All language subtitles for Nothing Bad Can Happen

There's only one way you can be saved.

You must overcome your fear,

and trust in God.

Jesus, show me the way.

I believe in you,

and have no fear.

What can man do to me?

NOTHING BAD CAN HAPPEN

You can't force Jesus into a religion.

The man who died for us all
was definitely not religious.

What's religion, anyway?

Jesus died for you and for me.

Benno, look, an explosion.
- Yeah, yeah, I know.

You drove too fast.
- It's 'cause of the traffic.

Dennis, stop,

Need help?
- Got jumper cables in that van?

It's Owl's. I can't drive. I'll ask him.

What are you doing?
- They can't start. Do we have jumper cables?

Hey.

We don't have jumper cables,

But maybe we can help anyway.

Help from above,

Can you close the hood?
- Yeah, come on out.

Don't turn it on until I say so, okay?

We need full power,

Hands on the hood. Come closer.

What are you doing?
- An energy circle.

Hey, Jesus. Do us a favor for our friends.
Their car won't start and we can't fix it.

Please help us, that'd be awesome.

If it doesn't work, I believe in you anyway.

Alright. Try it.

A miracle from the Captain of the Universe!

How'd he do it?
- It was Jesus.

Jesus has time for that?

Sure, we prayed. Jesus always helps.

What are you guys?

Jesus Freaks.
- Jesus Freaks? You have a bar downtown?

We have services on Fridays. Everyone's
welcome, even those who don't believe.

There's music, too.

CHAPTER 1
FAITH

Thanks for being here
and giving us something awesome to eat.

Give us strength,

and be with us.

Amen.
- So be it.

Enjoy-

This is Maithe.
She's interested in the Freaks.

This is Tore. I brought him in, too.

He's staying on my couch.

You guys are a real shelter, huh?

Now I'm here, too.
- Welcome.

Do you think the miracle at
the rest stop was a sign?

For what?
- I don't know.

Where you going?
- Why are you so curious?

Can I join you?

No.

What if it meant more, Owl?

A job or a mission?

Don't you want to know
what Jesus is planning for us?

You'll know when you have a mission.
See you later.

I was full of hate,

and saw no more meaning in life.

But Jesus didn't give up on me.

He showed me the way.

Lots of you have had shitty pasts.
You know loneliness.

But now you have more than the others.
You've found Jesus.

Jesus says, "Don't worry,

if you have enough food,
or designer clothes.

That doesn't matter. It's all short-lived.

It'll put you in a good mood
if your heart's pure.

If you don't practice violence
and commit no injustice.

Whoever wants to save his life will lose it.

We all know the saying,
"If somebody slaps your right cheek,

offer him the other one."

But that's not easy.

Jesus says, "Love your enemies.
And pray for them."

He who pulls that off will achieve
eternal life by Jesus' side.

Who here wants to give his life for Jesus?

Freaks, let's set the world on fire
with the love ofJesus.

Jesus.
- Jesus!

Hey, let's pray.

Thanks for gathering
so many of us here again today.

Make us strong enough

to live by your rules,

and not give in to sin.

Don't let evil enter our circles,

the evil that wants to seduce us.
Hey, and God?

Help us get enough money together to continue
our good work in this founding city...

Look out, "Magic Messiah" is coming up!

Amen.
- That's our band.

Jesus!

So you're back.

I was just taking you to the hospital.

Has that happened to you before?
I'd be scared shitless.

I know it's him.

Who?

The Holy Spirit.

Oh, him.

And what did he tell you?

I'm the new Messiah.

Just kidding.

The guy up there did good work.

Cool.

The engine purrs like a kitten.
Better than before.

I'm so thirsty.

I live around the corner.
We can go to my place.

Beer?
- I don't get tanked up on alcohol.

I prefer the Holy Spirit.

"Holy Spirit?" Never drank it.
What percentage?

100.

Want one?

Here.

Sleep well.
- Thanks.

Hey, Jesus.

Thanks for letting me
feel you again this evening.

That was nice.

And thanks for sending Benno
to protect me.

Good morning.

Benno?

Yes?

Come in.

And? Sleep well?

I just wanted to say goodbye.
- No, you're staying for breakfast.

Coffee?

Here.
- Thanks.

Do you live here?

On an allotment? No.

Just for the summer. It's nice.

Nature and stuff.

Come on, let me do that.

Where are your napkins?

Hey, Jesus. Thanks for gathering us

for this delicious meal you've given us.
It'll taste good. Amen.

So you believe in Jesus and all that?

Sure.

And what does your group do?

Well, most churches believe
they're following Jesus,

but they haven't really got the message.

For us, the main thing is to live as he did.

And to bring people who don't go to church
into contact with Jesus.

I don't yet know what my job will be...

Stop tickling me.

...but he'll send me a sign.

Stop it!

What do signs from Jesus look like?

I don't know exactly,

but I'll feel it.

Are you afraid of hell?

No.

Hey. But you smoke, too.
- Can't you behave for once?

How about we all take a day trip?

Why not?

Don't move.

Good, wasn't it?

How'd you do that?

Not telling.

First explain how you fixed my car.

What are we doing here?

I can't tell you.
- Give me a hint.

No.

Carli, you old bastard. What's up?
- Wow! Cool!

Man,

Stop!

Dude!

Idiot.
- Don't be a wimp.

Sanny!

All the bitching.

At least I'd be on the same wavelength
with a boy. Like with you.

Do you have family?

We Freaks are all brothers and sisters.

I didn't get the feeling
they cared for you like family.

That's all churches offer: empty drivel.
It's always the same.

You can always stay with us if you need to.

Shit!

Dude, Tore. What are you doing here?

Freaks marry first.

It's supposed to be about true love.

You don't even know what that is.

You've never had a girlfriend.
- Jesus' love is more important.

Great. Does he hug you, too?

Girls don't like you, so
you're never tempted, right?

Hypocrite.

Go cry.

Dennis broke my MP3 player.

You're lying.

Broken is broken.
- Mom.

I told my buddy he can stay here.

He needs a place to sleep.

How's that gonna work?

What? He can help me.

But we have no room.
- We'll find a solution.

Why didn't you ask me?
- I said it's fine.

You can't change Benno's mind
when he's set on something.

I'll take care of your garden.

Wow. Things are looking up.
A gardener for our allotment.

I'm doing my homework.
- Me, too.

Dinner in five minutes.

Sanny's birthday is next week.

Get her something nice.
-Yeah.

Dennis, where's your tent?

In the shed.

Almost ready.

It's okay that you're sleeping
outside? Inside's cramped.

I love camping.

Feel at home.

Off to bed.

Thanks for giving me Benno.

I thought I'd have to sleep outside
again, but now I'm here.

You've totally given me food,

and a place to sleep.

Please be there for Owl.

Please be at his side so he

feels you and

isn't alone.

Thanks.

Amen.

Come here, kitty.

Can you give me a hand?

Hey, Dieter.

Benno, here.

You got the stuff?
- Sure.

Here.

Your garden's starting to look good.

I'm Tore. What's your name?
- Klaus.

Cora, my girlfriend. Our camper.
We're only here on the weekends.

Tore, smile.

Not me.
- Come on.

Schnapps?
- Sure.

Cheers for her,

cheers for her,

three cheers for her!

Cheers for her,

cheers for her...
- No!

...three cheers for her!

Another shot?
- Yeah.

Who are you again?

Tore.

Dieter.

There.
- What's inside?

Just a CD.

Open it.

Usually just in Australia.

Did this fall off a truck?

I thought you'd like it.

How old am I?

15!

I think it's cute.

This is extra.

I thought we could go to the zoo.

Say thanks.

Thanks.

Come on.

Tore has something, too.

Yes, I do.

Where'd you get that?

It's used. Oh, well.
There's some music on it, too.

Thanks.

Thanks a lot for the great gifts.

When are your friends coming?
- I'm meeting them in town.

Be back by ten.

Cake?

Thanks.

Got another cold beer?

T, can you get some
cold beer from the fridge?

Please.

He is a bit strange, isn't he?

He does that paper stuff for hours.
- This? That?

A little hat.

Sorry.

Thanks.

Mr. T, what would a real kangaroo do
if you stepped on its tail?

"Mr. T!"

I'm dying!

Jump away.

Wrong.

Boxing.

Come on.

Sorry.

That was a stupid joke.

I don't know why I did it.

That's never happened to me before.

"Jesus has entered my home
and will always remain there.

When evil spirits want to raid it,
he'll drive them away."

Am I your first visitor?
- Yes.

Want to offer me a coffee?

I don't have any.

I didn't really mean it.

How was it with your friends?

Cool.

What's that?

What happened?

Was that one of Benno's friends?

No, it was Benno, but he didn't mean it.

He whacked you?

He was kidding.

Why did you give me something expensive?

Do you have a crush on me?

No.

Did you make those?

This one makes sounds every night.

I didn't meet any friends.

When we met at the rest stop,
was that your best friend?

My best friend is Jesus.

How? He can't talk to you.

He does. Sometimes.

What does he say?

That you need a best friend, too.

You mean you or what?

CHAPTER 2
LOVE

Ten to four, you're ahead.

You guys don't look alike.

Who?
- You and Sanny.

Neither of them are mine.

What makes you say that?

Because she's so weird to me?

No idea. She probably doesn't like my nose.

She obviously likes you.
It must be your nose.

Anyway.

you're like family now.

We pay rent, Astrid cooks and shops...

That's service.

You're on welfare, right?

How much do you get?

Don't know.

Money's not important.

Roundabout.

Don't know.

You can look at my account.

Thanks.

I know you don't have much.

You guys don't either.

Can you change the channel?
I sprained my ankle.

Wow, why are you so dolled up?

For tomorrow's dance.

Oh, crap. I have to cancel.

I have to make a delivery with Dieter.
- Oh, man.

Then we'll go alone.

Stay here.

We'll go another time.

Why?

Are you jealous?

Would you do that for me?

Did you...?

Apropos rent?

Chocolate?

Can we watch this?
- Fine.

Too bad. Something's finally happening here.

You promised we'd go.

We never do anything alone.

You only do stuff with Benno.

I told you I have a migraine.

We can all go together next time.

Benno said so.

Why'd you let Benno forbid it?

I didn't.

He misunderstood.

Mom, please.

Stop looking at me like that.

If we go, then only for your sake.

It'd be good. You could meet some guys.

Mom.
- Get out of your shell.

Put on your cute dress.

What about Dennis?
- We'll put him to bed early.

Wanna come?

Come on, Sanny.

Dance.

Come on.
- No.

Hey!

I thought you weren't coming.

Well, then let's enjoy.
- For you.

And you.

No, thanks.

What a sissy.

Cheers.
- Cheers.

Come on, let's dance.

Yeah?

Don't say anything, alright?

Where were you?

Off to bed.

What did you do yesterday?

Nothing. Television.

Oh, I thought you were at the dance.

No.

Dennis?

Is this an interrogation?

You're my buddy, aren't you?

Tell me.

Did they go out last night?
- I think so.

Right.

We wanted to see what it's like.
- And what was it like?

Nothing special.

Man, you grub like a horse.

You didn't miss anything.

You were there, too?

Yeah.

You didn't cover for me very well.

I thought you were on my side,

and would take care of my family.

You can't bullshit me.

Dennis, go and play.

Hey, Jesus. Benno's getting mad.
Please don't let us argue.

Let us get along.

Don't let me do anything wrong
and make Benno even angrier.

Tell me what to say...

People always pray when
they're scared shitless.

Your belief is based on fear.

When will you finally take
responsibility for your life?

Courage is when you trust God.

And when you obey God more than man.

Stop it!

Don't touch him.

Sanny.

Why aren't you helping him?
- It's the Holy Spirit. Don't disturb.

And?

Everything alright?

What's with the commune?
Where did everybody go?

The Jesus Freaks don't exist
in Hamburg anymore.

It's over.

But we're the founding city.
- Yeah, well...

Like JC said,

bad trees bear bad fruit.

You have to go at it with a chainsaw.

And Maithe?
- No, that was nothing.

Some of us want to go to Berlin.

There are groups there.

Enjoy-

What's with the bruises?

Soccer.

We often play soccer

in the yard, and you get bruised.

Sounds like you're having
fun with your family.

Hey, I want to say something.

I want to apologize.

For back then.

I was on an ego trip.

When you were here,

I was somehow compelled to screw up.

The whole celibate crap isn't my thing.

You're much straighter.

Really, I admire that.

How about you come to Berlin?

I don't have any money.
- Hey, no problem. Don't worry.

And? What do you say?

Are you coming to Berlin?

I can't, Owl.

Why not? Are you still angry?

No.

I just can't leave now.

Is everything really okay?

Yes, can I have another smoke?

Of course.

Come here.

The Lord looks down from heaven.

He watches all who live on Earth.

For he makes his sun to rise on the evil,

and on the good.

Jesus,

open my eyes

so I may finally see.

Where were you today?

Come on, buddy. Let's watch some TV.
- I'm going to lie down.

But you still come for food?

Wait! Wait!

Hey, I got you. Go ahead, boy!

Stick it in. Eat it up.

A bite for Aunt Erika and St. Christopher.
- Benno!

Gosh!

You're so stupid sometimes.
- Come on, I'll lick it up.

Look.

Somebody should get him back for that.

Don't fight him.

Fight with yourself instead.

Sounds nice, Tore, but know what?

Religion is for weak people.

For those who are down anyway.
So they can believe there's still meaning.

Sometimes you have to defend yourself.

If I didn't believe, I'd have nothing.

Why should we live
if we can't believe in goodness?

In there, too.

Light.

Pretty girl, huh?

You bagged her yet?

Just thinking.

Hey: Can you help me?

Just a sec.

Allotment zombies!

No one's here.

And I know them. It's okay.

Don't you like me?

I have experience.

That's not important for the Freaks.

We get married first.

So you've never...
- No.

Night.

You can't play with men like that.
You shouldn't humiliate them.

What's up?

Nothing happened.

What's wrong with you, anyway?

Nobody believes your "good guy" shit.

Do you believe in it yourself?

You're evil.

Kitty, come here.

A must just like you.

Put her down.

Save her.

Benno.

Leave the cat alone.

Please let the cat go.

Think you can protect her
with your wannabe charity?

Do something.

Retard.

Hey, Jesus.

I now know that Benno's my test.

The one you've sent me.

Help me to be strong,

and defeat my doubts.

Give me strength.

Love can't be killed.

I'll protect Sanny, I promise.

It'll take a while.

Did you have the radio on?

Yes.

Get out.

Tell your buddy to send us a miracle.

Hey, Jesus. Please help me.
The car won't start.

I left the radio on and the
engine no longer works.

Help me.

Amen.

Jesus, please help me.

The car won't start. Say something.
I can't hear you anymore.

Please don't forsake me.
- Get in.

I'll get some jumper cables.

I'm scared.

I want to trust you,

and be strong.

But how can I do that
when you're not here?

Please talk to me again.

He looks terrible.

Want some pears?
- Yeah.

Hey, T.

Get me the basket of pears.

Obeys better than a dog.

And he stinks!

He'd be a great scarecrow.

What's going on here?

He's a bit depressed. Won't shower.

Should we take him in?
I have a huge guest room.

We don't even know him.

He's fine.

Thanks.

No, he's part of the family.
We'll get him back into shape.

Hey T, come here.

Take off your clothes.

No.

Take them off.

Man, you're filthy.

Come on. Water fight.

No!

I found this under his mat.

He robbed us?

Looks like it.

What should we do with it?

Come on, tell me what you just thought.

Then he should eat it.
- It was in the trash.

Come on.

It's rotten.

Eat it.

Come on.

God is great and God is good.
And we thank God for our food.

Please stop.

Please stop.

Come on, help out a bit.

What are you doing?
- He's throwing up.

What'd you do to him?
- He just has an upset stomach.

Take him to the hospital, Mom.

No way.

It was your mother's idea, anyway.

Right?

Want her to get into trouble?

We can leave him at the door.
- He's staying here.

The Lord is my shepherd.

I shall not want.

He makes me lie in green pastures.
He leads me beside the still waters.

I will dwell
in the house of the Lord forever.

Last week, I offered to take him to my place.
He looked terrible. What's going on here?

...to the hospital.
- Hospital? He just has an upset stomach.

But...
- Quit talking my ear off.

Did you come here to give me shit?

I've heard enough.

You can't tell me to shut up.

Where are we?

They're picking you up.

I won't leave without you.

Listen, this is important:

If they ask, don't say where you live, okay?

Promise you'll never come back to us.

Aren't you coming?

Take care.

Do you know how you got here?

CHAPTER 3
HOPE

He's awake.

You had food poisoning.

Don't worry, you're in good hands.

Where'd you get the bruises?

Soccer.

You don't look particularly athletic.

And you got them at different times.

Ep...ilepsy.

I have epilepsy. I fall down sometimes.

Alright, fine.

You'll be better again in a few days.
- Is there anyone we can call for you?

A family member?

A friend?

No.

My friend works at the hospital downtown.

In the psychiatric ward.

You can go there on a voluntary basis.

If you say you're a hazard to yourself,
they'll take you in immediately.

I don't understand.

There's a closed section.

The nuthouse.

What would I do there?
I haven't done anything.

You could recover in peace.
Clear your head.

I didn't say anything.

But I prayed you'd come back.

I know.

I'm too afraid to leave.

No, you're not.

You'll soon be strong enough.

There.

Where are we going?

I have a job for you.

Come on in, boy.

Oh, hi.
- Hi.

Nice of you to come.

I've heard all about you.

Hey!

And? Have fun with the boys?

Oh yeah, Christians don't like homos.

Right?

Though I walk in the flesh,

I do not war according to the flesh.

For the weapons of my warfare
are not carnal,

but mighty through God.

Nothing bad can happen to him
who carries the shield of faith.

Even if! walk through the valley of
the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.

For you are with me.

Close your eyes.

Open them.

Come on, help me.

Pull out the plug.

Expensive, right?

We should invite Cora and Klaus over.

What kind of sick crap are you up to?

You think you're helping me?

I saw a movie the other day:

The woman put rat poison in the man's food.

What did I say?

I'm abused,

and yet not killed.

I'm dying:

and yet I live on.

I own nothing,

and yet possess everything.

It's huge.
- Great.

We need one, too.
- Come on, let's play.

What should we play?
- "Charades".

Klaus and I are on one team,
and you two are on the other.

Come on, play with us.

Dennis, are you playing?

Who's first? You.
- Me? God!

Ready?
- Wait!

On your marks, get set...

Slog

So, listen. So...

How do you say... And then...

Without talking!
- I didn't talk at all.

You were talking the whole time, honey.

Breasts? Body? Woman?
Top model? Super top model?

Stop!
- Flat. I'm flat.

Sure, you're flat.
- Flat-chested.

How the hell should we've gotten that?

One more drink.

That was great.

Your turn, Tore.

Tore's turn.
- Go ahead.

Go.

Bars!

Bed, crib!
- Right.

Great. Go on.

You must be kidding.

Grim. Grim Reaper. Scythe fork.
Hay. Haystack. Pitchfork.

Pitchfork.

Quick, the next one.

Go.

Running.
- Lifeguard. Shuffling?

Swimming.
- I know what it is!

Time's up. Stop.

Lifeguards?
- Right.

We won. Yes.

Great. Thanks to you.

Definitely.
- Great job, Tore.

One more drink.

I'll put on some music.

Don't be a sore loser.

Another game?

Or dancing?

A game or dancing? What do you say?

Let's play "Simon Says".
- Yeah, good idea.

I'll start. Simon says...

Wait, I need a drink first.

Simon says...

And, Mr. T?

In a bad mood?

Let's try something.

Sit on me.

Go ahead. Just for fun.
- I don't want to.

I won't hurt you.

So I can't move.

Like this?

Now take the pillow.

Benno.

It's just a game.

Push it in my face.

Come on, feel it.

It's a real kick, right?

Come on, harder.

Simon says, fist. Simon says, palm.
Fingers!

You're suppressing your instincts,
you little slut.

Harder.

You little bitch.

Don't.

He tried to kill me.

Stop, I want to see.

Take care of him.

We were a normal family.

You acted like you belonged.

You betrayed us.

You ruined everything.

We'll lose everything because of you.

We could cut something off.

I'm calling the police.

You're staying here.

You can't let him just lie there.

We?

You're in this, too.

Look at what your girlfriend did.

This won't work. We need
a blanket or something.

Sanny.

Now you can be very strong.

But you're coming back?

We'll be right back, sweetie.
We'll just take him to the hospital.

I'm going with you.

We don't have enough room.

Don't worry, sweetie.

You're taking him to the hospital?

Yes.

Why are we locked in?

They're not going to the hospital.

I think he's dead.

I'll do it.

Well?

Where's your God now?

Here.

BASED ON TRUE EVENTS