Original subtitles

Deal!

Congratulations, Mr. Hay.

Now if we can move onto the next item on the agenda.

Master, has my ancestor been out for bidding?

Not yet. They just finish the bidding for a vase.

Master!

I must bring my ancestor back today.

If not, how can I face my Denys family and relatives?

Calm down. No one will bid on a corpse.

The next item doming up is a priceless Chinese mummy.

May I present our Chinese Auctioneer Mr. Szelo

the famous mummy export.

Thank you!

This is a very rare piece from the ancient East.

We shall now present an audio-visual narrative on this item.

This will present the characteristics of the Chinese vampire

Not unlike the one we have our offer here tonight.

Here you see the typical European vampire

As we know it in the Western culture.

In comparison to a very different Chinese vampire.

As we know a holy cross can be used

to fend off an European vampire.

Bu! This method will have no effect at all on this Chinese one.

The same goes for strong light

and other methods that scare European vampires.

The Chinese vampire is only controlled by yellow pieces of papers

inscribed with ancient Chinese spiritual quotations.

I view this to be an unique & very valuable item!

In beautiful embound. A robe remains for

Chinese aristocrat who died in the 15th century.

Shall we start the bidding at fifty thousand Pounds?

There we are.

Sixty!

Seventy!

Eighty!

Ninety!

One hundred!

He must be crazy!

A hundred once.

Hold it!

Excuse me. Sir!

Thank you!

Mister, this so-called mummy is my great, great, great grandfather.

I've to bring it back to my home town.

It's very important to me.

Look! I don't give a shit about this grandfather of yours!

How can I know he's your great. Great, great grandfather anyway.

What does he say?

He says how can we prove that.

By raising the mummy.

We can raise the mummy.

Bullshit! If you can raise the mummy.

The mummy is yours.

Stop breathing guys.

I'll send you a cheque later.

Are we in hell?

Kid, why are there so many ghosts?

This is Halloween.

Just like our Ghost festival.

So their faces are only make-up.

Stay here, I gel my car and be right back.

Okay. I'd better not standing here.

What an incredible costume!

You must tell your friend he got the most incredible costume.

He must have come from China.

If there's a competition. Your friend will win.

He should have a competition.

Because your friend would have won.

Come on, ring the bell.

Don't touch.

Shit! Where's he gone?

Tie your hands up and you go nowhere.

Look, man. It's a hold-up.

Against the wall, baby.

Put your hands up, I say.

You hear that?

Come on, what's wrong? Put your hands up.

Bomb fool you're.

Look at this, man. This is a knife.

And I'm gonna...

He searching, brother.

Let's see what he got inside.

Chinese costume!

I tell you. You look fat. Man.

Look at you. Your make-up. Your teeth.

So ugly, man.

I want to see your fat ugly face.

God damn it!

Ghost only attack the man who attacks them.

Where've you been?

I've tried to find you for an hour. Hurry up.

I didn't tell you to hang around with my ancestor.

So crowded here and you don't know the way.

It's very easy to lose my ancestor.

You must take good care of my ancestor.

We pay you for this trip.

You should act like a professional.

I don'! Mean to bother you.

It's for your own sake.

You're working for me.

Is he really your ancestor?

I've checked none of your ancestor was an officer.

He served as General Li Hongzhanqs double

when Li was having a diplomatic mission in England.

My ancestor is only a low-class clerk.

So he'sjust a nobody.

Does it worth taking me to bring him back to Hong Kong?

An officer or a clerk. It doesn't matter.

That he's my ancestor really matters.

What's going on?

What's going on?

It's too foggy.

We've to dash through the cloud to find our direction.

What direction? What happened to the compass?

I've already told you the compass is not working.

The compass isn't working and we're lost now.

I've a Chinese compass.

Will it work?

Compass was invented by Chinese?

Don't forget your origin.

My ancestor is Chinese too.

Ask him which way he's heading for.

Which way did you head for?

East!

East!

Up north down south; here west there east.

That direction.

Make a left turn. We're going this way.

Jesus!

Somethings wrong! I said something could be wrong!

Could be! It's definitely wrong.

Don't you tell me we're heading toward Hung Kong?

Don't you tell me we're heading east?

What did he say?

He said the direction is wrong.

Bullshit! The compass couldn't be wrong.

What're you wailing for?

Get over there. Give me the gun.

Running out of fuel.

Dump heavy objects. We've to glide.

OK!

It's too heavy to fly. Oil runs out.

Please help me to dump all the things.

The plane is going to glide.

Well. Then dump your ancestor. First.

Shit. No. Don't kid me. Please help.

Take your hand off my gun.

So help me, God!

Hurry up!

Mayday! Mayday!

So what are we gonna do?

Well, I don't know what are you going to do.

Bu! There are two parachuties & I'm taking one.

And I'm going to bail out.

Bail out?

Yes. Out!

What is he saying?

He says there are two parachuties and he's taking one.

No! Don'! Move!

Come on. Go!! In there.

You. Put that on me.

What's he saying again?

He wants you to put that on him.

Okay, foreigners are all selfish.

Okay, gel back there. Move!

Okay guys. Goodbye and good luck.

Master. Only a parachute left. What can we do?

Don't worry. He's only wearing a knapsack.

Master. You're so selfish loo!

Come on. We're in danger.

Forget about the morality.

Put on a parachute. Fast.

No. This is for my ancestor.

Your ancestor! Don't you want him to be a flying corpse?

I only know he's my ancestor.

Your life is more precious than your ancestofis.

He will not blame you.

Take care.

Your grandson is so stupid. Shame on you.

I'm stupid, but I'm filial.

You shouldn't be soared, you already died.

How could you be their ancestor?

Stop insulting my ancestor.

Okay, I slop, but I push.

Kid, what's about you?

I'm ready to sacrifice.

Hope you can bring him back to Hung Kong.

I'll really appreciate that.

Come on the equipments are all here. Let's go.

Hold this.

Hands on my shoulders.

Go!

My ancestor should be alright, right?

Yes, only break into pieces.

Master!

Kid!

Bring those girls over here.

Peter. Go! Lake care of thal Bushman once and for all.

I told the black guy to do it.

Bu! I don't have to do it.

Bu! You're also black, you big fat fool.

I've told you to do it.

What the hell is that?

Kill him.

I don'! Believe it.

Peter!

Peter!

Peter!

Yes.

Speak English, I don'! Understand African.

The monster is here. Very dangerous.

The jeep is over there.

I count 1, 2, 3 for your run. You got me?

Okay, I got you.

Alright, ready?

I'm ready.

Run!

Kid, I can'! Stand any longer. Down quick.

I can't. There's a tree full of pins there.

Then climb up quick.

I can't. Master.

My legs are nailed by pins. I can'! Move.

Neither up or down. Should we stay here forever?

Please gel me out of here! I beg you!

To help you?

Don't play me. Master!

If not, how can I help you?

You're right.

Do you have to yell like this?

Just pricked by a pin and yell like this. Are you a man?

It's many pins altogether!

Okay. I'm swinging you there.

Past that tree and jump down.

What're you doing?

Climb up the tree fast. Pull me up.

OKAY

Harder.

I'm trying.

Swing-

Harder.

Okay?

Jump down quick and kill the lion.

No, ifs so high here.

Give me my magic bag.

You want to leave?

I want the spell paper to scare the lion.

I'm going now.

Help. Master!

Run. Master.

The spell paper really works.

Wail. Master.

Up.

Oh! I hit my head. The rhinoceros is coming.

The rhinoceros won't come back this time.

Back again.

Climb up the tree.

Help. Master.

The rhinoceros paces round down there. What can we do?

I only know what I gonna do.

What you gonna do then?

Have some sleep.

How can you sleep?

Like this.

But what's about the rhinoceros climb up here?

Don't be so relaxed!

I won't sleep. I watch over.

So many monkeys!

Fucking monkeys! Steal my food.

These are not monkeys. They're baboons.

What? Baboons?

Baboons. It's English.

Baloons or Baboons. I don't care.

They stole my food and I'll teach them a lesson.

Look. Master! They can't open the cans.

Bu! I'm hungry now.

Don't worry. They left a can.

Right there.

Shit, master. They're not stupid.

They open all of the cans.

Down here.

Go up there and kill them.

No, I can't.

Throw them dead.

How can we eat now?

Eat it and the ants.

No.

Then let the ants eat it. Go.

Where did you get this?

Give me this. Please?

You want this?

This is a diamond.

What are you doing?

Go away, go home.

Take the mirror and go home.

So the distance between us should be about one and a half...

No! No! No! It's two kilometers.

So I suggest if we go make a circle search

with two and a half kilometers as radius

we should have found him.

And now I suggest we go back to the same trip

and search again systematically.

Okay, master, do you understand me?

The sun is very 'shine!

You're talking loo much.

You tongue will 'lose-skin'.

What've you said? I don'! Understand.

Chinese shouldn't speak English.

I said the sun is very strong.

Stop talking or your skin peeling off your tongue.

I'm just hurry to find my ancestor.

No use to hurry.

Then, what's useful?

It's better to have a bird's eye view from the top.

You expect me know how to fly?

You fly up and open your eyes wide.

When you see anyone. Remember the direction.

Your ancestor begins to revive understand?

I got it.

How can I come down again?

How can I come down. Master?

Come down the way you go up.

Yeah, the same way.

See anything?

It's beautiful. Many clouds here.

Look down!

Beautiful! I see animals galloping ahead.

It's so beautiful.

Any signs of habitations?

Yes, a village ahead.

Rhinoceros. Master!

Thank you.

37525

Out of breath? Louder!

37527

37528

37529, 37...

37535

3753...

Didn't you say you saw a village?

We're been walking for two hours.

My fault. I'm sorry. I'm no good.

Don't shout at me in English.

I just said. It's my fault. I'm no good. You're right.

Count in English.

37540

Do you know which tribe they belong to?

They're African tribesmen. I don'! Know which tribe.

Go to say hello and get some water.

I don'! Know their language.

He's is talking to you. Master.

I'm sorry.

What're they doing, master? Catching voles.

They're healing their legs.

This indigenous treatment originated from China.

Walking so long. I feel pain in my legs.

Let's get a cure.

Yes.

Yes. Thank you.

He asks are you rheumatic?

No.

He only got Athlete Fool.

What's up?

You feel comfortable?

Or you're affected by rheumatism.

Something is pulling my legs.

Do you suffer from epilepsy?

Bastard, give me a hand.

No. I'm scared of snakes!

Kid. I'm very thirsty. Gel me some water.

Me too!

Water!

Water! Thank you!

What takes you so long?

I'm coming now.

Only two drops?

Take it or leave it.

Excuse me! Water. Master.

Have it, quick.

Only a drop.

I also have a drop only.

Here's Africa.

Water is very precious.

A drop is really something. Have it.

Tell him don'! Scratch my sole.

I don'! Know their language.

Watch out.

Or you're nothing to drink.

This drop is really precious.

You'll thirst to death.

Watch out! Slowly.

Be careful!

The indigenous treatment really works.

Yeah!

They're having a happy life.

Yeah, that's human nature.

Okay, I speak Chinese.

In fact. That's the way men live.

Why are you smiling so happily?

I'm not smiling. I'm worrying.

Are there some tribes which will send their

beautiful girls to sleep with the guests?

Let me check.

That's true, but if the guest refuses,

that means you're not respecting them.

Do you think they will?

Don't worry, they won't.

If so, they will send their girls to make the bed first?

See what they're doing inside.

Abracadabra.

They're making the bed for you!

What should you do now

Nothing can move my doctrines.

You can't refuse.

Or they will think you're not respecting them.

We'll be in trouble.

Master, you'd better...

You mean I'd better lake it.

I feel shameful for I've said.

You are mean.

I take that for you!

You?

Yes. You've suffered a lot for our Deng's ancestor.

How can I let them jeopardizing your renown?

Kid, I really appreciate that!

I'll pay you back move for your respect!

Once I start.

I'll exert myself no matter how difficult!

Master. Let me go!

No, I should go!

I go! Master.

Stop it.

Buddha's said 'Sacrifice yourself for many others'.

Sorry to make you go through this.

You're right. I go for a leak.

Ladies! Where are you going?

My friend isn't even back yet.

Come back here.

I'm afraid you can'! Hold out.

I can't! As long as it is fated.

I'll accept anything. You said I can't?

Invited for all audiences...

Take care!

My mind is so clear.

Hold it! Let's warm up first! Your hand...

My stomach aches! Where's toilet paper?

Leaves? Better than nothing.

Excuse me. I...

May I borrow the leaves?

Thank you.

I'll clean them and give you back.

Do you have to make a fuss over this?

Thank you. Thank you.

It's nothing.

Why are you so welcomed when having a crap?

Gel me my clothes.

What're you smiling at? Come here.

Okay, like this.

Practise this every sunrise.

Afternoon and sunset.

I guarantee you'll be invincible in Africa.

Ancestor, please show me the right way!

What're you doing?

I'm leaving.

Why? Living here is good.

You can live here happily and peacefully.

Bu! I still have to find my ancestor.

I won't blame you

even if you're received our money.

I've only got the deposit.

I'll tell my family to give you the balance.

Don't worry.

Who do you think I am? Put down your belongings.

Pall your ears open and listen.

What do you want to say?

Not listen to me. To the birds.

Do you hear any birds here?

No. Master.

Just use your brain to think.

There's not even a bird in the open wild Africa.

Oh! Yeah! Why is it?

Your ancestor must be around!

Full of the smell of corpses and evilness here.

That's why all the birds have left.

Is that right!

Your ancestor must be somewhere around here.

You'll lose a lot of blood like this.

It's all for your ancestor.

When will you finish?

I can manage.

There's a swordsman who can call the soul!

Bu! Where is he. In heaven or hell below!

And where is the celestial mountain in the sea?

The living wants to meet the dead. Please show mercy, Buddha!

Please bring the dead back! Up!

Do you need any help, master?

Yes! Shut your mouth!

What's wrong again?

Your ancestor should be around!

Bu! He's under something heavy, maybe an elephant!

Really?

Thanks for an elephant. It'll be worst if it's a dinosaur.

What shall we do now'?

Just keep your mouth shut!

Heaven. Earth and the universe! Turn!

Have you made a wrong quotation?

No.

Maybe your ancestor is made a crack of rocks.

What shall we do then?

Find the crack.

As the saying goes, 'There's always a way out'.

Use 'Magic Wheel'.

What's that?

Something turning around.

What's that?

The block is cleared. Your ancestor can move now.

Lower your head.

A righteous man will always stands straight and firm.

Your ancestor is coming back.

Everything down!

Mighty power, undefeatable!

Ancestor!

Are you alright? Don'! Be afraid!

I'll protect you now.

I don'! Know your language. But he's my ancestor.

Why do you push me?

What shall we do now'?

They thought he's their ancestor, not yours.

What shall we do?

L so: m

I tell you, he's ours!

I can prove it.

What do you want? You fool!

Let's see my magic power.

Master, you'll hurt my ancestor's finger.

I'm doing this to save your ancestor.

Oh, right!

See, African pig, you got that?

This is not your ancestor. This is his!

That's it.

Hey. Kid! Leave your ancestor alone. We've to go.

Bye!

Miss you. Bye!

Will he make us go the wrong way?

You're such a fool.

Up to now. Have you seen any tiger or lion?

No.

Danger is everywhere in Africa.

He's helping us to leave and go back to civilization.

Why should he be so good to us?

Will there be any conspiracy behind?

Don't judge a righteous man by evil mind. Let's go.

Tell the witch to tell those to bring them here.

I want the diamond now.

Everyone of them.

I got you, boss.

What's the matter?

There must be something wring in the village!

He must be going back to help.

I'd would like very much to help because of my character.

Bu! I'm working for you now. So ifs you to decide.

We'd better not get involved.

We should bring my ancestor back to Hung Kong.

You ancestor will smack you if hearing this.

See! I'm going back to help them.

Wail. Master.

I ask you one more time. Where's the diamonds?

Where's the diamonds?

Where?

I count one. Two. Three.

One. Two...

What should I do?

Gel that son of a bitch!

You wouldn't be back alive if you go like this.

Be calm.

We're looking clearly first.

The black man stands still.

Quick!

He wants you.

You can't lose. We're Chinese.

He looks so disgusting and walks like a penguin.

You're invincible. You'll surely win.

You Chinese sick man! Shame on you!

No wonder you'd never got promoted.

You haven't got the guts as a vampire now.

Our Deng's family has always respected you.

I should have told mum not to marry father.

Then there won't be me on earth.

You're really insulted us Chinese.

I don'! Know you.

You're rubbish.

Your Chinese shit, you think Kung Fu is King?

This time I got you.

I'm gonna shred you like a cucumber.

I block. I block.

I block...

I didn't mean it. Sorry!

Come!

Power and magic come on me!

What are you doing now'?

They're heroes of the east and west, now and then.

They can protect me!

Heroes? Who are they?

Sylvester Stallone!

Still alive! No use.

Ninja Turtles.

No water. How can there be turtles?

Bruce Lee.

Bruce?

Do we need other's help?

Are you alright. Master?

I get shot! We must need help now.

The villagers are being chased.

Where's the photo?

Here.

Strength and power of Bruce Lee come to him.

You! You! You! You! Gel lose!

Great! Thanks Bruce!

I'm so afraid Bruce will refuse to go.

You sure he's gone?

Do you hear me? I'm asking you to land.

Are you landing, chopper?

There's a problem for the moment.

I'll circle a bit and let you know.

What for? You've been circling up there forever.

Come on. Down!

I got to be careful. I'm not taking any chance!

You guys, stop!

What's he talking about?

It's too dangerous to land here. He said.

You! I give you money.

You come down. Now!

I'm coming down.

I intended to give you some advice before we pan.

Bu! I'm afraid you'll turn a deaf ear to my words.

So I'm giving you my Taoist robe.

Although you're so stupid, I hope you understand

what's mutual respect.

What did he give you!

Nothing special. Just some haws. Melt and sour grass.

Cheap things, but lender regards!

Valuable! Let me see.

Look. Your ancestor is coming.

How can you make him look like this?

Should he be in a suit? He should be like this.

You make him look like this.

How can I explain to my family?

That's much better.

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