Original subtitles

This program is possible for the eggs.

Eggs.

Very good.

The Global Mail came out with their monthly list of the most popular sketch

trips in Canada, and we are not on it. So we are making an effort to increase

our popularity. I was just the other day talking to some high school girls that

had never heard of us. Went to dinner, had some drinks, and they love us now.

They're going to watch the show and... What?

You want it for drinks?

Yeah. You gave underage girls alcoholic drinks? Well, they were wearing makeup.

I don't know. They, like, they were cool with it. Of course they were cool with

it. They were getting free alcohol.

Could I be charged for that? I think that's the restaurant would get charged.

No, I think you could be charged as well.

So we're doing a PR push.

Everyone's got ideas.

Mark Little's taking some initiative.

He actually took an ad out in today's paper, a full -page ad.

It's right on the back here.

Rent RoboCop.

Rent RoboCop?

How is that an ad for Picnic Faith?

Yeah, I wasn't 100 % clear on what I was allowed to promote or not promote.

How much did that cost us?

$30 ,000.

$30 ,000?

Don't snitch.

Snitch if I want to snitch.

Oh.

It's okay.

If there's one thing I learned from Robocop, it's when to fight and when to

stand by and let them have it. When did we ever... Where'd you learn that in

Robocop? He shoots everyone. It's just a full -out fight over there, and you

guys are all standing. Guys, stop, stop, stop, stop.

Ah!

Well,

guys, I guess we don't have any money to promote ourselves, so we're going to

have to think of more creative solutions.

I'm going to kidnap a celebrity.

That'll cause a media frenzy, and that's a duly guarantee.

I'm going to date the most popular girl at Halifax High School.

How will that make us more popular, Scott?

She's popular. I'll be popular.

Do the math, man.

And she's hot.

I'll keep being really popular.

I got something in the works, but no spoilers.

Two words.

Promotional arson. I'm going to release messenger doves. It'll raise awareness

of picnic face and be a beautiful metaphor for peace.

I'm going to hunt Brian.

What? Live on the internet. Can I have a head start?

No. In the future, only one robotic officer will be able to save Detroit

capitalism gone wrong in a move.

My mom just, like, gone faint. The rabbi saw what he was doing, like, knife in

hand. Everyone was, like, so embarrassed.

It was crazy.

That is so your mom. Your mom has the worst luck ever.

I know. She's ridiculous.

At least she got a good story out of it.

That's true. Although, if you like that story, you should hear Jake's story.

What?

You know the one where you're in New Hampshire?

That story? That story has nothing to do with what you were just talking about.

Oh, come on, Jake. Tell it.

Please. Please.

Don't make him beg. I don't even know what story Bridget's talking about. Yes,

you do. Yes, you do.

You're in New Hampshire, the dead of winter.

He's looking for this convenience store, right? But nothing's open.

And he meets this guy.

And he asked the guy what his name is, and the guy says, my name is Richard

Mann, but you can call me Dick.

And he says, that

means your name is Dick Mann.

What?

Yeah,

true story.

Dick Mann.

I've got to hear that story.

You just heard it.

Yeah, but Jake, you're a wonderful raccoon tooler. It's true.

Really no point in me telling it again.

Come on, Jake, tell the story. Don't be modest. Just tell the story. Yeah.

Just tell it one time. Don't hold it. Just tell it. I need to hear it. It's so

good. Come on, please.

All right.

Okay. Just this once.

So, uh...

I was in New Hampshire, and I was looking for a convenience store.

Met this guy named Richard Mann. He said, call me Dick. And I said,

that means your name is Dick Mann.

Seriously?

You just heard it two times.

Tell it again.

I... I totally forgot. I've got an early morning and it is... It is late. So,

uh... Thank you for dinner.

From the beginning.

Stories.

I have other stories.

Stories. Tell the story.

Get me out of here.

Everybody down on the ground.

Everybody hit the deck.

Hit the deck.

Down on the ground.

Tell the fucking story.

Nice and slow, asshole. Don't ship anything.

Go on, from the top.

But... I can play.

Yes,

you can play.

Time machine twins, time machine twins, traveling through time.

Fighting dinosaurs in the past and in the future, fighting future dinosaurs.

Time machine twins, time machine twins, traveling through time.

Wow, Andy.

What a great day.

Oh, no, Mark! Look out for that bullet!

Oh, no!

Mark!

I didn't even get to say goodbye.

Wait a second.

Time Machine Twins!

Time Machine Twins! Time Machine Twins! Traveling through time!

Wow, Andy. What a great day.

Bye! What?

Standing next to guys at urinals is very awkward.

It's just a strange dynamic.

Because if you took the urine and the urinals away, it would just be two guys

standing there fully clothed with their penises hanging out.

That would be even more awkward.

And then if you took the bathroom away and put the guys down in the middle of a

meadow at dusk, then it would just be two guys standing there in the middle of

meadow fully clothed with their penises hanging out watching the sunset.

That would be nicer, I think.

Ooh.

Hey, man, check out that girl.

She's hot.

Yeah.

Go talk to her.

That girl?

No.

No, no, no, no, no.

Man, what's the worst that could happen?

Hey, I'm John.

I'm John.

Hi, I'm Bridget.

Fucking boring.

Where's your palm horse?

Excuse me? Where's your horse? Where's the horse that comes out of your palm?

Come talk to me when you make horses.

See? Anything you like there, kiddo? Oh, I want that one. Which one?

That one, that one.

Well, you don't want that one there, pal.

It right there is a red herring.

Hey, what can I say?

Times are tied.

You got anything else?

You like kittens?

Yeah, ones like that I don't. What about fish?

Oh, the fish is dead.

I think I've seen better than this.

What about crows?

Do you like crows?

Crows?

Crows?

Crows?

I will get that tumor checked.

than what you told me.

I find the defendant.

Results!

Go D .K. Go D .K. Go D .K. Go D .K.

Go D .K. Go D .K. Go D .K. Go D .K. Go D .K.

Clever girl.

Hey, everyone. The Globe and Mail came out with their latest list of Canada's

most popular sketch troops, and we're still not on it.

Scott.

What is she doing here?

She has a name, Andy.

Well, what's her name?

We haven't gotten a single call about my celebrity.

Yep, he's not a celebrity. Nobody knows who he is. Okay, sure he is. He was in

lots of things. The shipping news.

K -19, the Widowmaker, the Trailer Park Boys. Yeah, it's an extra.

He's eating all our cereal.

You're right, it's ready.

I think my thing went pretty well. It was in the paper.

Manhunt continues for deadly arsonist.

That Manhunt was a bit presumptuous.

Ten seniors killed.

Scott, she can't be here.

Why? Because we're all adults and it is 1 .30 on a Tuesday, so she should be at

school. We're taking a long lunch.

It's cool, man.

How'd your thing go, Cheryl?

That didn't work.

Didn't work.

I've got your girlfriend stealing liquor from our cabinet.

She is loaded, man!

She passed out, she is drunk!

She's on the floor, man!

I drew a penis on her face, guys.

Oh my... So I guess we all failed.

Oh, did we?

Great news, everyone.

Picnic Face is now the most popular sketch troupe in Mexico.

Our show got bought by the Huevo Network, and all they had to do was

opening and add subtitles.

Subtitles?

What, that kind of, like, ruin the comedy?

Meh!