Original subtitles

You know, Emma...

My mother always told me that the way to a man's heart

was through his stomach...

Which is exactly where she shot grandpa when she caught him cheating.

Hey, mom, what's going on?

Is it just me, or when I left did I only have one baby?

This is Dylan from daycare.

They're on their first playdate.

Uh, no, no, that's impossible, because my daughter will not be dating.

Ever.

I wish I had a playdate.

I mean, it's not right that Emma's getting some and I'm not.

And you're not gonna be right if you ever use the words

"Emma" and "getting some" in the same sentence again.

Hey, punk.

I was your age once, okay. I know exactly what you're thinking.

I'm watching you, Dylan.

Oh, wait, did you... did you just wink at her?

Oh, no, no, no, nope. No, we're done. Let's go.

Wow, she really is getting more than me.

I forgot, man. I'm sorry.

You're dead.

♪ It's amazing how the unexpected ♪

♪ can take your life and change direction ♪

- Sync and corrected by TheDelta - - www.addic7ed.com -

Oh...

Doing a little online lady shopping, I see.

Very nice!

Here, click on her.

Why? She's not gonna click me back,

and I'll spend all weekend clicking myself.

Tucker...

Come on, man, where's your confidence?

Here, let me show you how this is supposed to work, all right.

Like... like... Like, like, like, like, like.

Dude, what are you doing?

You're not even seeing if we're compatible.

Compatible? She likes guys, you like girls.

If you're lucky, she also likes girls.

It's practically fate.

That's what you're calling fate these days?

The modern dating world is a cold place.

Just filled with devices.

And not the fun kind.

Back in my day, we had a little thing called romance.

Yeah, you also had a little thing called the plague.

Look, I'm just saying, Tucker,

that you need to put yourself out there

and let love find you.

You know, I met your dad when accidentally dumped

his tuna surprise in my lap in the cafeteria.

Oh...

He felt so bad about it he drove me home and that was that.

Actually, "that" became Danny.

Well, buck up, Tuck.

I'm sure the woman of your dreams is just around the corner.

- You really think so? - I don't know.

I'm just spitballing, trying to make you feel better.

Mom, wait.

I think you're right.

That's exactly what I want you to put on my tombstone.

Tucker just needs some real romance in his life to get his confidence back.

So we're gonna give him a secret admirer.

A fake one, since I'm not quite sure where to find the real kind.

Benjamin Bon Jovi Wheeler.

That is wrong and deceitful,

and as your mother, I would just like to say,

I've never been prouder. I'm in.

Oh, hi. What's going on?

Right now, wondering where I can get my hands on a burner phone

so I can send text messages from a hot girl to Tucker.

Seriously, why do I even ask?

Wheeler, hey. So...

Here is the suitcase you wanted to borrow.

Going somewhere fun? I can join,

because I am single and in the city.

Ooh, that might be kind of awkward.

Robyn and I are going away for our first weekend together.

Okay. Yeah, yeah.

That would be awkward. Maybe you shouldn't bring her.

I'm just kidding.

First weekend away, alone.

That should be, uh...

- Telling. - Nah, we'll be fine.

We're good together.

Which I guess is kind of the opposite of you and Ben.

You ready to talk about that yet?

What happened anyway?

Oh...

You know us. We just couldn't get ourselves on the same page.

That's one of the reasons Robyn and I get along so well.

Neither of us likes to read.

So, uh, I'm an idiot.

I'm sad and desperate.

I win.

He looked me right in the eye,

and said, "so what happened, anyway?"

Why didn't I just say, "you happened.

You are what happened. That's what happened"?

What's happening right now?

Why don't I just tell him that I like him?

W-wait.

Wait, are you saying that you finally realized that you like Danny?

Well, congratulations!

You're officially the last to know.

No, no. Actually, Danny is the last one to know.

Tucker, I have to tell him.

I mean, I will not keep my feelings bottled up this time.

And he's about to go off for the weekend with Robyn,

so I need to get in there before he...

Gets in there.

Wait, Ben, Ben, Ben.

You are not going to believe this.

I have a secret admirer.

What? Whoa, man. That's crazy.

I, for one, am completely shocked.

Shocked, I say.

Oh my God, it's her.

Dude, she's gorgeous. She just sent me a picture.

Really, a picture?

Wow.

Seems kind of odd for a secret admirer.

Obviously someone is a little unclear on the rules.

And the Tuckster is back.

Yes...

See? There's the guy we've been missing.

Now, you get out there, and you like some girls, man.

Like... like... ooh.

Hi.

You seriously could not be any cuter.

Any chance I could buy you a drink?

Wow, I'm flattered.

But I kind of have a girlfriend, so...

That's right, ladies. Spoken for.

I'm sorry.

I saw you looking.

Wheeler! Wheeler!

Oh, hey. What are you doing here?

Oh, I just wanted to talk to you about something.

When you're done. Nothing important.

Just sort of urgent. Kind of.

Sure, 10 minutes.

- Hi. - Oh my God.

Robyn, hi.

Sorry, I didn't see you there.

Otherwise, I would have said something like,

"hi, Robyn."

I just came by to watch Danny practice.

You know, like I always do.

Nothing suspicious about that.

No, not at all.

But I was thinking maybe you and I could talk as well.

We need to figure out how we fit into his life.

Fit into his life? Well, I'm his best friend.

So I think we're cool.

Come on, Riley. Don't even.

He can tell me a million times that you don't have feelings for him...

he talks about me?

But I am not believing it from you.

So I'm hoping you can just give us some space.

Well, that's not really up to me.

Oh, I'll handle the Danny end of it.

You're the one who needs to back off.

Back off?

Uh, I will back off when I'm ready to back off,

and I'm not ready.

In fact, I am backing on.

Hm, well, we'll see.

Oh, sorry.

My bad.

Seriously, you just did that on purpose.

Why would I do that?

I don't know, same reason I did this.

Could you be any more childish?

Oh, I don't know. Let's see.

Hey!

- Danny! - Danny!

All right, Emma.

Let's give this dating site a whirl.

Dated him.

Dated him. Dated him.

Wait a minute. What is this?

Oh, it's my contacts. Never mind.

I know.

Mom, what is the matter with you?

Why did you send Tucker a picture of his secret admirer?

Who is now not so secret.

Oh, calm down.

I bought some new picture frames,

and I thought that the girl that came with them

made a nice girlfriend for Tucker.

See?

She skis.

She also doesn't exist.

Which is a good thing,

because she's not really his secret admirer.

Jeez, keep up.

Oh my God. I found her.

I actually found my secret admirer.

- I'm sorry, what? - Yeah.

I was coming out of the bar, and there she was.

It really is fate.

Talked to her?

No, I didn't.

I ran after her, but I lost her when she turned into that big building on the corner,

which means I now know where she works,

which means it's only a matter of time before we meet face to face.

Well, he seems happy.

So I say, job well done.

Yay, us.

So I'll see you tomorrow. Or not, I'm kind of busy.

Whoa, you are not going anywhere until we figure out what to do.

God, maybe I should just tell him the truth.

The truth? That never helped anybody.

Look, we just need to get to her before he does.

How hard can it be to find a model in New York?

You'd be surprised. I've been trying for years.

You know, this is all your fault.

My fault? This is so your fault.

Ladies, how about we focus on Danny,

and not worry about who did what to whom.

Okay, you mean what she did to me, right?

I just want to be clear on who's the who,

and who's the whom.

Danny's a little out of it right now, but he'll be fine.

I'll be back in a few minutes.

Hopefully to an empty room.

Well, thanks for stopping by.

I think I got it from here.

Oh, if you did, maybe it wouldn't have taken you 20 years to figure it out.

Danny, hi. It's me, Riley.

I'm here for you.

Danny, it's me, Robyn.

I was actually here for you first.

I love you R...

Oh my God.

I can't believe he said he loves me.

He didn't say he loves you.

He said he loves me, Robyn.

I'm sorry, how did you get Robyn from that?

He was clearly trying to say,

I love you, Ruh-ley.

He was saying Robyn.

Uh, no, I'm pretty sure it was Ruh-ley.

- Clearly Robyn. - Riley.

- It was Robyn. - Riley.

I'm sorry if I'm a little confused.

My agent was pretty unclear about the details of the job, so...

You know, I used to be a model.

What are you, like, 5'3 ", 5'4"?

I bet you don't even ski.

Look, Christine,

it's not really a modeling job so much as it is an acting job.

We need you to pretend to be our friend's secret admirer.

It's super easy.

- I'm still not following. - Honey, I got this.

I speak model.

Hi. Hi.

We will pay you

100 American dollars

to like our friend.

I'm a model,

not an escort.

Pretty fine line sometimes, if I recall.

Look, you don't understand. We only want you to date him

long enough to break up with him.

Gently, or, you know, whatever $100 will get us.

You two are horrible people.

I'm out of here.

- Uh... - Uh, w-wait, he's dying!

- What? - What?

He's only got six weeks left to live,

and his dying wish was that he got to meet you.

Really?

Oh my God. Okay, well...

I can't say no to a dying man's last wish.

Neither could we. That's why we're here.

Oh, Danny, I'm so sorry.

I should have just told you how I feel.

But I guess I'm still figuring it out too, you know.

I mean...

I like Danny Wheeler.

Oh my God, how crazy is that?

It's true.

I do.

Oh, now if I could just find the courage to say that to you when you're awake.

Ladies and gentlemen, I direct your attention to the center line.

You know, Tucker... First date, complete stranger,

I probably wouldn't set my expectations too high.

Dude...

All I've done is cleared her a drawer, updated my status,

and bought a few wedding magazines.

But you barely know her.

She's a model, and she likes me.

What are you not seeing?

Yeah, well, you got a point.

Hey, if it doesn't work out, you mind if I hit on her?

- You think you got it? - I got it.

Ironically, I actually do kind of want to be an actress.

Just find him, break up with him,

and try not to mention the whole dying thing.

He's kind of sensitive about it.

Right. Here is his picture.

Oh my God. Is this him?

I love this guy.

Okay. You actually are a good actress.

No, I see him in the neighborhood all the time,

and I have a total crush on him. I've just...

I've never been brave enough to go up and say hi.

Okay, let's not get all improv-y on me here.

I'm a cat, trapped in a dryer, playing maracas.

I'm not making this up.

He really is my secret crush.

Really?

Maybe it is fate.

I just can't believe he's dying. This is so sad.

Yeah, yeah. It sure is.

Now get out there and break his heart.

Oh! Oh! Oh!

Come on, ref!

Why don't you bend over and use your good eye next time!

- Hey. - Hi, Robyn.

Please notice that I am currently unarmed.

Canceled I'm just here to say our weekend away.

He hopes I understand, and I hope you're happy.

Is it bad if I say I am?

Because I really am.

Robyn, I'm so sorry, but...

I really think Danny and I are meant to be together.

Whatever.

- That's right, let's go! - Okay then, so..

I'll see you at work.

So in the end, I learned the difference between dolphins and porpoises,

but I am definitely not allowed back into the aquarium.

What?

Why do bad things happen to good people?

It's so unfair.

Good point. Deep thought.

Anyway, I'm gonna go grab us some beer and pretzels.

No, no, I'll go. Please.

You shouldn't exert yourself.

- Hey, man. - Oh my...

look, dude, I am so sorry. I just saw her take off.

Just so you know, it's all right to cry.

Not here, but later.

Dude, she loves me.

She keeps telling me how much she's gonna miss me, and she's just getting pretzels.

Can no one follow directions? Go

forget to tell her I want light beer.

You know, now that I'm dating a model, the pressure's on.

- Oh, hey, is that... - Whoo! Let's go Rangers!

Hey, how come every time I text Christine, your pants buzz?

Tucker, I think the real question here is

why are my pants buzzing every time you text Christine?

Hey! Hey!

There you are.

Man, I have to tell you,

I like the way you work.

In and out, down and dirty. How'd he take it?

He didn't.

I can't do this. I can't lie to a dying man.

It's easier than lying to the ones that are gonna stick around for a while.

God only knows when they're gonna pop up again.

- E -I'm gonna tell him the truth. - No, no. You can't

see, he doesn't know that we know he's dying,

and if he knows you know then he's gonna know that I know,

and you know what happens after that.

You don't wanna know.

Well, can't you just date him and keep it a secret?

I mean, who knows, maybe they'll find a cure.

Why not? It is really hard finding a guy in Manhattan.

Yeah.

Yeah, I've read articles about the plight of 20-something models that can't find dates.

And I'm gonna need that handy back.

Wheeler, two minutes for high-sticking.

- Riley, hi. - Hi, I really need to talk to you.

Now?

I'm kind of in the middle of something.

Oh, come on!

If I don't tell you now, I think I'm gonna explode.

Okay.

Go ahead. I'm ready.

Danny...

I didn't totally get that.

Danny...

One more time.

I think I'm in love with you!

Charge!

Really? Are you sure?

I mean, I don't want to say anything to change your mind

because, you know, I like what you're saying.

Riley, I've been in love with you for as long as I can remember.

I know.

I'm just so glad that I finally figured out...

Wait, what do you mean you know?

Well, last year I...

Heard that voice mail that you accidentally left

saying that you'd been in love with me for your whole life...

- Wheeler, let's go! - Okay, okay, I really think they need you.

You knew?

You knew all this time and you didn't say anything?

Danny, I didn't know what to say.

So you just left me hanging out there like an idiot?

- Did my feelings mean that little to you? - Wheeler, come on!

Okay! I'm coming!

No, no, no, no, no.

Danny! Danny! Wait, Danny!

Bad news, I think Tucker's on to us.

Doesn't matter. Christine likes him and is willing to keep our secret.

What do you mean, you're not dying?

What do you mean, you got paid to go out with me?

- You're pathetic. - Well, you're a prostitute.

I'm a model!

What is wrong with you two?

Am I that much of a loser that you had to pay a girl to go out with me,

and tell her I'm dying?

Well, that was our jumping off point.

Yeah, but you're the one who just ruined your chances

with the best girl you've ever met.

Yeah, Tucker.

It turns out she actually liked you

before we even talked to her.

So she might be crazy.

Oh my God. It really was fate.

What have I done?

Girl, where you at?

Danny, come on. It's not like that.

- Do you mind? - Not like what?

Hey, I've got Danny in my back pocket,

so how about I wait and see if things work out with Ben first?

That's not true.

I didn't know how I felt.

And you do now?

How convenient.

I can't even begin to tell you how many times you broke my heart.

Get off me!

I'm here now!

That has to count for something.

It doesn't.

Danny, I didn't mean to hurt you.

Well, the girl I loved my whole life never would have treated me this way.

I don't even know who you are.

Danny! Danny!

You're fine. Nothing to worry about.

Danny, Danny, I'm so sorry.

Can we please talk about this?

Honestly,

there's nothing we need to talk about anymore.

Besides, I'm running a little late.

Ready for our weekend, babe?

Yeah, I'm ready.

Just need to change.

Bye, Riley. See you around.

She totally liked me, and I blew it.

You guys have no idea how lucky you are that you found love.

Oh my God, Tucker?

Christine, you found me.

I knew you couldn't stay mad at me forever.

Actually, I'm here to pick up Dylan.

His mom's my best friend.

Oh...

Emma's my best friend's kid.

Wait, so you're really not here to see me?

No, but it seems like

something out there wants us to be together.

Oh my God, that's great.

Wait...

Nobody paid you to say that, did they?

and this one went to a shelter.

Uh, it was rhetorical.

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