Original subtitles

This is a VCA pictures presentation.

Do you see that?

Do you see what our competition is up to?

Yes, MJ.

They made $6 billion with that film.

$6 billion.

My, my.

Of course, they spent $7 billion in legal fees.

But do you know why?

Social redeeming value.

That is why I brought you two together.

The two greatest male and female screenwriters in the business.

Give me social redeeming value.

Lillian Melman, I would like you to meet Scott Great.

How do you do?

How do you do?

How do you do?

How do you do?

Now, you two are going to create the greatest love story ever put on film.

Heart.

Passion.

Lust.

Sentiment.

And mainly a lot of fucking.

Mr. Hertzberger.

Oh, hey, don't be shocked, Susie.

Milton J. Hertzberger is the greatest producer movies have ever known.

And why?

Because I try harder.

Now, Lillian and Scott, let's hear your ideas.

The greatest love story ever told.

We combine our inimitable talents.

It'll just be another fuck film.

Not with Rinaldo Rutelici directing.

The world's greatest director?

It'll just be another funk film.

A love story must be told in graphic detail.

A kiss is the basic ingredient. Watch carefully.

Oh, my love.

Kiss me, kiss me. It's been years.

Oh,

I yearn for you.

Fondling cannot be suggested.

It must be passionate.

She responds with tender caresses.

The removal of clothing must be motivated But no camera time should be

We could have them coming in from the rain.

But the most important thing is that the lovers discover each other's bodies.

It'll just be another fuck film.

Thor play should be reciprocal.

It'll just be another function.

Uh, at the, uh, right moment before he loses his load, uh, the love must be

consummated in the classical way.

Oh, at last.

Now, down to the nitty gritty.

Oh.

I am impressed.

These are my writers.

Are?

Together, you three shall create a great American masterpiece.

Wait a minute.

Just a second.

You pay Rinaldo Rutalici $10 million to make a great American movie.

What kind of great American movie you have in mind?

Well, you... Don't talk. Do not explain.

Rinaldo Rutalici, smell the rat.

A raunch movie.

But they don't make westerns at Monumental Studios.

What do you mean, Susie? Wait, let me explain.

No explanation necessary. Oh, please, please.

I make you the great fuck film.

It will be sort of a virgin effort for me, but I will need to see some

No sooner said than done. Sherman, roll reel 14.

Just watch the screen.

Ray, good buddy.

This is the story of a frustrated housewife who meets the window washer.

This is everyday American occurrence.

No, no, usually it's the milkman.

He has a heroic flair.

She looks undernourished.

He's going to feed her any minute.

Where is the dialogue?

Hey, how can you talk with your mouth full?

Does she call that a cocksucking?

No technique, like a baby with a lollipop.

This is no deep throat.

Is no deep plot, either.

No, no, no. That is not a very good camera angle.

Who wants to look at his hairy bottom?

That is a nice camera angle. I make note of the position of the camera angle.

Yes, but make note of the body angle.

Only we need better bodies.

These people, they look like they come from the welfare office.

That girl looks more like a malnutrition dick of them than a love goddess.

Well, what do you think? I think we can do better in our sleep.

It's only the second type of picture I see, and it was worse than the first

What was wrong with it?

Nothing. Nothing at all. It's making me jerk off.

There was this girl.

She was preparing to do some home repairs.

While her little sister in the next room was doing her homework.

Someone who looked a good deal like me as a teenager approached Big Sister.

And some fellow helped the other two girls with their studies.

Thank you.

Then another beauty approached me. I mean, the young man.

Naturally, he helped the damsels in distress.

Oh, they studied hard.

It wasn't easy to figure out what they had on their minds.

Sociologically, they all had been pricked by the fickle finger of fate.

It's amazing that so many people have the same ideas at the same time.

Oh, I didn't like it at all. It made me so hot.

So, what was wrong with that?

Well,

you see, I could not get the spots out of the pants. They stayed dirty. And the

plot, it was so weak.

That's what we're here for.

Strong plots.

Erotic truth.

It'll just be another fuck film.

Well, let's hear ideas.

It's time for a story conference.

Stories have never been good enough.

But our heroine should be the typical housewife.

Sweet, innocent, see now, charming girl.

But dressed a bit suggestive.

The hair color is wrong for the dress.

Milton, Milton, how can you say such a thing? And you, Lillian, she no got no

dress on. What are you doing to my picture?

The movie's running a long time with no flesh.

What difference the hair color when she got no dress on?

This is not American custom, is it? She can't be nude.

Well, give her an apron.

Then her husband comes home from a hard day at the office.

What would he think of finding her in the nude?

Give her a good explanation.

But would he believe it?

Too much dialogue.

Get to the good part.

Yeah, get his clothes off, too.

Hi, honey. Have a nice day?

Sure.

Where's the social redeeming value?

That's your problem. Just get to the good stuff.

Get on with it.

Now, why don't you people knock it off, huh? We can handle this ourselves.

It's been a really hot day, you know?

I know the air conditioning isn't working.

Well, you think you could find something to cool me off?

Oh, sure.

I think that the heroine needs more maturity and more sex appeal.

It could be a more sensitive type.

A more mature type that the audience can identify with. That's what we need.

But what are you talking about, Milton?

There are not enough men in her life.

The one man means nothing. Now, what about the butcher and the baker? We need

men, lots of men, different kinds of men.

Oh.

A house, a wife, a movie is not what I want to make.

None.

All right, picture as I do a young girl doing experiments of a scientific

nature.

A teacher appears and wants to help them with their homework.

What they accomplish may change the course of history.

She's young, clean -cut, eager to plumb the depths of human experience.

Her girlfriend has an intense thirst for knowledge.

Together they enter into research on the subject at hand.

The twists and turns of the plot must be handled delicately.

To reach the climax, of course, would be a give -and -take situation.

The girls will reach their goal after a lot of hard work.

This subject does not intrigue me. I think what we have to do is to find a

Gary Goods is answering his new discovery.

Well, send them in.

A new discovery.

This may be just what you... Yes, this may be just what you need.

Here we go.

Miltie, baby, this is our new discovery. Don't worry.

Bonjour, chérie.

How can I do a costume epic when they don't wear no costumes?

Don't blow the budget on hoop skirts.

Hey, how about a sports expose?

And it all builds to an incredible climax of payoffs and insights.

A sports picture.

Gamblers, tennis players, groupies, peoples in all different rooms still

all doing the same thing. Working towards the same climax.

Thank you.

No, the subject of sports, I cannot relate to. It just does not work for me.

However, since you will not buy the idea of pirate film, I am stuck for a

subject.

Bizarre, that's it.

What's the most outrageous possibility?

Let's start with two girls, two beautiful girls.

The most incredible secret.

I'm more concerned with sensations.

What would happen if we brought two couples together and...

Look, I won't have that kind of shit in my movies.

Your other subject intrigues me, but in a slightly different way.

This is getting us nowhere.

All right.

I've had enough of this.

No more fucking sucking, fucking sucking.

You know what this stands for?

Mucho, orgasms, and sucking.

Susie, take control of yourself.

Shove it up your armpit.

Well, you want sex?

I'll give you sex.

Get with it, little one.

Shut up, all of you, and strip.

You hot shot writer, you little girl, and you, get over here.

My goodness, Milton, that girl, she's gone crazy.

Work on it.

Milton,

you're going to get it.

Stop kidding.

Oh, really?

Fabulous.

Fabulous.

Where are you guys? Get in here.

God bless you.

Ah!

Ah!

I'm going to come here.

This is the way I like it.

Everyone giving it to everybody.

Oh,

yes. Oh, yes. Oh, yes.

Oh, yes. Oh, yes.

Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Oh, yes.

Oh, yes.

Okay, Miltie, baby, now it's your turn.

Look out, Miltie.

They're coming for you.

They're not coming for me.

Thank you.

Oh, God.

Oh, my God.

Hey, come on.

Come on.

Thank you.

I'm coming, baby. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Give me my $10 million.

Are you crazy?

Oh, come now.

I just did. Now, where's my movie?

In the can, MJ. My associates have been filming all the time. Filming as it

happened. And you, you are the star.

No, no, you can't do that. I can't be seen in such... Such what, MJ?

You have given it social redeeming value.

You have proved, you have proved... to the world that it is more fun to do than

to watch you approve a positive my wife my career oh listen the big shot that is

your problem maybe you can use it for a sequel huh ciao baby oh

my