Original subtitles

You need to wake up early,

I hid the alarm clock.

You filled the tub with water,

I'll make it overflow.

You have the cigarettes,

I have the lighter.

THE OTHER SIDE OF THE BED

...I break your heart.

Oh, what a honeymoon...

Hotels and long swims

at sunset.

Wait till you hear the wonderful

songs they'll sing to us

at dawn.

You've got the live bait,

I've got the fishing pole.

You interrupt me when I speak,

I'm all you ever talk about.

You take me to England,

I take you to Gibraltar.

You wear the pants,

I don't wear a nightdress.

Oh, what a honeymoon...

Hotels and long swims

at sunset.

Wait till you hear the wonderful

songs they'll sing to us

at dawn.

Are you sure?

Maybe it's your period,

for example.

Right, my period's coming and I've got sinusitis.

But that's irrelevant.

-Of course it's relevant. -No, it's not.

I'm in love, Pedro.

I'm positive.

Don't be so sure.

It's just sexual attraction. It happens to me

sometimes, very rarely,

almost never.

I just don't think it's reason enough

to dump me. It's just a phase.

I'm sorry.

We can still be friends.

It was full of lint and it was ugly anyway.

Your mother makes you such ugly sweaters.

I gave it to them for the play.

You don't mind, do you?

Of course I mind!

Where is it? Give it back.

You're always helping them.

Last week it was money and now my clothes?

Honey, I wear this tie all the time.

-Here. -Just cool it.

Sonia, we're not a charity. We'll never buy that apartment.

-What happened? -What?

What have you done?

What have you done to my sweater?

This isn't funny! What is this?

-You can't wear that in public. -Not any more.

Not even in a circus.

Look what she did to it.

Always helping her friends from Lucia's theater group.

My love...

My love...

-My love! -What?

Go ahead and paint their faces. But don't give them my clothes.

No, not ''oy''. We're not the Medici family.

Paula dumped me.

What?

What happened?

She's in love with someone else. Didn't say who.

Hey, she probably went back to an old boyfriend.

Pedro, Pedro.

Don't worry about it. It's all right.

Paula leaves me to go fuck some big hard stud

and you say it's all right?

Okay, maybe not. But it could be good for you.

Don't tell him that.

Everything will be fine.

Don't tell him that, either.

This isn't a washing machine, you can't just fix it.

The relationship failed, that's all.

Just like giving

money to the theater group. Another failure.

Paula's only had two boyfriends. One's in Mexico,

so it must be the other one. Daniel. You're right,

-they still see each other. -Who cares

who Paula's with?

That's what I'm saying, it doesn't matter. Definitely

that Daniel guy. Who cares?

Sorry, Pedro, but I have to go to work.

Come on, cheer up. Take the sweater and give me a kiss.

I'll call you later.

It's nothing, you'll see.

Of course it's nothing.

Daniel's gay.

He moved in with a guy after he and Paula broke up.

-Looks expensive, doesn't it? -We'll go Dutch.

-No. -Sure.

-No, Paula. -Why should you pay?

No, it doesn't feel right. How much?

1 4,500.

Wait, wait, let's do this.

I'll pay 8,500...

-Seven. -You pay 6,000.

-We're 500 short. -Right.

-I'll pay you back later. -No.

One thing's for sure.

You jumped the gun telling him so soon.

I jumped the gun?

I thought you would wait longer.

But don't worry about Pedro. He'll be fine in a couple days.

I don't want him to suffer.

Don't get all sad on me.

That's forbidden.

Let me see that smile.

You remember?

A little stretch here, another over there,

and just pull the string right here...

Nice, isn't it?

When will you tell Sonia? You promised to tell her first.

Right, that was the idea.

I'll just have to wait a bit longer.

Why?

Because if I tell her now, they'll know.

Javier, that's the point. They have to know.

Oh, right.

Of course they do!

-Silly! -Hey!

Watch it.

Seriously...

I still haven't exactly told her,

but I've sent her signals.

-Signals? -To prepare her.

I've been very busy lately.

-Why? -Well, because... I've got

-a surprise for you. -For me?

What surprise?

Well...

We're going away just you and me

for a whole weekend in an incredible

house in the mountains.

Careful with that little smile.

-What's wrong with it? -It's turning me on.

Well, what's turning me off,

driving me completely insane,

are these pretty little panties.

Then why take them off?

To check the size. I want to buy myself a pair.

Yeah? Know what I want to buy?

Some underwear like yours. They remind me of my grandfather.

No shit.

You and grandpa, eh?

You little tramp.

I have something to say.

Was that clear?

-No. -I'll say it again.

-What about now? -Better.

-Now let's put some life into it. -Oh, yeah.

-Would you like that? -Yeah.

How's Pedro? Is he any better?

Not at all.

He realized it can't be Daniel

and spent all day listing every

-single guy Paula knows. -Why not Daniel?

Because he's gay.

Why are you in bed already?

I'm exhausted. What a day...

Too bad.

I thought you might be in the mood.

No, Sonia, I can't.

I'm physically

-destroyed. -And I'm hot all over.

Wait, wait.

-Wait. -What?

I need to talk to you.

I have something to say.

What is it?

Well...

I have to go to Avila

for the weekend for a work meeting.

Fine.

Don't worry, it's all right.

And...

What, my love?

I love you so much.

Me, too.

And Daniel can't be gay, if he went out with Paula...

Not everything in life is black or white.

Many people think we're all bisexuals.

That's right. There you go.

Daniel could be with Paula because

first he was white,

then black, then white again.

-Then grey. -What?

He likes it all.

Like you said. We're all bisexual, not me though.

But Daniel could be with Paula because he is

bisexual, right?

What's wrong with you?

What have you been doing?

Nothing, nothing.

I was working, of course.

Take off my bra.

Being gay isn't like smoking. You can't just quit.

I don't know.

Hey, hey, don't do that. You're too tired.

Although if you want

you can just lie there and I'll do the rest.

Sure.

-You know what? -What?

-Who cares who Paula's with? -Exactly.

Don't know what to do. Four hands, four arms,

two doors and one key.

Sounds fun, a real mess, lots of noise,

too much lipstick.

-Four legs... -And one friend.

-What will you do? -Don't know what to do.

-What will you do? -Don't know what to do.

What will you do?

Don't know what to do.

What will you do?

Don't know what to do.

I sing you to sleep.

Feed you when you're hungry.

Can't keep you warm enough.

Give me more, my love.

Sorry, I just...

A real mess, four hands,

-four arms... -And one friend.

What will you do?

Don't know what to do.

-What will you do? -Don't know what to do.

-What will you do? -Don't know what to do.

What will you do?

Poor baby, doesn't know what to do.

Four hands, four arms,

too much lipstick. A real mess,

lots of noise.

Don't know what to do. Let's run away.

You're too cold for me.

Can't keep you warm enough.

-What will you do? -But I just put on

my pants!

Sounds fun. Four arms, four hands,

-four legs, two doors, one key. -And one friend.

Hey, champ.

You're looking much better already.

You're almost over it.

I didn't sleep a wink.

Of course, that's a symptom of recovery.

Otherwise you'd be lying around depressed all day. Not you.

Your mind is staying active.

That's why you couldn't sleep.

I couldn't sleep because when I closed my eyes

I saw her fucking another guy.

Even worse, the bitch's face lit up

like I've never seen.

Did you imagine her with... What's his name?

-David? -No, Daniel.

-Right, Daniel. -But Daniel's gay.

Good afternoon.

Hello.

What do you mean, gay? He went out with Paula.

No, he's gay.

You're misinformed.

Did you know that new research says

we're all bisexual?

I could fall in love with you.

You fall in love with me? How?

I just could. It happens.

For who you are. We go way back.

Lots of friends fall in love.

-Just focus on Paula and Daniel. -It's not him.

Daniel and his boyfriend are a registered couple.

That means nothing, Pedro.

You know how promiscuous homosexuals are.

-With men, not women! -Aren't you listening to me?

That's secondary. Besides, I'm not making this up. It's science.

Excuse us. Play for service.

Yes.

Believe me, Pedro.

I don't know who it is, but I'll kill him.

Out!

What?

What do you mean, out?

This guy's cheating at a singles / couples tournament.

Damnit, Pedro.

-It was three feet long! -Bullshit!

-Calm down. -You think I'm stupid?

Go ahead, say it.

It was way long.

-Besides, it didn't count. -That's right.

All right, all right. You serve.

Forgive him, he's going through rough times.

His girlfriend dumped him for a homo.

How could she dump him for a homo?

The guy used to be one. He isn't any more.

Sure. Everything isn't always black or white.

Besides, we're all bisexual anyway.

It was obvious, Pedro. I saw it coming. You know why?

You were too nice to her. Women hate that.

The worse you treat them, the hornier they get.

You're too soft, Pedro. You're lucky to be rid of her.

-That's right, Pedro. -Girlfriends are the worst.

-Right, Carlos? -Yeah, but...

No buts. Look at Carlos.

Happily single. Now it's your turn.

You can do whatever you want without answering to anybody.

And consider this:

girlfriends never last.

But an ex-girlfriend lasts forever. You can fuck her whenever you want.

-It's been proven. -Actually...

But you and Victoria have been going out since...

So what? Sure, I live with Victoria. But I screw all the women I can.

That's the trick.

Know what's wrong with this country? People don't fuck enough.

Forget what the sociologists say.

I've learned what I know from life itself.

-People... -What's your point?

-What's your point? -Shit, Pedro.

Don't interrupt me.

People go crazy.

Why? Lack of sex.

When you become a couple you screw less.

-Nobody knows why, but it's true. -Not me.

So people end up unhappy.

What about me? I fuck like a champ.

I have a girlfriend but I screw around,

which is what keeps us happy and together. Like in Cuba.

Cubans are living on food rations,

practically starving to death,

but they're happy. Why? Because they're always fucking.

You always see them dancing and screwing around.

-It's the Latin character. -Yeah, but Cuba...

You see, Pedro? That should be your motto. Forget Paula.

To hell with her. I know plenty of choice girls.

They don't need to be choice.

The other day this total babe got in my taxi.

I came on to her, but nothing.

Was I upset? Not at all. Her loss.

Then later I picked up some ugly ass bitch.

Of course I tried again.

I'm mature enough

to see beyond a woman's physique.

1 5 minutes later I'm fucking her doggie-style in a field,

yanking her by the hair as she screams for more.

And you know what?

Even charged her full fare.

There's something special about girls.

Girls are warriors!

From their perfume to their pearls.

Girls are warriors!

College girls with their hair in curls.

Girls are warriors!

In magazines or in person...

Girls are warriors!

Girls are warriors!

Girls are warriors!

Playing with them is like handling...

nitroglycerine.

More voltage than a nuclear power plant...

And less radiation.

They're in charge from the start,

driving a stake through your heart.

If the world's in a whirl,

some doll must have her hips in a twirl.

They're in charge from the start,

driving a stake through your heart.

If the world's in a whirl,

some doll must have her hips in a twirl.

There's something special about girls.

Girls are warriors!

From their perfume to their pearls.

Girls are warriors!

Girls are warriors!

Girls are warriors!

There's something special about girls.

I just can't handle it.

They're warriors!

My love.

Why don't we introduce Pedro to your friend Nuria?

She has a boyfriend, and Pedro's still in love with Paula.

You know what?

I think it's really touching.

-What about Lucia? -What?

She's sweet, pretty and no boyfriend.

Of course not. She's a lesbian.

-Lucia from the theater group? -Yes.

No shit! She doesn't look like one.

Well?

In your opinion, what do lesbians look like?

Like lesbians. Short hair,

checkered shirt, glasses...

Very nice. You might as well say it while scratching your balls.

So that makes me a lesbian.

Sonia, I have nothing against lesbians.

Though that shirt isn't very feminine.

So Lucia and Pedro...?

-Lucia's a lesbian! -Okay, okay!

-You said we're all bisexuals. -Just drop it.

Lucia's happy as it is. She doesn't need guidance from a stud like you.

I was only trying to help Pedro.

Don't get upset.

So sensitive.

-Sonia, that smells awful. -It'll go away.

It's going to stink forever.

No, please!

I'll kill you.

Son of a bitch!

Will you fill out a survey on drugs?

Get away. Always the same crap about drugs.

What a schmuck.

Scumbag.

-I'll kick your ass. -Curly!

Hello? Hi, Pedro. What's up?

I'm spying on Paula.

You're doing what?

Spying on Paula.

You're spying on her?

Forget it. But I just saw Sonia enter her office.

Why is she here?

Hello?

Javier?

-Where are they? -Still inside.

Thanks, but you didn't have to come.

Pedro, why the hell are you spying on Paula?

-What? -It's absurd, don't you see?

Come on, I'll take you home.

Promise not to do it again.

-Hi. -Hi. What are you doing here?

-What a coincidence. And you? -I came to talk to Paula.

-Great. -What about you?

I have a client nearby.

-Paula, how are you? -Hi.

It's been so long.

-What are you two up to? -Going for coffee. Come with us.

Okay.

-What a coincidence. -Yeah.

Do you think it's permanent?

All couples have problems, right?

Yeah, but don't push your luck.

-I'm seeing someone else anyway. -Right, someone else.

End of story. Let's just drop it.

It's too bad they broke up, but that's life.

Pedro's over her

anyway. He's doing great.

And how are you two? I mean as a couple.

Fine. Actually, great.

We're going to buy a place.

Really?

Just an investment, really.

No, not just as an investment.

How about you and the new guy?

Not too well.

Actually, he still

hasn't even dumped his girlfriend.

Well, give him time. Maybe he hasn't told her yet,

but he's sending her signals.

I don't see him sending many ''signals''.

I'll just tell her myself.

No, don't do that.

That would be a big mistake. Totally.

Don't go there.

Hey!

-What a surprise! -Hi.

We were in the neighborhood...

-How are you, Paula? -Fine. You?

Let me introduce you all. Paula, Javier, Sonia, this is...

-my girlfriend, Jessica. -Jennifer.

Jennifer, my girlfriend. Why are you all here?

We ran into each other. We're having coffee.

Oh, great.

We're just refueling a bit, right Jennifer?

We've been fucking all day.

We'll join you.

I'm off to work.

That's too bad. Anyway, Paula...

Give me a call sometime. Actually, no.

I'll call you.

I'm always with Jennifer.

-Can I order something? -Sure, honey.

A pitcher of sangria and some donuts.

Right. I have my own, unique method of investigation: T.I.S.

T.I.S.

''Total Investigation System''. It's 1 00%% reliable.

-Does it work? -Does it work?

Name any famous case.

The most famous case ever resolved.

Who killed JFK, right?

-Well, I'm here because... -You don't know, do you?

Oswald, right?

Please, Mr. Campillo.

Come with me.

You can't possibly believe the lies in the Warren Commission Report.

Right, it was a conspiracy.

Organized by the aforementioned. Kennedy killed himself.

Oswald was what I call

an ''imaginary guilty''.

There were many in this case.

I found all this out with my T.I.S. method.

So how about following my girlfriend?

Right now I'm free. I've finished investigating Marilyn's death,

so I can take your case.

I need photos and personal info. Right away.

What about the slides? They're excellent.

-The boss will love them. -What do I care?

TOD AY IS THE FIRST D AY OF THE REST OF YOUR LIFE

Hi.

How are you?

Hi, Paula.

You look great. I brought you flowers.

Want to see a movie later?

No, I don't want to do anything with you.

-Tell me when the meeting's set. -Where's the copy machine?

Right over there.

''Sending her signals''. Now I see the signals you're sending.

Of course they're signals. They're subtle, that's all.

Sure, like buying a place together. You can't fool me.

-You won't leave her. -Yes I will.

I'm going to leave her.

And there's no new apartment because...

Just because.

Besides, would we go away for the weekend if I weren't sure?

That's a pretty big signal.

Paula.

Don't be upset. You know I'm dying to spend time with you.

-We're going away this weekend? -Sure, it's all planned.

This weekend or next. Two incredible days, you'll see.

Don't give me that smile again.

-We could do it right here. -No.

-I'm off. I'll call you later. -Okay.

We'll see a movie.

Don't be angry.

Javi, wait. I want to tell you something.

Come on.

There's something I want to tell you.

It's important, at least to me.

I haven't slept all night

because there's something

I need to hear you say...

Tell me that you love me.

Tell me that you love me.

I'm sad and I need

to know...

if you really love me like yesterday.

It might seem silly

but I'm going to ask you

to say it again and again and again.

Tell me that you love me.

Tell me that you love me.

Tell me that you love me.

Monica, you're looking fantastic.

-What do you want? -Me?

Nothing. Nothing at all.

Well, there is one thing.

I was wondering if you're still single.

Javier, I think you've hurt me enough.

That's why I want you to meet a friend of mine.

You two are made for each other.

That's what you said about us. Until you dumped me.

Fine, you don't have to meet him.

One more thing. That house of yours in the mountains...

Could I rent it? Or maybe use it for free?

That would be great.

Yeah, it sure would.

You've got some nerve! I know what you want it for.

-Fine, rent it to me. -I love the mountains.

Strolling through the country, by the river, along paths,

through the fields. I love walking.

Not just in the mountains,

also in the city, in the park, through the streets,

down the big avenues...

Excuse me, I'm sort of busy.

Wait a moment, Javier.

I was unfair to you.

You're trying to be nice and I was nasty to you.

-It's okay. -Look.

You can use the house. I want us to stay friends.

I can use the house?

Thank you so much, Monica. That's a huge favor.

-You're welcome. -Do you want to meet my friend?

Friends are the most important thing in the world.

Though true friends are hard to come by.

True friends are people

you can count on through good times and bad.

I love going out with friends. Movies,

strolls, riding bikes, the flea market, out for dinner...

Javier, could we watch this here? My VCR is broken.

Don't worry, Pedro. She's a sweetheart.

You have lots in common. Leave the conversation to me.

-Yeah, but I need to watch this. -I'll go change.

-You really want to watch this? -Real quick.

-Is it long? -I don't think so.

Antonio Sagaz? Who's that?

The detective I hired to follow Paula.

That tape must be of her and her new stud boyfriend.

Enough already! You're sick. How could you do such a thing?

-Well... -That tape goes in the trash.

-It cost me a fortune! -And then what'll you do?

Pay some thug to kick the guy's ass?

Hold still!

Get off me!

-Sonia! -Give it.

Sonia!

Hey! What's going on here?

Stop that! You're like children. What's the problem?

-Know what he did? -What?

He hired a detective to follow Paula around.

You really did that?

-What's so funny? -That's enough.

He made a mistake, so what? Look what you did to his shirt.

She's here. You're ready. Pedro!

-Calm down. -Whatever you do,

-forget Paula. -I'll get one of Javier's shirts.

This girl's perfect for you.

She could be the one. Don't give him my green shirt.

I'll throw this away.

Hi.

Right on time!

Come on up.

You're right.

This can't go on. Paula can see whoever she wants.

Right.

And you could fall in love again at any time.

Come here.

-Come here. -What?

You put your shirt on wrong.

I've put on weight anyway. I'm too chubby.

Maybe I should leave it untucked.

Even if you tucked your shirt in,

I'm sure she'd love you. You'll see.

You like it, Pedro?

-Yeah, it's good. -What a coincidence! I think so too.

Pasta is my favorite food.

Macaroni, spaghetti,

-cannelloni, ravioli, lasagna... -Pilar.

Pedro adores pasta.

Really?

-Yeah, I like it. -More than that.

It drives him crazy.

As a kid that's all he ate.

Fettuccini, tortellini, and those little ties...

-Bow-tie. -Right.

The best thing about Italian food

is you can do so much with it: with tomato, salads, with cheese...

With garlic.

Like in a Chinese soup.

With shrimp, mushrooms...

Pilar, tell us about yourself.

-How long have you worked there? -Two months and 1 1 days.

You know what Pedro loves to do?

-To stroll. -No!

So do I!

In the street, the park, the weekend, in the rain...

-Yeah, it's okay. -Well.

Javier's the one who loves to stroll.

I remember he used to walk all the time.

In the morning, on the sidewalk,

-across bridges... -Down the street...

You never told me.

I used to like it much more.

But Pedro absolutely loves it. Pedro walks everywhere.

Normally he'd be walking around as we speak.

Exactly like me. Exactly.

You two can go for a stroll later.

Yeah, and we'll talk some more.

Get to know each other.

It's so hard to find someone

who you have so much in common with.

This is great, Pedro.

I'm so happy. I'm really counting on the success of our relationship.

That's everything. Now if you compare these monkeys

to the people around you, you'll find many similarities.

Any questions?

Don't be shy. You've got

plenty of questions.

He's a good speaker.

And so handsome, too.

He's my boyfriend.

-Together long? -No, actually we met

last night, but it was love at first sight.

Did someone introduce you to him?

A colleague of mine from work. Javier.

-At a party? -No, at his house.

-Then we went to dinner. -What kind of restaurant?

An Italian place. We both adore Italian food.

So do I.

Did you meet him here today or did you come to surprise him?

The truth is, I came to tell him something.

There's something I want to tell you.

It's important, at least to me.

I haven't slept all night, because

there's something I need to hear you say...

Tell me that you love me.

Tell me that you love me.

I'm sad and I need to know...

if you really love me like yesterday.

It might seem silly but I'm going to ask you

to say it again and again and again.

Tell me that you love me.

Tell me that you love me.

Tell me that you love me.

Tell her that you love her.

Tell me that you love me.

I found him a girlfriend, you know.

-Really? -Yes.

-Did they hit it off? -Not quite.

You know how hard it is for Pedro.

He's a tough nut to crack. She's cute, very talkative...

He probably can't forget you.

You're unforgettable.

-You're so full of shit. -I'm serious.

What's that?

-What? -Something strange...

-Where? -Here.

-We're going to crash. -Have you always had this?

You must have, it really stands out.

What a disaster. Nobody came.

Not at all. Look, seventeen people came.

And seventeen's a good number.

There are more actors here than spectators.

-The word of mouth will kick in. -I hope so.

Everything must be perfect.

-Hi, Pedro. -Hi.

-How are you, Lucia? -Here's your ticket.

Take one of our flyers.

No, I'm not into that.

Well, you never know for sure.

Pedro!

You didn't see me!

Fertility is a gift from the gods

which we mortals, playthings of the skies above,

cannot control.

But I want children.

I want children!

I want children.

Children are like the seeds of a sunflower,

or the cries of lost kittens.

Here we bring the fertility machine.

Finally I'll know if I can have children.

What a surprise. I will not have a child,

I will have a melon.

Say something!

And get up!

I'm the melon boy!

Melon boy!

I'm the melon boy!

Paula.

Paula.

What's in here?

Clothes.

A whole closet full?

This will be the best weekend of your life.

I can't see. Can I open them?

-Can I...? -No.

-Wait. -What is it?

What?

It's a little messy.

You're such a freak!

Well, it's not so bad. It looks bad.

I can clean this up in 5 minutes.

Listen, this is what we'll do.

You go and take a nice, hot bubble bath...

And this'll be ready in 5 minutes.

What? It's freezing in here.

I'll light the chimney.

It's a great chimney. We'll be warm in no time, you'll see.

Javier, are you going to tell her?

We need to get wood.

Javier.

-What? -Are you going to tell her?

Of course I'll tell her.

Try to understand, Sonia's depressed

because she can't find a job in the paper.

She spends all day lying around pouting.

I told her we won't buy an apartment. I told her.

Just relax, let me send my signals.

I'm sick of you and your lies

and your signals. Why do you make promises you can't keep?

I'm leaving.

Let's go. We can't stay here. How about a hotel?

-Five star, I'll pay. -It's too late to find a hotel.

There are tons of hotels around here.

What's that?

Those are pictures of my brother.

What are they doing here?

-Should I get it? -No, I got it.

-Hello? -Hi, Pedro. It's Pilar. I saw you

earlier but you disappeared. Too bad, you'd have loved the play.

It was wonderful.

I was also calling to talk about something you might like.

It's something I really enjoy.

That is, going to the movies.

Would you like to go to the movies?

Honestly.

I don't see why he's forcing women on you.

You can get any woman you want.

Right.

Excluding the theater group. They were

pretty upset. And excluding Paula.

And we'll just exclude the entire female gender.

Except Pilar...

Okay.

And me. Don't exclude me.

Or Paula, because whoever she's with, she isn't happy.

Pretend I'm Paula.

And you come to see me.

What would you say?

-Say something. -Right.

Hi, Paula.

I've come to see you because you don't seem happy.

Come on, not like that!

You're wrong, Pedro. I'm in love,

and I hope you get over me, too.

-You see? -Yeah.

Tell her the truth.

Paula, I can't live without you, I'm up all night, sleep all day,

this is a total disaster. Please come back.

Sounds like a bolero.

Why do you act like women are doing you a favor?

-Because I'm a fool. -Come here.

Now I'm you and you're Paula.

Okay.

Hi, Paula. You look gorgeous.

Thank you.

You're fantastic.

And you say...

-How are you, Pedro? -Fine.

But seeing you makes me feel...

Give me your hand.

What do you feel?

Two wonderful tits.

No, pretend I'm you.

When I saw you,

my heart just started pounding.

Well, my back's been hurting...

I can't say that!

Yes, you can. It'll work.

-You'll see. -I could never say that.

I'd just end up whimpering and begging her not to leave me.

This is a contest.

You have other things to offer.

Yeah? Like what, for example?

I bet he's more handsome.

Well.

I bet you're taller.

Yeah, but she has more fun with him.

That won't last.

I'll bet he never shuts up.

No, because he's filthy rich.

Huge car, dinner at the Ritz every night

in a suit and tie...

-I'll bet they go Dutch. -No, he's a man of the world.

With experience and a receding hairline.

Receding fast, like his car!

You, on the other hand, have beautiful curly hair.

But he's a better lay.

I doubt it.

He isn't half as sweet as you.

You want a glass of milk?

A glass of milk?

Yeah, it settles my stomach at night.

But if you want something else...

Okay, a nice glass of milk.

-But heat it up. -Right.

-The milk. -What?

I can bring it with donuts or with cookies. I prefer donuts.

Why?

Well, because...

I really love

soaking them in the milk

and they get all soft

and melt in your mouth.

-Yeah. -Milk again.

I could bring chocolate milk.

Or coffee-flavored.

Coffee-flavored.

Rafa.

We have to talk.

Wait a sec.

It's important.

Just wait, Victoria.

There we go!

Go ahead.

First of all, I want you to know that I love you.

And I'm sorry.

But I'm in love.

I've been seeing someone else.

I didn't want to tell you until I was completely sure.

I think we should break up.

Can I ask you a question?

Yes.

Could you please explain

how could you be such a bitch?

Because you're a real bitch.

And you know what?

While you were out with that fool

I've fucked 1 5, 20, maybe 30 chicks,

all hotter than you. Which isn't difficult, you're ugly.

You are ugly as fuck.

And you know what else?

These have been the worst years of my life. I can't stand you.

You don't know how happy this makes me.

You say the stupidest things. You're a fucking idiot.

And you stink. And...

I faked every orgasm I ever had with you!

Go find yourself a brain on sale somewhere!

Hey.

Don't worry about anything.

Yeah, but that first time wasn't typical for me.

That's never happened to me before. The second time was better.

That's not what I mean.

-It's not? -No.

I mean about Javier.

What matters most is he'll never find out.

These things happen, right?

So the first time was no big deal.

No, silly.

I'll give you a 7.5.

-Okay? -Okay.

-Happy? -7.5 isn't bad.

Left home with a smile on my face.

Today I got up with ease.

The morning sun shines on my face.

Woken by a cool breeze. Hey...

The city's my friend.

Today's my day, nobody gets in my way.

The girls on the corner are giggling.

I know what they want, and that's okay.

Jump, I say.

Jump with me.

-Jump! -Jump with me.

-Jump! -Jump with me.

-Jump! -Jump with me.

Walking down the street, not a worry in sight.

People walk by, their gazes may bite...

But I don't mind, I don't care at all.

Today's my day and I want to jump. Jump, I say.

-Jump with me. -Jump!

-Jump with me. -Jump!

-Jump with me. -Jump!

Left home with a smile on my face.

Today I got up with ease.

The morning sun shines on my face.

Woken by a cool breeze. Hey...

-Jump! -Jump with me.

-Jump! -Jump with me.

-Jump! -Jump with me.

-Jump! -Jump with me.

Jump with me.

Jump with me.

Jump with me.

Jump with me.

Javier?

-Hi. -Hi.

-Weren't you coming back tomorrow? -The company president died.

Right, I mean his wife. Poor thing.

They cancelled the meeting.

You didn't sleep here?

No, I slept at Pedro's.

We went back to his place after dinner.

It was late so I just spent the night there.

Pedro.

What?

Did Sonia sleep at your place?

No.

Why would she do that?

Are you sure?

Of course I'm sure.

I knew it.

She cheated on me.

She didn't sleep at my place!

I know, she said she slept there after the play.

What a liar!

The bitch.

Who was she with?

Probably some ex-boyfriend.

No, she couldn't have been.

That's it! The other day at the theater

she was talking to...

Lucia.

So what?

They were whispering in each other's ear

the whole time.

And... well, forget it.

And what, Pedro?

It's just that...

Sonia's been seeing a lot of Lucia lately.

Always hugging and kissing,

and Lucia's a...

You know what I mean.

No. What do you mean?

She might be involved with Lucia.

How the hell could they be involved?

Because we're all bisexual.

Friends fall in love with each other all the time.

Please.

The other day I said something about lesbians

and she freaked out. And she doesn't dress very feminine.

Checkered shirts, right?

-And her hair. -What about it?

She wants to cut it.

There you have it.

Short hair, checkered shirts. She's a dyke.

You're lucky to be rid of her.

My girlfriend's a lesbian.

-How are you? -Fine.

-It's cold out. -Yeah.

Do you want to do this?

Not really.

-Should we forget it? -Yeah.

-Do you mind? -I prefer it this way.

What do I tell him?

I don't know.

Say you slept...

I don't know, at Lucia's.

That you went there after the play.

All right.

Yeah, I'll tell him I slept at Lucia's and

didn't tell him because he always knocks my theater friends.

-Right? -Fine.

You're such a brute!

-You tore them. Look. -Yeah.

What's my score?

I'll give you...

-an 8.25. -An 8.25!

-And improving. -Almost perfect.

-I have to go. -No.

-Yes, I do. -No.

Get off!

I'll get caught.

Look what time it is.

And with no panties.

Melon boy!

Melon boy!

I'm the melon boy!

Melon boy!

Javier.

What are you doing here?

Why are you naked?

I missed you.

Do you still like me?

Do I still like you?

Of course I do.

And your boyfriend?

Forget him.

Isn't he more fun?

He talks too much.

Won't you miss all the restaurants

and cars and fancy places?

What? We always went Dutch.

But physically... He must be more handsome.

Well, he isn't. No.

I prefer you and your curly hair.

But he's a better lay...

-We'll soon find out! -No, no.

I can't right now because

I won't be able to.

Why not?

Because I was...

I was bored and alone

in bed and I...

I jerked off a bit.

We'll have to wait.

-You jerked off? -Yes.

-Let's check it out. -No, don't bother.

It's no use, it's a question of nature.

We all have glands and other wonderful mechanisms

that need time to rehabilitate.

You never know how long, but when it says no...

It's saying: ''Wait a bit while I reload the chamber''.

Shit.

It's nature's way.

Like it or not...

You see? That only took 30 seconds.

Fucking bitch!

-Hi, honey. -Hi.

Where were you?

At Lucia's.

And you?

Why are you reading that?

You know.

Men like this stuff.

-What about you? -Me?

I guess she does have a great body.

But I don't like those macho magazines.

They're not macho.

They're directed at men

and also lesbians.

I bet Lucia reads them.

-Don't start with that. -Fine, sorry.

Forgive me. You always get so upset when I mention Lucia.

You're so sensitive about her.

Why were you at her place?

Why were you over there?

Well...

Look, I have a confession to make.

Good, fine.

Go ahead.

I didn't sleep at Pedro's, I slept at Lucia's.

I lied because you always knock my theater friends.

I thought you'd be upset.

So I had to go back because I lost an earring there.

But I couldn't find it, and...

And?

And that's it.

If I tell Javier I slept with Paula,

he'll tell Sonia.

-I don't want... -...Javier to know because

I'm still not sure what I want.

I love them...

...both and I don't want to mess things up.

This was the best night of my life.

But I don't know if things with Paula...

...will be better than they were.

I love Pedro, but I also love Javier, and our problems...

...might be fixable or they might be too serious...

Pedro, I think we need to take things slowly.

Right?

-Yeah, sounds good. -It's for the best.

No way.

No fucking way.

-You know who it is? -Not yet.

That's nothing.

Sonia's cheating on me with a lesbian.

-I'll find you a nice girl. -Even if she's not...

Sonia with a chick?

-Yeah, lesbians are... -They're all bitches.

Would you cheat on her with a guy?

No, because you're a gentleman, you have class.

But not her. She finds herself a chick.

A dyke from her theater group.

A fucking dyke!

-They're evil, all of them. -They screw you!

And you know why? Because they don't fuck for real.

Here's the plan.

Know what we'll do?

We'll get revenge.

Good morning.

LUCIA COBOS IS A LESBIAN

LUCIA FROM THE SIXTH FLOOR IS A TOTAL LESBIAN

Hi.

Andres.

You won't believe it.

LUCIA IS HETERO, DON'T BE FOOLED

-How do I look? -Fine.

You have to be careful.

Make sure he's a pro.

-Okay. -And don't tell anyone.

Not Carlos, not Javier, no one. They'll tell everybody.

This is it.

So Kennedy placed rifles in the street

and fired them with a remote control?

-Exactly. -Crazy bastard!

I see you like my work.

Did you know Marilyn Monroe's still alive?

This guy's amazing. T.I.S. is some badass shit.

Actually, Kennedy killed himself after Marilyn faked her death

and fled to Spain, invited by Franco, a big movie buff.

Franco and Marilyn were lovers. He even built her a palace.

That crazy Franco!

So Kennedy killed himself

-for love. -Excuse me.

Could I have my case file?

I lost my copy.

I'll need a couple days. Take a copy of the videotape.

''Marilyn lived with Elvis Presley in the mid-eighties

until she decided to move to Matalascanas''.

Elvis is alive?

The king!

You're going to sleep together?

In the same bed?

Would you mind sleeping on the sofa?

Lucia's back is hurt.

I could go to my mother's. But all the graffiti

-at my place scared me. -It's no big deal.

Just some scribbling on the wall.

-No offense. -No way.

You're sleeping here.

If he doesn't like it, he can sleep at Pedro's.

Like you did the other night?

You know what I think? Your back is just fine.

You take the sofa

and Lucia and I get the bed.

Javier, you and Lucia can't sleep together!

Why not? She's a lesbian, right?

-I'm going to bed. -Me, too.

Wait! So soon? It's so early.

We can go have a drink.

-It's Tuesday. -Who cares if it's Tuesday?

Society shouldn't bind us to only going out on weekends.

Marcuse said it way back.

Marcuse, the thinker.

''To change the world, go out on weeknights''.

-Come on. -Can I use the bathroom first?

No.

Pay no attention to me.

There's a movie on.

It's a good one.

''Just Revenge''.

I haven't seen it.

You haven't? It's really good.

It's about a very gentle man who finds his wife

in bed with someone else

and kills them both.

Blew their brains out.

''Just Revenge''. Don't you just love the title?

Later they're showing a documentary about O.J. Simpson.

Really?

Life sure is dangerous, don't you think?

What's going on here?

What are you doing?

The sofa sucks!

My back's killing me.

I can't sleep.

And you two here in bed...

I miss the unmade bed,

your orange juice,

magazines left open...

I can't find your gaze in the mirror,

no kisses in the shower,

no hair clogging the drain.

There's a wall between us,

we can't see each other

or grope each other.

I twist and turn all night.

I find cobwebs

between the sheets.

As much as I miss you now,

you were once too much for me.

Don't take yourself for granted, without you

life is such a bore.

Don't just sit and watch as

your true love walks out the door.

Don't take yourself for granted, without you

life is such a bore.

Don't just sit and watch as

your true love walks out the door.

I miss...

the crunch of your toast.

Hearing your cat in the hall

scratching at the wall.

In my shirt

I smell your fresh scent.

The red from your lips

spread across my neck.

There's a wall between us,

we can't smell each other

or taste each other.

I twist and turn all night.

I find cobwebs

between the sheets.

As much as I miss you now,

you were once too much for me.

Don't take yourself for granted, without you

life is such a bore.

Don't just sit and watch as

your true love walks out the door.

Don't take yourself for granted, without you

life is such a bore.

Don't just sit and watch as

your true love walks out the door.

What's up?

What's up?

Guess who slept in my bed with Sonia last night.

Lucia.

Rafa's great idea.

I told him to stop all

that graffiti crap.

She was terrified and came to my place!

And since her back is hurt, I ended up on the sofa.

I spied on them all night.

But I heard nothing.

-Maybe they broke up. -No.

Lucia just can't please her like I do.

When she's with me she screams a lot.

Not quite. She's not much of a screamer.

Yes, she is!

She screams her head off. She goes beserk.

It even scares me.

Then you must have had problems with the neighbors. Paula screams

and the neighbors...

Paula's a screamer?

Paula not only screams, she howls.

The neighbors go nuts.

We've never had any trouble.

Then she's not a screamer.

Yes, she is! It's just that in my place the walls are thick.

Not like in your shithole.

Well, how does she scream? Like...

''Oh, that feels nice''? Or does she get

-biblical? -Beyond biblical.

No way, stop fucking with me.

This isn't what you think.

I broke up with Rafa. We didn't tell him because

we didn't want to hurt him.

Carlos and I are in love.

We've fallen in love.

It's normal, we've lots in common

and we see each other all the time.

It happens often between friends.

Yeah, actually...

I'm going to the bar for a snack.

I've got a call to make.

-I need to see this tape. -That's against policy.

I need a phone number for the ''GuiriGay Association''.

Hi, I'm calling because

when Sonia slept at your place on opening night

she left an earring there.

She didn't sleep there?

Oh, she slept at Pedro's, right?

Shit. Sorry.

Will you serve?

Serve already!

Shit!

A little more...

You're invading my zone.

You spoiled my serve.

Damn, sorry.

Did that hurt?

Stay out of that area.

Know what your problem is?

You think every volley is yours.

Sorry. It slipped.

It was definitely my volley.

He came out of nowhere and...

clobbered me.

Well, I'm sure you go after his volleys, too.

-Pedro. -What?

I know I treated you horribly.

I was thinking maybe we could try again.

But not like before. Much better.

Hi, Pedro. It's Pilar. I'm calling to say

that my parents reserved a table tomorrow at an Italian restaurant.

They can't wait to meet you.

Call me to confirm, okay?

You'll break up with her, right?

Hi, Rafa. It's me, Javier.

We're having a party next week to celebrate

Paula and Pedro getting back together.

Well, we'll each try to celebrate whatever we can.

Call me and I'll tell you what time.

See you later.

-Paula. -Betty!

-Hi, Rafa. -What's up?

What's up?

Nothing. I brought you a gift.

-For me? -Yes.

What is it?

-There's a tournament next week. -Yeah?

We could sign up.

-We're a pretty good team. -Let's do it.

We're a great team.

-Careful. -Sorry.

What's up? What are you two doing?

Who's the guy with Paula?

Hi, Pedro!

Pilar. What a surprise.

Excuse me.

-Hello. -Hi.

-Have we met? -No.

Javier, this is Daniel.

Shit! You're Daniel?

So glad to meet you.

I've heard so much about you. Welcome.

It's a small party, but...

Size doesn't matter.

That's what women say.

-Hi, Rafa. -How are things, Pedro?

-Hey, dude. -Jennifer!

How are you, gorgeous?

-Fine, you? -I'm doing great.

I want you to meet Lucia.

Lucia, Jennifer. Jennifer, Lucia.

Sonia, you met Jennifer.

I love your outfit.

I like yours, too.

Yeah?

This is my brother's.

A friend lent me the shirt.

You look fantastic.

You're not so bad yourself.

Did you make it home all right?

Yeah, without panties.

-Yeah? -But fine.

-What about Javier? -Nothing.

I may have been right about the ex-boyfriend.

He's so handsome.

Look, with Pedro is one thing. He's family.

But no one else.

You're jealous of Daniel?

He's totally gay.

Some people say that we're all bisexual.

Oh, yeah?

-Don't give me that smile. -What's wrong with it?

Everything.

You can feel lonely in a crowd of people.

It isn't loneliness if you choose it.

Miles don't create distance, people do.

That's right.

You can be happy outside but sad inside.

Like clowns.

Some people are very rich but actually very poor.

Money can't buy the important things in life.

There are young people over 70 and old people under 1 8.

We Latinos are more passionate and confident.

People in the north are colder. That's obvious.

Envy might be our national sport, but Spanish food is the most varied:

fabada, paella...

-Gazpacho. -And Italian food. Especially pasta.

-Spaghetti. -Spaghetti.

-Ravioli. -Ravioli.

-Tortellini. -Tortellini.

-Bow-tie. -Bow-tie.

It's hot, it's hot.

-Stop making such a fuss. -Open up that bottle.

-We'll toast. -And make love on the balcony.

My heart, my heart.

It's a healthy muscle but it needs some action.

Give me peace, give me war, a sweet high,

and I'll give you the sky.

You're sweet as wine, salty as the sea.

Open up that deep throat of yours and set me free.

It's hot, it's hot.

She's got a recipe for feeling right.

-No hurry, no free smile. -You must be ready for love.

Honeymoon, paper moon.

Full moon, cinnamon skin, lust-filled nights. Maybe I'm ill,

maybe I'm fine.

Take my heart, play a tune.

She's underage, I could go to jail.

Get a hotel, let's go to dinner.

Just keep me away from that altar.