Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:09,100 --> 00:00:14,100
Subtitles by explosiveskull
2
00:01:14,188 --> 00:01:16,055
Hey, this is Kara Doblowski.
3
00:01:16,057 --> 00:01:18,024
I don't know why
I just told you my last name.
4
00:01:18,026 --> 00:01:20,227
You already have my number.
Anyway, just leave a message.
5
00:01:20,229 --> 00:01:22,161
What up, bitch?
6
00:01:22,163 --> 00:01:25,932
It's Billy.
Long time, no speak.
7
00:01:25,934 --> 00:01:28,268
I'm still out here in Vegas,
Sin City.
8
00:01:28,270 --> 00:01:31,840
You know, for work.
Club shit.
9
00:01:35,244 --> 00:01:37,277
Seems like every night
I'm at some new lounge
10
00:01:37,279 --> 00:01:40,113
or restaurant
hanging out with the VIPs.
11
00:01:40,115 --> 00:01:43,582
You know, DJs, models,
shots and bottles.
12
00:01:43,584 --> 00:01:47,087
My middle name should be Wagyu,
'cause I eat so much of it.
13
00:01:47,089 --> 00:01:50,156
- Billy Wagyu Green.
- Hey, hey, hey, hey.
14
00:01:50,158 --> 00:01:52,057
Um, Steve Aoki called.
15
00:01:52,059 --> 00:01:54,060
He thinks
he accidentally threw out
16
00:01:54,062 --> 00:01:55,795
his scrunchie in the bathroom.
17
00:01:55,797 --> 00:01:57,631
I'm gonna need you
to dig around and find it.
18
00:01:57,633 --> 00:02:01,601
You want me to dig around
in these bags?
19
00:02:01,603 --> 00:02:03,168
Yeah.
20
00:02:03,170 --> 00:02:05,971
- For Steve Aoki's scrunchie?
- Yeah.
21
00:02:05,973 --> 00:02:08,108
- If I find it, can I return it to him...
- No.
22
00:02:08,110 --> 00:02:09,875
I get to give it to Steve Aoki.
23
00:02:09,877 --> 00:02:13,612
Hey, I-I would love to really
talk to you for a second
24
00:02:13,614 --> 00:02:16,148
- about getting moved up to the door...
- Totally.
25
00:02:16,150 --> 00:02:17,185
Um, maybe next week?
26
00:02:21,590 --> 00:02:24,724
Anyway, I'm actually working
on some really exciting stuff
27
00:02:24,726 --> 00:02:28,227
with Steve Aoki so,
I gotta run in a sec,
28
00:02:28,229 --> 00:02:31,164
but I'm gonna be headed back to
Valley Stream for Thanksgiving.
29
00:02:31,166 --> 00:02:33,666
My parents are retiring
and selling the house
30
00:02:33,668 --> 00:02:37,170
and moving to Santa Fe,
so I gotta pack up my shit.
31
00:02:37,172 --> 00:02:39,238
And, uh...
32
00:02:39,240 --> 00:02:41,774
well, I know we really haven't
seen each other in a while,
33
00:02:41,776 --> 00:02:43,809
but I would love to,
34
00:02:43,811 --> 00:02:46,779
I don't know,
hang out if you're around.
35
00:02:46,781 --> 00:02:48,981
I don't know.
Anyway, I gotta run.
36
00:02:48,983 --> 00:02:51,350
Man, I wish you could see
this sick-ass view
37
00:02:51,352 --> 00:02:54,620
I have from my penthouse
right now.
38
00:02:54,622 --> 00:02:56,655
I'm looking at
the Bellagio fountains.
39
00:02:56,657 --> 00:02:58,624
Beautiful.
40
00:02:58,626 --> 00:03:02,631
Anyway, you know, call me back.
I would really love to see you.
41
00:04:29,016 --> 00:04:30,850
Mom? Dad?
42
00:04:30,852 --> 00:04:32,285
Oh,
it's good to see you, son!
43
00:04:32,287 --> 00:04:34,086
Oh...
44
00:04:34,088 --> 00:04:35,955
Oh, it's been so long
since you've been home.
45
00:04:35,957 --> 00:04:37,256
- I know.
- Let me look at you.
46
00:04:37,258 --> 00:04:39,458
Oh, you got a little bigger.
47
00:04:39,460 --> 00:04:40,960
Nah.
48
00:04:40,962 --> 00:04:42,728
You smell like cigarettes.
49
00:04:42,730 --> 00:04:45,297
Oh, no, you know, um,
the cab driver was smoking.
50
00:04:45,299 --> 00:04:47,367
Ugh,
those cab drivers.
51
00:04:47,369 --> 00:04:49,134
You guys look amazing.
52
00:04:49,136 --> 00:04:52,439
Oh, well we feel great.
We're excited about Santa Fe.
53
00:04:52,441 --> 00:04:54,973
Daddy found the sweetest
little place on Zillow.
54
00:04:54,975 --> 00:04:57,376
The Hopi Indians
that live there
55
00:04:57,378 --> 00:05:02,047
described the landscape
as "stones that which laugh."
56
00:05:02,049 --> 00:05:05,218
- Metaphor, but gosh. Wow.
- Wow, that sounds beautiful.
57
00:05:05,220 --> 00:05:06,752
Are you hungry,
sweetheart?
58
00:05:06,754 --> 00:05:08,388
Can I make you
some ants on a log?
59
00:05:08,390 --> 00:05:10,489
Do you need me
to do your laundry, huh?
60
00:05:10,491 --> 00:05:12,792
Oh, any tax forms
to fill out?
61
00:05:12,794 --> 00:05:14,427
No. No. You know what,
I'm good, thank you.
62
00:05:14,429 --> 00:05:17,963
Boy, your friends are gonna be
so excited to see you.
63
00:05:17,965 --> 00:05:19,766
The King of Valley Stream
has returned!
64
00:05:19,768 --> 00:05:21,867
The King of Valley Stream.
65
00:05:21,869 --> 00:05:24,504
Hey, uh,
where are my Isuzu keys?
66
00:05:24,506 --> 00:05:27,040
- Oh, the Trooper? We sold it.
- Oh, yeah.
67
00:05:27,042 --> 00:05:30,210
You sold my baby?
You sold my sweet Isuzie?
68
00:05:30,212 --> 00:05:32,778
You remember that Peter Roman.
69
00:05:32,780 --> 00:05:33,912
Peter Roman?!
70
00:05:33,914 --> 00:05:36,215
You sold the Isuzu
to Peter Roman?
71
00:05:36,217 --> 00:05:39,985
Oh, fuck, Mom.
He's such a poser!
72
00:05:39,987 --> 00:05:42,355
He was always copying me
in high school.
73
00:05:42,357 --> 00:05:44,157
'Member?
He stole my signature scent.
74
00:05:44,159 --> 00:05:46,225
You think he would've thought
of mixing Cool Water
75
00:05:46,227 --> 00:05:47,860
with a dash of CK-One?
76
00:05:47,862 --> 00:05:49,228
I don't think there was
an emotional agenda.
77
00:05:49,230 --> 00:05:50,497
I think he just wanted a car.
78
00:05:50,499 --> 00:05:52,766
What am I supposed
to drive around town in?
79
00:05:52,768 --> 00:05:54,467
Well, the electric scooter.
80
00:05:54,469 --> 00:05:56,335
The electric scooter?
81
00:05:56,337 --> 00:05:58,708
I'm gonna look like
I'm in Garden State.
82
00:07:27,996 --> 00:07:31,030
Someone hasn't changed
a fuckin' bit.
83
00:07:31,032 --> 00:07:32,168
Dork.
84
00:08:03,965 --> 00:08:07,033
Oh. Billy.
85
00:08:07,035 --> 00:08:08,066
Hi.
86
00:08:08,068 --> 00:08:10,002
Tami.
87
00:08:10,004 --> 00:08:11,203
Wow.
88
00:08:11,205 --> 00:08:12,672
You got your braces off, huh?
89
00:08:12,674 --> 00:08:14,540
Oh, my God,
you already knew that
90
00:08:14,542 --> 00:08:16,408
'cause you follow me
on Instagram.
91
00:08:16,410 --> 00:08:17,576
Do I?
92
00:08:17,578 --> 00:08:19,545
Yeah. I mean,
I think the other day,
93
00:08:19,547 --> 00:08:21,581
you actually liked a picture
of me and then unliked it
94
00:08:21,583 --> 00:08:25,150
- a second later.
- What? I don't think so.
95
00:08:25,152 --> 00:08:26,686
Hey, quit talkin'
to my friends.
96
00:08:26,688 --> 00:08:29,021
- Fuck you! Shut up!
- Fuck you, loser!
97
00:08:29,023 --> 00:08:30,556
- Take the merkin off your chin.
- Take the merkin...
98
00:08:30,558 --> 00:08:32,258
Get the fuck outta my face!
Get outta here!
99
00:08:32,260 --> 00:08:33,660
Douscher!
100
00:08:33,662 --> 00:08:36,429
There he is.
♪ The king is back ♪
101
00:08:36,431 --> 00:08:38,564
Still rockin'
that chin beard, huh?
102
00:08:38,566 --> 00:08:40,333
- You know it, man.
- Rockin' it hard.
103
00:08:40,335 --> 00:08:41,601
Yeah. It's the only way
I know how to rock.
104
00:08:41,603 --> 00:08:43,303
That's why you're
still a virgin.
105
00:08:43,305 --> 00:08:44,703
- I'm not a virgin. I've had sex.
- With yourself.
106
00:08:44,705 --> 00:08:46,171
All right. Whatever.
Fuck off.
107
00:08:46,173 --> 00:08:48,607
- What's all this stuff?
- Oh, this? Yeah.
108
00:08:48,609 --> 00:08:51,644
Really fuckin' lame, I know.
I'm a realtor now.
109
00:08:51,646 --> 00:08:53,646
Market is booming.
I haven't sold anything yet.
110
00:08:53,648 --> 00:08:55,681
But I think I'm getting close.
111
00:08:55,683 --> 00:08:57,950
Bye, Billy.
It's really good to see you.
112
00:08:57,952 --> 00:09:00,520
Stop flirting
with my sister, man.
113
00:09:00,522 --> 00:09:02,288
I'm not flirting
with your sister.
114
00:09:02,290 --> 00:09:04,122
All right, let's get outta here.
You got the Isuzu?
115
00:09:04,124 --> 00:09:06,626
No. My parents sold it
to fuckin' Roman.
116
00:09:06,628 --> 00:09:08,560
The fuck,
they sold it to Roman?
117
00:09:08,562 --> 00:09:11,130
Oh, fuckin'...
that guy was such a poser, man.
118
00:09:11,132 --> 00:09:13,333
First he steals your
signature scent and now this?
119
00:09:13,335 --> 00:09:15,068
Well,
I still got the Windstar.
120
00:09:15,070 --> 00:09:17,469
Brakes are a little squeaky,
but we can ride together!
121
00:09:17,471 --> 00:09:19,439
Yes!
122
00:09:19,441 --> 00:09:22,674
People are gonna fuckin' freak
when they see you, man.
123
00:09:22,676 --> 00:09:25,578
- Yep, definitely gonna blow some minds.
- Do it.
124
00:09:25,580 --> 00:09:29,381
Make way.
Make way for the king.
125
00:09:29,383 --> 00:09:30,616
The king is back!
126
00:09:30,618 --> 00:09:32,751
Hey, Big Barbie Bonner.
127
00:09:32,753 --> 00:09:35,621
Is that Laura Ginsburg?
I like your new nose.
128
00:09:35,623 --> 00:09:38,024
- Understated.
- Hey, wanna get a drink?
129
00:09:38,026 --> 00:09:39,625
- Love to.
- All right.
130
00:09:39,627 --> 00:09:41,626
Excuse me, barkeep.
131
00:09:41,628 --> 00:09:43,463
Jack on the rocks,
light on the rocks,
132
00:09:43,465 --> 00:09:44,731
right here,
and a Coors Light.
133
00:09:44,733 --> 00:09:46,631
You seen Kara anywhere?
134
00:09:46,633 --> 00:09:49,602
Holy shit, it's Billy Green.
135
00:09:49,604 --> 00:09:52,271
- Guilty as charged.
- And the Douche-er.
136
00:09:52,273 --> 00:09:53,740
Actually, it's pronounced
"Dough-sure."
137
00:09:53,742 --> 00:09:55,607
as in "I'll make you dough
for sure."
138
00:09:55,609 --> 00:09:58,644
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
- You look, uh...
139
00:09:58,646 --> 00:10:00,747
- How's work?
- Work is dope.
140
00:10:00,749 --> 00:10:02,748
Work is on fire.
Work is lit.
141
00:10:02,750 --> 00:10:05,284
I'm like a concierge to VIPs.
142
00:10:05,286 --> 00:10:09,255
Very important pussy.
143
00:10:09,257 --> 00:10:10,589
Amazing.
144
00:10:10,591 --> 00:10:12,494
Do you have daughters?
145
00:10:16,031 --> 00:10:18,097
I'm sorry, we actually have
to go say hey to somebody.
146
00:10:18,099 --> 00:10:20,032
- Right over there, yeah, yeah.
- Over there by the door.
147
00:10:20,034 --> 00:10:21,733
Yeah, okay. Bye, man.
I'll see ya at football.
148
00:10:21,735 --> 00:10:23,502
- See ya, man.
- You still do that?
149
00:10:23,504 --> 00:10:26,008
- Yeah, I'll be there.
- Yeah, see ya, bro.
150
00:10:29,210 --> 00:10:32,277
Is that Elana Drucker?
Is she pregnant?
151
00:10:32,279 --> 00:10:35,147
It's actually Elana Perkins now,
and that's her second.
152
00:10:35,149 --> 00:10:37,683
I came across that tape
I made with her in high school.
153
00:10:37,685 --> 00:10:40,652
You still have the tape?
You have the tape?
154
00:10:40,654 --> 00:10:42,822
I thought that shit was gone.
You have it?
155
00:10:42,824 --> 00:10:44,589
I never got to see it.
You know that?
156
00:10:44,591 --> 00:10:46,659
You never showed it to me.
You showed it to Teddy Lacourte.
157
00:10:46,661 --> 00:10:48,294
You showed it to Alex Chang.
158
00:10:48,296 --> 00:10:49,728
You showed it to a bunch
of people.
159
00:10:49,730 --> 00:10:51,564
You showed it to that Ecuadoran
exchange student,
160
00:10:51,566 --> 00:10:54,567
- but you never showed it to me.
- Okay, well, if you find a VCR,
161
00:10:54,569 --> 00:10:56,435
I will show you the tape.
But I will tell you right now...
162
00:10:56,437 --> 00:10:59,539
- Yeah?
- It's just me and Elana experimenting
163
00:10:59,541 --> 00:11:01,573
- with breakfast condiments.
- No, no! Do not spoil it.
164
00:11:01,575 --> 00:11:03,242
I've been waiting
a fuckin' decade.
165
00:11:03,244 --> 00:11:05,178
Oh, my God.
I got a fuckin' boner right now.
166
00:11:05,180 --> 00:11:07,246
- I'm so excited.
- There he is. Hey!
167
00:11:07,248 --> 00:11:09,582
- Oh, you got it?
- It's so good to see you.
168
00:11:09,584 --> 00:11:11,784
It's so good to see you, too.
169
00:11:11,786 --> 00:11:13,785
You have just, a glow.
170
00:11:13,787 --> 00:11:16,856
Oh, shut up, Billy.
You're lying. I'm a cow.
171
00:11:16,858 --> 00:11:18,723
You're one of those
sexy cows on the boxes
172
00:11:18,725 --> 00:11:21,160
of those Skinny Cow desserts
I can't stop eating.
173
00:11:21,162 --> 00:11:22,694
Or masturbating to.
174
00:11:24,865 --> 00:11:26,466
Yeah.
175
00:11:26,468 --> 00:11:28,468
Awesome, yeah.
So, good to see you, Billy.
176
00:11:28,470 --> 00:11:30,169
Welcome back.
177
00:11:30,171 --> 00:11:31,536
When's the last time
you were home, Billy?
178
00:11:31,538 --> 00:11:33,139
Was that in 2012,
179
00:11:33,141 --> 00:11:35,107
five days after
Hurricane Sandy, right?
180
00:11:35,109 --> 00:11:36,541
That's incredibly accurate,
Perkins.
181
00:11:36,543 --> 00:11:37,843
You still a cop?
182
00:11:37,845 --> 00:11:39,679
Actually,
I'm a lieutenant, now.
183
00:11:39,681 --> 00:11:42,482
Are you still a repository
for illegal party drugs?
184
00:11:42,484 --> 00:11:44,851
If I told you that,
I'd make your job
185
00:11:44,853 --> 00:11:46,184
a lot easier for you,
wouldn't I?
186
00:11:49,724 --> 00:11:52,492
She liked it.
187
00:11:52,494 --> 00:11:54,827
Um, I'm s... I'm sorry.
188
00:11:54,829 --> 00:11:57,463
Did you eat a pear today?
189
00:11:57,465 --> 00:11:58,897
I might've had one
at breakfast.
190
00:11:58,899 --> 00:12:00,532
- Oh, my God.
- Well, I didn't mean to.
191
00:12:00,534 --> 00:12:01,900
Well, but you did.
192
00:12:01,902 --> 00:12:03,836
Okay.
193
00:12:03,838 --> 00:12:06,304
I should probably actually get
in there, hold her hair back.
194
00:12:06,306 --> 00:12:08,174
Because if she vomits,
gets vomit in her hair,
195
00:12:08,176 --> 00:12:09,574
and then smells the vomit
in her hair,
196
00:12:09,576 --> 00:12:13,846
she's gonna puke more, so,
happy Thanksgiving.
197
00:12:13,848 --> 00:12:15,515
Glad to see you back here,
Billy.
198
00:12:15,517 --> 00:12:17,617
- Good to see you, too, Officer.
- Have a good time.
199
00:12:17,619 --> 00:12:19,088
- See ya, Perkins.
- Yeah.
200
00:12:38,773 --> 00:12:41,406
Kara.
201
00:12:41,408 --> 00:12:44,443
- I don't know if she's seeing us.
- I don't know if she sees you.
202
00:12:44,445 --> 00:12:47,445
Maybe she can't hear me.
Kara!!
203
00:12:47,447 --> 00:12:49,748
I'm just gonna go over.
You want me to come with you?
204
00:12:49,750 --> 00:12:52,453
- No! You stay where you are.
- I'm gonna stay right where I am.
205
00:12:56,590 --> 00:12:58,290
Hi.
206
00:12:58,292 --> 00:13:01,694
She'll have a Jack on the rocks,
easy on the rocks.
207
00:13:01,696 --> 00:13:04,930
Yeah, I'll have a club soda,
please?
208
00:13:04,932 --> 00:13:06,567
Club soda?
What, are you on Ecstasy?
209
00:13:09,704 --> 00:13:11,837
Hi, Billy.
No, I'm not on Ecstasy.
210
00:13:11,839 --> 00:13:13,205
I just really
don't drink anymore.
211
00:13:13,207 --> 00:13:15,907
Okay. That's fine.
212
00:13:15,909 --> 00:13:17,876
Your breath won't smell
as bad in the morning.
213
00:13:17,878 --> 00:13:22,747
Don't. This isn't high school
or college or that one time
214
00:13:22,749 --> 00:13:24,516
after Hurricane Sandy
when I was really emotional
215
00:13:24,518 --> 00:13:26,385
about my childhood pictures
being destroyed.
216
00:13:26,387 --> 00:13:28,788
Oh, come on.
Christie had just hugged Obama.
217
00:13:28,790 --> 00:13:30,823
Everyone was fucking.
What's going on with you?
218
00:13:30,825 --> 00:13:33,892
Nothing's going on with me.
I've just... I'm different, okay?
219
00:13:33,894 --> 00:13:35,361
You don't really know me
anymore, Billy.
220
00:13:35,363 --> 00:13:36,896
It's been five years.
221
00:13:36,898 --> 00:13:39,665
Let's see, I don't
skip calc to get high.
222
00:13:39,667 --> 00:13:42,234
I don't shoplift
Hard Candy nail polish.
223
00:13:42,236 --> 00:13:44,670
I don't sneak Captain Morgan's
into Six Flags.
224
00:13:44,672 --> 00:13:47,372
If you want that, maybe you
should date a 16-year-old girl.
225
00:13:47,374 --> 00:13:49,474
I can't. Like, legally.
226
00:13:49,476 --> 00:13:53,378
So jokes like that? They
don't do it for me anymore.
227
00:13:53,380 --> 00:13:56,515
Oh, my God.
228
00:13:56,517 --> 00:13:57,916
You'll never guess
who's here.
229
00:13:57,918 --> 00:14:00,953
Do you remember that weirdo,
Lowell Shapiro?
230
00:14:00,955 --> 00:14:03,289
He lived across the street
from me in high school?
231
00:14:03,291 --> 00:14:05,891
You know, he used to bring
the tuna cans for lunch
232
00:14:05,893 --> 00:14:07,827
and just like,
drink the tuna water...
233
00:14:07,829 --> 00:14:08,861
- and then eat the actual...
- Hi. There you are.
234
00:14:08,863 --> 00:14:10,299
Hey, how ya doin'?
235
00:14:14,034 --> 00:14:16,669
Billy?
You remember Lowell.
236
00:14:16,671 --> 00:14:19,304
I don't... it's not ringing
a bell, right now.
237
00:14:19,306 --> 00:14:21,741
Really? Billy, you grew up
across the street from me
238
00:14:21,743 --> 00:14:24,876
our entire childhoods,
and I think I saw you,
239
00:14:24,878 --> 00:14:26,746
like, two hours ago
in front of your house?
240
00:14:26,748 --> 00:14:30,583
No offense, pal, but I...
I meet a lot of people.
241
00:14:30,585 --> 00:14:33,886
Anyway, Lowell and I work
together at Shanser's Pharmacy.
242
00:14:33,888 --> 00:14:35,788
What, you don't work
at Hooters anymore?
243
00:14:35,790 --> 00:14:37,723
No, I don't work
at Hooters anymore.
244
00:14:37,725 --> 00:14:40,325
- Do you still have the outfit?
- I'm not gonna tell you that.
245
00:14:40,327 --> 00:14:42,828
So Lowell has been a godsend.
246
00:14:42,830 --> 00:14:44,530
He helps me keep track
of all the medications
247
00:14:44,532 --> 00:14:46,564
that come in and out
of the pharmacy,
248
00:14:46,566 --> 00:14:48,800
- and I make a lot of mistakes.
- She's lying to you.
249
00:14:48,802 --> 00:14:50,402
She's amazing.
I would be lost without her.
250
00:14:50,404 --> 00:14:52,371
No, stop it.
No you wouldn't be. Stop it.
251
00:14:52,373 --> 00:14:53,939
- It's the truth. I would be.
- Okay.
252
00:14:53,941 --> 00:14:55,841
Like a chicken
with his head cut off.
253
00:14:58,646 --> 00:15:00,512
Do you really not remember me?
254
00:15:00,514 --> 00:15:02,781
Billy, you... you told
everybody in school
255
00:15:02,783 --> 00:15:06,584
that I had a...
inverted penis.
256
00:15:06,586 --> 00:15:08,923
Remember,
"Lowell has no pole"?
257
00:15:10,758 --> 00:15:12,058
Let's go have a cigarette.
258
00:15:12,060 --> 00:15:14,559
Ew, no.
And you still smoke?
259
00:15:14,561 --> 00:15:16,462
Yeah.
You don't smoke anymore?
260
00:15:16,464 --> 00:15:18,830
Billy, you should really
think about quitting.
261
00:15:18,832 --> 00:15:20,966
You know, our customers
have had a lot of luck
262
00:15:20,968 --> 00:15:22,501
quitting with the
Habitrol patch.
263
00:15:22,503 --> 00:15:24,002
Thank you, Lowell.
264
00:15:24,004 --> 00:15:26,439
Okay. Lowell,
let's get outta here.
265
00:15:26,441 --> 00:15:28,373
Billy, one more thing,
please stop leaving
266
00:15:28,375 --> 00:15:30,843
five-minute breathy messages
on my voicemail, because...
267
00:15:30,845 --> 00:15:32,578
- They're not breathy.
- Yeah, they are!
268
00:15:32,580 --> 00:15:34,749
They sound like you're prepping
to jerk off!
269
00:15:40,120 --> 00:15:41,789
I was about to jerk off.
270
00:15:45,960 --> 00:15:48,560
Is... is Kara dating Lowell?
271
00:15:48,562 --> 00:15:50,564
I'm gonna need
a lot of drinks.
272
00:16:05,979 --> 00:16:07,382
The king is back!
273
00:16:22,129 --> 00:16:23,931
Come here, weed puppy.
274
00:16:25,166 --> 00:16:26,935
Oh, you're a good dog.
275
00:16:36,109 --> 00:16:37,979
Oh! That is old!
276
00:16:41,581 --> 00:16:42,917
Whoo!
277
00:16:46,653 --> 00:16:49,155
David Spiegel's
bar mitzvah clock.
278
00:16:49,157 --> 00:16:51,089
You still work.
279
00:17:06,573 --> 00:17:08,642
What the hell
is going on over there?
280
00:17:16,751 --> 00:17:19,087
Jesus,
that's a lot of tattoos.
281
00:17:20,955 --> 00:17:23,989
Are Lowell and Kara
about to have sex?
282
00:17:23,991 --> 00:17:26,895
Am I about to watch Lowell
and Kara have sex?
283
00:17:37,538 --> 00:17:39,541
What the hell
is this creep show doing now?
284
00:17:41,108 --> 00:17:42,707
Whoa.
285
00:17:42,709 --> 00:17:45,079
Screamin'
like a fuckin' maniac.
286
00:17:50,917 --> 00:17:53,751
Where are ya?
Where are ya, ya little bitch?
287
00:17:53,753 --> 00:17:55,020
Where are ya?
288
00:17:55,022 --> 00:17:57,723
Where could you go?
289
00:17:57,725 --> 00:17:59,858
How far could you run,
ya little fuckin' bitch?
290
00:17:59,860 --> 00:18:01,162
I got him. I got him.
291
00:18:04,197 --> 00:18:08,166
Holy shit.
Is that a big yellow condom?
292
00:18:08,168 --> 00:18:10,138
Does Lowell have a huge penis?
293
00:18:14,207 --> 00:18:16,575
Oh...
294
00:18:16,577 --> 00:18:19,614
David Spiegel's bar mitzvah
clock, I'm sorry.
295
00:18:21,115 --> 00:18:22,684
Gotcha.
296
00:18:24,185 --> 00:18:26,719
Oh! Oh!!
297
00:18:26,721 --> 00:18:29,191
Spiegel.
298
00:18:38,532 --> 00:18:40,165
Noise, why?
299
00:18:41,569 --> 00:18:44,873
Why noise? Why noisy?!
300
00:19:07,628 --> 00:19:09,196
Did you speak
to any of the neighbors?
301
00:19:13,167 --> 00:19:15,667
Hey, Perkins.
302
00:19:15,669 --> 00:19:17,269
Excuse me, sir,
I need you to back up.
303
00:19:17,271 --> 00:19:19,238
This is official
police business.
304
00:19:19,240 --> 00:19:21,574
If you don't mind backing up,
getting into your mom's house.
305
00:19:21,576 --> 00:19:23,742
Shut up, Perkins, you showed me
when your first pube came in.
306
00:19:23,744 --> 00:19:26,110
Okay.
Grow up, all right?
307
00:19:26,112 --> 00:19:27,946
What's going on?
308
00:19:27,948 --> 00:19:31,617
Look, Lowell Shapiro's mom
died last night in her sleep.
309
00:19:31,619 --> 00:19:33,985
It looks like heart failure.
310
00:19:33,987 --> 00:19:36,120
And Lowell found her?
311
00:19:36,122 --> 00:19:37,990
Yes, Lowell found her.
312
00:19:37,992 --> 00:19:39,825
Said she was fine
when he went to bed
313
00:19:39,827 --> 00:19:42,226
last night around midnight,
and then in the morning,
314
00:19:42,228 --> 00:19:44,163
he found her...
315
00:19:44,165 --> 00:19:45,901
well he found her dead.
316
00:19:51,138 --> 00:19:53,137
Was Kara here the whole time?
317
00:19:53,139 --> 00:19:55,340
Okay. You know what?
I'm not gonna tell ya.
318
00:19:55,342 --> 00:19:57,710
'Cause if I told ya, it would
just make your job
319
00:19:57,712 --> 00:19:59,278
a little bit easier,
now wouldn't it?
320
00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:00,346
That's what I said
to you yesterday.
321
00:20:00,348 --> 00:20:01,680
That's what you said to me.
322
00:20:01,682 --> 00:20:03,281
I'm using your words
against you.
323
00:20:03,283 --> 00:20:06,287
And
that probably sucks.
324
00:20:16,196 --> 00:20:18,262
Go in your hou...
what're you doing?
325
00:20:18,264 --> 00:20:21,399
You don't think something...
326
00:20:21,401 --> 00:20:23,001
strange is going on here?
327
00:20:23,003 --> 00:20:25,738
Look, Billy, please
don't be a dick about this.
328
00:20:25,740 --> 00:20:27,742
You're not
a fuckin' detective.
329
00:20:47,360 --> 00:20:50,863
- Hey, hey. Hey.
- Oh, man.
330
00:20:50,865 --> 00:20:52,830
Do you know
Lowell Shapiro at all?
331
00:20:52,832 --> 00:20:56,934
- Yeah, he's my pharmacist.
- Isn't he kind of creepy?
332
00:20:56,936 --> 00:20:58,870
Creepy? What is this,
Scooby Do? Creepy?
333
00:20:58,872 --> 00:21:01,040
No, he got me through a really
difficult heartburn situation.
334
00:21:01,042 --> 00:21:03,742
- I love that guy.
- You know Lowell Shapiro at all?
335
00:21:03,744 --> 00:21:05,978
Yeah, he's cool, I mean,
I once sneezed
336
00:21:05,980 --> 00:21:07,346
in a post office,
and he said "gesundheit."
337
00:21:07,348 --> 00:21:08,780
German. Maniac.
338
00:21:08,782 --> 00:21:10,115
Hike!
339
00:21:10,117 --> 00:21:12,384
He was off-sides!
340
00:21:12,386 --> 00:21:15,687
I'm pretty sure Lowell's mom's
a fuckin' psychopath.
341
00:21:15,689 --> 00:21:17,790
I'd hear her screami''
bloody murder at him
342
00:21:17,792 --> 00:21:19,324
all the time
on my mail route.
343
00:21:19,326 --> 00:21:20,325
- And...
- Wait, hold on. Don't hike yet...
344
00:21:20,327 --> 00:21:21,760
- Hike!
- Oh, God.
345
00:21:21,762 --> 00:21:23,962
How do you know Lowell again?
346
00:21:23,964 --> 00:21:25,364
Oh, I'm his rabbi.
347
00:21:25,366 --> 00:21:27,265
Boy, what a davening voice
on him.
348
00:21:27,267 --> 00:21:29,702
Do you know he got into
Stanford, early admission?
349
00:21:29,704 --> 00:21:31,470
- Really?
- Yeah.
350
00:21:31,472 --> 00:21:32,971
But I heard his mom
wouldn't let him go.
351
00:21:32,973 --> 00:21:34,338
Wanted him to stay
around the house.
352
00:21:34,340 --> 00:21:37,142
Oh, Jesus fuckin Christ!
353
00:21:37,144 --> 00:21:39,845
You're gonna throw up
on my tzitzit, man!
354
00:21:39,847 --> 00:21:42,947
- I'm sorry, Spiegel.
- Pull yourself together! Gross!
355
00:21:42,949 --> 00:21:45,483
- Hike!
- Why'd you steal my Isuzie, you fuckin' copier?
356
00:21:45,485 --> 00:21:46,952
I didn't steal it, man.
357
00:21:46,954 --> 00:21:48,319
I bought it
'cause I needed a car.
358
00:21:48,321 --> 00:21:52,324
All right, at the half,
it's Jews seven.
359
00:21:52,326 --> 00:21:54,193
Goys 49.
360
00:21:54,195 --> 00:21:57,195
Hey, uh...
361
00:21:57,197 --> 00:21:58,996
is it true that Lowell Shapiro
helped you and your wife out
362
00:21:58,998 --> 00:22:00,299
when you guys got pregnant?
363
00:22:00,301 --> 00:22:02,401
What is your problem
with Lowell, anyway?
364
00:22:02,403 --> 00:22:04,403
I don't have a problem
with Lowell.
365
00:22:04,405 --> 00:22:06,271
Are you mad that he's
hooking up with Kara?
366
00:22:06,273 --> 00:22:08,874
What? That is...
367
00:22:08,876 --> 00:22:10,842
First of all, we don't know
if that is a 100% true.
368
00:22:10,844 --> 00:22:12,511
So there's nothing
to really be mad about.
369
00:22:12,513 --> 00:22:14,146
Then what's your problem?
370
00:22:14,148 --> 00:22:16,380
I don't have a problem.
371
00:22:16,382 --> 00:22:19,784
Since when are we all
so cool about Lowell?
372
00:22:19,786 --> 00:22:22,988
I mean, we... in high school,
we went to Callahan's dad's
373
00:22:22,990 --> 00:22:26,023
screen printing shop
printed up 100 T-shirts
374
00:22:26,025 --> 00:22:28,460
about how "Lowell has no pole,"
and now all of a sudden,
375
00:22:28,462 --> 00:22:29,861
we're his best friends?
376
00:22:29,863 --> 00:22:32,530
Billy, do you think maybe,
possibly,
377
00:22:32,532 --> 00:22:34,532
we were the assholes
for picking on him?
378
00:22:34,534 --> 00:22:38,103
I mean, I am sincerely shocked
at all of you right now.
379
00:22:38,105 --> 00:22:40,038
So I guess you're
all just gonna go
380
00:22:40,040 --> 00:22:42,808
to Lowell's mom's funeral,
then?
381
00:22:42,810 --> 00:22:44,443
Wait. What?
382
00:22:44,445 --> 00:22:46,444
Lowell's mom died?
383
00:22:46,446 --> 00:22:48,782
Yeah,
she died last night.
384
00:22:50,317 --> 00:22:52,550
So this whole time...
385
00:22:52,552 --> 00:22:55,921
you've been asking us
questions about Lowell
386
00:22:55,923 --> 00:22:58,257
and you failed to mention
his mom dying?
387
00:22:58,259 --> 00:23:00,492
No, I was talking
about Lowell.
388
00:23:00,494 --> 00:23:02,560
I was asking questions
about Lowell.
389
00:23:02,562 --> 00:23:05,463
- What did you ask me?
- What kind of a sick fuck are you?
390
00:23:05,465 --> 00:23:07,331
Yeah, bitch, you mean to tell me
that I'm sitting here
391
00:23:07,333 --> 00:23:08,966
having the time
of my fuckin' life
392
00:23:08,968 --> 00:23:10,836
playing flag football
with my boys,
393
00:23:10,838 --> 00:23:12,370
and sweet Lowell
is in mourning?
394
00:23:12,372 --> 00:23:14,071
- "Sweet Lowell"?
- That's right.
395
00:23:14,073 --> 00:23:15,874
Sweet Lowell.
Sweet guy.
396
00:23:15,876 --> 00:23:17,475
You don't even know Lowell.
397
00:23:17,477 --> 00:23:19,243
You just like him
'cause he gives you
398
00:23:19,245 --> 00:23:21,346
your bald medicine
and your fuckin' boner pills.
399
00:23:21,348 --> 00:23:24,415
Oy. I gotta help with
the funeral arrangements.
400
00:23:24,417 --> 00:23:26,819
Gotta go order the chevre
kadisha for the shiva.
401
00:23:26,821 --> 00:23:28,854
- See ya later, Billy.
- See ya, Billy.
402
00:23:28,856 --> 00:23:30,155
I'd offer people rides home,
403
00:23:30,157 --> 00:23:33,258
but I just redid
the Isuzu interior, so.
404
00:23:33,260 --> 00:23:34,492
Sorry.
405
00:23:34,494 --> 00:23:38,463
So that's it?!
We're done here?!
406
00:23:38,465 --> 00:23:42,300
The 14-thannual Jews versus Goys
Hangover Football Game
407
00:23:42,302 --> 00:23:43,969
is gonna end in an undecided?!
408
00:23:43,971 --> 00:23:45,306
Goys won, asshole!
409
00:23:47,340 --> 00:23:49,942
I'm telling you, something
is going on with Lowell.
410
00:23:49,944 --> 00:23:51,976
I believe you, man.
I believe you.
411
00:23:51,978 --> 00:23:53,814
If you say it, it's true.
I got your back.
412
00:23:55,549 --> 00:23:57,515
I'm gonna get outta here.
413
00:23:57,517 --> 00:23:59,417
That last Isuzu thing
really got to me.
414
00:23:59,419 --> 00:24:02,154
Good idea, man, yeah.
I gotta go, too.
415
00:24:02,156 --> 00:24:04,255
I teach a drum tutorial
on YouTube.
416
00:24:04,257 --> 00:24:06,491
Mostly kids in the Philippines.
Not a big deal.
417
00:24:06,493 --> 00:24:08,926
It's got some followers,
but not too busy
418
00:24:08,928 --> 00:24:10,398
to hang out later,
so give me a call!
419
00:24:20,506 --> 00:24:22,206
Yeah, you work
in the pharmacy, right?
420
00:24:22,208 --> 00:24:23,942
I'm actually
not working today,
421
00:24:23,944 --> 00:24:25,610
but I can answer some questions.
422
00:24:25,612 --> 00:24:28,512
Right, look,
if I am on amoxicillin,
423
00:24:28,514 --> 00:24:30,315
can I also take
Tylenol Cold and Flu?
424
00:24:30,317 --> 00:24:33,585
Oh, uh...
425
00:24:33,587 --> 00:24:37,655
uh, I know this.
Um... I wanna say yes.
426
00:24:37,657 --> 00:24:41,225
- I'm like 70 percent yes.
- Okay.
427
00:24:41,227 --> 00:24:44,596
30 percent is kind of
a big difference.
428
00:24:44,598 --> 00:24:46,498
I know. But I...
yeah, I think it's...
429
00:24:46,500 --> 00:24:48,000
I think it's fine.
430
00:24:48,002 --> 00:24:50,501
You know what?
I'm 80 percent. 80 percent.
431
00:24:50,503 --> 00:24:51,973
It should be fine.
432
00:24:57,511 --> 00:25:00,678
No way.
433
00:25:00,680 --> 00:25:02,446
Kara.
434
00:25:02,448 --> 00:25:05,483
What are you doing here?
What are the odds?
435
00:25:05,485 --> 00:25:07,519
- I'm not an idiot, Billy. Go away.
- No, wait.
436
00:25:07,521 --> 00:25:10,688
I saw you at Lowell's today,
and I just wanted to come by
437
00:25:10,690 --> 00:25:12,590
and check on you,
see how you're doing.
438
00:25:12,592 --> 00:25:15,095
What happened
with his mom is really sad.
439
00:25:16,296 --> 00:25:17,663
And I'm sorry.
440
00:25:17,665 --> 00:25:21,465
Oh, you're serious. Um...
441
00:25:21,467 --> 00:25:23,135
Thank you.
442
00:25:23,137 --> 00:25:24,936
Yeah, it's really...
it's really sad.
443
00:25:24,938 --> 00:25:29,340
- Are you guys dating?
- Wow. Wow.
444
00:25:29,342 --> 00:25:31,409
Oh, you couldn't even
pretend to be interested
445
00:25:31,411 --> 00:25:33,611
for over 10 seconds.
446
00:25:33,613 --> 00:25:35,280
Are we done here?
We're done here.
447
00:25:35,282 --> 00:25:37,648
- I'm gonna say we're done.
- W-wait...
448
00:25:37,650 --> 00:25:40,685
I... I know that you're
not happy to see me,
449
00:25:40,687 --> 00:25:42,253
and that you think
I'm an asshole.
450
00:25:42,255 --> 00:25:44,056
You know what? I don't.
451
00:25:44,058 --> 00:25:46,590
I really don't think much
about you at all.
452
00:25:46,592 --> 00:25:49,027
I may have thought that when
I told you that I loved you
453
00:25:49,029 --> 00:25:51,029
and then you disappeared
on me for five years.
454
00:25:51,031 --> 00:25:53,965
Remember that? But now I just
really wanna get home and cook.
455
00:25:53,967 --> 00:25:55,399
I get it.
456
00:25:55,401 --> 00:25:57,970
I found something
in my bedroom that is yours.
457
00:25:57,972 --> 00:26:00,172
If you say it's my hymen,
I will punch you.
458
00:26:00,174 --> 00:26:04,045
It's your Ricky's buy ten
Italian ices, get one free card.
459
00:26:05,646 --> 00:26:08,579
Man,
how do you still have this?
460
00:26:08,581 --> 00:26:11,049
Free ice on that thing.
I'm not gonna throw it away.
461
00:26:11,051 --> 00:26:12,350
Oh, my God.
462
00:26:12,352 --> 00:26:14,752
Right, that was the
night you bet me
463
00:26:14,754 --> 00:26:17,021
that I couldn't eat
10 of these in one sitting.
464
00:26:17,023 --> 00:26:19,590
- It's funny to me, still.
- I pooped blue for a week.
465
00:26:19,592 --> 00:26:21,592
- Yup.
- Oh, right, I sent you a picture of it.
466
00:26:21,594 --> 00:26:25,364
- I will never forget that image.
- Yeah. Yeah, it was nasty.
467
00:26:25,366 --> 00:26:27,732
Anyway, my parents
are moving out of town.
468
00:26:27,734 --> 00:26:29,667
so we're packing up the house.
469
00:26:29,669 --> 00:26:31,939
This will probably be
the last time you see me.
470
00:26:33,540 --> 00:26:35,040
Oh.
471
00:26:35,042 --> 00:26:37,142
Oh, wow, um...
472
00:26:37,144 --> 00:26:38,212
That sucks.
473
00:26:40,147 --> 00:26:42,246
Look, I haven't been
super nice to you.
474
00:26:42,248 --> 00:26:45,149
Um, so,
I don't know, like,
475
00:26:45,151 --> 00:26:46,451
what have you been up to?
476
00:26:46,453 --> 00:26:48,653
Nothing much.
477
00:26:48,655 --> 00:26:52,656
I got a lot of stuff,
got a lot of irons in the fire.
478
00:26:52,658 --> 00:26:55,594
Doing a new club in Vegas
with like...
479
00:26:55,596 --> 00:26:58,530
bunch of investors,
bunch of Asian investors.
480
00:26:58,532 --> 00:27:01,165
Wow, Billy, that's amazing.
481
00:27:01,167 --> 00:27:03,335
I don't know why it matters
482
00:27:03,337 --> 00:27:05,404
that the investors
are Asian, but...
483
00:27:05,406 --> 00:27:07,172
Doesn't matter to me.
It matters to them.
484
00:27:07,174 --> 00:27:10,709
That aside, that's like,
friggin' awesome.
485
00:27:10,711 --> 00:27:13,677
Do you wanna get dinner
tomorrow night,
486
00:27:13,679 --> 00:27:16,248
before I'm outta here
for good?
487
00:27:16,250 --> 00:27:20,551
I don't know. I don't know.
No. What am I saying?
488
00:27:20,553 --> 00:27:22,721
I can't 'cause I gotta keep
my schedule open
489
00:27:22,723 --> 00:27:24,688
in case Lowell needs me.
490
00:27:24,690 --> 00:27:27,725
He's the reason I'm here.
I came here to check on him.
491
00:27:27,727 --> 00:27:29,627
Lowell's here?
492
00:27:29,629 --> 00:27:31,596
Yeah.
He's working in the back.
493
00:27:31,598 --> 00:27:35,299
His mom died a few hours ago.
He's back at work?
494
00:27:35,301 --> 00:27:37,569
I don't know,
work just calms him down.
495
00:27:37,571 --> 00:27:41,205
Anyway, Billy,
it was okay seeing you.
496
00:27:41,207 --> 00:27:43,774
This interaction
wasn't an absolute abortion.
497
00:27:43,776 --> 00:27:47,145
Uh, but I'm gonna go home
and cook.
498
00:27:47,147 --> 00:27:48,282
Yeah.
499
00:28:04,665 --> 00:28:06,764
Excuse me! You're standing in
front of the dried noodles!
500
00:28:06,766 --> 00:28:09,803
- Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh!
- Move!
501
00:30:35,983 --> 00:30:37,251
Billy?
502
00:30:41,355 --> 00:30:43,191
Hello.
503
00:30:45,559 --> 00:30:46,790
It's me, Lowell Shapiro.
504
00:30:46,792 --> 00:30:49,961
Right.
How ya doin', champ?
505
00:30:49,963 --> 00:30:51,730
I'm okay.
506
00:30:51,732 --> 00:30:53,632
Hope the, uh...
507
00:30:53,634 --> 00:30:55,599
the disturbance
outside your house
508
00:30:55,601 --> 00:30:56,867
didn't wake you up
or anything.
509
00:30:56,869 --> 00:30:59,037
Oh, n-no, no.
510
00:30:59,039 --> 00:31:00,541
I'm sorry
what happened to your mom.
511
00:31:03,042 --> 00:31:05,446
Thank you.
That's very kind of you.
512
00:31:09,448 --> 00:31:10,982
What're you doing here?
513
00:31:10,984 --> 00:31:15,720
I am... shopping
514
00:31:15,722 --> 00:31:18,423
for ingredients
for Thanksgiving dinner.
515
00:31:18,425 --> 00:31:20,024
You don't have anything.
516
00:31:20,026 --> 00:31:22,027
I don't mean for this
to come out rude
517
00:31:22,029 --> 00:31:24,663
but I didn't find
the ingredients that I needed.
518
00:31:24,665 --> 00:31:27,601
Billy, don't lie to me.
519
00:31:33,974 --> 00:31:35,639
You look nervous, Billy.
520
00:31:35,641 --> 00:31:37,908
Nervous? No. No.
521
00:31:37,910 --> 00:31:40,044
In f...
I'm very relaxed.
522
00:31:40,046 --> 00:31:42,350
I know why you're here.
523
00:31:43,984 --> 00:31:45,983
I do.
524
00:31:45,985 --> 00:31:48,453
You know a lot of people
have a hard time admitting
525
00:31:48,455 --> 00:31:50,321
that they need help
with smoking.
526
00:31:50,323 --> 00:31:52,557
It's okay.
527
00:31:52,559 --> 00:31:55,492
You're here for
the Habitrol patch, aren't you?
528
00:31:55,494 --> 00:31:57,628
- Yep.
- I'll get you one.
529
00:31:57,630 --> 00:32:00,098
And, you know what?
No one else has to know.
530
00:32:00,100 --> 00:32:03,702
This'll be
our little secret. Huh?
531
00:32:03,704 --> 00:32:04,969
Okay?
532
00:32:04,971 --> 00:32:07,806
- Wink.
- Wink!
533
00:32:07,808 --> 00:32:09,640
Wait there.
I'll be right back with it.
534
00:32:09,642 --> 00:32:12,344
Oh, you know what?
I just realized.
535
00:32:12,346 --> 00:32:14,111
I don't wanna quit smoking.
I love it.
536
00:32:14,113 --> 00:32:17,081
I'm really good at it.
So I'm gonna stick with it.
537
00:32:17,083 --> 00:32:19,717
But thank you so much
for everything, okay?
538
00:32:19,719 --> 00:32:21,453
- Goodbye.
- All right.
539
00:32:21,455 --> 00:32:24,055
Come back soon.
I'll be waiting for you.
540
00:32:24,057 --> 00:32:25,359
Okay.
541
00:32:37,771 --> 00:32:40,637
"Lowell's so nice.
Lowell's so sweet."
542
00:32:40,639 --> 00:32:42,941
"Lowell helped me
with my heartburn situation."
543
00:32:42,943 --> 00:32:44,876
Oh, yeah?
Then why is Lowell hiding
544
00:32:44,878 --> 00:32:46,681
bloody arms
and a massive penis?
545
00:33:03,429 --> 00:33:05,632
What the fuck
is going on over there?
546
00:33:25,185 --> 00:33:28,853
She was fine when he went to bed
last night around midnight.
547
00:33:28,855 --> 00:33:31,392
Last night at midnight.
548
00:33:36,196 --> 00:33:38,765
He was awake at a quarter
to milkshakes.
549
00:33:39,965 --> 00:33:42,869
Nope. That has turned.
550
00:33:47,706 --> 00:33:49,473
Yes, Billy?
551
00:33:49,475 --> 00:33:52,743
- Perkins, I've got evidence!
- Evidence of what?
552
00:33:52,745 --> 00:33:55,078
He lied to you, he told you
he was asleep by midnight.
553
00:33:55,080 --> 00:33:56,947
but I have evidence
that says that he was awake
554
00:33:56,949 --> 00:33:59,684
- at a quarter to 3:00!
- And what is the evidence?
555
00:33:59,686 --> 00:34:01,985
A clock, a clock that I broke
when I fell down drunk on it
556
00:34:01,987 --> 00:34:03,890
at the exact same time
that I saw him.
557
00:34:06,091 --> 00:34:07,591
Okay. Awesome, Billy.
558
00:34:07,593 --> 00:34:09,527
Well,
that's not really evidence.
559
00:34:09,529 --> 00:34:13,030
I mean, have you even seen
an episode of Law and Order?
560
00:34:13,032 --> 00:34:15,065
Where's your motive?
Where's your smoking gun?
561
00:34:15,067 --> 00:34:18,136
Where's your Mariska Hargitay?
You got none of these, pal.
562
00:34:18,138 --> 00:34:20,070
And I honestly have no idea
what you're talking about.
563
00:34:20,072 --> 00:34:23,444
So all I can say to you
is please leave Lowell alone.
564
00:34:31,051 --> 00:34:32,750
And that was just
a paradiddle, guys.
565
00:34:32,752 --> 00:34:34,518
You can put the paradiddle
anywhere you want
566
00:34:34,520 --> 00:34:36,820
all over the drum set
with your basic rock grooves
567
00:34:36,822 --> 00:34:39,190
or rock fills,
and it's fun, okay?
568
00:34:39,192 --> 00:34:41,092
And to all my Filipino fans
out there,
569
00:34:41,094 --> 00:34:43,494
at maari mong ilapat...
570
00:34:43,496 --> 00:34:45,697
ang paradiddle sa anuman.
571
00:34:45,699 --> 00:34:47,599
Dude! Dude! Dude!
572
00:34:47,601 --> 00:34:49,067
You'll never guess
what I just found.
573
00:34:49,069 --> 00:34:50,534
A VHS player.
574
00:34:50,536 --> 00:34:52,837
Jeez, what is with you
and this tape?
575
00:34:52,839 --> 00:34:54,204
It's like the ultimate
in amateur porn experience.
576
00:34:54,206 --> 00:34:56,674
I found a clock
that proves that Lowell
577
00:34:56,676 --> 00:34:58,742
was lying to the cops about
what time he went to sleep.
578
00:34:58,744 --> 00:35:00,210
He was awake at 2:48 A.M.
579
00:35:00,212 --> 00:35:02,212
I think Lowell
murdered his mother.
580
00:35:02,214 --> 00:35:05,516
Oh, Billy, I mean, Lowell
may be weird and had no pole.
581
00:35:05,518 --> 00:35:08,219
That's been established, right?
But I mean, a murderer?
582
00:35:08,221 --> 00:35:10,954
Think about what everybody said
at the football game.
583
00:35:10,956 --> 00:35:14,192
His mother was abusive
a-and crazy,
584
00:35:14,194 --> 00:35:17,061
and he had to take care
of her all the time,
585
00:35:17,063 --> 00:35:19,898
so much so that she didn't
even let him go to Stanford?
586
00:35:19,900 --> 00:35:21,799
I mean, that would drive
anybody mad.
587
00:35:21,801 --> 00:35:25,036
And he's got scratches
all over his arm,
588
00:35:25,038 --> 00:35:26,971
which he is hiding
the next day at work.
589
00:35:26,973 --> 00:35:28,540
I mean, shouldn't
that be enough?
590
00:35:28,542 --> 00:35:30,875
Plus, on top of that,
he's got tattoos,
591
00:35:30,877 --> 00:35:34,612
like, all over his body.
and they are not like, you know,
592
00:35:34,614 --> 00:35:36,280
like, a lightning bolt
or something.
593
00:35:36,282 --> 00:35:39,250
They are, like,
c-creepy shit.
594
00:35:39,252 --> 00:35:44,188
A murderer, like, that's...
that's a big jump, man.
595
00:35:44,190 --> 00:35:46,757
I thought we were bros and that
you would always have my back.
596
00:35:46,759 --> 00:35:49,893
- But if you don't...
- No, we're bros. No, Billy, I have your back.
597
00:35:49,895 --> 00:35:52,829
C'mon man, it's me, it's Duane.
Of course I got your back.
598
00:35:52,831 --> 00:35:54,264
Always.
599
00:35:54,266 --> 00:35:57,302
Will you help me
600
00:35:57,304 --> 00:36:00,871
do one of those things
where you, um...
601
00:36:00,873 --> 00:36:03,741
you get information
to prove
602
00:36:03,743 --> 00:36:06,311
that something
is something else?
603
00:36:06,313 --> 00:36:09,346
That thing where you find...
604
00:36:09,348 --> 00:36:11,983
knowledge gathering
with. evidence and...
605
00:36:11,985 --> 00:36:15,753
- Google it?
- Where we, like, chart it.
606
00:36:15,755 --> 00:36:17,956
- Book report?
- Yes, kind of like a book report.
607
00:36:17,958 --> 00:36:19,357
Okay, like with a thesis
and everything?
608
00:36:19,359 --> 00:36:21,659
But, like, when the police
do a book report.
609
00:36:21,661 --> 00:36:24,262
- God, an interrogation?
- Not interrogation.
610
00:36:24,264 --> 00:36:26,130
- A game, Watson, says I need help with the...
- You work together,
611
00:36:26,132 --> 00:36:28,199
- use a magnifying glass?
- Clues?
612
00:36:28,201 --> 00:36:30,000
Sleuthing?
613
00:36:30,002 --> 00:36:31,603
- An investigation.
- We have to do an investigation!
614
00:36:31,605 --> 00:36:34,204
Yes, an investigation.
It's such a simple word.
615
00:36:34,206 --> 00:36:37,578
But sometimes those are the ones
that just, like... they're gone.
616
00:36:51,725 --> 00:36:54,358
Hey, Mom, do you know where
my old corkboard is?
617
00:36:54,360 --> 00:36:55,994
And I'd love some snacks.
618
00:36:55,996 --> 00:36:58,032
Oh, can you bring down
some snacks for us?
619
00:37:15,181 --> 00:37:16,880
♪ Who's those guys? ♪
620
00:37:16,882 --> 00:37:18,750
♪ Who's those guys
investigating? ♪
621
00:37:27,360 --> 00:37:29,427
Thank you very much.
622
00:37:29,429 --> 00:37:31,161
Do you know where
the old VCR is?
623
00:37:31,163 --> 00:37:33,130
- No.
- No?
624
00:37:33,132 --> 00:37:35,233
Okay, I thought
we had one down here.
625
00:37:35,235 --> 00:37:37,134
- Might be... maybe it's in there.
- It's definitely not here.
626
00:37:37,136 --> 00:37:40,003
I've been turning the whole
place over, thanks, Mom.
627
00:37:40,005 --> 00:37:43,306
Ooh, hot coffee and cheese.
My favorite combination.
628
00:37:43,308 --> 00:37:44,644
Sir?
629
00:37:46,446 --> 00:37:48,045
Holy shit.
630
00:37:48,047 --> 00:37:49,880
What?
631
00:37:49,882 --> 00:37:54,384
Someone had Lowell's house
appraised for $1.1 million.
632
00:37:54,386 --> 00:37:57,087
Shut the fuck out.
633
00:37:57,089 --> 00:37:58,755
When?
634
00:37:58,757 --> 00:38:00,123
A month ago.
635
00:38:00,125 --> 00:38:01,793
A month ago?
636
00:38:01,795 --> 00:38:05,228
So, Lowell Shapiro
gets his house appraised
637
00:38:05,230 --> 00:38:09,032
a month ago, finds out
it's worth a shit-ton of money,
638
00:38:09,034 --> 00:38:11,768
and then mysteriously,
his mom dies?
639
00:38:19,411 --> 00:38:22,279
Roger Podacter wasn't framed!
He was murdered!
640
00:38:22,281 --> 00:38:26,750
All righty, then!
All-righty, then!
641
00:38:26,752 --> 00:38:29,753
I really wish you could like,
pick a different movie
642
00:38:29,755 --> 00:38:30,788
to quote 'cause that's like...
643
00:38:30,790 --> 00:38:31,989
Somebody stop me!
644
00:38:31,991 --> 00:38:33,424
Just maybe not Jim Carrey.
645
00:38:33,426 --> 00:38:35,393
Yeah, no, you're super good
at the Jim Carrey.
646
00:38:35,395 --> 00:38:37,295
That was...
I just got excited.
647
00:38:37,297 --> 00:38:39,667
My bad. That was on me.
648
00:38:41,467 --> 00:38:47,270
Shit. But it wasn't Lowell
that had the house appraised.
649
00:38:47,272 --> 00:38:49,072
Fuck. Come on.
I was so excited.
650
00:38:49,074 --> 00:38:52,476
Yeah. Says here it was done
by Bernard Crane.
651
00:38:52,478 --> 00:38:55,346
Bernard Crane?
Who the fuck is Bernard Crane?
652
00:38:55,348 --> 00:38:57,248
I don't know.
653
00:38:57,250 --> 00:38:59,851
I mean, it could just be, like,
a land speculator who's
654
00:38:59,853 --> 00:39:03,286
just looking to buy up the
property and flip it real quick.
655
00:39:03,288 --> 00:39:04,855
We've been getting
a lot of those recently.
656
00:39:04,857 --> 00:39:06,389
Yes.
657
00:39:06,391 --> 00:39:09,126
What if Bernard Crane
658
00:39:09,128 --> 00:39:11,462
is one of those
land perforators...
659
00:39:11,464 --> 00:39:14,232
- Speculators.
- who works...
660
00:39:14,234 --> 00:39:16,400
for Lowell Shapiro.
661
00:39:16,402 --> 00:39:20,036
Oh, fuck, there's like...
662
00:39:20,038 --> 00:39:23,007
300 Bernard Cranes
in Nassau County alone.
663
00:39:23,009 --> 00:39:24,777
We still have nothing
to take to Perkins.
664
00:39:26,545 --> 00:39:28,445
- Hey, Billy.
- Hi, Tami.
665
00:39:28,447 --> 00:39:30,947
- Hi, Duane.
- What do you want, Tami?
666
00:39:30,949 --> 00:39:33,317
So, we're leaving
for Grandma's in a few,
667
00:39:33,319 --> 00:39:35,018
and Mom wants to know
if you're ready.
668
00:39:35,020 --> 00:39:36,520
No, I'm not ready, okay?
669
00:39:36,522 --> 00:39:38,389
I had way too much coffee
and way too much cheese.
670
00:39:38,391 --> 00:39:40,458
I'm gonna shit my pants.
All right?
671
00:39:40,460 --> 00:39:42,425
I'll take the Windstar.
I'll meet you there.
672
00:39:42,427 --> 00:39:45,195
You are so fucking
disgusting.
673
00:39:45,197 --> 00:39:47,333
- Bye, Billy.
- Bye, Tami.
674
00:39:53,272 --> 00:39:54,907
Could you not fuck my sister,
dude?
675
00:39:56,074 --> 00:39:58,875
What? Hey, man.
676
00:39:58,877 --> 00:40:01,112
What made you think
I'd do something like that?
677
00:40:01,114 --> 00:40:03,980
That is a crazy idea.
She's your little sister.
678
00:40:03,982 --> 00:40:05,550
You're my best friend.
679
00:40:05,552 --> 00:40:08,052
Yeah.
Yeah, no, I know.
680
00:40:08,054 --> 00:40:10,922
That was stupid of me to say.
I don't know why I said that.
681
00:40:10,924 --> 00:40:16,159
I'm sorry, and thanks for saying
that I'm your best friend.
682
00:40:16,161 --> 00:40:18,161
It's... it's really nice.
683
00:40:18,163 --> 00:40:20,565
I mean, I knew that.
Fucking duh. Right?
684
00:40:20,567 --> 00:40:22,532
I mean with that rap
about it in middle school.
685
00:40:22,534 --> 00:40:24,434
Remember? You know.
♪ We're B and D ♪
686
00:40:24,436 --> 00:40:26,369
♪ We got no split ends,
we comb each other's hair ♪
687
00:40:26,371 --> 00:40:28,005
♪ We're the best of friends,
take the mike, B ♪
688
00:40:28,007 --> 00:40:29,777
- Okay, I gotta go.
- Okay.
689
00:41:00,072 --> 00:41:04,208
Hello. Shanser's Pharmacy.
Lowell speaking.
690
00:41:04,210 --> 00:41:05,311
Hello?
691
00:41:07,547 --> 00:41:09,416
Hello?
692
00:41:16,054 --> 00:41:20,523
Hey, Mr. and Mrs. Lipman.
Walkin' off that turkey, huh?
693
00:41:20,525 --> 00:41:22,092
All right.
694
00:41:22,094 --> 00:41:24,594
Is that Bobby and Fran's son?
695
00:41:24,596 --> 00:41:25,898
He looks like shit.
696
00:41:35,540 --> 00:41:37,510
Oh, shit. Oh, crap.
697
00:42:00,433 --> 00:42:01,601
Oh...
698
00:44:43,696 --> 00:44:46,632
Fuck.
699
00:44:48,601 --> 00:44:50,768
Shit.
700
00:44:50,770 --> 00:44:52,703
Oh, my God. Oh, God.
Oh, God.
701
00:44:52,705 --> 00:44:55,505
Oh, God. Oh, God.
Oh, God. Oh, God.
702
00:44:55,507 --> 00:44:57,708
Ew. Ew. Garbage juice.
Garbage juice. Garbage juice.
703
00:44:57,710 --> 00:45:00,210
Ew, ew, ew, ew, oh, God,
oh, God, oh, God, oh God,
704
00:45:00,212 --> 00:45:01,878
oh, God, oh, God,
oh, God, oh God,
705
00:45:01,880 --> 00:45:03,813
Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God, oh,
God, oh God, oh, God, oh, God!
706
00:45:03,815 --> 00:45:09,121
Oh, God, oh, God,
oh, God, oh God, oh, God.
707
00:45:19,397 --> 00:45:20,864
No, no baby,
don't even worry.
708
00:45:20,866 --> 00:45:23,634
The smell of turkey and corn
is making you nauseous.
709
00:45:23,636 --> 00:45:26,670
It is all good.
I like eating in the car.
710
00:45:26,672 --> 00:45:28,639
- You do?
- Yeah, it's like a drive-in or something.
711
00:45:28,641 --> 00:45:31,541
- I'll see you after I eat, okay?
- Okay.
712
00:45:41,853 --> 00:45:44,357
No, no, no.
No. Shit.
713
00:45:50,897 --> 00:45:52,663
God damn it, Billy, what?
714
00:45:52,665 --> 00:45:55,565
It's Thanksgiving.
That's family time.
715
00:45:55,567 --> 00:45:58,601
He. Killed. His. Mother.
716
00:46:00,839 --> 00:46:02,706
I'm sorry,
you jerking off?
717
00:46:02,708 --> 00:46:05,643
No, I'm out of breath
from running
718
00:46:05,645 --> 00:46:07,545
from Lowell's house
across the street.
719
00:46:07,547 --> 00:46:10,213
You're out of breath
from running across the street?
720
00:46:10,215 --> 00:46:12,550
Now is not the time
to make fun of me
721
00:46:12,552 --> 00:46:14,851
about how out of shape I am,
okay, Perkins?
722
00:46:14,853 --> 00:46:16,820
I am telling you,
Lowell Shapiro is a killer.
723
00:46:16,822 --> 00:46:19,790
He poisoned his mother
with a syringe that I found
724
00:46:19,792 --> 00:46:21,425
and I am now in possession of.
725
00:46:21,427 --> 00:46:23,326
Okay, Billy,
what is this, okay?
726
00:46:23,328 --> 00:46:25,395
Is this one of your
fucked-up pranks again? Okay?
727
00:46:25,397 --> 00:46:26,864
Do you remember the time
in high school
728
00:46:26,866 --> 00:46:28,599
you said there was a kegger
in the woods,
729
00:46:28,601 --> 00:46:30,768
and when I got there,
there was just a dead horse?
730
00:46:30,770 --> 00:46:34,404
I'm sorry about that,
but I am not fucking with you.
731
00:46:34,406 --> 00:46:37,440
Okay.
I understand what's going on.
732
00:46:37,442 --> 00:46:40,511
Yeah. You found out
that Lowell fucked Kara,
733
00:46:40,513 --> 00:46:42,313
and now you're losing your mind.
734
00:46:42,315 --> 00:46:43,980
It's eating at you.
735
00:46:43,982 --> 00:46:46,616
It's eating at you, Billy,
the way that those maggots
736
00:46:46,618 --> 00:46:49,485
- ate that dead horse's eye.
- Can you stop being petty for...
737
00:46:49,487 --> 00:46:50,987
wait,
are you sure they fucked?
738
00:46:50,989 --> 00:46:54,257
It hurts, doesn't it?
739
00:46:54,259 --> 00:46:56,492
To know that the person that
you love the most in this world
740
00:46:56,494 --> 00:46:57,895
has been with another.
741
00:46:57,897 --> 00:47:00,496
Perkins, please,
just come over here.
742
00:47:00,498 --> 00:47:02,299
I have the smoking gun
that you explicitly asked for.
743
00:47:02,301 --> 00:47:03,933
Billy, shut up.
It's Thanksgiving.
744
00:47:03,935 --> 00:47:05,668
What am I gonna do,
I'm gonna have a rendezvous...
745
00:47:05,670 --> 00:47:08,838
- Who are you talking to?
- It's Billy, sweetie.
746
00:47:08,840 --> 00:47:10,576
Oh, tell him I said hi.
747
00:47:12,811 --> 00:47:14,181
Hi, Billy!
748
00:47:17,817 --> 00:47:19,315
Did he say hi?
749
00:47:19,317 --> 00:47:20,918
All right, Billy,
I'm coming over.
750
00:47:20,920 --> 00:47:22,786
But I swear to God,
you better have something legit.
751
00:47:22,788 --> 00:47:24,288
Thank you, Perkins!
Thank you!
752
00:47:24,290 --> 00:47:25,588
Billy, dinner!
753
00:47:25,590 --> 00:47:27,991
Uncle Fred and Corey
are starving!
754
00:47:27,993 --> 00:47:30,462
I'll be out in a minute!
755
00:47:49,949 --> 00:47:52,882
I'm cool. I'm cool.
756
00:47:52,884 --> 00:47:55,487
I'm coo, baby.
Be cool, baby.
757
00:48:00,359 --> 00:48:01,962
Oh, shit!
758
00:48:09,868 --> 00:48:13,404
Oh, Lowell!
We're sorry.
759
00:48:13,406 --> 00:48:14,737
Thank you so much
for having me,
760
00:48:14,739 --> 00:48:16,739
Mr. and Mrs. Green.
761
00:48:16,741 --> 00:48:18,509
Can I get you a beer?
762
00:48:18,511 --> 00:48:20,911
Oh, no, thank you.
I'm just staying for a minute.
763
00:48:20,913 --> 00:48:24,648
Billy, come out of the bathroom.
We've got a guest!
764
00:48:24,650 --> 00:48:27,016
Honey, how ya holdin' up?
765
00:48:27,018 --> 00:48:29,686
Oh, thank you. I'm okay.
766
00:48:29,688 --> 00:48:33,090
You know, I got my birds.
They got me, so.
767
00:48:33,092 --> 00:48:35,092
Yeah.
768
00:48:35,094 --> 00:48:36,360
Sweetheart.
769
00:48:36,362 --> 00:48:37,994
Well, you remember Lowell.
770
00:48:37,996 --> 00:48:40,496
Lowell Shapiro
from across the street?
771
00:48:40,498 --> 00:48:44,434
- 'Sup, Lowell?
- Hey, Billy.
772
00:48:44,436 --> 00:48:47,471
I am so happy
you decided to come over.
773
00:48:47,473 --> 00:48:50,607
Well, I thought about what you
said, and I think you're right.
774
00:48:50,609 --> 00:48:53,610
I shouldn't... I shouldn't
be alone tonight, so.
775
00:48:53,612 --> 00:48:55,012
- Here I am.
- Good.
776
00:48:55,014 --> 00:48:57,114
Come on, you'll be
our guest of honor.
777
00:48:57,116 --> 00:48:58,815
We'll eat in about five minutes,
okay?
778
00:48:58,817 --> 00:49:00,819
Just a couple of things
left to do.
779
00:49:05,958 --> 00:49:08,458
You know, Lowell,
I'm very, very sorry
780
00:49:08,460 --> 00:49:11,128
that I didn't get
to know your mom better.
781
00:49:11,130 --> 00:49:13,130
But she didn't come outside
very often.
782
00:49:13,132 --> 00:49:15,465
No.
783
00:49:15,467 --> 00:49:17,500
No, she wasn't, uh...
784
00:49:17,502 --> 00:49:19,570
she wasn't very social,
my mom.
785
00:49:19,572 --> 00:49:21,441
Didn't...
didn't really have friends.
786
00:49:23,476 --> 00:49:26,980
Except for me, of course.
We... we were best friends.
787
00:49:31,049 --> 00:49:33,550
Did you and Billy go
to high school together?
788
00:49:33,552 --> 00:49:35,386
You're like the same age,
right?
789
00:49:35,388 --> 00:49:39,088
Ah, yes, yes, we were
in high school together.
790
00:49:39,090 --> 00:49:41,023
Class of '03.
791
00:49:41,025 --> 00:49:43,393
You guys like, friends?
792
00:49:43,395 --> 00:49:47,764
Well, Billy and me, we...
793
00:49:47,766 --> 00:49:50,601
well, see,
Billy was very popular.
794
00:49:50,603 --> 00:49:54,505
They called him
"the King of Valley Stream."
795
00:49:54,507 --> 00:49:56,409
And, well, I was but a serf.
796
00:49:59,110 --> 00:50:01,480
Oh, man,
I wish I surfed.
797
00:50:04,650 --> 00:50:07,150
Is this turkey a little dry?
I'm gonna get some drippings.
798
00:50:07,152 --> 00:50:09,085
- No, it's fine.
- Fran, you sit.
799
00:50:09,087 --> 00:50:10,987
You just sat down.
I'll get it.
800
00:50:10,989 --> 00:50:13,959
- Oh. Thank you.
- No problem.
801
00:50:15,460 --> 00:50:17,527
I like your haircut, Corey.
802
00:50:17,529 --> 00:50:19,029
- Thank you.
- It's very neat.
803
00:50:19,031 --> 00:50:20,730
It's $12.
804
00:50:20,732 --> 00:50:22,599
Where'd you find a $12 barber?
805
00:50:22,601 --> 00:50:25,201
I paid $17 for my thing.
806
00:50:29,909 --> 00:50:32,576
- Oh, shit!
- What's scary?
807
00:50:32,578 --> 00:50:34,110
He was coming
at you with a syringe!
808
00:50:34,112 --> 00:50:37,880
That is...
809
00:50:37,882 --> 00:50:39,916
for the turkey juice.
810
00:50:39,918 --> 00:50:41,518
It's a flavor injector.
811
00:50:41,520 --> 00:50:44,221
No. I...
812
00:50:44,223 --> 00:50:46,123
No, I know... I know that.
813
00:50:46,125 --> 00:50:50,694
Right, you do the thing,
and then you push in the juice.
814
00:50:50,696 --> 00:50:53,230
It's an honest mistake,
Billy.
815
00:50:53,232 --> 00:50:55,632
If you don't mind, Fran,
I'm gonna go
816
00:50:55,634 --> 00:50:57,900
to your restroom
and clean up, is that okay?
817
00:50:57,902 --> 00:51:00,572
Oh, sure, it's just next
to the kitchen there.
818
00:51:02,674 --> 00:51:03,873
That was very rude.
819
00:51:03,875 --> 00:51:05,708
His mother
just passed away.
820
00:51:05,710 --> 00:51:08,011
And after he gave me such
good advice about my reflux.
821
00:51:08,013 --> 00:51:10,179
He is not
who you all think he is.
822
00:51:10,181 --> 00:51:11,949
Oh, I don't wanna hear
about it.
823
00:51:11,951 --> 00:51:14,154
I don't know
what's gotten into you.
824
00:51:18,824 --> 00:51:21,657
I'd like to buy some X
off of you, if you have any.
825
00:51:21,659 --> 00:51:23,159
Yeah,
I don't have any Ecstasy.
826
00:51:23,161 --> 00:51:26,230
- Okay.
- At least not in New York.
827
00:51:26,232 --> 00:51:29,233
Oh! But you got the hookup
in Vegas, right?
828
00:51:29,235 --> 00:51:32,235
Man,
I love that you still party.
829
00:51:32,237 --> 00:51:34,773
You and me, Billy,
we get it.
830
00:51:36,574 --> 00:51:37,710
Stop scratching my back.
831
00:51:43,248 --> 00:51:46,453
Hey, Billy, think I found
something of yours.
832
00:51:52,090 --> 00:51:53,924
It was on my fence.
833
00:51:53,926 --> 00:51:56,293
That could be...
how do you know...
834
00:51:56,295 --> 00:51:58,231
it could be anybody's.
835
00:52:09,909 --> 00:52:13,012
Stay... away.
836
00:52:14,779 --> 00:52:18,114
Oh, Lowell, honey,
is everything all right?
837
00:52:18,116 --> 00:52:20,016
- Oh, yeah.
- Dinner's getting cold.
838
00:52:20,018 --> 00:52:22,920
Yeah, yeah,
everything's... great. Great.
839
00:52:22,922 --> 00:52:25,556
I remembered, I've got some
things I gotta take care of
840
00:52:25,558 --> 00:52:28,592
and, boy,
I ate so much turkey,
841
00:52:28,594 --> 00:52:31,828
I wish I could prescribe myself
a antidote for tryptophan.
842
00:52:33,699 --> 00:52:35,831
That's the chemical in turkey
that makes you sleepy.
843
00:52:35,833 --> 00:52:38,335
- Anyway, I'm gonna...
- Oh, are you sleepy, honey?
844
00:52:38,337 --> 00:52:41,304
Oh, well, listen,
if there's anything
845
00:52:41,306 --> 00:52:45,007
we can do for you
, anything,
846
00:52:45,009 --> 00:52:47,009
please don't hesitate
to ask.
847
00:52:47,011 --> 00:52:49,645
Yeah, I got everything I need,
and this was great.
848
00:52:49,647 --> 00:52:53,250
Thank you so much.
Oh, Billy, I almost forgot.
849
00:52:53,252 --> 00:52:56,052
That Habitrol patch
I was telling you about.
850
00:52:56,054 --> 00:52:58,156
So you can quit smoking.
851
00:53:00,759 --> 00:53:01,895
First one's on me.
852
00:53:03,761 --> 00:53:05,228
You smoke?
853
00:53:07,165 --> 00:53:09,900
N-no.
854
00:53:09,902 --> 00:53:12,703
I asked him
to get them for Duane.
855
00:53:12,705 --> 00:53:14,637
Oh.
856
00:53:17,610 --> 00:53:20,110
Thank, God. Come in.
857
00:53:20,112 --> 00:53:22,712
Okay.
What do you wanna show me?
858
00:53:22,714 --> 00:53:23,982
Wait. Wait right here.
859
00:53:30,956 --> 00:53:33,290
Oh, my good... Jason?
860
00:53:33,292 --> 00:53:34,724
Hi, Mrs. Green.
How are ya?
861
00:53:34,726 --> 00:53:36,393
Billy didn't tell me
you were coming.
862
00:53:36,395 --> 00:53:38,862
- Look at you.
- What a bad son.
863
00:53:38,864 --> 00:53:42,199
Oh, it's been so long.
How's your wife?
864
00:53:42,201 --> 00:53:44,101
- Wonderful, actually.
- Shit.
865
00:53:44,103 --> 00:53:47,003
She's eight months pregnant,
so, and it's our second.
866
00:53:47,005 --> 00:53:48,404
Oh, my goodness.
She's a mom.
867
00:53:48,406 --> 00:53:50,940
It seems like just yesterday
the two of them
868
00:53:50,942 --> 00:53:53,076
were up there
doing their homework
869
00:53:53,078 --> 00:53:57,079
on his beanbag chair
coming down all sweaty,
870
00:53:57,081 --> 00:53:58,681
asking me for snacks.
871
00:53:58,683 --> 00:54:01,751
Who knew studying you could work
up such an appetite.
872
00:54:01,753 --> 00:54:04,688
Okay, gotta go.
Come on, come on! Upstairs!
873
00:54:04,690 --> 00:54:06,389
Good evening, Officer.
874
00:54:06,391 --> 00:54:08,659
Hi, Corey.
875
00:54:08,661 --> 00:54:11,161
- Blue lives matter.
- Thank you.
876
00:54:11,163 --> 00:54:14,230
- So, Lowell...
- Where is it, Billy.
877
00:54:14,232 --> 00:54:15,898
Okay, God damn it,
where is it!
878
00:54:15,900 --> 00:54:18,268
- Where's what?
- Where's what? The tape!
879
00:54:18,270 --> 00:54:22,973
The videotape of you and my wife
and breakfast condiments.
880
00:54:22,975 --> 00:54:24,840
Where is it, Billy?!
881
00:54:24,842 --> 00:54:26,342
I don't know what tape
you're talking about.
882
00:54:26,344 --> 00:54:27,677
Don't you think I've been
hearing rumors
883
00:54:27,679 --> 00:54:29,279
about this for a decade now?
884
00:54:29,281 --> 00:54:31,280
And Elana won't give me
a straight answer, no.
885
00:54:31,282 --> 00:54:33,050
But I know it's true.
I know the tape exists.
886
00:54:33,052 --> 00:54:35,755
I know that you know that I know
that it's in here!
887
00:54:38,357 --> 00:54:40,190
There is no tape! Okay?
888
00:54:40,192 --> 00:54:43,326
It's an urban legend
from stupid high school.
889
00:54:43,328 --> 00:54:45,895
Hey, listen... hey! Hey!
890
00:54:45,897 --> 00:54:47,764
Oh. Okay.
Now, that wasn't...
891
00:54:47,766 --> 00:54:49,900
If I had my gun
I would blast you...
892
00:54:49,902 --> 00:54:53,436
Listen to me!
Lowell Shapiro is a murderer.
893
00:54:53,438 --> 00:54:55,304
Oh, yeah? Where's the proof?
894
00:54:55,306 --> 00:54:57,007
I had it.
895
00:54:57,009 --> 00:54:59,342
And then he snuck over here
and stole it back!
896
00:54:59,344 --> 00:55:02,112
So in the time you called me
and I got over here,
897
00:55:02,114 --> 00:55:05,282
Lowell Shapiro,
the guy who literally
898
00:55:05,284 --> 00:55:07,817
saved my parents
hundreds of dollars
899
00:55:07,819 --> 00:55:09,886
by recommending
generic medication,
900
00:55:09,888 --> 00:55:15,257
broke into your home
and stole a murder weapon?
901
00:55:15,259 --> 00:55:17,828
My... my... my parents invited him
over for Thanksgiving...
902
00:55:17,830 --> 00:55:19,496
- Okay, that makes sense.
- No, but listen, that doesn't...
903
00:55:19,498 --> 00:55:21,898
that doesn't change anything!
Listen, listen, listen!
904
00:55:21,900 --> 00:55:24,266
I snuck into his backyard,
and I found the syringe.
905
00:55:24,268 --> 00:55:26,737
Oh, yeah?
You broke into his backyard?
906
00:55:26,739 --> 00:55:28,337
Is that what I just heard?
907
00:55:28,339 --> 00:55:30,139
We have to get that syringe
before he destroys it,
908
00:55:30,141 --> 00:55:31,775
and we don't have much time.
909
00:55:31,777 --> 00:55:33,242
Can you please stop
fucking up my room!
910
00:55:33,244 --> 00:55:36,179
What is happening?
What is happening?
911
00:55:36,181 --> 00:55:38,447
Okay, I feel like this is one
of your fucked-up pranks.
912
00:55:38,449 --> 00:55:40,317
And all of a sudden
you're gonna say, "Ooh!
913
00:55:40,319 --> 00:55:42,819
You should see your face!"
Ha!
914
00:55:42,821 --> 00:55:45,322
Okay, well I'm not
a giraffe in a zoo, Billy.
915
00:55:45,324 --> 00:55:47,193
I'm a lieutenant now!
916
00:55:49,194 --> 00:55:50,793
And I'm done with this.
917
00:55:50,795 --> 00:55:52,895
I'm done with this.
I'm done with this.
918
00:55:52,897 --> 00:55:55,132
If you go anywhere near
sweet Lowell...
919
00:55:55,134 --> 00:55:56,366
Sweet...
920
00:55:56,368 --> 00:55:58,501
I'm gonna throw
your ass in jail.
921
00:55:58,503 --> 00:56:03,009
And I'm taking this dog because
my kid loves bobble heads.
922
00:56:06,411 --> 00:56:08,478
Hey, this is Kara Doblowski.
923
00:56:08,480 --> 00:56:10,447
I don't know why
I just told you my last name.
924
00:56:10,449 --> 00:56:12,782
You already have my number.
Anyway, just leave a message.
925
00:56:12,784 --> 00:56:14,518
Hey, it's me.
926
00:56:14,520 --> 00:56:16,520
I know you have
no reason to trust me,
927
00:56:16,522 --> 00:56:19,322
and my voicemails
can be breathy and creepy.
928
00:56:19,324 --> 00:56:23,425
So I'm sorry for that,
and I'm sorry for...
929
00:56:23,427 --> 00:56:25,427
a bunch of other stuff, too.
930
00:56:25,429 --> 00:56:29,532
But I have something
just really important
931
00:56:29,534 --> 00:56:31,467
that I have to tell you,
so if you could just meet me
932
00:56:31,469 --> 00:56:33,570
at the old parking lot,
I would really appreciate it.
933
00:56:33,572 --> 00:56:35,204
Hey.
934
00:56:35,206 --> 00:56:37,574
Hey.
935
00:56:37,576 --> 00:56:40,376
Thanks for meeting me
someplace private.
936
00:56:40,378 --> 00:56:43,380
You said it was important.
937
00:56:43,382 --> 00:56:44,517
Yeah.
938
00:56:45,984 --> 00:56:48,518
Wow.
939
00:56:48,520 --> 00:56:50,320
Man...
940
00:56:50,322 --> 00:56:51,958
I haven't been here
in a long time.
941
00:56:55,427 --> 00:56:57,594
We had some good times here.
942
00:56:57,596 --> 00:56:58,831
Yeah.
943
00:57:01,500 --> 00:57:05,168
Um, hey...
944
00:57:05,170 --> 00:57:07,871
do you got
one of those for me?
945
00:57:07,873 --> 00:57:09,572
I thought it was gross
that I still smoked.
946
00:57:09,574 --> 00:57:11,107
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
947
00:57:11,109 --> 00:57:14,110
Are you gonna give me one
or not, William?
948
00:57:14,112 --> 00:57:15,545
William?
949
00:57:15,547 --> 00:57:16,782
She's back.
950
00:57:19,484 --> 00:57:20,552
Thanks.
951
00:57:22,520 --> 00:57:23,555
Oh.
952
00:57:34,900 --> 00:57:37,601
Wow.
953
00:57:37,603 --> 00:57:39,902
You're still smoking P-lights?
954
00:57:39,904 --> 00:57:43,440
Everyone in this town
is so quick to change.
955
00:57:43,442 --> 00:57:46,108
I like what I like.
956
00:57:46,110 --> 00:57:47,112
Hmm.
957
00:57:51,482 --> 00:57:55,184
Man, it's been a weird day.
958
00:57:55,186 --> 00:57:58,889
I mean, you're here.
959
00:57:58,891 --> 00:58:00,459
Lowell's mom died.
960
00:58:02,661 --> 00:58:05,628
And look, Billy...
961
00:58:05,630 --> 00:58:08,030
I'm flattered that you still
have feelings for me...
962
00:58:08,032 --> 00:58:09,266
Lowell is a murderer,
963
00:58:09,268 --> 00:58:13,103
and I'm really concerned
for your safety.
964
00:58:13,105 --> 00:58:15,371
Oh, ha ha. Yeah.
965
00:58:15,373 --> 00:58:18,541
So, like, weird
non-sequitur-y jokes like that
966
00:58:18,543 --> 00:58:20,143
- don't work for me.
- No. Kara.
967
00:58:20,145 --> 00:58:23,014
Kara. Lowell is a killer.
968
00:58:26,551 --> 00:58:28,652
- You're a piece of garbage.
- What?
969
00:58:28,654 --> 00:58:31,621
Accusing Lowell
of murdering his mother?
970
00:58:31,623 --> 00:58:33,690
But, really,
how low can you stoop?
971
00:58:33,692 --> 00:58:35,257
- Kara, just let me explain.
- Wait.
972
00:58:35,259 --> 00:58:38,395
I just realized something.
973
00:58:38,397 --> 00:58:40,362
Did you ask me
to meet you here specifically
974
00:58:40,364 --> 00:58:43,132
because after you told me
that Lowell murdered his mother,
975
00:58:43,134 --> 00:58:44,903
you thought
we were gonna hook up?
976
00:58:46,605 --> 00:58:49,139
- N-no.
- Oh!
977
00:58:49,141 --> 00:58:52,074
Oh, okay. Right.
You're the worst.
978
00:58:52,076 --> 00:58:54,009
No. Wait. No, so...
you know what?
979
00:58:54,011 --> 00:58:55,545
So what if I did, a little.
980
00:58:55,547 --> 00:58:57,713
Kara, I mean,
this was our place.
981
00:58:57,715 --> 00:58:59,715
We had a lot
of romantic moments here.
982
00:58:59,717 --> 00:59:01,617
Come on.
Kara, listen to me!
983
00:59:01,619 --> 00:59:03,652
He lied to the police
the night his mother died.
984
00:59:03,654 --> 00:59:07,257
I saw him throw something out
in his backyard,
985
00:59:07,259 --> 00:59:10,192
and I got curious,
so I Navy-SEALed
986
00:59:10,194 --> 00:59:13,029
my way over there...
which, for the record,
987
00:59:13,031 --> 00:59:15,665
his back yard looks
like True De-fucking-tective...
988
00:59:15,667 --> 00:59:19,105
I went in the trash,
and I found... I found a syringe!
989
00:59:22,340 --> 00:59:25,478
Tell me, was the syringe
in a yellow bag?
990
00:59:27,746 --> 00:59:30,145
Yes! Kara, yes!
991
00:59:30,147 --> 00:59:32,648
Lowell...
992
00:59:32,650 --> 00:59:34,616
is a diabetic.
993
00:59:34,618 --> 00:59:38,320
You fucking dickless twat.
994
00:59:38,322 --> 00:59:41,623
Yeah, that syringe
your pussy ass found?
995
00:59:41,625 --> 00:59:45,561
Yeah, that's the color bag
you throw medical waste out in.
996
00:59:45,563 --> 00:59:48,331
Bitch.
And you know what?
997
00:59:48,333 --> 00:59:50,433
It's not even a secret
that Lowell's a diabetic.
998
00:59:50,435 --> 00:59:54,570
You never bothered to find out
the first thing about him.
999
00:59:54,572 --> 00:59:56,373
You know why?
'Cause you don't give a fuck
1000
00:59:56,375 --> 00:59:58,308
about anyone but yourself,
Billy.
1001
00:59:58,310 --> 01:00:00,442
And I used to be
just like you.
1002
01:00:00,444 --> 01:00:02,378
When I think of the way
I used to treat people,
1003
01:00:02,380 --> 01:00:04,149
man, I wanna fucking puke.
1004
01:00:06,451 --> 01:00:08,518
Thank God you bailed on me.
1005
01:00:08,520 --> 01:00:10,552
'Cause if you hadn't bailed,
if you had stayed,
1006
01:00:10,554 --> 01:00:13,489
I'd still be the same
pathetic, dumb kid
1007
01:00:13,491 --> 01:00:15,724
pissing my life away waiting
for whatever chicken scraps
1008
01:00:15,726 --> 01:00:18,261
you might throw me.
1009
01:00:18,263 --> 01:00:21,630
And I would've never
gotten to know Lowell,
1010
01:00:21,632 --> 01:00:23,766
the first guy
I've been interested in
1011
01:00:23,768 --> 01:00:26,104
that isn't a complete
douchebag.
1012
01:00:28,440 --> 01:00:30,306
Wait, did you say
"the first guy
1013
01:00:30,308 --> 01:00:31,674
you've ever
been interested in?"
1014
01:00:31,676 --> 01:00:34,309
So you haven't
slept together yet.
1015
01:00:34,311 --> 01:00:37,146
No, Billy,
we haven't slept together.
1016
01:00:37,148 --> 01:00:40,349
But we will,
and when we do,
1017
01:00:40,351 --> 01:00:43,119
I'm gonna squirt
all over his face.
1018
01:00:48,360 --> 01:00:52,594
You know, I'm just looking
out for your safety!
1019
01:00:52,596 --> 01:00:54,496
And squirt is just piss!
1020
01:00:54,498 --> 01:00:56,768
Not the way I do it!
Last word!
1021
01:01:35,339 --> 01:01:36,605
Hey.
1022
01:01:36,607 --> 01:01:38,741
Hey, Tami.
1023
01:01:38,743 --> 01:01:40,876
You got caught in that storm?
1024
01:01:40,878 --> 01:01:42,679
Yeah. Is Duane here?
1025
01:01:42,681 --> 01:01:44,413
Oh, no, he's still
at my grandma's.
1026
01:01:44,415 --> 01:01:46,518
He said something
about looking for a VCR?
1027
01:01:48,386 --> 01:01:51,186
All right, well just tell him
I came by, okay?
1028
01:01:51,188 --> 01:01:54,123
Hey, do you wanna come in
and dry off?
1029
01:01:54,125 --> 01:01:55,360
I'll wait for him with you.
1030
01:02:10,375 --> 01:02:12,478
So what's going on?
1031
01:02:13,844 --> 01:02:16,714
Oh... you know.
1032
01:02:18,350 --> 01:02:20,250
One of those days
where nothing turns out
1033
01:02:20,252 --> 01:02:23,786
the way you thought it would.
1034
01:02:23,788 --> 01:02:25,123
I don't get it.
1035
01:02:27,391 --> 01:02:29,759
Has this place changed so much?
Have I changed so much?
1036
01:02:29,761 --> 01:02:32,228
I used to love coming here.
1037
01:02:32,230 --> 01:02:34,132
I mean,
high school was like...
1038
01:02:36,500 --> 01:02:39,569
high school was the best.
1039
01:02:39,571 --> 01:02:41,503
Yeah.
1040
01:02:41,505 --> 01:02:44,306
I mean, you were...
1041
01:02:44,308 --> 01:02:46,875
like a...
like a god in high school.
1042
01:02:46,877 --> 01:02:49,545
A god.
1043
01:02:49,547 --> 01:02:50,846
Yeah.
1044
01:02:50,848 --> 01:02:53,416
You said it. I didn't.
1045
01:02:53,418 --> 01:02:55,354
Well, a lot of other people
said it, too.
1046
01:03:03,795 --> 01:03:05,929
You know...
1047
01:03:05,931 --> 01:03:08,831
I had the biggest crush
on you back then.
1048
01:03:08,833 --> 01:03:10,866
- Stop. Shut up.
- For years.
1049
01:03:10,868 --> 01:03:13,536
- Stop it.
- Yeah.
1050
01:03:13,538 --> 01:03:18,808
I-I thought you were, like,
the coolest, funniest guy
1051
01:03:18,810 --> 01:03:21,677
that I'd ever seen in real life.
And I saw the lead singer
1052
01:03:21,679 --> 01:03:24,880
of Fallout Boy
at the mall once, so.
1053
01:03:24,882 --> 01:03:27,349
Well, that's very nice of you.
Thank you.
1054
01:03:27,351 --> 01:03:28,784
And the bar was high.
1055
01:03:28,786 --> 01:03:30,723
It was.
1056
01:03:32,357 --> 01:03:34,393
You were the King
of Valley Stream.
1057
01:03:38,663 --> 01:03:40,833
- Guess I was.
- Yeah.
1058
01:03:48,572 --> 01:03:50,273
Whoa! Whoa!
1059
01:03:50,275 --> 01:03:53,009
- What're you doing?
- What do you... what... I--
1060
01:03:53,011 --> 01:03:55,744
- Why would you do that?
- You said you had a crush on me.
1061
01:03:55,746 --> 01:03:57,880
I was being nice.
You just looked so sad.
1062
01:03:57,882 --> 01:03:59,415
But you called me the King
of Valley Stream.
1063
01:03:59,417 --> 01:04:01,284
And I called my arts
and crafts teacher
1064
01:04:01,286 --> 01:04:03,319
"Mrs. Superman"
because I was 10.
1065
01:04:03,321 --> 01:04:05,654
You... you... you looked, like,
right into my eyes.
1066
01:04:05,656 --> 01:04:07,357
But you're old, now!
1067
01:04:07,359 --> 01:04:09,925
And you're my brother's
best friend.
1068
01:04:09,927 --> 01:04:12,362
You knew me
when I was in diapers.
1069
01:04:12,364 --> 01:04:14,931
Why would you try
to do that?
1070
01:04:14,933 --> 01:04:17,599
I... I am...
I am so, so sorry.
1071
01:04:17,601 --> 01:04:19,902
- This is like incest.
- No, no, no incest!
1072
01:04:19,904 --> 01:04:21,337
- Oh, my God.
- No, no, no, wait...
1073
01:04:21,339 --> 01:04:22,971
- Okay. No. Okay.
- No.
1074
01:04:22,973 --> 01:04:25,440
Please don't tell
your brother about this.
1075
01:04:25,442 --> 01:04:26,976
Oh, fuck!
1076
01:04:26,978 --> 01:04:29,344
Ohhhh, fuck.
1077
01:04:29,346 --> 01:04:30,913
I'm gross.
1078
01:04:30,915 --> 01:04:34,449
I'm a gross person.
I'm a gross guy.
1079
01:04:34,451 --> 01:04:37,052
Oh...
1080
01:04:40,991 --> 01:04:43,393
Fuck.
1081
01:04:43,395 --> 01:04:45,230
What is wrong with me?
1082
01:04:47,898 --> 01:04:49,766
Oh. Sorry, just came down
1083
01:04:49,768 --> 01:04:52,735
to get some batteries
for my sleep apnea machine.
1084
01:04:52,737 --> 01:04:54,337
Hi, Mrs. Douscher.
1085
01:04:54,339 --> 01:04:57,040
You okay, Billy?
1086
01:04:57,042 --> 01:05:00,777
Oh. Don't be sad.
1087
01:05:00,779 --> 01:05:04,047
You're a good boy.
1088
01:05:04,049 --> 01:05:07,949
Good boy, sweetheart. Oh.
1089
01:05:09,353 --> 01:05:11,621
You really think
I'm a good boy?
1090
01:05:11,623 --> 01:05:13,523
Yes.
1091
01:05:13,525 --> 01:05:14,560
Don't be sad.
1092
01:05:34,746 --> 01:05:36,079
Hello!
1093
01:05:36,081 --> 01:05:38,851
Oh! Oh. Duane's home.
1094
01:05:41,585 --> 01:05:44,622
Well, say hello
to your mother for me.
1095
01:05:47,958 --> 01:05:49,060
I'm home!
1096
01:05:56,967 --> 01:05:59,936
- Night, Duane.
- Night, Mommy.
1097
01:05:59,938 --> 01:06:02,505
Billy! Dude, check it out!
Look what I found!
1098
01:06:02,507 --> 01:06:04,674
It's a projector.
I got it from my nanna's house.
1099
01:06:04,676 --> 01:06:06,509
You think if we could
break open the tape,
1100
01:06:06,511 --> 01:06:09,045
we can spool it around,
just play it on the wall.
1101
01:06:09,047 --> 01:06:12,482
You know? Pretty cool.
What're you doing here?
1102
01:06:12,484 --> 01:06:16,052
Here to see you, pal.
And go over the Lowell stuff.
1103
01:06:16,054 --> 01:06:18,087
- But I'm really tired...
- Oh, yes.
1104
01:06:18,089 --> 01:06:20,857
Speaking of the Lowell case...
after you left,
1105
01:06:20,859 --> 01:06:23,592
I... I was looking, and I found
a couple more pictures,
1106
01:06:23,594 --> 01:06:25,061
thought you might like 'em.
1107
01:06:25,063 --> 01:06:28,831
Lowell in high school,
student activity stuff.
1108
01:06:28,833 --> 01:06:30,699
There's also a picture of me
and you in there,
1109
01:06:30,701 --> 01:06:33,603
just, like, lookin'
pretty fuckin' radical.
1110
01:06:33,605 --> 01:06:35,938
Well, I gotta head out.
I'm really tired.
1111
01:06:35,940 --> 01:06:37,706
I think we're really getting
somewhere, you know,
1112
01:06:37,708 --> 01:06:40,076
on this Lowell case,
really workin' hard
1113
01:06:40,078 --> 01:06:41,911
and finding out things.
1114
01:06:41,913 --> 01:06:44,780
It's cool, we're like two
best-friend detectives
1115
01:06:44,782 --> 01:06:47,583
who... who solve crimes,
yeah?
1116
01:06:47,585 --> 01:06:49,518
And spend a lot of time
together, and sometimes,
1117
01:06:49,520 --> 01:06:51,154
it's not about the solving
of the crimes.
1118
01:06:51,156 --> 01:06:53,588
It's about the time
spent together.
1119
01:06:53,590 --> 01:06:55,958
Hey, Duane?
Billy tried to make out with me.
1120
01:06:55,960 --> 01:06:57,830
He's a gross piece of shit.
1121
01:07:01,632 --> 01:07:03,465
- Get out. Just get the fuck out.
- Let me explain.
1122
01:07:03,467 --> 01:07:04,933
- Get the fuck outta my house.
- Duane, hold on one second.
1123
01:07:04,935 --> 01:07:06,569
- Get the fuck out.
- Duane, seriously, listen to me.
1124
01:07:06,571 --> 01:07:08,003
No,
I'm not gonna listen to you!
1125
01:07:08,005 --> 01:07:09,672
That was the one thing
I asked you not to do.
1126
01:07:09,674 --> 01:07:11,474
The one fucking thing.
1127
01:07:11,476 --> 01:07:13,842
You're supposed
to be my best friend.
1128
01:07:13,844 --> 01:07:15,311
- I am.
- No, you're not!
1129
01:07:15,313 --> 01:07:19,014
- Get the fuck outta here.
- I think I'm having a nervous breakdown.
1130
01:07:19,016 --> 01:07:21,150
- I think I'm going crazy.
- Fuck you! You're just an asshole, man.
1131
01:07:21,152 --> 01:07:22,851
Get the fuck out
of Valley Stream
1132
01:07:22,853 --> 01:07:25,087
and leave me alone,
all right?
1133
01:07:25,089 --> 01:07:27,056
Yeah, take your fuckin' scooter
and go.
1134
01:07:27,058 --> 01:07:29,090
And fuckin' leave Lowell
alone, too, man.
1135
01:07:29,092 --> 01:07:30,395
He didn't do shit to you.
1136
01:07:32,630 --> 01:07:33,832
Fuckin' asshole.
1137
01:08:36,928 --> 01:08:39,498
My face and head got fat.
1138
01:08:43,200 --> 01:08:45,203
I don't carry it well!
1139
01:08:52,643 --> 01:08:55,877
Look at how many
Cliff Notes I have.
1140
01:08:55,879 --> 01:08:59,582
I didn't read
anything in high school.
1141
01:08:59,584 --> 01:09:01,250
I have two copies
1142
01:09:01,252 --> 01:09:03,655
of Death of a Salesman
Cliff Notes!
1143
01:09:10,928 --> 01:09:13,695
I was wondering
if I could move my flight up?
1144
01:09:13,697 --> 01:09:15,297
Great. Okay. Thank you.
1145
01:09:15,299 --> 01:09:17,535
Um... one second.
1146
01:09:22,039 --> 01:09:23,738
United...
1147
01:09:23,740 --> 01:09:26,609
145...
1148
01:09:26,611 --> 01:09:29,211
out of terminal...
1149
01:09:29,213 --> 01:09:30,782
three.
1150
01:09:37,821 --> 01:09:40,756
- Hello.
- Yeah, where the hell are you? I'm at your house.
1151
01:09:40,758 --> 01:09:42,358
I need to talk to you
right now.
1152
01:09:42,360 --> 01:09:44,225
I'm getting out of town,
just like you wanted.
1153
01:09:44,227 --> 01:09:47,195
You don't understand.
I don't even understand.
1154
01:09:47,197 --> 01:09:49,998
Okay. So I was so angry at you
before for accusing Lowell
1155
01:09:50,000 --> 01:09:51,734
that I went into the pharmacy
1156
01:09:51,736 --> 01:09:53,603
and checked the records
and saw no medicine was missing.
1157
01:09:53,605 --> 01:09:55,304
So I was about to send you
a whole screenshot
1158
01:09:55,306 --> 01:09:57,006
of the records along with
an old wrinkly penis pic
1159
01:09:57,008 --> 01:09:59,241
- telling you to suck it.
- Okay. Still super agro,
1160
01:09:59,243 --> 01:10:00,976
but it sounds like
you're onto something.
1161
01:10:00,978 --> 01:10:04,713
Okay, so then I saw that
the last shipment of digoxiginen
1162
01:10:04,715 --> 01:10:07,216
was 300 pills
at five milligrams.
1163
01:10:07,218 --> 01:10:09,185
The sales records
say four milligrams.
1164
01:10:09,187 --> 01:10:11,086
And I was like, that's weird,
everything has to be precise.
1165
01:10:11,088 --> 01:10:13,324
- So I did some more digging.
- W-what'd you find?
1166
01:10:15,360 --> 01:10:17,760
Alright, the same thing happened
to two other medicines
1167
01:10:17,762 --> 01:10:20,296
in the last six months,
lidocane and curare.
1168
01:10:20,298 --> 01:10:24,102
Holy fuck!
Lidocane and curare?!
1169
01:10:27,237 --> 01:10:30,372
I don't, um...
1170
01:10:30,374 --> 01:10:32,207
I know what those things are.
1171
01:10:32,209 --> 01:10:35,010
Okay, yeah, just...
you fuckin' moron, listen.
1172
01:10:35,012 --> 01:10:38,381
Together they make up
pancuronium bromide.
1173
01:10:38,383 --> 01:10:42,952
Pancuronium bromide,
it's a deadly poison...
1174
01:10:42,954 --> 01:10:44,286
and it's untraceable.
1175
01:10:44,288 --> 01:10:46,389
Holy shit.
1176
01:10:46,391 --> 01:10:49,024
Did Lowell
actually kill his mom?
1177
01:10:49,026 --> 01:10:51,359
- Am I a genius?!
- Okay, just relax, all right?
1178
01:10:51,361 --> 01:10:53,128
You're still the idiot
that saw Ace Ventura 2
1179
01:10:53,130 --> 01:10:54,729
and then did your homecoming
speech out of your butt.
1180
01:10:54,731 --> 01:10:58,134
Well let me "ass" you this...
are we positive
1181
01:10:58,136 --> 01:11:00,235
that it is Lowell Shapiro
who took the medication?
1182
01:11:00,237 --> 01:11:02,304
Look for yourself.
1183
01:11:02,306 --> 01:11:04,907
I just sent you the screen grab
from the pharmacy records.
1184
01:11:04,909 --> 01:11:06,442
For the last six months,
it's been no one
1185
01:11:06,444 --> 01:11:10,211
but Kara Jade Doblowski
and Lowell Bernard Shapiro.
1186
01:11:10,213 --> 01:11:13,282
- Billy, what the fuck is going on?
- What did you just say?
1187
01:11:13,284 --> 01:11:15,350
Oh, my God,
I know my middle name is Jade.
1188
01:11:15,352 --> 01:11:16,851
All right? I get it.
It sounds like a stripper.
1189
01:11:16,853 --> 01:11:18,421
You did the whole shtick
in high school.
1190
01:11:18,423 --> 01:11:20,021
It's not like I didn't hear it
already
1191
01:11:20,023 --> 01:11:21,390
when that David Caruso
movie came out.
1192
01:11:21,392 --> 01:11:23,458
Did you say Lowell Bernard?
1193
01:11:23,460 --> 01:11:24,695
Yeah, that's his middle name.
1194
01:11:30,234 --> 01:11:31,770
Bernard.
1195
01:11:33,103 --> 01:11:34,271
Bernard...
1196
01:11:37,808 --> 01:11:38,974
Crane.
1197
01:11:38,976 --> 01:11:41,042
Says here it was done
by Bernard Crane.
1198
01:11:41,044 --> 01:11:43,315
Who the fuck is Bernard Crane?
1199
01:11:50,887 --> 01:11:53,488
Lowell Shapiro
is Bernard Crane.
1200
01:11:53,490 --> 01:11:57,158
Bernard Crane
is Lowell Shapiro.
1201
01:11:57,160 --> 01:12:00,496
Lowell is Bernard!
Bernard is Lowell!
1202
01:12:00,498 --> 01:12:04,399
Finkle is Einhornn!
Einhornn is Finkle!
1203
01:12:04,401 --> 01:12:06,167
What the fuck
are you talking about?
1204
01:12:06,169 --> 01:12:08,104
He came up with an alias
so that he could sell his house
1205
01:12:08,106 --> 01:12:09,771
without it looking suspicious,
and now he's about to skip town.
1206
01:12:09,773 --> 01:12:11,907
You just stay where you are
and I will be there
1207
01:12:11,909 --> 01:12:14,076
as soon as possible, okay?
1208
01:12:14,078 --> 01:12:15,781
Whoo!
1209
01:12:20,418 --> 01:12:22,254
I got... I solved a murder.
1210
01:12:33,431 --> 01:12:36,198
Idiot!
You idiot, idiot, idiot, idiot!
1211
01:12:36,200 --> 01:12:38,000
You dated a murderer?!
1212
01:12:38,002 --> 01:12:40,502
Oh, God, just let your aunt
set you up with her nurse.
1213
01:12:49,079 --> 01:12:50,214
Hi.
1214
01:12:56,387 --> 01:12:58,019
Hi. Hi, Lowell.
1215
01:12:58,021 --> 01:13:00,155
- What're you doing here?
- I, uh, was...
1216
01:13:00,157 --> 01:13:02,390
I was just coming
to check on you.
1217
01:13:02,392 --> 01:13:05,795
Oh.
1218
01:13:05,797 --> 01:13:08,734
Thank you. That's...
that's really great of you.
1219
01:13:10,234 --> 01:13:11,900
You're great.
1220
01:13:11,902 --> 01:13:14,369
It's been...
1221
01:13:14,371 --> 01:13:16,238
It's been really,
really wonderful
1222
01:13:16,240 --> 01:13:17,907
spending so much time with you
the last few months.
1223
01:13:17,909 --> 01:13:20,978
Yes. Yeah, me too. Yeah.
1224
01:13:22,914 --> 01:13:24,913
I know I've kind of been slow
1225
01:13:24,915 --> 01:13:26,183
to move into things with...
1226
01:13:52,509 --> 01:13:54,346
It's cold out there.
1227
01:13:57,048 --> 01:14:01,116
Yeah, um, well,
you know, you never...
1228
01:14:01,118 --> 01:14:02,318
you never know
what you're gonna get
1229
01:14:02,320 --> 01:14:05,554
with Thanksgiving weather,
right?
1230
01:14:05,556 --> 01:14:07,590
- Kara?
- Hmm?
1231
01:14:07,592 --> 01:14:09,358
Do you wanna come in
for a little bit?
1232
01:14:09,360 --> 01:14:12,627
I just wanna
show you something.
1233
01:14:12,629 --> 01:14:15,631
Um... I'd love to.
1234
01:14:15,633 --> 01:14:18,336
But I have to go help my mom...
1235
01:14:20,004 --> 01:14:22,171
Kara?
1236
01:14:22,173 --> 01:14:24,607
Come in.
1237
01:14:24,609 --> 01:14:26,876
Please.
1238
01:14:26,878 --> 01:14:28,476
You really need
to see something.
1239
01:14:28,478 --> 01:14:30,949
Um...
1240
01:14:34,151 --> 01:14:36,518
Oh, my God, he's got her.
He's got her.
1241
01:14:36,520 --> 01:14:38,386
You gotta pull over.
You gotta pull over.
1242
01:14:38,388 --> 01:14:40,555
Sir, you gotta pull over.
Hi. Yes.
1243
01:14:40,557 --> 01:14:43,058
911, I'd like to report
a kidnapping
1244
01:14:43,060 --> 01:14:46,228
at 25 Hickory Hill Road.
1245
01:14:46,230 --> 01:14:48,430
Yes, yes, a kidnapping!
I'm serious!
1246
01:14:48,432 --> 01:14:50,131
Okay, baby, I don't know
what to say.
1247
01:14:50,133 --> 01:14:52,568
I didn't know that
my shampoo was pear-scented.
1248
01:14:52,570 --> 01:14:54,636
Yeah, I'm not really sure
how you missed that.
1249
01:14:54,638 --> 01:14:57,338
I thought the pear was like
a little mascot or something.
1250
01:14:57,340 --> 01:15:01,310
- I didn't know that was the...
- You thought that the pear was a mascot for the shampoo?
1251
01:15:01,312 --> 01:15:03,645
Oh,
like that's so unheard of.
1252
01:15:03,647 --> 01:15:06,515
That a Dracula can sell cereal,
but then the pear can't sell...
1253
01:15:06,517 --> 01:15:08,417
- All right.
- Enjoy your meal.
1254
01:15:08,419 --> 01:15:10,351
I'm not gonna argue about it.
It's not a big deal.
1255
01:15:10,353 --> 01:15:11,586
We've got
a reported kidnapping
1256
01:15:11,588 --> 01:15:13,389
at 25 Hickory Hill.
1257
01:15:13,391 --> 01:15:15,957
Guy says the kidnapper
also murdered his mother.
1258
01:15:15,959 --> 01:15:17,525
Fuck.
1259
01:15:17,527 --> 01:15:19,360
Yeah,
this is Lieutenant Perkins.
1260
01:15:19,362 --> 01:15:20,632
I'll go check it out.
1261
01:15:22,700 --> 01:15:24,632
After I eat my fucking
leftovers,
1262
01:15:24,634 --> 01:15:26,502
Billy, you piece of shit.
1263
01:15:26,504 --> 01:15:28,170
Are there any pears in here?
1264
01:15:28,172 --> 01:15:29,875
Is that a joke?!
1265
01:15:31,542 --> 01:15:32,878
Yeah.
1266
01:15:37,280 --> 01:15:39,681
You've reached Duane Douscher!
1267
01:15:39,683 --> 01:15:41,617
The rock 'n roll realtor.
1268
01:15:41,619 --> 01:15:43,318
Leave a message, and I'll
make you dough for sure.
1269
01:15:44,955 --> 01:15:46,622
Who am I kidding?
I don't need these.
1270
01:15:46,624 --> 01:15:48,590
Hey, Duane,
I know you have no reason
1271
01:15:48,592 --> 01:15:50,693
to come help me right now,
but we were right about Lowell.
1272
01:15:50,695 --> 01:15:52,560
He changed his name
to Bernard Crane.
1273
01:15:52,562 --> 01:15:54,229
He murdered his mom
with medicine
1274
01:15:54,231 --> 01:15:55,730
he stole from the pharmacy!
1275
01:15:55,732 --> 01:15:57,534
I'm printing out
the evidence right now!
1276
01:16:17,754 --> 01:16:20,389
I need you to come get
the evidence from my room.
1277
01:16:20,391 --> 01:16:22,690
There is enough here to put
Lowell in jail for life.
1278
01:16:22,692 --> 01:16:25,193
You need to get that folder
to the police no matter what.
1279
01:16:25,195 --> 01:16:28,596
Now, I gotta go and save Kara.
And that's a whole other thing!
1280
01:16:28,598 --> 01:16:30,936
Kara!!
1281
01:16:50,620 --> 01:16:53,157
Agh! Agh!
1282
01:16:55,459 --> 01:16:58,726
Ow!
Why would I do that?
1283
01:16:58,728 --> 01:17:02,131
Oh!
1284
01:17:02,133 --> 01:17:04,500
Oh, shit!
1285
01:17:04,502 --> 01:17:06,972
Oh! It never works!
1286
01:17:22,753 --> 01:17:23,722
Shit.
1287
01:17:28,191 --> 01:17:30,361
Oh,
that is such a unique smell.
1288
01:17:33,696 --> 01:17:34,766
Thanks, Mom.
1289
01:17:38,502 --> 01:17:39,801
Ow. Ow.
1290
01:18:06,329 --> 01:18:08,365
Cool birds.
1291
01:18:44,602 --> 01:18:46,204
- Billy.
- Oh, my God!
1292
01:18:54,311 --> 01:18:55,877
- Now, Billy...
- Don't hurt me!
1293
01:18:55,879 --> 01:18:57,679
- Shut up. Shut up!
- Please!
1294
01:18:57,681 --> 01:18:59,581
- Don't hurt me!
- Shut up!
1295
01:18:59,583 --> 01:19:01,149
I have ninja stars!
1296
01:19:01,151 --> 01:19:03,652
- What the hell was that?
- I have ninja stars!
1297
01:19:03,654 --> 01:19:06,654
You're a crazy pharmacist!
1298
01:19:06,656 --> 01:19:08,823
Shut the fuck up!
I'm not a crazy pharmacist!
1299
01:19:08,825 --> 01:19:10,759
- Yes, you are!
- Do not call me crazy!
1300
01:19:10,761 --> 01:19:13,298
You're crazy! Yah!
1301
01:19:21,871 --> 01:19:23,905
Oh, God. Oh, my God!
1302
01:19:23,907 --> 01:19:26,608
- Stop it!
- Billy!
1303
01:19:26,610 --> 01:19:28,810
- Fuck you!
- You're so creepy!
1304
01:19:28,812 --> 01:19:30,778
I was right about you
since the 6th grade!
1305
01:19:30,780 --> 01:19:33,381
No one thinks I'm creepy
anymore, Billy!
1306
01:19:33,383 --> 01:19:35,384
- You're a murderer!
- Shut your fucking little mouth!
1307
01:19:35,386 --> 01:19:37,920
- Lowell has no pole!
- What? Shut up!
1308
01:19:37,922 --> 01:19:39,854
- Lowell has no pole!
- I have a pole!
1309
01:19:39,856 --> 01:19:41,692
Lowell has no pole!
1310
01:19:48,199 --> 01:19:49,334
Kara!
1311
01:19:56,706 --> 01:19:57,842
Kara?
1312
01:20:07,685 --> 01:20:08,887
Kara?
1313
01:20:21,432 --> 01:20:22,534
Kara?
1314
01:20:36,012 --> 01:20:38,279
Kara.
1315
01:20:38,281 --> 01:20:41,785
Billy.
You need to see this.
1316
01:20:47,324 --> 01:20:51,592
I, Norma Crane Shapiro...
1317
01:20:51,594 --> 01:20:53,996
make this confession...
1318
01:20:53,998 --> 01:20:56,534
in the event...
1319
01:20:58,936 --> 01:21:01,269
my beloved son, Lowell...
1320
01:21:01,271 --> 01:21:05,409
should need to use it
for legal proceedings.
1321
01:21:09,012 --> 01:21:12,680
I've been burdened
with Parkinson's Disease...
1322
01:21:12,682 --> 01:21:15,619
for well over a decade.
1323
01:21:17,053 --> 01:21:19,453
However,
in the last year...
1324
01:21:19,455 --> 01:21:21,525
it has moved...
1325
01:21:23,526 --> 01:21:28,063
to a more advanced stage.
1326
01:21:28,065 --> 01:21:32,466
I'm no longer
consistently able...
1327
01:21:32,468 --> 01:21:37,338
to walk on my own
or feed myself.
1328
01:21:37,340 --> 01:21:38,476
So...
1329
01:21:40,643 --> 01:21:46,581
before my medications
stop working altogether...
1330
01:21:46,583 --> 01:21:50,585
I want to make it clear...
1331
01:21:50,587 --> 01:21:55,823
that I died
of my own request...
1332
01:21:55,825 --> 01:21:59,663
at the kind hands
of my loving son.
1333
01:22:01,898 --> 01:22:05,667
He has helped me do that...
1334
01:22:05,669 --> 01:22:09,371
which I couldn't do myself...
1335
01:22:09,373 --> 01:22:11,939
but so desperately needed.
1336
01:22:11,941 --> 01:22:13,578
Thank you.
1337
01:22:18,048 --> 01:22:19,584
Lowell, I, um...
1338
01:22:21,951 --> 01:22:24,621
You know, obviously,
I-I didn't know.
1339
01:22:30,960 --> 01:22:34,695
My mother was a very, uh...
1340
01:22:34,697 --> 01:22:36,868
private, proud person.
1341
01:22:38,835 --> 01:22:40,804
She didn't want anyone to know
about her sickness.
1342
01:22:43,139 --> 01:22:44,905
Crane.
1343
01:22:44,907 --> 01:22:46,475
That's not an alias.
1344
01:22:46,477 --> 01:22:49,510
That's your mother's
maiden name.
1345
01:22:49,512 --> 01:22:52,146
Yeah.
1346
01:22:52,148 --> 01:22:55,951
Shapiro was my dad's name.
He left when I was just a baby.
1347
01:22:55,953 --> 01:23:00,421
So a couple of months ago,
I went and changed it.
1348
01:23:00,423 --> 01:23:03,492
I guess that's why
you're obsessed with cranes.
1349
01:23:03,494 --> 01:23:06,097
Oh, I'm not obsessed.
1350
01:23:11,168 --> 01:23:14,101
Well, I like them some.
Yeah.
1351
01:23:14,103 --> 01:23:16,537
What about the scratches
on your arms?
1352
01:23:16,539 --> 01:23:19,040
Oh, well...
1353
01:23:19,042 --> 01:23:21,676
yeah, it's been a...
1354
01:23:21,678 --> 01:23:24,145
it's been a rough couple
of days.
1355
01:23:24,147 --> 01:23:26,915
I really didn't realize I was
digging into myself that deeply.
1356
01:23:26,917 --> 01:23:28,949
And so now you're just...
1357
01:23:28,951 --> 01:23:30,987
you're gonna sell
the house and leave town?
1358
01:23:36,627 --> 01:23:38,159
I don't know where I'm gonna go,
1359
01:23:38,161 --> 01:23:41,162
but I can't stay here.
1360
01:23:41,164 --> 01:23:44,534
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.
1361
01:23:46,837 --> 01:23:48,869
My entire childhood,
I thought you were some kind
1362
01:23:48,871 --> 01:23:51,573
of... creep-freak weirdo.
1363
01:23:51,575 --> 01:23:53,175
But you're...
1364
01:23:53,177 --> 01:23:56,077
you're just an innocent,
sweet kid,
1365
01:23:56,079 --> 01:23:59,547
and I'm the creep-freak weirdo...
me!
1366
01:23:59,549 --> 01:24:01,449
Okay, well,
Billy, it's fine. Really...
1367
01:24:01,451 --> 01:24:03,118
Do you know what?
Let him keep going.
1368
01:24:03,120 --> 01:24:05,052
'cause he hasn't quite hit
rock bottom yet, yeah.
1369
01:24:05,054 --> 01:24:08,189
Kara, you were right.
1370
01:24:08,191 --> 01:24:11,091
I'm the same asshole
I was in high school.
1371
01:24:11,093 --> 01:24:13,528
I've been lying
to everyone this entire time.
1372
01:24:13,530 --> 01:24:17,098
I'm not invested in some club.
There are no Asian investors.
1373
01:24:17,100 --> 01:24:18,936
Asians specifically
don't like me.
1374
01:24:21,004 --> 01:24:25,506
I do work in a nightclub
in Las Vegas.
1375
01:24:25,508 --> 01:24:28,176
I'm the pissboy restroom
attendant.
1376
01:24:28,178 --> 01:24:32,113
Most of my day is spent staring
at strangers' coke shits.
1377
01:24:33,950 --> 01:24:35,783
And, like,
seeing peoples' penises
1378
01:24:35,785 --> 01:24:37,885
out of the side of my eye.
1379
01:24:37,887 --> 01:24:40,188
It's not my fault.
1380
01:24:40,190 --> 01:24:43,492
It's just like I told
the manager, it's human nature!
1381
01:24:43,494 --> 01:24:45,060
When someone pulls out
their penis,
1382
01:24:45,062 --> 01:24:46,760
of course you have to
take notice,
1383
01:24:46,762 --> 01:24:48,165
but you don't give it
your full attention!
1384
01:24:50,901 --> 01:24:54,101
Oh, my God,
I'm such a piece of shit.
1385
01:24:54,103 --> 01:24:56,505
Such a piece of shit.
1386
01:24:56,507 --> 01:25:00,074
Lowell... I am so sorry.
1387
01:25:00,076 --> 01:25:04,679
I'm sorry, obviously, I treated
you like garbage in high school.
1388
01:25:04,681 --> 01:25:08,216
I'm sorry for making up
T-shirts that say
1389
01:25:08,218 --> 01:25:10,519
"Lowell has no pole" on them
and distributing them
1390
01:25:10,521 --> 01:25:13,121
to the entire student body.
That was-
1391
01:25:13,123 --> 01:25:15,556
That was fucked up.
1392
01:25:15,558 --> 01:25:17,559
And it's weird,
'cause, like...
1393
01:25:17,561 --> 01:25:20,127
you actually do have a pole.
1394
01:25:20,129 --> 01:25:22,229
You have, like,
a really fuckin' big pole.
1395
01:25:22,231 --> 01:25:23,900
- I mean, we're talkin' like...
- What?
1396
01:25:26,870 --> 01:25:28,769
Wait, how do you know that?
1397
01:25:32,808 --> 01:25:36,978
I'm sorry I called the cops
on you by accident.
1398
01:25:36,980 --> 01:25:38,583
Police! Anyone home?
1399
01:25:42,285 --> 01:25:45,255
Lowell? Hello?
1400
01:26:07,177 --> 01:26:08,679
Holy shit.
1401
01:26:13,282 --> 01:26:15,317
Hello,
this is Lieutenant Perkins.
1402
01:26:15,319 --> 01:26:18,252
Something's not quite right
here at 25 Hickory Hill.
1403
01:26:18,254 --> 01:26:22,157
Please request backup.
Thank you very much.
1404
01:26:22,159 --> 01:26:24,158
You fucking prick!
1405
01:26:24,160 --> 01:26:25,627
Did you tell the cops
1406
01:26:25,629 --> 01:26:27,662
that Lowell killed
his goddamn mom?!
1407
01:26:27,664 --> 01:26:30,230
I said by accident.
I might've.
1408
01:26:30,232 --> 01:26:32,300
I don't know. I'm sorry.
1409
01:26:33,637 --> 01:26:34,804
Wait.
What the fuck is that?
1410
01:26:38,642 --> 01:26:41,376
♪ We're the best of friends,
gotta shout it loud ♪
1411
01:26:41,378 --> 01:26:44,345
♪ Always havin' sleepovers,
no girls allowed ♪
1412
01:26:44,347 --> 01:26:47,247
That's Duane,
I told him to come over here
1413
01:26:47,249 --> 01:26:50,051
with all the evidence against
Lowell and give it to the cops.
1414
01:26:50,053 --> 01:26:52,753
I'm really fucking you over
here, pal.
1415
01:26:52,755 --> 01:26:54,788
I'm going to prison.
1416
01:26:54,790 --> 01:26:57,024
Hey, hey, no, you're not.
No, you're not.
1417
01:26:57,026 --> 01:26:58,827
Because your mom made
the tape.
1418
01:26:58,829 --> 01:27:00,729
No, Kara,
it doesn't matter.
1419
01:27:00,731 --> 01:27:02,396
I'm still gonna get charged
with second degree murder.
1420
01:27:02,398 --> 01:27:05,199
And even if the jury's light
on me, I lied to the cops.
1421
01:27:05,201 --> 01:27:08,336
No.
1422
01:27:08,338 --> 01:27:10,171
No, I'm not gonna
let that happen.
1423
01:27:10,173 --> 01:27:13,108
Okay, I'm gonna go get Duane
and stop him
1424
01:27:13,110 --> 01:27:14,975
before he gets the evidence
to the cops.
1425
01:27:14,977 --> 01:27:16,277
You guys stay here.
I will fix this.
1426
01:27:16,279 --> 01:27:17,979
I promise.
I'm gonna fix it!
1427
01:27:17,981 --> 01:27:20,284
- He's not gonna fix it.
- Not even a little.
1428
01:27:29,392 --> 01:27:30,761
Oh, shit!
1429
01:27:34,897 --> 01:27:36,866
As you can see,
we got signs of a struggle.
1430
01:28:07,798 --> 01:28:09,700
Valley Stream Police!
1431
01:28:27,383 --> 01:28:29,886
Nothin'. All right,
let's keep lookin'.
1432
01:28:41,764 --> 01:28:44,799
Got it. I got it, Billy.
Billy, I did it!
1433
01:28:44,801 --> 01:28:46,437
I did what you asked!
I got it, Billy!
1434
01:28:53,910 --> 01:28:55,680
What was that?
1435
01:28:56,847 --> 01:28:58,249
Motherfucker.
1436
01:29:00,417 --> 01:29:02,516
Well, let's go!
Go, go, go, go!
1437
01:29:02,518 --> 01:29:05,153
Billy!
Billy! Billy, I did it!
1438
01:29:05,155 --> 01:29:06,421
No, Duane!
1439
01:29:06,423 --> 01:29:08,323
- I got it, Billy!
- I fucked up!
1440
01:29:08,325 --> 01:29:09,457
Billy, I got it!
I got it, Billy!
1441
01:29:09,459 --> 01:29:11,960
- No! No!
- I got it! I got it!
1442
01:29:13,996 --> 01:29:16,901
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- Ow.
1443
01:29:19,201 --> 01:29:20,801
Freeze! Freeze.
Put your...
1444
01:29:20,803 --> 01:29:22,804
Oh, fuckin' shit, Billy.
1445
01:29:22,806 --> 01:29:25,439
You better have a good
goddamn explanation for this,
1446
01:29:25,441 --> 01:29:27,143
or your ass is going
to jail right now.
1447
01:29:43,459 --> 01:29:46,961
Ooh!
1448
01:29:46,963 --> 01:29:49,264
You should see your face.
1449
01:29:49,266 --> 01:29:50,799
No, no, no, no,
is this a prank?
1450
01:29:50,801 --> 01:29:52,033
- You got burned.
- Is this a goddamn prank?
1451
01:29:52,035 --> 01:29:53,801
You motherfucker,
is this a prank?!
1452
01:29:53,803 --> 01:29:55,836
- Boom-shaka-laka-laka.
- Get your hands up right now!
1453
01:29:55,838 --> 01:29:57,471
- I got you.
- No, you did not.
1454
01:29:57,473 --> 01:30:00,841
- What's in the bag?
- Nothing.
1455
01:30:00,843 --> 01:30:02,476
- What's in the bag?
- Nothing. Just take me to jail.
1456
01:30:02,478 --> 01:30:04,813
- What's in the bag?
- There's nothing in the bag.
1457
01:30:04,815 --> 01:30:06,547
- Perkins, just arrest me. Who cares?
- What's in the bag?!
1458
01:30:06,549 --> 01:30:08,216
- Nothing's in the bag!
- What's in the bag?!
1459
01:30:08,218 --> 01:30:10,051
Tell me right now,
or I'll shoot you in the leg!
1460
01:30:10,053 --> 01:30:12,353
Don't move a muscle.
Move a muscle, I'll shoot you.
1461
01:30:12,355 --> 01:30:14,792
- I don't wanna give you the bag.
- Let it go! Let it go!
1462
01:30:28,038 --> 01:30:29,837
What is this?
Dirty Dancing.
1463
01:30:29,839 --> 01:30:31,005
What is this?
What is this?
1464
01:30:31,007 --> 01:30:32,340
Is this what I think it is?
1465
01:30:32,342 --> 01:30:33,844
Is this what I fuckin'
think it is?
1466
01:30:36,847 --> 01:30:39,247
Motherfucker.
Motherfucker!
1467
01:30:39,249 --> 01:30:42,149
In the house!
Everybody in the house!
1468
01:30:42,151 --> 01:30:43,551
Let's go!
1469
01:30:43,553 --> 01:30:45,556
- Sir, come on, let's go.
- In the house!
1470
01:30:47,557 --> 01:30:50,425
What the...
where is it?
1471
01:30:57,901 --> 01:31:00,534
My mom doesn't keep
any butter in the house.
1472
01:31:00,536 --> 01:31:02,103
Perkins, we don't have
to watch this.
1473
01:31:02,105 --> 01:31:04,305
I have to watch this!
1474
01:31:04,307 --> 01:31:07,942
Well,
what else do you have?
1475
01:31:07,944 --> 01:31:09,610
Oh, okay.
1476
01:31:09,612 --> 01:31:11,912
Oh.
1477
01:31:11,914 --> 01:31:14,582
Reduced-fat cream cheese.
1478
01:31:16,486 --> 01:31:18,219
- What are you laughing about?
- Is it whipped?
1479
01:31:18,221 --> 01:31:21,088
- Don't watch the rest.
- What happens?
1480
01:31:21,090 --> 01:31:23,157
Oh, my God,
you're actually doing it.
1481
01:31:23,159 --> 01:31:25,627
Oh, fuck.
Slow down.
1482
01:31:25,629 --> 01:31:27,494
Oh, my God. Okay. Okay.
1483
01:31:27,496 --> 01:31:30,465
Oh, no.
My mom's cats are in the room.
1484
01:31:30,467 --> 01:31:34,969
Why does it have to be real?!
1485
01:31:34,971 --> 01:31:38,042
Demons be gone!
1486
01:31:39,942 --> 01:31:41,509
What's going on?
1487
01:31:41,511 --> 01:31:43,610
You just missed
a pretty awesome vid
1488
01:31:43,612 --> 01:31:46,113
of Perkins' wife with her
shirt off in high school.
1489
01:31:46,115 --> 01:31:48,382
- What?
- Yeah, I've never seen that done with that.
1490
01:31:48,384 --> 01:31:50,918
What done with what?
No. What...
1491
01:31:50,920 --> 01:31:53,054
Who's eating cream cheese?!
1492
01:31:55,926 --> 01:31:59,527
No! No, no, wait, no, no, no.
No, no, no, it's fine.
1493
01:31:59,529 --> 01:32:01,296
I'm sure that can't be
the tape there
1494
01:32:01,298 --> 01:32:03,030
'cause see why would
he have the tape?
1495
01:32:03,032 --> 01:32:04,698
That doesn't make sense,
and then the cops see it,
1496
01:32:04,700 --> 01:32:06,434
and I don't get to see it,
that doesn't make sense.
1497
01:32:06,436 --> 01:32:10,238
Yah! Whoo!
1498
01:32:10,240 --> 01:32:13,707
It's over. It's done.
Jail. Now. Here we go.
1499
01:32:13,709 --> 01:32:17,177
Here we go. Oh, yeah.
Like that, Billy?
1500
01:32:17,179 --> 01:32:19,546
Here we are.
And into the plant.
1501
01:32:19,548 --> 01:32:22,218
- Shit, man!
- Hey!
1502
01:32:26,522 --> 01:32:28,221
I don't wanna hear
anything out of you.
1503
01:32:28,223 --> 01:32:30,427
- Not in the car, not anywhere.
- Wait.
1504
01:32:35,197 --> 01:32:36,499
What, Duane?
1505
01:32:38,301 --> 01:32:39,500
- Okay.
- Shit.
1506
01:32:39,502 --> 01:32:40,702
Okay. Whoa.
1507
01:32:40,704 --> 01:32:44,271
Okay. Whoo.
1508
01:32:44,273 --> 01:32:45,739
Okey-dokey.
1509
01:32:45,741 --> 01:32:48,512
You should know I made out
with your mom.
1510
01:32:50,713 --> 01:32:53,014
Okay. Okay, big guy.
1511
01:32:53,016 --> 01:32:55,315
Should we be, uh,
letting that happen?
1512
01:32:55,317 --> 01:32:56,717
I don't care.
1513
01:32:56,719 --> 01:32:58,653
- Let's go.
- Duane, I'm so sorry.
1514
01:32:58,655 --> 01:33:00,721
I know I don't deserve
a friend like you,
1515
01:33:00,723 --> 01:33:03,757
but if you're ever in Las Vegas,
I would love to hang out!
1516
01:33:03,759 --> 01:33:05,993
Perkins, take it easy.
Ow. Ow. Ow!
1517
01:33:05,995 --> 01:33:07,729
Feet in. Feet in.
1518
01:33:07,731 --> 01:33:10,230
I'd really like that, Billy.
I'd love to hang out.
1519
01:33:10,232 --> 01:33:12,468
Get your feet off the...
whatever. Go home, Duane.
1520
01:33:37,192 --> 01:33:40,129
King of Valley Stream,
my fuckin' ass.
1521
01:34:20,437 --> 01:34:21,472
Shit.
1522
01:34:23,740 --> 01:34:25,706
Hey, sweetie.
How are you?
1523
01:34:25,708 --> 01:34:27,341
Okay, okay. Whoa, whoa.
1524
01:34:27,343 --> 01:34:28,743
Slow down, slow down,
slow down, slow down
1525
01:34:28,745 --> 01:34:32,416
What do you mean
Joshy's stoned out of his mind?
1526
01:34:34,551 --> 01:34:37,085
He ate weed?
Oh, well, then how...
1527
01:34:37,087 --> 01:34:38,489
Baby, how did he get weed?
1528
01:34:41,324 --> 01:34:44,859
Oh, he found it
in a bobblehead dog.
1529
01:34:44,861 --> 01:34:46,827
Okay. Okay.
1530
01:34:46,829 --> 01:34:48,863
Well, we'll talk about this
when I get home.
1531
01:34:48,865 --> 01:34:52,366
Okay, sweetie. Okay.
Just remain calm.
1532
01:34:52,368 --> 01:34:54,237
Billy, you piece of shit!
1533
01:34:54,239 --> 01:34:59,239
Subtitles by explosiveskull
115302
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Czech
Danish
Dutch
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
