Original subtitles

When you lie, you run from that lie the rest of your life.

When you lie to a woman, it's only a matter of time

before that lie finds you, body slams you,

then makes you its bitch.

- Next! - Enter Pooh Cat.

Hi. I'm here to see, uh, Tray Barker.

Inmate 0074563.

Mm, I'm sorry, inmate number

0074563 is no longer with us.

Please don't tell me that.

Oh, my God. Did the diabetes get him?

Was he shanked in the yard?! What?

He was released a few weeks ago.

He... released?

My man was released, and he didn't even call me?

That big-gut Biz Markie-lookin' mother[BLEEP]!

No! Get off of me! You don't...

To think that I had been smuggling reefer

and Wild Berry Skittles in my love pocket

every Sunday for the last five years,

and he can't even text my ass!

Get off of me!

Oh, no, Tray Barker.

Oh, no, you made promises.

Uh-huh, and this will not stand!

Synced and corrected by louvette www.addic7ed.com

I look beautiful.

Mm-hmm. I ain't spent eight years

as prison tailor for nothing, nigga.

You're sharp, boy.

Understand that.

Tom Ford can suck my dick.

Save those tears for the funeral.

I'm happy to support Shay-Shay through this difficult time.

And, Shay, don't cry because you're losing a mother.

But smile because Heaven is gaining an angel.

Rest in peace, Mama Ruth.

And when you see Jesus, tell that nigga I said, "What up?"

I think your bitch is definitely gonna feel

emotionally supported.

I told you, Gustavo.

Don't call her a bitch, okay?

She's the love of my life.

She's a goddess!

Then why are you feeding her a bill of goods?

From what you told me about her mama,

she ain't getting into heaven.

'Cause you don't tell nobody the truth at the funeral, okay?

You whisper how you really feel at the repass.

You right, that is tradition.

I'm not lying.

In death, we all become 50% better.

How you figure?

Michael Jackson.

In life, he dangled a child out a window,

had slumber parties with underage children.

But in death, he became the GOAT,

the Greatest Of All Time.

That's a good point.

Look at Big Country, two-time felon.

When he burp, it smell like a fart.

He spits indoors.

Right on the carpet. That shit is foul.

But if he died tonight, by tomorrow,

we'll be drawing murals of him on the wall.

Y'all better cry, too.

I sense something.

A presence I haven't felt since...

Y'all smell Wild Berry Skittles?

- Aah! - What's going on in here?

You know we drug test every Friday, Chubby Denzel.

You can piss dirty if you want to.

That would make my day.

Mullins, I'm cool.

Well, you got a visitor, Barker.

It's a woman, and she fine, too.

- A woman? - Yeah.

What you talking about, a woman? What woman?

Aw, shit!

I knew it!

Mullins, you gotta cover for me.

Tell her I ain't here!

Tell her I'm in Florida!

Tell her I'm dead! Tell her I got hit by a car!

What is wrong with you, boy?

Are you afraid of a woman?

Well, that's just the height of "misogery."

Misogyny, you idiot!

Eat a dick biscuit, Felony!

Wasn't nobody talking to you!

That's Pooh Cat, my prison groupie, man!

She used to put money on my books when I was locked up, man!

She used to smuggle in assorted sundries.

I gave her my promise!

Promises I know I can't keep!

I promised her the world!

Boy, you crazy.

It's a good woman wearing them sexy crocs.

Then you keep her!

Aah!

A'ight, we all clear, Tray.

No sign of Pooh Cat.

We are all clear.

Why are people taking pictures of the body?

Is that a thing?

Yeah, taking pictures of the casket

is the only African-American tradition

I really can't get behind.

Ugh, that is so ratchet.

I'm just gonna go Snapchat the flowers.

Oh, yeah, much classier.

I can't believe you had Ruth buried in turquoise.

She liked primary colors.

You'd know that if you'd be around

instead of trying to act all fancy

with Mr. F. Scott Fitzgerald over there.

First off, it's not turquoise, it's cerulean.

And Meryl Streep did a beautiful speech about it

in "The Devil Wears Prada."

Now you just gonna casually bring up

the devil in a house of God?

Unbelievable.

She looks good!

I am not in the mood to be going around and around

with you today, Vernita.

Not at my mother's funeral.

- Your mother? - Mm-hmm.

You didn't even know her no more.

Damn shame the way you dropped out of her life like that.

Damn shame!

Really?

Vern and Vernita!

Two of my favorite cousins of Shay.

- My God. - Big Tray Barker! You came!

You invited him?

Well, we ran into him on the block.

Ain't no reason for him not to be here.

You look good, Tray. Real good.

Did them years like a soldier.

It wasn't nothing. You know how we do.

I can't wait to whup your ass at some craps later on tonight.

You better empty your pockets right now, my dude.

Turquoise.

Please.

Funny.

My family has more respect for you,

who spent 15 years locked up, instead of for me

who put myself through school, pay half of they bills.

I can't believe this.

You put her in turquoise, Shay.

Everybody knows she don't like that color.

These are for you.

I feel sorry for your loss.

They're coming at me

like she was mother of the year.

Yeah, but we all know she wasn't.

You only get one mother, Shay.

Even though she wasn't shit, she was your mother.

Come here.

Please, come here.

Come here.

You shouldn't be here.

- Shay, I came for you. - The last time I went to

- a funeral with you... - Devontay Mills.

And you tried to take his watch right out the casket

while everybody's eyes were closed praying.

That's right, because everybody knows a Rolex

ain't supposed to go in the ground,

especially Devontay owed me 10K and a steak dinner.

I'm not supposed to be laughing.

Everybody here already thinks I'm a deadbeat daughter.

Since when you start caring about everybody?

Look, I gotta pay Pastor Tyrell.

Everything around here is my fault,

and every bill is still my responsibility.

Go for Hawkeye.

Code Red! Code Red!

Pooh Cat is here!

I don't know how she found you, but she did!

Hawkeye out, son! That bitch is a ninja.

That's your card.

- Oh. - What happened?

Am I magic? No, I'm just a man.

I'm just a man.

Ain't she fake?

Thinks she all that now she out the 'hood,

trying to act all brand-new.

I'm Denita, by the way.

Pooh Cat. Pooh Cat?

- Mm-hmm. - Now, I know that's not

your Christian name.

Who you here with?

I run with Tray.

Ooh, speaking of Tray,

what he think about them kids?

No wonder Shay kept them from the family.

They obviously his.

Yeah, look like he spit 'em right out.

Anybody can see Tray loves them kids.

I mean, does Shay even want him here?

Fuck Shay.

That bitch ain't even speak at her own mama funeral.

Yeah. Fuck Shay.

Ooh, damn, I miss this.

This is that classic "somebody died" spaghetti.

Wait, we only eat this when somebody dies?

- That's right. - Does it smell in here,

or is it just me?

Oh, Shahzad, that is so rude.

You right, it does smell like old meat

and mothballs in here.

This is your mother's grandmother's house.

It always smelled like that.

We came here there Christmases ago,

and the only Christmas present I got

was some freakin' gray sweatpants.

'Cause your mother comes from a crusty ass family,

Shahzad, no doubt.

They seem to like you more than they like mom.

'Cause they either stubborn or crazy or both.

Man, I wish I had this damn "somebody died" spaghetti

every day.

Take that back.

God, please forgive her for she know not what she say.

Children.

I'ma go take a lap.

Tray?

Come out to play.

Tray!

Tray!

Tray!

Ooh! What...

There, you be all right.

Who's gonna be all right?

You better let me out this bathroom!

The white tiger has been neutralized.

Yeah, but why take pictures of Ruth in the casket?

Don't you want to remember her the way she was?

Shit, I put Ruth all over Facebook.

Oh, no, Denita, no, no, no, no, no.

Mm-hmm, you're damn skippy.

When else do you get your hair and makeup professionally done?

Your prom, your wedding, and your funeral.

Ruth was giving me life in that casket.

Oh, actually, that is a really nice angle of her.

Mm-hmm.

She almost looks alive.

You better be glad I ain't rolling, boy.

About to send you right back to jail right now.

Oh, oh, relax.

Oh, my bad.

It's all right, you black Super Mario-looking ass.

Oh!

Fuck it.

You got this.

Mm.

Excuse me, everyone, I have a few words I'd like to say.

Finally.

Um, as you know, my mother and I didn't always see eye-to-eye,

but that's because she was a strong woman.

A good woman.

And she raised me to be a strong

and stubborn woman.

Uh, but I am the woman that my mother made me.

She touched the lives of everyone in this room.

Everybody.

I'm sorry

that I wasn't here more of the time

for some of the key years.

I might have been

a little bit of an absentee daughter.

But I think of the days that I was here,

and it feels like, to me,

that I've always been here.

And...

I love you, mama.

Thank you.

How was that?

You went high, I gotta respect that.

Everybody in this room gotta respect that.

That was real nice, Shannon.

And absentee or no absentee,

your mother was a woman of God.

I'm sure she forgave your abandonment.

Thank you.

I got this.

Sit down, I got this.

Tray.

Ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting.

Some of y'all might remember me. I'm Tray.

Shay-Shay's baby daddy.

The one who put them two beautiful twins in her.

Now, the woman we're here to honor on this sad day,

I knew her well, too,

'cause she was a damn crackhead.

Ruth was saved!

You don't have to bring up her past and all that.

Yeah, but before she got saved, she was a god damn crackhead!

- Ooh. - Y'all in here all saw her

running around town getting high, stealing your shit.

What was she gonna do with them hub caps?

Okay? Ruth was a bad mother!

Shay wasn't no absentee.

Shay was an escapee, a refugee!

She got away from your rotten asses

and went and made a life for herself!

And if you don't like my speech,

you can kiss my black ass,

and you can kiss Shay Shay's beautiful black ass,

and Josh's white ass, 'cause even though Ruth ignored

her obligations as a mother,

Shay is honoring her obligations as a daughter.

- Mm-hmm. - 'Cause real men and women

honor their obligations.

So thanks for coming out, and tip your ushers

on the way out, you sons of bitches.

You do realize that was completely rude

and inappropriate, don't you?

Yeah.

Thank you.

You need a ride home?

Nah, I got some loose ends to tie up.

Some obligations, if you will.

- All right, bye. - See you guys later.

Bye, Tray.

- Later, Tray. - All right.

Pooh, why you in the window?

Come on, get down from there.

Damn, Tray.

Why you do this to me, love bug?

I mean, I thought I was your girl.

I know I made a lot of promises to you

when I thought I'd never see the light of day.

I told you I'd give you the world and everything...

Tray, you ain't giving me the world.

I want you to lay the pipe.

That's all you wanted, some ding-a-ling?

Yes.

What you think I did all this for?

I mean, you been talking it up, saying you like stretch marks

and cellulite, and that C-section scars turn you on.

I wasn't lying.

You know a C-section is the mark of womanhood.

Why you doing this to me, Pooh?

Looking in your eyes, you gonna fuck around,

get your salad tossed today, girl.

- Mm. - For real?

Yeah, come here.

For real?

Time to pay the piper.

My rent is due.

Rent is due.

Whoo, finally. I thought you were gonna

make me wait another 10 years.

I'm gonna tell you how this is gonna go down.

We'll start off slow,

then I'm gonna pick up the pace in the middle.

Mm.

Then I'm gonna go hard, like Seabiscuit.

Ooh.

- Yeah. - Ooh.

You ready for your Pooh Cat to meow?

Mm-hmm.

You got any special requests, you better say it now.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

I want you to pick me up and bang me on the wall.

Mnh-mnh. You know I got that bad back.

You gotta pick me up and bang me on the wall.

- All right. - Let's go.

Who do you belong to?

Pooh Cat!

- Who? - Pooh Cat!

Pooh Cat!

Oh!

Oh!

Hey, girl, I think you cured my scoliosis.

My back ain't never felt better!

You leaving?

Yeah.

And, uh...

Tray, you ain't gonna see me no more.

But you were my lifeline.

Yeah.

In exchange, you made me feel like

the most beautiful girl in the world

for three hours every Sunday.

I'm telling you, girl.

Under those beautiful fluorescent prison lights,

you look like Beyoncé mixed with Rihanna

mixed with Nell Carter.

Well,

the Federal Bureau of Prisons

may have released you, but our bond wasn't broken

until we made love, and I let you go.

So goodbye.

0074563.

Fly free, jailbird.

Oh, and Tray?

You gonna be great.

For real.

And your kids?

They beautiful.

Bye, boo.

Nigga, what you doing in here with the coats?

Hey, sweetie, I missed you.

You want some sugar?

I told you I don't like Skittles.

I like Reese's Pieces.

Baby, they don't travel well.

All right.

I'll bring 'em next time.

I will.

Hey.

You need to keep your head up, all right?

Why don't you tell me about all the fun

we're gonna have when you get out of here one day?

Oh, come on, that's a long ass time from now.

No. Tell me, anyway.

Well, I always wanted to go to Chicago.

Heard they got good popcorn.

Yeah, I love popcorn.

Yeah, me too.

You gonna feed me popcorn?

I could feed you popcorn.

Synced and corrected by louvette www.addic7ed.com