Original subtitles

You shouldn't be out after dark.

Don't you know what town this is?

Yes, run. We enjoy it.

Perhaps it is you who should not be out after dark.

Yes, run!

Well, well, well, well.

No, no, no, no, no!

Please, please, please!

It was just a joke. See? Eh?

Fake vampires? Tourists.

The festival has only begun.

There is a vampire in this town

and we are going to find him.

The Talisman of Ordo goes under jewelry.

And the Dancing Dragon's pearl flute,

file it under musical instruments.

This is the epitome of dullness.

We should be out there right now

fighting evildoers.

That pendulum...

...is going to go off any minute.

The pendulum hasn't gone off in over a week.

Look, I don't like doing this just as much as you do,

but we have to get it done.

and for the last time,

stop playing with the Golden Banshee of Kearny.

What happens if the banshee banshees?

Well, technically, heads could explode.

Which is why Mrs. Astolat wants everything safely stored in the main library.

Bleh! The artifacts are fine and Elaine can kiss my Astolat.

Wait, circle back. What do we do with the ones that could make your head explode?

Those are filed in the restricted section,

with fail-safes placed over them so they can't cause trouble if they get out.

Fail-safes? Like what?

Well, the Golden Banshee will go in a soundproof box.

Medusa's head will have a bag over it.

We're not idiots.

What's idiotic is that you promised that before the six months Stone gave you was over,

you'd catalog all these artifacts and put them back where they belong.

Almost over, but we've only been here...

Uh, can Connor and I take this to Mrs. Astolat in the main library?

- We've never been. - For good reason.

You are not a Librarian. Security will have your head.

Ah, remind me.

Down the left hall, third door on the right.

- Sorry, which door? Thank you. - Third door on the right.

Wow, has it really almost been six months?

Yeah, feels like we just got started.

And when it's over, you two will go back to your normal lives,

and Vik will just become another artifact in the Library.

Hmm. The future waits for no man.

That reminds me, I have to go wait for my broker.

You selling the castle?

Like your friend Suki suggested?

Uh, yeah.

I know she didn't express it the right way, but she had a point.

This can't go on forever.

So we have to plan. I have an IPO to launch.

It needs capital to get off the ground,

and this is a once in a lifetime opportunity.

Got it. We'll stay out of your way when the broker's here.

Excuse me. Sorry.

I didn't think you'd be so eager to break up the band.

Who said anything about breaking up the band?

I'm gonna need high-level security for my company.

I'm a Guardian.

Yeah, but who are you gonna guard if Vikram's stuck in the Library?

Think about it, okay?

You know you're setting that for a basement in Queens right now.

- It's not what it looks like. - It looks like after realizing

our time in the Library is limited,

you're using the door to go somewhere you'll never have a chance to go again.

Okay, it is what it looks like.

- You can't just run off somewhere. - Why not?

Lysa's off doing the broker thing. The pendulum's quiet.

You want to come? Once in a lifetime opportunity.

I can't. I have to make sure Vikram finishes cataloging.

Finally making progress.

Aah! Charlie! We have to do that last box again.

Last three, actually.

Curious, where'd you say you're going again?

- Welcome to Kisiljevo. - It's a village festival. Cute.

It's not just a village festival.

- It's a vampire festival. - And here you will see

a large assortment of garlic pastries,

because nothing wards off a bloodsucker like bad breath.

Garlic, fangs, t-shirts that say "I went to a vampire festival

and all I got was this neck wound and strange bout of anemia"?

Kisiljevo is the birthplace of vampires.

- The birthplace? - Yup.

This town has the first recorded sighting of a vampire

way back in the 1700s.

In fact, "vampyr," no "E",

is the most well-known Serbian word in the world.

I thought vampires were older than that.

- What about Dracula? - Yeah, he was a vampire.

But they didn't write about him until the 1800s as a fictionalized novel.

The first recorded newspaper article of a vampire was in Kisiljevo,

when a farmer, Petar Blagojavic died, was buried,

and then walked into his house and demanded his wife give him a new pair of shoes.

- It's quite a story. - I know. I wrote a paper on it.

The townsfolk dug him up the next day,

put a stake through his heart, chopped his head off--

due diligence-- and that was that.

No, it wasn't. Otherwise, the paper would be really short.

Yeah. I dug up records in the following months and years of deaths that fit a pattern.

I posited that Petar Blagojavic was still among us.

- And then? - And then I lost all credibility

and was laughed out of Stuttgart.

Bloody snow cones!

- Hey, blood snow cone? - Yeah.

- Actually, it's cherry. - It better be.

- For you? - Yes, please. Thank you.

- All right. - Cheers.

Garlic! Garlic! Don't miss the garlic!

Hey, hey! My friend. Come, come, come, come. Come here.

- Ah. - Look, look, look. Look what I have.

- Ooh, it's pungent, yeah. - Do you know where--

Yeah, it's there.

Mm. No, sorry.

How much for this one? 5,000?

This book's, like, 50 years out of date.

That's how you kill a vampire.

- 500. - It's not even hardwood.

Come on, come on. 300? 300? It's a bargain.

You know, thanks for inviting me today.

It's been a really nice break.

- But... - Oh, there's a but? No buts, please.

But I don't think you're gonna find your vampire here.

At least not in the middle of the day amongst all these tourists.

Actually, there are rumors of a commune of daywalking vampires in California.

But if you did find one, you could rub it in the face

of all those academics who booted you.

The thought had occurred to me.

And now we go to the Kisiljevo Keep. Please keep up.

They cut my pay if one of you gets eaten.

So is that what you're gonna do once the six months is up?

- Back to academia? - It would be amazing

if we could stay with the Library, but that's not gonna happen.

I burned my online following.

If Academia was forced to take me seriously, at least I'd have that.

You know? What about you? You gonna be Lysa's head of security?

To be honest, I hadn't even thought about leaving Vikram until she brought it up.

Even if Jacob Stone and the other Librarians stick him on a shelf?

If anyone could get in trouble just sitting on a shelf...

Speaking of.

It's Mrs. A, and she's using a lot of capital letters.

- Oh. - We should get back.

You know where we came in the door?

Yeah, just inside the castle keep

near the vampire memorabilia room.

Ooh. I'm gonna run back and get a snow cone. You want one?

Uh, yeah. Extra bloody, please.

I'll text Lysa we're on our way.

No way.

Aah! Aah!

- Connor? Connor? - There you are.

Mrs. A was getting rather piqued you weren't here to correct my alphabetizing,

even though the alphabet hasn't changed!

- Connor, is he here? - I thought he was with you.

He was. I lost him.

I knew he'd never come through the magic door without me.

But I've searched all of Kisiljevo. He's nowhere.

You've been to Kisiljevo?

I didn't know what it was until I got there.

But it was fun. There was snow cones and t-shirts.

And we got separated and now he's not answering his phone.

Are you telling me you went to the birthplace of vampires

- and did not take any vampire protection? - No.

A crossbow, a vial of holy water, a stake?

Ooh, I did buy this.

It's not even hardwood.

Where's Lysa?

She is selling off the last of her family inheritance.

You're stuck with me. Ah.

- Oh. - We still have a few hours of daylight left.

Hopefully we can get Connor before that town turns into a blood-soaked bacchanalia.

No.

Hmm. Ha!

Needs sharpening.

Well, we have a lot to do here.

- You're Lysa? - Uh, yeah.

I'm from the agency.

Um, do you know what this stone is?

Uh, no. I'm not sure.

Not a problem. We can just ask the builder.

It's a castle.

The builder's been dead for nearly a millennia.

Original stonework.

That's how we'll put it in the listing.

Yeah. Thank you so much for coming.

I can appreciate that there aren't many buyers for a castle,

especially one without modern wiring,

plumbing, heating, cooling, or insulation.

But don't forget what it does have.

Drafts, mold, a working museum--

which is unique to say the least.

Don't worry. We'll turn every minus into a plus.

Shall we start with the turrets?

Uh...

It's all right. It's all right.

It's a sports drink. Electrolytes.

You'll need them. See?

Wait, wait. Who are you? Where am I?

I'm Petar, and, well, this-- this is my place.

You took a nasty blow to your head.

Charlie. My friend.

- Where is she? - Yeah, your phone took a nasty blow, too,

- and you were alone when you fell. - I fell?

I was climbing the wall because I saw...

- I saw you. - What, me?

No, no, no, no, no. I just found you.

That's it. So, um-- oh, jeez!

I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to scare you.

Usually, I stay in my apartment during the festival,

but I ran out of O-positive, and corn chips.

So I nipped out in the afternoon shadows to the store.

With all those vampire hunters out there this year, it seemed the safest.

You're a vampire? A real one?

Shh. You really think Mrs. Kulik upstairs needs to know that?

- Just, uh-- just stay back. - Oh, come on.

Listen, you're the one who chased after me.

I thought you might be a vampire hunter,

and I hissed a little and scared you.

- And you fell. - So a vampire saved my life?

Well, yeah. Well, technically, yes.

A vampire who's a real sneakerhead.

Stokerian lore says as a vampire must maintain a connection to their homeland.

Dracula famously traveled with Transylvanian dirt.

That always seemed like a lot to me. I just keep a lease.

- You're from Kisiljevo? - Mm-hmm.

So you're not just a vampire.

You're Petar Blagojavic, who rose from the dead

and asked his wife for his pair of shoes!

You're the first vampire ever recorded.

- That is so cool! - Yes, yes.

- Suck it, Stuttgart! - Uh, please sit.

Um, I am the first vampire,

and I'm afraid you will soon become the latest.

What do you mean?

Well, you fell really, really, really hard.

And I thought the only way

to save you was, well, you know...

You bit me?

The...

Wait, hold-- hold on. There's only one hole.

I only got one fang. See?

The other one was removed, like, ages ago.

In the late Victorian era, when vampires were all the rage,

there were rumors that taking out a vampire's tooth would cure them.

Yeah, it didn't work, unfortunately.

It only cured the cure.

Um, corn chip?

Right. Where are we?

Just inside the gate to the keep.

The festival's down in the main square.

- Festival? - Yeah.

Why anyone would celebrate a vampire is beyond me.

They are not happy little elves leaving pots of gold

or intoxicating drinks. No.

If you ever met a vampire, you would be eaten.

Yeah, well, I'm really hoping that's not what happened to Connor.

Vampires can't go out in the open.

If he has been taken, he's being held inside,

assuming he hasn't been exsanguinated already.

Yeah, well, let's assume he hasn't.

Why did you go with Connor, anyway?

Impulse. I shouldn't have abandoned you.

Leaving me to Mrs. A's infernal devices.

That's not what I mean.

You're my charge, sir, the one I'm meant to protect,

and now you're in just as much jeopardy as he is.

- Charlie, I appreciated your-- - Lysa offered me a job.

There's something I should tell you.

There is someone behind you right now about to put a bag over your head.

What did you mean when you said removing the teeth

- cured the cure? - Right, so-- oh, jeez.

Man, I bit my lip. Happens all the time. So where were we?

Oh, yes, vampire physiology.

So with both teeth, you can recirculate the blood,

meaning you can drink without turning anyone into a vampire.

With one tooth, no recirculation, so baby vampire.

I haven't bitten anyone since blood banks were invented, so it was moot until now.

Yeah, I didn't know that, and I know a lot about vampires.

Well, I suppose it's tough to study vampiric bodily systems

since we turn into ash when we die.

It doesn't leave a lot to dissect.

Are you sure you don't want any food?

You're gonna be starving once you change completely.

- Wait, hold on, am I not a vampire yet? - You are.

It's just your vampirism isn't permanent until the first nightfall.

Most of the people get bitten at night, so this isn't an issue.

So there's a window. I still have time to go to the Library

- and maybe find a way... - Are you mad?

It's still day outside. We'll both burn up.

Well, I can't just sit here and wait to develop

- an insatiable blood lust. - Listen, I'm sorry, okay?

I'm so sorry, but without my other tooth, there's nothing we can do.

Please, let's just-- listen. Let's just chill.

Watch some TV. I have more snacks.

Do you have any idea what happened to your tooth?

Actually, I do.

Yeah.

Are you all right, sir?

Other than these cursed bindings, fine.

Do not worry.

Soon enough, you will be free...

of all your curses.

Hello, vampyr.

?

He's not. He's a normal person.

Piff and tosh, I tell you.

Okay, normal might be a stretch, but he's not a vampire.

Silence, little familiar.

We know you're on his thrall.

- His what? - You called him sir,

spoke of your lifetime of devotion and service.

Having someone pledge eternal loyalty does not make me a vampire.

You speak like a vampyr.

Dress like a vampyr. Your coat.

Stanislav and Sons, Belgrade.

Stanislav and Sons closed in the late 19th century.

Damn. I'll never get those cuffs adjusted.

Isn't there a simpler way to test if he's a vampire?

- Hmm. - A stake.

Stab him.

And if he turns to dust, he's a vampire.

And if I don't, I'm still alarmingly dead.

The sun. It's still daylight.

You take me outside and this will all be settled very quickly.

It's a trick. He must be able to walk in the day.

- Like "Blade." - Or "Twilight."

- Or "The Vampire Diaries." - What nonsense do you speak of?

Vampires cannot walk in the sun.

Actually, sir, there's rumors of a commune in California.

Not helping.

Dude, these cloaks are amazing.

Is it a Minerva shroud imbued by a witch?

Do you know how much Minerva shroud costs?

Nah, this is the same material as my blackout curtains.

And they work great. See? No sun gets through.

You know, I never thought how modern tech

improved the lives of the undead.

Yeah. My favorite? Shock absorbing insoles.

They're like magic.

You know, I have a friend who says

magic is just science we don't understand yet.

I wonder what she'll make of my imminent vampirism.

You shouldn't tell your friends about what's happening.

My friends are smart. They can help.

When I changed, nobody knew what was going on, least of all me.

My friends tried to help and I--

I just couldn't control myself.

And you won't be able to either.

So if you truly care about them,

until we retrieve my tooth,

it's better to keep your distance.

Then let's get that tooth. You sure you know where you're going?

Of course. I traded my tooth for safe passage across a bridge.

Who do you trade a tooth to at a bridge?

Unless they live under the bridge.

No way. We're gonna meet a troll?

You're getting way too excited.

I have a plan.

We find a way to distract the extremely serious leader

and you take out the rest of them one by one.

Why didn't you react when I told you Lysa offered me a job?

This is hardly the time.

You also didn't seem at all worried about Lysa selling the castle.

I don't care what Lysa does with the castle. It's hers.

It's your access to the Annex.

Do you know something about our future I don't?

We have agreed on an appropriate test of your vampiric nature.

Oh, God, not garlic.

The pungent flavoring of the peasantry.

May I interject?

We've been tied to these chairs for a while now

and I really need to use the bathroom.

- Don't pull that with us. - I may be enthralled, but my bladder isn't.

I need to go.

- What are you doing? - Executing your plan.

- Ow. - Not ow. Say ahh.

Well, you could at least make it a choo-choo train, hmm?

Ahh...

No funny business.

Just regular business.

What's with these small-minded men?

It's bloodlust this, bloodlust that.

Do you ever get a vacation? A break?

A boot up the side of the head?

You sure this is the right bridge?

It's pretty quiet out here.

Sure, I'm sure.

I mean, it is a little bit hard to see through,

what is this-- sports section?

But you never forget a bridge you had to cross

in the dead of night during World War II.

- Running from the Germans? - No, no.

No, I was shaving ten minutes off my commute.

Of course I was running from the Wehrmacht.

You've seen quite a lot in your time, haven't you?

Look, if this doesn't work out,

it isn't so bad being a vampire.

I mean, your life's your own, and you get to travel.

- I've been everywhere. - Huh.

I know I come off as a go with the flow type,

but there are things I'd miss.

I finally got to a place where I feel I should be

with a great group of people, and...

It doesn't matter,

'cause I don't get to have that future anyway.

Well, the future doesn't worry me.

If I miss out on something, I'm just patient.

Huh.

Whoa, whoa.

Definitely the right bridge.

Whoa! Chill, man. Chill.

How dare you disturb my peace, you peace disturber?

- We just have a question. - Question?

I don't answer questions.

I stomp and I crush bones

and, uh, uh...

Do you, uh, need a minute or--

I'm sorry, man. I haven't done this in a while.

Nobody comes over this bridge anymore.

- Stupid expressway. - Okay, I'll make it quick.

During World War II, you acquired a vampire fang.

I can't even transition to the new line of work since I lost my phone.

- New line of work? - Yes, online trolling.

It's the only growth industry for us trolls, you know.

I'm sorry, I'll crush your bones now.

- Come on. - How about I trade?

That's what trolls do, right?

You could do a lot of damage with this.

Oh, the fang. Stolen from me ages ago.

Someone building a memorabilia collection to attract tourists.

Now give me that phone or I will crash your bones.

It's at the keep in Kisiljevo. Let's go.

No, no, no, no. We can't go in there.

- Drive as we talk. Let's go. - You don't understand.

That's where the vampire hunters are holed up.

Hey! Hey!

This is broken!

- I will end you now! - Just drive!

And now you can see different tools people use

to try to kill the vampire of Kisiljevo.

Ooh, spooky.

Hey, um, I heard there were vampire teeth here.

Real ones.

Well, not anymore.

So if you follow me into the next chamber,

you'll discover that we never called an exterminator for our bat problem.

"F. Carsen, F. Carsen."

Flynn Carsen! The Librarian.

The tooth is in the Library.

Ivan is getting anxious.

How long do women take in the bathroom?

You can fill me in later on what happened to you

and why you're wearing a cloak.

Right now, we need to save Vikram.

- Wait, Vik's here? - Yeah.

And for some reason, the vampire hunters

have a hunch he's from a different century, and therefore undead.

- Let's move. - I'm sorry. I can't help you.

What are you talking about?

I need to do something, and you're not gonna like it,

but if I don't, I could hurt you.

Connor, why are you so afraid?

Hey, guys! She's right here!

I'm sorry.

The magic door!

I haven't seen spiders like that outside of the zoo!

- Yeah, the attic is-- - Infested? Don't worry.

- We'll use the word "rustic". - But the rest of the place?

Oh, it's a fixer, for sure.

But it's-- it's more than that.

Sure, it's old and drafty and rustic, but it's also home.

- Home? - Homey. Home-like.

You know, the place where you feel the most yourself.

And everyone else feels the same,

and you're just-- you're all in it together.

But I thought you were the sole owner.

I am. I--

But it's like when you're in a band.

Ah, 36007-R, section V.

See, the buyer I had in mind wouldn't want to deal with multiple owners.

- You already have a buyer? - A former client asked me

to keep an eye out to add to his portfolio.

But I would hurry, because he's looking at--

Is that a wine cellar?

- Wine cellars are very popular. - No. No, no.

You don't want to go in there. No, it is covered in mold.

36007. - Uh...

Third door on the right.

It stinks. Like, uh, bad cheese.

Come on.

Ugh.

It seems you don't like garlic.

Not when you keep shoving entire bulbs in my mouth.

Am I a Sunday roast?

You're not helping your case, vampire.

Why is there a case at all?

If it was up to me,

I would do away with you right now.

But my fellow hunters don't have my natural-born instincts.

Hmph. You are as maddeningly obtuse as you are imposingly large.

Hmm?

Ah! Natural-born instincts, you say? How's that?

My family has hunted vampires for centuries,

and now it is my turn to take up the mantle.

Living up to family expectations can be a lot of pressure.

The name Van Helsing carries a lot of weight, but nothing I cannot handle.

And you and your familiar are not going to stop me--

But we can stop you finishing that sentence. You took your time.

Nice girls chat in the ladies retirement room?

I ran into Connor. Something's wrong.

He went through the magic door and closed it behind him.

You eat the garlic.

How do we escape if Connor locked the door?

I have a car.

What? No, no, no, no. Wait, wait, wait. I'm not one of those guys.

I'm Petar. I'm a friend of Connor's. Heard you mention him.

- Are you Charlie? - Yeah.

No, weirdly, I believe him because of the cape.

I helped him get to the castle, but I got worried

something happened to him once he didn't come out.

- Do you know where he is? - He's, um-- he's not here.

You mentioned something about a vehicle.

Yes, uh, it's, um, this way.

Okay.

Oh, wait, no. This way. It's this way.

Oh, uh...

Oh, uh, hi.

Excalibur? Seriously?

Okay, uh, we'll revisit this.

Do you know where I can find row 36007-R, section V?

Thanks.

- I think you should consider that job from Lysa. - Why?

You asked me if I knew anything about the future, and I do.

I don't think the Library will have a use for you. Neither will I.

Um, I hate to interrupt,

but I think we're back where we began.

Well, these medieval castles are always circuitous.

I remember in Blarney, in Ireland, and I...

- ...will save the rest of that story for later. - It is time to end this.

Halt, thief.

Security really would have my head.

lest your head make my axe a meal.

That's quite a rhyme, but I'm not a thief.

I work for the Library.

Answer me these riddles three

to prove you are no enemy.

Okay, I can do riddles.

What building do you enter blind but come out seeing?

Ooh, uh, a school.

You got to dig deeper than ancient Sumerian to stump me.

What fruit is of greatest use in history?

Well, the apple is the fruit of knowledge,

but is that history or religion?

If we're talking history, then what dates do we include?

Dates.

The date is a fruit with greatest use in history.

I am on a roll. Hit me! Number three, baby, come on.

What is the chemical equation for photosynthesis?

What? That's not a riddle.

Uh, photosynthesis.

Uh, that's carbon dioxide, water, and, um...

- Something happens? - Photosynthesis.

Uh, 6H2O plus 6CO2

converted via light energy to C6H12O6 plus 6O2.

- What? - I saw you head to the main Library,

and I thought something was up, so I ditched the broker.

Uh, what's going on?

Oh, uh, just keep a distance.

- Why, are you contagious? - No, no, no,

but I'll be better when I get this where it needs to be.

Okay, and what is this?

Can you just trust me when I say it's important?

Yeah, I mean, of course I trust you.

Why else would I want to hire you?

I thought that was just for Charlie.

No. No, I don't want to break up the band.

Speaking of, where is everyone else?

Oh, yeah, um, they're likely about to be murdered by vampire hunters.

What?

- That way. - Follow me outside

for an unscheduled vampire beheading ceremony

that nobody at the office told me about,

but I'm sure it's completely safe.

Uh, Connor?

I think we might actually want to go that way.

Outside?

Yeah, what-- what is it? What's wrong?

Never mind. Let's go.

We have rooted out the festering evil

that has haunted this town and his familiars.

- Familiars? - [Charlie] Talking about us.

Long story, but the good news

is these stocks are old and rusty.

Okay, what now? Connor?

Uh, yeah, you go distract him.

- I'm gonna go around. - Okay.

I am not a vampire. I am literally in the sun.

Uh, yeah. He is literally in the sun.

That's a bit of an anachronism.

We've been over this. Daywalking vampires.

- Like "Blade." - Or "Twilight."

Or "The Vampire Diaries."

Yeah, but light energy converts matter,

like photosynthesis.

And therefore vampires would be affected.

- What are you talking about? - Well, light energy passes

through the epidermis to nerve endings with no effect.

- So, Vikram can't be a vampire. - Oh.

How did you know his name?

Uh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

I can explain.

- Don't touch her. - Oh, thank God.

I got your tooth. I need you to bite me.

Connor, look.

No more enthralling, foul demon.

No. No.

Oh, no.

Oh, no. Oh, no, no! No!

No, no! No, no, no, no, no!

Not the sun. Not the sun. Not the sun! Not the sun!

Oh, no! Not-- not the sun.

Wait, what?

Wait, why am I not burning up in the sun?

Because you're not a vampire.

Were you under the impression that you were?

- Yes. - Hmm.

Petar told me that...

I can't believe it worked.

Thank you, you foolish wannabe Librarian.

I'm finally back to my true self,

and just in time for night.

I'm so hungry.

Do you know how long it's been since I had a proper meal?

When I overheard you talk about the Library,

I just couldn't believe my luck.

Hunters, it is our moment.

- Charge! - You.

Van Helsing, my Astolat. Hmm?

I think we should get everyone out of here, don't you?

This is all my fault.

Lysa, you get them inside. Put them in the dungeon as a fail-safe.

- Okay. - Charlie, do you think you can get that axe?

- Yeah. - Good. Connor and I will--

Where's Connor?

Hey! Hey, Petar!

You want blood, right? Take mine.

Make me a vampire, like you said.

You spent all day worrying, afraid of turning. Why now?

First of all, no one told me about the flying thing, which is awesome.

But I want what you have, endless future.

Oh, Connor, you'll make a better meal than a roommate.

- There has to be a way to stop him. - It's too late.

After you, I'll eat your friends.

Fitting that my first meal would be from the Library,

which kept my tooth from me for so very long.

- What is this? - It's a fail-safe.

Of course. The Library places fail-safes on all their artifacts

so they can't get out and hurt anyone.

Medusa's head in a bag, that kind of thing.

What better way to booby trap a tooth than to place a capsule of cyanide in it?

Or in his case, holy water.

Or garlic oil.

Or a photovoltaic cell storing solar energy.

Whatever it is, Petar, your future ends here.

And this shall go back home to the Library.

Great show. Great show. Has it ended?

Because the snow cones will sell out.

My group, follow me.

You're lucky this isn't that deep.

Petar could have bit anyone and the fail-safe would have activated.

You offered yourself up.

I wasn't sure it was gonna work.

- Better to test it on myself. - You need more gauze,

and slightly fewer near-death experiences.

Yeah, it's just not the right time.

Yeah. Okay, thanks.

Right, well, that was the broker.

I'm postponing selling the castle.

What about your IPO?

I realized that although, yes, this is my castle, it's also our castle.

And the decision to sell should be made together.

But I thought the future waits for no man.

- What, you want to join an IPO now? - Eh.

I spent the whole day worrying about my future.

Now I'm just happy to have one.

The Library's all I ever really wanted.

Gonna make the most of it with however long we have left.

I think that's a great idea.

Right. Petar's tooth is back in its rightful place.

And Mrs. A would like to take a break from cataloguing to visit a local winery,

so what shall we do with our newfound freedom?

- We can get some training in. - Do we have to?

I'm your Guardian, and I intend to be for a long time,

and you nearly being beheaded reflects badly on me.

And what about working for Lysa?

You know, you lied to me before.

You said you didn't care if Lysa sold the castle or if I took the job,

but you're just trying to make it easier for us to go.

- You don't get off that easy. - I don't?

You're stuck with me.

Charlie, I have to say something.

I'm going...

to go... hungry.

Does anyone want that Italian delicacy, pizza?

- Mushrooms? Pepperoni? - Ah, no thanks.

When Petar returned to dust and you returned the tooth to the Library,

we hit up the rest of Vampire Fest.

Yeah, those bloody snow cones are actually pretty good.

Was there before or after you buried the ashes on consecrated ground?

- Aah! What? - Were we supposed to do that?

- How did you not know to do that? - Injured.

Not in your arm.