All language subtitles for The Big Bang Theory 11x23 - The Sibling Realignment (English)

That's not right.

That's so unreasonable.

Yeah, well, if you're going
to be like this,

then I don't want to talk
to you right now, either.

Okay. I love you. Bye.

Amazon customer support?

No, my mother.

Guess who she's insisting
we invite to our wedding.

Jesus?

If only.

My brother.

Wait a minute.
You didn't invite your brother

to your own wedding?

He tormented me
my whole childhood.

I don't think
I should reward

that type of behavior

with a slice of wedding cake
in the shape

of the Millennium Falcon.

Try again.

A slice of wedding cake
in the shape of a cake.

Look, he may have been mean
to you when you were kids,

but you're both grown men now.

That's right.
I'm a grown-up,

and if I don't want to invite
him to my wedding, then I won't.

Okay.

Except I have to 'cause
my mommy's making me.

? The Big Bang Theory 11x23 ?
The Sibling Realignment
Original Air Date

? Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ?

? Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ?

? The Earth began to cool ?

? The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ?

? We built the Wall ?
? We built the pyramids ?

? Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ?

? That all started
with a big bang ?

? Bang! ?

== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man

Okay, so each welcome bag
gets a schedule of events,

a map, and
chocolate from me.

And from Sheldon,
a bottle of Purell...

...the number for Poison
Control in case someone

accidentally drinks the Purell,

and a laminated

table of elements because
the American school system

is a failure.

How many out-of-town guests
are there gonna be?

I'm actually not sure.

Turns out Sheldon
didn't invite his brother.

Mm. Now it's starting
to sound like a wedding.

And his mom said she won't come
if his brother's not there.

Ooh, now it's starting to sound
like a good wedding.

Hey, Bernie. Hey.

How do you know
if someone has pink eye?

Um, their eye would be red,
swollen and probably oozy.

Okay, thanks.

Both kids have pink eye.

Oh, no.

You stop right there.

I'm getting married in a week;

you are not giving me pink eye.

I don't have pink eye.

Hey! Hey. Hey.

Step away from the bride.

Okay.
I'll go back upstairs.

Get in the shower and then take
those clothes and burn them.

Yeah, and all the rest
of your clothes!

Ah, worth a shot.

So am I gonna be, like, the only
single guy at Sheldon's wedding?

No.

There-There'll be a lot
of single people there.

Stuart, Amy's great-aunt...

Although, Stuart's already
friended her on Facebook,

so, better move quick.

I got to find a date.

I don't want to be
that sad single friend

that everyone looks at
with pity.

Uh, I'm-I'm afraid
that ship may have sailed.

Leonard,

you have a brother,
right?

Yes.

Is he the worst?

Is he an unspeakable
abomination?

Does the very thought of him
make your skin crawl?

Well, he laughs
at his own jokes,

but otherwise he's okay.

Sheldon, what's going on?

I'm trying to invite
my stupid brother to my wedding

and he's avoiding my calls.

You don't know he's
avoiding your calls.

Hey, you've reached
George Cooper.

Please leave a message,
unless this is Sheldon again,

in which case, please try me
on my other number,

1-800-suck-it.

See?

And I know that's not
a real number

because why would it be
toll-free?

Sheldon, you tried.

What more could you have done?

Hey, why didn't you invite
him in the first place?

You don't know what it was like
growing up with him.

I get it; I grew up
with lots of brothers.

My brother Adoot was
especially mean.

Really? I've never
heard you mention Adoot.

Yeah, sure I have.

He's the one who left the door
open when we were kids,

and my pet mongoose ran away.

Stupid Adoot.

Look, uh, short of getting
on a plane and flying there,

what does your mother
expect you to do?

I kept saying no.

H-H-How am I here?

Hey, did I tell you?

- I found a date.
- To the wedding?

Uh, to coffee.

But if things go well,
Sheldon and Amy's wedding.

Aren't you worried
it's a little intense

to ask someone you just met
to go to a wedding?

I'm running out of time.

Wh-Wh-Why can't there be
a service where you can

just pay someone to be
your date for the evening?

Like an escort service?

No, no, no. Y-You wouldn't
be paying for sex.

I mean, obviously if
things went well,

it could lead to sex,
but, but the money is for,

like, you know, her time
and companionship.

Oh, I get it...
an escort service.

Stop saying that.

Stop meaning it.

Hey, Raj, remember
when you borrowed

my VR goggles the other day?

Yeah.

Probably shouldn't have done that.

So, wait, y-your
brother is Dr. Tire?

Yes, and, apparently,

it only takes half a semester
of community college

to get that
particular doctorate.

We passed three
of these stores on the way here.

Why did you say he's just
"some loser who sells tires"?

You're right,
that was unfair.

He's a loser who
sells more tires

than anyone in Texas.

Oh, excuse me.

Uh, we're looking
for a Georgie Cooper.

One second, I'll check to see
if the doctor's in.

He is not
a doctor.

There's only
one doctor here and it's me.

I'm also a doctor.

Do you want to wait
in the car?

I wanted to wait
in California.

So, is this Georgie?

Yes.

And what is
he even using

that stethoscope
to listen to?

I don't know, small leak?

All right,
that makes sense.

What the hell
are you doing here?

Hello, Georgie.

It's just George now.

Fine, George.

No, I don't like it-- Georgie.

I see you haven't
changed one bit.

Thank you, that is
a nice thing to say.

Hey, I'm Leonard.

I'm here for-for
no reason.

What do you want, Sheldon?

Why aren't you returning
my phone calls?

You're supposed to
be the smart one;

you figure it out.

He's not that kind
of smart.

You might want
to give him a hint.

We haven't talked

in over ten years, and now
that you need something,

you think you can just
show up at my store?

Well, let's just
drop everything

to accommodate Sheldon.

Nice try,

but I am not a gullible
little boy anymore.

I can recognize sarcasm.

Okay. You're right.

I'm-I'm-I'm sorry.

Tell me what you need.

Your wish is my command.

That's better, thank you.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, I got it, too.

Wow. You really can't keep
your hands off Howard, can you?

I know, I have a problem.

I just wanted to make sure
you and Amy didn't get it.

Well, I didn't get it.

You infected me a week
before my wedding.

What am I supposed
to do about this?

Wear a veil?

It's not funny.

Look at what
you've done to me!

Ah, hey.

Could you just, like,
not touch my computer

or... like, anything
else. I just, ugh,

I don't want to look like that
in your wedding photos.

There aren't gonna be
any wedding photos.

My fianc�'s a germophobe.

If he finds out
I'm contagious,

he'll never
come back from Texas.

What if we tell him the theme
of the wedding is Walking Dead

and this is our zombie makeup?

That'll probably work.

We'll call that plan B.

Oh, well...

Turns out this is gonna
come in handy after all.

Hold up.
I-I'm confused.

You didn't want me
at your wedding,

but now
that Mom won't come,

you want me there.

I know you don't
hear this a lot,

but that is exactly right.

Good job.

Not helping, Sheldon.

Listen here,

you want me at your wedding,

all you got to do is ask nicely.

- Georgie.
- George.

I would like you
at my wedding.

Thank you, Sheldon.

That is so nice to hear.

But I would rather swallow
a pregnant wildcat

and crap out
a litter of kittens.

It is fitting that
you got into tires,

because you are tiresome.

Sheldon, come on.

Was that too mean?

No, not too mean,
not too good either.

No, Mother.
That's not fair.

But he told...

Yes, ma'am.

But I said...

Yes, ma'am.

Good-bye.

What'd she say?

She's not getting
in the middle of it because

we "boys need
to work it out ourselves."

Oh, maybe it's fine if

she doesn't come to the wedding.

I've got Amy now,

and she can do everything
a mom can do and more.

Say that to her
on the wedding night.

Really spice things up.

This is all Georgie's fault.

My whole childhood,
he was mean to me.

Sorry. I know what it's like
to live with a bully.

Your brother bullied you?

Oh, I was talking about Penny,
but sure, yeah.

Once, when I was eight,

I was going to dress
as my favorite scientist

for Halloween, and
Georgie threw my costume away.

I had to wear a sheet

and go as a ghost.

Scared myself all night long.

Well, look, we don't fly
out until the morning.

Why don't I try and talk to him,
give it one more shot?

All right.

But if he says,

- "Nerd says what," don't answer him.
- What?

You are a lamb to the slaughter.

So, how was
your date?

It was going well until my eye
dripped in her latte.

We're so sorry
we ruined your date.

Oh, boo-hoo.

His date got ruined.

I'm about to get married,
and look at me.

It looks like it's
getting better.

Oh, does it?

Does it look like that
with your two clear eyes?

I'm sorry. Are you mad
that I don't have pink eye?

- What do you think?
- Yes!

Uh-huh. Okay.

Okay. Uh, uh,
listen, I hear you.

I know they're pricey,
but these are the Dallas Cowboys

of tires, okay?

And we're talking
the Troy Aikman Cowboys,

not that pretty boy Tony Romo.

All right. Good call.

You won't regret it.

Boom!

Wow. That was impressive.
Yeah.

Well, it's easy
when you love your product

and hate Tony Romo.

Yeah, that guy's the...

Actually, I don't,
I don't know who that guy is.

If you are here about
Sheldon's wedding, don't bother.

Come on. I-I know
you two have your differences.

You mean pretty much everything
about us?

Well, not everything.

You're both tall, you
have the same last name.

Maybe I shouldn't have
started this like it was a list.

You have no idea
what you are talking about.

Ooh, there--
that-that was very Sheldon.

Look, I-I'm sure he was not
the easiest brother to have,

but it wasn't easy
for him either,

with you picking on him
all the time.

Picking on him?
Is that what he told you?

Well, what about the time

you threw away
his Halloween costume?

Well, yeah, 'cause he was gonna
dress as some girl scientist.

Madame Curie?

Oh, I didn't know
she was a madam.

Come on. He was still gonna get
beat up for wearing that dress.

Well, didn't you sit on his head

while he tried
to watch Star Trek?

Well, yeah,
but that was hilarious.

That is pretty hilarious, yeah.

Look, I mean,

I always looked out
for him at school.

I drove him everywhere.

I apologized to people
when he was rude.

Yeah. I've
done all that.

I've also removed all

the red balloons
from his Lucky Charms

because they weren't "Irish enough."
- All right.

So you know
what I'm talking about.

And has he ever thanked you?

Not in so many words,

or any words.

Would it kill him
to actually say it?

No. No, it wouldn't kill him.

Leonard,

you know how
I got the money

to open up my
first store?

I busted my ass for it,

'cause all the extra money
that we had had to go to Sheldon

so he could go to
college and he could go

study in Germany.

And do you know
what he's never said to me?

Danke schon?

It's, uh, "thank you" in German.

Do you need me
to sit on your head?

Nope.

After all my sacrifices,

guess which kid
my mom is the most proud of.

If it makes you feel any better,

my mom's most proud
of Sheldon, too, so...

Leonard,

you want a beer?

Yeah, I would love a beer.

There you go.

Thanks. Can you open it for me?
No, it's a twist-off.

I know.

Hey!

I got all the beads
to the other side.

It's not a puzzle, Penny.

Do you really want
to be touching that?

Do you know how
many sick kids...?

You know, never mind.
Knock yourself out.

Bernadette says
they're checking the kids now.

You know, maybe
we didn't all need to come.

Hey, whatever kind of pink eye
their kids have, I have,

and I need to know.

And if it's viral, I'm screwed.

Maybe not. You know, I know it's
not traditional wedding attire,

but how about
a welder's mask?

If you know

a welder, that could be
your "something borrowed."

Great news! It's bacterial!

- Yeah! - Yeah.
- Yes!

- Yeah. - Yes.

What are you doing?!
Wash your hands!

Oh.
Not you.

Hello. Room service?

I'm calling about
the club sandwich on your menu.

No, I-I don't want one.

I just want you
to spell it correctly.

Unless the "club"
is the Poor Typing Club.

Okay.

Now let's discuss
this 15% "gratooty"?

Yeah-- well, that was rude.

Someone just lost
their gratooty.

Sheldon, you need
to apologize to your brother.

- I'm sorry?
- Yes.

Like that, but nicer,
and that way.

I have nothing
to apologize for.

I told you this was a bad idea.

Sometimes you
can't patch a tire.

You just got to
buy a new one.

Actually, that's
always the case.

Never patch, buy new.

While I appreciate
your folksy tire wisdom,

I don't appreciate what
you're putting Mom through.

What would you know
about what Mom's been through?

You were never home.

Yeah, this is good.

- Get it all out.
- Not now! - Shut up!

You went away to
college after Dad died.

Who do you think took
care of everything?

Mom did. Mom always
took care of everything.

Mom was a mess, Missy
was a dumb teenager.

I had to look
after both of 'em.

I talked to Mom
all the time.

If she was upset,
she would have told me.

She was protecting
you, you idiot,

just like everyone
always does.

If things were bad,

then why didn't you tell me?

Because I was
protecting you, too.

You're my baby brother, Sheldon.

I know life has been
hard for you,

but that don't mean it's been
easy for the rest of us.

I suppose I didn't think about
how it was for everyone else.

No, that's all right.

I know you didn't.

I'm sorry.

Thank you.

And it would
mean a lot to me

to have my big brother
at my wedding.

I wouldn't miss it.

Is it me,
or did we just patch a tire?

He said, "Never patch."
Do you even listen?

Hey, how's it going?

Really good.

Georgie's going to come
to the wedding.

Oh, that's great!

Why aren't you looking
at the camera?

Oh, you know, I'm just working
on my peripheral vision.

Well, that is nonsense.

Your peripheral vision is fine.

Are those women's magazines
making you feel bad

about yourself again?

Yup, that is what's happening.

I have told you before,
those women are airbrushed

to make it look like
they have good vision.

Hey, I-I was thinking,

now that you and your brother
made up,

there's no reason to rush home.

Maybe you and Leonard could,

could stay for, uh...

two to three more
fun-filled days there.

That's a great idea!

Hey, Leonard, good news.

We do have time to visit the
Museum of the American Railroad!

I'd say no,
but what's the point?

Ooh. You might not want
to get too close.

Pink eye.

Me, too!

- Bacterial?
- Yeah.

Same!

I-I know this is gonna
sound crazy, but...

would you be interested in
going to a wedding with me?

== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man