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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,275 --> 00:00:05,310 -Welcome back to "Joe Bob's Cold, Cruel Christmas." 2 00:00:05,413 --> 00:00:07,379 Pretty much every character in that first movie 3 00:00:07,482 --> 00:00:08,862 was cold and cruel, 4 00:00:08,965 --> 00:00:10,586 but now we're going to take it even further 5 00:00:10,689 --> 00:00:12,724 with a movie called "Iced." 6 00:00:12,827 --> 00:00:14,482 Well, the folks in this movie are getting iced 7 00:00:14,586 --> 00:00:16,620 by professional timeshare salesmen. 8 00:00:16,724 --> 00:00:18,000 -There you go. 9 00:00:18,103 --> 00:00:19,620 -Fortunately, I purchased a timeshare years ago. 10 00:00:19,724 --> 00:00:22,103 I got in on this thing before anybody else -- 11 00:00:22,206 --> 00:00:24,965 Eternity Shores on Infinity Bay. 12 00:00:25,068 --> 00:00:26,551 -Where's that? -Ohio. 13 00:00:26,655 --> 00:00:28,758 [Laughter] -Where in Ohio? 14 00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:33,482 -Central. But luckily, I got in before all those lawsuits. 15 00:00:33,586 --> 00:00:35,241 And so -- -What lawsuits? 16 00:00:35,344 --> 00:00:36,965 -Darcy the Mail Girl, ladies and gentlemen, 17 00:00:37,068 --> 00:00:39,448 here to answer your questions, channel your remarks, 18 00:00:39,551 --> 00:00:40,862 take your money, 19 00:00:40,965 --> 00:00:43,172 if you're participating in our annual Christmas auction. 20 00:00:43,275 --> 00:00:44,551 She doesn't literally take your money. 21 00:00:44,655 --> 00:00:45,896 She tells you how to bid on stuff. 22 00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:48,689 So e-mail or message her, DM her. 23 00:00:48,793 --> 00:00:51,000 Darcy is at your beck and call 24 00:00:51,103 --> 00:00:53,620 as we continue with "Joe Bob's Cold, Cruel Christmas" 25 00:00:53,724 --> 00:00:57,586 and the amazing 1989 slasher "Iced." 26 00:00:57,689 --> 00:00:59,793 -Do you really think it's amazing? 27 00:01:00,965 --> 00:01:02,379 -Filmed in the Cottonwood Canyons 28 00:01:02,482 --> 00:01:05,068 of the Wasatch Mountains of Utah, 29 00:01:05,172 --> 00:01:07,655 plus a motel in the little town of Sandy, Utah. 30 00:01:08,724 --> 00:01:09,965 No, I don't. 31 00:01:10,068 --> 00:01:12,275 But it's Christmas, and I'm feeling generous. 32 00:01:12,379 --> 00:01:13,862 Are you a skier? 33 00:01:13,965 --> 00:01:16,000 -I've actually never skied, but I really want to. 34 00:01:16,103 --> 00:01:17,724 -Well, you're in luck, then, 35 00:01:17,827 --> 00:01:19,862 'cause we got the skis, we got the poles, 36 00:01:19,965 --> 00:01:22,413 and most important, we got the outfits. 37 00:01:22,517 --> 00:01:23,724 -Yeah. -I have skied before. 38 00:01:23,827 --> 00:01:25,758 -I can do it, but I prefer not to. 39 00:01:25,862 --> 00:01:27,724 I don't like to tumble down the sides of mountains, 40 00:01:27,827 --> 00:01:30,551 gathering icy moisture on every inch of my skin. 41 00:01:30,655 --> 00:01:31,896 Remember that time we were invited 42 00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:33,448 to Telluride in Colorado? 43 00:01:33,551 --> 00:01:34,827 -How could I forget that? 44 00:01:34,931 --> 00:01:36,689 I had to walk up the streets in heels 45 00:01:36,793 --> 00:01:38,275 at like a 45-degree angle? 46 00:01:38,379 --> 00:01:40,655 -They have a film festival there. 47 00:01:40,758 --> 00:01:42,758 Everybody talks about how wonderful it is 48 00:01:42,862 --> 00:01:46,448 that the road dead-ends in a box canyon, you know? 49 00:01:46,551 --> 00:01:49,206 If there's an avalanche or just a really bad storm 50 00:01:49,310 --> 00:01:50,620 and the one road gets closed, 51 00:01:50,724 --> 00:01:53,482 you don't really want to be in a box canyon. 52 00:01:53,586 --> 00:01:57,551 Anyway, the main order of business tonight is not skiing, 53 00:01:57,655 --> 00:01:59,275 although I'm ready to ski Georgia. 54 00:01:59,379 --> 00:02:01,344 Are you? 55 00:02:01,448 --> 00:02:03,275 -Like I said, I've always wanted to try it. 56 00:02:03,379 --> 00:02:05,551 -Ski Georgia -- not a slogan you hear very often. 57 00:02:05,655 --> 00:02:07,413 The Chamber of Commerce doesn't use that. 58 00:02:07,517 --> 00:02:10,413 But I think you can ski in Gatlinburg, in Tennessee, 59 00:02:10,517 --> 00:02:11,689 which is not that far. 60 00:02:11,793 --> 00:02:13,034 Right over the border. 61 00:02:13,137 --> 00:02:15,137 But we'll have to go cross-country skiing here, 62 00:02:15,241 --> 00:02:16,689 meaning we're gonna have to work. 63 00:02:16,793 --> 00:02:18,206 We can't just sail down the side of the mountain 64 00:02:18,310 --> 00:02:20,103 and then have fondue, right? 65 00:02:20,206 --> 00:02:21,620 We can still have the fondue, 66 00:02:21,724 --> 00:02:22,827 but we're gonna have to work for it. 67 00:02:22,931 --> 00:02:24,206 -I don't eat fondue. 68 00:02:24,310 --> 00:02:26,827 -You have to eat fondue, Darcy, if you're going skiing. 69 00:02:26,931 --> 00:02:29,275 -Well, then, I guess I'm not going skiing. 70 00:02:29,379 --> 00:02:32,448 -That's part of the après ski -- fondue. 71 00:02:32,551 --> 00:02:35,689 -Are there fondue police insisting that you have fondue? 72 00:02:35,793 --> 00:02:37,827 [Laughter] -Well, no. 73 00:02:37,931 --> 00:02:39,758 -Then I shall not be having fondue, sir. 74 00:02:39,862 --> 00:02:41,724 -Well, the main order of business tonight 75 00:02:41,827 --> 00:02:44,241 is our annual Christmas auction, 76 00:02:44,344 --> 00:02:45,724 because we're following the example 77 00:02:45,827 --> 00:02:47,413 of Joseph in the Bible 78 00:02:47,517 --> 00:02:49,620 and Ma Joad in "The Grapes of Wrath," 79 00:02:49,724 --> 00:02:52,413 who said that what you do when you have a bad year 80 00:02:52,517 --> 00:02:54,103 is you step up, and you help people 81 00:02:54,206 --> 00:02:55,896 who had a worse year than you did. 82 00:02:56,000 --> 00:02:58,206 So all the auction money goes to five charities 83 00:02:58,310 --> 00:03:00,448 that got nuked by the year 2025, 84 00:03:00,551 --> 00:03:02,068 and those charities are... 85 00:03:13,586 --> 00:03:15,206 And all of these organizations 86 00:03:15,310 --> 00:03:17,379 got their funding cut so deeply in 2025 87 00:03:17,482 --> 00:03:19,551 that they can't really do the things they need to do 88 00:03:19,655 --> 00:03:21,586 and in some cases the things they have been doing 89 00:03:21,689 --> 00:03:23,172 for 60, 70 years. 90 00:03:23,275 --> 00:03:25,620 It's like the most vulnerable members of society 91 00:03:25,724 --> 00:03:28,068 all got hit by a hurricane at the same time. 92 00:03:28,172 --> 00:03:29,655 -How do you explain that? 93 00:03:29,758 --> 00:03:31,689 -It's just the mood of the nation, apparently. 94 00:03:31,793 --> 00:03:33,827 We got a bunch of bootstrappers, you know? 95 00:03:33,931 --> 00:03:36,379 People who say, "Pull up your bootstraps. 96 00:03:36,482 --> 00:03:38,965 Every man for himself. 97 00:03:39,068 --> 00:03:41,172 People need to pull their own weight." 98 00:03:41,275 --> 00:03:43,517 And the problem is, that doesn't really count for people 99 00:03:43,620 --> 00:03:44,758 who don't have any fucking boots. 100 00:03:44,862 --> 00:03:47,000 So -- -Hmm. Well-said. 101 00:03:47,103 --> 00:03:50,241 -Okay. Before we head for Skunk Mountain or wherever -- 102 00:03:50,344 --> 00:03:52,517 -Okay. -Where can we possibly find 103 00:03:52,620 --> 00:03:55,241 even a downhill stretch in Coweta County? 104 00:03:55,344 --> 00:03:57,275 You know, they used to have a ski resort 105 00:03:57,379 --> 00:03:58,724 in Georgia, Sky Valley. 106 00:04:01,068 --> 00:04:03,137 They shut it down about 20 years ago 107 00:04:03,241 --> 00:04:05,413 basically 'cause they didn't have enough snow. 108 00:04:05,517 --> 00:04:07,413 But it was up there in "Deliverance" country 109 00:04:07,517 --> 00:04:09,034 on the South Carolina border. 110 00:04:09,137 --> 00:04:11,137 If you wanted to drive to the closest ski place today, 111 00:04:11,241 --> 00:04:12,758 it'd probably be Cloudmont. 112 00:04:12,862 --> 00:04:14,482 You ever been there? -Mnh-mnh. 113 00:04:14,586 --> 00:04:15,758 -Mentone, Alabama. 114 00:04:15,862 --> 00:04:17,827 The only place where you can ski Alabama. 115 00:04:17,931 --> 00:04:19,655 -Let's go. -[Laughs] Alright. 116 00:04:19,758 --> 00:04:21,172 But first we're gonna watch the best movie 117 00:04:21,275 --> 00:04:24,000 about the ultimate wintertime horror -- 118 00:04:24,103 --> 00:04:25,413 free ski vacations 119 00:04:25,517 --> 00:04:27,827 that include a mandatory timeshare presentation. 120 00:04:27,931 --> 00:04:29,862 [Laughter] You know what I'm talking about. 121 00:04:29,965 --> 00:04:31,862 I'm talking about "Iced," 122 00:04:31,965 --> 00:04:33,413 the story of six friends 123 00:04:33,517 --> 00:04:36,862 who accidentally cause the possibly suicidal head injury 124 00:04:36,965 --> 00:04:39,034 of a jealous psycho downhill skier. 125 00:04:39,137 --> 00:04:40,551 But, then, four years later, 126 00:04:40,655 --> 00:04:42,413 they decide to revisit the scene of that tragedy 127 00:04:42,517 --> 00:04:45,034 because, hey, free ski-lift tickets. 128 00:04:45,137 --> 00:04:48,620 A weekend of drinking, skiing, cocaine and Jacuzzi sex -- 129 00:04:48,724 --> 00:04:50,517 this is more Jacuzzi -- 130 00:04:50,620 --> 00:04:53,241 this is Jacuzzi Sex Night on "The Last Drive In." -Yeah. 131 00:04:53,344 --> 00:04:56,241 -Turns nasty when a lurking maniac in a one-piece snowsuit 132 00:04:56,344 --> 00:04:57,965 with cracked, orange goggles 133 00:04:58,068 --> 00:05:00,344 starts using items from Dick's Sporting Goods 134 00:05:00,448 --> 00:05:03,068 for purposes other than zigzagging down the bunny slope, 135 00:05:03,172 --> 00:05:04,344 if you know what I mean. 136 00:05:04,448 --> 00:05:05,655 And I think you do. 137 00:05:05,758 --> 00:05:07,137 Sure, we've seen it before, 138 00:05:07,241 --> 00:05:09,206 but have we seen it with full frontal nudity 139 00:05:09,310 --> 00:05:11,137 by the actress who played Wednesday Addams 140 00:05:11,241 --> 00:05:12,137 on "The Addams Family"? 141 00:05:12,241 --> 00:05:13,931 -Whoo! -I think not! 142 00:05:14,034 --> 00:05:16,379 So let's take a look at those drive-in totals and get started. 143 00:05:16,482 --> 00:05:17,517 We have... 144 00:05:47,827 --> 00:05:50,068 "Drive-In" Academy Award nominations for Debra DeLiso 145 00:05:50,172 --> 00:05:52,275 as the nubile hottie the guys fight over, 146 00:05:52,379 --> 00:05:53,758 for saying, "I had a guy 147 00:05:53,862 --> 00:05:56,206 take me to the drive-in in the rain once. 148 00:05:56,310 --> 00:05:58,000 I didn't have any tits hardly." 149 00:05:58,103 --> 00:06:01,482 Doug Stevenson as the jock who says, 150 00:06:01,586 --> 00:06:04,965 "Let's see how good Mr. 'I Sky the Alps' here really is." 151 00:06:05,068 --> 00:06:08,827 Dan Stinson as the jealous, unbalanced hothead who says, 152 00:06:08,931 --> 00:06:12,620 "So Cory starts questioning my integrity as a skier?!" 153 00:06:12,724 --> 00:06:15,310 Lisa Loring, all grown up and ready to party, for saying, 154 00:06:15,413 --> 00:06:19,413 "I'm ready for the hard sell," and really meaning it. 155 00:06:19,517 --> 00:06:20,965 And Joseph Alan Johnson, 156 00:06:21,068 --> 00:06:23,758 the screenwriter, producer, and timeshare hawker, 157 00:06:23,862 --> 00:06:25,827 for saying, "I guess you must say 158 00:06:25,931 --> 00:06:29,275 I'm just a jaded L.A. thrill seeker." 159 00:06:29,379 --> 00:06:32,310 Three stars. Joe Bob says check it out. 160 00:06:32,413 --> 00:06:33,965 -Three stars? -Yeah, three stars. 161 00:06:34,068 --> 00:06:35,344 -[Laughs] 162 00:06:35,448 --> 00:06:36,931 -Three stars. 163 00:06:38,103 --> 00:06:39,827 -[Laughs] -Lisa Loring gets naked. 164 00:06:39,931 --> 00:06:42,896 I mean -- Alright. -That's a star by itself. 165 00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:46,379 -Timeshares are a serious business, though, Darcy. 166 00:06:48,517 --> 00:06:52,034 You read about this timeshare company in Cancun? 167 00:06:52,137 --> 00:06:56,551 They had this Michigan couple arrested in Mexico 168 00:06:56,655 --> 00:07:02,000 'cause they disputed $116,000 in timeshare charges. 169 00:07:02,103 --> 00:07:05,310 30 days in a maximum-security Mexican prison. 170 00:07:05,413 --> 00:07:07,103 -Wow. Is that true? -For that couple. 171 00:07:07,206 --> 00:07:08,758 It's true. 172 00:07:08,862 --> 00:07:10,275 -Wow. 173 00:07:10,379 --> 00:07:12,413 -But they got three months' worth of complimentary cocktails 174 00:07:12,517 --> 00:07:14,310 at the swim-up bar, so, you know... 175 00:07:14,413 --> 00:07:15,931 [Laughter] 176 00:07:16,034 --> 00:07:18,931 [Blues music plays] 177 00:07:19,034 --> 00:07:21,724 New year, new you! 178 00:07:21,827 --> 00:07:24,862 You're 2026 fashion-transformation station 179 00:07:24,965 --> 00:07:27,655 is right here at Big Briggs Furniture Outlet & More, 180 00:07:27,758 --> 00:07:30,517 where "More" ain't just 'cause I didn't bother changing the sign. 181 00:07:30,620 --> 00:07:32,482 First, get a load of this stylish bit 182 00:07:32,586 --> 00:07:34,172 of men's athleisure wear. 183 00:07:34,275 --> 00:07:36,413 I wore this getup during the 'Death Spa" episode, 184 00:07:36,517 --> 00:07:39,206 where I wowed the world with the raw fat-burning power 185 00:07:39,310 --> 00:07:41,275 of the Joe Bob five-second workout. 186 00:07:41,379 --> 00:07:44,413 Let the full force of this airbrushed motto 187 00:07:44,517 --> 00:07:46,034 keep you in line, 188 00:07:46,137 --> 00:07:48,034 while the man in the mirror pushes through 189 00:07:48,137 --> 00:07:49,137 one... 190 00:07:49,241 --> 00:07:50,344 more... 191 00:07:50,448 --> 00:07:51,586 rep! 192 00:07:51,689 --> 00:07:53,586 Also on the rack are the ski suits 193 00:07:53,689 --> 00:07:54,655 that me and Darcy are wearing 194 00:07:54,758 --> 00:07:56,206 during this very Christmas special. 195 00:07:56,310 --> 00:08:00,758 Hit the slopes or the runway in Darcy's electric-pink number 196 00:08:00,862 --> 00:08:02,206 or my star-spangled snowsuit. 197 00:08:02,310 --> 00:08:03,620 Both of them are unisex. 198 00:08:03,724 --> 00:08:06,137 It's sure to stop hot toddy- slurping lounge lizards 199 00:08:06,241 --> 00:08:07,413 dead in their tracks. 200 00:08:07,517 --> 00:08:08,724 But wait. [Whistle!] 201 00:08:08,827 --> 00:08:10,655 Pump the brakes, you handsome devil. 202 00:08:10,758 --> 00:08:12,655 Didn't you just see me -- Joe Bob Briggs -- 203 00:08:12,758 --> 00:08:15,586 sitting pretty in this thing moments ago, seconds ago? 204 00:08:15,689 --> 00:08:17,000 Are you having a stroke? 205 00:08:17,103 --> 00:08:18,241 Relax! [Whip cracks] 206 00:08:18,344 --> 00:08:21,172 Let Big Briggs bend time and space over his knee 207 00:08:21,275 --> 00:08:24,068 to get you a deal on the best damn Christmas present 208 00:08:24,172 --> 00:08:26,241 this side of the law of thermodynamics. 209 00:08:27,379 --> 00:08:29,482 Go to coldcruelchristmas.com 210 00:08:29,586 --> 00:08:30,965 to bid on this junk and more. 211 00:08:31,068 --> 00:08:32,275 All proceeds go 212 00:08:32,379 --> 00:08:33,931 to tonight's charities. 213 00:08:36,103 --> 00:08:37,517 -Visit us on the web at... 214 00:08:46,241 --> 00:08:47,413 [Static hissing] 215 00:08:49,034 --> 00:08:50,413 [Eerie music plays] 216 00:08:50,517 --> 00:08:55,896 ♪ 217 00:08:56,000 --> 00:08:57,896 [Dramatic music plays] 218 00:08:58,000 --> 00:09:07,655 ♪ 219 00:09:07,758 --> 00:09:17,379 ♪ 220 00:09:17,482 --> 00:09:27,068 ♪ 221 00:09:27,172 --> 00:09:36,827 ♪ 222 00:09:36,931 --> 00:09:46,517 ♪ 223 00:09:46,620 --> 00:09:56,206 ♪ 224 00:09:56,310 --> 00:10:05,965 ♪ 225 00:10:06,068 --> 00:10:15,655 ♪ 226 00:10:15,758 --> 00:10:19,034 [Pop music plays] 227 00:10:19,137 --> 00:10:21,034 [Indistinct conversations] 228 00:10:21,137 --> 00:10:29,206 ♪ 229 00:10:29,310 --> 00:10:37,862 ♪ 230 00:10:37,965 --> 00:10:39,206 [Ominous music plays] 231 00:10:39,310 --> 00:10:41,000 -[Chuckling] -What do you say, Cory? 232 00:10:41,103 --> 00:10:43,000 One last race, just you and me. 233 00:10:43,103 --> 00:10:46,172 -What do you say you back off already, Jeff? 234 00:10:46,275 --> 00:10:47,758 -No, you back off. 235 00:10:47,862 --> 00:10:49,172 She's with me. 236 00:10:49,275 --> 00:10:50,379 [Laughter] 237 00:10:50,482 --> 00:10:52,862 -Whoa! -Come on, you guys. 238 00:10:52,965 --> 00:10:55,000 -Hey! A duel to the death! 239 00:10:55,103 --> 00:10:57,689 The winner gets the damsel's maidenhead. 240 00:10:57,793 --> 00:11:00,241 [All cheering] 241 00:11:02,586 --> 00:11:04,551 -Ah, okay, y'all! 242 00:11:04,655 --> 00:11:08,827 Let's see how good Mr. "I Ski the Alps" here really is. 243 00:11:08,931 --> 00:11:10,862 -Huh? Whoo! 244 00:11:10,965 --> 00:11:13,000 -Ahh! -Whoo! 245 00:11:13,103 --> 00:11:14,517 -Uh-oh. -Whoa! 246 00:11:16,620 --> 00:11:18,000 -Hey! [Laughter] 247 00:11:21,103 --> 00:11:22,620 -Come on. Wha-- 248 00:11:22,724 --> 00:11:23,620 [Laughs] 249 00:11:23,724 --> 00:11:26,413 -Whoo! -Whoa. 250 00:11:28,206 --> 00:11:29,862 -Why is Jeff doing this? 251 00:11:29,965 --> 00:11:32,758 -Well, she's got this power over men. 252 00:11:32,862 --> 00:11:34,413 They all want to marry her. 253 00:11:34,517 --> 00:11:36,586 -[Laughs] -Shut up, Carl. 254 00:11:36,689 --> 00:11:38,137 -[To the tune of Wagner's "Bridal Chorus"] ♪ Da da da da ♪ 255 00:11:38,241 --> 00:11:41,793 -Oh, my God! -♪ Da da da da ♪ 256 00:11:41,896 --> 00:11:44,068 -Trina, what is going on with you and Jeff anyway? 257 00:11:44,172 --> 00:11:45,896 -Whoo! Yeah, really. 258 00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:47,620 -Nothing. -Uh-huh. 259 00:11:47,724 --> 00:11:49,241 -Exactly nothing. -Yeah, right. 260 00:11:49,344 --> 00:11:51,482 -Trina, ooh. 261 00:11:51,586 --> 00:11:53,482 [Dramatic music plays] 262 00:11:53,586 --> 00:12:00,275 ♪ 263 00:12:00,379 --> 00:12:07,034 ♪ 264 00:12:07,137 --> 00:12:13,793 ♪ 265 00:12:13,896 --> 00:12:16,862 -[Laughing] 266 00:12:16,965 --> 00:12:18,586 You ready, hot shot? 267 00:12:20,103 --> 00:12:21,551 [Sparks hissing] 268 00:12:21,655 --> 00:12:25,517 ♪ 269 00:12:25,620 --> 00:12:27,034 -[Exhales sharply] 270 00:12:27,137 --> 00:12:35,103 ♪ 271 00:12:35,206 --> 00:12:43,241 ♪ 272 00:12:43,344 --> 00:12:51,344 ♪ 273 00:12:51,448 --> 00:12:59,448 ♪ 274 00:12:59,551 --> 00:13:07,655 ♪ 275 00:13:07,758 --> 00:13:15,758 ♪ 276 00:13:15,862 --> 00:13:23,862 ♪ 277 00:13:23,965 --> 00:13:32,000 ♪ 278 00:13:32,103 --> 00:13:40,068 ♪ 279 00:13:40,172 --> 00:13:48,172 ♪ 280 00:13:48,275 --> 00:13:56,310 ♪ 281 00:13:56,413 --> 00:14:04,482 ♪ 282 00:14:04,586 --> 00:14:05,793 -[Grunts] 283 00:14:05,896 --> 00:14:11,448 ♪ 284 00:14:11,551 --> 00:14:12,758 -Hey! 285 00:14:12,862 --> 00:14:15,517 ♪ 286 00:14:15,620 --> 00:14:17,827 Hey, man. You alright? 287 00:14:17,931 --> 00:14:23,586 ♪ 288 00:14:23,689 --> 00:14:25,103 -[Grunts] 289 00:14:25,206 --> 00:14:31,827 ♪ 290 00:14:31,931 --> 00:14:33,655 [Pop music plays] 291 00:14:33,758 --> 00:14:35,551 -♪ Can't you feel the rhythm ♪ 292 00:14:35,655 --> 00:14:37,896 ♪ Can't you hear the music ♪ 293 00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:41,517 ♪ You know it makes me wanna move my feet ♪ 294 00:14:41,620 --> 00:14:43,379 ♪ Gotta keep it going ♪ 295 00:14:43,482 --> 00:14:46,137 ♪ Don't wanna lose it ♪ 296 00:14:46,241 --> 00:14:48,517 ♪ I just wanna move it to the beat ♪ 297 00:14:48,620 --> 00:14:51,965 ♪ 298 00:14:52,068 --> 00:14:56,206 ♪ I know you wanna do some kissing, hugging ♪ 299 00:14:56,310 --> 00:14:58,103 ♪ Don't get me wrong, I really love... ♪ 300 00:14:58,206 --> 00:14:59,862 -Right. 301 00:14:59,965 --> 00:15:03,172 ♪ 302 00:15:03,275 --> 00:15:05,448 -Hey, buddy boy! 303 00:15:05,551 --> 00:15:07,620 -Hey, I bet you're up for a rematch tomorrow, 304 00:15:07,724 --> 00:15:08,655 aren't you, huh? 305 00:15:08,758 --> 00:15:09,862 Hey, come on. 306 00:15:09,965 --> 00:15:11,482 Maybe this time, we'll play it by my rules. 307 00:15:11,586 --> 00:15:15,241 ♪ 308 00:15:15,344 --> 00:15:16,517 [Glasses clink] 309 00:15:18,206 --> 00:15:19,862 -Hey, bartender. 310 00:15:19,965 --> 00:15:21,103 -How can I help you guys? 311 00:15:21,206 --> 00:15:23,034 [Indistinct conversations, laughter] 312 00:15:23,137 --> 00:15:24,206 -Shh! 313 00:15:26,137 --> 00:15:28,413 -♪ Whoo! Everybody dancing ♪ 314 00:15:28,517 --> 00:15:31,344 ♪ Got me coming ♪ 315 00:15:31,448 --> 00:15:34,413 ♪ The party's getting hot and going strong ♪ 316 00:15:34,517 --> 00:15:36,241 ♪ I feel the rhythm ♪ 317 00:15:36,344 --> 00:15:37,862 ♪ I hear the music ♪ 318 00:15:37,965 --> 00:15:39,103 -[Speaks indistinctly] 319 00:15:39,206 --> 00:15:40,413 -Hi. 320 00:15:40,517 --> 00:15:43,034 -Hi. How you guys doing? 321 00:15:43,137 --> 00:15:44,793 -Good. 322 00:15:44,896 --> 00:15:48,275 Aw. Looks like he lost more than a race. 323 00:15:49,586 --> 00:15:51,103 -Over here. Jeff. 324 00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:54,206 -♪ But now is not the time ♪ 325 00:15:54,310 --> 00:15:56,413 ♪ You know I'm gonna find ♪ 326 00:15:56,517 --> 00:15:59,000 ♪ That I can't stop -♪ Can't stop ♪ 327 00:15:59,103 --> 00:16:00,068 -Hi. 328 00:16:00,172 --> 00:16:01,827 -♪ Gotta dance ♪ 329 00:16:01,931 --> 00:16:03,310 -Oh, waitress. 330 00:16:03,413 --> 00:16:05,206 Some, uh, lubricant for our friend here, 331 00:16:05,310 --> 00:16:07,275 Mr. "I Ski the Alps." 332 00:16:08,689 --> 00:16:12,517 -♪ All you want to do is make romance ♪ 333 00:16:12,620 --> 00:16:15,551 ♪ All I want to do ♪ 334 00:16:15,655 --> 00:16:17,551 [Rock music plays] 335 00:16:17,655 --> 00:16:22,931 ♪ 336 00:16:23,034 --> 00:16:28,310 ♪ 337 00:16:28,413 --> 00:16:31,206 -I feel like I could kill them. 338 00:16:31,310 --> 00:16:34,137 [Scoffs] What a bunch of jerks. 339 00:16:36,517 --> 00:16:40,241 No kindness whatsoever. 340 00:16:45,172 --> 00:16:46,655 What? 341 00:16:46,758 --> 00:16:48,965 It's like the time in the clinic in Switzerland. 342 00:16:49,068 --> 00:16:50,344 [Eerie music plays] 343 00:16:50,448 --> 00:16:53,310 You know it was nothing really serious. 344 00:16:53,413 --> 00:16:55,137 Nothing like that. 345 00:16:55,241 --> 00:16:58,793 But I-I tell them, "I skied the Alps," right? 346 00:16:58,896 --> 00:17:01,379 And they don't even know the real reason I went there. 347 00:17:03,344 --> 00:17:06,620 So Cory picks up on it, 348 00:17:06,724 --> 00:17:10,551 starts questioning my integrity as a skier. 349 00:17:10,655 --> 00:17:13,931 ♪ 350 00:17:14,034 --> 00:17:15,965 What can I do? 351 00:17:16,068 --> 00:17:17,896 [Party favor blowing] 352 00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:20,206 -Awoo! -[Laughs] 353 00:17:20,310 --> 00:17:22,620 -Gentlemen, start your engines. 354 00:17:22,724 --> 00:17:24,724 -Yeah! Whoo-hoo! 355 00:17:24,827 --> 00:17:27,068 [Rock music plays] 356 00:17:27,172 --> 00:17:28,310 -Oh! 357 00:17:28,413 --> 00:17:30,275 [Eerie music plays] 358 00:17:30,379 --> 00:17:38,379 ♪ 359 00:17:38,482 --> 00:17:40,068 -Thanks for listening. 360 00:17:41,965 --> 00:17:43,275 Thanks. 361 00:17:43,379 --> 00:17:45,379 [Both laughing] 362 00:17:51,448 --> 00:17:53,000 [Muffled laughter] 363 00:17:53,103 --> 00:17:55,689 [Clock ticking] 364 00:17:55,793 --> 00:17:57,379 -[Sighs] 365 00:18:01,379 --> 00:18:03,000 -[Laughs] Ah! 366 00:18:03,103 --> 00:18:04,103 Oh! 367 00:18:04,206 --> 00:18:05,758 -Jeff! 368 00:18:05,862 --> 00:18:07,517 -You fuckers! 369 00:18:07,620 --> 00:18:10,379 [Both laughing] 370 00:18:10,482 --> 00:18:13,137 -What are you doing here? 371 00:18:13,241 --> 00:18:14,758 -You came up here with me. 372 00:18:14,862 --> 00:18:17,103 -I came here by myself. 373 00:18:17,206 --> 00:18:19,379 Why don't you leave us alone? 374 00:18:19,482 --> 00:18:20,689 -Not till I'm finished with you. 375 00:18:20,793 --> 00:18:22,758 -Aw, come on. You heard her, pal. 376 00:18:22,862 --> 00:18:24,448 Come on. Just leave. 377 00:18:24,551 --> 00:18:26,931 -This is all your fault, you son of a bitch! 378 00:18:27,034 --> 00:18:29,517 -Listen, the lady doesn't want to discuss this 379 00:18:29,620 --> 00:18:31,413 any further right now. 380 00:18:31,517 --> 00:18:35,034 -Jeff, we're friends. 381 00:18:35,137 --> 00:18:37,172 That's all. 382 00:18:37,275 --> 00:18:38,931 Sorry. 383 00:18:39,034 --> 00:18:41,241 -Some friend. -Aw, come on, shit wagon. 384 00:18:41,344 --> 00:18:42,586 Why don't you just take a hint, huh? 385 00:18:42,689 --> 00:18:43,896 -Oh! -Oh! 386 00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:46,620 -You know, you're starting to make a real asshole 387 00:18:46,724 --> 00:18:48,137 out of yourself, pal! 388 00:18:51,586 --> 00:18:54,482 [Laughing] 389 00:18:54,586 --> 00:18:55,724 -Shit. 390 00:18:55,827 --> 00:18:56,965 Oh, man. 391 00:18:57,068 --> 00:18:57,965 -[Laughs] 392 00:18:58,068 --> 00:18:59,482 -Oh, God. 393 00:19:02,827 --> 00:19:04,689 [Glass shatters] 394 00:19:04,793 --> 00:19:06,344 -[Breathes deeply] 395 00:19:06,448 --> 00:19:09,275 [Suspenseful music plays] 396 00:19:09,379 --> 00:19:19,000 ♪ 397 00:19:19,103 --> 00:19:28,724 ♪ 398 00:19:28,827 --> 00:19:38,413 ♪ 399 00:19:38,517 --> 00:19:48,137 ♪ 400 00:19:48,241 --> 00:19:50,758 -Hey. Where are you going, man? 401 00:19:50,862 --> 00:19:51,862 Why don't you come back to my room? 402 00:19:51,965 --> 00:19:53,655 Let's have a drink. Come on. 403 00:19:54,827 --> 00:19:56,172 It's kind of late to go skiing, isn't it? 404 00:19:56,275 --> 00:19:58,137 It's starting to snow, man. 405 00:19:58,241 --> 00:20:03,862 ♪ 406 00:20:03,965 --> 00:20:09,517 ♪ 407 00:20:09,620 --> 00:20:11,103 -Hey. -[Grunts] 408 00:20:11,206 --> 00:20:12,517 -Hey. 409 00:20:12,620 --> 00:20:13,827 I wouldn't go out there alone tonight. 410 00:20:13,931 --> 00:20:16,482 [Rock music plays] 411 00:20:16,586 --> 00:20:18,413 -Come on. 412 00:20:18,517 --> 00:20:19,586 Don't let it bother you. 413 00:20:19,689 --> 00:20:21,172 That guy's just an asshole. 414 00:20:21,275 --> 00:20:24,758 ♪ 415 00:20:24,862 --> 00:20:26,896 -He was making it out to be something it isn't. 416 00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:30,620 ♪ 417 00:20:30,724 --> 00:20:34,965 -Well, we can always make it into what he thinks it is. 418 00:20:35,068 --> 00:20:43,965 ♪ 419 00:20:44,068 --> 00:20:52,931 ♪ 420 00:20:53,034 --> 00:21:02,000 ♪ 421 00:21:02,103 --> 00:21:10,965 ♪ 422 00:21:11,068 --> 00:21:12,827 -[Moaning] Oh. Oh, God. 423 00:21:12,931 --> 00:21:16,344 [Moaning] 424 00:21:16,448 --> 00:21:22,206 ♪ 425 00:21:22,310 --> 00:21:28,103 ♪ 426 00:21:28,206 --> 00:21:30,000 -[Exhales sharply] 427 00:21:30,103 --> 00:21:33,344 -[Moaning] 428 00:21:33,448 --> 00:21:42,034 ♪ 429 00:21:42,137 --> 00:21:50,758 ♪ 430 00:21:50,862 --> 00:21:59,448 ♪ 431 00:21:59,551 --> 00:22:08,206 ♪ 432 00:22:08,310 --> 00:22:16,931 ♪ 433 00:22:17,034 --> 00:22:26,586 ♪ 434 00:22:26,689 --> 00:22:28,655 [Dramatic note plays] 435 00:22:28,758 --> 00:22:30,068 -[Grunts] 436 00:22:34,310 --> 00:22:36,344 [Groans] 437 00:22:37,896 --> 00:22:39,793 [Suspenseful music plays] 438 00:22:39,896 --> 00:22:44,931 ♪ 439 00:22:45,034 --> 00:22:52,034 ♪ 440 00:22:52,137 --> 00:22:58,482 ♪ 441 00:23:03,724 --> 00:23:05,620 [Country music plays] 442 00:23:05,724 --> 00:23:11,655 ♪ 443 00:23:11,758 --> 00:23:16,862 ♪ Don't call me up 'cause I won't be at home ♪ 444 00:23:16,965 --> 00:23:21,862 ♪ I'm tired of sitting here, being on my own ♪ 445 00:23:21,965 --> 00:23:25,275 ♪ Going fishing for my baby ♪ 446 00:23:25,379 --> 00:23:26,965 ♪ And I can't wait ♪ 447 00:23:27,068 --> 00:23:29,448 -[Clears throat] Honey, why don't you get out 448 00:23:29,551 --> 00:23:30,965 that letter on Snow Peak 449 00:23:31,068 --> 00:23:33,310 and see what they have to say for themselves? 450 00:23:38,310 --> 00:23:41,724 -"Dear Mr. and Mrs. MacGyver --" 451 00:23:41,827 --> 00:23:43,758 I still love the sound of that. 452 00:23:45,310 --> 00:23:51,517 "-- you are cordially invited to sneak a peek at Snow Peak." 453 00:23:51,620 --> 00:23:54,344 -This is fantastic up here. 454 00:23:54,448 --> 00:23:56,482 -"Ski challenging slopes 455 00:23:56,586 --> 00:23:59,103 in the uncrowded wonderland environment 456 00:23:59,206 --> 00:24:01,034 comparable to the Swiss Alps." 457 00:24:01,137 --> 00:24:05,103 ♪ 458 00:24:05,206 --> 00:24:07,379 -It's beautiful. 459 00:24:07,482 --> 00:24:10,137 -"Spend relaxed evenings at our fabulous new lodge 460 00:24:10,241 --> 00:24:12,103 or in front of the fireplace 461 00:24:12,206 --> 00:24:14,724 at one of our many deluxe ski condominiums 462 00:24:14,827 --> 00:24:17,931 or timeshare ski villas." 463 00:24:18,034 --> 00:24:20,310 That's why I told the salesman we were into the villas. 464 00:24:22,172 --> 00:24:24,379 "We are offering a free ski weekend 465 00:24:24,482 --> 00:24:27,758 to examine the ultimate in resort luxury." 466 00:24:27,862 --> 00:24:30,896 -A "luxury --" the word itself gives me shivers. 467 00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:32,586 -Oh, now, here's the pitch. 468 00:24:32,689 --> 00:24:34,620 "Our villas are handsomely appointed 469 00:24:34,724 --> 00:24:38,344 and are available in a variety of floor plans and decor --" 470 00:24:38,448 --> 00:24:40,448 -Honey, don't get yourself all worked up. 471 00:24:40,551 --> 00:24:42,517 -"With Jacuzzi," blah, blah, blah, blah, 472 00:24:42,620 --> 00:24:45,379 "and start at only $250,000." 473 00:24:45,482 --> 00:24:46,724 -[Laughs] $250,000. 474 00:24:46,827 --> 00:24:49,000 Gee, that's cheap at twice the price. 475 00:24:49,103 --> 00:24:50,896 -"You are under no obligation --" 476 00:24:51,000 --> 00:24:53,241 -Well, no obligation whatsoever. 477 00:24:53,344 --> 00:24:55,241 Just leave your wife as a down payment, right? 478 00:24:55,344 --> 00:24:56,413 -Cute. 479 00:24:56,517 --> 00:24:58,862 Let me finish. 480 00:24:58,965 --> 00:25:01,620 "Our sales representative will call on you 481 00:25:01,724 --> 00:25:03,724 to answer any questions you may have. 482 00:25:03,827 --> 00:25:09,000 Reserve now, a weekend in Heaven." 483 00:25:09,103 --> 00:25:11,344 -[Scoffs] That's just laying it on just a little bit thick, 484 00:25:11,448 --> 00:25:13,655 don't you think, huh? 485 00:25:13,758 --> 00:25:17,896 -Well, here's the response letter. 486 00:25:18,000 --> 00:25:20,896 Glad we could all get in on the same weekend. 487 00:25:21,000 --> 00:25:22,758 -Yeah, I'm ready for the hard sell. 488 00:25:22,862 --> 00:25:25,689 I once drove 200 miles to get a free microwave oven. 489 00:25:25,793 --> 00:25:27,137 Sales pitch was a murder. 490 00:25:27,241 --> 00:25:29,482 I didn't think they'd let me out alive. 491 00:25:29,586 --> 00:25:32,206 -Well, the 250 grand price tag they got on this thing 492 00:25:32,310 --> 00:25:34,137 shouldn't make it too hard to resist. 493 00:25:34,241 --> 00:25:36,000 [Chuckles] 494 00:25:36,103 --> 00:25:38,448 -Hey, how did we get in on their mailing list? 495 00:25:38,551 --> 00:25:41,551 -Eh, you know these people. They buy lists from ski shops. 496 00:25:41,655 --> 00:25:45,172 They get the register books from the resort hotels. 497 00:25:45,275 --> 00:25:47,137 -Oh, yeah. 498 00:25:47,241 --> 00:25:49,586 God, I can't wait to see John and Diane. 499 00:25:49,689 --> 00:25:51,000 It's been ages, right? 500 00:25:51,103 --> 00:25:53,620 We haven't seen them since the wedding. 501 00:25:53,724 --> 00:25:55,758 -So, what have they been up to? 502 00:25:55,862 --> 00:25:59,379 -Well, John just got his medical practice started -- pediatrics. 503 00:25:59,482 --> 00:26:00,862 -John? -Yes. 504 00:26:00,965 --> 00:26:03,551 Well, you know, him and the kids. 505 00:26:03,655 --> 00:26:05,344 Well, they split up for a while, 506 00:26:05,448 --> 00:26:07,551 you know, working long hours and all that. 507 00:26:07,655 --> 00:26:10,068 But they got it back together. 508 00:26:10,172 --> 00:26:13,586 -[Clears throat] Speaking of, uh, split-ups, 509 00:26:13,689 --> 00:26:15,655 you're a little bit cagey about Eddie. 510 00:26:15,758 --> 00:26:17,448 Is he gonna make it up here or what? 511 00:26:17,551 --> 00:26:19,172 -Yeah. 512 00:26:19,275 --> 00:26:22,551 Yeah, we had a fight. Nothing serious. 513 00:26:22,655 --> 00:26:25,310 Uh, he can't get away till later, 514 00:26:25,413 --> 00:26:27,448 so he'll get here eventually. 515 00:26:28,586 --> 00:26:30,275 -Honey, did you get a ski report? 516 00:26:30,379 --> 00:26:32,310 -Uh-huh. They're calling for heavy snow and a good base, 517 00:26:32,413 --> 00:26:33,896 so it should be fine. 518 00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:36,241 -Alright. We're almost there. Let's get out on those slopes. 519 00:26:36,344 --> 00:26:37,655 -Yeah. -[Chuckles] 520 00:26:43,206 --> 00:26:45,068 [Rock music plays] 521 00:26:45,172 --> 00:26:54,793 ♪ 522 00:26:54,896 --> 00:26:57,103 ♪ Looking to the future ♪ 523 00:26:57,206 --> 00:27:00,034 ♪ I can show you how it will be ♪ 524 00:27:00,137 --> 00:27:02,896 ♪ 525 00:27:03,000 --> 00:27:07,103 ♪ It's really quite peculiar, everything that I can see ♪ 526 00:27:07,206 --> 00:27:10,931 ♪ 527 00:27:11,034 --> 00:27:13,758 ♪ Let me tell you what it's all about ♪ [Tires screech] 528 00:27:13,862 --> 00:27:16,206 ♪ Come on, everybody ♪ 529 00:27:16,310 --> 00:27:19,172 ♪ Let me hear you shout -♪ Baseball! ♪ 530 00:27:19,275 --> 00:27:21,172 ♪ Come on, yeah ♪ 531 00:27:28,137 --> 00:27:30,931 -♪ Everybody shout -♪ Baseball! ♪ 532 00:27:31,034 --> 00:27:33,517 -♪ Baseball ♪ 533 00:27:33,620 --> 00:27:35,655 -God! Shit! 534 00:27:35,758 --> 00:27:38,275 -♪ Ride along with destiny ♪ 535 00:27:38,379 --> 00:27:40,551 ♪ Ooh, yeah ♪ 536 00:27:41,620 --> 00:27:43,275 [Groans] Fuck! 537 00:27:48,310 --> 00:27:50,586 God damn it! 538 00:27:50,689 --> 00:27:53,862 Son of a bitch. 539 00:27:53,965 --> 00:27:55,724 [Sighs] 540 00:28:16,310 --> 00:28:18,241 Holy shit! 541 00:28:18,344 --> 00:28:21,310 [Sighs] God! 542 00:28:22,655 --> 00:28:23,620 [Sighs] 543 00:28:23,724 --> 00:28:25,620 [Suspenseful music plays] 544 00:28:25,724 --> 00:28:32,034 ♪ 545 00:28:32,137 --> 00:28:33,586 -Hey! 546 00:28:33,689 --> 00:28:35,620 Hey! 547 00:28:35,724 --> 00:28:40,724 ♪ 548 00:28:40,827 --> 00:28:42,517 Goddamn! Shit! 549 00:28:42,620 --> 00:28:47,931 ♪ 550 00:28:48,034 --> 00:28:52,965 [Screaming] 551 00:28:53,068 --> 00:28:59,827 ♪ 552 00:28:59,931 --> 00:29:06,758 ♪ 553 00:29:08,379 --> 00:29:09,862 [Static hissing] 554 00:29:12,586 --> 00:29:14,620 [Up-tempo music plays] 555 00:29:17,344 --> 00:29:25,137 ♪ 556 00:29:25,241 --> 00:29:33,034 ♪ 557 00:29:33,137 --> 00:29:40,965 ♪ 558 00:29:41,068 --> 00:29:48,862 ♪ 559 00:29:48,965 --> 00:29:50,862 [Blues music plays] 560 00:29:50,965 --> 00:29:53,241 ♪ 561 00:29:53,344 --> 00:29:55,655 -Wow, Darcy. That was exhilarating. 562 00:29:55,758 --> 00:29:57,551 -Which part? -That was great. 563 00:29:57,655 --> 00:29:59,344 -The part where you lost your ski pole 564 00:29:59,448 --> 00:30:00,482 or when you got stuck between the trees? 565 00:30:00,586 --> 00:30:03,551 -Darcy... -Just asking. 566 00:30:03,655 --> 00:30:06,896 -Skiing is not a competition. 567 00:30:07,000 --> 00:30:09,241 Skiing is all about getting in touch with nature. 568 00:30:09,344 --> 00:30:11,620 -Ski slopes aren't very natural, though. 569 00:30:11,724 --> 00:30:13,448 Don't they cut down all the trees for that? 570 00:30:13,551 --> 00:30:16,793 -It's getting in touch with the mountain itself, 571 00:30:16,896 --> 00:30:18,448 the whole mountain. 572 00:30:18,551 --> 00:30:20,344 -We couldn't find a mountain here? 573 00:30:20,448 --> 00:30:23,068 -Getting in touch with the hills, 574 00:30:23,172 --> 00:30:25,862 or the gentle slopes of Georgia. 575 00:30:25,965 --> 00:30:28,241 -Well, you definitely got in touch with the ground. 576 00:30:28,344 --> 00:30:29,586 -Yes, I did. 577 00:30:29,689 --> 00:30:31,689 And I think it's an illustration of the point 578 00:30:31,793 --> 00:30:33,655 they're making here at the beginning of "Iced." 579 00:30:33,758 --> 00:30:37,172 The two racers fighting for the attention of a girl 580 00:30:37,275 --> 00:30:38,862 are out of touch with the spiritual dimension 581 00:30:38,965 --> 00:30:40,482 of Big Cottonwood Canyon, 582 00:30:40,586 --> 00:30:42,137 which is where these scenes were filmed. 583 00:30:42,241 --> 00:30:44,896 That ski resort is the first one ever built in Utah -- 584 00:30:45,000 --> 00:30:47,827 The Brighton Resort at Snowbird, known for its night skiing. 585 00:30:47,931 --> 00:30:50,172 -Only the best for "Iced." 586 00:30:50,275 --> 00:30:52,758 -The original title of this movie was "Blizzard of Blood." 587 00:30:52,862 --> 00:30:55,379 They had to change it for some weird legal reason. 588 00:30:55,482 --> 00:30:58,000 But you can see what kind of terror we're in for. 589 00:30:58,103 --> 00:31:00,241 The killer is so good at what he does 590 00:31:00,344 --> 00:31:04,482 that he murdered a man on foot with a 23,000-pound machine 591 00:31:04,586 --> 00:31:05,827 that moves at 4 miles an hour. 592 00:31:05,931 --> 00:31:06,931 Who can do that? 593 00:31:07,034 --> 00:31:09,931 -Only a "Blizzard of Blood" killer. 594 00:31:10,034 --> 00:31:12,655 -That was Michael Picardi as the very dead Eddie. 595 00:31:12,758 --> 00:31:14,793 [Chuckles] 596 00:31:14,896 --> 00:31:17,862 Michael was kind of a ski-resort slasher specialist, 597 00:31:17,965 --> 00:31:20,965 because he was also in the movie "Snowballing," 598 00:31:21,068 --> 00:31:22,413 made four years earlier. 599 00:31:22,517 --> 00:31:24,586 "Snowballing" was a comedy, though, 600 00:31:24,689 --> 00:31:27,068 almost as good as "Ski Patrol." 601 00:31:27,172 --> 00:31:28,689 But I digress. 602 00:31:28,793 --> 00:31:30,724 -Don't you mean "Ski School"? 603 00:31:30,827 --> 00:31:33,206 -No. "Ski School" -- No. 604 00:31:33,310 --> 00:31:35,103 "Ski Patrol" is better than "Ski School." 605 00:31:35,206 --> 00:31:37,310 -Oh, no. We're not having this conversation again. 606 00:31:37,413 --> 00:31:39,137 "Ski School." -[Sighs] 607 00:31:39,241 --> 00:31:40,724 -But anyway, you were digressing. 608 00:31:40,827 --> 00:31:42,206 -Anyway, we're still raising money 609 00:31:42,310 --> 00:31:44,275 for the annual Christmas auction. 610 00:31:44,379 --> 00:31:46,724 You can go to our website and bid on the items for sale. 611 00:31:46,827 --> 00:31:49,655 You can also buy a t-shirt or a hoodie with the official 612 00:31:49,758 --> 00:31:52,034 "Joe Bob's Cold, Cruel Christmas" artwork on it, 613 00:31:52,137 --> 00:31:53,620 or a giant cup, 614 00:31:53,724 --> 00:31:55,551 and that will help our distressed charities 615 00:31:55,655 --> 00:31:56,965 get back on their feet. 616 00:31:57,068 --> 00:31:59,172 Alright. This time, this break, 617 00:31:59,275 --> 00:32:01,655 we're talking about Meals on Wheels. 618 00:32:01,758 --> 00:32:03,379 The cost of a meal for a person 619 00:32:03,482 --> 00:32:05,413 who can't get out of the house and can't afford food 620 00:32:05,517 --> 00:32:07,344 is about 9 bucks. 621 00:32:07,448 --> 00:32:09,931 And that includes everything -- ingredients, cooking, 622 00:32:10,034 --> 00:32:11,620 traveling to where the person lives, 623 00:32:11,724 --> 00:32:14,655 sometimes physically helping them get to and from the door. 624 00:32:14,758 --> 00:32:18,620 And up until this year, $6.46 of that 9 bucks 625 00:32:18,724 --> 00:32:21,000 came from various federal programs 626 00:32:21,103 --> 00:32:22,586 that were widely supported. 627 00:32:22,689 --> 00:32:24,689 Some programs go back 70 years. 628 00:32:24,793 --> 00:32:26,275 All cut. 629 00:32:27,482 --> 00:32:30,724 "Let those old people find their own food" was the message. 630 00:32:30,827 --> 00:32:32,586 But I want to send out a loud thank you 631 00:32:32,689 --> 00:32:34,517 to the city of Jacksonville, Florida, 632 00:32:34,620 --> 00:32:36,206 'cause when their Meals on Wheels program 633 00:32:36,310 --> 00:32:39,586 got slashed by two-thirds -- almost 70% -- 634 00:32:39,689 --> 00:32:42,275 they found that 70% in their own budget. 635 00:32:42,379 --> 00:32:44,241 They said, "We're not starving our senior citizens. 636 00:32:44,344 --> 00:32:47,000 We're gonna step up even when the feds abandon us." 637 00:32:47,103 --> 00:32:49,241 So now we have to step up for the people 638 00:32:49,344 --> 00:32:50,758 who aren't so fortunate as to live 639 00:32:50,862 --> 00:32:52,206 in cities that kindhearted. 640 00:32:52,310 --> 00:32:54,034 So buy something, bid on something, 641 00:32:54,137 --> 00:32:56,482 go to the website, read about it. 642 00:32:56,586 --> 00:32:58,379 Let's get cracking on kindness. 643 00:32:58,482 --> 00:32:59,724 And while you're doing that, 644 00:32:59,827 --> 00:33:02,551 we're going back to the 1989 slasher "Iced," 645 00:33:02,655 --> 00:33:04,172 where Jeanette's boyfriend 646 00:33:04,275 --> 00:33:06,000 has just been run over by a snowplow. 647 00:33:06,931 --> 00:33:09,931 -Yeah. -Roll it. 648 00:33:10,034 --> 00:33:13,034 And for those of you who don't know this yet, 649 00:33:13,137 --> 00:33:15,137 Jeanette is the -- 650 00:33:15,241 --> 00:33:17,275 She's the redhead in the back seat of the car 651 00:33:17,379 --> 00:33:18,965 talking about her recent problems with Eddie. 652 00:33:19,068 --> 00:33:21,000 And Jeanette is played by Lisa Loring, 653 00:33:21,103 --> 00:33:24,103 the original Wednesday Addams on "The Addams Family." 654 00:33:24,206 --> 00:33:27,034 And she did this movie in a transitional time in her life. 655 00:33:27,137 --> 00:33:28,965 She had previously been married 656 00:33:29,068 --> 00:33:31,551 o the actor playing Cory, Doug Stevenson, 657 00:33:31,655 --> 00:33:33,689 the husband of Trina in the movie. 658 00:33:33,793 --> 00:33:36,965 But she had recently been working as a makeup artist, 659 00:33:37,068 --> 00:33:38,965 and she worked on a porn movie, 660 00:33:39,068 --> 00:33:43,551 and she fell in love with Jerry Butler, the porn star, 661 00:33:43,655 --> 00:33:46,241 and they would end up being married for five years. 662 00:33:46,344 --> 00:33:50,482 But right now, as Jeanette, she's feeling itchy, 663 00:33:50,586 --> 00:33:52,137 if you know what I mean. 664 00:33:52,241 --> 00:33:54,448 And I think you do. Are you a Wednesday Addams fan? 665 00:33:54,551 --> 00:33:56,137 -How can I not be? 666 00:33:56,241 --> 00:33:59,034 -Are you Jerry Butler fan? -How can I not be? 667 00:33:59,137 --> 00:34:02,655 -Okay. You got to think that's quite a red-carpet couple, 668 00:34:02,758 --> 00:34:04,482 you know, when they were together. 669 00:34:04,586 --> 00:34:06,655 The paparazzi are gonna be all over that, you know? 670 00:34:06,758 --> 00:34:08,965 The little girl in "The Addams Family" 671 00:34:09,068 --> 00:34:11,344 and the star of "Talk Dirty to Me 3" 672 00:34:11,448 --> 00:34:13,068 Who could resist that? -Nobody. 673 00:34:13,172 --> 00:34:14,344 -[Laughs] 674 00:34:14,448 --> 00:34:17,034 -Not me. -That's right. 675 00:34:19,448 --> 00:34:21,310 -Well, it's been a night of highs and lows. 676 00:34:21,413 --> 00:34:23,517 Emotional whiplash, my therapist calls it. 677 00:34:23,620 --> 00:34:26,310 One moment, we're reveling in a silly, little slasher, 678 00:34:26,413 --> 00:34:27,689 and the next, we're reminded 679 00:34:27,793 --> 00:34:29,206 that civilization is rotten from the inside out 680 00:34:29,310 --> 00:34:30,448 like a dead oak tree. 681 00:34:30,551 --> 00:34:33,413 But the Sultan of Segway, Big Briggs, 682 00:34:33,517 --> 00:34:35,655 is here to switch gears every two sentences 683 00:34:35,758 --> 00:34:38,034 to confuse your gooey, empathetic center. 684 00:34:38,137 --> 00:34:42,137 See that? When I do a hard turn and shift my voice, 685 00:34:42,241 --> 00:34:44,310 sensory overload squeezes your frontal lobe 686 00:34:44,413 --> 00:34:46,034 and makes you forget whatever I just said, 687 00:34:46,137 --> 00:34:48,034 and there's not a damn thing you can do about it. 688 00:34:48,137 --> 00:34:49,931 I am drunk with power. 689 00:34:50,034 --> 00:34:53,689 Whoo hoo! I'm the Sultan of Segway! 690 00:34:53,793 --> 00:34:55,448 And speaking of whatever I just said, 691 00:34:55,551 --> 00:34:58,517 you can bid on an autographed copy of the Dark Horse reprint 692 00:34:58,620 --> 00:34:59,793 of "Joe Bob Goes to the Drive-In." 693 00:34:59,896 --> 00:35:01,931 It's a collection of classic reviews by me, 694 00:35:02,034 --> 00:35:04,965 the greatest drive-in movie critic of all time -- 695 00:35:05,068 --> 00:35:07,551 the only drive-in movie critic of all time. 696 00:35:07,655 --> 00:35:09,862 But, you know, before I was a world-famous author 697 00:35:09,965 --> 00:35:11,310 and television personality, 698 00:35:11,413 --> 00:35:13,517 I had a successful run as a stand-up comic. 699 00:35:13,620 --> 00:35:15,655 Check out these classic yuks. 700 00:35:17,413 --> 00:35:20,586 Where I'm from is Crank County, Texas. 701 00:35:20,689 --> 00:35:23,551 Uh, nobody, nobody? 702 00:35:23,655 --> 00:35:27,551 I guess y'all never been there, judging by your reaction. 703 00:35:27,655 --> 00:35:29,896 And go ahead and tell you about it. 704 00:35:30,000 --> 00:35:33,068 Our chief industry is dirt. [Chuckles] 705 00:35:34,586 --> 00:35:36,000 Uh... 706 00:35:37,655 --> 00:35:39,103 it's funnier in context. 707 00:35:39,206 --> 00:35:40,862 A lot of people looked down on us 708 00:35:40,965 --> 00:35:43,000 'cause we were dirty all the time. 709 00:35:43,103 --> 00:35:45,000 [Laughter] 710 00:35:46,206 --> 00:35:49,137 Of course most of the time we couldn't afford clothes. 711 00:35:49,241 --> 00:35:52,000 We used to go to school naked, except in the wintertime. 712 00:35:52,103 --> 00:35:54,448 [Laughter] 713 00:35:56,586 --> 00:35:58,068 That setup was truncated. 714 00:35:58,172 --> 00:35:59,862 Comedy's like jazz. 715 00:35:59,965 --> 00:36:01,586 There's a flow. 716 00:36:01,689 --> 00:36:03,275 Nobody gets it. 717 00:36:03,379 --> 00:36:07,137 But what you can get is one of the 10 original posters 718 00:36:07,241 --> 00:36:08,793 advertising the release of the "Dead End" 719 00:36:08,896 --> 00:36:10,275 concert comedy special. 720 00:36:10,379 --> 00:36:12,689 I will scribble my name and anything you want on it. 721 00:36:12,793 --> 00:36:15,517 Once these suckers fly off the shelves, they are gone for good. 722 00:36:15,620 --> 00:36:17,517 [Muzak plays] 723 00:36:17,620 --> 00:36:21,103 ♪ 724 00:36:21,206 --> 00:36:23,448 1986. Totally killed. 725 00:36:37,793 --> 00:36:38,793 [Static hissing] 726 00:36:40,413 --> 00:36:41,931 -There it is. Oh, it's beautiful. 727 00:36:42,034 --> 00:36:42,931 -It looks like a Swiss chalet. 728 00:36:43,034 --> 00:36:44,137 -Oh, it's charming. 729 00:36:44,241 --> 00:36:45,655 -Well, let's check it out. 730 00:36:45,758 --> 00:36:47,310 -Okay. 731 00:36:50,482 --> 00:36:51,517 -Okay, sorry. 732 00:36:53,793 --> 00:36:54,965 Oh. 733 00:36:56,172 --> 00:36:58,103 Wow. 734 00:36:58,206 --> 00:37:00,482 -Well, it's 3:15. 735 00:37:00,586 --> 00:37:02,344 That guy said he'd be here. 736 00:37:02,448 --> 00:37:03,689 -Well, let's look around. 737 00:37:03,793 --> 00:37:06,413 -Let's do that. Nothing else to do. 738 00:37:06,517 --> 00:37:09,344 -If I can get over here. 739 00:37:09,448 --> 00:37:11,413 Okay, thanks. 740 00:37:11,517 --> 00:37:12,862 [Squealing] 741 00:37:12,965 --> 00:37:14,000 Oh, boy. 742 00:37:23,000 --> 00:37:25,172 [Suspenseful music plays] 743 00:37:25,275 --> 00:37:27,034 -Ah, this is great. 744 00:37:27,137 --> 00:37:29,620 We get to freeze our asses off while we wait for this guy. 745 00:37:29,724 --> 00:37:31,344 Maybe he left a key. 746 00:37:31,448 --> 00:37:32,655 Oh, well. 747 00:37:34,068 --> 00:37:36,344 -[Laughs] -Tight security around here. 748 00:37:36,448 --> 00:37:37,827 -Uh, yeah. 749 00:37:37,931 --> 00:37:39,310 -Anybody home? 750 00:37:39,413 --> 00:37:41,068 -Oh, wow! 751 00:37:41,172 --> 00:37:43,206 -[Laughs] 752 00:37:43,310 --> 00:37:45,034 -I'm gonna check it out upstairs. 753 00:37:45,137 --> 00:37:46,482 Here, babe. Keys. 754 00:37:50,103 --> 00:37:51,482 -Oh! 755 00:37:51,586 --> 00:37:54,827 Oh, it's so cozy! 756 00:37:54,931 --> 00:37:56,896 So natural. 757 00:37:57,000 --> 00:37:58,517 I love it. 758 00:37:58,620 --> 00:38:00,275 Hey, you know, we should have stopped 759 00:38:00,379 --> 00:38:02,413 at the store on the way. 760 00:38:02,517 --> 00:38:05,413 -Oh, my God! 761 00:38:05,517 --> 00:38:07,965 -It's rustic. 762 00:38:08,068 --> 00:38:10,482 -I wonder what the bedroom's like. 763 00:38:29,620 --> 00:38:31,517 [Suspenseful music plays] 764 00:38:31,620 --> 00:38:35,310 ♪ 765 00:38:35,413 --> 00:38:37,482 [Screams] 766 00:38:40,137 --> 00:38:41,965 Jesus H., Carl! 767 00:38:42,068 --> 00:38:43,379 -[Laughing] 768 00:38:43,482 --> 00:38:45,655 -You scared the shit out of me! 769 00:38:47,034 --> 00:38:48,517 What are you doing here? 770 00:38:48,620 --> 00:38:50,000 -Good to see you, Jen. 771 00:38:50,103 --> 00:38:51,689 -Damn it! 772 00:38:51,793 --> 00:38:53,241 -Carl! 773 00:38:53,344 --> 00:38:56,103 -Hey, Carl, man, you dirty dog! 774 00:38:56,206 --> 00:38:57,275 Man, how you doing, huh? 775 00:38:57,379 --> 00:38:58,862 What are you doing here? 776 00:38:58,965 --> 00:39:01,034 -I got this invite to check this place out, 777 00:39:01,137 --> 00:39:03,482 and I figured there was gonna be a hitch. 778 00:39:03,586 --> 00:39:06,310 But when I found out you guys were coming, 779 00:39:06,413 --> 00:39:09,655 hmm, it just whet my appetite for good, clean fun! 780 00:39:09,758 --> 00:39:11,724 Whoo-hoo! 781 00:39:11,827 --> 00:39:13,862 -Oh, my God. 782 00:39:13,965 --> 00:39:15,862 Come on. Let's go downstairs and get a drink, man. 783 00:39:15,965 --> 00:39:17,965 We got to wait for that real-estate guy anyway. 784 00:39:18,068 --> 00:39:19,551 -He already came and went. 785 00:39:19,655 --> 00:39:21,103 That's how I got in. 786 00:39:21,206 --> 00:39:24,827 He said he was gonna be back to move in for the kill. 787 00:39:24,931 --> 00:39:26,137 -He said that? 788 00:39:26,241 --> 00:39:27,517 -No. 789 00:39:27,620 --> 00:39:29,000 But that's what he meant. 790 00:39:29,103 --> 00:39:30,517 I mean, I know these guys. 791 00:39:30,620 --> 00:39:31,793 -Come on. Let's go downstairs to get a drink. 792 00:39:31,896 --> 00:39:32,931 Come on! 793 00:39:37,482 --> 00:39:39,344 [Suspenseful music plays] 794 00:39:39,448 --> 00:39:46,275 ♪ 795 00:39:46,379 --> 00:39:53,206 ♪ 796 00:39:53,310 --> 00:39:59,344 -After college, I got a job with a pharmaceuticals company 797 00:39:59,448 --> 00:40:02,620 to be near that which I love -- 798 00:40:02,724 --> 00:40:07,896 high-grade, pharmaceutically pure drugs. 799 00:40:08,000 --> 00:40:09,931 -Girls, what do you feel about hitting the slopes? 800 00:40:10,034 --> 00:40:11,862 -Mnh-mnh. Not me. 801 00:40:11,965 --> 00:40:13,172 I'm gonna stay and wait for Eddie's call. 802 00:40:13,275 --> 00:40:15,034 -You still with that guy? 803 00:40:16,275 --> 00:40:18,172 -Yes. 804 00:40:18,275 --> 00:40:20,275 -I know. 805 00:40:20,379 --> 00:40:22,241 Why don't you guys go skiing 806 00:40:22,344 --> 00:40:25,172 and we'll stay here and cook dinner? 807 00:40:25,275 --> 00:40:29,172 -And wait for John, Diane, and Eddie. 808 00:40:29,275 --> 00:40:30,931 -What do you say, Carl? 809 00:40:31,034 --> 00:40:32,758 -Right on! 810 00:40:32,862 --> 00:40:35,310 [Blender whirring] 811 00:40:39,068 --> 00:40:41,413 -What now? 812 00:40:41,517 --> 00:40:43,655 -"1 cup chopped onions." 813 00:40:43,758 --> 00:40:45,206 -Okay. 814 00:40:47,965 --> 00:40:49,724 -So what's happening with Eddie? 815 00:40:51,689 --> 00:40:53,931 -He's under a lot of pressure. 816 00:40:54,034 --> 00:40:56,034 Office politics. 817 00:40:56,137 --> 00:40:59,137 Anything I say or do sets him off. 818 00:40:59,241 --> 00:41:03,000 I was the one who suggested that we come up here. 819 00:41:03,103 --> 00:41:04,862 He exploded. 820 00:41:04,965 --> 00:41:07,862 He bitched about the hard-sell tactics they use, 821 00:41:07,965 --> 00:41:11,758 said the condo was out of the question and stormed out. 822 00:41:11,862 --> 00:41:17,103 He called from the office, and we had a fight. 823 00:41:17,206 --> 00:41:18,862 And so I don't know. 824 00:41:18,965 --> 00:41:22,551 Then we sort of made up, and he said he'd come up later. 825 00:41:22,655 --> 00:41:24,862 You never can tell with Eddie. 826 00:41:24,965 --> 00:41:29,896 -Why don't you call him, stop torturing yourself? 827 00:41:30,000 --> 00:41:32,965 -[Sighs] 828 00:41:33,068 --> 00:41:36,793 Maybe you're right. 829 00:41:36,896 --> 00:41:39,620 [Telephone ringing] 830 00:41:40,931 --> 00:41:42,448 Hello. Eddie? 831 00:41:44,137 --> 00:41:46,241 Oh, hello, Mr. Bourne. 832 00:41:46,344 --> 00:41:50,413 No. This is Jeanette Foster. 833 00:41:50,517 --> 00:41:51,965 Oh, we love it. 834 00:41:52,068 --> 00:41:54,896 Thank you for inviting us. 835 00:41:55,000 --> 00:41:57,724 No, not yet. 836 00:41:57,827 --> 00:42:00,000 Tonight? 837 00:42:00,103 --> 00:42:02,344 Just a minute. I'll check. 838 00:42:02,448 --> 00:42:05,172 It's Alex Bourne, the real-estate man. 839 00:42:05,275 --> 00:42:07,206 He wants to come over tonight. 840 00:42:07,310 --> 00:42:08,896 -Well, we can't exactly say no. 841 00:42:09,000 --> 00:42:12,034 Um, tell him to come by about 8:30. 842 00:42:12,137 --> 00:42:14,793 And thank him for the food. -Mr. Bourne? 843 00:42:14,896 --> 00:42:16,793 How about 8:30? 844 00:42:18,241 --> 00:42:19,758 Alex. 845 00:42:19,862 --> 00:42:21,724 Sure. 846 00:42:21,827 --> 00:42:24,344 Okay. I'll see you tonight. 847 00:42:27,448 --> 00:42:29,931 -How did he sound? 848 00:42:30,034 --> 00:42:32,517 -Wonderful. 849 00:42:32,620 --> 00:42:35,758 Maybe it's for the best if Eddie doesn't show. 850 00:42:35,862 --> 00:42:38,586 [Suspenseful music plays] 851 00:42:38,689 --> 00:42:48,724 ♪ 852 00:42:53,551 --> 00:42:55,793 -Eh, it's getting late. 853 00:42:55,896 --> 00:42:58,827 Hopefully we missed the sales pitch. 854 00:42:58,931 --> 00:43:01,655 -Trina called. She asked me what I thought. 855 00:43:01,758 --> 00:43:03,482 -What, about the deal? 856 00:43:03,586 --> 00:43:06,517 -About us getting together and the accident. 857 00:43:06,620 --> 00:43:08,482 -[Scoffs] Bad karma, huh? 858 00:43:08,586 --> 00:43:10,586 -Told her it wasn't our fault. 859 00:43:11,586 --> 00:43:14,413 Jeff had problems, even though he was my friend. 860 00:43:14,517 --> 00:43:15,965 It's just his mom. 861 00:43:16,068 --> 00:43:17,931 She -- She scared me. 862 00:43:18,034 --> 00:43:20,551 -I told you, go see Friedkin at the hospital. 863 00:43:20,655 --> 00:43:23,379 He specializes in chronic paranoia. 864 00:43:23,482 --> 00:43:25,724 -I've had enough of hospitals. 865 00:43:25,827 --> 00:43:29,551 That's what got me out here in the first place. 866 00:43:29,655 --> 00:43:33,068 [Sighs] The isolation. 867 00:43:33,172 --> 00:43:35,758 -You know what I think we should do when we get to the condo? 868 00:43:35,862 --> 00:43:37,448 Take a guilt survey, 869 00:43:37,551 --> 00:43:40,413 see who's the best candidate for psychotherapy. 870 00:43:40,517 --> 00:43:41,965 -You're disgusting. 871 00:43:42,068 --> 00:43:43,827 -Just medically detached. 872 00:43:43,931 --> 00:43:46,034 -Then stay over there, okay? 873 00:43:46,137 --> 00:43:48,413 -Hey, it helps me survive. 874 00:43:48,517 --> 00:43:50,931 And get rich. 875 00:43:54,724 --> 00:43:57,000 [Both whooping] 876 00:44:05,758 --> 00:44:07,206 -There goes the ski. 877 00:44:07,310 --> 00:44:09,068 [Laughter] 878 00:44:10,103 --> 00:44:12,965 Oh! Oh, man! 879 00:44:14,965 --> 00:44:16,965 I think I could get into living here. 880 00:44:17,068 --> 00:44:18,551 -[Laughs] 881 00:44:19,931 --> 00:44:22,965 -Oh, man. Look how quiet it is. 882 00:44:24,241 --> 00:44:26,827 No crowds. Ohh! 883 00:44:26,931 --> 00:44:28,965 [Breathing heavily] 884 00:44:30,586 --> 00:44:33,172 Matter of fact, we're all alone. 885 00:44:33,275 --> 00:44:35,724 [Laughter] 886 00:44:40,344 --> 00:44:41,793 -Just wait. 887 00:44:41,896 --> 00:44:43,655 As soon as word goes out, 888 00:44:43,758 --> 00:44:45,275 they're gonna be packing them in here. 889 00:44:45,379 --> 00:44:46,655 Condos are gonna be selling 890 00:44:46,758 --> 00:44:48,172 like hookers in Times Square on a Saturday night. 891 00:44:48,275 --> 00:44:49,965 [Laughter] 892 00:44:53,482 --> 00:44:54,931 -Hey... 893 00:44:57,103 --> 00:44:58,758 thanks for that loan. 894 00:45:00,758 --> 00:45:03,172 Trina and I wouldn't have been able to be here otherwise. 895 00:45:06,241 --> 00:45:10,000 -No problem, buddy. No problem! 896 00:45:12,793 --> 00:45:15,724 -Hey, when was the last time? 897 00:45:15,827 --> 00:45:17,551 -What? 898 00:45:17,655 --> 00:45:19,551 -That we went skiing. 899 00:45:22,793 --> 00:45:24,620 -A long time. 900 00:45:26,482 --> 00:45:29,793 Not since [grunts] that weekend with Jeff Stinson. 901 00:45:29,896 --> 00:45:31,310 -Yeah. 902 00:45:34,137 --> 00:45:38,931 [Laughs] Well, I wouldn't be married right now 903 00:45:39,034 --> 00:45:40,448 if it weren't for that guy. 904 00:45:40,551 --> 00:45:42,172 [Both laugh] 905 00:45:44,103 --> 00:45:47,103 You know, Trina still talks about that 906 00:45:47,206 --> 00:45:48,931 the guilt thing. 907 00:45:50,965 --> 00:45:53,896 I thought the guy had a few loose screws, but... 908 00:45:54,000 --> 00:45:57,655 I didn't think he was suicidal, though. 909 00:45:57,758 --> 00:45:59,655 -[Laughs] 910 00:46:01,379 --> 00:46:04,103 Hey, you know, with, uh -- with John and Diane coming, 911 00:46:04,206 --> 00:46:05,517 it's gonna be like old home week -- 912 00:46:05,620 --> 00:46:07,896 old funeral home week. 913 00:46:08,000 --> 00:46:09,793 -Oh, man! 914 00:46:09,896 --> 00:46:11,551 [Laughs] 915 00:46:11,655 --> 00:46:14,689 Ah! Try not to mention it, alright? 916 00:46:14,793 --> 00:46:15,931 -Are you kidding?! Come on! 917 00:46:16,034 --> 00:46:18,068 It's gonna be a hot topic of conversation! 918 00:46:18,172 --> 00:46:19,551 -Oh, gee. -Look. 919 00:46:19,655 --> 00:46:22,206 Like, maybe we could, uh, hold a séance or something. 920 00:46:22,310 --> 00:46:24,689 [Vocalizing "Twilight Zone" theme] 921 00:46:24,793 --> 00:46:27,172 -Oh, man. No, come on. Cut it out. 922 00:46:27,275 --> 00:46:29,586 We got -- We got to deal with this real-estate guy. 923 00:46:29,689 --> 00:46:32,344 -Come on. You just sit back. Whoo! 924 00:46:33,517 --> 00:46:36,137 -Hey! Wait up, you turkey! 925 00:46:36,241 --> 00:46:38,000 Whoo-hoo! 926 00:46:38,103 --> 00:46:45,689 ♪ 927 00:46:47,448 --> 00:46:49,379 ♪ 928 00:47:10,379 --> 00:47:12,137 [Suspenseful music plays] 929 00:47:12,241 --> 00:47:18,689 ♪ 930 00:47:18,793 --> 00:47:20,034 -[Gasps] -Sorry, Alex, 931 00:47:20,137 --> 00:47:21,586 but you were a million miles away. 932 00:47:21,689 --> 00:47:22,827 -No, it's alright. [Telephone ringing] 933 00:47:22,931 --> 00:47:24,000 I had a strange thought. 934 00:47:24,103 --> 00:47:25,689 What do you call it -- premonition? 935 00:47:25,793 --> 00:47:27,275 I thought I saw something. 936 00:47:27,379 --> 00:47:28,586 Eh, it's gone. 937 00:47:28,689 --> 00:47:30,517 -You still look a little pale. 938 00:47:30,620 --> 00:47:31,965 -I'm just tired. That's all. 939 00:47:32,068 --> 00:47:33,758 -Well, you've been working hard. 940 00:47:33,862 --> 00:47:35,206 Your daddy's sure gonna be proud 941 00:47:35,310 --> 00:47:36,689 of what you've done here at Snow Peak. 942 00:47:36,793 --> 00:47:38,862 -If we make our investment back. 943 00:47:38,965 --> 00:47:40,758 -This place will sell itself. 944 00:47:40,862 --> 00:47:43,448 All you got to do is take the checks to the bank. 945 00:47:43,551 --> 00:47:45,000 -I hope you're right. 946 00:47:45,103 --> 00:47:47,034 Well, thanks for the vote of confidence. 947 00:47:47,137 --> 00:47:49,068 -Your daddy doesn't know you like I do. 948 00:47:49,172 --> 00:47:50,551 He's got you nervous. 949 00:47:50,655 --> 00:47:51,620 You'll do just fine. 950 00:47:51,724 --> 00:47:52,896 Everyone else is gone. 951 00:47:53,000 --> 00:47:54,344 Will you be needing anything else tonight? 952 00:47:54,448 --> 00:47:57,103 -No, no. Go ahead and go. 953 00:47:57,206 --> 00:47:58,172 Um, we're finished for the night. 954 00:47:58,275 --> 00:47:59,620 -Thanks, Mr. Bourne. 955 00:47:59,724 --> 00:48:02,482 -Uh, yeah. I'm out of here myself. 956 00:48:02,586 --> 00:48:05,310 Oh, hey, is everything all set for the sales promo on Sunday? 957 00:48:05,413 --> 00:48:06,758 -Everything's fine. 958 00:48:06,862 --> 00:48:08,103 Are you going out tonight? 959 00:48:08,206 --> 00:48:09,724 -Eh, maybe the lodge a little later. 960 00:48:09,827 --> 00:48:11,034 I got those people staying up in phase one. 961 00:48:11,137 --> 00:48:12,551 I'm gonna go call on them tonight. 962 00:48:12,655 --> 00:48:14,758 -Well, get some rest. And don't worry. 963 00:48:14,862 --> 00:48:16,413 Sunday will be a smash. 964 00:48:16,517 --> 00:48:17,482 -Have a good time tonight. 965 00:48:17,586 --> 00:48:19,413 -Oh, I plan to. I got a hot date. 966 00:48:24,551 --> 00:48:25,931 [Knocking on door rhythmically] 967 00:48:26,034 --> 00:48:28,275 -Oh, John and Diane are here. 968 00:48:28,379 --> 00:48:31,137 [Both screaming] 969 00:48:33,689 --> 00:48:35,724 -Hi. Mwah! -Hi! Hi, John! 970 00:48:35,827 --> 00:48:37,241 -How are you? 971 00:48:37,344 --> 00:48:39,482 -God, it's good to see you guys. 972 00:48:39,586 --> 00:48:42,379 -[Laughing] -Hey, Trina. 973 00:48:42,482 --> 00:48:44,241 -You look great. 974 00:48:44,344 --> 00:48:46,275 -You look great. How you doing? 975 00:48:49,896 --> 00:48:51,310 -Who's all here? 976 00:48:51,413 --> 00:48:53,310 -Cory and... 977 00:48:55,068 --> 00:48:56,482 Carl. 978 00:48:56,586 --> 00:48:58,344 -Where are they? 979 00:48:58,448 --> 00:48:59,827 -They're out skiing right now. 980 00:48:59,931 --> 00:49:01,379 In fact, if you guys want to, 981 00:49:01,482 --> 00:49:03,172 there's time before dinner for a run. 982 00:49:03,275 --> 00:49:05,862 -Uh, I think it's getting a little bit late for that. 983 00:49:05,965 --> 00:49:08,965 What do you say we just sit tight, get comfy? 984 00:49:09,068 --> 00:49:10,724 -Okay. 985 00:49:10,827 --> 00:49:13,068 Jeanette, why don't you show them upstairs? 986 00:49:16,655 --> 00:49:18,241 Jeanette? 987 00:49:18,344 --> 00:49:19,586 -What? 988 00:49:19,689 --> 00:49:21,517 -Why don't you show these guys the upstairs? 989 00:49:21,620 --> 00:49:23,724 -Oh, okay. I'm sorry. 990 00:49:23,827 --> 00:49:26,758 I was just wondering where Eddie is. 991 00:49:26,862 --> 00:49:28,379 Where is he? 992 00:49:31,586 --> 00:49:33,655 -I have got to show you the kitchen. 993 00:49:33,758 --> 00:49:35,068 Are you ready for this? 994 00:49:35,172 --> 00:49:36,655 -Jeanette? 995 00:49:38,655 --> 00:49:40,344 Jeanette? 996 00:49:40,448 --> 00:49:42,172 Why don't you take me upstairs and show it to me? 997 00:49:42,275 --> 00:49:44,172 -You got it. I'm sorry. 998 00:49:44,275 --> 00:49:45,655 Come on. Let's go. 999 00:49:45,758 --> 00:49:47,862 -Honey, bring my coat and the luggage. 1000 00:49:49,896 --> 00:49:51,793 [Suspenseful music plays] 1001 00:49:51,896 --> 00:49:58,413 ♪ 1002 00:49:58,517 --> 00:50:05,172 ♪ 1003 00:50:06,724 --> 00:50:09,344 -Trina and I thought you'd like this room. 1004 00:50:09,448 --> 00:50:10,793 -It's cozy. 1005 00:50:10,896 --> 00:50:12,172 -Yeah? -Mm-hmm. 1006 00:50:15,896 --> 00:50:18,241 So how's everything going with you guys? 1007 00:50:18,344 --> 00:50:20,000 -Good. 1008 00:50:20,103 --> 00:50:22,241 -Really? 1009 00:50:22,344 --> 00:50:23,896 Really? 1010 00:50:24,000 --> 00:50:25,344 -No. 1011 00:50:25,448 --> 00:50:27,000 -Come here. 1012 00:50:27,103 --> 00:50:30,689 -Eddie's work at the office keeps him very busy. 1013 00:50:30,793 --> 00:50:32,586 It's a strain. 1014 00:50:32,689 --> 00:50:34,586 Listen, everything's fine. 1015 00:50:34,689 --> 00:50:37,275 I'm just glad to see you guys. -Come here. 1016 00:50:37,379 --> 00:50:39,827 -Aw. Me too. 1017 00:50:39,931 --> 00:50:44,068 -Now, I want you to relax a little and take your time 1018 00:50:44,172 --> 00:50:46,206 and come down whenever you're ready, okay? 1019 00:50:46,310 --> 00:50:48,620 -If you need anything, let me know. 1020 00:51:15,724 --> 00:51:17,827 Is that for me? -Mm-hmm. 1021 00:51:17,931 --> 00:51:20,034 -Should I open it? -Yes! 1022 00:51:23,275 --> 00:51:24,689 -I love them! 1023 00:51:24,793 --> 00:51:27,103 -Like them? -Yes! 1024 00:51:27,206 --> 00:51:28,310 -How you doing? 1025 00:51:28,413 --> 00:51:30,965 -I'm better. -Yeah? 1026 00:51:31,068 --> 00:51:33,379 How are you doing? 1027 00:51:33,482 --> 00:51:34,931 -I feel better now. 1028 00:51:35,034 --> 00:51:36,310 Hold me. 1029 00:51:37,620 --> 00:51:40,034 -Jeanette sure hasn't changed, has she? 1030 00:51:41,034 --> 00:51:44,275 -No. She's still obsessed with Eddie. 1031 00:51:44,379 --> 00:51:46,586 -Well, we'll just have to put up with her obsessions 1032 00:51:46,689 --> 00:51:49,862 and indulge in a few of our own. 1033 00:51:49,965 --> 00:51:53,000 -I'll be in the bathroom. -Okay. 1034 00:51:59,862 --> 00:52:01,827 [Suspenseful music plays] 1035 00:52:01,931 --> 00:52:11,517 ♪ 1036 00:52:11,620 --> 00:52:13,310 -Well. 1037 00:52:13,413 --> 00:52:21,896 ♪ 1038 00:52:22,000 --> 00:52:30,413 ♪ 1039 00:52:30,517 --> 00:52:39,206 ♪ 1040 00:52:39,310 --> 00:52:41,137 -Hi, guys! -Look who's here! 1041 00:52:41,241 --> 00:52:42,241 -Hey! 1042 00:52:42,344 --> 00:52:44,448 [Laughter] 1043 00:52:44,551 --> 00:52:46,137 -Hey! Hey, how you doing?! 1044 00:52:46,241 --> 00:52:49,310 -Hi! -Baby! 1045 00:52:49,413 --> 00:52:50,724 -How you doing? 1046 00:52:50,827 --> 00:52:52,034 -I knew I should have brought a date. 1047 00:52:52,137 --> 00:52:53,275 -Hi there. 1048 00:52:53,379 --> 00:52:55,448 -Hey. 1049 00:52:55,551 --> 00:52:58,379 -Still a real knockout with the girls, I see, Carl. 1050 00:52:58,482 --> 00:53:00,172 -More like a strikeout. 1051 00:53:00,275 --> 00:53:02,310 You know I had a babe all lined up. -Yeah? 1052 00:53:02,413 --> 00:53:04,241 -But she bombed out on me at the last minute. 1053 00:53:04,344 --> 00:53:06,241 -Wonder why. [Laughs] 1054 00:53:06,344 --> 00:53:09,379 -So are you here -- you here for a real-estate investment? 1055 00:53:09,482 --> 00:53:12,931 -No. No, I just came up for the weekend. 1056 00:53:13,034 --> 00:53:16,241 I just couldn't resist a weekend with my dearest friends. 1057 00:53:16,344 --> 00:53:18,275 -Yeah. -I didn't see any car. How'd you get here? 1058 00:53:18,379 --> 00:53:20,655 -I flew here. I'm here on business. 1059 00:53:20,758 --> 00:53:22,586 -Still in pharmaceuticals? 1060 00:53:22,689 --> 00:53:24,586 -[Laughs] Right. And traveling. 1061 00:53:24,689 --> 00:53:26,172 The benefits are great. 1062 00:53:26,275 --> 00:53:27,517 You know, free blow and a ton of Percodan 1063 00:53:27,620 --> 00:53:29,689 to deal with the side effects. 1064 00:53:31,034 --> 00:53:33,827 So, how's pediatrics? 1065 00:53:33,931 --> 00:53:35,896 -Hectic. We needed this break. 1066 00:53:36,000 --> 00:53:39,206 -He has a 3-year-old with a severe case of diabetes. 1067 00:53:39,310 --> 00:53:42,379 -It gets to me. It really does. 1068 00:53:42,482 --> 00:53:44,310 Skiing's my medicine, huh? 1069 00:53:44,413 --> 00:53:46,931 -And me?! -Yeah! [Laughs] 1070 00:53:47,034 --> 00:53:48,620 -Aww! 1071 00:53:48,724 --> 00:53:50,931 Hey, you guys, let's go inside and warm up. 1072 00:53:51,034 --> 00:53:52,689 Come on. -Good idea. 1073 00:53:52,793 --> 00:53:54,000 -Come on. 1074 00:53:54,103 --> 00:53:57,000 [Laughter] 1075 00:53:58,655 --> 00:54:00,034 [Static hissing] 1076 00:54:00,137 --> 00:54:01,758 -I know what you're gonna say, Darcy. 1077 00:54:01,862 --> 00:54:03,344 It's taken a long time 1078 00:54:03,448 --> 00:54:06,517 to get everybody settled into this Swiss ski chalet 1079 00:54:06,620 --> 00:54:08,862 with the fully stocked fridge. 1080 00:54:08,965 --> 00:54:10,620 Would you agree with me, though, 1081 00:54:10,724 --> 00:54:12,931 that when Cory and Carl go skiing together 1082 00:54:13,034 --> 00:54:14,482 and then they fall in the snow 1083 00:54:14,586 --> 00:54:16,448 and they kind of talk about their regrets 1084 00:54:16,551 --> 00:54:17,896 while their heads are side by side, 1085 00:54:18,000 --> 00:54:19,758 looking up at the stars, 1086 00:54:19,862 --> 00:54:22,862 would you agree with me that they're some sort 1087 00:54:22,965 --> 00:54:26,172 of what they call homoerotic undertones there 1088 00:54:26,275 --> 00:54:27,689 to that scene? 1089 00:54:27,793 --> 00:54:31,034 -I would. And I was hoping that they would develop that. 1090 00:54:31,137 --> 00:54:32,275 -I don't think anything really develops 1091 00:54:32,379 --> 00:54:34,344 ever at all in this movie. -Fair. 1092 00:54:34,448 --> 00:54:36,827 -Nothing has happened since the last break. 1093 00:54:36,931 --> 00:54:39,206 So I'll take this opportunity to point out 1094 00:54:39,310 --> 00:54:42,344 that this movie was directed by Jeff Kwitny. 1095 00:54:42,448 --> 00:54:43,931 Ring a bell with anybody? 1096 00:54:44,034 --> 00:54:46,620 -"Beyond the Door III." -Exactly. 1097 00:54:46,724 --> 00:54:49,241 The movie that had nothing to do with "Beyond the Door I" 1098 00:54:49,344 --> 00:54:50,965 or "Beyond the Door II" 1099 00:54:51,068 --> 00:54:52,862 and had the alternate name "Amok Train," 1100 00:54:52,965 --> 00:54:54,965 as in train run amok, 1101 00:54:55,068 --> 00:54:57,310 the movie he made in Yugoslavia with a cast and crew 1102 00:54:57,413 --> 00:54:59,965 that all spoke either Serbian or Italian. 1103 00:55:00,068 --> 00:55:02,034 And in my opinion, he pulled that sucker off. 1104 00:55:02,137 --> 00:55:04,517 I found that to be a pretty darn entertaining film. 1105 00:55:04,620 --> 00:55:07,206 "The Last Drive-In" audience was split on it. 1106 00:55:07,310 --> 00:55:09,137 Anyway, this movie was made before that. 1107 00:55:09,241 --> 00:55:12,206 This was in fact Jeff Kwitny's feature film debut. 1108 00:55:12,310 --> 00:55:13,931 He was working for Roger Corman's company, 1109 00:55:14,034 --> 00:55:17,103 doing grunt work, production assistant work, 1110 00:55:17,206 --> 00:55:21,965 and all he had to show was a 17-minute spoof of "Alien" 1111 00:55:22,068 --> 00:55:23,896 called "Illegal Alien." 1112 00:55:24,000 --> 00:55:26,000 But on the basis of those two things -- 1113 00:55:26,103 --> 00:55:27,620 working for Corman and the short film, 1114 00:55:27,724 --> 00:55:29,551 he was hired to direct "Iced" 1115 00:55:29,655 --> 00:55:31,586 by the screenwriter Joseph Alan Johnson, 1116 00:55:31,689 --> 00:55:33,000 who you just saw 1117 00:55:33,103 --> 00:55:35,620 'cause he also plays the timeshare salesman, Alex. 1118 00:55:35,724 --> 00:55:38,482 And Joe Johnson had been in "Slumber Party Massacre." 1119 00:55:38,586 --> 00:55:40,551 In fact, half the cast and crew of this movie 1120 00:55:40,655 --> 00:55:42,551 had worked on "Slumber Party Massacre," 1121 00:55:42,655 --> 00:55:46,241 including the lead actress Debra De Liso, who plays Trina. 1122 00:55:46,344 --> 00:55:50,172 But Joe was riding high because he'd just starred in "Berserker" 1123 00:55:50,275 --> 00:55:53,206 as the Viking warrior who lurks in the woods of Utah 1124 00:55:53,310 --> 00:55:55,551 preying on unsuspecting campers. 1125 00:55:55,655 --> 00:55:57,586 And he was not only the Berserker himself, 1126 00:55:57,689 --> 00:55:59,034 but he wrote and produced that movie, 1127 00:55:59,137 --> 00:56:01,655 just as he wrote and produced this movie. 1128 00:56:01,758 --> 00:56:04,413 So Joe was trying to bulk up his screenwriting credentials 1129 00:56:04,517 --> 00:56:08,068 at the time, but after this movie tanked, he moved to Italy. 1130 00:56:08,172 --> 00:56:09,793 He did some dubbing over there, 1131 00:56:09,896 --> 00:56:11,517 and then he moved to Florida to write 1132 00:56:11,620 --> 00:56:13,344 and produce dinner theater. 1133 00:56:13,448 --> 00:56:15,241 And anyway, way too much background. 1134 00:56:15,344 --> 00:56:17,517 But Joe Johnson, the timeshare executive, 1135 00:56:17,620 --> 00:56:21,931 is the producer who gave Jeff Kwitny a $150,000 budget 1136 00:56:22,034 --> 00:56:25,758 and 18 shooting days to make this movie. 1137 00:56:25,862 --> 00:56:29,551 But if you have $150,000 to spend right now, 1138 00:56:29,655 --> 00:56:31,551 don't make a movie. 1139 00:56:31,655 --> 00:56:34,862 Send it to the Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation. 1140 00:56:34,965 --> 00:56:37,068 That is one of our five charities tonight. 1141 00:56:37,172 --> 00:56:38,482 And in February, 1142 00:56:38,586 --> 00:56:40,379 this organization got a letter from the government 1143 00:56:40,482 --> 00:56:44,275 terminating funding for three HIV programs supporting 1144 00:56:44,379 --> 00:56:49,379 about 350,000 people, including 10,000 children with AIDS, 1145 00:56:49,482 --> 00:56:52,689 and 10,000 women with AIDS who were already pregnant. 1146 00:56:55,275 --> 00:56:57,206 There is no other way to put it. 1147 00:56:57,310 --> 00:56:59,827 This was an immediate death sentence for a lot of people. 1148 00:56:59,931 --> 00:57:01,172 To make it worse, 1149 00:57:01,275 --> 00:57:02,896 the government stopped payments for invoices 1150 00:57:03,000 --> 00:57:04,862 for work done before the February letter. 1151 00:57:04,965 --> 00:57:06,551 And here's the scary part. 1152 00:57:06,655 --> 00:57:08,137 This is really the main organization 1153 00:57:08,241 --> 00:57:10,551 that dedicates its work to newborns. 1154 00:57:10,655 --> 00:57:12,620 It's estimated that if this isn't fixed, 1155 00:57:12,724 --> 00:57:16,068 we could have an additional 1 million pediatric HIV cases 1156 00:57:16,172 --> 00:57:21,000 by the year 2030 with 460,000 AIDS-related child deaths. 1157 00:57:21,103 --> 00:57:22,551 So they need funds. 1158 00:57:22,655 --> 00:57:24,896 They need them now, and we're gonna send them what we can. 1159 00:57:25,000 --> 00:57:26,896 Bid on something, buy some of our stuff. 1160 00:57:27,000 --> 00:57:28,620 Go to the website. 1161 00:57:28,724 --> 00:57:30,862 Do your part for these babies and moms. 1162 00:57:30,965 --> 00:57:32,482 Whew! 1163 00:57:32,586 --> 00:57:34,862 I'm sorry, Darcy, that we keep getting grim tonight, 1164 00:57:34,965 --> 00:57:38,655 but dang! Terminally ill infants now. 1165 00:57:38,758 --> 00:57:41,620 -No, this is exactly what we should be doing. 1166 00:57:41,724 --> 00:57:43,413 -Sooner or later, something is bound to happen 1167 00:57:43,517 --> 00:57:44,724 in this movie though, right? 1168 00:57:44,827 --> 00:57:46,758 -Not necessarily. [Laughter] 1169 00:57:46,862 --> 00:57:48,068 -Or maybe it's an art film 1170 00:57:48,172 --> 00:57:49,379 and we're gonna watch all these people have 1171 00:57:49,482 --> 00:57:51,206 a weekend full of sex, drugs, rock and roll 1172 00:57:51,310 --> 00:57:52,827 through the cracked orange goggles 1173 00:57:52,931 --> 00:57:54,241 of the dead skier. 1174 00:57:54,344 --> 00:57:55,965 -That might be a better movie. 1175 00:57:56,068 --> 00:57:59,000 -Oh, let's get back to the flick. Right now. 1176 00:57:59,103 --> 00:58:01,517 Roll it. 1177 00:58:01,620 --> 00:58:04,862 Did you ever sit through a timeshare sales presentation, Darcy? 1178 00:58:04,965 --> 00:58:07,379 -I have not. What am I missing? 1179 00:58:07,482 --> 00:58:08,896 -You are so blessed. 1180 00:58:09,000 --> 00:58:11,000 They rope you in with a deal that you can't resist. 1181 00:58:11,103 --> 00:58:13,206 It's something like four days 1182 00:58:13,310 --> 00:58:16,896 of luxurious vacation accommodations for $100. 1183 00:58:17,000 --> 00:58:20,275 And all you have to do is give us one hour of your time. 1184 00:58:20,379 --> 00:58:22,137 -Well, that sounds like a good deal. 1185 00:58:22,241 --> 00:58:26,586 -Exactly. Only once you arrive at the tricked out timeshare sales barn 1186 00:58:26,689 --> 00:58:28,655 at your official presentation time, 1187 00:58:28,758 --> 00:58:30,551 they're so slick, 1188 00:58:30,655 --> 00:58:32,275 they must have nerve gas piped into the showroom. 1189 00:58:32,379 --> 00:58:34,275 Because 15 minutes later, 1190 00:58:34,379 --> 00:58:38,000 some jerk in a tweed coat has made you laugh seven times 1191 00:58:38,103 --> 00:58:40,103 and told you how his grandma raised goats 1192 00:58:40,206 --> 00:58:41,482 in Kansas or whatever. 1193 00:58:41,586 --> 00:58:43,206 And then they bring out these graphs and charts, 1194 00:58:43,310 --> 00:58:46,379 and they show you how you can't afford not to buy a timeshare 1195 00:58:46,482 --> 00:58:48,172 'cause you're actually gonna make money 1196 00:58:48,275 --> 00:58:49,896 every time you go on vacation. 1197 00:58:50,000 --> 00:58:51,689 And then they hire, they hire these guys 1198 00:58:51,793 --> 00:58:53,827 that can talk the legs off a chair, I tell you. 1199 00:58:53,931 --> 00:58:56,862 And the deal they're offering is only available today. 1200 00:58:56,965 --> 00:58:58,275 It won't be here tomorrow. 1201 00:58:58,379 --> 00:58:59,689 And by the way, 1202 00:58:59,793 --> 00:59:01,379 there's two comped dinners for tonight 1203 00:59:01,482 --> 00:59:03,275 at the fanciest place on the property. 1204 00:59:03,379 --> 00:59:06,379 Just tell Wilhelm, the maître d', that Bucko sent you, 1205 00:59:06,482 --> 00:59:07,793 and he'll give you an extra bottle of 1206 00:59:07,896 --> 00:59:10,310 Chateau d'Timeshare or whatever. 1207 00:59:10,413 --> 00:59:12,344 And meanwhile, 1208 00:59:12,448 --> 00:59:13,965 you got two thought processes working at the same time. 1209 00:59:14,068 --> 00:59:15,965 And the first thought process is, 1210 00:59:16,068 --> 00:59:18,655 "How do I get out of here without totally insulting this guy 1211 00:59:18,758 --> 00:59:20,551 that I now kind of like, 1212 00:59:20,655 --> 00:59:23,482 especially now that he's worked this hard for three hours," 1213 00:59:23,586 --> 00:59:25,379 'cause it's never just the one hour. 1214 00:59:25,482 --> 00:59:26,620 It's three hours now, 1215 00:59:26,724 --> 00:59:28,344 and then the other side of your brain is going, 1216 00:59:28,448 --> 00:59:30,896 "Well, it's no worse than having an extra car payment, 1217 00:59:31,000 --> 00:59:32,896 and I'll be making all that rental money." 1218 00:59:33,000 --> 00:59:37,103 And so then when they detect some slight little change 1219 00:59:37,206 --> 00:59:40,689 in the way you're answering, they move in for the kill. 1220 00:59:40,793 --> 00:59:42,344 They cut the deal in half. 1221 00:59:42,448 --> 00:59:44,275 It becomes 50% better than it was 1222 00:59:44,379 --> 00:59:46,379 when you almost bought it 15 minutes ago. 1223 00:59:46,482 --> 00:59:48,758 And then they reel you in like a carp eating its 1224 00:59:48,862 --> 00:59:50,586 first Krispy Kreme donut. 1225 00:59:50,689 --> 00:59:52,586 -Interesting comparison. 1226 00:59:52,689 --> 00:59:54,896 -I was a carp, Darcy. 1227 00:59:56,172 --> 00:59:59,551 But I got saved by divine intervention. 1228 00:59:59,655 --> 01:00:01,448 -How did that work? 1229 01:00:01,551 --> 01:00:03,965 -Bank of America wouldn't put my credit card through. 1230 01:00:04,068 --> 01:00:05,448 -Ha! Lucky you. 1231 01:00:05,551 --> 01:00:07,310 -Something tells me 1232 01:00:07,413 --> 01:00:09,448 that the denizens of this Swiss chalet in Utah 1233 01:00:09,551 --> 01:00:12,965 are not gonna go home as happy condo owners. 1234 01:00:14,689 --> 01:00:18,965 -"Woo pig sooie! Big Briggs here. 1235 01:00:19,068 --> 01:00:21,413 Long time hog lover and bacon enjoyer 1236 01:00:21,517 --> 01:00:24,172 with something truly special for all my fellow pork heads 1237 01:00:24,275 --> 01:00:26,413 and pig aficionados out there. 1238 01:00:26,517 --> 01:00:30,241 This custom painted old timey advertisement 1239 01:00:30,344 --> 01:00:33,758 for Hogzilla's Sausages and home-cured bacon and ham. 1240 01:00:33,862 --> 01:00:37,034 It's sure to liven up your kitchen, man cave, or carport bar. 1241 01:00:37,137 --> 01:00:38,517 It's been sitting right there behind me 1242 01:00:38,620 --> 01:00:40,586 for like two seasons now. 1243 01:00:40,689 --> 01:00:43,206 Whenever I'm feeling blue, I just look at 1244 01:00:43,310 --> 01:00:46,241 the beautiful badonkadonk on that fat, juicy specimen. 1245 01:00:46,344 --> 01:00:48,344 I can smell the rich, powerful aroma 1246 01:00:48,448 --> 01:00:53,310 of sizzling strips of pig flesh. Mmmmm-mmm! 1247 01:00:53,413 --> 01:00:55,689 But wait -- did your doctor tell you to cut back on pork 1248 01:00:55,793 --> 01:00:57,793 because your blood pressure is higher than the parking lot 1249 01:00:57,896 --> 01:00:59,586 at the Gathering of the Juggalos? 1250 01:00:59,689 --> 01:01:02,655 First of all, that doc ain't the boss of you. 1251 01:01:02,758 --> 01:01:05,586 But second, he didn't say squat about poultry, did he? 1252 01:01:05,689 --> 01:01:07,482 We're also selling this rubber chicken signed 1253 01:01:07,586 --> 01:01:11,310 by the handsomest horror host outside of present company -- Svengoolie. 1254 01:01:11,413 --> 01:01:14,034 He gave this beauty to me when he graced us with his presence. 1255 01:01:14,137 --> 01:01:16,103 Look here. He even signed it just for me. 1256 01:01:16,206 --> 01:01:17,517 "To Joe Bob." 1257 01:01:17,620 --> 01:01:19,344 You can't put a price on precious memories like that. 1258 01:01:22,068 --> 01:01:24,413 Welp, it could be yours. 1259 01:01:24,517 --> 01:01:27,103 Keep it under glass in a climate controlled display case. 1260 01:01:27,206 --> 01:01:29,103 Or chuck it at your brother-in-law 1261 01:01:29,206 --> 01:01:33,275 when he's testing out material for his tight five about Disney adults. 1262 01:01:33,379 --> 01:01:34,448 We get it, Greg. 1263 01:01:34,551 --> 01:01:37,206 You're still mad about Splash Mountain. 1264 01:01:37,344 --> 01:01:41,517 ♪♪ 1265 01:01:41,620 --> 01:01:43,517 -Call us toll free. 1266 01:01:43,620 --> 01:01:50,586 ♪ 1267 01:01:50,689 --> 01:01:53,275 [Ice crackling] 1268 01:01:53,379 --> 01:01:54,482 [Static buzzes] 1269 01:01:56,103 --> 01:01:58,310 -I'm taking a shower then crashing. When's dinner? 1270 01:01:58,413 --> 01:02:01,103 -About an hour. Jeanette, I thought you locked the door. 1271 01:02:01,206 --> 01:02:03,655 -No. I thought you did. -[laughs] Oh, god. 1272 01:02:03,758 --> 01:02:05,413 -Anyone for coffee? -Do you want some help? 1273 01:02:05,517 --> 01:02:07,620 -Yes, please. -Vodka and OJ for me. 1274 01:02:07,724 --> 01:02:09,827 I'm a vitamin C-aholic. -Okay. 1275 01:02:09,931 --> 01:02:12,206 [He laughs] 1276 01:02:16,724 --> 01:02:22,655 ♪ 1277 01:02:22,758 --> 01:02:24,379 [Blows breath] 1278 01:02:24,482 --> 01:02:34,379 ♪ 1279 01:02:34,482 --> 01:02:38,482 ♪ 1280 01:02:38,586 --> 01:02:43,586 [Clattering] 1281 01:02:43,689 --> 01:02:52,586 ♪ 1282 01:02:52,689 --> 01:02:54,034 You think that's bad? 1283 01:02:54,137 --> 01:02:56,000 I had to work late at the hospital one night, right? 1284 01:02:56,103 --> 01:02:57,655 I had to catheterize this guy. 1285 01:02:57,758 --> 01:02:59,517 -No! -Yes. 1286 01:02:59,620 --> 01:03:01,172 So I walk into the room 1287 01:03:01,275 --> 01:03:03,517 and the first thing I notice are his hands. 1288 01:03:03,620 --> 01:03:05,586 And I thought, "My God, they're huge." 1289 01:03:05,689 --> 01:03:08,137 So I turn around and I go to insert the tube, 1290 01:03:08,241 --> 01:03:13,068 and sure enough, there's this enormous hard-on. 1291 01:03:13,172 --> 01:03:15,206 -Well, I'm glad somebody enjoys their job. 1292 01:03:15,310 --> 01:03:17,724 -Oh, and I've been meaning to thank you, Trina, 1293 01:03:17,827 --> 01:03:19,724 for making my life a living hell. 1294 01:03:19,827 --> 01:03:21,310 -What are you talking about? -You and Cory, 1295 01:03:21,413 --> 01:03:22,827 ever since you guys got married, 1296 01:03:22,931 --> 01:03:24,379 my mother hasn't stopped bothering me. 1297 01:03:24,482 --> 01:03:28,103 She wants to see me and John stooped in front of the altar. 1298 01:03:28,206 --> 01:03:31,172 She says, "Wasn't Trina a lovely bride?" 1299 01:03:31,275 --> 01:03:32,793 All the time. 1300 01:03:32,896 --> 01:03:34,931 -Well, tell her I'm flattered. -Don't be. 1301 01:03:35,034 --> 01:03:36,793 She just says it to make me a schizoid. 1302 01:03:36,896 --> 01:03:45,000 ♪ 1303 01:03:45,827 --> 01:03:47,310 -He's seeing someone else. 1304 01:03:47,413 --> 01:03:49,034 -Are you sure? 1305 01:03:49,137 --> 01:03:53,241 -Yeah, I think it's someone from the office. 1306 01:03:53,344 --> 01:03:57,241 No. Look, this is stupid. I'm being stupid. 1307 01:03:57,344 --> 01:03:59,758 If it's over, it's over. 1308 01:03:59,862 --> 01:04:02,931 I put five years into this relationship. 1309 01:04:03,034 --> 01:04:04,896 That's enough. 1310 01:04:05,000 --> 01:04:07,103 I want more. 1311 01:04:07,206 --> 01:04:10,344 I deserve better. 1312 01:04:10,448 --> 01:04:14,448 I'm sorry. You guys deserve better, too. 1313 01:04:14,551 --> 01:04:16,413 I'm sorry. I'm spoiling things. 1314 01:04:16,517 --> 01:04:19,551 -Don't worry about it. Um, hey -- 1315 01:04:19,655 --> 01:04:21,482 Why don't you guys go set the table 1316 01:04:21,586 --> 01:04:23,620 and get the guys off their butts? 1317 01:04:24,517 --> 01:04:26,689 -Good idea. 1318 01:04:26,793 --> 01:04:28,758 You know, I'm sure he loves you. 1319 01:04:28,862 --> 01:04:30,862 -Hey, look, it's just time that I start looking 1320 01:04:30,965 --> 01:04:33,137 for somebody new, that's all. 1321 01:04:33,241 --> 01:04:37,103 -Perhaps Mr. Alex Bourne. 1322 01:04:37,206 --> 01:04:41,448 -Maybe. -Or there's always, um, Carl. 1323 01:04:41,551 --> 01:04:43,310 -Give me a break. [Trina laughs] 1324 01:04:43,413 --> 01:04:45,275 ♪ 1325 01:04:45,379 --> 01:04:47,206 [Loud thud] [He winces] 1326 01:04:47,310 --> 01:04:57,103 ♪ 1327 01:04:57,206 --> 01:05:07,068 ♪ 1328 01:05:07,172 --> 01:05:17,000 ♪ 1329 01:05:17,103 --> 01:05:26,896 ♪ 1330 01:05:27,000 --> 01:05:36,758 ♪ 1331 01:05:36,862 --> 01:05:46,655 ♪ 1332 01:05:46,758 --> 01:05:49,965 -Jesus! 1333 01:05:50,068 --> 01:05:50,965 [Knocking at door] 1334 01:05:51,068 --> 01:05:52,068 Yeah! Yeah? 1335 01:05:52,172 --> 01:05:53,448 -Hey, buddy? 1336 01:05:53,551 --> 01:05:55,689 We're just about ready for a little nourishment. 1337 01:05:59,413 --> 01:06:02,482 [Labored breathing] 1338 01:06:03,724 --> 01:06:05,655 You okay? 1339 01:06:05,758 --> 01:06:08,000 -[Breathless] Yeah. 1340 01:06:08,103 --> 01:06:10,758 -Can I talk to you for a minute? 1341 01:06:10,862 --> 01:06:12,655 -Yeah. Yeah, sure. 1342 01:06:15,931 --> 01:06:19,137 -You, uh, know anything about this? 1343 01:06:27,586 --> 01:06:29,379 -Where'd you get this? 1344 01:06:29,482 --> 01:06:31,517 -Found it in a drawer in my room. 1345 01:06:31,620 --> 01:06:34,551 I figured you being the pervert that you are, you put it there. 1346 01:06:37,724 --> 01:06:40,586 -Not me. 1347 01:06:40,689 --> 01:06:43,068 Did you show this to the girls? 1348 01:06:43,379 --> 01:06:46,448 -No. Not yet. 1349 01:06:47,482 --> 01:06:49,344 Figured I'd check with you first. 1350 01:06:51,310 --> 01:06:53,931 -Well, uh, I-I didn't do it. 1351 01:06:54,724 --> 01:06:57,862 -Diane took a lot of shit from Jeff's folks. 1352 01:06:57,965 --> 01:07:00,137 I mean, they blamed her. They dragged her through hell. 1353 01:07:00,482 --> 01:07:03,586 -Yeah. So I heard. 1354 01:07:06,310 --> 01:07:08,034 -Oh, well. 1355 01:07:11,448 --> 01:07:14,000 What is this about? Huh? 1356 01:07:14,103 --> 01:07:20,206 ♪ 1357 01:07:20,310 --> 01:07:22,310 -Doctor -- 1358 01:07:25,310 --> 01:07:27,689 Life's fragile. You know that? 1359 01:07:30,103 --> 01:07:31,896 -Okay. 1360 01:07:32,000 --> 01:07:33,965 Just take it easy. 1361 01:07:34,068 --> 01:07:37,413 -I'm... [Gun clicks] 1362 01:07:37,517 --> 01:07:39,310 I'm protecting my... 1363 01:07:41,137 --> 01:07:43,275 -You in some kind of trouble? 1364 01:07:43,620 --> 01:07:47,482 -[Scoffs] No, no, and uh... 1365 01:07:47,586 --> 01:07:49,965 I'd like to, uh, keep it that way. 1366 01:07:52,793 --> 01:07:54,413 Carl -- 1367 01:07:58,034 --> 01:08:00,413 Be careful, alright? 1368 01:08:03,068 --> 01:08:06,517 -[Exhales] Yeah, yeah. That's, uh, that's the idea. 1369 01:08:25,172 --> 01:08:27,310 Oh, god. 1370 01:08:33,310 --> 01:08:40,379 ♪ 1371 01:08:40,482 --> 01:08:47,517 ♪ 1372 01:08:47,620 --> 01:08:54,689 ♪ 1373 01:08:56,241 --> 01:08:58,310 -You want to talk about bizarre stuff? 1374 01:08:58,413 --> 01:09:01,137 One time, Diane and I went to this encounter group. 1375 01:09:01,241 --> 01:09:03,758 You know, we [laughs] we were having... 1376 01:09:03,862 --> 01:09:05,758 Anyway, we went to this encounter group. 1377 01:09:05,862 --> 01:09:09,655 We walked in and everyone in it is totally nude, including this -- 1378 01:09:09,758 --> 01:09:11,103 [Laughter] Including this leader. 1379 01:09:11,206 --> 01:09:12,620 About 300 pounds, sitting up front 1380 01:09:12,724 --> 01:09:14,689 talking about life and God. 1381 01:09:14,793 --> 01:09:17,931 Oh, God. We said, screw this. We went to a drive-in movie. 1382 01:09:18,344 --> 01:09:20,724 -And it was snowing, wasn't it? 1383 01:09:20,827 --> 01:09:22,965 -No. In the summer, idiot. 1384 01:09:26,551 --> 01:09:29,620 -We went to some awful sci-fi flick. 1385 01:09:29,724 --> 01:09:32,517 -Oh, it was great. -It was awful. 1386 01:09:32,620 --> 01:09:35,310 "I Was a Teenage Martian Lesbo" or something. 1387 01:09:35,413 --> 01:09:38,482 You know, one of those flicks where the only time you watch the screen 1388 01:09:38,586 --> 01:09:41,724 is if there's someone naked or someone getting killed, or both. 1389 01:09:41,827 --> 01:09:43,137 -Yes, yes. -Mm-hm, mm-hm. 1390 01:09:43,241 --> 01:09:45,655 -I had a guy take me to the drive-in in the rain once. 1391 01:09:45,758 --> 01:09:47,413 We couldn't see the screen. 1392 01:09:47,517 --> 01:09:48,793 The speaker was on my side 1393 01:09:48,896 --> 01:09:50,448 and it kept raining in through the crack. 1394 01:09:50,551 --> 01:09:51,896 I couldn't get my door open either. 1395 01:09:52,000 --> 01:09:53,862 -Lucky for him. 1396 01:09:53,965 --> 01:09:55,482 -It flooded the car. 1397 01:09:55,586 --> 01:09:59,103 When I finally did get it open, I stepped into a foot of water. 1398 01:09:59,206 --> 01:10:01,862 -Sounds like a real hot date. 1399 01:10:01,965 --> 01:10:04,586 -Truly memorable. [Laughter] 1400 01:10:04,689 --> 01:10:06,482 I didn't have any tits, hardly. 1401 01:10:07,068 --> 01:10:09,551 And I was terrified my secret would be discovered. 1402 01:10:10,137 --> 01:10:12,172 I stuffed my bra with toilet paper. 1403 01:10:12,275 --> 01:10:14,965 [Laughter] 1404 01:10:15,068 --> 01:10:17,103 He was frantic, trying to get into my bra, 1405 01:10:17,206 --> 01:10:19,517 so I said I wanted to go to the snack bar -- 1406 01:10:19,620 --> 01:10:22,103 the best diversion I could come up with, right? 1407 01:10:22,206 --> 01:10:26,551 But when I got back, my tits were soggy from the rain. 1408 01:10:26,655 --> 01:10:28,827 You should have seen his face. 1409 01:10:32,310 --> 01:10:35,103 Quit staring at my chest. 1410 01:10:35,206 --> 01:10:37,275 -I snagged a few babes in the drive-in. 1411 01:10:38,517 --> 01:10:40,551 -I'm sure you did. 1412 01:10:44,655 --> 01:10:47,482 [Snickering] 1413 01:10:48,137 --> 01:10:49,689 -Ahh... 1414 01:10:51,068 --> 01:10:59,827 ♪ 1415 01:10:59,931 --> 01:11:08,724 ♪ 1416 01:11:08,827 --> 01:11:17,586 ♪ 1417 01:11:17,689 --> 01:11:26,413 ♪ 1418 01:11:26,517 --> 01:11:29,517 [Couple moaning] 1419 01:11:29,620 --> 01:11:32,413 ♪ 1420 01:11:32,517 --> 01:11:35,551 [Moaning continues] 1421 01:11:37,275 --> 01:11:45,448 ♪ 1422 01:11:45,551 --> 01:11:53,724 ♪ 1423 01:11:53,827 --> 01:12:02,034 ♪ 1424 01:12:02,137 --> 01:12:10,793 ♪ 1425 01:12:10,896 --> 01:12:19,551 ♪ 1426 01:12:19,655 --> 01:12:22,413 [Telephone ringing] 1427 01:12:22,517 --> 01:12:23,620 -Hello? 1428 01:12:23,724 --> 01:12:25,827 Oh, hi, Dad. 1429 01:12:25,931 --> 01:12:27,862 Yeah, everything's all set for Sunday. 1430 01:12:27,965 --> 01:12:29,655 What time are you coming in? 1431 01:12:30,758 --> 01:12:32,896 No, no problems. 1432 01:12:33,000 --> 01:12:37,275 Um -- I have about 70 people, more next weekend. 1433 01:12:41,000 --> 01:12:43,620 Yes. 1434 01:12:44,620 --> 01:12:46,000 Yes. 1435 01:12:46,482 --> 01:12:48,620 Yes, dammit. 1436 01:12:49,448 --> 01:12:51,344 Would you just trust me? 1437 01:12:52,482 --> 01:12:55,068 You know, I think you're gonna be very proud of me. 1438 01:12:56,689 --> 01:13:00,103 Yeah, well, give her my -- love. 1439 01:13:00,379 --> 01:13:09,448 ♪ 1440 01:13:09,551 --> 01:13:18,620 ♪ 1441 01:13:18,724 --> 01:13:27,827 ♪ 1442 01:13:27,931 --> 01:13:37,000 ♪ 1443 01:13:37,103 --> 01:13:46,137 ♪ 1444 01:13:46,241 --> 01:13:55,310 ♪ 1445 01:13:55,413 --> 01:14:04,551 ♪ 1446 01:14:04,655 --> 01:14:13,862 ♪ 1447 01:14:14,482 --> 01:14:17,517 [Wind howling] 1448 01:14:25,137 --> 01:14:27,931 [Wind howling] 1449 01:14:28,034 --> 01:14:33,068 ♪ 1450 01:14:33,172 --> 01:14:38,241 ♪ 1451 01:14:38,344 --> 01:14:40,413 -Hi, I'm Alex Bourne. 1452 01:14:40,517 --> 01:14:42,068 -Hi. 1453 01:14:43,413 --> 01:14:46,000 -May I come in? -Oh! 1454 01:14:46,103 --> 01:14:48,689 Of course. I'm sorry, you must be frozen stiff. 1455 01:14:48,793 --> 01:14:50,034 Come in. 1456 01:14:56,862 --> 01:14:58,620 -Pardon me for saying this, 1457 01:14:58,724 --> 01:15:01,758 but you all look prepared for a funeral or worse. 1458 01:15:01,862 --> 01:15:03,241 [ Laughter ] 1459 01:15:03,344 --> 01:15:06,344 Relax. This is just a social call. 1460 01:15:06,448 --> 01:15:09,689 See? No contracts, no brochures. 1461 01:15:09,793 --> 01:15:11,413 -Thank you for inviting us. 1462 01:15:11,517 --> 01:15:14,517 -My pleasure. We're very proud of Snow Peak. 1463 01:15:14,620 --> 01:15:16,517 My father's a ski fanatic, 1464 01:15:16,620 --> 01:15:20,172 and he designed this place to suit his own eclectic tastes. 1465 01:15:20,275 --> 01:15:22,344 Like the high tech condos that you saw on the road 1466 01:15:22,448 --> 01:15:24,862 and these rustic ski chalets. 1467 01:15:24,965 --> 01:15:27,310 I thought you would like this one. -Yes. 1468 01:15:27,413 --> 01:15:33,103 -I thought you guys always made your hustle 1469 01:15:33,206 --> 01:15:34,793 in the summertime. 1470 01:15:34,896 --> 01:15:36,551 -Construction problems, you know, 1471 01:15:36,655 --> 01:15:38,896 and all that rain we had last summer. 1472 01:15:39,000 --> 01:15:41,034 -Can -- can I get you a drink? 1473 01:15:41,137 --> 01:15:42,655 -A coffee would be fine. 1474 01:15:42,758 --> 01:15:44,103 -Great. 1475 01:15:46,827 --> 01:15:55,931 ♪ 1476 01:15:56,034 --> 01:16:05,034 ♪ 1477 01:16:05,137 --> 01:16:07,068 -Where are you from? 1478 01:16:07,172 --> 01:16:09,827 -Los Angeles, but I've lived everywhere. 1479 01:16:09,931 --> 01:16:12,551 My father's developed projects from Hong Kong 1480 01:16:12,655 --> 01:16:14,310 to Hannibal, Missouri. 1481 01:16:14,586 --> 01:16:16,275 -Isn't that where Tom Sawyer is from? 1482 01:16:16,379 --> 01:16:17,724 -That's right. 1483 01:16:17,827 --> 01:16:19,413 Dad designed and built the Mark Twain Museum there. 1484 01:16:19,517 --> 01:16:22,344 -Really? -That is so cool. 1485 01:16:27,827 --> 01:16:31,103 -Well, you all seem like very nice people. 1486 01:16:31,206 --> 01:16:34,586 I'll leave you now. I know you want to get up early and hit the slopes tomorrow. 1487 01:16:34,689 --> 01:16:38,344 -Don't go yet. Stay until it stops snowing. 1488 01:16:38,448 --> 01:16:39,827 -It's supposed to snow all night. 1489 01:16:39,931 --> 01:16:41,310 -I know. 1490 01:16:42,241 --> 01:16:46,172 At least have a brandy before you go back out into the cold. 1491 01:16:46,275 --> 01:16:49,482 Stay here. I'll be right back. 1492 01:16:49,586 --> 01:16:51,379 -Um... 1493 01:16:57,137 --> 01:16:58,275 -Jeanette -- 1494 01:16:58,379 --> 01:17:00,034 What do you think you're doing out there? 1495 01:17:01,241 --> 01:17:04,655 Would you two just please both be my friends for five minutes 1496 01:17:04,758 --> 01:17:06,103 and help me with this? 1497 01:17:09,000 --> 01:17:10,517 [Static buzzes] 1498 01:17:10,620 --> 01:17:12,275 -Carl is the most interesting character in the movie. 1499 01:17:12,379 --> 01:17:14,482 He loves his gun, he loves his coke, 1500 01:17:14,586 --> 01:17:17,689 and he loves to go full frontal naked everywhere he goes. 1501 01:17:17,793 --> 01:17:19,517 That is Ron Kologie, 1502 01:17:19,620 --> 01:17:21,931 who has an acting resume similar to most of this cast, 1503 01:17:22,034 --> 01:17:24,241 meaning he's worked off and on his whole life, 1504 01:17:24,344 --> 01:17:26,103 but he never got his big break. 1505 01:17:26,206 --> 01:17:28,827 All his acting has been for television commercials. 1506 01:17:28,931 --> 01:17:31,206 He spent six months on "General Hospital," 1507 01:17:31,310 --> 01:17:33,482 still does a lot of Hallmark Christmas films. 1508 01:17:33,586 --> 01:17:35,172 He's from Buffalo, 1509 01:17:35,275 --> 01:17:37,034 and he says the best job he ever had in Hollywood 1510 01:17:37,137 --> 01:17:39,689 was being the pool manager at the Beverly Hilton. 1511 01:17:39,793 --> 01:17:44,689 300 to 400 a day in tips alone in the year 1977. 1512 01:17:44,793 --> 01:17:47,827 Anyway, director Jeff Kwitny said Ron was bold 1513 01:17:47,931 --> 01:17:50,551 and willing in the nude scenes, a real trooper. 1514 01:17:50,655 --> 01:17:53,241 And speaking of troopers, 1515 01:17:53,344 --> 01:17:55,344 the reason we have Catholic Relief Services 1516 01:17:55,448 --> 01:17:57,172 on our list of charities is that they got one 1517 01:17:57,275 --> 01:17:59,172 of those letters from the government this year, 1518 01:17:59,275 --> 01:18:03,586 resulting in losing 62% of their budget overnight. 1519 01:18:03,689 --> 01:18:04,965 No warning. 1520 01:18:05,068 --> 01:18:07,551 This affected food distribution around the world, 1521 01:18:07,655 --> 01:18:10,206 health services, agriculture services, 1522 01:18:10,310 --> 01:18:12,586 nutrition for children services. 1523 01:18:12,689 --> 01:18:17,448 Funding for refugee resettlement vanished entirely. 1524 01:18:17,551 --> 01:18:19,896 Cardinal Michael Czerny at the Vatican 1525 01:18:20,000 --> 01:18:21,862 called the lack of warning for this, 1526 01:18:21,965 --> 01:18:23,448 he said it was something that, quote, 1527 01:18:23,551 --> 01:18:26,448 "terrorized hundreds of thousands of people," 1528 01:18:26,551 --> 01:18:28,310 and he called on Catholics to step up 1529 01:18:28,413 --> 01:18:29,965 and go to their local churches 1530 01:18:30,068 --> 01:18:31,758 and give money and fill in the gaps. 1531 01:18:31,862 --> 01:18:33,379 Watch his comments on YouTube. 1532 01:18:33,482 --> 01:18:35,310 But we're going one step further. 1533 01:18:35,413 --> 01:18:36,655 We're saying we don't care if you're Catholic or not. 1534 01:18:36,758 --> 01:18:38,517 Darcy's Catholic, I'm not. 1535 01:18:38,620 --> 01:18:40,620 We just think what's happened here is horrible, 1536 01:18:40,724 --> 01:18:42,344 and the blood of these people is going to be 1537 01:18:42,448 --> 01:18:43,931 on the hands of those who just look the other way 1538 01:18:44,034 --> 01:18:45,689 and let them suffer and die. 1539 01:18:45,793 --> 01:18:48,137 So once again, please support our Christmas auction. 1540 01:18:48,241 --> 01:18:51,206 It matters more this year than ever before. 1541 01:18:51,310 --> 01:18:54,068 And you guys have stepped up in past years. 1542 01:18:54,172 --> 01:18:58,172 Okay, I should talk a little bit about Trina, 1543 01:18:58,275 --> 01:19:00,000 the female lead, 1544 01:19:00,103 --> 01:19:01,620 who told the story about stuffing the toilet paper 1545 01:19:01,724 --> 01:19:03,137 in her bra at the drive-in. 1546 01:19:03,241 --> 01:19:04,827 That's Deborah De Liso, 1547 01:19:04,931 --> 01:19:07,344 who also had a big role in "Slumber Party Massacre," 1548 01:19:07,448 --> 01:19:09,034 and she has done everything. 1549 01:19:09,137 --> 01:19:11,103 She's been an acting teacher for years 1550 01:19:11,206 --> 01:19:13,379 at the University of Southern California. 1551 01:19:13,482 --> 01:19:15,586 She specializes in helping people put on 1552 01:19:15,689 --> 01:19:18,379 their one person shows, performance art pieces. 1553 01:19:18,482 --> 01:19:22,103 She's directed 800 solo plays, they call them. 1554 01:19:22,206 --> 01:19:24,241 She's been a gymnast, a dancer. 1555 01:19:24,344 --> 01:19:26,689 She's done a lot of theater, mostly in Southern California. 1556 01:19:26,793 --> 01:19:28,724 She's done all the classic roles. 1557 01:19:28,827 --> 01:19:31,551 Blanche Dubois in "A Streetcar Named Desire," 1558 01:19:31,655 --> 01:19:35,586 her own one woman show is about Isadora Duncan and, 1559 01:19:35,689 --> 01:19:37,655 uh, very impressive to me, 1560 01:19:37,758 --> 01:19:40,172 she taught playwriting and acting for three years 1561 01:19:40,275 --> 01:19:41,931 in women's prisons. 1562 01:19:42,034 --> 01:19:44,413 She got a grant from the California Arts Council to do that. 1563 01:19:44,517 --> 01:19:46,448 So that's Debra De Liso, 1564 01:19:46,551 --> 01:19:48,379 who started all the trouble four years ago 1565 01:19:48,482 --> 01:19:49,862 by being so dang hot 1566 01:19:49,965 --> 01:19:52,103 that two men wanted her at the same time, 1567 01:19:52,206 --> 01:19:55,172 and apparently she no longer needs toilet paper in her bra. 1568 01:19:55,275 --> 01:19:57,448 [Laughter] If you noticed. 1569 01:19:57,551 --> 01:20:00,965 And then her husband is played by Doug Stevenson, 1570 01:20:01,068 --> 01:20:03,931 who was actually a ski bum in real life for a while. 1571 01:20:04,034 --> 01:20:06,896 He spent a year living on the slopes in Colorado, 1572 01:20:07,000 --> 01:20:08,827 but he was also in "The Prowler," 1573 01:20:08,931 --> 01:20:12,172 which we showed on the original marathon back in 2018, 1574 01:20:12,275 --> 01:20:15,689 and he was in the great Chuck Norris vehicle "Breaker! Breaker!" 1575 01:20:15,793 --> 01:20:18,344 Um, did small roles in TV movies. 1576 01:20:18,448 --> 01:20:21,965 He did 54 episodes of "Search For Tomorrow" in the early '80s. 1577 01:20:22,068 --> 01:20:24,206 He was actually on the cover of Soap Opera Digest 1578 01:20:24,310 --> 01:20:28,206 for his role as Lee Sentell in that series. 1579 01:20:28,310 --> 01:20:30,310 He was a baby daddy in a custody battle 1580 01:20:30,413 --> 01:20:32,448 that went on for years on that show. 1581 01:20:32,551 --> 01:20:35,931 And as I mentioned before, he and Lisa Loring, 1582 01:20:36,034 --> 01:20:37,827 who plays Jeanette, were married for a while. 1583 01:20:37,931 --> 01:20:39,620 They met while doing Off-Broadway theater 1584 01:20:39,724 --> 01:20:41,482 together in New York. 1585 01:20:41,586 --> 01:20:43,655 This movie actually has kind of a theatrical feel, 1586 01:20:43,758 --> 01:20:46,310 don't you think, Darcy? Very talky movie. 1587 01:20:46,413 --> 01:20:49,310 -Yeah, definitely. -So let's get back to it. 1588 01:20:49,413 --> 01:20:51,310 Roll the flick. 1589 01:20:52,586 --> 01:20:55,241 We went through this period in the '80s 1590 01:20:55,344 --> 01:20:58,793 when Utah was the place to shoot slashers. 1591 01:20:58,896 --> 01:21:00,793 "Silent Night, Deadly Night." 1592 01:21:00,896 --> 01:21:04,896 "Berserker," "Halloween 4" "Halloween 5," 1593 01:21:05,000 --> 01:21:08,103 "Troll 2." And I'm not sure why. 1594 01:21:08,206 --> 01:21:09,689 I don't think you got any great tax credits 1595 01:21:09,793 --> 01:21:10,965 for shooting in Utah. 1596 01:21:11,068 --> 01:21:12,689 It was just a place 1597 01:21:12,793 --> 01:21:14,448 where people kept finding creepy locations 1598 01:21:14,551 --> 01:21:16,275 or maybe just cheap locations. 1599 01:21:16,379 --> 01:21:18,586 I think they got the use of this house for nothing 1600 01:21:18,689 --> 01:21:22,034 'cause they were promoting snowboard -- snowboard -- 1601 01:21:22,137 --> 01:21:24,931 Snowbird Resort. 1602 01:21:26,482 --> 01:21:29,482 I don't know why you would name your ski resort Snowbird. 1603 01:21:29,586 --> 01:21:31,655 Isn't that the name for the retired people 1604 01:21:31,758 --> 01:21:33,827 who drive down from Canada or the... 1605 01:21:33,931 --> 01:21:35,344 [Laughter] 1606 01:21:35,448 --> 01:21:38,517 They come down from the northern states to be warm in the winter? 1607 01:21:38,862 --> 01:21:40,793 Here come the snowbirds. 1608 01:21:40,896 --> 01:21:43,310 Doesn't that mean elderly people with RVs driving to Arizona? 1609 01:21:43,413 --> 01:21:46,862 You don't want people to think your ski resort was warm, right? 1610 01:21:46,965 --> 01:21:49,172 Anyway, that's what they named it 1611 01:21:49,275 --> 01:21:51,379 when Dick Bass bought the land in 1971. 1612 01:21:51,482 --> 01:21:54,275 Dick Bass was the -- 1613 01:21:54,379 --> 01:21:58,068 He was the odd brother in the Bass family of Fort Worth. 1614 01:21:58,172 --> 01:21:59,413 He didn't go into the oil business 1615 01:21:59,517 --> 01:22:01,379 like his three brothers. 1616 01:22:01,482 --> 01:22:03,551 He spent much of his life as a mountaineer. 1617 01:22:03,655 --> 01:22:07,172 In fact, he invented a sport called the Seven Summits. 1618 01:22:07,275 --> 01:22:08,896 The idea is that you climb to the peak 1619 01:22:09,000 --> 01:22:11,793 of the highest mountain on all seven continents. 1620 01:22:11,896 --> 01:22:14,206 And he was the first one to do that. 1621 01:22:14,310 --> 01:22:16,827 And he saved Mount Everest 'til last, 1622 01:22:16,931 --> 01:22:18,931 when he was 55 years old. 1623 01:22:19,034 --> 01:22:21,068 Can you name the Seven Summits, Darcy? 1624 01:22:21,172 --> 01:22:23,896 -Of course. [Laughter] 1625 01:22:24,000 --> 01:22:26,275 -Nobody can name the Seven Summits. 1626 01:22:26,379 --> 01:22:28,379 Well, we know the one in North America, though. 1627 01:22:28,482 --> 01:22:31,034 Mount Denali in Alaska, right? 1628 01:22:31,137 --> 01:22:33,241 Or it's just called Denali, right? 1629 01:22:33,344 --> 01:22:35,827 Used to be Mount McKinley, then they changed it. 1630 01:22:35,931 --> 01:22:37,206 -Actually, they changed it back. 1631 01:22:37,310 --> 01:22:39,689 -They did? -Yeah, it was Denali for ten years. 1632 01:22:39,793 --> 01:22:41,551 But now it's Mount McKinley again. 1633 01:22:41,655 --> 01:22:44,310 -Why are they screwing with us like that? 1634 01:22:44,413 --> 01:22:48,344 -People got upset that they started using the native Alaska name. 1635 01:22:48,448 --> 01:22:50,620 -People got upset by the word Denali? 1636 01:22:50,724 --> 01:22:51,931 -[Laughs] I guess so. 1637 01:22:52,034 --> 01:22:54,344 That's the word used for centuries. 1638 01:22:54,448 --> 01:22:59,241 -'Cause President McKinley has a fan club? [laughs] 1639 01:22:59,344 --> 01:23:01,655 Who goes around saying, "Wow, that guy McKinley, 1640 01:23:01,758 --> 01:23:03,655 what a president he was. 1641 01:23:03,758 --> 01:23:05,689 They should not take away his mountain." 1642 01:23:05,793 --> 01:23:08,827 [Laughter] -He got assassinated. 1643 01:23:08,931 --> 01:23:10,862 -Well, what, so they thought, "Well, he's dead. 1644 01:23:10,965 --> 01:23:12,344 We better name something after him. 1645 01:23:12,448 --> 01:23:14,103 How about the highest mountain in North America?" 1646 01:23:14,206 --> 01:23:16,068 -Something like that. Yeah. 1647 01:23:16,172 --> 01:23:18,379 -Did he go hiking there or something? 1648 01:23:18,482 --> 01:23:20,689 -President McKinley? No. He never went to Alaska, 1649 01:23:20,793 --> 01:23:23,655 much less to that mountain. -Dang. 1650 01:23:23,758 --> 01:23:26,724 And we still care that much about President McKinley? 1651 01:23:26,827 --> 01:23:28,413 -Somebody cares. 1652 01:23:28,517 --> 01:23:31,275 -I think we should name more stuff after William Henry Harrison. 1653 01:23:31,379 --> 01:23:33,172 -Darcy: Why? 1654 01:23:33,275 --> 01:23:35,068 -'Cause he was president for two months, and then he died. 1655 01:23:35,172 --> 01:23:38,206 I think every president should have a two month term. 1656 01:23:38,310 --> 01:23:40,275 -Agreed. -Yeah! 1657 01:23:41,827 --> 01:23:43,965 -Big Briggs here. And I hate to bring down the vibes, 1658 01:23:44,068 --> 01:23:45,344 but we gotta face it -- 1659 01:23:45,448 --> 01:23:47,896 A loneliness epidemic is ravaging this country. 1660 01:23:48,000 --> 01:23:51,275 Statistics show that 96% of the people are alone 1661 01:23:51,379 --> 01:23:54,827 at some point on any given day. That number is too damn high. 1662 01:23:54,931 --> 01:23:56,862 So listen up, you lonely losers. 1663 01:23:56,965 --> 01:23:59,586 I got just the thing to plug the hole in your heart. 1664 01:23:59,689 --> 01:24:02,379 Movie night with the charming Darcy the Mail Girl 1665 01:24:02,482 --> 01:24:04,172 and me the Joe Bob Briggs. 1666 01:24:04,275 --> 01:24:07,655 We will invade your personal space and catch a flick with you 1667 01:24:07,758 --> 01:24:08,931 at your local theater. 1668 01:24:09,034 --> 01:24:10,655 Whatever movie you want. 1669 01:24:10,758 --> 01:24:12,655 But you know what I like. [Chainsaw buzzes] 1670 01:24:12,758 --> 01:24:16,517 What's that? You hate movies? You like being alone? 1671 01:24:16,620 --> 01:24:18,413 Well, alright. 1672 01:24:18,517 --> 01:24:20,586 How about snuggling up with a good book instead? 1673 01:24:20,689 --> 01:24:23,931 We got autographed copies of "Clown in a Cornfield" 1674 01:24:24,034 --> 01:24:25,965 and "Clown in a Cornfield 3" 1675 01:24:26,068 --> 01:24:28,379 to add to your personal library. 1676 01:24:30,275 --> 01:24:32,172 Where's part two? 1677 01:24:32,275 --> 01:24:35,724 What? We couldn't get the rights? 1678 01:24:35,827 --> 01:24:37,551 Where have I heard that before? 1679 01:24:37,655 --> 01:24:39,000 -Ho, ho, ho! 1680 01:24:39,103 --> 01:24:42,689 -All three books are now available. Oder online. 1681 01:24:44,068 --> 01:24:46,517 -The sweet baby Jesus would have loved one of these. 1682 01:24:46,620 --> 01:24:50,172 ♪ 1683 01:24:50,275 --> 01:24:53,275 -Visit our website for additional charity listings. 1684 01:24:53,379 --> 01:25:00,275 ♪ 1685 01:25:00,379 --> 01:25:02,758 [Ice crackling] 1686 01:25:02,862 --> 01:25:04,034 [Static buzzes] 1687 01:25:05,689 --> 01:25:08,413 -Allow me to propose a toast. 1688 01:25:08,517 --> 01:25:09,862 -Thanks. 1689 01:25:11,344 --> 01:25:12,862 Here's to Snow Peak's first visitors. 1690 01:25:12,965 --> 01:25:14,344 Many happy returns. 1691 01:25:14,448 --> 01:25:16,482 -Yeah. -Hear, hear. 1692 01:25:16,586 --> 01:25:17,827 -Whoo! 1693 01:25:17,931 --> 01:25:20,862 -And here's to, uh... -More snow? 1694 01:25:20,965 --> 01:25:22,137 -More snow. -More snow! Yeah. 1695 01:25:22,241 --> 01:25:24,103 [Glasses clink] 1696 01:25:26,172 --> 01:25:29,172 [Wind whooshing] 1697 01:25:31,862 --> 01:25:33,620 -This is beautiful here. 1698 01:25:34,137 --> 01:25:35,655 You must love it. 1699 01:25:36,137 --> 01:25:38,655 -Yes, it's nice. 1700 01:25:38,758 --> 01:25:42,896 But I've been here a while. I sort of miss the big city. 1701 01:25:43,000 --> 01:25:46,137 -You know, you haven't told me about yourself yet. 1702 01:25:46,241 --> 01:25:47,793 Who are you? 1703 01:25:47,896 --> 01:25:50,137 -You're very direct. 1704 01:25:50,241 --> 01:25:53,000 So am I. 1705 01:25:53,103 --> 01:25:54,965 -Well, then. 1706 01:25:55,068 --> 01:25:59,517 -I've lived a very privileged life. 1707 01:25:59,620 --> 01:26:03,379 My family is fairly wealthy, which is no great handicap. 1708 01:26:03,482 --> 01:26:06,551 I've been everywhere, done everything. 1709 01:26:06,655 --> 01:26:10,655 I guess you might say I'm just a jaded LA thrill seeker. 1710 01:26:10,758 --> 01:26:12,793 -We're a lot alike. 1711 01:26:12,896 --> 01:26:15,724 I come from a well-to-do family. 1712 01:26:15,827 --> 01:26:17,241 Not megabucks like yours. 1713 01:26:17,344 --> 01:26:20,827 But I went to good schools. Was a debutante. 1714 01:26:20,931 --> 01:26:23,034 -Oh, I could tell right away. 1715 01:26:23,137 --> 01:26:25,241 -Well, it does leave its scars. 1716 01:26:27,275 --> 01:26:29,896 -Lovely skin. 1717 01:26:30,000 --> 01:26:31,862 -Thank you. 1718 01:26:31,965 --> 01:26:34,655 I like to ski. I like my job. 1719 01:26:34,758 --> 01:26:36,206 -What do you do? 1720 01:26:36,310 --> 01:26:39,241 -Oh, public relations work for a cosmetics firm. 1721 01:26:39,827 --> 01:26:42,241 The benefits are great. Free makeup. 1722 01:26:42,344 --> 01:26:46,310 -Sounds very nice. 1723 01:26:46,413 --> 01:26:48,586 -What happens after Snow Peak? 1724 01:26:48,689 --> 01:26:50,206 -Well, I have my choice. 1725 01:26:50,310 --> 01:26:53,551 I could stay here, but my father, 1726 01:26:53,655 --> 01:26:55,896 his health isn't very good and, uh, 1727 01:26:56,000 --> 01:26:59,413 he needs me to help run our base of operations. 1728 01:26:59,517 --> 01:27:01,344 -Mm, noblesse oblige. 1729 01:27:01,448 --> 01:27:03,103 -You might say that. 1730 01:27:05,620 --> 01:27:07,379 What are you staring at? 1731 01:27:07,482 --> 01:27:09,137 -You. 1732 01:27:10,034 --> 01:27:11,310 -May I kiss you? 1733 01:27:11,413 --> 01:27:13,241 -Yes, you may. 1734 01:27:13,344 --> 01:27:20,137 ♪ 1735 01:27:20,241 --> 01:27:27,034 ♪ 1736 01:27:27,137 --> 01:27:28,034 [Telephone ringing] 1737 01:27:28,137 --> 01:27:29,896 -Uh oh. I'm hearing bells. 1738 01:27:30,000 --> 01:27:31,379 That could mean trouble. 1739 01:27:31,482 --> 01:27:33,517 -Not the hospital! -I'll get it. 1740 01:27:33,620 --> 01:27:38,275 [Ringing continues] 1741 01:27:38,379 --> 01:27:40,551 Hello? 1742 01:27:40,655 --> 01:27:41,965 Yes. 1743 01:27:42,068 --> 01:27:45,137 Well, yeah, just a moment. 1744 01:27:45,241 --> 01:27:47,517 Jeanette. 1745 01:27:47,620 --> 01:27:50,689 Jeanette! It's for you. 1746 01:27:50,793 --> 01:27:54,862 -Magnificent timing. Excuse me. 1747 01:27:57,655 --> 01:27:59,137 -I think it's Eddie. 1748 01:27:59,241 --> 01:28:01,241 I didn't say anything. 1749 01:28:01,344 --> 01:28:04,241 He didn't sound too good. 1750 01:28:05,827 --> 01:28:07,551 -Hello? 1751 01:28:10,655 --> 01:28:13,000 Eddie, if this is a joke, it's not very funny! 1752 01:28:14,137 --> 01:28:15,482 Hello? 1753 01:28:16,103 --> 01:28:17,965 Son of a bitch! 1754 01:28:18,068 --> 01:28:21,068 -What did he say? 1755 01:28:21,172 --> 01:28:23,137 -It was strange. 1756 01:28:23,241 --> 01:28:25,655 He said -- 1757 01:28:25,758 --> 01:28:27,758 "This is Eddie. I'm here with Jeff now." 1758 01:28:27,862 --> 01:28:29,896 -What? 1759 01:28:30,000 --> 01:28:31,793 -He said, "I'm here with Jeff now!" 1760 01:28:31,896 --> 01:28:35,241 -Wait. What's going on? -Eddie just called. 1761 01:28:35,344 --> 01:28:37,206 -I'm sorry. 1762 01:28:37,310 --> 01:28:39,758 That was some old friends of ours. 1763 01:28:39,862 --> 01:28:42,793 -They're not coming? -No, they're not coming. 1764 01:28:42,896 --> 01:28:45,103 Eddie's my soon-to-be ex-boyfriend. 1765 01:28:45,206 --> 01:28:47,344 And Jeff's -- -Jeff's dead! 1766 01:28:47,448 --> 01:28:49,965 -Jeff was a friend of ours who died in an accident. 1767 01:28:50,068 --> 01:28:51,758 -Jeff Stinson. 1768 01:28:51,862 --> 01:28:53,689 -What? Did you know him? 1769 01:28:53,793 --> 01:28:56,000 -No, but I thought he was coming with you. 1770 01:28:57,137 --> 01:28:59,241 I mean, his name was on the list. 1771 01:28:59,344 --> 01:29:00,965 -What list? 1772 01:29:01,068 --> 01:29:03,724 -The list of people in your party. 1773 01:29:03,827 --> 01:29:05,724 -What are you talking about? 1774 01:29:05,827 --> 01:29:09,344 -I sent Jeff Stinson an invitation, and he accepted. 1775 01:29:09,448 --> 01:29:11,448 -Did you actually speak to him? 1776 01:29:11,551 --> 01:29:13,103 -Hey, man... 1777 01:29:13,206 --> 01:29:15,275 Where the hell did you get our names from anyways? 1778 01:29:15,586 --> 01:29:18,068 -Hey, cool it. -Damn it! 1779 01:29:18,172 --> 01:29:19,793 -We buy mailing lists. 1780 01:29:19,896 --> 01:29:22,482 -Listen, we all checked in at the same hotel that weekend, right? 1781 01:29:22,586 --> 01:29:23,758 We checked in at the same time. 1782 01:29:23,862 --> 01:29:25,448 Do you buy these lists from resort hotels? 1783 01:29:25,551 --> 01:29:26,724 -That's right, we do. 1784 01:29:26,827 --> 01:29:28,034 And no, I didn't speak with him. 1785 01:29:28,137 --> 01:29:29,482 I only talked to you. 1786 01:29:30,034 --> 01:29:32,310 The actual mailings were handled by our office. 1787 01:29:33,103 --> 01:29:36,724 -We didn't realize Jeff's name would be on the list. 1788 01:29:37,413 --> 01:29:41,655 -He's dead. You invited a dead man. 1789 01:29:42,310 --> 01:29:44,206 -And he accepted. 1790 01:29:44,310 --> 01:29:45,620 -I don't understand this. 1791 01:29:45,724 --> 01:29:48,620 -Jesus! -There must be some mistake. 1792 01:29:48,724 --> 01:29:50,689 I can check into this if you like. 1793 01:29:50,793 --> 01:29:54,310 I'll have my secretary look into it in the morning. 1794 01:29:55,931 --> 01:29:57,655 I think I'd better go. 1795 01:29:57,758 --> 01:30:02,275 Um, here -- here's my card in case you need to call me. 1796 01:30:02,379 --> 01:30:04,482 Um... 1797 01:30:07,862 --> 01:30:09,206 Good night. 1798 01:30:09,310 --> 01:30:11,551 I'm sure this is just some oversight. 1799 01:30:12,034 --> 01:30:14,896 -Or somebody's idea of a cute joke! 1800 01:30:19,517 --> 01:30:21,689 -Sorry the evening took a bit of a nosedive. 1801 01:30:21,793 --> 01:30:26,000 -Well, I'm sure we'll clear it up. 1802 01:30:26,103 --> 01:30:27,551 -Take care. 1803 01:30:27,655 --> 01:30:29,448 Call me if you need anything. 1804 01:30:29,551 --> 01:30:35,758 ♪ 1805 01:30:35,862 --> 01:30:37,620 How did your friend die? 1806 01:30:37,724 --> 01:30:39,655 -A skiing accident. 1807 01:30:43,517 --> 01:30:45,448 Carl, you did this. 1808 01:30:46,793 --> 01:30:48,482 You. 1809 01:30:48,586 --> 01:30:50,620 You and Eddie are playing a trick, right? 1810 01:30:50,724 --> 01:30:52,551 -Carl, are you behind this? 1811 01:30:52,655 --> 01:30:55,620 -Why is everyone pointing the finger at me? 1812 01:30:55,724 --> 01:30:58,034 -Carl, are you doing this? 1813 01:30:58,137 --> 01:31:00,344 -No! And will you all lay off? 1814 01:31:00,448 --> 01:31:02,275 I'm not doing anything. 1815 01:31:03,517 --> 01:31:07,206 John, I think this is as good a time as any to tell them. 1816 01:31:08,689 --> 01:31:10,793 -Tell us what? 1817 01:31:10,896 --> 01:31:14,000 -I found this news clipping about Jeff's death in my room. 1818 01:31:19,931 --> 01:31:22,344 -And I didn't do that either. 1819 01:31:22,448 --> 01:31:24,896 And I've got a gun. 1820 01:31:25,000 --> 01:31:27,206 I might as well tell you before he does. 1821 01:31:27,310 --> 01:31:29,172 -Alright, hold it. It's Eddie, alright? 1822 01:31:29,275 --> 01:31:30,931 It's gotta be Eddie. -What? 1823 01:31:31,034 --> 01:31:34,034 I don't understand. He'd cheat on me, yes. 1824 01:31:34,137 --> 01:31:36,862 Yes, but practical jokes -- it's not Eddie's style. 1825 01:31:36,965 --> 01:31:39,310 -Are you sure it was him you talked to on the phone? 1826 01:31:39,413 --> 01:31:41,206 -Well, yes. 1827 01:31:41,310 --> 01:31:44,448 -Jeff's mother told me after the funeral. 1828 01:31:44,551 --> 01:31:45,896 She damned me. 1829 01:31:46,000 --> 01:31:47,655 She said I was responsible 1830 01:31:47,758 --> 01:31:50,655 and that the family would avenge his death. 1831 01:31:50,758 --> 01:31:53,344 I was supposed to look out for him. 1832 01:31:53,448 --> 01:31:55,068 She knew he was... 1833 01:31:55,172 --> 01:31:56,103 -A freak. 1834 01:31:56,206 --> 01:31:57,620 -Will you shut up?! 1835 01:31:57,724 --> 01:31:59,758 He had problems. 1836 01:32:02,344 --> 01:32:06,448 I was friends with him since I was five years old. 1837 01:32:08,448 --> 01:32:11,241 -Diane, you're the one that set me up with that guy. 1838 01:32:11,344 --> 01:32:13,103 -I thought it would help. 1839 01:32:13,206 --> 01:32:15,896 -Diane, this isn't your fault, okay? 1840 01:32:16,000 --> 01:32:19,206 -The inquest, the questioning, the lies, 1841 01:32:19,310 --> 01:32:21,931 his mother burning holes through me with her eyes. 1842 01:32:22,034 --> 01:32:23,827 -Maybe it's Jeff's mom, okay? 1843 01:32:23,931 --> 01:32:25,827 -[Laughs] The next thing you know, 1844 01:32:25,931 --> 01:32:27,793 we're see old Jeffy flying in here like 1845 01:32:27,896 --> 01:32:29,517 Casper the Friendly Ghost. 1846 01:32:29,620 --> 01:32:30,655 -Shut up! 1847 01:32:30,758 --> 01:32:33,068 -Shut the fuck up, all of ya! 1848 01:32:33,172 --> 01:32:35,379 Now, Jeanette, go over there and get on the goddamn phone. 1849 01:32:35,482 --> 01:32:36,758 Call Eddie and find out if he's the one 1850 01:32:36,862 --> 01:32:38,620 that's busting our balls, now! 1851 01:32:40,206 --> 01:32:41,172 -[Cries] 1852 01:32:41,275 --> 01:32:43,034 [Ominous music plays] 1853 01:32:43,137 --> 01:32:47,793 ♪ 1854 01:32:47,896 --> 01:32:50,068 - We have to ask you to come back down here. 1855 01:32:50,172 --> 01:32:54,517 -Trina, everything's okay. 1856 01:32:54,620 --> 01:32:56,379 Everything's okay, isn't it? 1857 01:32:58,586 --> 01:33:01,034 -It's so fitting that Eddie's the merry prankster. 1858 01:33:02,482 --> 01:33:03,689 -That was the hospital. 1859 01:33:03,793 --> 01:33:05,827 I've got an emergency c-section. 1860 01:33:05,931 --> 01:33:07,620 Fetal distress. I got to go. 1861 01:33:07,724 --> 01:33:09,896 -John, it's snowing like hell out. 1862 01:33:10,000 --> 01:33:11,379 -I'll get Diane. 1863 01:33:27,758 --> 01:33:29,586 -Diane? -Sleeping. 1864 01:33:29,689 --> 01:33:31,137 I'll warm up the car. 1865 01:33:32,241 --> 01:33:33,758 -John. 1866 01:33:33,862 --> 01:33:35,758 -I'm sorry about this. 1867 01:33:35,862 --> 01:33:37,896 -Nah, it's a drag, man. 1868 01:33:38,000 --> 01:33:39,689 You won't be able to get any use out of that new ski 1869 01:33:39,793 --> 01:33:40,931 equipment you got. 1870 01:33:41,034 --> 01:33:42,275 -We'll call you in the morning. 1871 01:33:42,379 --> 01:33:43,482 -Make sure you drive safe. 1872 01:33:43,586 --> 01:33:45,206 -I will. -All right. 1873 01:33:51,758 --> 01:34:01,241 ♪ 1874 01:34:01,344 --> 01:34:03,758 -Can't sleep. 1875 01:34:03,862 --> 01:34:05,517 Damn it. 1876 01:34:14,172 --> 01:34:15,482 -I know. 1877 01:34:15,586 --> 01:34:17,620 We're leaving. 1878 01:34:17,724 --> 01:34:19,137 -You heard. 1879 01:34:19,241 --> 01:34:20,896 -Pretended I was asleep. 1880 01:34:21,000 --> 01:34:23,482 I can't take it. 1881 01:34:23,586 --> 01:34:25,551 I'm sorry I freaked out. 1882 01:34:25,655 --> 01:34:26,931 I'm okay now. 1883 01:34:27,034 --> 01:34:28,379 -It's okay, Diane. 1884 01:34:28,482 --> 01:34:30,724 It's just that we'll miss you. 1885 01:34:30,827 --> 01:34:32,310 -Yeah. 1886 01:34:32,413 --> 01:34:33,413 -We'll be back tomorrow. 1887 01:34:33,517 --> 01:34:35,724 And if he can't, I will. 1888 01:34:35,827 --> 01:34:37,689 -Can't you just stay tonight? 1889 01:34:39,275 --> 01:34:41,103 -It's too dangerous to drive alone in this storm. 1890 01:34:41,206 --> 01:34:42,965 He needs me. 1891 01:34:47,793 --> 01:34:50,068 [Buzzing] 1892 01:34:52,103 --> 01:34:58,793 ♪ 1893 01:34:58,896 --> 01:35:00,586 -[Gasping] 1894 01:35:00,689 --> 01:35:06,931 ♪ 1895 01:35:07,034 --> 01:35:13,241 ♪ 1896 01:35:13,344 --> 01:35:15,344 -[Screaming] 1897 01:35:15,448 --> 01:35:21,241 ♪ 1898 01:35:21,344 --> 01:35:27,137 ♪ 1899 01:35:27,241 --> 01:35:28,724 Open up! 1900 01:35:28,827 --> 01:35:30,241 [Banging on door] 1901 01:35:30,344 --> 01:35:34,068 ♪ 1902 01:35:34,172 --> 01:35:39,448 ♪ 1903 01:35:39,551 --> 01:35:44,793 ♪ 1904 01:35:44,896 --> 01:35:50,413 ♪ 1905 01:35:50,517 --> 01:35:52,965 [Screaming] 1906 01:36:02,586 --> 01:36:05,172 -It's too bad John and Diane had to leave. 1907 01:36:09,448 --> 01:36:10,931 -It's his duty. 1908 01:36:12,655 --> 01:36:18,517 Remember, neither rain nor snow nor gloom of night. 1909 01:36:19,862 --> 01:36:25,310 You know, you may want to sleep with me tonight, just in case. 1910 01:36:25,413 --> 01:36:28,275 -In case of what? 1911 01:36:28,379 --> 01:36:30,068 -There is a ghost. 1912 01:36:31,482 --> 01:36:33,448 -You're really something. You know that? 1913 01:36:36,931 --> 01:36:38,310 [Sighs] 1914 01:36:38,413 --> 01:36:42,068 -I would love to make the blood pulse hard 1915 01:36:42,172 --> 01:36:43,655 in your veins again. 1916 01:36:45,206 --> 01:36:49,034 -You know, if this is one of Eddie's little tricks, 1917 01:36:49,137 --> 01:36:52,517 I swear he will be with Jeff when I get through with him. 1918 01:36:52,620 --> 01:36:54,344 I can't believe I said that. 1919 01:36:54,448 --> 01:36:55,827 -Oh, it's okay. 1920 01:36:55,931 --> 01:36:58,931 Your mind's on other things, 1921 01:36:59,034 --> 01:37:01,448 like playboy real estate tycoons. 1922 01:37:02,965 --> 01:37:06,413 You know, you two were looking pretty cozy. 1923 01:37:06,517 --> 01:37:09,620 -I feel really stupid throwing myself at him like that. 1924 01:37:11,000 --> 01:37:12,931 [Sighs] 1925 01:37:13,034 --> 01:37:15,137 -He wasn't exactly repulsed. 1926 01:37:18,344 --> 01:37:19,586 -Thank you. 1927 01:37:20,827 --> 01:37:23,068 That, I will take as a compliment. 1928 01:37:27,827 --> 01:37:29,137 Carl! 1929 01:37:29,241 --> 01:37:31,172 [Muffled yelling] 1930 01:37:35,965 --> 01:37:39,000 [Screaming] 1931 01:37:39,103 --> 01:37:46,241 ♪ 1932 01:37:46,344 --> 01:37:53,482 ♪ 1933 01:37:53,586 --> 01:38:00,827 ♪ 1934 01:38:00,931 --> 01:38:08,034 ♪ 1935 01:38:08,137 --> 01:38:15,310 ♪ 1936 01:38:15,413 --> 01:38:22,551 ♪ 1937 01:38:22,655 --> 01:38:29,827 ♪ 1938 01:38:29,931 --> 01:38:37,034 ♪ 1939 01:38:37,137 --> 01:38:44,310 ♪ 1940 01:38:44,413 --> 01:38:51,551 ♪ 1941 01:38:51,655 --> 01:38:58,827 ♪ 1942 01:38:58,931 --> 01:39:06,103 ♪ 1943 01:39:06,206 --> 01:39:13,379 ♪ 1944 01:39:13,482 --> 01:39:20,620 ♪ 1945 01:39:20,724 --> 01:39:27,896 ♪ 1946 01:39:28,000 --> 01:39:35,137 ♪ 1947 01:39:35,241 --> 01:39:37,551 [Music intensifies] 1948 01:39:37,655 --> 01:39:43,689 ♪ 1949 01:39:43,793 --> 01:39:49,827 ♪ 1950 01:39:49,931 --> 01:39:55,931 ♪ 1951 01:39:56,034 --> 01:40:02,068 ♪ 1952 01:40:02,172 --> 01:40:04,137 -[Screaming] 1953 01:40:05,689 --> 01:40:07,724 [Fire crackling] 1954 01:40:07,827 --> 01:40:15,000 ♪ 1955 01:40:15,103 --> 01:40:17,413 [Fire crackling] 1956 01:40:19,896 --> 01:40:21,068 [Static] 1957 01:40:22,310 --> 01:40:25,379 -And so Jeanettes horniness is extinguished 1958 01:40:25,482 --> 01:40:29,172 by a battery-operated boombox tossed into the hot tub. 1959 01:40:29,275 --> 01:40:31,172 Or was that a space heater? 1960 01:40:31,275 --> 01:40:32,517 -Who cares? -Whatever it was, 1961 01:40:32,620 --> 01:40:34,172 it fried Wednesday Addams. 1962 01:40:34,275 --> 01:40:35,827 But wasn't she getting raped by Carl 1963 01:40:35,931 --> 01:40:37,965 just one scene before that? 1964 01:40:38,068 --> 01:40:40,931 Was she cleaning herself up after the rape? 1965 01:40:41,034 --> 01:40:42,655 It didn't look like it. 1966 01:40:42,758 --> 01:40:44,931 Looks like she's grooving on that Jacuzzi. 1967 01:40:45,034 --> 01:40:47,068 And while we're on the subject of weird kills, 1968 01:40:47,172 --> 01:40:50,103 is it really possible to kill somebody with an icicle? 1969 01:40:50,206 --> 01:40:51,965 Because that happens in this movie, 1970 01:40:52,068 --> 01:40:54,862 and then it happens again in 2003, in "Shredder," 1971 01:40:54,965 --> 01:40:57,586 which also has a hot tub death scene. 1972 01:40:57,689 --> 01:40:59,655 In "Shredder," six college kids picked off 1973 01:40:59,758 --> 01:41:02,241 by a mysterious killer in ski garb 1974 01:41:02,344 --> 01:41:05,103 at an abandoned ski resort. 1975 01:41:05,206 --> 01:41:06,931 So it's not a rip off of this movie 1976 01:41:07,034 --> 01:41:09,413 because the ski resort is abandoned. 1977 01:41:09,517 --> 01:41:10,862 -It's so different. 1978 01:41:10,965 --> 01:41:12,172 -It's good. 1979 01:41:12,275 --> 01:41:13,931 -No, I said it's different. That's not good. 1980 01:41:14,034 --> 01:41:16,482 -Anyway, Lisa Loring, who played Jeannette, 1981 01:41:16,586 --> 01:41:18,137 had a complicated life. 1982 01:41:18,241 --> 01:41:20,137 She is yet another one of those actors 1983 01:41:20,241 --> 01:41:22,103 who is remembered for the very first thing she ever did, 1984 01:41:22,206 --> 01:41:23,517 which was to play Wednesday Addams 1985 01:41:23,620 --> 01:41:25,241 when she was six years old. 1986 01:41:25,344 --> 01:41:27,137 She was raised by an alcoholic single mom 1987 01:41:27,241 --> 01:41:29,827 who drank herself to death at the age of 34, 1988 01:41:29,931 --> 01:41:31,827 when Lisa was 14. 1989 01:41:31,931 --> 01:41:34,689 She got married at age 15, the first of four marriages, 1990 01:41:34,793 --> 01:41:36,862 but she had a drug addiction period. 1991 01:41:36,965 --> 01:41:38,724 And then when her close friend Kelly Van Dyke 1992 01:41:38,827 --> 01:41:40,586 committed suicide -- 1993 01:41:40,689 --> 01:41:43,000 Kelly Van Dyke was the daughter of Jerry Van Dyke -- 1994 01:41:43,103 --> 01:41:46,413 um, Loring was the one who found the body, 1995 01:41:46,517 --> 01:41:49,793 and she was so distraught that she attempted suicide herself, 1996 01:41:49,896 --> 01:41:51,931 but she didn't take quite enough pills. 1997 01:41:52,034 --> 01:41:53,551 And then she tried various ways 1998 01:41:53,655 --> 01:41:55,275 to reinvent herself over the years. 1999 01:41:55,379 --> 01:41:57,793 She spent three years on "As the World Turns." 2000 01:41:57,896 --> 01:42:02,344 In her early 20s, she starred in a movie called Blood Frenzy. 2001 01:42:02,448 --> 01:42:04,931 And this movie was her first time doing nudity, 2002 01:42:05,034 --> 01:42:07,758 and she was doing it to get people to see her differently. 2003 01:42:07,862 --> 01:42:09,655 Uh, for a long time, 2004 01:42:09,758 --> 01:42:11,965 she worked at a Santa Monica interior design company, 2005 01:42:12,068 --> 01:42:14,724 and she said she got along with all her ex-husband's 2006 01:42:14,827 --> 01:42:16,551 except for Jerry Butler, 2007 01:42:16,655 --> 01:42:18,655 because she tried to get him to quit porn, 2008 01:42:18,758 --> 01:42:20,862 even though she met him on a porn set. 2009 01:42:20,965 --> 01:42:22,517 But she tried to get him to quit porn, 2010 01:42:22,620 --> 01:42:23,827 and he kept doing it secretly. 2011 01:42:23,931 --> 01:42:24,965 And when she found out, 2012 01:42:25,068 --> 01:42:26,689 she divorced him and never forgave him. 2013 01:42:26,793 --> 01:42:29,344 Anyway, Lisa Loring is no longer with us. 2014 01:42:29,448 --> 01:42:31,689 She passed away in 2023 2015 01:42:31,793 --> 01:42:34,758 after her chronic high blood pressure caused a stroke. 2016 01:42:34,862 --> 01:42:37,862 And sure enough, all the obituaries said 2017 01:42:37,965 --> 01:42:41,068 "Wednesday Addams dies at age 64." 2018 01:42:41,172 --> 01:42:42,448 John C. Cooke, 2019 01:42:42,551 --> 01:42:44,724 the doctor who got a ski pole through the throat, 2020 01:42:44,827 --> 01:42:46,655 he had a dozen or so acting credits, 2021 01:42:46,758 --> 01:42:49,482 but he was pretty much done with the business by 1994. 2022 01:42:49,586 --> 01:42:52,103 Elizabeth Gorcey, the actress playing Diane, 2023 01:42:52,206 --> 01:42:56,310 who says, "The inquest, the questioning, the lies, 2024 01:42:56,413 --> 01:42:59,379 his mother burning holes through me with her eyes," 2025 01:42:59,482 --> 01:43:01,689 and then gets stabbed to death with the icicle -- 2026 01:43:01,793 --> 01:43:04,896 she had small parts in big movies 2027 01:43:05,000 --> 01:43:07,000 like "Teen Wolf" and "Footloose," 2028 01:43:07,103 --> 01:43:10,137 but she quit acting to be a documentary film producer 2029 01:43:10,241 --> 01:43:12,517 and involved herself in nonprofit causes 2030 01:43:12,620 --> 01:43:14,586 like teaching art to terminally ill children 2031 01:43:14,689 --> 01:43:16,517 and writing children's books. 2032 01:43:16,620 --> 01:43:18,310 And in 2021 she directed, 2033 01:43:18,413 --> 01:43:20,689 produced, and acted in a black comedy called 2034 01:43:20,793 --> 01:43:22,827 "Peeling the Stinky Onion," 2035 01:43:22,931 --> 01:43:25,965 about a wacky grief counseling group. 2036 01:43:26,068 --> 01:43:27,827 Yes, that's what I said. 2037 01:43:27,931 --> 01:43:30,620 And as we approach the stunning conclusion of "Iced," 2038 01:43:30,724 --> 01:43:31,827 I want you to remember 2039 01:43:31,931 --> 01:43:33,517 that the auction continues until Christmas. 2040 01:43:33,620 --> 01:43:35,586 You can still bid even after tonight. 2041 01:43:35,689 --> 01:43:37,551 Just go to the website 2042 01:43:37,655 --> 01:43:39,896 and you can also purchase the t-shirt and the hoodie 2043 01:43:40,000 --> 01:43:41,724 and the giant cup. 2044 01:43:41,827 --> 01:43:43,517 We're trying to raise more money than usual, 2045 01:43:43,620 --> 01:43:45,758 'cause this has been an extraordinary year 2046 01:43:45,862 --> 01:43:48,965 where, I don't want to say bad people -- 2047 01:43:49,068 --> 01:43:50,896 I don't think anybody gets up in the morning and says, 2048 01:43:51,000 --> 01:43:53,068 "I think I'll be mean to babies with Aids today." 2049 01:43:53,172 --> 01:43:55,172 Or "I think women with abusive husbands 2050 01:43:55,275 --> 01:43:56,413 can take care of themselves 2051 01:43:56,517 --> 01:43:58,172 without the need of counseling or shelters." 2052 01:43:58,275 --> 01:44:00,413 I think it's just that there's a prevalent 2053 01:44:00,517 --> 01:44:02,655 "that's-not-my-problem" attitude, 2054 01:44:02,758 --> 01:44:05,310 and somebody else should pay for that attitude. 2055 01:44:05,413 --> 01:44:07,172 And we're starting to treat everybody 2056 01:44:07,275 --> 01:44:09,482 as strangers and aliens instead of brothers and sisters. 2057 01:44:09,586 --> 01:44:11,206 And it's not bad people. 2058 01:44:11,310 --> 01:44:12,931 It's just clueless people and weak people. 2059 01:44:13,034 --> 01:44:14,896 And with that, 2060 01:44:15,000 --> 01:44:16,827 I'm going to send us back to the conclusion of "Iced." 2061 01:44:16,931 --> 01:44:19,034 So roll it. 2062 01:44:20,896 --> 01:44:23,068 Top five ski movies, Darcy. 2063 01:44:23,172 --> 01:44:25,068 -"Ski School." 2064 01:44:25,172 --> 01:44:26,344 -You mean "Ski Patrol"? 2065 01:44:26,448 --> 01:44:27,689 The "Police Academy" of ski resorts? 2066 01:44:27,793 --> 01:44:29,275 -No, I mean "Ski School." 2067 01:44:29,379 --> 01:44:31,379 I will also accept "Ski School 2." 2068 01:44:31,482 --> 01:44:33,310 [Laughs] -Okay. 2069 01:44:33,413 --> 01:44:35,379 -"Downhill Racer" with Robert Redford. 2070 01:44:35,482 --> 01:44:37,931 -"Hot Dog...The Movie," baby. -Oh, that's a classic. 2071 01:44:38,034 --> 01:44:39,241 -Yeah it is. 2072 01:44:39,344 --> 01:44:40,517 -What's the one where the three guys 2073 01:44:40,620 --> 01:44:42,965 are trapped on the ski lift? 2074 01:44:43,068 --> 01:44:45,862 -"Frozen." When the trapped dude is Joe Lynch. 2075 01:44:45,965 --> 01:44:46,862 -Really? -Yeah. 2076 01:44:46,965 --> 01:44:48,551 It's an Adam Green movie. 2077 01:44:48,655 --> 01:44:51,000 -Okay, well, that's at least four. 2078 01:44:51,103 --> 01:44:52,965 What great ski movie are we leaving out? 2079 01:44:53,068 --> 01:44:54,689 -Uh, "Downhill"? 2080 01:44:54,793 --> 01:44:56,413 -What's that? "Downhill." 2081 01:44:56,517 --> 01:44:58,344 -The remake of "Downhill Racer" with Will Ferrell. 2082 01:44:58,448 --> 01:44:59,862 -No. No remakes. 2083 01:44:59,965 --> 01:45:00,965 No remakes. 2084 01:45:01,068 --> 01:45:03,172 -"Out Cold." -What's that? 2085 01:45:03,275 --> 01:45:05,724 -Jason London is a snowboarder who saves the mountain 2086 01:45:05,827 --> 01:45:09,034 from a greedy developer played by Lee Majors. 2087 01:45:10,517 --> 01:45:12,896 -"Snowboarding." Does that count as skiing? 2088 01:45:13,000 --> 01:45:14,862 Is that a comedy? 2089 01:45:14,965 --> 01:45:18,206 -I mean, it's no "Hot Dog... The Movie," but I count it. 2090 01:45:19,551 --> 01:45:20,758 -What about "Better Off Dead"? 2091 01:45:20,862 --> 01:45:22,896 How could you miss "Better Off Dead"? 2092 01:45:23,000 --> 01:45:24,689 -"Better Off Dead"? -Yeah. 2093 01:45:24,793 --> 01:45:27,344 The John Cusack thing. -Ohh. 2094 01:45:27,448 --> 01:45:28,793 -I feel like that would have been a better answer 2095 01:45:28,896 --> 01:45:31,413 than whatever that shit was. 2096 01:45:31,517 --> 01:45:33,931 -Really? We left that out. 2097 01:45:35,310 --> 01:45:37,620 GWAR! 2098 01:45:38,724 --> 01:45:41,896 GWAR! 2099 01:45:42,000 --> 01:45:43,862 GWAR stuff. 2100 01:45:43,965 --> 01:45:46,206 We've got GWAR stuff. 2101 01:45:46,310 --> 01:45:49,620 This GWAR comic and this Blu-ray copy of the documentary 2102 01:45:49,724 --> 01:45:51,827 "This Is GWAR" are up for grabs. 2103 01:45:51,931 --> 01:45:55,137 Both signed by the whole crew of Intergalactic Scumdogs. 2104 01:45:55,241 --> 01:45:57,000 GWAR! 2105 01:45:57,103 --> 01:46:00,482 And I'm also selling this lightly-used western shirt 2106 01:46:00,586 --> 01:46:02,379 and these cowboy boots that they recovered 2107 01:46:02,482 --> 01:46:03,931 from Gor-Gor's stomach 2108 01:46:04,034 --> 01:46:06,758 Gore stomach after I got snacked on back at Halloween. 2109 01:46:06,862 --> 01:46:09,000 It's got dino-damage. 2110 01:46:09,103 --> 01:46:10,827 [Dinosaur roars] 2111 01:46:12,620 --> 01:46:14,241 GWAR! 2112 01:46:18,068 --> 01:46:22,034 -Happy holidays from Big Briggs Furniture Outlet and More. 2113 01:46:22,137 --> 01:46:30,517 ♪ 2114 01:46:30,620 --> 01:46:31,793 [Static] 2115 01:46:33,413 --> 01:46:40,413 ♪ 2116 01:46:41,655 --> 01:46:44,206 [Fire crackling] 2117 01:46:54,827 --> 01:47:02,068 ♪ 2118 01:47:02,172 --> 01:47:09,379 ♪ 2119 01:47:09,482 --> 01:47:18,655 ♪ 2120 01:47:18,758 --> 01:47:27,931 ♪ 2121 01:47:28,034 --> 01:47:37,172 ♪ 2122 01:47:37,275 --> 01:47:39,034 -[Sniffles] 2123 01:47:39,137 --> 01:47:44,586 ♪ 2124 01:47:44,689 --> 01:47:50,103 ♪ 2125 01:47:50,206 --> 01:47:55,620 ♪ 2126 01:47:55,724 --> 01:48:01,206 ♪ 2127 01:48:01,310 --> 01:48:06,758 ♪ 2128 01:48:06,862 --> 01:48:12,275 ♪ 2129 01:48:12,379 --> 01:48:17,793 ♪ 2130 01:48:17,896 --> 01:48:23,310 ♪ 2131 01:48:23,413 --> 01:48:24,448 [Clank] 2132 01:48:24,551 --> 01:48:26,068 -[Screaming] 2133 01:48:27,172 --> 01:48:29,206 [Gunshots] 2134 01:48:39,689 --> 01:48:41,413 -[Exhales] 2135 01:48:54,310 --> 01:48:56,862 [Wind blowing] 2136 01:49:01,620 --> 01:49:02,827 Carl. 2137 01:49:07,827 --> 01:49:09,517 Hey, Carl. 2138 01:49:10,448 --> 01:49:11,896 Jeanette? 2139 01:49:14,275 --> 01:49:15,310 Carl? 2140 01:49:15,413 --> 01:49:17,310 Oh, shit. 2141 01:49:23,862 --> 01:49:25,206 Carl! 2142 01:50:26,931 --> 01:50:28,379 [Gasps] 2143 01:50:29,862 --> 01:50:31,275 [Groans] 2144 01:50:31,379 --> 01:50:34,586 ♪ 2145 01:50:34,689 --> 01:50:39,793 ♪ 2146 01:50:39,896 --> 01:50:45,000 ♪ 2147 01:50:45,103 --> 01:50:50,137 ♪ 2148 01:50:50,241 --> 01:50:55,344 ♪ 2149 01:50:55,448 --> 01:50:56,793 -Cory? 2150 01:51:05,137 --> 01:51:06,551 [Click] 2151 01:51:07,275 --> 01:51:09,068 [Click] 2152 01:51:33,413 --> 01:51:37,172 ♪ 2153 01:51:37,275 --> 01:51:38,724 Cory? 2154 01:51:38,827 --> 01:51:46,034 ♪ 2155 01:51:46,137 --> 01:51:52,965 ♪ 2156 01:51:53,068 --> 01:51:55,034 Jeanette? 2157 01:51:55,137 --> 01:51:56,620 Anybody there? 2158 01:51:56,724 --> 01:52:02,241 ♪ 2159 01:52:02,344 --> 01:52:08,275 ♪ 2160 01:52:08,379 --> 01:52:14,310 ♪ 2161 01:52:14,413 --> 01:52:20,379 ♪ 2162 01:52:20,482 --> 01:52:26,413 ♪ 2163 01:52:26,517 --> 01:52:28,000 Cory?! 2164 01:52:32,724 --> 01:52:33,862 Cory! 2165 01:52:33,965 --> 01:52:35,758 [Cory moaning] 2166 01:52:38,310 --> 01:52:39,862 Oh, my God! 2167 01:52:39,965 --> 01:52:47,103 ♪ 2168 01:52:47,206 --> 01:52:48,137 -Get out. 2169 01:52:48,241 --> 01:52:50,172 Get some help. -Oh, my God. 2170 01:52:50,275 --> 01:52:52,379 Who did this to you? 2171 01:52:52,482 --> 01:52:54,689 -Get some help. 2172 01:52:54,793 --> 01:52:56,931 -Yeah, okay. 2173 01:52:57,034 --> 01:53:02,793 ♪ 2174 01:53:02,896 --> 01:53:08,551 ♪ 2175 01:53:08,655 --> 01:53:14,344 ♪ 2176 01:53:14,448 --> 01:53:20,137 ♪ 2177 01:53:20,241 --> 01:53:22,448 Oh, shit, the keys! 2178 01:53:22,551 --> 01:53:25,068 ♪ 2179 01:53:25,172 --> 01:53:32,965 ♪ 2180 01:53:33,068 --> 01:53:35,931 [Screaming] 2181 01:53:36,034 --> 01:53:41,137 ♪ 2182 01:53:41,241 --> 01:53:46,068 ♪ 2183 01:53:46,172 --> 01:53:47,758 Carl! 2184 01:53:47,862 --> 01:53:49,413 Carl! 2185 01:53:49,517 --> 01:53:54,965 ♪ 2186 01:53:55,068 --> 01:54:00,551 ♪ 2187 01:54:00,655 --> 01:54:03,896 [Birds chirping] 2188 01:54:07,931 --> 01:54:13,586 ♪ 2189 01:54:13,689 --> 01:54:19,379 ♪ 2190 01:54:19,482 --> 01:54:25,137 ♪ 2191 01:54:25,241 --> 01:54:30,931 ♪ 2192 01:54:31,034 --> 01:54:36,689 ♪ 2193 01:54:36,793 --> 01:54:42,482 ♪ 2194 01:54:42,586 --> 01:54:48,241 ♪ 2195 01:54:48,344 --> 01:54:54,034 ♪ 2196 01:54:54,137 --> 01:54:59,793 ♪ 2197 01:54:59,896 --> 01:55:05,655 ♪ 2198 01:55:05,758 --> 01:55:07,275 ♪ 2199 01:55:09,172 --> 01:55:18,379 ♪ 2200 01:55:18,482 --> 01:55:25,862 ♪ 2201 01:55:25,965 --> 01:55:33,275 ♪ 2202 01:55:33,379 --> 01:55:41,620 ♪ 2203 01:55:41,724 --> 01:55:43,000 Cory? 2204 01:55:45,758 --> 01:55:47,172 Cory? 2205 01:55:51,310 --> 01:55:52,689 Cory, wake up. 2206 01:55:52,793 --> 01:55:54,206 Cory, wake up. 2207 01:55:54,310 --> 01:56:03,137 ♪ 2208 01:56:03,241 --> 01:56:12,000 ♪ 2209 01:56:12,103 --> 01:56:20,862 ♪ 2210 01:56:20,965 --> 01:56:26,379 ♪ 2211 01:56:27,758 --> 01:56:29,827 [Telephone ringing] 2212 01:56:30,517 --> 01:56:31,448 -Hello? 2213 01:56:31,551 --> 01:56:32,862 -Alex. 2214 01:56:32,965 --> 01:56:34,413 I need help. 2215 01:56:34,517 --> 01:56:36,172 -Trina, is that you? 2216 01:56:36,275 --> 01:56:37,758 -Please come. 2217 01:56:37,862 --> 01:56:39,862 They've all been murdered. 2218 01:56:39,965 --> 01:56:42,068 -Um, hey, stay calm. 2219 01:56:42,172 --> 01:56:43,379 I'll be right there. 2220 01:56:43,482 --> 01:56:45,379 I'll have the police on the way. 2221 01:56:52,068 --> 01:57:00,448 ♪ 2222 01:57:00,551 --> 01:57:08,034 ♪ 2223 01:57:08,137 --> 01:57:09,724 [Dramatic sting] 2224 01:57:09,827 --> 01:57:19,034 ♪ 2225 01:57:19,137 --> 01:57:28,310 ♪ 2226 01:57:28,413 --> 01:57:37,586 ♪ 2227 01:57:37,689 --> 01:57:40,793 ♪ 2228 01:57:40,896 --> 01:57:42,517 -[Grunts] 2229 01:57:42,620 --> 01:57:51,241 ♪ 2230 01:57:51,344 --> 01:57:58,551 ♪ 2231 01:57:58,655 --> 01:58:01,862 -[Screams] 2232 01:58:01,965 --> 01:58:08,241 ♪ 2233 01:58:08,344 --> 01:58:14,655 ♪ 2234 01:58:14,758 --> 01:58:21,034 ♪ 2235 01:58:21,137 --> 01:58:27,413 ♪ 2236 01:58:27,517 --> 01:58:33,827 ♪ 2237 01:58:33,931 --> 01:58:40,206 ♪ 2238 01:58:40,310 --> 01:58:46,586 ♪ 2239 01:58:46,689 --> 01:58:53,068 ♪ 2240 01:58:53,172 --> 01:58:54,620 -Trina? 2241 01:58:55,586 --> 01:58:57,137 -Alex? 2242 01:58:57,241 --> 01:58:58,517 -It's Alex. 2243 01:58:58,620 --> 01:59:00,586 I called the police. Where are you? 2244 01:59:00,689 --> 01:59:04,275 -Alex, he's still here. 2245 01:59:04,379 --> 01:59:05,482 Be careful! 2246 01:59:05,586 --> 01:59:12,965 ♪ 2247 01:59:13,068 --> 01:59:20,827 ♪ 2248 01:59:20,931 --> 01:59:22,344 [Gasps] 2249 01:59:22,448 --> 01:59:28,862 ♪ 2250 01:59:28,965 --> 01:59:35,000 ♪ 2251 01:59:35,103 --> 01:59:41,103 ♪ 2252 01:59:41,206 --> 01:59:47,241 ♪ 2253 01:59:47,344 --> 01:59:53,448 ♪ 2254 01:59:53,551 --> 01:59:59,517 ♪ 2255 01:59:59,620 --> 02:00:05,620 ♪ 2256 02:00:05,724 --> 02:00:11,758 ♪ 2257 02:00:11,862 --> 02:00:17,896 ♪ 2258 02:00:18,000 --> 02:00:20,103 Who are you? Jeff? 2259 02:00:20,206 --> 02:00:22,137 What do you want? 2260 02:00:22,241 --> 02:00:23,586 Who are you? 2261 02:00:28,137 --> 02:00:29,655 Alex! 2262 02:00:29,758 --> 02:00:32,103 -I've saved you for last. 2263 02:00:32,206 --> 02:00:35,689 I knew Jeff would want me to take real good care of you. 2264 02:00:35,793 --> 02:00:38,448 You're gonna be joining him soon. 2265 02:00:38,551 --> 02:00:40,793 -I don't understand. 2266 02:00:40,896 --> 02:00:47,620 -You see, I have you and him to thank for this. 2267 02:00:47,724 --> 02:00:49,275 -Oh! 2268 02:00:49,379 --> 02:00:50,931 -See, Jeff's an old friend of mine. 2269 02:00:51,034 --> 02:00:52,793 We go way back. 2270 02:00:54,241 --> 02:00:57,172 I ran into him that weekend four years ago. 2271 02:00:57,275 --> 02:00:58,931 We had a long talk. 2272 02:00:59,034 --> 02:01:01,172 He told me all about you. 2273 02:01:01,275 --> 02:01:03,344 I tried to help him, but he wouldn't listen. 2274 02:01:03,448 --> 02:01:05,551 You pushed him over the edge! 2275 02:01:05,655 --> 02:01:07,896 I went down the slope and tried to save him. 2276 02:01:08,000 --> 02:01:09,896 You ruined my life. 2277 02:01:10,000 --> 02:01:13,344 I had everything, and you took it away from me. 2278 02:01:13,448 --> 02:01:15,000 And now you must pay. 2279 02:01:15,103 --> 02:01:18,793 I've spent a long time planning on how you would pay. 2280 02:01:22,000 --> 02:01:24,793 -It's not my fault. -Of course it is! 2281 02:01:24,896 --> 02:01:27,172 I could have been a world-class skier, 2282 02:01:27,275 --> 02:01:28,586 a world-class businessman. 2283 02:01:28,689 --> 02:01:30,724 And you took it away from me! 2284 02:01:30,827 --> 02:01:32,965 I became an object of pity. 2285 02:01:33,068 --> 02:01:34,620 Everyone pitied me. 2286 02:01:34,724 --> 02:01:38,862 "Poor Alex, poor amputee." 2287 02:01:38,965 --> 02:01:42,103 My father treated me like I'd died. 2288 02:01:42,206 --> 02:01:45,137 So I found all of you and planned this little party. 2289 02:01:45,241 --> 02:01:47,517 Made my recovery so much easier. 2290 02:01:47,620 --> 02:01:49,793 Well, now the party's over. 2291 02:01:49,896 --> 02:01:58,758 And you're gonna do me one last favor before I kill you, 2292 02:01:58,862 --> 02:02:01,689 just like you killed Jeff, 2293 02:02:01,793 --> 02:02:05,344 just like you killed me. 2294 02:02:05,448 --> 02:02:06,862 -Ah! 2295 02:02:08,413 --> 02:02:09,965 [Gunshot] [Alex groans] 2296 02:02:10,068 --> 02:02:11,758 -[Gasping] 2297 02:02:12,517 --> 02:02:14,068 [Groans] 2298 02:02:14,172 --> 02:02:21,103 ♪ 2299 02:02:21,206 --> 02:02:29,793 ♪ 2300 02:02:29,896 --> 02:02:31,931 ♪ 2301 02:02:32,034 --> 02:02:34,413 [Sentimental music plays] 2302 02:02:34,517 --> 02:02:40,931 ♪ 2303 02:02:41,034 --> 02:02:47,413 ♪ 2304 02:02:47,517 --> 02:02:56,206 ♪ 2305 02:02:56,310 --> 02:03:05,103 ♪ 2306 02:03:05,206 --> 02:03:13,931 ♪ 2307 02:03:14,034 --> 02:03:22,724 ♪ 2308 02:03:22,827 --> 02:03:31,551 ♪ 2309 02:03:31,655 --> 02:03:33,793 ♪ 2310 02:03:33,896 --> 02:03:36,034 [Ominous music plays] 2311 02:03:36,137 --> 02:03:42,413 ♪ 2312 02:03:42,517 --> 02:03:51,793 ♪ 2313 02:03:51,896 --> 02:04:01,034 ♪ 2314 02:04:01,137 --> 02:04:10,172 ♪ 2315 02:04:10,275 --> 02:04:19,379 ♪ 2316 02:04:19,482 --> 02:04:28,551 ♪ 2317 02:04:28,655 --> 02:04:37,724 ♪ 2318 02:04:37,827 --> 02:04:46,896 ♪ 2319 02:04:47,000 --> 02:04:56,034 ♪ 2320 02:04:56,137 --> 02:05:04,206 ♪ 2321 02:05:05,620 --> 02:05:07,482 [Electronic humming] 2322 02:05:09,344 --> 02:05:11,344 [Electronic tone] 2323 02:05:17,758 --> 02:05:19,137 [Static] 2324 02:05:19,241 --> 02:05:21,482 -Well, they don't write them like that anymore, do they? 2325 02:05:21,586 --> 02:05:22,551 [Laughs] 2326 02:05:22,655 --> 02:05:24,103 We should have known the killer had to be 2327 02:05:24,206 --> 02:05:26,137 the timeshare salesman, right? 2328 02:05:26,241 --> 02:05:27,551 That was Joe Johnson, 2329 02:05:27,655 --> 02:05:29,551 the screenwriter and producer playing the killer. 2330 02:05:29,655 --> 02:05:31,862 And let me just check, Darcy, but you tell me 2331 02:05:31,965 --> 02:05:35,206 if I understand the killer's motivation correctly. 2332 02:05:35,310 --> 02:05:36,620 In the first part of the movie, 2333 02:05:36,724 --> 02:05:38,931 he's the guy in the party bar that Jeff is talking to. 2334 02:05:39,034 --> 02:05:41,689 Remember, Jeff is talking about how everybody makes fun of him, 2335 02:05:41,793 --> 02:05:43,137 and nobody is kind, 2336 02:05:43,241 --> 02:05:45,068 and you wonder whether he's just talking to himself. 2337 02:05:45,172 --> 02:05:47,724 Or maybe there's somebody on the other side of the table. 2338 02:05:47,827 --> 02:05:50,137 Well, there is somebody on the other side of the table, 2339 02:05:50,241 --> 02:05:53,448 and it's Alex, the timeshare hawker. 2340 02:05:53,551 --> 02:05:57,275 And so, right before Alex attempts to rape Trina 2341 02:05:57,379 --> 02:05:58,655 at the end of the movie, 2342 02:05:58,758 --> 02:06:03,551 he decides to share his motivation with Trina. 2343 02:06:03,655 --> 02:06:05,724 And his motivation is that he was trying 2344 02:06:05,827 --> 02:06:08,137 to save Jeff's life that night, 2345 02:06:08,241 --> 02:06:10,482 that he hit his head on the rocks. 2346 02:06:10,586 --> 02:06:11,758 And in the process of doing that, 2347 02:06:11,862 --> 02:06:13,827 he lost a leg, 2348 02:06:13,931 --> 02:06:16,482 and that ruined his chances of being a championship skier 2349 02:06:16,586 --> 02:06:18,965 and a wealthy businessman. 2350 02:06:19,068 --> 02:06:22,551 Plus, quote, "My father treated me like I had died," 2351 02:06:22,655 --> 02:06:25,172 and so he saved all Jeff's ski equipment 2352 02:06:25,275 --> 02:06:27,172 and those cockeyed goggles 2353 02:06:27,275 --> 02:06:29,655 so he could stalk and kill everybody who made fun of Jeff 2354 02:06:29,758 --> 02:06:30,931 when he tried to date Trina. 2355 02:06:31,034 --> 02:06:32,655 Does that sum it up? 2356 02:06:32,758 --> 02:06:34,068 -I think you nailed it. 2357 02:06:34,172 --> 02:06:35,758 [Laughter] 2358 02:06:35,862 --> 02:06:37,344 -What did you think of the movie? 2359 02:06:37,448 --> 02:06:39,241 -Oh, my. 2360 02:06:39,344 --> 02:06:44,344 It's not a "good movie," per se, but it's fun. 2361 02:06:44,448 --> 02:06:47,620 Which, as we know, counts a lot for me. 2362 02:06:47,724 --> 02:06:49,827 I love the cozy winter atmosphere, 2363 02:06:49,931 --> 02:06:52,724 the nudity is amazing -- go Wednesday. 2364 02:06:52,827 --> 02:06:54,827 And you gotta dig that insane ending. 2365 02:06:54,931 --> 02:06:56,241 Four stars. 2366 02:06:56,344 --> 02:06:57,655 -Four stars? -Four stars. 2367 02:06:57,758 --> 02:06:59,344 -Oh, yeah. -It's Christmas. 2368 02:06:59,448 --> 02:07:01,724 -You know, I failed to mention the Alex jumping 2369 02:07:01,827 --> 02:07:03,689 out of the snowman freeze frame. 2370 02:07:03,793 --> 02:07:05,586 -How can you not mention that? 2371 02:07:05,689 --> 02:07:08,758 -Presumably to attack the children of Cory and Trina? 2372 02:07:08,862 --> 02:07:10,655 And when Trina runs through the snow 2373 02:07:10,758 --> 02:07:12,655 wearing that short white coat and the snow boots 2374 02:07:12,758 --> 02:07:15,655 and nothing else, you know, that's kind of awesome. 2375 02:07:15,758 --> 02:07:17,241 -She took one for the team. 2376 02:07:17,344 --> 02:07:19,413 -Also, Alex must live really close 2377 02:07:19,517 --> 02:07:21,172 to the rental property, right? 2378 02:07:21,275 --> 02:07:23,862 Because he does all his killing and stabbing, 2379 02:07:23,965 --> 02:07:26,068 and then he has time to go home and go to sleep 2380 02:07:26,172 --> 02:07:28,965 and be awakened by Trina's panicked phone call 2381 02:07:29,068 --> 02:07:31,965 when she discovers the killing and the stabbing. 2382 02:07:32,068 --> 02:07:35,655 Because what would you do if you found dead bodies everywhere? 2383 02:07:35,758 --> 02:07:38,655 Call the police? No, she's absolutely right. 2384 02:07:38,758 --> 02:07:40,310 Call the timeshare guy. 2385 02:07:40,413 --> 02:07:42,103 He's going to know what to do. 2386 02:07:42,206 --> 02:07:43,896 -Of course he is. 2387 02:07:44,000 --> 02:07:47,551 -So -- So "Iced" went straight to video. 2388 02:07:47,655 --> 02:07:49,310 No theatrical release at all. 2389 02:07:49,413 --> 02:07:50,586 -What? 2390 02:07:50,689 --> 02:07:52,724 [Laughter] 2391 02:07:52,827 --> 02:07:56,896 -It's based on other stuff coming out at the time. 2392 02:07:57,000 --> 02:07:59,275 That seems a little unfair, actually. 2393 02:07:59,379 --> 02:08:02,758 But it was a big disappointment for Jeff Kwitny and Joe Johnson. 2394 02:08:02,862 --> 02:08:04,310 Kwitny would make two more movies, 2395 02:08:04,413 --> 02:08:05,965 and then he would have a second career 2396 02:08:06,068 --> 02:08:08,103 writing children's animated TV shows. 2397 02:08:08,206 --> 02:08:11,448 He got an Emmy for the series "Animaniacs" on the WB network. 2398 02:08:11,551 --> 02:08:12,931 -Yeah. Fuck yeah. 2399 02:08:13,034 --> 02:08:14,517 -But eventually he decided he didn't want to play 2400 02:08:14,620 --> 02:08:16,241 the Hollywood game anymore, 2401 02:08:16,344 --> 02:08:18,448 and he became a very popular English teacher 2402 02:08:18,551 --> 02:08:21,586 at Harvard-Westlake, the prestigious prep school in L.A., 2403 02:08:21,689 --> 02:08:25,103 where they filmed the daytime scenes in "Angel," 2404 02:08:25,206 --> 02:08:27,172 Don't know if you remember that. -Of course. 2405 02:08:27,275 --> 02:08:28,482 -[Coughs] 2406 02:08:28,586 --> 02:08:31,448 So Kwitney taught there for 18 years, 2407 02:08:31,551 --> 02:08:34,862 and he retired in 2018 to write novels. 2408 02:08:34,965 --> 02:08:37,068 Okay. Take it away, Darcy. 2409 02:08:37,172 --> 02:08:39,103 -Oh, yes. -While I cough again. 2410 02:08:39,206 --> 02:08:41,965 [Coughing] 2411 02:08:42,068 --> 02:08:44,068 I got your attention? Good. 2412 02:08:44,172 --> 02:08:46,103 This is the last time I'm going to say it. 2413 02:08:46,206 --> 02:08:48,206 You want exclusive Fright Rags merch? 2414 02:08:48,310 --> 02:08:49,724 Tonight is the gall darn night. 2415 02:08:49,827 --> 02:08:51,137 For donating 50 bucks, 2416 02:08:51,241 --> 02:08:53,413 you get a Cold Cruel Christmas t-shirt 2417 02:08:53,517 --> 02:08:55,034 only available through this offer. 2418 02:08:55,137 --> 02:08:56,310 Amazing! 2419 02:08:56,413 --> 02:08:58,172 For donating 100 bucks, 2420 02:08:58,275 --> 02:09:00,689 you get the t-shirt and this sick, nasty hoodie. 2421 02:09:00,793 --> 02:09:02,172 Tremendous! 2422 02:09:02,275 --> 02:09:04,000 And if you find it in your holiday heart 2423 02:09:04,103 --> 02:09:05,931 to donate 150 bucks, 2424 02:09:06,034 --> 02:09:10,206 you'll get all that in this big ass 64 ounce cup. 2425 02:09:10,310 --> 02:09:11,413 Wow! 2426 02:09:11,517 --> 02:09:13,586 Yes, sir. The biggest one ever made. 2427 02:09:13,689 --> 02:09:16,758 Cup so handsome that you'll want your ashes interned in it. 2428 02:09:16,862 --> 02:09:19,827 And you will fit two half a damn gallon. 2429 02:09:19,931 --> 02:09:21,931 Go to coldcruelchristmas.com 2430 02:09:22,034 --> 02:09:25,793 to order these exclusive items or bid in the auction. 2431 02:09:29,344 --> 02:09:31,310 -Okay, so, 2432 02:09:31,413 --> 02:09:35,000 I was looking for something Christmassy in the mailbag, 2433 02:09:35,103 --> 02:09:38,724 and I found this letter from a Christian 2434 02:09:38,827 --> 02:09:40,758 who wants to discuss the fact 2435 02:09:40,862 --> 02:09:44,241 that his parents tried to warn him to stay away from you. 2436 02:09:44,344 --> 02:09:46,517 -A Christian who wants to warn... 2437 02:09:46,620 --> 02:09:48,206 -His parents. -His parents warned him. 2438 02:09:48,310 --> 02:09:50,068 -To stay away from you... -Oh, my God. 2439 02:09:50,172 --> 02:09:51,896 -...as a Christian. -Okay. 2440 02:09:52,000 --> 02:09:53,793 Merry Christmas. -Who is it? 2441 02:09:53,896 --> 02:09:55,931 -Um, Ben Cyrus, I believe. 2442 02:09:56,034 --> 02:09:58,827 Of Benton, Kentucky. -Interesting. Okay. 2443 02:09:58,931 --> 02:10:01,448 "Dear Joe Bob and Darcy, I write this letter in humility. 2444 02:10:01,551 --> 02:10:03,137 I know you get tons of fan mail, 2445 02:10:03,241 --> 02:10:05,172 and this is just a drop in the bucket, 2446 02:10:05,275 --> 02:10:08,517 but I wanted to share my story in hopes it brightens your day. 2447 02:10:08,620 --> 02:10:12,068 I was raised in a strict reformed household. 2448 02:10:12,172 --> 02:10:14,379 Fierce Calvinist, guys. 2449 02:10:14,482 --> 02:10:17,551 That should hit home with "Carrie" fans. 2450 02:10:17,655 --> 02:10:19,689 [Laughter] 2451 02:10:19,793 --> 02:10:22,620 As quiet rebellion against the legalism, 2452 02:10:22,724 --> 02:10:24,517 I downloaded Shudder during COVID 2453 02:10:24,620 --> 02:10:26,413 and started watching "The Last Drive-In." 2454 02:10:26,517 --> 02:10:28,862 I was a high school sophomore and for the first time, 2455 02:10:28,965 --> 02:10:31,758 no one could tell me what I could and couldn't watch. 2456 02:10:31,862 --> 02:10:33,896 You were both instantly cool to me. 2457 02:10:34,000 --> 02:10:35,413 -Yay! -Watching the show felt like 2458 02:10:35,517 --> 02:10:37,137 hanging out with my two zany, 2459 02:10:37,241 --> 02:10:38,862 movie-loving friends. 2460 02:10:38,965 --> 02:10:41,103 I'd previously been into arthouse films. 2461 02:10:41,206 --> 02:10:46,517 But you certainly tore the veil between art and trash. 2462 02:10:46,620 --> 02:10:49,310 I saw that a movie could be anything a filmmaker wanted. 2463 02:10:49,413 --> 02:10:52,172 For half a decade, your show was a beacon of hope to me 2464 02:10:52,275 --> 02:10:56,517 in a cinematic landscape of low-effort reboots 2465 02:10:56,620 --> 02:10:58,275 and soulless blockbusters." 2466 02:10:58,379 --> 02:11:03,620 Now here's the "Sleepaway Camp" level plot twist. 2467 02:11:03,724 --> 02:11:06,172 "I recently became a born-again Christian 2468 02:11:06,275 --> 02:11:09,655 and now identify as a five-point Calvinist." 2469 02:11:11,206 --> 02:11:13,827 Okay, I'm confused already by this letter. 2470 02:11:13,931 --> 02:11:16,586 -I am too. What is a five-point Calvinist? 2471 02:11:16,689 --> 02:11:18,793 -That's somebody who believes there's no free will. 2472 02:11:18,896 --> 02:11:20,931 There's just the elect and the non-elect 2473 02:11:21,034 --> 02:11:22,586 and the saved and the unsaved. 2474 02:11:22,689 --> 02:11:24,482 And there's -- there's five doctrines. 2475 02:11:24,586 --> 02:11:25,896 I don't -- I don't remember what they are. 2476 02:11:26,000 --> 02:11:28,068 -Okay, but didn't he say he was raised that way? 2477 02:11:28,172 --> 02:11:29,965 -Yes, he did, but maybe we screwed him up, you know. 2478 02:11:30,068 --> 02:11:31,724 And then he had to-- 2479 02:11:31,827 --> 02:11:33,620 -Get reborn. -You know. 2480 02:11:33,724 --> 02:11:35,517 -Alright. -Okay. 2481 02:11:35,620 --> 02:11:38,172 -"I would love to respectfully debate you sometime. 2482 02:11:38,275 --> 02:11:42,103 I'm sure you've got plenty of smart counterpoints." 2483 02:11:42,206 --> 02:11:43,724 I don't have any smart counterpoints 2484 02:11:43,827 --> 02:11:46,551 to 16th century French theologians, no. 2485 02:11:46,655 --> 02:11:48,482 "Some films I used to love 2486 02:11:48,586 --> 02:11:50,241 I now approach more cautiously. 2487 02:11:50,344 --> 02:11:51,827 But I want you both to know this. 2488 02:11:51,931 --> 02:11:54,448 I love you and the show more than ever. 2489 02:11:54,551 --> 02:11:55,827 Too many Christians in the Bible Belt 2490 02:11:55,931 --> 02:11:57,896 are so afraid of worldly things, 2491 02:11:58,000 --> 02:12:00,413 they forget we're called to be salt and light to our neighbor, 2492 02:12:00,517 --> 02:12:04,551 even if our neighbor critiques West German sex comedies. 2493 02:12:04,655 --> 02:12:06,793 I'm still cheering you on 2494 02:12:06,896 --> 02:12:09,896 even as my parents tried to discourage me 2495 02:12:10,000 --> 02:12:11,965 from coming to your Nashville show tonight. 2496 02:12:12,068 --> 02:12:14,689 I guess he wrote this right after my show at, uh, 2497 02:12:14,793 --> 02:12:18,551 we did a show at Chiefs on Broadway in Nashville back in -- 2498 02:12:18,655 --> 02:12:20,241 When was that? July? -July. 2499 02:12:20,344 --> 02:12:23,482 -Alright, "You have both done so much for film lovers like me, 2500 02:12:23,586 --> 02:12:25,344 and I respect both of you. 2501 02:12:25,448 --> 02:12:28,482 Endlessly praying God's will for both of your lives 2502 02:12:28,586 --> 02:12:30,241 and wishing you both the absolute best. 2503 02:12:30,344 --> 02:12:34,103 Love you all, signed a Calvinist drive-in mutant, 2504 02:12:34,206 --> 02:12:36,827 Ben Cyrus. Benton, Kentucky. 2505 02:12:36,931 --> 02:12:39,206 The drive in will never die. 2506 02:12:39,310 --> 02:12:41,482 P.S. if you ever write back, 2507 02:12:41,586 --> 02:12:45,379 I'll frame it like a Baptist frames Jeremiah 29:11." 2508 02:12:46,689 --> 02:12:48,931 Would mean the world. [Laughter] 2509 02:12:49,034 --> 02:12:50,482 Dang. 2510 02:12:50,586 --> 02:12:53,448 Well, Ben, if you went to that Nashville show, 2511 02:12:53,551 --> 02:12:56,206 you already heard me talk about redneck religion, 2512 02:12:56,310 --> 02:12:59,586 so I don't know what we'd have to debate about. 2513 02:12:59,689 --> 02:13:01,310 -What was that Jeremiah thing about? 2514 02:13:01,413 --> 02:13:03,137 -I've heard of that. 2515 02:13:03,241 --> 02:13:05,103 But that's a verse they use about God promising 2516 02:13:05,206 --> 02:13:06,275 that things are going to get better. 2517 02:13:06,379 --> 02:13:07,931 He's got a plan. 2518 02:13:08,034 --> 02:13:10,344 Don't give up. Inspirational verse. 2519 02:13:10,448 --> 02:13:12,862 So you don't dwell on the depressing verses. 2520 02:13:12,965 --> 02:13:16,793 Anyway, I've gotten the same comment from a lot of people. 2521 02:13:16,896 --> 02:13:20,206 "Love you, Joe Bob, but I don't approve of the movies you show." 2522 02:13:20,310 --> 02:13:23,068 And so I'm going to say this one time and one time only. 2523 02:13:23,172 --> 02:13:24,793 Christmas is the only holiday 2524 02:13:24,896 --> 02:13:26,448 where I allow people to quote scripture, 2525 02:13:26,551 --> 02:13:28,068 and allow myself to quote scripture. 2526 02:13:28,172 --> 02:13:30,103 So it's Jesus's birthday. 2527 02:13:30,206 --> 02:13:32,137 And here's what Jesus says about this. 2528 02:13:32,241 --> 02:13:34,758 In the book of Mark, it's actually in the Bible in three or four places, 2529 02:13:34,862 --> 02:13:36,758 and I'm going to use the King James Version, 2530 02:13:36,862 --> 02:13:38,448 because if I don't use the King James Version, 2531 02:13:38,551 --> 02:13:40,896 people will say, I'm distorting the Bible. 2532 02:13:42,034 --> 02:13:43,896 "There is nothing from without a man 2533 02:13:44,000 --> 02:13:47,137 that entering into him can defile him. 2534 02:13:47,241 --> 02:13:49,241 But the things which come out of him, 2535 02:13:49,344 --> 02:13:51,482 those are they that defile the man." 2536 02:13:51,586 --> 02:13:53,758 Easier way to say it is, it's not what you consume, 2537 02:13:53,862 --> 02:13:55,379 it's what comes out of you. 2538 02:13:55,482 --> 02:13:56,655 End of debate. 2539 02:13:56,758 --> 02:13:58,482 So God bless all our Christian friends. 2540 02:13:58,586 --> 02:14:00,034 God bless all our Muslim friends. 2541 02:14:00,137 --> 02:14:02,275 God bless all our Jewish friends. 2542 02:14:02,379 --> 02:14:04,275 And uh, by the way, 2543 02:14:04,379 --> 02:14:05,758 earlier I was talking about how Joseph was an observant Jew. 2544 02:14:05,862 --> 02:14:07,241 So he always gave to the poor 2545 02:14:07,344 --> 02:14:08,931 and the stranger and the outcasts. 2546 02:14:09,034 --> 02:14:11,344 But that same commandment is in Islam, 2547 02:14:11,448 --> 02:14:15,103 in the form of the zakat, one of the five pillars of Islam. 2548 02:14:15,206 --> 02:14:17,172 And the Quran actually goes into a list 2549 02:14:17,275 --> 02:14:19,034 of who you're supposed to help -- the needy, 2550 02:14:19,137 --> 02:14:21,517 the stranded, the traveler, people who are in debt, 2551 02:14:21,620 --> 02:14:23,413 people who are hungry. 2552 02:14:23,517 --> 02:14:24,931 So this is not a Christian thing. 2553 02:14:25,034 --> 02:14:26,068 It doesn't belong to any one religion. 2554 02:14:26,172 --> 02:14:27,413 It's universal. 2555 02:14:27,517 --> 02:14:28,862 There's something about recognizing the needs 2556 02:14:28,965 --> 02:14:31,034 of other people that's just basic. 2557 02:14:31,137 --> 02:14:32,896 Okay. Merry Christmas, everybody. 2558 02:14:33,000 --> 02:14:34,689 From me and from Darcy, the mail girl, 2559 02:14:34,793 --> 02:14:36,206 reminding you that Netflix 2560 02:14:36,310 --> 02:14:37,931 will always help you finish spelling the name 2561 02:14:38,034 --> 02:14:39,482 of the movie that you're looking for 2562 02:14:39,586 --> 02:14:41,827 in order to tell you that they don't have it. 2563 02:14:41,931 --> 02:14:44,896 And the drive-in will never die. 2564 02:14:46,000 --> 02:14:47,896 If you have one snowball in your left hand 2565 02:14:48,000 --> 02:14:50,827 and one snowball in your right hand, what do you have? 2566 02:14:52,241 --> 02:14:54,000 Frosty's full attention. 2567 02:14:54,103 --> 02:14:56,310 [Laughter] 2568 02:14:58,137 --> 02:15:01,620 What does Santa call reindeer that can't fly? 2569 02:15:01,724 --> 02:15:02,931 Dinner? 2570 02:15:03,034 --> 02:15:05,103 -No. 2571 02:15:06,827 --> 02:15:09,827 -Why did Mrs. Claus divorce Santa? 2572 02:15:11,103 --> 02:15:13,206 She couldn't cope with all the "ho's". 2573 02:15:14,551 --> 02:15:15,896 Alright, alright, alright. 2574 02:15:16,000 --> 02:15:18,344 Real joke, real joke. 2575 02:15:18,448 --> 02:15:20,137 Rich man and a poor man are talking. 2576 02:15:20,241 --> 02:15:21,793 Poor man asks the rich man, 2577 02:15:21,896 --> 02:15:23,827 "What'd you get your wife for Christmas?" 2578 02:15:23,931 --> 02:15:27,172 The rich man says, "I got her a diamond ring and a Mercedes." 2579 02:15:27,275 --> 02:15:29,000 And the poor man says, "Why both?" 2580 02:15:29,103 --> 02:15:31,758 And the rich man says, "Well, if she doesn't like the ring, 2581 02:15:31,862 --> 02:15:33,482 she can return it in the Mercedes 2582 02:15:33,586 --> 02:15:36,275 and she'll still be happy." 2583 02:15:36,379 --> 02:15:37,620 And so the rich man says to the poor man, 2584 02:15:37,724 --> 02:15:39,482 "So what did you get your wife for Christmas?" 2585 02:15:39,586 --> 02:15:41,758 The poor man says, "Slippers and a dildo." 2586 02:15:41,862 --> 02:15:43,689 The rich man says, "Why both?" 2587 02:15:43,793 --> 02:15:45,068 The poor man says if she doesn't like the slippers, 2588 02:15:45,172 --> 02:15:47,137 she can go fuck herself. 2589 02:15:47,241 --> 02:15:49,310 [Laughter] 2590 02:15:49,413 --> 02:15:51,172 -Merry Christmas. 2591 02:15:52,586 --> 02:15:55,965 -Merry Christmas! 2592 02:15:58,034 --> 02:16:04,793 ♪ 2593 02:16:04,896 --> 02:16:13,137 ♪ 2594 02:16:13,241 --> 02:16:21,517 ♪ 2595 02:16:21,620 --> 02:16:29,896 ♪ 2596 02:16:30,000 --> 02:16:38,275 ♪ 2597 02:16:38,379 --> 02:16:46,655 ♪ 2598 02:16:46,758 --> 02:16:55,034 ♪ 2599 02:16:55,137 --> 02:16:59,034 ♪ 2600 02:17:03,551 --> 02:17:06,517 -Made in Georgia. 181930