All language subtitles for Anton Spelec, ostrostrelec (1932).PiCD.ENG

Czech comedy

ANTON HOOTER, SHARPSHOOTER

Directed by

Starring

Featuring

- Wait, wait!

That F sharp again.

Take it up...
Higher...

- Boss, could I have some help here?

- Looks like I'll help you myself.

- So, come on now!
- Get up!

- Ah, our Emperor was born!

- Tony, where are you,
for God's sake?

All that splendor,
and you're not there!

We all are already standing there!

- My, I forgot all about it.

- You have to be there.
I'm not supposed to tell you, but -

just between us,
you are awarded a medal today.

- You're having me on...
...Kacaba, if it is not a true...

- Tony! It's true.
- Is it?

- Five medals were proposed.
You were named later as the sixth.

Shhh...

- Tereza, you are my wife.
I'm not saying anything.

But when I come back from the show,
notice my chest. Let's go.

- The medal-awarding ceremony
of the Sharpshooter Guards

will now begin.

Sobotka Frantisek,
Rais Cyril,

Stanek Jan,
Cafourek Vaclav,

Kautsky Josef.

- And what about me?
Why did you say that for?

- And... Hooter Anton.
- Here!

- Most respected Commander,
the medal I get today

will be my pride and joy...
Wait. My heart is..., no.

I am overjoyed... I am honored...
Dear Sir, I am...

- What's wrong,
what about the medal?

- That man was awarded subsequently.

- Seems they didn't put it through in time.

- Yes, yes, yes...

- Mr. Hooter, I'm very sorry, you'll get it
at next year's ceremony.

- Stand at attention!

Company, take aim!

Company, left turn!
Forward march!

- Such a disgrace!

What a fool I look now.
All those people watching.

All the neighbors sniggering.

If I don't get the medal, this is my end.

Such great expectation,
all miscalculation.

Short of one they must be -

just when one's meant for me!

I've felt hot and cold and hot,
do I get it or not.

Should I ever be born again,
I'll flush myself down the drain.

Anton Hooter, Sharpshooter,

when he screams for liquor

and the devil gets into him

the results are pretty grim.

Now I can but rant and rave,

that damned medal will be my grave.

- Beer! Beer! Beer!

- Come on, Tony,
be sensible.

You'll get the medal next year.

- What next year?

I should have had it today!
If they don't want to give it to me,

I'll tell them what to do with it.

- Tony...
- I'm right.

- Stop shouting.
Be a man and have a beer.

- I don't want beer, don't force me.

I want liquor! Liquor!

- Tony, keep away from the liquor,

you know what it does to you.

- You stop preaching.
You've got the medal, I haven't.

Liquor!
You, decorated!

- What's ma'am making for lunch?

- What? Pasta.

I'll let you have mine for 8 halers.
I'll do with soup.

- Deal then.
One gets hungry working.

- You do nothing!

What if by chance I did.
Am dying for a drink.

- Liquor!

- Tony, don't! You get berserk!

- I get... nothing.
- Tony, please!

- Don't worry.
I am always OK.

No medal for me?
Me, the best of 'em all!

Me, like a Don Kossack with a gun!

Most honored gentlemen,
would you like a display?

All right then, watch.

See? Just one flash.

- Jesus Christ!
- Now some real shooting.

- Tony, for God's sake, be sensible!

- What sense?
- What are you up to?

- I'm going to fire!
- Don't!

- Just one shot!
- See where you liquor gets you!

- But I want to!
- Be sensible!

- I'll fire, look!
- Don't!

- I'll dance a Kossack dance, then.

Mind, I'm going to fire!
- Don't!

- I am!
- Tony!

- Nice bang, what?

- I want order in here!

- Order yourself!

If you want order,
see to it I get my medal!

With your education,
you should know.

- Don't shout, the Commander...

- Damn the Commander! He's a fool!

- It's not the Commander's fault!
- Whose, then?

- The Emperor's!
- Frankie? That fool?

- He means Frankie the glazier!
- No, not the glazier.

The ruler - he's crazier!

The Emperor's a fool!
Here we go.

- Tony, go and apologize, please.
They'll hang you for that!

- Think so?
- Go on.

- Apologize to him?
- Go!

- I don't want to,
but if you wish...

Sir, I beg to report,
that we were over-hasty

and said the Emperor's a fool.
We take that back and proclaim,

that the Emperor's not a fool,
but a crowned fool!

Here we go.
- You've insulted the Emperor!

- I didn't say anything.
Insulted nobody.

Named nobody.

- You comedian!

- Now he's insulted me!
I won't tolerate that!

When I say three, the scrimmage starts!

Three!

- Get a razor!
- Forget about a razor!

- Who's biting me?
- Hand me the razor!

- You'll pay for this insult!

- You'll pay for this insult!

You've insulted His Imperial Majesty...
...Franz Joseph I.

Considering all circumstances,
according to Paragraph 63,

the Court sentences you
to three months' imprisonment.

Defendant, do you accept the sentence?

- Excuse me...
- Wait! Wait! Wait!

Most respected Court,
as my forespeaker clearly hinted,

this seems to concern my imprisonment.

This proposal is against my convictions.

Most respected Court of Law,

if I said the Emperor is a foo...
I mean ruler... let me go on.

Most respected Law of Court,
what about another solution?

What if Mr. Kacaba, here present,
my life-long witness,

at my wedding, too,

guaranteed on his word of honor,

That, let's say,
I'd do my time at his house?

- I cannot take this responsibility,
Your Honor.

- Defendant, I ask you again
if you accept the sentence.

- Couldn't it be probationary, please?

- The sentence is unconditional.
- And what if I write it out

a hundred times
and let it signed at home?

Ah, that's not go, either.

No amnesty applies to me?
- Mr. Prosecutor...

- You have perpetrated the crime
of insulting His Majesty, Paragraph 63.

You are found guilty.

I advise you
to accept the sentence.

- Listen, I've been watching you.

I think you have a down on me!

Anyway, most respected courts and laws,

three months is too much
for such a little act of rashness!

I'm willing to prove...
- I would like to...

- You sit down, you stutterer.

Before you squeeze it out,
I'll be out of jug again.

- Had they let him off for the Emperor
thing,

Frankie could make charges.
So what's the odds?

How much d'you think he'll get?

- What can he get...
The rope.

- You stop it.
I haven't slept for two weeks.

- To the shop!

- Tony, how did you make out?
Acquitted...

- I knew you would be.

- In three month's time.
- Heavens, three months!

- That's the result.

That's for having such a friend
stand witness for me.

- But, Tony, please...
- Don't!

As soon as we got there,
you asked the porter for a drink.

- Half a day's work lost...

- But you were my witness!

I was nearly out of it
when they asked him

what religion he confessed.

And he said Greek-Roman!
That's a fight, you!

- See, now I'm to blame.

At the pub I kept telling him:
Tony, please, stop drinking,

you know what you get up to.
But no.

He kept shouting: Liquor! Liquor!
And: The Emperor's a fool!

- See! And nobody charges him!

- Don't tell me, Mr. Kacaba.
You wanted some drink and fun.

Why did you drag him to the pub?

- Exactly, why did you?
- Tony, don't. You made ME go!

- Liar! You said let's skip the march,
have a drink!

Of course you did.

Look here.

...with one fast.
I hadn't noticed this.

One fast what?

Where shall I get the fast?
See what you've done!

- Mr. Kacaba,
do not bother my husband again.

- But why?
- Right, absolutely right.

You always get me into trouble.

Yes, you do.

The way you speak of her and all.
I'll tell my wife.

The way you speak of the whole family.

Do you know what he said?
Let her know.

He said you ate a dog.

- You said that?
Out of here!

- Yes, out, says my wife.
- But Tony...

- Leave the room, please!

- And old friend...

- None of old friends.
Excuse me...

Cannot tolerate your behavior!

- Three months in prison are bad,
but there are worse things.

- Worse, indeed!
Do my time for me!

- Tony, I have an idea! What if
somebody did it for you?

- Heavens, and who?
- Someone who can hold his tongue!

- I have yet to meet such a guy!
What an idea! - Yes, great idea!

If you're away for there months,
we can close the shop.

What would you do then?
- What would you do?

I've got an idea!
What if somebody did it for me?

- What did I say?
- What?

- Someone else
may do your time for you.

- Good idea!

- Good idea, Alois.

The old man'll be locked-up,
and they'll need us here badly.

- You'll give him your papers,
and he'll go to prison for you.

- Impossible.
Such a man won't fall from the skies.

Come in!

- Good afternoon.
- Mr. Cuckoo.

- We thought, boss...

Now you'll be traveling to prison

we'll be kept busier
and you should give us a raise.

- Hey, wake up!
- Why?

- You're talking in your sleep!

- Oh no, boss.
I know what I'm saying.

For those three months
we'd want our pay in advance.

- Look here, Cuckoo.

I have a clean record,
I've never hurt a soul.

Scram now,
or I'll make such a mess of you,

that I'll be back sooner from jail
than you from hospital.

Out!

- So three months ain't enough?

- Get me my rifle,
I'll brand him with the Imperial emblem!

- Don't shout, Tony, please!

- I can shout, I am the boss!

I am in trouble
and up pops such a vampire

trying to bamboozle money out of me!

- You never know,
he may come in handy.

- Like a pain in the neck.

- Tony, sit down.

What if he took your place in prison?

- It would serve him right.
Do you think he'd do it?

- He'd do anything for money.

I'll fetch him, but be nice to him.

If you need him,
you have to butter him up!

- And spread him on my bread for joy.

- I don't need this.
Can get a job with the railway.

Want my supper for six kreutzers?

- Mr. Cuckoo!
Joe dear!

- Just look at her, all velvet.

- My husband wants a word with you.

- Yeah, this could work.

Twenty gold pieces...

Not bad.

A deal... Twenty gold pieces
for going to jail for me.

- Here is Mr. Cuckoo.

- I'm so glad you came, Cuckoo,

you're such a sweet man.

Just come in,
sweet honey Cuckoo!

Do take a seat, Cuckoo!

That clock must go!
We can't let if offend our guest!

Sit in the soft chair,
you'll get enough of hard benches.

- Pardon?

- Bring some liquor!
You do drink, Cuckoo?

Of course you do.
Minor man is our man.

How are you doing, man?

- Nothing much...

- Nothing. And I pay you for it.
See what a great fella I am.

There, Cuckoo, you're a guest.

You know I always meant well by you.

This is for you,
and this is for me.

I have to, you know.
Which one, this one.

Well, my dear Cuckoo.

Do help yourself.

The point is this.

I am opening a branch shop.
Great spot, really something.

I shan't tell you where and so,

but you'll have a nice rest there.
I wouldn't say so if it weren't true.

Bring the cake for the guest
and get some cigarettes.

Do you smoke?
Feel free and smoke.

I need a representative for three months,

at that branch shop.

Director, you know?
- Understand.

- You keep mum about it,

just take my place...

Understand?
- Yeah..., I do.

- Are you drinking?
Just another drop.

- I can't...
- You could if you tried, Cuckoo.

- No, it's too strong...

- See, where there's a will there's a way.

Are the cigarettes here?
- Here.

- Come and sit down, then.

So I'll tell you, Cuckoo.

- I'll tell him myself.
- I'll tell him.

Look, Cuckoo...
- I know.

- I can't...
- Go to prison for three months.

Could you do it for him?

- Understand, Cuckoo?

- We wouldn't want it
for free, of course.

- Wait, don't force him.
What if he wants to do it for free?

Look how well he looks,
he's gained weight in our house!

Our little angel - you little angel.
What a nice guy.

Look, such a chubby-face.
- Yeah, chubby-face.

- You were out.
You don't know he offered

to go to prison for me.

- What?
- You did. Yeah, you did.

- I'd have to think it over.

- Look, Cuckoo, it's simple.
No thinking.

You take my documents
and go there,

ring for the porter,
then go to the director's

sign your name in the guest book,

they take you on,
and that's that.

And it's with full board, too!

Didn't I tell you?

And there's more...

You'll learn all about stationery,
sticking paper bags!

Or learn to play the violin,
there were such people.

You'll manage overnight!

You know your way around.

- But what's in it for me?
- I worked it out. - Yeah.

- But what's in it for me?
- I worked it out. - Yeah.

- We'd give you 20 gold pieces.
- Twenty gold pieces.

- For three months. So, look...
- Twenty, that's a nice bit of money.

- You see, nice money.
- But three months...

- For just three months, it is great.
- Three months, that's a long time!

- I know, but if you took February,
it would be shorter.

- Mr. Cuckoo, please do it.
- Look, we'll give you thirty.

- Forty, if you say, then agreed.

- Who's doing the bidding?

- Twenty now, twenty when you're out.

- When you come back from jail.

- Criminal.
- We call it jail.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- You know?

- Twenty now.
And she can give that to me now.

- Yeah, give it to him.

- OK. Twenty now and twenty after.

And boss, what about social security?

- I pay everything.
- You pay.

- Everything. You can rely on me.
Security, everything.

- That's twenty...
- Even your fare.

- But I still don't think...

- Listen, don't force yourself.

I've had other offers.

Alois said he'd go to jail for me.
- Alois?

- Yeah, Alois!
He would enjoy to do it for me.

And what did he
promise us in exchange?

- Yes?
- For Christmas.

- What did he promise?
- Just guess. - What?

- A goose! What a nice man!

- But Tony said:
Only my dear Cuckoo...

- Exactly, that's I've said.

- Surely not Alois.

I'd do your time for you much better.
- That's true.

I am sure that if Cuckoo does it,
he'll do it well.

- That I would. - Exactly.
- And twenty golden. - Yeah, yeah.

- And what will you be doing, boss?

- I'll be working at the organ
in the small workshop, understand?

- Yeah.
- But I do have one request, Cuckoo.

This must remain a secret.
- Yeah.

- No one else may know.
It's just between the three of us.

You know about, my wife knows and I do.
- Yeah.

- We must shake on that.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Ma'am, is Cuckoo here?
Do I have to work alone?

- He is here.
Imagine, he gave us notice.

- What a character,

now when the boss needs us.

- Right, you're the character.

- But you can depend on me, ma'am.
I'll manage everything.

Just as if your husband were here.

- Ma'am, what about potato cakes
for lunch tomorrow?

- If the boss had such lunch in jug,
wouldn't he smack his lips.

- See to your work,
I'll bring your lunch to the workshop.

- It's not worth going there again.
And it's warmer here.

What about beer, ma'am?

I have to keep up my strength,
now I work for three.

- Hector, here!

- And what about me?

- Quiet, Tony! Quiet, please!

- I'm so hungry,
and you just ignore me!

It's just - Hector, here, Hector, here,
but nothing for me!

At least one potato cake!

- So take one.
- Where?

- Here.
- Ah, thanks.

- Hide, Tony - hide, please!

- Ma'am, what about creamed potatoes
for supper?

The boss likes those too.

But he's on bread and water now.

Jail is jail...

- This prison will kill me.

- Stop moaning, Tony,
you ain't in jail!

- I'm surprised I'm not happier,

considering Cuckoo's there in my place!

Considering Cuckoo's there in my place!

- That's all right, I'll sit here.

Two frankfurters, please.

PRISON

GET READY FOR WINTER AND BUY
FUR COAT IN TIME!

PRISON

- It's so cold...

- Good morning!
- Good morning, auntie.

- I was walking past,

so I thought I'd look on you.

- That's nice of you.

- How do you like to being a grass
widow?

- It's difficult to get used to, auntie.

- With such a husband as yours,

worse things will follow.
I knew this would happen.

He's only in jail now,
but he'll end up on the gallows.

He looks like a murderer!
- I am going to... oops!

- You mark my words.

- But he is innocent, auntie.

- So he got three months
for his goodness of heart, what?

- Wait, who's there?

- That's the dog.
I shut him in there.

Down, Hector!
Oh, he's here!

Must be the damp trough creaking.

- I am sorry for you,

but your husband
is a disgrace for the whole family.

That's what I came to tell you.

- I've had enough of this.
- Tony, please, don't shout.

- How can I listen
to such things about me?

If that old cow comes here again,

I'll whack her into the floor like a nail.

- Take no notice, get back to your work.

The organ needs finishing

and Alois can't manage alone.

- Such relatives...
The devil take them!

I'll see to it
our family dies out!

You'll see, talking back!

- I came...
You see, I thought...

Thought that Tony'll be feeling
lonely in there.

And I never said that
about your eating a dog.

Tony's sometimes such a tell-tale.

- Have you come to heap dirt on Tony?

- Me? He's my best friend!

No, indeed.
I want to visit him in jail.

- Oh no, Mr. Kacaba.
That might disturb him.

- He'd be glad!

- No, I don't want you to visit him.

See where your friendship brought him.

- It wasn't our friendship that did it.

It must be an unhappy home!

- What do you say to that?

- There's something to what he says.

- What is there to eat, ma'am?

- That guy is so greedy!

- That guy is so greedy!

- It's good...

Except for one thing.
- What?

- No one's gonna pay for it.

- Your are broke
and order such a spread?

They'll put you away.

- Just the thing for me.
- You want to go to jail?

- Yeah, over the winter.
- So let me tell you something.

- And so will I.
If you hear a bang from that closet,

it's me, exploding.

After three weeks in there

I feel like a walled-in nun.

- And I've had enough, too.
- Enough, too.

- And it's all your fault.
- Me, sure.

- You and your liquor.

- Don't nag!
As if other men didn't drink.

Give me some food and stop preaching.

- Here, eat it in the corner.

- In the corner!
Like Hector.

Throw it in the kennel,
and I can do his barking for him!

I want it on the table!
I'm a decent citizen.

I pay my taxes!

Wait, what's that growling?
- Your stomach rumbling.

- See how starved I am.

Did you shut the door?
- I did.

- One cannot even eat here!

- Ma'am, somebody wants you.

- Have some weird clash
with the cello.

- What on earth have you done to it?
- Nothing.

The man was just playing.

Then he put the cello down like this
and said to the bass player:

Man, you're wailing today
as if Mr. Hooter was in jail!

I didn't like his talk,
wanted to remind him,

and snatched up the cello.

Whilst teaching him his lesson,
it broke.

- You sure spoil me, ma'am.

- Enough.

- There wasn't too much meat,
but I enjoyed it.

- Go home, Alois.
Get going!

- I've been watching him.

Look, he picked it clean!
The greedy bastard!

Why didn't I go to jail?

There I'd have my bread and water.

I'm going to shoot that guy.

- Calm down, down shout.
- But I'm hungry!

- I'll fetch something for you.
I know you're hungry.

You must mend this cello,
and soon.

- I'll do it.
- Must be done tomorrow.

- I'll do everything.

I'm so hungry I squint.

I'd even eat the wood shavings.

- Here you are.

- Who is it?
- Alois.

Something important.

- Such a terrible thing, terrible thing.
- Yes, terrible thing.

- Such a terrible thing, terrible thing.
- Yes, terrible thing.

- Tell her the news
and explain what happened.

- As you say.

- Get out of here!

Looks like it'll be the dog kennel
for me soon.

Dog again! Forget it!

- Jesus, hide! Authorities!
- Who?

- Hide, hide!

- Mrs. Hooter, you had a husband.

- I have a husband.
- Your mistake. - What?

- You had a husband, but not any more.

- Excuse me?
- He died in cell 118 yesterday.

I know it's a blow,
but it awaits us all.

- Oh my God.
- But it has its advantages, too.

As he died, he's pardoned
from the rest of his sentence.

Here's the death certificate.
That means you're a widow

and can remarry. Goodbye.

- I could have known!

This is the last straw.
Look, I'm getting colder...

Look...
I'm turning to a skeleton.

See, this is certified.

- Tony, what will you do?

- What can I do?
What a dead man can do?

- So poor Cuckoo is dead.

- Tony, you can't stay here,
you must get outta house.

- Throw me out, that's the limit.
- You must hide, Tony!

When it's all over,
you can come back.

- Back? From the grave?
- Somebody must take you in.

- And who?

- Who?

- Hooter.

- He's dead?
- Quite dead.

- When's the funeral?

- Tomorrow.

- So tomorrow's his funeral.

- Poor man, what an odd way to go.
- Who'd ever have thought of it.

- Such a good soul, Tony.

My conscience is clear.
Tony won't haunt me.

But Commander Ctvrtecka had better
be careful.

It's his fault Tony pegged out.

- Open up, Kacaba.

Open up!
I'm half frozen!

- Tony's ghost... Lay, ghost!
- Don't lay anyone.

You'd better open up or I'll break
your window! Do you hear me?

- Tony, I've never hurt you,

why have you come to haunt me?

Go and haunt Ctvrtecka!

- Let me in, man.
I'm like an icicle.

High time, too.
Don't touch me, it's me.

Gimme a drop of liquor.

- It really is you.
- I am.

- Thank God.
Tony, but what it's all about?

- What...

- What's happening?

- I'll explain when I unfreeze.

- What can you explain,
it's your funeral tomorrow!

- Yeah, my funeral tomorrow.

- Thank you.

- She's still a good-looker, you know.
And the house is hers now.

- I'm a widower, too,
but for me she'd have to be younger.

- There must be his clothes.
- Certainly.

- Am I right for the funeral party?

My sympathetique.

I am the brother of the deceased.

I have lived abroad for 25 years
and you will hardly remember me,

dear sis-in-law.
I received telegram and came in once,

to see to things myself, sis.

It's been a long time.
You don't remember me, sis.

- You here? This is the end.

- That's why I came.

I am the dead man's brother now.
- Excuse me, Sir. - Yes.

- You're the spitting image of the boss!

- That is possible.
With whom do I have the honoree?

- I'm Alois.
- Are you?

- We were twins originally.
I mean, I am a twin.

So was my brother.
We were brothers to start with.

Now you've mixed me up...

What are you doing here, gentlemen?

You put something
into that wardrobe, what?

Playing at moths, are you?

I inherited all this.

Why don't you lock it up,
sister-in-law?

Put that back!
Back into the wardrobe!

Withdraw, please!

- Tereza! What a tragedy!

What could have happened?
Nice wreath, ah?

Some people are born unlucky.

Alois drinks all day long,
and he's still here.

And poor Anton had to die.
Such a pride of the family!

He loved me so. He always said:
Aunt Josephine, if I should die,

you get the porcelain clock.
With the angel blowing the trumpet.

Does it still make good time?
My clock!

What if I had this, too?

- I'll show you the clock, hands off!
The clock stays here!

- This clock is mine!
- It's ours!

I am Tony's brother
and I won't let people take things!

- What?
- I'm Tony's brother.

- Now I recognize you.
You're the globetrotter...

Got into trouble
and had to leave home.

One worse than the other.
Clock is mine and I'm taking it.

- The clock stays here!
- It's mine!

- It's ours!
- Mine!

- Ours!
- Mine!

- Get out!
- You'll never see me here again.

- We'll try and bear up.

- You'd like the wreath, what?
Nothing!

- Speak like that of Tony,
such a good man.

Good one and so handsome...
Ain't that sad?

- Mrs. Hooter, I know
I am no welcome guest.

But fate is fate.

Please accept my sympathy.
- Thank you.

- We'll give him a splendid funeral!

A great show,
the whole company,

a cushion with that medal on it...

Pity he won't be able to hear
the salvo in his honor.

- Forward march!

- The last goodbye.

Am I, or am I not,
what a fall.

They all say I'm not here at all.

Mourn do all the neighbors,

forcing themselves to grieve.

And all this squealing and hooting,

had I my rifle, I'd start shooting.

The band plays for my last goodbye,

but there's poisonous gossip
in every eye.

Anton Hooter, Sharpshooter,

when he screams for liquor

and the devil gets into him

the results are pretty grim.

Now I can but rant and rave -

this funeral will be my grave.

Yeah, Kacaba must always has a solo.

You call yourself a friend?
Shame on you!

It's last goodbye!
Curse you...

- Why hide,
now I'm somebody else.

A ghost! Oh, a ghost!
What... what do you want of me?

- Twenty gold pieces.

- Cuckoo, you here?

- I want those twenty
you've owing me,

because I'm getting married.
Where's the boss?

- The boss... come here.
I'm the boss!

- Oh, no.

- Hush, come along,
I'll tell you.

Be quiet, sit down.

- I heard, boss.
But it's not my fault.

I didn't know that guy
would die on me in there!

- Who?
- The guy who did my time for me.

- So, some stranger dies
and I have to be my own brother.

- Are you his brother?
- I'm my brother.

My brother's away.
I'm not supposed to be here.

I'm down there.
My brother is here.

Actually, I'm the brother.
There's two of us, brothers.

I'm the brother over there,
and he's the brother over here.

And I'm there.

I don't know where I am,
could be the other way round, too.

- Who'll give me my money?
- God knows.

Listen, Buckoo... Cuckoo, see me.
What if I went to court...

...confessed it all

and you did my time for me?

- They'd lock us both up.

- That's the trouble.
Devil to it, Puckoo!

- Cuckoo...
- Buckoo...

What did I get myself into?
But what do I care?

I'll marry my wife
and pretend I'm my brother till I die.

- What do you think of me?

- I like you better now
than when you were my husband!

- Don't say that,
I could get jealous of myself

and beat myself up one day!

- But you look so handsome, Tony!

- They accepted me right away,
though nobody gets into the company.

They needed
such a fine figure of a man.

- Mind you, keep away from the pub!

- You mean liquor?
No need to remind me.

I'll never taste that stuff again.

I'd end up with three months again,

and where would I be?

- And then, I was in Russia.

I was very happy there.

The only bad thing was

the awful cold.

Such cruel frosts.
Really cruel frosts, just imagine.

Once there was a frost-cruel,
such a cruel winter, a frost-cruel,

that's Russian, leave me alone,
they say it in Russia like that.

A cruel so cold,
when we went out at night,

we froze stiff.

They broke us
off the pavement like icicle.

So cold that when you uttered "water,"

it froze at your lips!
Terrible.

Then I left for Poland.

There I spent ten years.

Ten years in Poland!
A marvelous country..., marvelous!

What's that?
A hypnotist or something?

- Are you Rudolf Hooter?
- He is.

- I knew you at once!
May I gentlemen?

Do you remember me?
Look at me, man!

Remember when we saw each other last!

In Warsaw, do remember.
- Right.

- Well, it was years ago...
(In Polish) It's already long time we met

each other for the last time.
- Oh really...

- And how have you been all that long,
long time?

- Uhm.

- So, I was fine, my dear.

- And how have you been all the time?
- I've been well, very well.

I can't complain.
- Well...

- I have made such good money
in Warsaw...

- You see!

...that I am not expected to work
anymore... till I die.

- Oh dear.
- Yes, yes, yes.

- So you don't do anything?

- Exactly, my dear, I do nothing.
I was selling some Christmas goods

there in Warsaw...
- I see.

- And later ice-cream and some chips
as well.

- Oh, in ships he deals.
- Oh, yes, yes, yes.

- That's clear.
- Yeah, yeah.

- And what about you, my dear, what did
you do? So, tell me what was your life.

- About our lunch, that's what he asks.

- So, what you say?
- Oh yes, we had already.

- And tell me, why don't you speak
Polish to me?

- How, what do you say?

(Back in Czech)
But why not speak Polish?

- Who?
- You.

- I do, I'm just translating as I am.

- Here it's in Polish,
but it comes out in Czech.

- Wow! Let's drink together.

- Yeah.
- At our reunion!

- How many's the company?
Liquor!

- Liquor!

- Again.
- Liquor!

- Rudolph, don't!
It'll be your death again!

- What's death? Again, death...

- Again.

- Now start shooting,
and here we go again!

- A good idea! Pass me a rifle!

- Don't dare, sit down! Dolphi!

- Leave me alone, don't push me down,

I'll say something... I'll say something.

I feel like saying it...

The Emperor is...