Original subtitles

Welcome to divorce support circle.

So your best friend stole your husband,

and now they're both living in your house.

To revenge!

Has the solicitor not told you? I'm going for sole custody.

She's turned my kid against me.

If bex is willing to lie and cheat at work,

how can she be trusted as a parent?

That woman you were with earlier,

might have been just a teeny bit jealous.

Those exam papers are still in your bag, aren't they?

That's calum's bex!

Charlie's leaving his wife. He got headhunted last week.

Barcelona.

To your knowledge,

were there any drugs being taken at the party?

- Not to my knowledge. - Any violence?

Not to my knowledge.

How would you describe your marriage?

Mrs. Jackson?

I'd like to invite you all to share a secret.

Something you've never told anyone else in the world.

To be utterly truthful...

And authentic.

Now, hold on before you punch me in the face and run to the door.

Hear me out, okay?

Because I'm going to let you hide the truth

alongside two untruths.

So you get the experience of being authentic,

but without the risk.

You split up into pairs, and it's an exercise

Malcolm likes to call the underlying truth.

It's time to hide the truth.

I was once on a reality show.

They cut me out in the edit.

I'm not actually divorced.

Although I'd like to be.

I'm just too scared to tell Jack

I don't want to be married to him anymore.

And now to think of the truth.

If I told you my real truth, I'd have to...

sometimes I feel like nobody listens to anything I say.

Don't be daft. I'm listening, all right?

This is me listening.

Okay?

So how about a couple of lies?

Why did you think that one was a truth?

I don't.

Of course I don't.

I mean... no, go again. I'm listening.

I'm listening. Go ahead.

One... My parents prefer my ex to me.

She runs their kitchen.

Two, if I told them to fire her...

I don't think they would.

And three...

They think she's a better daughter

than I'll ever be a son.

Mate.

I think they're all the same thing,

which makes that all true.

I'm not very good at lying.

Right.

Listen, tej.

You can't take this lying down.

You've got to take what's yours by right of conquest.

You've got to storm the barricades,

vanquish the enemy,

and don't rest till she's in your arms.

That's good.

- Is that what you'd do? - Absolutely.

Are you still living in a caravan

in front of the garden?

I've got it.

You... you forgot your bottle.

Thank you, Rita. Mr. Forgetful.

Good session today. Really...

Interesting.

I'm glad to hear it. See you next time.

Next time.

Calum.

You do the honors.

Be my pleasure.

And the Oscar goes to...

Rachel.

What? No!

What's my name doing in there?

You've as much right to revenge as the rest of us.

No, I don't need a turn.

Look, Jack and I, we took a leaf out of Gwyneth's teapot

and we consciously uncoupled.

So why are you here?

Because you have to unpack the suitcase

before you can pack it again.

Look, can you just give me these?

Right.

Okay, I'm gonna choose a name of someone

whose ex actually deserves it, okay?

Okay.

Rita.

It's...

Ian, isn't it?

- Jim. - Yeah, he's a barrister.

Musician.

What would be a suitable punishment for...

- Jim. - Jim.

Electrocute him on stage.

Ooh, now...

That is not outside the realm of possibility.

I was joking, for Christ's sake.

Okay then. Rita, what would you like to do?

I would like to wipe the pity off everyone's faces.

He's made a fool of himself.

Going after a girl half his age.

Everyone looks at me like I'm the pathetic one.

I want him to feel...

Just an ounce...

Of what he's put me through.

That seems slightly more plausible.

And less homicidal.

You see, electrocution doesn't have to be fatal.

- Steve. - It's just that it's an option.

That's all I'm saying.

We need to find a way to humiliate him in public.

He's a six-year-old man who fancies himself a rock star.

How hard could it be?

Rachel, wait.

- No, I can't, I've got... - are you... what?

You want to get some ice cream?

No, thanks.

Listen, I'm... I'm really sorry

about what happened with bex, but I'm fully done with her now.

That's great.

I'm really, really happy for you.

Em, I'm sorry.

Em.

Oi, where are you going?

Whoo. That's quite a statement piece.

What exactly is that saying?

Help?

Come here. I want to show you something.

Sit down. Look at this.

Down and up.

- She's very pretty. - Yeah, shh.

Last round now. Whoo!

When I'm done, I like to rewake.

- Rewake energy. - Rewake energy.

Rewake sales tripled after that clip.

- Nice. - Yeah.

I asked her if she'd do my broska launch.

She said yes.

She'd take it to the next level.

But I mean, all the money's gone.

I mean, all that hard work.

She'd make it all worthwhile.

I'll talk to dad.

I'm sure I can get him to put more money in.

That's why I'm lucky I've got you.

You get me.

Jeez, Bella, did you put enough salt on these?

Maybe a little too much.

.I'm gonna have a heart attack.

Still looking after your old man.

I hate Charlie.

He says I'm gonna have to learn bloody Spanish.

Oi, language.

Look.

I'll let you into a secret. You're not gonna need Spanish

because I'm not gonna let Charlie take you to Spain.

I don't have to learn Spanish?

I'd never let anyone take you away from me.

I don't have to learn Spanish.

I've got an appointment with a solicitor

and he's going to make sure you're not taken away from me.

But it's our secret for now, okay?

Top secret?

The tip-top of tipperary topest.

The mount Everest of secrets, all right?

- Now don't tell your mum. - I won't.

- Yeah. - Gracias.

.- Oi!

Okay, now mascara.

This is a good one.

What you want to do with this,

you should put that right at the base

and then you give it a wiggle and you go like that.

Swoop. That way you don't get clumps.

Right, come here.

Do you know what? Your lashes are so nice.

I don't think you need mascara.

Hey, babe.

We're just trying outfits on for your launch.

We want to look our best for you.

What do you think, dad?

She's a bit young for that.

So, what do you... what do you think of mine, then?

You're wearing that to the launch?

Yeah, I thought you'd like this.

Yeah, it's a birthday. Easier, folks.

You could get yourself a personal shopper

or someone with a bit of style.

I think she looks lovely.

Yeah, well, fashion's never really been your thing, has it?

Babe, it's all right. Come here.

Listen.

You don't have to compete with the pretty girls.

Because they haven't got half of what you've got.

Inside. That's what matters.

Like your mum.

Here.

Clean yourself up.

Baby, baby, look at mummy. Look at mummy.

You are beautiful, lula.

So beautiful.

Okay?

Listen, don't you ever let anyone,

anyone tell you any differently, okay?

Good girl.

Lula, darling.

Can you give me and mummy a minute?

Thanks, darling.

Okay.

Why are you turning her against me?

Jack, I wasn't. I wouldn't.

I mean, don't I do enough for this family?

Yes, of course you do.

Careful.

Then why is she treating me like a monster?

- She wasn't. - She was. It hurts me.

Unless...

Unless someone's been putting ideas in her head.

No.

Look at me.

Rachel, look at me.

Sorry.

Wait, wait, wait. He's coming.

It's fine. It's fine.

Go to your room. Go to your room.

I can keep a secret.

Even though Jack's always on at me for running my big mouth.

I told you, I don't need to turn.

- Rachel. - My god.

Emily, what are you doing here?

I just wanted to check you're all right.

- Yes, I'm fine. - Are you all right?

Yes, just get in the car.

Get in.

My god.

All right, there you go.

Thanks.

You want to talk about it?

- But if you just want to... - no, there's...

there's nothing to say.

It's just... It's just a shitty old day.

Yeah. Not bad.

I like it with the...

Whipped cream and the little mini marshmallows.

Sprinkles and stuff.

Do you... Make it like that for the kids?

Rachel... I know you're still married.

How... how do you... you don't have any war stories.

You're the unhappiest of us all.

And that's saying something.

Right.

Do the others... Just me.

Okay.

God.

You must think I'm a nutter.

No. Just...

what are you doing in a divorce therapy group?

Fake it till you make it.

Did he hurt you?

You won't get it.

He...

He watches me.

If I screw up, he makes me feel guilty.

If I don't magically know

what he means, he gets annoyed.

God, I sound ridiculous.

But then he...

He says he loves me.

Gives me a hug.

Buys me sweet little presents.

You know... Maybe it's me. Maybe I'm just...

Maybe I'm just shit at relationships.

"Why are you so thick?"

"Why are you so sensitive?"

"Do you have to make that noise?"

"Can I cover your face?"

You know...

You know, sometimes...

Sometimes I wish he'd just hit me instead.

Rachel...

He thinks I'm nothing.

Because I am nothing.

Rachel, you are not nothing.

No, don't. Don't. Please.

You are so lovely.

Please don't be nice to me because I swear

I'll never stop crying.

I do get it.

Dan?

My dad.

I'm sorry.

What are you gonna do?

I've...

I've left him so many times.

You know, I lie there by him.

I tell his back how much I hate him.

How tomorrow...

I'm leaving him and I'm never going back.

Then in the morning, I say, "come on, rach."

"Today will be different."

Only now it is different.

He's starting on my daughter.

My baby.

No.

No more.

So you lied to us?

- Don't start. - But she did.

To our faces.

I... I just...

I just wanted a taste of what it would feel like.

To... You know? To be free.

That wasn't even what it was...

tej. Not another word. From anyone.

Go on, rach.

Well, you know... Jack, he...

He acts like he's this big success but...

My dad, he's had to bail him out of

every single business he's ever had.

He's got a new one launching this week.

Some exercise drink with alcohol in it.

Yeah.

It's just a lawsuit waiting to happen.

Yeah, he'll be on stage. Camera's on him.

Well, if you want someone to behave like a dick in public...

- What's that? - It's anxiolytic.

I was gonna suggest using it on Jim.

I got it from my cousin. He's a dentist.

Well, no offense, mate, but...

If we're gonna do this...

I think we're gonna need something

a little bit stronger than laughing gas.

No, no, no, hear me out. It's, they give it to patients

who are phobic about the dentist

because it neutralizes anxiety,

but it's a total disinhibitor.

Half a bottle of this and people can't help doing

or saying whatever it is they're feeling.

My cousin and his friends,

they give it to people at staff parties

and apparently they make a right fool of themselves.

Yeah, no.

It's pretty immature, really.

Spiking him...

What if something goes wrong?

- What if he's allergic? - I'll stab him.

With an epipen.

I always carry one about with me because sue's allergic to wasps.

It's fine.

I can make sure every fitness mag attends the launch.

We'll ruin him in a night.

Hang on...

Aren't we supposed to be using this on my Jim?

Rita's right. It's her turn.

And I'm sorry, rach, but that was the protocol.

Yeah, and we'll get to her.

I promise.

But this needs doing and...

There's a perfect opportunity happening now, right, Rachel?

Well...

Go on, then.

Might as well strike while the ex is hot.

Game on.

Right.

There you go, love.

- There you go. - Thank you.

Can I have a word?

Private.

Yeah.

Okay.

You do know if this backfires, he'll come at her swinging?

Then, we'll make sure it doesn't.

It's not like you're doing it for her.

Yeah? Why am I doing it?

Because... I'll let you down.

Might come as a surprise to you, but you haven't crossed my mind.

I didn't say... no, no, don't!

No, no, no!

- What? - That's got anxiolytic in it.

What? Why?

We wanted to know if it smelt or tasted any different.

- Does it? - Well, obviously bloody not,

then I wouldn't have drunk it!

I don't believe this.

- How long's it last? - I don't know.

- I'll time it. - Yeah.

What do you mean you don't know?

We only put in a bit to test it, so...

My god, I can't believe this is happening.

- This is a nightmare. - I'd be raging.

How long's it take to work?

It blocks higher cortical brain function and reduces inhibition.

- How long? - I don't know!

- I don't know. - Don't know very much, do you?

Okay, calm down. Calm down.

Just wait it out. You'll be fine.

You're so angry with me.

But really, you're angry with yourself.

I fucked up, all right?

Can you just forgive me?

Calum? She's not herself.

Planning on jumping your bones tonight.

That answers your question?

- Definitely works? - Right, you.

- You leave her alone. - Why?

You're safe with us.

I love you, Rachel.

I love you too, babe.

- Do you? - Yes.

That's so nice.

I loved Dan...

But he's marrying Charlotte, so... What?

Why didn't you say?

So now, she's got everything.

She'll be Mrs. Marshall.

My god.

She even stole my name.

I feel like...

I feel like a victim of identity fraud.

I've lost...

Everything.

Everything that makes me me.

Emily, I'm...

I'm so sorry.

I need to go.

Emily. Emily, wait. Wait.

Taking advantage of me like that was really low.

How else am I ever going to know what you're thinking?

Was I not clear when I said I didn't want to sleep with you?

Except that's exactly what you were planning on doing.

Yeah, well, what I plan to do with you

before I let you know is none of your business.

I miss you.

I'm nobody's second best, calum.

Sweetheart, I know.

You said he was going to move out months ago.

He told me he was.

He's there when I come home.

- He's there when I go to work. - I understand.

I want him gone as much as you do.

I'll go speak to him, okay?

- Now? - Yeah, now.

Will that make you happy?

Come in.

Hiya, love.

- There's something... - no, I'm glad you popped by.

Because I've been meaning to tell you.

I went to see a flat yesterday.

And, you know, there's quite a lot of applicants,

but I'm hoping they're going to choose me.

- That's great. - Yeah.

I am pleased.

Okay, well, have a good evening.

All right.

Good night, love.

Good news. He's found a flat.

He's gonna be out of our hair soon enough.

Thank god.

- That makes me so happy. - Thank god.

I mean, he's harmless.

Shall we crack open the boozy?

What are you doing?

Yes, yes, yes, yes!

I love it. Thank you, my love.

All right, fella. Stick that right there, all right?

Let's get the broska sticking out, all right?

Mind your back, all right? Bend your knees, mate.

You look gorgeous.

Love it.

You need a bit of help, darling?

Yeah, it's all right. Ginger spice, I got it.

Here we are. Let's get you strapped in for the night, hey?

Now, this is how you tighten the straps.

- What the fuck are you doing? - Ooh.

Sorry, babe. Sorry.

You're a feisty one, aren't you?

Right, let's get the music on.

Come on, we've got some dancers ready to dance.

Boys, light, money shot.

Yeah!

No, not tonight. I'm working.

Nice to see your face. Come on.

Man's health, runners world,

health club management and workout.

- Can you believe it? - Wow.

Four out of top five fitness meetings in the entire country.

Babe.

You know, this time tomorrow morning,

the whole world is going to be talking about Jack Jackson.

- Sick, sick. - Hey!

All right, bruv. What you doin' mate?

Em, tej, target approaching.

Good luck, em.

You're right. We're shaking up the protein industry.

All right, Rita, stand by.

- Hey, you. - Hey, how you doing?

- Broska for the broska team? - I can't, I'm working.

Rita, intervene.

- I can't, I can't. - Please could I have a selfie?

- For my social media. - Yeah, of course.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll take it. Broska.

How about a little chug for the photo?

I can't. I'm not drinking.

Calum, bring it home.

- Don't fuck it up. - Look. Who's this?

That is an absolute belt of a snap.

Man's health. You don't mind, do you?

Of course, yeah, of course.

- All right, you ready? - Yeah, please.

Can I see the drink in your hand and point the broska to me?

Yeah, of course, we've got to get the broska in, mate.

- I like your thinking. - Good.

- Let me see you down it. - I can't, I'm not drinking.

Stop it. I can't. No, not tonight.

- Come on, just one time. - Stop it. Fucking hell.

Go on, come on, Mr. Smoothie.

- Chug it, chug it, chug it. - All right, all right.

- Great outfit, mate. Thank you. - Cheers, mate.

Lovely to see you. Nice one.

Well played, boys and girls. Well played.

All right, gang, now we wait.

Fuck.

I'm at the launch of a new energy drink with a twist.

Here's its creator, Jack Jackson.

Mr. Smoothie himself. Jack Jackson, everybody.

So, tell us, what makes broska so special?

Well, basically, we've packed it

full of industrial-grade alcohol.

What am I saying?

Looks like you've been out of your own supply.

I'm fine, I'm fine, I've only had the one.

What's come over me?

How you doing, darling? You all right?

- Yeah, I'm good. - Look at you in them shorts.

She doesn't need much of the imagination, boys,

does she?

Oy.

Isn't she gorgeous?

It's all right.

Jack, why did you develop broska?

Well, that's an easy one.

I wanted to make some money, didn't I?

Jack, Jack, come on, babe.

Jack, don't Chuck this up, babe.

Shit. Get off me!

Just leave me alone, you annoying bitch!

Every time I try to do anything, you're just bloody there!

Jack.

Shit.

Iron crusher's blog.

Do you think it's socially responsible

to put alcohol in an exercise drink?

Who bloody cares, mate? Who cares?

I mean, you can't do anything anymore, can you?

They're putting protein in chocolate bars,

saying they've built muscles.

They're still full of sugar!

You've got to stop treating people

like they're fucking idiots!

- Yeah, but isn't it also... - Look, mate, mate,

broska is a cheeky little lift

when you don't want your missus to know

you're having a fucking drink, you know what I mean?

Here you go, bro, have a broska!

Nice, that's what I need!

You like that, mate? I do too, mate!

That's a nice idea, right?

What are you going to do when your mate

wants a cheeky little lift?

Here you go, bro! Have a broska!

What about you lot? Here you go, bro!

Have a broska!

Yeah. Put the music back on, come on!

Here you go, bro! Have a broska.

Here you go, bro!

Have a broska!

Have a broska!

Here you go, bro! Have a broska!

He's had three offers for international distribution.

I mean, men's health made a swift exit,

but loaded and fhm want to bloody interview him.

We've made him a success for fuck's sake.

And now, everyone's coming back to ours.

God.

Hi guys, I'm at the broska after-party.

Let's fucking have it!

Who wants champagne?

We're not done yet, but soon, I promise.

Babe, babe, we're all out. Sort us out, yeah?

Joshy! Joshy!

How you doing, love? You all right?

Oi, oi, give me four broskas.

Someone's been drinking.

Grab him. Get him, get him.

One more, one more, mate, come on!

How much did you give him? He's off his face.

I don't think it's the anxiolytic.

He's been drinking like a fish.

I need water. Mate, water.

Hey, don't push her!

- My god. - Fuck.

Shit.

Put your phones away!

- My god. - I'm gonna need a bigger towel.

It stinks.

Rachel? Where the fuck are you?

Fuck.

Are we seriously letting him get away Scott-free?

What were we supposed to do? The plan didn't work.

No, but we can't just wave the white flag

and close down a club just because one mission failed.

- Did our best, Steve. - No.

We all did our best for you.

- Steve, let it go. - Just like we did for you.

I haven't had my turn yet.

I'm stuck in a caravan.

With nothing and nobody.

I want my revenge.

That prick's muscled in on my wife.

I want him out of her life.

And I'm gonna need all of you for that.

It took all of us to spike Rachel's fella.

I fucking knew it.

Fuckin' fuck.

I knew it. It's making sense now.

One of you lot put something in my drink.

Of course.

The feisty bitch who poured it for me.

Don't talk to her like that.

Look who it is. Men's health. Photographer.

Security. The fan.

Did you get your little selfie, did ya?

And you, mate?

I don't know who the fuck you are, mate.

Was this your little scheme, was it?

Oy, was it? You put my missus up in this.

You could've killed me, you fucking psycho.

All right, back off, mate.

Fuck it.

Fuck.

That's enough!

Fuck.

I want a word with my husband. Now.

Prick.

I want a divorce.

I mean it, Jack. I'm done.

Don't worry, I'll speak to dad. You'll get a payout.

I mean, let's face it.

You're not really in a position to ask for anything, are ya?

I report what you've done to the police,

you go to fucking prison, darling.

You lose everything.

Your house.

- Kids. - You won't get the kids, Jack.

I'm their mother.

The house isn't mine to give, you know that.

Well, you're gonna have to give me everything I want.

I'm coming for it all, sweetheart.

I've certainly earned it.

You can undermine me. Intimidate me.

Bully me. Threaten me.

You can do whatever you want to me.

But you will never...

Ever... Tell our lovely... Innocent, sweet...

Perfect daughter...

That she's not beautiful.

Ever again.

Now, do you understand me?

How you gonna stop me from inside?

I'll kill him.

- I'm gonna fucking kill him. - Well, there's a queue.

I mean, that's adh at the very least, mate.

You should call the police.

They'll want a blood test. That's a terrible idea.

What happened? Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine. Steve, it's fine, honestly.

I've told him I want a divorce.

He said he's gonna fight me all the way.

He's gonna call the police.

I'm gonna go to prison. He's gonna get everything.

But he's not.

He's not. I'm gonna fight him all the way.

I'm gonna get rid of him forever.

Do you know what I say? I say, "bring it on."

It's scary, but I'm ready.

Guys, this is good.

It's good. Steve, it's good.

Right, are we going?

Yeah, Uber's two minutes away.

- Where are the others? - I haven't seen them.

- Ta-da. - I love that.

- I hate that. - Where'd you get it?

Well, he threw up on my shirt, so I nicked one of his.

Suits you.

I couldn't find Rachel to say goodbye.

Where are the others?

Shitting in Jack's bed, I hope.

Nice. At last.

Give him a shout, Steve.

- See you, Steve. - Bye, tej.

What are you doing here?

Prep for next week.

You know, I shouldn't have to come home to find you here,

especially when I'm not...

When I'm not prepared for it.

I do work here.

You say that like I'm in the wrong.

But it's not right for you to divorce me

and stay married to my family.

What's gotten into you?

I'm tired of being gas lit by you.

Pretending that this is normal when, when it's not.

I want you gone.

What you did back there?

You mean when I spilled my actual blood for you?

Yeah, that.

I just want you to know that that was really stupid.

As long as you appreciate it.

Mrs. Jackson, to your knowledge,

were there any drugs being taken at the party?

Not to my knowledge.

- Any violence? - Not to my knowledge.

How would you describe your marriage?

Happy.

In your statement, you said when you found Jack,

you jumped straight into the pool to try and save him.

Is that correct?

Yes.