Original subtitles

["The Edwardians" by Alexander Faris]

[bell ringing]

-[Sarah] Oh!

- Oh!

-[Sarah] Get that downstairs.

They can't answer the door in those clothes.

- I'm not answering in these clothes,

I'm going out in these clothes.

[bell ringing]

These are my clothes for going out in.

- Well that's not your door for going out in.

Downstairs and through the area.

- Area?

What is area?

-[Elizabeth] Oh!

- Oh!

- Is my brother in?

- Completely.

Asleep.

- Still?

- Still.

Well, that I think depends.

When did you last observe him so?

- But, it's nearly noon.

- No, it's only nearly half past 11.

- You may safely admit me. - Yes, you have

introduced yourself.

Unless your brother has more than one sister.

- He hasn't.

And, you've introduced yourself, too.

- I?

- With your accent.

If it's Swedish.

- It is.

How do you do?

As the English say never expecting to be told.

Good morning.

Cab.

[horse hooves clomping]

- Oh!

- Good morning, Sarah.

- I didn't expect you back today, Miss Elizabeth.

- I know.

- You wasn't up there long, hardly a long good bye.

- That's all it was just now, too.

- Hmm?

- When the Captain went out.

- Captain Ryttsen?

I thought he was still asleep.

- No, it's my brother who is.

I trust Edward isn't too.

- Edward?

Didn't he just answer the door to you?

- I'm sure he didn't unless he's caught a Swedish accent

from our guest and acquired a gentleman's wardrobe.

Uh, my luggage ticket, Euston.

Would you give it to Edward please and his cab fare?

- I don't think this will be enough, Miss Elizabeth.

Even without the extra for the luggage,

there's only enough here for one way.

- Yes, the way back.

The way there Edward shall walk.

- Of course, being a footman.

Will that be all, Miss Elizabeth?

[footsteps clomping]

- No Sarah, not quite.

When my mother originally interviewed you

for the position here, did you wear anything like that?

- Like this?

-[Elizabeth] No Sarah, like that?

- Oh no, I wasn't in uniform then.

- Were you in silk, that's the point?

- Point, Miss Elizabeth?

- I should think if you were Sarah,

you'd have been recommended to seek employment in Paris.

- Don't you like my uniform?

- I quite do, excepting only that, although so individual,

it is a uniform.

But, when my parents return, greet them in something

a little less emancipated.

- Emaciated?

- I think you've understood me Sarah.

Also, Sarah.

- Yes, Miss Elizabeth.

- Yes, Sarah.

How often do you travel by cab, hmm?

Not many an under house parlormaid

would be expected to know the fare

to a fro the rirst railway station mentioned her.

- Oh well, Miss Elizabeth, I haven't been

an under house parlormaid very long.

[laughing]

- No.

- Down, Sarah.

In your silk, to the kitchen please.

I should like not morning tea but coffee,

much of it, black.

Nor, I think will Captain Ryttsen.

I didn't know I'd got up so late, it was already Monday.

Or are you indeed a weekend early.

- Father bagged 37 brace yesterday.

Mother elucidated that Olive May Agertigo

will soon become the Countess of Droida.

The traffic along the bedroom landings

of husbands who had come without wives

to the doors of wives who had come without husbands

different from that of Piccadilly only in that

the pedestrians wore dressing gowns.

Between the slaughter of grouse,

reputations, and fidelities,

I decided that Perthshire in October was no place

for a girl with a social conscience.

- Oh Lord, I'd hopped you'd left your up there.

At a Scottish house party, consciences are deposited

in the Kirk.

They are visited of a Sunday, dusted off,

and tucked back out of sight again.

I prefer to carry mine on my own shoulders

where I can see it.

- Like an organ grinder's monkey, always a beck.

- Rose caught a caught a cough at the Kirk.

- Rose?

- Armand.

Who is short for Rosie to our Jewish visitors

and for Rosamond to our gentile.

Our head house parlormaid acting as my doula.

- Oh, Rose.

- Rose.

Pearce, however, is well.

You do remember our chauffeur

now doubling as Father's loader.

- I also remember Hudson our butler

now doubling as Father's valet.

And, I see no reason to inquire after the health

of every servant who's had to traipse from the basement

here to the Highlands with our parents.

- Which James is why you have gone up to the shooter not me.

You have the appropriate attitude, that of indifference.

- How indifferent was Mother

when you insulted her Caledonian host by leaving?

- Oh Mother had her reason not to notice mine.

Roberts, do you remember Roberts?

- Mother's ladies maid.

How is she?

- Shattery as usual.

-[James] Huh?

- Perhaps it's the moorland weather,

the shivering it induces.

But, in two crisp, raw weeks, she's demolished

more household ornaments up there

than she did down here all summer.

- Well, she broke so much down here?

- Didn't you notice?

- How could I?

So, much nicknackery littered about the place.

It's all a blur to me.

- Well and to me too, but Mother wonders

if Roberts might not be best left up there

particularly as the MacCluen children

seem to have taken a fancy to her.

If she became a nanny, what she broke

and what the Mac children broke

might prove indistinguishable.

- They might even have the goodness to break each other.

- Oh by all means look debauch but try not to sound it.

So, how have you found Sarah?

- Sarah?

- I distinctly heard you address her by name

in the hall just now, so I am confident you need not

be reminded who or what she, at least, is.

- I distinctly didn't find her.

You found her in a queue for hot soup.

You also reinstalled her here.

- On approval.

So, has she proved satisfactory?

Should, in short, Sarah be retained?

- I hardly noticed the girl.

- Well that is a recommendation in itself.

[sighs]

But, this isn't.

She dusts around.

- Hmm say on.

There's so much dust here Alice must have started it.

- Oh no, Rose would have seen.

What do you mean?

- I mean you can't say that because if Rose had seen,

she'd have reprimanded Alice and had her dust never again

around at all.

- If there'd been anything to see.

- And, if she'd seen it if there had been.

- Alice?

- Rose.

- I don't think you follow me.

- I don't think you've quite made yourself clear.

- As clear as the litter you've left on the floor.

- Huh?

- Well no doubt picking it up might occupy Sarah,

but one should set servants not only tasks, but examples.

Dropping cigar bands on the floor as you just did

is only slightly more civilized

than spitting out cigar ends.

Is that what you propose to do next?

- I pierced my cigar, didn't you notice?

And, threw the band in there, look.

- Threw it so hard it bounced off the flames?

- Huh?

- And, over the room, through the door to there?

And, I do fancy I can just perceive

an expectorated cigar end.

- Extraordinary.

I could have sworn that...

You and Axel aren't gonna get along I fear.

Cigar bands are neither here nor there to him either.

- Axel?

- Captain Ryttsen.

- You are saying it is your guess who has behaved

like a pig down here this morning and not yourself?

- My guest has the cleaning habits of his race.

Did I not tell you he would be a Swede?

- I'm sure he is.

- You should not be surprised, therefore, to hear

that he is where he is every morning hard on noon,

still in his bath.

- Oh yes, I should be.

- I confess it's a place not common if you're acquainted

by Englishmen every morning let alone week.

- I think you're mistaken, James.

I think however scrubbed he has been a trot and a snuffle

about this house while you snored

in your own porcine way, soundly on.

- He is also an officer and a gentleman.

I trust, Elizabeth, when I introduce you to him,

you will use language that justifies my describing you

as my sister.

Pig isn't a word one commonly associates with breeding.

- Isn't it?

I thought that to breed was the purpose of a pig.

Hence the expression all men are pigs.

- I have never observed nor heard of it observed,

a man give birth.

- No, it's invariably women who bear the consequences

of swinish behavior.

Other than to behave like a pig,

what was the purpose of your guest

in turning Mother's favorite room into a sty?

- Oh if anybody did, I did.

- A noble pretense, James.

But, as one who does all things by halves,

you are not capable of such squalidity.

- Well, apparently I was this morning.

- Apparently?

- Well who else could have been?

It is Sarah's first morning duty to clean these rooms.

Since then the only cigar-smoker to set foot,

or should I say, trotter in them has been myself.

[coughing]

Dear me, too much schnapps last night.

- Too much what?

- A Scandinavian beverage.

Axel brought a barrel.

- Hardly having noticed Sarah, how can you so surely

adumbrate her duties?

[puffing]

To the extent of being any way confident

she touched this room at all this morning.

- Oh, it's [mumbles].

I am confident, Elizabeth,

because apart from palpably lighting the fire,

she has also palpably tidied away my cigar case.

- What cigar case?

- The cigar case I left there last night.

- You've never had a cigar case.

- I have now.

- Abracadabra a cigar case, an invisible one.

- No, I repeat the Captain is a Swede.

- We were discussing a fictitious cigar case

not an insalubrious foreigner.

- Swedes,

and, I tell you, Elizabeth, I'd rather be a pig

than a prig,

have the civilized habit of bringing gifts

to their host.

He bought me a very splendid cigar case.

Even had the present thought to have it inscribed,

not only with my initials, but the crest of my regiment.

- I'll believe it when I see it.

- Yes, gold all through.

- You will melt it down or...

- Or?

- Might it have more value as the frame it is?

I haven't seen one like it before.

- Ah, it would be sacrilege

to separate it from the portrait.

This is Tudor.

- Then burn the portrait.

- Burn it?

No, no.

- Yes, yes.

It's a family heirloom.

Could be very easily traced.

-[Jeweler] Not on the continent.

- Ah.

- Ah ha ha.

Take it to [speaking foreign language] in Amsterdam.

I shall accept 30% of his 25%.

- It's worth my trouble?

I was sailing straight to Stockholm.

- It's worth more than all you've brought me

since you came to London.

- Mmm.

Well there are another six.

- I advise you strongly to attend to them

forgetting all else.

This, however, is by no means glass.

- And, it is by no means of irresistible value.

- Leave it.

I'll reset the diamond in an engagement ring.

- I'll leave you this instead.

- Mmm.

By itself it is scarcely worth leaving.

- But, with the other pieces from set.

- Ah, how will you bring them, one by one?

- None by none.

Keep that one for surrendering.

- Surrendering?

To whom?

- I shall tell you before I leave.

[speaking foreign language]

- A nice shield, worth melting.

- Have a cigar.

- You'll see my cigar case when Sarah returns it to me.

- There's no need to bluster, James.

It's a sign of mendacity.

- I am indifferent to your insults.

You always were a spiteful sister

and you're aging into a worse spinster.

- Sticks and stones, James, break no bones.

- Mmm, you've got that wrong.

Not bones, crones.

Is that why you've come back so early?

- Hmm?

- Assumed, have you, so correctly that my guest

is a bachelor.

- Oh really Jimmy child.

- Curiosity thrilled the cat, huh?

- I will decide the precise curiosity value

of your cigar-biting friend when he returns.

At the moment, I'm fully occupied by Mother's request

to see if the maid I've engaged is proving satisfactory.

- If by that you mean Sarah, stop playacting.

I heard you tell the girl not to wear silk

so you'd decided to retain her before you arrived.

- That was before she took so long

to bring the coffee you ordered.

- Hmm, oh well if I've forgotten it why shouldn't she?

Didn't you hear me mention Axel to her?

Isn't it possible that she is listening

for him to come down, not wishing my coffee to get cold

while I, polite as ever, await him?

- Captain Axel Ryttsen has come down.

And, Captain Axel Ryttsen has gone out.

- When?

- He passed me at the door

and I told Sarah so.

- Really?

I've never known him to get up before noon previously

except on maneuvers.

- He didn't impress me as a rip.

- Why should he have?

- Well, with this hint and that,

you led me to expect one.

Instead I saw a man who looked the part,

but behaved like a metronome.

- I led you to expect someone who'd come and go

while you were away.

- Ah, am I untimely?

-[James] Huh?

- Have you been romping here?

- Romping?

- Schnappy?

I never knew that beverage had the aroma of lavender.

- It hasn't.

- Well this sofa has.

And that chair exudes [mumbles] of roses.

- My guest, Elizabeth, is here on his military duties.

I am merely returning hospitality

in every possible particular that he afforded me

when I was in his country on duty.

Romping has nothing to do with it.

Find my cigar case, Sarah?

- Sir?

- I left...

Never mind.

- Sarah.

- Yes, Miss Elizabeth.

- What is so special about these?

- Hmm?

- This and that?

- Would that be Chinese?

- I mean Sarah, they appear to be the only ornaments

under which you have dusted.

- It's just that I'm frightened to break the bigger things

so I don't like to shift them.

- I should not have thought you were a girl

so easily frightened, Sarah

perceiving you are still in silk.

- Well, I'm only here till Monday.

- You may go out this afternoon if you wish.

- Hmm?

- To remain here after Monday in the unsilken uniform

you would do well to come back with

from your afternoon outing.

- Thank you, Miss Elizabeth.

- Why disperse these?

This belongs in there and so does that with the set.

- Then Mother dispersed the set.

Why shouldn't she?

- So, that she could put it all back together again

when she came back from Scotland?

- As she so often says, "one must keep oneself occupied."

- What has getting up at midday to do with?

The gallant Captain's military duties

or shall it transpire that he is in as much need

to recover from these nightly romps as are you?

- It has to do, Elizabeth, with the arduous nature

of his military duties.

- Oh?

- I recollect when I was in Sweden observing maneuvers

for the War Office, my duties were so pressing

I never got into plain clothes.

You will see that the Captain

suffers the same inconvenience.

- By plain clothes you mean what?

- That he is so constantly on duty that he invariably wears

his regimental uniform.

Surely you noticed that at the door.

- Well if that was a uniform, James,

it was a most unprecedented one,

the color of snuff and not a brass button in sight.

-[Axel] Good morning.

-[James] Morning.

- Ah.

So, early [clicking]

and so charming.

But, are you Flossie or Flo?

I am to guess?

-[Elizabeth] Flossie or Flo who?

-[James] This is my sister, Elizabeth.

- I assure you I am no less charmed, Elizabeth.

- But, will Flossie and Flo no less be too

when they arrive for their afternoon romp

and find me present?

- Romp?

What is romp?

- More to the point, sir, who are you?

- Captain...

James, please introduce me.

- My sister well knows who you are, Captain Ryttsen.

I didn't hear you go out nor return.

- Out?

- Out.

- It appears, Captain, that my brother,

in the absence of his parents,

has been dining your countrymen in this house en masse.

Coffee?

- Please.

- And, possibly due to your barrel of schnapps

and various of these Flossies and Flos,

at least one of them was unable to proceed home

until after breakfast.

- Breakfast?

- Just a little bite of cigar.

[horse hooves clomping]

Flossie or Flo?

[door creaking]

[bell ringing]

[clattering]

[bell ringing]

- Look, listen, op it, round and down,

through the bloody area.

- Good noon, Heir Berder.

- And, you can get out of your fancy dress,

your little pant hose finish, yours and your Captain's.

- Who left her luggage there?

It's in my way.

- The daughter's back you fool, Miss Elizabeth.

- Oh, charming girl.

She will amuse the Captain.

[clattering]

Psst.

- Look, get back down there.

If she sees you it'll take more than your precious Captain

to defend you.

- Did you drop something?

- Yes, a hint as big as...

What?

[clacking]

My, look who's being so helpful.

- You don't mind me helping Mrs. Britches now do you?

- Well a cook likes to be helped in the kitchen,

not in my pantry, you know.

- And, I like manly company.

- Well, if I'd have known that,

I'd have had you help me out with the luggage just now.

- Ah but that was woman's luggage.

Ooo, what is it?

- Garlic.

- Oh, it's horrible.

- Well the Swedes like it.

- Hmm, filthy beasts, not fit for a dago.

- Now, Sarah, don't you be so prim

or you'll come to no proper end.

I'm, I'm sorry I went off at you just now,

but you really shouldn't come in the front

dressed like that.

- Sir, these are my clothes for coming in the front in.

[chuckling]

- In England, servants know their place

and they get to it through the area.

- In Sweden, under house parlormaids do not do

the work of kitchen maids.

- Now you leave her alone.

She's being helpful because she'd like to stay.

- Stay what, a virgin?

- Oh that's an awful thing to say.

- Agreed, but I should say in her case,

the difficulty would be the opposite.

Now you see this cold, skinny back.

It is her back, not a boney breast.

- Now you mind your wicked tongue.

You'll need a nice new pin for this.

- He needs his tiger stripes on

to remind him of what an insignificant

little person he is.

- Ah, in my tiger stripes I might use the area,

but dressed like this, I'll be taken

for an English gentleman slipping down

to get a working girl into trouble.

- English gentlemen don't do that,

'cause English working girls won't let them.

What do Swedish gentlemen do?

- Having been invited I shall demonstrate.

[shouting] [slapping]

- I've warned you. - Sarah.

- Next time.

Well, look what he did.

- You see, virginity is just another word for hysteria

sprung from self-inflicted disappointment.

- Foreigners.

[crunching]

They're all the same, different.

[distant horse hooves clomping]

- Pin in the hall, cigar case on the stairs.

What else did you shed romping your way to bed?

[horse hooves clomping]

- Yes.

-[Elizabeth] Hmm?

- This time yes, Flossie and Flo.

- What makes you so sure?

- Experience.

They're acquaintances of James,

but I am a gentleman they have not met before,

so like all English ladies consumed by curiosity

they will be punctual.

[bell ringing]

- Your experience should tell you, Captain,

that in England, ladies do not call on gentlemen at all.

- In Sweden every woman is a lady to every gentleman.

Do you play cards?

- What?

- Flossie and Flo do.

Said they'll stake their clothes on a hand

and lose with a smile.

- Before luncheon? [bells ringing]

- Luncheon?

If they're as expert as James has promised

the game will not come to a climax until after dinner.

- Then bon apetit, or should I say bon romp?

- The Dardia Duchess of Amira

and the Dardia Marchioness of Calenso.

- Ha!

- Yes.

- Elizabeth!

- This is Captain Ryttsen.

- Ha!

- Why are you in uniform?

- To do battle.

[heels clicking]

- Ha ha.

You've filled out, hasn't she Flo?

- Yes, Flossie.

Where did you get that marvelously bloody color?

- Scotland.

- Good God.

Shut that.

[giggling]

[groaning]

- Hey what's that?

We're not in the kitchen.

- I've gotta go out.

- Out for what?

- Out for to buy myself a cotton uniform.

I've been asked to stay.

- Ah that's good that you've been asked.

That was a weakness before.

- Yeah but it is not good that you stole the picture.

You did, didn't you?

- Only to save you the trouble.

- Yeah but you left a mark on the wall.

- Who cares?

We will not be taking the wall.

[clattering]

[groaning]

Now when you go out.

- Yes?

- When you go out, I want you to find a messenger

and have him deliver this.

You shall tell the messenger

it's from the Embassy of Sweden and that it is urgent.

That is what this inscription means in my language.

You perceive?

- Yeah, but it's addressed to Captain Ryttsen.

- Well?

[groaning]

- He's here now.

- So, here is where you will tell the messenger to deliver.

Now, in Sweden you will behave like a Swedish girl,

that is without question.

- Who's gonna teach me?

- We have time for a quick lesson.

[playful music]

-[Axel] Yes.

- It's for you, Axel.

- Oh, how intrusive.

- From the Swedish Embassy, sir, urgent.

- I must ask you to...

- Don't retire with it.

Indeed, don't you retire at all.

- Thank you.

- I don't read Swedish.

- I'm summoned to Stockholm.

-[Flo] Never mind Stockholm.

- I regret I must immediately.

- I must remind you, sir, you are ahead.

- It is not a position from which

an officer and a gentleman may propose to stop play.

- I do not propose.

This insists.

- Will you accept my note

for 730 pounds?

- And, mine for 810?

-[Axel] Mmm?

- Would you prefer to count your winnings yourself?

- Winnings?

What gentleman wins from a lady?

Please.

[tapping]

Hearts.

For you, I think diamonds.

[chuckling]

- Why do you do it?

- Winning is so easy, cheating so dangerous.

- But, you handsome goose, think of the risk.

- I always do and always survive it.

- But, one day you will be accused

before you've time to explain

and then your reputation will be gone.

- That is the essence of the excitement.

What more can a man risk than his reputation?

And, how else so surely yet innocently?

- It's more dangerous than you think.

I was pretty sure you were cheating.

- No.

As a player you knew I was cheating.

As my friend,

you weren't quite sure.

Now, I may go.

- Oh. - Oh.

- I shall shake your hand on my way out

in only a few moments.

Thorkil will remain behind to receive some things

I've purchased for gifts upon my homecoming

and will follow as best he can.

- Thorkil?

-[James] Thorkil Kraft.

His groom and batman.

- Or as the English say because of the waistcoat, my tiger.

[clock ticking]

- Darling.

- Hmm.

- Darling, this is Thorkil's friend.

-[Jeweler] You are Sarah.

- Surprise, yeah?

- I never saw so well-dressed an under house parlormaid.

- We're two of a kind, Thorkil and me.

- But, if you are here,

that means that he leaves today, yes?

- Half past four.

Message delivered.

- You're very calm.

- Hmm?

- Thorkil told me what you have agreed to do.

- Oh.

[chuckling]

- Wait, your parcel.

- Oh my horrible cotton uniform.

Still I'll only have to wear it a couple of hours

if you do what Thorkil said you've agreed to.

- I shall do it at 4:00 sharp.

Tell Thorkil that.

- With this.

- With that.

- Until 4:00 then.

- I don't suppose we'll meet again.

- Hmm, perhaps.

[giggling]

He promises me every year he'll show me his Stockholm.

- Ah well, I'll send you a postcard

when I get there next week.

And, I'll get Thorkil to send you one as well.

Or would that be dangerous?

- How could it be?

- It would be evidence linking us surely.

- Evidence, oh that is a policeman's word.

Besides, aren't you forgetting it won't be a real policeman?

- Ah, silly me.

[chuckling]

- Yes, Sarah, silly you.

- At 4:00.

- Good.

Then I shall give this back and say my piece.

- And, I'll get into this and say mine.

- Speak to no stranger on the ferry.

- Why can't we go the North Sea together?

- I doubt James Bellamy has 200 pounds upon his person.

You will most certainly have to wait for the morning.

- Hmm?

- The banks.

- But, you wait and meet every boat

at the [speaking foreign language] until I come.

- Into your cotton.

Get ready in 10 minutes.

Less.

[knocking]

- Come in.

Ha, off are you?

- Might I ask you, sir, did you give my master this?

- Hmm?

- When he told me he was going ahead under urgent orders,

I opened his suitcase to begin packing.

He told me he'd already packed

and I should need only to bring his luggage with me,

which I found curious.

I had the suitcase open, you see sir

and he saw me perceive this.

What was even more curious is that he seemed to have

a need to say something about it to me, his servant.

What he said was that you had given it him

as a farewell present.

- What is even more curious, Kraft,

is your behavior as a servant in the absence of your master.

- It is not the first time, sir, that I've taken measures

to preserve the honor he delights to put at risk.

I can best explain by saying that when he plays cards--

-[James] Eh.

- He frequently...

- I know.

What's the connection with that?

- He not only pretends to cheat,

he pretends to steal.

It's due to the Scandinavian sickness.

-[James] Hmm?

- Boredom, sir.

The long winter nights I believe.

Well, unfortunately last winter was so protracted

I feared all summer he will for once

take too big a risk.

He returns these things, you see,

with a teasing letter.

-[James] Then you'd better take it with you.

So, that he can have his fun.

- I am perturbed I did not see the contents

of the light bag he took.

[gulping]

- Please, thank him for the schnapps he's left me.

- Sets like that always have 10 pieces.

Today I can count only eight in the house

including this one.

- Kraft!

I am utterly fed up with being asked by all and sundry

about the periconations of those objects.

- Now it is possible that they were shifted

in order to make it more difficult to notice

how many remained.

The tie pin you're wearing and that cigar case

you're just opening, the Captain tried to take them too.

I found them and made sure your footman

found them too, so to speak.

I fear that's why the Captain's gone without me.

He realizes what I've done and he's too furious

to tolerate my presence till he's calmed down.

- I'm not surprised.

Was most uppity of you.

- Yesterday I made sure your cook found your cuff links

and the day before that the under house parlormaid

found your gold pencil.

Were you not suspicious

about all those objects disappearing?

[puffing]

- My objects are always disappearing.

- Then, sir, you would not be able to say

if everything was in its place now.

You do see my point.

- No.

If anything has disappeared, it will eventually return

according to your own statements.

- But, in what manner, sir?

Frequently, to extend the risk,

he places pieces in pawn and sends the ticket

with a money draft for redemption.

Now what if an item of value arises suspicion?

What if the police are advised

before the Captain has explained?

But, from the way they have returned the things

they thought they found, you know you have honest servants.

But, even so, your whole household

would fall under suspicion.

What will you tell the police?

That a friend took it in jest?

- What if red roses turn blue?

- You might not be present when the police called, sir.

And, perhaps your sister would recall the Captain

from the jeweler's description.

- Yes.

I apologize.

You did well to warn me.

- Better surely, sir, if someone with no real reputation

to lose sacrificed it.

- Huh?

- The under house parlormaid.

- Sarah?

- The Captain, I regret to say, has taste

for younger women than the ladies

to whom you've introduced him.

- Are you daring to suggest--

- No sir, to tell.

- I trust she shan't have to bear the consequences

of his tastes, but I don't see why she should suffer

for his pranks.

[bell ringing]

- She's quite willing to for suitable compensation.

- Ah.

- No sir, not blackmail compensation.

If anything should be brought here by the police

she will then say she pawned it.

If you will then say you gave it her.

- Good Lord, gave it her, why?

- For services rendered, sir, by night.

Except you will hardly need to say so.

It's the only explanation to spring to mind.

- To a dirty mind.

- The policemen are only human too, sir.

- And, what is Sarah?

Any gossip like that and every decent house

in London will be closed to her.

- Therefore, if the occasion arises,

she will accept 200 pounds.

Six or seven years' wages.

I'm sure, too, sir when the Captain hears

he will contribute another 200

and insist upon recompensing you.

- And you, Kraft, what'll be your reward?

- Oh I have that, sir.

Always in the estimation my master has for me.

- Sir.

-[James] Yes?

- The police, sir, and a person

whose name I could not catch, a foreign name, sir.

[door creaking]

- You sent for me, sir?

-[James] Yes, come in Sarah, please.

- You are Sarah--

- I will question my own servants, Inspector.

Now Sarah, this is a policeman.

This is a jeweler.

And, they say that a certain person pawned this article

this afternoon and was followed back here.

- The other piece, not that one.

- The one I brought.

- Really, does it matter?

Was followed back here, Sarah because the jeweler

took it upon himself to think it suspicious

that so well-dressed a person should want to pawn anything.

Now Sarah, have you anything

you feel you might say about it?

I don't know the precise value of it,

but I should think it would fetch 200 pounds,

maybe 300 pounds.

- Oh, well yes.

Have I to tell the truth, sir, all of it?

[bells ringing]

- Anything you have to say.

- I pawned it to him.

I'm sorry, sir.

I haven't pawned everything you've given me,

but I thought, well, if someone was to come into my room

and see that, they might tumble to us and... [gasping]

- I'm afraid I have to ask you, sir,

whether you indeed did give that article to the young woman.

- I trust you will then have the discretion to ask no more.

- I see, sir.

Quite sir.

- I do apologize, sir.

I thought, I thought...

And, I apologize to you too, miss.

I could have sworn a gentleman pawned it.

I must have been dreadfully confused.

[clattering]

- Sir, the police, sir and a lady whose name

I could not catch.

- Oh, what are you doing here?

- Excuse me. - What are you?

- Good afternoon, Lieutenant.

- Ah, Inspector Hurst.

You identify this man as a person?

- Certainly not, this man is my husband

and didn't I tell you it was...

That's her.

- Well, what is this?

- Identify this as your property, sir?

-[James] Huh, my mother's yes.

Where did you get it?

- I got it

from her.

What are you doing here?

- I thought that I'd received stolen property.

I went to the police.

- The two of us?

- Hmm?

- Well, we have two shops, you see.

When this girl brought that miniature

I could tell at a glance it was a Hilliard,

but I made sure of it

with the National Portrait Society.

They were able to tell and it's of enormous value.

- Hardly the thing to be given lightly to a servant.

- Given, uh, to a servant?

- Now I know that I could confuse nobody.

That was the woman.

Good heavens, she's probably been pawning things

all over London all afternoon.

- I didn't.

I pawned, I mean, I bought this cotton uniform.

Look.

- I must ask you, sir, most regretfully,

why you've attempted to shield a thief?

- Will you permit a foreigner?

As my master left only two hours ago,

I conclude that Lieutenant Bellamy

was concerned that so timely departure after robbery

might place him under suspicion.

And, being unaware that anything of real value

had been stolen told, as the English say,

a white but noble lie, even if it meant

sacrificing his own domestic reputation.

[heels clicking]

I will tell the Captain and I'm sure he will be impressed

and touched, sir.

I trust I may absent myself from the distressful spectacle

of this young miscriant's arrest.

- You criminal.

These are real police.

- I'm in no doubt of it.

And, no doubt they will see to it

that you will feel quite at home in prison.

[heels clicking]

[speaking foreign language]

- It is [speaking foreign language] for Amsterdam.

- What does he say?

That it is unusually good weather for Amsterdam.

- It's raining.

- It's his way of saying that the miniatures are genuine.

[speaking foreign language]

-[Axel] What now?

- He says it's a famous set.

[speaking foreign language]

But, there should be seven.

[speaking foreign language]

Yeah, such a pity we stole only six.

- Tell him one had to be sacrificed to my reputation.

It was so hard to preserve what's rest of it

since I was court marshaled over that unfortunate card game

with my Colonel.

["The Edwardians" by Alexander Faris]