss a person who Ieaves
the new roII of toiIet paper. . .
229
00:16:13,930 --> 00:16:16,010
. . .on top of the empty cardboard roII!
230
00:16:16,270 --> 00:16:19,800
God forbid he takes the two seconds
to actuaIIy repIace it!
231
00:16:20,060 --> 00:16:22,520
Does he not see it?!
232
00:16:23,270 --> 00:16:27,270
I'm teIIing you, marriage is
the Jack Kevorkian of romance.
233
00:16:30,360 --> 00:16:31,910
Oh, God!
234
00:16:35,290 --> 00:16:36,870
Jesus! Shit!
235
00:16:37,330 --> 00:16:38,950
-He hit me!
-I didn't!
236
00:16:39,170 --> 00:16:41,700
I was Ieaving the room,
she stood in my way.
237
00:16:41,960 --> 00:16:44,080
-He did it on purpose.
-Guys, hoId on!
238
00:16:46,380 --> 00:16:47,630
Ben? What?!
239
00:16:49,340 --> 00:16:52,710
Katie, you won't beIieve
what I'm standing in front of.
240
00:16:52,970 --> 00:16:55,210
They're tearing down
our oId apartment.
241
00:16:55,520 --> 00:16:56,630
-What?
-See?!
242
00:16:56,890 --> 00:16:58,270
Josh, did you hit her?
243
00:16:58,520 --> 00:16:59,930
She started it!
244
00:17:00,190 --> 00:17:02,480
I toId her never to come in my room
without asking.
245
00:17:02,690 --> 00:17:04,600
It's heading for Mrs. Gutierrez's.
246
00:17:04,860 --> 00:17:06,190
There goes her window!
247
00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:08,310
You borrowed her Discman
without asking?!
248
00:17:08,570 --> 00:17:10,560
Yeah, but she was done with it.
249
00:17:10,820 --> 00:17:13,150
She hasn't used the Discman
in two days!
250
00:17:14,620 --> 00:17:18,150
Just hit Jack Roikman's pIace.
Remember his patriotic orgasms?
251
00:17:18,410 --> 00:17:21,830
"God bIess America! God bIess America!
Land that I Iove!"
252
00:17:22,090 --> 00:17:23,750
Can't you Iet him use yours?
253
00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:25,800
No! He never Iets me use it!
254
00:17:26,300 --> 00:17:28,670
Ben, I can't taIk right now.
255
00:17:28,920 --> 00:17:32,590
This is where you and I started.
This is where we became an "us".
256
00:17:34,310 --> 00:17:36,980
Just hit where we used to
measure the kid's heights.
257
00:17:37,230 --> 00:17:40,890
Ben, I-- Josh, you shouIdn't have
hit your sister. No TV for a week.
258
00:17:41,150 --> 00:17:42,430
You're so unfair!
259
00:17:42,690 --> 00:17:43,890
Wait untiI I teII Dad!
260
00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:48,010
Jesus Christ! I gotta go!
Are you okay?
261
00:17:52,240 --> 00:17:53,570
Goddamn it!
262
00:17:54,870 --> 00:17:56,530
Fantasizing isn't cheating?
263
00:17:56,790 --> 00:17:59,700
Oh, pIease! Who is getting hurt?
264
00:17:59,960 --> 00:18:02,630
Yesterday, I met this
stunning bIond woman. . .
265
00:18:02,880 --> 00:18:05,200
. . .at the BeverIy Center food court.
266
00:18:05,460 --> 00:18:08,210
She had a IittIe ring
in the beIIybutton.
267
00:18:08,470 --> 00:18:09,920
But you know what?
268
00:18:10,130 --> 00:18:13,220
I forgave her because
it wasn't in her eyebrow or tongue.
269
00:18:13,470 --> 00:18:15,130
BeautifuI. We start chatting. . .
270
00:18:15,390 --> 00:18:18,720
. . .and we strike up a conversation,
waiting for our turkey.
271
00:18:18,940 --> 00:18:21,640
I'm teIIing you,
she's smiIing, I'm smiIing. . .
272
00:18:21,850 --> 00:18:23,890
. . .and just that
30-second encounter. . .
273
00:18:24,150 --> 00:18:27,900
. . .wiII do wonders for me when
I'm shaking hands with the sheriff.
274
00:18:28,150 --> 00:18:30,230
I know exactIy what
you're taIking about.
275
00:18:30,490 --> 00:18:32,530
-Am I wrong?
-No, you're right!
276
00:18:32,780 --> 00:18:35,870
The other day, I toId a joke
to this intriguing woman. . .
277
00:18:36,120 --> 00:18:37,700
. . .that I met at the cIeaners.
278
00:18:37,950 --> 00:18:40,620
If this were the '30s,
she'd be a Communist. . .
279
00:18:40,870 --> 00:18:42,830
. . .or at Ieast
a Communist sympathizer.
280
00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:46,420
But the point is, the way
she Iaughed at that joke. . .
281
00:18:46,670 --> 00:18:49,420
. . .reminded me of how RacheI
used to Iaugh at my jokes.
282
00:18:49,670 --> 00:18:51,420
You gonna foIIow up?
283
00:18:51,680 --> 00:18:52,960
I couId never do that.
284
00:18:53,220 --> 00:18:57,300
I think the Ten Commandments were
probabIy a Iot easier to stick to. . .
285
00:18:57,560 --> 00:18:59,380
. . .when you dropped dead at 35.
286
00:18:59,640 --> 00:19:01,800
I mean, we--
They shouId be amended.
287
00:19:02,060 --> 00:19:04,220
A IittIe amendment,
Iike the Constitution.
288
00:19:04,480 --> 00:19:08,390
"Thou shaIt not covet
thy neighbor's house, wife or ass.
289
00:19:09,150 --> 00:19:12,440
But if you have to covet
your neighbor's wife's ass. . .
290
00:19:12,700 --> 00:19:14,690
. . .don't do it
in thy neighbor's house."
291
00:19:14,950 --> 00:19:18,700
A simpIe amendment, two-thirds
majority, sIide through both Houses.
292
00:19:18,910 --> 00:19:22,780
SeriousIy, name me one guy you know
who's never cheated on his wife.
293
00:19:23,040 --> 00:19:24,420
I wasn't cheating!
294
00:19:24,670 --> 00:19:28,750
I waIk into your office,
and I hear you teIIing some Sara. . .
295
00:19:29,010 --> 00:19:33,500
. . .intimate detaiIs about our
reIationship, about our probIems.
296
00:19:33,760 --> 00:19:36,960
ObviousIy there's something going on
between you and her.
297
00:19:37,220 --> 00:19:40,090
Nothing is going on between us!
We were just taIking!
298
00:19:40,310 --> 00:19:42,300
About us?! About our Iife?!
299
00:19:42,560 --> 00:19:44,470
We were just taIking!
300
00:19:44,730 --> 00:19:47,440
That's not taIking!
That's a reIationship!
301
00:19:47,690 --> 00:19:50,640
Why didn't you teII me about her
if there's nothing to hide?
302
00:19:50,900 --> 00:19:53,060
I just needed somebody to taIk to!
303
00:19:53,280 --> 00:19:56,610
BuIIshit! Why didn't you taIk to me?!
304
00:19:56,950 --> 00:19:58,610
Mommy, I need a drink of water!
305
00:19:59,370 --> 00:20:00,830
I'II be right there!
306
00:20:01,080 --> 00:20:03,120
You wanna know why
I don't taIk to you?
307
00:20:03,370 --> 00:20:07,080
You treat me Iike I'm a big pain
in the ass that gets in the way. . .
308
00:20:07,340 --> 00:20:10,540
. . .of what otherwise wouId be
a normaI, organized Iife!
309
00:20:10,800 --> 00:20:14,300
Have you ever thought that
everything isn't aIways about you?
310
00:20:14,890 --> 00:20:19,210
Maybe I'm tired! Maybe I'm deaIing
with 5000 things aII day Iong!
311
00:20:19,430 --> 00:20:22,350
Maybe every need you have
doesn't have to be met. . .
312
00:20:22,600 --> 00:20:26,050
. . .at the exact moment
you need it to be met!
313
00:20:26,690 --> 00:20:28,850
God, we have actuaI kids here, Ben.
314
00:20:29,070 --> 00:20:31,110
I am not a third chiId!
315
00:20:31,360 --> 00:20:34,230
I am not taIking about having
each of my needs met!
316
00:20:34,450 --> 00:20:36,240
I'm taIking about a connection!
317
00:20:36,490 --> 00:20:40,740
A Iook! Something that says
that we're on the same side here!
318
00:20:41,250 --> 00:20:43,200
Why don't you taIk
to your girIfriend?
319
00:20:43,460 --> 00:20:46,710
I'm sure she can heIp us
get back on the same side.
320
00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:58,220
To have a happy marriage is to accept
the chasm between men and women.
321
00:20:58,470 --> 00:20:59,470
Which is?
322
00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:01,640
He can mend a fight with sex.
323
00:21:01,890 --> 00:21:04,180
She can't have sex
untiI the fight's resoIved.
324
00:21:04,640 --> 00:21:05,590
Why is that?
325
00:21:05,850 --> 00:21:08,390
It's the difference between
the penis and the vagina.
326
00:21:08,650 --> 00:21:12,480
A penis is a thruster,
a battering ram, if you wiII.
327
00:21:12,690 --> 00:21:15,650
Even if it's mad, it can ram.
Sometimes it even heIps.
328
00:21:15,870 --> 00:21:18,490
It's the "mad-ram principIe".
However, the vagina. . . .
329
00:21:18,740 --> 00:21:19,910
The vagina!
330
00:21:21,200 --> 00:21:25,950
The vagina has to be reIaxed
in order to open and receive.
331
00:21:26,250 --> 00:21:28,820
It can't be a gracious hostess
in a state of anger.
332
00:21:29,090 --> 00:21:30,960
That goes for bIowjobs
and kissing too.
333
00:21:31,170 --> 00:21:36,080
Every femaIe point of entry needs
to know that the penis is coming. . .
334
00:21:36,470 --> 00:21:37,750
. . .in peace.
335
00:21:38,010 --> 00:21:40,250
-Do you have Sweet'N Low?
-Is EquaI okay?
336
00:21:40,510 --> 00:21:41,630
Whatever.
337
00:21:46,900 --> 00:21:50,150
I've always felt no matter what
we were going through...
338
00:21:50,360 --> 00:21:52,180
...no matter how painful things got...
339
00:21:52,400 --> 00:21:54,690
...if our feet found each other
under the blankets...
340
00:21:54,910 --> 00:21:56,940
...even just the slightest
connection...
341
00:21:57,200 --> 00:21:59,950
...it'd tell us we'd entered
the demilitarized zone...
342
00:22:00,200 --> 00:22:03,990
... that we were gonna be okay,
that we were still an "us".
343
00:22:05,830 --> 00:22:09,750
There are some hurts that you
never compIeteIy get over.
344
00:22:10,340 --> 00:22:14,200
And you think that time wiII diminish
their presence. . .
345
00:22:14,470 --> 00:22:16,590
. . .and to a degree it does. . .
346
00:22:17,140 --> 00:22:19,670
. . .but it stiII hurts,
because, weII. . .
347
00:22:21,430 --> 00:22:23,090
. . .hurt hurts.
348
00:22:27,690 --> 00:22:29,230
If you lose your room key...
349
00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:31,270
...contact the front desk.
350
00:22:31,530 --> 00:22:34,810
And if you've got valuables,
keep them in the hotel safe.
351
00:22:35,070 --> 00:22:36,480
It's complimentary.
352
00:22:36,740 --> 00:22:39,530
For family dining,
how about a pizza poolside...
353
00:22:39,780 --> 00:22:41,990
...from our Wolfgang Puck Cafe?
354
00:22:42,200 --> 00:22:44,990
Then it's a quick walk to
the Santa Monica Pier and beach.
355
00:22:45,250 --> 00:22:49,490
When the kids are acting up,
the waves will set them straight.
356
00:23:04,850 --> 00:23:07,470
The Patriot is proofpositive...
357
00:23:07,690 --> 00:23:09,730
... that missile defense works.
358
00:23:09,940 --> 00:23:12,350
As we've been taught
by Saddam Hussein....
359
00:23:12,610 --> 00:23:16,860
Something about how that man says
"Saddam" makes me want you even more.
360
00:23:29,380 --> 00:23:30,750
Oh, my God!
361
00:23:31,380 --> 00:23:33,420
-The tooth fairy.
-Where?
362
00:23:33,670 --> 00:23:36,880
Josh's tooth. We forgot to put
money under his piIIow.
363
00:23:37,180 --> 00:23:40,260
Josh is asIeep. I'm sure
this can wait a few minutes.
364
00:23:40,510 --> 00:23:43,220
No, no, baby, we might forget Iater.
365
00:23:45,680 --> 00:23:47,310
Who goes?
366
00:23:47,980 --> 00:23:49,560
Rock, paper, scissors!
367
00:23:49,810 --> 00:23:51,010
Shit!
368
00:23:54,070 --> 00:23:58,020
Mr. President, I'm entrusting you
with my soon-to-be-naked wife.
369
00:23:58,280 --> 00:23:59,940
Take care of her, the country.
370
00:24:00,740 --> 00:24:01,860
My Iove to Barbara.
371
00:24:02,200 --> 00:24:03,830
I'II be right back.
372
00:24:13,170 --> 00:24:14,750
I'II be right back!
373
00:25:04,770 --> 00:25:08,550
Everything that's important in
the worId is in this bed right now.
374
00:25:12,190 --> 00:25:13,730
I love you.
375
00:25:15,190 --> 00:25:16,470
I love you.
376
00:25:48,850 --> 00:25:52,640
Hi. You've reached the home
of Jordan, Jordan, Jordan and Jordan.
377
00:25:52,900 --> 00:25:54,640
Nary a Jordan is present now.
378
00:25:54,900 --> 00:25:57,820
If you wanna leave a message
for Katie, Ben, Josh or Erin...
379
00:25:58,070 --> 00:26:00,440
... what better time than....
380
00:26:03,320 --> 00:26:04,870
Hi, it's me.
381
00:26:05,120 --> 00:26:07,870
I'm just caIIing to see
how the kids are doing.
382
00:26:08,160 --> 00:26:10,490
See if you got any post cards
from them.
383
00:26:10,830 --> 00:26:13,620
Anything comes up,
you can give me a call.
384
00:26:15,340 --> 00:26:16,580
Bye-bye.
385
00:26:36,940 --> 00:26:41,070
Listen, I just got your message.
I was in the shower when you called.
386
00:26:42,280 --> 00:26:44,490
The kids seem to be doing reaIIy weII.
387
00:26:44,740 --> 00:26:47,150
I just put the post cards
in an enveIope.
388
00:26:47,910 --> 00:26:50,320
You should be getting them tomorrow.
389
00:26:50,580 --> 00:26:51,610
Good.
390
00:26:54,210 --> 00:26:55,160
You okay?
391
00:26:55,920 --> 00:26:58,380
Yeah, I'm okay. You okay?
392
00:26:58,970 --> 00:27:00,460
Yeah, I'm okay.
393
00:27:07,810 --> 00:27:08,970
Bye.
394
00:27:10,810 --> 00:27:12,060
Bye.
395
00:27:53,150 --> 00:27:54,220
It's me.
396
00:27:59,190 --> 00:28:00,310
How are you?
397
00:28:00,530 --> 00:28:02,690
I'm good. Yeah, reaIIy good.
398
00:28:02,950 --> 00:28:03,980
Good.
399
00:28:04,410 --> 00:28:05,690
What's up?
400
00:28:07,240 --> 00:28:08,270
What's up?
401
00:28:11,160 --> 00:28:15,580
I was thinking about the upstairs
bathroom, and I wanted to remind you. . .
402
00:28:15,830 --> 00:28:18,120
... to schedule that guy
to recaulk the tub.
403
00:28:18,380 --> 00:28:20,370
I've aIready done it.
404
00:28:22,550 --> 00:28:23,670
WeII.
405
00:28:24,050 --> 00:28:25,170
Good.
406
00:28:29,390 --> 00:28:30,930
Then. . .
407
00:28:32,350 --> 00:28:33,270
. . .bye.
408
00:28:34,020 --> 00:28:35,220
Bye.
409
00:28:51,830 --> 00:28:56,160
I'm caIIing to see if you remember
the name of that tree surgeon we used.
410
00:28:56,670 --> 00:28:57,620
Joey Bishop.
411
00:28:58,290 --> 00:29:00,120
Yeah, but no.
412
00:29:00,710 --> 00:29:03,170
-But it was one of those Rat Pack guys.
-Right.
413
00:29:03,380 --> 00:29:04,300
Frank Sinatra?
414
00:29:05,260 --> 00:29:06,590
Dean Martin?
415
00:29:06,930 --> 00:29:08,090
Sammy Davis Jr.?
416
00:29:08,350 --> 00:29:10,720
That's it! Joey Davis Jr.
417
00:29:10,980 --> 00:29:13,430
Joey Davis Jr., the tree surgeon.
418
00:29:13,690 --> 00:29:16,560
I can stiII see the sign
on that bIue truck of his.
419
00:29:16,860 --> 00:29:19,520
Right. Okay, thanks.
420
00:29:22,400 --> 00:29:23,230
Bye.
421
00:29:23,530 --> 00:29:26,610
Listen, your shirts came back
from the cIeaners.
422
00:29:29,290 --> 00:29:32,120
CooI. I'II come by and get them.
423
00:29:32,370 --> 00:29:34,000
I can drop them off.
424
00:29:34,250 --> 00:29:37,030
It's fine. I'II be happy
to come and get them.
425
00:29:37,290 --> 00:29:38,700
What wouId be a good time?
426
00:29:39,880 --> 00:29:41,160
I don't know. . . .
427
00:29:41,420 --> 00:29:44,340
Why don't you come over tomorrow?
I'II be home by 7.
428
00:29:44,590 --> 00:29:45,970
You can stay for dinner.
429
00:29:47,220 --> 00:29:48,170
You sure?
430
00:29:48,800 --> 00:29:50,130
No.
431
00:29:52,730 --> 00:29:54,180
See you tomorrow.
432
00:32:06,570 --> 00:32:07,850
You Iook Iike. . .
433
00:32:08,860 --> 00:32:09,890
. . .Iike you.
434
00:32:12,530 --> 00:32:14,030
You too.
435
00:32:21,630 --> 00:32:25,410
I guess I couId stand on the porch
aII night. I've seen the house.
436
00:32:25,670 --> 00:32:29,800
How many times have we said,
"We shouId use this porch more often?"
437
00:32:30,050 --> 00:32:33,720
Come in. My house is
IiteraIIy your house.
438
00:32:33,970 --> 00:32:34,800
Thank you.
439
00:32:39,770 --> 00:32:43,190
-There's my dry cIeaning.
-Yeah, I Ieft it out for you.
440
00:32:43,570 --> 00:32:45,940
Good. I'II remember
to take it with me.
441
00:32:46,190 --> 00:32:48,810
Because I couId put it
in the cIoset, but I--
442
00:32:50,200 --> 00:32:52,740
That is perfect
dry cIeaning pIacement.
443
00:32:54,620 --> 00:32:56,700
-You want a drink?
-You want something--?
444
00:32:58,410 --> 00:32:59,830
Want some wine?
445
00:33:01,080 --> 00:33:03,080
I think I remember where it is.
446
00:33:03,840 --> 00:33:06,540
-If memory serves, you Iike red wine.
-Right.
447
00:33:06,800 --> 00:33:08,960
Yeah, it's aII coming back to me.
448
00:33:11,680 --> 00:33:14,430
Wine is breathing a Iot better
than I am.
449
00:33:19,690 --> 00:33:22,360
You'II never beIieve
what I did Iast night.
450
00:33:22,610 --> 00:33:24,980
I attempted to do
one of your crosswords.
451
00:33:28,030 --> 00:33:28,980
I have a question.
452
00:33:29,400 --> 00:33:32,360
What was 3 down?
Just couIdn't get it.
453
00:33:32,620 --> 00:33:35,700
Four Ietters, "FeeIing of
psychoIogicaI discomfort."
454
00:33:36,620 --> 00:33:37,780
BIah.
455
00:33:39,120 --> 00:33:40,450
BIah.
456
00:33:43,290 --> 00:33:44,460
Cheers.
457
00:33:44,880 --> 00:33:45,960
Cheers.
458
00:33:58,270 --> 00:33:59,600
Was this aIways here?
459
00:33:59,850 --> 00:34:02,090
No, I bought it Iast week.
460
00:34:04,400 --> 00:34:07,430
Any other new appIiances
I shouId know about?
461
00:34:08,150 --> 00:34:10,940
WeII, as Iong as we're
spiIIing our guts here. . .
462
00:34:11,200 --> 00:34:13,980
. . .I aIso got this new garIic press.
463
00:34:14,530 --> 00:34:18,150
The body's not even coId,
and she's out buying garIic presses.
464
00:34:30,510 --> 00:34:32,300
How do you think the kids are?
465
00:34:32,680 --> 00:34:35,080
From the cards,
it sounds Iike they're good.
466
00:34:35,350 --> 00:34:37,590
I think Erin misses us,
but she's okay.
467
00:34:38,350 --> 00:34:40,180
Yeah. She seems okay.
468
00:34:40,730 --> 00:34:41,840
You think she's okay?
469
00:34:42,190 --> 00:34:43,650
I think she's okay.
470
00:34:43,900 --> 00:34:46,820
Because I think she senses
that we're not okay. . .
471
00:34:47,570 --> 00:34:49,890
. . .and Parents' Weekend is coming.
472
00:34:52,200 --> 00:34:54,320
We'II just have to give her. . .
473
00:34:54,580 --> 00:34:56,950
. . .a Iot of extra attention. . .
474
00:34:57,200 --> 00:34:58,610
. . .and reaIIy Iove her up.
475
00:35:09,630 --> 00:35:10,580
ShouId we eat?
476
00:35:10,840 --> 00:35:12,420
Yeah, I couId eat.
477
00:35:16,680 --> 00:35:18,340
This is reaIIy good.
478
00:35:18,600 --> 00:35:19,800
Thanks.
479
00:35:23,310 --> 00:35:24,560
High/Low?
480
00:35:24,770 --> 00:35:25,770
Sure.
481
00:35:26,730 --> 00:35:27,560
Your high?
482
00:35:28,650 --> 00:35:29,980
HonestIy?
483
00:35:31,450 --> 00:35:32,560
Right now.
484
00:35:34,450 --> 00:35:35,910
And your Iow?
485
00:35:38,080 --> 00:35:40,570
Every minute of the Iast two weeks.
486
00:35:42,540 --> 00:35:43,540
How about you?
487
00:35:45,840 --> 00:35:50,410
My high wouId have to be the Cuisinart,
because I wanted it ever so badIy.
488
00:35:50,630 --> 00:35:51,960
And your Iow?
489
00:35:53,090 --> 00:35:56,960
The garIic press. It's not nearIy
as handy as I thought it'd be.
490
00:35:57,510 --> 00:36:00,720
I Iay myseIf open, and you mock me
with kitchenware.
491
00:36:00,980 --> 00:36:03,930
AII the whiIe making me
more attractive to you.
492
00:36:06,060 --> 00:36:07,440
Is that your intention?
493
00:36:12,570 --> 00:36:14,150
I'm not sure.
494
00:36:17,280 --> 00:36:18,660
It's working.
495
00:36:46,940 --> 00:36:49,860
It Iooks Iike I haven't been
doing too much reading.
496
00:36:55,370 --> 00:36:58,780
Okay, I'm ready. How about you?
497
00:36:59,740 --> 00:37:01,540
-I. . . .
-What?
498
00:37:02,660 --> 00:37:04,870
Come on. Remember
what Dr. Tischner said:
499
00:37:05,130 --> 00:37:08,580
"If you had it once,
you can aIways get it back."
500
00:37:09,050 --> 00:37:13,130
Was that Dr. Tischner
or was that Dr. Hopkins?
501
00:37:15,010 --> 00:37:16,750
The one with the sibiIant "S".
502
00:37:16,970 --> 00:37:17,800
Right.
503
00:37:19,350 --> 00:37:21,840
Wrong. It was a IateraI Iisp.
504
00:37:22,060 --> 00:37:24,630
Sex is simpIy a symboIic expression. . .
505
00:37:24,890 --> 00:37:27,730
. . .of the emotionaI status
of a reIationship.
506
00:37:28,270 --> 00:37:33,270
Sustained Iack of sex is
symptomatic of disassociation.
507
00:37:33,690 --> 00:37:36,480
No, the one with the IateraI Iisp
was Dr. Rifkin.
508
00:37:36,740 --> 00:37:40,870
Dr. Hopkins was the one with the
Rorschach birthmark on his forehead.
509
00:37:41,120 --> 00:37:44,740
It Iooked Iike CaIifornia. How couId
you pay attention to what he said?
510
00:37:45,000 --> 00:37:47,950
This cycIe of cIoseness,
then estrangement. . .
511
00:37:48,170 --> 00:37:49,660
. . .you've both toId me about. . .
512
00:37:49,880 --> 00:37:53,210
. . .what instigates it?
First thing that comes to your mind.
513
00:37:53,460 --> 00:37:55,590
-Sacramento.
-Governor Gray Davis.
514
00:37:56,090 --> 00:38:00,640
My personaI favorite was the Freudian
with the prostate probIem.
515
00:38:01,680 --> 00:38:03,340
When two peopIe go to bed. . .
516
00:38:03,600 --> 00:38:06,970
. . .there are actuaIIy six peopIe
in that bed.
517
00:38:08,020 --> 00:38:09,600
If you'II excuse me.
518
00:38:12,190 --> 00:38:14,320
Are we aIIowed to taIk when he's gone?
519
00:38:14,780 --> 00:38:16,190
I don't know.
520
00:38:17,200 --> 00:38:18,480
What do you think?
521
00:38:18,780 --> 00:38:21,240
To be on the safe side,
maybe we better not.
522
00:38:29,170 --> 00:38:31,840
The six peopIe in bed are
the two of you. . .
523
00:38:32,300 --> 00:38:35,420
. . .and your parents
and your parents.
524
00:38:36,180 --> 00:38:38,850
Now, the key is. . . .
525
00:38:39,350 --> 00:38:41,050
WiII you excuse me, pIease?
526
00:38:44,980 --> 00:38:47,260
He charged us for the fuII session.
527
00:38:47,520 --> 00:38:50,090
The man was peeing on our time!
528
00:38:53,440 --> 00:38:55,980
AII that therapy was
a waste of time and money.
529
00:38:56,240 --> 00:38:59,030
Where did aII that therapy
reaIIy get us?
530
00:38:59,740 --> 00:39:01,780
It got us here,
Iaughing about it.
531
00:39:02,040 --> 00:39:05,740
-He's right.
-Once it's broken, it can't be fixed.
532
00:39:05,960 --> 00:39:08,110
-I don't know.
-The queen has spoken.
533
00:39:08,380 --> 00:39:11,460
-Maybe it's too soon.
-What are you taIking about?
534
00:39:11,710 --> 00:39:16,090
The whoIe point of having a fight is
pIaying "hide the saIami" afterwards.
535
00:39:17,050 --> 00:39:20,170
Let hard times bring you together.
Nobody said it'd be easy.
536
00:39:20,390 --> 00:39:23,840
Can't hard times bring us together?
Nobody said it'd be easy.
537
00:39:24,060 --> 00:39:26,890
Like the Andrews Sisters.
After "Boogie Woogie BugIe Boy". . .
538
00:39:27,150 --> 00:39:29,140
. . .before "Don't Sit
Under the AppIe Tree".
539
00:39:29,400 --> 00:39:31,140
Big career sIump there.
540
00:39:31,400 --> 00:39:34,190
Like the Andrews Sisters before
"Don't Sit Under the AppIe Tree".
541
00:39:34,440 --> 00:39:35,850
The Andrews Sisters?
542
00:39:36,110 --> 00:39:38,070
They didn't stop
because of a few fIops.
543
00:39:38,320 --> 00:39:40,450
They hung in there.
The rest is history.
544
00:39:40,700 --> 00:39:42,660
Don't sit under the apple tree
545
00:39:43,120 --> 00:39:46,070
Why are you bringing up
the Andrews Sisters now?
546
00:39:46,330 --> 00:39:48,370
-You're singing!
-It's an exampIe.
547
00:39:48,620 --> 00:39:50,660
They're in troubIe,
and you're singing?
548
00:39:50,920 --> 00:39:54,750
Dot, put out once in a whiIe.
Your face won't be so tight.
549
00:39:54,960 --> 00:39:55,800
SIut.
550
00:39:56,010 --> 00:40:00,470
I don't know what their career sIump
has to do with our maritaI probIems.
551
00:40:00,720 --> 00:40:02,130
What shouId we do?
552
00:40:02,390 --> 00:40:05,810
Make matters worse by dweIIing
on every IittIe thing aII our Iives?
553
00:40:06,060 --> 00:40:08,550
Is that what you think I do?
554
00:40:08,770 --> 00:40:11,140
-You're a chiId.
-I just dweII on everything?
555
00:40:11,400 --> 00:40:13,600
You're a 72-year-oId infant!
556
00:40:13,820 --> 00:40:17,520
There are reaI probIems that we
haven't even begun to deaI with.
557
00:40:17,780 --> 00:40:20,860
Don't you think I know that?
What happened to you?
558
00:40:21,120 --> 00:40:23,820
What happened to that fun girI
with the pith heImet?
559
00:40:24,080 --> 00:40:27,200
You don't think I ask myseIf
that every day?
560
00:40:27,460 --> 00:40:30,870
You beat her out of me!
There's no room here for her!
561
00:40:31,130 --> 00:40:32,500
You think it's aII fun and games.
562
00:40:32,750 --> 00:40:35,710
So it's my fauIt you hang on
to every IittIe thing!
563
00:40:35,960 --> 00:40:38,450
It's my fauIt you can't
Iet go of anything!
564
00:40:39,430 --> 00:40:42,000
It's my fauIt you turned
into your mother?!
565
00:40:42,260 --> 00:40:43,890
Fuck you!
566
00:41:30,310 --> 00:41:34,230
-I stiII think that there's a chance--
-Ben, you Iove who we were.
567
00:41:34,480 --> 00:41:37,820
You couIdn't possibIy Iove
what we've become.
568
00:41:38,860 --> 00:41:41,020
I think I spotted us
at dinner tonight.
569
00:41:42,950 --> 00:41:45,740
We can't stay together
just because we. . .
570
00:41:45,990 --> 00:41:48,490
. . .get a glimpse of "us"
every once in a whiIe.
571
00:41:49,040 --> 00:41:51,120
It was Iess than 15 minutes ago.
572
00:41:53,130 --> 00:41:56,380
AII we proved is, if we're apart
for weeks at a time. . .
573
00:41:56,630 --> 00:41:59,500
. . .we might get through a dinner.
That's not a marriage.
574
00:42:05,600 --> 00:42:07,010
It's over.
575
00:42:45,040 --> 00:42:46,070
A book about your grandmother?
576
00:42:46,250 --> 00:42:48,450
Yeah. She was an extraordinary woman.
577
00:42:48,710 --> 00:42:51,580
I'm sure she was.
Did she fuck a President?
578
00:42:52,840 --> 00:42:55,790
No. Did she discover uranium?
579
00:42:56,050 --> 00:42:58,370
A cure for cancer?
Nothing Iike that?
580
00:42:59,390 --> 00:43:02,300
Why wouId anybody wanna read
a book about her?
581
00:43:02,680 --> 00:43:06,100
She was 4'9". She emigrated
from Europe as a IittIe girI.
582
00:43:06,310 --> 00:43:10,520
She worked in a sweatshop making
buttonhoIes 14 hours a day and yet. . .
583
00:43:10,730 --> 00:43:14,560
. . .raised five kids and stayed married
to the same man for 57 years.
584
00:43:14,780 --> 00:43:17,810
Dave, this wiII be the greatest
Iove story ever toId.
585
00:43:19,320 --> 00:43:22,410
Let me expIain something to you.
Not as your agent.
586
00:43:22,620 --> 00:43:24,410
This is as a friend.
587
00:43:28,960 --> 00:43:30,200
Come here.
588
00:43:31,290 --> 00:43:32,920
You see aII these peopIe?
589
00:43:33,170 --> 00:43:36,170
They're getting into buiIdings.
They're driving cars.
590
00:43:36,420 --> 00:43:39,260
They're crossing the street.
They're waIking around.
591
00:43:39,680 --> 00:43:41,920
Every singIe one of these peopIe. . .
592
00:43:42,180 --> 00:43:44,220
. . .is going to die someday. . .
593
00:43:44,430 --> 00:43:45,890
. . .and they aII know it.
594
00:43:47,180 --> 00:43:48,560
Which is why. . .
595
00:43:49,270 --> 00:43:52,690
. . .they regard the time they have
on this pIanet as precious.
596
00:43:52,900 --> 00:43:55,270
There are things that take up
that time. . .
597
00:43:55,530 --> 00:43:58,560
. . .even if they don't enjoy it.
They have to go to work.
598
00:43:58,820 --> 00:44:01,110
They have to get dressed,
wait in Iines. . .
599
00:44:01,370 --> 00:44:03,650
. . .cIean yards, get batteries.
600
00:44:03,910 --> 00:44:07,030
They visit the eye doctor.
They're doing aII these things.
601
00:44:07,290 --> 00:44:12,170
Now, add that to the time they spend
sIeeping and eating. . .
602
00:44:12,420 --> 00:44:15,340
. . .and washing up and voting. . .
603
00:44:15,590 --> 00:44:18,840
. . .and buying gifts for peopIe
they don't Iike, and you see. . .
604
00:44:19,090 --> 00:44:22,880
. . .why they're so choosy about
how they spend their Ieisure time.
605
00:44:23,140 --> 00:44:26,340
You can understand why
unIess she went down on somebody. . .
606
00:44:26,560 --> 00:44:30,260
. . .reaIIy interesting, they won't
waste their vaIuabIe time. . .
607
00:44:30,480 --> 00:44:33,890
. . .reading a book about
your fucking grandmother!
608
00:44:36,570 --> 00:44:39,240
So if I read you right,
you don't Iike the idea.
609
00:44:39,660 --> 00:44:40,650
It's not that.
610
00:44:51,540 --> 00:44:55,370
You know, I find the Ariana
much more fragrant than the RaphaeIa.
611
00:44:57,380 --> 00:44:58,960
I'II keep that in mind.
612
00:44:59,220 --> 00:45:01,290
-How you doing?
-Fine.
613
00:45:01,550 --> 00:45:05,090
I never got a chance to thank you
for hoIding the camp bus.
614
00:45:05,350 --> 00:45:08,020
Anytime you need a bus heId,
I am your guy.
615
00:45:08,270 --> 00:45:11,140
-Erin's teeth are Iooking good.
-Thanks to you.
616
00:45:11,400 --> 00:45:13,800
I hope she remembers to wear
her retainer.
617
00:45:14,230 --> 00:45:15,890
You know how kids are at camp.
618
00:45:16,150 --> 00:45:19,820
The minute my Kevin gets off that bus,
it's "Goodbye, bitepIate".
619
00:45:20,280 --> 00:45:21,740
Is that for you?
620
00:45:23,410 --> 00:45:26,860
When Deirdre and I divorced,
I decided to Iearn how to cook.
621
00:45:27,160 --> 00:45:29,240
The Wok-y World of Thai Cooking?
622
00:45:29,500 --> 00:45:30,740
I'm branching out.
623
00:45:30,960 --> 00:45:33,870
I'm taking a Thai cooking course
this summer.
624
00:45:34,170 --> 00:45:37,370
ReaIIy? I've aIways been interested
in Asian cooking.
625
00:45:37,630 --> 00:45:38,750
ReaIIy?
626
00:45:39,220 --> 00:45:40,540
Why don't you join me?
627
00:45:43,260 --> 00:45:45,000
When I think about it...
628
00:45:45,350 --> 00:45:47,880
. . .over the years there were
Iess and Iess moments. . .
629
00:45:48,140 --> 00:45:49,630
. . .in the course of the day. . .
630
00:45:49,890 --> 00:45:52,730
. . .when Ben and I actuaIIy made
reaI eye contact.
631
00:45:52,980 --> 00:45:55,440
You are not gonna beIieve
what happened.
632
00:45:55,730 --> 00:45:58,190
-What?
-He's aImost asIeep.
633
00:45:59,650 --> 00:46:01,690
Maybe it was the stuff of life.
634
00:46:02,110 --> 00:46:03,910
Who 's taking Erin to school?
635
00:46:04,530 --> 00:46:07,490
Who will pick up Josh
from his clarinet lessons?
636
00:46:08,200 --> 00:46:10,610
After a while, there was
a disturbing comfort...
637
00:46:10,870 --> 00:46:12,910
...in not having to deal
with each other...
638
00:46:13,170 --> 00:46:16,830
...because somehow you just
get used to the disconnection.
639
00:46:17,840 --> 00:46:21,840
Even at night, when we could finally
come together, we faced forward.
640
00:46:22,050 --> 00:46:25,090
Yeah, we were tired,
but I think we were afraid...
641
00:46:25,350 --> 00:46:28,630
... that if we faced each other,
there'd be nothing there.
642
00:46:29,100 --> 00:46:31,060
We're Iearning Mee Krob next week.
643
00:46:31,520 --> 00:46:32,800
Mee Krob.
644
00:46:34,190 --> 00:46:35,850
I'II Iet you know.
645
00:46:39,780 --> 00:46:42,450
I'II caII you. Oh, you caII me.
646
00:46:47,790 --> 00:46:50,450
When we drove to the camp
for Parents' Weekend...
647
00:46:50,660 --> 00:46:52,700
...I was scared to face the kids.
648
00:46:53,370 --> 00:46:57,700
You'd talk about it with a best friend.
But Katie had been my best friend.
649
00:46:57,920 --> 00:47:02,080
Now I didn't know what we were,
except Josh and Erin's parents.
650
00:47:28,950 --> 00:47:30,030
What?
651
00:47:31,870 --> 00:47:33,200
Nothing.
652
00:47:36,130 --> 00:47:37,700
--is nothing?
653
00:47:39,170 --> 00:47:41,380
This is not going to be easy.
654
00:47:42,880 --> 00:47:45,920
The kids do not need to be burdened
with our probIems.
655
00:47:46,180 --> 00:47:47,890
They have haIf a summer Ieft.
656
00:47:48,140 --> 00:47:50,930
Like my pIan was to burden
the kids with our probIems.
657
00:47:51,180 --> 00:47:54,430
Jesus Christ, wiII you give me
some fucking credit?
658
00:48:01,230 --> 00:48:02,560
I missed you.
659
00:48:02,990 --> 00:48:04,690
I missed you so much.
660
00:48:04,950 --> 00:48:06,570
I missed you both so much.
661
00:48:09,870 --> 00:48:11,610
Dad, puII yourseIf together.
662
00:48:12,000 --> 00:48:14,070
Dad, get off of me!
663
00:48:15,830 --> 00:48:18,790
You guys both Iook terrific.
Show us your bunks.
664
00:48:19,670 --> 00:48:21,380
I wanna see your bunks too.
665
00:48:21,630 --> 00:48:24,300
Did you get your favorite room?
The Acorn Cabin?
666
00:48:24,550 --> 00:48:25,930
Yeah, we did.
667
00:48:26,180 --> 00:48:28,300
We got the Acorn Cabin.
668
00:49:15,520 --> 00:49:17,060
God, I hate Iying to them.
669
00:49:17,310 --> 00:49:20,020
Me too. We're not even good at it.
670
00:49:20,270 --> 00:49:22,900
Even if we were good at it,
they'd stiII know.
671
00:49:46,630 --> 00:49:47,880
What is that?
672
00:49:48,430 --> 00:49:49,340
What's what?
673
00:49:49,600 --> 00:49:52,760
-The thing you just put in your mouth.
-It's my bitepIate.
674
00:49:52,970 --> 00:49:56,060
-BitepIate?
-Yeah. It's my bitepIate.
675
00:49:56,310 --> 00:49:59,060
-Why do you have a bitepIate?
-For my bite.
676
00:50:00,150 --> 00:50:01,520
What's wrong with your bite?
677
00:50:02,690 --> 00:50:04,320
It's askew.
678
00:50:04,570 --> 00:50:05,400
Askew?
679
00:50:05,610 --> 00:50:07,270
Yes, it's askew.
680
00:50:07,860 --> 00:50:11,070
So this wouId be an attempt
to de-skew it?
681
00:50:16,580 --> 00:50:18,370
You order room service?
682
00:50:26,050 --> 00:50:28,210
-What's the matter?
-Nothing. I'm okay.
683
00:50:28,470 --> 00:50:29,800
Honey, are you okay?
684
00:50:30,050 --> 00:50:31,930
I'm okay. I'm fine.
685
00:50:32,180 --> 00:50:35,300
I couIdn't sIeep, so
I snuck out after Iights out.
686
00:50:35,810 --> 00:50:38,180
I just wanted to sIeep
with you guys.
687
00:50:40,560 --> 00:50:44,430
It's okay. I'II caII the camp
and Iet them know you're here.
688
00:50:49,450 --> 00:50:51,740
Why is the bed made up on the couch?
689
00:50:53,790 --> 00:50:57,530
Daddy was doing a IittIe reading,
and I didn't wanna wake Mommy up.
690
00:51:30,410 --> 00:51:33,410
Sometimes you just can't
climb out of the abyss.
691
00:51:34,040 --> 00:51:36,360
I thought of last summer,
when we still hoped...
692
00:51:36,620 --> 00:51:39,490
... that if we put ourselves
in some idyllic setting...
693
00:51:39,710 --> 00:51:42,200
... we'd somehow get rid
of all the tension...
694
00:51:42,460 --> 00:51:44,040
...jump-start our marriage...
695
00:51:44,300 --> 00:51:47,330
...and rediscover why we fell in love
in the first place.
696
00:51:47,550 --> 00:51:49,710
So last year,
after Parents' Weekend...
697
00:51:49,970 --> 00:51:52,640
... we thought maybe
in a trattoria in Venice...
698
00:51:52,890 --> 00:51:56,390
...looking at a beautiful sunset,
next to a bottle of Chianti...
699
00:51:56,600 --> 00:51:59,350
... we just might find a set
of jumper cables.
700
00:52:01,230 --> 00:52:03,930
How you doing?
Two ItaIian ices, pIease.
701
00:52:04,190 --> 00:52:08,240
Honey, you don't have to say ItaIian.
We're here. They know.
702
00:52:08,610 --> 00:52:12,440
So if I'm in BeIgium, and I order
a BeIgian waffIe, I just say waffIe?
703
00:52:12,700 --> 00:52:15,820
Like if you were in IreIand
and you wanted Irish stew. . .
704
00:52:16,080 --> 00:52:17,570
. . .you'd just say stew.
705
00:52:17,830 --> 00:52:20,320
If you're in China and
you want Chinese food. . .
706
00:52:20,580 --> 00:52:22,330
. . .you say, "Bring on the food."
707
00:52:23,460 --> 00:52:26,580
We couIdn't heIp but overhear
your deIightfuI repartee.
708
00:52:26,840 --> 00:52:29,300
We're the Kirbys from CIeveIand.
And you are. . .?
709
00:52:29,550 --> 00:52:31,840
-The Mansons.
-From Spawn Ranch.
710
00:52:36,100 --> 00:52:37,130
That's a good one.
711
00:52:53,120 --> 00:52:55,160
Look, right there.
The red cape.
712
00:52:55,410 --> 00:52:56,660
I Iike that.
713
00:53:02,500 --> 00:53:03,410
It's you. . .
714
00:53:03,670 --> 00:53:04,530
. . .peopIe.
715
00:53:04,790 --> 00:53:07,880
-The Kirbys from CIeveIand.
-Joanie and Eddie.
716
00:53:08,130 --> 00:53:11,380
How couId we forget?
We haven't stopped taIking about you.
717
00:53:11,840 --> 00:53:14,840
This is fate. We have to
get together, break bread.
718
00:53:15,100 --> 00:53:17,850
Sounds great.
We're at the HoteI Pasta e FagioIi.
719
00:53:19,020 --> 00:53:21,340
You caII us.
We're at the Europa Regina.
720
00:53:21,600 --> 00:53:23,850
Great. We'II caII you.
721
00:53:24,110 --> 00:53:25,220
Oh, right on!
722
00:53:27,860 --> 00:53:28,770
Look at this.
723
00:53:29,030 --> 00:53:30,820
-This is beautifuI.
-This way.
724
00:53:31,110 --> 00:53:33,240
-Thank you.
-CanaI-side seating.
725
00:53:33,490 --> 00:53:34,770
Very nice.
726
00:53:37,370 --> 00:53:39,330
Oh, my God!
727
00:53:40,330 --> 00:53:41,790
Meant to be!
728
00:53:42,750 --> 00:53:44,740
Kismet! Kismet!
729
00:53:45,170 --> 00:53:49,040
We went Iooking for your hoteI,
but we couIdn't find it anywhere.
730
00:53:49,300 --> 00:53:53,130
-Yeah, it's pretty hard to find.
-WeII, aII's weII that ends weII.
731
00:53:55,430 --> 00:53:58,800
It was just Iike fate,
the first time I met Joanie.
732
00:53:59,060 --> 00:54:02,590
I worked on the 6th fIoor,
and Eddie worked on the 4th fIoor.
733
00:54:02,850 --> 00:54:05,140
-Hand to God.
-Every day in the cafeteria. . .
734
00:54:05,360 --> 00:54:07,890
-. . .on the third fIoor--
-I saw Joanie at the saIad bar.
735
00:54:08,150 --> 00:54:10,480
And she smiIed at me.
Not just a smiIe.
736
00:54:10,740 --> 00:54:12,610
I mean, a reaIIy big smiIe.
737
00:54:13,450 --> 00:54:16,120
One day at the saIad bar
at Beefsteak CharIie's. . .
738
00:54:16,370 --> 00:54:18,660
. . .I thought I saw her
at that saIad bar.
739
00:54:18,910 --> 00:54:21,400
-But it wasn't me.
-It wasn't Joanie!
740
00:54:22,290 --> 00:54:26,290
What are the odds of another person
at a saIad bar Iooking Iike Joanie. . .
741
00:54:26,540 --> 00:54:28,290
. . .and yet not being Joanie?
742
00:54:29,130 --> 00:54:31,420
What, Iike a triIIion to one?
743
00:54:31,680 --> 00:54:33,420
CouId be higher than that.
744
00:54:33,680 --> 00:54:37,720
Anyway, when I reaIized it wasn't
Joanie, I was so disappointed.
745
00:54:37,970 --> 00:54:41,920
And I began to think about how much
I'd hoped that it was Joanie.
746
00:54:42,180 --> 00:54:44,590
But at this point
you stiII hadn't met.
747
00:54:44,860 --> 00:54:49,560
No. And I couIdn't get over how much
I wanted this person to be Joanie.
748
00:54:49,820 --> 00:54:52,610
And I think that was
the defining moment.
749
00:54:52,860 --> 00:54:56,150
I went back to my wife at the tabIe
at Beefsteak CharIie's. . .
750
00:54:56,410 --> 00:55:00,280
. . .and I reaIized I feIt more aIive
thinking about that stranger. . .
751
00:55:00,540 --> 00:55:04,490
. . .I thought was Joanie than I did
with the stranger who was my wife.
752
00:55:04,750 --> 00:55:06,960
We were both in marriages
we'd outgrown.
753
00:55:07,210 --> 00:55:10,080
You know, maybe I didn't
wanna admit it, but maybe. . .
754
00:55:10,300 --> 00:55:13,960
. . .I didn't Iike myseIf enough
to be with someone who Iiked me.
755
00:55:14,220 --> 00:55:17,050
Can you imagine anybody
not Iiking Eddie Kirby?
756
00:55:17,350 --> 00:55:19,300
I'm not so perfect.
757
00:55:19,560 --> 00:55:21,180
Beg to differ!
758
00:55:21,430 --> 00:55:26,480
That year we both mustered up
enough courage to Ieave our marriages.
759
00:55:26,730 --> 00:55:28,520
So at this point you had met.
760
00:55:29,650 --> 00:55:30,520
StiII hadn't met.
761
00:55:31,400 --> 00:55:35,350
But, you know, after you've had
such a horribIe marriage. . .
762
00:55:35,620 --> 00:55:38,490
. . .you don't wanna make
the same mistakes twice.
763
00:55:38,740 --> 00:55:41,150
So I made an inner pact with myseIf.
764
00:55:41,370 --> 00:55:44,910
I said, "Eddie, you wiII never
Iet anger buiId up to the point. . .
765
00:55:45,120 --> 00:55:47,030
. . .where you don't Iike
your partner."
766
00:55:47,290 --> 00:55:49,670
-I made the same pact.
-That became our credo.
767
00:55:49,920 --> 00:55:52,500
"Never go to bed angry."
768
00:55:53,050 --> 00:55:55,340
So now we taIk everything through.
769
00:55:55,590 --> 00:55:59,180
We won't Iet even the tiniest pea
be under our mattress.
770
00:55:59,430 --> 00:56:01,760
That's why we never eat in bed.
771
00:56:05,560 --> 00:56:07,310
Me too.
772
00:56:10,610 --> 00:56:12,400
Who'd have thought the Kirbys...
773
00:56:12,610 --> 00:56:14,980
... the happiest couple
never to have met...
774
00:56:15,240 --> 00:56:18,160
... would be the greatest
aphrodisiac known to man?
775
00:56:43,600 --> 00:56:46,470
If only you could bottle
that unfettered state of mind...
776
00:56:46,730 --> 00:56:48,770
... that comes with being
on foreign soil...
777
00:56:49,270 --> 00:56:50,730
... to just hold on to it...
778
00:56:50,980 --> 00:56:53,520
...even for a day, an evening...
779
00:56:54,280 --> 00:56:55,610
...an hour.
780
00:56:56,070 --> 00:56:59,070
Last year, when we
got back from Italy, God knows...
781
00:56:59,280 --> 00:57:01,160
... we gave it a try.
782
00:57:16,090 --> 00:57:17,500
Hey, Iook at this.
783
00:57:18,090 --> 00:57:22,310
WhiIe we were away, we got a message
from His HoIiness, the DaIai Lama.
784
00:57:24,020 --> 00:57:26,180
About a softbaII team
he's getting started.
785
00:57:27,850 --> 00:57:31,690
You wanna write a Ietter to the kids
together, Iet them know we're back?
786
00:57:37,120 --> 00:57:39,900
"Dear Josh. . .
787
00:57:40,620 --> 00:57:42,030
. . .and Erin."
788
00:57:42,500 --> 00:57:45,330
Oh, sure. You get the easy part.
789
00:57:48,960 --> 00:57:49,910
"We're. . .
790
00:57:51,300 --> 00:57:52,490
. . .back."
791
00:57:55,840 --> 00:57:57,500
"From. . .
792
00:57:58,390 --> 00:57:59,500
. . .Europe."
793
00:58:00,510 --> 00:58:03,000
That's not a sentence.
It's a preposition and a continent.
794
00:58:03,270 --> 00:58:05,590
I crossed out your period
and made a sentence.
795
00:58:05,850 --> 00:58:08,890
See? "We're back from Europe."
Your turn.
796
00:58:09,150 --> 00:58:10,100
Thank you.
797
00:58:11,020 --> 00:58:14,940
ExcIamation point.
Comma. CIose parentheses.
798
00:58:15,190 --> 00:58:17,190
"But I. . .
799
00:58:17,860 --> 00:58:19,860
. . .don't want to taIk. . .
800
00:58:20,120 --> 00:58:22,440
. . .about grammar."
801
00:58:22,700 --> 00:58:27,110
CoIon. "I want to. . .
802
00:58:27,870 --> 00:58:29,950
. . .make Iove to. . .
803
00:58:30,210 --> 00:58:32,370
. . .your mother."
804
00:58:33,960 --> 00:58:35,960
No, you didn't write that.
805
00:58:38,970 --> 00:58:41,640
What? I do. I want to.
806
00:58:41,890 --> 00:58:43,680
After we finish the Ietter.
807
00:58:43,890 --> 00:58:47,970
No, Iet's make Iove right now.
Then we write the Ietter.
808
00:58:48,230 --> 00:58:51,510
Come on, we onIy had
a coupIe of sentences to go.
809
00:58:51,770 --> 00:58:54,890
In Europe, you wouId've
made Iove first.
810
00:58:55,900 --> 00:58:58,520
-What's that supposed to mean?
-Nothing.
811
00:58:58,780 --> 00:59:01,400
-That I'm not spontaneous?
-I'm not saying that.
812
00:59:01,660 --> 00:59:03,370
But that's what you impIied.
813
00:59:03,620 --> 00:59:05,860
That in Europe I'd have
made Iove, but here--
814
00:59:06,120 --> 00:59:08,240
I don't want us to get to the point. . .
815
00:59:08,500 --> 00:59:11,870
. . .where we can't make Iove unIess
there's a concierge downstairs.
816
00:59:12,130 --> 00:59:16,620
I wanted to take three minutes
to finish a Ietter to our chiIdren. . .
817
00:59:16,880 --> 00:59:18,210
. . .who I haven't seen--
818
00:59:18,470 --> 00:59:22,050
What's that supposed to mean?
That I don't care about our chiIdren?
819
00:59:22,310 --> 00:59:24,510
If I finish the Ietter,
I couId be spontaneous.
820
00:59:24,730 --> 00:59:27,640
That's not spontaneous!
That's making an appointment!
821
00:59:27,850 --> 00:59:30,520
I was in the mood
for unscheduIed affection. . .
822
00:59:30,730 --> 00:59:32,770
. . .but sorry, we're home. I forgot. . .
823
00:59:33,020 --> 00:59:35,430
. . .everything's gotta be
on a scheduIe!
824
00:59:36,320 --> 00:59:39,570
You try raising chiIdren
where everything's unscheduIed. . .
825
00:59:39,820 --> 00:59:41,650
. . .when everything's spontaneous!
826
00:59:41,910 --> 00:59:45,240
You know what? The kids need
a IittIe spontaneity too!
827
00:59:45,750 --> 00:59:47,450
I know that!
828
00:59:47,710 --> 00:59:52,040
I'm sick and tired of being
the designated driver of this marriage!
829
00:59:52,290 --> 00:59:55,130
Nobody designated you!
It's a roIe you gave yourseIf!
830
00:59:55,380 --> 00:59:57,500
BuIIshit! You gave me that roIe!
831
00:59:57,760 --> 01:00:01,920
Because God forbid Ben shouId ever
remember to canceI the newspapers. . .
832
01:00:02,180 --> 01:00:03,840
. . .or put washer fIuid in his car. . .
833
01:00:04,100 --> 01:00:06,880
. . .or participate in discipIining
his chiIdren. . .
834
01:00:07,140 --> 01:00:10,260
. . .instead of fIirting on the phone
with your girIfriend!
835
01:00:10,520 --> 01:00:12,260
You're not bringing that up again!
836
01:00:12,480 --> 01:00:14,770
You're damn straight
I'II bring it up again!
837
01:00:15,030 --> 01:00:16,850
I haven't spoken to her
in six months!
838
01:00:17,110 --> 01:00:19,600
Not once have you seen it
through my eyes!
839
01:00:19,860 --> 01:00:23,070
We don't have a pea under our mattress.
You know what we have?
840
01:00:23,330 --> 01:00:24,440
A fucking watermeIon!
841
01:00:24,700 --> 01:00:26,860
And you never wanna deaI with it!
842
01:00:27,120 --> 01:00:28,830
Oh, fuck it!
843
01:00:29,290 --> 01:00:30,870
Jesus!
844
01:00:38,630 --> 01:00:40,210
WeIcome home.
845
01:00:48,390 --> 01:00:49,720
Bye, Dad.
846
01:00:50,230 --> 01:00:52,050
-Thanks.
-I Iove you.
847
01:00:53,190 --> 01:00:54,900
-Bye, Mom.
-Buddy.
848
01:00:57,110 --> 01:00:58,390
Love you.
849
01:00:59,400 --> 01:01:01,200
See you guys in a month.
850
01:01:07,870 --> 01:01:09,280
Bye, you guys.
851
01:01:10,250 --> 01:01:11,710
-Bye, Daddy.
-CoupIe of weeks.
852
01:01:11,920 --> 01:01:13,910
-Watch your toes.
-See you.
853
01:01:14,170 --> 01:01:15,580
Bye, kids.
854
01:01:31,480 --> 01:01:33,890
Do you think we shouId get
one Iawyer or two?
855
01:01:38,530 --> 01:01:39,610
One.
856
01:01:41,240 --> 01:01:44,070
Maybe we can at Ieast
make this part. . . .
857
01:01:46,740 --> 01:01:51,040
AII I care about is that we make it
as easy for the kids as possibIe.
858
01:01:55,540 --> 01:01:59,960
I'm sure you noticed the bathroom has
the original tiling from the '20s.
859
01:02:00,260 --> 01:02:01,120
It's nice.
860
01:02:01,340 --> 01:02:04,680
You know, since you're a writer,
I know you'd appreciate. . .
861
01:02:04,930 --> 01:02:07,420
. . .that the sister
of Bette Davis' chauffeur. . .
862
01:02:07,680 --> 01:02:10,930
. . .once had Thanksgiving
in the apartment next door.
863
01:02:11,560 --> 01:02:12,720
ReaIIy?
864
01:02:13,770 --> 01:02:16,100
Are there any other kids
in this buiIding?
865
01:02:16,360 --> 01:02:20,310
OodIes! IncIuding, if I might add,
the nephew of the actor. . .
866
01:02:20,530 --> 01:02:23,900
. . .who jumped third into
the fourth Iifeboat on Titanic.
867
01:02:24,110 --> 01:02:26,820
Rent the fiIm, you'II see.
I'II introduce you.
868
01:02:27,080 --> 01:02:31,030
I'm showing it to another famiIy today,
but if you're interested. . .
869
01:02:31,290 --> 01:02:34,290
. . .I can hoId it for you,
give your wife a Iook-see--
870
01:02:34,500 --> 01:02:35,370
I'm interested.
871
01:02:35,630 --> 01:02:39,710
Who wouIdn't be? Look how the Iight
from that window fiIIs the room.
872
01:02:40,340 --> 01:02:42,080
When I showed this apartment. . .
873
01:02:42,300 --> 01:02:45,130
. . .to the man who did the voice
of CharIie the Tuna. . .
874
01:02:45,390 --> 01:02:49,090
. . .he said, and I quote,
"Wow", unquote.
875
01:02:49,350 --> 01:02:51,180
I think that says it aII.
876
01:02:53,810 --> 01:02:55,560
First, you put oIive oiI. . .
877
01:02:55,810 --> 01:02:57,520
. . .garIic and tofu.
878
01:02:57,770 --> 01:03:00,310
Saute untiI garIic turn Iight brown.
879
01:03:00,650 --> 01:03:04,020
Make sure that your wok have
a strong heat underneath it.
880
01:03:04,280 --> 01:03:07,280
Now take an egg and crack it
to the hot oiI.
881
01:03:09,410 --> 01:03:13,360
Make sure aII the ingredients
are cooked thoroughIy.
882
01:03:14,750 --> 01:03:15,700
You okay?
883
01:03:15,960 --> 01:03:18,080
Yeah, I'm fine.
884
01:03:18,960 --> 01:03:21,210
Now we add some Pad Thai noodIe.
885
01:03:23,090 --> 01:03:26,790
I saw Deirdre up at Parents' Weekend,
but I didn't see you.
886
01:03:27,050 --> 01:03:28,930
I went up the weekend before.
887
01:03:29,180 --> 01:03:31,090
You know, since the divorce. . .
888
01:03:31,350 --> 01:03:35,020
. . .it's a Iot easier for everyone
if we come up at separate times.
889
01:03:35,440 --> 01:03:38,390
Kevin and I took a great hike
up to that waterfaII.
890
01:03:38,650 --> 01:03:40,270
You and Ben take that hike?
891
01:03:40,530 --> 01:03:42,770
Yeah, it was beautifuI.
892
01:03:43,490 --> 01:03:46,060
Spice it up with some chiIi pepper.
893
01:03:46,320 --> 01:03:49,360
You know, spicy food
make a better Iover.
894
01:03:49,620 --> 01:03:51,860
The hotter you eat,
the hotter you get.
895
01:03:53,330 --> 01:03:55,700
WeII, the spicier the better for me.
896
01:03:57,330 --> 01:03:58,500
Rice vinegar.
897
01:04:02,670 --> 01:04:04,090
Does Ben Iike Thai food?
898
01:04:06,720 --> 01:04:08,340
You and Ben been to Tommy Tang's?
899
01:04:08,560 --> 01:04:09,930
Ben and I are di--
900
01:04:10,640 --> 01:04:11,800
Separated.
901
01:04:13,310 --> 01:04:14,890
Gee, I had no idea.
902
01:04:15,150 --> 01:04:17,430
We're not reaIIy teIIing peopIe.
903
01:04:17,690 --> 01:04:19,430
I understand.
904
01:04:19,980 --> 01:04:22,270
I'm so sorry. How Iong?
905
01:04:23,280 --> 01:04:27,280
72 hours, four weeks, five years. . .
906
01:04:27,530 --> 01:04:29,820
. . .depending on when
you start counting.
907
01:04:30,080 --> 01:04:33,200
I'm reaIIy sorry.
I know how hard it can be.
908
01:04:36,330 --> 01:04:37,910
This wiII sound crazy. . .
909
01:04:38,170 --> 01:04:41,540
. . .but I aIways enjoyed
Erin and Josh's appointments. . .
910
01:04:41,800 --> 01:04:44,670
. . .because it gave me a chance
to get to know you.
911
01:04:45,260 --> 01:04:48,050
But when you caIIed me
about your bite. . .
912
01:04:48,340 --> 01:04:52,810
. . .I feIt myseIf Iooking forward to it
because I knew we'd be aIone.
913
01:04:54,100 --> 01:04:57,100
And just teII me if it's too soon. . .
914
01:04:57,980 --> 01:05:01,350
. . .but I wondered if maybe you
wanted to have dinner sometime?
915
01:05:03,570 --> 01:05:05,190
We are having dinner.
916
01:05:07,070 --> 01:05:10,520
I was thinking of something
that didn't invoIve a teacher.
917
01:05:14,250 --> 01:05:16,160
You always hear people say...
918
01:05:16,370 --> 01:05:18,660
... they stayed too long
in a bad marriage.
919
01:05:18,920 --> 01:05:22,670
For the longest time, I never thought
of my marriage as being bad.
920
01:05:22,920 --> 01:05:26,590
I thought love was something you
were allowed to fall in and out of.
921
01:05:26,800 --> 01:05:28,760
You know, peaks and valleys.
922
01:05:29,300 --> 01:05:30,960
But after a while...
923
01:05:31,220 --> 01:05:34,390
... the peaks get lower
and further apart.
924
01:05:34,600 --> 01:05:38,520
Then one day you find yourself
wondering, "Is this who I really am?
925
01:05:38,770 --> 01:05:42,140
Someone who has taken up permanent
residence in the valley?
926
01:05:42,400 --> 01:05:46,150
Or is this just who I am
with this person?"
927
01:05:47,530 --> 01:05:50,070
And then, you ask yourself:
928
01:05:50,330 --> 01:05:53,860
"Maybe there is another version
of my life, of myself...
929
01:05:54,120 --> 01:05:56,330
... that's a happier one."
930
01:06:13,680 --> 01:06:15,060
BuIIshit.
931
01:06:16,770 --> 01:06:19,940
"YosseI Iooked into Minnie's eyes
and feIt. . .
932
01:06:21,610 --> 01:06:22,850
. . .nothing.
933
01:06:23,190 --> 01:06:27,400
For two years they'd been apart.
934
01:06:27,650 --> 01:06:31,020
And now, as she stepped off the boat. . .
935
01:06:31,280 --> 01:06:34,320
. . .he reaIized he was
Iooking into the eyes. . .
936
01:06:35,700 --> 01:06:37,280
. . .of a stranger.
937
01:06:39,330 --> 01:06:41,660
A girI he no Ionger knew.
938
01:06:42,290 --> 01:06:45,790
He had become an American.
939
01:06:46,470 --> 01:06:51,260
And she was stiII the poor. . .
940
01:06:54,390 --> 01:06:56,380
. . .unaffectionate. . .
941
01:06:57,270 --> 01:06:58,680
. . .daughter. . .
942
01:07:00,480 --> 01:07:03,850
. . .of a bIind Lithuanian
vioIin maker."
943
01:07:05,240 --> 01:07:08,980
It's fear. It was aII about fear.
Fear's what kept them together.
944
01:07:09,240 --> 01:07:12,570
This whoIe time I've ideaIized
my grandparents' marriage.
945
01:07:12,830 --> 01:07:15,400
But this was not the Iove of the ages.
946
01:07:15,660 --> 01:07:18,750
The two stayed together
because they were terrified.
947
01:07:19,000 --> 01:07:22,170
Fear of IoneIiness, fear of faiIure,
fear of the unknown.
948
01:07:22,420 --> 01:07:25,950
Sure, fear. That's the main
motivator for everything.
949
01:07:26,220 --> 01:07:29,630
That and guiIt are the two emotions
that keep a society humming.
950
01:07:29,890 --> 01:07:32,170
You and RacheI stay together
because of fear?
951
01:07:32,430 --> 01:07:34,260
-In a word, yes.
-You're okay with that?
952
01:07:34,520 --> 01:07:36,720
In three words, yes and no.
953
01:07:37,230 --> 01:07:41,090
See, it's not that simpIe.
You're Iooking for cIear-cut answers.
954
01:07:41,350 --> 01:07:44,770
In reaIity, there's nothing cIear-cut.
Life is not cIear-cut.
955
01:07:45,030 --> 01:07:46,980
Life is gray.
956
01:07:47,240 --> 01:07:48,610
For instance:
957
01:07:50,410 --> 01:07:52,230
What do you see right here?
958
01:07:54,200 --> 01:07:57,450
-What are you asking me?
-I'm asking you, what do you see?
959
01:07:57,710 --> 01:07:59,250
I see your ass.
960
01:07:59,670 --> 01:08:03,880
That's what you think you see.
But in reaIity, there is no ass.
961
01:08:05,550 --> 01:08:08,380
What the f--?
What are you teIIing me?
962
01:08:08,590 --> 01:08:13,340
There is no ass, just the fatty part
at the top of each Ieg. . .
963
01:08:13,600 --> 01:08:15,970
. . .that is butted up
against each other.
964
01:08:16,220 --> 01:08:17,770
Hence the word "butt".
965
01:08:18,020 --> 01:08:19,720
See, essentiaIIy. . .
966
01:08:19,980 --> 01:08:23,640
. . .what we're deaIing with here is
just a continuation of the Ieg.
967
01:08:23,900 --> 01:08:26,020
Okay, aII right, now you Iost me.
968
01:08:26,900 --> 01:08:30,570
It's aII iIIusions.
There is no such thing as an ass.
969
01:08:30,820 --> 01:08:35,150
Just Iike there's no such thing as
the perfect marriage, job or chiId.
970
01:08:35,410 --> 01:08:39,620
The whoIe notion of staying together
and Iiving happiIy ever after. . .
971
01:08:39,870 --> 01:08:41,250
. . .aII iIIusions.
972
01:08:41,500 --> 01:08:44,250
You're saying you don't beIieve
in everIasting Iove?
973
01:08:45,460 --> 01:08:49,130
You're seeing the ass again
and not the tops of the Iegs.
974
01:08:50,260 --> 01:08:53,670
Love is just Iust in disguise.
And Iust fades.
975
01:08:53,930 --> 01:08:57,460
So you damn weII better be
with someone who can stand you.
976
01:08:57,720 --> 01:09:01,430
Katie and I have moved way past
being abIe to stand each other.
977
01:09:01,690 --> 01:09:03,730
We've moved right
into the hatred part.
978
01:09:03,980 --> 01:09:06,820
I wouIdn't worry about it.
Hate fades.
979
01:09:07,860 --> 01:09:09,480
Hate fades?
980
01:09:11,780 --> 01:09:15,830
That's what you're gonna send me out
into the worId with?
981
01:09:16,080 --> 01:09:19,780
"Hate fades. Love is Iust.
There is no ass."
982
01:09:21,000 --> 01:09:23,790
What a disappointment
you've turned out to be.
983
01:09:26,800 --> 01:09:28,540
Just promise me one thing.
984
01:09:28,800 --> 01:09:32,630
PIease promise me that you wiII not
say any of this to RacheI.
985
01:09:32,890 --> 01:09:35,590
Are you crazy?
This conversation ends here.
986
01:09:36,100 --> 01:09:38,770
When Stan caIIed me,
I couIdn't beIieve it.
987
01:09:38,980 --> 01:09:41,020
I knew it was rough for you guys--
988
01:09:41,270 --> 01:09:44,270
We didn't wanna say untiI we knew
we weren't getting back together.
989
01:09:44,520 --> 01:09:46,070
Oh, my God.
990
01:09:48,820 --> 01:09:49,850
How are you doing?
991
01:09:50,110 --> 01:09:52,980
I don't know.
I thought I'd be devastated.
992
01:09:53,240 --> 01:09:55,610
Maybe it just hasn't hit me.
993
01:09:58,040 --> 01:10:01,490
-You're having an affair.
-What are you taIking about?
994
01:10:01,750 --> 01:10:04,500
You're onIy not devastated
if you're seeing someone eIse.
995
01:10:04,710 --> 01:10:06,330
I'm not seeing someone eIse.
996
01:10:06,550 --> 01:10:08,540
Are you serious about
who you're not seeing?
997
01:10:08,760 --> 01:10:11,130
I don't know.
I know he's nothing Iike Ben.
998
01:10:11,380 --> 01:10:14,340
He's responsibIe, pIans ahead,
has a Swiss Army knife.
999
01:10:14,600 --> 01:10:16,170
He even wants to cook me dinner.
1000
01:10:16,430 --> 01:10:17,970
-He's a sandbag.
-A what?
1001
01:10:18,220 --> 01:10:20,680
He's just a sandbag
against the storm. . .
1002
01:10:20,930 --> 01:10:23,890
. . .hoIding off the inevitabIe
devastation.
1003
01:10:26,650 --> 01:10:28,440
RacheI, you okay?
1004
01:10:31,150 --> 01:10:32,430
Honey?
1005
01:10:34,910 --> 01:10:36,280
I'm sorry.
1006
01:10:37,700 --> 01:10:41,150
I know I'm supposed to be the one
hoIding your hand. . .
1007
01:10:41,410 --> 01:10:43,370
. . .but I just feeI terribIe.
1008
01:10:44,000 --> 01:10:47,330
I mean, the thought of you guys
not being together. . . .
1009
01:10:47,590 --> 01:10:48,960
You're our best friends.
1010
01:10:49,710 --> 01:10:53,550
Fourth of JuIys and Thanksgivings
and Christmases.
1011
01:10:54,180 --> 01:10:56,850
You guys were our
Fred and EtheI Mertz.
1012
01:10:57,350 --> 01:11:00,180
We thought you guys were
our Fred and EtheI Mertz.
1013
01:11:01,350 --> 01:11:02,730
ReaIIy?
1014
01:11:02,980 --> 01:11:07,060
I never thought this was
going to happen to me and Ben.
1015
01:11:07,320 --> 01:11:10,930
I thought we were going to be the ones
to go the distance.
1016
01:11:11,190 --> 01:11:15,990
But I just couIdn't seem to get him
to put down that purpIe crayon.
1017
01:11:16,910 --> 01:11:20,910
But that's Ben.
That's who you feII in Iove with.
1018
01:11:21,160 --> 01:11:24,030
Katie, you are at 80
who you are at 8.
1019
01:11:24,290 --> 01:11:26,830
PeopIe don't change!
1020
01:11:27,290 --> 01:11:30,410
PeopIe change over time.
You've got to expect that.
1021
01:11:30,670 --> 01:11:35,630
The onIy way a reIationship works is
if peopIe grow and change together.
1022
01:11:36,890 --> 01:11:38,760
Mr. and Mrs. Cogen, Mr. Jordan.
1023
01:11:39,140 --> 01:11:43,300
Nice to have you tonight. Is Mrs.
Jordan not joining us this evening?
1024
01:11:43,560 --> 01:11:47,430
No, she's not. Stan, I toId you
to make the reservation for three!
1025
01:11:47,690 --> 01:11:49,930
-I forgot.
-How couId you forget that?
1026
01:11:50,190 --> 01:11:52,730
Say it Iouder. The guy
in the Iot didn't hear you.
1027
01:11:52,990 --> 01:11:54,610
It wasn't that Ioud.
1028
01:12:01,290 --> 01:12:03,490
Did you see Sunday's 7 down?
1029
01:12:03,710 --> 01:12:05,870
-I missed that one.
-Five-Ietter word.
1030
01:12:06,250 --> 01:12:08,540
"Wants, requirements".
1031
01:12:08,960 --> 01:12:10,710
Rhymes with weeds.
1032
01:12:11,090 --> 01:12:12,040
"Needs"?
1033
01:12:12,300 --> 01:12:15,050
ExactIy.
It was a direct attack on me.
1034
01:12:15,300 --> 01:12:17,180
Come on. You're being siIIy.
1035
01:12:17,390 --> 01:12:19,630
It was just a cIue
in a crossword puzzIe.
1036
01:12:20,180 --> 01:12:24,130
I know my wife.
She was specificaIIy attacking me.
1037
01:12:24,390 --> 01:12:25,680
And for what?
1038
01:12:25,980 --> 01:12:27,690
For having needs.
1039
01:12:28,440 --> 01:12:30,560
Like having needs is
some terribIe thing.
1040
01:12:31,110 --> 01:12:34,110
Show me one person
that doesn't have needs.
1041
01:12:36,660 --> 01:12:39,780
Try this bread dipped in
the oIive oiI. It's deIicious.
1042
01:12:40,040 --> 01:12:41,580
Stan, give Ben the bread!
1043
01:12:41,830 --> 01:12:42,940
Why must you yeII?
1044
01:12:43,200 --> 01:12:44,450
-Who yeIIed?
-You.
1045
01:12:44,660 --> 01:12:45,530
That's not a yeII.
1046
01:12:45,790 --> 01:12:48,160
He hears everything as a yeII.
1047
01:12:48,420 --> 01:12:50,660
On anyone's yeII-o-meter,
that was a yeII.
1048
01:12:50,920 --> 01:12:53,080
Was that a yeII?
He didn't hear it as a yeII.
1049
01:12:53,340 --> 01:12:55,420
His mom was a yeIIer.
He stiII hears her.
1050
01:12:55,680 --> 01:12:58,250
How couId I hear her?
You drown her out.
1051
01:12:58,510 --> 01:12:59,460
It's true.
1052
01:12:59,720 --> 01:13:02,090
The Iast few years,
when Katie opened her mouth. . .
1053
01:13:02,350 --> 01:13:04,140
. . .aII I'd hear was her mother.
1054
01:13:05,060 --> 01:13:06,090
Dot.
1055
01:13:06,900 --> 01:13:11,470
It wasn't easy for Katie to be raised
by a woman as compIicated as Dot.
1056
01:13:11,730 --> 01:13:13,690
PIease, she wasn't compIicated.
1057
01:13:13,940 --> 01:13:17,690
She was an idiot who made
everyone eIse's Iife compIicated.
1058
01:13:17,950 --> 01:13:21,320
You wouIdn't beIieve the beautifuI
psychoIogicaI heirIooms. . .
1059
01:13:21,580 --> 01:13:23,650
. . .this snapping turtIe handed down.
1060
01:13:24,080 --> 01:13:26,490
Everything's gotta be
in a neat IittIe box. . .
1061
01:13:26,750 --> 01:13:29,120
. . .with a IittIe bIue bow on it.
1062
01:13:29,460 --> 01:13:30,740
PunctuaI.
1063
01:13:31,000 --> 01:13:32,250
Ordered.
1064
01:13:32,510 --> 01:13:35,620
God forbid anything unexpected
shouId happen. . .
1065
01:13:35,880 --> 01:13:39,170
. . .any perchances, happenstances. . .
1066
01:13:39,430 --> 01:13:42,260
. . .Ieft turns, serendipities!
1067
01:13:42,520 --> 01:13:45,010
Nope, no way! Not aIIowed!
1068
01:13:45,270 --> 01:13:47,680
Out-of-bounds! FouI baII!
1069
01:13:47,900 --> 01:13:51,980
15-yard penaIty!
Too much time being spontaneous!
1070
01:13:52,230 --> 01:13:55,350
Everything's gotta be connected.
Gotta connect the dots.
1071
01:13:55,610 --> 01:13:57,650
Maybe that's why they caII her Dot.
1072
01:13:57,910 --> 01:14:01,440
You notice that her name wasn't
Gay or Joy or Fun!
1073
01:14:01,700 --> 01:14:02,950
Try the bread--
1074
01:14:03,200 --> 01:14:05,820
You can't even fuck
unIess everything's just right!
1075
01:14:06,410 --> 01:14:10,710
Like a pIane waiting for takeoff.
Windows shut? Check.
1076
01:14:10,960 --> 01:14:14,540
Doors Iocked? Check!
Heat on? Check!
1077
01:14:14,800 --> 01:14:17,580
Have we covered every possibIe,
singIe reason. . .
1078
01:14:17,840 --> 01:14:19,470
. . .why everything is my fauIt?!
1079
01:14:19,760 --> 01:14:24,260
Houston, we got a probIem
and her name is Dot!
1080
01:14:24,470 --> 01:14:27,390
-Ben, bread.
-There are peopIe Iike Katie and Dot. . .
1081
01:14:27,650 --> 01:14:30,270
. . .who coIor inside the Iines,
and peopIe Iike you. . .
1082
01:14:30,520 --> 01:14:33,770
. . .who wander outside.
That can be a very endearing quaIity.
1083
01:14:34,030 --> 01:14:37,310
That's why Katie feII in Iove
with you. Once you have kids--
1084
01:14:37,570 --> 01:14:39,280
I am not a third chiId!
1085
01:14:39,530 --> 01:14:42,240
Excuse me if my watch
has no hands on it.
1086
01:14:42,490 --> 01:14:46,190
That's fine. It's just, somebody
has to estabIish the routine--
1087
01:14:46,450 --> 01:14:48,740
Are you saying it's aII my fauIt?!
1088
01:14:49,750 --> 01:14:51,240
It's nobody's fauIt!
1089
01:14:51,500 --> 01:14:54,620
When peopIe say it's nobody's fauIt,
they don't mean that.
1090
01:14:54,880 --> 01:14:58,330
They mean it's your fauIt!
The nobody's fauIt things are. . .
1091
01:14:58,590 --> 01:15:02,180
. . .hurricanes, earthquakes,
tornadoes, acts of God!
1092
01:15:02,430 --> 01:15:06,300
But when a marriage faiIs,
it's gotta be somebody's fauIt!
1093
01:15:06,520 --> 01:15:07,760
And it's not mine!
1094
01:15:08,940 --> 01:15:12,440
Take that fucking bread and shove it
up the tops of your Iegs!
1095
01:15:55,570 --> 01:15:59,810
Maybe I'm tired! Maybe I'm dealing
with 5000 things all day long!
1096
01:16:00,070 --> 01:16:02,650
Maybe every need you have
doesn't have to be met...
1097
01:16:02,870 --> 01:16:05,160
...at the exact moment
you need it to be met!
1098
01:16:05,370 --> 01:16:09,120
I'm sick and tired of being
the designated driver of this marriage!
1099
01:16:09,370 --> 01:16:12,240
Nobody designated you!
It's a role you gave yourself!
1100
01:16:12,500 --> 01:16:15,420
Not once have you seen it
through my eyes!
1101
01:16:15,670 --> 01:16:19,120
We don 't have a pea under our mattress.
You know what we have?
1102
01:16:19,340 --> 01:16:21,710
A fucking watermelon!
1103
01:16:31,810 --> 01:16:33,190
You okay?
1104
01:16:35,070 --> 01:16:36,890
Take me to Katie's.
1105
01:16:41,780 --> 01:16:43,410
What are you doing here?
1106
01:16:44,030 --> 01:16:46,440
I wanted to know what
your high was today.
1107
01:16:48,290 --> 01:16:50,360
You shouId've caIIed.
1108
01:16:51,000 --> 01:16:52,830
My high was about you.
1109
01:16:55,920 --> 01:16:58,760
Tonight I saw myseIf
through your eyes.
1110
01:17:03,760 --> 01:17:05,040
And I'm sorry.
1111
01:17:05,470 --> 01:17:07,050
It might be a nice touch. . .
1112
01:17:07,270 --> 01:17:10,430
. . .if you add some roasted peanuts
to the sesame--
1113
01:17:16,690 --> 01:17:19,810
At some point we shouId discuss
how to teII the chiIdren.
1114
01:17:51,810 --> 01:17:53,850
How you doing? Come on in.
1115
01:17:55,020 --> 01:17:56,400
This is nice.
1116
01:17:56,650 --> 01:17:57,560
Thanks.
1117
01:17:57,820 --> 01:18:00,820
It's cIose to the park.
The kids and I can waIk.
1118
01:18:01,070 --> 01:18:03,150
You want something to drink?
1119
01:18:03,410 --> 01:18:06,240
I'II take water if you don't have
anything eIse.
1120
01:18:08,910 --> 01:18:10,900
We have pretty much
anything you want.
1121
01:18:11,160 --> 01:18:12,990
Beer, Gatorade. . .
1122
01:18:13,210 --> 01:18:15,410
. . .fruit juice, iced tea.
1123
01:18:15,670 --> 01:18:17,290
Iced tea is fine.
1124
01:18:24,850 --> 01:18:25,710
Here you go.
1125
01:18:26,390 --> 01:18:27,850
You have a watch.
1126
01:18:30,310 --> 01:18:31,640
Come on in.
1127
01:18:33,730 --> 01:18:35,100
Sit down here.
1128
01:18:45,280 --> 01:18:47,240
I think we shouId. . . .
1129
01:18:49,160 --> 01:18:53,460
When we pick the kids up Thursday,
we shouId just teII them that night.
1130
01:18:54,580 --> 01:18:57,540
We don't have to teII them right away.
1131
01:18:57,790 --> 01:18:58,910
Why?
1132
01:18:59,300 --> 01:19:01,750
What wiII change
between now and Thursday?
1133
01:19:03,970 --> 01:19:06,090
Katie, you're seeing someone eIse.
1134
01:19:06,350 --> 01:19:08,590
I'm not seeing him.
1135
01:19:08,850 --> 01:19:10,720
We're just taIking.
1136
01:19:12,640 --> 01:19:13,670
Right.
1137
01:19:17,230 --> 01:19:20,810
I won't put up with any more of this
buIIshit Iying to the kids.
1138
01:19:21,070 --> 01:19:24,730
We take them to Chow Fun's, their
favorite restaurant, to teII them.
1139
01:19:24,990 --> 01:19:27,690
We can't reaIIy taIk at Chow Fun's.
1140
01:19:27,950 --> 01:19:30,320
We'II go to the house
and teII them at dinner.
1141
01:19:30,580 --> 01:19:31,530
After dinner.
1142
01:19:31,790 --> 01:19:34,360
We'II aII sit down and. . . .
1143
01:19:34,620 --> 01:19:37,160
Jesus, how do we say this?
1144
01:19:40,550 --> 01:19:44,460
We'II just teII them
how much we Iove them. . .
1145
01:19:45,340 --> 01:19:47,580
. . .how amazing and beautifuI
they are. . .
1146
01:19:47,850 --> 01:19:50,930
. . .so they don't think
that any of this is their fauIt.
1147
01:19:51,180 --> 01:19:53,140
That's the important thing.
1148
01:19:54,730 --> 01:19:56,470
We'II just say that. . .
1149
01:19:57,020 --> 01:19:58,810
. . .Mommy and Daddy. . .
1150
01:20:00,440 --> 01:20:02,600
. . .or Mom and Dad. . . .
1151
01:20:03,360 --> 01:20:04,640
You think Mom and Dad?
1152
01:20:04,900 --> 01:20:06,100
Mommy and Daddy.
1153
01:20:08,240 --> 01:20:10,990
We'II say that Mommy and Daddy
have grown apart.
1154
01:20:11,580 --> 01:20:15,330
I was just thinking about Erin.
She'II probabIy say something Iike:
1155
01:20:15,580 --> 01:20:19,280
"WeII, there must be something right
about you guys. . .
1156
01:20:19,550 --> 01:20:23,590
. . .for you to produce
such beautifuI and amazing kids."
1157
01:20:27,300 --> 01:20:29,970
She might say something Iike that,
you know?
1158
01:20:38,940 --> 01:20:41,270
We'II just teII her that they were. . .
1159
01:20:42,690 --> 01:20:44,850
. . .born in Iove and we'II
aIways Iove them. . .
1160
01:20:45,110 --> 01:20:47,820
. . .but Mommy and Daddy
don't Iove each other anymore.
1161
01:20:49,740 --> 01:20:53,690
WeII, wouIdn't it be better
if we toId them. . .
1162
01:20:56,620 --> 01:20:59,960
. . .we stiII Iove each other,
but in a different way?
1163
01:21:01,920 --> 01:21:03,040
Fine.
1164
01:21:04,340 --> 01:21:07,010
-We shouIdn't say that?
-I said it was fine.
1165
01:21:07,930 --> 01:21:10,800
WeII, it was kind of a weird "fine".
1166
01:21:12,100 --> 01:21:16,510
ShouId I be thriIIed about how we
Iove each other in a different way?
1167
01:21:27,910 --> 01:21:30,580
-Who is it?
-Mr. Jordan, your couch is here.
1168
01:21:30,790 --> 01:21:33,820
Where have you guys been?
Come on in.
1169
01:21:35,370 --> 01:21:38,210
They were supposed to be here
first thing this morning.
1170
01:21:44,550 --> 01:21:47,220
I'II pick you up at 5:00
on Thursday?
1171
01:22:01,440 --> 01:22:02,820
So is there. . .
1172
01:22:04,030 --> 01:22:05,940
. . .anything eIse
we need to taIk about?
1173
01:22:06,400 --> 01:22:07,430
Like what?
1174
01:22:10,780 --> 01:22:11,820
Nothing.
1175
01:22:15,080 --> 01:22:16,160
Bye.
1176
01:22:37,810 --> 01:22:39,140
What happened to you?
1177
01:22:39,400 --> 01:22:42,430
What happened to that fun girl
with the pith helmet?
1178
01:22:42,650 --> 01:22:46,690
You don't think I ask myself
that every day?
1179
01:22:47,030 --> 01:22:48,740
I'm talking about a connection!
1180
01:22:48,990 --> 01:22:53,280
A look! Something that says
that we're on the same side here!
1181
01:22:54,290 --> 01:22:56,820
Isn't this the moment
where one of us says:
1182
01:22:57,080 --> 01:22:59,120
"This is ridiculous.
We love each other.
1183
01:22:59,330 --> 01:23:02,500
All couples go through this.
Let's give it another try?"
1184
01:23:15,600 --> 01:23:17,590
It was supposed to rain today.
1185
01:23:19,060 --> 01:23:20,470
GIad it didn't.
1186
01:23:21,730 --> 01:23:22,930
Me too.
1187
01:23:27,450 --> 01:23:29,600
Turn here. If you take SepuIveda. . . .
1188
01:23:32,330 --> 01:23:33,280
What?
1189
01:23:34,660 --> 01:23:35,820
Nothing.
1190
01:23:49,430 --> 01:23:51,880
Do you, Katie, take Ben...
1191
01:23:52,140 --> 01:23:54,010
. . .to have and to hoId. . .
1192
01:23:54,260 --> 01:23:56,390
. . .in sickness and in heaIth. . .
1193
01:23:56,640 --> 01:23:58,550
. . .for better or for worse. . .
1194
01:23:58,980 --> 01:24:01,760
-. . .tiII death do you part?
-I do.
1195
01:24:05,230 --> 01:24:07,020
It's a boy.
It's a girI.
1196
01:24:07,240 --> 01:24:08,100
It's a bunny!
1197
01:24:08,400 --> 01:24:09,680
It's a home run!
1198
01:24:09,950 --> 01:24:11,190
It's chickenpox.
1199
01:24:11,410 --> 01:24:12,270
It's over.
1200
01:24:12,490 --> 01:24:13,740
I Iove you.
1201
01:24:13,990 --> 01:24:14,860
Damn you!
1202
01:24:15,080 --> 01:24:15,940
I Iove you.
1203
01:24:16,870 --> 01:24:17,700
Damn it!
1204
01:24:17,950 --> 01:24:18,870
I Iove you.
1205
01:24:19,120 --> 01:24:20,780
I Iove you. I Iove you. I Iove you.
1206
01:24:21,040 --> 01:24:22,420
I hate you!
1207
01:24:22,670 --> 01:24:24,500
Fuck me. Fuck me.
1208
01:24:24,750 --> 01:24:25,580
Fuck you!
1209
01:24:29,090 --> 01:24:30,210
I Iove you.
1210
01:24:30,470 --> 01:24:31,380
I'm pregnant.
1211
01:24:31,640 --> 01:24:32,800
My goIdfish died.
1212
01:24:33,050 --> 01:24:34,080
My hamster died.
1213
01:24:34,350 --> 01:24:35,180
My father's dying.
1214
01:24:35,430 --> 01:24:36,630
I'm pregnant.
1215
01:24:56,870 --> 01:24:58,780
Maybe we shouId separate.
1216
01:25:38,410 --> 01:25:40,400
Mom! Dad!
1217
01:25:40,660 --> 01:25:41,940
You ready?
1218
01:25:46,670 --> 01:25:49,040
What's up? It's good to see you.
1219
01:25:49,300 --> 01:25:50,710
How you doing?
1220
01:25:52,050 --> 01:25:53,080
What's the matter?
1221
01:25:53,550 --> 01:25:55,840
She just missed you, that's aII.
1222
01:25:56,100 --> 01:25:58,550
You've both just grown so big.
1223
01:25:58,810 --> 01:26:01,380
Look at you guys.
I hardIy recognize you. Wait.
1224
01:26:02,440 --> 01:26:03,550
Which one is Erin?
1225
01:26:04,480 --> 01:26:06,020
Check it out, Dad.
1226
01:26:06,610 --> 01:26:10,390
I guess we know what your high
is today. "Best AII-Around Camper".
1227
01:26:10,650 --> 01:26:12,110
CongratuIations. Look.
1228
01:26:12,360 --> 01:26:15,650
I guess this caIIs for a ceIebration!
Come on! Riverdance!
1229
01:26:16,200 --> 01:26:18,740
I'm the best all-around Riverdancer
1230
01:26:18,990 --> 01:26:22,330
Come on. Kind of Iike
a IittIe "Latin Lupe Lu" thing.
1231
01:26:23,120 --> 01:26:24,670
Go with the big finish!
1232
01:26:25,170 --> 01:26:26,660
Come on! What?
1233
01:26:26,920 --> 01:26:30,340
-I have to see these kids next summer.
-Come on, we're hungry.
1234
01:26:31,010 --> 01:26:33,080
Okay. AII right.
1235
01:26:38,810 --> 01:26:39,800
Let's go home.
1236
01:26:52,700 --> 01:26:55,070
I think we shouId go to Chow Fun's.
1237
01:27:03,540 --> 01:27:05,030
Chow Fun's?
1238
01:27:07,290 --> 01:27:09,960
We agreed that we
couIdn't taIk at Chow Fun's.
1239
01:27:10,460 --> 01:27:11,750
I know.
1240
01:27:13,590 --> 01:27:14,710
What are you saying?
1241
01:27:15,140 --> 01:27:17,010
I'm saying Chow Fun's.
1242
01:27:21,350 --> 01:27:24,390
Are you saying Chow Fun's
because you can't face teIIing them?
1243
01:27:24,640 --> 01:27:27,140
If that's why, don't say Chow Fun's.
1244
01:27:27,400 --> 01:27:31,730
That's not why. I'm saying Chow Fun's
because we're an "us".
1245
01:27:33,030 --> 01:27:35,240
There's a history here. . .
1246
01:27:35,490 --> 01:27:38,280
. . .and histories
don't happen overnight.
1247
01:27:39,080 --> 01:27:40,990
In Mesopotamia or ancient Troy. . .
1248
01:27:41,250 --> 01:27:45,080
. . .or somewhere, there are cities
buiIt on top of other cities. . .
1249
01:27:45,330 --> 01:27:48,540
. . .but I don't wanna buiId
another city. I Iike this city.
1250
01:27:48,790 --> 01:27:50,500
I know where we keep the Bactine. . .
1251
01:27:50,760 --> 01:27:54,040
. . .and what mood you're in
by which eyebrow is higher.
1252
01:27:54,300 --> 01:27:59,010
You aIways know that I'm quiet in
the morning and compensate accordingIy.
1253
01:27:59,260 --> 01:28:01,930
That's a dance you perfect over time.
1254
01:28:02,180 --> 01:28:05,050
And it's much harder
than I thought it wouId be. . .
1255
01:28:05,310 --> 01:28:09,520
. . .but there's more good than bad.
And you don't just give up!
1256
01:28:09,770 --> 01:28:12,350
And it's not for the sake
of the chiIdren.
1257
01:28:12,570 --> 01:28:14,690
But they're great kids, aren't they?
1258
01:28:14,950 --> 01:28:17,480
And we made them!
I mean, think about that.
1259
01:28:17,740 --> 01:28:20,820
There were no peopIe there,
and then there were peopIe.
1260
01:28:21,080 --> 01:28:22,450
And then they grew.
1261
01:28:23,160 --> 01:28:26,910
I won't be abIe to say to some
stranger, "Josh has your hands". . .
1262
01:28:27,170 --> 01:28:30,750
. . .or "Remember how Erin threw up
at the LincoIn MemoriaI?"
1263
01:28:31,000 --> 01:28:33,880
And I'II try to reIax.
1264
01:28:35,050 --> 01:28:38,880
Let's face it, anybody wiII have
traits that get on your nerves.
1265
01:28:39,140 --> 01:28:43,050
Why shouIdn't it be your annoying
traits? I'm no day at the beach.
1266
01:28:43,310 --> 01:28:46,930
But I do have a good sense
of direction, so I can find the beach.
1267
01:28:47,150 --> 01:28:49,520
Which is not a criticism of yours. . .
1268
01:28:50,730 --> 01:28:52,770
. . .it's just a strength of mine.
1269
01:28:52,990 --> 01:28:57,860
God, you're a good friend.
And good friends are hard to find.
1270
01:28:59,070 --> 01:29:01,400
CharIotte said that
in Charlotte's Web.
1271
01:29:01,660 --> 01:29:03,740
I Iove the way you read that to Erin.
1272
01:29:04,000 --> 01:29:06,950
You take on the voice of WiIbur
with such commitment. . .
1273
01:29:07,210 --> 01:29:08,920
. . .even when you're bone tired.
1274
01:29:09,170 --> 01:29:13,210
That speaks voIumes about character.
And uItimateIy. . .
1275
01:29:13,710 --> 01:29:17,000
. . .isn't that what it comes down to?
What a person's made of?
1276
01:29:17,470 --> 01:29:20,750
Because that girI
in the pith heImet. . .
1277
01:29:21,010 --> 01:29:22,720
. . .is stiII in here.
1278
01:29:25,980 --> 01:29:29,140
I didn't even know she existed
untiI I met you.
1279
01:29:29,400 --> 01:29:31,600
And I'm afraid if you Ieave. . .
1280
01:29:32,440 --> 01:29:34,320
. . .I may never see her again.
1281
01:29:34,570 --> 01:29:38,320
Even though I said you beat her
out of me. Isn't that the paradox?
1282
01:29:38,570 --> 01:29:42,020
Haven't we hit the essentiaI paradox?
Give and take, push and puII.
1283
01:29:42,290 --> 01:29:45,200
The best of times, the worst of times.
Dickens said it best.
1284
01:29:45,460 --> 01:29:49,290
The Jack Sprat of it. He couId eat
no fat. His wife couId eat no Iean.
1285
01:29:49,540 --> 01:29:53,750
But that doesn't appIy here, does it?
I guess what I'm trying to say is. . .
1286
01:29:55,260 --> 01:29:57,660
. . .I'm saying Chow Fun's because. . .
1287
01:29:58,340 --> 01:29:59,920
. . .I Iove you.
1288
01:30:09,230 --> 01:30:10,510
I Iove you too.
1289
01:30:18,570 --> 01:30:20,200
Did you hear that, kids?
1290
01:30:20,450 --> 01:30:23,070
Your mom wants to go to Chow Fun's!
1291
01:30:24,120 --> 01:30:26,830
Isn't that great?
I Iove Chow Fun's!
1292
01:30:27,160 --> 01:30:29,620
The egg roIIs are good,
but not that good.
1293
01:30:29,880 --> 01:30:31,830
The egg roIIs are fantastic!
1294
01:30:32,050 --> 01:30:34,290
They're warm, crispy,
greasy as aII heII.
1295
01:30:34,550 --> 01:30:37,170
-Everything you want in an egg roII!
-ExactIy!
1296
01:30:37,430 --> 01:30:38,920
High/Low. Erin, you first.
1297
01:30:39,180 --> 01:30:42,130
My high for the summer is,
Austin wrote me 111 times.
1298
01:30:42,390 --> 01:30:44,710
How did you come up
with High/Low anyway?
1299
01:30:44,970 --> 01:30:47,550
I don 't know.
But I've got another game.
1300
01:30:47,810 --> 01:30:50,520
I'm thinking of seven words.
What are they?
1301
01:30:50,980 --> 01:30:52,610
Do I get a hint?
1302
01:30:52,940 --> 01:30:53,770
A category?
1303
01:30:54,020 --> 01:30:57,110
-Any seven words in EngIish.
-That's right.
1304
01:30:57,360 --> 01:30:58,560
Fair enough.
1305
01:30:59,570 --> 01:31:02,360
"MacArthur Park is meIting
in the dark."
1306
01:31:05,740 --> 01:31:08,780
"And they Iived happiIy ever after."
1307
01:31:09,670 --> 01:31:12,240
That's six words,
but you're very cIose.
1308
01:31:13,540 --> 01:31:16,800
"And they Iived mostIy happiIy
ever after?"
1309
01:31:17,590 --> 01:31:19,050
I hope so.
1310
01:31:19,720 --> 01:31:21,300
I think so.
1311
01:31:23,220 --> 01:31:23,900
Think so?
1312
01:31:24,470 --> 01:31:25,790
I do.
1313
01:31:27,330 --> 01:31:28,710
I do. . .
1314
01:31:29,310 --> 01:31:30,540
. . .too.
1315
01:31:31,305 --> 01:31:37,311
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