Original subtitles

A place in Denmark there is an idyllic -

- a very idyllic - neighbourhood.

Here is a big old house

located in a big old garden.

In the one corner of the garden, that borders on the road -

- is a big old tree.

- and inside the head of managing director Benesen -

- who lives in the house -

- this film, that we are about to watch - takes place.

The scene is like this:

As you can see -

- a typical residental road - from the better half of the kingdom.

This is the house -

- The road -

- and the tree.

And around the house is the garden with a swimming pool and all.

The tree had to be right at roadside.

We had to look for that when we made the film.

We needed a treetop that was reaching over both the road and the garden.

During the film it turns out, that the tree -

- contrary to the most trees - - is inhabited!

The owner of the house slowly realize that.

That the tree is inhabited can be seen - - from both the road and the garden.

But don't consider it a film about the specific problems of the home owners.

Nor is it a film about the high-class garden society.

I'd rather say its a film about something that everyone have lived through:

It's a film about the last five years of Danish history.

The five bewitched years, as we could call them -

- At least if we see it from the p.o.v. of such a home owner.

I'm tempted to call it a 'documentary farce' -

- If one can possibly grasp that concept.

But, it's not possible!

So, you better not think about it at all.

Forget about that you saw me.

Lean back in your chair. Hold tight or let go.

The most truthful I can say about the film we're about to watch is -

- that it will start in about 15 seconds.

We are now showing Jess �rnbo's 'flying drama' Hashtr�et.

Starring J�rgen Ryg as managing director Ben O. Benesen.

Charlotte V�htz as his wife, Mrs. Benesen.

- and Ulrich Krenchel as Benny Mahaghandi Olsen.

No no, thats no good! No that will never work!

Come on! Jump!

Start flying, man!

Go! Jump! Come on!

No! No!

Ever since the Missus came up with the idea of a seperate bedroom -

- the mr. director has been having very vivid dreams!

Good morning! 'morning!

Hello!

Hello there!?!

Are you deaf?

What... What is that mess all about?

Do you know anything about it?

What is the meaning of that?

Hello? Hello??

Hello? You there??

Damn those trees!

They are damn dusty.

What's up with all that filth?

- And why on my ground?

What do you think we pay our taxes for?

You there!

What would you do without me?

Well, What would he do?

Listen! Don't give me that tone!

I am employed by the municipal!

Maybe it was possible to rationalize the work -

- if people started sending their garbage through mail?

What do you think? It would also look so funny -

- seeing people stand in line at the post office to get rid of their garbage.

"Miss, I have 5 kilos of left-overs and some tin cans -

- I'd like to send from Frederiksberg."

Or this one:

"Miss, I have some underweight potato peelings -

- and some tea leaves I'd like to send registered to Holte"

"You want a return?" the cow asks -

- because she used to work at DSB! (Danish State Railway)

Holy crap!

It's terrible with all the homeless people.

They keep getting younger and younger.

And now they don't even want to live with their parents anymore.

There is a movement, who call themselves "De lange senge" (???).

They have established themselves at the public toilets at the town square.

Two police officers were injured there, when they tried to wash their hands.

Principal Berthelsen has died! Only 20 years old.

He was the one with braids, and who was progressive.

And Rundet�rn! (The Round Tower)

They want to use the interior of Rundet�rn for sledging!

There are demonstrations around at schools regarding Rundet�rn -

- going by the motto: "Death to the tourists - Them fascist pigs"

Ehh...The Common Market!...

Yes...the tourists...

There was a young man who burned his mother alive because she was cursing!

And all those demonstrations at the schools!

They have establihsed activist groups with the aim of harassing the tourists!

The...ehh..tourist pigs!

They have bashed the windows at Hotel Hot Dog.

Do you understand why they want to harass all those tourists?

Why couldn't they just settle with the Japanese, or something like that?

And yet another new movement again: "The Flying Dogs"

Well, sure!

They wanna be like birds again!

They claim that humans are descended from flying monkeys!

It should be a scientific fact -

- that the neanderthal man had wing membrane under the arms -

- Let alone the pre-...pre-...pre-...

- Pre-humanoids!

Apart from this, in the Bible there should already be evidence for -

- that the human contains air!

Anatomically the human is constructed to be able to look upwards.

We are the only animals who have left the 'smelling'-phase for real.

They say that the aeroplane is only a perverted digression!

A derailment of the human's desire for treading in the heavens.

That's why its essentially important to live in the mountains!

The mountains!

Or in tall trees!

You always have to exagerate!

Now I'm seriously tired of all your marmelade!

Brother! Why do you pursue this suitcase?

Don't you know that it too is a living being?

You are under arrest! For attempted smuggling of narcotics.

Brother!

They are drugs for flying, which I use in my lessons.

You are under arrest!

"Lesson 23 - Fly away by using pill"

Oksely!

I'm getting tired of Miss Jensen.

If you just stayed at the table while eating such things would never happen.

I don't like how she makes the bed!

She is a bit tense. That's all.

Who is it, that keeps stealing of the food?

And how come things are disappearing from the pantry?

I wonder who drank the last half of my bottle of malt beer?

Which I most certaintly placed in the fridge!

With a cork in it!!!!

The only matrimonial treatment you ever offer me -

- is when I have a hair in my marmelade!

Even at our honeymoon you were shedding hair -

- It made a small bald spot everytime you got excited.

When you had shed all your hair it was also over with the excitement!

God morning!

Tell me, don't you think there is a funny smell here?

Of something disgusting? Like something burnt?

A smell!?!

Ehhh..no, no! Ehhh hehe...

Eww...nasty!

No! no! ehhh... Don't..don't

And if you think you become more attractive with all that perfume -

- you keep pouring on you, and that Teddy-bear-haircut you have.

You're so damn bald that a fly would be slipping if it sat down there.

By the way, my mother is coming today and she'll probably stay for dinner.

Why don't you go to the cinema and have dinner out?

Me???

You should wait until around 23 before returning -

- or you can always call.

Me???

Yeah, by god this is not how I want to show you to everybody!

It might be that my mother brings along some friends.

If it last longer you can always check into a hotel!

Tell me, is this the place with that terrible smell?

Are you burning garbage in the garden, or what?

It smells awfull! Please stop it this instant!

Let me tell you why....!

The other day... The other day...around 15 pm -

- the patrolling police discovered a gas leak in our garden.

- Gas? Yes, Gas!

They had to dig quite deep, but they were assisted by a digging police-dog.

After just 400 meters down, the smell was unmistakable!

After 700 meters down, it was unbearable!

A totally pungent stench, I can assure you!

At 2 km deep in the ground, the dog -

- who had been digging so diligent - - died! -

- by gas poisoning!

Even though it had been inoculated against gas!

Now, two of the officers started to push aside the dirt -

- and I tell you what:

At a depth of 5.368 meter there was a gas cooker!

A gas cooker!!

- riddled with bulletholes from several machineguns!

So the gas was leaking out all over the place!

And it was long since it had killed the duck, that was inside the oven...waiting.

Ohhh...It was such a... typical duck!

Black around it's eyes -

- and a little melancholic mustache.

And from a hole in the side of that poor animal -

- it's sweat was pouring out, while it was groaning:

"We will never go home!" "We will never go home!"

The first condition for being able to fly -

- is to inhale deep.

Very deep!

No breath, no flying!

Control over your breathing, is control over the air.

So when we smoke it is simply to hold on the air better.

If we don't hold on tight our breath -

- It will slip away from us!

It floats away without bringing us along.

To smoke, -

- is to master the air around us -

- so it will keep us up there!

Let us think about, how we can learn -

- from our brothers, - the birds.

He who graps the little bird by the hand -

- is he who graps the mother's breasts.

No breath, no flying!

The first condition for being able to fly -

- is to inhale deep.

Very deep!!

I told you nothing good would come of spying on her.

If she really is the one who took all the food from the kitchen,

- why would she be eating it when strolling around the living rooms?

Especially not when she is working at the same time?

Besides, why would she start stealing of the food all of a sudden?

I think she's having problems! Sexual related problems!

She is compulsively eating!

She stuffs herself!

Maybe she is trying to get back at someone!

And look what I found under the couch!

A tooth pick! A used tooth pick!

And I also know where she takes the food for eating -

- even though we cannot follow her.

Don't you find it paradoxical that she goes so often to the bathroom?

I've compared it with you!

I'll show you. I've written down everything in my notebook.

Look! Last thursday, for instance:

You went to the bathroom six times.

She went there 26 times!

So you're spying on us?

- Even though you're the one sitting still, and she is the one walking around sweating.

I know that kind of perverts!

Once we had one who took cookies from the box -

- and ate them in the bathroom!

They were crunshing!

I tell you the crumbs were crunshing when you went out there!

Why are you snooping around?

Why are you not sleeping?

I can't sleep with that flower around!

That smell it has!

It is so revolting! And unnatural!

But it's not even in your room!?!

- But I still... - It's placed in the living room.

But I can still smell it!

I tried to place it in the dining room.

But even though I lock the door, the smell get's up several floors.

You are so...weird!

What�s up with you? Who caught you?

Who locked you up in this big cage?

Poor little monko-bongo (???)

But it sure is a nice little nest you got here, huh?

Excuse me!

- A real monkey house! With cornice, weldings, flush and all that.

You're not afraid are you? Don't be afraid!

The Zoo with a swimmingpool and an automatic solar clock!

How is it going with the small things there on your head?

No one has been helping you get rid of fleas lately, huh?

Come to daddy and have a little peanut? A little peanut?

Say what?

How about a hat? You want me to find you a hat?

A real old school cirkus hat? Huh? How about it?

No? But...

You're not afraid are you? Have no fear!

So what's an old chimpanzee like you doing all day here all alone?

In such a big monkeyfarm.

What are you doing? Are you allright?

That's enough!!!

The waves are stumbling over my feet.

I will come to you across the oceans!

Hello! Hello Istanbul!

Miss Jensen!

Have I not forbid you to have parties in the garden?

But my dear friend!

I told you! She is in season!

They come all the way into the garden to get her!

They sit in the trees waiting for her.

What did I say? What did I say??

Who was right?

Can you hear me?

You have been caught red-handed!

I forbid you to sit in there! I won't have it!

If you don't get out at once, the box with cookies will get locked away!

I forbid you to sit in there crunshing!

I will not have all that crunshing in there!

We are totally boundless now We are totally boundless now!

We are totally boundless! We are totally boundless!

Without nakedness no flying!

How could you possibly drift through the oceanic sky -

- if your clotches are weighing you down and pulling your bodies towards the ground.

Your skin is a privilege that demands air!

And look! You have the shape of a bird!

You're curved as the wings of a bird.

The aerodynamic principle has been imprinted in your bodies.

You have the heavenly escape in your limbs.

Curved but slender at the same time. That's how you float through space...

Brother! Why are you cutting this tree?

This springboard for the birds of heaven?

You are not suppossed to make cuts in the Universe -

- You should be sowing it together!

Ehh...they are sowing the universe back together!

Well....ehhh...

You see..ehhh..

Outside, where I live. At our adress...

Ehhh..where we are located...

Ehh..Ehh...well... we live there too!

On the adress!

Well of course the adress was already there when we moved in.

But ehh there is also a tree. A very big tree..yes.

Very tall and very wide on all sides.

Unfortunately the branches are situated in a way that makes it possible -

- if you're a very malicious person -

- to climb up in that very same tree!

A tall tree you say? But...

How old is your wife?

What does that have to do with anything?

My wife has been over the tree-climbing age for a very long time!

But perhaps she is good looking?

If she is good looking? Please, give me a break!

Hey hey! Handcuff it!

So why is she strolling around undressed?

Why is she exposing herself?

Something in your statement doesn't make sense.

Exposing herself???

Why the hell would she be exposing herself? She looks her best in a fur coat!

So your wife is extremely hairy?

"no no...well...ehhh.. " I asure you I didn't know..."

You find it difficult to understand what's going on around you, huh?

You walk in here complaining about a tree...

"I asure you I did not see the no parking sign"

You ought to be happy you have that tree -

- so not everybody can see what your wife is doing up there.

She sits there screaming in the window frame and drops her clothes down in the garden.

Ehheh... Well let me...

But of course you know nothing about it.

As a matter of fact you actually appear to be a bit infantile.

Who do you think...!!

Actually a bit underdeveloped -

- A bit retarded!

Maybe you were mentally slow as a child?

That's enough!!

No! Let me out!

I have teamed up with the Hot Dog vendor.

The other wagon was way too small.

Well..she can wait there 'till my next round!

You better stay indoor tonight.

The Home Guard is doing an exercise in our neighbourhood.

Well, well. Let's have some cookies tomorrow, huh?

Well, there you are, sitting in your little cage, huh?