Original subtitles

Agh!

(horse neighs)

Oh, Seamus,

are you all right?

- It's a bit thick, James. - What is?

Trying to do a job and chained to the kitchen sink when we're not,

and there's Calum gallivanting over there, having the time of Riley.

He's back tomorrow. Anyway, TB testing's hardly a holiday, is it?

- Ireland is full of pubs... - (phone rings)

I'll take it.

..with no licensing hours, and practically every village shop has its own bar.

You can sink a pint while you're buying boots.

Darrowby three eight five.

Yes.

Yes. Yes, of course. Right away.

- Mr Trumbler. Pig trouble. - What sort of trouble?

Well, he didn't seem to know, but it's a long way so I'll leave you to it.

Tris.

You look very smart.

It's Kate lngram, isn't it?

Whatever happened?

Are you all right, my dear?

We had a bad fall. There was an old plough tucked under the hedge.

Seamus landed on it.

Let's have a look. Can we just walk him back a pace?

Come along. Mind your feet.

Steady, boy.

There's quite a lot of damage. I don't like the look of that wound in the shoulder.

He's cut his pastern badly, but, uh...

but I don't think...

- But are you all right, Kate? - A bit sore. Nothing broken.

- Where are you headed? To the farm? - No, to the hall. Sir Robert owns Seamus.

That's exactly where I'm going. I'll leave my car here and we'll walk down together.

No, you go ahead, Mr Farnon.

Break the news to him. He's going to be terribly angry.

No, he isn't. Sir Robert understands about accidents like this.

Please.

I think the world of Kate.

It could happen to anybody, but she is terribly distressed.

She would be. I can't think of many girls I'd lend Seamus to, but she's a natural.

- How bad is it? - It's very bad, I'm afraid, Bob.

He's got a hole in his shoulder you could put your fist in.

Damn these lazy farmers who leave all their junk lying around.

It's hellishly dangerous.

I suppose he spiked himself on the plough handle.

Yes, it looks like it. I'll give him a going-over as soon as he gets here.

(woman) That's my Tabitha. Been gone eight weeks. Come back this morning.

My next-door neighbour is a long-distance lorry driver

and he carries fish manure from Aberdeen to Southampton.

Now, he always stops by for a night with his wife on his way south.

Well, Tabitha went missing eight weeks ago.

Do you know what she done? Hopped on his lorry as snug as you please.

He didn't discover her till he lifted his tarpaulin when he got to Southampton.

- Then she gave him the slip. - She walked?

Mm-hm.

Good Lord.

Well, you've got nothing to worry about. She'll be as right as rain.

Oh, no, Mr Herriot. You put her down.

- You can't mean that. - Why shouldn't I?

Mrs Hird, it's a known fact that cats have this instinct for finding their way home.

- But from Southampton? It's remarkable. - But I've got Tibby now.

- Tibby? - I always has a cat as a companion.

Now I've got Tibby. And I'm not having her poking Tibby's nose out ofjoint.

- Oh, but a cat like Tabitha... - I'm sorry. I only has one companion.

Now, you put her down, like I said.

- Is that your final word? - Yes, it is.

And my money's as good as the next person's.

I don't want your money, Mrs Hird.

I will not put down an animal that can be restored to normal health.

Right, Mrs Hird. You leave her with me. I'll find her a decent home.

Oh, Bob. That cut on the pastern's going to mend all right.

It's a miracle none of the tendons was severed.

This is going to be tricky. All I can do is clean it and pack it and put on a dressing.

I'll be out in the morning. When did he have his last tetanus booster?

- About a month ago, Mr Farnon. - He'll be all right then.

Let's step outside, Kate.

You listen to me. You're not to go blaming yourself for anything that happened.

- I love Seamus. - That's why you've been riding him.

- But is he going to be all right? - Mr Farnon's the best man with horses.

- If he can't cure Seamus, nobody can. - (horse neighs)

In the meantime... in the meantime, he'll have to stay here.

- But I want... - I know, you want to look after him.

Well, so you shall. Any time you've got any free time, you can cycle over here,

you can muck him out, you can feed him...

Thank you.

(carhorn)

- There you are. - This is very civil of you.

It was on my way. Good to see you back. Hop in, Calum. Hop in.

- (Calum) I suppose you've all been busy. - Busy? Hah! Absolutely inundated.

I hope you're not cherishing any ideas of mooning about on Senna.

It's all hands to the pumps at the moment.

- Of course, of course. - Well, get in, get in.

I'll just have time to drop you at Skeldale on my way to Bob Gray's.

- You can take surgery. - It'll be a nice change from testing cows.

Well, come on, come on.

I trust you behaved yourself in lreland.

Well...

You should've seen his face.

To have a member of the practice called a murderer just because the cows had TB,

that's bad, but to be bested by the priest!

Who'd have thought a priest would sell a tubercular cow to an orphanage?

- And for £15. - Did he know what he was doing?

I doubt it. I was the unwanted foreigner in their midst.

As soon as he heard my diagnosis, all he wanted to do was outwit me.

What did you do?

I made him refund the money, I had the cow put down

and, I didn't have to, but I gave him 15 quid out of my own pocket

towards his restoration fund.

- In the interests of international amity? - No, in the interests of my own safety.

See, I think the locals were getting a wee bit greedy for a Black and Tan lynching.

Well, you won't get me going to lreland.

Poor old Calum. Let's organise a whip-round.

- Four from you, me and Siegfried. - Not likely.

- Come on. It's only fair. - It puts Calum a quid up.

But Calum has suffered so much more.

- Thank you very much, James. - My pleasure.

- How's Helen? - God, don't ask. Look at the debris.

Couldn't you get somebody in?

I have approached every available matron within a five-mile radius.

Since they opened that factory making pies...

- Oh, the tinned pork pies. - Exactly.

From now on, nobody's interested in domestic work.

I can imagine.

No news of Deirdre, I suppose.

- Yes, as a matter of fact. - What news?

- She phoned just before you got here. - And?

She's arriving tomorrow. Got a week off. Can't wait to see you, apparently.

Wonderful.

- She'll be staying here. - What?

She particularly asked me if she might, so I agreed.

- Now, wait a minute, Tristan. - No, you wait a minute, Calum.

Helen is trying to sleep, chaps.

Don't worry. Any feelings I had for Deirdre vanished

when she switched her affections to you.

- I haven't felt a twinge ofjealousy since. - I don't believe you.

She can't compromise her reputation by staying with you.

Her presence here will provide Helen with some much-needed company.

And I'm sure she won't mind helping out around the house.

Calum.

He's got a good nurse - someone to love him -

and that's ever so important.

Now, I'm going to have a word with Sir Robert. Are you all right?

Don't you ever leave me, darling.

- Coffee, Siegfried? - No, I won't, thank you, Bob.

- A sovereign remedy for a cold morning. - All right. Thanks.

So, what's the prognosis?

Well, it'll take quite a while to be sure.

- The shoulder? - Yes. There's radial paralysis, as you saw.

And if the damage to the radial nerve is as bad as I fear,

then I'm afraid we've had it.

Do you know, no matter how long I live,

when it comes to it, I always hate to put a horse down.

They always seem to know it's coming.

Well, thank God it seldom happens here.

But if it does, I always see to it that they die with their ears pricked.

Really? How do you manage that?

Well, if it comes to that with Seamus, Siegfried, I'll show you.

Deirdre. I'm sorry. I'm late.

Have you been here long?

I couldn't get the Jeep started. I thought maybe it was the battery, but...

Oh, darling, it's been ages.

Well, if you will disappear to lreland for months on end.

I know. Thank God that's over, eh?

Come on. You must be freezing.

Deirdre.

It's simply terrific to see you.

- It's terrific to be here. - Let me show you your room.

Oh, wait a minute. I've got something for you.

Calum, pass me my bag.

No, no, the other one.

It's a present.

It's for the vets. Well, you're going to need it when lambing starts.

Deirdre, words fail me. You're an angel from paradise.

I haven't tasted whisky since before the war. Let me show you your room.

Here we are.

- This'll be yours. - Not while you're here.

I have a snug little shakedown up in the attic.

Oh, Tris, you're a darling.

Oh, come on. I want to see Helen.

Oh, just put the bags on the bed, would you?

Is this the face that launched a thousand ships? Make me immortal with a kiss.

Oh, Tris. Deirdre!

It's like old times.

- Hello, Calum. - Oh, you're a poor darling. How are you?

Bored, I'm afraid. Still, I've managed to catch up on my reading.

Off you go then, boys. This is girls' talk.

I feel awful. Tristan's given up his bedroom for me.

Very like Tris. Being noble now he's no longer in the running.

- Well, he isn't, is he? - No.

Calum's for me. Oh, I've been missing him more than I dare let him know.

Oh, who's this?

(Helen) That is Tabitha. Her owner asked James to put her down.

That's terrible. So you're going to keep her, are you?

Rule number one for a vet's wife - no adoption of strays or unwanted animals.

- Do you think you can manage that? - Well, he hasn't asked me yet.

- Helen. - Oh! So much for our girls' chat.

- Deirdre. - Hello. It's lovely to see you.

Good to see you, too. Look. It came second post, addressed to Mr Winter.

Good God!

Mr Winter used to have the practice before Siegfried.

Oh, from the Bramleys.

Their cats are ill. Would someone go up there?

They are the most extraordinary family.

Three bachelor brothers and a spinster sister,

and they live in a very small cottage on a smallholding in the middle of nowhere.

Well, the symptoms they've tried to describe suggest feline enteritis.

Oh, well, I'd better see if there's anything I can do. Scar House. How do I get there?

(Helen) Leave the car up the hill past MrBroom's,

then there's a track from his top pasture, but you know it's nearly...

- Well, it's over two hours on foot, James. - (James) There's no road?

(Helen) There's no anything.

- Smells good. - Calum!

- It's chicken casserole. - Oh, very nice. Where's everybody else?

Well, James has gone on an expedition

to try and find some people called the Bramleys who've got sick cats.

Siegfried's taking surgery, the children are upstairs with Helen,

and Tris, I would imagine, is in the Drover's.

- Can't wait till tonight. - Tonight?

- We're going to the hide, remember? - Calum, I can't. Oh, my potatoes!

- Why not? Yesterday you said... - Yes, I know, I know.

But because James is going to be late, I said I'd put the children to bed.

Oh, well, never mind. We'll go to Senna all day tomorrow.

I'll pick you up here at half past six.

It'll have to be a wee bit later. I said I'd take the children to school.

There's hardly any point going at all. We'll have missed the best part of the day.

Don't you think you're being a bit selfish?

What?

Poor James and Tris, they've been doing all this and their own work for weeks now.

Oh, and I suppose the chicken casserole is to welcome James and Tristan

as they wend their weary way home, is it?

Yes, it is.

Fine.

I'll see you tomorrow night, then.

Oh, and stick an extra tattie in the pot for poor Tristan, won't you?

(Helen) Ruth, I think, comes into town, what, four times a year to the market.

I don't think any ofthe brothers have left that farm since Herbert had a...

had a tooth pulled in 1929.

(knocks on door)

Miss Bramley?

My name's Herriot.

I'm a partner in the practice which succeeded Mr Winter's.

- Aye, you'd best come in then, Mr Herriot. - Thanks.

Good evening.

I was worried about the symptoms you described.

Best have a look at 'em all, then.

Right.

They all seem fine, Miss Bramley,

but these two and... definitely infected.

This here's Topsy. She's our best mouser.

Look at the size of them ears. Can always tell by ears.

Them are her kittens.

Look at their ears. Did you ever see bigger ears on kittens?

No, Miss Bramley, I never did. Topsy's fine.

- But will she get it, Mr Herriot? - Well, it is very infectious.

- Is there nowt you can give her? - Well, not really, no. I'm sorry.

What you can do is make sure they get lots of water and keep them very warm.

And then hope for the best.

Right, well, um...

I'll be off then.

Good night.

(hums)

- Hello. Who are you? - Wendy Butterworth.

- What's up, Wendy? - It's my dog Timmy.

Timmy? Right.

Tristan!

My brother will come with you.

- He'll be very good with Timmy. - Yes?

Buck up. First job of the day. Wendy's dog needs seeing to.

- Why can't you do it? - No, I'm all tied up, I'm afraid.

Where's your bag?

There you are. Off you go.

Come on, mister.

Wendy. Wendy!

Wendy, calm...

You're spilling my tea.

- What's the trouble? - It's Timmy. He's not well.

This hole's full of rats and I had to put poison down. I think he must've eaten it.

(child) Poor Timmy.

Oh, my God. I think you're probably right.

- I'll have to make him sick. - How are you going to do that?

- An emetic. - An emetic? What's an emetic?

I don't have anything with me.

Oh, mustard.

Wendy, could you get me some warm water and a spoon? Quickly, please.

Good morning. Who's first?

- Miss Bramley. - Good morning.

Let me take that. Come in.

Can you manage the door? My God, you must have walked for hours.

Oh, no, Mr Herriot.

I only walked for about ten mile, then I waited for the milk lorry.

It brought me the rest of the way. Handy, that milk lorry.

Yes. But it must've meant getting up at about three o'clock. And in this weather.

It's Topsy's kittens, Mr Herriot. I think they've got it.

(James) Right. Let's have a look at them, shall we? Hello.

Hello.

Hello.

- (meowing) - Shh. It's all right. It's all right.

They're fine. No, they haven't got it.

Thank God.

Well, not yet.

I'd do anything, Mr Herriot.

There is something, actually. It might stop them getting it.

It's a new protective vaccine.

We haven't actually used it in this practice before.

Still, it's worth a try, I reckon.

So, I will inject the kittens if you promise to let me know what happens. All right?

- All right, Mr Herriot. - Good.

Good dog. Well, I reckon after that little lot, he should be all right.

- Oh, I am pleased. - Good Timmy.

- Yes, well, I expect he's still a bit upset. - What did that nasty man do to you, then?

Come on.

There's nothing like mustard, Wendy.

Right, well, then, Mrs Butterworth.

If you make sure and keep an eye on him...

I'll pop by next time I'm passing.

Right. Thank you very much for popping in.

Tris, where's Calum?

Sorry, he'll be late for supper. He picked up a prolapsed uterus at Tamworth.

Well, he might've told me.

- Right. I'll just take Helen up her supper. - I'll do that.

No, no, no. No, you stay where you are. I'll tell her you'll be up later.

- Oh, you give Siegfried a whisky. - All right.

That's what I call Scottish hospitality. What a kind present that was, wasn't it?

James, it's a public scandal. Women like Mrs Hird ought to be strangled at birth.

Thank you.

As for this gallant little creature,

you're a particularly nice sort of a cat. What are you going to do with her?

- Get her fit and find a good home for her. - It's not always easy, is it?

Well, Tabitha may just be lucky. Ruth Bramley was in the surgery today.

Ruth...

- Not that spinster with all the brothers? - (James) Mm-hm.

Good Lord. That's a first, isn't it? Successful visit?

- Feline enteritis. - Oh, hell. They're potty about their cats.

I injected that new vaccine and asked her to report back.

So when the enteritis is cured or all the cats are dead,

you hope to persuade her to take Tabitha on?

I can't think of a better home for her, can you?

Thank you. I do feel guilty, lying here letting you do all the work.

Well, don't worry. I like to feel useful.

It seems so unfair. Calum was desperately looking forward to seeing you.

Yes, well, he's busy all the time.

Well, vets usually are. Why don't you go out with him on some of his rounds?

I suppose I might.

- Deirdre, what's really bothering you? - Nothing.

Well, that's not strictly true.

Oh,

things were so good between us before,

and now I don't... I don't know.

We both feel a bit edgy.

Nothing unusual in that.

Oh, you're a good friend, Helen.

Right.

Eat your dinner up before it gets cold.

- Oh, hello, Mrs Butterworth. - Oh, hello.

I just thought I'd pop in to see if Timmy's... Ow! My God!

(children laugh)

Come here. He didn't get you, did he?

Only a nip. All in a day's work.

Well, that's all I wanted to know, really.

The mustard obviously did its work.

Who's been a naughty boy then, eh? Oh.

Hello, Kate.

- I think he's better, Mr Farnon. - Do you?

- He's eating really well. - Is he, Kate? That's good. Good.

Right, let's go and have another look at that shoulder.

Ah, Bob, they said you were here.

That radial paralysis isn't going to get any better.

- Are you certain? - I'm afraid so, 100%.

I'll do the job now if you like.

No. Seamus mustn't know what's coming. Besides, I must make some arrangements.

- Can you be here at ten tomorrow? - Of course.

Who's going to break it to Kate?

I'll see to that.

(tyre hisses)

(knock at door)

Deirdre.

I'm sorry about last night, which couldn't be helped,

and I'm sorry about the night before, which could.

It's all right. It doesn't matter.

It's just I thought we'd have more time together.

I know. So did I.

- Oh, God, do you know where Tristan is? - Deirdre!

It's just he said he'd pick the children up and he's not back.

Right. That's me angry now.

We will pick the kids up and we will give them their tea,

and then we will go for a well-earned drink at the Drover's. All right?

All right.

(distant engine)

Best hop in, Mr Farnon. Folks have died up here in this weather.

At last, I've done it. I've finally managed to get you on your own.

I know.

Well, staying at Skeldale's one thing,

but getting caught up in its domestic affairs wasn't what I had in mind.

No. Well, nor did I really. Oh, but they're so sweet and Helen really does need me.

And Tris hasn't been a bit of bother.

It's not that, it's us.

We'll just have to be patient.

Well, we don't, actually.

Do you remember that wee pub up on Senna?

Oh, yes. Oh, let's go there sometime.

We can do better than that. I've got the whole weekend off and I've booked...

- No, Calum. - What do you mean, no?

- Well, I didn't think I'd have to explain. - Explain what?

Oh, maybe I'm just a stuffy suburban girl from Edinburgh, but, no.

- No, it's not on. - (Calum) What's not on?

- Oh, Tristan. - Deirdre, I...

Where have you been? We've been so worried about you. God, you look awful.

I had two punctures on the moors. I must've walked five miles.

- Oh, you poor darling. Are you all right? - Well enough to walk to the nearest pub.

Oh, shut up, Calum!

Come on. I'll take you home.

Hardly anyone uses that road. I must've walked eight miles before Joe came,

and that was chance. He'd seen my car and thought he'd investigate.

Well, you were lucky because we wouldn't have missed you till supper.

- You might still have been out there. - (Siegfried) Tristan!

Tristan, my dear boy.

- Are you all right? - I am now, thanks to Deirdre.

- What's all this about you on the moors? - News travels fast.

Well, James and I dropped in at the Drover's.

They were saying that you were half-dead. Calum, it was, actually. He was there.

Siegfried, would you like a whisky?

Yes, I'd love one. Thanks very much.

(slurs) I don't understand it.

I ask her to come away for the weekend - I've already booked us a room each -

to ask her to marry me, and she turns me down flat.

Well, it doesn't sound like Deirdre, does it? What did you say?

I didn't get a chance to say anything. She just bit my head off.

- That's probably... - I suppose I'm not good enough.

She'd hardly be slaving away at Skeldale.

But that's just it.

What does she expect me to do?

To propose to her in front of Tristan and Helen and Jimmy and...

Calum, you have to take the bull by the horns, you see?

If that's a vet's joke, I don't think it's very funny.

Get over to Skeldale now and ask her.

But she'll be there with Tristan.

Take her away from Tristan.

Don't think about it, Calum, just do it, eh?

Right.

I will.

Er, can I have another drink first?

- You left your car. - I hadn't much choice.

Of course you had. In this sort of weather, it is madness to abandon your vehicle.

What was I supposed to do? Sit and freeze to death?

Somebody would've turned up before then, as they obviously did tonight.

Still, you do have a point. It's a very disagreeable prospect,

having to sit and wait under those circumstances.

We've talked about it before, but we've never really done anything about it.

What's happened to you makes it imperative. We must be prepared.

- Good Boy Scouts? - Tristan, I'm not being facetious.

Each of us ought to carry an emergency kit against just such an eventuality -

a good warm blanket, a change of thick socks,

some chocolate biscuits if we can come by them, a small flask of brandy.

Then if one of us is overdue and hasn't telephoned in,

at least we know he'll survive until the others find him, if you see what I mean.

But stick with your vehicle.

Oh, Calum. I was just saying that we really must...

Deirdre,

can I speak to you for a moment?

Please?

Oh.

Dear boy, thank heaven you're safe and sound. It must've been quite an ordeal.

It was. Especially when my ankle started giving out.

That wretched Timmy bit it this morning.

Timmy, did he? He never forgets, does he?

- Well, uh... how are you managing? - (Calum and Deirdre argue)

Well, as you know, James and I take it in turns with the cooking.

- I usually do... - (argument continues)

(whispers) ..beans on toast.

It'll be my turn again tonight if Calum goes out with Deirdre.

What are you having?

Good winter fare.

- Boiled mutton in caper sauce. - One of my favourites.

Mine, too.

I would've asked you over, but there's no question of you going out again.

- I feel fine now. - No, no, no, no, no.

What you've got to do, my dear boy, is keep warm and go to bed early.

(clears throat)

- Why are you doing this? Look, all I'm... - Shh!

Well, my children.

(hums)

- Look, what I'm trying to say... - Shh!

I know what you're trying to say. And now you're drunk as well.

Well, I had to. Courage.

Oh, courage!

Oh, this is no good, is it? It's not going to work.

Maybe you'd better just go home.

You have to change at Mannerton, then at York. After that, there's a restaurant car.

Well, I won't feel like eating. I might get a wee bit drunk.

Do that.

Look, I hope I didn't contribute to any of this.

Oh, Tris, it wasn't your fault.

Good.

I mean, I couldn't bear it if I thought I'd come between you.

Nobody came between us except us.

(bell rings)

Look, the train's nearly due.

Don't hang around. You'll get cold.

Goodbye, Tris.

All right.

Goodbye, Deirdre.

And thanks.

Look after him for me, won't you?

Oh, Siegfried. Look.

From Ruth Bramley.

"Dear sir, them kittens is now big cats."

- That's the report you wanted. - It tells me everything I want to know.

All right, lass. They'll be here soon.

Go in and give him a hug.

- Morning, Siegfried. - Good morning, Bob.

I've had the others rugged up and put out into the south paddock.

If you're going to love horses all your life, you'll learn that these things happen.

- Good morning, Tom. - Mr Farnon.

Hello, Kate.

- Hello, Kate. Are you all right? - Yes, thank you, Sir Robert. May I stay?

Er, no. This is strictly men only.

Come on back to the kitchen. Mrs Beck's waiting for you.

You don't want to hang around here. It's bitterly cold.

I'm sure she's got a hot drink and some cake for you, I shouldn't wonder.

Good morning, Mr Dudswell, Hicks.

Morning, Sir Robert. Morning, Mr Farnon.

Good morning, Mr Dudswell.

Ready when you are, gentlemen.

(whinnies)

(whinnies)

(gunshot)

(knock at door)

Miss Bramley?

Come in. Sorry. Come in.

How nice to see you.

Here, have a seat. I'm sorry about the mess.

My wife's been ill for some time now. It's her back. Here we are.

I heard.

First sign of spring, these.

Thank you.

Well, thank you very much.

Helen will love these.

Where on earth did you find them?

There's a sheltered bit under the scar up Tan Hill. They always come early there.

- You walked all the way up Tan Hill? - Our Herbert did.

We're right grateful for what you did.

Them kittens are growing into grand mousers.

- I'm very glad to hear it. - It's their ears, you know.

Ah.

Was that letter all right?

Oh, yes. Told me everything I wanted to know.

Right. I'll be going. I only came for the market.

No, no, don't go, Miss Bramley. Please.

It's nice to see you. You saved me a long journey for a start.

I don't know if you can help, and I hope you don't mind my asking...

Come on, Tabitha. Up you come. Come on. That's it.

..but this cat needs a good home, and I was hoping you wouldn't mind...

You know better than that, sir. Weren't no need to ask.

- What's her name? - Tabitha, actually. Tabitha.

Would you like to stay for a cup of tea?

Thanks, but I won't. I've a long way to go.

There'll be a bus going up Scardale in a little while. I'd best go and catch it.

Bye, Miss Bramley. Thank you very much.

(engine runs)

That's a healthy sound.

Yes. Take care of the things you cherish and they rarely let you down, I find.

Got yourself a new spare tyre, have you?

Of course.

Well, I have to hand it to you, Tristan,

she looks good, she sounds good, she really does you credit.

I suppose there are a good few hundreds of miles under that bonnet.

Hundreds? Thousands, Siegfried.

Just you wait till I take my summer holiday.

Holiday? Ha ha!

Oh, it'll be a fortunate one among us who's destined for a holiday this summer.

Oh, come on. I think I jolly well deserve one -

resigning from the ministry in your hour of need, working my fingers to the bone.

Yes, I'd forgotten your civil-service obsession with holidays.

Hardly an obsession, just regular, well-earned annual breaks.

Maybe we have pressed you too hard.

Perhaps you should spend a bit of time in foreign parts.

That's awfully decent of you, Siegfried.

No, no, no.

Not at all.

Where exactly would you go?

Oh, South of France. Villefranche, Sainte-Maxime.

Villefranche!

And what exactly would you do there?

Stretch my limbs out upon a golden beach

and wait for beautiful French girls to crowd round.

I applaud your intention. This, I suppose, would take you anywhere you need to go.

Villefranche!

Sun, sea, sand...

Are you absolutely set on Villefranche?

Well, no. Perhaps it is a bit expensive.

Why not try somewhere a bit nearer home?

Brittany? Well, I wouldn't say no, Siegfried.

I was thinking of somewhere nearer than that, actually.

- Channel lslands? - I had another island in mind.

- What are you driving at? - I won't be driving anywhere. You will be.

Where?

- Ireland. - Ireland?

Poor George Connelly's inundated. Calum's done his stint. It's your turn.

- Me? Tuberculin testing in lreland? - You must hear me out.

It's going to be rough on the rest of us, just as it was when Calum was away.

- You'll just have to go. - How long, for God's sake?

Just a few months.

Months?

You're mad. It's been coming a long time, but now you have gone round the bend.

- (dog barks) - Ow! Timmy, I don't believe it.

- Mister, are you all right? - No, I am not, Mrs Butterworth.

That wretched dog of yours has bitten right through to the bone. Look.

- Get off, you nasty dog! - Hey! What have you done that for?

Poor Timmy. Come here.

Poor Timmy? What about me?

I am going about my business, about to enter my own door,

when this fiend attacks on sight. Twice.

You've no right to go kicking him like that. He's not been well.

Who the hell do you think made him better?

- God only knows why I tried. - What's that supposed to mean?

If it hadn't been for my own heroic efforts, this miniature brute wouldn't be here.

Talk about Frankenstein's monster.

Do you mean to say our Timmy's like Frankenstein?

- Not exactly, it's just... - He's just a very rude man.

Take no notice of him, love. Come on.

- Mrs Butterworth! - Hello, Wendy. Evening, Mrs Butterworth.

Hell of a dog you've got there, Mrs Butterworth.

- Right, who's next? - It's my Tibby.

She's done a flit.

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Southampton?

I don't know about that. All I do know is that she's disappeared.

I can't help. Have you tried the police?

Useless lot. Wouldn't lift a finger when it comes to cats.

- What about the RSPCA? - I'm not bothering. I want Tabitha back.

- I'm afraid that's impossible. - What?

She was exhausted and she was starving. Nothing that couldn't be put right.

- But you asked me to put her down. - And you refused. So where is she now?

Recovered. I've found her a good home.

- You had no right. - If I'd done as you'd asked, she'd be dead.

Aye, but you didn't. So you tell me who's got her.

Sorry, Mrs Hird. I'm afraid I can't do that. She's happy where she is.

- Oh, well... - James! Oh, sorry.

Never mind, young man. I've wasted enough time here already.

You could always get another cat. Darrowby's teeming with them.

- What's the matter? - He's gone mad.

- Who has? - Siegfried.

- He didn't bite you, did he? - You know what he's set his mind on?

He wants me to go to lreland for this suicide brigade.

- Come on, Tris. - It's not on, James. I'm young. I love life.

I'm not going to take pointless risks.

- There's not much chance of risk. - In a land of bogs inhabited by madmen?

Look what happened to Calum.

Isolated incident. Before he came back, you spent your time extolling lrish virtues.

"You can sink a pint while you buy a pair of boots." Remember?

- I've heard the other side now. - Out there, it's much cheaper.

- I suppose that's true. - No rationing.

No rationing?

- Irish whiskey? - Absolutely.

I think I read that the women outnumber the men by two to one.

- Sounds more attractive, does it? - Stop it. You've almost convinced me.

Have I? I must be bloody mad. I have to work hard enough with you here.

(dog barks)

(growls)

All right, Timmy. That settles it.

I'm bloody well off to lreland.

Here we go, Kate. Steady as a train.

Keep the joint in the dish, lass. Keep the joint in the dish.

I wanted you to see this. Three years old and backed for the first time this morning.

Yes, a promising-looking youngster. Nice deep shoulders.

Arabian carriage, isn't it? I should think he'll learn to leap anything, won't he?

- I thought you might approve. - You're not giving him to Kate, are you?

If I gave extravagant gifts

to the 14-year-old daughters of my tenant farmers, it might be misconstrued.

But I've got ambitions for them.

- Really? - Mm. Just look at Kate.

She's a natural.

Heart of gold and nerves of steel. She lacks experience, but that will come.

Tomboy has no experience yet, but he's got all the scope.

He's never going to see the hunting field.

Give me five years. Those two will be indivisible and inseparable.

The finest show-jumpers in the land, you'll see.

I'll watch with interest.

- Five years, you say? - Exactly.

The 1956 Olympic Games.

Could be a gold for Great Britain,

or perhaps for Yorkshire.

Choose a bright morning, that's what I always say.

The sun's over the yardarm.

Time for a sharpener.