Original subtitles

(eerie sounds)

(waves lapping on shore)

(fluttering wings, squeals)

(reggae music)

* No, no, no, no, no

* In the morning or in the night

* When I don't feel so right

* Up through the misty haze

* The green will brighten up my days

* Cloud of smoke to clear my mind

* Just enough to help unwind

* Everywhere I go I take it

* Oh, it's like I can't escape it

* Only thing I need * Thing I need

* Mean, green, wicked weed

* Heaven from the devil's seed

* Fiending for it every day

* You know I want that Mary Jane

* Mean, green, wicked weed

* You've got a hold of me

* Fiending for it every day

* You know I want that Mary Jane

* Light the fire, spark the tree

* Make it a part of me

* Think of all the life it breathes

* Just growing from those little seeds

* I need my smoke today

* Work too hard, get home late

* I just need a break

* Oh, one more toke that I can take

* Only thing I need * Thing I need

* Mean, green, wicked weed

* Heaven from the devil's seed

* Fiending for it every day

* You know I want that Mary Jane

* Mean, green, wicked weed

* You've got a hold of me

* Fiending for it every day

* You know I want that Mary Jane *

(birds chirping)

(explosions, jungle sounds)

(deep breathing)

Oh wow, that's the good shit.

Now I got the munchies!

Yeah, yeah.

(girls giggling)

Damn, you girls know what I want

before I even

say it. (giggling)

Wowzers!

Getting kind of boring to be honest.

I mean, don't get me wrong,

this is great and all.

Every fucked up thing I can think of

happens instantly; boobs, murder,

boobs, weed.

Boobs!

(sighs)

(reggae music)

Well you musty old sinkhole,

you're mine, you're all mine!

It's gonna be a grand, grand opening.

I'll toke to that.

Hell, I'll toke to anything.

Hey boss.

Boss?

Boss?

Boss!

Oh, I'm the boss. I'm Rabbit.

Rabbit the boss, hi.

Hi. (Laughs)

I'm sorry Phoebe, I just, uh,

it's all so new here.

I forgot.

(deep breath) What can I do for you?

Do you need help with anything before we open?

Uh...

Beer on tap? Check.

- Snacks stacked? - [Phoebe] Check!

- Pin setter jacked? - [Phoebe] Check!

Fudge packed?

Okay, that's really gross.

But we actually carry that, so,

check.

My balls whacked?

No, uh, you can do that yourself.

Okay, that's really inappropriate!

Okay, well, (clears throat)

just seeing if you were paying attention.

And you passed the test by the way.

Okay, whatever.

Would you call Darla over here for a moment please?

I'd like a word with the two of you.

Darla!

Get your sweet ass over here.

Boss wants to prove he's the boss.

You wanted to see me, Rabbit?

I mean, Chief. Actually I wanted to speak

with both of you before things get nutty.

I called upon you both because tonight

is a momentous night.

A kick ass night!

One that will set the tone of this establishment

for years to come.

That's it?

What's what?

Your pep talk.

What else do you need?

Just don't screw up.

- We'll try, I mean- - Try isn't enough.

You have to kick ass tonight, okay?

Didn't you learn anything from my pep talk?

(party music)

What more could a guy ask for?

A little spontaneity maybe.

What the fuck did you just say

day old Gingerdead?

Nothing.

Hey, where's that dumb shit Rabbit?

Hm, all the weed and witty you can handle

and you're asking for that egg headed moron?

We were supposed to be up for a game of Yahtzee

with the girls.

Now wouldn't you rather play Twister

with these hot pieces of ass?

Every time we play Rabbit always pops a boner.

And you like that shit, huh?

Hell no!

It made me jealous.

Been a long time since I was able to do that.

Woah, TMI!

You stay right there, don't you move a muscle.

I'll go look for that bald motherfucker.

(loud chime)

He's the only friend I got in here.

Freak better be playing hide and seek.

I need something to cheer me up.

Ah, ah, oh yeah!

Rub some butter on it, girls.

Glaze me. Oh yeah!

Before you get to it I want to go over

a few things with the both of you.

Being the eyes, ears, and...

You, my highly-esteemed gutter sluts,

are the ambassadors to Licky Split's Lanes.

You are the reason they come in.

The fun is the reason they stay.

But just renting up shoes and balls

is not gonna cut it.

We need to upsell.

Make 'em want more.

Like if someone wanted small shoes,

make them get large ones instead?

No, absolutely not!

I don't have the insurance coverage if

somebody slips and falls and it puts 'em in traction!

He means, like, if a kid wants a soda

sell him a beer, or a Harvey Wallbanger.

Upsell the bastard. Exacta-mundo.

Exact-a-mundo.

You're gonna do very good in this business.

Yeah, she goes all the way.

Your brother's a liar.

- [Darla] He is not. - So are his friends.

(scoffs) Okay.

I cannot believe this place

hasn't changed in over 25 years.

It's fabulous.

Honey, I do all the talking, not you.

Mm.

Uh, what can I help you with fellas?

Guys.

What can I do you for?

Well, as you probably know, I am cult filmmaker

David Decoto. He's so in.

I once shot a movie here.

Sorority Babes and the Slimeball Bowl-o-Rama.

In 35 millimeter, within these very walls.

I don't really like devil movies.

Me neither, I get so scared.

I just have to snuggle wuggle with whatever's close.

Don't make me handcuff you to the toilet again.

Mm.

- I think they're gay. - [Darla] Really?

Well, that one.

Well this place has so many memories to me.

I must shoot another movie here.

It has to be this place

because of its haunted history.

It's called: It's a Talking Bowling Ball.

You want to feature my bowling alley

in a movie?

Four or five depending on how the day goes, actually.

Well, (clears throat)

the going rate for most Hollywood types that come

through here is...

$25,000.

Ghoul, please.

- I've got 50 bucks. - [Rabbit] I'll take it.

Due to unforeseen circumstances,

my previous business was kind of a bust.

What circumstances?

The crazy bitch tried to kill me.

Anyway, I want you to place these glorious

and functional collectibles around the alley

in seating areas, and make sure everyone

knows they can come up here and

they're for sale at the counter.

What's that for?

Sell drinks to the kids in 'em.

Tell the parents they're sippy cups.

Can do.

Most importantly is our price chart.

First we have a standard game of bowling.

That comes with shoes and a ball.

We call it the "Standard Game of Bowling."

Then there's option number two.

This is the upsell.

I call it "The Gutter Ball."

Okay, what's the gutter ball?

A-ha!

The gutter ball!

It will be the backbone of our success.

Whenever a customer comes in here

to ask for a number one, I will do what?

Um, try and squeeze a number two out of him?

No! You upsell the bastard!

Exact-a-mundo.

I'm gonna upsell him.

The gutter ball is the biggest bonanza

of the bowling experience.

You never actually said what it is.

A-ha!

I give you: The Gutter Ball.

Boss, you're a genius.

(laughs) I know!

They'll get so high that their munchies will just

get our profits through the roof.

Okay, is this even legal?

(Rabbit stammers) Cause this doesn't feel legal.

Just don't get caught.

So is that all, Chief?

I want to get a few balls in my lane before we open.

There's one last thing.

A selling point of epic proportions.

Pizza, pins, pot pushing.

I'm pretty sure we got it covered.

That's the problem.

Do you remember the dress code

that you agreed to, the conditions of your employment?

- Do we have to? - [Rabbit] Oh yes.

(jazzy music)

Oh mama, mama yeah.

Oh come to Rabbit, let Rabbit grab it!

What?

We talked about this!

Okay, I really want to be an actress,

and although taking your top off

can get you ahead, it also devalues me.

(laughs) Like you had any already.

It's the only reason you were hired in the first place.

I was hired cause I can do the books

and I'm not high.

You girls go roll some balls while I polish my pins.

Ew, god, that's so gross!

(crashing)

You know, my mom always said that bowling

is the most wholesome sport a lady could play.

Why?

Because you can play with big, round balls

without looking like a whore.

My mom is a whore.

Yeah, that's what my brother said.

I hate that guy.

(thud, crash) Oh!

(screams) You got one!

(crash, screams)

Hi.

Are you the manager?

I am the owner of this establishment.

Well are you hiring?

I'm so sorry miss, I don't have any openings right now.

You are so freaking hired!

Oh, here's your uniform, but

don't you dare wear it.

(party music)

(giggling, oohing)

Sorry gals, I'm just not feeling it today.

What the fuck is wrong with you?

You ever find Rabbit?

Not yet.

But he's here!

He's a sneaky motherfucker.

You don't think he left, do you?

Not a chance in hell!

That dummy thought he had me all figured out.

But I only let him think that.

He's not smart enough to outsmart me!

I mean, he'd be one stupid ass motherfucker

if he's want to leave our world!

Anything you want is right at your fingertips.

And all that crazy bastard wanted

was weed and women.

(giggling)

Oh yeah!

Come on.

Oh, oh, I got it.

Need some help there buddy?

I got it!

Almost there.

Should I stand back or get an umbrella?

Oh yes, yes, yes.

(breathing heavily)

Oh.

Those things are a bitch to clean.

What can I do for you, stranger?

Stranger, shoot.

You be harder than catching a greased pig!

On account of I was hoping you'd recognize

my celebrity status and all.

Uh, celebrity?

Like a movie star?

The hair.

The tail.

Uh...

No.

Alright, did you catch a load of the oinker?

You'll have to excuse me, I've been,

how would you say, uh, indisposed for a while.

How about this?

Here's Hambo!

Nothing?

Uh, sorry.

No. Ah, fuck it.

My name's Hambo.

I used to be a really big squeal.

I had a kiddy show that ran for,

uh, almost 40 years.

Is that right?

Used to be a pretty big pig in the pen,

if I do say so myself.

Ah, but that's all behind me now.

What happened, if you don't mind me asking?

Ah, the usual.

Bean counters, market research.

You know, that crap.

Anyway, the kids grew up, they bought their little shits:

video games and cell phones, instead of

officially licensed Hambo, trademark, merchandise.

Good ole booze and babes, huh?

On the nosey! (Cackles)

I like the cut of your chip, man, but uh,

what brings you here to this fine establishment?

Here's the deal:

I'm staging a comeback.

Retro is in.

It's big business.

And I'm putting out the Hambo brand again!

I'm going after hipsters.

You know, douchebags.

You know, the ones who where the stupid hats

and the funny beards.

I'm gonna make it new, I'm gonna make it real.

Make it edgy, make it dangerous!

Dangerous?

Yeah, yeah more like bum fights,

and anything else. Why are you here?

I need capital.

I'm thinking if I unload the remainder of my

officially licensed Hambo merchandise,

to wit!

Pretty solid, huh?

Not bad, but uh,

I don't have any cash.

Well ain't that a kick in the rocky mountain oysters.

Sorry pal, just can't do it.

How about this?

You give me a dedicated space in this dump,

sell my wares, won't cost you a dime.

I'll even cut you in on the action.

- [Rabbit] Hmm. - What do you say?

I say you were a pretty big draw back in the day?

Does a pig shit in the backseat of a car?

I tell you what...

Tonight is our official Grand Opening.

You can come back and jump in as the

master of ceremonies for the festivities,

and you got a deal. Done!

And done! (Cackles)

Oh my god, you're Hambo!

In the flesh, little lady.

And who might you be?

I'm Candy.

You sure are sweet.

(laughing)

Oh yeah.

Were you a fan of the show when you were a little girl?

I was your biggest fan ever.

Oh, you sure did grow out.

I mean, up! (Cackles)

You know, you were the first guy

I ever went up to.

Oh you don't say?

You know why I'm back?

I'm staging a comeback.

(gasps) Oh my god, that's so hot!

You know, I'm looking for a new Peggy Suey!

Are you gonna be holding auditions?

Oh baby, they start right now. (Cackles)

(party music)

(thunder crashes)

I've been complacent for too damn long in this dump.

All of this killing and sex is just fantasy.

It isn't real!

I need some action.

Real action like before!

I heard that.

Heard what?

Did you think you thought that?

Because that fuzzy toot mouth of yours said it.

Did you find Rabbit or didn't you?

Not yet.

But you better bet your biscuits he's here.

He busted out of Bong World, didn't he?

Hell no he didn't!

No fucking way.

Shit, I better find that hot gut hippie

before that dick donut gets wise.

He's a sick freak, but as long as I can keep him trapped

in my Bong World, I can deal with him.

I heard that.

What part?

All of it.

You thought you were thinking it.

Ah, kiss my ass!

Crazy bitch!

Hambo, I used to love watching your show!

You little girls, the lot of you, really made it for me.

It, it was an awesome show.

It was an awesome show, I agree.

(laughing)

Can you help us?

Boy can I ever.

Cause Rabbit's gonna grab it!

Keep it in your pants, pal.

Whichever way you like it.

We'd like two gutter balls please.

Oh. (Laughs)

It's usually me that pays for it.

Oh, uh, you want to bowl!

Two gutter balls.

The sign said this was a topless bowling alley?

Yes, if you two upstanding women don't mind.

We don't mind at all.

(giggling)

Thank you!

Thank you!

(eerie sounds)

Hi boss.

How you doing? Fantastic!

It's a huge success.

I never knew it'd be this good.

People like the gutter ball?

Oh yes!

It's great.

This calls for a high five.

Okay.

(laughs) You're kinda like a sick perv,

but like in that fun uncle kind of way.

Thanks.

I think.

I wouldn't let you babysit.

Now go shake those moneymakers.

Aye, aye Captain.

(thud)

(crash)

(indistinct chatter)

Have you not learned anything from our

couples counseling sesh?

You're 18. It's time to trust.

Our secret is safe here.

I'm not just worried about anyone.

You know that.

I know, but it's all good baby blanket.

She's never step in to a joint like this.

You swear it?

Hey, I am your white knight,

and you are my princess.

Nobody is ever gonna recognize us here.

Hi guys! (shrieks)

Fancy meeting you here.

As I live and breathe.

Rabbit.

In the flesh!

Just like you like it.

I thought you said no one would recognize us here.

Well he is a nobody, so technically I'm right.

What is he doing here?

I don't know.

What if she sent him?

What are we gonna do?

Let me quarterback this thing, okay?

How?

Well this is me you're talking about.

I'm kinda a big deal in the underground world of espionage.

I'm Jack Bauer meets Jason Bourne.

I'll discretely pry the information from him

and he won't even know what hit him.

You sure you can handle it?

This Bruce Jenner confused man?

I'm about to spit some hot fire.

What in the actual fuck are you doing here, Rabbit?

Oh, nothing really, I just happen

to own this establishment.

- No shit? - [Rabbit] Mm-Hmm.

None whatsoever, sir.

(laughing)

Respect.

I thought you'd cover it?

So Rabbit, how did you end up owning

this fine establishment?

I thought you were traveling the bong world?

Oh no, you two were stuck in the bong world.

I was there by choice.

Well, we'd probably still be there if it weren't for you

helping us get out.

Thank you so much for that.

If it wasn't for you...

We would've never fallen in love.

Remember the bakery?

It's doing really well.

Oh yes, yes, yes.

Would you happen to have some of those cookies?

Sorry.

I didn't expect to see you.

At all.

(clears throat) She's angry when she's hungry.

(rap music)

(loud burp)

I let her buck buddy, I'm sorry.

Do you believe this shit?

Oh, they'll let any-damn-body in here I tell ya!

Tell you what, if I'd have known they'd let

their type in, I would never done come!

Me neither, tell you what!

In fact I don't want be coming here no more

unless they get a handle on this.

There goes the damn bowling alley, I tell ya.

Tell you what.

Hey, hey, maybe they should be bowling

at the back of the lanes or some shit.

(laughs) You keep telling that joke!

Tell you what.

Oh, do tell!

(pins crashing)

(laughing)

Quite a score, buddy!

(groans, laughing)

Clink, clink.

(laughing)

Assholes.

Anyways, how'd you end up at a place like this?

I thought you found happiness in the bong world.

Exact-a-mundo.

Or in poetic terms, you were like

Syphilis Cinna-Hooker there.

I was left to my own insatiable devices.

Everything I wanted, and then

it dawned on me.

Well?

What happened?

I just got so bored with

women, weed, and sex.

But you're a giant pervert.

I'm just fucking with ya.

What else is there? (Laughs)

(groans)

Want some? It'd be rude not to.

The bong world was great and all, but

everything was just a fantasy.

One big boobed blowjob fantasy.

(jazz rif)

- And? - [Rabbit] Oh!

Uh, moving on, uh...

I was so happy there, I truly was.

I thought I had mastered Evie.

She let me think that I was in charge.

But she's one controlling skank.

Slowly sucking the energy out of her prisoners.

Oh.

You couldn't get it up anymore, could you?

Exactly.

So I stole a ton of her magic weed and escaped.

(laughs) I sold it!

And I bought this place.

So how's it going?

Great!

Like solid blue steel forged by vikings!

(laughs) Ew.

I'm not talking about that, Uncle Fester.

I'm talking about the bowling alley.

Why this place?

I had lots of time to think about it in the bong word.

While everything was designed to make me happy,

it wasn't.

My true calling is to bring smiles to the world

and follow my birthright.

Your birthright?

Getting myself laid, and other people high.

Those are some lofty goals.

Not everybody can dream as big as I do.

(chuckles)

Speaking of...

What in the name of Forrest Whitaker?

What is that thing?

Just a little something I've been working on.

I call it the "WeedBlower."

You smoke from it?

Oh, contraire.

It smokes you.

(laughs)

Goddamn, I'm sweating like a hog in here.

Rabbit said you could have some.

(chuckles)

Thank you, pretty lady.

God, it smells like bacon on fire.

That really hit the spot.

(laughs)

Thanks baby.

Ooh.

By the way, whatever happened to that

voluptuous vixen Velicity?

I thought you two were gonna get married.

I knew it!

I don't want to hear that name ever again.

Every single time that we go out

all I ever hear is that name.

(wind gust)

(angelic choir music)

Why don't I go find us a place to sit down?

That's a great idea, babe.

Catch up with you in a minute?

Sure, baby.

Don't keep me waiting.

Toodles.

Toodles.

I just shit my panties.

That thing is epic, man.

I know!

I mean, you could solve all the world's

problems with that thing.

There'd be no more war.

Or Kardashians.

I was just hoping to get chicks.

(laughs) That too, Yahweh.

So, what's the deal with you two?

Relationship status?

It's complicated.

I'm still totally in love with Velicity.

She's my sexual soulmate, bro.

She does this thing with her vagina,

when I enter that silky pond of hers

it's like I'm inside this magical rainforest.

I mean, we make the best boom-boom together.

I'm like a child on Christmas.

I digress.

But then I met Sarah.

You know, at first I thought it was just because

we shared a bunch of scary shit in the past, but

the feelings never ended.

They only grew.

But my heart is still with Velicity, man.

Torn between two women.

Ain't love grand?

It's fucking awesome bro, but it also completely sucks.

My head tells me I gotta shake one of 'em loose.

But my heart won't let me.

And my boner wants a third.

Oh.

Can I take one of 'em?

I don't care, either one.

(chortles)

It's not gonna happen, thunderlips.

Look, I gotta go talk to Sarah.

First let me contribute to your new business.

No, no, your money's no good here.

It's on the house!

Go have a good time.

Hells to the yeah, man.

Thanks.

(laughs)

Damn Avery, that's full.

(laughing) Next round's on me.

Next 12!

(cackling)

You guys are too much.

Can I get a picture of you?

I tell you what.

Is that a yes?

Learn to speak American, or leave

the damn country, I tell ya! [Hambo] Shut up.

(cackling)

You got a name?

Joe Kraken.

Of course it is!

(cackling)

(suspenseful music)

(evil laughter)

Hello?

Can I help you, you unstable looking gentlemen?

Uh,

we came in here to

have fun and stuff.

Perfect, you came to the right place.

It doesn't look like a skate park, dude.

Well that's good to hear, because

this is a bowling alley.

(thud)

I told you when we saw doors and a roof

that it didn't look right!

What do we do here that's fun?

Bowl.

(scoffs) (wheezing laughter)

Bowl.

Yeah, man.

We like a bowl.

I'm gonna go out on a limb

and figure I'm not gonna have any

problem upselling you at gutter ball.

We wanna bowl, smoke a bowl,

and fucking titties.

Maybe even touch a few?

In that order.

But whatever.

Do you know how to bowl?

We pick up spares like, like we pick up your mom.

(croaking laugh) Well...

What does AMF stand for?

American Machine and Foundry.

They manufacture all of the equipment

that's used in bowling alleys today.

I thought it was

a mucus face.

I thought it was assy monkey fart.

I thought it was a muted freak.

(laughing)

That's what it is.

I like that one. Yeah.

Then you'll love this.

This is the Mega Tornado Sprinkler.

[Both] Woah.

It's by Smoke Cartel.

The Amazon of the bong.

I want to wrap my lips around it like an anaconda.

Cash only.

Shoes only.

Hey dicks!

AMF.

Adios mother fuckers!

(party music)

(thunder crashes)

Thanks for all the blows, girls.

You've been great, but a stallion needs to run free.

(smooches)

Woah, where the hell do you think

your candy coated ass is going?

I know that chrome dome Rabbit

just blew this taco stand!

Now it's my turn!

No, no you don't!

I told ya he's here.

He's just the reigning hide and seek champion.

Haven't found him yet.

Olly olly oxen fucking free!

You're the reigning champ of talking out your ass.

He's gone!

Now I'm flying this coop with or without you.

Now what they got out there that I don't have in here?

I want to get laid for real.

Dip my breadstick in some marinara.

If he leaves his strength will be at full power.

Then I can ensnare him back into my bong world

and grow and take over the world!

I heard that, dumbass.

So what?

Let's go get that motherfucker!

Now you're talking.

(magical whizzing)

I don't know if they're buying, but

the rednecks on lane 11

seem to have a five finger discount on beer!

(speaking Chinese)

Well I'll be a pig dipped in shit.

It's you! It's really you!

Me?

Who you?

Oh, porky, porky, porky.

Hold your chopsticks, honey.

You don't get to eat me.

I am the great and powerful Hambo, at your service.

You are the inspiration for my

badass doll!

(speaking Chinese)

The cook?

Cook.

This is me?

That's you.

You made me richy-rich.

(speaking Chinese)

Clicky!

Picture.

Picture.

(laughs)

Keep the doll, and I'm gonna throw in as a bonus,

two free tickets to go bowling.

Bowling?

No.

Bowling.

Oh.

I like shocker!

Shocker! (Speaks Chinese)

Shocker!

That's a little different, honey,

but I'm all for it!

Nasty!

(hollering)

Time to pick that up!

You're ready for the circuit.

(chuckle) I tell you what!

Here you go.

Oh, well thank you, sweetheart.

Here's a little something for your sweet ass.

(hollering)

(laughing)

You just keep it coming til I tell you to stop.

Oh, thank you guys.

(laughing)

(snorting)

(overlapping drunk chatter)

I tell you what.

Why don't you go and get your ball rolling?

Sure.

Where is my ball?

Tell you what!

You tell it what!

Oh, I see something.

(grunting)

(screams)

(groans) I tell you what!

(screams)

(grunting)

(wolf howls)

This place isn't half bad.

Didn't think anyone bowled anymore, but

a couple of peeps here.

Maybe.

But I only have eyes for you.

Do you only have eyes for me?

Well, about that,

you see it's kind of difficult...

Larnell, I love you.

I really do.

But you can't keep a girl like me waiting.

At some point, a girl like me

is gonna get tired and sick of a guy like you.

So you're saying I still have some time?

No.

I'm saying you have to make up your mind right here,

right now.

It's like that, huh?

Yeah, it's exactly like that.

Crap.

And we have the evil bong ashtray,

a very popular item for only $10.

I don't think so.

$5.

No.

- Just take it. - [Guy] Thanks.

Velicity!

What a surprise!

Uh, you shouldn't be here right now.

Why not?

It's just, no reason.

It's just not as if there's people hiding from you,

and one of 'em wants to rip your hair out

and crap down your throat, it's -

- Larnell's here, isn't he?

Why on earth would you think that?

You don't have to tell me. Just point.

Oh, I don't know what you're going on about.

Rabbit, if you don't tell me where he is,

I am going to cut your head off roll a strike with it.

- He's right over there. - [Velicity] Thank you.

You sure this is the place?

That honky is definitely here.

I can smell is high karate.

Then what are we waiting for?

Let's go get the prick!

Woah.

Get a load of her!

Are you coming, or what?

You go ahead and do some Rabbit recon.

I want to warm up.

You gonna kill her?

Uh, yeah.

Sure.

Have fun, freak!

I always wondered if it's true.

If I pork a real woman

I'll turn into a real man again.

I intend to find out.

(screams)

Can the screams, lady.

What are you?

For the first time in a long time,

I'm horny as hell.

You think I'm just some cheap floozy?

Hell no.

How much are you?

How can you have any money if you don't have any pockets?

Don't you worry, sugar boobs.

I got dough.

Wow.

You just got real hot, cookie boy.

You like that?

Oh yeah, baby.

My dough is starting to rise.

Show me what you got, sexy.

(groans)

Oh, wow.

(thud)

(crash)

(hollering)

(speaking Chinese)

I knew it. (Larnell shrieks)

Uh, Velicity.

What are you doing here?

I was just helping this poor blind girl.

Larnell, I know who she is.

She's a home wrecker!

I'm a home wrecker?

I would call you a home wrecker!

Well, I said it first, just like I was dating him first.

Ladies, can't we just come to some sort of an agreement?

[Both] Shut up!

Don't touch him like that!

What if I poke you like that?

[Velicity] I'll poke you harder!

[Guy] This is so awesome!

(girls grunting)

Oh man, oh man. This is awesome.

It's a disaster.

Do something!

Oh, I got it.

This is a job for the WeedBlower.

(whirring)

(mechanic whirring)

(angelic harp music)

(reggae music)

(laughing)

I had my money on Sarah, by the way.

She's feisty!

Your hair is so pretty.

- I love your shoes. - [Velicity] Thank you.

- And your pert lips. - [Larnell] Oh man.

Oh my god.

Oh my god, oh my god.

Unexpected side effects.

Horniness to the max!

Hey, can I borrow that thing?

Like, forever?

Sorry, friend.

It's too much power for just one man.

I got it!

A boner? Me too.

No, beside that.

The solution to the problem!

Talk to me dude.

Listen, ladies, if I may interrupt for just a moment.

Uh,

I don't want to spoil your menage-a-flaw here, but

I think I got the answer to the problem here.

I don't see any problem.

Me neither.

The feelings you have now are

temporary, but the decisions you make

last a lifetime.

Well spit it out, dude?

Bowling for love!

Ten pins, ten lanes,

winner takes Larnell. Wait...

That's your solution?

That's a terrible idea.

- I'm in. - [Velicity] Me too.

(giggling)

(laughing)

Oh baby, I don't know if this will work,

but I sure am digging it.

Oh Gingy, I've never had a biscuit before.

Oh no!

Oh, not yet.

I'm gonna cream!

(grunting)

(moans)

(thud)

(crash) (screams)

[Velicity] Strike one!

[Sarah] I'm not gonna get a strike, I'm gonna get a spare.

Wait, I want a strike.

Woo!

(crash) Oh!

(magical whizzing)

- [Evie] Boo! - Oh!

Surprised to see me, motherfucker?

A little bit.

How did you find me?

I followed the slime trail.

Why do you always have to harsh my mellow?

I've got a good thing going here.

You stole my magic weed, motherfucker!

Lots of chums walking around here playing

with their balls, thank you very much.

They'll do nicely in my bong world.

I'll be stronger than ever because of you.

These people are happy.

And because they're happy, I'm happy.

And that's what people want!

True happiness.

Not that fake shit you sell.

Oh, shove that happy shit up your ass.

Look at that couple over there.

They're happy, see?

Where? I don't see nothing.

(screams, muffled talking)

(crash) (hollering)

Whoever gets this is the winner.

(gun clicks) (maniacal laughter)

(screams) (dark music)

Make that the loser, loser.

I've waited a long time for this.

I'm gonna make mincemeat pie out of you jerks.

And I'm gonna save you for last toots.

(speaking Chinese)

Be happy! (whizzing)

Everybody happy!

(giggling)

(speaking Chinese)

(giggling)

You've had enough of these!

(overlapping yelling)

Be happy!

(laughing)

Here, you can have it.

Thank you.

You have a little pig nose.

(laughing, oinking)

Now you've done it you bald bastard.

I don't even know who you are, toots,

but I'll consider you a bonus.

Damn this feels good.

Prepare to meet your baker!

Get happy!

Come on, get happy!

Huh? What?

[Rabbit] Come on, get happy!

Make your butt hole whistle with happiness!

(laughing)

Geez, I don't know what came over me.

You mean you don't want to kill us anymore?

Kill you? Nah.

I'm good.

You ain't just saying that?

You aren't into orgies, are you?

(giggles)

I mean, come on.

Can't we all just get a-bong here?

Shouldn't you girls be finishing up?

No matter who wins, we're all winners.

I agree.

I like to share.

That's so nice.

And hot.

I think I'm gonna cry.

Hey, why don't we let the little dude roll the last ball?

Me?

For realz?

(grunting)

I wonder where the bitch bong went.

(grunts)

Come on, center it, center it.

(whirring) What the fuck?

Right here, motherfuckers!

Huh?

(cackles)

You stupid ass crackers.

You've been smoking Rabbit's weed.

That's my magic weed!

I own your ass now.

You're gonna do what I want you to do.

I'm bringing you all back to my bong world.

Rabbit.

Sorry guys.

You crackheads never learn.

(whirring)

Ha! I got your balls right where I want 'em.

I told him not to fuck with Evie.

(eerie music)

Oh yeah baby!

(laughs)

Weed is life.

(playful music)

(suspenseful music)