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Oh, my God.
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Our executive producer has asked us to
stop doing such high -concept threads
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do something simpler like get a
celebrity guest.
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So, we built a time machine.
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Boom! And we're going to go back and get
Marilyn Monroe.
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You ready? Yeah. For Marilyn!
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Oh, fuck.
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What the fuck did you do, Bill?
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I was trying to drug her to get her back
here.
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Sleeping pills. You gave her a full
bottle of sleeping pills.
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They were just on the counter. That was
the only thing I had access to. I
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thought she could handle them.
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She died in my arms. I can't believe you
killed her.
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Ryan,
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hold yourself together.
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Shut up! I need to know that you can
keep this.
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Is that Marilyn's mole?
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She wasn't using it?
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I am so good.
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Brother! The village is under attack! We
must get to the dragons and defeat our
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enemies!
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Yeah, okay.
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I don't know if I want to do that.
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The village needs you. You're a dragon
rider.
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I know.
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Just, uh...
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I don't know if I want to be a dragon
rider anymore.
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How can you say such a thing?
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Don't the dragons hear you speak like
that?
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I don't think the dragons really even
know that we're riding them.
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They just kind of fly around and
randomly burn shit.
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Yeah, they burn the villages of our
enemy.
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No, most of them are our own villages.
Yeah, that dragon's flame always burns
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trees. I don't know. My dragon is
fucking crazy.
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Last week he ate an entire spruce tree.
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I didn't tell him to do that. He just...
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Started eating it. The whole thing.
Like, whole. Didn't even chew it. Just
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went... And I swear to God, he was
making eye contact with me when he
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did it. And he was crying. What does
that mean? I don't know, man.
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They don't even fight when we tell them
to fight, so... Well, they fought at the
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Battle of Vatagon Green, if you care to
remember.
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Oh, yeah, I didn't make that, because my
dragon was just rolling around in a
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field eating sheep randomly, along with
all the other dragons, except yours. It
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was a glorious battle.
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It was the day I lost my eye.
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Yup, to your own dragon. He ate your own
eye, so... Sure, he had a good reason.
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I don't think he did.
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This is a dumb, dumb dragon.
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Your dragon's an asshole.
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I'm just tired of it. I don't like this.
I don't like this life. We were fine
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before the dragon showed up. There used
to be thousands of people who lived
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here. Now there's only 14. The noble 14,
chosen by dragons to live.
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Chosen by dragons to live?
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What kind of life is this, okay? This is
a crappy, crappy life. We live in huts,
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for God's sake.
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Gary, stop it.
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What? You think I don't miss my wife? My
minivan?
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Thursday nights at Boston Pizza? Yeah, I
miss it all.
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But this is our life.
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And all we've got are those dragons.
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So, you can either sit here and feel
sorry for yourself, or you can go fight
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those dragons over there.
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With these dragons over here.
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All right. Brother, to the dragons.
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To the dragon.
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Drakadon, charge.
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Okay, I think he's, yeah, he's mounting
the other one.
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Oh, that's not a good attack.
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I want to talk to you about something
that inspires me. And that
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thing is excellence.
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Because excellence matters.
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We need to focus on results and achieve
the breakthroughs that will launch us
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into the realm of exactitude. But before
we take this train down Business River,
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there's a few more tools we need to pack
in our business bag.
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First, we need to rise up in order to be
higher. Second, when faced with
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adversity, remember this acronym, PAW.
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Penetrate, abbreviate, wow.
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00:05:03,690 --> 00:05:08,210
And third, don't add value, multiply
value, or attach an exponent.
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Math gives us options.
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Do things!
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Now I want you to point your finger and
thumb like it's a gun. This will be your
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excellence gun.
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Point this at whatever it is you want to
achieve and say, I don't want to hurt
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you, but I will.
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This gun is full of gumption and steel,
and I will fill you with both if I don't
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get results.
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Now this can be an excellence hand
grenade or an excellence flamethrower.
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weapon isn't important as long as the
threat is credible.
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So in conclusion...
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Excellence, business, business bag,
results, wow, rise up, guns,
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business excellence, excellence.
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00:06:09,960 --> 00:06:14,039
Hey guys, so when I was in grade five,
there was this girl, Alyssa, that I had
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really big crush on, but I was just too
nervous to ask her out.
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So I thought I would take the time
machine, go back in time, and convince
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to ask her out.
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That seems really inconsequential, Andy.
Well, you wouldn't say that if you met
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her, so see you in a second.
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I might say that.
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What happened?
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I convinced my younger self to ask her
out. She said no. She didn't want it.
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would have none of that.
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Oh, yeah, she didn't like me at all, so
I got angry at her.
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I got really angry.
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And, yeah, I was like, what are you
doing?
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You got to go out with me. Look how cool
I am. And then I guess a bunch of
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teachers saw me yelling at a 10 -year
-old. I shook her a bit. I shook her
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a little bit. They overreacted. It was
just a couple shakes.
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Yeah, okay, a couple shakes from an
adult man to a child's frail body is not
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00:07:05,870 --> 00:07:09,069
small thing. Yeah, so I had to get out
of there. I got right out of there,
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right? I just took off. I hit her up
when she was 16 years old.
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Talk to her. That was a bad idea,
because she recognized me. She
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Apparently, that was really strong in
her mind, the shaking. Well, yeah, you
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don't forget the 30 -year -old deranged
man who shakes you. This time, I didn't.
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I just looked at her. I just gave her a
shake, because, you know, she just
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really fucked up my life. Stop shaking
this woman!
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Yeah, so she should be about, I don't
know, I think 31 right now. So, I'm not
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sure. I think I snapped her neck. I
don't know. You snapped her neck?
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I know. There was a little bit of a, you
know, and then...
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I don't know, maybe she fell asleep or
something. She didn't fall asleep.
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You don't shake someone to sleep. I
can't go back to the scene of the crime.
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made me just sleeping. Just knock on the
door. I'm really scared.
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She was totally limp, man. She was
asleep.
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Fine, fine.
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Thank you.
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If she is dead, if she is dead, just,
um, can you fucking hide her for me?
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So it's time to stop messing around and
start using this time machine for good.
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00:08:33,549 --> 00:08:36,870
So I'm going to go back in time and kill
Hitler.
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How?
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Check this out. I'm going to go back to
before he was born and kill his mom.
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00:08:43,460 --> 00:08:46,469
So you're just going to kill an innocent
woman?
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She's not innocent. She created evil.
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That's the crime before the crime, and
I'm going to stop that crime. Wish me
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luck. Mark, you... Okay.
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Great.
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00:08:56,830 --> 00:08:57,880
Oh, hey, man.
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00:08:58,810 --> 00:09:02,030
So, did you, uh... Did you do it?
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00:09:02,310 --> 00:09:03,530
Uh, no.
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You didn't, okay.
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00:09:05,590 --> 00:09:06,640
No, I found her.
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00:09:06,890 --> 00:09:08,190
Yeah? Yeah.
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And then what was... She is a handsome
woman. I had sex with Hitler's mom.
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00:09:13,810 --> 00:09:16,770
Did you... Did you father Hitler?
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00:09:16,990 --> 00:09:21,029
Haven't we all fathered Hitler in one
way or another, Andy? No, no, we
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00:09:21,030 --> 00:09:23,669
That is not something that we all have
done, Mark. Well, I have.
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00:09:23,670 --> 00:09:25,720
Okay. I fathered Hitler. I'm Hitler's
dad.
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You were never five years?
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I wanted to see him grow up. He's my
baby boy.
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Oh, you're in the history books. There
you are. That's the amazing thing is
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he had that mustache ever since he was a
baby.
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00:09:34,821 --> 00:09:36,469
That's crazy.
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Okay, we got to do something.
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Okay. I got it. Okay. I'm going to go
back in time and stop this from ever
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happening. Don't touch that thing. Stop
it.
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Okay. That's great.
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00:09:48,730 --> 00:09:52,829
Great. Okay. What happened? What did you
do? Oh, man. You had a threesome with
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00:09:52,830 --> 00:09:55,810
yourself? There's two of you now beside
her.
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Give it to me, give it to me, give it to
me, don't give it to me, give it to me.
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Oh, mama.
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00:10:01,861 --> 00:10:06,339
Let's just not ever talk about this ever
again, okay? A history book will do all
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00:10:06,340 --> 00:10:10,560
the talking for us. I'm totally naked. A
fucking spread in a history book?
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00:10:11,320 --> 00:10:12,370
Yeah.
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00:10:19,360 --> 00:10:20,410
Hey, Richard.
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00:10:21,560 --> 00:10:22,980
Oh, hello, Michael.
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00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:25,050
You're up early.
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00:10:27,280 --> 00:10:29,930
So, you stayed over at Anne's house last
night, huh?
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00:10:29,931 --> 00:10:34,359
I really didn't know that you liked her.
Oh, no, it's cool. I didn't make that
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00:10:34,360 --> 00:10:38,979
clear, so... So, I mean, you know,
there's no one to blame but myself on
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one. Cool, man. I'm gonna catch a nap
because I gotta go to work in a couple
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00:10:42,900 --> 00:10:46,059
hours, so... Hey, yo, you gotta get some
Z's. You're probably pretty bagged from
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last night, huh?
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00:10:46,920 --> 00:10:50,530
I'll probably still be here when you get
up with all these dishes to wash.
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00:10:53,330 --> 00:10:57,089
Okay, Richard, what did you do to my
bed? I cut it in half with a sword. You
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00:10:57,090 --> 00:10:58,450
it in half with a sword?
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00:11:00,250 --> 00:11:01,910
Where did you get a sword?
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00:11:01,911 --> 00:11:03,229
From a homeless knight.
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00:11:03,230 --> 00:11:06,029
Okay, great. Where did you really get a
sword? Oh, you don't believe me. How
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surprising for our relationship.
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Sir Percival!
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Yes, me lord.
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00:11:10,190 --> 00:11:13,110
What is your occupation, Sir Percival?
Knight, me lord.
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00:11:13,330 --> 00:11:15,250
And your current residential status?
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00:11:15,450 --> 00:11:16,500
Homeless.
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00:11:16,630 --> 00:11:17,680
So, homeless knight.
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00:11:17,790 --> 00:11:19,590
Wrecking up leaves for me. Yeah, I see.
185
00:11:19,910 --> 00:11:22,370
Backyard. Okay, all right. We're cops!
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00:11:22,371 --> 00:11:26,659
I replaced them. What did you put an orb
in our cupboard for? Why don't you look
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00:11:26,660 --> 00:11:30,299
directly into its core and find out what
kind of secrets it holds? I'm not
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00:11:30,300 --> 00:11:31,680
looking. It's too bright.
189
00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:36,680
Please look into the orb. I'm not
looking into it.
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00:11:37,580 --> 00:11:42,360
Please. I am not looking into that orb,
okay? For once, do something for me.
191
00:11:42,600 --> 00:11:44,160
I'm not looking into it. Damn it!
192
00:11:44,960 --> 00:11:46,640
It's supposed to steal your soul.
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00:11:46,880 --> 00:11:48,260
You're killing me here, man.
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00:11:48,660 --> 00:11:50,140
Do not trifle with me, okay?
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00:11:50,720 --> 00:11:54,439
I am not what I seem. I've got palms on
both sides of my hands. I can shake you
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00:11:54,440 --> 00:11:55,399
which ways.
197
00:11:55,400 --> 00:11:56,840
Okay, will you try to stop it?
198
00:11:57,440 --> 00:11:59,460
Milord, I am in need of your aid.
199
00:12:00,280 --> 00:12:02,200
Aye, you boxcar wizard.
200
00:12:02,440 --> 00:12:03,490
Off my lawn.
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00:12:03,560 --> 00:12:05,360
Sir Percival, pursue him. Right away.
202
00:12:06,320 --> 00:12:09,520
Do not ride my rake like a grueled
Percival.
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00:12:09,900 --> 00:12:10,950
Get him.
204
00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:13,900
He looks absolutely odd.
205
00:12:17,240 --> 00:12:19,240
Nice work, little orc.
206
00:12:34,969 --> 00:12:36,019
Hey, Volcano.
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00:12:36,150 --> 00:12:37,200
Hey, Jonathan.
208
00:12:37,650 --> 00:12:38,700
What's the matter?
209
00:12:39,090 --> 00:12:43,089
Aw, there's this girl at school that I
like, but I don't know what to say to
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00:12:43,090 --> 00:12:44,990
her. You should tell her how you feel.
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00:12:45,230 --> 00:12:46,280
But I'm nervous.
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00:12:47,170 --> 00:12:48,290
Oh, don't be.
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00:12:48,550 --> 00:12:53,210
You just have to go up to her and get
the fuck out of here. I'm gonna blow!
214
00:13:03,150 --> 00:13:04,200
Oh, no.
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00:13:04,490 --> 00:13:05,550
I'm sorry.
216
00:13:06,050 --> 00:13:11,049
There's an eight -year -old and a
volcano talking about things about eight
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00:13:11,050 --> 00:13:12,100
-olds.
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00:13:25,810 --> 00:13:26,860
Okay.
219
00:13:26,861 --> 00:13:31,999
I have decided to use our turn with the
time machine to go back to the year 1982
220
00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:35,820
and see Huey Lewis and the News live in
concert.
221
00:13:36,640 --> 00:13:39,050
They were my favorite band growing up.
Love them.
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00:13:39,140 --> 00:13:40,190
Super excited.
223
00:13:40,191 --> 00:13:40,959
Me too.
224
00:13:40,960 --> 00:13:42,500
Let's do this. Let's do it.
225
00:13:48,240 --> 00:13:51,700
That was okay.
226
00:13:52,900 --> 00:13:53,950
It's pretty good.
227
00:13:54,640 --> 00:13:55,780
A lot of saxophone.
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00:13:56,040 --> 00:13:57,090
A lot of saxophone.
229
00:14:01,770 --> 00:14:03,570
Tired of the same old boring game?
230
00:14:03,830 --> 00:14:04,880
This game sucks.
231
00:14:05,090 --> 00:14:06,140
Megalord Wars.
232
00:14:06,210 --> 00:14:07,970
Are you ready for battle?
233
00:14:08,410 --> 00:14:09,460
Megalord, here!
234
00:14:09,890 --> 00:14:10,940
No!
235
00:14:11,090 --> 00:14:12,630
Ready for a real game?
236
00:14:12,910 --> 00:14:14,210
Yeah. Try this.
237
00:14:15,510 --> 00:14:16,560
Megalord Wars.
238
00:14:16,850 --> 00:14:20,230
Do you have what it takes? Can you save
the world?
239
00:14:20,530 --> 00:14:25,789
Can you summon the energy to shoot down
the squares with your guns? All the
240
00:14:25,790 --> 00:14:28,430
while playing a sweet guitar riff?
241
00:14:38,410 --> 00:14:41,730
Just summon Megalord next time you're
ready for battle.
242
00:14:45,990 --> 00:14:47,430
What's going on in here?
243
00:14:48,801 --> 00:14:50,849
Megalord, no.
244
00:14:50,850 --> 00:14:52,590
Control, you need to go separately.
245
00:15:04,650 --> 00:15:06,030
You're late, Megalord.
246
00:15:06,430 --> 00:15:07,480
Sorry, boss.
247
00:15:08,069 --> 00:15:09,119
Hey, man.
248
00:15:09,120 --> 00:15:10,369
Oh, hey, man.
249
00:15:10,370 --> 00:15:12,249
I didn't see you when I got up this
morning.
250
00:15:12,250 --> 00:15:13,349
Not the apartment room?
251
00:15:13,350 --> 00:15:16,240
Yeah, I had band practice. Battle of the
bands this Friday.
252
00:15:17,710 --> 00:15:22,890
Speaking of the apartment, I asked
Shelly to move in with me.
253
00:15:23,510 --> 00:15:24,560
Oh, hey.
254
00:15:25,610 --> 00:15:26,750
Congratulations, man.
255
00:15:26,751 --> 00:15:27,849
Oh, thanks, man.
256
00:15:27,850 --> 00:15:29,470
Man, that's so great for you guys.
257
00:15:30,010 --> 00:15:31,490
So if you could be up by Friday.
258
00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:38,260
Okay, cool, man. All right.
259
00:15:38,540 --> 00:15:44,540
Thank you. All right.
260
00:15:54,280 --> 00:15:55,330
Megalord is needed!
261
00:16:11,630 --> 00:16:13,740
You've got time for one more game,
right?
262
00:16:13,741 --> 00:16:16,589
Actually, I'm kind of tired. I probably
should get to bed.
263
00:16:16,590 --> 00:16:17,640
Okay, yeah.
264
00:16:18,110 --> 00:16:19,160
All right.
265
00:16:19,770 --> 00:16:24,170
Next time you, uh, want to play...
Megalord? Well, yeah.
266
00:16:52,140 --> 00:16:53,520
Should just be a few minutes.
267
00:16:53,840 --> 00:16:56,620
Oh, great. Thank you. Thank you so much.
No problem.
268
00:17:01,580 --> 00:17:04,300
So, is this a full -time gig for you?
269
00:17:05,160 --> 00:17:06,210
Oh, no.
270
00:17:06,260 --> 00:17:08,180
It's more of a sacred duty.
271
00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:10,640
My real passion is for music.
272
00:17:11,480 --> 00:17:18,479
Yeah. My band, Mega Band, we've actually
got a show coming up this Friday. It's
273
00:17:18,480 --> 00:17:19,920
a battle of a band. Oh, wow. Okay.
274
00:17:19,940 --> 00:17:21,640
You're probably busy, but...
275
00:17:21,900 --> 00:17:23,819
Yeah, but... Yeah.
276
00:17:24,400 --> 00:17:27,900
Very special posters. Yeah, oh, thank
you, thank you, thank you.
277
00:17:29,280 --> 00:17:32,140
So, is there a, uh, Mr. Williams?
278
00:17:35,280 --> 00:17:37,440
Uh, no, he passed away.
279
00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:40,340
Oh. Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
280
00:17:41,420 --> 00:17:47,380
Uh, if you ever need anyone to come by
and help you out with Jason, you know...
281
00:17:47,381 --> 00:17:51,079
Talk to me at night or just like if you
personally need anything. Oh, that's
282
00:17:51,080 --> 00:17:51,839
okay.
283
00:17:51,840 --> 00:17:54,560
Just like a friend or a shoulder to cry
on.
284
00:17:54,940 --> 00:17:56,800
No, no, I don't. But thank you.
285
00:17:57,280 --> 00:17:59,740
Cool, yeah. Yeah, no, that's cool. Yeah,
yeah.
286
00:18:01,200 --> 00:18:02,250
Yeah. Yeah.
287
00:18:03,540 --> 00:18:07,140
Um, just get so lonely on the road.
288
00:18:07,740 --> 00:18:09,500
Do you travel a lot with your band?
289
00:18:10,740 --> 00:18:13,300
No, no, no. You got me.
290
00:18:13,700 --> 00:18:17,370
Oh, I didn't mean to catch you. I just
think you'd love a couple of our songs.
291
00:18:17,930 --> 00:18:19,730
Yeah, I can sing one for you right now.
292
00:18:19,731 --> 00:18:22,669
Oh, that's okay. You really don't have
to do that. Oh, I don't mind at all.
293
00:18:22,670 --> 00:18:25,710
just sort of like, I mean... The car's
probably ready.
294
00:18:26,790 --> 00:18:30,270
Love is not a thing you can say no to.
295
00:18:31,370 --> 00:18:35,810
Love is just the way that I feel.
296
00:18:37,870 --> 00:18:40,510
And baby, you know it is real.
297
00:18:41,190 --> 00:18:42,890
You know that it's real.
298
00:18:42,891 --> 00:18:46,869
You know that it's real. And then it
sort of like breaks down in the chorus.
299
00:18:46,870 --> 00:18:50,630
It's sort of like, don't ever say
goodnight.
300
00:18:50,631 --> 00:18:53,349
I'm just going to leave it. I was
thinking for the music video, it might
301
00:18:53,350 --> 00:18:56,869
me dressed up as a wolf just letting the
moon have it. Just, I'm going to worry
302
00:18:56,870 --> 00:18:59,369
about my car in the morning. You can
just leave the cables on the porch.
303
00:18:59,370 --> 00:19:00,470
Oh, yeah, yeah, okay.
304
00:19:00,790 --> 00:19:03,560
Thanks very much again. Thank you. Not a
problem. Anytime.
305
00:19:03,710 --> 00:19:05,170
Okay, I'll see you later then.
306
00:19:58,120 --> 00:20:02,090
Okay, gentlemen, we need to right some
wrongs here that you idiots have caused.
307
00:20:02,120 --> 00:20:05,800
So we're going to go back in time to
unkill Marilyn Monroe.
308
00:20:05,801 --> 00:20:09,199
Thank you. We're going to stop Mark from
jamming his dick in Hitler's mom.
309
00:20:09,200 --> 00:20:10,250
Or Marilyn.
310
00:20:10,260 --> 00:20:11,310
You idiot.
311
00:20:43,580 --> 00:20:44,630
Mom,
312
00:20:50,551 --> 00:20:54,279
we've gotta get you back in your real
body.
313
00:20:54,280 --> 00:20:55,660
Honestly, I'm comfortable.
314
00:20:57,260 --> 00:20:59,910
I'm killing Kennedy. I was sure I could
fly that plane.
315
00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:04,060
And this is where we film parts of our
show.
316
00:21:04,560 --> 00:21:06,560
Huh. What's this dust, Papa?
317
00:21:06,980 --> 00:21:08,030
That's a camera.
318
00:21:10,780 --> 00:21:13,260
For he's a jolly good fellow.
319
00:21:14,080 --> 00:21:18,040
I must travel to the past to write my
novel, The Great Gatsby.
320
00:21:18,260 --> 00:21:22,779
You're saying you're F. Scott
Fitzgerald. The F stands for future.
321
00:21:22,780 --> 00:21:24,760
Fitzgerald. You like The Great Gatsby?
322
00:21:28,490 --> 00:21:30,750
For he's a jolly good fellow.
323
00:21:30,800 --> 00:21:35,350
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