Original subtitles

Operator, why did you cut me off?

My party had me on hold.

Oh...

I'm telling you, Archie don't know

what he's letting himself in for.

Does he ever?

He's gonna go broke

but he ain't taking me with him.

What would you do if he goes through with it, Harry?

Who knows? Maybe retire.

Harry, you got a dime?

The operator wants another dime. I ran out.

Right with you, Mr. Klein.

He's a man who wants to take this whole thing off my hands.

Like I said to my lawyer, Levy the hold,

when your partner wants to go off the deep end,

there's no living with them.

And if you go along with them,

there's no living with yourself.

- Murray: Harry, Harry, come on. - - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Make sure you talk only to Levy, Mr. Klein.

He knows all the ins and outs.

Well, I had him on the phone but he put me on hold.

That's why they call him Levy the hold.

Archie: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,

great news, great news.

I'd just come from talking to Swanson, the contractor.

The Norwegian?

Yeah, boozer, I know,

but, uh, what the hell?

The more he drinks, the lower his estimates.

And look at old pepper face here.

Geez. Hey, he's gonna give us bargain rates

and all the work we're gonna have done here, you know?

I told him how we're gonna break through that wall

into the rest of it next door and...

No, Mr. Van Ranseleer,

that wall over there.

And how we're gonna cut a family entrance down there,

you know, so the innocent women and children

don't have to be exposed

to the "flonsom" and "jonsom" at the bar.

I keep telling you, if you go through with this, I'm out.

Archie: What are you talking about?

- Harry, it's gonna be terrific here. - - I can't hear you.

- There's a lot of noise going on. - I got to go get our papers

- and permits. - What? What?

Oh, there you are.

Listen, Levy, I tell you what.

You get the things together and I'll be right over.

Okay with you?

Good. Thank you. Bye-bye.

Ah.

Hello?

Yes, operator, I completed my call.

Yes, I got my dime back.

Thank you very much.

What? Oh, no.

I'm sorry.

- I can't return it. - Tell you what,

if you give me your name and your address,

I'll be happy to mail it to you.

You, too.

I got him.

Barney: I'd like to shake your hand, sir.

Anybody that can give the shaft to the phone company

is my kind of guy.

- Klein, Murray Klein. - Yeah.

I've seen you around but we've never met.

Murray is an old neighborhood boy.

I know your father and your grandfather.

- That's right. - Barney Hefner is the name.

Oh, you any relation to Hugh Hefner?

No, but we share some of the same interests.

What do you do, Mr. Klein?

Well, I've been in nearly everything.

I've been in car rentals

and I've been in insurance.

I've been in restaurant supply.

And now, I'm gonna be in the john.

Hey, not bad.

He left me a buck tip.

Listen.

Big deal.

How come you never leave me nothing?

Mr. Van Ranseleer, how much is a buck worth today?

About a dime.

Oh, okay.

Here's your buck tip.

Put my drinks on the tab, will you, Harry?

I'm running a little late.

I'm sorry, Arch.

Run into a person.

Don't you know that you could

raise a growth there, huh?

I told you I was sorry, didn't I?

Where did I hurt you? There?

No, don't touch it.

Come on, you could raise all over "pantosians" or something.

Here's where you touch me.

Will you get out of the way?

- I'm in a hurry. - Oh, he's in a hurry.

Hey, free drinks for everybody.

Oh, well, I got a little time.

Come, hurry.

Big deal, free drinks for everybody.

We only got two customers.

That's the best time to holler "free drinks for everybody."

Van: Arch, last time you bought me

a drink was when Nixon got elected.

Archie: Well, I always like to buy

free drinks on happy occasions like that.

My God. Is he running again?

Nah, never no more.

Well, hey,

we all turned on the poor man.

You're out of paper towels.

Hey, watch what you're doing, buddy,

huh, you're dripping all over the joint.

Well, what am I supposed to do?

Well, when you can plainly see

there ain't no more paper towels,

don't wash.

There isn't any toilet paper either.

Well.

I'm going over to see Levy.

Thanks for putting me on to this.

Hey, don't run off, Mr. Klein.

Archie's offering a free drink.

Hey, hey, hey, Harry.

Don't be... don't be yelling that

to the world, uh, will you?

Free drinks is for regulars.

You've seen me around here before, Archie.

Yeah, yeah, I know that

but, uh, I mean, you got to admit

that you people are...

Youse ain't famous for big spending over a bar.

And where the hell is youse all going, huh?

What's the matter? Did I say something?

Oh, God, you can't open your mouth nowadays.

Listen, buddy, no intents offended there.

Wait a minute.

My intents is very offended.

Now just what were you saying,

that Jews are cheap?

Hmm?

Well, let me put it this way.

Careful, Arch.

I can remember when Murray was in the Golden Gloves.

No kidding?

No kidding.

Did you win?

Uh, yeah. Well, um,

what I mean is, uh...

Hey, Scotchman is much worse.

That's for the drink.

That's for you.

What was that?

Nothing, nothing,

I'm looking at the wall here.

I think you can take him, Arch.

All you need is a little road work.

Oh, cut it out there.

Always the right ways at the right time.

Oh, come on, come on.

Shut up and drink up there, huh?

What are we drinking to, Arch?

We are drinking to

that we just took an option on a restaurant

"premeseries" next door.

We?

We.

If we includes you and me,

include me out.

I don't wanna own a restaurant.

You ain't gonna own a restaurant.

You're gonna own half a restaurant.

I said no over and over

but you don't hear me.

What do we know about running a restaurant?

What the hell is there to know?

You'll hire a cook for in there.

A waiter for out here,

a Puerto Rican for all over,

and the money starts rolling in.

Yeah. Eighty percent of restaurants die.

How come nothing's ever made it next door?

The Kosherama Chinese Deli didn't make it.

Flo's Falafel folded,

Suzy's Sashimi Shack didn't last a month.

That is because none of them people

serve nothing unusual.

What food's unusual nowadays?

American.

Hi, Uncle Archie.

Archie: Come on. What are you doing in here?

Every time she comes in here, you say that.

Why do you always yell at her?

I'm raising her.

I'm supposed to show an interest.

- Hello, Harry. - Hello, Stephanie.

Aunt Edith told me to ask

if I can have a pair of roller skates.

Sure you can.

What are you asking him for?

I like to hear a yes from someone

before I hear a no from you.

Don't be so smart.

Maybe you wasn't gonna hear no "no" from me.

Was I gonna hear "yes yes"?

Well, how are you gonna know unless you ask me?

Well, Jess's is having a skate sale.

- When? - It started yesterday and it...

Oh, well, all right, that was yesterday so you missed it.

Hey, hey, put that down.

Now, don't be a disgrace.

Now, get out of here. If you ain't out of here

by the time I count to three...

What?

I'll hit you with a left hook and a right cross.

One, two,

three, four...

I passed three.

If I had skates, I would've be out by three.

Bye, Harry. Bye, Barney.

Bye, Mr. Van Ranseleer.

Goodbye, little sweetheart.

See what kids pick up in school today?

They brighten up everybody's day, Arch.

Yeah, especially mine.

Oh, come on, come on, Harry.

The restaurant is gonna be beautiful.

I don't wanna hear about it.

Well, you're gonna hear about it.

This ain't for you, Barney.

Now, come over here. Come over here.

Now, let me tell you something here in private.

Now, listen.

Listen to me.

I already signed the papers.

You already signed the papers?

Signed the papers, yes.

Okay, Arch.

If that's the way it's gonna be,

I'm getting out.

I'm selling my half.

Wait, wait. Wait!

What do you mean you're selling your half?

What do you... to who?

- Well, not to you. - You ain't got 25,000 bucks.

How the hell do you know that I ain't got $25,000?

You ain't supposed to hear this.

Is that why you're whispering?

Let me tell you something. I happen to be in very good standing

with a certain fine lady down at the bank.

And what are you talking about, 25,000 bucks?

You only put in 20.

Well, I want five more.

What? Twenty-five grand?

That's out of question.

I tell you what, we'll split the difference, 24.

Since when is 24

the difference between 20 and 25?

Since I raised my price to 28.

Oh.

Oh, well... Well that's different.

Then we got a deal.

Arch, you drive a hard bargain.

Oh.

This guy thinks I'm some kind of a dope.

Yeah.

Be

Beca

becaus

because

because of

because of t

because of the

because of the r

because of the rec

because of the recen

because of the recent

because of the recent re

because of the recent reap

because of the recent reappr

because of the recent reapprai

because of the recent reappraisa

because of the recent reappraisals

of the said properties,

we can consider increasing the loans in question

but only at seventy percent of the amounts applied for

and at a one and a half percent additional interest.

Margaret Watson, Vice President in loan department,

copies to Mr. Deneen and Mr. Folk.

Wow.

Sit down, Mr. Bunker.

Yeah. Thank you very much.

You know there's nothing I enjoy more than, uh,

listening to an intelligent woman talk.

Uh, you know, I mean,

if I didn't know you're the miss...

What do you call them?

I would think that you was Barbara Walters,

uh, you were sitting behind a curtain or something.

Uh, so, you're still the...

Yes, I'm still the loan officer.

I hope you approve.

Oh, hey, I love it.

I love it.

Hey, it's high time you people

started getting inside work.

Enough pleasantries, Mr. Bunker.

What can I do for you?

Oh, well, uh, first, uh,

let me spread out my documentaries

in front of you here. Ey?

Now, uh, I wanna expand

into the restaurant business.

I've got to bust into the store next door,

by which, I mean the adjacent store.

I'm gonna make a fortune.

Uh, do you mind if I smoke?

No.

You wouldn't have a cigar, would you?

Sorry.

Nothing by the other one?

No. What else can I do for you?

Well, uh, I need a loan.

See, but my partner is a problem.

He's scared to go along with me.

Oh. So you wanna borrow the buying-out money?

Yeah. Ey, like old

JP Rockefeller once said,

"When opportunity knocks, son,

you better not be in the can."

I never heard that.

Well, only the Arabs ever listen to that old man.

Anyway, I only need about 24,000.

Let's see.

In October of 1977,

you borrowed $20,000

using your residence for collateral.

And now you owe us $19,724.50.

Yeah, I seen that.

You know, God,

after paying off so much money

over the last two years

and still to owe that much...

I can't quite grasp that.

Well, most of it has gone towards the interest.

That's robbery.

That's business.

You knocked on our door, Mr. Bunker,

and we were not in the can.

Now, well, uh...

Do we have to talk about that loan?

Because... I mean, what I want is a new loan.

Fine. Have you any collateral?

My liquor license.

According to the alcoholic beverage control law,

section 114, article 3,

no license shall be pledged

or deposited as collateral security

for any loan.

Mr. Bunker, I'm afraid a new loan is not possible.

Geez.

Why the hell is it in this country,

when you got to borrow money,

you first got to prove you don't need none.

I supposed we got the Democrats to thank for that too.

Well, what the hell am I gonna do?

Why don't you go to your partner

and ask him to sell you his share,

on say, a five year note.

Pay him a little more than bank interest,

maybe he'll accommodate you.

Try and be nice about it.

Oh, hey, if you knew me, you'd know

I always try to be nice about everything.

But it's this partner of mine, you know,

I can't do business with him

because he's like a child.

Oh, oh, it's my bad.

- It's all right. - I'll take it.

Okay. Oh.

Uh, I didn't touch nothing, did I?

Well, uh,

thank you very much, there,

uh, miss so and so.

You're a very nice lady and a very smart lady.

And, uh, whilst I was with you,

I sincerely hope I didn't say nothing to offend you.

Now, why would that worry you?

Oh, it don't. That's just something my old man told me

to say whenever taking leave of "minorority" people.

He didn't want you to be rude.

No, never.

And he didn't want me to get hit in the back

in the head with a brick neither.

God...

Oh, hi, Arch.

Oh, hi there, Mr. Van Ranseleer.

- Hey, Harry. - Harry, you know.

I started out for the bank

but then, you know, I had to stop.

I had to think it all over.

I said to myself, "This ain't fair to Harry,"

you know, busting up your career like this.

But it ain't fair to myself

because the last two years of our partnership,

they've been the happiest two years of my life.

So I say to myself, "Why throw two years of friendship

right down the toilet?"

They wouldn't give you the money, huh?

What are you doing now?

I'm calling Levy.

- Your lawyer? - Yeah.

I sent him a buyer.

I wanna tell him he can close the deal.

Oh, no.

You ain't gonna tell him nothing.

I can tell him anything I wanna.

It's my half and I'm dumping it.

Hello, Levy. Yeah, I'll hold.

You can't sell without my legal approval.

- Says who? - Says me.

Look at our contract.

It says either one of us can sell out.

Oh, you rat.

You wrote that in to the fine print, huh?

No. You wrote it in yourself

in great big print.

When I first see it, I thought my granddaughter put it in.

Hello, Levy.

Harry from the bar.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Are you sure, Harry?

Okay, if you say so.

All right. Goodbye.

Deal?

Levy: Yes. It's settled.

Harry definitely wants to sell it to you.

That's terrific.

Oh, boy.

But my advice, Mr. Klein,

is for you to buy out Bunker too.

Look, you don't understand, Levy.

In the first place, I can't handle this alone,

and in the second place, this business is good

because of him.

Listen, Klein, I admit

that Archie's place is making money.

- Right. - And when it includes

a little restaurant, it'll make more.

And I also think that Harry is a jerk to sell.

That's why I am smart to buy.

Now, I tell you what I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna get my bank book.

We are going to the First National

and pick up a certified check. Hmm?

But Klein, what do you know about Bunker?

- What's to know? - The man needs a partner,

that's good enough for me.

But you, he doesn't need.

Klein, listen.

Bunker is an anti-Semite.

So is the manager of my supermarket,

so is my mechanic.

I still have to eat and I still have to drive.

Yeah, but a partnership, it's like a marriage.

Would you marry someone who looked down on you?

I did.

You married an anti-Semite?

No, she was Jewish

but she looked down on me anyway.

Thank you, Mr. Levy.

I get it, Klein.

You're one of those kinky types

who insists on looking for pain.

No, Levy. I'm one of those kinky types

who refuses to look for pain.

Oh, God.

That was Harry, Mr. Van Ranseleer.

Oh.

What do you think of this guy, huh?

Ain't he a lulu, huh?

At the years of friendliness,

and fondlyness, and camaraderie

and he turns on me there.

Sells me out.

He's a traitor there. He's the worst... Hey.

Who was the worst traitors in history?

Brutus, Judas,

Iago, Quisling.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Them, them, them,

I remember them.

Hey, you.

Remember Brutus, Judas, Iago, and Quisling?

Your lawyers?

No...

you dumb man.

So who the hell are they?

They was traitors,

but you're worse than them.

And they was the Chicago infield

who threw the 1919 World Series.