Original subtitles

Hello there, my fellow Americans.

I come to you today because your freedoms, our freedoms, are being

right now as we speak.

They want to take away your right to goon and edge all day long.

That is why I need you to vote for me. Under my universal health care plan, all

lube, SPD testing, and contraceptive will be free and available to any of

who desire because...

What's more American than a cream pie?

I've met with all of my constituents and I've heard some very shocking things.

They say out there that people are eating the cats and the dogs. The only

that should be eaten is this one right here.

So, see what blue can do for you, and vote Jules Blue.

I can't have a debate without me here. What

is this?

You're having a rally?

Excuse me, I think you're at the wrong rally. I think you meant to go to the

smaller one down the street.

We're going to set some things straight about what you've been saying.

Ah, women, right?

Let me get one thing straight here for the American people. We're going to take

away the gooning, the edging, the lube, get back to the dry stroking, the fit

and elbow grease like we used to back in the day, because pleasure doesn't come

without a price.

Absurd. We do not want to have a cum tax in my America.

No cum taxing allowed.

The government wants to take away your right to cum.

No, no, no, no. We don't want to take away your right. We just want to earn a

little bit of profit on it. If you want to come, it's going to be on the

government's time. We're going to get back to harder time, harder people.

We're going to make it mandatory for sex to be a missionary.

And no more masturbation. No more jerking your chicken.

No more polishing your sword.

No more blowing your chowder musket.

None of it. I can tell you what going blue and voting blue can do for me.

Get back in the kitchen and make me a sandwich.

Here you go.

Blueberry. The best berry.

But I'll tell you the real reason why y 'all are leading in the polls.

It's because of her big, beautiful,

honking...

Delicious.

Melon.

My record speaks for itself.

Then that is exactly what I am talking about, America. We can't let us be

overtaken with seduction.

I'll take the floor now.

You want to see what real seduction is?

I'll show you.

And I'll give you the vote too.

Thank you.

Fuck yes.

Oh

my

goodness.

That's fucking great.

It's getting warm in here.

I'm willing to get on my knees. It's our country.

You're still going to have to do a lot more to earn my vote.

Mm -hmm.

um oh

Where do you want to start then?

Thank you.

say the water the better

Yes. Yes,

yes, yes, yes.

Oh my god, that's fucking great. You fucking, fucking, yes, yes, yes. Right

there, right there.

Oh my god. Yes.

Oh my god.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Oh my god.

Oh my god, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

I think we need to go into my office.

Come here.

Yes.

Oh, my

God. Yes.

Fuck. That's what freedom tastes like.

Oh, fuck yes, right there.

Right there.

Oh, fuck yes.

Yes. Yes.

Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

I don't...

Not, not.

Thank you.

I don't

know.

Mm -hmm.

Oh, fuck.

Oh,

fuck.

Oh, my God.

Fuck yeah.

Yes.

Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes.

Oh my god.

Fuck.

Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes. That's fucking right.

He's my fucking pussy.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, fuck.

Fuck.

Oh, you better fucking vote for me.

Yeah.

Come on, come on.

Yes,

yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Oh fuck.

Oh my god, yes.

Oh my god,

yes.

Yeah, right there, right there, right there.

Oh, fuck.

Oh,

yes. Oh, just like that.

Oh, please don't kill me.

Oh, that's right.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, my gosh.

Oh, fuck.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, oh my God.

Oh, fuck, yeah.

Uh -huh. Uh -huh. Uh -huh.

Yes. Nice.

Nice. Nice.

Right there. Yes. That's fucking right.

That's fucking right. That's fucking right.

Oh my god. Right there.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, oh my god, yes, oh,

oh, uh -huh, uh -huh, uh -huh, yes,

yes, that's fucking right, that's fucking right, that's fucking right,

fucking right.

Please. Please.

Oh, it's so bad.

Oh, it's so fucking bad. Please.

Oh, please.

That's fucking right.

That's fucking right.

That's fucking right.

Oh, we're still live

Well then, on that note, after much delegating and, you know,

working out the differences between us, I've decided and come to the conclusion

that I was incorrect with my wanting to ban all

forms of masturbation, such as blowing the chowder musket,

polishing...

the pearl, jerking the snake, churning the butter,

milking the cow, whacking the weasel, spanking the monkey, charming the

spitting cobra.

Just all forms. And absolutely go out, goon, edge,

be the nastiest freak you can be.

Find somebody.

that matches that energy and just have a great time.

And here's my pin for going and voting for Blue.