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1
00:00:18,686 --> 00:00:20,246
RON:
Thank you, Tucson!
2
00:00:20,988 --> 00:00:23,358
3
00:00:34,335 --> 00:00:35,795
Oh!
4
00:00:35,869 --> 00:00:38,039
Ow.
Oh!
5
00:00:38,106 --> 00:00:39,706
Sorry, buddy.
Even in stair luge,
6
00:00:39,773 --> 00:00:41,383
you gotta stick the landing.
7
00:00:41,909 --> 00:00:43,139
You okay?
8
00:00:43,211 --> 00:00:44,811
No, I'm not okay.
Look at my knee!
9
00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:46,978
Why did you let me
do that?
10
00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:49,077
Oh, it's a scrape. You're fine.
11
00:00:49,150 --> 00:00:50,980
You suck!
12
00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:52,221
You're a joke of a dad.
13
00:00:52,286 --> 00:00:54,716
A blind pile of turds would
be a better dad than you.
14
00:00:54,788 --> 00:00:56,388
(knocking on door)
15
00:00:58,992 --> 00:01:00,432
Angela.
16
00:01:00,494 --> 00:01:01,964
Have you done something
with your face?
17
00:01:02,029 --> 00:01:03,129
It's different.
18
00:01:03,197 --> 00:01:04,467
Angrier. I like it.
19
00:01:04,532 --> 00:01:06,472
You've been spiking my birdbath
with booze again.
20
00:01:06,534 --> 00:01:08,504
Well, I think the real
question here is:
21
00:01:08,569 --> 00:01:11,039
Why do you keep drinking
from your birdbath?
22
00:01:11,105 --> 00:01:12,765
Okay, birds drink
from the bath, Ron,
23
00:01:12,840 --> 00:01:15,010
and I know there's booze in
there because they stagger away
24
00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:15,975
and throw up in the bushes.
25
00:01:16,043 --> 00:01:17,283
Oh, lightweights.
26
00:01:17,345 --> 00:01:18,575
I got a squirrel in the backyard
27
00:01:18,646 --> 00:01:19,946
that can drink me
under the table.
28
00:01:20,013 --> 00:01:21,223
I cannot believe
29
00:01:21,282 --> 00:01:23,152
that with how hard Glenn and
I are trying to have kids,
30
00:01:23,217 --> 00:01:24,347
God just hands you three of 'em.
31
00:01:24,418 --> 00:01:25,418
We wanted a better dad,
32
00:01:25,486 --> 00:01:27,356
but he was the best
we could get.
33
00:01:27,421 --> 00:01:28,821
(chuckling): Shh.
Oh, look
at that knee.
34
00:01:28,889 --> 00:01:31,929
And you were just standing there
with a camcorder?
35
00:01:31,992 --> 00:01:33,492
Yeah, I got the whole thing.
(scoffs)
36
00:01:33,561 --> 00:01:35,901
Sweetie, let's get
that fixed up.
37
00:01:35,963 --> 00:01:37,233
Someone needs a little TLC.
38
00:01:37,298 --> 00:01:38,128
Mm-hmm.
ROBBY: Yeah.
39
00:01:38,199 --> 00:01:39,869
About time.
40
00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:41,603
Ron, I need
you to...
41
00:01:43,003 --> 00:01:44,043
Who let her in here?!
42
00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:45,344
Well, Robby needed some TLC.
43
00:01:45,406 --> 00:01:46,666
And I don't know
where we keep that.
44
00:01:46,740 --> 00:01:47,710
Angela's dangerous.
45
00:01:47,775 --> 00:01:49,675
She's a total snoop,
and she hates you.
46
00:01:49,743 --> 00:01:52,383
Relax. She's thinking with her
uterus right now, okay.
47
00:01:52,446 --> 00:01:53,476
The antenna are down.
48
00:01:53,547 --> 00:01:55,017
Doesn't matter. Keep her out.
49
00:01:55,082 --> 00:01:56,182
Our house, our rules.
50
00:01:56,250 --> 00:01:58,590
(mimicking Gary):
Our house, our rules.
51
00:01:58,652 --> 00:02:00,222
Listen, I need you to take me
to Flagstaff tomorrow
52
00:02:00,288 --> 00:02:01,588
for my debate tournament.
53
00:02:01,655 --> 00:02:04,155
Yeah! Road trip!
54
00:02:04,225 --> 00:02:06,885
There was no room in any
of the other carpools.
55
00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:08,500
Road trip!
56
00:02:08,562 --> 00:02:10,262
Oh, God, are you one
of those people
57
00:02:10,331 --> 00:02:12,671
who gets excited about an
overnight trip, no matter...
58
00:02:12,733 --> 00:02:15,273
Overnight road trip!
Double bam! Yeah!
59
00:02:15,336 --> 00:02:16,696
Oh, that's so good, man.
60
00:02:16,770 --> 00:02:18,740
Hey, check it out.
We'll do a beef jerky crawl.
61
00:02:18,806 --> 00:02:21,706
The dried meats on the I-17
are superb this time of year.
62
00:02:21,775 --> 00:02:24,505
Oh, and I get to sleep in the
backseat of the car. Boom.
63
00:02:24,578 --> 00:02:26,478
We're not sleeping in your car.
64
00:02:26,547 --> 00:02:28,677
A hotel?
65
00:02:28,749 --> 00:02:29,919
Oh.
66
00:02:29,983 --> 00:02:31,193
Oh, that's fantastic.
67
00:02:31,252 --> 00:02:32,492
Oh, a night in a real bed
68
00:02:32,553 --> 00:02:34,363
beats a night
on that couch any day.
69
00:02:34,422 --> 00:02:37,022
Look at my spine. It's
like a question mark. Huh?
70
00:02:37,090 --> 00:02:38,990
Oh, there he is.
71
00:02:39,059 --> 00:02:40,689
Good as new. What'd I tell ya?
72
00:02:40,761 --> 00:02:42,961
Yeah? That thing on my knee
was serious.
73
00:02:43,030 --> 00:02:44,370
It's called a boo-boo!
74
00:02:44,432 --> 00:02:45,772
Oh.
75
00:02:45,833 --> 00:02:46,673
That is serious.
76
00:02:48,802 --> 00:02:50,542
(engine revving)
77
00:02:52,573 --> 00:02:55,613
78
00:02:59,747 --> 00:03:00,707
I have to admit,
79
00:03:00,781 --> 00:03:02,451
the turkey jerky
from the windowless shack
80
00:03:02,516 --> 00:03:03,976
had a really smooth
finish.
81
00:03:04,051 --> 00:03:05,051
Oh, that's the nitrites, baby.
82
00:03:05,118 --> 00:03:06,148
Fully loaded.
83
00:03:06,220 --> 00:03:07,860
But we're 15 minutes
behind schedule.
84
00:03:07,921 --> 00:03:10,861
I only have six minutes
to freshen up, instead of 21.
85
00:03:10,924 --> 00:03:13,634
Oh, time doesn't exist
on a road trip, Gary.
86
00:03:13,694 --> 00:03:15,734
Fact is, if you stayed on a
road trip, you'd never age.
87
00:03:15,796 --> 00:03:18,026
As long as you're driving
against the sun.
88
00:03:18,098 --> 00:03:20,398
That's not me, that's Einstein.
89
00:03:20,934 --> 00:03:22,144
What the hell?
90
00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:23,442
You brought your own sheets?
91
00:03:23,504 --> 00:03:24,814
Hey, I've seen CSI.
92
00:03:24,872 --> 00:03:27,112
We're not the only living
organisms in this room.
93
00:03:27,174 --> 00:03:29,414
All right, knock yourself out,
Grissom.
94
00:03:30,978 --> 00:03:33,078
What?
Who locked out the porn?
95
00:03:33,146 --> 00:03:36,216
I called ahead and asked for
the Christian Family Package.
96
00:03:36,284 --> 00:03:38,894
I wasn't gonna watch it
with you in the room.
97
00:03:38,952 --> 00:03:39,852
That's ridiculous.
98
00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:41,560
Anyway, hey, you don't
make the rules here.
99
00:03:41,622 --> 00:03:43,522
Okay? This is not your house.
100
00:03:43,591 --> 00:03:45,891
It's not your TV,
not your thermostat,
101
00:03:45,959 --> 00:03:47,229
not your mini-fridge.
102
00:03:47,295 --> 00:03:49,525
Oh, speaking of which...
103
00:03:49,597 --> 00:03:51,827
No, don't eat from there.
It's a rip-off.
104
00:03:51,899 --> 00:03:55,339
Yeah, I know. That's what makes
it taste so good, dum-dum.
105
00:03:55,403 --> 00:03:56,743
Oh, Mr. Toblerone.
106
00:03:56,804 --> 00:03:59,014
You're classy because
you're hard to bite.
107
00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:00,172
Hey, Ron,
108
00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:01,240
you touch it, you bought it.
109
00:04:01,309 --> 00:04:02,579
And stay away from
the cola.
110
00:04:02,643 --> 00:04:04,043
It's my study beverage
for later.
111
00:04:04,111 --> 00:04:05,181
Whatever.
112
00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:06,645
Okay, back to business.
113
00:04:06,714 --> 00:04:09,854
(bed creaking)
114
00:04:11,118 --> 00:04:12,548
What are you doing?
115
00:04:12,620 --> 00:04:14,250
Trying to find the sweet spot.
116
00:04:14,322 --> 00:04:16,022
Every bed's got one.
117
00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:17,989
Just gotta find it.
118
00:04:18,058 --> 00:04:19,328
And there it is.
119
00:04:19,393 --> 00:04:21,133
No, false alarm. That's not it.
120
00:04:21,194 --> 00:04:22,734
Oh!
121
00:04:22,796 --> 00:04:24,196
Oh, there it is.
122
00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:26,804
I miss so much sleeping
one floor above you.
123
00:04:26,867 --> 00:04:29,437
(snoring)
124
00:04:30,404 --> 00:04:31,474
(knocking on door)
Gary said
125
00:04:31,539 --> 00:04:33,469
we're not supposed to open
the door for anybody.
126
00:04:33,541 --> 00:04:35,141
Don't be ridiculous.
127
00:04:35,208 --> 00:04:37,278
Gary is not...
Oh crap, it's Angela!
128
00:04:37,345 --> 00:04:39,075
No, she's cool.
129
00:04:39,146 --> 00:04:41,876
What?
130
00:04:41,949 --> 00:04:43,079
Hi, Amma.
131
00:04:43,150 --> 00:04:44,220
Hi, Pooh Bear.
132
00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:45,194
I wanted to see
133
00:04:45,252 --> 00:04:46,822
how you're doing.
134
00:04:46,887 --> 00:04:48,957
Where's Ron?
135
00:04:49,022 --> 00:04:50,622
Uh, he's at barber college.
136
00:04:50,691 --> 00:04:51,861
Yeah, he's getting
his Master's
137
00:04:51,925 --> 00:04:53,485
in-in hair theory.
138
00:04:53,561 --> 00:04:55,201
I've seen his hair. Where is he?
139
00:04:55,262 --> 00:04:57,202
He and Gary went to Flagstaff
overnight.
140
00:04:57,264 --> 00:04:59,504
He left you two alone?
141
00:04:59,567 --> 00:05:01,497
Without any adult supervision?
142
00:05:01,569 --> 00:05:02,839
Even when he's here,
143
00:05:02,903 --> 00:05:04,073
it's borderline.
144
00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:05,337
All right, you know what?
145
00:05:05,406 --> 00:05:07,236
Glenn's out of town working
on our relationship.
146
00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:08,407
You kids need someone.
147
00:05:08,476 --> 00:05:10,176
I'm gonna stay here and baby-sit
you guys tonight.
148
00:05:10,243 --> 00:05:11,013
Oh, no.
149
00:05:12,112 --> 00:05:13,552
I mean, not me.
150
00:05:13,614 --> 00:05:16,654
I've got a sleepover
that I'm going to...
151
00:05:16,717 --> 00:05:20,887
at a friend's house with really,
incredibly strict parents.
152
00:05:20,954 --> 00:05:22,124
Yeah, he's a prison guard,
153
00:05:22,189 --> 00:05:24,119
and she is a tennis umpire.
154
00:05:24,191 --> 00:05:26,391
For a prison.
155
00:05:27,428 --> 00:05:29,428
Gotta get my toothbrush.
156
00:05:29,497 --> 00:05:31,667
So, so, Ron was going to
157
00:05:31,732 --> 00:05:34,542
let you go to a sleepover and
leave Robby by himself?
158
00:05:35,536 --> 00:05:38,406
He is the most
brain-dead, selfish...
159
00:05:38,472 --> 00:05:40,872
It's amazing you kids know
how to dress yourselves.
160
00:05:42,876 --> 00:05:45,806
All right, Robby, I'm going home
to get my stuff.
161
00:05:45,879 --> 00:05:47,009
Brandon,
162
00:05:47,080 --> 00:05:49,880
have your friend's mother call
me when you get there.
163
00:05:49,950 --> 00:05:51,820
BRANDON:
Uh-huh.
164
00:05:54,087 --> 00:05:56,017
(door closes)
165
00:05:56,089 --> 00:05:57,529
You don't have a sleepover.
166
00:05:57,591 --> 00:05:59,431
And I'm also not a little kid
who needs a babysitter.
167
00:05:59,493 --> 00:06:00,633
I can take care of myself.
168
00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:02,434
Yeah, right. Where you gonna go?
169
00:06:02,496 --> 00:06:04,296
I don't know. Maybe
I'll ride the rails,
170
00:06:04,364 --> 00:06:06,234
pick avocados in California,
171
00:06:06,299 --> 00:06:08,069
join the Army for
a couple of days.
172
00:06:08,135 --> 00:06:10,195
Okay, well, I'll leave
a window open for you.
173
00:06:10,270 --> 00:06:11,770
Probably see you around 10:30.
174
00:06:11,839 --> 00:06:14,139
Bye.
175
00:06:15,242 --> 00:06:17,552
176
00:06:19,312 --> 00:06:21,252
Oh, look out,
here's our ace.
177
00:06:21,314 --> 00:06:22,484
Gary Gunderson.
178
00:06:22,550 --> 00:06:24,180
(chuckles)
Well, you know.
179
00:06:24,251 --> 00:06:25,351
That's debatable.
180
00:06:25,419 --> 00:06:27,049
(both laugh)
181
00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:29,190
Angela, no. You're what?
182
00:06:29,256 --> 00:06:30,886
You're baby-sit... you don't...
183
00:06:30,958 --> 00:06:34,128
That is really
not necessary, okay?
184
00:06:34,194 --> 00:06:36,064
Oh, really, Angela?
185
00:06:36,129 --> 00:06:37,229
Worst father in the world?
186
00:06:37,297 --> 00:06:39,897
Well, I bought myself a coffee
mug that says otherwise.
187
00:06:39,967 --> 00:06:41,597
Okay? Click.
188
00:06:41,669 --> 00:06:42,839
Well, we're set for
entertainment tonight.
189
00:06:42,903 --> 00:06:46,143
I just heard they're reenacting
the McKinley-Bryan debates
190
00:06:46,206 --> 00:06:46,966
in the Oak Room.
191
00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:48,580
Goody.
Oh, and FYI,
192
00:06:48,642 --> 00:06:52,312
not everyone with food on
their plate is serving it.
193
00:06:52,379 --> 00:06:53,609
Yeah, the lady with
the shrimp cocktail
194
00:06:53,681 --> 00:06:55,051
made that abundantly clear.
195
00:06:55,115 --> 00:06:56,675
(sighs)
196
00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:58,450
Laters.
197
00:06:58,519 --> 00:06:59,819
This kid on our team
198
00:06:59,887 --> 00:07:01,757
is such an uptight
control freak.
199
00:07:01,822 --> 00:07:03,392
GIRL:
He's such a know-it-all.
200
00:07:03,457 --> 00:07:04,687
Even if he agrees
with your idea,
201
00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:07,228
he'll say you came up with
it the wrong way.
202
00:07:07,294 --> 00:07:08,764
(chuckling): Oh, man.
203
00:07:08,829 --> 00:07:09,759
Uptight control
freak, huh?
204
00:07:09,830 --> 00:07:11,830
I went to school with this kid
named Tom Beschloss.
205
00:07:11,899 --> 00:07:13,899
We called him
"Tom Getlost."
206
00:07:13,967 --> 00:07:14,967
(all laugh)
207
00:07:15,035 --> 00:07:16,095
The kid was an idiot.
208
00:07:16,169 --> 00:07:16,969
The guy on our team,
209
00:07:17,037 --> 00:07:18,807
his nickname is "Gary
No-Funderson."
210
00:07:18,872 --> 00:07:21,172
And we told him there was
no room in our carpools,
211
00:07:21,241 --> 00:07:23,411
because we couldn't stand
riding in a car with him.
212
00:07:23,477 --> 00:07:25,377
Right. But that-that doesn't--
213
00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:27,245
that doesn't rhyme
with his real name, right?
214
00:07:27,314 --> 00:07:29,184
Um... yeah.
215
00:07:31,318 --> 00:07:33,018
Oh, I need a mini quiche.
Thank you.
216
00:07:33,086 --> 00:07:34,486
Mmm!
217
00:07:34,555 --> 00:07:36,955
When are you coming by with
those lamb skewers?
218
00:07:37,024 --> 00:07:38,234
I don't work here.
219
00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:39,531
You should.
220
00:07:39,593 --> 00:07:41,333
You're very, very good at this.
221
00:07:41,394 --> 00:07:43,004
Mmm, one more?
222
00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:51,938
223
00:07:52,005 --> 00:07:52,865
Excuse me. Hi.
224
00:07:52,940 --> 00:07:55,580
Am I anywhere
near Covenant Avenue?
225
00:07:55,643 --> 00:07:57,013
Food Hound says
this neighborhood
226
00:07:57,077 --> 00:07:58,177
is the armpit of Tucson,
227
00:07:58,245 --> 00:08:00,175
but there's a really cool
cupcake shop around here
228
00:08:00,247 --> 00:08:03,947
that makes "rubbing elbows with
the locals almost worth it."
229
00:08:04,017 --> 00:08:05,987
Hey, I live here.
230
00:08:06,053 --> 00:08:07,963
Very cool.
231
00:08:09,189 --> 00:08:10,919
I'll keep looking.
232
00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:12,961
(laughing)
233
00:08:13,026 --> 00:08:14,956
(sighs)
234
00:08:15,028 --> 00:08:16,428
Unbelievable.
235
00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:17,666
Oh, what? Like that's on me
236
00:08:17,731 --> 00:08:19,501
and not the maid who
left her cart unattended
237
00:08:19,567 --> 00:08:20,597
in the hallway?
238
00:08:20,668 --> 00:08:22,368
I don't think so.
Did you see my
239
00:08:22,435 --> 00:08:24,095
teammates avoiding me at the
reenactment?
240
00:08:24,171 --> 00:08:25,541
No, sorry.
241
00:08:25,606 --> 00:08:27,536
I was a little busy
brainstorming suicide options.
242
00:08:27,608 --> 00:08:28,778
No one could look at me.
243
00:08:28,842 --> 00:08:30,982
Clearly they're unprepared
for tomorrow.
244
00:08:31,044 --> 00:08:32,654
Yeah, yeah.
245
00:08:32,713 --> 00:08:34,083
You know what?
246
00:08:34,147 --> 00:08:35,477
My back is killing me.
247
00:08:35,549 --> 00:08:37,479
I'm gonna take a super long
bubble bath.
248
00:08:37,551 --> 00:08:39,051
How long is super long?
249
00:08:39,119 --> 00:08:41,489
I don't know, Gary. It's not a
fixed amount of time, all right?
250
00:08:41,555 --> 00:08:43,185
It's just whenever
it feels super.
251
00:08:43,256 --> 00:08:44,186
Well, don't make
it too long.
252
00:08:44,257 --> 00:08:45,357
It'll fog up
the mirrors.
253
00:08:45,425 --> 00:08:46,785
And I want be able
to practice my
254
00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:49,000
"I've got six ways to defeat
your argument" look.
255
00:08:49,062 --> 00:08:51,102
I'm gonna make it as long
as I want, Gary, okay?
256
00:08:51,164 --> 00:08:53,604
As a matter of fact, now that
you've complained about it,
257
00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:55,997
I'm upgrading to crazy
long bubble bath.
258
00:08:56,069 --> 00:08:57,709
You are so selfish.
259
00:08:57,771 --> 00:08:59,971
I don't think you want to
have this discussion, Gary.
260
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:01,840
I'm sorry, but that's
what you are.
261
00:09:01,909 --> 00:09:03,439
You're selfish and obnoxious.
262
00:09:03,510 --> 00:09:05,210
It's why you don't
have any friends.
263
00:09:05,278 --> 00:09:06,408
Oh, I don't have any friends?
264
00:09:06,479 --> 00:09:08,149
What's that supposed to mean?
265
00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:11,382
Nothing. Nothing.
266
00:09:11,451 --> 00:09:14,351
I guess, uh, people
with no friends
267
00:09:14,421 --> 00:09:16,991
just like to repeat things.
268
00:09:18,191 --> 00:09:19,031
(door closes)
269
00:09:21,161 --> 00:09:22,531
There we go.
270
00:09:22,596 --> 00:09:23,856
All clean.
271
00:09:23,931 --> 00:09:25,531
Isn't that better?
It is.
272
00:09:25,599 --> 00:09:27,429
Wow.
273
00:09:27,500 --> 00:09:29,140
My hands smell like hands.
274
00:09:29,202 --> 00:09:31,042
How'd you do that?
275
00:09:31,104 --> 00:09:32,774
Well, play your cards right,
and I'll show you
276
00:09:32,840 --> 00:09:35,540
how to make your hair smell
like hair tonight, too.
277
00:09:35,609 --> 00:09:37,179
Now...
278
00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:38,781
Eat up.
279
00:09:38,846 --> 00:09:40,306
Is this some kind of joke?
280
00:09:40,380 --> 00:09:41,250
What's this green stuff?
281
00:09:41,314 --> 00:09:43,054
It's broccoli.
282
00:09:43,116 --> 00:09:44,646
Yeah, no thanks.
283
00:09:44,718 --> 00:09:46,448
I like hot dogs
and cheese sticks.
284
00:09:46,519 --> 00:09:47,789
Well, you need to eat
your veggies.
285
00:09:47,855 --> 00:09:49,585
Don't you want to grow up
to be big and strong?
286
00:09:49,657 --> 00:09:50,957
Listen, Angela,
you've been great.
287
00:09:51,024 --> 00:09:52,264
The bandage...
288
00:09:52,325 --> 00:09:54,085
figuring out the shoe thing...
289
00:09:54,161 --> 00:09:55,031
all top-notch stuff.
290
00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:57,055
But I eat hot dogs
and cheese sticks.
291
00:09:57,130 --> 00:10:01,170
Robby, don't make me
give you a time-out.
292
00:10:01,234 --> 00:10:03,944
Fine by me. I got hot dogs
and cheese sticks in my room.
293
00:10:04,004 --> 00:10:05,974
Then I'll give you a time-out
in some other room.
294
00:10:06,039 --> 00:10:10,139
Lady, I got hot dogs and cheese
sticks all over this house.
295
00:10:10,210 --> 00:10:11,280
Robby.
296
00:10:11,344 --> 00:10:13,154
No.
297
00:10:16,516 --> 00:10:18,216
(phone rings)
298
00:10:18,285 --> 00:10:20,615
Hello?
299
00:10:20,688 --> 00:10:22,718
Well, hello, Brandon.
300
00:10:22,790 --> 00:10:24,790
Thank you for calling.
It's nice to know I have
301
00:10:24,858 --> 00:10:27,228
at least one kid
cooperating tonight.
302
00:10:27,294 --> 00:10:29,434
May I please speak
with Greg's mother?
303
00:10:29,496 --> 00:10:31,496
Yes, of course, Angela.
304
00:10:31,564 --> 00:10:34,504
Hi, you must be Angela.
305
00:10:34,567 --> 00:10:37,237
Oh, well, my husband
and I both think
306
00:10:37,304 --> 00:10:39,214
your Brandon is a delight.
307
00:10:39,272 --> 00:10:40,412
Oh.
308
00:10:40,473 --> 00:10:44,183
No, thank you, for raising
such a lovely young man.
309
00:10:44,244 --> 00:10:45,554
(laughs)
310
00:10:45,612 --> 00:10:47,352
Oh, in bed by 10:00,
of course.
311
00:10:47,414 --> 00:10:48,824
Buh-bye now.
312
00:10:48,882 --> 00:10:51,252
Wow, you have a really
nice phone voice.
313
00:10:51,318 --> 00:10:52,888
Thank you so much.
Here.
314
00:10:52,953 --> 00:10:55,723
What was it we agreed on,
five dollars?
315
00:10:56,556 --> 00:10:58,126
Hey, my phone!
316
00:10:58,191 --> 00:11:00,261
My...
317
00:11:01,528 --> 00:11:02,958
That woman,
she just took my phone!
318
00:11:03,030 --> 00:11:04,160
Whoa, whoa, okay, slow down.
319
00:11:04,231 --> 00:11:05,701
It's okay.
320
00:11:05,766 --> 00:11:06,596
Do you have any ID?
321
00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:08,396
Yeah, here.
322
00:11:15,575 --> 00:11:18,175
Okay, I'm heading in.
323
00:11:18,245 --> 00:11:20,505
Fair warning,
there will be a lot
324
00:11:20,580 --> 00:11:21,450
of singing going
on in there.
325
00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:23,624
If you have any requests,
just slip them under the door,
326
00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:24,993
we'll try to get to them.
327
00:11:25,052 --> 00:11:26,852
Fine!
328
00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:28,020
I don't get it.
329
00:11:28,088 --> 00:11:30,518
No one wants to prep, which
means I'm just gonna have to
330
00:11:30,590 --> 00:11:32,160
carry everyone,
like I always do.
331
00:11:32,225 --> 00:11:32,885
Yeah, you ever think
332
00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:34,060
that attitude may be
333
00:11:34,127 --> 00:11:35,527
why people don't
wanna prep with you?
334
00:11:35,595 --> 00:11:37,655
They're jealous
of my competence?
335
00:11:37,731 --> 00:11:39,071
Yeah.
336
00:11:39,132 --> 00:11:41,202
That, or they
think you're obnoxious.
337
00:11:41,268 --> 00:11:42,098
It's hard to say.
338
00:11:42,169 --> 00:11:44,739
Well, you would be
the expert on that.
339
00:11:44,805 --> 00:11:46,405
(sighs)
340
00:11:46,473 --> 00:11:47,573
You know what, Gary, I'm just,
341
00:11:47,640 --> 00:11:49,540
I'm trying to give you some
fatherly advice, all right?
342
00:11:49,609 --> 00:11:50,839
Nobody is gonna like you
343
00:11:50,911 --> 00:11:52,411
if you act like
you're better than them.
344
00:11:52,479 --> 00:11:54,079
I'm not paying you for advice.
345
00:11:54,147 --> 00:11:55,517
And you're not my father, okay?
346
00:11:55,582 --> 00:11:56,522
You're just the help.
347
00:11:56,583 --> 00:11:58,223
I'm the help.
348
00:11:58,285 --> 00:11:59,845
(chuckles)
349
00:11:59,920 --> 00:12:02,390
Okay, all right, that's it,
the gloves are off, okay?
350
00:12:02,455 --> 00:12:04,885
Do you wanna know what
I heard down at the mixer?
351
00:12:04,958 --> 00:12:06,688
Your teammates hate you!
352
00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:08,760
They all call you
"Gary No-Funderson"!
353
00:12:08,829 --> 00:12:10,059
Did you know that?
354
00:12:10,130 --> 00:12:11,430
Also, another little fact,
355
00:12:11,498 --> 00:12:13,368
they all lied about
their carpools being full.
356
00:12:13,433 --> 00:12:14,603
Who can blame them?
357
00:12:14,667 --> 00:12:18,067
You have no friends because
you're a stuck-up control freak.
358
00:12:18,138 --> 00:12:19,838
I am not a control freak!
359
00:12:19,907 --> 00:12:20,867
Yes, you are!
360
00:12:20,941 --> 00:12:22,381
Don't even think
361
00:12:22,442 --> 00:12:23,712
about using my bath gel,
362
00:12:23,777 --> 00:12:26,247
because I mark the bottle
after every use!
363
00:12:26,313 --> 00:12:27,883
Fine!
364
00:12:27,948 --> 00:12:29,848
Just get my shower cap.
365
00:12:29,917 --> 00:12:31,947
Steam makes my hair go frizzy.
366
00:12:34,654 --> 00:12:37,724
"Gary No-Funderson"?
367
00:12:37,791 --> 00:12:40,331
That's so poorly constructed.
368
00:12:40,393 --> 00:12:43,103
And they wonder why I rewrite
their opening statements.
369
00:12:46,466 --> 00:12:48,536
Unbelievable.
370
00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:50,101
He took my study beverage.
371
00:13:09,389 --> 00:13:11,489
Hey! Who said
that about me?
What, hey, what?
372
00:13:11,558 --> 00:13:12,828
Who said I was
373
00:13:12,893 --> 00:13:14,633
"No-Funderson"?
What?
374
00:13:14,694 --> 00:13:17,834
I want a name,
because you know what?
375
00:13:17,898 --> 00:13:19,628
You know what?
It doesn't make any sense.
376
00:13:19,699 --> 00:13:23,039
Oh, Gary, it's not
important, okay?
377
00:13:23,103 --> 00:13:24,873
I mean,
it literally makes no sense.
378
00:13:24,938 --> 00:13:26,708
There is a lot of truth to it.
379
00:13:26,773 --> 00:13:28,383
But, hey, do you
like The Beatles?
380
00:13:28,441 --> 00:13:31,341
Are you feeling okay?
381
00:13:31,411 --> 00:13:33,451
I feel great.
382
00:13:33,513 --> 00:13:34,583
But you know what?
383
00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:36,617
What?
You know what?
384
00:13:36,683 --> 00:13:37,823
People hate me.
385
00:13:37,885 --> 00:13:39,045
Oh, no.
386
00:13:39,119 --> 00:13:40,519
Come on. That's...
Yeah.
387
00:13:40,587 --> 00:13:43,617
You know, you're not, you're
not... you're not that bad.
388
00:13:43,690 --> 00:13:46,160
Right? Why do you care
what people think,
anyway? Look at me.
389
00:13:46,226 --> 00:13:47,896
Do you think
I'd be where I am in life
390
00:13:47,961 --> 00:13:49,331
if I cared what people think?
391
00:13:49,396 --> 00:13:51,396
Where are you, Ron?
392
00:13:51,464 --> 00:13:55,604
Okay, I'm a bad example.
But look, my point is,
393
00:13:55,668 --> 00:13:57,468
you are going places, all right?
394
00:13:57,537 --> 00:13:59,267
You're gonna do fine.
395
00:13:59,339 --> 00:14:00,809
I mean, it wouldn't kill you
to remove
396
00:14:00,874 --> 00:14:02,214
one of those
rods out of your butt.
397
00:14:02,275 --> 00:14:03,605
But that's just my opinion.
398
00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:04,836
Thanks, Ron.
399
00:14:04,912 --> 00:14:06,652
Now I'm sorry I drank your cola.
400
00:14:06,713 --> 00:14:08,383
Even though it was my cola.
401
00:14:08,448 --> 00:14:11,278
Oh, boy, whoa, what?
How much did you drink?
402
00:14:11,351 --> 00:14:12,291
You know what?
403
00:14:12,352 --> 00:14:13,322
All of it.
404
00:14:13,386 --> 00:14:14,686
Oh, no.
405
00:14:14,754 --> 00:14:16,294
Hey, uh, Gary,
406
00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:17,816
I don't want you
to panic or anything,
407
00:14:17,891 --> 00:14:20,261
but, uh, you just
consumed a quantity
408
00:14:20,327 --> 00:14:22,527
of alcohol meant for
a much, much larger
409
00:14:22,595 --> 00:14:23,855
and angrier person.
410
00:14:23,931 --> 00:14:25,271
You know what?
411
00:14:25,332 --> 00:14:29,342
It took me a while,
but... I get you.
412
00:14:29,402 --> 00:14:31,802
(laughing):
I used to hate you.
413
00:14:31,871 --> 00:14:33,571
But that was my wall.
414
00:14:33,640 --> 00:14:35,280
Uh...
415
00:14:35,342 --> 00:14:36,982
I love you, Ron.
416
00:14:37,044 --> 00:14:38,884
I'm a lovable guy.
417
00:14:38,946 --> 00:14:40,676
Hey, hey, you know what?
418
00:14:40,747 --> 00:14:42,277
What?
What?
419
00:14:42,349 --> 00:14:43,479
Hey,
420
00:14:43,550 --> 00:14:44,550
we should sing.
421
00:14:44,617 --> 00:14:46,087
Yeah, we never sing.
422
00:14:46,153 --> 00:14:47,623
Yeah, that's what
we should do.
423
00:14:50,190 --> 00:14:52,330
ANGELA:
Okay, kiddo, it's bed time.
424
00:14:52,392 --> 00:14:53,492
Bed what?
425
00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:55,900
Bed time.
The time when you go to bed.
426
00:14:55,963 --> 00:14:57,533
No, no, no, no,
all my favorite shows
427
00:14:57,597 --> 00:14:58,627
come on after 11:00.
428
00:14:58,698 --> 00:15:01,298
And besides, you haven't
passed out on the couch yet.
429
00:15:01,368 --> 00:15:03,598
Of course that's
the pattern.
And while you're up,
430
00:15:03,670 --> 00:15:04,940
could you snag me a coffee?
431
00:15:05,005 --> 00:15:06,865
Black, nine sugars.
432
00:15:06,940 --> 00:15:08,110
All right, that's enough.
433
00:15:08,175 --> 00:15:09,335
Upstairs and
brush your teeth.
434
00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:11,039
We don't do that
in our family.
435
00:15:11,111 --> 00:15:13,211
Now!
Just because
you're yelling
436
00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:15,580
doesn't mean I'm listening.
437
00:15:15,648 --> 00:15:17,548
RON:
Here you go, buddy.
438
00:15:17,617 --> 00:15:19,947
Oh, God, what's happening?
439
00:15:20,020 --> 00:15:22,820
My head is spinning.
440
00:15:22,889 --> 00:15:24,119
What do I do, Ron?
441
00:15:24,191 --> 00:15:26,561
Well, ordinarily I'd
tell you to hit another club
442
00:15:26,626 --> 00:15:28,856
and start telling chicks
you're a helicopter pilot.
443
00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:31,968
I'm gonna be toast tomorrow.
444
00:15:32,032 --> 00:15:34,132
I'm not gonna be able to sleep.
445
00:15:35,602 --> 00:15:36,942
What is this throbbing?
446
00:15:37,004 --> 00:15:39,714
Well, that's just brain
cells dying, buddy.
447
00:15:39,772 --> 00:15:40,712
Okay, don't worry about it.
448
00:15:40,773 --> 00:15:43,143
You don't need that many,
they just slow you down.
449
00:15:43,210 --> 00:15:47,010
I expect to see your PJ's on
when I come up there, young man.
450
00:15:50,883 --> 00:15:52,323
Hi, Brandon. It's Angela.
451
00:15:52,385 --> 00:15:54,185
I'm just calling
to check on you before bed.
452
00:15:54,254 --> 00:15:56,994
WOMAN: First of all,
I don't speak Spanish.
453
00:15:57,057 --> 00:15:58,527
And second of all,
454
00:15:58,591 --> 00:16:02,061
how much metal did you put
in my brain, Mr. President?
455
00:16:02,129 --> 00:16:04,499
How much metal?!
Oh, God...
456
00:16:04,564 --> 00:16:06,274
Oh, God, what did I do?
457
00:16:06,333 --> 00:16:08,343
Robby?
458
00:16:08,401 --> 00:16:10,701
Rob-Robby, Robby, someone
has Brandon's phone.
459
00:16:10,770 --> 00:16:14,410
I don't even know where he is.
I... How could I be so stupid?
460
00:16:14,474 --> 00:16:15,814
Don't worry,
I know where to find him.
461
00:16:15,875 --> 00:16:17,535
You do?
Mm-hmm.
462
00:16:17,610 --> 00:16:19,510
Okay.
463
00:16:19,579 --> 00:16:21,379
Brandon?
464
00:16:21,448 --> 00:16:22,218
He's in there.
465
00:16:22,282 --> 00:16:23,882
It's where he always goes.
466
00:16:23,950 --> 00:16:25,420
I don't see him.
467
00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:27,685
I think I can
hear him whimpering.
468
00:16:27,754 --> 00:16:29,724
Brandon?
469
00:16:33,193 --> 00:16:35,763
Robby? Robby, Pooh Bear?
(knocking)
470
00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:38,068
So long, Amma, I'm running away.
471
00:16:38,131 --> 00:16:40,201
Robby, please,
I get claustrophobic!
472
00:16:40,267 --> 00:16:41,227
You should've thought of that
473
00:16:41,301 --> 00:16:42,801
before you made me
brush my teeth!
474
00:16:42,869 --> 00:16:44,169
Robby?!
475
00:16:46,073 --> 00:16:48,613
Oh, not good.
476
00:16:48,675 --> 00:16:51,505
At least the ringing
in my head finally stopped.
477
00:16:51,578 --> 00:16:55,678
(fire alarm blaring)
478
00:16:55,748 --> 00:16:57,878
(indistinct voices)
479
00:16:57,950 --> 00:17:00,520
(siren blaring)
480
00:17:00,587 --> 00:17:02,387
Hey.
481
00:17:02,455 --> 00:17:05,525
Oh, boy, sucks about
the fire alarm, huh?
482
00:17:05,592 --> 00:17:06,762
What did you do, Ron?
483
00:17:06,826 --> 00:17:08,456
Nothing.
484
00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:10,428
Just leveled the playing field
a little bit, you know?
485
00:17:10,497 --> 00:17:12,197
If you're not sleeping,
neither is the competition.
486
00:17:12,265 --> 00:17:14,225
You did that for me?
487
00:17:14,301 --> 00:17:16,271
Yeah, I figured
it was partly my fault.
488
00:17:16,336 --> 00:17:17,836
At least in the eyes
of the law, right?
489
00:17:17,904 --> 00:17:19,114
Hey, Robby.
490
00:17:19,172 --> 00:17:20,072
What's all
the excitement?
491
00:17:20,140 --> 00:17:21,240
Oh, my God, Robby!
492
00:17:21,308 --> 00:17:22,138
What are you doing here?
493
00:17:22,209 --> 00:17:23,679
Don't get a big head over this,
494
00:17:23,743 --> 00:17:26,053
but you take better
care of me than Angela.
495
00:17:26,113 --> 00:17:28,383
Hey, thanks, buddy.
496
00:17:28,448 --> 00:17:30,118
Oh, and you have
to pay the cabbie.
497
00:17:30,183 --> 00:17:31,983
It was $275
to drop me off.
498
00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:33,751
Probably a little more now.
499
00:17:33,820 --> 00:17:35,820
(chuckles)
500
00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:37,958
Hi. Gotta get my wallet.
501
00:17:38,024 --> 00:17:39,564
One sec.
502
00:17:39,626 --> 00:17:41,426
Come on, let's go.
503
00:17:49,136 --> 00:17:50,896
(gasps)
Yes!
504
00:17:50,970 --> 00:17:53,410
You look like
you're new at this.
505
00:17:53,473 --> 00:17:54,343
Yeah, well,
506
00:17:54,407 --> 00:17:55,877
it was a rough night.
507
00:17:55,942 --> 00:17:57,282
Someone took my phone,
508
00:17:57,344 --> 00:17:58,514
then someone took my wallet.
509
00:17:58,578 --> 00:17:59,908
Then I traded my
shoes with someone
510
00:17:59,979 --> 00:18:01,509
who said they had my wallet,
511
00:18:01,581 --> 00:18:03,881
but I should have
verified that first.
512
00:18:03,950 --> 00:18:05,450
Share a burrito?
513
00:18:05,518 --> 00:18:07,148
Love to.
514
00:18:12,392 --> 00:18:13,762
Things are looking up, though.
515
00:18:13,826 --> 00:18:16,056
I can wrap these tennis shoes
in some packing tape,
516
00:18:16,129 --> 00:18:17,129
they'll be good as new.
517
00:18:17,197 --> 00:18:18,267
People said I couldn't
518
00:18:18,331 --> 00:18:19,771
hack it on my own.
519
00:18:19,832 --> 00:18:20,872
What are you doing out here?
520
00:18:20,933 --> 00:18:22,303
Me?
521
00:18:22,369 --> 00:18:23,839
This woman tried to baby-sit me.
522
00:18:23,903 --> 00:18:25,513
I said no way.
523
00:18:25,572 --> 00:18:27,912
Good for you, shows you got
an independent spirit.
524
00:18:27,974 --> 00:18:29,844
Yeah, it does, doesn't it?
525
00:18:29,909 --> 00:18:32,279
I did the exact same thing
as you 30 years ago,
526
00:18:32,345 --> 00:18:34,045
and look at my life.
527
00:18:34,113 --> 00:18:35,423
Guys like us,
528
00:18:35,482 --> 00:18:36,822
we don't need no babysitters.
529
00:18:36,883 --> 00:18:38,593
Nope.
530
00:18:41,087 --> 00:18:43,917
Ugh, where did you
buy this burrito?
531
00:18:43,990 --> 00:18:45,120
Buy it?
532
00:18:45,192 --> 00:18:47,792
I got it from the irregular bin
behind the food service company.
533
00:18:47,860 --> 00:18:49,460
Don't worry,
534
00:18:49,529 --> 00:18:52,129
those vending machine people
have impossibly high standards.
535
00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:55,700
Ugh, I'll never drink again.
536
00:18:55,768 --> 00:18:57,598
(laughing): Well, that's what
everyone always says.
537
00:18:57,670 --> 00:18:59,770
Hey, look, it might be
good for you to be a little
538
00:18:59,839 --> 00:19:01,639
distracted in there, all right,
shake it up a little bit,
539
00:19:01,708 --> 00:19:03,608
loosen you up, get
you off your game.
540
00:19:03,676 --> 00:19:07,346
I am willing to bet you're gonna
do great in there. Come on.
541
00:19:12,852 --> 00:19:13,852
We did it!
(cheering)
542
00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:15,620
Yeah!
543
00:19:15,688 --> 00:19:19,528
Well, I'm glad betting
isn't allowed at these things.
544
00:19:19,592 --> 00:19:22,302
Oh, God, I was
such a mess in there.
545
00:19:22,362 --> 00:19:24,262
I was sweating
and stammering...
546
00:19:24,331 --> 00:19:26,531
Did I ask to buy a vowel?
547
00:19:26,599 --> 00:19:27,729
I liked the part
where you drooled.
548
00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:29,200
RON:
Yeah, you know,
you almost saved it
549
00:19:29,269 --> 00:19:30,999
when you started speaking
in tongues.
550
00:19:31,070 --> 00:19:32,270
ADAM:
Hey, Gar.
551
00:19:32,339 --> 00:19:33,909
Tough break in there.
552
00:19:33,973 --> 00:19:34,973
Tough break?
553
00:19:35,041 --> 00:19:35,941
I embarrassed you guys.
554
00:19:36,008 --> 00:19:37,078
Don't you want to kill me?
555
00:19:37,143 --> 00:19:40,013
Not as much as we did before.
Really?
556
00:19:40,079 --> 00:19:42,849
It was kind of nice to see
Mr. Know-It-All fail so big.
557
00:19:42,915 --> 00:19:43,615
You may not remember,
558
00:19:43,683 --> 00:19:45,753
because you passed out
a couple of times,
559
00:19:45,818 --> 00:19:49,458
but the rest of us actually got
a chance to do some debating.
560
00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:51,222
Huh.
561
00:19:51,291 --> 00:19:52,891
You want to ride back with us?
562
00:19:52,959 --> 00:19:53,789
There's room.
563
00:19:53,860 --> 00:19:55,760
Thanks.
564
00:19:55,828 --> 00:19:58,098
But I already have a ride.
565
00:19:58,164 --> 00:19:59,934
566
00:20:07,307 --> 00:20:08,837
Here we go.
567
00:20:08,908 --> 00:20:11,708
Road trip!
568
00:20:11,778 --> 00:20:14,408
All right.
He shoots, he scores.
569
00:20:14,481 --> 00:20:16,551
Let's go, let's go, let's go.
570
00:20:16,616 --> 00:20:18,686
Oh, God, I hate these guys.
571
00:20:18,751 --> 00:20:21,321
Don't look them in the eye--
they can read your thoughts.
572
00:20:21,388 --> 00:20:23,018
Flowers for the lady?
573
00:20:23,089 --> 00:20:24,389
Nope. Get away
from the car.
574
00:20:24,457 --> 00:20:26,427
Holy crap. That's Brandon.
575
00:20:26,493 --> 00:20:28,433
Brandon, get in here.
576
00:20:30,062 --> 00:20:32,272
Oh, thank God it's you guys.
577
00:20:32,332 --> 00:20:34,232
So, you'll buy my flowers?
578
00:20:34,301 --> 00:20:36,041
Open the windows.
579
00:20:36,102 --> 00:20:37,742
Everyone open your windows.
580
00:20:37,804 --> 00:20:39,614
581
00:20:40,940 --> 00:20:42,310
ANGELA:
Hello?
582
00:20:42,375 --> 00:20:44,675
Is anyone out there?
583
00:20:44,744 --> 00:20:46,984
Hello?
584
00:20:47,046 --> 00:20:48,476
Oh!
Hello.
585
00:20:48,548 --> 00:20:50,578
Hello?
Somebody in there?
586
00:20:50,650 --> 00:20:52,350
Yeah, it's Angela.
(chuckling)
587
00:20:56,088 --> 00:20:57,588
Oh. Oh, God, Ron.
588
00:20:57,657 --> 00:20:58,487
(sighs)
589
00:20:58,558 --> 00:21:00,628
Ron, I'm so sorry.
I lost your kids.
590
00:21:00,693 --> 00:21:02,763
(sobbing): I... I don't even
know what happened.
591
00:21:02,829 --> 00:21:06,329
I just play it over and over
in my head and... oh, God,
592
00:21:06,399 --> 00:21:08,029
I'm so sorry.
593
00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:10,040
Oh, Angela, baby.
594
00:21:10,102 --> 00:21:10,702
(chuckling):
Oh.
595
00:21:10,770 --> 00:21:12,710
Oh, as much as I would love
to let you
596
00:21:12,772 --> 00:21:14,642
keep enjoying this hug,
I-I got to tell you...
597
00:21:14,707 --> 00:21:16,307
I got to tell you
I got it under control.
598
00:21:16,376 --> 00:21:17,636
Okay? The kids are safe.
599
00:21:17,710 --> 00:21:19,580
(gasps)
How did you find them?
600
00:21:19,646 --> 00:21:21,476
Well, when you've
been a dad
601
00:21:21,548 --> 00:21:23,248
for as many years as I have,
602
00:21:23,316 --> 00:21:25,916
you develop a certain
fatherly instinct.
603
00:21:25,985 --> 00:21:28,115
ROBBY:
Ron! Watch me
luge off the roof!
604
00:21:28,187 --> 00:21:31,187
Whoa, whoa!
Stop right there, cowboy!
605
00:21:31,257 --> 00:21:32,787
Let me get the camcorder.
41269
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