Original subtitles

AmericasCardroom.com brings poker back Million Dollar Sunday Tournament every Sunday

Good morning, George!

Up she goes!

Thanks, George!

Hey! The comics are good today, George!

Okay, I'll put it on your tab. Enjoy!

Okay. Okay. Okay.

Now I'm awake.

7:45? Oh, no, I'm late!

Oh!

Sorry, George, I don't have time for the paper today.

I'm late for my meeting with Mr Bloomsberry.

Wish me luck!

Reason 12, I organised all the pencils in the museum

according to size and sharpness.

Reason 24, I arranged for the toothbrushes of the British royalty exhibit...

Well, the display case, whatever.

Reason 33, I colour-coded the colour-code labels.

Sorry I'm late, Mr Bloomsberry.

Fore!

Whoa!

Since you announced your retirement, I've been thinking,

and, well, I've put together 50 reasons,

35 sub-reasons and a handful of compelling arguments

why, of all the candidates to replace you,

- I should... - Ted,

you're not one of the candidates.

Oh...

Thanks for seeing me, sir. I...

You're the only candidate.

- I am? - Yes!

I couldn't imagine leaving the Bloomsberry Museum

in the hands of anybody else.

- Not even Junior Bloomsberry? - My son?

Heavens, no! He has other ambitions.

You've earned this, Ted.

Me, a museum director!

And all you've got to do is get approved by the Board of Directors

at their annual meeting next week.

The Board of Directors?

But they're powerful, intimidating men, with moustaches!

And male pattern baldness.

Relax, Ted. They're just as scared of you as you are of them.

- Really? - Absolutely.

No, wait, that's bears.

Anyway, just tell the Board your vision for the museum.

Make them believe in you.

Inspire them.

No...

Huh? Oh! Oh!

Okay.

Sure, I can do that.

Ted, all of your hard work is finally paying off, and I'm very proud of you.

But even future museum directors need to take a little time off.

But I've only got one week

to put together my whole "Priorities for the Future" presentation.

Most people only talk about the future. Not me.

I put it in a binder!

Hi, George.

What?

- You want to see the elephant? - Uh-huh.

Sorry, George. Not today.

I gotta pick the colours for my bar graphs.

Today, I'm thinking earth tones.

- Has anybody seen my bar graphs? - Bar graphs.

Hey! Mustard's a good colour.

Ted, all this important stuff isn't the most important stuff.

You need to think about your loved ones.

You mean George? I think of him all the time.

Those aren't toys, George!

See? Just thought of him again.

Ted, the people you really care about, and who care about you,

need your attention now.

Or there may not be a "later." Do you understand?

Sure, I understand! I do!

Hey, George! Pack your smile! We're going to see the elephant!

You see? I totally caught your drift! We are so in sync!

- See you later, Maggie. - Bye-bye!

Hey! You wanna come, too?

Peculiar.

Ladies and gentlemen, direct your eyes centre-stage

as we present, direct from London, that's in England,

the great Piccadilly!

Thank you, thank you.

I shall endeavour to amuse you with prestidigitation,

mesmerization, legerdemain,

and other large words.

Ah, Tina, my lovely assistant.

If you would kindly step into the enchanted cabinet.

Behold! The insupposable metamorphosis of woman

into water fowl!

Ted...

And now, for an outstanding wonder, hitherto unseen by civilised man.

Now, tell me, does anyone here like blowing bubbles?

Well, next time, try this!

Kayla, the two-ton juggling pachyderm!

It's quite extraordinary.

Oh!

Oh, Kayla, there's no spunk in your trunk.

No pep in your proboscis.

No cause for alarm.

Elephants do not forget, but sometimes they do get stage fright.

Now, for the next trick, I require a volunteer from the audience.

Ted?

Oh! Oh!

Right.

Yes, you, sir! The man with the yellow hat!

Me?

Please, sir, join us on stage.

Gee. I have a bad case of stage blight. Trite! Fright!

Obviously.

- Go! Go on. It'll be fun. - Fun?

Okay, don't push. I'm good. I'm fine.

Heavens, what a fluorescent chapeau.

- May I? - Well...

Trust me.

Ah!

Sir, I'd like you to help me make this elephant vanish!

All you have to do is say the magic words,

"Pachydermatus vamoosicus."

Pachydermatus what's-a-cus?

Close enough!

Thank you, thank you. I'm sure you wish this would work on the mother-in-law.

George! It's just a trick!

No problem. I'll deal with the cheeky monkey.

Oh, boy.

George!

Come here.

- Yours? - Yeah.

He's a tad curious, that's all. His name's George.

Come out, Curious George.

Yeah, thank you! Yes.

George? Where are you?

Kayla?

Kayla? Kayla!

Security!

You think this innocent act of yours is fooling anyone?

You can go, for now.

If you feel like coming clean,

contact me, Danno Wolfe, Head of Security.

Well!

Hey, boss, I'm no expert, but I can't help but notice

that none of these people has an elephant-sized bulge

underneath their coats.

I suppose, Ms Fisher, you think that's clever?

But take away the elephant's water weight, and you're left with 25 pounds of minerals.

You think someone dehydrated the elephant?

A crime stuffer never rules out a possibility.

Next!

I suggest no sudden moves. He's high-strung.

Ah, yes. The man with the mischievous monkey.

Not mischievous, just curious.

Where is he, anyway?

Well, believe it or not, George has gone missing, too.

Really?

It's not that strange. He probably wandered off.

He does it all the time.

You know, maybe Kayla wandered off with George.

- So that's your story? Your monkey did it? - No!

Ticklish! Okay.

- You know, I bet they're just out having fun. - "Fun"? Kidnapping is fun to you?

- I suppose murder's just a party, then, huh? - Murder?

International espionage? Just another day at the beach?

No! No! No beach!

Listen, yellow man, I've got my eye on you.

- Don't leave town! - He never does.

The local police claim a lost elephant is not their problem.

Doesn't matter. I've made it mine.

- I will find your hippo! - Elephant!

Oh.

Elephant. Sorry.

Baby elephant, alone in the big city.

She must be terrified.

Sinatra. Hmm.

ABBA.

Ah!

Tchaikovsky.

Tchaikovsky.

- And it was here-

Even the great Piccadilly, who makes his living causing things to vanish,

- is unable to explain-

- The magician acquired the elephant-

- Kayla is seen here-

Just a playful little elephant,

- with no idea of the heart-rending drama-

- The elephant's original home-

Now animal lovers across the country can only wait and wonder

George!

George, when I said no guests over without permission,

I am pretty sure that included elephants.

What were you thinking?

Peanuts. Yes.

Yes, of course.

Makes total sense.

Well, I better call Mr Piccadilly and tell him.

- Thank you-

For Klingon, press cha.

- For a schedule of upcoming events,-

- -Finally!

Our office hours are weekdays from 10:00 to 6:00:

Come on, George. We've got to take Kayla back home.

If we meet anyone, I'll do the talking. Not sure what I'll say.

Any story that begins with "my monkey and l" is trouble.

- Hey, look! :make you feel?

I've been imitated by idiots, pilloried by critics

and walked out on by philistines,

but stealing a man's elephant,

- Kayla is not only the star of my show,-

Like an elephant could just walk away and no one would notice.

- Tonight, a special report-

George? Kayla?

George, no!

Typical. My list just says trunk.

Who knew there'd be an elephant attached?

Well, the boxcar's empty.

Train 321 heading to California all point express

- will be leaving in 30 seconds-

George, what are you doing here?

Yeah. I know Kayla's an elephant. She has to go home.

And so do we.

I have a big presentation to prepare, and I haven't even begun to alphabetize.

Okay. I'm putting my foot down, young monkey.

AII, aboard!

So, get out of this car, right now.

There is no way we're riding a train tonight.

No. No! No! No, wait! Wait!

Oh, my gosh, there are no seatbelts.

Help. We're trapped.

Great.

I've gone from museum director to boxcar hobo.

And look at my priorities,

my poor beautiful priorities.

Does anybody see my pie charts?

Never mind. I'II...

I'll just recreate them.

Wait. I have my phone.

No signal.

Come on, baby. Give me some signal. Papa needs a new pair of bars.

Come on. Come on. Come on.

Wait. Now there's two.

Now there's... Now there's three.

Now there's none.

George, you're in my light.

You've seen the moon before.

A bird?

Oh!

Flying. No.

No, the moon isn't flying.

I see.

Well, actually, that's an interesting illusion.

See, the moon is far away, and the trees are close,

so we get a parallax effect, where it's...

Or sometimes the man in the moon looks down,

sees a little monkey he likes and follows him.

Why don't you say good night to the moon and go sleep with Kayla?

Good night, George.

Come on in. We're all set up.

Brilliant! Extraordinary! Impressive array.

Do they do anything?

Yeah! We've got security tapes, satellite tracking,

thermal vision, wiretaps, fingerprint databases, spectral and DNA analysis,

and the theatre organ.

This was the only room available on short notice.

But not to worry! Stand back and behold

the future of crime stuffing!

You forgot to plug in the future.

Spot on, Mr Wolfe.

- Thank you-

Kayla. George.

Train.

Right.

Wow, the Gateway Arch. This is St Louis.

When the train stops, we can yell for someone to let us out.

We're going home!

That was St Louis.

Okay. Okay. I'm not gonna freak out.

My cell phone should work here,

but it has a dead battery.

Kayla, George, cover your ears.

Okay.

Now I'm freaking out!

Ms Fisher! You should hear this. It came into the call centre as Chinese.

- Get a translator. - That's a monkey.

Don't be silly. Monkeys don't speak Chinese.

We have a voice-print match.

It's a monkey!

Your powers of observation are dizzying.

"Dizzying." I like that. Yes, thank you, Ms Fisher.

- There's no signal from the phone. - Let's review.

Why would a Chinese-speaking monkey call, then disable the phone?

Answer? Because he's taunting us!

Ms Fisher, this may be the most devious monkey ever.

George! What are you doing?

This is my presentation to the Board!

I have to find a way out of here!

Just another inch...

The handle's too far.

I'm sorry I yelled at you.

It's just that these three little rings hold my entire career.

My whole future is all in this little binder.

So, just be more careful, okay?

Oh!

No! No!

Oh, boy.

I'm okay.

I'm okay!

I'll catch up with you, George! Promise!

You've got to stop the California Express!

- Are you talking to me? - Yes!

No, siree. The C.E. Don't stop for nothing!

For nobody. No one.

Except for fuel in Grand Junction.

Listen, we're talking a genuine emergency, here!

My monkey and elephant and all my priorities

are trapped in a boxcar headed to California,

but I was bushwhacked, literally, and fell off the train, and...

And you hit your head, I reckon.

Well, yes, but I...

Never mind.

My cell phone is dead.

I need to make a call.

I'll bet you do. Well, I figure I can charge your phone,

but you're gonna have to call your monkey outside.

First, I'll call Piccadilly. Then, I'll catch up with the train.

You're saying my elephant was kidnapped by a monkey?

I suppose he wants 20 pounds in unmarked bananas.

Don't be fooled. I can read a criminal face.

That monkey's a lifetime offender.

Probably started off kidnapping squirrels. That's the gateway animal.

Come on! I'm running out of change!

Pilfered Pachyderm Unit, can I help you?

Hi. I have your elephant.

It's the kidnapper!

Beginning trace.

Okay, first, I want you to know she's okay.

- Second...

: - I need more money.

- What do they want? - You need money?

Yes! But your elephant is fine. Just fine.

:: or $5 for 10 minutes: - Can I just...

And that includes a subscription to Payphone Weekly.

I need that money!

Nuts!

Look, I'll talk fast. We'll be home soon, and everything is gonna be fine.

Well! At least I got that covered.

It's a kidnapping, all right. But that was no monkey.

- Nobody can fool you, Crime Stuffer Wolfe. - The situation is worse than I thought.

- Our monkey has an accomplice. - My poor Kayla.

I suspect this man.

- Blimey! I would never have believed it. - That's because you haven't taken

the online Crime Stuffer Correspondence Course.

I have.

It's true what they say.

You don't appreciate your elephant till she's gone.

You must get Kayla back!

Gotcha! The call came from a pay phone in Humbleton, Colorado.

No taxi? No bus? No car for rent?

Let me see. Would you like the Bentley or the Lamborghini?

- Don't you have any form of transportation? - Just my bike.

George! George!

I'm going to go up to the front and get them to stop the train!

Oh, no!

No!

No one has ever been happier to see his monkey

and elephant.

Thanks, Kayla.

I missed you, too.

- Thank you-

- Pick up. Pick up!-

ETA, Ms Fisher?

- Ten minutes closer-

Coffee much, Ms Fisher?

Hang on. We're picking up his cell phone signal again,

from the same coordinates as the pay phone.

Bingo! I've got them cornered.

Freeze!

Horse feathers! Look what you did!

What are you doing with that phone?

Nothing, now that you made me break it.

- I mean, where did you get it? - From some guy.

Is this the man?

Hard to say.

- How about now? - Yep, that's him.

Strange fellow. He was chasing after the California Express.

Oh!

- And where's that train going? - California.

- But she does stop in Grand Junction. - Really?

You're always one step ahead of me. But I'm on to you now, and I'm closing in.

Mister, are you talking to that picture?

I've got a train to catch.

Hey, she's getting good.

You guys been practising?

Sure! Kayla can probably handle one more. Right, Kayla?

George!

My binder!

Say! We're picking up speed!

No, no, no, no, no, no!

Oh, boy!

Oh, boy!

Well, that was a...

I may need some time to process that.

You get the elephant. The monkey and the man with the yellow hat

are mine.

Well, what do you know? Fourteen minutes early.

Danno Wolfe, Security! Where's the elephant?

Where's the rest of my train?

I don't know what's worse, blowing my career

or having a blister on my toe the size of Texas.

Okay, Rhode Island. Come on, guys! Stop goofing around!

Seriously, if you're not careful,

That might happen.

You think that's funny? You could've really gotten hurt.

We should be looking for a road, and instead you're...

George! You found a road!

Okay! A road!

We just catch a ride east, and we are on our way!

Okay, this is gonna be hard.

Or not.

As part of our round-the-clock elephant-napping special coverage,

- I'm pleased to have the great Piccadilly,-

These past 24 hours have been hard on all of us,

though perhaps even more so for you,

your naked suffering on display before a watching, waiting world

while you wonder who's made off with your elephant!

I mean, here you are, powerless, while your elephant is in the hands of...

- Well, who knows? - "Who knows?" I know!

It's these two.

America is mad. Let's hear you speak out!

What kind of monster would take an elephant?

Elephant stealers should go to jail for, like, a million years!

I know Ted.

He's a good man. There must be some explanation.

You know, despite everything, it's been kind of nice getting away.

Still, it'll be good to get back to...

"California's best"? Avocados?

Surfers?

We're in California!

Why didn't someone tell me we were going in the wrong direction?

Aren't animals supposed to have instincts about this stuff?

Welcome back to The Network News with Hark Hanson.

It's time to hear what the suspected elephant-napper's employer has to say.

I don't understand it. Ted's the most honest man I know.

He once walked three miles to return change to a customer.

Wait, that was Abraham Lincoln.

Well, thank you, Mr Bloomsberry.

Come on, kick it in.

- Hey, there. Can we help? - "We"?

Is that an elephant?

- Well, I'll be. - Is that a monkey?

- That's George. - That's Anna.

- Any way I can thank you, mister? - Well, can I use your phone?

I guess she's about two tons. That's right.

And I'll have to pay you later. I left town unexpectedly.

Well, it's a long story.

One more!

Well, the good news is,

I found a freight company that will ship Kayla back home.

The bad news is, they charge by the pound.

And they can't come until tomorrow.

Well, then it looks like we've got house guests.

They're having a pretty good time.

That's my girl!

- Seems like it's your turn, Ted. - Me? Oh, no. No.

Jumping into hay from a great height is not my idea of...

Whoa!

Hey, that wasn't so bad.

Okay, I could have lived without that, though.

Hey!

George, those are dirty.

They should be washed, and sanitised, and pasteurised and...

These are amazing! It's like there's a party in my mouth!

- Come on, Ted! - Come on in!

- Clear the pool! - No. No! No! No!

Where's my bathing suit?

What a day. I haven't had this much fun since...

Well, probably the week I first met George. Remember?

Yes. Peekaboo.

Chased by a rhino. Bitten by giant bugs.

Good times.

The paper's here!

- George loves the comics. - Be my guest.

Oh, my gosh. Look! They've got a story about Kayla!

Kayla came from the California Animal Park?

And these other two elephants are her brother and sister?

You knew all that before, didn't you, George?

That's why you brought us to California. So Kayla could see her family.

Hey, look! They've got a picture of you and George, too!

Huh?

What? That's impossible! I called! It was taken care of!

- Mr Bloomsberry? - Ted?

Where are you? People think you stole an elephant!

I know! It's crazy!

Well, it's a little crazy.

The museum's swarming with people! Everyone's looking for you.

- For me? - And George!

- It's all over the news! :: But I called!

Do you think this will affect the Board's decision?

- Forget the Board! You may go to jail! - Jail?

I got you!

Listen, Mr Bloomsberry. I'll get this all straightened out.

We'll be home tomorrow! I promise!

So, you're not taking Kayla to see her family?

I never was. I can't!

I'm sorry, George.

George, listen to me, okay? I know you want Kayla to see her family,

but Mr Piccadilly has been looking for her and wants her back.

No, George! We're in big trouble!

The big, legal, "Go directly to jail, do not pass Go" kind.

Don't you understand?

I know you didn't mean to get us into this mess, but you have.

And it ends now.

Look, I'm sorry! I just don't have any other choice!

Still friends?

- Come on, Anna. Let's get ready for bed. - Okay.

- Morning, Ted. Sleep well? - Not a wink.

Do you suppose they'll let me keep my hat in prison?

Hang in there, Ted. I figure this mess will get straightened out.

You think?

But then what?

What museum is gonna hire a famous fugitive from justice as their director?

You sure do worry a lot.

Well, let's see. I'm wanted in 24 states, I'm hated in all 50,

my career is down the toilet, and George and I will end up on the streets

with a tin cup, playing the hurdy-gurdy!

You bet I'm worried!

Yep, guess you're right. Can't get any worse than that.

Right.

Yeah, can't get any worse.

Guess not.

Wait up!

So, what am I worried about?

Come on, George! Come on, Kayla!

If we're gonna make it to the animal park, we'd better get moving!

Why not? If things can't get any worse, they can only get better, right?

So let's have an elephant family reunion!

Okay! Okay! I'm happy, too! I'm happy!

The park's just beyond the Golden Gate Bridge.

This ain't good.

- Nobody move! - Mr Wolfe! I'm so glad you're here!

- Finally, we can clear this up. - I told you not to leave town!

I tried not to. Believe me.

- You know, it's a funny story, really... - Quiet!

Don't worry, Kayla. Danno Wolfe is in charge now.

Out of my way, banana breath.

- Leave him alone! - Go ahead.

I've taken an eight-week Internet course in karate.

- No! - Hang on, Anna.

Oh, please. That old trick?

Pilot! Do something!

That's a 10-4, boss!

You're all in my custody now!

Don't make me come out of this barrel!

Sorry, Mr Wolfe. I made a promise to my monkey.

I'm taking Kayla to see her family.

My backup.

You have to hide. Now!

Not so easy with an elephant, a monkey and a bright yellow suit!

I've got an idea. Come on!

Great!

Kayla, look out!

A bus?

No! No!

Kayla, wait!

Come on, George!

Hi, folks! Here is your complimentary map.

Apparently, she knows the way!

That's gonna cost us.

- Is that an elephant? - Look out! Wild elephant!

She sure was homesick.

You know, coming here was a good idea, George.

It was all worth it for this.

Okay, I could have lived without the driving off a cliff,

but I had the best time of my life!

Thanks to you, George.

Aha!

- Rogue elephant! Stop her! - No! No, she's harmless!

Kayla, look out!

No. Hey!

Your crime spree ends here, monkey. You have the right to remain silent.

Anything you say...

chitter

can and will be used against you in a court of law.

Well, we'll be on the ground soon.

George, when we land, some policemen are going to come,

and, well, I'm probably going to have to go away for a while.

But don't worry. Maggie will take good care of you. I promise.

I don't want to leave you, either, pal.

The elephant kidnappers are having a moment.

Now I'm supposed to get all mushy and let you go.

You see this? Not an ounce of mush.

- What do you want? - Me? Nothing.

I have everything I could ever possibly need.

You, the elephant, even this.

Would the monkey like a nice, yellow banana?

If you can get it, it's yours.

Stop that!

There, there, elephant. Here, go ahead and eat.

The man and the monkey can't hurt you now.

What? What? What?

You are a worthy opponent, monkey.

You're gonna have to do better than that to get the best of me,

Danno Wolfe, Apprentice P.I.

Nice going, George!

We still need a plan.

We gotta reach Piccadilly before the plane lands,

let him know this was just a big misunderstanding.

- What's that? - Cargo door probably popped open.

- Again. - I'll secure it.

After you jump, just give it a pull.

Uh-oh!

Stop!

Easy, now.

Here goes!

- Gotcha! - Mr Wolfe...

Head of Security.

George! Pull the ring beside you!

- I'm losing my grip here! - Hang on just a bit longer!

- About to plummet! - Oh, boy.

Earth! That's good.

I jumped from a plane without a parachute and survived!

I am awesome!

Oh!

That was fun, wasn't it?

Hey! Can't see!

Didn't think the whole "no parachute" thing through, huh?

Come on, we've got to get to the theatre, George!

Oh, no, you don't!

Hey! Wait for me!

We must be under the stage.

And now, for my final feat of magic, I shall produce, from thin air,

a water fowl.

Who am I kidding? There's no such thing as magic.

- What? - What?

How it works is, there are a bunch of levers and pulleys

and a dumb little button. You push it, and...

Kayla! Oh, my!

Is it you?

It is magic!

Hear, hear!

Oh!

My beautiful Kayla!

I have you now, monkey.

Guess who's back.

No monkey makes a chimp out of me!

Whoa!

Put me down! Help! Mad elephant!

What am I...

What am I doing wrong?

I think you need to work on your people skills.

I bet they have an Internet course for that.

Mmm, mmm, mmm.

Oh, boy! I'm late for the Board meeting!

Ladies and gentlemen, I am really dedicated to this museum,

but between going cross-country with my monkey,

falling off a train, biking off a cliff

and leaping from an airplane with an elephant...

Well, you know what that's like.

Maybe not.

It's just, I got my priorities all mixed up.

Or, maybe they were mixed up before.

Because I've learned more from one little monkey

than I ever figured out from all my multicoloured pie charts.

This is what matters.

Families, friends, loved ones.

People, coming together.

It's my top priority, and it should be this museum's!

We'll sponsor Living History days.

Young, old, father, son, "All for One, One for All" days!

We'll share our past, our present, our hopes, plans and dreams!

Also, I have a few ideas for some cafeteria specials.

Hole in one! Congratulations, Mr Director.

Thank you, Mr Bloomsberry. Thank you very much.

But I owe it all to George.

Whoa!

Hang on, George!

- Well, look at that. - Oh, my goodness!

- Cheers! - You're here!

- All of us! - Are Tonga and Layla visiting?

Visiting? They've joined my act! Now Kayla has her family,

and my act has three times the magic.

My hat!

What's he doing?

Nice trick, George!

I taught him everything he knows.

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