Original subtitles

Why is there love when it hurts so much?

Why is everything over before it starts?

Holger, I know I'll never see you again.

What am I supposed to do?

What am I supposed to write in my diary?

The 20th of November.

I've lost what was so far the most important thing in the world to me.

I'm 17 and unhappy.

What else am I supposed to write?

It's so pointless.

What this love has given us,

What they've done with our lives, the answer, it's gonna give away from us.

Young Love, you gave us so good

Hot Love, the desire to see you again

Young Love, the bond of love is broken.

Hot Love, because we both have to part.

The hope that lived in us,

The happiness you've been striving for,

It's all our fault that everything is now broken.

The love we committed, what's left of her?

It was over, it had barely begun.

Young love, you've given us so much luck.

Have a desire to see you again.

Young Love, all love is the rift. March 12th, Sunday.

I don't know if I should laugh or be serious.

It was all a little weird this morning.

I didn't want to talk to anyone about it right now.

But you, dear diary, I can trust.

Elke, how much longer do you want to sleep?

We'll be waiting for you with breakfast.

It's all right, I'll be right there.

I don't know if I had a dream or what it was.

I woke up in this weird cripple.

That crippling feeling I've felt many times.

For the first time, I can remember exactly,

I noticed it at the turn of the hour on the climbing board.

Then it kept coming back, especially in the morning.

And although it's such a pleasant feeling,

I didn't dare to wake it up myself.

I'm here today.

Was that right?

If the stupid referee had given the 11m, HSV would have won 2-1.

Shit, he's back in the table at number five.

You always have to read the paper at breakfast on Sundays.

You know I can't do two things on the weekend.

I'm gonna go to the sports show and the football news in the paper, or else I'm gonna do whatever the family wants.

Besides, your daughter hasn't shown up for breakfast yet.

So I can still read the paper.

You're a fathead.

Here you are, my master.

I'll see you tomorrow, Patz.

That you're finally cooking from the feathers.

Tomorrow, Mum, tomorrow.

You'll be able to sleep a little longer on Sunday.

Hey, hey, excuse me.

I'm all right.

But you're always the first at breakfast.

- I know.

- Thank you. - Thank you.

You were in bed at 10 last night.

You've, by the way, even given up on the late movie.

So I can tell you, that was a force.

You should have seen Christopher Lee.

He was overwhelming.

I almost thought the Pope and Mommy saw through me when they looked at me like that.

I was almost certain that you couldn't notice anything like that.

It's the bad conscience that makes you insecure.

What a piece of crap.

You do things like that in secret.

It's all shit.

I'm kind of happy about that.

I feel much more free since this morning.

I may not even be able to describe that feeling.

And maybe happiness isn't the right word.

A blind man walks in front of my window on the street.

He must be unhappy.

He may never have seen, but he can feel like I do.

Is that perfect?

There's so much I don't know yet.

But you probably can't know everything at 15.

I'm happy.

I feel like today is the day I started living.

What's with the bad conscience?

Why do you have a bad conscience?

You had an orgasm, that's all.

I know that too, I've had an orgasm.

But that's not the point.

I'm just pissed off that I spent the whole day thinking about it yesterday.

This is bullshit. You're gonna have to get used to it.

You should finally sleep with a boy.

It helps a lot.

Monday, March 13th.

I'm with Ellen on the school break.

I'm talking to my classmate.

She thinks my thoughts are silly.

Since when are thoughts stupid?

Ellen is also a year older.

She must have a lot of experience in these things.

Are you crazy?

- Don't make that noise.

What the hell is this?

I mean, you're gonna move, and then it's gonna be a lot easier.

Please don't, I don't want to do this.

I'm sure it'll do you good.

Please, Ellen, stop.

Come on, have a seat.

I want to see your face.

I want you to have one.

You've got your softness, the skin says.

Let go!

I'm so into you.

I'm not responsible for this. I have to.

Every time I'm hot, I get it.

You should go.

No, I can't, it's almost as good as an orgasm.

Fuck, you fucking math.

The Pauk has got us to write a paper without notice.

I thought you were gonna move me.

Here you go.

Thank you very much.

What do you mean, "transferred"?

Don't think about it, I don't owe anyone any credit.

Yeah, yeah, that's all right.

Look at the blind man over there.

I see.

What about this?

I saw that one the other day.

There are many blind people in this town.

I've done it, but this one's different.

What do you think, if he's unhappy?

It could be.

Others are unhappy too.

You're not?

Don't get caught up in it.

What do you mean, caught?

Are you coming to the disco tomorrow night?

What if my parents don't mind?

That's a lot of bullshit.

You'll be able to walk away twice a week.

I'll be right there.

April 18th.

Lothar is very strange these days.

We've known each other for over six months.

At first he was very funny and bleed a lot, but now he's become calm and thoughtful.

He likes me, I know, but I'm not sure I feel anything for him.

I like to meet him, go dancing with him, but otherwise, when he kisses me, it's not much different than when he gives me a cotton kiss.

I'm sure this is all stupid, and I think I might like him, but he probably wants to sleep with me.

That's why he's so weird, he feels like I don't want him and he doesn't know what to do.

I wonder if Ellen's right when she thinks I should sleep with a boy.

I've done it twice with Ellen.

But I think this is stupid.

It's much better alone.

I feel happy every time after that.

I wonder if I should sleep with Lothar.

I don't know if that's right.

And I don't know if I want to.

Oh, yeah, oh, that's nice.

Yes, you are wonderful.

Oh, I'm such a horn.

I'm sorry, too.

The dick is doing so well.

Do you feel it right?

Oh, and if.

I'm so hot.

I'm just going to be a bum.

Oh, slow down, honey, I'm not ready yet.

5th of November, my dear diary,

I know I've neglected you every summer, like every year.

The holidays were boring like the last few years.

It's the same people, the same conversations on the campsite.

Then my hospital stay came along, it was really fucked up.

Lothar was happy to see me again.

I can't tell you if I missed him.

Don't you want to shop?

I don't want to be so busy today, I've got to be careful with my legs.

I understand.

Sometimes I don't know if you like going away with me.

Sure, would I be here?

Sure, but I mean, why are you being so repulsive?

I'm not Ellen, I'm just different.

You can walk away without getting killed or anything.

Now, don't get too high.

I really like you.

Hey, it's really good.

Oh, now, you're exaggerating, you know that, right?

Well, there's something going on.

You or me?

Probably with the two of us.

Oh, the bell.

Stop it, I don't want to do this.

What's the matter with you?

Don't worry about it, it'll be over soon.

Understand one, the women.

What's the matter with you?

It's my business.

Look, you're 15 years old, you're not a kid anymore, and neither is Lothar.

I think it's mean how you treat him.

What's mean by mean?

No, but you've known each other for so long.

And he likes you, you know that.

Either you break up with him or you're nicer to him.

I don't think that's the way it's going to work.

He didn't deserve that.

What's the matter with you?

Wait a second.

Is there anything I can do for you?

No, no, no, thank you, my child.

Have you been standing here a long time?

It's as cold as ever this time of year.

I'm here every night, and I'm picked up.

Is everything really okay?

That's it.

My sister's coming to get me.

She's coming from work.

Thank you, my child.

- Good night, please.

- I know.

What did you want from him?

I know he's unhappy.

That's all I got.

- I'm going to get it.

I'm sorry about that earlier.

What do you mean, sorry?

Please, stop being angry.

- I'm going to get it.

Come in with me.

If you want to.

We need to be quiet.

Lothar is happy.

I didn't feel much, but it made me happy.

I don't know if I wanted to make someone else happy.

I wonder if the blind man is home.

Friday, November 7th, I was at the mall with my mom, and we rarely go shopping together.

Mommy's in a rush to get the business and can't get enough.

After that, she's always exhausted and needs to get some rest in a café.

For cake and beans.

But I wanted to talk to her today about my problems with Lothar.

There was no opportunity at home.

I keep thinking about the shoes, and I wonder if they're too expensive.

We should have looked around again.

I probably would have gotten it cheaper elsewhere.

Or what do you mean?

Listen, Mom, I... I want to talk to you about something.

But what, honey, are you stealing money?

You could have bought yourself something today.

No, Mom, that's not the point.

It's about Lothar.

Oh, Lothar, you see him every now and then.

You should invite him to our house sometime tonight.

I mean, invite me.

Oh, my God, I forgot the most important thing.

We need a new tablecloth.

Bergers are coming to visit this weekend.

We'll have to get another hood and a tablecloth later.

Do you think a boy is disappointed in a girl when she...

I mean, if she doesn't do what he wants.

You can't think about it that much, honey.

It'll be all right.

If only I knew what to do with the mountains this time.

He's still going, but she's a little weird.

You never know when you're with her.

What's the matter?

I'll be right back.

If you want to get to the other side, I'd like to help you.

Yes, thank you.

Thank you, my child, we've met before, haven't we?

Yeah, how do you know that?

Oh, I have a good memory for voices.

There are some you never want to hear again and others you're happy about.

I wish you luck, my child.

I feel like you're a little confused today.

So, you were gonna tell me something.

No, forget it, it's nothing.

Saturday, September 15th, party at Ellen's.

Her parents went on vacation.

It's the first time Ellen's been allowed to stay here alone.

I feel like she's using it shamelessly.

But that's their business.

For my parents and me, the holiday this year has gone.

Dad's out of work, his company's out of business.

It wasn't so bad for me, finally not camping.

I've met with Lothar more often.

I slept with him a few times.

It didn't give me much.

Somehow I imagined it all differently.

I guess I did it for his sake.

At first he was happy, but now he's changed.

A little colder for me.

I feel happy, though.

Not because of Lothar.

I've been 16 for 14 days.

Time is running out.

I'll be a grown man soon, according to the paper.

Hey, what's up, you wanna sleep in your corner?

I'd like to make a box number with you.

I guess you find yourself irresistible.

Of course, I break the hearts of the proudest women, including yours.

- Wait a minute. - What?

How come you're so rarely seen at parties like this?

I'm not that into parties.

What are you up to?

I'm sure not you.

Oh, you two are so smart.

You won't?

It's none of your business.

I bet she's not innocent anymore.

Don't be shy.

Don't you think there's so many people down here?

Okay, let's go upstairs now.

Come on, you know what?

You don't have to tell me twice.

Nightingale, I hear you climbing.

I don't like to dance anymore.

Hey, what the hell is this?

Don't you want to watch the opera Floor?

Oh, that's right.

So, what are you waiting for?

So, you're not my type.

That's a good shit.

What's the matter with you?

Or do you like John Travolta, huh?

No, Julia Richter does too.

Thank you, lady.

Oh, never.

I'm just a little bored down here.

I'm not really bored.

Do you want to?

We haven't been together in a long time.

And now you want us to do it here, right?

No, not down here.

I don't want to be here at all.

And besides, I can't command.

Well, not that way.

Well, all alone?

Here you go.

- Thank you. - Thank you.

You make people feel like you've never been to a party.

I'm sure not on one of those.

Hey, what's going on?

We're not in kindergarten here.

A party like this is about other things.

If you don't know that, you shouldn't be invited.

What do you mean, Nina?

Don't you want to go upstairs?

Yes, come on, you know.

Up, up and away.

What's the matter, sister, am I being so unpleasant to you?

That's not the point.

Oh, no, you didn't.

I think this is ridiculous.

I mean, actually.

What do you think they're doing up there?

I don't care what you say.

Don't you want to go check it out?

- No, I'm not.

So you're a coward too.

I'm not a coward.

All right, let's go check it out, it's free and no one's gonna hurt you.

- I'm not going to.

So, what?

Let's try this.

Don't worry, honey, I've seen this before.

You can have a bed, everything is packed.

Yeah, yeah, that's all right.

And make sure everything works out perfectly.

You asshole.

It's a gift, my boy.

Do we want to?

No, I don't like it any more.

Whoever says A, must say B.

Come on, now.

Hey, is the water warm?

Sure, and everything else.

Where else can you find a place?

But always.

What are you doing, running away?

Let go of me.

What do you think, I'm just using myself?

I want you to let go of me.

- It's a goat.

You have a wet moose.

I'm gonna get them so wet that they'll really slip out when I bump you later.

Yes, it does.

You have a beautiful tongue.

Yeah, that's what's gonna get my stupid frontman.

And she's got a hole.

You'd rather go on a four-week vacation in there.

You're gifted, you're really talented.

That smells good.

Come on, knock, I don't want you anymore.

Hey, I want to lick you first.

You gotta get right in, or I'm not gonna feel you.

Yes, that's right.

Let's get this thing going.

That's how I get deep inside you.

Oh, that's horny.

I'll be right there.

Taste of my precious juice.

Are you ready soon?

Just slowly, always calmly.

You're supposed to enjoy these things.

Oh, that was necessary.

That makes for a soft, soft skin, my dear.

Turn around.

I'm finally here.

- Why don't you hit me?

I'm finally getting hit.

I'm gonna have to sip some of your juice.

Let's get this thing going.

You got a strong cock?

Oh, but of course, always.

Come on, swing on it.

Now, get in the wet.

If the others are sloppy, good Pitt can still do it.

I hope you can feel it.

You have a beautiful belt.

I mean, I've received a lot of international thank-you letters for him.

It's good, finally.

See, you're really pissed right now.

Yeah, yeah, that's pretty strong.

You're a force, boy.

What do you think my hot-ass wash needs?

Don't worry, I'll catch you later.

Lothar!

Lothar!

I'm coming with you, Nina.

Yes, come on, you know.

I'm coming to you.

I'm going to get a shot.

Oh, Lothar, that's the horn.

Yeah, there's more to it.

Oh, your dick is lonely tip.

You can tell from your hole.

My shipment's about to go, you.

Now, now, get him out, girl.

Pull him out, you'll have more of it.

This might be a party.

Slow down, girls.

Not so strong anymore.

Remember, the boy worked hard.

I'm getting it too.

That's hot!

Hey, did you guys have fun?

I've been around a lot.

You guys may be a bunch, but I'm sorry, I have to pee.

I'm too, peeing is on.

And very quickly, I'm telling you, after every organ transplant, it starts again.

I'm not looking at it anymore.

It's really going on!

January, the new year has begun.

Thank God. Thank you.

I'll be 17 in a few months.

17 of them.

I don't know why I'm so attached to my ageing.

Probably because I hope things will change.

Every year.

There's nothing exciting about it right now.

I've been trying to avoid Lothar and Ellen as best I can since the party.

This whole thing made me sick back then.

On the way home, I kept imagining them hanging out.

I tried to suppress the images and the thoughts, but I couldn't.

I was ashamed at home.

I masturbated that night, though.

I don't think I'm a witch.

I know I long to love physically.

But I don't want to do it under duress.

It must come on its own.

It has to happen.

I believe that it can only be beautiful with real feelings.

I believe in love.

Mom, Mom, what do I look like?

What's going on?

Tell me, what do I look like?

- That's great.

But what do you have?

You're so excited.

You really think I look good?

Oh, Mom, I'm so happy.

It's wonderful, he's wonderful.

Yesterday, November 10, I met Holger. He was a man.

I'm so confused, I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

All I know is I'm happy.

I wish I could be with him forever.

He's what I've probably been dreaming about all along.

He looks too tender, he's too calm, and I feel safe in his presence.

I think I love him.

- What's up?

- What's up?

Where are we going?

I don't know, somewhere.

You want to show me Hamburg?

Yes, I would.

I'm with you.

I could never describe this feeling if I hadn't met him.

The first moment was like it was gonna rip my chest off.

He was just there.

I was sitting in the little cafe where I was with my mom after shopping.

I don't know why I went there.

Maybe I was hoping to see the blind man again.

I'm sorry, your purse fell under it.

Can I sit down?

But I don't want you to feel bothered by me.

Yes, please.

I don't remember what he said.

All I know is he was there.

It's like the ears are going high.

You can't hear any more noise.

No more talking to others.

You forget even the words that affect you.

You look so small.

I just knew his name was Holger.

And I didn't care that he was probably much older.

Look at that blind guy over there.

Yeah, what about him?

I've met him several times.

Do you feel sorry for him?

I imagine how unhappy he must be.

Do you think you can do that?

Yeah, because I'm so happy.

- I'm going to go.

Are you sure your parents won't be coming?

Yes, I'm sure you will.

You wanted me to come with you.

Yeah, I wanted to, didn't you?

Why are you asking?

You don't know anything yet.

I just, I just couldn't tell you yet.

No, not to talk.

I want nothing but you.

You, I want you to love me.

(Music) "What did this love give us?

"What have they done with our lives?..."

"The answer, when will it reach us?"

"The tenderness of the embrace...

"The pain of a bitter experience...

"The memory of it will depart from us".

"Young Love, you have given us so much love".

"Hot Love, the desire to kill you again".

"Young Love, break the bond of love".

"Hot Love, because we both benefit from separation".

"The hope that lived within us".

"The happiness you've been striving for".

"Our guilt has now destroyed everything".

"The love we committed to ourselves,

What's left of it?"

"She was over, she had barely begun... "

"Young Love, you have given us so much luck... "

"Hot Love, the desire to see you again... "

"Young Love, the bond of love is torn... "

"Hot Love, because we both have to part".

"Young Love, we need to break up".

"Hatla, we'll never see each other again"...

"Young Love, but we can never forget"...

"Hot Love, what a wonderful time it was for us".

"Young Love, you have given us so much luck".

"Hot Love, the desire to see you again".

"Young Love, the bond of love is torn".

"Hot Love, three viruses, both must be separated".

If love is something you can feel, I've met it.

How absurd all the problems seemed.

Ellen, Lothar, they were far away.

I was no longer 17, Holger was no longer 38.

We were the same.

A unit deeply connected within us.

That night was not a night.

She wasn't cold.

If a thousand suns can be as warm as a hug born of love, then this universe can never pass.

I think he wanted to tell me from the beginning that he had to leave Hamburg again.

His stay here was only brief.

But I probably didn't want to hear it.

I didn't cry.

I wasn't empty inside, like the kitsch novels.

I was just silent.

Not even unhappy.

I just couldn't believe it.

Holger didn't want me to go to the station to say goodbye.

He said whoever goes away at the farewell party believes the other will come back.

But it won't be like this.

Singapore is far away.

A train, a train station is not far.

But the plane he's going to board is the ultimate consequence.

Why is there love when it hurts so much?

Why is everything over before it starts?

Holger, I know I'll never see you again.

What am I supposed to do?

What am I supposed to write in my diary?

The 20th of November.

I've lost what was so far the most important thing in the world to me.

I'm 17 years old and unhappy.

What else can I write?

On the direct flight to Frankfurt am Main via Cologne, please board and close your doors.

Oh, please excuse me.

Hey, who are we looking at?

What's the matter, my child?

It's all right, I'm sorry.

- I'm not sure.

I'm sorry, please.

You know, that's a voice you're happy about.

I hope you're all right.

Oh, yeah, I can travel.

I'm going back to my homeland.

I wish you all the best.

Thank you, my child.

I'll see you later.

That's not going to be possible.

I'm not happy.

He, the blind-seeker, is the lucky one.

It's crazy, you know.

What's happy?

What's unhappy?

Who's gonna record that?

I'm 17 years old.

I'm not Ellen.

I'm not Lothar.

I'm alive, you know.

I'm 17 years old.

I see.

I'm not blind.

I can feel it.

What is a day?

What's a week?

She's the life.

But life has many days.

One of them starts today.