All language subtitles for The Ballad of Josie (Western Comedy 1967) Doris Day, Peter Graves & George Kennedy

♪ The Ballad Of Josie ♪

♪ A story to remember ♪

♪ A pretty girl, a sturdy girl ♪

♪ Made of solid timber ♪

♪ She set her sights and
fought her fights ♪

♪ Cos justice was her aim ♪

♪ And a rebel county ♪
♪ has never been the same ♪

♪ She didn't wear no fancy duds ♪

♪ And worked like any man ♪

♪ She faced a lot of danger ♪

♪ And still she never ran ♪

♪ For Josie had some ideas ♪
♪ and every day she'd use them ♪

♪ And she also had some rough words ♪

♪ In case she had to use them ♪

♪ The Ballad Of Josie ♪
♪ The Ballad Of Josie ♪

♪ A story to remember ♪
♪ A story to remember ♪

♪ A pretty girl, a sturdy girl ♪

♪ Made of solid timber ♪

♪ She set her sights and
fought her fights ♪

♪ Cos justice was her aim ♪

♪ And a rebel county ♪
♪ has never been the same ♪

♪ The Ballad Of Josie ♪
♪ The Ballad Of Josie ♪

♪ A story to remember ♪
♪ A story to remember ♪

♪ The Ballad Of Josie ♪
♪ The Ballad Of Josie ♪

Luther.

(Woman screams)

Get goin'.

Luther.

We've had all of you
we can handle of you for tonight.

- Take your hands off me. - Any more
and you'll spend the night in jail.

Now get on home to your wife.
And stay there.

All right, back inside, everybody.

You've seen Whit Minick
go through a window before.

(Footsteps approach)

He's on his way, Ma.

Ooh, sorry!

On you go.

(Man, slurring) Josie! Open the door!

(Banging on door)

Josie!

Any time, Whit Minick.

Any time.

You keep away from me.

- (Crashing)
- (Whit) Watch what you're doing!

- (Josie) Stop it!
- I've only had a few!

- Stop it!
- All right, Josie.

No! Don't break the...

Whit, stop it!

Josie, open that door!

Do you hear me?
This is your husband speaking.

Will you open that door?

Whit!

Whit, get up.

- Evening, Fonse.
- Howdy.

Whit, will you please get up there?

Whit.

We are gathered here today to say goodbye

to one who has wandered in our midst
for a decade or more

as a friend and a fellow citizen,

Whit Minick.

We offer our sympathy to Whit's father here
in his hour of grief,

to the Widow Minick and
her poor little boy.

We're here to say goodbye to Whit.

I recall Whit Minick the man.

Why, I can see Whit as if it was yesterday,

stagger... er... walking down Main Street,

kind of a grin on his face.

Whit would pass
and I'd turn to Whit and say, "Hi, Whit,"

and he'd say, "Hi" and be on his way,

but that was Whit for you.

One always liquo...
Er, one that was always ready to say hi.

Look at them all sweat
trying to make up their minds.

- Why, there wasn't a...
- About what?

Whether to put her in jail
or pay her a bounty.

It can go either way.

I can hear him now.

"Hi." Amen.

- How is she doing?
- Not crying, not smiling either.

She must feel terrible. Not having a man is
bad enough. To have one then lose him...

You don't lose a man like Whit Minick.
You escape him.

Must have caught him coming in.
Timing had to be just right.

There he is, drunk as $700.

- Step in. Rotate hips.
- She lunges... Zip! Zam!

- Wow!
- Oh, girls, I give you Josie Minick!

But Miss Annabelle says you gotta eat, Ma.

Honey, Mama's not hungry.

Look what I brought you.

- You want it?
- Can I?

Mm-hm.

I'll take care of you, Ma.

Maybe go up to Little Bighorn
and fight Injuns.

(Man) As I was saying, gentlemen,
this is a matter of the law.

And it doesn't matter one way or the other
to the law at all

that Josie Minick had reached
the absolute end of her rope.

It doesn't matter to the law whether
she had suffered ten years or ten minutes

of misery at the hands of the deceased.

We all have to deal with a louse
now and then,

and it's the law that tells us
how far we can go

and where we have to stop.

I assure you that society itself
would crumble and fall

if we fail to stop
where the law says we must,

or if we try to take the law
into our own hands.

So I want you to forget
that Whit Minick was a louse.

He welched on his bets, he was
a miserable father and a worse husband.

I want you to forget all that.
Let's look at it this way.

You gentlemen are all married, most of you,

and the little woman is going
to get out of sorts every now and again.

It's bound to happen.

What would you do next time that happens

if the territory of Wyoming
allows her to pick up a pool cue, huh?

Guilty.

Not sure.

Not guilty.

One guilty, one not guilty, six not sure.

- All right, I'm the guilty.
- And I'm the not guilty.

Only man with any guts on this jury is me.

It beats me how you and I can cow-ranch
next to each other all these years

and never a cross word
and never agree on a damn thing.

I've got a bull I don't agree with either

but it ain't worth my time
to try to convert him.

(Laughs)

Well, what do we do now?

We get down to cases.

Whatever the verdict,
Mrs Minick,

the question of Luther will
still have to be faced.

Let us recognise certain facts.

I've been your sole support for ten years,

and my obligations to my grandson
are somewhat different than to you.

Mr Minick, we don't need your obligations.

I have two hands and a house
and I am willing...

There's nothing wrong with your two hands.

But mine happen to hold the mortgage
on that house.

So until and unless you are able
to provide for Luther,

I think he'll be better off with me
in Cheyenne and the court will agree.

- Judge!
- I'm afraid he's right, Josie.

That's the way it's got to be.

But I think it's foolish
chewing on all this

before we've decided
whether she's gonna go to jail or not.

I think we'd better get back in there.

Fonse.

You were peeking at my hand, Doc.

Not guilty. Not sure.

Not sure. Not guilty.

Two guilty and four not guilty
and two not sure. We're gaining.

I ain't gonna vote to hang no woman.

Who in the heck says
we're gonna hang her?

You vote guilty, you're gonna hang her.

We ain't gonna hang nobody. Not even you.

All we're gonna do is put her away
in the pokey for a couple of weeks.

For what good reason?
The man needed killing.

- Now who says?
- Now you says.

You called Whit Minick a welcher and
a wife-beater and a yellow-livered coyote.

- And everybody heard you, too.
- Wouldn't have hit him with no pool cue.

You can't fault a man
for jostling his woman round a little bit.

A woman needs it now and then.
There's a principle involved.

You're not the only one with principles.

- I...
- Er... gents?

The judge says you can't get a verdict
by six o'clock,

we're gonna take you to supper
at the Trail's End.

(Judge) Court will come to order.

Don't count your chickens
before they're hatched.

- You may like it in Cheyenne.
- I won't like Cheyenne.

I like it here.
Don't they think you can take care of me?

Of course they do, Luther.

It's just that until Mama gets settled,
you're better off with Grandpa.

Whoa.

We could go to Montana and fight Injuns.

We could go cow-ranching at Willow Creek.

I can ride, and I could learn to rope.

It's Grandpa. I'll think
about it, sweetheart.

I assume you'll be staying here
for the time being at least.

Yes, sir.

In an emergency, I'm only half a day away.
Please remember that.

- Thank you.
- Goodbye.

- Come on, Luther.
- Goodbye.

You be a good boy for Mama.
Be a good boy.

I love you.

(Clicks tongue)

Remember Willow Creek.

"Pay to Josephine Minick, the sum of..."

$1,000 is kind of an awkward sum.

It's too big to fritter away
and too little to really go to hell on.

It made good sense for your husband's pa
to take out insurance.

It's a wise father that knows his own son.

You know what I'd do with this?
I'd buy me a $40 corset,

a perky French bonnet and a new dress.

And then I would go down to Denver
and join all 46 churches.

Bet you 16 to three
that I'd have a man by snow time.

- You already got one.
- It's an unmentionable arrangement.

All the comforts
and none of the responsibilities.

You are so jealous you are
purely grinding your back teeth down.

Just the same, if I had to spend
ten years with Whit Minick...

Well, let's face facts.

She either stays here and knits tea cosies

and joins my committee
to work for women's rights,

or she can hunt up another man.

There's just two ways to... go.

Sure was a surprise to me.

- All dressed up...
- No place to go. Sad thing.

- Sure is.
- Mm-hm.

Look out!

(Squeals)

Ed, I need that horse and buggy.

I'm sorry, Miss Josie, it's the law.

- But what am I supposed to do?
- You in trouble with the law again?

I seem to be. He can't give me
my horse and buggy.

Probate or some such.
I don't know the fancy words.

If I did, I wouldn't be
busting my back around here.

I wanted to go to our
place at Willow Creek.

I thought Whit let that go.

No, he wanted to, but it was half
mine and I wouldn't let him.

Well... if it ain't Josie Minick.

Mr Ogden.

Congratulations. Where are you going?

Up to Willow Creek. Gonna stop by
and have a look at Josie's spread.

Up you go.

What you gonna do out on Willow Creek?

- Raise beef.
- Now don't josh me.

A woman's got to turn her hand
to something, with a boy to raise.

- You're gonna be neighbours.
- He's pulling my leg.

I think.

What are you up to out at Willow Creek?

Oh, I just thought I'd go out and take
a look around. It's been a long time.

- Nice, isn't it?
- (Sighs)

I kind of forgot what spring was like
in the country.

I guess you didn't get a chance
to get out here too often.

You got any plans, Josie?

No. Not really.

I don't think it's gonna do you any good
sitting around Annabelle's with the girls.

Got any suggestions?

No, but I'll think on it if you want me to.

- Whoa. Whoa.
- Here it is.

It's a nice place, Josie.

Oh, it could have been.

We just never really got it started, Jase.

We built the house, proved it up...

and then...

Yeah, I know.

(Sighs) Come on.

- Whoa...
- Thank you.

Oh, Jase! Oh, look at this mess!

Some saddle tramp's
been taking advantage of your hospitality.

Every winter.

Oh, dear, it's filthy!

Josie, you know, those cows out there
belong to Arch Ogden.

He surrounds you on three sides

and he's had his eye on
this patch of ground

for a while, he needs
the grazing space.

If you go about it just right,
you can get a good price out of him.

I hadn't thought about selling, Jase.

What are you going to do with it?

There's no reason I can't use it
for the same purpose, is there?

- Grazing space?
- Uh-huh.

- For what?
- For cows. My own cows.

- Your own cows?
- That's right.

- A woman running a cow ranch? (Laughs)
- What's so wrong about that?

You didn't take me seriously.
I was just kidding Arch about what I said.

I know that, Jase.
It was Luther's idea. It was.

He said to me, "Mama, we can either
go to Montana and fight Injuns",

"or we can raise cows at Willow Creek."

- And this seems to be the most practical.
- Not by much, it isn't.

What do you mean, not by much?
There's no reason why I can't have...

There are a lot of reasons
why you can't have your own cows

and one day we'll talk about them...

- There's no time like the present.
- ♪... ♪but I have to go.

- Oh, you do?
- Yeah, I got friends coming for supper.

Supper? Well, we'd better get a move on.

Well, we don't have to
gallop at it, you know.

I'm sorry, Jase. You should have told me
you had company coming.

- That doesn't matter.
- It's out of your way to take me back.

No, it's nothing special. It's just a dull
political meeting. Wyoming statehood.

Hey, do you mind
a little cigar smoke and politics?

To tell you the truth, it sounds awful.

I'll feed you better than Annabelle,
and that's a guarantee.

- That sounds good.
- (Chuckles)

- You're sure I won't be in the way now?
- No, they're all your friends too.

Giddup! Giddup!

Yes, sir, there's nothing like a pretty
woman to cheer up a dull political meeting.

- I understand why you're upset about...
- I'm not upset. They're upset.

- You're not mad about that trial?
- Of course not.

Never pay too much attention
to what a prosecutor says.

If I don't make the right noises,

they figure I haven't earned my pay.

I never tried a case I wanted to lose as
much as that one. I want you to know that.

- He's all heart, that Charlie is.
- Jase!

- I don't want her feeding a grudge!
- Charlie, I'm not feeding a grudge.

I just want to find a way
to feed Luther and me, that's all.

Don't you worry.
We'll take care of you, Josie.

I don't want to be taken care of.
Don't you understand that?

Who's going to foreman for you?
Annabelle Pettijohn?

I don't think that's very funny, Mr Pruitt.

I didn't mean it to be.
It ain't funny at all.

- It's nutty, that's what it is.
- Nutty?

- Nutty!
- Sheriff, so help me...

- Josie Minick, you remember your place.
- And what place is that?

It ain't on a cow ranch, for one thing.

What is so wrong
about a woman on a cow ranch?

- I'm strong and I'm able to do anything...
- Tut-tut-tut, Josie.

- Don't tut me.
- Stop...

Fonse, you're getting in over your head.
You don't know what we're talking about.

- Excuse me, Mr Meredith. Dinner is served.
- Thank you very much, Ben.

Josie? Shall we go on in, gentlemen?

Here we are.

- Oh, Fonse!
- Come on, Doc.

Nothing like a pretty woman
to cheer up a dull political meeting.

Josie, I had a notion that you might be
able to give us a woman's point of view

on a political question.

- Charlie, would you like to...
- Thank you, Jase.

Josie, we want the territory of Wyoming
to be admitted into the Union as a state.

Right. But to go in as a state, we gotta
get our ladies to give up the vote.

If we go in with the ladies voting,
the women in the other 43 states

are liable to get kinda jealous, you see?

So we have to ask our ladies to give up
the vote, just temporarily, you understand,

and then we'll give it back to them
once we get in.

Are you going to ask us or tell us?

- What kind of question is that?
- You told me to remember my place.

- I'm only asking.
- I was talking about cow-ranching.

Ahem. Yeah.

Well, Josie, the ladies have kind of got us
between a rock and a hard place.

Charlie here is going to Washington
to speak his piece,

but he wants to go feeling
he has the cooperation of the ladies.

- What do you think of our chances?
- Not much.

I'm getting fed up to the gills
with crusadin' females.

One thing you can't kick under the rug.
Women are people.

In this territory, women are also voters.

If you want to stay in office,
you've got to live with that.

If Josie Minick here
wants to go cow-ranching

or if she wants to fight Indians
at the Bighorn,

there's nothing in our constitution
says she can't do it.

- You'll tell them that in Washington?
- They already know it.

Annabelle sends them a telegram
every Friday.

You know what our motto is?

Cedant arma togae.

Let arms yield to the gown.

Go for it, Josie. Go forth and conquer.

The world is your oyster,
especially in Wyoming.

Thank you, Charlie.

Not enough room for both of us. Get going.

(Cow lowing)

Hi, Jase. That cow's been
bedded down in the back room.

Thinks she owns the place.

Say, I've got something to show you.
Watch this.

All it needed was priming. As good as new.

The roof's tight. Put new glass in
my windows for seven dollars. Come on in.

Come on.

Looks a little different, huh?

The floor's rotted out in a couple
of places, but I can fix that.

And when the court releases my furniture
I'm gonna have it all sent out from town.

Won't that be nice?

Oh, Jase, if I can just
get this place to pay...

I'll have my son back soon.

Would you like some coffee?

Well, say hello to a pal of mine.
I've got a friend here I want you to meet.

She lives under the floor.
She won't hurt you.

Got an owl in the attic, too.

I'll get the coffee.

- It's a fine place you got here, Josie.
- Wait till you see it when...

It's a fine place for
owls and skunks and...

But not for a fool woman who thinks
she can go cow-ranching all by herself.

- What did you say?
- You heard me. I said fool woman.

I do not intend to have you
cow-ranching alone,

not today or tomorrow or next year or ever.

- You don't intend?
- That's right.

Then just what do you want me to do, Jase?

Sit on a shelf at Annabelle Pettijohn's?

Or take upstairs employment at a saloon?

- I never said such a thing.
- I said it.

But you'd approve of that, wouldn't you?

It's all right for a woman
to take that kind of a job, isn't it?

To you, a woman is a...
is a species of idiot,

to be kept in a back closet somewhere
and spoon-fed three times a day.

- That's what...
- Josie, that's enough. You listen to me.

I got no prejudice against women.
Not entirely, anyhow.

There are places women belong
and places they don't.

One of the places they don't is all alone
on a cattle spread,

with Indians, wolves,
drunk saddle tramps and cow thieves,

and roundups -
roping and branding and castrating.

Then there's blizzard kill,
Texas fever, loco weed,

bronc-busting and fence-mending
and a hundred other things

that would ruin a man, much less a woman.

- What do you mean, much less a woman?
- I ain't about to explain that to you.

But you're not going to blow $1,000
on beef and go ranching by yourself.

- It's my money and...
- And that's it!

Get out!

Damn!

Aaah!

Aaaaah!

Oh... (Sobs)

And I can help with the advertising.
I can take care of customers for you.

There's no limit to what I could do.

I just had a... thought.

My wife's in Omaha visiting her sister
and I'm alone...

Please, Mr Fremont.
I really do need this job.

- I'll work the first week for nothing.
- I got a better idea.

- How about you and I...
- Mr Fremont!

Hey, Josie, if all you want is a job, they
need a waitress down at the Trail's End!

- A woman? In a bank?
- Yes, sir.

- You mean handling the money and all?
- Oh, I'm true blue, Mr Hovitt.

- If you'll just give me a chance...
- Just thought of something.

Nick's looking for a waitress
down at the Trail's End.

Thank you.

- Got a great piece of news.
- I can have the job?

Slim Trent told me they need a waitress...

- At the Trail's End.
- You heard.

(Sighs) Yes, I heard. Thank you.

(Loud laughter)

(Man) Come on, bring those orders in.

I'll be right there.

I'm sorry!

Sorry!

I'm sorry.

- I'm sorry, Nick.
- You should be.

(Man) Piece of white cake
for the corner table.

Piece... Piece of white cake.

Coming.

Uh... Ow!

Ow!

Pick 'em up!

Oh!

I'm sorry.

You did real good, Josie.

Evening, Josie.

I see you got through your first day
in fine style.

- What's yours?
- Coffee.

Cream and sugar?

Real good waitress you got there, Nick.

(Baby cries)

Good morning.

I got a political meeting in Cheyenne
this afternoon.

If you're going in that direction
I'd be mighty proud to take you.

I'll take that, Josie. I've got it.

Ahem.

Looks like it's gonna be a long ride.

I'm sorry for blowing up at you like I did,
out at the ranch, I mean.

You know, they say that the admission
of ignorance is the beginning of wisdom.

I don't know a damn thing about women.
I never did.

You gotta take
that into account.

Well, I've said my apologies.

Well, I don't intend to say mine.

Cried all over my pillow
with what you did to me last night.

You got to admit,
you were pretty hard on me.

I meant to be.

Are you quitting, Josie?
Are you running off to Grandpa Alphie's?

Are you licked?

Maybe.

You know, I got some
fried chicken back here,

and I got a place in
mind that we can eat it.

Mrs Minick, I just invited you
for some fried chicken.

- The least you could do is say yes or no.
- I'd be delighted.

Now that I think about it, it's not a good
idea to eat when you're all riled up.

When you get mad, all them juices churn
around down there something fierce.

The chicken will just sit there
and get soggy and lie there.

Oh, no. No, no. I wouldn't wanna...
I wouldn't wanna force any food on you

if your stomach's gonna fight it, mm-mm.

- Oh, no.
- I said I'd be delighted.

Whoa! Whoa!

- Here we are.
- Why are we stopping here?

This is where we're gonna have our picnic.
Come on.

There you are.

Oh, my goodness.

Look. Look at this.

Well, this, Mrs Minick,
is everything I had once.

This was my home
when I first came out here.

- The Indians burned me out.
- Really, Jase?

Mm-hm. Yeah.

I was kind of a colossal
failure back in Ohio.

I took what I had left and I came out here.

With a woman.

And I sort of did it again.

She left me and I spent
the whole winter out here

with nothing to eat but snowshoe rabbits
and chicken mash.

But I stayed.

That's the important thing, isn't it?
You stayed.

Yeah, I guess so.

Well, I had good friends, too. You remember
old man Pettigrew in the bank?

- Mm-hm.
- He was one of them.

He gave me a cash loan. He didn't have to,
but he did and it got me back on my feet.

Do you know that
that's the first place I ever saw you?

In the bank.

- Your hair was different then.
- It was down, huh?

- Yes.
- Yeah.

And you had on a blue polka-dot dress
with a white collar

and it set off your yellow hair.

And your boy was with you.
He couldn't have been more than two then.

And he was, er...
He was destroying a peppermint stick.

That's six years ago.

Yeah, I guess it is.

Old man Pettigrew has been dead for four.

Sure.

Gosh, how can you
remember all that so well?

Well...

(Lambs bleating)

Uh-oh. I was afraid of that.

That's one calamity I missed out on. This
was still cow country when I pulled out.

Oh, look, Jase! Look at the baby!

Oh! Oh, look at him!

Is he precious? Oh, he the good boy?

- Ooh, he the good boy.
- Hm.

- He probably lost his mummy, huh?
- It's the other way around most likely.

The only one of the Lord's creatures

too stupid to recognise its own young one
is a mother sheep.

- Don't you say that.
- No, I mean it.

That could be the only black lamb
in the flock,

- but she wouldn't know it from a goat.
- I don't believe it.

Are you gonna eat or open up
an orphanage?

- You have no heart.
- Ah...

Oh, what a baby. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yes, he's a beauty. Yes, he's a beauty.

Hm.

- He probably thinks you're his mummy.
- He wouldn't know any better.

If my friends saw me doing this,
they'd run me out of town on a rail.

If I'd thought, we'd have stopped to eat
north of the dead line.

The what?

The dead line.
Passed it about ten minutes back.

- Sheep to the south, cattle to the north.
- I don't know anything about a dead line.

There's nothing complicated about it.

A cowman opened up this territory,
then the sheep men tried to move in.

We had us quite a debate. We burned up
a lot of powder and lead and buried a few.

Finally we drew us a line across
the southeast section of the state.

Sheep stay on one side
and cattle on the other.

- There. Look at that.
- Oh, thank you.

- May I have that napkin?
- Here.

Anyway, that little guy there

is gonna grow up to be one of those dumb,
miserable critters over there.

If they're so dumb,
why does anybody bother with them?

Money. You know it takes money,
capital, brains, sweat to raise cattle,

but any idiot with a dog
and a Winchester can raise sheep.

Whoa.

- Giddup!
- Mum! Mummy!

Mum!

Oh, Mum! I missed you something fierce.
I'm so glad you've come.

Ooh, let me see you!

Oh, you look good. You look so good!

You're gonna stay, ain't you, Ma?

- Oh, honey...
- You're welcome to stay if you like.

Oh, thank you very much.

- (Strains)
- Let Mama take that.

Look at me.

I must say, I was rather surprised
at your coming here.

Thank you.

Well, I want to find something to do,
Mr Minick.

You know I want to make a home
for Luther and me.

Mrs Minick, Luther has a home.

Until you're able to provide for him,
he will remain here.

Now, as to your own plans,
if you intend to live here, well and good.

Plenty of duties to perform
around the house.

In that case I shall give
my housekeeper notice.

If that doesn't appeal
to you, there may be a

position clerking at the
mercantile company.

The hours are seven in the morning until
seven at night, with a half-hour for lunch.

The salary is $50 a month, less an agreed
sum for your room and board here.

I put your suitcase away.
Want me to help you unpack?

That about covers the prospects,
Mrs Minick.

I suggest you think it over.

Now If you'll excuse me.

Well. Now tell me. How do you like
living with Grandpa, huh?

It's awful.

Is it?

Well, honey, Grandpa invited Mama
to live here, too. Would you like that?

Oh, no, Ma. Please take me home. Please.

Oh, Luther! Luther!

Oh, God, baby!

- Hi, Debbie.
- What have you been up to, Jase?

- Buying a new saddle.
- You know what I mean.

I got a brand-new Parcheesi set.

You fond of Parcheesi, Jase?

There's Parcheesi and backgammon,

Round The World With Nellie Bligh,

cribbage...

Maybe you know some two-handed games.

Jase!

- Welcome home!
- Thank you, Jase.

- I didn't expect you back so soon.
- Well, something came up.

- Goodbye!
- Not bad news, I hope.

Well, it depends on how you look at it.
Thank you very much.

- Excuse me, Jase.
- Wait a minute! Give me that!

- I can manage it.
- No, that won't do at all.

I told you I can do it.

You look silly toting that in a town
full of able-bodied men.

- Where are we going?
- To the stable.

- Say, Ed?
- Yes'm.

- Is that a hack horse?
- Yes'm.

Good. You'll just do fine.
I'll want him for the rest of the day.

He ain't harnessed and I got no buggies.

Saddle him up, Ed.

But I ain't got no side-saddle.
I told you that before.

I'll be back shortly.
You just get him ready.

Thank you.

Mr Simpson.

Hi, Josie.
How are things down in Cheyenne?

Fine, thank you.
I'd like a pair of Levis, please.

Let me see. What size is Luther now?

- Not for Luther. For me.
- How's that again?

- I'd like a pair of Levis for me.
- Pants?

Pants.

Josie.

Oh. Thank you.

See if you can find a pair of boots?
Size 7?

- Don't have no ladies' boots.
- Well, feet are the same, aren't they?

Well... I never checked, Josie.
I'm a bachelor.

Well, why don't we try, Mr Simpson? Huh?

- A boys' size, maybe? Size 7.
- Yes, ma'am.

- Size 7.
- Thanks.

I almost forgot, Mr Simpson.
I want one of those blue shirts, too.

- 36 bust.
- Bust?

Oh. D-d-d-don't come in busts.

Necks and sleeves. No busts.

- What's she up to?
- I don't know.

What do you think, Mr Simpson?
Think they fit all right?

I don't think you're exactly
what the manufacturer had in mind.

- Er... don't forget that blue shirt.
- No busts.

Ain't got a bust in the house. No busts.

What size did you say that was, Josie?

- 36 bust.
- No busts.

Here. Try this.

Thanks.

The Presbyterians hear about this,
I'm through.

Josie, what are we trying to prove, anyway?
Huh?

Have you still got that crazy notion
about cow-ranching?

Mr Simpson, how much do I owe you?

- That'll be 11.65.
- And Mr Simpson...

if you don't mind,
I'd like to leave all my things here.

And my suitcase. And I'll pick
everything up later. All right?

Thank you very much. Bye.

- All set, Ed?
- Yes'm.

- I think I need your help, Ed.
- Yes, ma'am.

Heading south?

What in tarnation do you reckon
she's up to?

- Chickens.
- What do you mean, chickens?

A chicken is a domesticated bird
grown for its eggs, meat and feathers.

- It goes back in history...
- Doc, you know what he means.

How do you know Josie's
in the chicken business?

I'm bound by my oath to respect
the confidence of my patients.

Whoever heard of a chicken ranch here?

- Educated guess.
- Did she say it was chickens?

- Not exactly.
- What did she say?

Well, she kind of made a slip and I jumped
on it like a duck on a June bug.

I was taking her blood
pressure at the time,

and her heart did flip-flops when she
realised she let the cat out of the bag.

She used the word flock.

- Flock?
- That's what she said. Flock.

What are you going to raise here
that comes in flocks except chickens?

Geese maybe? Or ducks?

- You're sure she said flock?
- Positive.

Geese come in gaggles.

What's she gonna do, trail-drive a flock
of fricassee hens south every fall?

That ain't funny.

Nor is a chicken ranch
in the middle of my range.

It's not your range, it's hers.
All 480 acres of it.

- Let her have her chickens.
- It's not chickens.

- It's not chickens? Then what...
- (Lamb bleats)

That ain't what you think, fellas.
It's a chicken.

You ought to know better than that,
young fella,

walking into a saloon
without no invitation.

She's got no education yet.

It's too young for some.

Why, thank you, sir.

Long dry run up from the south.

Good Lord Almighty!

What in the name of the kingdom of God
do you think you're up to?

- Sheep. These here are sheep.
- You're damn right they're sheep.

Turn 'em around, get 'em out of here,
before...

No, we ain't headed that way,
we's headed up yonder.

You ain't going nowhere!

You know, I believe this little fella
would be better off on the ground.

Just set him down.
He'll find his mammy directly.

I'll wring his scrawny neck!

Dog! Get him! Get him!

- Cow fella down yonder don't like sheep.
- Mostly they don't.

Get this dog off me before I bust his head.

No offence, boy.

- He's a right little mean dog.
- What's his name?

Dog. We just call him Dog.

Butter wouldn't melt in her mouth.

Say something nice.

Mrs Minick, there has never been a woman
hung in the history of Arapahoe County.

If you get down from there and let me talk
to you, you might not be the first.

Josie, do you hear me?
You get down off that horse!

- (Whistles)
- Listen to me! Josie!

Three cheers for the first female
sheep rancher in southern Wyoming!

- Hip-hip!
- Hooray! Hooray! Hooray!

(Cheering continues)

I smell like a damn sheep already.

If it hadn't been for you,
we'd have been sensible and hung her.

- Can't hang a person for manslaughter.
- We'd have found a way.

Now she's your doing and she's all yours,

her and her stinking sheep and
her crow-bait herders, that whole outfit.

Now you get rid of her or I will.

Baa, baa, black sheep, have you any
wool?

Yes, sir, yes, sir, a whole town full

Did you see what happened? Nobody likes it
and nobody's gonna have sheep.

I did and I don't much care.
I don't care what you say. They're staying.

No, they're not!

There ain't no question about it. We should
have hung her when we had the chance.

- Arch? More brandy?
- Yeah.

- Maybe she ain't coming.
- She'll be here, don't worry.

You're one hell of a judge,
that's all I got to say.

- Not my doing. It's the law.
- Ah! There's ways of looking at the law.

Only one way to look at this one.

That's the trouble.
We ain't got a leg to stand on.

There's no legal status for the dead line.

It's lawful to raise sheep
wherever you want to.

If she wants to take us to court,
she'll beat us hands down.

Not if you let me pick the jury.

We're not about to let you pick the jury.

Crawfishers. Every last one of you.

- It's a democracy.
- What this country needs is a good king.

It ain't gonna get to court anyway.

It's just as well. Jase will fight
all night long to turn her loose.

- If I had my way...
- You can't use a club on a woman.

That's all there is about it.

You've got to sweet-talk her out of it.

And that's just what we're going to do.

Arch?

- I ain't making no promises. Let her in.
- (Knocking)

Evening, neighbour. Well, come in.

Come in. Come right on in here
and see all your good friends.

Hello, Josie.

Your name happened to come up
in the conversation just a little bit ago.

- If it's about my sheep...
- You put your finger on it.

We propose to sit down and thrash this
thing out like grown-up men and women.

I have no intention of giving up...

Let's not bash our heads off the bat
without any preliminaries.

There are ways of talking things out,

of turning the sweet light of reason
on a question over a good drink of...

Would you like some sherry or something?

- What are you havin'?
- Brandy.

- Yeah, but I've got some real nice
sherry... - Brandy'll do just fine.

You taking on like a man,
you can drink like one.

- Arch.
- Fine with me.

Cheers.

(Coughs)

Josie, what we want to do is to help you.

Before we get off on the wrong track,
let's understand that. We want to help you.

- Help me what?
- Get rid of them sheep.

Wait a minute, Arch. Maybe I didn't make
myself too clear about the dead line.

There's no such thing.

We done populated an entire corner
of a cemetery with folks who believed that.

- Arch!
- Now paste that in your bonnet, woman.

I'll give you something
to paste in yours! Man!

Let's all simmer down.
There's nothing we can't solve with reason.

- If only the lady...
- Never mind the lady.

That's all you've said I agree with.

- Shut your mouth!
- You wanna step outside?

Shut up, both of you!
Who are we fightin' here?

Me. And I'm fightin' back.

I've got 480 acres and a flock of sheep,
and I mean to keep both of them.

Now give me another brandy.

We'll have to send you home
by Wells Fargo.

Never mind how I'm going to get home.

I just came here to tell
you what I plan to do.

- What you're gonna do, woman, is listen.
- Arch, so help me!

Hear, hear, hear. Order in the court.

- Listen!
- I'm through listening.

You're getting us all in a messy fight.
Women are not made to fight.

- Fighting and ranching are for men to do.
- Damn it! Shut up, all of you.

Forget I'm a woman. I'm a human being.

I can take care of myself and my son
without anybody's charity.

I can think and I can work.

I'm not going to sit and wait for
some nice man to come and rescue me.

I don't want a man and I don't need a man.

I've got myself and I've got my sheep.

And I'm gonna bring them through to spring.

And I'm gonna sell my lambs and my wool
and I'm gonna double my money.

And nobody... Do you get that?

Nobody, not a damn one of you,

is gonna get in my way.

- Josie, why?
- Get out of my way, Jase.

Good morning.

Good morning.

Smell the nice hot coffee?

Thank you, Annabelle.

Come on, Josie. Let's up and at 'em.

- Here we go.
- No!

Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh, what is that?

Ooh! Help me.

Ooh! Oh. Ooh.

Ooh. Ah. Ah.

That's all right. It's perfectly normal.

Well, Jase says you really
gave them what for last night.

You don't look well.
Put something in your drink, most likely.

Brandy.

Wouldn't put it past them.

Well, the sheep are bad enough,
Lord knows, but a woman with sheep!

Ohh.

Woman.

I'm not gonna budge an inch.

(Groans)

Well, guess they haven't told you, then.

Ooh! What?

Jase and his crew are down there now
rounding up your sheep.

- Mm-hm.
- What?

What?

Annabelle, fetch my pants.

Steady, Josie.

- How's that?
- Not the fastest gun alive.

Speed won't matter.
I'm countin' on surprise.

They'll be expecting this. You put a woman
in pants, the rest is bound to follow.

All right, Mr Simpson. Let's load her.

I did.

Oh! Mr Simpson!

Get them together!

Tony! Tony, get those damn things together.

I've never seen cow fellas
work so hard afore.

Look yonder there. Boss fella.

- I say he makes it.
- A whole dime?

Uh-huh.

You're on.

I thank you.

Mooney! Well, we're still
gathering them up.

I can see that.

- You won't live this down.
- I already come to that conclusion.

Now just get them going, will you?

All right, boys. Send them over the ridge.

Send them over the ridge.

You reckon it's about time?

I'd say so.

Dog.

- Go.
- (Barking)

Get that dog out of there!
He'll scatter the sheep!

You know,
old Dog knows what he's a-doing.

Get him out of there! Mooney!
Get those sheep back there!

Yah! Yah! Hey!

- Call off that fool dog.
- Wouldn't make no sense.

We just called him on.

He's confused enough,
with all that sashaying out yonder.

Get off my land, all of you.

You turn that horse around
and head back to Annabelle's,

get back in bed where you belong
and let me handle this.

I said you get off my land and you take
your men with you. And I mean it.

I got enough trouble without you.
Scoot before I paddle those men's britches.

Hey, boss! What's the story?
Where are we going?

I'll get back to you in a minute.

Oh!

I mean it, Jase Meredith. Get off my land.

What do you think you're doing?

Don't you get off that horse.

Josie, you're gonna hurt someone!
Put that thing away!

You take your men and your horses

and your ideas about what a woman
can and can't do and you get off my land.

Josie, I am only trying to look...

Out!

I am only trying to look
after your investment.

If I don't move these sheep out of here,
somebody else will move in with clubs.

Out.

Bratsch. Klugg.

Don't just sit there. Gather up my sheep.

You'd hardly think she could shoot.

That woman gets crazy every so often.

They're prisoners of their juices.

If I ever have anything
to do with her again,

you got permission to
bust me in the nose.

- Boss?
- Hm?

Wait here.

You got her outvoted by some.

I come prepared, is all.

- Give me some time.
- You've had all the time you're getting.

Just move out of the road.

Let me get her up here.
You talk to her direct. She'll understand.

I don't palaver with Injuns or women.
They get out of the road or get stomped on.

That's the end of this conversation.

There ain't gonna be a sheep alive
in that hollow by nightfall.

Now go on back
and tell your lady what I said.

- He's not bluffing. Get out of the
line of fire. - What about you?

I'm going down to try
to talk some sense into her.

I never figured I'd go to war
with no mutton militia.

- Nobody's asking you to, Mooney.
- I just volunteered.

I'm staying with Jase. I stink like
a sheep, might as well join them.

- Me too!
- You bet!

Count on me!

Let's get on down to the house
and make a line. Come on.

All right. Spread out. Find some cover.

What the hell's going on?

We decided there won't be any clubbing
today, or any day for that matter.

If you want to take your army back
to the Stockman's, I'll buy you all a beer.

- Do you know what you just said?
- If you want to shoot, we'll oblige.

All right, Jase, we'll wait.
Right on that hill.

- I thought I told you...
- You see those men up on the hill?

See the clubs they're carrying?

Do you still want to go it alone,
taking man-size strides in them britches?

Now get down in the house.

Josie.

I'm sorry I said that.

You're thinking,
"What will happen if Wyoming is admitted"

"as the only state in the Union
which allows its ladies to vote?"

You're thinking, no doubt,

"What will the ladies of the
other 43 great sovereign states"

"have to say about that?"

You can see in your mind's eye, perhaps,

the suffragette marches,
the militant female demonstrations.

Gentlemen, we're not going to allow
any of those things to happen.

Because our ladies
will give up their franchise voluntarily.

That's right, gentlemen.

If this distinguished body,
in its considered judgment,

decrees that they must,
as a condition for statehood,

the women of Wyoming territory
will give up their rights to vote.

Because, gentlemen,
the pioneer woman stands beside her man,

building together an edifice upon which
fair Columbia can look with pride.

Gentlemen, I tell you with all my heart...

Excuse me, Mr Lord. An urgent message
for you from... Where is it?

- Rapa... Rapa...
- Hoe.

- Huh?
- Hoe. Arapahoe.

(Mournful harmonica)

Three nights
they've been sitting up there now.

- If you back that man
into a corner,

he's gonna sure as hell do
some crazy fool thing.

Yeah.

If it was anybody but
Arch, anybody but... her.

I, er... don't usually hand
out free advice, but...

No, I'm way ahead of you, Mooney.

Cow fella up yonder's fitting himself
into a wet sweat.

Cow fellas tend to.

- He'll cool off in time.
- Huh.

What does that mean?

Only one way to cool a cow fella off.
Old John Tewksbury knew how.

For a fact, he did.

- John who?
- Tewksbury.

Down in Arizona. What's the score so far?

Well, it seems to me it's 18 Grahams
and four Tewksburys.

- Grahams is the cow fellas.
- Proud.

- Real proud.
- Tall in the saddle.

- Easy to hit.
- You mean 18...

- Cooled off.
- Dead?

Yep. 18 and four.

I can't recollect if that's countin'
the two that went down at the siege.

- Them two at the well.
- Fetchin' water.

Went down 'twixt the cow fellas
and sheep fellas.

Never knew if they
was kinfolk come to join in the fight

or just strangers passing through.

- That's awful!
- Yes, ma'am, it surely was.

Them being dead that way, never could
figure out who had to bury them.

18 and four and two strangers.
That's the way it'll likely be scored.

Old John Tewksbury and his kinfolk...

- It's not going to happen here!
- You don't think so?

Hardly any strangers
pass through here much anyhow.

There's not going to be any killin'.
I won't have it.

You don't want no killin', ma'am?

Well, what for you truck sheep critters
into cow country for?

- Would you like some coffee?
- No, thanks.

Where are you going?

Follow the road south to Arch's fence line
and get on the road to town.

- I'm not leaving...
- You're going to stay at Annabelle's

till all the gun smoke's blown away.

There's not going to be any gun smoke,
Jase.

- Oh?
- Because I'm going to give up.

I'm going to wave the white flag
or whatever it is that you do.

Oh, are you?

And then are we going to make Arch Ogden
king and give him everything he wants?

Well, you can but I'm not.

I won't have men shooting holes
in each other because of me.

- I'm the one who started all this trouble.
- What trouble?

Please don't make jokes, Jase.

All right, Josie. I won't joke with you
and you won't kid me about quitting.

We got a tiger by the tail.
We're not letting go.

I won't leave you out here
with the feathers and the gun smoke.

Women are not put together to fight.

There must be something I can do, Jase.

What can I do?

There is something.

If you'd have sat down, all of you,

and put your chins in your hands
and wracked your ignorant brains

for six consecutive weeks,

you couldn't have come up
with a more perfect, tailor-made

custom-built, foolproof way
to hold off statehood

for this miserable piece of wilderness
for the next 4,000 years.

At least it's not a complete disaster yet.

We've only got a little ground to get back
to be where we were when Columbus landed.

- We weren't trying to offend the ladies.
- Who said anything about offending them?

You didn't offend the ladies, Fonse.

You declared war on them.

That's what you did.
You declared war on them.

Look! Go on! Look!

(Shouting)

Three cheers for Josie Minick!

Here he is.

Get him!

Get right down off that horse, Mr Ogden.

How do you feel with your guns
and clubs and army of thugs

riding out on that helpless woman?

(Angry shouting)

Hail the conquering hero.

You got one minute,
Charlie, and that's all.

You're gonna give me 20 years
if you lay a finger on that girl out there.

And if there's any bodily harm done,
or death,

you're gonna give me all you've got left
at the end of a rope.

You're taking this kind of personal.

- Personal? Hell! This is political.
- What?

The whole future of this territory

just happens to be hanging on
what happens to Josie out there.

If the ladies walk out on us, we don't have
a chance at statehood and you know it.

Sure I know it. And you know what I say?
The hell with it.

That's what you say? So be it.

Now I'll tell you what I say.
Pay attention.

Either you plaster the seat of those
fat pants of yours in your saddle

and hightail it out to that hollow
and call off your dogs,

or I'm gonna hit you with so many charges
it'll take 127 lawyers to read them.

- We'll see about that.
- We damn well will see about it.

You've got an hour, Arch.
You'd better make use of it.

Doc, will you?

United we stand and divided we fall.
Are we gonna let Josie down?

There's Josie!

Put me down! Put me down, please!

Congratulations.

Listen to me, everybody.
The men too. Listen.

I don't want to talk about women's rights.
I don't even want to talk about sheep.

Or the constitution or statehood.

I just want to talk about Jase Meredith
and Mooney

and all those other men out there.

Do you know what they're doing?
They're looking into guns on those hills,

ready to get killed
because of me and my sheep.

I'm gonna tell you something, Arch Ogden.
You're through running things around here.

You're not gonna run me or Jase Meredith
or anybody else, understand?

And if you so much as lay a hand on him,
I swear to God I'll...

- Let go of me!
- (Angry shouting)

I wanna talk. To the men in this town.

I'm gonna say things you ladies might not
like to hear so I invite you to leave.

We've got a war on our hands! A war!

This was cow country when we come here.
It is now. And it's always gonna be.

- (Woman) That's a lie!
- Ain't nothing gonna change that,

least of all no woman!

Now is the time to stand
and join me in a holy crusade!

- (Women shouting)
- I'm sorry.

We're gonna march out there in a body

and end this sheep business
once and for all.

(Woman) Oh, no, you're not!

Ain't no room in this town for sheep,

or for no woman rancher.

And there ain't a red-blooded
one hundred per cent patriotic man

who's gonna stand by and see
either one of those things happen.

Now stand up! Be counted!

You're either with me or you're against me.

Now how many of you men are going to give
me a resounding vote of...

The pioneer woman stands beside her man.

- You're in charge.
- Arch...

Shut up. I'm through talking. Hah! Hah!

Jase!

Water! The barn! Water!

- Where's the water?
- The dang pump won't work!

The dang pump won't work
and the barns are burning.

Don't that beat all?

- Let's give the boss a hand!
- Leave him be!

It's his fight.

Gets a little slick on them sheep critters.

Arch?

Arch? Arch?

I'm still on the boss man.

- Dime?
- Dime.

You're on.

Jase? Jase?

Some of you men
carry this ram back up on his hill.

We got ourselves a winner, Bratsch.

Mm. I reckon.

Let's get him into the house.

(All shout)

Here's Charlie. Charlie,
get us out of here.

- It's daybreak.
- Huh?

The girls.

What happened?

Boss man cow fella had a break-in.

Barn went that-a-way.

- Where's Jase?
- Stove up considerable.

Carried him in yonder.

- Jase.
- Morning, Josie.

- Are you all right?
- I'm fine.

- Oh, thank God.
- The barn's not so good, though.

I don't care about the barn.

Oh, Jase, I told you
we should have given up.

I've got to get rid of
those sheep out there.

Charlie Lord told me so
in no uncertain terms.

- Charlie Lord?
- Yes.

Jase, I started a riot last night
and I spent the night in jail.

- You what?
- Yes.

Men and women all over the territory
are fighting because of me.

- And you know where they're fighting?
- Where?

- In their bedrooms.
- Bedrooms?

Yes!

Boss, you'd better get out here.
They're coming.

Jase?

You know something, Josie Minick?

You're worse than that Greek gal

that caused all the fighting
'twixt her folks and the Trojans.

- But that ain't what I come to say.
- What did you come to say?

I'll do my business with the lady, Jase.

- You gonna get rid of them sheep?
- I thought...

- Wait a minute...
- You wanna take up where we left off?

That's fine with me.
Get down off that horse and we'll go at it.

You know something, Jase Meredith?
You're a worse calamity than these sheep.

- For a nickel, I'd...
- Any time, Arch.

Arch, get on with it!

We're going to settle this sheep business,
Mrs Minick, right here and now.

- I'm listening, Mr Ogden.
- Sheep and cows purely don't get along.

- Anybody with brains someplace other...
- Arch, never mind that.

Most folks understand that fact of nature.
Sheep and cows don't mix.

You can have one or the other
but you can't have both.

So either we all get rid of our cattle

or you...

consider sellin' off your sheep.

I'll pay you for the flock

and for the wool
and for the spring lamb crop too.

I'll rebuild your barn.

And I'll sell you first-rate breeding cows
and bulls at rock-bottom prices

so you can get into the cattle business
alongside the rest of us.

- You mean that? - I said it once.
I ain't gonna say it again.

I ain't telling you, Mrs Minick.
I'm asking you.

Not as a woman. Man to man.

Rancher to rancher. Strictly business.

She'll take your proposition, Arch.

All right. Let's go.

Jase!

Got a piece of advice for you, Columbine.

You don't want to get too independent.

Some is good, too much is miserable.

You can only go so far,
because first thing you know...

(Knocking on door)

♪ ... ♪there's a knock on the door
and you want to be listening.

You sure do.

Come in.

You're beautiful. You're just beautiful.

Well, Jenny McCardle said to buy a $40
corset, new French bonnet, a new dress,

and join 46 churches, and she said
I'd have me a man by snow time.

Who needs 46 churches, huh?

Oh, put me down, I forgot something.

Now I'm ready, Mr Meredith.

- Where are we going?
- Steaks are on at my place.

You may never get back alive.

(Brass band)

♪ I know since he has gone ♪

♪ My dreams will fade
like the morning dew ♪

♪ But wait till tomorrow, tomorrow ♪

♪ I'll make them all come true ♪