Original subtitles

Luck is just when preparation meets opportunity.

You gotta hustle until your idols become your rivals, 'kay?

Pain is just weakness leaving the body.

Oh! Oh, my God.

Baby, what are all of Tallulah's PR packages doing here?

Oh, yeah, I was just tidying up, and then I thought, like, hey,

I'm gonna finally put this shelf up.

But I don't think our house has any studs.

We have one stud. You with the hammer.

- No, this is a level. - Okay.

But really, baby, when's Tallulah coming to get all this shit?

- Like, it's out of control. - I know.

She's spending all weekend in Mar Vista with Tessa.

Like, who lives on the West Side?

I mean, when I first moved to LA,

I lived in Santa Monica. It's actually pretty nice.

Ugh, chill culture is so annoying to me.

You can't all be lifeguards.

I kind of hate the beach.

It's like, sand is just dirt, and we're all...

...pretending that it's not.

I like pools, though.

Maybe for Christmas, we could go somewhere with a pool,

and then we don't even have to wash our feet.

We're rich now, or...?

Maybe, if today goes well. I mean, I don't wanna jinx it, but...

Hm.

- Hey, are you-- - Could you just get the door?

Yeah.

You're good for tonight, right?

- Yeah. - For dinner?

I was thinking to make chicken and potatoes,

- just keep it simple and... - Yeah, perfect.

- Yeah. - Okay, thanks.

Okay. See you later.

- Is this good? - Yeah, it looks amazing.

Yeah, I'm trying to make, like, clusters.

- No, that's perfect. - Okay.

It looks very French. Yeah.

It's insane that Antoine is coming here.

I know, to our dumb piece-of-shit office? I mean, this place is a fuckin' dump.

I'm sweating through my shirt already. I'm wearing men's fucking deodorant.

Yeah, I'm so nervous. I've been doing Duolingo French so much,

I'm having, like, sex dreams about the owl.

I feel like I'm, like, waking up with feathers in my mouth.

Did you see the client photos Alyssa put up?

It's like a literal shrine to CamiliaTK.

Why did she use Tallulah's fucking Ritz photo?

If that's the only photo that Antoine sees,

she has no shot at the Formé dinner.

Oh! Great, little clusters.

Hey, you two. Twinning!

- Cute. - Oh!

Oh, my God, he's here.

Oh.

You.

Handsome, go get him. Go, go let him in.

Okay, remember. Big smiles.

Warmth, courtesy. Poise.

- Okay, places, everyone. - Is that me?

- Did I? Did you? - No, you're good. Do I have--

- No, no, no, we're good. - Good.

Coo-coos!

Oh! Coo-coo!

- Alyssa, mwah. - Mwah.

Alyssa, Geoffrey. Geoffrey, Alyssa.

- Coo-coo. - Coo-coo.

Wow, look at this. It's so cute.

- Your own little empire. - Right?

Alyssa, all grown up.

- Mm. - So...

Everyone is talking about the Formé dinner.

You know, when I parted ways with Harper Bazaar,

people thought, "What will I do? He is so toxic!"

And so, I say, I will throw a dinner with a few of my pretty friends.

And every year, it gets a little bigger, then bigger.

And now, people seem to care.

Yeah, I think people seem to care.

- How's it going? - Well, I'm still booking.

Still pairing talent with designers.

You know who'd be perfect for the dinner?

- CamiliaTK. - Oh, the big face.

- Geoffrey, do you recognize? - No.

- No? - Mm.

Wait, this girl with the cracker.

- Oh. - Why do I know her?

Wow, she love the cracker.

She really love the cracker.

- Camilia loves the cracker. - Ooh, and it's so red.

- Should I? - Yes, go.

- You know, Camilia-- - It's bag thief girl.

Geoffrey, you showed me her video.

What's her name?

Oh, that's Tallulah Stiel.

I'm Maia Simsbury, her manager.

Ah! But you are like a mini-Alyssa.

It's like little nesting dolls.

I wonder if I pop off your head, is there a tinier version of you inside?

Maia is my protégé.

- Ah! - I just wanna say,

Tallulah is obsessed with the Formé dinner.

As am I.

I will never forget when I was in eighth grade and Cara Delevingne

was photographed on the carpet before the dinner

with her eyebrows, and she single-handedly brought huge eyebrows back.

I was like, thank God. Do mustaches next.

I remember, I tell Cara, I say, "One look at you,

people will stop plucking forever."

And you're so right.

I think I also said steal from the best.

Like Balenciaga, yes?

- Ah. - Geoffrey?

- Oui? - Set up a meeting

with Maia Simsbury and bag thief today.

- D'accord. - Oh, wow!

Go, girl.

Antoine, do you wanna go have a little chat in my office?

I'd love to tell you the rest of our client roster.

- Of course. - Right this way.

Do you have any water, Alyssa?

- Water? - With cucumber or...

It's Tallulah. Can't get to the phone right now, bitch. Just text me.

Bitch, pick up your fucking phone.

Our lives are going to change in a huge way.

Oh.

Here, we need to get a selfie,

- 'cause my dad is gonna die. - Yes!

How is your dad, by the way?

Good, he and my mom are in London right now,

- on like a big anniversary trip. - Oh.

He is, like, addicted to CoolSculpting.

- Thank you. - And you tell him Dr. Ghasiri

loved the signed poster of Noah's Arkansas.

- Of course. - Loves.

Ah! Ch-Ch-Ch-Charlie!

- Stop. Stop. - Ch-Ch-Ch-Charlie.

- Charlie Cohen! - Shut up. Shut the fuck up.

- Shut the fuck up. Like, stop. - Are you okay?

- Are you serious? - Let's whisper.

You have nothing to be ashamed of.

- I'm not ashamed, but just, let's-- - A hair transplant is maintenance.

Are you ashamed of, like, brushing your teeth

- in the morning? - Yes, that's why I do it alone

in my bathroom, not in a room

full of every senior vice president of Netflix.

Well, I know you've been feeling down.

That's why sometimes you just gotta take a little hair from the back...

And put it in the front.

That's what I'm saying.

And I have a little surprise for you that'll cheer you up.

Check your texts.

Bitch.

Mimi Rush eats shit on stage?

Ew! No, Charlie, she fell.

I couldn't watch it 'cause I get empathy pain

so let me know when you go, 'cause I'm gonna...

You know, I've always thought driving was immoral.

Thank you to the birthday boy for giving me a sh--

That's so--

- I can't. - Oh, my God.

It hurts so much to smile right now but I can't stop.

- Thank you. I love you. - I love you.

Would you like a hoodie and sunglasses?

- They're free. - See this?

I can't stop winning.

Hi.

- Hi! - Welcome home.

- I missed you. - Maia, Maia, Maia.

Hi. Finally.

How was your guys' weekend away?

- So good. - Well, it wasn't really a weekend away.

We were just at my place in Mar Vista,

which is LA.

Yeah. No, technically, of course.

So, Antoine meeting!

- So insane, right? - Yeah.

If he likes you-- and he will-- can you imagine it?

You, me, New York.

You getting fitted by a fucking Parisian stylist?

It's so cool!

I don't know, Maia. I'm honestly-- I'm really tired from this weekend.

You're tired from vacation?

Well, it wasn't just like vacation.

Like, it was a lot of driving,

and like, I don't know if I'm up for it right now.

- Are you insane? - What?

This is like a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

Yeah. I just think that we need to be smart

about, like, my next move, 'cause like, you know?

Ritz was a flop, Maia. It was embarrassing.

- Excuse me? - What?

- Ritz was not a flop, okay? - Yes, it was.

I'm sorry I made you 100k.

We were just talking about my next steps,

and, like, think it's a good idea to, like,

slow down and take a breath.

- "We"? - I was just telling Tully.

- Yeah. - Like, in my line of work,

you have to pause before you make a big move, right?

- Yeah. - It's like, shit doesn't meet code,

- you get mold in the walls... - Right.

...and then you're screwed, you know?

It's like, you don't wanna rush it.

- Measure twice. - Cut once.

- It's due diligence. - Yeah.

I just wanna make sure we do due diligence.

- Totally, yeah. - Yeah, I do do a lot

of fucking diligence-- oh!

- Oh, uh... - Oh, my God.

- Oh, my God! - Alright.

Ah! I can't move my foot.

- Oh, my God, I'm fucking paralyzed. - Oh, my God!

Should I pull it out?

- I'm paralyzed. - Relax, you are not paralyzed.

- Should I pull it out? - The knife is stuck to the floor.

Okay, so don't pull it out.

- I saw this in a kitchen once. - Okay.

So, it's not that bad.

- No, it is-- - This happened in a kitchen once.

It is definitely that bad. I'll call an ambulance.

- Oh! - It's fine.

- I'll call an ambulance. - We're not waiting for

- a fucking ambulance, Tallulah. - We have to.

You have to get clothes for the meeting, okay?

- Oh, God. - I don't think you should do that.

- Ah! - No!

I'm gonna warm up my truck.

- Hello? - Hi.

- Hey, girl! - I have a new head.

Okay, so Maia stabbed herself.

Ew, why?

You stabbed yourself? Like in the heart?

No, no, in the foot.

Oh, okay. Well, I'm hurt too, FYI.

Charlie, I need new clothes for the meeting, please.

Yeah, I should have something at the studio.

I think you're the same size as a little person I dressed

- for the Glass Onion premiere. - Okay, I trust you.

Wait, wait, so what hospital are you guys going to?

- UCLA. - Tessa says UCLA is best.

Good Samaritan.

It's right by the Antoine meeting. We'll go there.

- We'll go to Good Samaritan. - Guys, the meeting

does not matter right now.

We need to-- we're gonna go to UCLA.

- She needs to fix her foot. - Charlie? Charlie?

Just, we're going to Good Samaritan.

Bring the clothes there. Bring the clothes to Good Samaritan.

- Maia. - We're going to Good Samaritan!

- Oh, God. - Great, we're almost there.

Hopefully, they're-- we can just go

right to the foot department and I'm sure we-- it'll go really quick.

Alright, alright.

Thank you for driving, Tessa.

That was crazy.

Thank you so much for driving. That was so nice of you.

- Your friends are mine. - I'm gonna miss you.

- Will you text me? - That was so fun this weekend, yeah.

- Also, I was thinking that I can, like... - Yeah.

...I can get like a surfboard

- so that when I'm at your house-- - You can put it on the patio!

- Yes, and I could start practicing like-- - Tallulah!

Tallulah!

- Oh, my God, what am I doing? I got to go. - Sorry. Sorry.

We'll just do this really quick,

- and then maybe like-- - Maia, we're not talking

- about the meeting right now. - I feel like they'll have deodorant.

- We're at the hospital. - I'm just saying, we can freshen up.

Okay.

- Maybe we just tell 'em we have a meeting. - Yes, totally. Hi.

Oh, my God!

- Oh, I'm sorry, are you okay? - So, what happened here?

Sorry. I had an accident because she was running late, and so.

- Maia. - What?

That's not why you had an accident, okay?

And I wasn't late. I literally showed up when you asked me to.

Yeah, but you were coming from the West Side.

If you weren't coming from the West Side it wouldn't...

- Why does that matter? - ...have taken you an hour and a half.

I dropped a knife on my foot. I was opening her boxes.

Well, there wouldn't have been boxes

if you didn't make me do an ad for gay crackers.

Ritz is an American classic.

Okay, it's a blue-chip brand.

- Yeah. - Everyone says that.

We're kind of in a rush.

Do you know how long the wait is for foot stuff?

A few hours, we're slammed. There was a bus accident.

So, find a place to wait and we'll call your name.

Right now, people on the bus are our priority.

Oh, my God. Did anybody die?

No, but a lot of broken bones and scared people.

Okay.

"Scared people"?

I'm scared.

- Like, calm down. - I'm scared every day.

- Jesus! - Hello, Charlie.

- Mimi. - You look...

well.

What are you doing here?

I wanted to pick up my antique

French scoliosis corset.

I can't really do this right now.

I have to pull some clothes for my friend who stabbed herself, so.

You know, you're a really awful person, Charlie.

But you know how to be there for your girls.

That really means a lot to me, so.

I'll be honest, I'm not here for some stupid corset.

I'm not even here as Mimi Rush.

I'm here as Mimi.

You might have seen recently that I took a bit of a spill.

Because I was wearing--

An asymmetrical train. Yeah, I saw it. We all saw it.

Mimi, like, why the fuck would your stylist put you in that?

He wants to rebrand me as a mermaid.

A merma-- But your entire thing is alien.

Like, your character is an alien that comes from a gender-less planet,

and she learned Earth culture from old VH-1 broadcasts

beamed into the sky.

And our planet's sun makes her more glamorous

- the longer she lives here. - Like, it's simple.

- Like, who can fuck that up? - Well, he did.

Anyway, he's fired, clearly.

Almost everyone is. There's no one I can really trust.

Mimi, Mimi, Mimi. I'm so sorry that happened to you.

I think someone sent that to me.

- Who? - Mm, I think a fan or something.

Did you make it?

Yeah.

It's fucking mega.

What would you say if Mimi Rush hired you

for being gay and Jewish?

Consider it.

I've considered it.

Hell yeah.

Ouch.

Okay. Fuck this.

We should just pretend that we were on that bus.

- Totally. - Like, we totally could have been, right?

Yeah, we could have been. That's so true.

I mean, like, we're commuters, right?

- Oh, I think-- Yeah. - Okay.

Oh.

Okay.

So, it's not a city bus, it's a bus

- full of Orthodox kids. - Yeah.

- We're done. - No.

Everybody thinks that I'm Jewish.

- Oh, my God. - Like, do you know how those guys

come up to you on the street and they're like,

"Excuse me, Miss, are you Jewish?"

That always happens to me. We just pretend.

Maia! No, okay?

Maybe this is not the worst thing

that could have happened. The knife, the bus accident.

Like, this is the universe telling you to chill out for a second.

It's okay to miss one meeting.

It's not one meeting, okay? This is Formé.

Do you remember when Addison

was just making silly little TikToks?

Or Emma Chamberlain was making vlogs? This dinner made them.

- One dinner can do that? - Yes.

100%. If you can pull a sick enough look, it changes the way people see you.

And then, they're not just like, "Oh, she makes fun TikToks."

It's like, "Let's give her a million dollars

and a Reformation collab."

It's not Ritz, okay?

Oh!

Okay, so you admit Ritz was a flop?

No. Didn't say that. Ritz was not a flop.

It was less elevated

than other more elevated jobs.

Also known as a flop.

Why can't you just admit that you made a mistake?

- It's fine. - Okay.

People make mistakes all the time.

I am sorry

if how you were perceived

made the job that I booked for you uncomfortable,

even though I made you $100,000.

Mm. No.

Okay, it was a fucking flop.

It was a huge flop. Officer Flop, okay? It sucked. It fucking sucked.

It was bad for gay people. It was bad for crackers.

It was a disaster, alright?

I am sorry. But this is different, okay?

Antoine has the power to change your life.

Both of our lives.

Now, go find Charlie and Alani and bring them back with my clothes.

Go be Jewish.

I will.

- The outfit helps. - Thank you.

- Hey, there. Hi. - Hey. Hi.

Shalom. I was on the bus.

- I was one of the teachers. - Oh.

We have one of the teachers!

Hi, good to see you guys again.

So sorry about the accident.

- Yeah. - Must have been terrifying.

Thank you. I was just scared for my students.

Oh, my God, that fucking kills.

You are very lucky. You just missed an artery.

- Huh! - Let's give it 30

for the local anesthetic to take effect.

Thirty? No, no, no. Let's just do the stitches now.

I can handle it, I promise. I'm ready.

Oh, God, I have to take this.

- Alyssa! Hi! - Hey, boo.

Tallulah and I are on our way. We are so close, and we're super excited.

I'm so sorry. I just found out

Antoine has to go back to Paris early tomorrow,

so he's canceling your meeting.

Wait, what? No, can I just call him?

No, it doesn't work that way. But we'll get something set for next year.

It's all a conversation.

- More soon. - Next year?

Oh, my God!

- Fucking Jesus Christ! - Mm-hmm.

Every fucking hallway looks the same.

It's, like, dangerous to make hospitals this confusing.

No, I know, this is why I only meet doctors in hotel rooms.

- Oh, my God! - It's way safer.

Wait, guys. You hear that?

Oh, my God! Fuck!

- Maia. - Oh, my God.

Oh! Oh, shit.

- Oh! Oh. - Oh. Oh, my Shayla.

- Maia. - Baby. My bloody angel.

- Are you okay? - Yeah.

I'm so sorry we took so long. We got lost.

But then we followed your "oh, my Gods."

Oh, my God. Charlie, your head!

You like it? Yeah, I look like a Serbian electrician.

I'm really happy with the results.

- Oh, here's your dress. - Thank you,

but I don't need it anymore.

- What? - Yeah, Alyssa called.

Antoine's flight got changed and he canceled our meeting.

- What? - The fuck?

- Yeah. No. - Are you fucking kidding me?

What do we do?

I don't know.

- What do you mean? - I don't know.

Like, you don't know?

Yeah, I mean, I just had fucking open-toe surgery,

and I need to think on my feet.

That's why I'm always, like, pacing around all the time.

Here, hold on. Let me get up and...

- Right now? - Are you sure?

- I gotta pace to think. - Oh, my God.

- Get something. - Just like pace with grace.

- Okay. - Okay, let her go.

Guys, what if we, like,

hack his Google Calendars and then guess his password?

How tall is his dad?

Well, if you need to get to his calendar,

- you need to go to his assistant. - You want help?

Like, Mimi's assistant literally knows

when she has to shit before Mimi does.

Oh, my God.

- What? - Courtney.

Okay, she actually kinda turned out to be like a sleeper hit, but...

- Court? - Hey!

- I have a question. - Oh!

Seemed like you were really hitting it off with Geoffrey.

- Yeah. - I have a favor to ask.

I need a little bit of intel.

- Yeah. - Good?

- Ooh. - She's good.

She's good, let's go.

- Uh-huh. - Miss Simsbury, wait.

You absolutely cannot walk on that injury.

Hold on one second.

- Sir, I'm done waiting. - I'm just telling you

not to put pressure on the injury, otherwise you could get an infection.

You'd risk losing the toe.

I wouldn't be able to reattach it, do you understand?

Yeah. But I need to get Tallulah to New York.

Fuck the toe.

Hey, read the room, honey.

- No one cares about toes. - Thank you so much.

- Bye. - Good luck, you guys.

I hope you get better!

- It's gonna be okay. - Wig!

- Oh. There's Antoine. - Oh.

That's Alyssa. Oh, my God. She lied to us.

She took our fucking meeting.

- Fucking bitch. - Okay, we are going in.

Yes, of course. It should be up on the ledger--

Alyssa? Oh, my God!

- Maia! - And Antoine! Amazing!

- So fun. - It's your little nesting doll.

What are you guys up to?

What are you talking about?

Alyssa won't stop talking about Camilia, Camilia, Camilia.

Hi, Tallulah.

Antoine, this is my client, Tallulah Stiel.

Ah, bag thief in the flesh!

I was so disappointed you had to cancel our meeting.

- I guess this is fate! - Yeah, I think it was

just a scheduling mix-up.

Well, we're here now. We'll sit with you.

- Yes, please! - Oh!

Alyssa, make room. Make room.

Please, pull up a chair. Mm.

- Hi. - Hi.

Unfortunately, this table can't seat four.

- Oh. Aw. - That's bizarre.

It seems to be seating four right now.

Thank you.

Americans love rules.

Only two people at a table.

- You can't smoke in museums. - Yeah.

If your secretary dresses nice, you can't kiss her on the mouth.

God, I hate that.

You know, fashion used to be about breaking rules.

Yeah. I totally agree.

You know...

I actually dropped a steak knife on my foot today.

Doctor said I would lose a toe if I came here.

But I don't care.

That's how much I believed you needed to meet Tallulah.

- Maia. - It's true.

He tried to give her pills, but she literally wouldn't take any.

Oh, it hurts so bad.

Sorry, all I had to eat today was a Ritz cracker,

and this "martooni" is hitting.

Maia, I think you should leave.

What?

No, your little nesting doll is insane, and I love it.

Finally, Americans who aren't boring.

Maia, Tallulah, you must come to the dinner.

- You will be in New York, yes? - Yeah.

We will have fun, go crazy. We can dress Tallulah.

Yeah. Yes, amazing! We'll be there.

Super. Okay, now I have to go.

I have to go to Kristen Stewart's house

for homemade sushi.

Tallulah, do you want to come?

We can talk designers.

That sounds amazing.

- What about CamiliaTK? - Next year.

It's a conversation. We'll keep talking.

Coo-coo.

- Worth losing the toe. - Duh.

Don't even use it.

Tallulah, you're not pregnant, are you? Because she make you eat the sushi.

Maia, that was totally out of line.

I pay your salary, not Tallulah.

Okay, well...

Tallulah's right for the dinner. Antoine just said so.

He's a French alcoholic. He will like who he's tricked into liking.

It's CamiliaTK's turn.

I had a plan, and you just stomped your fucking bloody foot all over it.

I was taking initiative.

You lied and said he canceled our meeting.

Maia, this isn't Girl Scouts, okay?

I don't have a responsibility to tell my employees

everything I'm thinking.

I was putting the company first,

which is what you need to be doing if you wanna continue working here.

Are you able to do that?

No.

No, I'm always gonna do what's right for my client.

Then, I have to let you go.

Fine.

Great.

You are so impatient and ungrateful.

You're in such a hurry for more, you don't even realize

what you have in front of you.

But you have fun with your little friend.

Yeah, I'm sure I will.

Oh, my God.

Dyl?

I just had the craziest da-- Oh.

Oh, my God, Dylan! The shelf looks so good.

Yeah, my dad helped me put it up.

Oh, my God. Dyl, fuck.

Your parents. I totally forgot.

Don't worry about it. I just lied to 'em

and told 'em you had an emergency, so it's fine.

- I did. - Yeah?

I dropped a knife on my foot, I went to the emergency room.

Are you okay? Why didn't you call me?

Well, I was with Charlie and Alani and Tallulah.

- Okay. - What?

Okay.

Cool, Maia.

That's fucking insane.

You went to the hospital and you called everyone you know

except for me? Like...

I didn't have my phone the whole time.

There was, like, a huge wait in the ER,

and then I had to pretend to be Jewish, which wasn't that hard.

And then, we had to, like, rush to this drinks thing.

You went to a fucking drinks thing?

It was for work. And then, I got fired, which was crazy but, like, I don't know.

I kind of feel like it's meant to be.

You know, I was, like, expecting

some kind of text from you giving me an excuse

for why you canceled dinner, but, like,

I'm just a little bit-- my mind is blown that

I didn't even cross your mind, you know?

I'm sorry, it was just, like, so hectic and...

But, we got an invite to the Formé dinner.

I'm so mad that I know what that is.

I can't. I can't.

You realize that you fucking are so different

ever since Tallulah got here?

Wait, this is about Tallulah? She's my best friend.

No, no, it's not about Tallulah, Maia. It's about fucking everything.

Like, the whole thing the other night,

the fucking game night, the whole show you put on

was, like, out of fucking control.

I thought that we had fun after.

You didn't even fuck me, you know that, right?

You were, like, somewhere else in your mind,

- like, not even thinking. - What are you talking about?

Maia, when's the last time that we actually did something I wanted to do?

Like, really? Like, when's the last time

that on a Saturday, we just, like, slept in,

the two of us, and you didn't just take off to go be with your friends?

I have stuff in the morning.

I care about everything that's happening in your world,

and not because you ask me to do it, because I actually fucking care.

Because I'm interested, because I love you.

I love you. I care about you so much.

Name one person I work with who isn't Clare.

Bert?

Bert.

Dylan, wait.

- Maia, Maia, Maia. - Stop. Stop. Okay.

I'm sorry that I don't memorize your coworkers' names.

- It's not-- - Okay?

I'm trying to build a future for both of us.

And I feel like I have one shot, and if I don't take it, I'm gonna miss it,

and I just have to go all in on it.

And I'm only able to do that because you do such a good job

of holding everything down here.

Like, I don't know.

I just want a big life. I thought that you loved that about me.

Yeah, I don't know.

I don't know anymore, Maia, it's just-- it's...

It just kinda feels like the bigger your life is getting,

the smaller I'm getting.

Maia.

Maia.

I want you to go to New York. Okay? Just have a great time.

I need some space, alright?

- I need some space. - You want space from me.

I just...

Maia, I think we need to take a break.

Okay, and we can talk when you get back

from your big dinner and everything but, yeah,

I need some space, so I'm gonna go stay at Berthume's, okay?

At fucking Berthume's?

That's what I said.