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GIRLS: ♪ Be optimistic ♪

♪ Don't you be a grumpy ♪

♪ When the road gets bumpy, just smile ♪

♪ Smile and be happy ♪

♪ Your trouble can't be as bad as all that ♪

♪ When you're sad as all that ♪

♪ No one loves you ♪

♪ Be optimistic ♪

♪ Don't you be a mourner ♪

♪ Brighten up that corner ♪

- ♪ And smile ♪ - ♪ Smile ♪

♪ Don't wear a long face ♪

♪ It's never in style ♪

♪ Be optimistic and smile ♪

♪ Be optimistic ♪

♪ Don't you be a grumpy ♪

♪ When the road gets bumpy just smile ♪

♪ Your trouble can't be as bad as all that ♪

♪ When you're sad as all that ♪

♪ No one loves you ♪

♪ Be optimistic ♪

♪ Don't you be a mourner ♪

♪ Brighten up that corner and smile ♪

♪ Don't wear a long face ♪

♪ It's never in style ♪

♪ Be optimistic and smile ♪

[cheering] More, Betsy! More!

Now this concludes our little entertainment,

and I'm sure we've all enjoyed it immensely.

I'm sorry to say--

or perhaps, I really shouldn't say sorry--

but we won't have the pleasure

of hearing Betsy sing for us again here.

Betsy's leaving us today.

Mr. Shea, who was a dear friend of her parents,

has come to take her to live with him in New York.

I'm sure she has everybody's good wishes

for happiness in her new home. [chuckles]

[♪ continues]

Is that me?

MATRON: I guess it is.

Gee. I'm certainly a big surprise to myself!

[giggles]

I'll get your coat and hat.

Oh, you look beautiful, Betsy!

It's just "squisite," isn't it?

Mm-hmm.

I-- I hope someday

you'll all have pretty dresses too.

Betsy. We'll have to hurry now, dear.

I've still got to wrap all those toys Mr. Shea's been bringing you.

Couldn't I leave them here, Miss Hutchins?

Mmm, Mr. Shea might not like it.

He won't care. Please, Miss Hutchins, I'd much rather leave them here.

Just give them to-- oh, everybody.

Oh, that's sweet of you, dear. Say thanks to Betsy, girls.

Thank you, Betsy.

Now say good-bye to everybody, and we'll hurry along.

Good-bye Carol.

Bye, Betsy.

Good-bye, Jean.

Good-bye, Betsy.

Bye, Sheila.

Good-bye, Betsy.

Good-bye, Marilyn.

Good-bye, Betsy.

Good-bye, Mary.

Good-bye, Betsy.

[gasps]

Good-bye, Rosalie.

What's the matter? Don't you wanna say good-bye to me?

[stomp] No!

Why, Rosalie. I'm surprised.

Now come be a nice girl. Say good-bye to Betsy.

No! I don't wanna say good-bye.

Why not?

'Cause--

Because I don't want Betsy to go.

Betsy! Betsy! Betsy!

Where's that button?

♪ Should auld acquaintance be forgot ♪

♪ And never ♪

♪ Brought to mind ♪

♪ Should auld acquaintance ♪

♪ Be forgot ♪

♪ And days ♪

♪ Of auld lang syne ♪

♪ For auld lang syne ♪

♪ My dear ♪

♪ For auld lang syne ♪

♪ We'll take ♪

To the subway.

♪ A cup of kindness yet ♪

♪ For auld lang syne ♪

[horn honking]

Hotel Variety.

The Three Dancin' Baby Dolls?

They don't live here anymore.

I don't know.

I reckon they retired on their Social Security.

You're welcome.

Hi, Pop!

Hello, Sam.

Flossie, see if you can locate Betsy.

It's time she was in bed.

- Hello? Is Betsy up there? - Any mail for me, Pop?

- If you see her-- - No, no mail for you, Sam.

[switchboard clicks]

Any mail for his fiddle?

Yeah, from its bow. [laughs]

[laughing continues]

Those are the kind of gags that killed vaudeville.

- Hello, Betsy. - WOMAN: Hello, Betsy.

- Hello. - Hello. Betsy.

[tapping]

Upstage. Rehearse in the theater.

Hello, angel.

Hello.

Where have you been?

Oh, just visiting.

Visiting, when you should have been in bed?

Have you done your homework?

Oh, yes. Here's my arithmetic.

Who helped you with these problems?

Mr. Burdini, the magician.

Hmm. Six goes into 18 five times?

[Mr. Shea chuckles]

Seven goes into 21 four times?

He's a magician, all right.

Oh, he's awful clever. He's been teaching me new tricks.

[high-pitched voice] May I have my key, please?

Is that some of your ventriloquism?

That wasn't me.

[high-pitched voice] Is there any mail for us?

Oh, hello. It's Mr. And Mrs. Brasno.

There you are.

Thank you.

It's from our son.

He's in college.

[paper rustling]

Look, Ma. Butch made the football team.

Oh. Look.

BRASNO: "Dearest Mom and Pop,

"just a line or two.

"Hope you and Mom are well

"and have found something to do.

I am getting along fine with my studies--"

My goodness!

"And as you can see, I'm on the squad."

Hello, George! Hello, Ole!

- Hiya, folks! Hello, Bets! - Hello, Mike.

Is there anything for us, Mike?

Buffalo, next week.

One act for a smoker in a hurry. How about you?

Sorry, Mr. Brody. I'm all booked up tonight.

On the slumber time, huh?

- I get it. - [giggles]

Who do ya suggest, Pop?

Why, let me see--

Better see who owes the most rent.

- Right. - Let's see.

Well, there's Martin and Martin,

nine weeks.

Sullivan and Haley, six weeks.

Jimmy Clayton and his jazz band, it's 12 weeks.

- How about them? - They're a knockout.

All right, if you say so.

Get Jimmy Clayton on the telephone.

[phone ringing]

I raise a thousand bucks.

[ringing continues]

I think the phone's ringin'.

Don't change the subject.

I call you. What you got?

- What do you got? - Well, I--

I just got a little pair of threes.

And I thought you was bluffing.

[all laughing]

Nuts to me, you get it?

[humming]

Did you hang up your dress?

I hung up my dress, put away my shoes, brushed my teeth,

washed my neck, face, hands and ears.

Nice work.

[♪ jazz]

I used to have curls all over my head once.

Ooh, that must've been lovely.

Yes, but they were lots of trouble.

[humming]

Now, don't you sit up and listen to that music.

You just shut your eyes and go right to sleep.

I'll shut my eyes, but it'll probably come in through my ears.

[laughs]

[♪ continues]

[♪ up-tempo]

Hiya, Butch!

Willoughby!

Willoughby.

Yes, sister?

Close that window.

Hand me the telephone book.

Yes, sister.

You seem to be enjoying that horrible racket.

Hmm? [clears throat] Well, I-I was carried away for the moment.

Hmm.

Yes, Miss Wendling, this is Mr. Shea's daughter.

My father-- I'm awfully sorry.

The boys are rehearsing, but I'd be glad to--

I'm tired of warning you people.

I won't have my nights disturbed

by a lot of noisy riffraff.

I won't put up with it any longer.

I'm sorry, Miss Wendling. I'll go right up and--

[♪ continues]

What's the matter?

She called us a lot of riffraff.

- Who? - Our landlady.

I didn't know we had one.

Well, if you ever see a pumpkin

in one of the windows next door

and it isn't Halloween, that's our landlady.

[sighs] Ugh!

I can't look out my window

without seeing a lot of acrobats, jugglers,

midgets and actors.

How much rent does the Hotel Variety owe?

$2,500 past due since the 12th.

Write a letter…

to what's-his-name-- Shea.

- Sarah! - Ah!

Tell him unless his rent is paid within five days,

in full, out he goes.

Come on. In you go.

Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

I've gotta go up there and see about stopping that music.

Oh, no. I like it.

You do?

Yes, especially that song.

Well, it is a pretty song.

- Know why I like it? - No. Why?

'Cause the words are just the way I feel about you and Pop.

No foolin'?

Lots of times

I wanted to thank you, oh, ever so much.

Well, you don't have to, darling.

I'm afraid I can't 'cause--

♪ How can I thank you? ♪

♪ How do I start? ♪

♪ The words are somewhere ♪

♪ Around my heart ♪

♪ If I could say ♪

♪ In a word or two ♪

♪ How much it means ♪

♪ To be loved by you ♪

♪ Then I could thank you ♪

♪ For all you've done ♪

♪ But I don't know what ♪

♪ To do ♪

♪ What can you say ♪

♪ When a dream comes true? ♪

♪ How can I ever ♪

♪ Thank you? ♪

Mmm. Don't you try to, dear.

Now you just close your eyes and go right to sleep.

- Happy dreams. - [sighs] Thanks.

Good night, darling.

Good night.

Good night.

Good night.

You old pumpkin!

We've gotta stick together.

It's one for all, and divided we fall.

The wolf is at the door,

and the handwriting is on the wall.

Pop's always been regular with us.

He sure has.

So what does it get him?

A shady nook behind the 8-ball.

We gotta go out and hock everything we own:

jewelry, trunks, instruments, props, everything.

We've got our sorority pins.

Get all the dough you can and give it to Pop.

If it wasn't for Pop, we'd all have barnacles on our hips

from sleeping on park benches.

And that's what'll happen

if that old battle-ax next door

puts him out of the hotel.

It's up to us to raise some dough.

Jimmy, here's my watch.

What about that stickpin?

Oh-oh, wait, wait! You're choking me!

My goodness, don't pull it so hard.

- I'll give it to you. - [laughing]

Yes?

May I see Miss Sarah Wendling, please?

She's not at home.

When will she be back?

I don't know.

[vehicle approaching]

[tires screeching]

If you're lookin' for Miss Wendling, she isn't home.

Is that so?

I'm waiting for her too.

You are?

Oh, yes, on important business.

Well, uh, maybe if it's very important,

I might put in a good word for you.

Do you know Miss Wendling?

Oh, yes, very well.

She's my aunt.

She is? Well, say,

would you please give her this,

and tell her it's on account for the rent of the hotel?

[rattles]

The hotel? What hotel?

Next door.

And will you please ask her

to wait until Pop can pay her the rest?

Well, uh-- uh, whom shall I say this is from?

Betsy. No, from Pop-- Mr. Shea.

[chuckles] Well, maybe it'd be a better idea

if you came inside and told her yourself.

But she's not in. He said so.

Oh, he did?

I have an idea he's been imagining things.

Miss Wendling is in, isn't she, Simmons?

She's in the library, sir.

Oh!

Oh.

[gasps] Ohh!

Stand in the corner. Go on. Hide your face.

You big fibber!

That'll be all, Simmons.

Why, if anyone did a thing like that at the orphanage,

they'd have to stand in the corner for an hour.

- At the orphanage? - Mm-hmm.

I used to be an orphan before Pop adopted me.

Well, now that's a coincidence.

You know, I used to be an orphan myself.

Too bad we weren't orphans at the same time.

We could've had lots of fun together.

[laughs] I'll bet we could.

Will you excuse me a minute?

Mm-hmm.

[♪ music box plays]

Say, that's cute. Where'd you learn that?

- Jimmy and the Bandits. - The what?

- The jazz band. - Oh. Look at this.

Say, that's good too. Where'd you learn that?

Believe it or not, at Harvard. You've heard of the Hasty Pudding Club?

Mm-mmm. But I'll bet it tastes good.

You know, we dancers have got to stick together.

Absolutely.

♪ We should be together ♪

♪ Like the walls and ceiling ♪

♪ Like a door and doorknob ♪

♪ Like the hat on your knob ♪

♪ Like butler goes with doorbell ♪

♪ Keyhole with key ♪

♪ I think we'll get by ♪

♪ If you'll stick with me ♪

♪ We should be together ♪

♪ Like the frame and pictures ♪

♪ Like shoes and stockings ♪

♪ Like the clock's tick-tockings ♪

♪ Like tap and toe like high and low ♪

♪ Stop and go, honey ♪

♪ You're a perfect lady ♪

♪ You're a regular guy ♪

[laughs] Oh, thanks.

♪ We should be together you and I ♪

[dings]

- ♪ You're a cup of coffee ♪ - Ho, ho!

♪ You're a peachy pie ♪

♪ We should be together you and I ♪

Roger, what's going on here?

Oh, g-good morning, Aunt Sarah.

Betsy, this is Miss Wendling, and this is Uncle Willoughby.

How do you do, Miss Wendling?

How do you do, Mr. Uncle Willoughby?

Charmed, I'm sure.

What silly nonsense are you up to now?

This isn't nonsense. This is high finance.

[rattles] Hear the pretty music?

This young lady wants to give you money to pay the rent of the hotel.

Oh, nonsense!

Come on, Betsy.

So you've gone in for social service?

Oh, not exactly, Aunt Sarah.

I just met an acquaintance here.

[rattles]

There's almost $5.00 in there.

And I'm sure Pop'll have the rest of it

for you very soon, Miss Wendling.

Bless my soul!

Keep your soul out of this.

You'll please get rid of this child.

But, Aunt Sarah--

If those people next door

think they can play on my sympathy like this,

they're greatly mistaken.

I'll have my rent-- all of it--

or out they go.

Please, Miss Wendling.

Please don't put Pop out of the hotel.

He and Barbara and Jimmy and everybody,

they'll have no place to live.

That's their affair, not mine.

But, Aunt Sarah, aren't you being a little bit hard?

- Yes, Sarah, I think-- - Think to yourself.

The place is an infernal nuisance,

full of worthless, disreputable actors.

They are not disputable! They're very good actors.

- Thank you. - Roger.

Oh, just charge it to my share of the estate.

- [laughs] - Simmons.

You will get rid of this child.

You don't need to get rid of me-- I can go.

Oh, just a moment, Betsy.

Aunt Sarah, I don't wish to seem impertinent,

but after all, I do have a third interest in the hotel.

As long as I have charge of the Wendling estate,

I'll handle it in my own way.

Simmons, see this child to the door. Stand aside.

Uh, that'll be all, Simmons. I'll see the young lady home.

- Come on, Betsy. - Wait. Shh.

Just a minute.

Here, take these.

Thanks, Uncle Willoughby.

Uh, Simmons, get my hat and coat, please.

Very good, sir.

Say, Willoughby, I may want to see you about this a little later.

No, no, no. I don't want to be involved,

but I'll be at the club.

Come, come, young lady.

Cheer up, darling. Cheer up.

I guess I'm not a very good businesswoman.

Oh, that's great.

Then you won't grow up to be like my Aunt Sarah.

[laughs] Shh.

Come on, honey.

Thank you, Simmons.

See you later, Uncle Willoughby.

Good-bye, Mr. Uncle Willoughby.

Bye-bye, Betsy.

And if you say one word to my sister about those cookies,

I'll smack you right in the kisser.

Very good, sir.

You know you shouldn't have gone over there

without permission.

I was only trying to help, Pop.

[laughs] I'm glad she did.

I'd never have known that this place existed.

It's all very interesting.

Next door, we hardly realize

we're so close to anything so, uh-- so different.

I suppose you feel like a feudal lord

visiting the tenants on his estate.

I bet you'd look grand all dressed up

like a knight on a big white horse.

Riding back to his castle for safety?

No. Rescuing the fairy princess.

I mean, two fairy princesses.

Mr. Wendling, I couldn't possibly raise the money

in five days.

Well, uh, as a matter of fact,

I was gonna make a suggestion

before your daughter so graciously knighted me.

I was gonna suggest that possibly

I could lend you the 2,500.

My aunt needn't know.

You'd lend-- why-- thanks a million.

Thanks two million-- one from me.

I'm afraid we can't accept your generous offer.

But why not, Barbara?

Because I don't know how we could pay it back.

And because we're not going to be at the mercy

of any spiteful old moneybag

who calls us a lot of riffraff.

[door closes]

I'm sorry, Mr. Shea. I, uh--

So am I. You see,

I just couldn't accept your kind offer now.

I understand.

Come, Betsy. It's time for your lunch.

Pop? Couldn't Mr. Wendling stay and have lunch with me?

Well, I'm afraid--

As a matter of fact, I was just gonna invite you to have lunch with me,

but I guess the Wendlings are sort of social outcasts around here now.

Please let me go with him.

I wish you would.

Please, Pop. I'm old enough

to go out with a nice young man.

[softly] All right.

It's a date.

Barbara's awful smart.

She reads great big books when she's not helping Pop at the hotel.

- Oh, she does? - Yes.

She told me she's studying how not to be an actress.

Oh. I see.

Well, uh, does she have many boyfriends?

Oh, yes, lots of them.

There's Ole, the four Martins, Jimmy and his Jazz Bandits--

No, no. I mean, is there anybody that takes her out to dinner, lunch--

- You know, a sweetheart? - Oh.

No. I guess she's just an old maid,

like I was till you came along.

[whistle blowing]

Say, are you, by any chance, trying to tell me that you like me?

Mm-hmm.

♪ I can't show how much I love you ♪

♪ In this little space I've got ♪

♪ I don't know how much I love you ♪

♪ But it's an enormous lot ♪

♪ If all the world were paper ♪

♪ And all the seas were ink ♪

♪ I'd write a great big note to you ♪

♪ And tell you what I think ♪

♪ I'd say I love you dearly ♪

♪ In letters three miles high ♪

- ♪ And sign it yours sincerely ♪ - [whistle blows]

♪ Cross my heart and hope to die ♪

♪ If all the stars were diamonds ♪

♪ In golden skies above ♪

♪ They wouldn't be worth that without your love ♪

♪ I'd like to write I love you ♪

♪ So big that you would blink ♪

♪ If all the world were paper ♪

♪ Yes, and all the seas were ink ♪

[car door closing]

What are all those mummies sitting in there for?

Mummies? [laughs]

Those aren't mummies, Betsy. Those are millionaires.

They spent all their lives trying to make a million dollars,

and now they sit there wondering why.

- Hello, old-timer! - Shh!

Is, uh, Mr. Wendling in?

[whispers] He's in the grill, sir.

Oh, he's in the grill.

[pop]

♪ I love you as I never ♪

♪ Loved before ♪

♪ Since first I met you on the Village Green ♪

♪ The Village Green ♪

♪ Come to me ere my dream ♪

♪ Of love ♪

♪ Is o'er ♪

♪ I love you-- ♪

Oh, Jim, wait a minute. That's terrible!

Oh, just a minute, gentlemen. Whoa, just a moment now.

I was standing right here. Someone was a little bit sour.

- It was you. - What?

Well, what do you know about music?

[laughs]

Well, of all the impertinence.

You were off-key. That part goes like this.

♪ I love you as I loved you ♪

♪ When you were sweet ♪

That's just the way I did it.

- Oh, no. - You did not, liar.

- I did! - No. No.

Let's try it again.

All right, you take it.

♪ I love you as I loved you ♪

♪ When you were sweet ♪

MEN: ♪ Sweet ♪

♪ When you were sweet ♪

♪ Sixteen ♪

[laughing]

MAN: That's the best you've ever done!

Now we got it. Let's hold it.

The youngster knows her stuff, don't she?

She sure does.

Begging your pardon, gentlemen.

So sorry, but, uh, this noise--

Noise?

What are you talking about?

We've been having complaints.

The other club members--

Just when we're getting hot!

What's this country coming to

if a man can't sing in his own club?

Isn't there someplace

we can rehearse without being disturbed?

- I know a place! - Yeah? Where?

- A hotel! - Say, that's a swell idea.

No, it won't work.

We've been thrown out of the finest hotels in New York--

- the Waldorf-Astoria, the St. Regis. - That's right.

[laughs] Well, you'll never be thrown out of this one.

This one is just made-to-order for you.

Just say you're a quartet, and you can sing all you want.

Really? Where is this place? You mean--

She's right! Come on, boys! A haven at last!

- [laughing] - Last one out's an old maid!

Well, I'm not gonna be any old maid!

Come on, Betsy. Hurry up!

Eight bucks from the Tristate Trio,

five from Daugherty, and five Conklin and Scully.

How much are we short?

About 2,100.

The national debt.

I thought I was bringin' home the bacon.

And you laid an egg.

That's right. Bite the hand that feeds the kitty.

Thanks just the same. You're a great guy, Jimmy.

That goes for me too, bubble brain.

Is that straight from the balcony, Juliet?

It's my streamlined personality.

I guess I'm not as bad as I look, huh?

You couldn't be!

That's done it! From now on, when you talk to me,

start the conversation with good-bye.

This way, gentlemen.

FLOSSIE: Oh, Pop!

Hurry, Pop.

We brought you some new guests.

These gentlemen were looking for a hotel, so I suggested--

or rather, Betsy did-- that they come over here.

Um, professionals?

Ooh, yes. They're a quartet.

Yes. This is the well-known Hot and Happy Four.

Yes! The Hop and Hat-- the Hot and Happy four.

Where have you boys been playing?

Ooh, hotels, clubs, churches and places.

Now, would you prefer single rooms or a suite?

Oh, they want the best in the house, don't you?

- Yes! Certainly! - Nothing less.

There's a nice, big suite on the fourth floor

with four beds and a green carpet.

Green? My favorite color. We'll take that.

Well, that's pretty high: $40 a week.

Oh, I'm sure that's not too steep for these gentlemen, is it?

- No! Not at all! - That's very reasonable.

That's fine.

Uh, uh, where is your baggage?

- Huh? - Baggage?

Oh, baggage! Oh, well-- well--

ahem-- well, we could get some

if you-- if it's necessary.

Oh, it's very necessary.

'cause guests without baggage have to pay in advance.

- Isn't that right, Pop? - It's a rule of the house.

Oh, that's quite all right.

How much will you want in advance?

Well-- [laughs]

Uh, suppose we let Betsy decide that.

Well, let's see.

I think about, well, 10 years.

[laughing]

No. Suppose we make it one year.

Oh, no, no. That's too much.

Oh, no. I'm sure these gentlemen

would rather pay one year in advance.

- Wouldn't you gentlemen? - Yes, sir.

Sure, you see? Then they wouldn't have

to worry about the rent, and neither would you.

There you are, sir.

52 times 40 is 2,008.

Gee! You're awful good in arithmetic.

That's fine. Uh, 426.

I'll take them up. Follow me, gentlemen.

♪ Mi, mi, mi, mi, mi, mi, mi, mi-- ♪

Ahem.

Say, how are the acoustics here?

Oh, we don't have any. We use Flit.

- [laughing] - She uses flit!

Come on.

[laughing continues]

[sighs] I hope it don't bounce.

I don't think it will.

[footsteps approaching]

Pop, here's 25 bucks more.

I got it, Jimmy. I got the 2,500.

What? And we just made the supreme sacrifice! Look!

Why? What happened?

We done a striptease in a pawnshop.

Georgie. Georgie, where are you?

Your watch!

- Marco. - Yeah.

Your dummy!

Take your drums away, Jerry!

Take 'em away!

Here's the cello for Heinie!

Here's your piccolo back.

Here you are, Sid. Take it away.

The twins.

Your paternity pins.

BOTH: Oh, thanks, Jimmy.

Ole. Your waker-upper.

Oh, thank you, Jimmy.

Oh, no, no, no! P-please don't do that.

Jimmy, how you get them out the hock?

Ask me no questions.

Mr. Wendling?

Oh, hello. You still mad?

How could I be after all you've done for us?

May I say thank you?

Well, sure, if you'll omit the Mister

and make it plain Roger.

Thank you, Roger.

That's okay.

Barbara, Betsy wants you upstairs

to help her with her reading lesson.

Tell her I'll be right up.

Say, could I go along? I used to be very good at reading.

Well, Betsy's in the third grade.

Third grade? [whistles] That high?

Well, maybe I could learn something.

- Well, come on along. - "'Run for your life',

"said the little princess.

'I am the cap--'" "cap--"

Now slowly. What's this?

"tive." "Captive." Oh, yeah.

"'I am the captive of a wicked, old sor--'" "sor--" "sorce--"

- Sorceress. - Oh, you mustn't tell her.

Let her figure the words out herself.

"'I am not afraid,' said the brave young prince.

'I have come to rescue you and take you to my castle.'"

I like him.

"'But you are in great pearl--'"

Peril. That means danger.

Then why doesn't it say "danger"?

All right. Skip it.

"Suddenly there was a great roar behind him.

"It was the wicked old 'sore-sorce-ess' riding on her broom.

"On her shoulder was a dodo bird,

and the dodo bird was whispering in her ear--"

[softly] This is "Winchell's Daily Chatter."

Mmm.

"That expensive speed buggy

"parked daily in front of Pop Shea's Hotel Variety

"belongs to the Roger Wendling,

and the reason is Pop's lovely daughter Barbara."

I thought it my duty to inform you, Miss Wendling.

So that's why he hasn't been dining at home.

Cancel my reservations. I'll take a later train to Newport.

I'll put a stop to all this right now.

[♪ up-tempo jazz]

OLE [laughing]: Look, I wanna show you here.

[laughing] You'll laugh myself tipsy.

Now look. Up here, here's the little boy,

and the little boy comes down here.

And he's got a dog,

but the dog won't come downstairs. [laughing]

The little boy goes upstairs,

and he chucks the dog downstairs.

Ain't that good?

Oh, so you don't like that.

Look, come here. I show you another.

[♪ continues]

Come, come. Isn't there anyone looking after this place?

No! You all can't call South Brooklyn.

It's 10 cents in advance.

Come, come.

With or without bath?

I don't want a bath-- I mean a room.

I want to talk to that man Shea's daughter.

She's upstairs right now. Is there anything I can do?

There is. Have her come downstairs at once.

Well, park yourself right over there, and I'll see if I can get her.

[mouths words]

You got a cigarette, Grandma?

No, and I'm not your grandmother.

It's okay by me, toots.

Too--

What a face! What a face!

What are you talking about?

Just what I need. Gordon's new play.

You'd be great for the old witch.

Oh, I would? But don't blow that smoke in my face.

[screams, clears throat]

OLE: Come on, Oscar. We're going up.

Hello, Aunt Sarah.

It's the old pumpkin.

So this is where you've been wasting your time.

Aunt Sarah, please, please.

Uh, Barbara, Betsy. I'd like you to meet my aunt.

This is Miss Shea and Miss Betsy Shea.

- Miss Wendling. - How do you do?

Young lady, I've just come here to tell you

that I want you to let this nephew of mine alone.

You let him pay your rent for you, didn't you?

- Aunt Sarah! - I don't have to listen to this.

Aunt Sarah, that was uncalled for, unkind, and untrue.

Uncle Roger didn't give us any money.

We got it from--

- Ahem. - …from someone else.

Oh, so it's Uncle Roger now.

Is this-- this woman your mother?

Practically.

Betsy is Mr. Shea's adopted child.

Adopted her?

So they brought her to this wholesome atmosphere.

Nice place for a child.

Why, she's using her as a decoy,

and you haven't sense enough to realize it.

Aunt Sarah, you don't know what you're saying!

Roger, I want you to get out of here

and stay out.

You forget that I am over 21.

You forget that I control your finances.

I'm not going to allow any Broadway gold digger

to get your money if I can help it.

Stand aside.

Did she mean me?

[chuckles] No, I don't think so, Betsy.

I don't know what she's talking about,

but I'll bet she's gonna make trouble for us.

Yes, I'm ringing him, Mister.

Flossie?

Just a minute.

Flossie, there's somethin' I've been wantin' to ask you.

Yes?

A man gets lonesome knockin' around

with no one to talk to but a five-piece orchestra

and livin' in a--

Hotel Variety.

That's right.

And I was wonderin', if I asked a certain girl to marry me,

What would she say?

You're on a busy line, stupid.

Go ahead.

I withdraw the question.

I want to see Mr. Shea. Is he around?

Somebody calling me?

The law.

Yes, sir. What can I do for you?

What's this?

What's the matter, Pop?

It's for Betsy.

Now, if you could come around tomorrow morning--

Sorry, old man. I don't like this any more than you do,

but I gotta take her back tonight.

Look here, officer,

you can't take Betsy back to the orphan asylum.

You know why? 'Cause Betsy ain't here.

She's down south in dear old Dixie.

FLOSSIE: Sure. Visitin' with my folks.

♪ I wish I was in Dixie ♪

♪ Away, away ♪

Hey, are you crazy?

Yeah. No!

You see, we don't wanna lose Betsy.

That's why I lied to you. She's up in her room.

- What's the number? - 220.

I'll go and get her.

But where are we gonna take her?

Over to my house.

Your house? Impossible.

I don't think Miss Wendling likes me very well.

Oh, she'll never know about it.

She's gone to Newport and won't be back for a month.

I guess they'd never think of looking for her there.

No. Come on, Betsy.

Upsy-daisy.

Hang on tight now.

Hold her, Barbara, while I get over.

Yeah. I got her.

There you are.

Thanks an awful lot.

Will you and Pop and everybody come over to see me?

You bet we will. Good night, darling.

Good night.

[giggles]

[Betsy, Roger laugh]

Come on, Betsy.

- Good night. - Good night, darling.

[softly] Good night.

Good night, darling.

Don't cry, Betsy. They can't do this to us.

We'll take it up to the Supreme Court,

to Washington, to Lincoln.

Officer, take your prisoner.

I'm sorry, old boy.

I know. Just doin' your duty.

Now run along before I give vent to my emulsions.

Say, where are you going with my wife?

What do you mean, your wife?

You keep away from my wife,

or I'll smack you down to my size.

Aw, but sugar pie, I only did it to help Betsy.

Ah!

Ah, Georgie, listen to me.

Now don't be sore. We had to help little Betsy.

You can't be mad at me. Aw…

[door opens]

What's the matter, darling?

Something wrong?

No, nothing, Uncle Willoughby.

- Only-- - Only what?

Couldn't I go over to the hotel

for just a few minutes?

Oh, no, dear, no.

There's been a detective over there

every day this week.

Now you just be patient a little longer.

But I was sure someone would come over--

especially today.

Why? What's today?

Come on. Tell me.

It's my birthday.

Your birthday. My, my.

At the orphanage,

they always had a birthday cake for me.

Well, Pop and Barbara have been very busy,

but we'll make up for it.

Come on. Let's go downstairs, huh?

You won't miss just one birthday party.

You'll have so many more birthdays and so many more parties.

How about some cookies?

But it just doesn't seem like a birthday at all.

Well, when the detectives stop hanging around in another week or so,

maybe we can sneak over to the hotel and have a fine big party.

What do you say?

Oh, dear.

I haven't even wished you a happy birthday myself.

Happy birthday!

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday, dear Betsy ♪

[cheering]

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

Speech! Speech!

JIMMY: Congratulations!

[cheering, applauding continues]

Speech! Speech!

How can I thank you?

How do I start?

♪ The words are somewhere ♪

♪ Around my heart ♪

♪ If I could say ♪

♪ In a word or two ♪

♪ How much it means ♪

♪ To be loved by you ♪

♪ Then I could thank you ♪

♪ For all you've done ♪

♪ But I don't know what to do ♪

♪ What can you say ♪

♪ When a dream comes true? ♪

♪ How can I ever-- ♪

Betsy, darling. This is no time for tears.

This is your birthday.

On behalf of the hoi polloi gathered here,

I just wanna say many happy returns,

- and when do we eat? - Yeah!

Now!

[chattering]

[whistles]

It's the big parade.

What a joint! What a joint.

Oh, thank you.

That-That's very nice of you.

- JIMMY: One blow! - Happy birthday!

Cut the cake, Betsy! Cut the cake.

Yes, come on.

[chuckles]

Oh, my goodness.

Get out. Get out, all of you!

You call this hospitality?

I'll take it up with Emily Post.

Where are you taking that child?

Where do you suppose? I'm taking her home!

- Officer! - See here, Sarah!

You keep out of this, you Judas.

There's the child you're after.

You let her alone! Come, Betsy.

Just a minute.

Don't you hurt Pop!

Don't you dare hurt Pop!

We're not going to hurt anyone, little girl.

No need in getting excited. We've got orders to pick her up.

No, no! I wanna stay with Pop!

Well, I don't blame you. You just come along now,

and your Pop can straighten things out later.

I'm afraid you'll have to go with him, Betsy.

But I don't wanna go to the orphanage.

I wanna stay with you.

Now, don't cry, darling.

I'll come and see you, and I'll--

I'll get you out again.

[whimpers]

You mean old pumpkin!

Good-bye, Pop.

Good-bye, Betsy.

SARAH: One, two, three, four, five, six, seven.

[clattering]

I wish you were a man for about five minutes.

Now, Sarah! You listen to me.

I suppose if Simmons hadn't warned me in time,

you probably would have had all these freaks living here.

Well, it was the child's birthday,

and people just happened to drop in.

A likely story. Where's Roger?

Out with that scheming Shea girl, I suppose.

No! On the contrary, he's--

Happy birthday--

Well, uh, what kind of a birthday party is this?

You're a little late for your party, aren't you?

Where is everyone? Where's Betsy?

On her way to the orphan asylum,

where she'll be among decent people--

- Come on, Barbara. - Wait! Young lady.

You can give your father a message for me:

he's being dispossessed.

- You can't! - I'm tearing the hotel down.

- But he's paid his rent. - He's violated his lease

by having all sorts of animals on the premises.

He'll save himself a lot of trouble by getting right out.

Huh. I'll have something to say about that.

I'm afraid not, as our attorney will inform you.

And furthermore, Roger, I warn you,

if you continue your association with this woman--

Continue it? Say, I've been just trying to get her to make it permanent.

- Come on, Barbara. - Roger, wait!

Roger!

Snitcher!

It really isn't so very nice out there.

There's practically no one to play with-- just grownups.

And you know how tiresome they can be.

ALL: Yeah.

Didn't you have any fun at all?

Well, it was fun

singing with Uncle Willoughby's quartet.

And Jimmy was awfully good to me.

And Pop and--

and Barbara. [sobs]

Aw, come on. It's not so bad here.

ALL: No! It's not!

It's no use crying about it. Remember what you used to tell us?

- To be optimistic? - Don't be a grumpy.

And when the road gets bumpy, just smile.

Your troubles can't be as bad as all that.

And when you're sad as all that--

Nobody loves you.

♪ Be optimistic ♪

♪ Don't you be a grumpy ♪

♪ When the road gets bumpy, just smile ♪

♪ Smile and be happy ♪

♪ Your troubles can't be as bad as all that ♪

♪ When you're sad as all that ♪

♪ No one loves you ♪

♪ Be optimistic ♪

♪ Don't you be a mourner ♪

♪ Brighten up that corner ♪

♪ And smile ♪

- ♪ Smile ♪ - ♪ Smile ♪

♪ Don't wear a long face ♪

♪ It's never in style ♪

♪ Be optimistic and smile ♪

It's my property and my money just as much as it's hers,

and trustee or no trustee, she's got to give it to me.

What did you ask her?

I asked her for the hotel and $50,000--

just enough to rent a theater and back a show

to give those poor devils a chance to earn a living for themselves.

You'll never get it. You know Sarah.

But I've got to get it. Mr. Fiske, you're a lawyer.

There must be some way. Come on, tell me.

- What can I do? - Now, don't get me in this.

I don't want to get tangled up with Sarah Wendling.

- Me, either. - I'm just asking for legal advice.

No, I'd rather not have anything to do with it.

You can't fight Sarah Wendling.

Very well, gentlemen. Very well.

Then we'll just allow these people to starve--

people that you all know and admire.

And don't forget, down deep in your hearts,

you're just a bunch of ham actors yourselves.

Gentlemen, I'm surprised to think that you'd sit here

and make beggars and panhandlers

out of the same artists that you used to applaud--

to think you'd allow my aunt Sarah,

just to satisfy some simple whim of hers,

to tear the roof from over their heads,

to turn them out in the streets--

- You can stop her! - How?

By getting out a temporary injunction restraining her.

You're a part owner.

Mind you, I'm not advising you.

No, no, no advice. But what do I do then?

Let me alone, Roger!

There's no harm in telling him.

Come on. Come on, Mr. Fiske.

Well, you could bring a court action

compelling Sarah to turn over your portion of the estate,

including the hotel.

But understand now, it's just a chance,

and I don't want to have anything to do with it, no. No.

Because you're afraid of that big, bullying sister of mine.

Well, I'm not. Roger, I'm with you.

Good for you, Uncle Willoughby.

- And you're going to take the case. - No!

- Yes! - No!

Yes! Now you hurry up and get out that injunction,

or I'll throw you out of the quartet,

you, you off-key baritone.

Here's the mail and newspaper, Miss Hutchins.

Oh, thank you, darling.

Will you read me the funnies?

Not now. After dinner, when you and the other children--

Please, Miss Hutchins. Please read me the funnies.

All right, all right. Come on.

Oh, look! It's Roger, and that's Miss Wendling.

What does it say, Miss Hutchins? Please read it to me.

"Trial of Roger Wendling's action against his aunt Sarah,

"for the petition of the Wendling estate,

"was begun to day before Judge Hart in surrogate court.

"The young millionaire's action against his eccentric aunt

"was occasioned by her threat

"to tear down the Hotel Variety.

This was temporarily prevented by an injunction."

She wants to tear down the hotel?

So it seems.

What'll happen to Pop and Barbara?

Oh, now, now, don't you worry.

Everything's going to be all right.

That old pumpkin! I'd like to--

Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!

Come on. Get some more. Come on. Hurry.

Aren't you afraid, Betsy?

You might fall and hurt yourself.

Oh, please don't do it, Betsy.

I've got to get to Pop.

He's in trouble, and I've gotta be with him.

[grunts] Is it tight enough?

Uh-huh.

All right. Good-bye.

- Bye. - Bye, Betsy.

But what'll we tell the matron?

Uh, tell her I've gone out West to fight Indians.

Be awfully careful, Betsy.

- ALL: Bye. Bye. - Shh.

- Bye. - So long.

What's your name?

Betsy. What's yours?

Harry. Where are you going?

- Home. - Where's home?

New York, on 49th Street.

[whistles] That's a million miles from here.

I ain't goin' that far.

Take me as far as you go?

All right. How come you got way out here?

You see, last night,

I was riding home with my dad in his car.

He was driving awfully fast,

and all of a sudden he hit a bump in the road,

and I bounced right out of the car.

- And he didn't know it? - No.

What a dope. You gotta get off at the next corner.

If I could get to a subway, it would almost get me home.

If-- If I had a nickel.

[sighs]

Thanks a lot for the ride. I appreciate it very much.

Bye.

So long.

Come on! Get off!

Well, here's a nickel.

Oh, thanks.

Come on, will ya? Scram! Get off!

How far is it to the subway station?

Six blocks, and I ain't goin' that way!

Please take me to the subway station.

Oh, all right.

You dames are all alike.

Your witness, Mr. Barron.

Mr. Wendling, isn't it true

that you intend to use this money

to put on a vaudeville show?

A small portion of it, yes, sir.

And you intend to put this show on

with actors living at the Hotel Variety?

That's right.

Isn't it quite probable

that this vaudeville venture of yours may prove a failure?

Or, in the Broadway vernacular, a flop?

What? With me and the band? I object!

- [all laughing] - Order! Order in the court!

Do my eyes believe me?

That's Betsy. Oh, I'm so glad to see you.

I'm glad to see you, but where is everybody?

Well, they're over in the courthouse with the judge.

Why aren't you there?

Well, you see, the crowds make Oscar nervous.

I've got to get to the trial, Ole.

You've got to take me.

Please, I want to be with Pop. You must take me there, Ole.

Well, all right. Come on, Oscar. Got to go.

Miss Wendling, do you know William J. Shea?

I do.

Have you ever seen your nephew in the company of Barbara Shea?

I object!

They told me they would be in here. There's Pop, and there's Barbara!

[all laughing]

[gavel pounding]

JUDGE: Order! Order in the court!

Well, I rode on bicycles--

Order! Order in the-- [stammering]

[laughing]

Go on with the case, please.

Has your nephew ever asked you

for any substantial sums of money

for any business ventures of any kind?

Only once, about two weeks ago.

Did you give it to him?

- I did not. - Why?

Because he wanted to throw it away

on a lot of idle, worthless, good-for-nothing actors.

They are not good-for-nothing!

They're the nicest people in the whole world!

You said it, Bets.

Your Honor, I object

to the lady's incinerations.

It's irrelephant, immemorial,

and a bare-faced lie.

[spectators laughing]

if there's any more of this, I'll clear the courtroom.

Your Honor, that child belongs in an orphanage.

I put her there myself.

Those scoundrels have kidnapped her.

[gasps] I came here all by myself!

That's another fib you told, Miss Wendling.

[stammers] Bring that youngster up here.

Young lady, do you realize you're guilty of contempt of court?

I'm awfully sorry, but it just made me mad

to hear Miss Wendling say those mean things about my friends

'cause they aren't true.

Honest, Mr. Judge, they're wonderful actors.

Just wonderful!

This young lady doesn't seem to agree with you, Miss Wendling.

But she never saw them act. Did you, Miss Wendling?

And if you saw them act, Mr. Judge,

if you saw Jimmy and his band and everybody,

oh, I know you'd think they were wonderful too.

If it please the court, I'd like to--

Just a minute.

I believe this court can be saved

a lot of time and argument

by following the splendid suggestion

that has just been made.

It appears the immediate issue in this case

is whether or not the plaintiff's proposal

to invest his money in a theatrical production

is a sound one.

Your Honor doesn't mean that--

I mean that I want to see this show right here

in this courtroom tomorrow.

Court adjourned!

[laughing, chattering]

Betsy, you were swell!

[chattering continues]

[laughs] Yeah, yeah, start your show.

I mean, uh, present your evidence, please.

[♪ "The Stars and Stripes Forever" playing]

♪♪

♪ Your Honor, I lay my case before you ♪

♪ With a show you're invited now to see with me ♪

♪ It's a wow, but I hope that you'll agree with me ♪

♪ Their business show business ♪

♪ Just comes to no business without backing ♪

♪ That's all they're lacking ♪

♪ All they need is a chance ♪

♪ A chance to smile ♪

♪ To laugh, to sing, to dance ♪

♪ And that is that ♪

♪ And that is all ♪

♪ So thank you for the use of the hall ♪

[laughs] Order! Order!

You may proceed. I-Is your evidence ready?

My first evidence, Your Honor, exhibit A.

♪ Oh, ye'll take the high road ♪

♪ And I'll take the low road ♪

♪ And I'll be in Scotland afore ye ♪

♪ But me and my true love ♪

♪ Will never meet again ♪

♪ On the bonny, bonny ♪

[♪ singing off-key]

[spectators laughing]

Don't stop singing, gentlemen.

Won't you sing a song for me?

♪ I'm afraid you wouldn't like ♪

♪ The old-time numbers that we sing ♪

Why?

♪ People don't like them ♪

♪ Nowadays ♪

♪ All they want to do ♪

♪ Is swing ♪

♪ Well, why don't you take an old song ♪

♪ And swing it? ♪

How would that be?

♪ But how do we do it ♪

There's nothing to it.

♪ Just follow me ♪

♪ First of all you start to sway ♪

♪ Back and forth that's the way ♪

♪ And now that you've got yourself swingin' ♪

♪ Do the same thing with your singin' ♪

♪ Swing me an old-fashioned song ♪

♪ Down by the old mill stream ♪

♪ Da-da-dee-da-da ♪

♪ Swing me an old-fashioned song ♪

♪ Old-fashioned song ♪

♪ Croon me an old-fashioned tune ♪

♪ Da-da-da-da-da ♪

♪ In the evening by the moonlight ♪

♪ You can hear those darkies singing ♪

♪ Ohh, croon me an old-fashioned tune ♪

♪ Won't you croon a tune ♪

♪ Just keep it soft and sweet ♪

♪ With rhythm from the start ♪

♪ But keep that old-time beat ♪

♪ The beat that's straight from the heart ♪

♪ Swing me an old-fashioned song ♪

♪ I wandered today ♪

♪ Through the hills, Maggie ♪

♪ That's it, it's just an old-fashioned song ♪

[♪ scatting]

♪ Dear old girl ♪

♪ The robins sing about you ♪

♪ Rah ♪

♪ Dee-rah-dee-rah, rah, rah ♪

♪ Won't you try it? ♪

♪ Oh, my darling ♪

♪ Oh, my darling, darling ♪

♪ Croon me an old-fashioned tune ♪

♪ Just keep it soft and sweet ♪

♪ With rhythm from the start ♪

♪ But keep that old-time beat ♪

♪ The beat that's straight from the heart ♪

♪ Won't you swing us an old-fashioned song ♪

♪ Ye'll take the high road ♪

♪ And I'll take the low road ♪

♪ And I'll be in Scotland afore ye ♪

- [♪ scatting] - ♪ That's how to swing ♪

- [♪ vocalizing] - ♪ An old-fashioned song ♪

♪ Now sing and you'll be happy all day long ♪

♪ Sing an old-fashioned song ♪

- Yeah! - [applause]

[judge laughing]

Order! Order! Order!

[stammers] Proceed, please.

Your Honor, mark it Exhibit B.

[♪ drumroll]

[♪ blues]

[♪ continues]

♪ Little Miss Broadway is going to town ♪

♪ The toast of old Broadway Uptown and Down ♪

♪ Queen of them all with a smile for a crown ♪

♪ Her two little feet on that fabulous street ♪

♪ Are the talk of the town every one of them proud ♪

♪ Of Little Miss Broadway up on her toes ♪

♪ With music and laughter wherever she goes ♪

♪ Everyone loves her and everyone knows ♪

♪ She's captured Manhattan from Harlem to Staten ♪

♪ And thousands applaud Little Miss Broadway ♪

♪ I'm here and you're here ♪

♪ And thousands more here ♪

♪ But where is Broadway ♪

♪ You're here and I'm here ♪

♪ We're marking time here ♪

♪ But where is Broadway ♪

♪ Broadway is not what it used to be ♪

♪ We need a new street a just-for-you street ♪

♪ And just for fun ♪

♪ I'll show you how it's done ♪

♪ I'll build a Broadway for you ♪

♪ We'll trade the old for the new ♪

♪ I'll make you famous in old Times Square ♪

♪ I'll have your name in neon shining there ♪

♪ You'll be their favorite child ♪

♪ You'll have the crowds going wild ♪

♪ I'll build a dream street where wishes come true ♪

♪ I'll build a Broadway for you ♪

CHORUS: ♪ Little Miss Broadway up on her toes ♪

♪ With music and laughter wherever she goes ♪

♪ Everyone loves her and everyone knows ♪

♪ She's captured Manhattan from Harlem to Staten ♪

♪ And thousands applaud Little Miss Broadway ♪

♪ Little Miss Broadway ♪

♪ Ahh ♪

[cheering]

Bravo! Bravo!

[laughing] That's good. That's good.

Your Honor, I'm George Gordon.

I offer this show a 10-week engagement

in my international follies at $2,500 a week.

Your Honor, I object.

This show is worth $5,000 a week,

and I refuse to accept a cent less.

Attagirl.

[stammers, sighs]

May I please have a marriage license?

A marriage license? For you?

No, for my father and mother.

Oh, for your fath-- huh?

Oh, my goodness!