Original subtitles

We need a scapegoat.

I quit today. Again?

I'm Penny. This is Wade. You killed Mrs Brady?

Smells like someone's getting high off my supply in here.

Mother-

There will be repercussions. You wait till you meet his missus.

You're in on this?

We're both murderers.

Oh, you guys are out late. Luck wants you to come round for dinner. Great!

I love you so much. Oh, I love you too.

Death is never far away.

Animals on farms die every day - a simple fact of life.

Can we stop by the next dairy? Sorry, sweet pea, we can't.

But I wanna get a Jelly Tip. I already told you - you've had too much ice cream today.

But-No.

For we city dwellers, it's all too easy to forget that steaks come from cows, lamb chops come from lambs.

But out here in the country,

death is a constant companion.

So this is where I found the bunny,

and now...

he gets to go home.

Off you go.

Oh no.

It's still moving.

I want a Jelly Tip.

OK, Lulu, I'll buy you a Jelly Tip.

What makes a bad person turn bad? Is it nature or is it nurture?

Or can you trace it back

to one bad day

on an empty road...

Where the fuck is my husband?

That changed everything?

www.able.co.nz Copyright Able 2019.

My first call-out was to Colin McDuff's place. He thought someone was stealing his electricity.

Those aren't real crimes. Like the stuff you write about.

Oh, I bet you'd know how to commit the perfect crime.

So, how long have you two been together?

Sorry? You two. How long have you two been together?

Oh, right. Oh, since we were 16. Sweet 16.

No freaking way! Mm-hm.

- Damn. You must get so sick of each other. - Say what you mean, boo.

No, it's-it's fine. No, I guess we just-we've just always worked together.

Wow. Think I just threw up a little bit in my mouth.

Shut up, Justin. It's romantic.

You should be more like that. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Mm-mm. Told you this needs cream.

Someone forgot to get some. Mm. Nah.

Oh, look it's not my fault, OK? Ross has gone AWOL and left me to do all the work.

Word is he's won 400 bucks at Duck Bingo and now he's going out boozing and rooting.

Only pigs root... Mm. And Ross is a pig.

A racist, sexist pig.

I'd be pretty happy if he never came back again.

Bottoms up. Oh, yeah, yeah. Cheers. ALL: Cheers!

Whoa.

All right. It's been great. It's been wonderful, but, um,

we really do need to... Should-Mm. OK... hit the trail.

Oh. Uh, well, I'll run you home, eh? Oh, you don't need to do-Oh, no, no, no.

Country people die on country roads. I'll run you home.

I'll be back in a sec.

Thank you... Thank you. So, so much.

You're welcome. Oh, you all right? OK. Yeah. Yep.

Thanks.

Oh, do you mind if I have a word with Wade, alone?

Police business. It-It's OK. I'll come in soon.

Oh, thanks so much for hooking me up, bro. It's not easy when you're a local cop, eh?

Oh, come on. Don't make me beg.

Oh.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Come on.

Come here, you little prick. Fucking kill you.

You fucking shot me. You fucking shot me! I'm a fucking policeman and you fucking shot me.

Come here. Fuck. Come here, you motherfucker. I will fucking rip your tongue out.

Come here!

Come here!

Oh.

I can't tell you how good it is that we're baking buddies.

Oh. Luck worries Ross the boss might find out.

Like she cares what he thinks.

Ross had us over for dinner one night. The whole night, he didn't say anything to Luck.

Instead, he went on and on about this trip he took to Thailand,

about how all the women there are gagging for it.

Luck got so angry, she went up to his bathroom and pissed on his toothbrush.

- Pissed on his toothbrush. - Help!

Hey, what can I say? That's my girl. She's a force of nature.

- Don't mess with a force of nature. - Oh shit.

Speaking of forces of nature...

Does he know? What'd he say? He just wanted someone to smoke weed with.

I can't do this.

I mean, we've got a cop tied up in our barn.

Help!

Is that real or was I imagining that?

No, it's real, and we need to do something about it.

What have I got us into?

I mean, it wasn't enough that I lost my stupid job. Now I've turned us both into murderers.

No! No, we are good people caught in the middle of an extraordinary situation and that man's death,

that bad man's death. That - that was just an accident, and Ross isn't even actually dead.

We just need to make a plan, honey. Like, now.

Yeah. We're not bad people.

No. We just need to deal with the whole situation thing.

Exactly. You will come up with a brilliant idea for us, babe. I know that you will.

Yeah. I got us into this shit, and I need to get us out of it.

And that is something.

I need to do for you.

Mm.

I'm gonna do that.

Gonna do it.

Wade? I can do it.

Wade?

They seemed distant, didn't you think?

Yeah, they definitely seemed distant. Didn't notice. Are we out of bread?

And they went home real early. That was real early.

Yeah, I don't know. Maybe they've got other stuff going on. Like what?

Did they say something to you in the car?

What? N-No. Look, it was a great night. You're overthinking things.

This is our chance to finally make some proper friends in this backward shithole.

Yeah, I hear you, but you don't want to be that kid

who wants to be your best friend on the first day of school. Everyone hates that kid.

Yeah. You're probably right.

Wait, did you just agree with me? Mm-mm.

Can't wait to tweet this. Stop it.

You killed another one?

It wouldn't do what I said.

Oh, shut up, Braden.

You know, I'm not cleaning that up, and I'm not fucking buying you another one.

You know, I'm not made of bloody Rottweilers. But, Mum.

No, but nothing. Nothing.

You're not getting another one.

Now...

do you know where your father is? Huh? He didn't come home last night, did he?

Told you, I don't know.

Yeah.

I got a pretty good idea where that root rat is. Come on. Mummy's doing some errands. You're driving.

Hop it!

Today things change.

Today I handle this so you don't have to worry about a thing.

You see, what you tend to forget sometimes is your husband is a problem solver by trade.

We need...

a solution tree.

Ross is...

the root of all our problems. Mm-hm.

So we follow the branches of the tree to get the solutions. It's like a mind map.

So we could...

run -

pretend like it never happened;

- Come clean. - Come... clean.

We could negotiate. Negotiate.

N-E-G-O...

Those are all the options available to us.

Great.

And luckily

your husband is an expert negotiator.

I brought you some scrambled eggs from our chickens.

How you feeling?

Would you like some more pain relief?

So, I'm taking it that negotiation is off the table, then?

I wouldn't say that. No. Um, I think I just caught him off guard.

So what exactly did he say?

Your bitch of a wife fucking shot me, you shithead.

She fucking shot me! Shh.

Not much, really. Kinda just played it close to his chest.

- That whore's gonna die. - So are you.

You're gonna fucking die. Come here! Come here!

Cook you some fucking eggs.

Well, maybe there is another option. No. Run, come clean, negotiate - those are our choices.

I mean, there is one option that we haven't considered -

getting rid of him.

This isn't time for jokes, Pen.

We need to find the right sort of angle to break down his defences -

um, appeal to him on a level he can relate to.

Violence.

Pen. Hon, I'm serious. I mean, the man is clearly some kind of sociopath.

This isn't one of your Cutter books.

Sorry.

You're right. No black-hatting in a brainstorm.

No idea's a bad idea, no matter how ridiculous.

I know what black hatting is-Literally, don't be the bad guy in a cowboy film and shoot ideas down.

A new take on 'negotiate'.

Where the fuck is Pig? I don't know.

Let's try that again.

Oh! Oh.

Where the fuck is my husband?

I don't know. I told you I haven't seen him.

Listen here, you little cum guzzler,

if my husband has been sniffing around your gash, I will slice you both.

No, he hasn't. I haven't let him anywhere near my gash.

Not since you found out about us and set fire to my car.

Seriously, I haven't seen him in months and I was with Morrie last night. He's in the bedroom.

Yep.

Ooh, I want that clock. Braden, get it for your mummy?

NutriBullet will come in handy.

Well, they wouldn't fit ya.

You might find yourself a nice bloke if you didn't dress like such a little slut. Cheerio.

Come on.

Your father better not have bloody gone to town without me. So where we going now, Mum?

Pub.

Oh!

Look, here's the thing.

I'm very concerned that this situation is taking far too long for us to resolve.

Now, I'm not in the habit of fighting my husband's battles for him, Sergeant Ross,

or undermining him. No, I love him very much.

But today it's needs must.

Now, Wade is a good man, and he has some good ideas -

ideas you should really listen to and consider. So I'm asking you

to please listen to him reasonably, and let's all work towards a mutually beneficial solution.

No biting.

Fuck you, you fucking stuck-up bitch whore.

When I get out of this, and I will, I'm gonna get you and your dickless husband and I'm gonna fucking-

Sh-

Now, Wade is on his way back here soon to negotiate with you, so here's what you're going to do.

One, you won't tell Wade that I've spoken to you, and two, you will agree to everything, everything,

that he proposes because if you don't...

I shot you once to protect my husband. I won't have any trouble doing it again.

No, I haven't seen him for days. You sure?

Well, he's the only one that drinks this gut-rot rum.

I mean, that level hasn't come down since last week.

Hey, but don't worry, love. I'm sure he'll turn up soon. Oh, he better.

I'll rip his nuts off.

You got your payment?

Heads up - Walker's boys were in here last night. Not often you see them out in the wild.

Bold as brass.

And still, no one's seen Walker in weeks either. I mean, you got to wonder. What's going on in there?

Thanks, Bev. Yeah, well, it's probably nothing, but I just thought I should mention.

Hey, Bev. What? When your Wiremu was Braden's age,

did he get weird with animals?

Oh, sexually?

What does success look like for you? What does success look like to you?

What does success look like...

Ask yourself this question.

What does success...

look like?

Success, for you, is getting to go free

and getting to...

resume your business.

Success for me is you leaving us alone and life continuing as usual.

OK?

So, you and I both get what we want.

Y-Yeah.

Maybe one day when all of this has blown over, you and I can both be friends.

Yeah, I can-I can just see it.

You and me down at the pub having a couple of beers, having a good old laugh about that-

time when you shot me in the fucking head!

Do you wanna know what success looks like for me?

You in an early grave.

Do you know what success looks like for you? Prison. That is very unreasonable.

Hey. No black-hatting, Wade. Let me tell you about unreasonable.

Your missus came and paid me a visit before you came in here. What?

She said that if I don't go along with your pathetic little negotiation, she would shoot me.

I don't believe you. Fuck me.

You're not just a pussy; You're a deluded pussy.

Total pussy.

Worst negotiation...

ever. Wade.

What did he say? That you threatened him. Sgt Ross said you threatened him.

I can't believe he said that.

He's playing mind games with us. Trying to divide and conquer.

That is exactly what he's doing, babe.

Look, I know that you thought that my suggestion before was silly, but maybe we should look at it again.

I mean, this is the country - animals die all the time. People shoot them every day.

I can't believe we're having this conversation. This isn't us.

The minute we ran over that man, Wade, it became us.

Look, this just isn't one of your black hat-white hat scenarios.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap. And negotiating was a really great idea, honey.

It's just we really need to make a decision, like, now.

All right. But it has to be humane.

Yes. Yes, you're right, completely right.

Humane. Yes.

What about drugs? I mean-Oh, we've got those sleeping pills from our, uh-our trip to Europe.

I mean, you know, he-he'd just take these and never wake up. Is that enough to finish him off?

Hello!

It's me! Hi.

I was just on my way to work, and I thought I'll bring over some leftovers for you.

Should I put this in the fridge? Kitchen?

Fridge!

Oh. Ooh, I might just need to move a couple of things around.

Yeah, let me... help you with that. I'll just get you out. It's fine. Cool.

OK.

Stupid. Stupid. Came on too strong.

Squiz, onion for you.

Jimmy, pineapple for you.

Now, Owen, you get hold of Ross yet?

Nah, no answer. He had a big win on bingo so he's, like, probably just-

All right. Save the fucking details. Just keep me up to date.

What about those fellas over at Ohaki?

Yeah.

They said next week. Oh, did they? Next week?

That's no use to me, is it? I said this week.

You go back to them and you tell them that Lulu wants her money, and if they come back again

and say next week, then you hit them with a fucking hammer.

What about Waz and his crew? They all up to date? Yep.

Good.

Right. One last question...

Any of you cock farts know where Pig is?

Hmm? Did he go to Hamilton, Slade? Dunno.

Nah, he didn't go to the Tron.

I checked with Waz and the boys. Oi. Put that back.

D-Did you ask Danielle?

- Huh. Ask Danielle. - That's a good idea, Jimmy.

Yeah, nice one, cos, uh... Yeah, cos Pig was rooting her a while back, eh?

And all you cum nuggets, you knew about it, didn't you? Eh?

Oh yeah.

Hey, boo. What's happening?

You were playing Candy Crush again, weren't you?

Hey, I just found out where your slack-as boss has been hiding. What?

His car's at the pub. No prizes for guessing he's in there boozing it up.

Busted.

♪ Like a Warhol or a Rothko

♪ or a Monet

♪ or a Van Gogh

♪ all the people all up in here, there's something out the window.

♪ All I know is when you walking with me...

♪ girl, you're like the Mona Lisa, the Mona Lisa.

♪ I wonder if you know you're a work of art.

♪ Girl, you know, you know I need ya, my Mona Lisa.

♪ Every time you smile I just fall apart. My friends. You caught me.

Just busting out some shapes in my downtime.

Yeah, we're just, uh, looking for the doctor.

Oh, dude, you've totally found him. I'm Ganesh. I'm here every second day.

Come on in. Please, sit down. Hello. There you go. Ooh, there we are. Right here, chap.

No one ever comes in when I'm here. Not that I'm, like, bad at my job.

I'm pretty sure it's because none of the locals want to be treated by a sooty.

So, is it your hand? Oh-Is it an animal bite?

Oh, I've been hanging out to treat a bite. No, it's not an animal bite-

No, it's me. I've been having a bit of trouble sleeping.

Oh. The same thing happened to me when I moved here. It's gonna sound crazy, but here's what I did.

I listened to a recording of traffic. Out like a baby. Swear to God.

I was just hoping to get some pills. Oh, you don't want to be rushing into the pills, man. Lavender.

I-I was thinking more along the lines of-

Uh, sleeping problems are very rarely medical. They're usually stress-related.

You guys been under a lot of stress?

I knew it. There's something in the relationship?

Let's talk it out.

How is the sex life?

The best way to get a good night's sleep is a good healthy relationship.

Now, that I can prescribe pills for. I'm telling you, dude, I love my little blue pills.

They're a game changer.

How are your erections?

I-I'm all right in that department. Right, then, coming back to the lavender.

How's your cock? Doing the business?

Sorry? Righto. Did the dog see the rabbit?

Oh, I've been looking forward to this since that little bastard

crippled Stargazer. I had to put old Gazer down. Crying shame. Was a beautiful animal,

unlike that little black abomination over there.

In fact, no charge for this service.

- You hear that, Cyril?! - This is your day of reckoning.

What drugs will you be using to, you know, euthanise him?

We just-We don't want him to suffer.

It's an old country remedy.

You distract him, I'll go grab the drugs, and then we just tell him that we have changed our minds. OK?

Whoa. Uh, where are the drugs?

I'm not going within 20ft of that creature. And buggered if I'm gonna waste good drugs on him.

Seems a shame to even waste a bullet.

Oh-Hey, wait, wait, wait, wait! That-That'll hurt him.

Oh, give me strength!

Listen, city boy. A bullet is the quickest, cleanest, most painless way to end a life,

which is more than that little bastard deserves.

Yeah! Take that, you little monster.

Right. Just need to confirm the deed.

Yep, not breathing.

Dead as.

What the f-

Shit.

Gidday, Tina. I'm having a bitch of a day. Need to treat myself.

Right, well, Lulu, I'm fully booked, but I could squeeze you in tomorrow? Are you deaf?

I said I'm having a bad day today. I could fit you in at the end of today.

How 'bout you fit me in at the end of now? Hmm? Don't think anyone's got a problem with that. See?

I want the...

Chinky girl. Do I have to be here?

Oh, you're just like your father. You never think of me.

Both of you. Youse only think of yourselves.

Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me.

Well, now Mummy's having some me time.

I am gonna get myself a Brazilian, and when your father comes back, I'm not letting him anywhere near it.

Ugh. See how he likes that.

Why don't you just get on with your errands, then?

Go up to the plot, see if your father's there and tell him to fucking call me.

I have my own stuff to do. I don't give a hot, fat shit about your stuff!

You do what your mummy tells you, you little wanker!

Aw. I'm sorry, my little piglet.

Mummy's just under a lot of stress right now, and you're the only one she can rely on. OK?

But she loves you. Mummy loves you. Come here.

That's it. Come here. She loves you. You're her favourite. One more. Come here. That's it.

Tell me you love me back. Tell me-

I love you. I love you. You love me back. That's it.

Again. I love you more. I love you.

There you go, Richard. Well, he won bingo and then he got a phone call and shot through.

I mean, he didn't even stop to collect his winnings. Wait, he left his winnings behind?

Yep, he was out of here like a cut cat, love. He didn't take his car.

Yeah, no, no, no. He took his car. I was out the back cleaning up the bottle bin and saw him take off,

foot flat, full bore. Snaky, up the road. But his car's parked out back.

What? Well, I don't know. He must have come back, probably to get his cash.

But it's still here. And I never saw him. Well, look, I locked up at about 2am, right,

and his car wasn't there then. Oh. Well, that's weird. Probably one of two things, darl.

He's, um, dead drunk or dead in a ditch.

Man. I was just saying today, I've never treated an animal bite while I was here.

It was like I said it out into the universe, and, you know, ask and you shall receive, right?

Yep. That'll need stitches. Of all bites, a pony bite. Would've never guessed that'd be my first.

A pony,

and on the arse. It's not a bloody pony. That thing is a demon.

It's like it knew what it was doing.

It's not natural.

Oh shit. Sorry, that's the iodine. Stings a bit, doesn't it?

No, I just can't help thinking I've forgotten something.

.303. Good hunting rifle.

Excellent penetrating ability due to a fast twist rate that enables it to fire

long, heavy bullets with a high sectional density.

Canadian rangers use this for survival and for polar bear protection.

My research. I know exactly how to load and fire this weapon.

We have been delivered the perfect means with which to humanely dispatch Ross -

a gun that can't be traced back to us.

Humanely? Since when is shooting someone in the head humane?

Remember what the vet said, Wade. A bullet...

is the quickest, cleanest, most painless way to end a life.

But he's not an animal. He'll see the gun coming. He'll see the end coming. It's inhuman.

You're really calm about this. It's kind of freaking me out, Pen.

I'm not calm. Oh, I am a looong way from calm.

I am just trying to hold it together to do what's right for us.

But you do have a point about the gun. Yeah?

He shouldn't see it coming.

What about the sleeping pills? I mean, two should be enough to put him out.

And he-he won't even know that it's happened.

If we're gonna do this, I should be the one to pull the trigger. This should be on me, not you.

I'm happy to do it, hon. I mean, I have had more experience with guns. Let me fix this, Pen. Please?

I need to fix this.

Hello?

Ross?

Hello?

Oh, dude. All the toys.

Oh.

Mum- Any sign of your dad over there?

I'm on my way. I had my own stuff to do.

I told you once - fuck your own stuff - you do my stuff first.

Now go and check on what I told you to check on. Now!

Bitch! Fuck!

Oi, Peng Gong! Bit of warning before you do that again.

Understanding me?

And you, you do as you're told.

What was all that shooting? And I- And I heard screams. What are you idiots doing out there?

Oh, that's nothing for you to worry about.

Oh, I think it is.

What is that shit?

Just food. It's just really good food. Heh. Smells like wog food to me.

You need to keep your strength up. I need to get out of here.

Look. Sorry if I've come on a little strong. You can understand I'm under a bit of stress,

lashing out. How do I know that's not poisoned?

Ah. Mm.

This is going nowhere.

How about I make you a deal?

At my home I've got a bitcoin drive. You know what bitcoins are, right?

It's about half a million dollars. It's at my home behind a picture of me on holiday.

We'll think about it.

Maybe we should just take the money and let him go.

What? And what's to stop him going straight to the police after that?

Wade, it's just a distraction. We have to stick to our plan, OK?

Those things take about 15 to 20 minutes to come on,

so I'm just gonna take you through the basics, all right? Yeah, I can do it.

So, this is the safety. That is on. This is off.

Now, the gun's already cocked, so all you have to do when we get in there-

Oh fuck. I shot him.

That has gone straight through.

Nasty.

I-Is he gonna?

No. No!

What?

Wade. Pen, we need to get him to a doctor.

He could die. I know, but that's a good thing. No, it's not.

You keep saying that we're good people? Well, this is what good people do.

Wade.

Remember this. Remember we saved your life.

This is a sign. Can't you see that? It's a sign that we shouldn't kill Ross. It's fate.

It's not fate, Wade. It's you not listening to me.

I listened. No, you didn't.

Ugh.

You didn't trust that I could shoot him. Oh, just like you didn't trust me.

When? When you spoke to Ross behind my back.

Dirty little fucking bastard.

Yes, I did speak to him behind your back and I did it-MUFFLED: Car.

Because I didn't think you could get the job done on your own. Car.

Fucking car!

Hey. Hey. Hey.

- Hey, are you all right? - What-Oh.

Are you OK? Are you OK? We- How are you-

N-!

Oh.

Oh.

Can you trace it back,

back to one bad day,

one bad day on an empty road that changed everything?

Captions by Alex Stone. Edited by Glenna Casalme.

Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air.

www.able.co.nz Copyright Able 2019