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1
00:00:04,910 --> 00:00:08,570
Rub -a -dub, rub -a -dub, rub -a -dub.
2
00:00:37,780 --> 00:00:42,840
So, today is my birthday, and my gang's
taking me to karaoke. I'm super excited.
3
00:00:43,280 --> 00:00:44,540
Hey, we're not coming, Ev.
4
00:00:45,800 --> 00:00:46,850
He's joking.
5
00:00:47,340 --> 00:00:49,740
Uh, y 'all, y 'all said you'd come.
6
00:00:50,120 --> 00:00:52,590
Yeah, no, we changed our minds to
Karaoke Stupid.
7
00:00:52,700 --> 00:00:54,440
We're gonna do this puzzle instead.
8
00:00:54,441 --> 00:00:55,439
A puzzle?
9
00:00:55,440 --> 00:00:57,910
Hey, Ev, what song are you gonna do with
karaoke?
10
00:00:58,160 --> 00:00:59,360
Well, I don't know, Kyle.
11
00:00:59,400 --> 00:01:02,980
Are you gonna do, uh, Karaoke Stupid,
the song?
12
00:01:03,320 --> 00:01:05,040
That's not a song. By artist?
13
00:01:05,041 --> 00:01:06,899
What's wrong with karaoke?
14
00:01:06,900 --> 00:01:07,950
Nothing. It's fine.
15
00:01:08,140 --> 00:01:09,540
Right? It's you.
16
00:01:09,760 --> 00:01:12,110
You just have a few really annoying
qualities.
17
00:01:12,300 --> 00:01:13,620
What? Like what?
18
00:01:13,900 --> 00:01:15,520
You're called Pepsi Brown Pop.
19
00:01:15,780 --> 00:01:16,830
It is Brown Pop.
20
00:01:16,831 --> 00:01:20,159
You're afraid of everything. I'm not
afraid of everything. You're afraid of
21
00:01:20,160 --> 00:01:24,739
-flying planes, tree -sized test plants,
bangs, your own bangs. I'm not afraid
22
00:01:24,740 --> 00:01:28,480
of my own... Test him. Go ahead. I don't
want to touch him.
23
00:01:29,640 --> 00:01:31,920
It's mostly your accent. What? What?
24
00:01:32,200 --> 00:01:33,250
Here, there it is.
25
00:01:33,251 --> 00:01:35,099
Right there.
26
00:01:35,100 --> 00:01:36,150
What accent? There.
27
00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:38,460
There. Your accent. Yeah.
28
00:01:38,860 --> 00:01:41,820
People just find it kind of crazy. I
don't have an accent.
29
00:01:42,100 --> 00:01:45,959
I don't have an accent. Exactly. I think
your worst trait is the fact that you
30
00:01:45,960 --> 00:01:50,780
burp and say excuse me and blend the two
things together. Like, excuse me.
31
00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:51,850
That's gross.
32
00:01:51,920 --> 00:01:53,280
I don't have a fat face!
33
00:01:53,640 --> 00:01:56,240
Nobody likes you.
34
00:01:58,760 --> 00:02:03,640
Well, I guess that's my birthday.
35
00:02:06,570 --> 00:02:07,710
I'll go to karaoke.
36
00:02:07,711 --> 00:02:08,709
You will?
37
00:02:08,710 --> 00:02:09,760
Yes.
38
00:02:10,870 --> 00:02:13,850
But only because your life just makes me
really sad.
39
00:02:13,851 --> 00:02:14,929
I will take it.
40
00:02:14,930 --> 00:02:15,980
Thank you.
41
00:02:52,820 --> 00:02:59,640
My name is Scott, but I'm thinking about
changing it from Scott to Scott,
42
00:02:59,820 --> 00:03:06,379
dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot,
dot, exclamation mark, so that when I
43
00:03:06,380 --> 00:03:08,610
introduce myself, I'll say, hey, I'm
Scott.
44
00:03:22,120 --> 00:03:23,500
Denver was just a nightmare.
45
00:03:23,501 --> 00:03:25,779
That airport they had there was just a
pit.
46
00:03:25,780 --> 00:03:29,839
I spent like 90 minutes waiting for my
bag. There was a delay on the flight
47
00:03:29,840 --> 00:03:35,840
between there and Houston, and it was
just like... Are you all right?
48
00:03:36,360 --> 00:03:42,759
When I was in high school, I had a
friend, Pete, and he and I made this
49
00:03:42,760 --> 00:03:48,079
little pact that if we both turned 30
and we weren't married, we would marry
50
00:03:48,080 --> 00:03:49,130
each other.
51
00:03:49,160 --> 00:03:50,210
Okay.
52
00:03:52,010 --> 00:03:54,070
I turned 30 while you were in Denver.
53
00:03:54,330 --> 00:03:56,370
I am here, Pete.
54
00:03:57,290 --> 00:03:58,630
You should meet him.
55
00:03:59,050 --> 00:04:00,100
Oh, hey, honey.
56
00:04:01,170 --> 00:04:02,650
Ooh, how are you doing?
57
00:04:02,651 --> 00:04:03,549
I'm good.
58
00:04:03,550 --> 00:04:04,489
How are you?
59
00:04:04,490 --> 00:04:06,330
How was your day?
60
00:04:06,670 --> 00:04:07,850
It was good.
61
00:04:08,810 --> 00:04:10,810
Pete, this is John.
62
00:04:10,811 --> 00:04:16,189
Sorry, John. I thought your mustache was
an eyebrow and your mouth was your eye.
63
00:04:16,190 --> 00:04:18,570
Oh, honey. I found you something.
64
00:04:19,250 --> 00:04:20,990
You're going to love it. I can't wait.
65
00:04:21,120 --> 00:04:22,920
You married a homeless man, Diane?
66
00:04:22,921 --> 00:04:24,039
Maybe I did.
67
00:04:24,040 --> 00:04:26,939
It's not like you asked me to marry you.
I didn't realize I was on the clock
68
00:04:26,940 --> 00:04:31,079
against a crazy hobo. He's not a crazy
hobo. His life took some weird turns
69
00:04:31,080 --> 00:04:32,130
after high school.
70
00:04:32,540 --> 00:04:36,960
But I made a promise. Nobody keeps the
promises they make in high school,
71
00:04:37,040 --> 00:04:40,639
If I did that, I'd be living in
Amsterdam right now with Bodie and JJ.
72
00:04:40,640 --> 00:04:42,020
talking about Bodie and JJ?
73
00:04:42,021 --> 00:04:43,319
Yeah, you wouldn't know them.
74
00:04:43,320 --> 00:04:44,370
Are they birds?
75
00:04:46,840 --> 00:04:48,280
Bodie and JJ, I know are birds.
76
00:04:48,560 --> 00:04:49,980
You'd like Bodie, John.
77
00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:53,170
Oh, yeah. You guys would get along real
well.
78
00:04:54,060 --> 00:04:55,800
Diane, here it is, honey.
79
00:04:56,160 --> 00:04:57,700
Is it half a shirt?
80
00:04:57,701 --> 00:04:58,599
Mm -hmm.
81
00:04:58,600 --> 00:04:59,539
Try it on.
82
00:04:59,540 --> 00:05:02,790
Yeah, a guy was running by me with it on
today, so I found it off him.
83
00:05:03,840 --> 00:05:06,020
Give that a little try.
84
00:05:08,520 --> 00:05:09,820
Oh, no.
85
00:05:09,821 --> 00:05:13,299
Oh, I hope you don't mind. I strapped
Thumpy on.
86
00:05:13,300 --> 00:05:14,350
No problem.
87
00:05:16,460 --> 00:05:17,980
You strapped your dog Thumpy.
88
00:05:18,580 --> 00:05:19,630
He was back.
89
00:05:19,631 --> 00:05:23,619
Somebody is Pierre's ghost alarm. Yeah,
he's a good ghost alarm. He lets me know
90
00:05:23,620 --> 00:05:27,259
if ghosts are sneaking up on me. You
married a crazy person. Oh, it's okay,
91
00:05:27,260 --> 00:05:29,310
okay. I've been called worse. Ask me by
who.
92
00:05:30,480 --> 00:05:32,080
Who, who has called you worse?
93
00:05:33,080 --> 00:05:34,760
President Robert F.
94
00:05:35,360 --> 00:05:38,250
Kennedy. There's no way this man knows
any of the Kennedys.
95
00:05:38,360 --> 00:05:39,800
Oh, I know all of the Kennedys.
96
00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:41,390
John.
97
00:05:41,740 --> 00:05:42,790
Bobby.
98
00:05:43,360 --> 00:05:44,410
O'Toole.
99
00:05:45,020 --> 00:05:46,070
Barry.
100
00:05:46,820 --> 00:05:47,870
Susan.
101
00:05:48,180 --> 00:05:49,230
Susan F. Kennedy.
102
00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:51,440
She was a queen.
103
00:05:51,760 --> 00:05:54,900
Hey, Pete. Oh, hey, Ralph. Diane. How
are things?
104
00:05:55,260 --> 00:05:58,480
Oh, Diane, is it okay if Ralph and I
watch the game here tonight?
105
00:05:59,740 --> 00:06:04,819
Sure. You know that TV doesn't work at
all. Oh, that's okay. Figure something
106
00:06:04,820 --> 00:06:05,940
out. Okay.
107
00:06:08,460 --> 00:06:09,510
Okay.
108
00:06:12,100 --> 00:06:16,360
Okay, they line up at center ice and the
referee drops the puck and we are...
109
00:06:16,361 --> 00:06:17,599
A Norway.
110
00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:19,160
See you for two minutes, please.
111
00:06:19,180 --> 00:06:22,370
Ooh, there they go. They're passing it
through the neutral zone.
112
00:06:22,460 --> 00:06:26,399
He passes it. Man, I love you. If this
is about marriage, let's just get
113
00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:29,040
married. Is this really the life you
want?
114
00:06:29,720 --> 00:06:31,500
Oh, that's a nice save.
115
00:06:31,900 --> 00:06:32,980
Maybe it is.
116
00:06:34,220 --> 00:06:39,039
Maybe all I've ever wanted is to witness
life through the filter of an oddly
117
00:06:39,040 --> 00:06:40,500
childlike hobo named Pete.
118
00:07:13,050 --> 00:07:14,550
The place is lame.
119
00:07:18,010 --> 00:07:19,370
Does everyone hate me?
120
00:07:20,950 --> 00:07:22,000
What?
121
00:07:22,550 --> 00:07:23,810
Why would you think that?
122
00:07:24,370 --> 00:07:26,850
Scott's headed, like, right into my
face.
123
00:07:28,150 --> 00:07:29,200
Humanity?
124
00:07:29,370 --> 00:07:30,430
No, to cheer you up.
125
00:07:30,650 --> 00:07:31,700
What?
126
00:07:31,950 --> 00:07:34,510
A duet of your favorite public domain
song.
127
00:07:34,890 --> 00:07:35,940
You did it?
128
00:07:36,090 --> 00:07:37,140
I did.
129
00:07:43,790 --> 00:07:47,170
Ebony and Cheryl, your time is gone.
130
00:07:48,530 --> 00:07:50,690
Your time for singing.
131
00:07:56,190 --> 00:07:59,670
I guess our time for singing has come.
132
00:08:06,810 --> 00:08:07,870
You're ready.
133
00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:51,050
Thank you.
134
00:10:03,080 --> 00:10:04,220
What the hell was that?
135
00:10:07,460 --> 00:10:08,540
Where's the other DJ?
136
00:10:09,440 --> 00:10:10,960
Ebony and Cheryl, everybody.
137
00:10:11,260 --> 00:10:12,310
Ebony and Cheryl.
138
00:10:13,600 --> 00:10:14,800
They're out of here. Okay.
139
00:10:15,600 --> 00:10:18,040
All right, coming up next is Jeff.
140
00:10:18,440 --> 00:10:20,020
Is Jeff anywhere?
141
00:10:20,920 --> 00:10:21,970
There you are.
142
00:11:20,810 --> 00:11:21,860
It's air flute.
143
00:11:22,530 --> 00:11:23,580
Air flute?
144
00:11:24,030 --> 00:11:26,890
Yeah. There's no air flute, man. It's
air guitar.
145
00:11:27,890 --> 00:11:31,910
All right.
146
00:11:32,830 --> 00:11:34,030
But I play air flute.
147
00:11:52,460 --> 00:11:56,579
Hey, yo, I'm Manfest's friend, and I'm
here to say, you're all invited to a D
148
00:11:56,580 --> 00:11:57,359
.G. party.
149
00:11:57,360 --> 00:12:01,400
It's a dog, P -A -R -T -Y, dog, P -A -R
-T -Y.
150
00:12:01,960 --> 00:12:06,200
So bring your chips and bring your dip,
dog, P -A -R -T -Y.
151
00:12:27,340 --> 00:12:30,170
Don't you break any hearts at that dance
school of yours.
152
00:12:30,280 --> 00:12:31,330
Mom.
153
00:12:32,680 --> 00:12:34,180
It's the best we've ever seen.
154
00:12:34,460 --> 00:12:36,940
It's the best anyone's ever seen.
155
00:12:41,360 --> 00:12:42,920
I'm very sorry, Mrs. Newman.
156
00:12:43,720 --> 00:12:45,580
But your son has been in a car accident.
157
00:12:48,280 --> 00:12:49,330
He's paralyzed.
158
00:12:50,380 --> 00:12:51,660
From the waist up.
159
00:12:59,470 --> 00:13:00,520
He used to.
160
00:13:02,190 --> 00:13:04,170
Can you dance, cripple?
161
00:13:04,710 --> 00:13:06,990
He can't even move his upper body!
162
00:13:08,550 --> 00:13:14,070
What you got, reverse paraplegic?
163
00:13:33,511 --> 00:13:36,129
Here comes the clock, Dale.
164
00:13:36,130 --> 00:13:37,180
Yeah!
165
00:13:45,450 --> 00:13:46,810
Oh, it's a tilted swirl!
166
00:14:34,280 --> 00:14:35,330
Was it you?
167
00:14:37,760 --> 00:14:38,810
Did you?
168
00:14:42,720 --> 00:14:43,770
Yeah!
169
00:14:45,780 --> 00:14:49,760
How did you do this?
170
00:14:50,760 --> 00:14:51,900
Did you do this?
171
00:15:07,611 --> 00:15:14,439
If you have an infinite number of
monkeys typing in an infinite number of
172
00:15:14,440 --> 00:15:17,859
typewriters, one of those monkeys will
write the perfect novel. It's a
173
00:15:17,860 --> 00:15:18,910
mathematical fact.
174
00:15:18,920 --> 00:15:22,699
But if we accept that, then we must also
accept that another one of those
175
00:15:22,700 --> 00:15:24,560
monkeys will write the perfect novel.
176
00:15:24,620 --> 00:15:29,100
But the last line will be Oprah and
Albert Finney ring crotch bells
177
00:15:29,340 --> 00:15:31,120
IBM crotch crotch.
178
00:15:40,780 --> 00:15:45,459
You pull up to a red light in your
minivan and sigh, the weight of the
179
00:15:45,460 --> 00:15:46,510
your shoulders.
180
00:15:46,540 --> 00:15:48,040
A minivan?
181
00:15:48,340 --> 00:15:50,400
How did you end up in a minivan?
182
00:15:50,880 --> 00:15:53,520
You glance over and see a guy in a new
Porsche.
183
00:15:53,820 --> 00:15:55,420
He looks confident, cool.
184
00:15:55,660 --> 00:15:56,920
He's wearing sunglasses.
185
00:15:57,460 --> 00:16:01,420
You look down at what you're wearing.
Little overalls, white knitted cap.
186
00:16:01,740 --> 00:16:05,339
Heck, you've got to sit on a stack of
phone books just to see over the
187
00:16:05,340 --> 00:16:08,260
wheel. You catch a glimpse of your face
in the mirror.
188
00:16:08,560 --> 00:16:10,560
Yep. That's the face of a baby.
189
00:16:10,780 --> 00:16:14,090
You start to think about all the
decisions that led to this moment.
190
00:16:14,260 --> 00:16:19,239
Getting married early, moving to the
suburbs, buying the minivan, running
191
00:16:19,240 --> 00:16:23,140
that gypsy's daughter, getting cursed to
inhabit the body of a baby forever.
192
00:16:23,580 --> 00:16:27,760
You look up and see the Porsche driver
staring at you, talking on his phone.
193
00:16:28,100 --> 00:16:31,820
He's probably calling the cops because
he thinks a baby took off in his
194
00:16:31,960 --> 00:16:36,199
minivan. You picture the next four hours
of your life spent explaining to the
195
00:16:36,200 --> 00:16:41,239
cops that yes, You're that baby, the one
who was in all the newspapers, the one
196
00:16:41,240 --> 00:16:42,720
who was cursed by the gypsy.
197
00:16:42,721 --> 00:16:46,699
And as you think about this, the light
turns green and you watch the Porsche
198
00:16:46,700 --> 00:16:47,750
drive away.
199
00:16:48,200 --> 00:16:51,140
Smooth, luxurious, Porsche.
200
00:16:56,460 --> 00:17:03,419
Thank you so much. The kids had
201
00:17:03,420 --> 00:17:04,470
a great time.
202
00:17:05,099 --> 00:17:07,240
Do you have a business card? No, I
don't.
203
00:17:09,240 --> 00:17:11,900
Thanks. How did you do that?
204
00:17:12,700 --> 00:17:13,750
Help me.
205
00:17:13,900 --> 00:17:14,950
I'm sorry?
206
00:17:25,740 --> 00:17:26,790
Yes.
207
00:17:27,420 --> 00:17:28,840
Flip and pull.
208
00:17:52,111 --> 00:17:56,119
Ebony, it was probably just a prank
video.
209
00:17:56,120 --> 00:17:59,499
A prank video? We were in it! Yeah,
well, you can do anything with digital
210
00:17:59,500 --> 00:18:02,199
editing these days, you know? Was this
all some ploy?
211
00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:04,880
What? Where you pretend to be my friend?
212
00:18:05,140 --> 00:18:06,860
What? And then you stab me?
213
00:18:07,940 --> 00:18:09,540
What? I don't know.
214
00:18:09,760 --> 00:18:14,460
Okay, Ebony, if I was going to stab you,
which I'm not. Okay. Okay, so cool it.
215
00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:19,320
Hey, A, why would I tell you about it in
a video that backed our karaoke duet?
216
00:18:19,620 --> 00:18:24,079
And B, why would you put all that weird
shit in there? I mean, Brian was a bird
217
00:18:24,080 --> 00:18:26,540
and Andy was a... Chef?
218
00:18:26,840 --> 00:18:30,620
I don't... Yeah, you're right. I know.
It's just been such a weird day. Yeah.
219
00:18:30,621 --> 00:18:32,099
Everyone's called me fat.
220
00:18:32,100 --> 00:18:36,160
Well, you're not fat. Thank you. It's
your birthday, so just be happy.
221
00:18:36,500 --> 00:18:37,550
Can't wait.
222
00:18:38,180 --> 00:18:39,230
Whoopee.
223
00:18:39,320 --> 00:18:40,820
Just like nobody did anything.
224
00:18:47,180 --> 00:18:48,230
Come on!
225
00:19:34,021 --> 00:19:40,909
Ebony, I know what this looks like, but
it's just a coincidence, okay? I'm not
226
00:19:40,910 --> 00:19:41,960
going to stab you.
227
00:20:25,130 --> 00:20:30,729
stabbed me okay you can't ask why no one
likes you and then stab a person i'm
228
00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:37,409
sorry at the work nobody likes you
doctor
229
00:20:37,410 --> 00:20:42,769
how's brian doing your friend seems to
be stuck in slow motion
230
00:20:42,770 --> 00:20:49,929
this
231
00:20:49,930 --> 00:20:50,980
is awful
232
00:21:06,770 --> 00:21:08,910
Did you guys at least finish the puzzle?
233
00:21:09,210 --> 00:21:12,030
Almost. But we couldn't find the last
piece.
234
00:21:23,930 --> 00:21:25,490
Cheryl, no! What's happening?
235
00:21:25,491 --> 00:21:26,719
Oh, my God!
236
00:21:26,720 --> 00:21:31,270
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