Original subtitles

THEME SONG: Toxic Crusaders.

Toxic Crusaders.

I had no friends.

No girls'd hug me til I got radioactive ugly.

Toxic Crusaders.

Toxic Crusaders.

I live in a dump 'cause the rent's real low.

Got a little pet Blobbie who love me so.

Toxic Crusaders.

Toxic Crusaders.

Now me and the boys fight against wrong.

Now we're hideously deformed.

Hey, I'm sitting on top of the world

with my mop, tutu, and girl.

Wow!

Toxic Crusaders.

Toxic Crusaders.

Toxic!

[MUSIC PLAYING]

MALE VOICE (ON RADIO): Good morning, Island City!

This is radio station W-O-P-U, reminding everyone we've got

a stage 87 smog alert.

So wear your gas mask.

And remember, don't get caught outside

during an acid rainstorm.

It's a horrible way to go.

I love this town!

Do you know why I love this town?

Because you own it?

Because it's the most polluted city in the world.

And I, Dr. Killemoff, made it that way.

Behold, thy evil genius!

[BEEP]

If you love your puppy, give him

Woof Dog Food-- the dog food that makes your puppy woof

all over the place.

[WOOF] [WOOF]

I got to get another job.

This guy's a loser.

(YELLING) I have to get this stupid thing fixed!

[ZAP]

Ah.

That's more like it.

Look.

I know you're an evil genius, Doc.

What I don't know is where you want

me to dump this Grossolium 90.

Ah, yes.

Grossolium-- the deadliest toxic waste known to man.

Dump it in the last unpolluted city

in New Jersey-- Tromaville.

I don't know if that's such a good idea, Doc.

What if some complete and hopeless nerd

falls into the Grossolium and transforms

into a hideously deformed creature of superhuman size

and strength.

Don't be ridiculous!

Complete and hopeless nerd.

Oh, I wish I wasn't a complete and hopeless nerd.

Maybe then I'd have a girlfriend who

loves me for who I am, or at least

confuses me with someone else.

Hey, Bimbette.

Look at Melvin Junko.

What a complete and hopeless nerd.

Yeah.

Got me with a rake.

Melvin's is a real nuclear puker.

--[LAUGHS] How about if we have some

fun with ole Melvin and show everybody

what a bogus geek he is.

--[LAUGHS] That's a def idea, Bonehead.

What's the plan?

[SPLASH]

Whoa!

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

[YELLING]

I can't stop!

[WHIR]

[WHOOSH]

Sorry.

You think he's stupid enough to fall for it?

[SPLAT]

Ow.

Never mind.

Yeah.

Catch you later, babe.

Hi, Melvin.

You look really, really cute today.

I do?

Oh, yeah.

In fact, I think it's time I dumbed scuzzy old Bonehead

and started dating a really cute guy like you.

You do?

Would I lie?

So what are you doing tonight, huh?

Well, at 7:00 o'clock I practice burping.

At 8:00, I wax my chicken.

Then from 9:00 to 10:00, I like to smell my armpits.

[GAGGING]

How about if you meet me at the pool after the club closes

and we get to know each other better.

Know what I mean?

No.

But I'll be there.

Great!

Oh!

Would you also do me one big favor?

You want to hear me burp?

No.

I want you to wear a special outfit on our date tonight.

A tutu?

Oh, gee.

I don't know.

Please, Melvie.

It would mean so much to little Bimbette

if big, handsome Melvie-Welvie wore the cute wittle tutu.

[KISS]

Ah.

OK.

If it means so much to you. [SNORT] Are you sure

you don't want to hear me burp?

What a moron.

Oh, boy.

This is my lucky day!

I got a girlfriend!

Yippee!

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

Sorry.

[SPLASH]

[SQUAWK]

Gee, I hope Bimbette thinks I look OK for our date.

Pink isn't really my color.

I hope my mop doesn't clash.

[WHOOSH]

Yoohoo!

Bimbette!

I'm ready.

Bimbette?

[LAUGHING]

I love it!

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

You look real good in pink.

[LAUGHING]

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

[SPIT]

[CHATTER]

[YELL]

[AH]

[SPLASH]

[LAUGHING]

I just have the strangest feeling

I made a mistake sending that Grossolium to Tromaville.

A complete and hopeless nerd?

Nah.

[LAUGHING]

Please help me.

I'm changing into something horrible.

I'm changing into a school teacher!

[YELLS]

Oh, no!

I'm changing into something even more horrible now.

I'm turning into (WITH ACCENT) a movie producer.

[YELLS]

Oh, no!

I'm changing again!

I'm changing int a--

A hideously deformed creature of superhuman size

and strength!

[YELLS]

A what?

Oh.

I got a big problem.

Mom.

It's me, Melvin.

[KNOCKING]

Melvin, my son.

Oy.

Oh.

[SPLAT]

Oh, what am I going to do?

Now that I'm a hideously deformed

creature of superhuman size and strength,

where will I even live?

Try the toxic waste dump.

Thanks, Mom.

I knew I could count on you.

My new home.

Ah, well I guess it isn't so bad.

Look at the bright side.

How many people have a home that glows in the dark?

What else I little fella why you're a cute little blob

see as I told you I know how about well

Bobby here's where I will live my life all alone with no one

to love or care for me but you.

[FEMALE SINGING]

Hey.

What's that beautiful sound?

[ACCORDION PLAYING]

[SPLAT]

[HUMMING]

(SINGING) The world is a beautiful.

The world is love.

We are brothers and sisters.

Of that I'm pretty sure of.

Hey, sweet thing, you got something we want.

Want to guess what it is?

[GIGGLES] Gee.

Do I win anything if I guess right?

I really could use a microwave or maybe a waffle iron.

I'd love a waffle iron.

Oh!

I know what I need.

How about a socket wrench?

The new accordion, dumbo.

Give it, now!

Hey.

This is weird.

Something bad is happening nearby.

I can feel it in my body.

BLONDE GIRL: Somebody help me!

Please!

Let go of my accordion!

Now I'm sure!

Somebody's hurting an accordion!

Help!

Hey, you plunks!

Leave that girl alone.

Oh.

Look fellas.

It's Melvin, the mop boy.

Your days up picking on nerds and accordion players

are over, Bonehead.

Let's get him!

[GRUNT]

This'll teach you to mess with a hideously deformed creature

of superhuman size and strength.

[WHIR]

Whoa!

[SPLASH]

Hey, man.

What's happening to me?

I can't get out of here.

Feel lucky, punk?

Not really.

No.

[CLATTER]

Oh!

Are you OK?

Fine, thanks to you.

I did lose my contact lenses.

So I can't see too good.

Gosh.

You're very handsome.

Boy, this really is my lucky day.

[YELLING]

Yvonne.

Gee, that's a pretty name.

Thanks.

It means pretty girl who walks in sunlight

or big, rusty pooper scooper.

I forget which.

So what should I call you?

Well, I used to be called Melvin.

But now that I've had a small accident with toxic chemicals,

I think I need a new name.

--[GASP] How about if I call you Chemicals, or Mr. Chemicals,

or Bucky Kid, or how about--

Toxie!

That's it.

You can call me Toxie.

Uh-oh.

I'm getting that weird feeling again.

Something evil is happening, and it's happening real close.

Help!

Bad guys are going to destroy our orphanage so they can build

a poisonous chemical plant!

Hm.

Where could that evil be?

[SQUEAK]

Huh?

Hey!

Bad guys are trying to destroy that orphanage.

That's not right!

[SQUEAKING]

And my mop is alive.

I bet that happened when it fell into the toxic chemicals

with me.

OK, mop.

Let's you and me clean up this mess.

[SQUEAKING]

[WHACK]

Have no fear.

Toxie's here.

Let go of her, you creep!

[SMACK]

Oh, thank you Toxie!

You're welcome, sweetheart.

Now please step aside.

A battle against evil is no place for a little girl.

Whoa!

Are you all right?

I'm having a ball!

[WHACK]

[YELLING]

[GUNFIRE]

Ha!

Ha-ha!

Ah!

Ha-ha!

Hey, you shot my tutu.

No I'm really mad.

[GUNSHOTS]

[UGH]

Wee!

[GUNSHOTS]

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

(CHANTING) Toxie!

Toxie!

Toxie!

Toxie!

Can you tell our home viewers what just happened here?

I'm not sure, but I think my new boyfriend talks to his mop.

Oh, yeah.

I'll tell you what happened.

My son, Melvin Junko, who is know a hideously deformed

creature with superhuman size and strength,

saved those poor orphans from being thrown out of their home.

We understand you name is Melvin Junko.

Not anymore.

From now on my name is Toxie, and I'm

a crusader against pollution, crime, and other stuff.

So I guess we could call you the Toxic Crusader.

Hey, yeah.

I'd like that!

The Toxic Crusader!

Neat!

No!

How could this be happening?

I told you so.

What did you say?

Nothing.

He must be stopped!

This-- this Toxic Crusader must be

eradicated or all my plans to pollute the world

will be destroyed!

Let me take care of this Toxic Crusader!

Why should I give you the pleasure of killing him?

Because he did this to me!

All right, then.

Do away with him, and you will be well rewarded.

No sweat!

You can say goodbye to the Toxic Crusader!

Goodbye!

(SINGING) I'm a hero.

I'm feeling warm and snuggly.

Got a girlfriend, although I'm all ugly.

I'm a hero.

I'm feeling warm and snuggly.

I'm a--

[CRYING]

What's the matter, little girl?

(CRYING) Toxie, my kitty cat's stuck in the tree.

Aw.

Don't cry.

I'll get your kitty down.

Mop, do your stuff.

[SQUEAK]

[SCREECH]

Here you go, honey.

Have a nice day.

[GIGGLES] Thanks, Toxie.

You're the best.

[SQUEAKING]

[RUMBLE]

(SINGING) I'm a hero.

I'm fee-- Hey!

What happened to the happy music?

Oh, well.

BONEHEAD: OK, Toxic Crusader.

Get ready to become the Crust Crusader.

Uh-oh I got that old feeling.

Oh, no!

Look out little girl!

Look out!

[RUMBLE]

Are you OK, Toxie?

Actually, I'm feeling a little rundown.

He's moving in for the kill.

This is the end of the Toxic Crusader.

I don't know if that would kill him off.

What if old Toxie jumps out of the way

and defeats Bonehead with his super-powered mop?

Don't be ridiculous!

Are you ready, mop?

Whoa!

Wa-hoo!

Oh, no!

Bonehead has been defeated by the Toxic

Crusader's cursed mop!

I told you so.

What did you say?

Nothing.

I will have to put an end to this Toxic Crusader myself.

Psycho, prepare my radiation rangers

for battle, while I prepare a special weapon just in case.

He still might beat us if he's helped

by other hideously deformed creatures

with superhuman size and strength.

Psycho!

I grow weary of your ridiculous ideas.

Sorry.

Bad guys are so stupid.

[KNOCKING]

Yvonne, it's me, Toxie.

Oh, Toxie, I missed you so!

Ah!

Ugh.

Honey, where are ya?

I'm right here, Yvonne.

Oh, goodie.

I have a surprise for you.

I've got new glasses so I can finally see your gorgeous face.

[GASP] Yvonne, no!

[SCREAM]

Oh, I should have known this would happen.

How could a beautiful, intelligent girl like Yvonne

ever fall for a hideously deformed

creature such as myself?

But I did fall for you, Toxie.

Huh?

But the minute you saw how ugly I am, you screamed.

You're not ugly.

You're very handsome.

It's your tie that made me scream.

Now that's ugly.

I mean, more than ugly. It's gross.

OK.

So she's just beautiful.

Uh, Toxie honey, I don't think I can go out tonight.

I really have to wash my hair.

Can I help you?

Say your prayers, Toxic Crusader.

Why?

Am I going to bed now?

No.

You are going to die for standing in the way of my plans

to pollute Tromaville.

But why do you want to pollute Tromaville?

What good does it do anybody to poison the environment?

I've always wondered that myself.

It may be poison to humans, but not to the people

of my planet Smogula.

Oh, man.

I'm working for a cockroach?

For Smogulans to take over this planet,

the air and water must be first poisoned to our liking.

But if you poison our planet-- as if we can't do it

ourselves-- then all human and animal life will die.

What's your point?

Oh.

I'm definitely in the presence of some big time evil.

My point is this, butthead!

This is my planet-- even though I don't look like I'm from it.

And this is my town, which means it's

my job to keep it safe, beautiful,

and free from pollution.

Then prepare to die, Toxic Crusader.

Apocalypse now!

[GUNFIRE]

I sure could use some help.

[GUNFIRE]

Excuse me, but, uh, me and my friend

are looking for a hideously deformed creature named Toxic.

Have you seen him?

He's up there.

Oh, yeah.

I see him.

[SNEEZE]

Gesundheit.

Thank you.

[GRUNTING]

[CRASH]

You fools!

Get him!

I hate this part.

It's cleanup time!

Oh, sorry.

[SMACKS]

[GRUNTING]

Excuse me.

My name's No-Zone.

This is my friend, Major Disaster.

We're both hideously deformed creatures with superhuman size

and strength.

Really? Me too.

Yeah. We know.

We saw you on TV and wanted to come join you.

Well, I have to warn you, it's a tough job.

There's no dental plan, and we don't get

any piece of our merchandising.

Ah, it's OK.

We just want to fight bad guys.

Great.

You're hired!

What's Major Disaster doing?

Uh, he has the power to control to control plants.

It takes him a few seconds to get going though.

-Hey. -What's going on?

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

[YELLING] [WHOOSH]

Hey, that's a cool superpower.

DR. KILLEMOFF: Release Aludo.

Destroy the Toxic Crusader and his friends.

[MUMBLES]

Uh, look.

It's some kind of living oil slick.

Mop!

Come back!

[SQUEAKING]

Mop hates a mess.

Oh, no!

That thing ate my mop.

Well, what'll we do now?

I've got an idea.

Follow me!

Kitty litter?

What are we doing with kitty litter?

Toxie, we're not fighting Heathcliff.

Trust me.

Just empty the kitty litter on the ground.

Now, No-Zone, aim your schnozzle at that thing

and use your sweet power!

You've got it, buddy.

[SNEEZE]

[WIND]

The kitty litter is drying up the oil slick.

[KA-BOOM]

[CLINK]

Oh, mop.

Are you OK?

[SQUEAK]

DR. KILLEMOFF: This can't be happening!

If it weren't for those other two

hideously deformed creatures helping the Toxic Crusader,

I would have defeated him.

I told you so.

Ah!

[CRASH]

Oh, Toxie, I'm so proud of you.

You saved Tromaville.

Of course he saved Tromaville.

He's my son.

He's a hero.

I'm no hero, Mom.

I'm just doing my part to keep Tromaville beautiful,

safe, and free from pollution.

Gee.

What an amazing coincidence.

All three of us were turned into hideously

deformed creatures with superhuman size and strength

by accident.

That's right.

I was a soldier in the Army, and when I fell into a radioactive

swamp.

And I was a pilot when I flew through a whole in the ozone

and crashed my plane into a silo of radioactive pepper.

[SNEEZE]

Gesundheit.

Thank you.

Well, lucky for us, we were all hideously deformed, because now

we're The Toxic Crusaders!

Sounds like a good name for a TV show.

I brought some dinner for you boys.

I made your favorite-- burgers.

--[GIGGLING] Guess what, everybody?

I wrote a new song about my brave, handsome boyfriend

and his two new buddies.

Listen.

(SINGING) Hideously deformed, superhumanly strong,

they're the toxic crusaders, and they fight against wrong.

A one, a two, a three!

(SINGING) We're the Toxic Crusaders.

We're the Toxic Crusaders.

We're the Toxic Crusaders.

Of that we're pretty sure of.

[SNEEZES]

TOXIE: Gesundheit.

(SINGING) We're the Toxic Crusaders.

We're the Toxic Crusaders.

Of that, we're pretty sure of.

[THEME MUSIC]