All language subtitles for Kevin can wait s01e20

Your church really knows
how to throw a fundraiser.

That was a fun night.
Yeah.

Yeah, and I think
we all learned

who the master of
ring toss is, huh?

I'm telling you.

Hey, if they start
a church league,
I'm going pro.

All right,
I wouldn't be too proud.

You pushed a 14-year-old kid
out of the way to win that.

Oh. First of all, she was
taller than me, okay?
Mm-hmm.

And second of all, she was
throwing mad elbows.

She was getting in there --

She was going nuts. All right?
I regret nothing.

I want to apologize for
making everyone leave early

and miss the raffle

because this one couldn't keep
his eyes open.

I wasn't sleeping.

Please, Mott, I was
eating my hot dog,

I look over, you're like...

All right, all right,
I'm exhausted.

Last night, the kids took
my sleep apnea mask,

filled it with juice --
I almost drowned.

Yeah, the kids did that.

It looks like the church
raised a lot of money.

And, Kev, I hear that you've
been doing
some volunteer work.

You're building
a playground?

Didi, no. Didi, please --

You know what it is,
Didi, is...

Okay, I'm gonna put on
some coffee.

-I can't hear this again.
-I'll help you.

All right, anyway, see,
most people,

they just sit around
waiting for change.

But it's the few of us,
like myself,

who actually...
make it happen.

It ain't exactly
Habitat for Humanity.

You're putting together
a swing set.

Oh --

Hold on a second.

Hello?

Father Philip,
what's happening?

You gotta be kidding me.

That's unbelievable.

Well, God bless you.
God bless you.

God bless you.

Hey, take it down a notch.
No, no, no.

He's got allergies.
He's sneezing like crazy.

Okay, well, I gotta let
'em know. That is incredible.

Thank you, Father. See ya.

You guys won the grand prize
at the raffle.

What?
You gotta be kidding me.

Yes!
Wait a minute, what'd we win?

The prize, get the prize.

Ooh, what'd we --

"All-expense-paid weekend
for four people

at the Lux Resort and Spa!"

Ooh!
Oh, look. Hold on!

Look at that, look at that.

Japanese steakhouse, massages,
all included.

Ooh!

Ooh, I'm gonna get
one of those
deep tissue massages all over.

And I'm gonna get -- I'm gonna
get the paraffin
foot treatments

to make my feet all nice
and soft.

Ooh, good, baby, 'cause
right now it feels like

you're wearing
golf shoes to bed.

Oh, you wanna play that game?

Let's talk about
your shoulder fat.

No.
Come on, we good, we good.

Yeah, I thought so.

You know what, Kev?

Thanks for talking me
into buying that ticket.

What? You only bought
one ticket?

Wow, we bought 50,
but, uh, hey,

at least we won
a rubber basketball.

It's Spongetech, okay?

And I would've won a lot more,
but my water pistol jammed.

Oh, here we go.

No, I'm not saying
Father Daniel runs
a rigged game.

That's between him and God,
but it was rigged.

* I am not your ordinary guy

-Hey, babe.
-Hey.

Ooh, what are you makin'?

It started as a BLT but, uh,
we ran out of L and T.

So, uh...

I'm just making a BM.

-It's a bacon and mayonnaise.
-Oh.

Hey, I'm gonna go
to Marshalls later

and get us new suits
for the spa this weekend.

I already have my Jets one.
It's very comfortable.

-I like it.
-Oh, honey,
that's 20 years old.

All the inside netting
is gone.

You're welcome, ladies.

Oh, and has Goody given us
the official invite yet?

Uh, no. You know what it is?

I think he wants to
surprise us.
Really?

He said he's going to
come over
and borrow a "nail gun."

Oh.
You know what it is?
I think he didn't want

to say it in front
of the Motts last night.

Oh, no. Of course.
That'd be awkward.

But I mean, the Motts
have to understand.

It's only room
for two couples,
and we bought the tickets

to the fundraiser.

You know, and, look,
we're their best friends.

Yeah, um, okay, I'm gonna go
check with Kendra and Chale

and make sure that
they're all good to watch

the kids this weekend.

Okay, hey, but there was only
one package of bacon,

so don't tell them
about my BM.

Might want to rename that.

Hey, man. Oh!

-Hey.
-You got that nail gun?

Oh, yeah. The, uh,
"the nail gun,"

it's "in the shed."

All right, "cool."

Uh, I'm gonna go grab that
and I'll catch you later.

Okay, hey, I just wanna say
congratulations

on the spa weekend again.
That's the way to go.

Thanks, man. You know,
Didi is over the moon.

We needed it.
Oh, yeah.

All right, dawg,
I got Layla in the car.

Hey, let me ask you --
So wait, it's like --

it was four people, right,
I think, going...

Yeah, we're taking the Motts.

Hey, thanks for the nail gun.
Hit you next week.

Come in.

Hey there, neighbor.
Hey.

I need to borrow some milk.

My girlfriend is
making oliebollen.

You make it without milk,
you know what you got?

Regular bollen?

All right, you heard
that joke before.

Hey!
Hey.

Hi.
Oh. Hey, Rootger.

-I'm borrowing some milk.
-Okay.

Doink.

Hey.

Hey.

You know, I almost called
Didi twice today,

and then I stopped myself.

I'm not over this, you know?

But I was thinking,
we just need
to find another couple.

Rootger's got a girlfriend

and they're about to
make oliebollen.

You know, so maybe we can
hang with them.

Rootger's girlfriend

takes photographs of garbage
in the rain.

I've seen her do it
more than once.

Do you know what our mistake
was here?

Is that we put all of
our friend eggs in one basket.

It's the Goody and Mott
basket.

Yes, we made ourselves
a Goody omelet...

with a side of tater Motts.

-Clever.
-Right?

Yeah.

But all we got was
eggs benedict.

Oh. Very good, sweetheart.

-Yeah. You get it, though?
-I get it.

So...if they think we're gonna
be crying here all day

by ourselves, you know,
the yolk's on them.

Okay, that's -- it's enough.
That's enough.

I'm just looking on
the sunny side of things.
Stop.

Okay, that was the last one.
That was the last one!
Stop it. Done.

-One more for the shell of it?
-No. No.

I gotta just
throw it out there.

I'm just gonna throw it
out there.

Okay, I'm out. I'm out.

And, you know, by the way,

it's not like we don't
have other friends.

We got a ton of friends,
all right?
Yeah.

We're very outgoing,
popular people.

Absolutely.

You know,
I got high school buddies,

I got friends from the force.

This guy at the bagel shop
right now,

I know he's dying to
hang out with us.

Well, should we call him?

No, I don't know his name.
I know he likes...

He likes poppy seeds.
I know that.
Okay. All right.

But you know what?
All we gotta do

is we just gotta get
in touch with some people,

and we gotta make
things happens, right?

-I like that. Frank!
-What?

No, that's the poppy seed
guy's name is Frank.

No, it's not Frank. That's
the guy who works at the deli.

I love that guy.
That guy's good.

Hey, Lisa. It's Donna Gable.

Listen, um, Kevin and I,
we're having a dinner party

and we want you and --

He left you?

Oh.

Oh, well, honey, that is not
your fault.

I guess that --
that really says a lot
about Mark, huh?

And your sister, yeah.

So listen, do you have
their number?

I'm out of bullets.
How'd you do?

No friends, but I got Chinese
coming in 30 minutes.

Hello, hello.

Hey! What are you crazy kids
doing tonight?

You're gonna hit the clubs,
a little vaping, huh?

Uh, no, no. We were just about
to watch a movie.

You need something?
A movie. I could do that.

Love a movie.

We could make up a big batch
of popcorn,

get some blankies, you know,
make a night of it.

Okay, what's going on?

All right, well,
due to circumstances

outside of our control,
we are temporarily

a little short in
the friend bucket.

Have you tried
the Internet?

It -- it's where people
make friends nowadays.

Even couples.

Loser couples, yeah.

Yeah, but, honey, I mean,
it's not such a terrible idea.

We could try it.
Eh...

Yeah. Yeah, give it a shot.

You know, and if you have
nothing else to do tonight,

you can just come and watch
the movie with us.

Okay. All right, thanks.

All right,
what are we watching?
Yeah.

Oh, it's great.
It's called "Snow Kisses."

It's the true story
of a disabled Eskimo boy

who befriends a family
of harp seals.

I am out.

Ooh, me, too.

**

One of the benefits
of being retired is

I get to do much more
charity work.

I don't know if I've mentioned
the playground

that I'm in
the process of building.

You did.
A couple times.

Yeah.

By the way, you guys,
the pizza
at that Enzo's restaurant

was delicious.

Oh, hey --
Good call.

Show a little loyalty
to Vito's, hon, come on.

Oh, that's our favorite pizza
place out on Shelter Island.

Ooh, that's pretty far
to go for pizza, huh?

Not really. Not if we take our
boat, right? About 30 minutes.

You guys have a boat?

Oh, yeah.
We pull up to the dock,

Vito brings the pie
right out to you.

You eat pizza on the boat?

-Yeah.
-Yep.

That's literally -- that's
the dream I have every --

pretty much every night,
I would say, right?

-It's big for him.
-It is big.

I see you guys
are low on wine,

so why don't we go
open another bottle?

Yeah, absolutely.

You know that, right, honey?
With the Captain's hat?
No, I know that dream.

You talk about that dream
all the time.

They have a boat.
I like them.

You see what happens when you
roll up your sleeves

and you do not settle?

Oh, seems like
things are going very nicely

with your new friends.

Yes, and thank you, Chale,
for suggesting that website.

Actually, I didn't even
use Chale's website.
No?

'Cause there was another
website kept popping up,

so I clicked on it --
it was, uh,

it was coupleslifestyle.com
or something.

I don't know.

I'm not familiar
with that one. Mm.

Here it -- Oh, no.

What?
What?

Uh, I think you may be using

a site where people
share partners.

What do you...

Share partners.

You hooked us up
with swingers?

He doesn't know what
he's talking about.

Chale, just scroll down.
Let me see that.

No, look at this.

There's couples singing,
couples dancing,

couples wrestling --
Ooh, that's not wrestling.

You hooked us up
with swingers!

I will be in the garage.

And just know, whatever you
decide, no judgment.

Get out, get out.
Get out.

All right, look, I'm sorry,
all right?

I will go out there
and I will get rid of them.

Let's not be rude,
all right?

Because this is kind of
our mistake.

Let's just finish the wine
and we'll wrap it up

in a classy way.
All right, but --

Hey, what if it gets weird?
What do you mean?

What if they...

wanna get jiggy with us?

They won't,
because it's not 1998.

Besides, they haven't
tried anything all night.

You're right. All right.
Okay.

Wait.

Why haven't
they tried anything?

What? You want them to?
Well, no!

It's always nice
to be asked.

It's still early.
Maybe they're gonna plan

to make their move now
or something.

Hey. What's, uh, going on?

Oh, you know, we have
an early morning. But, um...

-Yeah.
-Thanks -- thanks for dinner.

Wait. Did --
did we do something wrong?

Um, look, to be honest,
we're, uh,

not really feeling you guys.

Especially, uh...

It's not important.

Wow.
Turned down by swingers.

Now we know.

I should've worn
my stretchy jeans.

Well, that's gonna sting
for a while.

Yep. Bye-bye, pizza boat.

That's the takeaway from this?
The pizza boat?

It's the frontrunner
right now, yes.

You're unbelievable.

Look, I don't know what you
want us to do, all right?

I mean, nobody wants to
hang out with us.

Us?

You're saying it was me?

Babe, I don't wanna
hurt your feelings,

but 100% yes.

What?! Okay, well, since we're
taking feelings off the table,

I'm gonna tell you
right now,

I've been carrying
this team for years.

-Carrying us?
-Yeah.

With what? Your stupid jokes?

Those little jokes are
a lighthouse for people

who are lost in the ocean
of your boring-ass stories.

They're out there floating.
Oh, they're out there.

They're just floating around
and like,

"I think I see it
in the harbor.

There it is, the light."

-Are you done?
-Now I am.

I get it.

My stories are interesting,
okay?

I'll have you know that
three separate people

have told me
I should have a vlog.

A vlog? What is that?

A cabin in the woods where
you take people to bore them?

No. It's a video blog, okay?

And maybe if you listened
instead of interrupting me

when I'm trying to --
I'm doing you a favor.

I am like the music
at an awards show.

A gentle reminder to
wrap things up.

Okay. Well, at least I didn't
blow it with the swingers.

Oh, you don't think
that was me?

Really?
No, no, no, no.

I don't wanna do this,
I didn't wanna bring it up,

but at the restaurant, they
couldn't take their eyes
off me.

None of us could.

You had a piece of linguine
on your chin for over an hour.

It wasn't the linguine.
They were looking at me, like,

"Ooh, I love him."
"Look at him."

They were like,
"Ooh. Look at him."

Really?
Even the waiter
was walking by, like,

"Ooh, look at that. Ooh."
He did, like, one of these.

Okay, well, if they were
so into you,

were they texting you?

'Cause they've been blowing up
my phone since they left.

I don't know. Let me check.

Aha! In your face.
They texted you?

No, but Frank
from the deli did.

Ah, what are we doing?

Why are we turning
on each other?

I don't know.
You're right.

I'm...I'm sorry, all right?

No, honey, I'm sorry, too.

You know what? It's just...

I always thought that
you and I were enough.

We didn't need another couple,
you know?

Well, we don't.

We just need to get
back to that.

Tomorrow night, let's --

just you and I,
let's go on a date.

Nobody else, it'll be
just the two of us.

I would love that, okay?

-I love you.
-I love you. Sorry.

-Good night.
-Good night.

Wait a second.
I didn't even have linguine.

No. Steve did, but When you
finished your pizza,

you said, "Can I snag some?"

That's right. Good night.

Ah, see, this is --
now this is all we need.
Mm.

The stars up above,
big bag of cheeseburgers,

and my lady by my side.

I'm not crazy about
the order,

but that's very sweet.

You all right?

Yeah, it's just the, uh,

the windshield wiper keeps
digging into my back.

There we go.

This is good, you know?

We don't need Goody or Mott
or any -- It's not good.

It's not good.
All right, all right.
Honey, just wait, please.

Please, stop moving around.
You're gonna --

You're gonna
push me off the edge.

Oh, now it's out.

Figure it out. Okay.
Okay.

You know, when I was
in junior high,

I was a little awkward.
You know that.

I was a foot taller than
everybody, I had braces,

I had a boys haircut,
and I was really skinny, like,

like my whole body was made of
bendy straws skinny, you know?

And these two girls --
I thought
they were my friends,

but they went to this party,
they didn't invite me --

Stop it!

This story has a point.

Yes, a very dull point.

Which is...Goody and Mott --
they dumped on us,

but we're kind of letting them
get away with it.

You know what? We should --
we should go to that resort

and have a good time
and make sure they see us.

We can't. We can't go there.
Wha--

It's gonna look sad.

More sad
than we are right now?

So what are we gonna do?

I wanna make 'em jealous,
but look,

we just don't have another
couple to go with.

Well...

There is still one couple
we have in the hopper.

I have to say, I'm surprised
you invited us.

I didn't think we were part
of your inner circle.

Oh, no.
Oh, yeah, we --

we've been honing in on
you guys for quite some time.

Just waiting for the right
moment to get to
know you better

and I think we found
that moment, right, hon?

Oh, yeah. You know,
Kevin and I were just saying
the other day,

we gotta hang out with Rootger
and, uh, and, um...

-Floor.
-Right. Oh, I know. Floor.

Are you having a good time,
Floorsie?

Time of my life.

Oh, there they are.

-Whoa!
-Yeah!

Oh!

That looks like a fun table.
Oh --

Shut all the doors.
Did you see that?

A volcano made of onions.

Oh, I love it. This is great.

I can't believe what
my eyes are seeing.

You know what? Here is where
the money's at, okay?
Yeah. Yeah.

We will get our own volcano.

Yeah, all right. I bet
you make a pretty mean
onion volcano,

right, uh, Sanjay?

This is my first day.

So how about a, uh, choo-choo
train of bowls, huh?

-Look at this. Look at this.
-All right, okay.

-Look, look, look. Choo choo.
-Oh!

Oh! Look at them,
they're all in a row!

Yeah, boy, look at them go!
Chugga, chugga, chugga!

Giddy on up!

-Oh...
-Oh!

Oh, man!

- This guy's amazing!

Oh, I think he wants you
to look in your pocket, dawg.

Shut up!

Oh!

Ooh, watch out,
everybody.

It's going to blow.

This volcano makes me sad.

Okay, come on, Sanjay,

get -- get some gasoline
or something, all right?
Yeah.

I'm going to get some stuff
from the back.

- Make it happen, man.

This is...

Wait. Honey,
what are you doing?

No, I'm just gonna
add a little sizzle
to this night, okay?

-Please be careful.
-Oh, I will, okay?

It's just like ring toss,
only with food

and a very hot surface, okay?

Oh! Ah!

Hey! Hey!

Floorsie,
you want some shrimp?

Hey, Floorsie, shrimp?
Here you go, Floorsie.

-Whoa!
-Whoa. Okay.

Look at that.

I will still eat this.

Hey, sweetheart,
you're up next.
Okay, okay, okay.

-You ready? Oh, oh, oh.
-Oh!

-Oh! Hey!
-Yeah!

Hey!

Oh! Okay -- Oh --

Is that Kev?

Hey!

Oh, hey, man.
What the hell are you doing?

Taking my wife
and my real friends out

- for a nice night out.
- Yeah.

Rootger, look alive, buddy.

Wait. "Real friends"?

Hold up, are you mad at us?

Well, truth is,
you should have invited us.

We would've invited you guys,
but you said you were busy.

Oh, oh!

Your lies don't work
at this table.

No, we were
in your living room,

and you said you had to
work every Saturday.

What are you even
talking about?
I never said that.

Yeah, until the playground
was finished.

Remember? For the kids?

In fact, weren't you supposed
to be there today?

Oh, that's right.

Ow.

Aah!

You know, Kev,
tomorrow morning,

Goody and I are gonna
head over there and help you

finish that playground.

Thanks, guys.

Cheers.

There you go.
All right. All right.

But you know what?
I still can't believe
you guys thought

we would just ditch you
like that.

Yeah, we would never
do that to y'all.

I know. I'm sorry.

We overreacted.

Come on, we love you guys.

Yeah, you should know that.

Oh, thank you, but I mean,
in our defense,

we were really hurt.

It doesn't feel good
to be left out.

No, it doesn't.

Is there something
wrong with us?

Us?

* Don't want
no sweet perfume *

* Shake your thing,
go bust your move *

* Do, do, do, do, do

* Do, do, do, do

* Ohhhhhh, yeah

* Don't want
no high-heel shoes *

* I just don't want no...