Original subtitles

THEME SONG: Toxic Crusaders.

Toxic Crusaders.

I had no friends, no girls would hug me

until I got radioactive ugly.

Toxic Crusaders.

Toxic Crusaders.

I live in a dump cause the rent's real low.

Got a little pet Blobbie, and he loves me so.

Toxic Crusaders.

Toxic Crusaders.

Now me and the boys fight against wrong, though we're

hideously deformed.

Hey, I'm sitting on top of the world.

With my mop, tutu, and girl.

Whoa!

Toxic Crusaders.

Toxic Crusaders.

Toxic!

YVONNE: (SINGING) He left my heart.

[CRYING]

[INAUDIBLE].

You squished my [INAUDIBLE] like a bucket of guts.

Do, do, do, do, do!

That was just beautiful, Yvonne.

Anybody seen my hanky?

I've got it!

My hanky?

No.

The answer to our problems.

I found jobs for all of us.

Jobs?

Why do we need jobs, anyway?

We're the Toxic Crusaders.

Yes, but superheroing isn't a very high paying profession,

and the landlord wants his rent.

And the medical benefits stink.

Uh, anything for a hideously deformed creature with

superhuman size and strength?

Sort of.

This ad calls for someone who loves children

and doesn't mind getting messy.

Close enough.

Yvonne, this job calls for a person with a warm heart

and superior musical skills.

[LAUGHTER]

Perfect.

"Looking for someone who really wants to clean up."

Forget it, Mop.

This one is mine.

Oh, here's one for me.

"Earn big pay.

No heavy lifting."

What about me?

Well, how about this? "Looking for someone who is

outgoing and has a large nose."

It's a stretch, but I'll try it.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

A riddle is a joke.

A bicycle wheel has a spoke.

The white of an egg is the?

[BUZZ]

Albumen.

Yolk.

I'm sorry, Leo.

The answer is the albumen.

If I wasn't a bad guy, I could really clean up on these shows.

[GRUNT]

I don't like this, Killemoff.

That's Dr. Killemoff to you.

[GRUNT]

Yeah.

Sure.

I'm sorry, uh, Dr. Killemoff.

It won't happen again.

Anyway, like I was saying, I don't like it, Killem-- I mean,

Dr. Killemoff.

You're talking about messing with the food

that little kids love to eat.

I'll give you half the profits.

Deal.

I hate kids, anyway.

This is perfect.

Everyone in Tromaville eats at Burpo Burger.

Yeah, they got great fries.

Exactly.

And once I adjust those fries to my evil purpose,

I'll control the people of Tromaville.

Then no one can stop me from polluting this disgustingly

clean little town.

And once I pollute Tromaville, the rest of the world is mine.

What happens if one of the Toxic Crusaders

gets a job at Burpo Burger and foils your plan?

Impossible!

Imagine a Toxic Crusader working at Burpo Burger.

Ridiculous.

My plan is flawless.

[LAUGHTER]

Yeah.

Even now, the evil Dr. Bender is working on the most

dastardly part of my plan.

[LAUGHTER]

[BUBBLING]

[SQUEAK]

Here, my friend.

One taste of this, and you'll turn

into a forgetful, nearsighted old rat.

[SINGING LIKE ELVIS]

No!

No!

This is the 81st batch, and it still isn't right.

I need to test this right away.

I need a human guinea pig.

I need--

[KNOCKING]

Aha.

Hey, stretch.

This where the evil genius Dr. Bender hangs?

Yes.

Yes.

I'm the evil genius Dr. Bender.

Cool.

I got a telegram from a Dr. Killemoff.

How touching.

He remembered my birthday.

And that's more than I can say for my evil genius mother.

Here's a little message just for you.

Don't dilly dally.

I need the goo.

If you fail, you'll die today.

Sincerely yours, Dr. K.

What kind of a birthday greeting is that?

Hey.

I don't write em.

I just sing em.

Eh, no matter.

Have some soup.

No, thanks, doc.

I'm a vegetarian.

Why don't you just give me a tip, and we'll call it even?

[SCREAM]

Look out!

Oh, I hate this job, man.

BENDER: Ah, look out!

The atom smasher.

[CRASH]

Don't touch anything.

And turn off that infernal radio!

FENDER: Hey, it's your telegram.

[SCREAM]

[SCREAM]

Where are we going, doc?

Egads.

The atom smasher made us into one person.

So unsmash us, man.

I don't know how.

Bummer.

It's going to be a little tough picking up chicks.

Say, do you like sushi, doc?

I can't wait.

I'm really going to clean up in this job.

You sure are.

And you can start by dusting the window display.

[CRASH]

So lady, should I start here?

Oh, man.

Oh, man.

Oh, yeah.

It worked!

It's become a forgetful, nearsighted old rat.

Like I always say, the 82nd time's the charm.

Oh, what is that goo?

This isn't just any goo.

This is-- ah!

My arm.

What's wrong with my arm?

It doesn't work.

Sure, it does.

Hi, Doc.

Hi.

As I was saying, this isn't just any goo.

Anyone who eats it will turn into a forgetful,

nearsighted old person.

Pull off that paper.

I call it Magoop 82.

Gross.

Why'd you make it?

Because it's exactly what Dr. Killemoff ordered.

[LAUGHTER]

YVONNE: (SINGING) Oh, give to the poor.

Give cause it's right.

If you don't give some now, your big butt he will bite.

Oh. Come on, guys.

Pick it up.

Tempo, tempo, tempo.

[GROWL]

All right, all right.

Sheesh.

Thank you, kind sir.

Ice cream.

Ice cream pops.

[CHATTER]

Easy now.

There's enough for everyone.

Oops.

I'll get another.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

BONEHEAD: Now be careful with that stuff, huh?

Spread it good all over the potatoes.

Thanks, Toxie.

I always hated the shirt.

Now I won't have to wear it any more.

Glad I could help.

Toxie, your tromatons are acting up.

Oh, they sure are.

I'd better find out why fast.

Whoa!

KILLEMOFF: It's working perfectly.

In just a few moments, my Radiation Rangers

will have spread the Magoop 82 over the whole potato patch,

seeing my plan into full swing!

I don't know.

What if the Toxic Crusader's tromatons start acting up,

and he shows up and beats all our guys to a pulp?

Don't be a fool!

Bonehead is in charge, and I know

I'm going to be proud of him.

Dr. Killemoff's going to be proud of me,

and maybe I'll get a promotion.

Maybe I'll get a raise.

Maybe he'll stop slapping me around.

It's Killemoff's Radiation Rangers.

They're polluting the potato patch with toxic chemicals.

That's unAmerican.

You've got to stop them, Toxie.

Right.

You know what you need?

A good luck kiss?

Uh-uh.

A battle cry.

I do?

Uh-huh.

Something to yell before you do battle that'll strike

fear in the hearts of your enemies.

Something like, it's clobbering time or hi-ho silver!

Hm. Wait.

I got it.

I hope I don't get hurt!

[SIGH]

We'll work on it.

Look out!

It's the Toxic Crusader.

[GUNSHOTS]

Stop him!

[SCREAM]

Yeah.

Now finish off the toxic troublemaker.

[GUNSHOTS]

Oh, man.

Now what?

[GROAN]

Mashed potatoes.

You gotta do better than that to beat me.

[GUNSHOTS]

What the?

Hey!

What happened?

Yeah, what happened?

The mashed potatoes-- they must have clogged up the intake

vents on his life support system.

He's overheating.

Oh, yeah!

BONEHEAD: Shoot!

Shoot, you cowards!

[INAUDIBLE]!

Back in the truck!

Quick!

Hey!

You think you won, don't you?

Well, go have some Burpo fries on me!

[LAUGHTER]

Toxie, you beat em.

No.

I mashed em.

Whatever.

I wonder what they were up to.

Don't worry, Toxie.

I'm sure we'll find out in act two.

Yeah.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Why do they call them Burpo burgers, Dad?

Eh, don't ask.

Hi, kids!

It's me, Burpo's magician.

And we're going to have fun.

(SINGING) Burpo is my name.

Illusions are my game.

And if you think I really stink, I'll say you stink the same!

Ta da!

Oh, boy.

Tough crowd.

[SLURPING]

Hi, kids.

How about some balloon animals?

Ta da!

It looks like a foot.

Well, uh, it is a foot.

You know how hard it is to sculpt body parts?

I wonder when I get a coffee break.

OK.

This is the first patch of Burpo fries made from potatoes

treated with Magoop 82.

Cool.

Burpo fries are the best.

Eh, don't eat those, fool.

Or we'll turn into forgetful, nearsighted old men.

Yuck.

I thought they just made you fat.

Enough talk!

I want results.

Show me that it works.

Chill, chief.

We told the staff here not to eat any of the new Burpo fries,

because they were extra special.

So what?

So of course they ate them right away.

Hey, watch where you're going.

[CHATTER]

Excellent.

Uh, excuse me, chubby.

Do you know where the restroom is?

Oh.

Find it yourself, old man.

Uh, find what?

Uh, the rest of the Burpo fries will be ready this afternoon.

Perfect!

Soon all of Tromaville will be full of forgetful,

nearsighted old people.

And nothing will stop me from making this town my pollution

headquarters-- suburban branch.

Like I said before, what if one of the Toxic Crusaders

gets a job here and discovers your plan?

Ridiculous!

What are the odds of that happening?

They love me!

I'm a hit!

Uh oh.

Looks like the odds are pretty good.

I don't suppose you guys would like some balloon animals.

[CRASH]

Ice cream!

Ice cream!

Get it before it gets away.

How's business, Toxie?

Oh, terrible.

No one likes warm ice cream.

How's your job, Major Disaster?

I got fired just because I broke a couple of bowls.

I lost my job, too.

They didn't appreciate good music.

MRS. JUNKO: [INAUDIBLE]!

This is great.

I've been going door to door, and I sold five of these babies

already.

You might say I'm sweeping the town.

That's great, Mom.

What's your secret?

I just get in the house, and I tell them

it's so heavy that I might have a heart attack if they

make me take it out again.

It's the old sympathy game.

I thought the job said no heavy lifting.

This is nothing!

You should see the deluxe model.

Gotta run.

Lots more to sell.

Let's go see how No-Zone is doing at Burpo Burger.

[CHATTER]

Where am I?

I always wondered why this place had such bad service.

Excuse me.

Have you seen our friend, No-Zone?

Uh, you mean the funny looking guy with the big nose

who sneezes all the time?

Yeah.

Uh, never saw him.

So where is he?

I could be wrong, but I think he was taken to the laboratory

of an evil genius scientist.

How do you know that?

Because it says so right here. "We

took your friend to the laboratory

of the evil genius Dr. Bender.

Come and get him."

It's signed, "Your pal, Dr. Killemoff."

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Eat it, magician.

It's good for you.

Hey!

If it's that good, I'll eat it myself.

Are you always this stupid?

I don't know.

Let me think.

Never mind.

Come on.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

What are you doing?

Don't worry.

We're just getting ready for your friends.

They should be here any minute.

Cool.

A party.

I'll make the dip.

You are the dip!

Yay!

The good guys.

Whoa!

Do something!

I'm trying.

I'm trying!

Wow.

What a ride.

You're not a very nice guy.

Or couple of guys.

Or whatever you are.

Say, how about some wrinkle cream, Toxic Crusader?

Throw it.

No.

He's a cool superhero.

Throw it!

Ow!

All right already.

I wish you'd stop doing that.

Holy cow!

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Ah!

You idiot!

[GROAN]

I give up.

[BUZZ]

You did it!

I did?

I'm saved!

[GROWL]

I'm dead.

Yoo-hoo, Toxic Crusader.

I'm in here.

I hope I don't get hurt!

Yvonne's right.

It needs work.

Sneaky, Doc.

Very sneaky.

[LAUGHTER]

[BEEP]

I'm too young to be old.

Hang on, buddy!

[BUBBLING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Hurry!

It doesn't look good, Doc.

[EXPLOSION]

It's good to be Toxie!

Hey, now that's catchy.

Let's get out of here!

Help!

It thinks I'm lunch.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Hold on, No-Zone.

We're coming.

Thanks, Toxie.

It was getting awful hot in there.

My hero.

What in blazes is going on here, No-Zone?

It's this goo.

It turns people into forgetful, nearsighted old folks.

Say.

This looks like the stuff Bonehead was spraying

on the potatoes in act one.

That's right.

And you know what they make out of potatoes, don't you?

Sweaters?

No.

Burpo fries.

The next time they eat, they'll be

ordering off the seniors' menu.

BONEHEAD: Special on Burpo fries.

Two for one.

Get your Burpo fries!

Good.

It's not too late.

NO-ZONE: Yeah, no one's eating any bad fries yet.

The Toxic Crusaders!

You guys, mind the store.

I've got an evil plan to carry out.

Attention, everyone.

The evil genius Dr. Bender has put

a chemical on the Burpo fries.

If you eat them, you'll turn into forgetful,

nearsighted old folks.

Baloney!

Hey, what's going on here?

[CHATTER] -It works.

I'm amazing.

I'm an evil genius.

Evil genius, huh?

Hey, hi-ya, Toxie.

Say, what's going on here, anyway?

Is it senior citizens' day or something?

Not now, Yvonne.

I'm trying to beat up on a bad guy.

OK, Mr. Evil Genius-- and the other guy--

prepare to be seriously hurt.

Uh, yeah, yeah, in a minute.

Who's the rad babe?

Who?

Yvonne?

She's my beautiful, though somewhat light girlfriend.

You've got a girlfriend?

I may be a hideously deformed creature

of superhuman size and strength, but I am a good guy.

I knew we should have been a good guy.

The bad guys never get the chicks.

That's the first smart thing you've said this whole episode.

Say, ready for that beating now?

Eh, forget that.

We want to be good guys now.

Yeah!

We want to be Toxic Crustaceans like you guys.

As long as we get to hang out with cool babes like Yvonne.

Well, I can't promise anything, but she does have a sister.

Good enough.

We're good guys now.

Not so fast.

I mean, you're certainly hideously deformed enough,

but I think you should at least come up with an antidote

to help all these poor people before we

let you be a Toxic Crustacean.

Crusader.

Whatever.

But there is no antidote.

I just love Burpo fries.

Anybody want some?

Yvonne, no!

Hey, there's something wrong with these fries.

Whoa!

They taste like-- like--

Bubble gum?

I don't get it.

She ate the same fries as everyone else.

Yeah.

How come she's not old?

I'll tell you a secret.

I don't eat em plain.

I like to put pepper on em.

That's it.

Pepper!

Pepper is the antidote.

It turns the Magoop 82 into bubblegum!

And pretty tasty at that.

OK.

I've found the antidote so are we Toxic Crusaders or what?

Well, actually, Yvonne found the antidote, but what the hay?

Rad.

Attention, everyone.

Put pepper on your fries, and you'll turn back to normal.

[SNORING]

We'll help them later.

We've got to stop Dr. Killemoff from spraying all

the vegetables with Magoop 82.

Even the broccoli?

Yep, even the broccoli.

Ooh, now I am mad.

[HELICOPTERS APPROACHING]

In a few minutes, every vegetable

will be covered with Magoop 82.

And Tromaville will be mine.

Unless the Toxic Crusaders come up with an antidote.

You know, I'm really sick of you.

[GASP]

We're too late.

We'll never stop em.

We're not done yet.

What's that?

Pepper.

Oh, no.

I hate pep-- pep-- pepper.

Ready?

Drop!

Tromaville is mine!

Next stop-- the world!

[LAUGHTER]

TOXIE: Give it all you've got, buddy!

Ah-- ah-- ah--

[SNEEZING]

Gesundheit.

What's that?

What's that?

It looks like bees.

PSYCHO: It looks like antidote to me.

KILLEMOFF: No!

No!

PSYCHO: Yes, yes.

Whew.

You did it, No-Zone.

You saved the vegetables.

Even the broccoli.

[CRASH]

We did it!

Yay!

All right!

Way to go!

Tubular.

I hope everyone likes their vegetables well done.

I hate those Toxic Crusaders.

MAJOR DISASTER: Now that you're a, uh, Toxic Crusader,

what do we call you?

Well, I'm Fender.

I'm Bender.

Gee, that's kind of confusing.

We need just one name for both of you.

-Ow. -Ha!

That's it.

We'll call you Headbanger.

Why?

And although it looks like none of us

can hold down real jobs-- except Mom, of course--

we have our newest Crusader to thank

for inventing the product that's going

to make us all rich and famous.

Gentlemen.

Introducing the newest, the best--

The coolest bubblegum ever invented.

We call it--

Magoop 83.

[APPLAUSE]

I even wrote our new jingle. (SINGING)

Oh, yeah, Magoop 83 is the bubblegum for me.

Blows bubbles big and bold, and it won't make you old!

[MUSIC PLAYING]

(SINGING) Oh, yeah, Magoop 83 is the bubblegum for me.

Blows bubbles big and bold, and it won't make you old!

Oh, yeah, Magoop 83 is the bubblegum for me.

It blows bubbles big and bold, and it won't make you old.

[MUSIC PLAYING]