Original subtitles

(sniffs)

Phew!

(dog barks)

- Mrs Bartram? - Yes?

Calum Buchanan, James Herriot's colleague.

Come along in, Mr Buchanan.

- He asked me to look at your puppy. - That's right.

This way.

- But... but this isn't... - Oh, it is.

- A puppy? - Well, he were a puppy once.

I could never think of another name.

He's, uh... a bit on the big side, is he not?

Aye, he is that.

Right, let's have a wee look.

Uh-huh. Infection of the left eye, for which Mr Herriot prescribed drops.

- Could you hold his collar, Mrs Bartram? - Oh, right.

Hm. The drops don't seem to be working. There's a small growth there.

Hm... There's a good boy.

(barks)

Oh! Bad Puppy!

He's like that when he hasn't had his chips, you know.

Chips? Oh, from downstairs?

Aye. They're very good like that.

Always leave him a bowlful from the night before.

Who's a clever boy, then?

I tell you, Mr Buchanan, he'd live on 'em if he could.

So it would appear.

Right. About that eyelid, Mrs Bartram.

The sooner we get rid of that growth, the better.

Now, it's a very small operation, so the best thing to do is to do it here.

- Would tomorrow morning be all right? - Aye, that's fine.

Will it take a long time, do you think?

That depends on Puppy.

- I'll anaesthetise him first, then remove it. - (Puppy barks)

But, uh... actually, um...

I think I might ask Mr Herriot to give me a wee hand.

Just in case.

(growls)

- James?! - In here, Siegfried.

James...

I am unable to describe my outrage.

I insist that you see for yourself.

Well?

- A bit of a mess, I grant you. - A mess?

James, this used to be the most charming room.

Look at it now. It's a tip, a midden, a breeding ground for flies.

And the rest of the place is not much better. In fact, the kitchen is worse.

At this rate, Skeldale's gonna be overrun with cockroaches and rats.

That's an exaggeration. You're not being fair on Calum.

- There's no excuse for this. Not at all. - He, like us, has a full-time job to do.

Skeldale needs a housekeeper. You said the practice can't run to one.

It can't.

I don't mean to be unduly hard on Calum, but this state of affairs cannot continue.

I absolutely agree with you.

- I must be off. - What? Where are you going?

The morose Mr Bush? He's got some newborn piglets. He thinks they're dying.

- Oh, they're probably quite all right. - Mm-hm.

That man makes a pastime of pessimism. Where is Calum?

- Out on early calls, I think. - Is he?

Oh, James, I forgot to say.

Caro wants me to take her down to this, uh... Festival of Britain thing.

- Oh, lucky old you! - I'm not very keen on it personally, but...

what I was wondering was whether you two could manage without me.

- It won't be easy. - (phone rings)

Still, I think we can cope.

All right.

Yes, Darrowby 385.

Hello. Is Calum there?

No, I'm afraid he's not. Who is that speaking?

It's Deirdre McEwan.

I thought it was! Deirdre, how wonderful to hear your voice.

- How are you? - Oh, Siegfried!

Oh, wretched, if you want to know.

I miss my Calum terribly.

I doubt if you miss him as much as he misses you.

- Has he said as much? - Well, no. Not in so many words.

But it's apparent to the most unobservant eye he's going to pieces completely.

I don't understand. Is it his work?

No, no, no. I can't fault him professionally. He's still a most dedicated vet.

(sighs) ln fact, he's too dedicated.

It's almost as though he were trying to drown a personal sorrow in his work.

But the private man, that's another matter altogether.

I don't understand.

James and I are deeply worried when he's not working.

He shuts himself up here at Skeldale like a hermit.

And the state of the place reflects his state of mind.

I mean, if only you could see the house, Deirdre. It's turning into an absolute slum.

Oh, Siegfried, I can't bear it!

My dear girl, if you could find it in your heart to come down here for a few days...

Oh, for as long as you like.

Oh, I've been an absolute fool.

I love him so much.

Then when may we expect you?

I'll have to try and get some time off work, but I'll come as soon as possible.

Oh, splendid!

- Siegfried? - Yes, my dear?

Don't tell him that I'm coming. I want it to be a surprise.

Deirdre, my lips are sealed. You've made me a very happy man.

- Goodbye. - Goodbye, my dear.

- Not gone yet, James? - No, I'm just off. Something serious?

No, no, no, no. Purely domestic. Purely domestic.

- James? - Yes?

- Calum and Deirdre. - Yes?

Hell of a shame things turned out as they did.

She'd have made a perfect wife for him, wouldn't she?

Yes, I believe she would.

Not to mention the ideal free housekeeper for Skeldale.

Whoa. There you are.

Thank you.

- Cheers. - Cheers.

Mm.

Oh, that's good. When's Siegfried going away?

He and Caro are getting the 9:45 tomorrow morning.

- They're staying at the Savoy. - Hm!

He can be reached there but only in the event of an absolute catastrophe.

What are you doing tomorrow?

After surgery I've got to go round to Mrs Bartram,

to operate on that dreadful dog of hers.

- Puppy's eye infection got worse, has it? - Indeed it has.

And now he's got a growth on his eyelid. And guess who's got to remove it.

Uh... would you mind giving me a wee hand administering the anaesthetic?

Sorry, can't.

But, James, he was your patient, you palmed him off on me.

He nearly had my arm off last time.

I'm really sorry, but I can't.

I've got to get over to Mr Bush, give him some advice on preventative vaccines.

But it's that smell -

fish and chips.

- I'll be sick. - You will be if you stay in here all night.

All right, I'll try and get into Mrs Bartram's on my way back.

Thanks.

- Can I give you a professional tip? - Mm-hm.

When I'm dealing with tiresome dogs, I feed the sedative tablets in lumps of meat.

- They wolf it down. - Really?

Oh, yeah. Works every time.

Lumps of meat, eh?

You see, Puppy is suffering considerable pain from that eye,

and it's making him irritable and extremely difficult to handle.

In order to anaesthetise him, we first have to render him docile.

- Do you see what I've been doing? - Looks like stuffing pills into meat.

Well... yes.

But as soon as he eats these he'll become drowsy, and all our troubles are over.

Now...

(growling)

(Calum) There's a good boy.

Just you try that.

Come on, Puppy, eat it up for the nice vet.

(meat hits floor)

Uh, Mrs Bartram, would you mind terribly trying to feed him out of your hand?

I'd rather not, if you don't mind, Mr Buchanan.

Right enough. I quite understand.

(sighs) It's no go, I'm afraid.

If he won't swallow them, I just can't do it.

Ah, he's just in one of his daft moods.

You know, he must be the only dog in the Dales to refuse meat.

(sniffs)

Oh, that smell!

They've started frying downstairs, haven't they?

Aye. Eleven on the dot.

- Chips. - Aye, chips.

(barks)

(Calum) He'll be groggy when he comes out of the anaesthetic.

I'll give you some eye ointment and some pills,

but I don't think you'll be having any more trouble with that eye.

(sighs) Those chips!

What a stroke of genius.

(knock at door)

- Hello, Mrs Bartram. - Come in, Mr Herriot.

Thank you.

- So, how did it go? - Fine. Just fine.

I said you wouldn't have any trouble. Nothing to it - works every time.

Yes, your professional tip worked wonders, James.

See for yourself.

No, no. Over here.

How on earth did you...?

"Pills for Puppy, to be taken three times daily...

in chips"?!

- Wouldn't he eat the meat? - He spurned each and every lump.

- Always works for me. - Ah, but there's always a first time.

If it hadn't been for my associative powers,

- I could have had a very nasty situation. - Oh, come on!

- If I hadn't done some quick thinking... - I think Puppy's coming round now.

I'm sure he'll be fine. I'd better be off now.

- James... - But won't his eyelid be a bit sore?

Only a wee bit and only for a couple of days.

I will leave you in Mr Buchanan's capable hands,

and he will call round again to see how he's getting on.

Won't you? Bye, Mrs Bartram.

Who's a good boy, then?

(growls)

Veterinary! Veterinary!

Veterinary!

(sounds horn)

- Morning. - So you're Mr Buchanan.

Mr Herriot told me you'd be round. I'm having trouble with one of my cows.

Nelly, she is. She's gone lame. I thought it were just a bit of foul.

I've been putting some of that caustic lotion in between the cleats.

I've been doing it regular, night and morning. And, uh, I...

Do you like football, Mr Buchanan? You should've seen the Kestrels.

Lads had a good win against Allerby. Johnny Nudd could score more tonight.

So this is Nelly, is it, Mr Birtwhistle?

Aye. I'll tell you the best way to do it. Get a feather and...

He's a right bobby-dazzler, is that Johnny Nudd.

When he gets that ball on his right foot, he whacks them in.

Len! Pick it up. Pick the foot up here.

Just like a rocket, he is. I tell you, Johnny could get a trial for Darlington one day.

- (pained moo) - (loudly) So I've heard.

(softly) So I've heard.

(moo)

Aye.

(pained moo)

Look, Nelly is not suffering from foul foot. It's much more serious than that.

There's a build-up of pus inside the joint cavity. It's really quite nasty.

- A sort of abscess? - Aye.

Maybe it should be lanced.

I've tried a cow-muck poultice on it. You can't beat that for getting poison out.

I'll have to go through to Darlington, instead of watching the Kestrels.

You can drop her foot down now, Len. Thanks.

The trouble with this condition is that you can't just stick a poultice on to relieve it.

Often the smooth surfaces of the joint have been eaten away already.

- It's very painful. - (MrBirtwhistle) These things do happen.

I'd best telephone Mallock.

We haven't had a drop of milk from her, poor old lass.

She's just turned into an old screw now.

Kestrels is drawn against Dibham in the Alton Cup.

That'll be some match. Last time...

I'm sure it will. You needn't slaughter her. There's another way of curing this.

Another way? We tried 'em all, surely.

I'll show you. Would you pick her foot up?

They nearly kicked us off the pitch.

There you go.

Now, do you see here? This side is perfectly healthy.

It could easily take Nelly's full weight.

- What about that horrible thing there? - I'll remove it.

- You mean, cut it off? - Aye.

Oh, no, no, Mr Buchanan. We're not having that. She's suffered enough.

I'll send for Mallock and he can come and get the job done.

But do you not see? The pain is immediately relieved, the pressure is off,

- and all the weight rests on the good side. - No. No, no.

You've done your best, and I thank you for it,

but she's not having her foot cut off. I'm ringing Mallock now.

I tell you, Mr Buchanan, we'll thrash 'em next time.

You can drop her foot down now. Thanks.

Mr Birtwhistle, listen to me, please.

I'm not saying anything about removing her whole foot, just one cleat.

That's half a foot, isn't it? And that's ower much for me.

Well, well, Mr Buchanan. It's about time we saw you up here.

Though I must say, Mr Farnon and Mr Herriot do do us nicely.

Hello, Mrs Birtwhistle. It's very nice to meet you.

Nelly won't feel it, she'll be under anaesthetic.

And I'm almost positive the operation will be a complete success.

Mr Buchanan, I just don't fancy it. I don't like the idea.

And even if it does work, it'd be just like having a crippled cow walking about.

And how's Mr Herriot's new house?

It's a fine house.

Nelly will grow a stump of fresh horn down there,

and I'd be prepared to bet she wouldn't feel a thing.

And within a month she'll be back to her old self again

and yielding five gallons of milk a day.

When I saw Mrs Herriot at the market she said they had a lovely view.

- Mr Birtwhistle? - When do you want to do it?

- Tomorrow. - Hm.

- Molly! - Calum.

Well... if it isn't your darling self.

- But why didn't you let me kn...? - Because I wanted to surprise you.

That's... wonderful!

- Don't say you're not pleased to see me. - I didn't say I wasn't...

When you came to stay with my family in Dublin you said

we were welcome to come and stay, any one of us, whenever we chose.

- Yes. - So...

here I am.

Molly, I'm delighted to see you.

Come in, come in.

- How long have you been sitting here? - Only a few minutes.

No, no, no, no, no.

Straight through into the living room.

- In here? - Yes, that's right.

Oh, uh... it's a bit of a mess, I'm afraid.

- It's a lovely room. - It's a lovely room, right enough.

You should see the rest of the house.

Well, what I mean is, I'm living here on my own, you see, and...

- Och, if I'd known you were coming... - Hush now.

I'm a grand girl around the house.

I'm a bachelor's dream come true.

Uh... how long were you thinking of staying?

Just as long as you need me.

- Are you hungry? - Starving.

Right. I'll rustle up some bacon and eggs, then.

Oh, no, no. From now on I do the rustling.

Calum?

James. I'd like you to meet Molly.

Molly, meet my colleague, Mr James Herriot.

How lovely to meet you, James. Calum's just been showing me my room.

(doorshuts)

I don't believe it! The place hasn't looked like this since the Herriots moved out.

It'll be better yet.

Is that your fishing rod?

Oh, yes. There's plenty of great trout fishing round here.

Now, you put these down. You've had a long journey.

I'm fine. Let's go fishing. I fancy trout for supper.

- Are you serious? - Of course I am.

- All right, then. - I've never fished in my life.

- Would you teach me? - Well, I'll certainly try.

Aren't you the darling man!

Hold that.

Right, now, the secret of casting

Iies in a combination of the action of the wrist and the forearm.

As long as you keep your line high, the fly will go where you want it to.

- See? - Yes, I think so.

Right, you have a shot.

That was very good. Try again.

- You're lying. You've done this before. - No, I haven't.

Honestly, Calum, I've never fished in my life.

Well, either that was beginner's luck, or you are what they call a born natural.

Molly, look. The other side of the pool, they're starting to rise.

Try to cast your fly where you see the last one come up.

- Hello. - Hello, darling.

- Hungry? - Yes, could be.

- Have I got ten minutes? - Yes.

- For the wash? - Please.

- I've been to Skeldale this afternoon. - You met Molly.

- I did indeed. - Thumbs up or down?

Definitely up. We got on like a house on fire.

You should see Skeldale. She's transformed it.

- And I think she's set her cap at Calum. - Well... why not?

Exactly. I think she's just the tonic he needs.

As far as I'm concerned, it's the only way to eat trout - out of the river, over a fire.

- Oh, if only every day were like today. - Mm.

You're a natural artist, you know - a born angler.

- Can we do this again tomorrow? - I don't see why not.

After your rounds, of course.

I'll not let it be said I'm distracting you from your work.

All right, then, after my rounds.

- Oh... - What is it?

Well, it's, uh... what I've got to do tomorrow.

Or rather, who I'm doing it with.

Hey, I saw Mr Herriot this morning.

And I told him you'd said that he'd got a fine new house,

and he said yes, it were, and that he'd got a lovely view.

- Aye, he... he has that. - (MrBirtwhistle) You sure about this?

I mean, I think I should send for Mallock right away and get it over and done with,

- rather than have a crippled cow. - Don't you worry.

She can rest all her weight on the other cleat until the stump heals over.

Hello, Mr Buchanan. You see the match last night?

Johnny Nudd scored one, but Len Bottomley cracked in three beauties.

I wish I had seen it, I really do.

That's a good place for her. Could you keep her there, Len?

Aye.

Now, I'd like her to fall onto her right-hand side,

so if I could ask you and Len to help me while I chloroform her.

(MrBirtwhistle) I'm not sure about this.

Kestrels is lucky, you know, Mr Buchanan, to have two lads like...

Look!

Len, I... I realise that football is very important to you,

but not just at the moment, please!

(clears throat)

Mr Birtwhistle... could I give you this casting rope?

- Aye. - Thank you.

Oh, and keep a good, firm hold of her rump.

Aye.

Len, keep a good, tight hold of her halter as well.

Thank you.

(moos)

(Molly) Music Where the girls are so pretty

Music I first set my eyes on sweet Molly Malone

Music As she wheeled her wheelbarrow

Music Through streets broad and narrow

Music Singing, "Cockles and mussels, alive, alive, oh"

Look at that.

Almost completely eaten away.

Look at all that rubbish.

No wonder she was in pain.

Len, I know what you mean about team spirit,

but I don't think you should let loyalty blind you to the facts.

I mean, isn't it true that only last week

Hallerton thrashed the Kestrels nearly 5-0 at...

Och!

Oh!

Has he hurt you, Mr Buchanan?

No, no. No, I'm all right.

- Len, I was only joking about the Kestrels. - You daft beggar!

Pick thy sen up! Get thy sen up!

Get thy sen up!

Don't you fret yourself, Mr Buchanan.

Our Len always faints at the sight of blood.

Does he really? I'm sorry if I offended the laddie.

It's not thy fault, lad. I've never seen him go down so fast before, though.

He fair pitched hisself into thee, didn't he?

Right, you can take Nelly's mask off now. The job's nearly finished.

- Aye, right. - (Len groaning)

(confused mumbling)

What's going on? Where am I?

- What did you say about the Kestrels? - Nothing, Len. Nothing at all.

(Nelly moos)

Lord Buttermere, eh? Siegfried will turn green when he hears.

- And what does the good laird want? - It's just an invitation.

To examine his new stallion at eleven tomorrow morning.

Worse and worse! Well, best of luck, then.

Unfortunately, I'm also due at Broughton Zoo at eleven.

- Why? - An orang-utan.

- You're joking?! - They do call us out from time to time.

James, I'm a very nice chap. Let me do you a favour.

I'll go over to Broughton Zoo to examine the orang-utan.

- Very good of you. It's not on. - Why not?

- It ought to be one of the partners. - Don't be daft, man.

I'll have them eating out of my hand.

- The orang-utans? - No, the management.

I wish you could persuade me.

Oh, James, I see before me a very disappointed man.

Moreover, you deserve a wee treat.

I think you should do as I prescribe and accept Lord Buttermere's invitation.

Look...

- James. - Yes?

"A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds."

- I beg your pardon? - Emerson.

Ah.

"An empty glass is the mockery of a full spirit."

- Who said that? - Calum Buchanan.

It's your round.

Penny.

- Good morning. - Good morning, Herriot.

- So good of you to come. - Good of you to ask me.

Let's pop in for a sharpener. Then I'll show you one of the great wonders of the world.

- Thank you. - Now, what will it be?

- A sherry perhaps? Or a Scotch? - I think a sherry, this time of the morning.

(phone ringing)

Darrowby 385.

- Darrowby 385. May I help you? - It's me, Calum.

How did it go?

- No problems, Molly. Is James back yet? - No. No, not yet.

- No matter. Can you do me a wee favour? - Anything at all.

There's an empty packing case in the garage.

Can you put some straw in the bottom to make up a good, thick bedding

- and have it ready on my return? - Right.

Are you bringing the orang-utan home?

No, no, no. Just another wee surprise.

If that case is too big for you to manage, just wait till I come home.

- I'll manage all right. - You're a gem.

Bye-bye just now.

A perfect stallion. He's magnificent.

He ought to be for the price I paid for him.

My best brood mare.

Sauce Tartare by Tsar Nicholas, out of Catherine of Aragon.

My dear Herriot, I didn't invite you here for your expert opinion - much as I value it.

But this is Grandee's first performance.

I thought you'd like to be in on the act.

Come along, my dear fellow.

Hello, Molly. Any messages or anything?

- Only Calum. He'll be back soon. - Uh-huh.

- What do we have here? - Calum's instructions.

- It's not for the orang-utan, cos I asked. - Good. Good.

- He said it's "a wee surprise". - Goes without saying.

- (horn beeps) - That's him. Can you bring the box?

Yes, of course.

Well done. Just put the box right down here.

- Stand back. - Calum...

- Whatever is it? - Just you wait and see.

- Break it to us gently, what is it? - (Calum) There you are, my little grawl.

- A baby wild boar. - (Molly) Oh, Calum! Really?

Really. You know how short-staffed they are at Broughton.

Well, this one is the runt of a litter.

No, no, don't put your hands in! It'll have your fingers off.

Jack Kelland told me this one was certain to die, so he bet me £1 I can't keep it alive.

- And how do you propose to do that? - Nurse it like a baby.

Feed it raw eggs and warm milk, sit up all night.

(James) And if it survives?

Ooh, these chaps can grow to over 400lbs.

Don't worry, I'll send it back to the zoo as soon as it's able to fend for itself.

Ah, he's gorgeous.

- How long are you gonna keep it? - About a week.

The poor wee man just needs keeping warm for a couple of days.

Come on, then, Tarquin - away in for your tea.

Right, Molly, I think it's time we were getting back.

Must we? It's so lovely here.

You know, you're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen.

Then why don't you kiss me, Calum?

Goodness, aren't I bold?!

Yes.

Very bold.

I'm back! James?

Calum?

(sniffs)

Beeswax?

I don't believe it!

Deirdre!

What the devil?!

- (Tarquin squeals) - (Siegfried) Argh!

Who...?!

- Oh! - Heavens! Did the little devil nip you?

Oh! Oh, I'm sorry, Mr Calum's out on his rounds.

Now, just you hold it under there like a good man. Hold it still, now.

- I think it's only a flesh wound. - Yeah, but it's right through to the bone.

- What the devil's in that box? - Mr Calum's wild boar.

- Hm?! - Now, let me have a look at it.

Ooh! That is a brute of a wound.

I'll fix it for you now, this minute.

Now...

A ministering angel.

You must... forgive me if I'm a little bemused,

but I come back from a week away in London

to find my surgery deserted, no sign of my colleagues...

Oh, you're...?!

You know how slow I am always to pass judgment on anyone,

but I must say that in this particular instance

I did receive the most lively impressions of Molly.

- Yes, I think we all have. - She has everything.

Youth, beauty, she's full of life,

and yet at the same time she possesses - how can I put it? -

a rare quality of repose.

Mm.

- She's also worked a miracle at Skeldale. - Has she?

Yes, she has! She has.

- She'd make a perfect wife for Calum. - Yes, I'm inclined to agree with you.

But I had hoped he'd patch things up with Deirdre.

- Oh, my God. Deirdre. - What is it?

She's coming back, to make things up with him.

- Since when? - She telephoned before I went to London.

- And you didn't tell us. - She swore me to secrecy.

- She wanted to surprise Calum. - Yes, she's certainly going to do that.

Well, I shall have to telephone her, Helen.

Put her off or something. Explain.

- Can I? - It's in the hall.

Oh, God.

Hm!

Yes, would you get me the number of the Department of Agriculture in Scotland?

I see. The midday train.

That means she'll be in Darrowby about four.

Any minute now!

No, no, it's not at all urgent.

Sorry to have bothered you. Thank you so much.

I am going over to Skeldale. If I get there before Deirdre, I may avert a disaster.

- Up you come. - (squeals)

- It's all right, it's all right. - My! Aren't you a big boy now?

That's it. 14 pounds and seven ounces. That's about the right weight for his age.

- So you'll be returning him soon? - Aye.

- Will you miss him? - Of course I will.

- My little darling! - (doorbell)

I'll go. I'll just leave you to put him back in his box.

Come on.

- Hello. - Oh, hello, darling! Hello, darling!

Oh, Deirdre...

Why didn't you write or... or phone or...?

- Why didn't you come back before? - I don't know.

But I'm back now, if you need me.

Calum, you do want me, don't you?

Of course I do. You know I do.

Calum, darling, I just put him in...

Oh!

Oh, God!

I might have known it!

(Calum) Deirdre... you don't understand.

This is...

This is my... housekeeper.

Oh. So that's all I am to you, is it?!

Molly...

Helen!

- Now, Deirdre, you must understand... - Helen, please, take me to the station.

I can't believe it.

I just can't believe it, not Calum.

How could he? How could he?!

Very easily, I should think. He hasn't been out with a girl since you left.

Molly is the daughter of the family he stayed with in Dublin.

She turned up here last week out of the blue.

If anyone was in need of a woman's help, it was Calum.

- What sort of help? - Oh, use your common sense.

Siegfried told you what state the house was in.

- She's been marvellous. - I'm sure she has.

Stop it. You cannot walk out of somebody's life the way you did,

realise you've made a mistake, then come straight back in when it suits you.

Molly. What are you doing?

It's all right. I'm on my way.

I said I would stay as long as I was needed.

You don't need me any more.

I booked a room in York for the night.

You've been a perfect darling.

It's been a perfect week.

Please don't think that...

I think I'd better go now, before I start to cry.

Calum?

She's gone, hasn't she? Probably for good this time.

No, it's not that. She's here.

What, here? Now?

Yes, I've brought her back.

Oh, go on! Save it for her.

I behaved very badly, didn't I?

Well... maybe you were a wee bit hasty.

Helen made me see sense.

- I want to say sorry to Molly. - You can't.

- Why not? - She's gone.

Do you want me to stay?

Deirdre...

I love you.

I mean... I love you.