Original subtitles

Dowereallywant whatwethinkwewant?

Orisitonlywhenweget whatwewant,

...thatweunderstandif wewantitbecausewewantit or...

...wantitbecause wethinkwewantit.

One,two,three,four...

Ideclareathumbwar.

Yes!Iwon.

Whatdoyouget?

Squat.

Bytheway,yourfamilydriver isfullyshocked.

So?

Idon'tcare.

Doyou?

Let'sgototheMaldives? Youandme.

Thesand.Whitebikini.

Onoroff.

Justenjoythemoment.

And...

...Imightshowyoumy whitebra.

On.

Andoff.

Fuck!

Wherehasthissexynymph beenhidingallthiswhile?

Tookawhiletowade throughthetraffic.

Sexyandfunny.

Whatelsehaveyoubeenhiding fromme,Ms.Patel?

Leaving?

Ya.

Aren'tthosetherules?

Stay?

Andwhataboutyourcocoon?

Youcanbemycocoon.

Whynot.It'sbeenmy childhoodambition.

Tobesomeone'scocoon.

Perfect.

Mom!

HappyDiwaliUmi!

Pinky... -Whatwereyouupto?

We'vebeenringing thebellforsolong.

You'vecomeunannounced.

Wewantedtosurpriseyou.

Andwewantedtoexperience...

...Mumbai'sfamousfestival oflights!

Come...

Igotit.

Coffee.

Mr.Workaholic.

Thanks.

Justthanks?

MehtaandMehta'sfile ispending.

Yesbut...

...youcantake atwominutebreak,right?

No,Iactuallycan't.

Becausemyboss isahard-ass.

Sheneversayswhat shethinks.

Andshedoesn'tthink aboutwhatshesays.

That'sabitharsh.

Listen,

canweplease goinsideandtalk.

BecauseIhavenoidea what'sgoingonhere.

Yawell...Idon'teither.

Solet'sgoinsideandtalk.

Please.

PleaseArjun.

Iamnotyourpuppy.

Youcan'tpetme whenyoulike...

...andthensendmeoffto akennelwhenyoudon't.

Justbecause I'myoungerthanyou...

...doesnotmeanthat Idon'thavefeelings.

God,Arjun... -First,youyellatmeinGoa.

Thenyouignoremefor threedays.Andnow...

coffee!

Seriously?

Arjun,thisisnoteasy forme.

Ihaveadaughter.

Ihaveresponsibilities.

Yes,youdon'tthink Iknowthat?

Look...

Ilikeyou.

Igenuinelylikeyou,okay.

Iwanttobeapartof yourlife.

Nottobesomedirty secretthatyouhideaway.

Ineversaidthat.

Please.Youbehavelike you'reembarrassedofme.

Nottobeseenin publicwithme.

Butguesswhat,

I'mnotatoyboy.

Arjun.

Arjun,I'mreallysorry ifImadeyoufeelthatway.

Honestly,thatwasnot myintention.

Listen,

I...

...reallylikeyoutoo.

Butit'sjustthat...

I'mverysensitive aboutArya.

Youknowand...

Ihavemyownshitgoingon withthiswhole...

...mommyguilt.

Myownmisplaced insecurities.It's...

Youwon'tunderstand.

You'regoingtodecide thatformeaswell?

Okay.

Dinner.

Tonight.

WithAryaandme?

Please.Please.

Please.Please.

Areyousure? -Yes,verysure.

Okay,IthinkI'dlikethat.

Okay.

Andnowyougetback towork...

...beforeyourhard-assboss...

...catchesyoubunkingwork.

Yes,Ms.Menon.

Morning,viralsensation.

Viral?

Likeyourarticleonthe trollcells?

It'sgoneviral.

What?

Yes!

30,000shares? -Yes.

Where'smyphone?

7,000retweets.

9,400mentionsonTwitter.

OhmyGod!

Youtrolledthetrolls!

IhavetocallVaibhavand...

Karanandthat...

...crazyAsha.

They'llbefucking jumpinginjoy!

Damini,accordingto yourstory,

thereisapowerful personbehindallthis.

Largely,trolls...

...havepaidjobs.

Theyhidebehindtheir anonymityand...

...spewvenomonwhoever theyaretoldto.

Inthiscase, themainculpritis...

...thebigguy.

TopindustrialistBadani.

Inordertosavehis politicianfriendsand...

...securehisbusiness interests,

herunsthesetrollcells.

Don'tyouthinkthese trollswillretaliate?

Taketheirrevengeonyou?

Thesepeoplewon'teven showtheirfaces.

WhywouldIfearthem?

Goodevening,Ma'am.

Goodevening. -Goodevening.

Stopit.

What?

Iboughtwine...

...which...

Hey!

Hi.

Ithought...

...youtwowerecoming overtomorrowforthe...

...festivalthing.

No...

Itwas...itwas...

...itwastoday. -Today.Today.

Ya.

Oh...

Ya.Ofcourse.

Ofcourse,Iremember.

Ofcourse.

Shouldwe?

Ofcourse!

Ya,please.

Hi,I'm...

I'mKavya,bytheway.

Arjun.

That'sVarun.

Arya'sdad.

Ya.

ArjunandI...

...worktogether.

Oh. -Nice.

Youlook...

...fairlyyoungtobealawyer.

Ohno,justanintern.

Intern? -Ya.

I'dbecarefulifIwasyou, youknow.

Thesebuildings...

They'renotvery comfortablewith...

...unculturedbehavior.

So...

CCTVcamerasso...

...youdon'tknow who'swatching.

Please,goahead. -No.

Afteryou.

No,youfirst.

Bro...

Iwasthefirstone.

Yougofirst.

Okay.

Sowhatisthis?

Relivingyouryouth?

Actually,livingitforthe firsttime.

DoesHRknowaboutthis?

I'minitjustforthesex.

Wow.

Youshouldbea stand-upcomedian.

Well,afterourdivorce, younowknowthat...

...I'mfunnytoo.

SeewhatImean.

Veryfunny.

Veryfunny.

Let'sjointhesetwo. Putthisonehere.

Putbluehere.

Okay...

MissBossyPants.

Blue.

Justlikehermother. -Ya?

DaddasaysPookieAunty bossypants.

PookieAuntybossypants?

PookieAunty. -PookieAuntybossypants!

Beforeintroducinghim toArya,

couldn'tyouhavewaited afewdays?

Likeyoudid?

Ya,likeIdid.

Sixmonths.

Onlyafterthatdid IintroduceKayvatoher.

Everybodycan'tbe asperfectasyouare.

Mr.Tighty-Whitey VarunKhanna.

Iwearboxersnow.

Airingyourselfout?

DoesKavyawantababy?

Maybe.

Seethat'sthedifferencenow.

Kavyawouldliketo haveachild.

Andyouwouldliketo dateone.

That'sreallybelowthebelt.

Babe,everythingis belowthebelt.

What?

Youguysstarteddrinking withoutus?

Sorry... -Sosorry...

C'mon.

Okay.

Whyareyoubehaving likethis?

Likewhat?

Likeyou're...

...jealousorsomething.

Jealous?

No.

Don'tberidiculous.

Heyguys!Whowants somepizza?

Me!Me!

Pizza!Pizza! -Pizza!Pizza!

Pizza!Pizza! -I'llbeupforsomepizza.

Pizza!Pizza! -Pizza!Pizza!

HeyDamini!

Dr.War...

Aamir... -Ya.

Hi...

Beenbusy?

Norepliestomytexts, mycalls.

Mybirthdaywishes.

IwasinGoaformy birthdayand...

...myphonewasn'tworking.

Sorry.

Alsobeenreallyswamped withwork...

...eversinceIgotbackso...

Beingswampedwith workisthebestwaytobe.

Butyoulooklikeyou needadrink.

CanI...

...offeryouone?

No,no...I'mfine. -C'mon.

I'vebeenmeaningtogo inforthelongesttime.

ButI'mokay...

Really,I'mfine... -C'mon!

C'mon,onedrink. -It's...okay...

It'sfine,c'mon. -I...

Anythingelse?

No,thankyou.

Dee?

Dee?

Dee?

Yes,yourfriendscallyou Dee,right?

Ms.RizviRoy.

Actually,I'mquitearegular atthisbar.

Meandmyfriends.

NotthatI'manalcoholic.

We'rehereacoupleof timesaweek.

WhichmeansIwill haveto...

...becomearegularhere.

Sorry?

Fromtheclinictothecafe...

...tothebararoundthecorner.

Here'stous...

...becomingregulars.

Quitsmoking.

It'swreakinghavocon yourbody.

Cheater.

You'restubbinga finishedcigarette.

Aamir...

OhmyGod.

I'msorry,Ijust...

Justneededsomestock.

Jeh!

You'rewiththatboy?

No,no,nothinglike that.Imean...

...notthatwe'renot together.Imean...

Weweren'ttogether whenyouandIwere...

Idon'tknowwhatI'mupto.

Whathe'supto.

Orwhatwe'reupto.

You'resohotand...

Iwaslowand...

...youwerethere andIwasthere...

Doyoualwaysramblelike thiswitheveryoneor...

...amIspecial?

Aamir,I'mreallysorry.

It'sokay.

Don'tforgettocome byforyourcheck-up.

Fuck!

Jeh...

Hey,yourfriendleft.

Iwantedtoexplain.

ExplainwhatDamini?

Aboutwhathappened.

Andwhathappened.

Whatyousaw?

Youdon'thaveto.

Don'tworryaboutit.

He'smydoctor.

He'squitethefriendlydoctor, isn'the?

Asin,mygynac.

Asin,hewasmygynac.

God,it'sallcomingout sowrong.

Yesitis.

Thereisnothingbetweenus.

Whyareyouexplaining yourself?

It'snotlikewe'redating, arewe?

Jeh...

Listentome.

Hey,hey,hey...

Justchill,it'scool.

Really,okay?

Umang,thiscityis reallynice.

Ireallylikeithere.

Mangoesoutofseason?

AndthattooAlphonso?

Letmetakealook.

YousaidMumbaireally suitsyou?

Itdoes.Why?

Thenwhydoyoulook solow?

Areyoucrazy?

Forgetit.

I'vegotlotsofsweetsfor Siddhi'smother.

Shewillreallylikethat.

ShouldIbuysomevegetables? Thereisn'tmuchathome.

ShouldIbuysomevegetables? Thereisn'tmuchathome.

Aren'tyougoing toaskmehowI'vebeen?

Whydon'tyoutellme.

Yourbrotherandmother wantmetohaveababynow.

I'mtakingthepill.

Why?

I'mnotreadyUmi.

Whydon'tyoujusttell themthat?

MaybeIwasneverready formarriage.

Andyou'resayingthisthree yearsaftergettingmarried.

Notallofushave thekindofclarityyoudo.

Whatdoyoureallywant?

Tolivehere.

Withyou.

Pinky,

I'veboughtfresh vegetablesforyou.

I'llmakesomejuiceforyou.

Yourperiodswillregularize.

Andthenwe'llhave goodnewsverysoon.

Iorderedorchids.

Whatkindoffloristdoesn't knowthedifferencebetween...

...liliesandcarnations andorchids?

Wow!

Siddhi,you'reglowing.

Didyougetthegoldfacial?

NoSne...mama.

Andyou'veusedthenew foundationIleftforyou.

Gorgeous.

Youknowyou're actuallyaveryprettygirl.

Thankyou.

I'vetakenaftermymother.

Thatistrue.

Nowplease, keepupthisperfection.

Don'tmessitup.

I'llgetchangedquickly.

Ifourguestsarrive, pleaselookafterthem.

Shyamprasad!Whereare thedecorations?

Damini,wemissyousomuch.

Andwe'resosorry.

We'rewimps.

Andtraitors.

Pleasedon'tbesilly.

Withoutyourhardwork andresearch,

thisarticlewouldn'thave beenpossible.

So...

Congratulationstoallofus.

Thankyou.Howsweet.

And...

Thisisforyou.

Champagnefortheoccasion?

Youguyshavebecome toofancy.

Thechampagneisto celebratethenomination.

Whatnomination?

TheFearlessJournalist oftheYearnomination?

Forthefourthtime inarow,Damini.

What?

Really?

Imean...

Wow! -Wow!

Tofearlessjournalism?

Tofearlessjournalism!

SohowisI-can-ksha?

She'sbusy.

Withabigscoopstory.

Whatscoop?

Morallyandethically it'sallwrong.

She'soutingsomeone.

Outingsomeone?

Yes.

Ahugeceleb.

SamaraKapoor?

Apparently,she'sina lesbianrelationship.

Withherpersonaltrainer.

Standstill.

You'llruinthepleats.

What'swrongUmi?

Areyounothappyto seeme?

Mom.

Sincewhendoyouworry aboutwhatyourmothersays?

I'mnotsayingitforme. It'sforyou.

Noneofthisisyour cupoftea.

Youwon'tbeable toadjust,Pinky.

Yes,Iknow.

Iknowyourlifeis veryexciting.

Ikeepseeingyourphotos online.

I'llchangemyselfovertime.

I'lllearntospeakinEnglish.

I'llchangemyappearance. I'lldoitall.

Whatdoyouthink?

ThatlifeinMumbaiis onebigparty?

Ittakessweatandblood.

Ittakespain.

Ittakeshardwork.

You'llgobackhomeinaweek.

Andwhenyoudo,

noone'sgoingtogiveyou youroldlifeback.

Idon'twanttogoback.

Iregretlettingyougoonce.

Pinky.

Areyouangrywithme?

Whyareyousayingmy namelikethat?

Istheresomeoneelse?

ThatgirlonInstagram?

You'vedoneafull investigation, haven'tyou?

Don'tyoulovemeanymore?

IlovedyouPinky.

Alittletoomuchbut...

Butyoudon'tanymore.

ShouldIweargoldordiamonds aroundmyneck?

Ourhostswillpreferdiamonds, won'tthey?

Wow!

Mydaughterandmy daughter-in-law arelookingsobeautiful!

MayGodprotectbothofyou.

Gorgeous!

Goldisfine?

Whataprettylittlegirl.

Thankyou.Youalsopretty.

Why,thankyou.

AreyouMamma'sPookieaunty?

Hi! -Hi!

Festivalgreetings! -Festivalgreetings!

Festivalgreetings! -Hi!Festivalgreetingsguys!

Arya,youcutiepie!

Festivalgreetings! -I'mVijuPatel.

Festivalgreetings!

Don'truinyourmood.

We'reataparty.

We'lltalktomorrow.

Festivalgreetings! -Howareyou?

Hello!How'sMama? -She'sfine.

Welcome,welcome.

Festivalgreetings!

Hi!

Whatareyoudoing?

What?

Okay,fine.

What'swrong?

Please,please.

Festivalgreetings! -Festivalgreetings!

Festivalgreetings,uncle.

Guys,where'sDee?

Ican'twait.Ireallyneed thisguys,I'msorry.

Here.

Hey!

Hangon.

Nowastingalcohol.

Festivalgreetings! -Festivalgreetings!

Umang,Ineedtospeaktoyou.

Wherewereyou?

Siddi-Piddi! -Umang!

SiddhiPatel,canyoucomeup andjoinme?

Go!

GoSiddhi... -Go!

Okay,I'mgoing...

Fromdiaperstokindergarten,

toallthosedanceroutines wepractised!

TodancinginGoa.

Ijustknowthat...

...Mihu-Pihuand Siddi-Piddiareforeverso...

Siddi-Piddi!

Willyoumarryme?

Sayyes!

Sayyes!

Mydarlingbabyis gettingmarried!

Congrats.

Welcometothefamily.

Thankyou.

Congratulations!

OhmyGod.

Siddhi,Ialwayswanted foryoutobemy daughter-in-law.

Godblessyou.

Soexcited!

OhmyGod!

Sids,your 'Knight-in-shining-armour -on-a-white-horse'wish...

...actuallycametrue!

Actually!

Mihirisscaredofhorses.

Sids,you'regoingtolivein NewYork.

NewYorkman!

IhateNewYork!

Youhavetowalkeverywhere.

Anditkeepssnowingthere.

Ihatethecold!

You'llgetusedtoit. What'sthebigdeal?

Ya!

Andanyway,Mihirseemslikea reallygreatguy.

Ya.

It'sonlybeenaweek sincewe'vemet.

Waitasecond,aren'tyouguys childhoodfriends?

Sids...

What'swrong?

Whathappened? Why'reyoucrying?

Sids. -Whathappenedbaby?

DidIdosomethingwrong?

No.It'snotyou.

Butyousaidyes!

Actually,Ididn'tsayanything.

Youmean,youdon'twant togetmarried?

Ido.

Someday,Iguess.

Youguess?

Idon'tknow.

Okay,okay...

Ifyoudo...

...getmarried...

...itwillbetome,right?

Ohman.

LookMihir...

You'retheperfectpackage.

You'resmart,you're intelligent.

Goodlooking,successful.

Classyontheoutside, massyontheinside.

Andyoutreatme likeaprincess.

Andyoumakemelaugh. -Thenwhat'stheproblem?

ThatI'mparentapproved?

No.

Shallweelope?

Justforthrills?

Let'sjustrun!

YouknowMihir...

Ialwayswantedthis.

OratleastIthought Iwantedthis.

ButnowIthinkmarriagewas justanexcuse...

...togetSnehaoffmyback.

Andnow?

Andnow...

...whenthisisactually happening...

...Mihir,I'mreallyscared.

Imean,Idon'tevenknow myselfyet.

HowcanImakesuch abiglifelongcommitment?

Andyouknowwhat?

Howcanthesolutiontoall myproblemsinlife...

...lieinfindingahusband?

Mangs,they'reoutingher.

Andyou.

Shehasthatamazing PRagencyofhers.

I'msurethey'realreadyonit, doingdamagecontrol.

Theycan'thelpherthistime.

Theyhaveproof.

Photosofyouandherin Goain...

...compromisingpositions.

I'msorryIcan'tstopthe story.

Thisisnotevenyourfault.

That'swhatIgetfor fallinginlove.

Fuckme!

Sothis...

...isano? -No.

Sothisisayes...

...withfootnotes.

Yes.

No.

Imean...

Man!

LookMihu-Pihu...

Ialsoreally,reallylikeyou.

Alot.

Butwhat'stherush?

Let's...

Let'shangoutabit.

Let'stravel.

Let'sfight.

Andthenmakeup.

And...

...let'shavesome...

...greatunattachedsex?

Fuck!IthinkIjustfell inlovewithyoualloveragain.

Really?

You'renotupsetwithme?

No,ofcoursenotSiddhi.

Imean...

Thisiswhatarelationship isbuiltonright?

Trustand...

...honestyandrespect.

Imean,that'stheonly waywe'lleverbehappy.

Really?

Siddi-Piddi!

Hell,evenIdon'tknow whoIam.

Iwouldlovetogoon thisadventurewithyouand...

...evenifwedon'treachthe finishlineatleast...

...we'llbetogether.

Onesecond.Onesecond. -Ohman...

Siddhi?