Original subtitles

I could hardly keep my hands off you the other day.

You looked so delicious,

I wanted to eat you all up.

I'm naked, Ben.

I'm naked. I'm being so bad.

Perhaps you ought to spank me.

I picked up some olives for you, baby.

Some big, soft,

juicy, pitted olives.

Pink pimientos.

It's like, you're not doing it

to be successful, you're not doing it to make some money.

You love all those additional things that happen,

but you're doing this because it's what you love.

And it gets you up early and keeps you up late.

And you notice things, and you have an impact,

and you have a sense of contribution, and life is really joyous.

And most people never experience that

because they never find their real drive.

They're caught up in making a living instead of designing a life.

They don't know what they really want,

so they don't really tap into their drive.

They don't discover what they're capable of.

But I really get you to follow through

as much as I can by teasing you

and pushing you and getting you to take the little steps.

And as you build one step on the day before,

on top of the next day, on top of the next day,

at the end of 30 days, you've made a huge change.

It's a great sense of pride, honestly,

because I know where I've come from.

I started out in a little

four-inch-square bachelor apartment,

feeling sorry for myself, thinking nothing could change,

feeling mad at the world and my past.

But, fortunately, I was able to change,

and the change came from not being willing to settle for that anymore.

Knowing that inside, I was much more than what I was living,

mentally and emotionally and spiritually.

And I was able to find my passion.

That's what most people haven't done.

They don't know what they really want.

So they don't really tap into their drive.

They don't discover what they're capable of.

So that'll be all right then.

We'll just have the choir practice...

I think, next Sunday, a little earlier.

Oh, Sandra!

How's the real-estate business?

Ah, fine. Are you looking?

No, no, no, I couldn't begin to afford the kind of houses you handle.

Oh, neither can most of the people we sell them to.

I brought your sheet music and cookies.

For the fundraiser. Great!

-Why don't you take them up to Ben? -Okay.

It's Bach, your favorite.

He's such a master.

Magnificent.

Lovely! Ha ho, and thrust!

Iconage public relations and advertising.

Iconage. How may I help you?

One moment, please.

-Good morning, Mr. Dunmore. -What?

Good morning.

Oh, maybe for you.

Iconage. How may I help you?

If we could have a legacy

of want it to be this,

we would want people to say Olympia has reunited golfers

with their short game.

That would make us happy because that's what we set out to do.

Oh, God.

Jake!

Good morning, Peggy. Dear Peg.

You look like you fell off the back of a truck.

Thank you.

You look like an angel.

The meeting started 15 minutes ago.

Damn!

Am I only 15 minutes late?

I tried to time it so I'd miss at least a half an hour.

Hold still!

Heck, I live for your touch.

Get in there and try not to puke on Mr. Bradley.

Will you marry me?

-I think you're already married. -I am?

Oh, yeah. Right, I am. Well, maybe later.

To the convention.

Morning, everybody.

Sorry I'm late, sir.

Sorry, everyone. Sorry.

As well as to Jonathan...

I got one of those electric--

Well, now that the entire brain trust is present,

we can get down to the business at hand.

Senator Lassiter.

Roy had the misfortune

of being caught in a rather...

less-than-honorable position last night.

You think his position was bad?

How'd you like to be the hooker who was sucking him off?

Thank you, Jake.

Kevin, can we get to the girl?

-Well, my kind of thinking-- -The girl was a guy.

I mean, let's not kid ourselves. We all saw the picture, right?

She had a five o'clock shadow, an Adam's apple, and a Semper Fi tattoo.

Well, we gotta float a distraction.

We gotta position it so that Joe Public

doesn't know which ball to keep his eye on.

Not unlike the senator.

I'm lucky to be alive.

What are the alternatives? Mike?

The senator was tipped to head the Foreign Affairs Committee.

-That's right. -Hmm?

Kevin? How about he's quietly...

turning down the offer to become commissioner of baseball?

-He's never even seen a game. -Gary, what've you got?

-Okay, well, how about, um--

-What've you got, Gary? Gary, what've you got?

-If he-- -God damn it! What the hell?

We gotta find something that humanizes this bastard!

I have-- sorry--

From 1993, actually, saying that Mrs. Lassiter

has been fighting breast cancer.

-Oh, now, that's good. -Thanks.

People worry, Jake,

-that it's a dangerous and shitty world. -Yeah, yeah.

Dangerous and shitty world.

-And it is our job to make it look... -Safe and clean, Ben.

-...safe and clean. -We know.

Image is everything.

Hey, I got it. I got it!

We say that the senator

is conducting a series of tests on the trickle-down theory

-in the men's room of the Sheraton. -Jake!

Get the hell out of here.

I know.

It's very simple to do.

Just choose tomatoes

that are the nicest you can find.

How does she do it?

Ben? Ben?

I've just been on the phone with the Merritts, and I suggested that--

Oh, sorry, what?

I'm sorry, do you have a s-- Do you have a second?

Oh, sure. Yeah.

I suggested that Senator Lassiter speak at the--

Thank you.

Fundraiser. And...

I said that his presence there would attract

a lot of attention in the press.

And... I pointed out that he was a devout family man.

Good.

We've got to do something about Jake.

What can I do?

We've got to get him cleaned up.

I know you've done everything you can.

It's just his-- his behavior is affecting everyone and...

I see how it's bringing you down.

I just think you're such a great guy, Ben.

Thank you, Peggy.

I'll talk to him tomorrow.

The best thing for Jake right now is to stay home

and sleep it off.

Hello?

Sandra?

Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah!

Residents are on alert tonight

as the alleged serial killer, "The Doctor,"

has apparently claimed another victim.

Coming up in the half--

You should talk to Jake.

Get him to go back into rehab.

We've already been through that one, Ben.

The first time, he opened a window and ran away.

And the second time, he got a little buddy

to smuggle him in a case of Remy.

What the hell are we doing?

Is that a rhetorical question?

No.

In that case...

I am acting out a series

of deep-seated sexual fantasies.

And you are fucking your brother's wife.

You have any idea what it would do to him if he found out about us?

He's unstable enough as it is.

It'd kill him.

That would be horrible.

I couldn't live with myself.

Well... we'd better be ready, then.

What does that mean?

Lots of things can happen.

Maybe...

you should make them happen.

Do you hear what I'm saying?

Hmm? What do you say?

I hear what you're saying.

I gotta get out of here.

-What the hell is that? -Oh, my God.

They're back.

Well, I-- I thought you said they were supposed to be in Palm Springs.

They aren't anymore.

Oh, God!

Oh, Christ! Oh, my-- Get me out of this thing.

Come on, get me out of this thing.

Give me the key. Where's the key?

What? What do you mean, "where's the key"?

I don't have the damn key!

You don't have the key?

What the fuck? How could you not have the key?

Lift it up! Lift it up!

Come on.

Yeah, good idea.

How do I get it off my God damn wrist?

Hello?

Hello?

Sandra?

-Is that your car? -Yoo hoo!

-Oh! It is your car. -Mrs. Brodsky.

What are you doing?

Oh, I wanted to show the client the house again at night.

Think he really likes it.

Mr. Spender? I was just showing him the wine cellar.

-Hello. -Mr. and Mrs. Brodsky,

whose lovely house this is.

You have a very, very lovely house.

Oh, thank you.

I adore it, but Mr. Brodsky

is determined to move back to Hawaii.

Aren't you, dear?

Isn't that a coincidence?

Because that's where Mr. Spender's from.

Isn't that right, Mr. Spender?

Yes.

Oh, wow!

Which island, Mr. Spender?

All of them.

What do you mean?

He grew up on a boat.

Wasn't that it?

Yeah.

Jesus Christ!

Tell me again, why am I taking these chances?

Because you can't help yourself?

-Don't forget what we talked about. -What?

You're not your brother's keeper.

Ah, Mr. Merritt.

Eunice and I are honored to meet you, sir.

How do you like the Dippy Dolls, senator?

They're unbelievable, sir.

-Quite unbelievable. -Good.

They paid for all of this.

My wife and I would love

to have you over sometime

to read Scripture.

Well, it sounds like a plan.

Is that it?

That's it. Okay, go, go.

Well, you know, Mr. Merritt, in this decade of moral decay,

it's left up to just a few of us to keep our fingers in the dike.

Quite.

The family that plays together stays together.

Yeah.

-I think he's impressed. -Wow.

I'm not wearing any underwear.

Jesus, Sandra, not here.

Mr. Merritt.

God bless you, Reverend. Hey.

Who do you have to eat out to get a real drink around here?

-Oh, senator. -Hi.

I'm sure you enjoy fruit punch.

-Senator, Mrs. Lassiter -Hello.

-You remember my brother, Jake. -Yeah, of course.

How do you do?

-And his lovely wife, Sandra. -Nice to see you.

Jake, you didn't tell me the senator was so good-looking in person.

Mrs. Lassiter, keep your eye on him.

He's trouble.

Oh, no, no, Eunice and I are devoted to each other.

You know, when you get steak at home, you don't go out for burgers.

The best steak I ever had was at the downtown Sheraton.

Senator...

I just remembered there's someone I've been dying for you to meet.

-Mrs. Lassiter, will you join us? -Sure.

-Thanks. -If you'll excuse us.

Bye.

What the fuck is your problem, Jake?

You want that alphabetically or by size?

Ben, you got to promise me something.

Anything happens to me...

I want you to look after Sandra.

What the fuck are you talking about?

She's my guardian angel, Ben.

She'd do anything for me.

Thanks.

I love you, Ben.

♪ Follow every rainbow ♪

♪ Till you find your dream ♪

How'd it go with Merritt?

We're making progress.

Come on, let's go eat down by the pool.

We'll miss the entertainment.

I hate this song.

-Don't you hate this song? -If you do.

♪ For as long as you live ♪

I really hate it.

♪ Climb every mountain ♪

I can't believe we got the Merritt account!

Yeah, this calls for some champagne.

Well, there's some right there in the fridge.

Make a hell of a team, huh?

We're Dippy Dolls!

Yeah, that should do it.

Oh, baby.

Maybe we should go into the bedroom.

I don't usually rush into these things.

Well, neither do I.

-It's not that I don't want to. -I was just thinking that--

-I thought that maybe-- -I need to know that it's real.

I completely, completely agree.

I really, really like you. I just-- I need to know that it's real.

Oh, but...

Oh! Oh, God.

I want to know that it's real.

Peggy... I just realized...

I've been looking for somebody like you my whole life.

-Don't make fun. -I'm not.

I'm looking for something real, too.

Oh, my God.

Wait a second. Wait.

I just need a little time.

-What? -I just need a little time.

Oh.

Of course.

Of course.

We could watch some TV.

Maybe catch the fourth quarter of the Laker game.

And everything that smells of grease!

You want some Häagen-Dazs?

I can get away from this shack with its cheap furniture.

And this town and its dollar days and...

Oh! Oh!

This is Mildred Pierce.

Did you know this was on?

-Yes. -No.

Oh, we have to watch this. This is my favorite Joan Crawford movie.

Mine, too.

Veda, you're cheap and horrible.

-Oh, Ben. -You think just because you made

-a little money you can get a new... -You're such a great guy.

...clothes and turn yourself into a lady, but you can't.

Because you'll never be anything but a common frump

whose father lived over a grocery store and whose mother took in washing.

With this money, I can get away from every rotten, stinking thing

that makes me think of this place or you!

Ben?

Tonight meant a lot to me.

Me, too.

I'll see you tomorrow.

Ben, are you trying to avoid me?

-What the hell are you doing here? -Missing you.

This is fucking great.

Fuckin' really great.

You know, Little Miss Prissy might be good for your image,

but I'm good for your imagination.

Don't even start with that shit.

I'm trying to get something real in my life for a change.

Oh, we have something real. Could be something real.

All it would take would be one little push.

All right, come on, get out of the car. Let's go.

-I'm not getting out till you climb in. -Get the fuck out of the car.

Get the fuck out of the car. Get the fuck-- get--

All right, fuck it!

I'll take a God damn cab.

Don't you walk away from me!

-Leave me alone. It's over. -Don't you ever walk away from me!

Give me those keys!

-No! -Give me those God damned keys!

It is over! Ow!

Go home and pick Jake up off the floor and leave me the fuck alone!

You don't mean that!

Stop! You don't mean that.

-I know you don't mean that! -The hell I don't.

It's not gonna be that easy! It's not gonna be that easy!

For you!

-Life is beautiful. -Ben!

-Keep it that way for the ones you love. -Ben, sorry. It's Jake.

-I think he's-- -God damn!

-Jake... stop it, man. -Get the fuck off me!

Stop it, Jake! What the hell's the matter with you?!

She's cheating on me, man. She's cheating on me.

She's fucking cheating on me.

Keep it down, keep it down.

I don't care! I don't care who knows.

Get out of here!

I don't fucking care! God damn!

You have no idea! You have no fucking idea!

-Calm down. -All fucking night!

Get out of here!

-And that's all night! -Jake...

-I was there all night. -You gotta calm down.

And she didn't come home. She didn't come home.

Just calm down a minute and tell me. Are you sure?

She wouldn't tell me where she was.

And I asked her, finally, I said, "Are you having an affair?"

And she said, "It's about fucking time you noticed"!

Did she say who it was?

No.

No.

You got to help me find this-- this prick, Ben.

I gotta get my hands on him. I just want to fucking...

cut his balls off!

God damn it, Jake.

What do you expect?

It's not exactly like you've been Husband of the Year.

Motherfucker!

Fuck you.

All right, get back to work.

Jake...

Sandra is a wonderful

and devoted and caring woman.

No matter what's happened, you need to go down on both knees for her.

Yeah, well, somebody obviously did.

Jake... rope it in.

It's easy for you to say. You're always on top of everything.

I'm just a fucking mess!

I just got my head so far up in a fucking bottle, Ben.

-We'll get through it. -What do you mean, "we"?

We? Christ!

She's not messing around on you, Ben.

Ah, fuck.

Here's a little something for you.

Oh, bless your heart, dear, thank you.

You're welcome.

You'll never wake up to find her sucking you.

What?

You'll never wake up to find her sucking you.

Shut your mouth.

Please.

I have an open house tomorrow at 2929 Carrillo.

I expect you there at 2 p.m. sharp.

Not on your fucking life.

Maybe it's time I tell your little brother just who I have been fucking.

Or maybe I should tell Little Miss Manners.

I have plans tomorrow. I can't break them.

Break them.

You can use this machine

for areas where you have to re-seed

in the fall or in the spring.

Ben.

Ben?

-Sorry. -Oh.

Sorry.

I was thinking.

You want me to get that?

No, no. It's all right.

I took care of the reservations.

You did?

Of course.

I can't believe we're actually doing this.

It's so impetuous.

Well, if you think--

If you...

if you think we're rushing into something, I--

Oh, no.

I understand.

I do.

Carpe diem, you know?

Seize the day.

Shall we?

-Joan? -Yeah?

Let my voice mail pick up any messages.

All right. I got it.

Lawn aerification. It's a good thing.

That was some weekend, huh?

I never thought Vegas

could be so romantic.

Ow.

Oh!

You bit me.

I'm tired.

Well, you know, most people try to sleep at night.

I'm going to take a shower.

That sounds good.

Oh, mm, mm, mm. That tastes good.

I'll come join you.

-Hello? -Hey, you bastard.

-Who is this? -Who is it?

Who the fuck do you think it is?

It's the brother whose wife you're fucking.

Yeah, that's right.

Hel lo? You got nothing to say, Ben?

Nothing? -I don't know what you're talking about.

Who is it?

Sorry, that's just not gonna cut it, you fuck.

Where's Sandra?

W hy? Yeah, now, what, you getting horny?

Well, tough shit. You'll just have to wait until I'm dead.

It won't be that long!

Now, what is that supposed to mean?

-You know... -Is that Jake?

-After I'm dead, you can bone her... -Is that Jake? What's he saying?

...day and night and you won't have to feel guilty.

Will you shut the fuck up?

You did feel a little guilty, didn't you, Ben, just a little?

Just tell me you felt a little bit guilty.

Come on, Ben. Now's your chance!

Just a little guilty?

Fuck.

Yeah, exactly.

I'm sorry.

It just... happened.

It just-- it just happened.

What, you just tripped over the coffee table

and landed right on top of her, is that right?

Where are you, Jake?

Well, I'm leaning on the balcony right now, Ben.

Oh, fuck this. You know what? I gotta fly, man.

I'm checking-- I'm checking out.

But first, I'm gonna make a few choice phone calls.

I want the whole world to know what a beautiful person you are!

You know, image is everything. Image, image is everything, Ben.

-Jake, now, you listen to me-- -No, no, no, no. Fuck you!

Fuck you! Shut up! Shut up!

It's too late, buddy boy.

Elvis has left the fucking building. I'll see you in hell!

Fuck.

I'm going home, if you want to apologize.

If you'd like to make a call,

please hang up and try again.

Don't ever talk to me like that again!

Come on. Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

3:35 p.m.

Bill was holding a training session for the division Explorer Scouts.

I had just returned to the station

after attending a police community council meeting.

I spotted Officers Jeffries and Braven having coffee.

I took the opportunity to talk with them.

Oh, hi, Sarge, how's it going?

Good. Mind if I join you?

Sure, have a chair.

How are things on the street?

Say, do you remember stopping a couple named Erickson last night?

Yeah, how did you know?

They were in this morning...

Hello, this is Ben. Leave it at the beep.

TVs, color TVs...

I can't understand why we can't dig him out.

-What's their M.O.? -Between 9 and 1 in the morning.

Usually pry a rear window and then go out the back door.

If we only had more time to work the area.

Ten minutes of patrol and...

Hi, Ben.

-Nice to see you. -Hi, Ben!

You're so predictable.

I knew you couldn't do it.

Get him, get him!

Okay. All right.

-Jake... -Do something.

You little shit bastard!

-Don't! -It's part of the plan!

-You'll leave a mark. -Jake...

Give it up, Ben.

When I get my hands on you, I'm gonna kill you, you bastard!

You bastard!

Jake!

-Let go! Let go! -Yeah, that's good.

-That's good. -No, no, no!

-Sandra! Help me back up! -That's good, baby, that's good!

Help me back up! Help me back up!

-Give my best to Mom and Dad. -Come on.

Push! Help me push him!

Help me, Jake. I'm slipping!

You're right...

Detective.

I killed my brother.

Where exactly were you when his brother took a header?

I was in the kitchen, making ceviche.

Are you out of your fucking mind?

It relaxes me.

So then what, Mr. Dunmore?

I just told him to leave me alone.

So let me get this straight.

You wanted to kill yourself?

Something like that.

Jake's been...

going through a very rough time lately.

Yeah.

I'm... I'm a...

I'm an alcoholic.

Hey.

Welcome to the club.

So your brother came over to try to stop you.

Well, I tried to get Jake to come down,

but he wouldn't listen to me.

I'm sorry.

So I called Ben.

So then what?

He came in and sat down next to you?

Oh... no.

He was-- he was behind me.

And he...

I just wanted to die.

Don't we all?

Mr. Dunmore...

did you threaten to jump?

I said a lot of things.

I was confused. I don't--

What'd your brother do then?

That's...

That's when...

He fell.

Yeah.

I tried to grab him. I did, I tried. I wasn't strong enough.

I'm sorry.

-It isn't your fault. -I was not strong enough.

It's okay.

It's okay, honey.

I never thought...

something like this could've happened.

Come on, I want a tuna melt.

Why?

Why?

So what do you think?

I think it's sad how many lives are destroyed

by the abuse of alcohol in our society.

Are you fucking for real?

Yes, ma'am.

In that apartment, there is a lost soul.

He's compounded that tragedy by turning to the bottle.

And now his-- his brother is dead

and his poor wife has to pick up the pieces.

Where are you from? Mars?

Salt Lake.

Great, I got partnered with Brigham Young.

I don't see what relevance that has to my job.

That's my point, pencil dick.

If you're insinuating a person can't be spiritual and still be effective--

Relax, John Paul. If we're gonna work together,

we're gonna have to let a little more shit roll off our backs.

I don't like it.

I don't trust anybody over ten who listens to The Sound of Music.

Buckle up.

So, what do we do now?

I don't know.

Well, I can make an omelet.

-An omelet? -Mm-hmm.

Well, it's getting late, we haven't eaten all day.

-I could whip up some-- -You trying to kill me too?

You know my cholesterol's out of control, Sandra.

-Honey... -Those fucking cops!

I swear, they didn't believe a word we said. You saw it.

They're just stringing us along, waiting for one of us to trip up.

We don't even know Ben's dead. He's a resilient prick.

He'll probably gonna come traipsing in here with a hard-on.

Honey.

It's over.

He is dead.

And I love you.

I love you more than...

...anything in the whole, wide world.

I love you, too.

Detective? Guess what?

Guess what?

You're quitting.

No.

Ben Dunmore was heavily insured through his company.

Oh. Louganis.

Let me guess who the beneficiary is.

Well, now, the woman I talked to didn't know.

Said she'd have to check, but... the parents are dead,

and the only living relative is the brother.

Well...

Doesn't that just about shatter your faith in mankind?

No.

Now, what we've got is a death consistent with a long fall.

47 fractures of the legs, arms, hands, ribs, and skull.

Massive laceration of the liver, spleen, and lung.

Well, not pretty, but nothing to indicate foul play.

Still could've been an accident.

Yeah, and this is my real hair color.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Very regrettable. Real tragedy.

Real tragedy.

Ben was... a six-headed Vishnu of public relations.

We're gonna miss him.

Very focused.

Great closer. Just like his old man.

What's the brother like?

Jake?

Very creative, but unfocused.

A genuine artistic temperament.

Why'd he work here?

Mr. Bradley...

what set him to drinking?

He-- he lost his center.

I don't know why.

What starts anybody on the sauce?

Financial difficulties, marital problems,

stress, poor self-esteem,

emotional trauma, genetic imprinting.

He watches too much daytime TV.

Like I said, Ben had our standard life policy,

which we provide for all our executives.

$2 million coverage...

with a double indemnity clause for accidental death.

That's $4 million.

Who's the lucky beneficiary?

Since his parents are dead, Jake would receive the entire estate.

-What's her deal? -Her name's Peggy Blane.

Come-- easy, easy!

Is it true about Ben?

No, I'm-- I'm afraid so, ma'am.

Peggy... it's all right.

Okay, okay, honey. I know, I know, it's a shock.

I'm Detective Pompano.

Just curious, did you work with Ben?

Ben was my husband.

He was my husband.

We got married three days ago in Las Vegas.

Ben was going to announce it this week. We were gonna have a big party.

How long were you together?

Not-- not very long.

It was love at first sight.

At least for me.

Ben and I didn't advertise it.

So you're fucking this guy,

and no one in the office knows it.

Well...

You know how office gossip is.

Yes.

Well, I do.

Wipe your mouth.

We talked to Jake last night. He didn't know his brother got married.

Well, we'd just gotten back from Las Vegas when Jake called.

Jake called? Are you sure?

Yeah, I think so. I mean...

I don't know. Maybe. I...

Ben answered the phone.

Maybe it was Sandra.

I thought it was an accident.

Why are you asking me all these weird questions?

Are my questions weird, Detective Rollins?

Rude, maybe, but not weird.

They're not weird. See?

Didn't you get suspicious when Ben didn't

return to the honeymoon suite after he went to see Jake?

Well, we'd...

just had our first fight.

Just stupid stuff, and...

Then I went back to my place because I thought he--

that he would come over... and apologize.

I'm such an idiot.

The last words I said to him were in anger.

Ma'am...

it's all right.

His soul is with God, and he knows that you love him.

Fucking Ben! Can't believe it. God.

Everything he touches turns into a nightmare.

Oh, honey, calm down.

Calm down?

What do you mean? God.

He runs off and marries Barbie doll,

and he's fucking you not three weeks ago.

-Jake! -What?

The plan was to get rid of Ben, not to have you sleep with him

every three minutes!

You told me you would never mention that again.

I did that for you. I did that for us.

Maybe I'm not getting through to you, Sandra.

Ben died without a will. His estate has to go through probate.

It's a state process. I can't control it.

You killed him for nothing.

We killed him. We did it together.

You know what I mean.

So what are we gonna do?

She's his wife,

even if it is for only three days.

I'll be lucky to get...

fucking golf clubs out of her.

There's got to be some way around this, Jake.

We're entitled to that money.

We're entitled to it.

We did all the work, we took all the chances,

and she gets the money.

It's immoral.

She just waltzes in, and now Ben's life has no meaning.

That money is ours.

We can't let this happen.

And we won't.

Hey.

Well... we've already done it once before, honey.

I mean, the cow's out of the barn.

You think?

Well, we'd have to be really good.

Better than good.

We'd have to think of an airtight alibi this time.

Well, we've got to do something.

We've planned too much.

$4 million, tax-free.

Ours for the taking.

We just got to do it, honey.

Sweetie, why don't you go wash your hands?

The soufflé is ready.

Ben was a good man.

He was a spiritual man.

But he was not a man

people easily understood.

You see, I know he had a secret love.

A love of humanity.

He wanted to touch everyone he met.

And who here has not been touched by Ben

in some special way?

He had the soul of a poet.

He made all of our lives

a little richer.

And though God has silenced

his ineffable organ,

his music...

plays on.

Let us pray.

Peggy. Peggy.

Dear! That's not a good idea!

That bitch'll get hers.

Girl's got a good right hook.

I hate funerals.

They're an undeniable reminder of man's mortality.

Are you gay?

No. No, I'm not gay.

Just curious.

-Why would you think I'm gay? -No reason.

-Then why-- why did you ask? -Let's get lunch. You hungry?

Why would you think I'm gay?

What are you in the mood for? Tacos?

Burgers?

Quiche?

-Jake! -Hello, Luther.

Afternoon, Jake.

Jake, you and I need to have a talk.

About what?

We need to ponder your future with the firm.

I realize things have been difficult, but...

now that Ben's passed on, I'm really looking forward

to recommitted to the firm.

Jake, the Dalai Lama once told me.

that the perfect way is only difficult for those who pick and choose.

Peace, Luther.

Naughty reform-school boy.

Mm-hmm, yeah.

Fuck me like a little Republican.

-What's the matter, honey? -I'm thinking about Peggy.

No, don't.

Bradley's gonna get rid of me as soon as he can, and...

all I want to do is give you the life you deserve.

We'll take care of her.

I know, but the waiting's driving me crazy.

I know. I know, honey. I'm working on it.

Yeah, that helps.

Just be patient.

That's the 95% of life I hate is waiting.

What's the other five percent?

I'll have to tell you in a minute.

-Big drinker? -Let's just say nonstop.

Nonstop, huh?

The guy could drink for a month in one night.

Oh, yeah? What about him?

Him?

Black coffee, occasional Diet Pepsi.

They were brothers, right?

-What makes you ask that? -Well, they look alike.

Besides, he was always in here nagging Jake about his drinking.

I mean, he was a nice guy. He was sincere.

-It's a shame about what happened. -Oh, yeah?

Well, maybe if you'd cut him off from time to time,

none of this ever would have happened.

Alcohol pollutes the soul of society and destroys lives.

Don't you think about that at all? Doesn't that just eat at your conscience?

Thanks for your help. What the hell is wrong with you?

I'm just tired of people shirking responsibility for their actions.

News flash: the world is shit. People are bad.

We're all gonna die. Deal with it.

How do you wake up every day being so doggone cynical?

Because, Rollins, somebody killed Bambi's mom.

Be back for happy hour.

Okay, bring it on up a little.

Poor kid, huh?

Out on a jog, and wham.

It's over.

At least she died healthy.

Aw, now, see, this makes me sick.

Two million bucks for some spilled coffee.

Woman gets two million dollars for spilling hot coffee on herself.

I do that every day, what do I get?

Coffee stains.

Rita, face one thing, will you, please?

You're gonna have to wait for your pension, just like the rest of us.

Yeah, yeah, that's easy for you to say.

when you'll be on a beach in Hawaii this time next week.

Tahiti. I'll be lying on a beach in Tahiti.

I told you that 1,000 times.

I don't think men should wear spandex, do you?

You are so nuts.

Great legs!

Why, thank you.

But I have a confession to make.

I quit using my ThighMaster.

'Cause now I'm using ThighMaster Plus.

Introducing new ThighMaster Plus.

A tragic morning for another young woman in the Westside

as the man known as "The Doctor" kills his fourth victim

in less than three months.

As in the other deaths,

the 28-year-old grad student was found with a syringe

containing residue of the powerful drug curare in her neck.

Stay tuned for more KZBX news...

Sandra, come on, let's go.

Just a minute.

Roger Dawson's The Secrets of Power Negotiating.

I don't know why you bother with this church shit, I gotta say.

I like doing good things, helping out.

Besides, there's so much more to do now

because of Ben's absence.

Sandra... we killed Ben.

Yes.

There's no reason that Reverend Finlayson should suffer.

Six-cassette, 12-session audio program

that makes him your personal negotiation coach,

teaching you moneymaking...

I know what to do about our little problem.

You do?

Mm-hmm.

We make it look like...

...a serial killing.

Jake, my boy.

Reverend.

How are you holding up?

Oh, it's been very hard, of course. But much better, thank you.

Sandra's been great.

Well, be sure to lock up when you're done.

Certainly.

I know I keep doing this,

but, Jake, you've got a wonderful partner.

Yes, sir.

-Listen to her. -I always do.

Mm-hmm. God bless!

God damn it.

Serial killing?

Sandra?

Don't you think that's a bit of a stretch?

No. He's out there right now, cruising for his next victim.

Who happens to be Little Miss Peggy Blane, hmm?

Just think about it.

The Doctor's M.O. is very specific, easy to duplicate.

How?

She's a creature of habit, believe me.

I know her schedule.

It really is the only way, Jake.

And nobody will ever suspect us.

Well, I hope you don't expect me to do it.

No.

I have somebody in mind. I haven't seen him for years.

Oh.

He is not an old boyfriend.

You silly goose.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

What the hell do you want?

We're looking for Mike.

Don't know any Mike.

Will sent us.

Will sent who?

Us.

Come on! Come on inside.

Hurry up.

French, sit! Relax!

You got ten minutes to get these pieces cut up and out of here.

You got that?

So, Mike, what we want is for you to copy The Doctor.

Can you do that?

The Doctor is a hack.

He's an amateur.

You really want it done like that?

Yeah.

That's how it's got to be, to the tee.

Do you have any qualms about killing women?

No.

No qualms.

They die easier.

At least some of them do.

Mike?

Will you do it?

I don't know.

I don't know.

Okay.

I'll do it.

Your wife's been following me.

Well, of course she is, babe.

She's trying to learn your habits and routines, you know.

-Ready? -Ready.

You-- you got them lab reports on Ben Dunmore?

We got those a week ago.

Yeah, yeah, I know.

I can't seem to find them.

Lesson number one on being a detective.

Follow me, Barney Fife.

This is your locker.

It is not a medicine cabinet- slash-closet-slash-refrigerator.

It is for important papers. Anything you need stays here.

Once it enters the general population, you are fucked.

You'll lose it.

It'll get pissed on.

It'll find a way to walk out of here.

Your locker is special.

Keep it clean. Don't let anybody near it.

It's kind of like your dick.

You don't have to talk to me like I'm an idiot.

I'm sorry.

Dunmore.

Unit five to Northridge campus.

Unit five to Northridge campus. Do you need assistance?

That's a negative.

Equipment guy found her about an hour ago.

Student at the college here.

We've alerted the parents.

Roger, we copy...

At least he used a clean needle.

I can't imagine how frightened she must have been.

I can.

I was married to a dentist.

Hey! Hey, watch the flowers!

-Sorry, ma'am. -Please.

Yes, ma'am.

-Lester, shoot the crowd. -Yes, ma'am.

Shooting the crowd.

Hey, is Mike there?

-Who's there? -Jake. Dunmore.

Yo! Michael!

You got company.

Don't think you can come here anytime you want, buddy boy.

Shit like that'll get you killed.

It couldn't be helped.

What do you want?

There's been a change in plans. I don't want you to kill Peggy Blane.

Sorry, no refunds.

I don't want one.

That's good, that's good.

Because you can't forget who you're dealing with.

You know what I mean?

You see this fuck here?

This fuck forgot who he was dealing with.

Didn't you? You fuck! Fuck!

Didn't you forget?

He forgot.

I want you to kill my wife.

All right, fuck. Come over here.

Get over here.

Why don't you come and sit on the couch?

Sit on the couch, all right? Sit here on the couch.

You're fucking her, ain't you?

You shouldn't do that.

Playing the field when you got a beautiful wife.

That's bad.

That's very bad.

Listen to me, Mike.

You got my money, right?

I want you to kill my wife.

You got any kids?

No.

No, no kids.

Okay.

I'm gonna do it.

But it's gonna cost you double.

Double?

She's gonna fight.

And...

I kind of dig her.

You know?

Hey, double's fine. Just soon, all right?

Gotta think about a couple particulars. It shouldn't be too long.

All right.

Hey.

Did you like my practice run?

Huh?

Northridge College.

Okay, look for the needle in the shit pile.

These are crowd shots from all five murders.

We want to separate potential suspects from your average scumbag citizen.

Ma'am, you know, we're sworn to serve and protect.

If you hate everybody so much, why are you doing this job?

'Cause every once in a while I get to shoot somebody.

Look for anybody who pops up in more than one crime scene.

Right.

♪ Raindrops on roses And whiskers on kittens ♪

♪ Bright copper kettles And warm woolen mittens ♪

♪ Brown paper packages Tied up with strings ♪

♪ These are a few of My favorite things ♪

♪ Cream-colored ponies and crisp apple strudels ♪

♪ Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles ♪

♪ I must have done something good ♪

Breakfast is almost ready.

Oh, I'm not gonna eat.

Where are you going?

I thought I'd go to the office and say hi to everybody.

But you're on leave.

I think it'll look better to the cops if I check in with the company.

Well, and I'm going to an AA meeting tonight, so I'll be late.

Do you have to? I was hoping we could go see a movie.

Aw... I'm sorry, little one.

Appearances, remember?

-Honey? -Huh?

I love you, honey.

I love you too.

♪ I must have done something good ♪

Oh, my God.

Son of a bitch.

Hey, hold on.

Give me that.

Yeah.

Do you love me, Jake?

Now, what kind of question is that?

Look at all the chances I'm taking for you.

For us.

Everything I'm doing is to give you

the life you deserve.

Oh, kill her, Jake.

Kill her for me.

Trust me.

Hey.

I love you, Jake.

-Yes. -Jake.

Howdy, ma'am.

Fill 'er up?

Please.

-Four and then five. -Lieutenant Harris. Can I help you?

I can't take this anymore.

Okay, who snuck the bourbon in Mr. Rogers' soda pop?

I did.

It equalizes the pressure by constricting blood flow.

Oh, thought you just couldn't find a lampshade.

-I think I got something. -What's up?

This shot's from Northridge.

This one's from number two at the reservoir. Take a look.

This guy and this guy.

-What do you think? -Focus!

Shut up!

All right, we got him.

-Excellent. -And we got him.

Bingo!

-No, no, no, it's not him! -What?

That guy's got an earring in his nose. The guy on the bottom doesn't.

Whoa, whoa. Wait, wait, wait. Maybe he had it put in.

-Yeah. -That's a later picture.

-This one? -Mm-hmm.

Oh, man.

Well, I guess he's earned his cookies for today.

-Back to the drawing board, gentlemen. -All right.

Hey, baby, you keep that up...

you're gonna live forever.

Don't make fun of me.

Oh, I'm not. I'm not making fun. I like it.

What's the matter?

-Hmm? -Sometimes...

I just...

have all these...

thoughts that you're doing this...

all for...

the money.

Oh, Peg, baby.

How could you say that?

Hmm?

I don't care about money.

I'm an artist.

You are.

Yeah.

Can I help you?

Do any of these cars run?

All of them.

But I'd go for this Cougar.

She ain't beautiful, but she still can kick.

Radio works good. Even got a cassette player.

How much?

-I'm asking 700. -$700?

Don't you think that's a little steep?

I'll let it go for six.

I have $300 cash.

Uh-huh.

There's an ATM machine at the store.

-Jesus! -Hey, who is that?

All right, asshole!

-Shit! Oh, man! Hey! -Go faster!

-Jake, go faster! -Hang on! Here goes!

Hang on!

I can't see! Some crazy motherfucker!

-Jesus! -Shit!

♪ So long farewell Auf Wiedersehen good night ♪

Who is that?!

It's your fucking wife!

-Pull over! -I can outrun her!

-Get away from us, you bitch!

♪ So long farewell ♪

It's not what you think!

I thought you said we were on the same team!

Baby, it's a business thing!

Well, I'm wearing my team ring!

Please, Sandra! Pull over!

-Go faster! -Sandra, don't!

Please don't do this! Please!

♪ I'd like to stay And taste my first champagne ♪

♪ A sigh and say good-bye ♪

♪ Good-bye ♪

♪ I'm glad to go ♪

♪ I cannot tell a lie ♪

♪ I flit ♪

♪ I float ♪

♪ I fleetly flee I fly ♪

♪ Good-bye ♪

♪ Good-bye ♪

♪ Good-bye... ♪

♪ I have confidence in sunshine ♪

♪ I have confidence in rain ♪

♪ I have confidence That spring will come again ♪

♪ Besides which, you see I have confidence in me ♪

♪ Strength doesn't lie in numbers ♪

♪ Strength doesn't lie in wealth ♪

♪ Strength lies in nights Of peaceful slumbers ♪

♪ When you wake up ♪

♪ Wake up, it's healthy ♪

♪ All I trust I leave my heart to ♪

♪ All I trust becomes my own ♪

♪ I have confidence In confidence alone ♪

Oh, help.

♪ I have confidence ♪

♪ In confidence alone ♪

♪ Besides which, you see ♪

♪ I have confidence ♪

♪ In me ♪

Hey, Rita. You got a call on three.

-Yeah? -Hello, Detective?

This is Sandra Dunmore.

I think something's happened to my husband.

Easy now. Now, what makes you say that?

Well, he didn't come home last night and...

he's been very despondent since his brother's death.

When was the last time you saw him?

Yesterday morning. He said he was going to the office,

but I called them.

They said he never showed up.

I wouldn't be too worried.

Chances are he'll wake up in a pile of his own fluids.

I do not appreciate your attitude, Detective.

Shit!

Nobody does.

I'll put an APB out on your husband's vehicle and, when I know anything,

-I'll give you a call. - Thank you, thank you.

Bitch.

Two bodies.

One bike, two bodies.

Did you I.D. them?

Well...

One's regular, one's extra crispy.

We just know the bike's registered to Gerald Dunmore.

This one's wearing jewelry.

Probably a woman.

Thank you, Sherlock.

What do you make of this?

Looks like they tried to take that turn there a little bit too fast.

This is a dangerous road here, especially at night.

And me and old Willie there, we--

we come down here two or three times a year

picking somebody up out of that burned metal.

Let's get out of here. The fresh air is making me sick.

Hey, Willie, you got my thermos?

It's a positive I.D., based on this dental chart.

Jake Dunmore.

And Peggy Blane.

They were having an affair?

No, they were celebrating Earth Day, you fucking mook.

Well, I guess we should go over and tell Mrs. Dunmore.

The widow Dunmore can wait.

There's something I want to check out first.

Do you realize anything we find here

would be inadmissible in court of law?

Are you confusing me with somebody who gives a shit?

No, no, wouldn't do that.

Gotcha.

Not since the Kennedy boys have two brothers

had so much fun with one broad.

What exactly are we looking for?

Pompano, I said, "What are we looking for?"

I hope you don't get carsick.

Let's go, ass-wad.

I never had the occasion to come here before.

I'll give you some advice. Bet it all.

I don't gamble, Detective.

Though I'd love to see Siegfried and Roy.

Oh, I'm sure you would.

-What do you mean by that? -Nothing.

Margaret "Peggy" Blane.

Benjamin E. Dunmore.

Oh, yeah. That's one of ours, all right.

Witnessed by Homer there.

Put the accordion away, Homer. We're not getting married.

So you remember what these two looked like?

Oh, Lordy. Do you realize how many couples we wed in holy matrimony?

They tend to blur.

Well, here's a picture of the two you married. They look familiar?

Oh, they do. They surely do.

But, then again... you two look familiar to me.

That's a lot of help.

-Why don't we look in the album? -What album?

The photo album.

An archive of every loving soul we've united.

The date you're looking for should be

right about here.

Hold it!

See?

I do remember this guy.

He pitched a fit when I took that picture. He took it with him.

But what he didn't know was the camera makes two prints.

Roy Lassiter. Proven character.

Conservative values. 30 years ago, he...

-Mrs. Dunmore? -Who is it?

-Detective Pompano. -Who is it?

Rita Pompano.

...Olympics, the world watched the 1,500 meters

as Roy Lassiter's dreams of Olympic gold were dashed,

only to get up again...

You're telling me that...

Jake and Peggy were having an affair?

That's right.

Ma'am...

this photo was taken at the Gambling on Love Chapel

in Las Vegas.

Your husband and Miss Blane were married there

under the names Ben and Peggy Dunmore.

My Jake.

That doesn't make any sense.

The night that Ben was killed, were you here?

Yes, I already told you that.

At the time of his death?

Yes.

I was in the kitchen making a casserole.

I thought you said you were making ceviche.

Right. Ceviche.

You're sure now? Ceviche?

I can't believe that...

Jake had an affair.

Mrs. Dunmore,

we think that your husband pushed his brother off that balcony.

We think that he conspired with Peggy Blane

to kill his brother for the insurance money.

Jake impersonated his brother, and by marrying Peggy,

he took the suspicion off himself.

There was no motive for the crime because Peggy got the money.

But he was already married to me.

Ma'am, I know this is tough,

but we feel that Jake and Peggy were planning on killing you, too.

Luckily for you, they didn't live to carry out that plan.

That's impossible.

My husband...

he would never cheat on me.

He loved me.

He loved me.

Yes, ma'am, it's gonna be okay. You just...

have yourself a good old cry.

You think she'll ever come to accept the truth?

Well, she's got eight million bucks worth of time to swallow it.

Why would anybody ever cheat and conspire on a woman like that?

Hey, Rollins, why don't you head back to the station?

I feel like taking a walk.

Are you sure?

Yeah.

Yeah, I need to clear my head.

Well, everyone needs to find their own homeostasis.

Rollins, what's your first name?

Nathaniel.

Good work up there, Nate.

Watch your head. Go on.

Just a minute.

I'll be right there.

Sorry.

Cut the crap, honey. You're wasting good mascara.

What are you doing?

Pissing in your corn flakes.

That earlier story...

the one Rollins also told our captain?

That's not the real story.

You and I both know the truth, don't we, Sandra?

I don't know what you're talking about.

Oh, come on, it's just you and me now.

We both know that you and Jake killed Ben for the insurance money.

Oh!

I just think it's time we tied up all the loose ends.

I see.

I'm going to have to call your superiors.

And I'm gonna have to call your bluff.

Why are you doing this to me?

I think you knew about Jake and Peggy.

I think you found out and drove them off a mountain.

Think you did them before they could do you.

And in the process...

picked up $4 million off Jake's life insurance policy.

Not to mention the four you'll likely get from Ben's.

Where's your proof?

Proof?

I never thought of that.

Proof.

You think something like an ATM receipt from a machine

up in Hemet the day of the accident might qualify?

I don't know what you're talking about.

Really?

Oh. Well, then...

how about...

this?

So?

You know, I found this in an abandoned Cougar downtown.

Matched the make of a car some old woman sold you.

Or at least someone in a red wig who looked just like you.

Told me this mysterious red-haired woman paid cash for the car,

but then had to use the ATM machine at a liquor store.

That's a big boo-boo.

You just don't get it, do you, Sandy?

You see...

either the world's right-side up or upside-down.

Depends on how you look at it.

I mean, close the book of rules,

and there's just people caught in situations.

Like you and me.

So what do you want?

I want what you want.

A payoff.

A nest egg. A chance to get out of this rat race.

You sure you don't want the other half of my sandwich?

I'm worried about you. You should eat something.

Have a little bread, something, a little bite.

Come on, taste that. Oh, boy, stubborn.

You know, at first I thought...

What the hell? Take it all.

But then, not being greedy, like some people I know...

I mean, after all, you did do all the work,

even if a lot of it was on your back.

So I figure...

half.

50/50 split, right down the middle.

It's gonna take some time, you know.

Bureaucracy, paperwork,

all the insurance company bullshit.

I'm not going anywhere.

But let's-- let's get one thing clear, okay?

Don't even think about fucking me over.

Don't leave town, don't push me in front of a bus, don't do anything.

Because you haven't even seen my bad side yet.

Ow!

And I've got enough evidence in my locker

to put you in the gas chamber.

Ow! Ow!

So...

I guess half is better than-- than nothing.

Yes, it is.

You know, Sandra,

a lot of people find you scary.

But I like you.

The world's full of bullshit. You don't bullshit. I like that.

Well, keep in touch.

Partner.

I'm sorry.

Northridge. Fuck!

Stop, God damn it. Stop!

Stop!

Move, you green bastard!

Get over here.

Get over here!

Stop, baby!

Get your fucking hands up! Get your fucking hands up!

Let go of her.

God damn it, let go of her.

Let the girl go. Don't do it this way.

You wanna die?

You don't want me to shoot you, asshole.

Yes, you got him!

Yes!

Shoot the freak! Come on!

-Come on, one more shot! -Shut up!

Rough day, huh?

I'm sorry, but I've got an investment to protect.

Sandra, Sandra, Sandra.

What you got in your hand?

Hmm? Gonna baste a turkey with that?

What's this?

Sandra, trust me. This is what's best.

What's best for you.

Believe me, I know about these things. You'll thank me.

Isn't this coercion?

Will you excuse us a moment?

Stop playing games and sign the damn thing.

That wasn't so bad, was it?

I guess not.

I'll make sure that the money will be wired to your separate accounts

by tomorrow evening.

Thank you for using Austrian Fidelity Bank.

And thank you.

Hey.

Can I buy you a strudel?

Do you think people can change?

Oh, I don't know. I think they only get worse.

I was able to change.

'Cause, inside, I knew I was much more than what I was living,

mentally and emotionally and spiritually.

And I was able to find my passion.

You sure did.

That's what most people haven't done.

Most people don't know what they really want,

so they're not able to tap into their drive.

And then they don't discover what they're really capable of.

Well, I know what you're capable of.

I feel I have so much to give.

Hey.

You're under arrest.

I'm sorry. I couldn't resist.

I saw you two walk in and I just thought that...

I... wow!

You-- you both look so...

so...

So...

So what are you doing here?

Well, what are you doing here?

Well, I sort of got my hands full

with Vice President Lassiter being in town.

Vice President Lassiter, well...

You've got your hands full.

Terrific seeing you, Rollins.

You look absolutely the same.

I didn't think it would, but retirement sure suits you.

Yeah, thank you so much, really.

I just want to tell you

that I have the cleanest locker in the precinct.

-I'm sure you-- -It's next to godliness.

-All right! -Okay, that's terrific.

-Okay, bye. -Good-bye.

-Don't be a stranger. -All right.

Wow.

Sure is nice to see good things happen to good people.

I mean it.