Original subtitles

Subtitles by explosiveskull

You're too late, Cal.

They already called you.

Really?

Shit.

Hey hey, didn't you hear what I said?

Dude, get out of my way maybe I can make it.

This isn't some small indie,

this is a Martin Scorsese film.

I said get out of my way.

Dude, what the fuck?

This is a new shirt, asshole.

I better see you at tomorrow night's event.

Asshole.

I'm gonna call her.

You got to date multiple chicks at once, dude.

It's the only way to do it.

You don't get it, man.

Did they call me?

No.

Scott is such a dick.

What do you expect from a guy like that?

Cal, what's up, buddy?

How's it going?

Who's in there now?

Bob.

I thought he was in rehab.

How did he manage this audition?

Probably made a few phone calls.

What do you think his chances are?

He's a good actor,

but the dude's got a lot of baggage.

I don't know,

I think he might be turning over a new leaf.

His old lady whipped him into shape

after she got pregnant.

What do you mean?

I mean he's dressing up in a clown suit

and working part time at little kids' birthday parties.

What?

That is some sick shit.

Yeah, super fucked up.

She says it's like preparing him for fatherhood

or some shit like that, I don't know.

Thanks Ellen, great to see you, too.

Hey, what do we got here?

How'd it go in there?

Oh you know how we do.

Like shooting fish in a barrel.

Wanna celebrate with a little spliffy spliff?

It's on the house.

Nah, man, I'm done with that.

Putting it all behind me.

Clean and clear from now on.

Hey bro, I totally understand, you do you.

Whatever makes you happy.

Makes me happy.

Good to see you buddy.

- Be good. - Later.

I'll see you, too.

You guys break a leg.

Hey!

He'll relapse, they always do.

Incoming call.

Sam, what's up?

Not too much,

just wanted to see what you were up to.

I'm heading over to Heather's.

Hot Heather?

Yeah that's the one.

How are you swinging that with Veronica?

She went down to Palm Springs

with her dad to see a Tony Bennet concert.

Gonna be spending daddy's dime at the spa all week.

You're still bitter that he doesn't like you.

No man, fuck that guy.

He got his blood money from fucking up the planet

now he's using it to buy back his daughter's love.

Well hey, at least she gets to live the high life.

She's no better than him.

She wants to be the next it reality star.

Okay, seriously do not make a sex tape with her.

Those never turn out well for the dude.

Trust me dude, if I book this role,

I'm dumping that cellulite ass.

Speaking of which,

how did that audition go?

Honestly, I crushed it.

Give them the old in and out?

No, thank god.

But I was ready.

Got to pay the bills.

You should just get a sugar daddy

like everyone else in this town.

That's what Veronica was supposed to be.

The trickle down effect from her daddy

ain't working out so well for me.

Well, sketchy or not,

it must be nice to be getting roles.

I can't even book background work.

Dude, seriously,

you need to start thinking about doing

whatever it takes to get these roles.

Especially like the one I just read for.

What about burning bridges

with these casting directors?

Aren't you afraid of being put on a dead list?

Man, I have banged some cows.

Alright, I mean, I've even done a little ass play.

It's been tough road for me but,

it's not like they want a British romance.

I mean one hand feeds the other, you know.

It's the natural order of things down here.

Well I hope you get it.

You know I'm rooting for ya.

Sam.

Yeah?

It's called blacklisted not dead listed.

Either way,

just try to stay off the list.

Yeah, thanks.

...city wide alert.

Be on the lookout for a late model grey SUV,

suspect is an African American male

believed to be armed and dangerous.

Be extremely cautious and report any sightings

to the authorities immediately.

Glad I'm not black.

Hello?

Hello, Veronica?

Zander?

It's Zander, can you hear me?

It's really loud here,

I can barely hear you.

You gotta help me, I'm freaking out!

What?

I think I'm trippin' out.

Is this one of your stupid ass jokes?

What?

No!

- You gotta help me! - On the phone?

I think I'm going insane.

This isn't Zander.

I know his voice.

Tell him to grow a pair

and stop having his asshole friends

- prank call me. - No!

It's not a joke, you gotta help me!

Dad, stop, I'll be right there.

What, no!

Daddy you know she's way to young for you.

Don't hang up!

You disgust me.

No no no!

Fuck, fuck!

Shit.

Fuck fuck!

This can't be fucking happening.

Shit, what the fuck!

Fuck fuck!

Shit.

Get out of the car!

Show us your hands.

This can't be fucking real.

Roll down the windows and show us your hands!

Put your hands where we can see them!

Now, mother fucker!

I'm coming out, I'm unarmed.

Now motherfucker!

Now!

This can't be real.

Get out of the car.

Put your hands where we can see them.

Get out of the car!

Put your hands out of the vehicle now!

You have until the count of three!

One, two,

three!

He's got a gun!

Hey dude, where's Trevor?

What?

Your roommate.

Your acting mentor.

He's not my mentor.

Really?

Really.

Okay.

I always just assumed you were like

his pupil or something.

I'm not.

Sure.

Well where is he?

He's uh,

his agent couldn't book him the audition

because he's already cast in a series

that's gonna be filming in Hawaii.

Cool.

Cool.

I just got off a pretty bitchin' recurring role

on Hawaii Five-0 myself.

Super sick.

Probably better for the both of us

if he's on that series, huh?

Yeah.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Tell him I said what's up, though.

Sure.

Yeah.

Hey hold on.

Undead?

No one's home.

I fucking killed it tonight.

Yeah, I met all the junior agents from CAA and WME.

Plus I had a long conversation

with a top exec from New Line Cinema.

That's right, the house that Fred built.

Yeah, everyone was talking about Scorsese's new movie.

I mean look who's in it.

It's guaranteed nominations

across the mother fucking board.

I'm gonna get that role if it kills me.

I'm up against all the regulars.

But this time no Trevor.

Thank god, he's a fucking menace.

Too bad his roommate Cal wasn't there tonight.

I was looking forward to embarrassing him.

You know how I like to make people look like assholes.

Yeah.

Talk to you later.

What the fuck?

Scotty quit being an asshole.

Thanks for coming in, Cal.

Thank you.

And I really apologize I had to keep looking

down at the script.

It's fine, it's an audition.

Marlon Brando used cue cards for the Godfather.

I know, but I should be more prepared.

You know I'm actually really good at

memorizing lines it's just that,

you know there was a lot of slang and cursing

and I wanted to make sure I said every fuck

the way it's written.

You know, because I know behind every single one

there's a reason behind it, because syntax

and diction are really very important to the characters.

You know that's how we know

who they really are.

It's so vivid and you can really taste it,

it's like a fine meal.

I think you mean a fine wine.

What did I say?

You said a fine meal.

Oh did I?

Speaking of which maybe you wanna, I don't know,

maybe you wanna go grab one maybe,

discuss the role maybe?

That would be very unprofessional.

We'll get back to you about the role.

Okay.

Fuck.

Fuck fuck fuck.

At the tone,

please leave a message.

Hey Trev, it's Cal.

Just got out of the audition.

Went pretty shitty.

And I harassed the casting director

about how shitty it went.

I gave this whole speech about diction and grammar.

Bitch puts her hand down and I

give her a weak handshake so, fuck.

Alright I'll see you back at the apartment.

What the fuck?

What?

You had her, man!

I am telling you that you had her.

Do you think she would have given you

her phone number if she wasn't down to at least hook up?

Maybe she wanted to be friends, I don't know.

Friends?

Are you insane?

For god's sake she was DTF.

I mean, her friend's in the backseat!

Whatever.

Whatever?

Man I am trying to be your friend here.

And when your wing man hands you a nine

on a silver platter,

fuck that, on a golden platter

and you don't have the balls to seal the deal?

I'm not like you, alright man?

I can't just walk up to any girl and get her.

Shut up.

I'm just not a one night stand kind of guy.

Is this about Jane?

Dude, I love you but you gotta let her go.

Like that ship has sailed

and it is long, long, long gone.

Come on.

I still love her, man.

I dream about her

every night, I wake up crying every day.

Everything I see reminds me of her.

She didn't even text me on my birthday.

Five years, you know.

I mean come on.

Jesus.

You hide it well.

Maybe you are a good actor after all.

Thanks.

Listen, man.

You're gonna get over her.

It's just gonna take some time.

Yeah.

Hey, hope you learned your lesson.

I'll tell you this much,

I am never cheating again.

Oh shit, look out!

You alright?

I'm fine, I'm fine.

Is she alright?

Goddammit.

What is this?

Hey, hey, I don't mean to be impolite,

but will you get off the fucking road?

Hey, get off the road, get off the road!

What's going on?

Get off the road.

Get off the fucking road.

Thank you, dumb fucking bitch.

Lock the door, lock the door!

Fuck.

What do we do?

Get off the fucking car, lady.

Dude she is freaking me out.

What the fuck, hey lady, we wanna leave.

We're trying to leave, can you get off the road?

Do you know her?

Know her?

She keeps looking at you.

Fuck it, she'll move.

- Bitch, we're leaving. - Get off!

Shit!

Oh goddammit.

Shit.

What are you doing?

What?

You okay?

You alright?

What?

Dude I hate to do this to you man,

but you're gonna have to get in the trunk.

What?

I owe you but, you gotta get in the trunk.

Fuck that, I am not getting in there.

Get in the goddamn fucking trunk.

Listen man, I'm sorry.

I know this fucking sucks.

But we'll be back in time, alright?

You owe me.

Just get in the goddamn trunk.

See ya in 10 bitch.

Come on.

Asshole.

Hello, I'd like to get out of here now!

Karl open the trunk.

Karl open the trunk!

Karl?

Oh shit.

Oh shit, oh shit, shit.

Got you mother fucker!

Fuck you man, Jesus Christ,

I thought it was that old bitch.

Where is she anyway?

You brought her to our house?

What do you wanna do,

leave the old bag in the middle of the fucking road?

I don't know man, maybe.

I mean look at her, she's scary.

Listen, we're just gonna go in there,

call the authorities,

they'll come get her, and then quick and easy.

Alright, but I'm serious.

You promise?

Yes.

Yes yes, I promise.

Jesus Christ.

Fine.

Where'd she go?

Quick and easy, huh?

Shut up.

Come on.

I am not going in there.

You know, I always thought you were a fucking pussy

and it really shows.

Alright, alright fine.

I'll go in there but you go first.

Hello?

Old lady.

Where'd you go?

Did you see that?

No.

- What? - That hand!

You didn't see that hand?

What, no.

There's nothing in here.

I swear to god I saw something.

That's it, I'm calling the cops.

Hi, yeah there's an old lady on my property,

I think she might be psychotic.

We're at 234 Holden Street.

Uh huh, no, I don't think so.

Okay, thank you.

They're on their way.

Karl?

Wait here.

What?

What are you doing?

What?

What, what do you want?

Shit.

Whoa.

Okay, let's take it easy, Karl.

Just.

Shit.

What do you want from me?

Leave me alone!

- Jane! - You've been

- calling my parents? - Jane.

What do you think

- you're doing? - Jane, listen.

I just, I want you know that

I'm sorry,

I'm sorry for everything.

What you did to me is unforgivable.

I love you so much.

More than anything in the world.

I wish that I could go back and do it all over again.

I wish that I could.

Let it go, Jason.

We've been apart for over a year now.

I'll always love you.

You're my only one.

I told you it's over.

Move on and don't call me or my family again.

Jane, Jane I'm sorry, I love you, please!

Goodbye.

Hey hey hey.

Hey.

I got your message and I'm sure you did fine.

Did you listen to the entire message?

Basically harassed that casting director.

As long as it's not sexual harassment,

I'm sure you're okay.

Well sexual harassment is flirting gone bad,

this was not flirtation it was desperation.

We're all desperate, man.

You've been booking gigs solid

for the last two years, okay?

I design business websites for

middle aged women just to make ends meet.

Hence the isolation.

Spending eight hours a day in front of a computer.

How do you think I'm booking these gigs?

Talent?

It's all about who you know, man.

You should really hang out with Scott more

and do those networking events.

Why would I want to hang out with Scott?

Do you know what he did to me today?

You gotta break out of your shell, man.

I have.

It's not me, it's,

it's everybody else.

It's like the Twilight Zone or something.

What's this?

What's what?

This book.

Oh yeah.

That landed on my car on the way home

from the audition.

What do you mean it landed on your car?

I mean I was driving home and then,

Dammit!

And then it just fell on my car.

What like, fell off the back of a truck?

No, I mean like it literally landed on my car

like from the sky.

It didn't cause any damage

so I'm guessing it was, I don't know,

like a low flying drone or something.

Did it have a name on it or anything?

No.

Why, is it rare?

'Cause I would sell this in a heart beat.

I know you're into all that mystic stuff

so I actually wanted you to look at it

before I put it on Craigslist,

you know so I don't get screwed.

You wanna sell a book that fell from the sky?

From a drone.

Don't be an idiot.

What else could it be from?

I mean if it fell from a plane,

it would have damaged my car,

so what difference does it make?

Oh unless saying it landed on my car

helps me sell it for more money then.

You can say whatever you want.

You cannot sell this book.

Yes I can.

No, you can't.

This book is destined for you.

Okay.

This book is your salvation.

Hey.

You are not going out,

do you know what can wash up after a huge storm?

Is that a fact?

The water looks pretty grody.

Yeah well, I'm not really a big follow the rules

kind of guy, so.

Speaking of, what are you two

law abiding citizens doing here?

What do you think?

The usual?

Except we want a discount.

I'm not Walmart, I'm a small business man.

No discounts.

The last batch was subpar.

I'm sorry, ladies.

But the Mexicans are going bat shit loco

over this new medical grade stuff so,

must have been a slip up on the supply side.

That's not our problem.

Courtney, you know me.

I wouldn't try to screw you over.

Subpar.

Okay, no one bats a thousand.

Let's just like call it mulligan and start over.

You're mixing up your sports, Kush.

Alice, will you tell your friend Courtney here...

Customer is always right, Kush.

You two are a real pair, man.

Okay, fine fine fine.

Just this once.

Thank you.

And thank you.

- Bye. - Ta ta.

- Bye. - Bye.

Fuck, fuck!

Hey Kush, come smoke with us!

What the fuck?

What the fuck, what the fuck!

I cannot believe you convinced me to do this.

You're the one who said he would do anything

to be in the next Scorsese film.

Trevor, I was being sarcastic.

Alright, I fucked up.

That's all there is to it.

This is how you unfuck it.

I don't know.

Praying to some satanic cult,

I mean that's just bad voodoo, man.

It's not satanic, it's not a cult.

It's not voodoo.

I think the word you're looking for is juju.

You'd be surprised at the power of prayer.

I know, you keep emailing me articles about it.

Just keep lighting.

Alright, give me the envelope.

Okay, let's see who's first?

Zander.

Sorry, Zander, it's dog eat dog world.

Alright, Cal can you grab me the knife?

Put it by the bowl.

Maybe I should just join Scientology.

Hail to the almighty,

for you give to us the power to overcome.

Hail to the almighty,

for you give us the strength to persevere.

Hail to the almighty,

for you give to us the courage to take

what others do not deserve.

Hail to the almighty.

We give to you our blood,

our lives and our souls.

Do it.

Now.

Keep going.

Ah, fuck!

Ah fuck.

Bob, as usual make yourself home,

but please, this time leave my cigars alone, Jeff.

Sorry, Jeff.

Well look who it is, Mr. Joker.

Fancy running into you.

That's a really nice clown suit you got.

Wanna share?

You can be anything you wanna be.

You can be anything you wanna be.

You can be anything you wanna be.

You can be anything you wanna be.

You can be anything you wanna be.

You can be anything you wanna be.

You can be anything you wanna be.

You can be anything you wanna be.

You can be anything you wanna be.

Hello?

Hello?

Dammit Kush, where the fuck are you?

Sammy!

Hey Bob.

Hey buddy how are ya?

I'm doing great.

Oh good, good.

Look, I'm wondering.

I'm wondering if I could get a little bit more snow.

I'm running out of snow here

and I wanna go skiing if you know what I mean.

Sorry Bob, no snow on the mountain tonight.

What do you mean there's no

fucking snow on the mountain?

Sorry there's no snow.

I'm out of snow, I wanna go skiing, I need more snow.

Listen, I can get some for you tomorrow.

Tomorrow's no good, man.

I've got that clown gig, I'm doing a kid's party.

The sun's out, Bob,

I don't know what else to say.

- There's no snow. - Well fuck you!

I need it tonight.

It's the best I can do.

I got an idea, how about you just fucking figure it out

and bring it here tonight, huh?

Yeah, fine.

Ah, that's what I thought.

Good, how about one?

How about one a.m., yeah can you do one a.m. or 1:30?

Yeah, 1:30 works.

That's great.

You know, that's work perfect for me, actually it does.

What!

I didn't say anything.

No not you.

Hello?

Look, I'll see you at one, I gotta go.

Over here.

Hello?

This way.

What the fuck?

What the fuck?

Hello?

The perfect clown suit.

What the fuck?

Mystery murder plague the Hollywood area

as the lives of four young actors

were taken over the course of this past week.

No motives are currently known,

but there is one common thread,

the bodies of each victim were found with a symbol

branded onto them.

What the fuck?

The same symbol that was found

branded on the body of a young woman

who was found mutilated at a neighborhood park

just two weeks ago.

Scott Sherwood, Jason Berrington and Kush Jenner.

If you have any information

on any of these victims,

please call the number below.

This is Sarah Johnson signing off.

What the fuck?

At the tone, leave a message.

Cal,

dude answer your fucking phone, dude.

Hey.

This isn't funny.

Ha ha.

Joke's over.

Who took my fucking clown suit!

Come on.

Come on!

Mickey!

This is just what I needed.

Yeah.

It's been a long week.

90s horror films.

It's all the same formula but

they get me every time.

It's hard to emulate the classics.

Yeah.

This is what it's all about.

Just relaxing, you know?

If you can't enjoy the little things,

you'll never enjoy the big ones, right?

You sound all enlightened and shit.

Weed does that to me.

Good weed.

Kush?

No.

Couldn't get ahold of him.

I got it from a guy in Marina Del Ray.

He's not an actor, he's legit.

He sells everything out of his house.

Hey,

do you have any more?

Yeah.

We should smoke it all before I go to Hawaii.

Yeah.

I got a great story for you when I get back.

Cool.

Hey your phone.

Your phone.

So this girl at the table read

for the show in Hawaii,

afterwards she goes up to the director,

she says, "I'm really excited about going to Hawaii,

"but I need to get my passport renewed."

I couldn't fucking believe it.

Like, she knew Hawaii was a state,

but thought that because it was so far away

she still had to get her passport renewed.

These girls man, they're so hot,

I think their brains get overheated.

You wanna order something?

My treat.

Fucking asshole!

I should kill you!

Maybe once you're dead, I can finally get a role!

God, you're so selfish, Trevor!

All you do is take and take

and take and you don't care about anyone else!

God.

Oh fuck.

Fuck.

Jesus fuck man.

What the fuck is wrong with you?

You got a text from your agent.

What the fuck are you talking about?

It's from Josh,

it says check your email about the Scorsese contract.

Huh, the Scorsese contract, not the television contract.

For the film you said you couldn't audition for!

What do you want me to fucking say?

That you betrayed me!

God, all you do is take jobs from me!

Commercials, TV spots, movie parts.

I don't take anything from you.

No one owns those parts,

I worked my ass off for that.

I'm your friend!

You should be helping me!

You should be kicking jobs my way once in a while, huh?

Hollywood is a buffet line

and everybody's gunning for crab legs.

You get there first you eat the most.

What are you talking about?

It's a dog eat dog world.

You know that, man.

Oh my god I thought you were locked in

with that series, man!

I thought you were locked in with the series.

I met Marty's producer at a networking event.

You know the ones I'm always telling you go to?

And they moved things around for me.

They were impressed with me.

I guess it was my firm handshake.

You're an asshole.

I guess being an asshole works, doesn't it?

So why did you hide all this from me, huh?

I didn't wanna break your confidence, man.

That's so nice.

But I'm shattered now, so thanks!

I don't think I should be punished for my success.

This is not my problem, this is your problem.

Wow.

What the?

Jesus, Cal, why don't you answer your fucking phone?

You're not going to believe my fucking night.

Some clown tried to fucking kill me.

Dude, have you looked at yourself?

Oh yeah.

No no no no, a real fucking clown tried to kill me.

I think he killed all the others.

Whoa whoa whoa, slow down, what others?

I don't know, man.

Maybe he's part of a fucking clown gang or something.

I've never dealt with a real clown before.

Oh my god.

I bet it's a fucking SAG thing.

I didn't pay my fucking SAG dues,

did you pay your fucking SAG dues?

Are you high right now, man?

I mean have you done any drugs,

PCP, cocaine maybe?

Did you look at the news?

It's all over the news.

No.

PCP.

Dude, everyone from the audition is dead.

What?

What the fuck are you talking about?

Dude, I swear to god, man.

Zander, Scotty, Jason, Kush,

they're all fucking toast.

Holy shit.

Trev, he's telling the truth.

- What? - Dude, dude,

and the worst part, the worst fucking part,

look at this.

What?

What the fuck is that?

They all have the same mark on them.

Oh my god.

Oh fuck.

This is what I'm fucking telling you about, man.

I'm fucking serious.

Jesus.

It must have fucking followed me here.

I don't fucking know what to do.

Dude, did you know this was going to happen?

I didn't know, I was going on the power of belief.

What about the ritual?

What about the book?

The book!

The book.

The book?

Guys, maybe we should call the fuckin'...

You need to shut the fuck up

and let us deal with this.

No dude, how about you shut the fuck up,

let's call the fucking police.

We killed our friends, man,

we killed our friends.

Maybe I can figure out how to reverse the spell

and bring them back, man.

What are you fucking talking about?

Spell?

No no no, no no no

- no no no. - What?

- What? - This can't be happening.

- This can't be happening. - What?

What, Trev, what what?

Dude.

What does that mean?

What the hell?

Holy shit, what's going on, man?

Dude, what's happening to him?

What the?

Holy shit, dude.

What the fuck?

I can't.

His body is all fucking broken.

He's fucking broken, man!

How the fuck did that happen?

What?

What?

What?

What the fuck is this?

Dude, what the fuck is that?

It's here for me.

What the fuck, man.

How could you do this to me?

I'm sorry, I didn't know that was gonna happen, I swear.

Okay, if this doesn't work, I'm sorry too.

What do you have to be sorry for?

Talk later!

Trevor.

No no no no.

What the fuck?

Come on!

Burn!

Okay.

And that's a cut!

Sorry.

No no, it's fine.

Experience of a lifetime, right?

Anything Marty wants.

Looks good.

There.

What is that?

I'll be right back.

Got you mother fucker.

Subtitles by explosiveskull