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1
00:00:03,371 --> 00:00:04,938
( man and woman giggling )
2
00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:08,042
WOMAN:
That tickles!
3
00:00:08,109 --> 00:00:09,077
Uncle Charlie.
4
00:00:09,143 --> 00:00:10,744
Not now, Jake.
5
00:00:10,811 --> 00:00:12,880
I just heard the Fudge Nuggets
song you wrote on TV.
6
00:00:12,946 --> 00:00:14,215
Great.
7
00:00:14,282 --> 00:00:15,483
* From her magic
chocolate mountain *
8
00:00:15,549 --> 00:00:17,351
* In the secret
chocolate mine... *
9
00:00:17,418 --> 00:00:20,488
Jake...
*Comes Granny's big Fudge
Nuggets with a taste *
10
00:00:20,554 --> 00:00:22,890
* That's oh so fine!
Jake, I'm not alone in here.
11
00:00:22,956 --> 00:00:24,858
No way.
12
00:00:24,925 --> 00:00:26,160
Way.
13
00:00:26,227 --> 00:00:27,161
Who's in there?
14
00:00:27,228 --> 00:00:28,362
A friend of mine.
15
00:00:28,429 --> 00:00:29,697
Is it a girl?
16
00:00:29,763 --> 00:00:30,898
Hold on.
17
00:00:32,666 --> 00:00:33,901
Oh, yeah.
18
00:00:34,968 --> 00:00:36,704
Is it Janet?
19
00:00:39,140 --> 00:00:41,409
No.
20
00:00:41,475 --> 00:00:43,411
It's my friend Wendy.
21
00:00:43,477 --> 00:00:45,779
S... Say hi to Jake, Wendy.
22
00:00:47,315 --> 00:00:48,916
Hi, Jake.
23
00:00:48,982 --> 00:00:50,084
You sing really well.
24
00:00:50,151 --> 00:00:51,552
I have to go.
25
00:00:51,619 --> 00:00:53,654
This is embarrassing.
26
00:00:54,855 --> 00:00:56,557
I like that you
didn't lie to him.
27
00:00:56,624 --> 00:00:59,427
Well, I-I try to be honest.
28
00:01:03,030 --> 00:01:05,733
* Men... *
29
00:01:11,705 --> 00:01:14,175
Do you want a cup of coffee
before you go?
30
00:01:14,242 --> 00:01:15,809
No, you've got work to do.
31
00:01:15,876 --> 00:01:17,878
I should probably get going.
32
00:01:17,945 --> 00:01:20,181
Charlie, there's, uh,
there's French toast left.
33
00:01:20,248 --> 00:01:21,949
Oh, no thanks. You
met Wendy, right?
34
00:01:22,015 --> 00:01:23,884
Uh, sure, um,
French toast, Wendy?
35
00:01:23,951 --> 00:01:26,954
Oh, no, thank you,
I-I should really get going.
36
00:01:27,020 --> 00:01:29,157
You know, I can sing all
Uncle Charlie's jingles.
37
00:01:29,223 --> 00:01:30,424
No kidding?
38
00:01:30,491 --> 00:01:31,792
You're going to have
to show me sometime.
39
00:01:31,859 --> 00:01:33,227
* It's got oats and corn
and wheat *
40
00:01:33,294 --> 00:01:34,928
* It's the sweetest
breakfast treat *
41
00:01:34,995 --> 00:01:38,232
* It's maple, maple,
ma...plalicious! *
42
00:01:39,367 --> 00:01:40,468
That's wonderful.
43
00:01:40,534 --> 00:01:41,735
Wendy's got to go, Jake.
44
00:01:41,802 --> 00:01:43,871
* If your house
is bug-infested *
45
00:01:43,937 --> 00:01:45,105
* Filled with spiders...
46
00:01:45,173 --> 00:01:47,175
Jake, Jake, Jake,
take five buddy.
47
00:01:47,241 --> 00:01:48,309
Copacetic.
48
00:01:48,376 --> 00:01:49,710
That means okay.
49
00:01:49,777 --> 00:01:52,546
When he moved in here,
he was saying "swell".
50
00:01:52,613 --> 00:01:53,914
Oh, yeah,
51
00:01:53,981 --> 00:01:56,016
I got to go to my office
for a couple of hours.
52
00:01:56,083 --> 00:01:57,318
Uh, are you okay to watch Jake?
53
00:01:57,385 --> 00:01:58,386
No problem.
54
00:01:58,452 --> 00:01:59,153
Swell.
55
00:02:01,455 --> 00:02:03,724
Will you take me RollerBlading,
Uncle Charlie?
56
00:02:03,791 --> 00:02:05,459
I can't, buddy,
I got work to do.
57
00:02:05,526 --> 00:02:07,027
What am I going to do all day?
58
00:02:07,094 --> 00:02:08,796
Well, it's really nice outside.
59
00:02:08,862 --> 00:02:09,997
Why don't you wash my car?
60
00:02:10,063 --> 00:02:12,633
No, I want to go
RollerBlading.
61
00:02:12,700 --> 00:02:13,967
You know, I could take him.
62
00:02:14,034 --> 00:02:15,269
I've got my blades
right in the car.
63
00:02:15,336 --> 00:02:16,370
Really?
64
00:02:16,437 --> 00:02:17,805
If it's okay with your father.
65
00:02:17,871 --> 00:02:19,006
That sounds swell.
66
00:02:19,072 --> 00:02:21,175
JAKE:
I'll go get my blades.
67
00:02:21,242 --> 00:02:22,943
Well, if you want,
I can go pick up lunch
68
00:02:23,010 --> 00:02:25,112
and bring it back,
and we can have a picnic.
69
00:02:25,179 --> 00:02:27,014
Yeah.
70
00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:28,282
Swell.
71
00:02:31,051 --> 00:02:32,119
Nice girl.
72
00:02:32,186 --> 00:02:33,221
Is it serious?
73
00:02:33,287 --> 00:02:35,756
It is now, you dumbass.
74
00:02:42,896 --> 00:02:44,131
Hey.
75
00:02:44,198 --> 00:02:45,233
Finish your jingle?
76
00:02:45,299 --> 00:02:46,934
How can I work?
77
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:49,970
First, Wendy took Jake
RollerBlading,
78
00:02:50,037 --> 00:02:51,639
then she took him to the movies.
79
00:02:51,705 --> 00:02:57,245
Now she's in the kitchen
making us all... dinner.
80
00:02:57,311 --> 00:02:59,247
That bitch.
81
00:03:00,348 --> 00:03:01,749
Don't you get it?
82
00:03:01,815 --> 00:03:02,983
She's using your kid
83
00:03:03,050 --> 00:03:06,287
to turn a nice, casual
relationship
84
00:03:06,354 --> 00:03:09,557
into a "relationship."
85
00:03:09,623 --> 00:03:12,059
Okay, okay, now I get where
you're coming from.
86
00:03:12,125 --> 00:03:12,993
Thank you.
87
00:03:13,060 --> 00:03:14,762
You're paranoid and you're nuts.
88
00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:17,298
Perfect timing. Dinner's ready.
89
00:03:18,866 --> 00:03:20,434
( whispering ):
Did you see that?
90
00:03:22,102 --> 00:03:23,671
She's wearing an apron...
91
00:03:24,538 --> 00:03:26,640
...in my house.
92
00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:28,075
Do you know what that means?
93
00:03:28,141 --> 00:03:31,245
I'm going to stick
with paranoid and nuts, Bob.
94
00:03:33,881 --> 00:03:37,084
Are you sure you don't want me
to stay and do the dishes?
95
00:03:37,150 --> 00:03:38,319
Positive.
96
00:03:38,386 --> 00:03:41,355
Alan will just
rewash them anyway.
97
00:03:42,256 --> 00:03:45,158
Uh... well, I guess, uh...
98
00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:46,527
I should probably get going.
99
00:03:46,594 --> 00:03:48,529
Yeah, I guess.
100
00:03:50,063 --> 00:03:51,299
Oh, good, you're still here.
101
00:03:51,365 --> 00:03:52,700
Uh, Jake wants to say
good night.
102
00:03:52,766 --> 00:03:54,001
Oh, wow, he's such a sweetie.
103
00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:55,503
Don't you just want
to eat him up?
104
00:03:56,404 --> 00:03:59,340
If that would stop him, yes.
105
00:03:59,407 --> 00:04:01,542
I-I-I got to tell you, Charlie,
106
00:04:01,609 --> 00:04:02,643
I think that girl's a keeper.
107
00:04:02,710 --> 00:04:03,744
You think so, huh?
108
00:04:03,811 --> 00:04:05,145
Yeah. She's smart, she's pretty,
109
00:04:05,212 --> 00:04:06,213
and I-I think she
really likes you.
110
00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:07,981
Be honest, Alan.
111
00:04:08,048 --> 00:04:11,218
You married the first girl
who slipped you the tongue,
didn't you?
112
00:04:12,553 --> 00:04:14,021
No.
113
00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:15,323
Trust me.
114
00:04:15,389 --> 00:04:16,790
This woman has a plan,
115
00:04:16,857 --> 00:04:20,894
and it's diabolical
in its Machiavellian scope.
116
00:04:20,961 --> 00:04:24,832
I did not marry the
first girl who slipped
me the tongue.
117
00:04:26,367 --> 00:04:27,200
I'm telling you,
she's got her foot in the door,
118
00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:28,669
and she will never leave.
119
00:04:28,736 --> 00:04:30,538
Okay, well, I'm out of here.
120
00:04:30,604 --> 00:04:33,073
Ooh, diabolical.
121
00:04:34,207 --> 00:04:36,510
Okay, so I'll, uh,
give you a call.
122
00:04:36,577 --> 00:04:38,512
Yeah, yeah, that'd be great.
123
00:04:38,579 --> 00:04:39,547
Okay.
Okay.
124
00:04:48,656 --> 00:04:50,958
It's pretty dark out.
125
00:04:51,024 --> 00:04:53,494
Maybe you should...
go in the morning.
126
00:04:53,561 --> 00:04:55,162
Yeah, I suppose I could.
127
00:04:57,498 --> 00:04:59,400
Are you seeing this?
128
00:05:08,509 --> 00:05:11,579
Howdy, neighbor.
129
00:05:11,645 --> 00:05:13,447
Charlie's busy
right now, Rose.
130
00:05:13,514 --> 00:05:16,283
I know. White Toyota
hasn't budged an inch
131
00:05:16,350 --> 00:05:17,751
two nights in a row.
132
00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:20,654
I chalked her tires.
133
00:05:22,823 --> 00:05:26,126
You do know there's a-a
stairway right over there.
134
00:05:26,193 --> 00:05:27,695
Of course.
135
00:05:27,761 --> 00:05:28,796
Did you know
136
00:05:28,862 --> 00:05:30,531
there's a crawl space
under the house
137
00:05:30,598 --> 00:05:33,901
that comes right up
into your bedroom?
138
00:05:35,569 --> 00:05:37,237
So, what are you doing?
139
00:05:37,304 --> 00:05:39,239
I'm playing computer Scrabble.
140
00:05:39,306 --> 00:05:40,774
All by yourself?
141
00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:42,109
That's so sad.
142
00:05:42,175 --> 00:05:43,444
Well, I, uh,
I used to play
143
00:05:43,511 --> 00:05:45,513
with my wife every night,
and I guess I miss it.
144
00:05:45,579 --> 00:05:48,549
You and I have a lot in common
don't we?
145
00:05:49,650 --> 00:05:51,552
How so?
146
00:05:51,619 --> 00:05:54,054
We're both like two lonely socks
147
00:05:54,121 --> 00:05:57,057
that want desperately
to keep someone's feet warm,
148
00:05:57,124 --> 00:05:58,992
but we don't match up
with any other socks,
149
00:05:59,059 --> 00:06:02,463
so all we can hope for
is to be a dust mitten...
150
00:06:02,530 --> 00:06:06,434
or a hand puppet.
151
00:06:08,969 --> 00:06:13,106
That's, uh...
that's very... insightful...
152
00:06:13,173 --> 00:06:15,175
and disturbing.
153
00:06:15,242 --> 00:06:17,044
Um...
154
00:06:17,110 --> 00:06:19,447
you're not thinking...
155
00:06:19,513 --> 00:06:21,181
you and me, are you?
156
00:06:21,248 --> 00:06:24,952
Oh, Alan, that's
very flattering, but...
157
00:06:25,018 --> 00:06:26,654
eww.
158
00:06:53,213 --> 00:06:54,782
Wendy?
159
00:07:05,325 --> 00:07:06,393
"Dear Charlie,
160
00:07:06,460 --> 00:07:08,395
"thanks for a wonderful night.
161
00:07:08,462 --> 00:07:11,765
Sweet. Special. See you soon."
162
00:07:18,305 --> 00:07:20,941
* Free... dom
163
00:07:21,008 --> 00:07:22,543
* I'm free
164
00:07:22,610 --> 00:07:24,344
* Lots of free
165
00:07:24,411 --> 00:07:25,846
* I'm free
166
00:07:25,913 --> 00:07:27,881
* Lots of free
167
00:07:32,886 --> 00:07:35,288
All right, you had sex
last night.
168
00:07:35,355 --> 00:07:37,124
You don't have to turn
into Mr. Bojangles.
169
00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:39,727
Oh, it's better than that.
170
00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:41,862
I had sex, and I woke up alone.
171
00:07:41,929 --> 00:07:43,497
If there were pancakes
on my night table,
172
00:07:43,564 --> 00:07:45,365
it'd be the perfect morning.
173
00:07:45,432 --> 00:07:49,870
What happened to Wendy's
diabolical Machiavellian
scheme to never leave?
174
00:07:49,937 --> 00:07:51,104
I don't know.
175
00:07:51,171 --> 00:07:53,574
I must have foiled it somehow.
176
00:07:53,641 --> 00:07:56,143
Guess what? Grandma's here.
177
00:07:58,512 --> 00:08:00,047
Let's see that
little dance again.
178
00:08:01,849 --> 00:08:03,483
When I was pregnant
with Charlie,
179
00:08:03,551 --> 00:08:05,085
we thought he was going
to be a girl.
180
00:08:05,152 --> 00:08:07,988
The sonogram showed
no discernible penis whatsoever.
181
00:08:14,595 --> 00:08:16,396
Now do you believe me?
182
00:08:16,463 --> 00:08:19,432
First she sucks in
Jake, then you, now Mom.
183
00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:22,202
She's like one of those
pods from outer space...
184
00:08:23,637 --> 00:08:24,938
but, you know,
with a cute ass.
185
00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:26,840
Charlie, she wouldn't
even be here now
186
00:08:26,907 --> 00:08:28,709
if you hadn't taken her upstairs
last night.
187
00:08:28,776 --> 00:08:30,410
That was not my fault.
188
00:08:30,477 --> 00:08:31,411
You saw how she kissed me.
189
00:08:31,478 --> 00:08:32,880
I had to take her upstairs.
190
00:08:32,946 --> 00:08:34,715
EVELYN:
Remember what I said:
191
00:08:34,782 --> 00:08:38,285
hook him on the milk;
he'll buy the cow.
192
00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:39,452
Charlie,
193
00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:41,288
where have you been hiding
this girl?
194
00:08:41,354 --> 00:08:43,423
She's an absolute delight.
195
00:08:43,490 --> 00:08:45,458
Yeah, she's swell.
196
00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:48,762
Good morning. I-I read
somewhere you'd left.
197
00:08:48,829 --> 00:08:49,997
Yeah, I was on my
way out the door,
198
00:08:50,063 --> 00:08:51,565
and then I ran
into your mom,
199
00:08:51,632 --> 00:08:54,067
and then we started
talking, and you know.
200
00:08:54,134 --> 00:08:57,270
Yeah. I know.
201
00:08:57,337 --> 00:08:58,639
So, uh, what brings
you here, Mom?
202
00:08:58,706 --> 00:09:00,140
Do I need a reason?
203
00:09:00,207 --> 00:09:02,610
I'd like one.
204
00:09:02,676 --> 00:09:04,912
I'm showing a house
in Malibu.
205
00:09:04,978 --> 00:09:08,148
I thought I'd swing by
and take my grandson
out for pancakes.
206
00:09:08,215 --> 00:09:11,418
Uh, Charlie wants his
on his night table.
207
00:09:11,484 --> 00:09:13,020
I'm ready. You coming, Dad?
208
00:09:13,086 --> 00:09:15,623
Are you kidding?
I-I-I want to hear more
about that sonogram.
209
00:09:16,757 --> 00:09:19,159
Good. Are you and Wendy
joining us, Charlie?
210
00:09:19,226 --> 00:09:22,730
Uh, gee, Mom, I think Wendy
has stuff to do, right, Wendy?
211
00:09:22,796 --> 00:09:25,398
Uh... I can always
make time for pancakes.
212
00:09:25,465 --> 00:09:27,868
Oh, wonderful,
a family breakfast.
213
00:09:27,935 --> 00:09:29,536
Go put on some pants,
Charlie.
214
00:09:29,603 --> 00:09:31,271
But Mom...
Now.
215
00:09:32,640 --> 00:09:35,008
You have to be firm
with him.
216
00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:38,511
By the way... your nose
is adorable.
217
00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:40,413
Thank you.
I'm guessing
Dr. Shapiro?
218
00:09:40,480 --> 00:09:41,949
No, it's mine.
219
00:09:42,015 --> 00:09:42,816
Oh.
220
00:09:42,883 --> 00:09:43,951
Huh.
221
00:09:44,017 --> 00:09:46,787
Well, sometimes God
does good work, too.
222
00:09:48,521 --> 00:09:50,057
Jake, get your stuff together.
223
00:09:50,123 --> 00:09:51,625
We got to get you back
to your Mom's.
224
00:09:51,692 --> 00:09:53,727
Already? But we're playing.
225
00:09:53,794 --> 00:09:55,929
Yeah, I got to get going,
too, Jake.
226
00:09:55,996 --> 00:09:57,030
Aw!
227
00:09:57,097 --> 00:09:58,666
Okay,
228
00:09:58,732 --> 00:10:00,768
I pulled your car around.
229
00:10:02,569 --> 00:10:05,538
If you leave now,
I think you'll miss
all the weekend traffic.
230
00:10:06,707 --> 00:10:08,541
Don't you worry, Charlie.
I'm leaving.
231
00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:11,444
Oh, I'm not worried;
I just moved your car
so Alan can get out.
232
00:10:11,511 --> 00:10:12,946
I can get out.
233
00:10:14,815 --> 00:10:17,651
Yes, Alan, now you can.
234
00:10:18,551 --> 00:10:21,088
Thank you for a great weekend.
235
00:10:21,154 --> 00:10:22,923
No, thank you.
236
00:10:22,990 --> 00:10:24,157
Jake.
237
00:10:24,224 --> 00:10:25,558
Bye.
Bye.
238
00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:26,526
Alan, I'll see you soon.
239
00:10:26,593 --> 00:10:27,728
Bye.
Bye.
240
00:10:29,329 --> 00:10:31,865
I got to tell you, Charlie,
I-I-I think she's really...
241
00:10:31,932 --> 00:10:33,600
Shh!
242
00:10:36,369 --> 00:10:39,272
( car pulls away )
243
00:10:39,339 --> 00:10:40,207
Okay.
244
00:10:40,273 --> 00:10:41,809
What?
245
00:10:41,875 --> 00:10:45,078
I'm just saying I-I-I
think she's really great.
246
00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:46,880
Me, too.
When's she coming back?
247
00:10:46,947 --> 00:10:50,117
Well, let's see, today's Sunday,
so...
248
00:10:50,183 --> 00:10:51,418
never.
249
00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:53,286
Why not?
250
00:10:53,353 --> 00:10:55,255
Well, buddy, uh, she
wants something different
251
00:10:55,322 --> 00:10:57,490
in a relationship than
your Uncle Charlie does.
252
00:10:57,557 --> 00:10:58,391
What does she want?
253
00:10:58,458 --> 00:11:00,627
Uncle Charlie.
254
00:11:01,895 --> 00:11:03,596
What do you want?
255
00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:05,065
Uncle Charlie.
256
00:11:06,333 --> 00:11:08,235
And we both can't have me.
257
00:11:08,301 --> 00:11:09,703
I don't understand.
258
00:11:09,770 --> 00:11:10,771
It's very simple, buddy.
259
00:11:10,838 --> 00:11:13,506
Uncle Charlie... is nuts.
260
00:11:13,573 --> 00:11:16,977
Yeah, nuts like a fox.
261
00:11:18,411 --> 00:11:21,148
So then Wendy can't take
me RollerBlading anymore?
262
00:11:21,214 --> 00:11:22,082
Nope.
263
00:11:22,149 --> 00:11:23,216
No more movies?
264
00:11:23,283 --> 00:11:24,384
Afraid not.
265
00:11:25,618 --> 00:11:28,121
Boy, you suck.
266
00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:31,324
Suck?
267
00:11:31,391 --> 00:11:33,560
How do I suck?
268
00:11:33,626 --> 00:11:36,696
Like a fox.
269
00:11:37,597 --> 00:11:39,266
* Men... *
270
00:11:41,769 --> 00:11:42,903
There he is.
271
00:11:42,970 --> 00:11:44,805
Let the party begin.
272
00:11:44,872 --> 00:11:46,173
Shakin' Jake.
273
00:11:46,239 --> 00:11:48,241
Notorious J-A-K-E.
274
00:11:48,308 --> 00:11:51,644
Jake, he won't stop
until you say "Hello."
275
00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:53,847
Jakedy Jake Jake.
276
00:11:53,914 --> 00:11:55,482
Hello.
277
00:11:55,548 --> 00:11:57,017
So how was school this week?
278
00:11:57,084 --> 00:11:58,418
We missed you
around here.
279
00:11:58,485 --> 00:11:59,887
It was just school.
280
00:11:59,953 --> 00:12:02,790
Yeah. I heard that, just school.
281
00:12:02,856 --> 00:12:05,458
Right on.
282
00:12:07,861 --> 00:12:09,162
I don't believe it,
283
00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:10,363
he's still mad
about the Wendy thing.
284
00:12:10,430 --> 00:12:12,032
Charlie, it's only been a week,
285
00:12:12,099 --> 00:12:16,169
I'm still mad that you peed
in my Boy Scout canteen in 1978.
286
00:12:17,204 --> 00:12:20,740
Not much of a jamboree
for you was it?
287
00:12:22,309 --> 00:12:24,477
Okay, I'm sorry
about the canteen.
288
00:12:25,913 --> 00:12:28,048
Now will you please make
your son like me again?
289
00:12:28,115 --> 00:12:29,282
How would I do
that, Charlie?
290
00:12:29,349 --> 00:12:32,519
And by the way,
was that so hard?
291
00:12:34,287 --> 00:12:36,523
Explain to him
that Wendy was working an angle,
292
00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:38,525
making friends with
him to get to me.
293
00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:40,828
Do you really want me
to tell a ten-year-old boy
294
00:12:40,894 --> 00:12:42,195
that somebody he
really cares about
295
00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:43,396
was pretending
to like him?
296
00:12:43,463 --> 00:12:44,832
What kind of lesson
is that?
297
00:12:44,898 --> 00:12:47,700
He lives in L.A.,
he might as well learn now.
298
00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:50,871
Just give him some time,
he'll get over it.
299
00:12:52,172 --> 00:12:55,142
( knock on door )
300
00:12:55,208 --> 00:12:56,776
Hey.
Can I come in?
301
00:12:56,844 --> 00:12:58,178
It's your house.
302
00:12:58,245 --> 00:12:59,746
Well, it's your house, too.
303
00:12:59,813 --> 00:13:01,514
Then no.
304
00:13:05,685 --> 00:13:07,821
You know what, it is my house.
305
00:13:11,024 --> 00:13:13,560
Look, Jake, I'm sorry
about the Wendy thing,
306
00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:15,195
but there's nothing
I can do about it.
307
00:13:15,262 --> 00:13:16,696
I want us to
be buddies again,
308
00:13:16,763 --> 00:13:18,231
I don't want you
to hate me anymore.
309
00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:19,232
I don't hate you.
310
00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:20,467
Good.
311
00:13:20,533 --> 00:13:22,702
I'm just very disappointed
in you.
312
00:13:24,037 --> 00:13:25,272
Hey...
313
00:13:25,338 --> 00:13:27,707
I get enough of that crap
from my mother.
314
00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:30,477
So what's it going to take?
315
00:13:30,543 --> 00:13:32,412
Cash, video games?
316
00:13:32,479 --> 00:13:33,947
I don't want stuff,
317
00:13:34,014 --> 00:13:36,616
I got plenty of stuff
when my mom and dad broke up.
318
00:13:36,683 --> 00:13:38,818
Oh, dude,
this isn't the same thing.
319
00:13:38,886 --> 00:13:39,987
What's the difference?
320
00:13:40,053 --> 00:13:42,722
You liked Wendy,
then you didn't like her,
321
00:13:42,789 --> 00:13:44,524
and no one cares what I want.
322
00:13:45,625 --> 00:13:48,828
Jake, buddy,
come here.
323
00:13:50,197 --> 00:13:51,798
Come here.
324
00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:54,334
Sit down.
325
00:13:56,069 --> 00:14:00,307
It's not that I don't
care what you want,
326
00:14:00,373 --> 00:14:02,809
it's just that
you're a kid.
327
00:14:02,876 --> 00:14:04,711
What you want
doesn't matter.
328
00:14:07,881 --> 00:14:09,849
Wow.
329
00:14:09,917 --> 00:14:12,385
I do suck.
330
00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:16,856
H... A...
331
00:14:16,924 --> 00:14:18,191
T.
332
00:14:18,258 --> 00:14:21,161
"Hat."
333
00:14:21,228 --> 00:14:23,263
That's it?
334
00:14:23,330 --> 00:14:24,797
All this time for "Hat?"
335
00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:27,867
Let me see your tiles.
336
00:14:27,935 --> 00:14:29,369
Oh, see...
337
00:14:29,436 --> 00:14:30,971
you had "Hateful."
338
00:14:31,038 --> 00:14:34,374
See, it would fit right here
off the A in "Mychotidian."
339
00:14:36,376 --> 00:14:37,844
How did you see that?
340
00:14:37,911 --> 00:14:41,181
I have Scrabble eyes,
it's a gift.
341
00:14:41,248 --> 00:14:43,283
And sometimes a curse.
342
00:14:43,350 --> 00:14:45,552
Alan?
343
00:14:45,618 --> 00:14:48,021
Jake won't play with me.
344
00:14:48,088 --> 00:14:52,993
Well, I can't play with you
either Charlie, I am "Occupied."
345
00:14:53,060 --> 00:14:56,063
You play "Pie"
at your own peril, my friend.
346
00:14:56,129 --> 00:14:57,230
Hi, Charlie.
347
00:14:57,297 --> 00:14:59,632
Hi, Rose.
Alan?
348
00:14:59,699 --> 00:15:02,135
Come here.
349
00:15:03,203 --> 00:15:04,804
Your move.
350
00:15:06,106 --> 00:15:07,807
What?
351
00:15:09,943 --> 00:15:12,079
What are you doing with Rose?
352
00:15:12,145 --> 00:15:13,680
I'm teaching her
to play Scrabble.
353
00:15:13,746 --> 00:15:16,349
Oh, Alan, you are so naive.
354
00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:19,052
"Naive," eight points.
355
00:15:19,119 --> 00:15:20,020
What?
356
00:15:20,087 --> 00:15:22,822
Uh, sorry, I'm in my game head.
357
00:15:22,889 --> 00:15:26,359
Alan, Rose is using you
to get to me.
358
00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:29,629
Do you hear the rampant egotism?
359
00:15:29,696 --> 00:15:31,398
"Rampant," eleven points,
"Egotism," ten,
360
00:15:31,464 --> 00:15:32,465
coming out of your mouth?
361
00:15:32,532 --> 00:15:34,101
I'm just saying...
362
00:15:34,167 --> 00:15:35,868
Not everybody is trying
to get to you Charlie.
363
00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:37,337
The only thing that's
going on here
364
00:15:37,404 --> 00:15:40,573
is two lonely people
playing a game of Scrabble.
365
00:15:40,640 --> 00:15:42,909
Oh. Alan.
366
00:15:42,976 --> 00:15:45,245
Please tell me you're not
thinking about you and Rose.
367
00:15:45,312 --> 00:15:48,615
Uh, me and Rose?
368
00:15:48,681 --> 00:15:50,183
Eww.
369
00:15:56,889 --> 00:15:58,458
Let's see.
370
00:15:58,525 --> 00:16:01,261
One Russian blonde.
371
00:16:03,696 --> 00:16:06,466
One Scottish brunette.
372
00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:11,371
And a full-bodied redhead
from Napa Valley.
373
00:16:13,740 --> 00:16:16,476
Charlie's Angels.
374
00:16:18,711 --> 00:16:19,479
Oh.
Whoa.
375
00:16:19,546 --> 00:16:20,747
Sorry.
376
00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:22,415
Oh, hi.
377
00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:23,783
Hi.
378
00:16:23,850 --> 00:16:25,485
What are you doing here?
379
00:16:25,552 --> 00:16:27,720
I'm grocery shopping.
380
00:16:27,787 --> 00:16:30,757
Here?
In my super market?
381
00:16:32,059 --> 00:16:34,261
So this is just a coincidence?
382
00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:36,096
Well, it's not entirely,
383
00:16:36,163 --> 00:16:38,065
I eat food,
and I live two blocks away.
384
00:16:38,131 --> 00:16:40,867
Oh, come on Wendy,
we both know that...
385
00:16:42,435 --> 00:16:43,703
Everything okay?
386
00:16:43,770 --> 00:16:45,538
Oh, yeah, yeah,
everything's fine.
387
00:16:45,605 --> 00:16:46,673
Uh, Dave,
this is Charlie,
388
00:16:46,739 --> 00:16:48,075
Charlie, Dave.
389
00:16:48,141 --> 00:16:49,076
Hey.
390
00:16:49,142 --> 00:16:51,044
Hey.
391
00:16:53,580 --> 00:16:56,416
Dave, we need
a Duraflame log.
392
00:16:58,351 --> 00:17:00,120
Okay.
393
00:17:01,554 --> 00:17:04,557
Who's that? Your brother?
394
00:17:04,624 --> 00:17:06,926
No, he's...
395
00:17:06,993 --> 00:17:08,428
Look, Charlie, uh...
396
00:17:08,495 --> 00:17:10,263
I know I probably should
have given you a call,
397
00:17:10,330 --> 00:17:13,333
but I just thought that after
last weekend it was pretty clear
398
00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:15,368
it wasn't going to work out
between you and me.
399
00:17:15,435 --> 00:17:17,437
What?
400
00:17:17,504 --> 00:17:18,705
Well, I mean, I was happy
401
00:17:18,771 --> 00:17:20,273
to entertain your nephew
for a while.
402
00:17:20,340 --> 00:17:22,442
I mean he's a great kid,
but who's got the energy?
403
00:17:22,509 --> 00:17:24,577
And your mother,
she's been calling me all week.
404
00:17:24,644 --> 00:17:26,613
She wants to go
to a spinning class with me--
405
00:17:26,679 --> 00:17:28,014
what is up with that?
406
00:17:30,217 --> 00:17:32,585
I thought you two hit it off.
407
00:17:32,652 --> 00:17:35,522
I'm from the Midwest,
I was being polite.
408
00:17:37,090 --> 00:17:38,791
What did you think
was a going on?
409
00:17:40,593 --> 00:17:42,829
That.
410
00:17:42,895 --> 00:17:44,464
Listen, no offense.
411
00:17:44,531 --> 00:17:46,866
No, of course not.
412
00:17:46,933 --> 00:17:49,802
So, so you and Dave,
how serious is that?
413
00:17:49,869 --> 00:17:52,805
Good-bye, Charlie.
414
00:17:55,508 --> 00:17:58,845
You know, you're breaking
a little boy's heart.
415
00:18:01,681 --> 00:18:05,418
See, my relationships
with women, they come and go.
416
00:18:05,485 --> 00:18:06,719
But you and me,
we're family
417
00:18:06,786 --> 00:18:08,288
and that's solid,
that's forever.
418
00:18:08,355 --> 00:18:09,689
Are you with me?
419
00:18:09,756 --> 00:18:11,424
I think so.
420
00:18:11,491 --> 00:18:12,992
I mean, maybe I shouldn't
be laying this on you
421
00:18:13,059 --> 00:18:14,794
'cause you're ten,
422
00:18:14,861 --> 00:18:17,730
but I'm beginning to realize
I might not be the guy
423
00:18:17,797 --> 00:18:19,899
I thought everybody
thought I was.
424
00:18:19,966 --> 00:18:22,001
Hmm.
425
00:18:22,068 --> 00:18:23,303
Yeah.
426
00:18:23,370 --> 00:18:24,804
It's a mind blower isn't it?
427
00:18:26,439 --> 00:18:30,310
You see, the problem
isn't with who I go out with,
428
00:18:30,377 --> 00:18:32,312
the problem is with me.
429
00:18:32,379 --> 00:18:36,816
Your Uncle Charlie has some
major trust issues with women.
430
00:18:36,883 --> 00:18:38,117
It might have
something to do
431
00:18:38,185 --> 00:18:41,288
with my relationship
with my mom.
432
00:18:41,354 --> 00:18:43,756
I understand.
433
00:18:43,823 --> 00:18:45,392
Do you?
434
00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:49,028
No, I'm just tired;
I don't care anymore.
435
00:18:50,330 --> 00:18:51,298
So we're cool?
436
00:18:51,364 --> 00:18:52,565
Yeah.
437
00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:55,335
Good.
438
00:18:55,402 --> 00:18:56,736
Good night.
439
00:19:00,307 --> 00:19:01,674
Uncle Charlie?
440
00:19:01,741 --> 00:19:02,642
Yeah?
441
00:19:02,709 --> 00:19:04,477
Does this mean you don't
442
00:19:04,544 --> 00:19:06,279
have nuts like a fox?
443
00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:10,283
Yeah.
444
00:19:10,350 --> 00:19:12,385
That's what it means.
445
00:19:16,923 --> 00:19:20,593
( microwave dings )
446
00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:23,062
Don't look at my tiles, Alan.
447
00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:27,800
Scrabbleized, my sweet petootie.
448
00:19:27,867 --> 00:19:30,637
He's a tile peeker.
449
00:19:30,703 --> 00:19:33,373
Rose, listen, uh...
450
00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:35,007
I think I owe you an apology.
451
00:19:35,074 --> 00:19:37,444
You mean for seducing me
with your roguish charms
452
00:19:37,510 --> 00:19:40,380
and then dumping me
like a bag of old doorknobs?
453
00:19:42,315 --> 00:19:46,185
That, and, more recently, uh...
454
00:19:46,253 --> 00:19:48,755
I told Alan
that you were being nice to him
455
00:19:48,821 --> 00:19:49,722
just to get close to me.
456
00:19:49,789 --> 00:19:51,123
And I've come
457
00:19:51,190 --> 00:19:53,926
to realize that's my own
paranoia about women
458
00:19:53,993 --> 00:19:55,428
trying to manipulate me,
459
00:19:55,495 --> 00:19:58,030
and I'm sorry
that I projected that on you.
460
00:19:58,898 --> 00:20:01,033
Oh, come here you big silly.
461
00:20:02,602 --> 00:20:03,803
I forgive you.
462
00:20:03,870 --> 00:20:04,771
Really?
Mm-hmm.
463
00:20:04,837 --> 00:20:05,805
Thank you.
464
00:20:05,872 --> 00:20:08,408
( loud knocking )
465
00:20:08,475 --> 00:20:09,709
I got to go.
466
00:20:09,776 --> 00:20:12,345
Your brother is out of control
with that egg timer.
467
00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:17,116
You think maybe
I could play with you guys?
468
00:20:17,183 --> 00:20:21,220
It's fine with me,
go ask Mr. That's-Not-A-Word.
469
00:20:21,288 --> 00:20:22,154
Thanks.
470
00:20:23,923 --> 00:20:26,959
And again, I'm sorry.
471
00:20:27,026 --> 00:20:28,995
I'll be right there.
472
00:20:34,334 --> 00:20:36,303
Phase One, complete.
31382
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