All language subtitles for Two and a Half Men - S01E08 - Twenty-Five Little Pre-pubers Without a Snoot-ful (1080p AMZN WEB-DL x265 HEVC 10bit EAC3 2.0 RCVR) [UTR]
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1
00:00:03,137 --> 00:00:05,005
Right on.
Good location.
2
00:00:06,074 --> 00:00:07,007
What else?
3
00:00:07,075 --> 00:00:08,309
That's the sink.
4
00:00:08,376 --> 00:00:10,010
Uh-huh.
5
00:00:10,078 --> 00:00:11,512
If you put your thumb
over the hole,
6
00:00:11,579 --> 00:00:13,281
you can squirt water
all the way
7
00:00:13,347 --> 00:00:15,015
over to the other side
of the room.
8
00:00:15,083 --> 00:00:17,085
Cool.
9
00:00:17,151 --> 00:00:20,354
I'm not allowed to use the sink
anymore.
10
00:00:20,421 --> 00:00:21,755
Got it.
11
00:00:23,191 --> 00:00:24,692
So, what's the deal
with your teacher?
12
00:00:24,758 --> 00:00:25,759
Miss Tuttle?
13
00:00:25,826 --> 00:00:27,395
She's very strict.
14
00:00:29,830 --> 00:00:31,065
That could work.
15
00:00:32,500 --> 00:00:34,502
Did you see this drawing
our son made?
16
00:00:34,568 --> 00:00:37,105
It's a cry for his parents
to get back together.
17
00:00:37,171 --> 00:00:40,374
Alan, it's Davy Crockett
at the Alamo.
18
00:00:40,441 --> 00:00:41,709
I know.
19
00:00:41,775 --> 00:00:43,077
Breaks your heart,
doesn't it?
20
00:00:44,345 --> 00:00:46,314
I see you got
your brother here.
21
00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:49,049
He wasn't thrilled about it,
but he can't say no to Jake.
22
00:00:49,117 --> 00:00:50,484
And I kind of implied
23
00:00:50,551 --> 00:00:53,020
that Miss Tuttle
was a bit of a freak.
24
00:00:53,087 --> 00:00:54,255
Excuse me?
25
00:00:54,322 --> 00:00:55,856
Hey, you wanted me
to get him here.
26
00:00:55,923 --> 00:00:57,225
He's here.
The rest is up to you.
27
00:00:58,926 --> 00:01:00,994
So, come on.
You gonna introduce me?
28
00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:02,163
What for?
29
00:01:02,230 --> 00:01:03,497
Well, she's
your teacher,
30
00:01:03,564 --> 00:01:05,099
you're my nephew--
I feel like I...
31
00:01:05,166 --> 00:01:06,334
Oh, come on, just do it.
32
00:01:07,768 --> 00:01:10,738
Don't you want to see my model
of a California mission?
33
00:01:10,804 --> 00:01:12,373
It's made of sugar cubes.
34
00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:15,042
Okay, first your
mission, then mine.
35
00:01:15,109 --> 00:01:17,578
JUDITH:
May I have everyone's attention?
36
00:01:17,645 --> 00:01:19,513
Hello.
37
00:01:19,580 --> 00:01:22,350
I'm Judith Harper,
the class mom.
38
00:01:26,587 --> 00:01:28,889
I just want to thank you all
for coming.
39
00:01:28,956 --> 00:01:30,258
This is a great turnout.
40
00:01:30,324 --> 00:01:31,759
Give yourselves a hand.
41
00:01:36,697 --> 00:01:39,800
I understand you teachers
are sadly underpaid.
42
00:01:39,867 --> 00:01:41,402
That's very true.
43
00:01:41,469 --> 00:01:43,671
Well, I'd like to do my part.
44
00:01:43,737 --> 00:01:44,705
Can I buy you dinner?
45
00:01:46,540 --> 00:01:49,343
So please feel free to put your
name on the sign-up sheets
46
00:01:49,410 --> 00:01:52,112
if you're available for
carpools, coaching, field trips.
47
00:01:52,180 --> 00:01:54,215
Charlie Harper.
48
00:01:54,282 --> 00:01:58,752
Jake's uncle, mentor, pal.
49
00:01:58,819 --> 00:02:00,521
Shh.
50
00:02:00,588 --> 00:02:02,856
JUDITH:
...help however we can.
51
00:02:04,858 --> 00:02:07,161
And finally, and this
is a biggie, folks,
52
00:02:07,228 --> 00:02:08,662
it looks as if we're
going to have to cancel
53
00:02:08,729 --> 00:02:10,798
our annual music show
for our fourth graders.
54
00:02:10,864 --> 00:02:13,000
( parents groan )
55
00:02:13,066 --> 00:02:15,035
Unless someone
with music experience
56
00:02:15,102 --> 00:02:17,104
volunteers to
help us out.
57
00:02:17,171 --> 00:02:18,672
Anyone?
58
00:02:18,739 --> 00:02:20,941
Anyone at all?
59
00:02:21,008 --> 00:02:21,709
Charlie?
60
00:02:21,775 --> 00:02:23,110
Yeah?
61
00:02:23,177 --> 00:02:24,111
Thank you.
62
00:02:24,178 --> 00:02:25,746
Charlie Harper, everyone.
63
00:02:33,187 --> 00:02:34,888
What?
64
00:02:36,824 --> 00:02:38,526
* Men... *
65
00:02:50,037 --> 00:02:52,573
Go ahead, say it.
66
00:02:52,640 --> 00:02:55,776
You traitorous rat bastard.
67
00:02:55,843 --> 00:02:58,812
Good, good.
Feel better?
68
00:02:58,879 --> 00:03:00,448
You set me up.
69
00:03:00,514 --> 00:03:02,683
You lured me into that classroom
70
00:03:02,750 --> 00:03:05,152
with promises of doughnuts
and loose women.
71
00:03:05,219 --> 00:03:06,587
I'm sorry.
72
00:03:06,654 --> 00:03:09,590
I honestly thought
there'd be doughnuts.
73
00:03:09,657 --> 00:03:12,293
And what about Miss Tuttle,
"the freak"?
74
00:03:12,360 --> 00:03:16,297
She's a married,
Christian missionary!
75
00:03:16,364 --> 00:03:20,501
Okay, that I just lied about.
76
00:03:20,568 --> 00:03:22,069
But it was for a good cause.
77
00:03:22,135 --> 00:03:23,504
The kids really need you.
78
00:03:23,571 --> 00:03:25,706
Yeah, but see,
here's the problem.
79
00:03:25,773 --> 00:03:26,707
I don't like kids.
80
00:03:26,774 --> 00:03:27,708
You like Jake.
81
00:03:27,775 --> 00:03:28,776
Jake's different.
82
00:03:28,842 --> 00:03:30,177
He's cool, he's our kid.
83
00:03:30,244 --> 00:03:34,382
The rest of them... Yech.
84
00:03:34,448 --> 00:03:36,116
What other kids do you know?
85
00:03:36,183 --> 00:03:38,051
I see them.
86
00:03:38,118 --> 00:03:40,554
Having tantrums in supermarkets,
87
00:03:40,621 --> 00:03:45,393
screaming in movie theaters,
making everything sticky.
88
00:03:46,694 --> 00:03:49,263
And the whole world
gives them a free ride
89
00:03:49,330 --> 00:03:50,964
just because they're cute.
90
00:03:51,031 --> 00:03:52,533
Look, forget about the kids.
91
00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:54,402
Do this for me and Judith.
92
00:03:54,468 --> 00:03:56,504
Not really a big Judith fan,
either.
93
00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:58,939
Come on. You'll write
the music and lyrics.
94
00:03:59,006 --> 00:04:02,943
Judith and I will produce
and direct-- together.
95
00:04:03,010 --> 00:04:05,212
Hold on, hold on.
96
00:04:05,279 --> 00:04:06,547
So you roped me into this
97
00:04:06,614 --> 00:04:08,549
because you think
that the three of us
98
00:04:08,616 --> 00:04:10,618
collaborating
on a fourth grade tribute
99
00:04:10,684 --> 00:04:12,453
to the Industrial Revolution
100
00:04:12,520 --> 00:04:15,456
will somehow lead to you
getting back together
101
00:04:15,523 --> 00:04:17,591
with your allegedly gay ex-wife?
102
00:04:17,658 --> 00:04:22,062
It's easy to make anything
sound stupid, Charlie.
103
00:04:22,129 --> 00:04:23,764
Look, we're still
legally married,
104
00:04:23,831 --> 00:04:26,534
and frankly I don't
buy the whole gay thing.
105
00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:29,437
A gay woman would not fake
orgasms for 12 years
106
00:04:29,503 --> 00:04:31,372
just to protect my feelings.
107
00:04:33,741 --> 00:04:36,009
Okay.
Take off your seat belt.
108
00:04:36,076 --> 00:04:37,378
Why?
109
00:04:37,445 --> 00:04:38,812
Because when I slam
on the brakes,
110
00:04:38,879 --> 00:04:40,381
I want to watch you
go through the windshield.
111
00:04:40,448 --> 00:04:41,749
Don't be silly.
112
00:04:41,815 --> 00:04:45,886
Do you know how fast
you'd have to be going...?
113
00:04:45,953 --> 00:04:47,721
Hey, slow down.
114
00:04:50,524 --> 00:04:53,994
* Manpower, horsepower,
coal and steam *
115
00:04:54,061 --> 00:04:57,398
* Moving forward
the American dream *
116
00:04:57,465 --> 00:04:59,367
* Electric, atomic
117
00:04:59,433 --> 00:05:00,768
* Solar, too
118
00:05:00,834 --> 00:05:04,805
* All this energy
for me and you. *
119
00:05:06,173 --> 00:05:08,576
Oh, gosh, I want to like it.
120
00:05:08,642 --> 00:05:09,943
Yeah, I want to like it.
121
00:05:11,679 --> 00:05:12,680
Um...
122
00:05:12,746 --> 00:05:13,914
But?
123
00:05:13,981 --> 00:05:16,249
But I just don't think
it's your best work.
124
00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:17,951
It's not.
Fire me, please.
125
00:05:18,018 --> 00:05:21,489
Remember that show
that you and I did in college?
126
00:05:21,555 --> 00:05:24,091
"Dormy Weather"? Sure.
127
00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:25,626
Those songs had
a point of view.
128
00:05:25,693 --> 00:05:28,662
Yeah, yeah, and you couldn't
get them out of your head.
129
00:05:28,729 --> 00:05:30,431
* Coed bathrooms...
130
00:05:30,498 --> 00:05:32,566
BOTH:
* Coed bathrooms
131
00:05:32,633 --> 00:05:35,569
* Wear your flip flops
in the coed bathrooms *
132
00:05:35,636 --> 00:05:39,106
* Stuff grows
on the floor there *
133
00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:44,912
* And whoops, there's
another pubic hair there. *
134
00:05:44,978 --> 00:05:47,080
ALAN:
See, you know, maybe
the easiest way
135
00:05:47,147 --> 00:05:49,249
to do this is for us
to write the actual songs.
136
00:05:49,316 --> 00:05:50,317
Yeah, and Charlie
could just toss
137
00:05:50,384 --> 00:05:51,719
in the specific notes
and stuff.
138
00:05:51,785 --> 00:05:53,787
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Charlie,
what do you think?
139
00:05:56,189 --> 00:05:58,091
Okay, then, uh, then,
I guess it's just
140
00:05:58,158 --> 00:05:59,727
the two of us.
141
00:05:59,793 --> 00:06:01,562
Like the old days.
Yeah.
142
00:06:01,629 --> 00:06:03,597
Except this time,
I'm not a virgin.
143
00:06:06,967 --> 00:06:08,569
How come you're
not helping
144
00:06:08,636 --> 00:06:10,037
Mom and Dad
with the show?
145
00:06:10,103 --> 00:06:12,773
Well, how can I put this?
146
00:06:12,840 --> 00:06:14,575
Your Uncle Charlie is
a professional musician,
147
00:06:14,642 --> 00:06:16,009
and your mom and dad...
148
00:06:17,110 --> 00:06:18,812
Suck?
149
00:06:22,650 --> 00:06:24,552
Good a word as any.
150
00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:28,422
Well, I think they're going
to get back together.
151
00:06:28,489 --> 00:06:29,957
You do, huh?
152
00:06:30,023 --> 00:06:32,392
Yep. Except if my dad
moves back to Mom's house,
153
00:06:32,460 --> 00:06:34,662
I probably wouldn't
see you anymore.
154
00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:36,263
Of course, you'd see me.
155
00:06:36,329 --> 00:06:38,466
You'd still have your room here,
and I'd come visit.
156
00:06:38,532 --> 00:06:40,333
You never visited before.
157
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:42,470
That's 'cause I didn't
know you before.
158
00:06:42,536 --> 00:06:44,638
That's 'cause you never visited.
159
00:06:45,473 --> 00:06:46,674
Gin.
160
00:06:49,443 --> 00:06:50,778
To tell you the truth, Jake,
161
00:06:50,844 --> 00:06:52,780
I don't think this is going
to be an issue.
162
00:06:52,846 --> 00:06:54,982
You don't think
they're going to
get back together?
163
00:06:55,048 --> 00:06:56,183
I didn't say that.
164
00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:57,217
Well, do you?
165
00:06:57,284 --> 00:06:58,552
Hey, what do I know?
166
00:06:58,619 --> 00:06:59,820
Well, I think they are.
167
00:06:59,887 --> 00:07:01,388
ALAN AND JUDITH:
* Robert Fulton
168
00:07:01,455 --> 00:07:04,024
* Eli Whitney, Robert Fulton
169
00:07:04,091 --> 00:07:05,459
* Eli Whitney
170
00:07:05,526 --> 00:07:09,697
* All aboard for Henry Ford.
171
00:07:12,633 --> 00:07:14,568
* Henry Ford...
172
00:07:14,635 --> 00:07:17,805
Careful what you wish for, pal.
173
00:07:20,808 --> 00:07:21,909
Charlie?
174
00:07:21,975 --> 00:07:23,443
We're going to be late
for rehearsal.
175
00:07:23,511 --> 00:07:24,678
( blender whirring )
176
00:07:27,648 --> 00:07:29,116
What are you doing?
177
00:07:29,182 --> 00:07:31,118
Making margaritas.
178
00:07:31,184 --> 00:07:33,521
But we've got a rehearsal
at Jake's school.
179
00:07:33,587 --> 00:07:36,123
Don't worry, I have a plan.
180
00:07:37,825 --> 00:07:40,561
Oh, Charlie, you're taking
liquor to Jake's school?
181
00:07:40,628 --> 00:07:41,995
You betcha.
182
00:07:42,062 --> 00:07:44,998
I'm not going to face
all those pre-pubers
183
00:07:45,065 --> 00:07:46,600
without a snoot-ful.
184
00:07:48,068 --> 00:07:51,204
They'll have limes
in the teachers' lounge, right?
185
00:07:51,271 --> 00:07:52,472
No, there's no limes,
186
00:07:52,540 --> 00:07:54,708
there's no swizzle sticks,
there's...
187
00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:56,544
Oh, God.
188
00:07:56,610 --> 00:07:57,878
What?
189
00:07:57,945 --> 00:08:00,313
It's from Judith's lawyers.
190
00:08:00,380 --> 00:08:03,416
Really? Good news?
191
00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:05,653
No, it's not good news.
192
00:08:05,719 --> 00:08:08,355
Judith filed for divorce.
193
00:08:08,421 --> 00:08:09,757
Whoa, man.
194
00:08:10,624 --> 00:08:12,192
I'm sorry.
195
00:08:12,259 --> 00:08:13,561
What am I going to do?
196
00:08:13,627 --> 00:08:15,563
Well, there's a lot
of ways to respond
197
00:08:15,629 --> 00:08:16,564
to something like this--
198
00:08:16,630 --> 00:08:20,233
anger, grief, denial.
199
00:08:20,300 --> 00:08:21,501
What would you do?
200
00:08:21,569 --> 00:08:23,070
I'd probably blow
off rehearsal
201
00:08:23,136 --> 00:08:25,573
and start chugging
from the blender.
202
00:08:28,709 --> 00:08:31,011
I wouldn't recommend
that for an amateur.
203
00:08:35,683 --> 00:08:38,418
I can't believe she
blind-sided me like this.
204
00:08:38,485 --> 00:08:41,188
Being so nice and
friendly to my face,
205
00:08:41,254 --> 00:08:43,156
meanwhile, her lawyers
were working
206
00:08:43,223 --> 00:08:44,124
behind my face.
207
00:08:44,191 --> 00:08:45,859
Let me tell you something,
Charlie.
208
00:08:45,926 --> 00:08:47,895
A woman who would do such
a thing cannot be trusted.
209
00:08:47,961 --> 00:08:51,031
Yeah, well, maybe you
can use this divorce
210
00:08:51,098 --> 00:08:54,134
as a chance to take a little
break from each other.
211
00:08:54,201 --> 00:08:58,071
Oh, no, that would be playing
right into her hands.
212
00:08:58,138 --> 00:09:00,808
Alan, your kid's confused enough
about you and his mother.
213
00:09:00,874 --> 00:09:02,175
Don't make it worse.
214
00:09:02,242 --> 00:09:04,778
How could I possibly
make it any worse?
215
00:09:06,814 --> 00:09:08,115
Let's find out.
216
00:09:09,282 --> 00:09:11,018
Okay, everybody,
what we're going to do
217
00:09:11,084 --> 00:09:13,253
is put the girls on one side,
and the boys on the other.
218
00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:15,288
Sure, start splitting
them up early.
219
00:09:15,355 --> 00:09:17,490
That's your answer for
everything, isn't it?
220
00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:19,359
Excuse me?
221
00:09:19,426 --> 00:09:21,028
Uh, would Mrs. Plaintiff
222
00:09:21,094 --> 00:09:24,632
please see Mr. Respondent
in the hallway?
223
00:09:26,767 --> 00:09:27,635
Watch the kids.
224
00:09:27,701 --> 00:09:28,902
We'll be right back.
225
00:09:30,337 --> 00:09:31,304
Wait!
226
00:09:36,610 --> 00:09:38,345
Jake?
227
00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:39,713
Where's Jake?
228
00:09:53,526 --> 00:09:56,630
Okay, uh, everybody take five.
229
00:09:57,965 --> 00:09:59,299
That means sit down.
230
00:10:01,168 --> 00:10:02,636
Huh.
231
00:10:02,703 --> 00:10:04,071
Stand up.
232
00:10:06,273 --> 00:10:08,008
Hop up and down.
233
00:10:10,510 --> 00:10:12,680
Right on.
234
00:10:14,281 --> 00:10:15,315
But why file
for divorce?
235
00:10:15,382 --> 00:10:16,984
We were getting along
so well.
236
00:10:17,050 --> 00:10:19,720
We've been getting along
because I don't feel trapped,
237
00:10:19,787 --> 00:10:21,254
suffocated and depressed
anymore.
238
00:10:21,321 --> 00:10:22,956
Oh, sure.
239
00:10:23,023 --> 00:10:26,259
Kick me out and then work
on improving yourself.
240
00:10:27,427 --> 00:10:28,896
Okay,
241
00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:31,198
everybody flap your arms
like a chicken.
242
00:10:31,264 --> 00:10:33,366
( all clucking )
243
00:10:36,837 --> 00:10:38,405
Alan, check it out.
244
00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:40,340
I got this amazing power.
245
00:10:41,508 --> 00:10:42,710
Stop.
246
00:10:45,045 --> 00:10:45,979
Huh?
247
00:10:46,046 --> 00:10:49,282
It's like having
my own robot army.
248
00:10:53,887 --> 00:10:55,422
No, wait,
where are you going?
249
00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:56,857
( door slams )
250
00:10:58,892 --> 00:11:00,861
Are we going to do our songs?
251
00:11:00,928 --> 00:11:02,495
Hey, I'm just the piano player.
252
00:11:02,562 --> 00:11:05,032
Lerner and Lowe are out in
the hallway working things out.
253
00:11:05,098 --> 00:11:05,833
Who?
254
00:11:05,899 --> 00:11:07,467
Lerner and Lowe?
255
00:11:07,534 --> 00:11:08,802
"My Fair Lady"?
256
00:11:08,869 --> 00:11:10,771
"Camelot"?
257
00:11:10,838 --> 00:11:14,074
( quietly ):
Aren't there any gay kids here?
258
00:11:17,277 --> 00:11:18,779
They're fighting again,
aren't they?
259
00:11:18,846 --> 00:11:20,380
Yeah, what can I tell you, Jake?
260
00:11:20,447 --> 00:11:23,150
Your mom lawyered up,
and your dad's freaking out.
261
00:11:23,216 --> 00:11:25,118
Stay cool.
I'll try to get
'em back in here.
262
00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:29,723
Hey, everybody, Jake's in charge
so... whatever he says.
263
00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:34,962
Okay.
264
00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:37,798
It's been fun,
but I'm officially resigning
265
00:11:37,865 --> 00:11:39,466
as the mayor of Booger Town.
266
00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:40,968
Not now, Charlie.
267
00:11:41,034 --> 00:11:42,435
You know, I have tried.
( kids screaming )
268
00:11:42,502 --> 00:11:44,204
I have tried everything I can
to make you happy.
269
00:11:44,271 --> 00:11:45,973
Uh, I don't want
to rush you or anything,
270
00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:48,241
but have you ever read
Lord of the Flies?
271
00:11:48,308 --> 00:11:49,209
But you know what?
272
00:11:49,276 --> 00:11:50,744
You know what?
I'm through.
273
00:11:50,811 --> 00:11:52,746
Maybe your lawyers
can make you happy!
274
00:11:52,813 --> 00:11:55,148
Your brother is a horse's ass.
275
00:11:56,049 --> 00:11:57,851
Hey, let's not lose sight
276
00:11:57,918 --> 00:12:01,121
of who the real victim
of this divorce is--
277
00:12:01,188 --> 00:12:03,957
me!
278
00:12:04,024 --> 00:12:06,459
( yelling and laughing )
279
00:12:12,966 --> 00:12:17,470
Okay, uh, I think we should all
calm down just a little.
280
00:12:17,537 --> 00:12:18,972
You're not our teacher.
281
00:12:19,039 --> 00:12:20,808
Why should we listen to you?
282
00:12:20,874 --> 00:12:21,909
( kids screaming )
283
00:12:21,975 --> 00:12:23,276
Okay, let me put it another way.
284
00:12:23,343 --> 00:12:28,181
( yelling ):
Shut up and sit down!
285
00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:32,485
Thanks.
286
00:12:32,552 --> 00:12:34,654
Uh, listen, rehearsal's over.
287
00:12:34,721 --> 00:12:35,688
You can all go home.
288
00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:37,157
What about our play?
289
00:12:37,224 --> 00:12:40,794
Well, you know how they say
the show must go on?
290
00:12:40,861 --> 00:12:43,163
Well, they weren't talking
about this show.
291
00:12:44,397 --> 00:12:46,299
Your uncle's so lame.
292
00:12:46,366 --> 00:12:48,235
Is not.
He's cool.
293
00:12:48,301 --> 00:12:49,069
Yeah, right.
294
00:12:49,136 --> 00:12:50,570
He is!
He's almost famous.
295
00:12:50,637 --> 00:12:52,105
He wrote
the Maple Loops song.
296
00:12:52,172 --> 00:12:52,940
Did not.
297
00:12:53,006 --> 00:12:55,608
JAKE:
Did, too.
Did, too.
298
00:12:55,675 --> 00:12:56,944
Prove it.
299
00:12:57,010 --> 00:12:58,846
You see that Jaguar
in the parking lot?
300
00:13:00,347 --> 00:13:02,415
Maple Loops.
301
00:13:02,482 --> 00:13:04,784
That doesn't prove anything.
302
00:13:06,686 --> 00:13:08,021
Fine.
303
00:13:09,522 --> 00:13:11,925
( plays opening chord )
304
00:13:11,992 --> 00:13:13,760
* It's got...
305
00:13:13,827 --> 00:13:15,195
KIDS:
* Oats and corn and wheat
306
00:13:15,262 --> 00:13:17,364
* It's the sweetest
breakfast treat *
307
00:13:17,430 --> 00:13:19,799
* It's maple-maple-
maple-licious. *
308
00:13:19,867 --> 00:13:21,168
( final chord )
309
00:13:21,234 --> 00:13:22,802
Whoa.
310
00:13:22,870 --> 00:13:24,404
Everybody knows that?
311
00:13:24,471 --> 00:13:25,605
Of course.
312
00:13:25,672 --> 00:13:26,907
It's the
Maple Loops song.
313
00:13:26,974 --> 00:13:28,408
Uncle Charlie,
do Fudge Nuggets.
314
00:13:28,475 --> 00:13:29,476
KIDS:
Yeah!
315
00:13:30,978 --> 00:13:31,979
( playing lively intro )
316
00:13:32,045 --> 00:13:33,313
* From...
317
00:13:33,380 --> 00:13:35,983
* From the magic
chocolate mountain *
318
00:13:36,049 --> 00:13:37,918
* In a secret chocolate mine
319
00:13:37,985 --> 00:13:40,187
* Come Grannie's
big fudge nuggets *
320
00:13:40,253 --> 00:13:44,824
* With a taste
that's oh, so fine. *
321
00:13:44,892 --> 00:13:46,226
( applause and cheering )
322
00:13:46,293 --> 00:13:47,895
Yay!
323
00:13:47,961 --> 00:13:53,000
What do you know--
maybe I don't hate kids.
324
00:13:54,701 --> 00:13:56,503
KIDS:
* Smell like a man
325
00:13:56,569 --> 00:13:58,939
* Stick, pump or can...
326
00:13:59,006 --> 00:14:00,540
CHARLIE:
Hold it.
327
00:14:00,607 --> 00:14:02,109
CHARLIE:
* Can...
328
00:14:02,175 --> 00:14:03,410
KIDS:
* Can...
Hi.
Hi.
329
00:14:03,476 --> 00:14:04,878
I'm sorry
I didn't give you
330
00:14:04,945 --> 00:14:06,213
a heads up
about the divorce papers.
331
00:14:06,279 --> 00:14:08,882
I'm sorry if I overreacted.
332
00:14:08,949 --> 00:14:10,083
CHARLIE:
Just the girls.
333
00:14:10,150 --> 00:14:12,953
GIRLS:
* Smell like a man...
334
00:14:13,020 --> 00:14:13,921
What's going
on in there?
335
00:14:13,987 --> 00:14:15,455
I don't know.
336
00:14:15,522 --> 00:14:16,957
CHARLIE:
* Man...
337
00:14:17,024 --> 00:14:18,959
ALL:
* Smell like a man
338
00:14:19,026 --> 00:14:21,794
* Stick, pump or can
339
00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:24,097
* With Dry Guy Deodorant
340
00:14:24,164 --> 00:14:28,268
* Only the girls get sweaty.
341
00:14:31,004 --> 00:14:32,739
We're getting there.
We're getting there!
342
00:14:32,805 --> 00:14:34,774
Okay, uh, thank
you, Charlie.
343
00:14:34,841 --> 00:14:36,043
Yeah, we'll take it
from here, okay?
344
00:14:36,109 --> 00:14:37,978
Too late.
You're out.
345
00:14:38,045 --> 00:14:40,613
What about the
songs we wrote?
346
00:14:40,680 --> 00:14:42,015
Hey, kids,
what do you think
347
00:14:42,082 --> 00:14:43,416
about the songs they wrote?
348
00:14:43,483 --> 00:14:44,985
Boo! Sucks! Stinks!
349
00:14:45,052 --> 00:14:46,286
( shouting continues )
350
00:14:49,089 --> 00:14:51,992
These are my people.
351
00:14:52,059 --> 00:14:54,027
Wh-What do your
jingles have to do
352
00:14:54,094 --> 00:14:56,163
with the Industrial
Revolution?
353
00:14:57,697 --> 00:15:00,700
Look, you wanted a show,
I'm giving you a show.
354
00:15:00,767 --> 00:15:02,569
Now step back
and let us work.
355
00:15:02,635 --> 00:15:05,038
"Plumber in a Jar."
356
00:15:05,105 --> 00:15:06,306
And let's really sell it
this time.
357
00:15:06,373 --> 00:15:07,774
( playing soft intro )
358
00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:09,376
ALL:
* When your
359
00:15:09,442 --> 00:15:10,777
( tempo picks up ):
* Sink backs up
360
00:15:10,843 --> 00:15:12,445
* There's just one star
361
00:15:12,512 --> 00:15:15,315
* It's the one you trust,
it's Plumber In a Jar *
362
00:15:15,382 --> 00:15:17,985
* Plumber In a Jar,
Plumber In a Jar *
363
00:15:18,051 --> 00:15:19,019
* Plumber In a Jar
364
00:15:19,086 --> 00:15:20,553
* Plumber In a Jar
365
00:15:20,620 --> 00:15:21,921
( softly ):
* Plumber In a Jar
366
00:15:21,989 --> 00:15:25,125
* Plumber In a Jar.
367
00:15:27,961 --> 00:15:30,964
Hey. Whatcha doing?
368
00:15:31,031 --> 00:15:32,132
Trying to find some
369
00:15:32,199 --> 00:15:35,402
plausible connection
between my jingles
370
00:15:35,468 --> 00:15:37,704
and the Industrial
Revolution.
371
00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:38,771
( sighs )
372
00:15:38,838 --> 00:15:39,639
What's up?
373
00:15:39,706 --> 00:15:41,374
I just talked to my dad.
374
00:15:41,441 --> 00:15:45,312
He said that he and Mom aren't
getting back together again.
375
00:15:45,378 --> 00:15:47,780
Yeah.
376
00:15:47,847 --> 00:15:49,582
How are you doing with that?
377
00:15:49,649 --> 00:15:50,783
I'm not sure.
378
00:15:50,850 --> 00:15:53,786
I like that I get
to stay here on weekends.
379
00:15:53,853 --> 00:15:55,855
That's cool.
I like that, too.
380
00:15:55,922 --> 00:15:58,625
But you got to be sad
about your folks, though, right?
381
00:15:58,691 --> 00:16:00,627
No, I'm okay.
382
00:16:00,693 --> 00:16:07,000
Jake, it's okay to feel sad...
I've been told.
383
00:16:07,067 --> 00:16:09,002
And this is a sad thing.
384
00:16:09,069 --> 00:16:10,503
My dad's not sad.
385
00:16:10,570 --> 00:16:12,939
Of course he is.
He's just trying to protect you.
386
00:16:13,006 --> 00:16:14,041
From what?
387
00:16:14,107 --> 00:16:16,143
From being sad.
388
00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:19,246
Yeah, I know,
it's a vicious circle,
389
00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:21,948
but the liquor industry
is built on it.
390
00:16:22,015 --> 00:16:23,116
What?
391
00:16:23,183 --> 00:16:24,684
Hey, it's not important.
392
00:16:24,751 --> 00:16:27,887
All you need to know is that
we all feel sad sometimes,
393
00:16:27,954 --> 00:16:29,422
and it's okay.
394
00:16:29,489 --> 00:16:31,791
Understand?
395
00:16:31,858 --> 00:16:33,193
Yeah.
396
00:16:39,666 --> 00:16:41,601
Hey, buddy.
397
00:16:42,969 --> 00:16:45,105
It's okay, Dad.
398
00:16:54,114 --> 00:16:56,283
Before the Industrial
Revolution,
399
00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:58,451
we lived in an agrarian society.
400
00:16:58,518 --> 00:16:59,752
Most people grew
their own food
401
00:16:59,819 --> 00:17:00,853
and ate what they grew.
402
00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:01,988
Breakfast involved...
403
00:17:02,055 --> 00:17:03,990
Slaughtering animals.
404
00:17:04,057 --> 00:17:05,892
And milking cows.
405
00:17:05,958 --> 00:17:07,394
It would be hundreds of years
406
00:17:07,460 --> 00:17:09,296
before people could enjoy
a pre-packaged
407
00:17:09,362 --> 00:17:10,797
and nutritious breakfast.
408
00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:12,099
And what's in that breakfast?
409
00:17:12,165 --> 00:17:13,933
( playing opening chord )
410
00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:15,935
* It's got...
411
00:17:16,002 --> 00:17:17,404
* Oats and corn and wheat
412
00:17:17,470 --> 00:17:19,038
* It's the sweetest
breakfast treat *
413
00:17:19,106 --> 00:17:21,208
* It's maple-maple-
maple-licious. *
414
00:17:21,274 --> 00:17:22,642
( final chord )
415
00:17:22,709 --> 00:17:25,712
As urbanization led
to stress and loneliness,
416
00:17:25,778 --> 00:17:28,548
industrial society looked
to an ancient agrarian product
417
00:17:28,615 --> 00:17:31,384
for a delicious
and refreshing solution.
418
00:17:31,451 --> 00:17:35,021
* The girls look prettier
with Hammerstein Beer *
419
00:17:35,088 --> 00:17:38,191
* You like what you see,
and you like what you hear *
420
00:17:38,258 --> 00:17:40,827
* Have a cold frosty mug
and pull her near *
421
00:17:40,893 --> 00:17:43,730
* The girls look prettier,
the girls look prettier *
422
00:17:43,796 --> 00:17:47,500
* The girls look prettier
with Hammerstein Beer. *
423
00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:49,769
We're not letting
him anywhere near
424
00:17:49,836 --> 00:17:50,803
the Christmas pageant.
425
00:17:50,870 --> 00:17:53,206
Agreed.
426
00:17:58,711 --> 00:18:00,547
Even with the advent
of indoor plumbing,
427
00:18:00,613 --> 00:18:03,015
the Industrial Revolution still
had some bugs in the system.
428
00:18:03,082 --> 00:18:05,552
What was man to do?
429
00:18:05,618 --> 00:18:07,019
Three, four...
430
00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:09,589
* If your home is bug infested
431
00:18:09,656 --> 00:18:12,525
* Filled with spiders,
flies and gnats *
432
00:18:12,592 --> 00:18:15,628
* All our sprays
are safely tested *
433
00:18:15,695 --> 00:18:18,665
* We kill vermin,
not your cats. *
29470
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