Original subtitles

Tess.

Your air mattress is deflating again.

Okay.

Have you seen my other shoe?

It's hiding from you. Wants you to come back to bed.

As tempting as that sounds,

I have to go somewhere where there's air conditioning before I melt.

You know, we can solve this really easily

if we just moved in together.

It's been six months, Tess.

I'm ready for a bigger commitment.

Rodney, you can't even find time to name your goldfish.

Found it. All right. One more kiss for the road. Come on.

Get over here! No...

I can't!

I hato go. No, look, I'm letting you go.

Look, this is me letting you go. Come here.

Oh, my God. What?

Morning breath! Ohh!

That's your cue. Yeah.

Why don't you put it in the same spot every time?

Got it.

That is for... Job.

Job interview.

Holy shit. I can do this. Okay, help me up. Help me up.

♪ It's a hard time living on the wrong side ♪

♪ Walking on a thin line Thumbing for a long ride ♪

♪ Anywhere would be fine long as it ain't too shy ♪

♪ Anything is so fine Look at what you got ♪

♪ But it's a washout when you really find out ♪

♪ Thought you got the good stuff ♪

♪ But you got the potty mouth ♪

♪ Everybody knows now every little know-how ♪

♪ 'Cause she's got you so down Looking for a spot ♪

♪ Now it's in my hands Now it's in my head ♪

Oh! Hey, little man. Sorry about that. It's no trouble.

But I do need an update about the rent.

We need one of those three back-payments pronto.

One more week, I promise. Please... lock the door.

Oh!

Sorry about that. Thanks, Charlie.

And I don't know if a week is going to cut it.

Mom was using all sorts of colorful language

this morning to describe you, and none of it was good.

Five days, then. I'm on my way to a job interview now.

Even if you get a job, you probably won't get your paycheck

until two weeks from now.

Good point. We'll figure it out.

I'll talk to her. It'd be a shame to lose you.

Yes. Say that, plus other nice things about me.

I don't care if they're lies. Just make 'em nice.

Very odd that you're always working in that little bunker.

Good luck! Thank you!

Open, door.

Oh, got to get you fixed. Yes, I do.

I'm sorry to keep you waiting.

Phil brought in steak fajitas for casual Friday,

so I wanted to get in there before the interns ravaged them.

They smell delicious. I'm Rodney.

Susan.

So, according to this résumé,

the longest job you've held is six weeks.

Well, technically it was nine weeks,

but they were two-day weeks for, like, five hours a day.

And the one before that? A week?

It was a 60-hour week.

Look, before we get into...

office politics,

can we talk... salary

or s... I don't think we're there yet.

No, no. I don't mean to just zoom into that,

but, you know, obviously I was thinking 60. Thou?

Thou? ..sand.

Sand. Like, thousand?

Like, thousand.

No, I'm a reasonable guy. I'm willing to negotiate by a few.

"A few"?

Few. I don't want to undersell myself.

Wait.

Did Danny set you up for this?

Who's Danny?

You don't have a college degree,

and you don't have any experience, and this is an assistant position.

I was shocked that you guys called me in, too, a little bit.

I mean, an "assistant CEO" sounds really important.

Assistant to the CEO. "To."

No, no, I'm pretty sure the guy on the phone said "assistant CEO."

Okay, that would be my current assistant, right there.

Oh. We got eye contact. Just ignore him. Hmm?

Look at me. Don't look back Don't look... You need somethin'?

Hello?

Just look at me. Don't look back. Okay.

If we stay still long enough, he will go away.

Can you hear me?

Susan?

Susan!

Susan, can you hear me?

Every day.

Susan!

Harry, don't you have work to do?

No.

What else would be the point of casual Fridays?

Fuck this job.

Is that who I'm competing against?

Essentially. I am...

liking my chances.

Well, I don't intend on replacing one idiot with another.

Right, right. Oh, Jesus, he's back.

Hey, I spilled coffee on the copier.

It's busted. That's on me.

Is now a good time to talk salary, or...

Do you have any bartending experience?

Personally, I have a lot more

bar-attending experience.

Oh, come on. That was funny.

Okay, let's try this again.

How do you make a, uh, mojito?

Tequi... Gin.

Rum.

And... other stuff.

I'm more of a whiskey fan myself.

All right, so, uh, how do you make a whiskey sour?

Whiskey, whiskey, and a jealous ex-lover. Am I right?

'Cause it's sour?

Okay, I'm going to get going.

I got a, uh, massage in 15 minutes.

It's one of those...

you know.

Ugh. That kind where they walk on your back with bare feet?

I'll be in touch.

Hey, hey!

Hey.

How'd that one go? Did you get it?

Practically gave it to me on the spot.

What?

Congratulations! I am so proud of you!

Oh, it wasn't anything.

Oh, it's so good! I'm so impressed!

So, what's... what's this? Are we celebrating?

Oh, it's just a little this and that.

Here.

Oh, yeah. Cheers.

Oh, I can get you... a glass.

Oh, God, that's good. Slow down, slow down.

It's really good.

There you go.

All right, put the money in the bag!

Oh, shit. Don't shoot.

Yeah, hurry up, or I'll blow your brains out! No.

Look, do as I say, and no one gets hu...

Holy shit, you're huge.

Billy Coburn? Is that you?

No. Just step the hell back.

Hell, hell, hell.

I'd recognize that voice anywhere.

This boy used to be the best soprano

St. Matt's choir ever had.

Till he hit puberty, and then down he went.

Now he's with the tenors.

Damn it, June.

Excuse me.

I'm sorry. Mrs. Fleming. I'm sorry.

That's better.

Your poor mother

would be puking in her grave if she knew what you were up to.

Explain yourself. I'm sorry, Mrs. Fleming.

It's just, you know Claudia?

She's pregnant again, and it's twins this time.

Aren't you the stud. Thank you.

But it's just, how am I supposed to feed

my entire family on a kindergarten teacher's salary?

You know? And then my dad's disability ran out...

This is not the way, Billy.

I know. Damn straight you know.

Okay, now, you just get your kiester home.

You're... You're not gonna call the...

No, Chad's not going to call the cops. Are you, Chad?

Yes, the hell I am.

Let's try that again.

You're not going to call the cops on this

downtrodden, very loyal husband and father.

Chad?

No. Louder.

No.

Thank you. Thank you.

Don't you ever let me hear

that you're involved in this sort of shit again, okay?

Yes, ma'am. 'Cause if I do,

my hand is going to go

so far up your ass,

I'm going to be able to pull out your teeth

one by one.

Got it? Yes, ma'am.

All right. Now get.

You know I could've taken him, right?

You can get the next one.

Good morning, my working man.

You'd better get up and get going. You're going to be late.

Late for what?

Uh, your new job.

Oh. Right.

Yeah, yeah.

Late on my first day? That'd be bad.

Listen...

I, uh, I got to get going. I'm going to be late.

You good? Yeah.

Okay. Lock the door on your way out.

Yeah.

Hey, neighbor. How you been?

It's great to see you out and about this morning.

Listen, I never got your response back

regarding reinstating neighborhood watch.

I sent a few letters out but never heard back. Oh.

It probably got lost in the mail. It doesn't matter.

I got another form for you.

Right. Uh, I'll file that.

Fantastic.

Oh, and I couldn't help but notice your yard.

I got to be honest, June,

it's seen better days... Even months.

Is that all, Woody?

I mean, curb appeal is important, you know?

And we don't want the property values

in this neighborhood going down.

I mean, look, the-the bushes

out there in front, they're growing so tall.

Those should just be trimmed. Uh-huh.

So that, you know, you want people to see your house.

Like right over here, this is all so dry.

Used to be all lilies, and now it looks like Afghanistan.

And the geraniums are...

desperately trying to stay alive.

And, I don't know,

my heart just breaks for 'em.

Your heart breaks for them?

And...

your bougainvilleas on this wall are dead. That needs to be...

What is the matter with you? Do you have Asperger's or some shit?

I mean, can you not read

the writing on my face?

Get the fuck away from me.

You don't care about me, I don't care about you,

so you have a great day, and I won't.

Well, I hope... Thanks for the paper.

I hope you do have a great day.

And, you know,

remember, if you see something, say something.

Woody. I see something.

I see a jackass.

You don't have to be such a twat, June.

You're a twat.

A delight, as always, Woody.

Jun you've reached the Flemings,

Jim and June, and we're not here right now.

Leave a message. We'll get back to ya.

Not a long one though. Bye.

Mom, are you there and just not picking up?

Damn straight.

Mom, I'm... I'm worried about you.

You haven't returned my call in... in weeks,

and I have no idea what's going on.

Call me, okay?

I love you.

Hey, dude.

Either buy something or get out.

I'll take a regular cup of coffee.

Our medium is a grande.

Did you want to do a grande? That's fine.

Uh, what else? That's it.

Uh, we have a $10 minimum here. The free Wi-Fi.

That doesn't make sense. I'll have a brownie. Good choice.

Oh, you made it. 12.50.

12.50? Mm-hmm.

For a medium cup of coffee and a brownie? Exactly.

That one got declined. Hmm.

Let's try this one.

Also declined.

Third time's a charm.

No.

This is fun. We could do this all day.

Can you guys taper this off?

I got to teach a spin class down the street.

You need to wait your turn, sir.

And are we done here, or you got anything else?

How about a... free refill?

You didn't pay for that. Fuck you.

Hey, bud, you forgot your laptop.

Hey, you forgot your laptop!

You forgot your computer!

Fuck you... I don't even care. I'm going to steal that computer.

How's the bread?

Mm. Good. You want?

No. I had a big breakfast.

Then why invite me to lunch?

Well, because there's a few things we have to talk about.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, wait. Let me guess.

You're worried about me.

Well, yes. Mm-hmm.

Uh, you think I'm not taking care of myself since your dad died.

Am I right?

And the house, it's in a complete disarray... Oh, Ollie.

Your dad was the neat freak.

To tell you the truth, he was a little OCD.

I'm, uh, more, uh, CGS.

"Could give a shit."

I am sorry I have not been over as much as I used to,

but I am putting in 60 hours a week in the hospital.

It's too much, Ollie.

Take care of yourself, huh? I mean, even God took a day off.

God didn't have you as a mother.

Just let someone help you.

I'll think about it.

Okay? Promise.

Son of a...

I feel like I'm just floating by, you know?

One day I want to do this.

Next day it's something else.

I guess I just need some guidance.

Go with your gut.

Right now, all my gut's saying is "feed me."

Maybe you should get a job at a restaurant.

So, what do you want to do when you grow up?

Eh, in this economy, hard to say right now.

Got to see how it plays out.

That makes sense.

With that being said, I ran the numbers with my mom,

and we can't swing it, Rodney.

It's time to move out, ASAP.

I appreciate you going to bat for me.

No problem.

By the way, you need a new carburetor.

May have to downgrade to Rollerblades.

Hello.

Tessie?

Shh! Tess?

Your new roommate's here.

♪ Your roommate is here ♪

♪ Your roommate is here ♪

♪ Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh Where is my Tessie? ♪

Tess?

Jeez, Rodney, what... what the hell are you doing?

To what do I owe this... pleasure?

What's going on? Why-Why is your stuff here? What...

I thought me and this little guy could come over for a talk.

Maybe a fresh start.

Is the pizza already here? Oh, man, you are one fast delivery guy.

Wait. Where's... Where's the pizza? Who's this guy?

Rodney... No! Eh, eh, eh, eh-eh, eh!

Who the hell are you? Who the hell are you?!

I'm Keith.

I'm sorry, but...

is this some sort of a sick joke?

Just shut up!

God, you give me such a headache sometimes!

So you're really not the pizza guy?

Look.

Maybe this is some sort of a weird...

speed bump in our relationship

that soon will pass.

No, Rodney. It's not a speed bump.

Think of it as a permanent road closure.

What? Sorry, dude.

How long has this... fling been going on?

Five months. We have only been dating for six months.

What do you want me to say?

Look, Rodney, I...

I can't keep taking care of you.

I need to be provided for, and Keith is responsible.

He's a pilot. She breached the cockpit.

He literally takes care of

hundreds of lives every single day,

and you can't even take care of an unnamed goldfish.

Sushi.

What?

The fish. I named him Sushi.

You said if I named him, you'd think about moving in with me.

I wasn't serious.

You're breaking my heart.

I'm sorry. No. No.

Whoa! Sushi!

Sushi needs water! Where-Where is he?

I don't know. Sushi! Where'd he go?

Oh, God. I don't even know how that happened.

How what happened?

Can I have a moment alone here, please?

Take all the time you need, brother.

I appreciate that, Keith.

Right.

How can we just let him stay in the bathroom like that?

What if he tries to kill himself?

He's going through a rough time right now.

It's a fish!

His fish.

No.

I'll do it. I'll check on him.

Give it, like, a minute. If I hear weird sounds...

Oh!

Shit!

Arrrr!

Uhh!

Mm-hmm.

Okay, buddy.

I'm parched too.

You too, baby.

Happy.

What in the... devil stick is this?

Where the hell does this go?

Jimmy Buffett.

Hey. You know, it's rude to just snatch something away from somebody,

especially while they're napping.

Rude?

Right. This from that punk

who outright stole my electricity.

You know, you'd better get your ass out of here before I get my gun.

You have a gun?

Uh-huh. Three.

Lola... Ooh, she's my favorite.

Small problem.

My car appears to be broken.

Then I tried calling for help before my phone died,

which prompted me to borrow... Steal.

Steal your power just long enough to charge my phone.

You entitled punk!

You know, we all got problems, kid. Take 'em someplace else.

I'm sick of looking at that old hunk of shit.

I could say the same thing about you.

Oh.

Oh, that is good.

That is so good. I'm calling the cops.

Okay, that's really unnecessary. I'm sure we could work something out.

Don't test me. Not testing. Not testing.

Is everything okay, June?

Fuck off, Woody.

Yow!

Okay, look, look, look, look.

I have a proposition. You have grass.

Everybody's grass needs cut.

So how about in exchange for your, uh,

borrowed power, I...

Stolen power,

I'd be more than willing to lend my labor.

Okay.

Okay, but you've got to do some other shit too.

Speaking of shit... like clean my toilets.

I don't do toilets.

And I don't do you.

Look, Liz? Jer. Is that you?

Okay, okay, okay, okay. You win.

Jerry, hold on. Say that again.

You win.

Jer, I'll call you back.

Hey.

Don't cut your toes off, asshole.

♪ Burst in the morning, baby Sing out that tune ♪

♪ Power into burning in the bright afternoon ♪

♪ Sugar and caffeine's gonna fuel my day ♪

♪ Till the evening breeze will seal me away ♪

♪ I can't help but wonder what I'm doing ♪

♪ I can't seem to figure it out ♪

♪ I'm heading down the road to ruin, baby ♪

♪ Am I just fooling myself? ♪

Ahem.

Hello.

Hmph.

When am I allowed to take my state-mandated 30-minute break?

God, I hate you.

Mm.

Tuna salad sandwich.

Yummy.

Is this tuna of the can?

No. I caught it.

Impressive.

Is there... anything else on the menu?

Nada.

Well, I don't really let

processed bullshit into my body. Watch your goddamn mouth.

You watch your goddamn mouth.

Hmm.

This smells like a dead corpse.

You really are an ungrateful little bitch, aren't you?

Well, you're an old-ass bitch.

I'll just eat the chips.

Five-letter word for "spoon."

Ladle?

That's it, bud. Wrap it up.

That's enough for today.

Come on, come on, come on, come on.

Get that.

That.

Thanks for the laughs. Have a nice life, huh?

You too. I'm Rodney, by the way.

Really?

I thought your name was Asshole.

I'm June.

Dumpster's that way.

Okay. Uh...

Set the winners aside just for you.

Now, if you win, I want my cut.

Fair enough.

All set. Thanks, Chad.

Have a good night, June.

Yep. I'll see you tomorrow.

Get home safe.

Why are you still here?

I think I, uh, left my wallet inside your house.

Thought you didn't have any money.

Oh, I don't.

So why do you need an empty wallet?

I guess I don't.

Guess I'll just hit the sidewalk.

You can have, um,

three of these.

Domestic or import?

Don't push it.

She'd been cheating on me for months.

Months.

And if that wasn't bad enough,

then Sushi died.

What, your dog? No, my goldfish.

May she float in peace.

Hey!

Sushi and I had a swimmingly good time together.

So, would you take her back?

Sushi?

No, the bitch.

Aren't we not supposed to call women bitches anymore?

Like, feminism or something like...

No. You are not supposed to call women bitches.

But me? A cunt is a cunt.

Hoo!

You didn't answer my question. You asked a question?

I did. Would... Would you take her back?

Yep. Mm-hmm.

No.

Maybe.

That's a yes.

She was just really, really,

really... hot.

Men are so stupid.

What about your husband?

Dead.

Oh, shit. I'm sorry.

Uh-huh.

When did he pass?

God!

I hate that word.

"Pass." I mean, like death is as easy

as-as-as passing gas.

I mean, stupid assholes, you know?

They... They... They use another word

to make it seem like it's okay,

but, you know, he's dead.

D-E-A-D.

Dead.

So, what's your story, huh?

I grew up in the foster care system.

Hmm. That must've been tough.

Eh.

Ah.

So,

you want to watch an Antiques Roadshow?

I'm gonna need another one of those.

Me too.

Come on. Now, just like I showed you. Okay.

Uhh.

I'll need an initial here, here,

and sign and date here.

Still the 28th, right?

Yes.

Great. Well, let me know if anything changes.

Good seeing you. You too.

Um, hi?

Hello there,

uh, strange person.

Hey there.

What are you doing?

Just, uh, putting some

finishing touches on my place.

This is your place?

Well, it's, uh,

more of an investment property.

It's a foreclosure. Probably gonna flip it.

I'm Rodney, by the way.

Hey, where are you going?

Who's this?

That's the help.

Really?

I'm gonna take this personally here in a second. A word?

Unh.

So nice to see you, sweetheart.

I love these sweatpants. What is this, the 20th day in a row?

Mom, these are all full.

Have you even taken a single pill?

Mom, this is your life.

If you read, you will see that it says,

"Do not mix the pills with the booze."

So I'm just following directions.

Oh, then lay off the booze, Mom. It's simple.

Honey,

if I cold-turkey quit, that will kill me.

Just let me have whatever I need, okay,

to enjoy the rest of my life.

God. That's crazy.

Here I was actually thinking you were listening

to what I was saying at lunch the other day.

I was listening.

You said, "Get somebody

to help out around the house," so I did, look.

Helping himself to lunch!

Is he actually homeless?

Hey! Zip it. You are homeless, remember?

Is there any garlic sauce? That is for her, not you.

This is actually pretty good. Out.

This is your life.

Hello again. Please don't yell at me.

I think we got off on the wrong foot here.

Look, I'm not here to steal your mom's shit

or take advantage of her or anything like that, okay?

I promise. Can you do me a small favor?

Sure.

Do you think you can try

and get my mom to take her meds?

Yeah, no problem.

Seems easy, but it's not.

Are you saying that June is stubborn? Gasp.

Trick her like a dog.

Seriously?

Doctor's orders. Hey, Olivia.

Hey, Floyd.

See you in Pilates. Oh, yeah.

How many dead cats are in here?

You think darkness is your ally,

but you merely adopted it.

I was born into it.

Molded by it.

I didn't see the light until I was already a man.

But by then it was nothing to me but blinding!

How long have you been standing there?

You're a weird little man.

There's a ton of cool shit in here.

Really? Who the hell do you think put it here?

Check this out.

This is how Jim and I met. Really?

I see this handsome guy ride by.

I whistled.

He stopped.

I got on.

And never got off.

♪ Supper's almost ready ♪

♪ Supper's almost ready ♪

♪ Rodney ♪

♪ Supper made that Rodney ♪

♪ Rodney made the supper ♪

Well, supper's almost ready.

Hmm. What's on the menu?

Doesn't smell half bad.

Mmm!

Well, the old bitch can be nice when she wants to be.

I like to call it... Rodney Surprise.

Ah. It's pasta with...

Uh, uh, uh! Don't spoil the surprise.

So, why don't you invite a friend for dinner?

I mean, that is if you've got any.

Yeah, sure.

I think I know someone who can make it.

♪ Supper's almost ready ♪

Oh, June, drink up!

You are in the liquor penalty box right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ew! That did not look good.

Okay. Boy, we are running low on the old hooch.

Oh, can't you pussies keep up?

What does that mean?

That means we're her friends.

Uh-huh.

Okay, I think I saw a bottle of something in the garage.

All right. Be right back.

You'd better.

So,

shark attack, shark attack,

shark attack, shark attack!

Shark attack! Booze attack.

Booze attack. Booze attack. Oh, yummy, yummy, yummy. Look at what he brought.

Look at what he brought. Here. Arm-wrestle me. Arm-wrestle me.

Come on. Ready? Here we go.

Oh, no!

Got ya. He's a strong man.

Okay. All right, guys.

Who's up? Your turn. It's all yours, big guy.

Your turn, buddy.

All right, but I can't drink much more juice.

It gives me the runs. Oh, God.

Well, shit. I think, then,

it's time for you to have your first beer.

All right, I came as fast as I could.

Oh! With burritos!

Okay! 'Cause I made dinner,

so, not sure why we have that.

Yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy. Yum!

What's that?

Uh, special occasion.

Company. Company.

About that dinner?

Let me get some plates.

Yeah, and we're all going to eat. You too, Charlie, okay?

You like burritos? Yep.

Mmm. Me too.

How's that look to you, huh? Here we go.

So you met my mom when you were stealing her power?

Borrowing. Stealing.

Stealing. Yeah.

Who does that?

You would've done the exact same thing.

No. No.

No, you wouldn't have.

So you actually like living here.

Yeah, I do.

I mean, there's this...

There's, like, one thing that's... mm.

What?

Sometimes June makes me rub her feet.

Ew! What? No, I'm kidding.

That only happened, like, twice.

You are a freak.

So you got a man?

Whoa. Don't even.

What?

Well, the... the first question you asked me...

The very first question...

Isn't about my work,

which I do way too much of,

or-or about my hobbies

or my interests or...

No.

No, the very first question you ask me is if I've got a man?

So you're single. Go to hell.

I'm going through a, uh, pretty rough breakup myself.

She dumped me,

but I guess you could say I returned the favor.

I'm s... What? What are you laughing at?

You don't want to know.

Okay, now you have to tell me.

You can't judge me. I make no promises.

I upper-decked her.

You what?

You know the top part of the toilet

where there's the lid, and then you got the clean water up there, right?

Mm-hmm. So...

Yeah, I don't like where this is going.

Yeah, so I went number two in there,

and then I sealed that bad boy up like an Egyptian coffin.

How old are you?

No.

I misread that. Mm-hmm.

Look at this.

Go.

Whoa-ho-ho-ho!

Brought you a little movie snack.

You son of a bitch.

Ollie put you up to this?

I plead the Fifth. Mm.

I'll eat the banana, but that's it.

You're a good kid.

Hello.

All right, I would like a pack of reds,

a fifth of gin,

and six scratchers, but please pull every other scratch off.

Hello.

Yeah. June said there was

some asshole coming by to get some stuff for her.

Okay. I will take a pack of reds,

a fifth of gin, and six scratch-offs,

but please pull every other scratcher.

Hey, how is she, by the way?

She's fine.

Yeah, she hasn't been coming in here lately,

and she didn't look too good the last time...

You know what? Never mind. I'm rambling.

Uh, just costs $10, for June.

Tell her I said hi. Will do.

Good.

♪ Her father was a concrete man ♪

♪ And her mother was a painter ♪

♪ Born with good hands ♪

♪ She was born a creator ♪

Aren't you, uh, hungry?

No, I guess not.

Huh. Well, that's a first.

Well, there's more for me.

What are those pills for?

My business, Rodney. I'm serious.

So am I.

Mind your business.

It's just, uh,

Olivia seemed pretty intent on getting you to take them.

Now there goes my appetite.

And earlier today at the convenience store...

What'd he tell you? He just asked if you were okay.

What are you hiding?

You know what?

I'm going for a drive.

You're not allowed to drive.

Then you go for a goddamn drive. I don't have a car.

Take mine. How sick are you?

I'm fine.

Don't lie to me.

"Don't lie to me"?

What are you, my father?

Huh? What do you care?

Because I care about you, you idiot.

Don't talk to me like that, you son of a bitch.

Who the hell do you think you are?

Look, um,

I'm just worried, that's all.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Right, you're worried. Yeah, I know what you're worried about.

You're worried about losing your free ride.

You know what? You know what?

This is not working for me.

Uh-uh. I, uh...

I think you have overstayed your welcome.

Pack up your stuff. Tonight.

I want you to pack up your stuff and go.

You don't mean that, June.

Oh, don't I?

Don't I?

You know, I, uh,

I gave you a roof, I gave you a place to stay,

I put food in your stomach, but that is not enough for you.

No, no. You just have to keep prying,

don't you, kid? Huh?

Look, if I want to...

if I want to kill myself,

that is my business.

June, you're blowing this way out of proportion!

And you get out of here. Go on. Go on. Get out.

Leave. Get out. Yeah? No wonder you're all alone.

Fuck you. Fuck you.

Fuck you. Fuck you. Stop, stop, please.

You're gonna talk shit, huh? Hey! Hey! Stop!

You're gonna talk such shit stuff? Man up. I'm sorry!

Man up, huh? Pussy! Pussy! I am not gonna fight you!

June! June! Get the fuck out of my house! Get out!

And you're gonna die in this house all Al...

Well, thanks for coming, Rudy.

We need someone who could start right this second.

We are clogged with work.

It's actually Rodney.

Huh?

Ah, that's right. I apologize.

Well, we've been having a shitter of a day.

So, do you have any plumbing experience?

We need someone who can lay a lot of pipe, and quick!

Hey! Hey!

This work is no laughing matter.

You'd be amazed at some of the house calls we get.

The things some kids do to toilets!

You ever heard of an upper-deck?

Excuse me.

Talk to me.

Well, just do it! You'll be saving someone's day,

and frankly, we can use the cash.

You'll be a hero. Little Tommy will forever salute you.

So, back to you.

You said you guys need the cash?

Yeah, but don't worry. I'll make sure you get paid.

Really?

Of course.

When a poor person's toilet gets clogged,

they grab a plunger and fix it themselves.

When a rich person's toilet gets clogged,

they grab a Valium, Xanax,

Klonopin, Ativan, whatever,

and they call us.

They're willing to pay us hundreds of dollars

to fish their shit out of the toilet.

I'm sorry. I thought you were making a joke about the shit.

Kid, don't curse.

If you can't take this job interview seriously,

you probably don't belong here.

Well, I appreciate the consideration.

Yeah. You didn't get the job, idiot.

That's not my résumé.

It's not? Oh, this guy's good though.

Rudy, we are clogged with work.

Okay.

So he just up and left, just like that?

Just like that.

It was like... Flash Man.

Right, and you're sure you had nothing to do with it.

Absolutely. Nothing.

Mom.

He was an asshole.

So are you.

Good point.

Are you going to apologize?

What for?

And besides, I don't even know where he is.

You call him. I don't have his number.

What? Seriously?

He lived here.

Why would I have a need to call him?

He really didn't have any money.

I got this.

Check and mate, mate.

I call a re-do. I'm gonna quit while I'm still on top.

Come on!

Fine.

Yes!

You all right?

What? I'm fine.

You should go talk to her.

You keep saying that.

Because, duh, it's true. How about this?

If I win, then you have to.

You've been playing me this whole time. Yes.

No, I mean, you've been waiting for this moment, and now you're gonna whoop my ass.

Also yes.

Well, what if I quit?

Then you'll have lost because you resigned.

You're going to be president someday.

Nah, that's for chumps.

Party on the top floor.

Slap it, boss.

Little slap to make her happy.

What?

Weirdo.

Hey. Um,

so I know this is kind of awkward,

and you probably didn't expect to see me again

after the whole incident, but, um,

is there any chance I could crash,

just for tonight?

You are more than welcome here, buddy.

It's great to see you. You too.

You too, my man. Like I said,

it'll just be one or two... One or two or a few.

Yeah. Let's make it...

Wanna call it three or 14?

Just a handshake on five?

Can you just promise me, like, a week?

Five...

Do you have pizza? Well...

Fuck it.

Did you take your pills? Yes.

I promise.

How are you feeling?

Like shit.

I could use a drink.

I'm sorry I haven't been around as much as I should be.

You work your ass off.

And you love it.

And I love that you love it.

Never say you're sorry.

You take good care of me, hon.

Better than anybody could ever do.

It's not your fault you got a...

stubborn old bitch of a mom.

I am so proud of you.

And your dad... oh...

He would have been real proud of you too.

You did good, baby.

You did good.

Mom? Are you okay?

And your actions

put me in a slightly more hurtful position.

You're basically the reason I'm in this entire situation.

Do you know what your problem is?

I'm just lost.

You escalate things.

You need to un-escalate things.

You need to de-escalate.

You're going up. You need to go down

and un-escalate it

instead of escalate.

That's your problem.

Okay.

Excuse me.

But I see what you're saying.

Hello, people I don't know.

Tough crowd.

Is this some sort of a...

party, or what are...

Either way, I'm gonna guess my invitation was probably lost in the mail.

And I don't really have a mailbox right now, you know what I'm sayin'? Hey!

What, did somebody die or something?

Um, I just personally wanted to thank all of you

for being here today.

I know you all hold a special place in my mom's heart.

I'd like to say a few words myself. Uh, uh, uh, uh.

Mm.

Allow me.

Okay.

You've come to fight as free men,

and free men you are.

But what will you do with that freedom?

Will you run?

Or will you fight? Is that from Braveheart?

June fought.

June was a fighter.

I didn't know her... that well,

but I knew that much.

She took a chance on me when no one else wouldn't.

"Would." Thank you.

I guess now's the part in the speech

where people say all those stupid cliché things like,

"She lived life her way"

or "danced to the beat of her own drum,"

but I think June would hate that.

She would.

I had the, uh, worst day of my life.

Everything that could go wrong did go wrong,

and then I met June,

and she rubbed it in my face.

But then she gave me a place to stay,

and she gave me tuna sandwiches,

and they were fuckin' terrible.

But she made me, me again.

I, uh, guess that's all I have to say.

Shit, fuckin' allergies or...

Who wants to get laid?

Wake up! Yo! Hey, wake up!

I decided to have a funeral

for my old self.

It passed.

And me? I am headed to Hawaii.

How old are you?

Oh, I got you good!

You monster.

Come on, let's get you up. Come on. Get up!

Let's help her. After we get me up.

Ooh! Yeah. Yep.

I'm up, I'm up, I'm up.

All right, well, hey, I just wanted to let you know,

all that stuff that I said over there, I was just joking.

I didn't mean any of that, so don't get weird.

Well, some people grow up, and others, like you, yeah...

born a little bitch, always a little bitch.

So, Hawaii? Mm-hmm.

The ocean air will be good for her.

Uh,

speaking of it, uh, want to give me

a minute, a little tick with Rodney?

Yeah.

Oh, hey, Rodney? Yeah?

Thank you for taking care of her when I couldn't.

So, listen.

Against my better judgment

and the advice of my lawyer,

I decided I wanted to leave you a little something.

You shouldn't have. What is it?

Now I really know I shouldn't have.

Corner convenience store? I actually own it.

Hmm?

And I'm leaving it to you.

What? Mm-hmm.

Why would you do that?

'Cause I don't scare you.

And, uh, you make me laugh.

I appreciate the faith.

I almost forgot.

Meet me in the garage.

The garage?

Easy. This is very scary, Rodney.

Easy.

Stop. Here?

Keep 'em closed. Okay. All right.

Don't cheat. I'm not gonna cheat.

Could ruin the whole thing if you cheat. I'm not a cheater.

All right.

I'm many things, but I'm not a cheater.

And... t...

Hang on. Can I open 'em?

No.

♪ Ta-da! ♪

Can I open? Yes.

New set of wheels to get around.

Rodney, I don't know...

I don't know what to say.

Ah, ya... jerk!

I love you too.

Yeah.

Ah!

You might need this.

Oh, yeah. Probably not, but...

It's not empty.

"Noice!"

Back pay.

Ah.

Come here.

Come here. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You like it. Love it. Come on. No. No.

Yeah?

Come on.

Are you crying? No!

Oh, I... couldn't see.

I'm, you know, remembering.

You know, they say you never forget.

Let's hope to hell they're right.

Pray for me.

June.

Woody.

Let me just cut to the chase. I heard that you were leaving,

and I want to wish you farewell.

It was truly a pleasure knowing you.

You don't mean any of that.

No, I do not.

You know, Woody,

you... weren't the worst neighbor.

I think in a way, I'm gonna miss you.

Wow.

Just kiddin'.

Take care, Woody.

Wh-Where's your helmet?

Twat!

♪ I'm gonna find some other place ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Find some other way ♪

♪ I miss you ♪

All right, guys, I'm out.

Bro, you just got here, man.

Hey, that's what happens when you're the boss.

And, Chad, make sure none of that candy's expired.

Yes, boss.

And that is not an excuse for you to just eat the candy and then say it was expired.

You got me? I got you.

Same goes to you, Billy. Yes, sir.

Do these chips taste expired to you?

Do you guys have, like, flavored condoms here?

I'm going on a date tonight. What?

♪ Oh, it's a hell of a thing ♪

♪ What did you expect from me? ♪

♪ Darling, I'm a hypocrite ♪

♪ And maybe a liar ♪

♪ Oh, but maybe you like it ♪

♪ Mmm ♪

♪ Well, it ain't a secret Everybody can tell ♪

♪ I'm a hot-headed fool Should be with anyone else ♪

♪ But I'm Four Roses in, and I don't like the way he looks at you ♪

♪ But your kiss is like a razor blade ♪

♪ It's like salt on an open wound ♪

♪ Oh, we tell each other we can change ♪

♪ Or we'll kill each other trying to ♪

♪ Oh, its a hell of a thing ♪

♪ What did you expect from me? ♪

♪ Darling, I'm a hypocrite ♪

♪ And maybe a liar ♪

♪ Oh, but maybe you like it ♪

♪ Oh, your tears are like a hurricane ♪

♪ First you pull me close and go away ♪

♪ Then you smile and tell me I should stay ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm the only one that can love ♪

♪ That kind of crazy ♪

♪ Oh, its a hell of a thing ♪

♪ What did you expect from me? ♪

♪ Darling, I'm a hypocrite ♪

♪ And maybe a liar ♪

♪ Oh, its a hell of a thing ♪

♪ Makes me weak in the knees ♪

♪ Baby, I'm a hypocrite ♪

♪ And I know that you're lying ♪

♪ Oh, but maybe you like it ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Maybe we like it ♪

♪ Burst in the morning, baby Sing out that tune ♪

♪ Power into burning in the bright afternoon ♪

♪ Sugar and caffeine's gonna fuel my day ♪

♪ Till the evening breeze will seal me away ♪

♪ I can't help but wonder what I'm doing ♪

♪ I can't seem to figure it out ♪

♪ I'm heading down the road to ruin, baby ♪

♪ Am I just fooling myself? ♪

♪ You gotta check your brain You gotta check your brain ♪

♪ Yo, yo, son, you gotta check your brain ♪

♪ Check your brain You gotta check your brain ♪

♪ You're insane You gotta check your brain ♪

♪ Walkin' down the street with a mic in your hand ♪

♪ A wack DJ Not a playa, not a man ♪

♪ You keep rappin' like the Treacherous Three ♪

♪ But without us, where would you be? ♪