Original subtitles

[instrumental music]

[music continues]

[The King's Men singing "It's A Wonderful Wonderful Feeling”]

Oh it is a wonderful wonderful feeling

I've never felt this way before

Lady luck is going to come my way

Something may have been stored

With the blue sky above for a ceiling

My feet hardly touching the floor

I feel so happy the whole day long

Feel like bursting right out in song

There's a rainbow around my heart

And it fits me like a glove

Feel so marvelous feel so wonderful

All the world all the world &

All the world all the world is one

[instrumental music]

And here, folks, are some of the most famous homes

shops and hotels in New York City.

Fifth Avenue, the street

where the original 400 built their homes

making it the most celebrated richest avenue in the world.

'See it for yourself

'the famous homes of New York's Fifth Avenue.'

'That magnificent marble dwelling'

'that we are now approaching is the Guggenhoff Mansion.'

'He was the copper king.'

'And there on your right, that big brownstone mansion'

'that's all boarded up, that is the townhouse'

'of the great industrial wizard, Michael J. O'Connor'

'the second-richest man in the world.'

'Leaders of society, business and politics'

'built their homes upon this avenue'

'palatial homes worth millions. See for yourself.'

'The famous homes of New York's Fifth Avenue.'

'The wealthiest and most fashionable avenue'

'in the world's largest city.'

'To your left is the internationally known'

'Museum Of Science And History.'

'Look ahead and you will see at 90th Street'

'Andrew Carnegie's fabulous residence..

[instrumental music]

[wind howling]

[wind howling]

[music continues]

[wind howling]

[instrumental music]

[switch clicking]

[music continues]

[switch clicking]

[switch clicking]

[clock chiming]

[switch clicking]

[door shuts]

[door shuts]

[music continues]

[door shuts]

Well, Sammy, everything looks just the same as usual.

It's certainly nice to be back again, ain't it?

Come on. Let's go up and clean up a bit.

[instrumental music]

[car honking]

- Well, is everything out? - Yup.

Everything but the tenant in 4-G. He refuses to be evicted.

Refuses? Did you tell him the place is being torn down?

And that Michael O'Connor is putting up

an 80-storey building?

Yup. I told him.

He said if an 80-storey building goes up, he's going up with it.

The manager's up arguing with the guy now.

But, Mr. Bullock, you had ample notice.

Please put on your pants and vacate at once.

I've got rights, constitutional rights

and that's what I'm standing, sitting on.

Besides, Section 40, Article 27 of the Housing Code

"No discharged veteran can be evicted."

- There's no such regulation. - There isn't?

- 'No.' - Well, there should be.

I refuse to be evicted because a wealthy Croesus

named Michael O'Connor wishes to perpetuate his name

with an 80-storey steel monument.

Mr. Bullock, I'm terribly sorry.

Oh-ho! So it's you again.

Well, if you came back to apologize, you can.

Mr. Bullock, don't you realize

this building is being torn down?

Every tenant has vacated but you.

Listen, chum, I've hunted three months for this foxhole

and I'm not leaving this bed.

(male #1) 'Will you vacate quietly or must I... '

Call your Cossacks, I'll fight it out on this front

if it takes all winter!

Alright, boys.

'Take him out.'

[handcuffs clicking]

- Come on! - There you are.

Do your worst.

I captured these handcuffs from a Japanese MP.

Little did I know that this souvenir of war

would become the instrument of resisting tyranny!

Go ahead. Let's see you move me now. Hah!

I'll fight this outrageous intrusion of human rights.

I'll sue Michael O'Connor. He can't get away with this.

Just because I'm in bed, it's no sign I'm taking this lying down.

Michael O'Connor is an octopus! A human oc.. Ah-ah!

Slowly strangling civilization with his tentacles.

[wind howling]

[instrumental music]

[Sam growling]

[Sam growling]

Sam, stop that.

Come on up there. Come on. Up.

- Is that your dog? - Sir, I'm terribly sorry.

I suppose my dog and I are somewhat responsible.

Why don't you keep him on a leash?

Well, he's not afraid I'll run away.

Are you, Sam? Ha!

Say, you better go home and change.

- Where do you live? - Right here.

You're practically standing in the middle of my living room.

- Oh-ho.. - Draw up a chair and sit down.

Uh-uh! Careful of those cigar ashes on the rug.

Oh, terrible thing, isn't it, the housing problem?

I'd settle for an upholstered steam-heated gutter.

Well, fortunately, I solved my residential problem

years ago.

[Sam whimpering]

Say, he likes you.

And when Sam likes a stranger, that's good enough for me.

I, uh, feel somewhat obligated.

'Care to be my guest for the night?'

No. I don't wanna trouble you. Thanks, anyway.

Oh, it's no trouble at all.

As it happens, I live alone.

'I'd be delighted to have you.'

Well, you're sure it would be alright with Sam?

[barking]

[chuckling]

[instrumental music]

[thuds]

Do you, uh, do you always..

Only when the house is boarded up.

"Only when the house is boarded up."

Yeah. Come on. Come on, Sam.

[music continues]

(Jim) "" Michael O'Connor. Winner. Champion Class-B Sloop. 1937.'

'Newport Races."'

Michael O'Connor?

Ah, here you are, my boy. Try this.

Well, isn't this just dandy?

The great Michael O'Connor in person.

I've always wanted to see a walking cash register...

- No, I'm... - Listen, moneybags.

While guys like you are living here in Oriental splendor

guys like me are being thrown out of $40-a-month apartments.

Are you so wrapped up in yacht races

you've forgotten there's a human race?

My boy, much to my regret

you've forced me to divulge a secret.

I am not Mr. O'Connor.

My name is McKeever.

Aloysius T. McKeever.

You mean, you're not..

Yeah, but isn't this.. I mean, don't you..

Well, let us say that I'm a guest of Mr. O'Connor.

Oh, I'm sorry. I thought maybe..

You mean you live here all alone?

- Uh-huh. - 'Where's O'Connor?'

In Virginia.

A place called Bubbling Springs.

Oh, it's quite beautiful there.

[instrumental music]

(Michael) "" Evicted tenant calls O'Connor octopus.™

Hah! What do you think of that?

Well, couldn't you've kept this sort of thing

out of the newspapers?

Publicity like this doesn't do me

or the project any good, you know?

Well, I was on the way down here.

Picked up the paper at the airport.

Octopus. Hah!

Well, let's get on.

[indistinct chatter]

Gentlemen, you're wondering why I called this conference.

The building we're constructing in New York

as you're well aware of, is merely the first link

in our postwar plans.

Our new headquarters, in fact.

Link number two is right there.

Take a good look, gentlemen.

[indistinct chatter]

This is the main terminal of our newest and greatest venture.

'An air cargo network that will span the globe.'

'And with the proper facilities, as you see here'

"vast quantities of industrial cargo can be moved by air'

a dozen times as rapidly

as present land and water transportation.

Well, gentlemen, what do you think of it?

It's inspired, Michael.

But you're not going to build all this in New York, are you?

It's an ambitious undertaking.

Where are you gonna get sufficient property?

Tell them, Farrow.

Well, believe it or not, gentlemen

we're getting it from the government.

- 'From the government?' - Exactly.

The government owns Camp Kilson, over 300 acres

just outside the city.

It's to be sold one month from today.

And they will accept any reasonable offer.

Farrow here is flying to Washington tonight

to find out what they consider reasonable.

- Your pills, Mr. O'Connor. - Oh, mm.

- Ah! And now, gentlemen... - Ah, excuse me.

There's a long-distance call

from your daughter's school, sir.

Well, not now. I'll call her back.

Oh, but it isn't your daughter.

It's the headmistress, and she says it's very urgent.

Hm. Uh, mull over that project for a moment, gentlemen.

I'll be right with you.

- I'll take it in here. - Yes, sir.

I don't think that..

[indistinct chatter]

Hello? Yes, this is Mr. O'Connor.

Trudy was missing from class this morning.

I'm terribly afraid she's run away, Mr. O'Connor.

Well, I don't understand this.

Yes, yes. Do that.

And I'll keep you posted.

Thanks. Goodbye.

[instrumental music]

(Farrow) "Mr. O'Connor, anything I can do?

(Michael) Do you suppose she's gone to her mother?

Well, I have no idea, but I doubt it.

Farrow, phone our legal department in New York.

I want the best detective agency they can get.

Check every hotel, every airport, railroad

and bus station in New York, Chicago and all points west.

Tell New York to keep in constant touch with me

till they find her.

[shaver whirring]

Hey, Mac.

Mac, quit playing with the light switch.

[instrumental music on radio]

- Hey, what goes on here? - Jim, what time is it?

Four minutes to 9:00.

Can't be them. It's too early.

It can't be who? And who's too early?

Never mind.

[radio turns off]

[switch clicking]

[dramatic music]

Did you say you lived here alone?

- Yes. - Well, you've got company.

Somebody's coming up the stairs.

[door opens]

[instrumental music]

(Jim) 'Well, you've got pretty good taste, haven't you?'

- Come on, shed that mink. - Who are you?

A fur trapper. Come on, give.

- Get your hands off me. - Okay, sister.

You wanna play rough? I said take it off.

What are you people doing here?

Oh, we just hang around to see that little girls like you

don't swipe great big mink coats like this.

You get out of here before I call the police.

You'll call the police?

[chuckling] That I've gotta see.

There's a phone. Go on, call.

Oh, just a moment. Uh..

Jim, I'd like to speak to you outside for just a minute.

Excuse us, miss.

[mouthing] Come on.

Now remember, no tricks, or we'll call the cops.

Psst. Psst.

- Say, what's the idea? - Shh.

What's the idea you grabbing the phone?

Jim, I'm afraid we're in no position

to let her call the police.

Why not?

Because the young lady

uh, no matter who she is

has as much right here as we have.

I don't get it. Aren't you a guest of O'Connor?

Well, yes

except that Mr. O'Connor doesn't know about it.

(Jim) 'But you're a friend of his, aren't you?'

'That is, if anybody can be a friend of that guy.'

(Aloysius) Never laid eyes on him.

Our paths have never crossed.

You live here without permission?

Mm-hmm.

'But how do you get away with it?"

Oh, it's not hard at all.

Mr. O'Connor boards up the house

and goes to his estate in Virginia on November 1st.

- I move in on November 3rd. - 'But suppose he comes back?'

(Aloysius) Oh-ho. He never comes back till March 15th.

I leave on March 13th.

It works out very well that way.

Why, you old possum.

You're bound to get caught sooner or later, you know that.

They never even came close

in all the three winters I've been here.

I never do any harm.

As a matter of fact, I do a lot of good.

I dust off the furniture every once in a while.

I wind the clocks.

You take these clothes I'm wearing.

If it weren't for me, they'd be in the closet gathering moths.

I take 'em out for an airing every day.

Say, what are we gonna do about her?

(Aloysius) You leave it to me.

I'll give her a lecture and send her home.

Come on.

[door opens]

Young lady, we've decided...

Please don't call the police.

I know I shouldn't have, have broken in.

But, well, I'm applying for a job tomorrow.

- And I needed a coat, so... - That's a fine excuse.

It isn't an excuse. It's true. Look. I'll show you.

"Wanted. Girl with personality to sell sheet music.

Must play piano. Apply Times Square Melody Shop."

Oh, sure.

Sure, you've gotta wear a mink coat

when you work in a music shop.

They play those Frank Sinatra records.

Chills run up and down your spine. It gets cold.

'You have to wear a mink coat.'

It's the first time I ever did a thing like this.

Please don't call the police.

Young lady, don't you know there's a law

against breaking into other people's homes?

I-I do, but I was alone

and hungry and desperate.

I...

[sighing]

- I'll get some water. - Yeah, hurry.

Here.

- You feel better? - Much.

Say, when was the last time you ate?

- I'd rather not talk about it. - 'Oh, where do you live?'

In Dubuque, with my 13 brothers and sisters.

Fourteen children?

Well, the neighbors must call your house the Stork Club.

Uh, these cookies are very nice. Won't you have one?

The gates patrol! Out of sight, quick.

- Here we go again. - Now, wait a minute.

Get these dishes. Pull them up.

Hurry.

Now into the kitchen. Quick.

[instrumental music]

Get in here. Quick.

Shh.

I thought I heard something.

It's the gates patrol.

They generally come around every night at 10:00.

They're a little early tonight.

Yeah, but why the blackout?

Well, I've arranged a gadget at the front door

so that all the lights go out when the door opens.

Why do we have to hide in the ice box?

Young lady, you may as well know.

I'm an interloper here, the same as you are.

Oh.

You mean, you go through this every night?

- Yeah. - You get used to it.

In fact, uh, it's kind of fun after a while.

[all chuckling]

Hello? This is Brady reporting.

Okay at the O'Connor house.

How would you like to live in a joint like this?

What? And have room for the rest of my wife's relations? Oh!

Here. You put this on.

Hm. Thanks.

- Anybody in that house? - Who are you?

I'm looking for a girl.

- Michael O'Connor's daughter. - She ain't in there.

That joint's as empty as a sewing basket in a nudist camp.

Young lady, we have decided not to turn you over to the police.

Oh. I was sure you wouldn't. How can I thank you, Mister..

McKeever is the name.

Aloysius T. McKeever.

And this is Jim Bullock.

You know, New York is no place for a kid without friends.

I'm not a kid. And besides, I have friends.

I have you and Mr. McKeever.

Well, yeah, but you're used to a home and a big family.

Besides, the other 13 kids might get lonesome.

Say, you're not all planning to come here, are you?

[chuckling] No. I'm thankful you're letting me stay.

But you must go back home.

Oh, please. No, not that.

I can't go back to him.

You're married?

It's my father.

He's a drunkard. He's lazy and he beats us.

- Beats all 14 of you? - Every night.

Your old man's not lazy.

I can't go back.

Please don't send me. Please.

There, there. I understand.

I wouldn't want any girl to go home to a brute like that.

Now, you stay here, uh, just for tonight

and in the morning you try to get that job in the music shop.

I'll lend you a coat to wear.

But not the mink.

Something less expensive.

- You be sure to bring it back. - I will.

Well, it's getting late.

Now, you can sleep in the room where we found you.

Be sure to make your bed in the morning.

- But don't touch anything. - I won't.

- Goodnight. - Goodnight.

- 'Goodnight.' - Goodnight, Jim.

J ...and your voice J

J Speaks in the room [

J To you all of my hope.. J

J Whether we're near or apart J

J You're everywhere darling J

S But most of all J

S You're in J

S My heart J 75

Okay. Okay. We'll make it 30 bucks.

You start tomorrow morning.

[instrumental music]

J You're everywhere [

J You're the dream following me J

S Of the wind that's.. J

- Jim. He hired me. - Hi.

Thirty dollars a week, and I start in the morning.

Swell.

- What are you doing here? - Oh, just looking around.

For this coat? Don't worry, I'll return it.

[chuckles] I'm not worried, if you're not.

[indistinct singing]

Jim!

- Margie. - Jim Bullock.

Margie. It is swell to see you.

- Same here. - What're you doing in New York?

Same thing everybody else is doing.

Looking for a place to live.

[chuckling] Hiya, fella. What's your name?

- Jackie. - Oh. This is Jackie.

How's tricks, Jackie?

You know, he's a dead ringer for his old man.

He sure is. Oh, Jim, this is Alice.

- 'Hank's wife. Jim Bullock.' - 'How do you do?'

- How do you do? - 'Hank's wife, huh?'

(Jim) Well, what do you know?

A baby! Say, he's cute.

- Hank's? - "He helped.'

- Hey, where are you living? - Right here.

How do you like our penthouse on wheels?

Swell! Where are Hank and Whitey?

Oh, we've got a line on an apartment.

They're upstairs now, working on the landlord.

Gee, I haven't seen those two monkeys

since we were in the guardhouse together.

I'm going up and surprise 'em. Excuse me.

Say, where have you been? Margie, this is Trudy.

Trudy, say hello to Margie. You gals can talk over old times.

I'll be back in a minute.

- Well, boys, what do you say? - Oh. Yes, sir. We'll take it.

Wrap it up and put our initials on it. Any deposit?

- Three months' rent in advance. - Three months?

- Hm. - 'Attention!'

(Hank and Whitey) 'Jim!'

Why, you ugly pair of goldbricking KPs.

[all laughing]

You're looking great, you make

a pretty good civilian yourself.

- Hank, how are you? - Swell, Jim.

Say, you know, I got married since the last time I saw you.

I know. Met the family downstairs.

Say, that's a swell-looking baby you rang up there, Hank.

And, Whitey, that kid of yours

ha, he's a dead ringer for the old man.

The hair, the eyes, the nose..

Hey, what's the matter? Did I say something wrong?

You certainly did. We don't allow dogs or children.

Oh, look, mister. What harm is there in a couple of kids?

Why, one of 'em is only a baby.

They're very small. They only take up that much space.

- Why, sure. - One of the kids is sick.

Come on, mister, give us a break.

I'm sorry. It's a rule of the house.

We don't take children.

But we need a place to live. The kids need a place to live.

What have you got against children?

It's a rule of the house!

Naturally, you can't break the rule.

If he lets yours kids in, everybody'd start

having children, then what would happen to the human race?

I tell you what we'll do. We'll drown them.

- Would that make you happy? - Were you ever a baby?

No. He's just something left over from meat rationing.

Rules are rules!

(all) Rules are rules.

[groaning]

[baby bawling]

Come on, Mac. What gives?

Well, you're placing me in a very embarrassing position.

Oh, now, look, Mac, these people have gotta have a place to live.

You're O'Connor's guest, I'm O'Connor's guest.

Okay, we'll all be O'Connor's guests.

It's just until they find a place, Mr. McKeever. Please.

Oh, dear.

Not in my 20 years of living as a guest in other people's homes

have I ever been faced with a situation like this.

[baby bawling]

Still, we can't very well turn children away.

Mm-mm. Ooh-ooh.

(Aloysius) 'Cute. A boy?'

- Yes. - Yeah.

[laughing]

(Aloysius) 'Hello. Hello.'

'Hello there. Hello there.'

Ah-h-h. Boo!

[laughing]

Oh. He's smiling. He's cute.

Well, I guess we can manage somehow.

- Oh. Gee. Thanks. - Thanks very much.

- Mr. McKeever. - Attaboy, Mac.

Tell me, have you been married long?

- Seven years. - Oh.

- Are you happy? - Sure.

Whitey's a great guy.

Say, you're a little crazy about Jim, aren't you?

Oh, he's nice, but he doesn't know I'm alive.

He calls me Cookie.

What did Whitey call you?

Sugar, 'cause I was hard to get.

[chuckles] Tell me, what made him propose?

Well, it happened at the movies.

Gregory Peck and this blonde were getting married.

So I said to Whitey, I said, "Gee, I sure wish that was us."

And Whitey said, "Uh-huh."

And then I said, "Ain't marriage wonderful?"

And Whitey said, "Uh-huh."

And then I said, "Why don't we get married?"

And Whitey said, "Uh-huh." And, well..

After all, how can you say no

when a fellow coaxes you like that?

[both laughing]

You know, while I was in the army

I heard all about those 100-$150-a-week jobs.

- What happened to 'em? - They're around.

But you gotta have what it takes to land 'em.

Yeah. That's what makes it tough.

I sure wish I had some experience at something.

Some guys seem to get by without experience.

Even without money.

How do you do it, McKeever?

Well, I believe that people who require money

should work for it.

As for myself, I gave up working years ago.

I never could make enough to satisfy my lavish tastes.

So I let other people work for it, and I enjoy it.

Yeah, but suppose you had a wife and a kid.

Suppose you had to make dough.

My boy, when you come right down to it

making money is simply a matter of analysis.

I'd like to have a blueprint on that one.

(Aloysius) 'Alright.

Now, analyze the times.

Figure out what people want most

then try to give it to them.

Now, use yourselves as an example.

What do you want most?

- A job. - And a place to live.

Exactly.

You'll find plenty of vacancies

if you boys just use your heads.

[chuckles] That came out sounding a little different

from the way I meant it.

Mac, where are all these vacancies?

Army barracks.

- Are you kidding? - Why, no, my boy.

Vacant army barracks

in hundreds of deserted army camps

from coast to coast.

"'Electricity, gas and water in every one of them.'

Say, you know, he's got something there.

Mac, you're a genius.

They need guys like you down in Washington.

No. Things are balled up enough down there.

[laughing]

Army barracks.

It's made to order.

I could redesign 'em. G.

A few plumbing changes, closet space.

- A little landscaping. - Hey, wait a minute.

Where do we get the dough to pay for all this?

Who's got the dice, we need a couple of million bucks

in a hurry.

Hey, Jim. Where do we get the dough?

- The dough? - Mm-hmm.

Well, we get the dough the same place we get the labor.

Two or three-hundred ex-Gls just like us.

And we're all partners.

Gentlemen, gentlemen

your problem of capital is secondary.

Now, the first thing to be considered

is which camp you intend to reconvert first

if the government will sell.

And if so, for how much, right?

- 'Right.' - Right.

Now, do any of you boys know Camp Kilson?

Oh, sure. That's just outside of New York.

That's where I was induced into the army.

Induced.

- You mean, inducted. - Oh, no.

Me, they had to induce. Heh.

Oh, yeah. It's a swell idea, but..

How do we know the government will sell the property?

My boy, go down to Washington and find out.

I was a government clerk there while Hank was overseas.

- I know my way around. - Swell.

Hank, why don't you and Alice run down there

and get all the information for us?

- Yeah. - But what about the baby?

Oh, gee. That's right.

Well, there's Margie and Trudy.

They'd be glad to take care of him.

And I personally will mix its drinks.

[chuckles] I, uh

I mean, supervise its formula.

- Well, what do you say, honey? - Well, alright.

Good. Okay, fellas, Alice and I'll drive down tomorrow.

Boy, if this Camp Kilson deal works out

we're really in the chips.

And, Mac, that goes for you, too.

After all, this was your idea.

(Trudy) 'Good evening, everyone.'

[instrumental music]

Has anyone a light?

Now, uh, ahem, as you were saying..

Excuse me.

[instrumental music]

[coughing]

What are you dressed for?

I have a date.

- Whose dress is that? - Ms. O'Connor's.

Oh. At it again, huh? Remember, don't touch that mink coat.

If Mr. McKeever can wear Mr. O'Connor's clothes

I guess I can wear Ms. O'Connor"s.

[humming]

(Jim) 'Hey! Be careful with that thing.'

Oh, it's not loaded. See?

[trigger clicking]

I know all about guns.

My father used to take me quail hunting.

I thought your old man was a drunkard.

He hunted quail while he was drunk.

[chuckles] He thought they were ducks.

Well, if you know all about guns

you certainly should know how to aim it.

Show me how you do it.

Well, the army taught us this way.

First you place the butt of the gun

firmly against the right shoulder.

Mm-hmm.

Left hand well forward under the barrel.

Now you take a good aim.

Now, with the right forefinger firmly on the trigger

you squeeze gently.

Squeeze..

...tighter.

Tighter.

Tighter.

[gunshot]

[glass shattering]

(Aloysius) 'It sounded like a shot.'

[both laughing]

'What happened in there?'

J Speak my heart and tell the one I love [

J The one I'm dreaming of J

J How much I yearn J

J She's very near to me, oh very near to me [

J And yet it's clear to me J

Trudy.

J You never know J

Hello, dad.

J My my I'm all aglow [

Well, what a surprise.

So this is why I had to come all the way to New York.

Trudy, I'm a very busy man. Now, get in the car.

Get in the car, please.

J Whisper "I love you too" [

- Now, then.. - Now, look, dad.

Before you say anything

I'm not going back to finishing school.

- And why not? - Because I'm finished.

Besides, I've met somebody, dad. Somebody I like very much.

- In fact, I'm in love. - Oh, that's ridiculous.

- Why, you're only 18. - My goodness!

A girl of 18 is practically middle-aged nowadays.

Women get married at 11 in India.

Yeah, but this isn't India.

- Joe, drive to the house. - You can't do that.

Yeah.. Well, why? Why can't I go to my own house?

Because I'm staying there, only they don't know that I'm me.

Who don't know that you're you?

- Mr. McKeever and Jim. - Well, who the blazes are they?

Mr. McKeever is the man who moves in when you move out.

Do you mean to say you invited two men to live in my house?

No, they just moved in. At least Mr. McKeever did.

- Oh. And who is this Jim? - Oh, he's wonderful.

He thinks I'm a thief, and you're a drunkard

and that you beat me.

This is fantastic. Squatters living in my house.

Joe, stop the car and pick up

the nearest officer you can find.

Alright, dad. Call the officer. Call the whole police force.

Have it your way. You always do.

Trudy. Trudy, where are you going?

That's no concern of yours from now on, dad. Goodbye.

- Taxi! - Trudy, wait a minute. Trudy!

Trudy. Trudy.

Trudy. Trudy.

[engine revving]

Joe, drive to the Waldorf Towers, and hurry.

Yes, ma'am.

[engine revving]

Now, Trudy, Listen. I..

Why, I beg your pardon?

[mumbles] I beg yours.

Why..

I'm too old to be chasing all over town after you.

You know, honey, I'm still your father.

Now, please sit down.

Now, let's talk this over like two sensible people.

'What's troubling you, Trudy?'

Dad, I'm terribly unhappy.

Well, why, dear?

I've given you every luxury a girl could want.

And you think I should be happy.

I used to be, years ago, when I was little.

- When you were little? Why.. - It's true, dad.

Everything was wonderful then because I had you and mother

and... that's all that counted.

And then something happened.

I never did know just what.

You and mother separated.

I was sent off to school..

And I'd lie awake nights trying to figure it out.

I've been lonely, dad.

That's why I ran away.

How long have you known this Jim?

All my life, it seems.

What do you want me to do?

Meet Jim.

Alright, I'll meet him.

You will?

Thanks, dad.

Oh.. But not as Michael O'Connor.

Yeah.. And what's wrong with Michael O'Connor?

Nothing, but if he knew who you were..

- Well, I'd always be wondering. - About what?

If he were really thinking of me or your bank account.

- Oh, Trudy, that's... - Oh, please, dad.

You've always had your way. Let me have mine, just once?

Okay. Now what?

[instrumental music]

There, there you are.

Twelve dollars. Already you look good.

- Yeah. - Here. Here's your hat.

[chuckling] Yeah. There you are.

Yeah.. Oh, Trudy. This is positively outrageous!

You're not satisfied? Alright.

I throw into the bargain another hat.

It should maybe come from the head of a duke.

Yes. Yes, I'm sure it did. I'm sure.

Well, pay him the money, let's get, uh..

- Wait a minute. Wait a minute. - Huh?

How much will you allow me for these?

- Well, six dollars. - Yeah.

Six dollars for a brand-new tailor-made outfit?

- Your-your suit is all-wool. - Why, certainly it's all-wool.

- Oh, that's bad. - Yeah. Wool is bad?

Yeah, look, when the moths are hearing

I got here an all-wool suit, one moth tells the other.

They're coming for a banquet. They're bringing their friends.

Pretty soon I got here a moth convention.

A spray gun I gotta buy. Insecticide I gotta buy..

All night long I'm staying and spraying.

I'm not coming home. My wife is getting mad.

She's leaving for Reno. She's getting a divorce.

What am I getting? Custody of the moths.

Alimony I am paying.

Payments I am missing. To jail I'm going.

My business I'm losing. I'm a bum.

All because you are bringing in here

an all-wool suit.

Pay him quick before he names me correspondent.

J It's a wonderful wonderful feeling J

J I've never felt this way before J

J Lady Luck is going to come my way [

J Something fate has in store [

J With a blue sky above for a ceiling J

J My feet hardly touching the floor

J I feel so happy the whole day long [

J Feel like bursting right out in song J

J There's a rainbow around my heart J

J And it fits me like a glove J

J Feel so marvelous feel so wonderful J

J All the world's is love J

J It's a wonderful wonderful feeling J

J I've never felt this way before.. ll

Oh. Look at that poor man on the bench.

- What's the matter with him? - Can't you see?

He's cold and hungry.

- How can you see he's hungry? - Well, he must be.

Mr. McKeever, couldn't we invite him?

Trudy, please. You know how crowded the house is now.

And we can't take in every tramp in New York.

Oh, there's lots of food and lots of room.

- Hello. - Hello.

What's your name?

Mike.

Hi, Mike. I'm Trudy.

And this is Jim.

- How are you? - Hi.

I've seen your face some place.

Could be. I've been following it around for a long time.

This hooligan been trying to make a touch, lady?

Oh, no, officer. He...

If it's a place to sleep you want, try a flophouse.

If you're hungry, try the soup kitchens.

But no loafing in the park.

- Go on. Beat it. - Now, look...

Oh, but, officer, he's a friend of mine. Ours.

In fact, he's a relative.

Don't worry, officer. We'll take care of him.

Oh, the poor man. He's weak from hunger.

He doesn't look undernourished to me.

My good man, would you care to

come home and have a bite with us?

Of course, he would.

(male #2) 'And there on your right'

'that big, brownstone mansion that's all boarded up'

'that is the townhouse of the great industrial wizard'

"Michael J. O'Connor'

'the second-richest man in the world.'

- Is this my home or a laundry? - Shh.

[chuckles] Well, Mike.

You see, we're all one big happy family here.

- Now make yourself at home. - I'll try.

Uh, mighty nice, uh, lounging robe you have there.

Ah, I'm glad you like it. Say..

You know, I believe we're about the same size.

Maybe I'll let you wear it sometime.

Oh. I wouldn't deprive you.

Cigar smells pretty good, too.

Well, I, I might let you smoke one sometime.

Thank you.

Now you better go and scrub up

a bit. You're pretty dirty.

I'll, uh, I'll go and rustle you up some food.

He tells me to scrub up. Ah!

(Trudy) 'Oh, Mike, are you alright?'

Oh! What happened? Are you hurt?

Yeah. Trudy, who is this woman?

And why has she erected a gallows in the reception hall?

Uh. This is Margie, Mike.

I'm terribly sorry. But we have to hang the wash in here.

- Why? - Well..

We can't very well hang it outside. Can we?

Trudy, I don't mean to be inquisitive

but how many people are living in this house?

Maybe I should install a room clerk.

[hammering]

- Great Scott! What's that? - That's Jim.

He's building a barracks in the cellar.

A barrack.. Isn't this house big enough?

Does he have to build a barracks in the cellar?

- 'Come and get it, Mike! - Come and get what?

- Shh. Food. - Yeah. Oh.

Trudy. Trudy, take a look.

A complete model.

Each barrack, when partitioned off, will house 12 families.

Two bedrooms, bath, living room, kitchen for each.

Jim, that's wonderful.

Mike, Jim and Whitey are going to buy army barracks

from the government and transform 'em into model houses.

- 'It's a wonderful idea.' - Great.

I suggest they build a model poorhouse, too

so they can all move in when the idea fizzles.

Well, that's gratitude for you.

You feed a guy like that and he gets sarcastic.

Yeah, what's he sore about?

Oh, he'll be more sociable when he eats. Won't you?

Well, go ahead, Mike. Dig in.

Um, um, uh, I better not.

Something lighter, perhaps. Hm.

Maybe he'd like to have some crepes Suzettes.

Yeah, or some breast of humming bird on toast.

All I want is milk and crackers

that is, if you gentlemen don't mind.

- Milk and crackers? - Ulcers.

- Only the rich get ulcers. - Oh.

What he means is that he hasn't eaten for so long

his stomach won't hold solid food.

Mike, isn't that it?

Yes, that's what I should have said.

(Jim) 'Trudy, don't forget the baby's milk.'

Oh, my goodness. I forgot.

Oh, it's way past his feeding time.

[instrumental music]

Hm.

Great little mother, isn't she?

Hm, mother.

Mother?

Baby?

Oh, no, it can't be. She's been in school.

[instrumental music]

Baby!

[baby bawling]

[Trudy humming]

Oh, my.

Trudy, I'd like to have a talk with you.

Does it have to be right now?

Right now. It's most important.

Now, first I want to ask..

Hello.

Hello, sweetie. Yes.

Look at the little darling. Isn't he an angel?

Look, he's got dimples just like yours.

Uh, um, madam, would you mind if I spoke with my, uh

with Trudy alone, please?

[door shuts]

Trudy..

...I have just thought this all over.

What's done is done. I consent to the marriage.

'You're still my daughter, and I'll stand by your choice.'

Oh, dad, you will? Really?

Of course I will, darling.

[chuckles]

But just tell me one thing.

Where did you meet this, uh, Jim?

How did all this happen?

I don't really know myself.

He was just another man when I first met him.

I think it happened in the ice box.

[baby bawling]

In the ice box?

'We were hiding from the gates patrol.'

It was cold, and his arm was around me.

'Mr. McKeever was there, too.'

McKeever was there?

Oh, yes. The whole time.

[chuckles] He wanted to send me away afterwards, but I wouldn't go.

=. 'He's really very nice.

Yeah, he must be.

'You'll like, Jim, too, when you get to know him better.'

Uh, I'm sure I will.

Well, I guess there's no use crying over spilled milk.

- You say you love this fellow? - Very much.

Very well, then. If you're married, you're married.

Congratulations. You have my blessing.

But, dad, we're not married.

- You're not married? - No, he hasn't asked me yet.

- He has.. - Jim's funny.

He takes his time about doing things.

[mumbles] He-he does, eh?

I don't even know if he wants to marry me.

If he wa..

[baby bawling]

Ooh.. What kind of a man is he?

That chicken-hearted blaggard, AT KA him.

I'll kill him with my bare hands!

That rat in mouse's clothing.

[baby bawling]

(Alice) Hello.

(Hank) 'Did you think we were never coming back?'

(Alice) 'How did you like playing nursemaid?'

(Trudy) 'I enjoyed every minute of it.'

[Alice chuckles]

Aw. Hello, darling.

Did you get lonesome for mommy?

Say, I hope he wasn't much bother?

Not at all. I only wish he were mine.

Um, pardon me. Is that your baby?

Well, my husband has a half interest.

Uh-huh? She's a pretty little thing, isn't he?

Well, Hank, what's the real dope?

What happened in Washington?

Oh, brother. What a merry-go-round that is.

I've been through so many revolving doors

I'm still traveling in circles.

Well, they're willing to sell the land, barracks and all.

- But there's a catch. - Yeah, there always is.

They've had an offer of a 150,000.

And the property is to be sold in ten days

to the highest bidder.

Buck up. We're not licked yet.

We'll offer them a 160,000.

Who will offer who a 160,0007?

Gentlemen, there's no harm in making an offer.

If they accept, then is the time to worry about

where you're gonna get the 160,000.

The essence of big business, gentlemen

is never put one worry ahead of another.

[instrumental music]

Here you are, Mike.

Well, thank you.

You're terribly sloppy.

You'll have to be more orderly, or you can't stay.

Matter of fact, your staying here tonight

is against my better judgment.

I'm sorry to inconvenience you.

Well, it's these spells you have, these fits.

Now, I can't have you upstairs near the women and children.

You'll have to sleep in the servant's room, downstairs.

Sam sleeps in there, too.

He'll bark about 7 a.m.

Let him out in the yard.

I won't have to get up so early.

[Aloysius whistling]

[intense music]

[instrumental music]

Hello, Phillips. It's me.

Did Farrow get back from Washington?

Uh, no, sir, Mr. O'Connor. He's flying in tomorrow morning.

Well, tell him I'll call him at the office.

No, no, no. I'm not kidnapped.

Well, I'm in town, in an ice box.

Uh, I can't tell you where.

In the meantime, listen.

Wire Wickersham and tell him I'll take six million

for that West Coast chain. Ah.

Did Mason make an offer for that steel mill lease?

What? Million and a half?

'Ah, nah. Tell him no soap.'

Nothing less than three million.

And if American Foods goes up a half a point tomorrow

sell a 100,000 shares.

Right, and if you..

Mike, come out of that ice box.

Mike, If you insist on using the telephone in here

I'd suggest you wear an overcoat.

I know it's a great temptation, but you must control it.

Control what?

This playing at being a millionaire.

Just because you're living in a millionaire's house

don't let it get you.

Maybe I'm a millionaire!

[chuckling]

Alright, Mike. You're a millionaire.

Now, come on. You've got a million dishes to wash.

N-not with that. You might break them.

Come on.

[instrumental music]

[Sam growling]

Ah, uh, uh, please, uh, over here.

[Sam growling]

Uh, uh, not here. Over there.

[grunting]

Can I get in bed with you?

No, go get in bed with your father.

- I can't. - 'Why not?'

'Cause he's in bed with my mother.

Look, sonny. I'm tired and I want to get some sleep.

Now, you run along now. I'm sure the sandman is looking for you.

Goodnight, sonny. Goodnight. Go..

Have a good-good-good..

[Sam barking]

- Dad. Dad, are you awake? - 'Awake?'

(Michael) 'How could anybody sleep in this bear trap?'

'Turn on those lights.'

Shh. You'll wake the whole house up.

Alright. Let 'em wake up. Help me up out of here.

- What happened? - Help me up.

Well, help me up.

Trudy, let me tell you something.

I control a dozen corporations.

Coal mines, steamships, railroads.

I push a button and make a bank president.

But never in my whole life has anyone ever made a fool of me.

Washing dishes.

A servant in my own house to a crowd of squatters.

Yeah, a valet to a dog.

He barks at 7:00 and I have to take him for a promenade.

And as for that Mr. McBeetle who smokes my cigars

and wears my clothes and drinks my brandy

he's leaving this house in the morning.

Yes, and that goes for your precious Jim, too.

But, dad, you promised. And where would they go?

They have no place, and this big house with nobody living in it..

It just isn't right. And as for, Jim..

Yeah, he'll be the first to go. Believe me. Yeah..

What kind of a man is he? Why doesn't he go to work?

He's going to, dad. He's got a marvelous idea.

'He's really going places.'

He sure is, right out on the sidewalk.

- 'But, dad... ' - I've had enough.

Now, Trudy, listen, I want all of these people

out of this house in 24 hours

or I'm having them arrested for vagrancy and trespassing.

- Oh, dad. Please... - You heard me.

Twenty-four hours, or I'm calling the police.

Goodnight.

[Sam barking]

Hello. Western Union?

I wanna send a telegram, please.

To Mrs. Marry O'Connor.

Royal Palms Hotel.

Palm Beach, Florida.

Dear mother.

Please fly New York at once.

Will contact you. Waldorf Towers.

Terribly urgent. Love, Trudy.

[instrumental music]

Yes, darling, I'm sure you're in love with this Jim.

You have all the symptoms.

'What does your father think of him?'

Dad's going to have him arrested.

Well, whatever for? Loving you?

No, for trespassing.

(Mary) 'Well that's the same thing, isn't it? To your father.'

I think it's awful of him, mother.

Those people haven't done a single thing

but live in that big, old vacant house.

Well, there must be more than one way to skin a cat

or an O'Connor.

Of course, darling, I haven't seen your father in four years.

[chuckles]

But I think I know just how to cope with the situation.

'Your household will have to make room for another guest.'

- You, mother? - Why not?

- 'Oh, well... ' - Oh, don't worry.

I won't give anything away.

Oh, mother, you're an angel.

I can't understand how dad ever let you go.

Aw, honey, there are lots of things about your father

that are difficult to understand.

Well, now take my face off and..

Oh, where am I going to find some old clothes?

I know just the place.

[instrumental music]

(Aloysius) 'Mike.'

Rule number one in this house

is never come in or go out through that front door.

- Uh, I'm sorry. - W-where did you get the key?

I, uh, I found the key while I was cleaning.

Well, come on. Hand it over.

[clicks tongue]

I must be dreaming.

Smells like slumgullion.

Slumgullion?

Uh, it's a kind of an Irish stew.

I haven't eaten it for years.

As a matter of fact, it was on account of slumgullion

I fell in love and got married.

Must be quite a dish.

Yes, she was.

Uh, my wife made the finest slumgullion

in the whole state.

- Wife? - Well, I don't see her anymore.

- Ah.. - We're divorced.

[sniffing] By George, that is slumgullion.

Yeah, could be. We've got a cook now.

[instrumental music]

Slumgullion.

Tastes familiar?

Mary.

Hello, Michael.

Well, this is a surprise.

I thought it would be.

May I ask what are you doing here?

Same thing you're doing here. Came to meet Jim.

Oh. And have you had that extreme pleasure?

I have, and I found him to be everything Trudy said he was.

Oh, indeed, indeed.

You've taken on a little weight since I last saw you

in the wrong places.

It's the clothes. And you're no Van Johnson yourself.

I can remember when you only had one chin.

Indeed. Well, let me tell you...

- Shh! - Stop shushing me! I won't..

We're going to dispose of this nonsense once and for all.

Imagine an 18-year-old girl wanting to marry this...

- You married me when I was 17. - And look what happened to us.

Nothing happened to us that a little fidelity

couldn't have cured.

Are you accusing me of infidelity?

I am. You left me and married your money.

Nonsense.

And besides, I resent your being here.

'Trudy belongs in school, and that's where she's going.'

Shh. Not so loud.

You listen to me, Michael O'Connor.

Trudy is in love with a young man

and she wants to win him the hard way, not with your money.

Instead of admiring her for it, you're fighting her

just as you've always battled anyone

who wouldn't bend to your will.

You just haven't the courage to see this through.

- Oh, I haven't? - That's what I said.

I can stick this out just as long as you can.

Longer, do you hear? Longer.

- That I'll have to see. - Ah. I'll give you three days.

Three days over these pots and pans

with your manicured fingernails

and then you'll slink back to Palm Beach

and your favorite beauty parlor.

- Ha! - 'And another thing.'

(Michael) 'You might as well realize right now'

'that this house isn't big enough for both of us.'

(Mary) 'Alright. When are you leaving?'

Hey, what goes on in here?

(Trudy) 'Mike and Mary had a little argument'

'but it's all over now.'

A new cook, and already a fight in the kitchen?

You know, you two should learn to get along together.

[sniffing]

Stew!

Mary, if this tastes as good as it smells

you're gonna be my new pin-up girl.

[laughs] Thanks.

But Trudy's been helping me with it.

Oh, she has, huh? Well, keep her busy.

Mike, I want you to quit picking on Mary.

Good cooks are hard to find.

(Jim) 'Cookie, I've got some great news for you.'

(Trudy) 'I'm all ears.'

Whitey and Hank got a couple hundred

of the boys together, they're

all steamed up and raring to go.

Between the gang of us, we've averaged about 500 a piece.

'And I went to see the Wheeler Construction Company today.'

'They went for the idea in a big way.'

'They may even put up the rest of the money we need.'

- "Tell me more.' - 'I'm seeing..'

(Jim) 'The head of the outfit on Friday.'

Boy, if this idea works out

I'll buy this joint from O'Connor.

[telephone ringing]

- Hello? - Hello, Farrow. It's me.

Listen, do we still own an interest

in Wheeler Construction?

Good. Now pay attention.

There's a young man coming in there Friday named Jim Bullock.

He has some half-baked ideas

about model houses or barracks or something.

I want them to disregard the idea and offer him a job.

Yes. Yes. I don't ca..

I don't care if it's teaching Eskimos the boogie-woogie

or milking whales in Patagonia

only it must be out of the country.

Huh? Anywhere.

Uh, make it Bolivia. The farther away the better.

There's only one stipulation. He has to be a single man.

Single, you idi..

That means unmarried. Yeah.

I don't care. Make up any excuse.

Only offer him enough so that he can't refuse.

Yeah, right. You got it?

Okay. Now, how about that property?

We've been topped again. The price is now a 185,000.

Offer 'em a 190,000.

I don't care if we're bucking Morgan and Chase.

I want that property.

'Well, if you need cash, transfer a couple of million'

'from the Chicago house. Right?'

- Oh, Mike. - Hm?

I'm sorry to interrupt your negotiations.

I know you have millions and millions of dollars

hanging in the balance.

But, Mike, you didn't make your bed this morning.

[indistinct chatter]

Don't hold back. There's plenty more in the kitchen.

(Alice) 'Well, will you hand me the butter, please?'

May I have a bit more, please?

Well, what about your milk-and-cracker diet?

Uh, my stomach's a lot better.

That proves what I've always believed.

Indigestion is caused by unhappiness.

'If you don't like the things the world makes you do'

you're not hungry.

But if you smile and you're happy

you enjoy life and you're hungry all the time.

I wonder if the O'Connors were as happy

in this house as we are.

Happy?

'From what I hear'

'they're the most snarled'

'uppest people in the whole world!

- What's wrong with them? - Plenty.

Now you take Michael O'Connor for example.

A poor boy who became

the second-richest man in the world.

Almost the richest, uh, uh, so I hear.

Yeah, and is he happy? I should say not.

'They tell me he's one of'

'the worst-tempered men in the country.'

I hear O'Connor is so high-hat, he won't accept a glass of beer

unless it's got a winged collar on it.

He must hate photographers.

Nobody's ever seen his picture in the papers.

Yeah. What does the guy look like?

An octopus.

Now, Jim, let's have no personalities please.

After all, we are living in O'Connor's house.

And eating his food and wearing his clothes.

Which reminds me, he needs some new white shirts.

Now, as I was about to say

he's a sourpuss with a sour stomach

that's so engrossed in his holding companies

'that he couldn't hold his wife and family together.'

Maybe his wife walked out on him.

If she's smart, she ran.

(Aloysius) 'From what I hear, she's no bargain either.'

[chokes]

They say she's really snarled up.

Lives in a big house down at Palm Beach

and spends most of her time

'trying not to admit she's a middle-aged woman.'

Suppose we talk about something else, hm?

You're right, Mary. It's a waste of breath.

- Mike, you had enough? - I've had plenty.

Oh, Mike. Your dishes.

Now, please be a little more careful of them.

I found a couple of 'em chipped last night.

You see what I mean, Mike?

These shelves were jam-packed

when all you people came to live with me.

When I lived here alone, what I ate was never missed.

But 11 of us!

Well, that would make a dent in any larder.

Mike, it looks as though you and I will have to go to work.

Me? Work? Oh, no. Ha-ha..

Why, Trudy's working.

Jim and the other boys chip in money for food.

Mary does the cooking, and I..

Well, I sort of supervise.

I tell you, Mike

honest labor never hurt any man.

At least it never did me.

Yeah, that I can understand.

And it's not going to hurt me either.

Now, get this, neither you nor any man

is going to make me do manual labor! And that's final.

- Oh, but, Mike... - No, no, sir.

No, that's going too far. Oh, no.

[instrumental "Jingle Bells"]

[grunts]

- Well, you're doing fine, Mike. - Yeah.

You know, we're getting a dollar an hour for this job.

Not bad, huh?

After we get this cleared off, I've arranged for another one.

The movie theater down the street.

Uh, don't tire yourself out.

Well, we-we're getting a-dollar-ten for that job.

Say, you know, I think I can help you.

Why, I wouldn't want you to exert yourself at all.

Well, after all, I should be doing something.

Ah.

I know what.

I'll get you a bigger shovel.

[instrumental music]

Mr.

Shh!

Shh. Quick, quick, quick. Get in the car. Get in the car.

Don't look surprised. Get in the car.

- Mr. O'Connor, w-what is this? - Now, now, now wait a minute.

Now don't ask questions, just answer them.

What about that government property?

Our offer's been topped again.

Our opponents, whoever they are, have gone to 195.

Ah. Well, offer them 200,000. Any clue as to who's bucking us?

Not yet. But don't worry, sir. I won't let it drop.

Good, good, good.

Now, what about that young fellow?

- Young fellow? - That Jim Bullock.

- The fellow I phoned you about. - Oh, yes.

He was in to see Henderson

of Wheeler Construction this morning.

Henderson has full instructions

to offer him that job in Bolivia.

Ah. Excellent, Farrow. Excellent.

Now, if he accepts, and there's no reason why he shouldn't

all of my troubles are over. Ha-ha!

Well, okay, Farrow. See you later.

Uh, Mr. O'Connor, a-are you alright?

Never felt better in my life. Heh.

- Mr. O'Connor. Your shovel. - Yes? Yeah.

Oh, oh, thank you, thank you, thank you.

Come on, Mike, hurry up.

Here, let me help you.

Oh, thank you.

(Mary) 'Mike, have you had a hard day?'

No, nothing to speak of.

I merely shoveled snow off

half of Manhattan, that's all.

Be careful, Mike. Something cracked.

That was my back.

Oh, Mike, it did you good! You have color in your cheeks.

Why, you look positively healthy.

I'm sick. I'm dying.

Hello, boys.

Yeah. Hello, Jim.

Oh, hello, Mike.

Ah-ah! Careful of those Christmas bulbs.

Well, looks like you fellows are expecting Santa Claus.

Confidentially, there ain't no Santa Claus. We know.

Anything wrong?

Uh, how'd you make out?

I mean with, uh, uh, Wheeler Construction?

They turned thumbs down on our proposition

but they did offer me a job in Bolivia.

Twelve-thousand a year and all expenses.

Well, that's great, Jim. That's a lot of money.

Uh, when are you leaving?

Are you kiddin'? Why would I wanna go to Bolivia?

Well, wonderful country, fine climate.

Beautiful girls down there.

They're not bad up here either.

Uh, but-but, Jim..

Bolivia is the tin capital of the world.

Look, Mike, I like the good old USA

and that ain't tin.

If I can't make a living here, then I'll give up.

Besides, I couldn't let guys like Hank and Whitey down.

They and a hundred others have put their time

faith and dough into an idea.

I'd be a heel to walk out.

I don't wanna be inquisitive

but, uh, what is this big idea you think is so important?

I know it has something to do with barracks...

An army camp.

The government's selling and we're trying to buy it.

Army camp. Oh.

- Where? - Just outside the city.

You mean, Camp Kilson?

Mike, you're a bright boy. Go to the head of the class.

Yeah, we thought we could get it cheap

but some drip has bid us up to a 190,000.

(Jim) Oh, excuse me, Mike.

You mean to say you fellas

have been bidding on that property?

Well, sure. Say, Mike, why are you so interested?

Oh, um, I'm-I'm not interested.

Doesn't mean anything to me. Only I..

[chuckles] I was just wondering, uh

what are you using for money?

- Clam shells? - No.

We've got a 100,000 that we collected from our partners.

Fellows just like us.

Yeah, but you bid up to a 190,000.

That's way over your capital.

We know it, but we'll get the dough.

Tomorrow is another day. We're not licked yet.

Hello.

Have you ever seen Santa Claus?

Sonny

there are some people who think I'm Santa Claus.

Why?

[instrumental music]

Yeah. A little more to the right, Mary.

Down a little further. Yeah. That's it. That's it.

Ah..

[chuckles] I feel better already.

- Mary? - Yes, Mike.

Do you remember that old railroad flat we had?

Twelve dollars a month, and we thought it was expensive.

Well, it was the nicest flat on the block.

Hm.

Remember how we used to sit out on the front steps

on hot summer nights?

Me with my can of beer

and you with your bag of cherries

spitting the stones at Finnegan's goat.

[laughing]

Yes, only it wasn't Finnegan's. It was Murphy's goat.

No, no, no, it was Finnegan's.

Oh, I guess I ought to know which goat I spit at.

[chuckles] That was fun, wasn't it?

We had lots of friends in those days.

Real friends.

Yes, and you had lots of muscle. Real muscle.

Now you're flabby as an old seal.

Yeah, who's flabby? Ah..

Ow. Ow! Oh.

[laughing]

- Mary. - Yeah.

Mike.

I must ask you, Mike, to return to your room at once.

[mumbles] Now, just a minute, you...

Go to your room.

Hm.

Hm.

Mary, I'll talk to you in the morning.

[laughing]

[instrumental music]

What's the matter?

- Jim. - Yeah?

If my name weren't Trudy Smith, if it were something else

would it matter?

Oh, Cookie, I don't know

and I don't care what your name is.

But whatever it is, the minute I land a job

I'll give you a chance to change it.

[vacuum cleaner whirring]

Good morning, Mary.

Good morning, Mike. How's your back?

Well, fair on one side, bad on the other.

Oh, Mike.

I didn't sleep very well last night.

I think this mattress ought to be turned over.

Will you give me a hand, please?

I hope you and Mary don't think

I was being a bit stuffy about last night.

Only, you must remember, there are young people in the house

'and we older folks mustn't set a bad example.'

I assure you, Mr. McKeever, it was all perfectly innocent.

Well, let's forget it.

Except that I hope I didn't give you the impression

that I was opposed to a man and woman falling in love.

(Aloysius) 'Now, you take this bed.'

'It was made for a man and his wife.'

'Only, the wife is in Florida'

'and the husband is in Virginia.'

You know

when you think of all the people who fall out of love

even though they have everything

it's kind of nice to think of people like you

falling in love.

Uh, look, Mac.

There are some things that you just don't quite understand.

Oh, yes, I do, Mike.

It's very plain. Mary is in love with you.

[music on music box]

1918.

[knocking on door]

-'May I come in?' - Sure.

Mike, I've been thinking.

Why don't you and Mary get married?

Married?

It might be the best thing

in the world for both of you.

Might make something of your lives.

- Maybe it's too late. - Oh, it's never too late.

Now, you take Mike here. He's a nice-enough fellow.

But what has he made of his existence?

Absolutely nothing.

Now, Mary is a fine woman and a fine cook.

Responsibility would be the best thing for both of you.

'And marriage means responsibility.'

Whatever you do..

...don't end up like me.

You know, if I were a younger man

I might be asking Mary to marry me.

Oh..

[chuckling]

Think it over.

[door shuts]

[music on music box]

[music stops]

Oh, Mary, what's the matter with both of us?

'Why don't we call all this off?"

Call what off, Michael?

Mary, listen to me.

I love you very much.

I've always loved you.

There's never been another woman in my life but you.

No, I mean that.

Why do think I've been hanging around here

submitting to all this?

Because you're here, because I want you.

Because I've been hoping

I've been hoping that we might..

Mary, I never wanted that divorce.

I never wanted it either.

- Oh. - Oh..

Oh, Michael.

You seem to have changed. It's almost like old times.

I have changed and I'm going to change even more. I promise.

[piano music]

J Some holly wreaths and mistletoe

J A great big Christmas tree

J A winter's day with lots of show J

J That's what Christmas means to me J

J Just sitting by the fireside [

♪ As warm as we can be J

g With all our loved ones by our side J

J That's what Christmas means to me J

J Open house for friends and neighbors J

J Bringing merry cheer J

J Church bells ringing voices singing J

J Carols sweet and clear s

J I pray the Lord to bless again J

J This land of liberty J

J With peace on Earth goodwill to man J

J That's what Christmas means to me J

J Open house for friends and neighbors J

J Bringing merry cheer J

J Church bells ringing voices singing J

J Carols sweet and clear s

J I pray the Lord to bless again J

J This land of liberty J

J With peace on Earth goodwill to man ll

Alright, folks, that's enough of that.

Just as I suspected.

Well, I'll be a monkey's orphan.

Oh, come, sir.

Your family connections

must be better than that.

Alright, Santa, saddle up your reindeer

and let's gallop down to headquarters.

Now, one moment, gentlemen.

These people are not doing any harm.

They're not thieves, nor are they vandals.

- Who are you? - McKeever's the name.

Aloysius T. McKeever.

And I wish you a very Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

How long you've been living here?

Well, I've been here for the past three winters.

'And speaking for my friends here'

they're very nice people.

Ex-servicemen with their wives and children

who are merely, shall we say

taking advantage of much-needed shelter.

You wouldn't want to arrest them on Christmas Eve.

- Now, would you? - No.

And this nice couple here

'is Mary and Mike who are soon to be married.'

You see, romance has flourished

within our boarded windows.

Oh, Mary, this is the nicest Christmas present I've ever had.

Thank you, dear.

Mike.

I'm happy. Terribly happy.

Congratulations. Been married 22 years myself.

- Well, well. - Twenty-two years?

My, that's wonderful!

Yeah, marriage is a great thing.

No family should be without it.

Now, take my wife, a great little woman.

Sits home night after night.

All alone, on Christmas Eve?

All alone, and never a beef.

Well, call her up and ask her to come on over.

- No kidding? You mean it? - Of course I do.

- How about it, folks?? - "Why, sure. Go ahead.'

(Jim) 'Tell her to come on over. We'll have some fun.'

Gee, that's swell of you people.

Myrtle would sure like that. A great little woman.

Hello, Myrtle. It's me, Cecil. Your husband.

Yeah, honey. I'm at a little party.

It's that big gloomy-looking joint on Fifth Avenue.

- 'The O'Connor place.' - Uh..

Tell her not to come in through the front door.

We have a hole in the back fence.

Don't come through the front door.

There's a hole in the back fence.

You crawl through the hole and..

How could you say that, baby? I ain't touched a drop.

That isn't nice, Myrtle.

Well, if that's the way you feel..

She says she ain't got nothing to wear.

Myrtle's a great little woman. We've been married 22 years.

She ain't never laid a fist on me, except in self-defense.

Well, thanks for the invite anyway.

We'll be running along.

They're not doing any harm, are they?

Hello. Brady reporting.

Okay at the O'Connor house.

Exceptionally okay.

Eee-ha! How about it, everybody?

J For he's a jolly good fellow for he's a jolly good fellow [

J For he's a jolly good fellow /7

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute, please!

Folks. Do us a favor, will you?

Don't sing so loud. It leaks through the boards.

Anything you say, gentlemen. Will you have some cigars?

- Oh, thanks. - Gee, thanks.

- Merry Christmas. - Merry Christmas.

- Uh, may I have one, please? - Oh, sure.

Uh, thank you.

Well, folks, you can stay for the holidays.

But try and be gone after New Year's.

You know, if O'Connor heard about this, we'd get fired!

Well, take care of things, will you?

- Yeah. - Oh, boy, are these good.

[piano music]

Jim. What's the matter?

Oh, nothing.

Oh, now, something's wrong.

What is it?

Well, we've lost out.

That barracks property's been sold.

Sold? Well, who'd they sell it to?

To Michael J. O'Connor.

Here, read it and weep.

(Jim) 'Well, boys, that washes us up.'

(Whitey) "" Outbidding all competitors'

"" industrial wizard Michael J. O'Connor'

'has today added Camp Kilson to his other vast holdings."

(Jim) 'How about that O'Connor? How do you like that?'

(Hank) 'Yeah, he wants to buy up everything in this city.'

'Doesn't leave anything for anyone else.'

(Jim) 'He's got just about everything now I guess.'

(Hank) 'Yeah.'

(Mary) 'Oh, uh, Mike.'

Yeah, now look, Mary, how did I know

they were bidding on that property?

- I'm no mind-reader. - Mm-hmm.

When did you find out?

It was just a couple of days ago.

I only did what I considered right

from a business standpoint.

- After all, I... - Don't get belligerent.

- I didn't say anything. - But you're thinking.

- Of course I'm thinking. - Hm.

I'm thinking what a nice Christmas present it would be

for Trudy and Jim and the rest.

Oh, their idea is harebrained and nonsensical.

- It won't make a dime. - Oh, maybe not.

But it'll make an awful lot of people happy.

You never did understand

that business and sentiment don't mix.

Why is it that every.. Oh, look, Mary.

Let's not get sidetracked in a silly financial discussion.

Why should we start off arguing again?

Michael J. O'Connor..

...I was wrong.

You haven't changed a bit

and you never will. Never.

[instrumental music]

Jim! Jim, it's beautiful!

I didn't like the idea of you going around

in borrowed clothes. I hope it fits.

- It will. - Here, let me help you.

Oh, it's lovely.

[music continues]

(Jim) 'Cookie, it may not be mink'

"'but you sure make it look like it.'

I really can't take it, Jim.

Why not? It's a gift.

I know, but you shouldn't have done it.

- 'You can't afford it.' - Well, it's Christmas.

Hey, hey. What's the matter?

Jim, you're wonderful.

Wonderful.

(Jim) 'Mike.'

Women are funny.

You give them something to make them happy

and they cry about it.

Hm, you think that's funny?

[chuckles] Wait till you get to be my age.

Uh, what, um..

What are you planning on doing now, Jim?

Nothing. What is there to do?

In the morning I've gotta get down to the barracks

and tell the gang the deal is off.

I'd rather take a beating than do that.

Mind if I go along with you?

If you like. I don't see how you can help any.

[indistinct chatter]

[engine revving]

Wait a minute, fellows. Wait a minute!

Now, I probably like O'Connor a lot less than any of you.

But in this case he's perfectly within his rights.

He owns half the town. Why should he grab this property?

- We'll buy it from him. - I'm afraid that's impossible.

(Jim) 'I know it's a tough break, fellas, but there's no use'

'beefing about it.'

"We tried and we failed.'

[indistinct chatter]

Would you mind standing aside?

I asked you to stand aside, young man.

Say "please."

May I ask what are all you men doing here?

We've been holding a meeting.

'Union Square is for that purpose.'

Take your soapbox down there. This is private property.

See that this property is cleared

and no-trespassing signs erected.

And those barracks, get those people out at once.

They're wives and kids of some of the men.

Give them a chance. They have no place to go.

I can't help that. Now, gentlemen, we want action.

'I want all those barracks torn down'

'and construction started as soon as possible.'

[indistinct chatter]

Who is that little creep?

Say, maybe it's O'Connor.

Yeah.

Could be.

O'Connor, huh?

Hey, it's O'Connor!

Hey, fellas, it's O'Connor!

[upbeat music]

[clamoring]

Who did that?

I'll have you run off this property!

I'll have you arrested!

[clamoring]

Let him have it.

You know who I am? Or you?

- Police! - Go on. Come on, come on.

[clamoring]

Police! Police!

[clamoring]

[upbeat music]

[singing in foreign language]

[singing continues]

[applauding]

[instrumental music]

It's got a game leg.

What is this, a pinball machine?

[clanking]

Sugar?

Swell number.

I wonder if the musicians will know it down in Bolivia.

- You're really going? - Well, sure.

Twelve-thousand a year is too much dough to pass up

when you haven't got a job or a place to live.

Well, I guess I don't know the combination.

[clanking]

[clattering]

[music continues]

You must have decided in an awful hurry.

The army taught us to do things in a hurry.

And didn't the army teach you to fight all the harder

when the going got tough?

Of course, in the army

you're fighting with guns.

But in this fight the bullets are green bags.

And O'Connor has all the ammunition.

'Look, Trudy, I'll only be gone a year or so.'

That's a long time.

Well, maybe you better not wait.

Maybe I shouldn't.

[instrumental music]

If you run short, I'll send you some cash

so you won't have to borrow any clothes.

Don't worry, I'll get plenty of clothes.

You mean, from that guy with the champagne?

Listen, you'd better stay away from that wolf.

At least a wolf doesn't run away from you like a rabbit.

You guys scram. Check out.

I said, check out.

Check out?

Ah! Checkoutsky. Russian.

- Oh. - Hey!

[upbeat music]

Jim, all that stands between you and the top of the ladder is...

Is the ladder. You can't climb with an anchor around your neck.

Oh, so you think I'm an anchor?

- I didn't say that! - You did!

And you can go straight to Bolivia and stay there.

Do you hear me? Stay there!

[vocalization]

- Jim's leaving. - Leaving?

Well, maybe it's all for the best.

Where's he going?

To Bolivia, for some company.

Wheeler Construction. That's it.

Oh, darling, if you really love Jim

you marry him and go with him.

I can't. They only want single men.

Well, that's strange. Well, in fact, it's ridiculous.

Wheeler Construction..

(Mary) 'Single men only.'

If I remember correctly, your father owns that company.

Dad. Do you mean to say that you deliberately planned to...

(Mary) 'Of all the contemptible... '

- Alright, Mary. - Ugh!

We'll forget about Bolivia.

Michael J. O'Connor, you ought to be ashamed of yourself.

If you want to marry Jim, it's alright with me.

- I'll give him a job here. - What kind of a job?

Oh, uh, doing something, I don't know, but it'll be a job.

Nice office, secretary, good salary. All the trimmings.

Oh, dad, can't you understand?

He wants to stand on his own two feet.

Jim has ability, whether you think so or not.

And I'd rather he go anywhere

than be one of your army of high-salaried yes-men.

[door shuts]

I'll be leaving tomorrow, Michael.

And when I leave, Trudy will be going with me.

So you'll have this whole house all to yourself again.

I hope you'll be very happy in it.

[instrumental music]

Did you say something?

No.

- Where is everybody? - I don't know.

I guess they're all down in the dumps, the same as I am.

You know, I don't think I'll be coming back here next winter.

Why? What's wrong with this place?

Since Jim and the boys lost their property

all the laughter and happiness is gone.

This place seems like a morgue.

You know, I think I'll try

the Guggenhoff Mansion next season.

The Guggenhoff Mansion?

Oh, that place doesn't compare with this.

Everybody knows that the Guggenhoff place

has bad plumbing. Yeah.

And besides, they don't have air-conditioning.

And that's something to be considered.

Mike, a house, any house

is only what its occupants make it.

Ah, this place doesn't seem the same.

I think I'll get a cup of coffee.

Hello, Jim.

Would you care for a cup of coffee?

No, thanks.

I, um..

- I hear you're leaving. - Yup.

Going down to see Wheeler Construction today.

Jim, you don't want to go to Bolivia.

Why not? You tried to sell me that deal once.

- What changed your mind? - Uh..

Well, I thought

perhaps that if you had a talk with Mr. O'Connor

uh, you wouldn't have to go to Bolivia.

Talk with him, how are you gonna talk with him

if you can't even see him?

Uh, well, I have a friend, uh

who works in the O'Connor building.

Uh, uh, Ch-Charlie's his name. Charlie Graham.

He and I used to ride the rods together.

He's head janitor there now, and believe it or not

O'Connor and Charlie are like two peas in a pod.

Uh, I hope you won't mind, Jim

but I asked Charlie to ask Mr. O'Connor

for an appointment for you.

- 'And guess what?' - I'm guessing.

Charlie just phoned me and said

that Mr. O'Connor would see you in one hour.

Mike, are you feeling alright?

Mike, you are having hallucinations again.

No, no, no, no. Not this time. No, I know what I'm saying.

Don't pass up this chance, Jim. Better go now.

Okay, Mike, we'll give it a try.

It won't be the first office I've been thrown out of.

And, Mike, if anything happens, we'll cut you in.

[instrumental music]

- How do you do? I.. - Good morning, gentlemen.

Mr. O'Connor's expecting you. Will you go right in?

Thank you.

(Michael) 'Farrow, I told you to transfer some cash to our Paris office.'

'Two million? You expect them to operate with pennies?'

'Cable them three million more right away.'

'Can't I leave this office five minutes'

'without things going haywire?'

'Where are those lumber contracts?'

'Well, call San Francisco and tell them'

if those contracts aren't here tomorrow, the deal is off.

Anything happen on that steel-mill lease?

I don't care what it costs. I want it closed today.

Yeah, right.

'Oh, and by the way, cable Kennedy in London'

'and tell him we'll sell our British and Canadian holdings'

for 12 million, and not a cent less.

Oh, and if my American Can goes up tomorrow

sell a 100,000 shares. Right.

'Hello, boys.'

Mike! What are you doing behind O'Connor's desk?

- You gone nuts? - How did you get in here?

We'd better get him out before O'Connor comes in.

Wait. Uh, uh, gentlemen. Gentlemen.

[muffled speech]

- Good morning, gentlemen. - Good morning.

- Good morning. - Where's Mr. O'Connor?

We haven't seen him.

We have an appointment with him.

[banging on door]

What's that?

- Well, it ain't mice. - 'Farrow, help.'

(Michael) 'Somebody open this door.'

[banging on door]

'Open it.'

Mr. O'Connor!

Mr. O'Connor, what were you doing in that closet?

I like it in there.

There's nothing so restful as a nice, dark, stuffy closet.

Did you say..

...Mr. O'Connor?

(Michael) 'That's what he said.'

- Uh, well, how did the.. - But what...

Yeah, now, now, don't start popping questions.

I haven't time. Farrow, where are those papers of transfer?

- Uh, right here, sir. - Yeah. Oh. Oh, good.

Now then, before I transfer this barracks property

over to you three gentlemen

there's one thing you must do for me.

Yes, sir?

Not one word of this

to McKeever.

As far as he is concerned

I am still just a, uh

a panhandler.

Gentlemen, is that clear?

- 'Yes, sir.' - Good.

Sit down. Make yourself at home.

[indistinct chatter]

[horn blows]

Just a minute, folks.

To Mike.

I never would have believed it possible

but he certainly came through in a pinch.

- To Mike! - To Michael J..

- Speech, Mike. Speech. - 'Come on, Mike.'

Well, I.. Ahem.

I really don't know what to say

excepting that I'm glad I was able to be of service

even though Mac here chooses to think of me

as a drifter, a panhandler

and a man of little principle.

Water under the bridge, Mike.

Please try and forget that I ever said it.

Mac, it's already forgotten.

Well..

It's too bad we have to leave here.

But we did promise the patrolmen

to be out of here by the first of the year.

Naturally, I would have preferred

to spend the winter

as I customarily do..

'...but..'

...all good things must come to an end.

Soon the O'Connor servants will be coming back

uh, taking down the boards.

Tomorrow we must put the house in order

so that everything will be just as we found it.

'Tonight is our last night together.'

'Our paths may never cross again.'

And I would like to feel

that you're all my friends.

For to be without friends

is a serious form of poverty.

[clock chiming]

The New Year! And may it bring happiness to all of you!

- Happy New Year! - Happy New Year!

[vocalization]

You know, I always come out the same way I go in.

Well, everything is just as we found it.

You know, it's been a very pleasant winter after all.

[Sam barking]

[chuckles] I guess Sam knows that he's going on the road.

Alright, Sam. I'm ready.

Well, look, Mac. I..

Well, that is, uh

Trudy and I are gonna be married.

We're gonna have plenty of room.

Yes, we could all stay together.

Mike and I wish you'd come stay with us.

- How about it, Mac? - Well, thanks.

Thanks to all of you.

But you have your own lives to lead and I..

Well, it's a little too late for me to change.

Anyway, I have a very nice place to go to

down in Virginia, stay at Bubbling Springs.

'It's Mr. O'Connor"s place.'

[chuckles] When, when he comes back here, I go down there.

Oh.

Well, we, we better not all leave at once.

'Uh, Jim and Trudy, you go out first.'

- Goodbye, Mr. McKeever. - Goodbye, dear.

I hope you'll be very happy.

Thank you.

Mac.

I'll always remember you. Good luck.

Good luck to both of you, too.

My, they're a nice couple.

Oh, by golly, I nearly forgot.

In case you've no place to spend your honeymoon

here's the key to the Guggenhoff Mansion.

- They're in Europe. - Uh, thanks.

And, Mary, if Mike doesn't treat you right

you come back and report to me.

I'll be back here next November 3rd.

That's a date.

Mike.

Mac.

Thanks.

Goodbye, Mary.

Come on, Sam. Attaboy.

(male #2) 'Fifth Avenue, the street where the elite original 400"

built their homes, making it the most celebrated'

'residential avenue in the world.'

'That magnificent marble dwelling'

'we are just passing is the Guggenhoff Mansion..'

- Bye. Bye. - 'He was the copper king.'

'On your right, that big'

'brownstone mansion that's all boarded up'

'that is the townhouse of the great industrial wizard'

"Michael J. O'Connor'

'the second-richest man in the world.'

- You know, Mary.. - Yes, Mike?

There are richer men than I.

- Mary. - Yes, Mike?

Remind me to nail up the board in the back fence.

He's coming through the front door next winter.

[instrumental music]

[whistling]

[instrumental music]