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1
00:00:02,160 --> 00:00:03,959
Oh, hi, Sally.
2
00:00:03,960 --> 00:00:05,120
It's Mary.
3
00:00:07,680 --> 00:00:09,799
Well, actually, I was wondering
4
00:00:09,800 --> 00:00:13,719
whether we should take the Brownies
somewhere else this weekend.
5
00:00:13,720 --> 00:00:15,599
Oh, no reason.
6
00:00:15,600 --> 00:00:18,559
No, nothing to do with work.
7
00:00:18,560 --> 00:00:21,119
Oh, gosh. Um...
8
00:00:21,120 --> 00:00:23,720
Well... anywhere, really.
9
00:00:29,000 --> 00:00:30,680
Shetland?
10
00:00:37,720 --> 00:00:39,280
(SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)
11
00:00:42,560 --> 00:00:46,600
And in short, that's why I have
to sleep completely naked.
12
00:00:48,120 --> 00:00:49,319
Well, that's good to know.
13
00:00:49,320 --> 00:00:52,679
OK. So just to remind everyone,
we're still on Amber Alert,
14
00:00:52,680 --> 00:00:55,119
following the poison water attacks
that took place in Paris
15
00:00:55,120 --> 00:00:56,199
over the weekend.
16
00:00:56,200 --> 00:00:57,200
How far is Paris?
17
00:00:57,201 --> 00:00:59,159
Aside from Paris,
what else is going on, Joseph?
18
00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:00,879
Do we have a systems update?
19
00:01:00,880 --> 00:01:02,479
Yes. Not great, I'm afraid.
20
00:01:02,480 --> 00:01:04,399
Tuva's already looking into
who might be behind it,
21
00:01:04,400 --> 00:01:06,679
but we had an attack on one of
our own servers last night.
22
00:01:06,680 --> 00:01:08,399
Oh, fucking tense.
I know.
23
00:01:08,400 --> 00:01:10,239
When exactly did it happen?
There you go.
24
00:01:10,240 --> 00:01:11,799
(SIREN WHOOPS)
No!
25
00:01:11,800 --> 00:01:14,679
WOMAN: (OVER PA) Attention,
please. This is a test.
26
00:01:14,680 --> 00:01:16,879
Please take no action.
27
00:01:16,880 --> 00:01:18,679
What on earth are you doing?
28
00:01:18,680 --> 00:01:20,079
Sorry,
29
00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:23,239
I still get PTSD from my time
in Afghanistan.
30
00:01:23,240 --> 00:01:24,879
You never served in Afghanistan.
31
00:01:24,880 --> 00:01:28,119
No, I know, but the drone footage
I saw was very realistic.
32
00:01:28,120 --> 00:01:30,319
How much data was compromised?
33
00:01:30,320 --> 00:01:32,159
Mostly odds and sods, really. Uh...
34
00:01:32,160 --> 00:01:34,079
Mostly dates from the middle server.
35
00:01:34,080 --> 00:01:35,559
But they did manage
to capture a tiny bit
36
00:01:35,560 --> 00:01:37,199
of Mary's internet
browsing history.
37
00:01:37,200 --> 00:01:38,399
Oh, no.
38
00:01:38,400 --> 00:01:40,279
Please tell me
none of that was sensitive.
39
00:01:40,280 --> 00:01:45,879
No. Apart from I have been
looking online for a new bra.
40
00:01:45,880 --> 00:01:47,319
Really? What type?
41
00:01:47,320 --> 00:01:48,559
Just a brown one.
42
00:01:48,560 --> 00:01:49,839
Yeah, baby.
43
00:01:49,840 --> 00:01:53,040
Found him. This is our hacker.
44
00:01:58,680 --> 00:01:59,959
Fuck me.
Oh, my God.
45
00:01:59,960 --> 00:02:01,039
Gosh, what a dish.
46
00:02:01,040 --> 00:02:04,239
Sorry. Jerry, do you mind
using less bad language?
47
00:02:04,240 --> 00:02:05,959
Seriously?
48
00:02:05,960 --> 00:02:08,719
Shit's fine, though, isn't it?
I say shit all the time.
49
00:02:08,720 --> 00:02:11,399
No, you just talk shit.
There's a difference. Ooh!
50
00:02:11,400 --> 00:02:13,919
Oh, yeah!
(BOTH LAUGH)
51
00:02:13,920 --> 00:02:15,759
You have to let go.
Sorry.
52
00:02:15,760 --> 00:02:18,759
This guy is good.
He once hacked the NSA database.
53
00:02:18,760 --> 00:02:20,320
The NSA database, really?
54
00:02:21,800 --> 00:02:23,999
You know, maybe... maybe we should
bring this guy in
55
00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:25,159
make him part of the team.
56
00:02:25,160 --> 00:02:26,879
Absolutely not.
I'm serious.
57
00:02:26,880 --> 00:02:29,519
I mean, Tuva used to be a hacker.
Right?
58
00:02:29,520 --> 00:02:32,559
I don't know if I appreciate
the term 'hacker'
59
00:02:32,560 --> 00:02:34,079
because I'm also a singer.
60
00:02:34,080 --> 00:02:36,519
The only reason Tuva is here
61
00:02:36,520 --> 00:02:38,719
is because she made a bargaining
plea with the government
62
00:02:38,720 --> 00:02:41,919
in exchange for some
highly sensitive intel.
63
00:02:41,920 --> 00:02:44,359
Please don't say...
It was about the Brexit campaign.
64
00:02:44,360 --> 00:02:46,199
..what that was about.
65
00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:49,079
My point is, we should keep
our enemies close.
66
00:02:49,080 --> 00:02:50,479
Surely we can agree on that.
67
00:02:50,480 --> 00:02:52,959
Look, give me 48 hours with him.
68
00:02:52,960 --> 00:02:55,520
If it doesn't work out,
I'm willing to take the hit on this.
69
00:02:56,800 --> 00:02:58,199
Fine.
70
00:02:58,200 --> 00:02:59,639
Really?
Why not?
71
00:02:59,640 --> 00:03:01,400
I have complete faith in you.
72
00:03:02,840 --> 00:03:04,039
Oh.
73
00:03:04,040 --> 00:03:06,759
Looks like I'm finally
rubbing you off.
74
00:03:06,760 --> 00:03:08,359
On me.
75
00:03:08,360 --> 00:03:10,399
Finally...
Rubbing off on you.
76
00:03:10,400 --> 00:03:11,599
Rubbing...
Rubbing off on you.
77
00:03:11,600 --> 00:03:13,079
And finally...
78
00:03:13,080 --> 00:03:14,879
Yes. Yes, that's it.
Rubbing...
79
00:03:14,880 --> 00:03:16,359
Rubbing...
You're rubbing off on me.
80
00:03:16,360 --> 00:03:17,760
You wish.
81
00:03:19,080 --> 00:03:20,199
One final thing.
82
00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:22,479
Barnaby Bailer will be delivering
his seminar
83
00:03:22,480 --> 00:03:24,759
on the politics of cybersecurity
this week,
84
00:03:24,760 --> 00:03:26,239
to which you're all invited.
85
00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:28,399
Bailer? The Middle East attache?
86
00:03:28,400 --> 00:03:29,519
I love that guy.
87
00:03:29,520 --> 00:03:32,399
He and I used to make these, um,
these cupcakes together
88
00:03:32,400 --> 00:03:33,800
when he was over for 9/11.
89
00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:37,439
Who's running his protection detail?
90
00:03:37,440 --> 00:03:39,679
'Cause last time got pretty rowdy.
91
00:03:39,680 --> 00:03:42,919
I'm sure his people are on it, given
his somewhat contentious legacy.
92
00:03:42,920 --> 00:03:45,159
Well, I'll pop down there,
just to be sure.
93
00:03:45,160 --> 00:03:47,519
Know what I'm saying?
I can't hear you.
94
00:03:47,520 --> 00:03:50,679
Um... Just in case
it should come up...
95
00:03:50,680 --> 00:03:53,639
I actually used to date
Barnaby Bailer.
96
00:03:53,640 --> 00:03:55,559
What the fuck?
Jerry, please.
97
00:03:55,560 --> 00:03:57,759
When we were in university together.
98
00:03:57,760 --> 00:04:00,079
I don't suspect he'll remember me,
though.
99
00:04:00,080 --> 00:04:02,039
It was all, you know, very brief.
100
00:04:02,040 --> 00:04:05,599
What? Like in a premature ejaculation
kind of way?
101
00:04:05,600 --> 00:04:08,119
Sorry, I... really didn't know
what that is.
102
00:04:08,120 --> 00:04:09,599
Well, I'm sure Joseph can show you.
103
00:04:09,600 --> 00:04:11,439
Oh!
(LAUGHS)
104
00:04:11,440 --> 00:04:12,600
Yeah!
105
00:04:14,280 --> 00:04:15,640
Why, what is it?
106
00:04:17,320 --> 00:04:18,399
Jerry? What is it?
107
00:04:18,400 --> 00:04:20,240
I don't know. Shall we look it up?
108
00:04:24,080 --> 00:04:26,720
Thank you very much.
Thank you. Thanks.
109
00:04:32,880 --> 00:04:34,159
My contact at the NSA has agreed
110
00:04:34,160 --> 00:04:35,959
to let me view
Jerry's internal file.
111
00:04:35,960 --> 00:04:39,079
Can you save it onto the private
server? It's important.
112
00:04:39,080 --> 00:04:41,200
Sure. Do you want an ice-cream?
113
00:04:42,200 --> 00:04:43,680
Did you hear anything I just said?
114
00:04:44,720 --> 00:04:45,800
No.
115
00:04:47,840 --> 00:04:50,000
(INDISTINCT HUBBUB)
116
00:04:52,720 --> 00:04:54,199
Mm-hm.
117
00:04:54,200 --> 00:04:56,359
Is everything OK?
118
00:04:56,360 --> 00:04:59,279
Oh, yeah. Don't know where Jerry
got to, that's all.
119
00:04:59,280 --> 00:05:02,879
He and I usually have a coffee
around this time.
120
00:05:02,880 --> 00:05:05,920
Well, I bring him a coffee
and just watch him drink it.
121
00:05:07,280 --> 00:05:09,159
Thanks, Mary.
122
00:05:09,160 --> 00:05:10,319
(GASPS) Oh!
123
00:05:10,320 --> 00:05:13,639
Quentin! Hello.
124
00:05:13,640 --> 00:05:17,359
Sorry. I picked up Mum's glasses
by accident this morning.
125
00:05:17,360 --> 00:05:19,119
I thought you said she couldn't see.
126
00:05:19,120 --> 00:05:21,280
Oh, well, she can't at the moment.
127
00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:25,519
What are you up to this evening?
128
00:05:25,520 --> 00:05:27,159
Um, well,
129
00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:31,159
I usually help Mum with her bath
on Wednesdays, so...
130
00:05:31,160 --> 00:05:34,359
Let me know if I can ever
be of service.
131
00:05:34,360 --> 00:05:36,879
No, I didn't think Mum
would like that.
132
00:05:36,880 --> 00:05:39,480
She wouldn't know if she can't see.
133
00:05:40,800 --> 00:05:44,279
She would know if there were
four hands in the bath.
134
00:05:44,280 --> 00:05:45,720
Yes.
135
00:05:47,280 --> 00:05:49,239
Half an octopus.
136
00:05:49,240 --> 00:05:51,239
Yes!
137
00:05:51,240 --> 00:05:53,159
(CHUCKLES)
138
00:05:53,160 --> 00:05:55,120
See you later.
OK!
139
00:05:58,640 --> 00:06:01,759
So I thought I'd start out
by giving you, like, a quick tour,
140
00:06:01,760 --> 00:06:04,199
and then, I don't know,
I thought we'd just, you know,
141
00:06:04,200 --> 00:06:06,279
hang out, grab a drink,
maybe some tail.
142
00:06:06,280 --> 00:06:08,519
Guys. This is Tom.
143
00:06:08,520 --> 00:06:10,719
He's the one that hacked
our server the other night.
144
00:06:10,720 --> 00:06:12,359
Hey, Tom.
Hi!
145
00:06:12,360 --> 00:06:13,519
This is Mary.
146
00:06:13,520 --> 00:06:16,479
Mary's been with GCHQ
from the beginning.
147
00:06:16,480 --> 00:06:17,839
When was it founded, Mary?
148
00:06:17,840 --> 00:06:19,519
1919.
149
00:06:19,520 --> 00:06:22,319
Right. So then.
Oh, well. Not quite.
150
00:06:22,320 --> 00:06:24,479
I'm actually a lot younger
than I look.
151
00:06:24,480 --> 00:06:25,999
Really? By how much?
152
00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:27,199
Oh, gosh.
153
00:06:27,200 --> 00:06:28,639
No-one's ever asked me that before.
154
00:06:28,640 --> 00:06:30,279
Plus, she's absolutely filthy.
155
00:06:30,280 --> 00:06:32,279
You know what I mean?
The mouth on her.
156
00:06:32,280 --> 00:06:33,679
This is Tuva.
157
00:06:33,680 --> 00:06:35,399
What did you... What did you
get up to this weekend?
158
00:06:35,400 --> 00:06:36,519
Not much.
159
00:06:36,520 --> 00:06:39,319
I just went to a club,
got with a couple of soldiers.
160
00:06:39,320 --> 00:06:41,959
Your accent's really fresh.
What exactly is it?
161
00:06:41,960 --> 00:06:43,039
It's a mix.
162
00:06:43,040 --> 00:06:46,919
So you hacked the GCHQ server?
Yeah.
163
00:06:46,920 --> 00:06:50,880
I don't know whether to be
impressed, annoyed or aroused.
164
00:06:51,960 --> 00:06:53,639
Probably annoyed.
Annoyed.
165
00:06:53,640 --> 00:06:54,759
Aroused.
166
00:06:54,760 --> 00:06:56,959
I could set the sprinklers off,
if you like.
167
00:06:56,960 --> 00:06:58,679
Hey, Tom, this is Joseph.
168
00:06:58,680 --> 00:07:00,479
Yeah, I'm Joseph Harries.
169
00:07:00,480 --> 00:07:02,279
I'm actually Jerry's best friend.
PA.
170
00:07:02,280 --> 00:07:03,439
Sorry, no, you go.
171
00:07:03,440 --> 00:07:04,719
Colleague.
172
00:07:04,720 --> 00:07:06,599
Do you always dress like that?
173
00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:08,639
Yes. Why?
174
00:07:08,640 --> 00:07:11,599
No, it's cool. I was wondering
if it was for a bet or something.
175
00:07:11,600 --> 00:07:14,439
(LAUGHS) I can't even tell
if he's joking!
176
00:07:14,440 --> 00:07:16,400
I know. Are you joking?
177
00:07:20,400 --> 00:07:21,759
Do you work out?
178
00:07:21,760 --> 00:07:23,919
Because your... I mean,
your traps are amazing.
179
00:07:23,920 --> 00:07:26,320
No. Just came out like this.
180
00:07:29,120 --> 00:07:30,879
Let me introduce you to Christine.
181
00:07:30,880 --> 00:07:33,920
She's like the scary Mary Poppins
of the team.
182
00:07:36,920 --> 00:07:38,159
He seems nice.
183
00:07:38,160 --> 00:07:40,919
I just think he finds me
a little bit intimidating,
184
00:07:40,920 --> 00:07:42,760
which is a shame, really.
185
00:07:45,040 --> 00:07:47,519
No, he's hiding something.
I'm sure of it.
186
00:07:47,520 --> 00:07:49,879
MAN: (OVER COMPUTER)
Our hands are tied, Chris. Sorry.
187
00:07:49,880 --> 00:07:52,679
Whitehall don't want us
digging around.
188
00:07:52,680 --> 00:07:55,719
(ORCHESTRA TUNES UP IN DISTANCE)
What's that noise?
189
00:07:55,720 --> 00:07:57,639
Are you still on the anthrax case?
190
00:07:57,640 --> 00:07:59,999
(APPLAUSE)
Sort of.
191
00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:01,839
Phantom of the Opera, Damascus.
192
00:08:01,840 --> 00:08:03,399
Ooh, it's just starting.
(ORCHESTRA PLAYS)
193
00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:05,360
(CONNECTION BEEPS)
194
00:08:10,720 --> 00:08:11,959
(COMPUTER TRILLS)
195
00:08:11,960 --> 00:08:14,119
Oh, hey, just out of interest.
196
00:08:14,120 --> 00:08:17,239
Is it possible for someone
like you to hack in to,
197
00:08:17,240 --> 00:08:20,799
say, I don't know, the, uh...
the NSA database?
198
00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:23,719
Have a look around?
Delete the odd file?
199
00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:27,439
Someone's actually trying to access
your file right now.
200
00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:28,479
What?
201
00:08:28,480 --> 00:08:30,559
Oh, that's... Yeah.
202
00:08:30,560 --> 00:08:33,119
Can you abort that transfer?
203
00:08:33,120 --> 00:08:34,320
Just for fun?
204
00:08:35,560 --> 00:08:39,280
Yeah, I can just do... aborted.
(COMPUTER TRILLS)
205
00:08:45,360 --> 00:08:46,519
(COMPUTER TRILLS)
206
00:08:46,520 --> 00:08:48,999
Ah...
What's... what's happening?
207
00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:50,680
It's unloading again.
What the...
208
00:08:51,760 --> 00:08:53,999
I can just permanently
delete the file.
209
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:55,800
I would love to see
what that looks like.
210
00:08:58,000 --> 00:08:59,959
(SNIFFS)
211
00:08:59,960 --> 00:09:01,160
I love your cologne, by the way.
212
00:09:02,200 --> 00:09:03,360
I'm not wearing any.
213
00:09:04,800 --> 00:09:06,760
Still...
Done.
214
00:09:08,760 --> 00:09:09,760
(COMPUTER DINGS)
215
00:09:27,360 --> 00:09:28,719
Jerry?
Yeah?
216
00:09:28,720 --> 00:09:31,519
Should I clean up
your browsing history?
217
00:09:31,520 --> 00:09:33,479
Uh, yeah. Yeah. Please.
218
00:09:33,480 --> 00:09:34,639
That would be great.
219
00:09:34,640 --> 00:09:36,759
(TYPES RAPIDLY)
(KNOCKS ON DOOR)
220
00:09:36,760 --> 00:09:37,799
I'll be back.
221
00:09:37,800 --> 00:09:39,879
Hey.
Hey, man.
222
00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:42,159
I just wondered if you fancied
going to the canteen together.
223
00:09:42,160 --> 00:09:44,199
They're doing the curly sausage
you like.
224
00:09:44,200 --> 00:09:45,399
Oh, man, I'd love to.
225
00:09:45,400 --> 00:09:48,479
But actually, Tom and I are going out
for T-bones later.
226
00:09:48,480 --> 00:09:49,959
Tonight?
227
00:09:49,960 --> 00:09:51,599
Because I'm not doing anything. I...
228
00:09:51,600 --> 00:09:53,079
You know, I look at this guy
229
00:09:53,080 --> 00:09:55,719
and I can't help but think
about that saying,
230
00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:58,559
"You hang around with chickens,
you cluck.
231
00:09:58,560 --> 00:10:01,320
"You hang around with eagles,
you fly."
232
00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:03,600
Yeah, I know.
233
00:10:03,601 --> 00:10:05,919
But the main thing with eagles, they
all have mental health problems.
234
00:10:05,920 --> 00:10:07,759
All done.
235
00:10:07,760 --> 00:10:09,560
So when exactly...
Excuse me.
236
00:10:10,960 --> 00:10:13,520
Yeah! Thank you. Whoo-hoo!
237
00:10:16,560 --> 00:10:19,959
Dude, seriously.
How do you stay in shape?
238
00:10:19,960 --> 00:10:23,439
Well, I used to be a gymnast,
but I just got too big.
239
00:10:23,440 --> 00:10:25,079
Yeah, no, me too.
240
00:10:25,080 --> 00:10:28,319
So what kind of stuff?
I mean, can you show me something?
241
00:10:28,320 --> 00:10:29,879
It's been a while.
Come on, man.
242
00:10:29,880 --> 00:10:31,719
I'm out of practice.
Come on.
243
00:10:31,720 --> 00:10:33,479
JOSEPH: Oh, hey, guys.
Ah.
244
00:10:33,480 --> 00:10:35,920
Come on. Yeah.
OK. Watch this.
245
00:10:39,240 --> 00:10:41,839
(GASPS) Oh! Whoa!
246
00:10:41,840 --> 00:10:44,039
What the fuck?
247
00:10:44,040 --> 00:10:45,919
That was great. No, that was...
You see that?
248
00:10:45,920 --> 00:10:48,399
I did. I used to do quite a lot
of that when I was at gym club.
249
00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:50,759
What... You... You were a gymnast?
250
00:10:50,760 --> 00:10:52,919
Oh, it's mostly combat rolls,
that kind of thing.
251
00:10:52,920 --> 00:10:54,439
What's a combat roll?
Yeah.
252
00:10:54,440 --> 00:10:55,919
Oh, well, hang on. Let me..
253
00:10:55,920 --> 00:10:58,719
Just need a bit of space. Thank you.
254
00:10:58,720 --> 00:11:00,559
It's kind of...
255
00:11:00,560 --> 00:11:01,759
Sort of like...
256
00:11:01,760 --> 00:11:04,479
(GRUNTS)
257
00:11:04,480 --> 00:11:06,479
Just get your leg over and...
258
00:11:06,480 --> 00:11:09,399
Something like... like this...
259
00:11:09,400 --> 00:11:11,279
You paid someone to teach you that?
260
00:11:11,280 --> 00:11:12,840
Yeah.
261
00:11:14,120 --> 00:11:16,319
Isn't that just a teddy bear roll?
262
00:11:16,320 --> 00:11:17,439
Yeah. Combat roll.
263
00:11:17,440 --> 00:11:19,919
I practised a lot more complicated
stuff in my bedroom, just..
264
00:11:19,920 --> 00:11:21,040
BOTH: Like what?
265
00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:24,239
I can't really demonstrate here
because there's not the space...
266
00:11:24,240 --> 00:11:25,799
Not the height.
For you?
267
00:11:25,800 --> 00:11:27,799
Come on!
I just can't really.
268
00:11:27,800 --> 00:11:29,759
I'm not warmed up.
BOTH: Joseph! Joseph!
269
00:11:29,760 --> 00:11:31,679
Joseph! Joseph!
270
00:11:31,680 --> 00:11:34,479
Uh... OK! OK!
Joseph! Joseph!
271
00:11:34,480 --> 00:11:36,399
Joseph! Joseph!
272
00:11:36,400 --> 00:11:39,239
CHRIS: original Eureka machine...
273
00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:41,919
Oi! Keep your hands up!
No, no, no, I wasn't...
274
00:11:41,920 --> 00:11:43,759
(TASER BUZZES)
AHHHHH!
275
00:11:43,760 --> 00:11:45,799
Ahhhhh!
276
00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:47,599
(SPLUTTERS)
277
00:11:47,600 --> 00:11:49,839
You hungry?
I could eat.
278
00:11:49,840 --> 00:11:51,880
(BUZZING CONTINUES)
(SPLUTTERS)
279
00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:04,279
Ooh! (CHUCKLES)
280
00:12:04,280 --> 00:12:06,759
(LAUGHS)
281
00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:08,919
Oh, man.
(KNOCKS AT DOOR)
282
00:12:08,920 --> 00:12:10,400
Yeah.
(DOOR OPENS)
283
00:12:12,280 --> 00:12:15,199
JOSEPH: Hey.
Hey. What the fuck?
284
00:12:15,200 --> 00:12:17,399
Is everything OK?
285
00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:18,799
Yeah. Why?
286
00:12:18,800 --> 00:12:20,039
You know I got tased, right?
287
00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:21,799
No, I know THAT, but what are you...
288
00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:23,080
What... What happened?
289
00:12:24,080 --> 00:12:25,359
Just fancied a change.
290
00:12:25,360 --> 00:12:26,799
What, from man to woman?
291
00:12:26,800 --> 00:12:28,559
What do you do to your hair?
292
00:12:28,560 --> 00:12:29,879
It was meant to go blond.
293
00:12:29,880 --> 00:12:31,319
No.
No?
294
00:12:31,320 --> 00:12:34,359
No, that would never work
with someone of your colouring.
295
00:12:34,360 --> 00:12:36,759
I mean, you end up
looking like a bee.
296
00:12:36,760 --> 00:12:38,919
Buddy.
297
00:12:38,920 --> 00:12:39,920
(SIGHS)
298
00:12:39,921 --> 00:12:41,959
So, have you, um...
299
00:12:41,960 --> 00:12:43,359
..all finished with Tom now?
300
00:12:43,360 --> 00:12:45,439
Has he... gone back... Where is he?
301
00:12:45,440 --> 00:12:47,279
Oh, he'll be in later
this afternoon.
302
00:12:47,280 --> 00:12:50,359
We got totally shitfaced last night.
303
00:12:50,360 --> 00:12:52,119
(CHUCKLES)
304
00:12:52,120 --> 00:12:53,800
(LAUGHS)
305
00:12:54,800 --> 00:12:55,800
What's up?
306
00:12:55,801 --> 00:12:58,799
Oh, nothing.
Whoa, whoa. Wait a minute.
307
00:12:58,800 --> 00:13:02,039
Dude... is this because of Tom?
308
00:13:02,040 --> 00:13:04,719
(LAUGHS)
309
00:13:04,720 --> 00:13:08,879
Listen, you need to relax
and just be your own man.
310
00:13:08,880 --> 00:13:10,719
OK? You do you.
311
00:13:10,720 --> 00:13:12,319
That's the coolest thing
you could do.
312
00:13:12,320 --> 00:13:13,839
Yeah.
OK?
313
00:13:13,840 --> 00:13:15,079
Yeah.
314
00:13:15,080 --> 00:13:19,919
Well, you know, just as long as,
you know, I get to...
315
00:13:19,920 --> 00:13:22,639
What?
Well, you know, remain...
316
00:13:22,640 --> 00:13:25,719
Oh... What... Like this?
317
00:13:25,720 --> 00:13:26,720
Yeah.
Yeah.
318
00:13:26,721 --> 00:13:28,560
No, this will never change.
319
00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:32,480
Oh, right. Thank you. Oh, good.
(LAUGHS)
320
00:13:34,360 --> 00:13:35,639
So what are you doing tonight?
321
00:13:35,640 --> 00:13:37,079
Do you want to go to the cinema
or something?
322
00:13:37,080 --> 00:13:38,440
No, I'm out again tonight with Tom.
323
00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:44,959
When was the last time
you saw Barnaby?
324
00:13:44,960 --> 00:13:47,800
Oh, gosh, nearly 40 years ago now.
325
00:13:49,520 --> 00:13:51,799
Still think about him every day,
though.
326
00:13:51,800 --> 00:13:52,800
Could I ask...
327
00:13:53,880 --> 00:13:55,119
..are you still a virgin?
328
00:13:55,120 --> 00:13:57,279
Oh! Um...
329
00:13:57,280 --> 00:14:01,080
Yes. But only fairly recently.
330
00:14:02,120 --> 00:14:04,600
And when was the last time
you washed your wig?
331
00:14:05,760 --> 00:14:08,320
Uh... It's not a wig.
332
00:14:09,720 --> 00:14:11,719
Tommy!
333
00:14:11,720 --> 00:14:13,640
Hey.
334
00:14:16,600 --> 00:14:19,559
So, listen, I was just thinking
having some birthday drinks.
335
00:14:19,560 --> 00:14:21,119
I can't. I'm sorry.
336
00:14:21,120 --> 00:14:23,639
No, it's not tonight.
Sorry. I should've been clearer.
337
00:14:23,640 --> 00:14:25,639
I know you and Jerry
have got a thing, which is fine.
338
00:14:25,640 --> 00:14:28,919
No, I just mean, in general
I probably can't make it.
339
00:14:28,920 --> 00:14:30,359
Well, that's cool. That's cool.
340
00:14:30,360 --> 00:14:32,359
Yeah, I can be really flexible
anyway.
341
00:14:32,360 --> 00:14:34,519
I haven't booked anywhere 'cause...
(MUTTERS, LAUGHS)
342
00:14:34,520 --> 00:14:37,599
Just let me know.
I am letting you know.
343
00:14:37,600 --> 00:14:39,039
I can't make it.
344
00:14:39,040 --> 00:14:40,599
Let's not rule anything out.
345
00:14:40,600 --> 00:14:43,119
I mean, it's not for eight months,
Tom.
346
00:14:43,120 --> 00:14:48,759
OK. I want you guys here, here, here,
here and here throughout.
347
00:14:48,760 --> 00:14:49,919
Got it?
348
00:14:49,920 --> 00:14:52,599
Also, I'm going to need you to clear
a little more space over here
349
00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:54,959
just in case I need to do karate.
350
00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:58,119
I had a bodyguard buddy
who lost his job
351
00:14:58,120 --> 00:15:01,799
because there wasn't enough space for
him to do karate at a key moment.
352
00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:03,319
Right. Back up a bit.
353
00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:04,799
Little more. Little more!
354
00:15:04,800 --> 00:15:06,239
(GRUNTS)
355
00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:08,759
Yeah. Another two or three feet.
Right over there.
356
00:15:08,760 --> 00:15:12,199
So are there any areas you'd like me
to accentuate?
357
00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:13,999
Oh, well.
358
00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:15,999
The vicar at church,
359
00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:18,359
he always says
I have lovely cheekbones.
360
00:15:18,360 --> 00:15:21,919
My only worry is that
if I bring those out any more,
361
00:15:21,920 --> 00:15:23,959
you're going to look like a skull
on a broomstick.
362
00:15:23,960 --> 00:15:25,399
Right.
363
00:15:25,400 --> 00:15:27,280
Cigarette?
364
00:15:28,400 --> 00:15:29,520
Yeah, alright.
365
00:15:41,640 --> 00:15:43,000
Ah.
366
00:15:45,160 --> 00:15:46,320
That one alright?
367
00:15:48,200 --> 00:15:50,960
I'll have this one.
368
00:15:52,360 --> 00:15:53,680
You got a light?
369
00:15:56,560 --> 00:16:00,040
Are you still lighting your
cigarettes? I just chew mine.
370
00:16:27,040 --> 00:16:29,639
(HACKS, COUGHS)
371
00:16:29,640 --> 00:16:32,199
Lips?
Oh, yes, please.
372
00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:34,839
I'd really like him to tell
I've got lips.
373
00:16:34,840 --> 00:16:36,319
I'd go for bright pink.
374
00:16:36,320 --> 00:16:39,599
If it's the first time
you've seen each other in a while,
375
00:16:39,600 --> 00:16:42,399
then you want your lips
to look like, um...
376
00:16:42,400 --> 00:16:43,879
..a cat's butthole.
377
00:16:43,880 --> 00:16:45,240
Oh.
378
00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:50,319
Oh! And do lots of men
find that attractive?
379
00:16:50,320 --> 00:16:52,959
No, but Barnaby will.
380
00:16:52,960 --> 00:16:55,599
Let's start.
OK.
381
00:16:55,600 --> 00:16:57,000
Guest list. (SNAPS FINGERS)
382
00:17:01,240 --> 00:17:03,199
No. That whole thing needs
to be redone.
383
00:17:03,200 --> 00:17:05,599
If I can't pronounce the last name,
I want them off the list.
384
00:17:05,600 --> 00:17:08,039
Oh! (GRUNTS)
385
00:17:08,040 --> 00:17:10,720
Good. Good!
386
00:17:13,320 --> 00:17:14,840
Oh, wow.
387
00:17:15,840 --> 00:17:18,399
Ow.
Did you do that piercing yourself?
388
00:17:18,400 --> 00:17:20,679
No.
389
00:17:20,680 --> 00:17:22,039
I just slept awkwardly.
390
00:17:22,040 --> 00:17:25,279
Nice to see a bit of blood,
though. Are you coming?
391
00:17:25,280 --> 00:17:27,559
Oh, no, I think me and Tom
are just going to hang.
392
00:17:27,560 --> 00:17:28,719
Cool.
393
00:17:28,720 --> 00:17:30,759
No. Where are you going?
394
00:17:30,760 --> 00:17:32,519
To the Barnaby Bailer thing.
395
00:17:32,520 --> 00:17:35,599
Barnaby Bailer's here? Politician?
396
00:17:35,600 --> 00:17:38,119
Yeah, I know.
What a fucking dickhead.
397
00:17:38,120 --> 00:17:40,079
No, I should go. It'll be fun.
398
00:17:40,080 --> 00:17:42,680
That's what I meant.
Be fun. Should go.
399
00:17:43,920 --> 00:17:45,520
I need you in that corner.
400
00:17:47,920 --> 00:17:49,359
Bailer.
Hi.
401
00:17:49,360 --> 00:17:51,199
Jerry Bernstein, NSA.
402
00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:54,479
We did 9/11 together.
Can I get you a little cupcake?
403
00:17:54,480 --> 00:17:56,279
You fucking maniac!
404
00:17:56,280 --> 00:17:58,959
I'd love a glass of milk, please.
Right.
405
00:17:58,960 --> 00:18:01,359
Can someone get Barnaby
a glass of milk?
406
00:18:01,360 --> 00:18:02,559
Hi, Barnaby.
407
00:18:02,560 --> 00:18:05,119
Would you mind just taking
a quick pic for a social media?
408
00:18:05,120 --> 00:18:06,879
No. Of course not.
Would you like me in it again?
409
00:18:06,880 --> 00:18:08,879
No, of course not.
You know what? Let me do this.
410
00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:11,279
I'm really good
at wildlife photography.
411
00:18:11,280 --> 00:18:13,839
How do you... Right. OK.
412
00:18:13,840 --> 00:18:15,599
One... two...
413
00:18:15,600 --> 00:18:17,759
Chris, you may want to try to smile.
414
00:18:17,760 --> 00:18:20,439
You know, just imagine
there's been an attack on US soil.
415
00:18:20,440 --> 00:18:21,680
(LAUGHS)
416
00:18:22,920 --> 00:18:25,599
Still no good.
Why don't we sex this up a little?
417
00:18:25,600 --> 00:18:27,559
Tom! Leave that. Come here.
418
00:18:27,560 --> 00:18:28,999
Throw your arm around Baylor.
419
00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:31,959
Yeah. Oh, this is... Yeah, this is
better right away. Here we go.
420
00:18:31,960 --> 00:18:34,519
Sorry, Jerry. Hi. Barnaby.
Joseph Harries.
421
00:18:34,520 --> 00:18:37,079
I don't know if you're concerned
about having a natural mouth shape,
422
00:18:37,080 --> 00:18:38,279
but if you say 'Wagamama' a lot,
423
00:18:38,280 --> 00:18:39,759
it gives you a very kind of
honest look.
424
00:18:39,760 --> 00:18:41,359
Alright. Should we try that?
425
00:18:41,360 --> 00:18:43,359
One, two, three.
426
00:18:43,360 --> 00:18:44,559
ALL: Wagamama.
427
00:18:44,560 --> 00:18:46,199
I've actually never been to one.
428
00:18:46,200 --> 00:18:47,319
Oh, it's really great.
429
00:18:47,320 --> 00:18:49,199
The only thing, food always arrives
at different times.
430
00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:51,159
Why?
No-one knows.
431
00:18:51,160 --> 00:18:53,679
Chris, take a look at this.
I think it's terrific.
432
00:18:53,680 --> 00:18:54,879
Evelyn looks great.
433
00:18:54,880 --> 00:18:56,399
Uh..
434
00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:58,599
Hi, Barnaby. How are you?
435
00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:00,199
Hi. I'm... I'm good, thanks.
436
00:19:00,200 --> 00:19:01,359
Mary Neaten.
437
00:19:01,360 --> 00:19:03,799
We were at Oxford together.
438
00:19:03,800 --> 00:19:05,239
St John's. Right.
439
00:19:05,240 --> 00:19:06,879
Are you the one that had a stroke?
440
00:19:06,880 --> 00:19:08,719
Oh, gosh, no.
441
00:19:08,720 --> 00:19:10,119
It's just make-up.
442
00:19:10,120 --> 00:19:11,319
Right.
443
00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:12,519
Lovely to see you again.
444
00:19:12,520 --> 00:19:15,440
I'm surprised you even remember me.
I don't remember you.
445
00:19:16,720 --> 00:19:17,759
OK. Shall we start?
Yes.
446
00:19:17,760 --> 00:19:20,759
Great. Everyone! We're gonna start.
447
00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:24,319
Just so you know, I'm going to be
up top in case anyone tries to...
448
00:19:24,320 --> 00:19:25,680
Bph! Bsssh!
449
00:19:30,520 --> 00:19:32,200
See where Tom went?
Shh!
450
00:19:37,880 --> 00:19:38,919
Right. Well.
451
00:19:38,920 --> 00:19:42,439
Hello, everyone, and thanks so much
for having me.
452
00:19:42,440 --> 00:19:45,759
In an increasingly digital world,
453
00:19:45,760 --> 00:19:49,400
cooperation between intelligence
agencies has become vital.
454
00:19:50,560 --> 00:19:54,279
And never has politics played
such an important role
455
00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:57,440
in how we view cybersecurity
as a society.
456
00:19:59,560 --> 00:20:02,239
In 1997...
(MURMURING)
457
00:20:02,240 --> 00:20:04,919
..I started a very long journey
458
00:20:04,920 --> 00:20:06,999
together with my wife, Samantha.
459
00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:10,359
We moved into Downing Street
with a promise
460
00:20:10,360 --> 00:20:12,159
to the people of Britain.
461
00:20:12,160 --> 00:20:13,160
(SIREN WHOOPS)
462
00:20:13,161 --> 00:20:15,519
No! Wait! What, what, what?
463
00:20:15,520 --> 00:20:18,199
Let go! No!
464
00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:20,039
OK...
(SIREN STOPS)
465
00:20:20,040 --> 00:20:22,479
Our friends from Greenpeace in.
466
00:20:22,480 --> 00:20:26,479
(LAUGHS) Something.
467
00:20:26,480 --> 00:20:28,080
Anyway, onwards and upwards.
468
00:20:29,200 --> 00:20:30,719
Good.
469
00:20:30,720 --> 00:20:33,639
Either we treat hacking offences
as serious crimes...
470
00:20:33,640 --> 00:20:35,479
(MICROPHONE BUZZES)
(DISTORTED) ..or...
471
00:20:35,480 --> 00:20:36,759
(TAPS MICROPHONE)
472
00:20:36,760 --> 00:20:39,079
..or face the consequences...
(FEEDBACK WHINES)
473
00:20:39,080 --> 00:20:40,439
..of... (SIGHS)
474
00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:43,119
(DAVID BOWIE'S SPACE ODDITY PLAYS)
Has someone hacked the system?
475
00:20:43,120 --> 00:20:45,239
I expected better than this,
to be honest.
476
00:20:45,240 --> 00:20:48,799
♪ Ground Control to Major Tom... ♪
477
00:20:48,800 --> 00:20:50,719
Excellent.
Now it's all over Twitter.
478
00:20:50,720 --> 00:20:52,879
Anyone know who's responsible?
479
00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:55,679
I must say, I'm looking forward
to explain to Rupert
480
00:20:55,680 --> 00:20:59,000
which one of us decided to invite
a random hacker into the building.
481
00:21:00,040 --> 00:21:01,040
Go ahead.
482
00:21:01,041 --> 00:21:04,359
There's nothing here that says
this was the work of Tom.
483
00:21:04,360 --> 00:21:07,720
Let's get this sorted.
(ELECTRONIC TRILLING)
484
00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:14,719
Could be a different Tom.
485
00:21:14,720 --> 00:21:17,079
Guys, I really have to tell you...
Oh, my God.
486
00:21:17,080 --> 00:21:20,320
♪ Ground Control to Major Tom...
Jeez!
487
00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:24,200
♪ You've really made the grade
488
00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:30,319
♪ And the papers want to know
whose shirt you wear
489
00:21:30,320 --> 00:21:33,039
Want to go get some T-bones?
Yeah.
490
00:21:33,040 --> 00:21:38,160
♪ Now it's to leave the capsule
if you dare... ♪
491
00:21:41,680 --> 00:21:44,280
(SINGS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
492
00:21:48,600 --> 00:21:50,999
Very nice.
493
00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:53,039
Cat bum.
Oh!
494
00:21:53,040 --> 00:21:55,319
Thank you.
495
00:21:55,320 --> 00:22:00,960
(CONTINUES SINGING)
496
00:22:02,160 --> 00:22:04,519
♪ Hooray, hooray, hooray
497
00:22:04,520 --> 00:22:05,919
♪ Misery is on the way
498
00:22:05,920 --> 00:22:09,839
♪ There are bad times
just around the corner
499
00:22:09,840 --> 00:22:13,559
♪ There are dark clouds
hurtling through the sky
500
00:22:13,560 --> 00:22:17,599
♪ It's as clear as crystal
from Bridlington to Bristol
501
00:22:17,600 --> 00:22:21,359
♪ That we can't save democracy
and we don't much care
502
00:22:21,360 --> 00:22:25,680
♪ We'd better all learn
the lyrics of the old Red Flag... ♪
35721
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