Original subtitles

This is gonna work.

Is it eighty?

Thank you. Good luck with the writing Mr. McRain.

- Thank you.

I feel inspired already.

Get the bags, my muse.

I got the key. - It's open.

Hi.

Let's go!

Shut up!

What is this?

Who are you?

Where am I?

What are you doing? Please, don't.

Don't you know who I am? - You are perfect.

Sonny.

He's got what it takes.

Iron chain, now!

Quickly! Quickly!

Hey, what the hell.

Fresh pussy!

Should we go already?

I’m gonna warm up Emma this weekend. - You're a stud if you'll get that pussy.

Dude, I'm going to take that pussy.

What are you doing here? Leave! - Are you jerking off over Nina's pic?

Get out!

Don't tell anyone, please.

What's the problem? Real men jerk off.

- Just remember to lock up the door next time.

Let's get going. We should already be at Sara and Nina's place.

Take me with you!

You'll get my bug gun and weekly pocket money.

- Sorry, no children allowed to the cabin.

I forgot the disco ball. - Do we need it?

It's my mojo. I need it. - I put your shit in the closet.

Jari, why is there an ambulance here? - I borrowed it from work.

Hey Emma, could you get me that hairspray? - No.

I’m saving for fake boobs. - Don't be silly.

I just can't be thin and have big boobs at the same time. That's impossible.

Your tits are perfect.

I love you girl.

Guys!

Hey, girls!

What is that ambulance doing here? - It's Jari's work car.

Hi, Emma. How you're doing? - Hi.

How's your Finnish I told you? - Pull over your lip and swallow.

Nice.

Can I take that bag of yours?

You like my shirt? - What's the idea of that?

It's a clothing collection designed by Emma.

It got some really nice underwear as well.

Wanker monkey.

What the hell were you thinking about? Speak up!

Pussy.

Jari also thought of getting pussy. - Yeah, from Emma.

Hey boys. The girls are waiting. Let's go. Hop hop.

Hello. - Hello. What can I get you?

What are these meat pies stuffed with? - They're stuffed with meat.

Hello. - Hi.

Can I see some ID? - Yeah.

Thank you.

This one.

Take off the respirator mask, please.

No.

Is there a problem?

Thank you.

Let's go, kiddo.

Fresh pussy!

Next up, the Swedish Lara Jessica Svensson's mega hit, -

- ♪1 on the world chart for 18 weeks and still counting; Du och Jag.

Emma, have you thought about continuing with the clothing collection?

Maybe I could follow up with a collection with wieners. That might be interesting.

I love what you're doing and all the boys have given very positive feedback. -

Really? - I put few pics on Instagram and -

added several hastags to the posts, - - What was the Instant Gram?

Emma, you're just so out of this world, aren't you?

Because he don't know anything about cars.

What's that?

There's two cars. - Shut it, shut it.

Look! That sucks to break your car at the middle of nowhere.

Hi! Do you speak English? - Are you guys OK?

Yeah we just -

The car broke down, and we'd really appreciate if you could help us find the nearest hotel.

We're in the middle of nowhere, there are no hotels around.

Yeah. - Great.

Well, thanks anyway. - Thanks for nothing.

Hey!

You can stay with us!

OK, deal with it.

It'll be great if you can lodge us for tonight.

OK. - Thanks.

OK get them to tow us. And tie the rope properly.

Thanks.

Should we have introduce ourselves to them? Looks like they're coming to the cabin.

I've never shaken hand with a nigger.

Mise, fuck sake. - What?

Please turn around. - Bollocks!

We're moving away in wrong direction.

What the fuck!

I forgot to warn you, that door is a one tricky bastard.

You can put that beer down, this is till work time.

Lucas you need to learn to relax. Right now we can't do anything.

Do you wanna loose a few from your left hand too?

Who's turn it is? - Mine.

Well take care of it when we get to their place. First!

Hey guys!

Come on!

Deal with it now.

Welcome to my uncle's cabin. Over there is the cabin, -

over there is the sauna. Over there is the garage.

My name is Tuomas. - Lucas.

I’m Mise. - Lucas.

Hello.

Hi I'm Tim. How are you man? - Fine, very fine.

Can I call you Mr. Black? - Are you looking for trouble?

Maybe later.

But you can call me Mr. White. Mr. Black and Mr. White.

OK, let's do that then, Mr. White.

Let 's.

You are one crazy fucker aren't you? - Yes I'm a crazy motherfucker.

I think I can make this one alive.

Really, Mr. White?

Really.

Do you know what we need? Vodka and beer. - Fuck yeah!

Hey Emma, can you take these, -

can you show to the boys where is the guest room. -

I'm going to warm up the sauna. Hop hop.

Try to fit in here. My uncle hasn't finished this room yet.

This is just fine, thank you.

What about that drink Mr. Black? - Oh fuck yeah.

Are you coming?

You need to learn to relax, remember?

You need to learn how to fuck off, remember?

I come along later. - Right.

Great! Let's go Mr. White! - Let's go!

Retarded fucking assholes.

What? - You hit your eyes on that Chinese guy.

Tonight we are going to? - - Party!

That friend of yours was a bit of a prick. - He's not my friend. -

He's more like an employer. - Aha.

What about that car, Mr. Black? - In a minute, Mr. White. First, -

wanna taste something sick? - That looks like a normal bottle of booze.

Maybe the bottle. But right here, this is my own shit.

Your own shit? - This is the best shit you'll ever taste.

Tell you what. When we go to the garage, and it's just you and me, -

You can taste my shit.

I think we have a deal, Mr. Black. - Yeah!

Come on, let's go.

How's it going mate? - Hey.

Hey, I'm Vincent.

- Trust me, you don't wanna handshake me now.

Pussy!

Who's gotta bigger digga?

Pussy!

Pussy!

Well, hi stranger. - Hi, I'm Vincent.

I’m Sara. - Nice to meet you Sara.

You too. - Thanks.

May I thank you for bringing me back here? - Of course!

You were in the middle of the road, alone. And -

You are so cute. - You are so cute.

I like you from here to Helsinki. - Oh that's very much!

Hi there!

Smells like teen pussy!

Fresh pussy!

More shit, Mr. White? - Okey.

Well? - It's OK.

You don't feel kind of funny? - No.

This is your third shot. You should be like in Wonderland or something already.

This ain't my shit! - It's not?

Have a look on the backseat, I should have more shit in there.

Mate stop! What the fuck are you doing? I said the backseat.

Oh the backseat, OK.

The trunk was locked. - Damn right it's locked.

Mr. White. Don't touch the trunk again, OK? - OK.

Fuck me!

You're so funny. - You're more funny when you're drunk.

Well? Tell me. - No.

Come on, tell me. - No.

Just tell me the color of your panties. - Is that really so important?

I want to know. Show me. - No! Move!

I didn't remember this was so strong. - Perhaps you shouldn't drink anymore.

Are you OK?

Maybe she's not OK. I'm having a lots of fun, but -

Are you OK? - Yeah.

You're very quiet.

Pussy!

Fucking sick!

Are you Finnish? - Yes. Hi, -

I'm Tuomas. - Julia.

Pussy!

Are you OK? - No.

I want big boobs. - What?

I want big boobs.

Darling, you have the most beautiful tits.

Do you really think so? - Of course.

What are you doing?

Well?

They fit my hands perfectly.-

Solid, nice tits. They are the perfect tits.

Oh sorry! - It's OK.

What? - We got an alert from Kevätlaakso area.

A real alert, not a reindeer crash or so.

Maybe it was a prank call. - All alerts must be checked.

There's a giant animal, which is after the tourists. It has an enormous penis, and -

it speaks English. - English?

Do you smell it?

I smell something fishy about this.

I had a great night with you, Sara.

Good night.

Where's Sara?

She was so drunk, so I tucked her to bed.

Sara?

What's wrong?

Tuomas is not answering.

He's probably at the sauna still.

I'll go get him.

Rabbit in the ditch, sits and sleeps, sits and sleeps. -

Poor rabbit, are you sick, -

Hey!

What's the situation with the car? - It should be working by the morning.

So we'll be leaving in the morning then.

Cheers.

A rabbit is sitting - - Tuomas!

What the hell?

Should we call the police?

Is that so? Thanks for your help.

Don't worry, Emma. The police will take care of this.

Can you put it back on? - No.

Should we have taken more guns with us? - I was thinking the same thing.

1-2, do you copy?

We copy. - There's a new alert from the same area. -

Youngsters have been partying and one of them is now missing. -

Description; about 25-year old, Caucasian man, 180 cm and slim. -

He's wearing a pink shirt with a vagina figure. -

Please check it out while you're there. - Roger that.

Let's split up.

If only time and place were different - - I know. I'd fuck myself too.

The vagina!

This is jamming. - You have the safety on.

Like this.

I know what you were doing. - And I know what you were doing, pervert!

Do you like me?

Well, Jesse-boy?

I think we both have something we want from each other.

I would appreciate if you didn't tell anyone about this little moment I had with Sara.

And I think you would appreciate it if I gave you a little kiss to a cheek.

I want you to take my virginity.

Well, -

you can have a kiss, with tongue. -

And you can touch my breasts too.

Enough?

Okey

Enough!

You're a man now.-

If you ever break our deal and tell Sara or anyone else anything,

you'll be liar and a stupid child. Not a man.

Pussy!

Put a condom on. - I don't have any. I left them in my room.

Make sure you don't cum inside me. - I won't.

Oops.

Get lost! You fucking monkey!

Are you absolutely sure?

I saw it.

Thank you, Jesse.

Can I keep these?

Get packing, we're moving out in the morning.

- What if I want to stay?

Then I have to kill you.

I’m not fucking joking.

What's wrong? - Sara is awake.

It should be working now. - Are you sure about that, Mr. White?

What's wrong, Mr. Black? - Nothing's wrong, Mr. White.

Close your eyes for a minute. - Okey.

I got laid and Tuomas is missing. - You did?

What do you mean Tuomas is missing? Where? - What?

Tuomas is missing. I called the cops.

You did what?

What's wrong Mr. Black?

What?

One of us is missing. - They called the cops.

Dirty pussy!

Pussy!

Help! Help!-

Let's save the booze!

Pussy!

What?

I know.

What's going on downstairs? - It's after pussy.

So, there's two of you then?

Hey, guys! - Holy shit!

Hurry up! - I'm trying, it's stuck!

Fresh pussy!

Pussy!

- Where's Vincent? - Dead.

Let's go under the boat! - I hate you! -

You fucking bitch! I fucking hate you!

Go!

Get in the car, quick! - Go go go!

Go go go! Drive drive drive!

35 kilometers left. - Shit.

Shit.

Pussy!

Are you stealing my beers? - Yep.

OK.

Let's get out of here.

Now! - Shh bitch.

Pussy.

Hurry up, give me a can.

Another one!

Let's get back to cabin!

Pussy!

Pussy!

What are you doing? - I'm calling the police.

Like fuck you are! - What the fuck?

Relax, Mr. White. I think this is over.

After one kilometer turn left. - Shit.

Give me that.

What is in the trunk?

Tell me what is in the trunk!

What the fuck is in the trunk? - Mind your own fucking business!

Fuck you! What is in the trunk?

What is in the trunk?

What is in the trunk? - Fine!

Open the trunk. Open it!

You have Lara Jessica Svensson in the trunk.

Listen, Mr. White.

- You are very bad, bad, bad person Mr. Black!

You fucking asshole.

Do you have any idea what it feels to be locked up, in the cold -

without food and being drugged all the time?

I’m sorry! Lucas only hired us to take you somewhere. Look.

1.1 kilometer to your destination. - It's right behind the corner, Mr. Black.

Please turn around.

Sara!

Mise!

If you ever touch me again, I will make sure that your BBC will lose the first B!

Is that Lara Jessica Svensson? - Yep.

Oh my god, it's here.

What the hell. - Pussy!

Get down.

Come here!

Come here!

Tell me, you fucking moron, which one of them is Lara Jessica Svensson?

It's the blond -

The clients will be here any minute!

We are missing one Swedish pop star, it's your fault!

Sonny!

On your knees!

On your fucking knees!

Mouth open!

Mouth open!

Go to hell!

Where's Lara Jessica Svensson?

It's blond one.

Well, -

let's get started then. Chair.

Carrot.

Rot in hell you retarded bastard!

Are you OK, Mr. White?

I’m going to save the rabbit.

Fuck!

Pussy! Pussy!

Cock!

Cock!

Cock!

He is Nietsnut.

We have been waiting for you.

We have been waiting for you, Nietsnut.

I have been saving my virginity for you, our hero Nietsnut.