Original subtitles

Holy shit.

Dr. Brody,

the samples I collected are showing

an abnormally high amount of radioactivity.

We have got to stop allowing Biotech Prime

from dumping their toxic waste on the beach.

It's getting out of control.

I wouldn't worry about that, Dr. Hooper.

The talk on the street is

they're gonna be closing us down anyway.

So if I were you,

I'd be more concerned about future employment.

That's crazy, Doctor.

If we don't do something about this right now,

people who swim in this water

will wind up growing fins or worse.

And let's not forget about the wildlife

that swims in here too.

Sometimes you have to mind your own business, Dr. Hooper.

It's quitting time.

How about if we go down to the local titty bar

and watch those college co-eds shake them asses?

That'd be good for a change, right?

What's that smoke?

I don't know, I wasn't paying any attention.

As global temperatures rise,

pollution and climate change have caused wildlife

to adapt accordingly.

Alligators and other reptiles are moving north.

And as time progresses,

we will see more rapid changes to our wildlife

that causes them to evolve just to stay alive.

For example, giant invasive pythons

have invaded Charlotte, North Carolina

and have eaten six chickens, two cats, and a small child.

I advise you to stay indoors, stay indoors,

use condoms, have all pets spayed,

and don't forget to recycle those cans and bottles.

Are you sure we're making the right decision?

I mean, we just picked up and left.

Absolutely.

I'm gonna be making twice as much money as I used to.

And Biotech Prime is one of the best labs to work for

in the country.

This is the right decision for us.

Yeah, but didn't they have that

crazy pollution problem in the 80s?

I'm pretty sure I remember hearing my mom talk about it.

That's changed.

They're okay in my book.

What they did in the 80s is ancient history.

But are we sure this is what's best?

I mean, I sacrifice a lot too, you know?

Listen, learn your place in this relationship.

I'm the one that makes the big decisions,

so learn to like it,

and learn when to keep your mouth shut and when to open it.

I mean, I do love what you do to me.

This ride is getting redundant.

Why don't you whip your titties out

and shake 'em a little bit.

Your wish is my command, your highness.

Is that good for you, ma'am?

Damn, look at them titties.

I wanna be friends with them.

You already are.

Oh yeah.

Why don't you put your tits away?

We're almost there.

Way back in the swamps

lives a woman with a cold heart and a hot body.

Yeah.

Greetings and salutations, Dr. Honeydew, Mrs. Honeydew.

How was the drive?

Long, but with great scenery.

Good good.

I can't thank you enough for transferring to our laboratory.

Here at Biotech Prime we pride ourselves

in being the first and best at everything.

That's why I came.

I look forward to working with you and your team.

I think we're gonna make history

with my genetic splicing serum.

Excellent.

Let me show you around the facility.

I will take you to your private laboratory

and living quarters.

Sounds great.

Here is your own private laboratory

where you'll be conducting the majority of your experiments.

As you can see,

we have the most advanced tools in the industry.

Looks super scientific.

I can totally see myself making things happen here.

This is the kind of lab I've been dreaming of as a child.

You're so smart. I love you.

Actually, can you maybe show us to our room now?

Absolutely.

Here's your bedroom.

The bathroom is down the hall.

I have to be going now, but please make yourselves at home.

Have a good night, and if you need anything,

do not hesitate to call.

- Thank you. - You're welcome.

You know I'm feeling pretty parched.

You wanna go get a drink somewhere?

That sounds fantastic. Let's do it.

All right.

Let's sit over there.

Hi ladies.

Welcome to JT's. I'm Tina, what can I get for you?

I'll have a light beer.

Same.

All right, cool beans.

I'll get that right out for you.

Well, Dr. Rankin seem nice enough.

I think he'll be good to work with.

What are you gonna do while you're here?

Well, I plan on checking out

the local titty bars tomorrow.

Word on the street is that scientists love breasts,

and this town's full of 'em.

Breasts?

No, scientists.

There you go.

If you guys need anything else just ask for Tina.

We gotcha.

Hello ladies.

Looking for some company?

No, thank you for asking.

You sure?

That's a shame,

'cause I'm a cunning cunnilinguist.

What did you just say?

You heard me.

Gross.

We're lesbians, loser.

Come on, Angela, let's go home and take a hot shower.

Sure.

You know, that jerk at the bar had it coming.

I mean, who did he think he was, Pete Davidson?

I know, right, what a moron.

But if he was Pete Davidson, I would totally bang him.

I mean, he's so hot.

I'd bang you first.

But on a separate note, tomorrow's a really special day.

I'm really excited for you to be in your new lab.

I know, it's gonna be killer.

I bet I could cure cancer in this lab.

Yeah, I mean, the sky's the limit.

Then I want the sky, darling.

I'm getting tired.

I'm gonna go to bed.

Okay.

I'll be right behind you.

All right, goodnight.

Hello, Dr. Rankin.

Sorry for calling you this late,

but I just wanted to thank you again

for bringing me to the facility.

I have big plans,

and I'm sure I'm gonna make

extraordinary things happen at Biotech Prime.

That's wonderful, Angela.

You have a good night's rest, now.

You've got a very important day tomorrow.

Will do. Goodnight, Dr. Rankin.

Good night.

Hello?

Hello?

Dr. Robert Olsen?

Oh, Dr. Rankin.

How are you? How have you been?

It's rather late. I was just about to go to bed.

I know. I know.

I just had to call you.

I was really excited about

getting Dr. Angela Honeydew on our team.

She has that gene splicing serum everyone's raving about.

Gene splicing serum?

Oh, how exciting!

Tell me more.

Once we get it exclusive to Biotech Prime,

I think it would sell really well.

Would you be interested in being a licensed partner?

Yes, yes, yes, indeed.

Say no more. Say no more.

Say no more!

I am your man.

Great.

I will keep you posted as things move forward.

Oh, that is so excellent.

Can't wait to hear from you again, Doctor.

Gene splicing formula.

Dr. Angela Honeydew.

Sounds luscious.

All right, boys.

New Deal.

$100 ante.

Who's in?

I'm in.

Me too.

Me three.

Name of the game, five card draw.

Deuce is wild.

Murdoch.

Want some cards?

I'll take three.

How about you, Ace?

I'll take four.

Now come on, Ace.

You need to have an ace for that.

You know the rules.

Okay.

All right, Murdoch, it's all on you.

You raise,

or you fall.

I'm out.

I'll raise, 400.

Goddamn, son.

Look at the wad on Ace.

You know,

I see your 400,

and I raise you 500.

Because,

I think you're full of shit.

I see your five.

I raise another 500,

because I think you're full of shit.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, guys,

let's not get too testy here.

Shut down, Murdoch.

Ace is a big boy, he can take care of himself.

Okay, I see your raise.

Well, let's see it.

Show us what you got.

I'm curious.

You dumb asshole, now that, that is impossible.

Impossible?

Or am I just that good?

No, no, no, no, no, no.

The only way you can get five aces is if you cheated,

and you just never win.

You really are stupid, huh?

What makes you think I won't take this gun

and blow your goddamn brains out?

You won't.

You need me?

Oh, come on.

Just admit that you cheated, I'll forget all about this.

I sure won't.

Shut up, Murdoch.

Admit that you cheated,

and I'll forget all about this.

Hold that thought.

Hello?

Larry, it's Dr. Olsen.

Come to the lab tomorrow, it's important.

Well, gentlemen,

it seems that I have a business call, right.

Now, I gotta go, but the next time you cheat,

you better take that switchblade

and cut your own goddamn hands off,

unless I'll do it for you.

Gentlemen.

Oh, yes.

Yes, you look so lovely.

Oh, but you would look much better if you looked like her.

You have no boobies.

You have been with me from the very beginning,

when the government tried to rule me

and my unconventional lovers.

Look it, let's have a look at her, show that.

What the fuck are you doing? Look at her.

Motherfucker, look at her.

Oh, you're just this empty, empty shell.

Yes.

Oh, my precious.

Oh, so precious.

I know what that's used for.

If we could make you, or her look like you,

put you all together,

we could have a magnificent relationship.

Why you in her and her on you,

you and I would be lovely together.

Yes.

Larry.

How are you my boy?

Good, Doctor.

What is going on, Larry?

I'm responding to your call,

got here as soon as I could.

What's the emergency?

Oh yes. You don't know yet.

Dr. Angela Honeydew is now

at Biotech Pride.

She's become one with them,

and brought all of her gene splicing formulas with her.

Larry, I must have that formula.

It will be done, good sir.

Now listen, I need you to take Ace and Murdoch.

Go to her laboratory.

Go in the night, be sleuth.

Don't be seen, be like ninjas.

Make sure no one sees you.

If she is there, attack only if she is alone.

I want all the material from her laboratory.

Do you understand, Larry?

Understood, sir.

Understood.

Then I

shall be able to create my gator blade project.

Yes.

It will all be mine, now go Larry,

go like the wind.

Yes, go like the wind, my friend, for I shall have it all.

This formula's gonna be the best thing

to happen to science since the discovery of the atom.

Excuse me, you're not authorized to be here.

I suggest you leave before I call security.

Now, come on now.

There's no need for any of that.

I suggest you cooperate and you won't be harmed, all right?

You see, we are here for one thing and one thing only,

that gene splicing formula that you have cooking up.

You hand it over to us now, and I guarantee you,

you won't be behind.

Never.

I was really hoping that you wouldn't say that.

Ace, Murdoch.

Swarm.

Do you want us to chase after her boss?

Oh, never you mind that boys.

We got what we came for.

Let's go.

And my favorite movie is "Lost Faith."

Whoa, no lost faith there, senorita.

Oh, Dr. Olsen, happy day, happy day.

Hello, Larry.

What do you have for me there?

I have a treat for you.

This is the gene splicing formula from Dr. Honeydew.

Oh, good job.

Gee.

It's all here.

Larry, it's all here.

Everything is here, it's mine.

It's mine.

I need something for you.

I need something for you, Larry.

Oh, what about Dr. Honeydew?

About her, she must have ran off,

pretty badly injured, probably died.

Don't worry about it, taken care of.

Larry.

This is for you.

The only one I trust.

This is for that bubbling idiot, Ace.

And that microscopic Murdoch.

Never want to see any of them again.

Perfectly valid.

Yes.

Larry,

remember this.

You, are my number one,

guy.

Now go,

and do as I would do if I were three people.

Angela?

Angela?

Babe?

What the fuck?

What the fuck?

Please pick up.

What happened?

Oh my God.

Hi, yes.

I need an officer over to Biotech Prime Labs, please.

Yeah.

My girlfriend is missing.

I'm in her lab and it looks like something happened.

I need somebody here right away, please.

Do you know how long?

Okay okay. Thank you.

So when was the last time you saw Angela Honeydew?

This morning before she left.

We live here at the facility.

Did she mention leaving anywhere to go somewhere after?

No, no.

I tried to call her cell a couple of times.

I never got a response, she didn't come home.

Okay.

I'm gonna go file a report downtown

and see if we get any leads.

Okay, but do you see this place?

I mean, doesn't it look like a sign of a struggle?

It does.

Please tell me if you hear anything.

Okay, I'll let you know if we get any leads.

Thank you.

Absolutely.

I'm not sure what happened to me.

My memory's a blur.

I've gotta get back to my lab and get this figured out.

All right assholes,

I have your payment from yesterday's work, all right?

That's for you.

And this is for you.

Don't spend this all on hookers and cocaine

like you did last time, all right?

Wait a minute.

This looks short.

Oh, that's right.

Good job.

It is.

That is from the scumbag tax.

What? No, no.

You already took my money from the poker game yesterday.

It's like fucking stealing.

No, no, no, no.

See, I may have took a little extra from when you cheated.

That way the next time you cheat, Well I come out on top.

No honor amongst thieves.

No, listen here, you dumb motherfucker.

The only reason you have what you have is because of me.

Don't you ever forget that.

Now come on. Let's celebrate, huh?

The first round at JT's is on me.

Now you're talking.

Let's go.

Fuck this.

Hello, this better be important.

I'm cooking my meatballs.

Hey Colombo, what's happening?

It's your bro.

Oh, brother Theodore.

So nice to hear your voice.

Thank you for calling me.

How can I assist you?

I have a very interesting case.

I have a scientist that's gone missing,

and I really don't know where to start.

Like, do you know where I should start looking?

Theodore, maybe you could find some tracks.

The tracks may lead to her.

Maybe she's a hiding in the woods.

This is true. Can't hurt.

Maybe I'll start looking there.

Thank you so much, bro.

It's amazing,

I have genetically combined with my environment,

part swamp, part gator, part woman.

I wonder if Tura will still want to have sex with me?

I wonder if I can have swamp babies now?

This is really amazing.

Even though this is a gift in disguise,

I must find the people who did this to me

and make them pay in blood.

This puzzle would make me thirsty.

Well drink up, fool.

You know, when I was hitting that girl with the bat,

I didn't even feel the least bit bad.

Like she probably deserved that, you know what I mean?

As long as I get paid, that's what matters to me.

Wow.

Wow, you two have no empathy.

You know that?

Yeah.

What we did to that woman was, it was, it was wrong.

It was so wrong.

You know, like, I mean, yeah,

it was our job to fuck her up and kick her and, you know,

but she had feelings.

She had nice, beautiful womanly feelings.

And I don't like loose ends.

Did you see her face?

It looked like it was on fire.

If she was pretty,

she ain't pretty no more.

You misogynistic son of a bitch.

Hey boys, what can I get for ya?

I think we're all fine right now love,

but why don't you check back with us in a couple minutes.

I will take a cherry daiquiri if you can.

Well, we don't sell frozen drinks here.

And I've never heard of a cherry daiquiri.

How about just your cherry then, doll?

Don't get smart with me.

I know karate.

Oh yeah, prove it.

Do it again. Let's lose the top though.

Get fucked loser.

That's what I'm trying to do.

You get no pussy.

Stop it or I'll shoot.

What are you, some kind of swamp woman?

I mean it.

Don't come any closer or I'll shoot.

Fuck.

We have to get Angela back.

I can't live without her.

What are we gonna do?

I didn't want to tell you this,

but I think I am responsible for her disappearance.

What?

I made a phone call yesterday to an old colleague.

Unfortunately, the phone call I made

was to a colleague that was untrustworthy.

Who is it?

His name is Robert Olsen.

He is an old friend of mine who is responsible

for the rot plague that happened in the late 90s

in Sunnyville, Florida.

He has Angela.

Where does he live?

I will give you the address, but I have to warn you,

he has a group of thugs working for him

that will be hard to get through.

They are real tough hombres.

You will have to try to get through them.

Listen, I don't try anything.

I just do it.

I've noticed I now have a keen sense of smell.

If I can pick up a scent,

I think I can track down the people who did this to me.

Angela, this is amazing.

We have to get you to the top executives.

We will make millions.

Angela, what are you doing?

What are you doing? Stop.

Angela, stop it Angela, stop.

Stop Angela, no, no.

Am I at the right place?

Oh, hello.

Hi.

Weird question.

I'm looking for my girlfriend, Angela Honeydew.

Oh, very pretty, nice tongue.

Yeah, she's missing and I've reason to believe

you may know where she is.

Oh oh, my dear.

Why would you think something like that?

Well I spoke with an old associate of yours,

and he mentioned to me he told you

about a new serum that my Angela created

that you may have illegally acquired.

Oh, no.

This is terrible.

Why would somebody say something like that about me?

I tell you what, why don't you come inside?

We'll sit down, have some coffee, discuss it,

and nip this story in the bud.

No, I don't know about that.

Ah shit, I do. Come on with me my baby.

My bartender at JT's was a smoke show.

I wish she did like more than bartend.

You know, maybe she could do like something special for me.

What special?

Take it in back, suck your dick?

I mean, that could do the trick.

Listen, you two hooligans have no chance

with that girl, all right?

She's got a boyfriend.

I'm pretty sure she's very into him.

I'm just, I'm just saying, you know,

she'd be like, nice to date, that's all.

Oh, okay.

Hold that thought, boys.

Yes.

Larry, it's Dr. Olsen.

Listen to me, I think we may have a problem.

All right, what seems to be the problem?

It's Dr. Angela Honeydew, I think,

I think she's onto us.

I think she's coming for you and me.

We've got to stop her now.

Why didn't you kill her?

Okay, you didn't say to kill her.

That would've been more money.

But she got a whole bunch of chemicals all over her face.

It was, it was, it was crazy.

Chemicals?

What chemicals, Larry?

I don't know, whatever the fuck was in the lab,

it just spilled all over her, her face was smoking.

Oh, well that's just great, Larry.

Perhaps it was her own chemical.

She's probably already transformed into some kind of reptile

from her chemical reaction, you moron.

Okay, I don't see a problem with that.

She's transformed, you moron.

And she'll kill us all.

Now listen to me and listen to me good.

You round up those two stooges of yours

and you meet me at my home tomorrow.

We must stop her now!

All right boys, listen up.

We got a mess to clean up.

We gotta head over Dr. Olsen's.

We gotta go immediately, see what the problem is, all right?

What? No man we're, we're done.

I'm already buzzed anyways, I'm done.

No, no, no, no, no.

We gotta go over, all right.

This is important, all right?

All right, well, I gotta take a smoke and a piss first.

Oh my fucking God. All right, hurry up.

We'll wait for you.

My God, where the fuck is ace, that one-eyed asshole?

Goddamn it.

Fuck it, Murdoch.

Come on, let's go outside.

All right.

Ace, Ace?

Larry, Larry, get over here.

Holy shit.

Ah, this is, it's pretty fucked up.

Yeah, we gotta get over to the Doc's.

I think I might know what's happening here.

Hole in one!

It's what I put in you that counts.

Oh, I the champ.

Not only have I mastered the rocks, Ooh.

Also golfing.

Maybe I'll trade up a little.

Very nice.

Ooh, my kingdom for a golf course.

Give me some good news, Larry.

Doc, I don't know how to tell you this, but,

but Ace is dead.

Yeah.

We think Dr. Honeydew might be at large.

His whole penis

was just ripped off like some sort of animal did it.

It was ugh.

Can we please call it a tallywhacker?

Now listen, you two idiots,

she's probably already turned into a reptile by now.

Now, I need you two,

to capture her because Biotech Prime would pay millions

for this creation that she has become.

Now,

I'm going to give you this device.

It will track reptiles,

the heat in their body and the movements they make.

Take that and find her and bring her back to me now.

Yes, sir.

Do you understand?

Yes sir.

I don't like you.

As for you, my precious,

I'll be taking you back and beginning experimentation

on you right now.

Now that I have Angela's genetic lab book,

I know everything she knows.

And you and I are going to have a grand time together.

You're a mad scientist.

You really think she's gonna let you get away with this?

When she finds you, you're done.

Oh, well sweet baby doll.

I don't think so.

I think you are wrong,

because I'm taking you

and we are going back to Angela's lab

and we're gonna start the experimentation

as soon as we get there.

Yes, it will be grand.

Oh my goodness.

Yep.

Yeah, this is dumb.

Yeah, we've been searching now like what, an hour?

We got zero, zip, nada.

I'll tell you what we do.

We split up, cover a lot more ground that way.

All right?

Listen, you take the east side of the forest,

I'll take the west side, all right?

You need anything, you get lost,

just call out.

Need anything else,

you call my cell.

You cab take the net.

Ah, hold on to that.

Now, what will you use to catch this broad?

Well, don't shoot worry about that.

You just look for tracks.

You get on back to me, all right?

Right.

Let's go.

Yes, yes, yes.

Oh, oh yes.

With the proper chemical composition,

why I could rearrange your DNA,

changing you into a mutant reptile.

Oh, how about a snake?

Ooh, or a or a or a, or ooh,

an alligator.

I like that.

I like it.

Oh, oh, perhaps a snapping turtle.

Whatever happens to me,

it's gonna come back on you tenfold.

My Angela will come back for me, you'll see.

You might think that young lady, but you would be wrong.

You see those punk rockers back in the 90s,

they tried to destroy me.

I fought every one of them, broke their bones.

I was a martial artist in the empire of the government.

I would destroy anyone and anything in my path.

And I would've if it wasn't for that fucking Muzzy,

pulling that piece of shit gun,

blowing off my groin and balls,

and then the killer blow,

a gunshot to the head,

fracturing my skull,

splattering my brains on the inside, killing me.

But, if not for the government.

Yes.

You see, they needed my brain intact.

So they put me back together.

You smell so good.

They put me back together.

And I alone, thankful to my government,

my unconventional government.

Now with the parts,

I am a living, breathing human cyborg.

You're crazy.

Shut up, or I might throw you out, you little bitch.

I will fuck you beyond repair.

Yes.

I shall live

forever

and forever.

You

will be

my sex slave.

I thirst for your body.

Holy precious.

Yes.

Oh, Sarah has nothing on you.

I like those.

Jesus this is getting spooky.

I'll be glad when this is all over.

You snake.

What we're gonna do is change you,

the very core of you,

at your very essence, your DNA, your structural boundaries.

Now I can, I can change you into a swamp plant.

No, it's been done.

Let's see what we got here.

Microbes are my favorite.

Oh, swamp grass.

Oh, I am going to change you

into cactus.

You change me into a cactus,

I'm gonna run straight in your face.

I like a little spicy.

Spicy my prickly, soon to be, bitch.

You know what?

Just a sip of this formula.

Your DNA is going to reconstruct at a binary level.

Your every molecule twisted and engraved,

intoxicating fumes that they are.

Fuck off!

Fuck you, you little bitch.

You drink this, you shit,

or I'll pour it down your throat and make you gag on it.

Come on, just a little sip.

Angela, you've come to save me.

You're so green.

I like it. It's hot.

Oh, shut up.

Stupid bitch.

Angela, you stay right there.

You stay you little

green hot bitch.

I would lick you from to face.

Now Angela, you wait one minute.

This.

We, we take this to Biotech Pride.

You and I will become millionaires.

We shall rule the world, Angela.

Think about this.

Don't fuck up your life, you slimy little bitch.

You could be married to me, Robert Olsen.

It's what I put in you that counts.

Ah, you stupid stony little bitch.

I will take this for myself,

and we shall see what happens next.

Angela, I knew you'd come for me.

Please untie me.

Oh God.

Now listen, I heard Dr. Olsen talking about it.

You need to drink that green serum,

it's gonna turn you back into human form.

Oh my god Angela, it works.

I'm so glad it works.

Fuck yeah dude, you wanna take a shower?

Of course I do.

Talk to me now.

Way back in the swamps

there's a woman with a cold heart and a hot body.

Yeah.

Comin' at you.