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1
00:00:03,086 --> 00:00:06,297
♪ The Simpsons ♪
2
00:00:06,298 --> 00:00:08,175
[♪ theme music plays]
3
00:00:18,644 --> 00:00:22,606
Maybe 43 is
the year I change my hairstyle.
4
00:00:23,482 --> 00:00:25,901
No, I don't have that kind of courage.
5
00:00:28,445 --> 00:00:29,445
[door opens, slams]
6
00:00:29,446 --> 00:00:31,364
- [footsteps approach]
- [Marge humming]
7
00:00:31,365 --> 00:00:32,448
{\an8}Breakfast me now.
8
00:00:32,449 --> 00:00:34,617
{\an8}I want to escape
before the hormone twins come down.
9
00:00:34,618 --> 00:00:37,119
{\an8}Bart and Lisa are teenagers now,
10
00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:39,705
{\an8}and they've got
a lot of confusing feelings.
11
00:00:39,706 --> 00:00:43,543
{\an8}Feelings I can handle. It's the sounds
and the smells that are breaking me.
12
00:00:43,544 --> 00:00:45,628
{\an8}How's the wedding speech coming?
13
00:00:45,629 --> 00:00:49,173
{\an8}[chuckles] Stupid Flanders never should
have asked me to be his best man.
14
00:00:49,174 --> 00:00:50,383
{\an8}[giggles]
15
00:00:50,384 --> 00:00:52,468
{\an8}Do you think this joke is too mean?
16
00:00:52,469 --> 00:00:53,761
{\an8}Yes!
17
00:00:53,762 --> 00:00:55,722
{\an8}- Then it's going in.
- [groans]
18
00:00:56,640 --> 00:00:58,683
{\an8}Good morning. How'd you sleep?
19
00:00:58,684 --> 00:01:00,227
{\an8}[groans]
20
00:01:00,978 --> 00:01:03,437
{\an8}None of my clothes fit,
and I'm breaking out.
21
00:01:03,438 --> 00:01:05,106
{\an8}I am not going to school.
22
00:01:05,107 --> 00:01:08,651
{\an8}You're in eighth grade.
If your face was normal, you'd stand out.
23
00:01:08,652 --> 00:01:10,152
{\an8}[screams]
24
00:01:10,153 --> 00:01:14,615
{\an8}[grumbles] Honey, the changes we
go through as women are beautiful
25
00:01:14,616 --> 00:01:19,870
{\an8}and should be celebrated with joy
and gratitude as the gifts they are.
26
00:01:19,871 --> 00:01:21,664
{\an8}You're delusional.
27
00:01:21,665 --> 00:01:23,457
{\an8}More food. Where is?
28
00:01:23,458 --> 00:01:27,712
{\an8}I just went shopping yesterday.
I can't keep up with your appetite.
29
00:01:27,713 --> 00:01:29,589
{\an8}There's chili in the earthquake kit.
30
00:01:29,590 --> 00:01:30,841
{\an8}[shoes squeaking]
31
00:01:31,341 --> 00:01:33,093
{\an8}[grunting]
32
00:01:33,594 --> 00:01:37,681
{\an8}Let me. Happy to help, little big brother.
33
00:01:43,895 --> 00:01:45,354
- I'm driving to school today.
- [Maggie] Mmm?
34
00:01:45,355 --> 00:01:48,524
How am I gonna learn not to kill people
if you don't let me practice?
35
00:01:48,525 --> 00:01:49,775
[whimpers]
36
00:01:49,776 --> 00:01:54,448
Maggie, Maggie, rest your voice.
You're still getting over that laryngitis.
37
00:01:55,615 --> 00:01:58,409
Please. Don't let Bart drive.
It's too scary.
38
00:01:58,410 --> 00:02:00,578
He drives so wiggly
and everybody honks at us
39
00:02:00,579 --> 00:02:02,748
and yells bad words and shows us fingers!
40
00:02:04,374 --> 00:02:05,374
[groans]
41
00:02:05,375 --> 00:02:06,459
[♪ "Escape (The Pina Colada Song)"
playing]
42
00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:08,003
♪ And while she lay there sleeping ♪
43
00:02:08,795 --> 00:02:10,046
♪ I read the paper in bed ♪
44
00:02:10,047 --> 00:02:12,548
Lisa, we used to love this song.
45
00:02:12,549 --> 00:02:16,135
We'd dance around and have the best time.
Remember?
46
00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:19,138
Remember, remember, remember, remember?
47
00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:20,640
♪ If you like piña col-- ♪
48
00:02:20,641 --> 00:02:21,767
- Mom, no.
- [♪ music stops]
49
00:02:22,434 --> 00:02:26,062
Why'd you volunteer me to perform
at Mr. Flanders's wedding?
50
00:02:26,063 --> 00:02:28,815
Why would I ever want to do that? Why?
51
00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:31,609
Well, your father's the best man,
52
00:02:31,610 --> 00:02:35,154
Bart's the videographer,
and Maggie's the flower girl.
53
00:02:35,155 --> 00:02:38,240
Besides, you used to love performing.
54
00:02:38,241 --> 00:02:42,411
- [saxophone playing]
- Oh, you were so sweet and confident.
55
00:02:42,412 --> 00:02:45,831
I did, and I was, but I'm not, so I won't.
56
00:02:45,832 --> 00:02:49,877
I do not want a thousand
eyeballs staring at me.
57
00:02:49,878 --> 00:02:52,421
Lisa, wait. I forgot to give you this
58
00:02:52,422 --> 00:02:55,592
{\an8}in case you get your first...
[whispers] ...period.
59
00:02:56,385 --> 00:02:57,386
Eyeballs.
60
00:02:58,387 --> 00:03:00,680
[bell rings]
61
00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:01,931
- [phone chimes]
- [Marge] Oh.
62
00:03:01,932 --> 00:03:03,974
It'll be nice to spend time with people
63
00:03:03,975 --> 00:03:07,103
whose hormones
aren't completely wackadoodle.
64
00:03:07,104 --> 00:03:10,523
Wackadoodle. My hormones are wackadoodle.
65
00:03:10,524 --> 00:03:15,778
As our last eggs circle the drain,
let's raise a glass to the big change.
66
00:03:15,779 --> 00:03:19,365
Menopause?
Aren't we all a little young for that?
67
00:03:19,366 --> 00:03:21,701
Perimenopause, Marge.
68
00:03:21,702 --> 00:03:26,163
The coming attractions
before the horror movie that is the big M.
69
00:03:26,164 --> 00:03:29,792
Don't tell me you haven't had
any of the symptoms. Hot flashes...
70
00:03:29,793 --> 00:03:30,960
Mood swings.
71
00:03:30,961 --> 00:03:35,756
You know, I wake up at exactly
3:17 every night. Why 3:17?
72
00:03:35,757 --> 00:03:36,841
[chuckles] I know.
73
00:03:36,842 --> 00:03:39,593
And then I can't help
but compulsively rearrange the furniture.
74
00:03:39,594 --> 00:03:42,304
You know, last night, I created
a workstation for the dog.
75
00:03:42,305 --> 00:03:45,224
If we can't turn these middle-aged
frowns upside down,
76
00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:47,977
let's fill them in
with a syringe full of youth.
77
00:03:47,978 --> 00:03:50,229
[cheering]
78
00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:54,984
Heroin. I've heard it's amazing,
but I'm not sure it's for me.
79
00:03:54,985 --> 00:03:56,902
They're facial fillers, Marge.
80
00:03:56,903 --> 00:03:59,822
Use these to mark the parts
of your face you hate.
81
00:03:59,823 --> 00:04:02,158
Black don't crack, but it sure can droop.
82
00:04:02,159 --> 00:04:05,870
I just don't think our faces
are something we need to fix.
83
00:04:05,871 --> 00:04:08,622
Let's celebrate the wisdom
and achievements
84
00:04:08,623 --> 00:04:11,084
that are the story our wrinkles tell.
85
00:04:14,421 --> 00:04:15,964
I'll see myself out.
86
00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:26,600
{\an8}[♪ tense music plays]
87
00:04:27,601 --> 00:04:28,769
[groans]
88
00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:31,271
[groans]
89
00:04:31,855 --> 00:04:33,607
[groaning]
90
00:04:42,699 --> 00:04:44,284
Mmm?
91
00:04:46,536 --> 00:04:47,536
{\an8}[gasps]
92
00:04:47,537 --> 00:04:49,330
Homer. Homer, wake up.
93
00:04:49,331 --> 00:04:53,334
{\an8}[gasps] "Hamnesia" is when
you can't remember ham!
94
00:04:53,335 --> 00:04:57,296
{\an8}This graphic novel Bart's been reading
is practically a tingle book.
95
00:04:57,297 --> 00:05:00,800
{\an8}Is it normal for a boy
to look at bunnies with big boobs?
96
00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:03,969
{\an8}Little boys will stare at a rock
if it's got big boobs.
97
00:05:03,970 --> 00:05:06,055
{\an8}Ooh. Look, a rock with big boobs.
98
00:05:06,056 --> 00:05:09,183
[Marge] Why would a lady robot
need to wear a skirt?
99
00:05:09,184 --> 00:05:11,143
And does it have to be so short?
100
00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:14,605
Oh, honey, in the grand scheme
of things this is pretty innocent.
101
00:05:14,606 --> 00:05:20,320
He could be online watching
live-action romance content.
102
00:05:20,862 --> 00:05:23,572
- Shut your muzzle mouth!
- [whimpers]
103
00:05:23,573 --> 00:05:26,283
Sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me.
104
00:05:26,284 --> 00:05:29,286
My emotions are suddenly all haywire.
105
00:05:29,287 --> 00:05:32,039
[♪ tense music plays]
106
00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:33,834
Sounds like it's probably nothing.
107
00:05:35,460 --> 00:05:37,546
Top of the morning, best man-arino.
108
00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:40,840
Hey, Homer. How's the speech coming?
109
00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:42,132
Really great, Pam.
110
00:05:42,133 --> 00:05:44,677
But if you have
any embarrassing Flanders stories
111
00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:48,889
to make this savage takedown
even more brutal, I'm all ears.
112
00:05:48,890 --> 00:05:50,516
[giggles]
113
00:05:50,517 --> 00:05:53,853
Well, the best story is how he saved
my life when I choked
114
00:05:53,854 --> 00:05:56,188
on a baby in a king cake
during Mardi Gras.
115
00:05:56,189 --> 00:05:59,149
Choke play at cake party. Perfect.
116
00:05:59,150 --> 00:06:00,317
He sure is.
117
00:06:00,318 --> 00:06:01,861
[both chuckle]
118
00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:04,364
Stupid happy, future Flanders.
119
00:06:07,284 --> 00:06:08,285
[phone rings]
120
00:06:09,578 --> 00:06:12,122
My wife is where? I'm on my way!
121
00:06:12,706 --> 00:06:13,707
[tires screeching]
122
00:06:14,708 --> 00:06:18,544
Honey, the manager says you've been
in the freezer for a half hour.
123
00:06:18,545 --> 00:06:22,423
I'm burning up.
I think it's my first hot flash.
124
00:06:22,424 --> 00:06:25,926
Insomnia, the compulsive redecorating.
125
00:06:25,927 --> 00:06:28,178
I think it's perimenopause.
126
00:06:28,179 --> 00:06:31,140
[gasps] Homer, I'm old.
127
00:06:31,141 --> 00:06:34,602
[Homer thinking] Wow.
Say something perfect.
128
00:06:34,603 --> 00:06:35,686
High five?
129
00:06:35,687 --> 00:06:36,771
[Marge grunts]
130
00:06:39,983 --> 00:06:43,903
Can't sleep anymore.
Can't think straight. Always irritable.
131
00:06:43,904 --> 00:06:45,070
[humming]
132
00:06:45,071 --> 00:06:46,239
Kitchen couch!
133
00:06:48,825 --> 00:06:50,493
You finally get me.
134
00:06:51,786 --> 00:06:53,662
[footsteps approaching]
135
00:06:53,663 --> 00:06:55,873
I'm driving to school today.
136
00:06:55,874 --> 00:06:59,460
Got another zit.
I'm going to live under a troll bridge.
137
00:06:59,461 --> 00:07:02,379
I'm a flower girl,
and I want special shoes.
138
00:07:02,380 --> 00:07:05,382
- Pink with bows and lights and music.
- [Marge grumbling]
139
00:07:05,383 --> 00:07:08,385
Everyone shut your breakfast holes!
140
00:07:08,386 --> 00:07:10,929
- [Bart] ...run over a bunch of nuns...
- [Maggie shouting]
141
00:07:10,930 --> 00:07:15,225
[Homer] Homer, your wife is going through
the terrible change of perimeningitis,
142
00:07:15,226 --> 00:07:17,728
so it's down to you
to be the voice of non-crazy.
143
00:07:17,729 --> 00:07:21,941
This is where years
of therapy mumbo jumbo pays off.
144
00:07:23,735 --> 00:07:24,943
[clears throat]
145
00:07:24,944 --> 00:07:26,278
[screaming stops]
146
00:07:26,279 --> 00:07:28,781
- Emotional dysregulation.
- Huh.
147
00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:30,199
- Feelings.
- Oh.
148
00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:31,533
- Validation.
- Oh.
149
00:07:31,534 --> 00:07:32,868
- Crystals.
- [gasps]
150
00:07:32,869 --> 00:07:36,289
And a tiny gong on the bookshelf.
151
00:07:37,248 --> 00:07:41,251
[gasps] I don't know why that worked,
but it kind of did.
152
00:07:41,252 --> 00:07:43,712
Maybe it's just the soothing tone.
153
00:07:43,713 --> 00:07:46,132
That's like half of it, isn't it?
154
00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:51,804
{\an8}I know this is a long shot, but do
you have these shoes my daughter wants?
155
00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:53,640
[Sherri] Oh. Wow.
156
00:07:54,391 --> 00:07:57,393
Uh. Lady, these shoes don't exist.
157
00:07:57,394 --> 00:07:58,769
[sighs]
158
00:07:58,770 --> 00:08:03,441
These Skoochers are a revelation. Skooch
on, skooch off. Skooch on, skooch off.
159
00:08:05,902 --> 00:08:12,408
Marge Simpson? My old
crush/obsession/problematic fixation.
160
00:08:12,409 --> 00:08:13,492
[groans]
161
00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:16,579
Artie, now is not the time to hit on me.
162
00:08:17,580 --> 00:08:18,580
Hmm.
163
00:08:18,581 --> 00:08:19,915
Not a problem.
164
00:08:19,916 --> 00:08:25,546
For the first time in my life, the sight
of your face has left me un-smitten.
165
00:08:25,547 --> 00:08:28,465
Do I see the flawless young girl
166
00:08:28,466 --> 00:08:33,554
whose dental hygienist I bribed
for a Dixie cup of her saliva?
167
00:08:33,555 --> 00:08:35,848
I do not!
168
00:08:35,849 --> 00:08:38,517
Oh. I guess that's a good thing.
169
00:08:38,518 --> 00:08:40,561
I feel nothing, I tell you.
170
00:08:40,562 --> 00:08:42,855
Maybe it's these super cushiony shoes,
171
00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:49,194
or maybe it's the teeny-tiny frown line
I detect between your eyes.
172
00:08:49,195 --> 00:08:52,197
But I feel liberated.
173
00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:55,534
Skip with me, salesgirl, skip with me.
174
00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:57,953
Whee! Whee!
175
00:08:57,954 --> 00:08:59,456
[groaning]
176
00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:02,876
[gasps]
177
00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:09,548
I'm in. Give me the Botox.
I want everything shiny and plumped.
178
00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:12,844
You'll notice that my face
does not look surprised.
179
00:09:15,472 --> 00:09:20,059
I can feel all the character
being erased. I love it.
180
00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:22,478
[Lisa] Mom, what the hell?
181
00:09:22,479 --> 00:09:25,731
{\an8}What happened to, "The changes
we go through as women
182
00:09:25,732 --> 00:09:30,652
{\an8}are beautiful and should be celebrated
with joy and gratitude"?
183
00:09:30,653 --> 00:09:32,446
How could you understand?
184
00:09:32,447 --> 00:09:35,741
You're young,
and you're chock-full of collagen.
185
00:09:35,742 --> 00:09:38,243
Mother, I am covered in zits.
186
00:09:38,244 --> 00:09:42,873
Acne is just a phase.
It's like the story of the ugly duckling.
187
00:09:42,874 --> 00:09:46,835
{\an8}Some ugly ducklings
just grow up to be ugly ducks.
188
00:09:46,836 --> 00:09:50,757
{\an8}Mom, have you seen my mustache comb?
189
00:09:51,925 --> 00:09:54,676
Don't you take that tone
with me, young lady!
190
00:09:54,677 --> 00:09:56,595
Oh, no, I'm sorry.
191
00:09:56,596 --> 00:10:01,266
What tone did you take when you found out
your mother was a raging hypocrite?
192
00:10:01,267 --> 00:10:05,854
Just because I said one thing and did
the opposite, that makes me a hypocrite?
193
00:10:05,855 --> 00:10:10,317
Emotional truths being shared.
For which I am gratitude.
194
00:10:10,318 --> 00:10:13,071
May I trigger you
with some organic matcha?
195
00:10:14,697 --> 00:10:17,700
Why don't we end the session here,
and we'll pick up next time?
196
00:10:19,953 --> 00:10:21,286
Now, let's sort you two out.
197
00:10:21,287 --> 00:10:23,123
Grab some sofa, you guys.
198
00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:28,378
Picking up where we left off
last week... [humming]
199
00:10:28,878 --> 00:10:30,587
Snowball, you were upset
200
00:10:30,588 --> 00:10:33,173
that Santa's Little Helper
gave you an ultimatum.
201
00:10:33,174 --> 00:10:35,135
[Marge screaming]
202
00:10:35,718 --> 00:10:37,761
[pants] I found something.
203
00:10:37,762 --> 00:10:40,889
- More manga?
- No, this.
204
00:10:40,890 --> 00:10:44,143
[screams] Adult live-action
romance content.
205
00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:46,812
Our son is ruined. Childhood over.
206
00:10:46,813 --> 00:10:48,021
Innocence gone.
207
00:10:48,022 --> 00:10:53,570
He's going to grow up to be an incel
or a sexist jerk or a manosphere guru.
208
00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:57,656
I'm sorry the world
is a horrible, ugly place
209
00:10:57,657 --> 00:10:59,575
in which no child should grow up.
210
00:10:59,576 --> 00:11:03,078
But I promise
when Bart finally likes a real girl,
211
00:11:03,079 --> 00:11:08,750
he'll be just as nervous and sweet
and respectful as I was when I met you.
212
00:11:08,751 --> 00:11:10,961
What do we do? What do we do?
213
00:11:10,962 --> 00:11:14,798
Pretending it's not happening has worked
for generations of parents.
214
00:11:14,799 --> 00:11:15,967
[grumbles]
215
00:11:19,429 --> 00:11:22,055
I'm confiscating every screen
in this house.
216
00:11:22,056 --> 00:11:24,016
No more Internet for you.
217
00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:25,851
What? Why?
218
00:11:25,852 --> 00:11:28,771
You know why.
219
00:11:29,272 --> 00:11:31,232
Okay, bye.
220
00:11:34,319 --> 00:11:38,907
Okay, this is handled. I handled it.
Everything's good.
221
00:11:41,034 --> 00:11:44,537
[wailing]
222
00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:46,288
You've gotta help me.
223
00:11:46,289 --> 00:11:50,375
I'm a calm, happy person
trapped in the body of a crazy lady.
224
00:11:50,376 --> 00:11:51,543
Oh, I'm sorry.
225
00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:55,464
There's just not much research
into health issues that only affect women.
226
00:11:55,465 --> 00:12:00,052
My med school professor called menopause
an esoteric mystery.
227
00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:02,221
There's got to be something
you can give me.
228
00:12:02,222 --> 00:12:05,767
{\an8}Rub this hormone cream
on your thighs. Can't hurt. [chuckles]
229
00:12:06,267 --> 00:12:08,644
{\an8}Unless... No, no, it can't hurt.
230
00:12:08,645 --> 00:12:11,689
And there is one more thing
I can prescribe.
231
00:12:12,815 --> 00:12:15,944
Sometimes laughter is the best medicine.
232
00:12:16,819 --> 00:12:20,989
♪ Good-bye to my purpose ♪
233
00:12:20,990 --> 00:12:27,664
♪ Good-bye to my meaning ♪
234
00:12:28,164 --> 00:12:29,706
[both laughing]
235
00:12:29,707 --> 00:12:32,502
- So true.
- Funny and brave.
236
00:12:36,172 --> 00:12:38,173
- [sighs]
- [Homer] Surprise!
237
00:12:38,174 --> 00:12:40,342
You replaced the fridge?
238
00:12:40,343 --> 00:12:43,262
Is that what we do now
when something gets old?
239
00:12:43,263 --> 00:12:45,514
Just toss it out in the street?
240
00:12:45,515 --> 00:12:49,434
It's a smart fridge.
I got it to make your life easier.
241
00:12:49,435 --> 00:12:52,396
The next time the teenage
eating machine cleans us out,
242
00:12:52,397 --> 00:12:55,857
this thing will order groceries
delivered right to our door.
243
00:12:55,858 --> 00:12:57,360
[doorbell rings]
244
00:12:59,862 --> 00:13:04,992
Frozen pizza, frozen burritos.
It knows all the crap we eat.
245
00:13:04,993 --> 00:13:07,536
And what's in this bag?
246
00:13:07,537 --> 00:13:11,124
{\an8}[Marge] Maggie's impossible-to-find shoes.
247
00:13:12,208 --> 00:13:14,376
I know I haven't been myself lately,
248
00:13:14,377 --> 00:13:17,839
but you've done something
I never expected...
249
00:13:18,631 --> 00:13:20,258
pitched in.
250
00:13:22,677 --> 00:13:25,178
[moaning]
251
00:13:25,179 --> 00:13:27,348
Next time I'll get you a smart stove...
252
00:13:27,849 --> 00:13:29,017
then a smart blender...
253
00:13:29,517 --> 00:13:30,935
to make smart smoothies...
254
00:13:31,436 --> 00:13:34,564
out of intelligent bananas.
255
00:13:35,606 --> 00:13:37,150
Oh, Homie.
256
00:13:38,276 --> 00:13:43,573
Hey, Homie, seems like nothing's
really happening down there.
257
00:13:45,033 --> 00:13:49,370
I didn't even know it couldn't do that.
Well, no need to panic.
258
00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:53,750
{\an8}[sirens wailing]
259
00:13:57,503 --> 00:13:59,589
[sirens continue]
260
00:14:00,757 --> 00:14:01,757
Mmm.
261
00:14:01,758 --> 00:14:05,385
Move, people. We're not losing
another erection today.
262
00:14:05,386 --> 00:14:07,721
Fortunately for you, Big Pharma,
263
00:14:07,722 --> 00:14:11,016
which is largely run
by old men on their third wives,
264
00:14:11,017 --> 00:14:13,811
has poured billions into ED research.
265
00:14:14,979 --> 00:14:19,066
We have a mighty arsenal
of treatment options at our disposal.
266
00:14:19,067 --> 00:14:22,819
Now, Homer, these ED meds
will adversely affect your mood,
267
00:14:22,820 --> 00:14:25,113
causing aggression, irresponsibility,
268
00:14:25,114 --> 00:14:28,742
and a tendency for your mouth
to write checks your ass can't cash.
269
00:14:28,743 --> 00:14:31,870
With all the hormonal changes
going on in the house,
270
00:14:31,871 --> 00:14:34,081
you're the only one
keeping things together.
271
00:14:34,082 --> 00:14:36,083
Maybe we should think about this.
272
00:14:36,084 --> 00:14:38,502
Men's sexual health
is no time for thinking.
273
00:14:38,503 --> 00:14:39,711
Shoot me up, doc.
274
00:14:39,712 --> 00:14:41,463
I already am.
275
00:14:41,464 --> 00:14:43,007
Oh? Mmm.
276
00:14:43,758 --> 00:14:47,886
I got the testosterone of a 20-year-old
and the patience of a 12-year-old.
277
00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:50,180
Get the hell off my kitchen couch.
278
00:14:50,181 --> 00:14:51,556
Make me, Jabba the Butt.
279
00:14:51,557 --> 00:14:53,433
Shut up, you little perv.
280
00:14:53,434 --> 00:14:54,976
Homer, calm down.
281
00:14:54,977 --> 00:14:56,686
I medically can't.
282
00:14:56,687 --> 00:14:58,814
Hypocrite, hypocrite, hypocrite.
283
00:14:58,815 --> 00:15:00,398
- [Homer] Get off my couch.
- [all clamoring]
284
00:15:00,399 --> 00:15:03,068
[Homer] Get your pervy
self and your pervy germs off of it.
285
00:15:03,069 --> 00:15:04,444
- Get off of it...
- [Bart] Leave me alone.
286
00:15:04,445 --> 00:15:05,529
[Marge groans]
287
00:15:05,530 --> 00:15:07,906
- [Homer] ...contaminated with...
- [Lisa] I can't believe anything you say.
288
00:15:07,907 --> 00:15:09,784
[Homer] Oh, shut up! Ah!
289
00:15:12,245 --> 00:15:14,621
[Marge] Hurry up
and eat your half-assed breakfasts.
290
00:15:14,622 --> 00:15:18,375
We're not going to be late
for Mr. Flanders's wedding.
291
00:15:18,376 --> 00:15:23,755
I cannot perform in front of people
with all this going on. [grunts]
292
00:15:23,756 --> 00:15:27,175
You look fine. Don't be so dramatic.
293
00:15:27,176 --> 00:15:30,637
Maybe I'd look better
with a face full of Botox.
294
00:15:30,638 --> 00:15:35,892
Oh, I am so sorry. I'm struggling to deal
with the humongous life change.
295
00:15:35,893 --> 00:15:38,938
Oh. I handled it just fine.
296
00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:40,647
Handled what?
297
00:15:40,648 --> 00:15:43,900
My period. I got it last week.
298
00:15:43,901 --> 00:15:49,739
You got your first period,
and you didn't tell me. Why?
299
00:15:49,740 --> 00:15:52,742
Because you make womanhood seem like
the most miserable thing
300
00:15:52,743 --> 00:15:54,703
that could happen to a person.
301
00:15:54,704 --> 00:15:56,788
But don't worry about it.
302
00:15:56,789 --> 00:15:59,917
Coach Krupt was very helpful.
303
00:16:00,585 --> 00:16:05,338
Bombardment of feelings.
Bombardment of transitions.
304
00:16:05,339 --> 00:16:08,341
Bombardment of we're all here for you.
305
00:16:08,342 --> 00:16:11,888
[Marge] She didn't tell me.
I'm a failure as a mother.
306
00:16:15,183 --> 00:16:16,391
[shivers]
307
00:16:16,392 --> 00:16:17,684
All right, let's move.
308
00:16:17,685 --> 00:16:21,438
I got a best man speech to crush.
What's the fastest way to the church?
309
00:16:21,439 --> 00:16:26,234
I have no idea. Mom confiscated
every screen in the house.
310
00:16:26,235 --> 00:16:28,695
Well, the smart fridge
has Internet access, so--
311
00:16:28,696 --> 00:16:30,614
Let's get to that wedding, people.
Go, go, go.
312
00:16:30,615 --> 00:16:32,617
What did you do, Bart?
313
00:16:33,284 --> 00:16:34,827
Hmm.
314
00:16:36,537 --> 00:16:38,497
Mom, trust me. You don't want to do this.
315
00:16:42,460 --> 00:16:44,587
- Bart!
- You dog.
316
00:16:45,171 --> 00:16:48,381
Hyah! [grunts]
317
00:16:48,382 --> 00:16:51,636
Die, die, die, die!
318
00:16:52,220 --> 00:16:56,098
Ooh. Get in the car.
It's time to celebrate love.
319
00:16:58,226 --> 00:16:59,684
Stupid car.
320
00:16:59,685 --> 00:17:01,811
- Why won't you start?
- [Marge grumbling]
321
00:17:01,812 --> 00:17:05,398
I don't think either one of you
is in any condition to drive.
322
00:17:05,399 --> 00:17:07,568
I can drive! I can do anything!
323
00:17:08,819 --> 00:17:11,864
- No, not Bart!
- If we die, we die.
324
00:17:13,824 --> 00:17:16,201
- [Maggie screams] Look out for the...
- [tires squealing]
325
00:17:16,202 --> 00:17:17,410
- [Maggie] Don't hit the...
- [thuds]
326
00:17:17,411 --> 00:17:19,537
- [Maggie] Go straight, go straight.
- [tires squealing]
327
00:17:19,538 --> 00:17:22,458
- [screaming]
- [tires screeching]
328
00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:26,795
{\an8}Oh. I forgot my flower basket.
329
00:17:26,796 --> 00:17:28,463
{\an8}Here, use these.
330
00:17:28,464 --> 00:17:29,715
{\an8}[whimpers]
331
00:17:30,424 --> 00:17:31,509
{\an8}[camera shutter clicks]
332
00:17:34,428 --> 00:17:36,097
{\an8}[all] Aw.
333
00:17:36,764 --> 00:17:38,099
{\an8}- [potato chips crumbling]
- [all] Aw.
334
00:17:40,434 --> 00:17:42,018
{\an8}[both grumbling]
335
00:17:42,019 --> 00:17:44,020
[♪ jazz music playing]
336
00:17:44,021 --> 00:17:45,438
I have to give my best man speech,
337
00:17:45,439 --> 00:17:48,733
but I can't focus no matter
how much testosterone I shoot up.
338
00:17:48,734 --> 00:17:52,737
Give me some estrogen cream
to balance me out, please.
339
00:17:52,738 --> 00:17:55,366
I'm so mad and sexy.
340
00:17:56,951 --> 00:17:58,286
[groans]
341
00:17:58,786 --> 00:17:59,870
Mmm.
342
00:18:00,830 --> 00:18:02,372
[guests exclaim]
343
00:18:02,373 --> 00:18:04,165
[chuckles]
344
00:18:04,166 --> 00:18:07,419
Well, well, well,
the day has finally come.
345
00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:11,631
The long-suffering neighbor
has a chance to even the score.
346
00:18:11,632 --> 00:18:14,759
Hope what you're about to hear
doesn't give you second thoughts, Pam.
347
00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:15,927
Oh!
348
00:18:15,928 --> 00:18:17,637
[crowd chattering]
349
00:18:17,638 --> 00:18:21,141
{\an8}Whoa! That lady cream works fast.
350
00:18:21,142 --> 00:18:27,981
Anyway, I was about to roast this... this
beautiful, wonderful man.
351
00:18:27,982 --> 00:18:29,316
[all] Aw.
352
00:18:29,317 --> 00:18:31,693
He's such a good neighborino.
353
00:18:31,694 --> 00:18:37,616
[crying] He lets me borrow stuff,
and he loves Jesus so much.
354
00:18:37,617 --> 00:18:44,247
And despite all that, he's
my favorite person in the entire world.
355
00:18:44,248 --> 00:18:46,708
- [all] Aw!
- [Homer crying]
356
00:18:46,709 --> 00:18:48,461
[♪ dance music playing]
357
00:18:53,883 --> 00:18:54,883
[camera shutter clicks]
358
00:18:54,884 --> 00:18:56,052
[gulps]
359
00:18:58,137 --> 00:19:02,682
Hi, I'm Bart.
I drove here in a car that I drove.
360
00:19:02,683 --> 00:19:05,769
I'm Carrie. The bride is my sister.
We took a limo.
361
00:19:05,770 --> 00:19:08,146
Wow. You were in a car. I'm in a car...
362
00:19:08,147 --> 00:19:11,651
- Ned, can I borrow Homer?
- Would you, please?
363
00:19:13,986 --> 00:19:15,070
Homer, look.
364
00:19:15,071 --> 00:19:18,948
Bart's talking to a girl,
and he's terrible at it.
365
00:19:18,949 --> 00:19:22,077
He's not an unsalvageable
Internet monster.
366
00:19:22,078 --> 00:19:26,373
He's just as sweet and awkward
and clueless as you were.
367
00:19:26,374 --> 00:19:29,125
Chicks are gonna walk all over him.
368
00:19:29,126 --> 00:19:31,212
That's all I want.
369
00:19:34,507 --> 00:19:37,843
Are you sure you don't want to sit
with the unreal housewives?
370
00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:44,182
Honey, I'm sorry I made
womanhood seem so horrible.
371
00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:47,477
It's not that bad. You get used to it.
372
00:19:47,478 --> 00:19:50,647
Besides, without it,
I wouldn't be your mom,
373
00:19:50,648 --> 00:19:52,440
so it's pretty great.
374
00:19:52,441 --> 00:19:56,528
Anyway, if you don't wanna get up
on stage, you don't have to.
375
00:19:56,529 --> 00:19:59,365
I don't? Oh, thank God.
376
00:20:00,241 --> 00:20:03,618
Ooh. Hot flash coming in
like a locomotive full of soup.
377
00:20:03,619 --> 00:20:05,079
I need my medicine back.
378
00:20:06,414 --> 00:20:07,747
{\an8}You used it all?
379
00:20:07,748 --> 00:20:12,085
{\an8}I have no memory of the last two hours.
380
00:20:12,086 --> 00:20:13,920
[panting]
381
00:20:13,921 --> 00:20:16,214
[gulping, sighs]
382
00:20:16,215 --> 00:20:18,758
[Lisa] Excuse me, excuse me?
383
00:20:18,759 --> 00:20:22,096
Ooh, boy. That's a lot of eyeballs.
384
00:20:22,888 --> 00:20:28,935
Uh. Mr. Flanders asked me to perform
the song "Perfect" by Ed Sheeran.
385
00:20:28,936 --> 00:20:30,353
[crowd chattering]
386
00:20:30,354 --> 00:20:32,188
I love that song.
387
00:20:32,189 --> 00:20:34,607
But I'm not gonna do that one.
388
00:20:34,608 --> 00:20:37,737
- [Lenny] Crap.
- This one's for us, Mom.
389
00:20:38,404 --> 00:20:40,906
♪ I was tired of my lady ♪
390
00:20:41,824 --> 00:20:43,784
♪ We'd been together too long ♪
391
00:20:44,368 --> 00:20:48,538
A song about having an affair
is a weird choice for a wedding.
392
00:20:48,539 --> 00:20:50,958
I think it's perfect.
393
00:20:52,084 --> 00:20:54,920
♪ So while she lay there sleeping ♪
394
00:20:55,588 --> 00:20:58,174
♪ I read the paper in bed ♪
395
00:20:58,966 --> 00:21:01,552
♪ And in the personal columns ♪
396
00:21:02,303 --> 00:21:04,597
♪ There was this letter I read ♪
397
00:21:05,723 --> 00:21:08,768
♪ If you like piña coladas ♪
398
00:21:09,268 --> 00:21:12,021
♪ And gettin' caught in the rain ♪
399
00:21:12,897 --> 00:21:15,441
♪ If you're not into yoga ♪
400
00:21:16,358 --> 00:21:19,361
♪ If you have half a brain ♪
29610
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